Palm Royale
Created by: Abe Sylvia
Based on: Mr. & Mrs. American Pie by Juliet McDaniel
Stars: Kristen Wiig (Maxine Dellacorte-Simmons), Ricky Martin (Robert Diaz), Josh Lucas (Douglas Darby Dellacorte-Simmons), Leslie Bibb (Dinah Donohue), Amber Chardae Robinson (Virginia), Laura Dern (Linda Shaw/Penelope Rollins), Allison Janney (Evelyn Rollins), Carol Burnett (Norma Dellacorte)
Premise: Set in 1969, outsider Maxine Dellacorte-Simmons (Kristen Wiig) strives to attain a place in the high society of Palm Beach, Florida, through the town’s most exclusive country club, the Palm Royale, in the process learning what she will and won’t do to achieve this.
Season 2 – Episode 3
Episode title: Maxine Solves a Murder
Original air date: November 26, 2025 (Apple TV+)
Episode plot: Robert informs “Norma” that he knows she killed Axel to preserve her darkest secret: at boarding school, the real Norma Dellacorte died in an accident and a nun, Sister Lotte, had Norma’s diabetic roommate Agnes assume her identity for a better life; Axel was in love with the real Norma before she left for school. Federal agents descend on the Rollins mansion in search of Linda, leaving Mary a free woman, and Douglas asks Maxine to return her engagement ring, which she accidentally swallows. Allowing Evelyn to blame Norma for Linda’s escape, Maxine recruits Dinah and Ann to help Linda withdraw her assets before they can be seized. Maxine and Linda share their suspicions with Virginia that Norma murdered various Dellacortes to secure their fortune for herself. With Douglas and her friends’ help, Maxine uses Mitzi’s ritual initiation into the Dellacorte family to steal the key to Norma’s safety box. Norma has already removed the trophies she kept from her victims, but Maxine finds them hidden in the mansion’s trophy room. She confronts Norma, who frames Maxine for shooting at her and disappears.
* * *
Palm Royale – S02E03 – Maxine Solves a Murder | Transcript
[spiritual music plays]
[bell tolling]
[nun] Holy Saint Augustine, patron saint of excesses, drunkenness, morphine, roulette, horse racing, petty theft, blah, blah, blah.
It is me again, your devoted Lotte.
I’ve gotten myself into a bit of a pickle.
[child screams]
[Lotte] Norma?
[Maxine]
If you want to understand a tragic ending, you have to go back to the beginning.
[Lotte] Norma!
[young Norma sobs]
Agnes, what have you done?
She was upset, so she started running and slipped on the moss on the stairs.
Stupid Swiss clogs.
[Maxine] The surprise ending was there all along. But we were all too busy looking in different directions.
“Your father has died. Stop.”
Sudden heart attack. Stop.
Very sad. Stop.
“Come home to Palm Beach. Stop.”
Thank you, Saint Augustine.
I always knew you to be a fine fellow.
The hall of Dellacortes, the oldest European inbred family.
These rich turds always screwing each other and everybody else along the way.
And now, you will take your place among them.
They’ll know I’m not her.
[Lotte] Norma has been gone from home for years.
Tragedy and time change children so.
I’m scared.
I brought this when I came here, and now it’s yours.
So, Norma Dellacorte, hurry along.
Palm Beach is waiting to welcome you home.
[dramatic music playing]
[Maxine] We tell ourselves stories so that we can live the lives we’ve always dreamed of.
A poor diabetic girl with a chance at life.
[chuckles] A fabulous life at that.
What was I to do?
You’ve lived a double life for so long.
Perhaps, in some ways, that explains my affinity for you.
You realize I’ve taken a tremendous risk telling you all of this.
Yes, I see.
My life has been sustained by secrets.
But you must understand I expect complete discretion.
My life…
Your life depends on it.
[sighs]
[line rings]
[on phone] Palm Royale front desk.
It’s me.
I need you to make someone disappear.
[Maxine] The happiness was all used up in the middle, wasn’t it? The ending, like the beginning, is never good. [clicks pen]
[sighs] It’s done.
I’m divorced.
Good, because if Norma finds out you spent the night here, she’ll spatchcock me like a fine French hen.
Hang on to your feathers, Henny Penny.
I’ll be out of here soon.
[sighs] Wouldn’t trouble you, could you get some of your porters to take my luggage to the QE2?
With pleasure.
