Last Week Tonight with John Oliver
Season 12 Episode 30
Aired on November 16, 2025
Main segment: Public broadcasting in the United States
Other segments: Failure during the unveiling of the Russian humanoid robot named AIdol, and the release of additional Epstein files.
John Oliver discusses the vital role public media plays in the lives of many Americans, how the Trump Administration’s massive budget cuts could impact those Americans directly, and why Mr. Bean is the greatest British comedian in history. Ya, that’s right, Rowan “Mr. Bean” Atkinson.
* * *
JOHN: We’re going to dive straight in with our main story this week, which concerns public media. It’s brought us Sesame Street, NPR’s Tiny Desk Concerts, and The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross, which once featured this exceptional reveal.
BOB ROSS: Okay, we’ll just put a little color on the fan brush. And in our world, maybe there lives—boy, there does now—just some happy little trees back in here. And these little trees would be a super place for my little squirrel. If you’ve painted with me before, you know I have all kind of little creature pets. I’m going to share with you today my latest little squirrel that’s living with me. He is the most precious little thing. You have to force him to eat. See, we call him Peepod the pocket squirrel.
JOHN: Oh my god. Peepod the pocket squirrel might be the best sequence of words in the history of the English language. And admit it. For a moment, you thought he was talking about an imaginary squirrel there. You heard him say, “These little trees will be a super place for my little squirrel.” And you assumed he was referring to an animal he was about to paint, not a living rodent on his person! Even when he moved the dropper towards his pocket, a physical squirrel wasn’t on your mental horizon. You just figured it was a weird paint tool. And that no way was a real-life fucking squirrel chilling in this guy’s clothes. There is just no fucking way! What if it shits? But have you ever been happier to be wrong? Also, fun fact, Peepod wasn’t Bob Ross’ only squirrel. He apparently built an enormous cage outside of his home in which he nursed orphaned squirrels back to health, which is presumably why this absolute banger of a photo exists. And sorry to every living supermodel, but that is a pout.
Anyway, in America, almost all public media falls under the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, which until recently distributed funding to over 500 radio and TV grantees, representing more than 1500 locally managed and operated stations nationwide. Together, the system reaches nearly 99% of the US population with free programming and services. And public media has been truly innovative in reaching underserved audiences. It was a public TV station that first invented closed captioning in the 1970s, and stations around the country offer programming in Haitian Creole, Navajo, Vietnamese, and many other languages. But as you undoubtedly know, it is now facing a serious threat, as over the summer Congress decided to eliminate $1.1 billion that had been allocated to fund public broadcasting for the next two years. It was something that Trump celebrated like this.
TRUMP: Public broadcasting. They’ve been looking to get it out of there for billions and billions of dollars and very, very unfair, very, very unfair reporting. They— I would say they make CNN look honest and we got rid of it finally. We got rid of it. We got rid of billions of dollars that was wasted on that.
JOHN: You know what? I can’t explain this in a precise way, but Donald Trump proudly slurring his way through another on-purpose disaster might be the scientific opposite of Bob Ross and Peepod. In fact, if you play those two clips at the same time, I think the world might explode. But it is true: in July, Congress approved Trump’s plan to eliminate the CPB’s funding entirely. It is one of many egregious actions this administration has taken, which is why the number one search on Google this year is probably going to end up being, “Wait, can the government do that?” And all of this has understandably upset a lot of people, even some that you may not have thought would be fans of public media like this guy.
THE BERSERKER BLÓTHAR: Public radio, it’s a national treasure. I mean, where else would you go? As a young man, I watched Ginger Baker have a drum-off against the drummer from Ratt on Rock School on PBS. You’re not going to find that on network television, and not to mention Sesame Street. I mean, look, this is Mr. Rogers. It’s quality programming and it always has been, and it’s a damn shame to just throw it in the toilet like that.
