Man vs. Baby
Season 1
Original release date:Â December 11, 2025 (Netflix)
Creators: Rowan Atkinson, William Davies
Writers: Rowan Atkinson, William Davies
Director: David Kerr
Cast: Rowan Atkinson (Trevor Bingley), Claudie Blakley (Jess), Alanah Bloor (Maddy), Nina Sosanya (Diana), Rosie Cavaliero (Pamela), Sunil Patel (Detective Sergeant Gupta), Susannah Fielding (Petra), Sunetra Sarker (Georgia Hakopian), Robert Bathurst (Lionel), Ivana Bašić (Elsa), Susy Kane (Annabel), Ellie White (Amethyst), Angus Imrie (Soren), Ashley Jensen (Janet), Steve Edge (Met police officer)
Premise: After the chaos of Man vs. Bee, Trevor Bingley has taken a quieter job as a school caretaker. A lucrative Christmas penthouse gig lures him back — and when no one collects the Baby Jesus from the school nativity, Trevor finds himself with an unexpected companion over the holidays.
* * *
Man vs. Baby – S01E01 – Chapter 1 | Transcript
[“It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” playing]
[Trevor] Jess! Maddy and I are ready to put the star on the tree! [whispers] Are you ready?
[Jess] Trevor, I hope you haven’t dressed Maddy in that ridiculous costume you bought.
♪ Take a look in the five and ten ♪
♪ It’s glistening once again… ♪
Oh!
Are you ready, Maddy? Put the star…
Go on.
…on the tree.
Yeah!
Yay! Hayhayhay!
[Trevor] Okay, Maddy. [grunts] Can you reach? Oh. Here, let me do it.
♪ The holly that will be… ♪
[Trevor grunting]
[yells then grunts]
[Jess yells] Trevor! Trevor!
[Trevor] I think I’ve broken something.
[Trevor] Maddy, come on. Come on.
You always put the star on the tree.
Mom, no.
♪ And the thing that will make them ring
Is the carol… ♪
Right.
Okay.
Happy Christmas, Dad.
[song ends]
ONE YEAR LATER
[wind blowing]
[alarm beeping]
[beeping continues]
[Trevor groans]
[man] It’s time to get your long johns on, Hertfordshire, because it is cold out there, and forecasters now predicting a very white Christmas.
[Trevor] Oh, goodness.
[“Merry Christmas Everyone” playing]
[Trevor] [groans]
♪ Children playing ♪
[Trevor] [shuddering]
♪ Having fun… ♪
[hopeful music playing]
[grunting]
[music fades]
[clicks]
[Trevor] Oh, no.
[pensive music plays]
[music fades]
[coin clinks]
[electricity hums]
[Trevor] Ah!
[hopeful music resumes]
[Trevor] The 21st. Ah! Ah. Ah. Mmm. Mmm! Ah.
[hopeful music continues]
[Trevor] [shivering]
[whirring]
[Trevor] Uh. Ooh. [chuckles softly] [sighs] Very nice.
[music fades]
[funk music playing as ringtone]
[Trevor] Oh, Jess. Hang on.
[hopeful music resumes]
[Trevor] Oh.
[music ends]
[Trevor] Okay, I’m outside.
Outside? What are you doing outside, Trevor? It’s freezing.
[Trevor] Well, it’s just the reception. It’s a bit patchy around here, I’m afraid. But it’s a lovely place, Jess. When you and Maddy come over, I’ll show you the village. ‘Cause they’ve got this wonderful..
That’s actually why I’m calling, Trevor. We’ve had the most amazing invitation. I think I might have mentioned my new boyfriend to you. Goran?
[Trevor] Oh, yes.
Well, he’s got this villa in Barbados and… Well, he’s invited Maddy and me to join him there for Christmas.
[Trevor] Oh. Uh… [uncertainly] So…
I thought it was just the perfect way to celebrate Maddy getting onto her course in Paris.
[Trevor] Right.
But it does mean flying out tomorrow. So I’m really sorry, but we won’t be able to join you after all.
[poignant music playing]
[Trevor] Oh. Okay.
But we’ll be right back after New Year’s, so, why don’t we aim to have a drink then?
[Trevor] Yes. [splutters] Yes.
I’ve got some good news. I know what a challenge the fees for the Sorbonne were going to be, but Goran gets on so incredibly well with Maddy, he’d very much like to cover the cost himself.
[Trevor] Oh. Oh, no. I’ve got plenty of, um… Uh… I’ll be absolutely fine.
[man] Morning, Trevor.
[Trevor] Oh, morning.
Well, okay. If you’re sure. And look… Have a very merry Christmas.
[Trevor] Uh, yes. And the same to you.
Bye.
[Trevor] And to Maddy.
[line beeps]
[Trevor] [exhales]
[Trevor] Hi, Maddy. It’s Dad here. Sorry, I’ve never left a voice note, so I hope this works.