And from all of us here at the Palm Royale, we wish you a very bon voyage.
[door closes]
I wish I had known you, Stella Rue.
Maybe I would’ve understood your son a little better.
Maybe I wouldn’t have ended up here with all you ladies.
[chuckles] No offense.
[Maxine] And as the old saw goes, when one door closes, another one opens.
Gentlemen, is this a noise complaint?
We’ll close the windows next time.
We have reason to believe you’re harboring a fugitive.
We have a warrant to search the premises.
Well, heaven’s sake.
There’s no fugitive hiding here.
What an absolutely intangible, impossible, and flagrantly bizarre insinuation.
I am gravely beyond offended, gentlemen.
Well… [grunts]
[agent] Roger that.
Mary, Mary, if you can hear me, don’t move.
Half a dozen federal agents are combing the house.
Do not move, do not talk, do not dare to quiver.
[agents chattering]
Mary!
Hello, Evelyn. [chuckles] I see someone has had their coitus “interruptedus.”
Mary, quick, hide behind a statue, climb inside a vase. Something.
Evelyn.
What the hell is going on?
Um… Uh…
[sighs] You know what?
Fuck it. Every woman for themselves.
Quick, she’s in here. I’ve got her.
Quick before she kills me.
Where?
[Evelyn] There.
Terrible brute that she is.
Your fugitive stands in front of you.
Apprehend her before she tries to kill me too.
That’s not Linda Shaw.
Oh, you haven’t heard.
Linda has flown the coop.
[stammers] Come again?
I am just here to deliver a friendly message from Norma.
Norma is having a very large, very festive event at the Dellacorte today.
It is sure to be a roaring good time for everyone in attendance.
You may have noticed that you have not received an invitation to said event.
You may be wondering, did a lazy postman slip it into the wrong slot?
No, your invitation was not lost in the mail.
It was never sent because you are not invited, Evelyn.
Well, thank you, Mary.
I think you’ve more than made your point.
Don’t shoot the messenger.
[Douglas] Maxine.
Geez. “Hark, who goes there?” to you.
I thought you’d be in Baden-Baden by now.
I leave tonight.
My conservator, Evelyn Rollins, has signed my permission slip to travel.
I got my tickets, and I just came here to say goodbye.
We already said goodbye when I promised to give you half the baby’s trust and flew Inda-Lay to Uba-Cay.
I’m here to say oodbye-gay to Obert-Ray, not you. What?
Hiya. Where do you want the 128 yards of velvet?
Velvet?
Uh, yeah, just put it in the parlor, please.
Are you having a party?
No. Please.
Mary, you’re here?
In this realm, yes.
It must be nice to just be out walking around, fully accepted back into society.
No consequences for everything you’ve done.
One of the perks of being invisible.
[Mitzi] The first Saturday of the new season.
Norma says it’ll be the wedding of the century. [giggles] What in the purple cabbage patch is going on here?
Maxine. I thought you were in Baden.
It’s Baden-Baden, Mitzi.
There’s two of them.
Douglas.
Explain.
This is a party.
Well, it’s not really a party.
It’s a ceremonial betrothal portrait to mark my… our…
You… Your what?
Engagement.
Look, this ceremony takes place every time one of the members of the founding families of Palm Beach, uh, the Dellacortes, the Donahues, the Davidsouls, gets engaged.
Um, the portrait, uh, was printed on all the front pages of the society magazines worldwide, all over the country.
I’m sorry to be the one to have to tell you all that.
Seems I’m the only one up to being honest with you.
It’s just a bunch of ritual and regalia, Max. It’s nothing.
[Mary]
Nonsense. It’s a 180yearold tradition.
This is the Davidsoul orb.
It’s essential to the ceremony.
And this is the famed Donahue scepter.
Long may he poke.
I have to douse the people with the oil, and Norma made me Mitzi’s maid of honor.
Sorry.
[scoffs]
Well, you all enjoy your, uh, your picture party.
Ceremonial betrothal portrait.
Whatever. I will be hitting all the… the glitzy-ritzy hot spots in Europe, like Paris, and London, and England.
Uh, and, uh… and exotic places with deceptive spellings like Ljubljana and Bruges.
I lost my virginity in Ljubljana.
Congrats.
Where are you going?
I am going to say goodbye to the only decent person in this town.
[Douglas] Wait, Maxine…
Don’t Maxine me, Douglas.