JOHN: Okay, so there is a lot to say there, but mostly the top half of him is not the problem. But I know what you’re thinking. You are thinking, I had no idea that The Berserker Blóthar, lead vocalist of heavy metal band Gwar, was such a fan of public media. But apparently he is. And it is both beautiful and confusing to watch him utter the words “Mr. Rogers,” as it’s hard to imagine them in the same universe. Although I’ll say I would love to have seen Gwar on Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood. You are special just the way you are. Your diseased undercarriage composed of abscess-riddled penises makes you you. But he is right. This budget cut is devastating. Actually, maybe take that down. This cut will be felt all over, but especially in rural, remote, and tribal communities. One analysis estimates that as many as 115 stations, collectively serving 43 million Americans, are likely to close by mid next year. And as a DJ at this Colorado station explains, these stations can fill a vital community role.
MARTY JONES (VOLUNTEER DJ): One of the things that we do is provide public service announcements that inform people of meetings that are important to the community that they don’t always get in a timely fashion otherwise. Some examples that I just read on this morning’s show included an announcement about a distribution of school supplies that is occurring today. Here’s an announcement about a free sloppy joe luncheon for veterans and homeless.
JOHN: Exactly. That man who looks like Santa Claus if he got just the right amount into the Grateful Dead is completely right. He should also, by the way, probably be public radio’s new mascot, given he has the quintessential public radio voice, beard, and general vibe. Honestly, if the next NPR tote for sale does not have that man’s face on it, they’re leaving money on the table. The point is, public media provides incredible benefits to the communities that it serves, and it has just suffered a gigantic blow. So, given that, tonight, let’s talk about public media, how it works, what it does, and how we go forward.
And let’s start with the fact that the system as we currently know it started when LBJ signed the Public Broadcasting Act of 1967 into law, announcing it like this.
LBJ: This corporation will assist stations and producers who aim for the best in broadcasting good music, in broadcasting exciting plays, and broadcasting reports on the whole fascinating range of human activity. It will try to prove that what educates can also be exciting. It will get part of its support from our government, but it will be carefully guarded from government or from party control. It will be free and it will be independent and it will belong to all of our people.
JOHN: Yeah, that was a bold move. The kind of thing that takes some truly enormous balls, which as you should know from recordings that we’ve played of LBJ complaining to the head of the company that made his trousers that the crotch down where your nuts hang is always a little too tight. He definitely had. And quick side note, you may remember a few weeks ago we had this potentially life-sized replica of LBJ’s balls made and offered them to his presidential library. Well, I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is we heard from them. The bad news is they politely declined our offer, but in doing so said, “Please accept this basket of fruit and nuts as a token of our appreciation for all you do.” This is the basket they sent, which contains, and this is true, a variety of nuts and fruits, all in sets of two, which is excellent.
Anyway, as Lyndon Bulls Johnson just said, that one act authorized the creation of the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, which then in turn created PBS and NPR. But the CPB’s role wasn’t to directly produce content or oversee public media as a state arm. It was primarily to distribute funding for it while crucially remaining independent of the government. That is why the CPB is a private nonprofit corporation. The only issue is that despite not being a government agency, it is still funded like one as its funding is embedded in the annual congressional appropriations process. And because Congress controls its funding, that’s always left the CPB vulnerable to political attacks.
Almost from the start, it has been a punching bag for Republicans. Just two years after it was created, Nixon proposed slashing its funding in half reportedly to help meet the financial demands of the Vietnam War because apparently the CPB was a bad use of public money unlike, you know, Vietnam. That is what led to this famous moment in a hearing about the CPB’s funding when Fred Rogers addressed a skeptical senator and described what his show was all about.
FRED ROGERS: This is what I give. I give an expression of care every day to each child to help him realize that he is unique. I end the program by saying “you’ve made this day a special day by just your being you. There’s no person in the whole world like you and I like you just the way you are.” And I feel that if we in public television can only make it clear that feelings are mentionable and manageable, we will have done a great service.
SENATOR: I think it’s wonderful. I think it’s wonderful. Looks like you just earned the $20 million.
JOHN: Wow. That is a truly heartwarming thing. That would never ever happen today. If Mr. Rogers had given that exact same testimony this year, Ted Cruz would have called him a radical left lunatic. Fox News would have run with the headline, “Mr. Rogers’s socialist neighborhood,” and the White House would have posted an AI video of President Trump kicking him in the balls. But while public media’s funding was saved on that day, it has been threatened consistently ever since, usually with complaints about its so-called liberal bias.
