Original air date: March 17, 2021
* * *
[Fleet Foxes’ “Helplessness Blues”]
♪ I was raised up believing ♪
♪ I was somehow unique ♪
♪ Like a snowflake ♪
♪ Distinct among snowflakes ♪
♪ Unique in each way you can see ♪
♪ And now after some thinking ♪
♪ I’d say I’d rather be ♪
♪ A functioning cog ♪
♪ In some great machinery ♪
♪ Serving something beyond me ♪
♪ But I don’t, I don’t ♪
♪ Know what that will be ♪
♪ I’ll get back ♪
♪ To you someday soon ♪
♪ You will see ♪
[Brown Bird’s “Bilgewater”]
[laidback acoustic strumming]
Oh, thank God. We’re all okay.
We fell into a crevasse. This is a death trap.
Sorry I said anything.
[grunts] I can’t move it.
I’m too weak.
Harry, your leg.
Oh, whoa, whoa!
No sudden movements.
I’m not going anywhere.
My leg is trapped.
We need help.
This whole sheet of ice could cave in at any second.
What were you doing up here?
I told you not to go up on the glacier.
It is your fault.
The ice caved in because you are too heavy.
Okay, we’re leaving him.
I guess glaciers aren’t a part of a cell plan, guys.
He was gonna die anyway. Just leave him.
Leave him behind.
We’re gonna figure this out.
We gotta be 30 feet down.
I can make it up to my snowmobile.
I’ve gotta get my radio.
You can give me a boost on the ledge.
There’s a little piece of the ledge you can put your left foot on.
There’s a pocket there.
She’s gonna make it, Harry.
Nice one, D’arce.
That’s it. That’s it, D’arce.
Little to your left.
This is going to be a problem.
Keep going. You got this.
We lost the signal. [keys clacking]
Whatever the ship was tethered to is gone.
Time for you two to get to Colorado to find me whatever was flying that machine.
What is that?
[sighs] Don’t come any closer.
Are you okay?
What the hell are you?
Don’t be afraid.
I’m not going to hurt you.
Who are you?
No, no, no, no. Half your face is all wrong.
What is happening to you?
We’re inside a glacier.
I’m allergic to the sting of snow bees and ice hornets.
If you don’t tell me what is happening, I’m going to lose my shit.
I am not from this planet.
I am what your people call an extraterrestrial.
Oh. Oh, I feel nauseous.
You may have a concussion from the fall.
No, I think it’s the extra‐alien thing happening in front of me.
You cannot tell her. She cannot know.
She’s gonna figure it out when she sees the scales on your face.
My people do not have scales.
[scoffs] That’s racist.
You are thinking of the Reptilians.
Insidious creatures trying to take over the universe by using the Earth as a laboratory for hybridization.
Don’t worry. It will never happen.
They have major hygiene issues.
Well, if it’s not scales, then
why are you growing weird skin?
We have the ability to mimic other species’ anatomical forms, but I am too weak.
I’m changing back.
What is that glowing stuff?
Oh, you’re bleeding, aren’t you?
This is not exactly how I thought I’d spend my day.
You know, you being an alien sort of explains a lot.
Why are you here?
My ship crashed.
I’ve been searching for something I lost up on this mountain.
What do you mean? Like, a radio to phone home?
How did you guess?
Uh… well, all we know of aliens is from movies, so it’s either a radio to phone home, or you’re here to kill us…
And eat us.
We do not eat humans.
Ha, ha, ha.
Now can you fix me, please?
Fix you? I don’t even know how you work.
Like you, I have a closed circulatory system.
So I will bleed out if you don’t stop it.
[heavy breathing] Okay.
Let me take a look.
That part of you is still a human.
I just touched your penis.
I do not mind it.
It feels good‐‐
I think you nicked an alien artery.
Do you even have arteries?
You need to cauterize the wound.
Are you sure about this?
Unlike your delicate species, my race has an incredibly high pain threshold.
Thank God you’re okay.
Are you okay?
I’m gonna try to make it to the top!
D’arcy’s gonna call for help, and by now my dad will know that I’m missing.
Soon the whole mountain will be swarming with people looking for us.
All: Kill the creature! Catch the beast!
Kill him! Kill the creature!
Catch the beast.
This is bad.
The weaker I get…
The more alien you become?
I see how that could be a problem.
I hope you understand that I have lost six chickens this year to millennials racing down my road in their Nazi cars.
I need speed bumps.
Not warnings. I need bumps.