I can’t believe you. You’re already getting your engagement photos taken.
Norma insisted.
Uh, she wanted it to be in the papers before Mitzi started showing more.
Norma, that homicidal maniac!
[Douglas] Maxine, I am worried about you.
My mother had all these wacka-doo ideas about Norma as well, and she ended up destitute, divorced, and dead of a broken heart.
I mean, she practically drowned in her own tears.
[sighs] Well, you don’t have to worry about that with me ’cause I am a strong swimmer.
Why’s this door locked?
Robert is resting. No visitors allowed.
He will wanna see me.
He won’t.
He will.
He won’t.
Please see that he gets navel oranges.
They’re his favorite, full of vitamin C.
Let me look after his navel.
And tell him I’ll write.
Get out of my house now!
[breathes shakily]
Max, Max, wait.
You… You can’t leave.
[sighs]
[sighs] I need my mother’s engagement ring back.
Y-Y-You understand?
Of course.
[groans]
You can take this scratched up…
[inhales] …nonceremonial, zero-carat, bubblegum ring and…
[sighs] Wouldn’t you know, the one thing in my life that doesn’t wanna leave me.
[breathes shakily] Really?
[grunts]
[sighs]
[groans] These theatrics are exhausting.
You know I bloat when I’m anticipating travel. [sighs] Come on.
[gulps, coughs]
[chuckles]
You did that on purpose.
It was an accident.
I need my mother’s engagement ring back before you leave.
Before I leave?
Uh, I’ll work on it, but…
Douglas, if I’m late for that boat, it’s your fault!
[muttering]
[car door closes] Well, well, well, look who it is.
Evelyn. Hey, e-everything hunky-dunky?
Everything is most definitely not hunky-dunky.
Because apparently, someone broke Linda Shaw, AKA Penelope Rollins, AKA the biggest ting in my taint, out of jail.
And at this very moment, federal agents, having already seized the Rollins mansion, are in the process of freezing the estate’s assets and confiscating all of my earthly possessions.
Oh, boy.
I have been racking my brain to figure what kind of criminal mastermind could orchestrate such a brazen and complex symphony of “sin is try”?
[gulps]
And it doesn’t take a Sherlock Hemsley to deduce there’s only one person with the cleverness, the intellect, and the downright diabolical genius to pull this off.
[inhales sharply]
Norma.
Well, I don’t think Norma is the only person clever enough to… pull it off.
I’m just saying I…
Oh! Good.
You are still here.
Apparently as maid of honor, I’m in charge of making sure that ring gets through your lower intestine, and on to Mitzi’s finger.
Prune time. Down the hatch.
I’m so sorry you had to see all that.
I was just on assignment.
Listen, ladies, no time for prunes and apologies.
Uh, Evelyn has just told me something quite shocking.
That Norma has, uh, broken Linda out of jail, uh, resulting in Evelyn losing her house and all of her money.
[gasps] And when I get my hands on that witch…
Oh, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, Evelyn, wait.
Priorities. Let’s focus on what’s left of the Rollins fortune, shall we?
Um, how many feds did you say were there?
I don’t fucking know. Maybe seven.
Okay.
Uh, and how many birds are in your collection?
422, not including the recent shipment of eight rare sunset-hombre flamingos.
Seven agents, roughly 430 birds, approximately 18 pieces of furniture in each room.
Round up, multiplied by 60, divide by two… Mmhmm.
Prune.
Allow 20 minutes for traffic, I’m gonna say that those agents are going to need roughly six hours to do full inventory of that house and get to the bank.
Ladies, all hands on deck.
That bank cannot freeze assets that aren’t there.
To the bank! [laughs]
[Dinah] Wait up!
[Ann] That’s a lot of checks to cash.
Jesus, how many trips is this?
Keep it moving. Keep it moving.
And that is the last of the untraceable, unreportable $9,999.
[sighs] Any movement down south?
[sighs] I fear Stella Rue’s ring made a left at my gallbladder and is sitting for a spell.
Open up.
[groans] Thank you.
Poor Stella Rue.
I’ve actually been doing a lot of research on the Dellacortes.
A lot of tragedy in the family.
[Maxine] Oh. Pray tell?
Norma and Stella Rue saw their nearest and dearest perish in mysterious ways.
Norma’s Uncle Beauregard.
There was Stella’s father Clarence.
And their beloved second cousin once removed Henrietta Bing.