SPEAKER 1: Why is there this small elite group at the Corporation Broadcasting that gets to spend money they didn’t earn? What right do they have to dole out your money?
SPEAKER 2: I think the people at PBS see themselves as social agents. They see themselves as having this great forum, this great platform to push what they think will be the good society.
MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE: It is brainwashing the American people and more significantly American children with unamerican, anti-family, pro-crime fake news.
JOHN: Okay, so a few things in order. First, what right do they have to spend money they didn’t earn? Applies to literally any use of taxpayer money. And also, congratulations to Newt and Callista Gingrich on their documentary Journey to America released this year on, guess what? PBS. Second, if you’re curious why this guy was speaking on behalf of a group called “Concerned Women for America,” so am I. And finally, as for Marjorie Taylor Greene’s comments, I think we all know what she means by anti-family, but I’d love to know what PBS programming is being interpreted as pro-crime. Is it the episode of Arthur where the brain gets himself into a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde situation? Because I guess you could argue that it inspires kids to commit potion-fueled vandalism. But I think the only real crime involved is that this song has been lodged in my brain for over two decades now.
[song from the episode of Arthur titled “Jekyll and Hyde” (from the episode “Buster’s Growing Problem,” first aired in 1999)]
JOHN: That song will now be in your head until the day that you die. It was my curse and now it is yours, too. Anyway, that clip is from earlier this year at a hearing that Green chaired where the CEOs of NPR and PBS were questioned about why, in her words, taxpayer funds were being spent on left-wing echo chambers for mostly wealthy white urban liberals and progressives who generally look down on and judge rural America.
This hearing was absurd. Again and again, members of Congress would take a tiny, out-of-context snippet, sometimes of something that aired on just one station, and demand that the heads of those organizations defend them. Here is one congressman who thought he really had something.
CONGRESSMAN: Do you think that you should publish something that calls trees racist? Is that in retrospect, should you have published that?
CEO: I’m not sure what you’re referring to.
CONGRESSMAN: You had a segment that it was called “Racist Trees” and it was a… I mean, we’ve already referenced a number of times. So, I mean, do you think trees can be racist? I guess that’s a…
CEO: I… I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve never heard of what you’re referring to.
CONGRESSMAN: All right.
JOHN: Well, I have, because we looked it up, and it turns out it wasn’t a segment about how trees are racist. It was this documentary telling the story of the historically Black neighborhood in Palm Springs and their decades-long fight for the removal of a wall of trees that many believed were originally planted as a totem of segregation. So, I guess I’d answer his question of “Do you think trees can be racist?” with a question of my own? Specifically, do you understand that the titles of movies are not always 100% literal? The Shining is not about a successful shoe polishing business, and The Wolf of Wall Street isn’t about an actual wolf with a successful investment strategy. Now, should it have been? Absolutely it should. But sadly, it wasn’t.
And look, there can be a good faith debate over bias in the media, liberal or otherwise. But I’ll point out that a lot of the time what conservatives claim as liberal bias is often just things like showing there’s a long history of racism in America or that gay people exist, making it hard to interpret those criticisms as anything other than bigotry. And yet arguments like those just got used to justify zeroing out the entire budget of the CPB, which isn’t just stupid. In many places, it’ll actually have the exact opposite of the intended effect.
And to understand why, it’s worth talking about where all those federal dollars went. Because while some of the CPB’s funding did go directly to PBS and NPR at the national level, the vast majority of it, more than 70%, went directly to local public radio and television stations who used it to do things like produce local programs, purchase equipment, and acquire national programming like All Things Considered and the PBS NewsHour.
And for many stations, that was just one way they got funded because none relied completely on the federal government. In fact, one survey found that on average, local public TV stations relied on federal funding for 18% of their budgets with radio stations having an average reliance of around 14%. And a big way they’ve always made up the difference is through, as you undoubtedly know, viewers or listeners like you. That is why so many stations seem to be constantly running pledge drives. Take this one from Washington State in 1999 featuring a certain former co-star of mine.