I need big bumps.
Big bumps, yep.
I am definitely going to look into this, Mrs. Flaherty.
Most definitely. Okay?
You know what your problem is?
Please tell me.
You need to learn how to say no.
I can’t just say no. I’m the mayor of this town, and I have a responsibility to the people here.
Okay, but you got a responsibility to yourself first.
I don’t like seeing people push you around like that.
I‐I don’t get pushed around.
You got your anniversary dinner, right?
Who picked the restaurant?
Well, I’m not sure that’s any of your business.
I get it. Wife wants to pick.
But you know what she really wants?
She wants you to take charge.
All right, you gotta pick the restaurant.
You know, pull out her chair, order for her.
Right? It’s romantic.
Yeah, to be honest, I’m not sure you’re the best judge of what women want, you know?
And why is that?
I don’t know. Let’s ask Deputy Liv.
Oh, wait, we can’t because she quit.
Oh, okay. I see how it is!
You know I’m a co‐equal branch of government, right?
I see you, man! That’s a low blow!
Don’t you slam no doors.
I slam doors!
What‐‐hey! I can do that too.
Uh‐huh, you can’t see me now, can you?
No, I still see you.
Oh, you do‐‐oh, oh!
Yeah, now you’re just copying me.
We’ll see about that.
Hi, change of plans.
We’re going to Laurent’s for dinner.
8:00. End of debate.
No, it is not too expensive. I am the mayor, and there is a 15% discount for city employees.
Mm‐hmm. See you at 8:00.
Yeah, push that around.
Oh, you still there?
Don’t be looking at me! Close them blinds!
Looks like this has stopped the bleeding.
If it stabilizes you, can you turn back to Harry?
Once I regain my strength, yes.
So if you’re a copy, what happened to the real Harry Vanderspeigle?
Body is in my freezer, foot is in your clinic freezer, wife is in New York.
I don’t know.
I took shelter in his cabin and used his DNA to take his identity.
If he wasn’t there, how’d you get his DNA?
Skin cells. They’re everywhere.
Humans shed 40,000 of them a minute.
My people shed their skin in one piece.
That way it is easier to eat.
You are gross.
Wait, how did his wife not know you were an imposter?
Some people only see what they want to see.
She saw every part of me, but she never knew.
Did you have sex with her?
To be accurate, she had sex with me.
At me. In front of me.
She made me watch.
What if she gets pregnant and has an alien V baby?
No, she is not pregnant.
She would have started to emit a sulfuric scent and then split open with hundreds of babies.
She remained… whole.
So what you said about your wife dying was true then?
We do not have genders like humans.
I had a mate who died burying our offspring.
There is nothing to be sorry about.
The birthing death is inevitable.
My people do not feel sadness. [voice cracks]
You sure about that?
Once I assumed this body, I started to feel all sorts of things I have never felt.
I don’t want to talk about it.
I had 342 children, and I never worried about any of them.
Now I… cannot stop thinking about number 62.
It had my eyes.
You had 342 kids?
I thought one was complicated.
You should stop feeling guilty about giving away Jay.
We leave our offspring in the great ice wind desert, where the flesh is ripped from the bone to see who survives.
Jay is a survivor.
She will be fine.
I’m glad you know about me.
It’s hard to keep a secret.
It’s human nature, Harry.
Nobody wants to hide who they really are.
All right, listen up.
Some shitheads broke into the high school science lab, so we’re gonna head over there and find out if anybody saw anything.
Also just a quick heads‐up, Edith Pine’s cat got stuck, and I had to slingshot it down from a cell tower.
Cat’s got a limp now, and she’s suing, so you might want to think about lawyering up.
Don’t mind me.
What are you doing?
I was asked to gather some of Deputy Liv’s things.
I don’t know who that is. I know a civilian Liv, if that’s who you talking about.
Okay, well, I’m gonna gather some of civilian Liv’s things before my pastrami sandwich gets cold.
Would you please tell her I can see her?
[whispers] He says he can see you.
She says to mind your own business, as she is busy enjoying her life.
Oh, well, you know what?
You tell her I’m enjoying my life even more.
I’m enjoying my life so much I got little cartoon birds flying around my head.
You probably heard that.
She says that cartoon birds usually means you’re unconscious.
So I’m gonna go eat. [laughs]
Why are you helping me?
I was taught that living things are connected, and that every being matters.
You’re running a temperature.
You’re getting weaker.
Your face, it’s become more…
Am I ugly to you?