The list goes on and on.
Yeah, part of the reason Norma amassed such a fortune is because there was nobody left to inherit it.
Wasn’t Stella Rue an heiress too?
What happened to all her money?
Raoul Simmons.
Who?
Hmm. That’s Douglas’s father.
He never talked about him.
What did you talk about for 20 years?
I don’t know. Airports. Airport lounges.
Shampoo. [stammers] Most marriages are built on less.
[Dinah] Prune time.
Raoul Simmons squandered all of Stella Rue’s fortune before running off with his much younger mistress.
Well, like father like son.
Ouch.
[sighs] That was the last of the cash.
[sighs] To the safety deposit boxes.
[Ann groans]
[Evelyn] Lead on.
Ladies.
What?
If Evelyn finds out we are the reason she’s in this mess, she’s gonna kill us.
God.
[Evelyn] Ladies, get a move on.
[Dinah clicks tongue]
Watch the money, Ralphie.
Gosh. Evelyn, remember the last time we were here?
When we found all of Norma’s doohickeys and doodads.
And Douglas and Linda’s wedding invitation and…
Oh, the Dellacorte crown and the gun.
Mmm.
Gosh, that was a terrible time.
I inherited the majority of these from Skeet’s first wife, Linda’s mother.
That’s what happens when you’re the second wife.
You’re always in the shadow of the first wife, feasting on her crumbs.
Gosh, that’s validating for me.
Oh, gee.
This ring.
It’s supposed to symbolize fidelity and commitment.
Don’t these things mean anything to anyone anymore?
[Ann] Mmm.
Depends on the carat.
Or was my marriage’s demise just destined from the start?
Maxine, enough.
Your marriage is over.
Don’t ruin your life trying to figure out what went wrong.
Doug’s a dick. That’s it.
Maxine, prune of solace. [sighs] To the vault.
Ooh!
[grunts]
Ladies, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. [pants] Indulge me. [pants] All those Dellacortes that-that died mysterious deaths, what if Norma offed them so she could keep the fortune for herself?
That sounds very farfetched, Maxine.
She tried to throw me overboard a moving yacht.
And poisoned me with that grasshopper that accidentally poisoned you.
That’s not nothing.
[Evelyn] Can you blame her?
You took over her life.
And if that’s true, why not just bump off Douglas too?
[gasps]
The generation-skipping trust.
He’s her only chance of unlocking it.
Well, that sounds like motive to me.
[Evelyn] I think… [grunts]
…you’re onto something, Maxine.
Norma’s trying to get rid of you like she got rid of Stella Rue.
[Dinah] Riddle me this.
If Norma was a murderer, I can’t help but offer that she was the last person that Axel spoke to, leading me to believe that maybe she…
Norma did not kill Axel, Dinah.
Maxine is the one throwing around all these accusations like so much confetti.
I am thinking, that is all.
Putting on my justice hat.
You’re trying to get the black widow stink off of you.
Well, of course I am, Evelyn.
I don’t wanna be blamed for something that I did not do.
And if Maxine is going to accuse Norma of killing all these people, why can’t we just throw Axel onto the heap?
Well, it doesn’t align with the working theory.
If Norma killed Dellacortes, why would she kill Axel?
I don’t know.
I’m still working out that detail.
Enough. Focus.
First things first, we have got to find a bolt-hole to stash this stuff.
Hey.
What if we take the tunnels?
We can stash this at the disgraced socialite apartment.
No one would ever think to look there.
That’s brilliant. To the tunnels!
[chuckles] Ladies, she just said to the tunnels.
Oh, they’ve got a party to go to that we weren’t invited to.
We will go to the tunnels.
Don’t forget these.
One every hour.
Pull. I’ll come help you.
Okay. [grunts] Come back here. [panting] God, Maxine, has it really come to this?
The two of us crawling through the anus of Palm Beach, dragging the dregs of my wealth, unable to enter the club through the front door, reduced to being unwanted mole women. [pants] [screams] Oh. Jeezy creezy.
Don’t ask about the gold.
What the hell are you doing here, Mary?
[sighs] Have you seen my bootlegger?
Oh, my God. Not the bootlegger again.
Oh, I appreciate your asking.
[inhales deeply]
Handsome is as handsome does.
My favorite thing to do is to just breathe into his translucent chest hair.
I simply rest my nose upon it, just rest it there as if upon a bowl of glass noodles.