JOEL MCHALE: Please call in at 1-800-443-1991 and subscribe, because you can’t get programming like Mr. Bean. You can’t get programming like Red Dwarf anywhere else except for Channel 9.
As you’ve already seen tonight, British comedy is so amazing and you can’t get that on any other channel practically. And it’s so wonderful that Channel 9 can bring this to you.
Rowan Atkinson is a genius and it’s just so great that we can bring you all the episodes in one entire night.
Mr. Bean is a phenomenal television program in Britain and you asked for it to be here in Washington, and you get an entire evening of it and it’s just wonderful. I just can’t tell you how excited I am about Mr. Bean and things like Black Adder and Red Dwarf and British comedy brought to you on Channel 9. So, please call.
JOHN: Yeah, that is a young Joel McHale going all out to raise money for his local PBS station and he was going in hard on the Mr. Bean element there. Those clips go from, “Wow, Joel really likes Mr. Bean” to “Wait, did Mr. Bean say he’s going to pay him?” to “Did Mr. Bean say he’s going to kill him?”
The point is, some local stations heavily depend on donations to get by, and a lot are operating on a shoestring to begin with, like this one in Louisiana.
REPORTER: Before the sun comes up.
JEFF FRELL: Alarm went off at 4:00 in the morning.
REPORTER: Got here at 5:30. Jeff Frell turns on the lights at the only NPR news radio station in Shreveport, Louisiana.
JEFF FRELL: Partly cloudy and 73.
REPORTER: Frell is the only full-time news employee at Red River Radio. He’s the news director, on-air host…
JEFF FRELL: The time is now 8:04…
REPORTER: …field producer, writer…
JEFF FRELL: How much of a difference?
REPORTER: …and sound editor. Fifteen-hour days covering news in three states.
JEFF FRELL: Do I rest for a second? Yeah, I’ll take a quick, like, 15-minute pause and then recharge.
REPORTER: So, you sleep in your office?
JEFF FRELL: …Sometimes.
JOHN: Holy. The only thing more alarming than that man’s workload is the way he briefly dissociated before saying “sometimes.” That was either an existential cry for help or he just figured out how to micronap in the middle of an interview.
But having a tiny staff is not uncommon. And in some parts of the country, particularly less affluent or more rural areas, stations may not be able to raise what they need through their communities. So they’ve relied more heavily on federal funding. Remember how I said stations relied on it for around 14% to 18% of their budgets? That’s an average. For some, it’s been much more, because while WNYC, New York’s public radio station, lost about 4% of its annual budget when the CPB got cut, KLND in McLaughlin, South Dakota, lost 50%, and KSHI on their Zuni Pueblo in New Mexico lost 96%.
And when budgets get slashed, one way an outlet can cut cost is by producing less local reporting and relying more on content that they licensed from NPR and PBS at the national level. So, while I personally think Green’s caricature of them pumping out unamerican programming that doesn’t reflect community values is total bullshit, the irony is the more local stations’ budgets are slashed, the more they may come to rely on programming produced in those urban echo chambers. As the executive director of a station in California said, “the local stuff that’s so important to people is probably the stuff that’ll go away.”
And it’s worth talking about what some of that local stuff is, because it can be woven into people’s lives in all sorts of ways. High school sports, for instance, have become some of the most popular local programs on PBS stations, with the former CEO of Arkansas PBS saying it’s one of those things that everybody loves, but isn’t necessarily a money-making venture. So, commercial networks aren’t going to really commit to high school sports.
Other areas use public media in quirky ways. In rural Northern California, this station has a regular segment called “Trading Time,” where people call in to offer items to sell, trade, or give away. And during pledge drive season, callers will sometimes even contribute the proceeds back to the station, leading to once-in-a-lifetime offers like this one.
CALLER: Good morning. We have a bidet that we just remodeled the bathroom, took out the bidet that we weren’t using. It’s in excellent condition and it’s a Kohler. If you go to get one new, they’re like three or four hundred bucks, but we will sell this one for $50 or best offer and donate all the money to the pledge drive.
HOST: Okay. So, it’s a good day for a bidet. John in Mendo’s got one for you if you buy it. $50 or best offer. He’s going to donate that right to the station.