There you go.
Max was afraid of me.
He has a very rare genetic trait that allows him to see me in my true form.
That must’ve been scary.
I was afraid people would start believing him.
“Aah, there’s an alien in town.
Look, an alien.”
I meant that must’ve been scary for him.
You know, if you’re so worried about getting caught, then why did you choose to be the town doctor?
They asked, and I was cornered.
They would’ve suspected.
I don’t think that’s why.
I think you’re more drawn to being human than you’ll admit.
I have the right to remain silent.
My breathing duct is filled with blood.
You have to reach inside and clear it.
I don’t know how to do that.
[coughing and gagging]
Um, D’arcy’s flask.
Okay, I’m gonna sterilize my hands.
[breathing heavily] Okay.
Go slowly to avoid the teeth.
What? There are teeth?
And four arms?
You really owe me for this.
You really owe me.
Okay. Oh, there’s the teeth.
I need a visual.
Remember when I examined Mr. Hurley’s prostate?
Excuse me, teeth. Okay.
That’s it. [wheezes]
You don’t have to go back in.
[somber pop music]
If you’re watching this, I’m dead, or I’m really drunk, and we’re all laughing at how pathetic I was for making a video where I thought I was gonna die.
♪ Keep my secret ♪
I guess I should say some goodbyes.
Sorry to all the guys who are probably really sad right now.
Dr. Ethan… [sighs]
♪ You say you’re no hero ♪
I’m gonna miss Judy.
I’m really so sorry I was so mean to your cat.
It was mostly self‐defense.
Deputy Liv, you ‐‐‐‐‐‐rock.
I’m also sorry to Sheriff Mike because one time at a town hall, a dude said a racist thing to you, and I went to go shit in his car, and then I found out that I shit in your car.
Maybe the new town motto should be “One died to not save three.”
♪ Heard your question ringing in my head ♪
I’m sorry I didn’t save Asta.
I really didn’t want to live without her anyway, so…
♪ Can you set me free? ♪
♪ Can you set me ♪
♪ Can you set me free? ♪
You just try to climb out of here.
I’m not leaving you.
If you have a choice between life or death, you will leave me.
It is you call survival of the fittest.
You don’t have much faith in people.
Neither do you.
I used to.
[sighs] Things in life just didn’t work out the way I wanted.
And I was on a path, and then I got off a path, and now I’m just… trying to find my way again.
Like that monkey movie.
Planet of the Apes?
The movie about the flying monkeys.
They are in the trees living their lives, and that girl and that vicious dog and those other creatures who had lost their way from that yellow brick road.
The invade the monkeys’ territory.
You mean Wizard of Oz?
Yes, that is it.
Okay, well, the monkeys are the bad guys.
Not to the monkeys.
Can you now go look for my radio?
I will try to find your radio
so you can get back on your yellow brick road.
I don’t even know your real name.
[grunting and clicking]
My friends call me [hisses].
Maybe we should just stick with Harry.
Enough rest. Get up now.
D’arcy, you had a bad fall.
D’arcy, you’re gonna need to get up sometime.
I’ll come back in an hour.
Hey, get out bed, bitch.
I haven’t seen you in forever.
You can’t just show up. I mean, look at me.
I’m a goddamn Lifetime movie.
I didn’t drive ten hours to watch you quit.
So get up.
You are not quitting.
You are not quitting.
I’m not quitting.
I’m getting us the ‐‐‐out of here.
Don’t you get it?
We are running out of time, all right?
We’re out here in the middle of nowhere searching for what?
Calm it down now.
I’m just saying, we have no idea what this thing even is, or what it can do. Could be human for all we know.
Could be anybody.
Mmm, love some.
You folks passing through?
Sure are. We just eloped.
Heading to Braddock to meet my father‐in‐law.
He doesn’t know I’m white. Wish me luck, right?
Well, I’m sure he’ll love you to death.
But you shouldn’t linger too long.
There’s a big storm coming.
The pass tends to get shut down.
In that case, we’ll just take the check.
You bet. Drive careful.
I’m just gonna say it.
The General was wrong. We need backup.
We can’t find this thing alone.
Yes, we can.
You said it’s tethered to the ship, so we know it’s close.
In a 50‐mile radius.
Do you know how many people are in a 50‐mile radius?
And that’s if it’s even hiding as a human.
What if it’s hiding as a tree, huh?
You wanna just put a bullet in every tree in the forest?
You would say that. Look.