Glass noodles. Nice.
Yes. [chuckles] I rest my nose there and I nuzzle sweetly, to then fro.
To then fro. [inhales deeply] To…
Yes, okay.
We got it, Mary. Thank you. Goodbye.
Maxine, let’s just get there.
[Maxine] Bye, Mary.
[Evelyn] Goodbye.
[Maxine] You’re strong.
[Evelyn] Yeah, you too.
[panting]
And that is the last of the cash.
How long will I even be safe here?
And how will I tell Eddie that the beautiful home he loves is no longer ours, but the property of the US government?
[chuckling] God. Oh, my God.
I’m homeless and Mary’s rubbing one out with a ghost.
Just a typical day in Dogpatch.
[stomach gurgling] I think there’s something coming around the mountain.
[grunts]
[grunts]
[sighs]
Jesus, Maxine.
That ring is gonna rip through your intestines like a razor blade to wet newspaper.
[toilet flushes]
[Maxine] I don’t foresee said damage.
It’s just a measly little solitaire.
[door opens]
[door closes]
False alarm. [sighs]
[Evelyn] Does that look like a measly little solitaire to you?
[Maxine]
No, that looks like a gigantic emerald.
Well, if that’s Stella Rue’s engagement ring, then whose ring is rounding my equator?
[sighs]
Does Jesus have a middle name?
Some questions will never have an answer.
I think he does and it starts with an H.
[sighs]
Evelyn?
[sighs] Look at us.
[sighs]
Are we so desperate to find some reason to why we ended up the way we ended up that we spin conspiracy theories about an old coot on a killing spree?
[scoffs] God. Have we learned nothing?
The real reason is much more simple.
We are where we are because the world is a giant cluster fuck designed to eat ladies with gumption alive.
You think I’m like you? [chuckles] In this moment? Yes.
I still believe in our theory.
Oh, come on, Maxine.
A little old lady like her?
Well, she hasn’t always been old.
The complex crimes we are alleging in our addled and compromised reasoning couldn’t possibly be committed by one little woman.
Maybe she had help.
[door opens] Ah, yes, the unmistakable smell of Eau du Temps and Jungle Gardenia.
You’ve both been barred.
Norma would not be pleased.
Norma certainly has you in her thrall, doesn’t she?
As if you’d do anything for her.
The porters will be here for your bags in two hours.
And as for your insinuations, I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.
Well, I do know that you know that I know what you know, you know?
Criminy crackers. [breathes shakily] Dr. Watson… [stammers] …everything’s coming together.
To the law.
To the law.
[sighs] Gosh, we’re doing a lot of running around.
[Evelyn] I’ll say.
So you think Norma Dellacorte is a murderer?
Yes. She’s tried to kill me twice, once from throwing me off a ship, and once from garnishing my grasshopper with insulin.
Believe me, I am not one to throw in with this psychedelic riverboat of a mind, but it makes a lot of sense.
A lot of Dellacortes have mysteriously died.
Clarence. Irving.
Uh… [stammers] Henrietta Bing.
Norma and Douglas are the last two standing.
So?
We think she’s offed them in order to control Douglas and the scrillions of dollars he’s meant to inherit. [inhales deeply] Oh. You think this is crazy.
Or that I’m not ready to emotionally disentangle myself from my marriage or something like that.
Interestingly, there are some guys in the basement profiling a new species of criminal.
Serial killers.
Why would anyone wanna murder cereal?
Weetabix is disgusting.
Not… [stammers] A serial as in a series.
Repeat killers.
It’s really fascinating work.
You know, one of the things they’ve discovered is that the perps like to keep little trophies, you know, to remind them of their kill.
Little things that remind them of a person that…
No. No, Virginia.
Do not get caught up in this mess.
No, please get caught up!
Catch up!
Forget it. I’m not sticking my neck out on the line for you again.
Again?
Ever.
Wait.
You said they collect little things.
What about all those doohickeys and doodads in Norma’s safety deposit box?
Those things weren’t junk.
[Evelyn stammers] They were trophies.
[gasps] Norma’s a serial killer.
[breathes shakily] Oh, boy.
Look, you two gumshoes find me some actual evidence, and then maybe we can talk.
Unofficially.
But as for now, I need y’all to leave.
Okay.
Thank you for that help with the parking ticket, ma’am.
Paid in full. Good advice.
Didn’t think about that. [chuckles] I was gonna do installments.
Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
We crosscheck the items in that box with the Dellacorte deaths and Bob’s your uncle?
Jinx, buy me a Coke.
We gotta get that key to that safety deposit box.
[gasps]
[Maxine] There’s lots more to talk about with shampoos.
There’s Prell. Prell Plus. Prell Plus, um, Silky Lady. That’s the one…
Oh, hey. Can it, Maxine.
Look who it is.
[gasps] What’s he doing here?
Norma’s little helper.
He does not have the look of an innocent man.
[Evelyn] He does not.
Go get that key. I’m gonna follow him.
Oh, I love this. Look at us. [gasps] We should open a detective agency.
Max and Ev’s, detectives at large.
Or something about us being ladies.
Cool it, kumquat.
Go get the key.
Okay.
Oh, my gosh.
Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry.
[vehicle approaching]
Brocade is having a moment.
[Maxine imitating crowing] I don’t like it.
[imitating chirping] Well…
I think it’s heavy.
[Maxine imitating hooting, crowing] It just adds pound…
One sec.
I just think it adds too much weight.
Oh!
[Dinah] Oh, what? Oh!
Excuse us. Hold on. Hold on.
[Maxine, Ann whispering indistinctly]
[Dinah] What?
[Douglas] Maxine?
[breathes deeply]
[ship horn blows]
[engine stops]
What is he doing?
You could fit a dead body in there.
Here you go.
Thank you.
Where’s he going?
Do I follow him or the body?
Do I follow him or the body?
Damn it.
Pick a path, Evelyn. Pick a path.
We gonna just…
I don’t know.
There’s gotta be a way around something…
[Douglas] Maxine.
Oh.
Ladies, would you excuse us?
[Ann clears throat]
[Dinah scoffs]
[scoffs]
Maxine, you can’t be here.
You need to disconnect.
Unless you brought the ring?
I’m gonna hang on to it for now.
Um, I did bring some news, uh, but it’s far from wonderful.
[breathes deeply]
Your mother was murdered, Douglas.
By Norma.
No, no, no, I know it sounds crazy.
[inhales] Look, when we were at the bank, it all just came together.
She got rid of your mother and then me just so she could control you and the baby trust.
I don’t know.
There’s something called serial killers, where they collect trophies.
Trophies?
[groans] Dingle dangles from the people they murder.
Maxine, this behavior of yours…
My mother was always coming up with these conspiracy theories about Norma.
And now that we are divorced, I am just worried that you are gonna end up like her.
Destitute, alone, out of your mind, and dead of a…
Of a broken heart, blah-blah.
Face it, Douglas, you married your mother. [inhales deeply] But unlike her, I’m not going anywhere.
She was a healthy 30yearold woman, Douglas.
It’s physically impossible to drown in one’s tears.
[Douglas sighs]
[huffs]
[sobs] She was my mommy.
Oh.
[sniffles] I know, sweetie.
Listen, I… I can prove everything.
I just need Norma’s key to her safety deposit box.
How in the world would we get that?
Your ding-dang portrait, that’s how.
[regal music playing]
[Benny] Let the ceremonial Dellacorte Portrait Ceremony begin.
First comes the chanting, then comes the Latin.
Then comes the chanting in Latin.
Then the orb and scepter.
[Benny] Please proffer your plumes, and make passage for the Mighty Scepter of House Donahue.
[in Latin] Domino… Dominus…
[grunts]
…D’Agostino.
[in English] Next.
I never got to do any of this s-sort of thing.
[Douglas]
You don’t care about an orb and scepter.
Don’t tell me whether or not I care about an orb and scepter.
[in Latin]
E Pluribus unum. Veni, vidi, vici.
[in English] Boo.
[Benny] And now the glowing Orb of House Davidsoul.
The orb rests to remind us to ope our eyes and waken.
Ope and waken. Ope and waken.
[sighs]
[all] Ope and waken. Ope and waken.
And then Mitzi enters donning the Joan cloak.
Joan cloak?
Wherefore are you come this day to meet the newest member of House Dellacorte?
Joan of Arc. Her cloak.
Supposedly it’s what she was wearing before the burning… situation.
[Benny] She greets you.
It’s nice they took her coat off.
Do you greet her?
[all] We greet her.
[Benny, in Latin] O tempora, o mores.
[all] O tempora, o mores.
O tempora, o mores.