CALLER: Wonderful.
JOHN: Yeah, it is wonderful. It’s also, let’s be honest, super weird. The saddest six-word story may be: “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.” But the weirdest one is: “For sale: used bidet for charity.” And if you, like me, thought that was another artifact of the ’90s, you should know it is from three weeks ago. And it is great to know that public radio can still be a resourceful bidet-related news and discussion. All this time, I thought the only place to go for that was the bidet subreddit where you can find posts like: “I didn’t buy a bidet; I bought an amusement park ride for my butt.” “Having a bidet at home has really ruined the allure of pooping at work.” “My bidet keeps splashing into my balls.” And this similar post: “Husband’s chestnuts getting busted in Canada,” which goes on to say: “Husband’s honey nuts getting brutalized by the bidet. Gentlemen, help him. Canadian cantaloupes are compromised.”
But obviously, it is not all high school sports and bidet. In some places, public media is the only source of local news. According to one analysis, in nine counties a public broadcasting station is the sole source of local news coverage. And in 47 others, it’s one of only two, with the other typically being a weekly newspaper.
And local public media scored some amazing scoops, to rattle off just a few. In West Virginia, these outlets uncovered the fact that Bob Murray, friend of the pod, fought against black lung regulations and then filed for black lung benefits for himself, which is exactly the kind of behavior that might lead someone to tell you to go eat shit. In Alaska, KTOO broke the story of a massive food stamp backlog affecting thousands of people, with the Alaska Press Club later writing that it was the reporter’s community-based reporting and relationships with sources that brought light to a state problem that affected thousands of Alaskans whose voices needed to be heard.
And a reporter at this radio station in New Hampshire produced both a massive investigation and this podcast about alleged sexual misconduct at the largest addiction treatment center in the state. And she kept at that reporting even as the target of her investigation sued her and her station, and as her house and those of her parents and her boss were vandalized. That’s something that she later explained to her public TV station.
REPORTER: My husband checks our security cameras and sure enough, a brick had been thrown through my living room window and the words “just the beginning” were spray painted exclamation point under the broken window.
INTERVIEWER: And you have a young daughter.
REPORTER: I do have a young daughter.
INTERVIEWER: Was there a point when you thought maybe I won’t be continuing this? Did it make you think about dropping this, not wanting to continue working on it?
REPORTER: You know, I never considered stopping.
JOHN: Yeah, that is incredibly brave, especially because I’m assuming that that message didn’t continue. “Just the beginning” of a storied career in investigative journalism. Keep up the good work. P.S. The brick is made of chocolate.
The point is local public media is filled with impressive reporting like that. In fact, we’ve relied on it on this show in pieces that we’ve done about HOAs, juvenile justice, and in our first and second lethal injection stories. And if you’re hearing those and thinking, “Man, this show is more depressing than I remembered,” girl, same.
And as this manager for a tribal station in Oregon explains, if budget cuts mean she can’t afford to broadcast news to her listeners, that’s going to be a problem not just for her station, but for everyone.
MANAGER: We do our own local newscast and we can cover Warm Springs better than anybody. Mainstream media doesn’t necessarily show up unless something very bad has happened.
REPORTER: She’ll have to make cuts and she expects to lose access to national news and tribal networks.
MANAGER: Native America Calling and National Native News. And those are programs that people here love and tune in for, like, every day at 10:00.
REPORTER: Leaving the high desert at risk of becoming a news desert.
MANAGER: There’ll be a void where probably incorrect information will grow.
JOHN: Exactly. And I know that when you hear “void where incorrect information will grow,” you immediately think of whatever infinite chasm is behind Megyn Kelly’s eyes. But in this case, it means something else.
And even beyond news, public media can be how critical information gets disseminated in communities with limited broadband or cell service. Public radio may be the only way to distribute missing and endangered persons alerts. It can also be crucial during an emergency like a hurricane. Remember that station where one guy is the only full-time news employee? If it goes away, a lot goes with it.
REPORTER: About 19% of Louisiana lives in poverty and 15% don’t have internet access, according to the U.S. Census.