I’m gonna call the military.
You should know me better by now.
This mission is secretive, and anyone who doesn’t wanna keep it that way doesn’t live very long.
And you said we’d never find it.
Hey, it’s Asta. I’m not here.
Figure it out. [beeps]
[sighs] I can’t find it.
I’ve looked everywhere. I think your radio is buried.
I have to find it before we leave or else it will be lost forever.
I don’t need it. My planet is freezing.
The cold is actually helping me recover.
Um, well… here you go.
There you go.
Tell me about your planet.
What’s it like?
It is magnificent and brutal like my people.
You know, some native tribes, they talk about connections to beings from the stars.
We have been coming here for thousands of years, guiding humans.
Stonehenge, the pyramids, and long before that.
So you’re here to help us.
We have always tried to help.
Your people welcomed us for thousands of years, but then something changed.
Humans became more fearful of us, of each other.
So why did you come this time?
We have been monitoring changes to your planet.
How we doing?
That is why I need to find my radio, so I can ask for help.
When you say not good, like, how not good?
If a chicken sits on an egg for the right amount of time, you get a perfect little chick.
But if you do not care about the egg, and you leave it in the sun, it rots and stinks.
The Earth is the second one.
Well, I’m gonna go dig for that radio.
[gentle piano music]
Do you know what you would like this evening?
The lady will have the chicken paillard, and I will have the escargot.
Wow, that’s very sweet.
You’re ordering for me.
I’m going to have the lamb.
Mmm, no, you won’t.
She will have the chicken paillard.
All set. Here you go.
I‐I don’t want the chicken.
I’m having the lamb.
[chuckles] I’ve got this.
She will have the lamb.
Is something wrong?
Why are you ordering escargot?
You hate snails.
Um, he will have the steak frites with the fries extra crispy.
Mmm, nope. Don’t like it, don’t want it.
I am having the escargot, which I love, so.
What was that?
Nothing. Just‐‐just ordering food.
Sure, thank you.
La vie en rose. [both laughing]
What can I do for you, Dan?
Asta didn’t show up for our weekly dinner date, and she’s not responding to my calls.
Yeah, well, maybe she stood you up for a younger fella.
We were both in the military, Mike.
When we have a feeling, we know to trust it.
All right, I hear you.
[grunts] Let’s see what’s going on.
You wanna ride along?
Let’s hit The 59.
If anybody knows where she is, it’s D’arcy.
Just speed it up, D’arce. Okay.
Are you okay?
You’re acting a little weird.
Just enjoying our anniversary with my lovely wife. [laughs]
Hey, why don’t you, uh, why don’t you slide over?
You cut your lip on the shell.
Now you won’t kiss my blood. It’s fine.
What the hell is going on?
I’m just trying to make our anniversary special.
By picking the restaurant and ordering for me and eating escargot, which you hate?
I‐I thought you’d like it if I took charge.
I mean, you said the other day that you wanted me to, you know, challenge you. [sighs]
I did say that, but this isn’t you.
If you wanna pick the restaurant, make me go to the taco place or at least somewhere that you like.
I do love tacos.
Yeah, and I love you.
We aren’t always gonna agree about everything.
That’s okay. We’re different people.
But I want us to be a team.
Former Deputy Liv.
I need to ask you about something.
Sheriff is here.
Asta and D’arcy are missing.
Yeah, folks at The 59 said D’arcy called and said she couldn’t come in to work.
She was headed up to the glacier.
You know anything about that?
Let me call the office.
Is everything okay?
Hey, it’s John, have you seen D’arcy at the office?
Yeah, everything’s under control.
It’s just Asta and D’arcy are missing.
Well, missing how?
How can we help?
Two snowmobiles have been out since past 3:00.
Still not back.
Okay, well, let’s get a search going.
Whatever you need from the town, you got it.
I can prepare the chopper for a search, but this stormfront’s not supposed to pass until daybreak.
They’ll freeze by then.
All right, all right, all right, hey, hey.
Take a breath. We’re gonna find them, Dan.
I ain’t waiting around for that.
He’s gonna get himself killed.
Hey, don’t wait up.
Okay. Be careful.
[Erick Serena and The Killing Floor’s
[“March of Flames”]
♪ We are the bullet ♪
♪ They are the blade ♪
♪ You’re walking in hell ♪
♪ And march through the flames ♪
[grunting] [wind howling]
♪ Soon you will see ♪
♪ The candle, it burns ♪
♪ Eternally ♪
♪ Take me down ♪
♪ No, you ♪
♪ Won’t take me down ♪
♪ No, you ♪
See? I told you she’d make it.