[music continues]
[in English] And now the mammoth shield to ward off attackers of the house.
That’s my cue. Good luck.
Oh. Oh.
Douglas, get your ass in here.
[sword clinks]
[chandelier jingles]
[door closes]
The candles are a flamed.
Remember to smile.
Let’s see those frontpage pearly whites. [chuckles] Oh, great.
Dinah, you’re gonna have to find a way to hike up a smile, hon.
That’s wrong. [clears throat] Yes, you.
I th… I think what you’re saying is that you need me to move to my right.
[Ann] Yes.
Norma, would you mind move a scooch to your right?
It really is your best angle.
You’re a dear.
Oh, that’s better. [chuckles] Lower.
A little lower.
Now forward.
Not you, Norma.
Everyone but Norma, forward.
Perfect.
Great.
Yep.
Got it.
[Douglas]
I can’t wait to see what’s in here.
I want Norma to pay.
You know, I just can’t help but thinking there’s a… a larger game afoot here, something bigger than you and me.
What do you mean?
Well, perhaps we’re here because our-our families made such bad decisions that you and I had nothing to do with.
Uh…
[Maxine stammers]
Where is everything?
It’s just a bunch of rocks and pebbles.
What’s that say?
It says “Fuck you, Maxine.”
Yes, I’m getting that same read.
Well, it was an interesting theory.
That’s… [sucks teeth] That’s all it was.
Norma’s not a killer. [sighs] You’re just gonna have to let this go.
Maybe I don’t want to let it go.
Maybe I just don’t want to go.
[clicks tongue]
There’s still time to make your boat.
Porters at the Palm Royale should be getting my bags any minute.
I’ll be sure to send your mother’s ring back after a good bleaching, of course.
Thank you.
Hey.
I’ll give you a minute.
I’ll pull the car around.
Maybe one last goodbye.
[club manager] Let’s go.
Get her bags to the boat.
[Evelyn] Hello, Sidonius.
[mouthing words] Why…
You can stop pacing.
My legs are crossed, and my lips are locked.
And you can stop running me the hell around.
Here’s something most people don’t understand about the human condition.
As soon as you do the terrible thing, the thing you never thought you’d do, a new question starts to haunt you day and night. Was it worth it? And that question will suck the very life out of you.
[Sidonius] Spoken like someone who’s been there.
You, however, have crossed a line, a line that I would never cross.
Because you never had to.
Geez. [stammers] You come into my office like you own it.
You people… Everything is yours, isn’t it?
When I started working for Norma, it felt good.
It felt good to be able to afford to give my children what they wanted.
You get used to nice things.
You of all people should understand that.
Horse riding lessons, piano, archery. And when your children look up at you and ask you to keep the promises you made, you’ll do anything.
Because it’s your fault you got in this deep.
You’ll let yourself go further and further.
A rhinestone headboard.
Excuse me?
Don’t worry about that, Evelyn.
That’s not the point. The point is…
[door opens] …you’ll do anything. Even…
Even what?
Even…
Even…
[Sidonius] Even…
[Evelyn] Even… Murder!
Mortgage.
Mortgage?
Hey. So happy to see you. [chuckles] Oh. [sighs, chuckles] Oh, Robert.
Hi. How are you?
[sighs] [grunts] Ouch! [chuckles] Oh, I’m so sorry. Did I hurt you?
It’s okay. [chuckles] Did I open some wound or something?
I’m good. I’m alive. [chuckles] Listen, I’m… [sighs] I’m off to Europe, and I-I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye. [chuckles]
[chuckles]
Is Norma taking good care of you?
[chuckles] As she always does.
She’s keeping me well-fed and well-rested.
And my shots, she’s given them to me right on schedule.
Well…
She loves you.
In fact, you’re probably the only person in the world she loves.
[chuckles]
How are you, Maxine?
How am I?
Hmm.
I don’t know.
My mind’s been sort of fractured, you know, all over the place the past couple of weeks.
[sighs]
I had this crazy theory that… [sighs] I thought Norma was a… was a murderer, and she kept little trophies from her kills, and I…
[sighs] I really thought I had her.
But it turns out, I think it was just a… a distraction.
A way to not leave.
A way to hold on to something that’s… that’s already gone. [chuckles] It doesn’t matter where you go, I’ll be waiting for you right here.
I am gonna miss you so damn much. [chuckles] I’m gonna miss you so damn much. [chuckles] [sighs] Gosh.