LOCAL FIGURE: You can’t afford satellite TV. You can’t buy cable. And they’re alone. And so it is a lifeline. And what’s great about this is that they feel connected. They stay connected to the world.
REPORTER: These radio emergency alerts are vital during hurricane season, warning folks where and when storms will hit.
LOCAL FIGURE: Radio saves lives. The Emergency Broadcast System. Without it, people would die.
JOHN: Right. Without their Emergency Broadcast System, people would die. If you take one thing away from this piece, it really should be that. Even though, unfortunately, it will probably be this instead.
[excerpt from “Jekyll and Hyde” song]
JOHN: Cause I was Jekyll, Jekyll, Hyde, Jekyll, Hyde, Hyde, Jekyll, Jekyll, Jekyll, Hyde, Jekyll, Hyyyyyde! You’re living this for the rest of your life. This is never ever leaving your brain. It’s tattooed onto your eardrums.
Look, it’s not just that. Some stations have also jumped in to serve their listeners even when they’re not prepared to. Take Blue Ridge Public Radio in North Carolina, which had to pivot into emergency alerts during Hurricane Helen last year when its small staff of seven didn’t just report through the storm and immediate aftermath, but they also kept working through a 53-day stretch where locals didn’t have access to clean water.
And if you hear the messages they got from listeners afterwards, you get a picture of just how much their work meant to people.
LISTENER 1: You guys were wonderful and you sustained me. I was isolated on a mountain side.
LISTENER 2: My wife and I are so thankful for your constant presence during this crisis. Keep it up. We love you.
LISTENER 3: Thank you guys so much for being there. It’s just going to make me cry because you’re the only source of information that we’ve had. Thank you. Bye-bye.
JOHN: Yeah, that’s incredibly moving. Honestly, I feel like I’m going to cry, and I haven’t cried at a radio segment since that time I heard about a near mint condition Kohler bidet being sold for the low, low price of $50. So that is what is at stake here.
And while some might suggest that the free market will fill in the gaps, in many cases these stations only exist because the free market has shown that it won’t. Because unfortunately, it may well not find value in localized emergency alerts during hurricanes or announcing free sloppy Joes for veterans or even in pocket squirrels, which is madness given they should clearly be the most valuable commodity on the fucking planet!
As the general manager of Blue Ridge Public Radio told one reporter, “NBC Nightly News can show you pictures of devastating flooding, but they don’t tell locals where to get fresh water. NBC News is not for that.” And she’s right. NBC isn’t focused on emergency information on the local level. It’s clearly focused on one thing and one thing only, keeping Lorne Michaels alive.
And frankly, it’s always been a bit weird how little we fund public media given how vital it can be. Because to be clear here, U.S. public media is a global outlier in how little federal funding it receives. Even before these cuts, federal spending amounted to less than $1.60 per capita compared to countries like Norway, Sweden, and the U.K. which devote nearly $100 or more. And research shows a positive correlation between the strength of public media systems and the health of democracies. And given that the health of our democracy is currently best described as that one photo of Prince Philip where he was in the car, we could use all the public media funding we can get right now.
So, what can we do? Well, in a universe in which a competent, effective government were in place, we’d ideally work on a long-term fix for the way the CPB is funded, and instead of giving Congress the power to take its money away every two years, we’d institute some kind of tax or licensing fee that could reliably fund it. That is something people have been recommending since the CPB was first created. Sadly, we do not live in that universe right now, and until we do, public media is in a dire situation.
Now, fortunately, there’s been a big public push recently to raise money to support hard-hit stations for as long as possible. A nonprofit called the Public Media Company has launched an initiative called the Bridge Funds to collect and distribute funding to at-risk local public media stations. And if you want to give to one directly, you can find the stations most in need at adoptastation.org.
Meanwhile, others are finding imaginative ways to raise money, including just this week:
REPORTER: Who doesn’t love Bob Ross, right? Three original paintings by the renowned TV artist have fetched a total of $662,000 at auction. Proceeds of the sale will support public TV stations, which need it after recent federal funding cuts.
JOHN: Yeah, it’s true. Apparently, Bob Ross, Inc. is putting paintings like these up for auction to raise money, and they’re absolutely beautiful. Look, I’m no art connoisseur. My liking of painting often comes down to whether or not it features cartoon rats getting it on. But in this case, I’ll happily make an exception.