Now you’re going first.
We have to go now.
You’re out of time, Harry.
She’ll see I am an alien.
No, she won’t.
♪ No, no, no you ♪
♪ No, no, no you ♪
♪ No, no, no you ♪
♪ No, no, no you ♪
Uh, excuse me.
Could pass me some toilet paper?
All out over here.
Oh, thank you.
[toilet flushes] [sighs]
Thank you so much. You’re a lifesaver.
Us ladies have to stick together, right?
You live in town?
Yeah, just down the road.
My husband’s the mayor.
I just moved here. I don’t know anybody.
Oh, well, you should take my number.
Feel free to pick my brain. Here you go.
I’m Kate Hawthorne.
Kate. That’s my sister’s name.
Sarah Houston. Thanks for the number.
I’ll be sure to use it.
Okay, gotta go relieve the babysitter.
Oh, you have kids?
Oh, just one. We have a little boy named Max.
Max, that’s wonderful.
Nice to meet you.
Stay with me, Harry.
[cell phone ringing, thunder rolls]
[dramatic folk music]
Where the hell are you? I’m coming to get you.
I’m okay, Dad!
Don’t ask questions. I need your help.
♪ The height of a giant ♪
♪ Or the will of a great chief’s son ♪
♪ But I’m somewhere in the middle ♪
♪ With my feet slippin’ off the pedals ♪
How is he?
Go get help. Go get help!
♪ And my silence turned to thoughts ♪
♪ Am I in constant disbelief ♪
♪ That which I teach, through my teeth ♪
♪ Becomes what I preach ♪
♪ Oh, I sure would like to live ♪
♪ Without the burden of commitment ♪
♪ Not attached to any person, place, or thing ♪
Hurry. He’s out here.
♪ To carry nowhere alone ♪
What the hell?
♪ I am hopeful but tiring ♪
♪ Because some of us are ghost embodied ♪
Asta, are you here?
♪ In the flesh ♪
♪ What you saw was a reflection of a moment ♪
Asta, what the hell’s going on?
♪ It was never really ever there ♪
What are you doing hanging with that thing?
Do you know what that thing is?
Well, it’s violating a whole bunch of health codes, I know that for sure.
Can you just say it, so there’s no confusion?
Why’s there an alien in my freezer?
The cold slows the bleeding, and he’s not just an alien,
and the alien is someone we know.
The mayor. I knew it.
No, Dad. It’s Harry.
The doctor’s an alien?
And you wanted me to get a yearly checkup from that thing.
I allowed myself to become too human.
That’s why I couldn’t complete my mission.
It’s my fault.
If I don’t do something, he will die.
I need your help.
Dan, you back there?
I’ll take care of it. Be right there!
Can we trust that creature?
He’s in trouble, and we can help.
I don’t like it, but if you believe in him, okay.
Okay. Thank you.
Just move him‐it away from the fish.
How you doing, Sheriff?
I’m good. I saw your truck out front.
I just wanted to make sure you weren’t taking things into your own hands.
You know, Asta’s a strong woman.
She’ll be fine.
Let’s just wait out the storm and fire up some burgers.
Ha! Haven’t you heard? They’re back.
Doctor got in an accident; Asta had to take him to Braddock for an MRI.
Well, good. That’s‐‐that’s good.
You all right, Dan?
You like you done seen a ghost or something.
I’m okay. I guess it’s the worry.
All right, then. Well, night.
Stand down on the search.
They made it down off the mountain.
Copy that, Sheriff. We’ll notify.
Harry. Oh, God.
Harry, wake up.
Harry, you are getting worse.
Tell me how to help you.
Without my radio, it’s over.
Let me die.
You can help us now.
You found it.
If she knew what she was giving me, she would let me die. [grunts]
Tell me how to help you.
It’s poisoning me.
I will die if you don’t chop it off.
We need to do what?
You heard him. Grab the meat cleaver.
Uh, it’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.
It’s gonna be all right.
God, I can’t do it.
Okay, okay, okay. I’m sorry.
Okay, look at me.
I’m right here.
I won’t let you die.
I believe her.
No one’s dying today, but now I have my device, so how about tomorrow?
All eight billion of them.
1 thought on “Resident Alien – S01E08 – End of the World as We Know It [Transcript]”
What song is playing when Darcy records her video?