Speaking of trophies.
[sighs] The Dellacortes sure love celebrating themselves, don’t they? [chuckles] Mmhmm.
Polo championship.
Golf, of course.
Oh, it’s a little Douglas section.
[chuckles]
“Douglas Dellacorte. Best attitude.”
[Robert chuckles]
Sweet. Douglas Dellacorte.
“Most interested in the subject.”
[chuckles] Is that a thing?
“Best breaststroke in Florida.”
Wow. Stella Rue Della…
[object clatters]
[Robert] What is that?
This is…
This is Stella Rue’s emerald ring.
Oh.
Oh, my gosh, that’s it.
Of course that’s it!
Oh, my gosh, the trophy room! [gasps] The trophy room, what?
What are you doing, Maxine?
[scoffs] Look, look! There’s all sorts of doohickies in these things! [sighs] So?
[exclaims] Look at this! [gasps] [gasps] Look, look, look, Robert, cuff links. Okay?
Uh, “AR.”
Axel Rosenhips.
Oh, my gosh.
Dinah was right.
Norma killed him too.
[gasps] Oh, my God, Maxine, you gotta stop.
She didn’t kill him.
She told me he died of a broken heart.
That’s it. What? [chuckles] [stammers] Where are you going?
I’m going to stop that killer before she starts killing people that she wants to kill before they get killed!
A normal day, please.
[Evelyn] Maxine!
Evelyn. Evelyn.
[sighs] Where’s Norma?
The place is deserted. Some party.
Okay, listen, listen, listen. [sighs] I found the trophies, aand they weren’t in the safety deposit box.
What?
They are in the, get this, the trophy room.
Our cuckoo theory about her being a killer isn’t so cuckoo after all.
And I know why the club manager was acting so strange.
He helped her?
He was helping himself to the Palm Royale.
He has mortgaged the place to the hilt.
Because of him, it’s up to his eyeballs in debt and in desperate need of cash.
We have cash.
Wait a minute.
You’re already there, aren’t you?
Yes, I am.
We can buy the Palm Royale.
And rule Palm Beach.
[gasps] Evelyn.
Okay, first… first, we gotta put that homicidal maniac in jail.
And I get to wring her neck for releasing Linda.
You’ll have your shot, but I think I have to do this by myself, you understand?
Not really, no.
Huh.
Just the woman I was looking for.
Can I fix you anything?
What is it yyou drink again in Tennessee?
[stammers]
Liquid shit?
Everybody knows that my favorite drink is a grasshopper.
Nasty little grasshopper for a thieving locust.
How dare you insult the humble grasshopper and its penchant for storing up food for winter.
That’s an ant, you idiot.
Since you’re, uh, an expert in fables, I’ve got one for you.
It’s about a swan.
A beautiful, rich swan that lives in a tall tower of riches.
And every now and then, even though it’s against swan law, she would kill a duckling.
And then she would squirrel away little mementos.
Until one day, a common little mouse came to town and found all those mementos, proving to everyone that that swan is a dirty little killer.
Sending her to jail for birds, evil birds.
Bird jail.
Since you’ve connected all the dots, why don’t you call the police and end all this?
That’s a good idea.
I mean, I had that idea.
In fact, I’ll do you one better.
I am gonna call my personal contact at the FBI. [scoffs] You just stay right there.
Don’t move.
Don’t you move.
Gotta get the phone.
It’s over here around the corner.
I got it.
You know, every fable has a moral.
Hmm?
So tell me, Maxine, what’s the moral of this fable?
[dispatcher] FBI, Palm Beach. Hello?
No, Maxine, no. Don’t kill me. Don’t.
Hello?
Maxine!
What?
[dispatcher] Ma’am, are you all right?
[screams] Ma’am?
[gunshot]
Oh.
Ma’am, can you hear me?
[grunts] Help is on the way.
I’ll get you!
She’s getting away!
Meet me at the beach! [yelps] She’s getting away! [gasps] Evelyn! [panting]
[panting continues]
[jingling]
[siren wailing in distance]
[Evelyn] Maxine, what happened?
Did you find her?
[Douglas] Maxine?
What did you do?
[Norma] No, Maxine, no.
Don’t kill me. Don’t. Maxine!
[ship horn blowing]
[grunts]
I think maybe your ring is about to exit the building.
[siren wailing continues]
Keep it.
[sighs]