Now, I’ll be honest. We actually bid on those paintings, trying to win one so that we could reauction it tonight to benefit public media. Sadly, those prices were outside of our budget. So, we asked the people at Bob Ross, Inc. if they’d donate another one for us to auction. They said very kindly, “That’s just not something they do. Otherwise, everyone would ask them all the time and they’d have no paintings left,” which does make sense.
But then we remembered we’ve actually accumulated a bunch of weird artifacts on this show over the years that we could definitely auction off to raise some much-needed money. So, please come with me.
[Applause]
Welcome. I am proud to announce Last Week Tonight‘s first ever auction in aid of public media. This is real. It will be running through November 24th, and you can bid at the website johnoliversjunk.com, which was inexplicably available. We have lots of fantastic items up for sale. Here’s just a selected few.
Now, our first item’s actually been auctioned off before because you may remember we once bought Russell Crowe’s jockstrap from Cinderella Man when he held a quote “art of divorce” auction. We then used the proceeds to fund a Koala Chlamydia Award in Australia in my name. Well, I’m now happy to say this life-saving jockstrap can be yours. Here it is. It is a priceless piece of cinematic history and it has saved countless koalas.
Moving on to item number two. Back in Season 9, you may remember that I married a cabbage in a beautiful non-denominational ceremony officiated by Steve Buscemi. And there is no good way to say this: My cabbage wife is available for sale to the highest bidder. No questions asked. As much as it hurts, Mr. Split, we are doing it for the greater good. Bidding for her is now open.
Moving on to item number three. And as I mentioned earlier, these were featured on our show pretty recently: LBJ’s giant balls. Just look at these glorious monstrosities. If LBJ’s presidential library does not have a home for them, maybe you do. Because these things could be a real conversation piece for your living room, bedroom, studio apartment, or indeed, nursery.
And in keeping with the presidential theme, we are also auctioning off our wax presidents, which we bought at an auction in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, and put in movie parodies with, among others, Laura Linney and Tom Hanks.
But wait, because I’m still not done here. And to tell you about some other items up for auction, here is a man with decades of experience fundraising for public television. Mr. Joel McHale.
JOEL MC HALE: Thanks, John. As you’ve seen tonight, public media is so amazing. I love it almost as much as I love British comedy, which is so amazing. Rowan Atkinson is a genius, and anyone who thought they could replace him as Zazu in The Lion King is out of their fucking mind. That movie was ruined without him.
Anyway, I’m so excited to tell you about some of these items, including these golden sneakers worn by British comedian John Oliver in a show about FIFA that, judging by this, aired around 25 years ago. So amazing. And because no public media fundraiser is complete without it, we’re also auctioning off a bidet signed by, and this is true, the The Berserker Blóthar from GWAR. So amazing.
And finally, and this is my favorite item. I think everyone knows how excited I am about Rowan Atkinson, the number one British comedian of all time. So, we’re auctioning off a complete DVD box set of Mr. Bean, signed by me, Sir Joel McHale. Back to you, Seth.
JOHN: Thank you so much, Joel. All those items and more are available at johnoliversjunk.com with all proceeds going to the Public Media Bridge Fund.
But wait, there’s actually one more thing here. Because remember when I said that Bob Ross Inc. never lets people have paintings to sell? That is true. They never do. Except, incredibly, they’ve told us they’re willing to make a one-time exception for this auction. So, we have this Bob Ross original up for sale. It is called Cabin at Sunset. He painted it on TV in 1987 and it has been in storage for nearly 40 years. It is a true masterpiece painted by a man and—I’m just going to assume—his pocket squirrel Peepot.
You can find this painting and many, many other items—from a case of John Oliver wine to our giant Reese’s mug—as well as a link to find stations to donate to directly at johnoliversjunk.com. That is it. That is our show and indeed our season. Thank you so much for watching us all year. We truly appreciate it. We’ll see you again in February. Good night.
Thank you so much. Please, please bid for her now. Bid, bid right now. I’m going to miss you so much. You’re going to a better place.