Morning, Trevor. Big day.
[Trevor] Morning. Morning.
[Trevor] Um, anyway, I just wanted to say that I hope you have a wonderful time in Barbados. Gosh. What a treat. [chuckles]
[hopeful music playing]
[Trevor] But I’d love to have a quick word before you go, because… because I’m going to miss you, sweet pea. So much.
Morning, Trevor.
[Trevor] Oh, Tom. Hello.
[Trevor] So… so maybe speak later. Okay? Bye. And then I just lift my thumb off.
[message chimes]
[Trevor] Eh, good.
[school bell ringing]
[children laughing]
Trevor. Trevor.
[Trevor] Oh, hello, Diana. How are you?
We are going to need those extra chairs, please. Thank you.
[Trevor] Yes. I’ll get my coat off and then I’ll…
[Diana] Soon as you can, please, Trevor.
[Trevor] Yes. Yes.
[Diana] Go and check the manger, please.
Thank you.
And Mrs. A., would you mind clearing this box from theOh, one second. Can I have a…
That’s a bit flimsy. Never mind.
[Trevor grunts] Oh, no, not there, Trevor. No, they need to go at the back.
[Trevor] At the back. Right.
Also, um, we’re still missing a “No Vacancy” sign for the inn.
[Trevor] Okay.
And straw for the stable.
[Trevor] Oh, right.
And I don’t think the bulb for the Christmas star is working.
[Trevor] Right. Let me just, um…
Now, uh, teas and coffees. Mrs. André, can I get you a tea?
[lilting music playing]
Oh! Trevor. Could I have a word?
[Trevor] Um…
Thank you so much.
[Diana] Trevor?
[Trevor] Oh…
Ah! Diana. I hear you’ve had a bit of a coup on the Baby Jesus front.
Oh, yes. I think you know June, Jennifer’s mom? She’s going to be dropping off her eight-month-old before curtain-up. A real baby in our manger for the first time. We’re all very excited.
Cannot wait.
Trevor, I’ll take those.
Do take a seat.
[Trevor] Thank you.
Now, I believe you and I, Trevor, have an occasion to mark.
[Trevor] Uh…
Not just the last day of term, but your last day at the school. Isn’t that right?
[Trevor] Oh. Yes, that’s right.
I really am genuinely sorry we had to let you go. But on behalf of all of us here at St. Aldwyn’s, I just wanted to thank you for everything you’ve done for the school in the last… How long has it been?
[Trevor] Seven months.
Gosh. Feels like years. Cheers.
[Trevor] [coughing]
So, have you got anything else lined up?
[Trevor] [in raspy voice] Uh, no. No, not as such. [coughing]
Well, thank you again. And happy Christmas. [chuckles] [gulps] Ah!
…for the production. [laughs]
[doorbell chimes]
Can somebody get the back door, please? Trevor?
[baby cooing]
[angelic music playing]
[Trevor] Huh.
[music turns pensive]
[Trevor] June? June? Well…
[Diana] Mary, perfect. Wise Man One. Perfect.
[Trevor] Excuse me. Diana. I didn’t see June, but there was a baby.
Oh…
[angelic music playing]
[Diana chuckles]
Well, don’t just stand there, Trevor. Put it in the manger.
[Trevor] Here we go. Are you ready?
[gentle music playing]
[Trevor] There we are. Hello, you.
[laughs]
[indistinct chatter]
[“Jingle Bells” playing over speakers]
[Diana] Trevor!
[song fades]
[gentle fanfare plays over speakers]
[chatter fades]
[fanfare fades]
Tonight, we tell a story, old and true, of a baby named Jesus, born for me and you.
[Trevor] [whispers] Nine thousand pounds! Ooh…
[Nativity narrator] And now our story begins in a land so far, where Mary and Joseph…
[Trevor] Oh, dear!
…travel under the guiding star.
Trevor! Hooves!
[Trevor] Oh!
[clacking over speakers]
[audience chuckles softly]
Joseph, the night grows cold, and the wind is cruel.
[Trevor] [imitating wind blowing]
[Nativity Joseph] Do not worry, Mary, we will find the place, pulled by this humble mule.
[cell phone buzzing]
[suspenseful music playing]
[Nativity narrator] The journey is long, but their hearts are strong…
[Trevor] Hello?
Buenos dÃas, señora. May I speak with Mr. Trevor Bingely?
[Trevor] It’s “Bingley.” Trevor Bingley. Yes, that’s me. But I’m sorry, this isn’t really a very good time.
Señor Bingley, I am so pleased to make your acquaintance. I am Cesar Jimenez from the personnel department of Grupo del Sanchez Romero.
[Trevor] Okay. I don’t know…
The new parent company of Housesitters Deluxe.
[hopeful music playing]
[Trevor] Oh, right.
We don’t have any room in the inn, though your need is clear.
The thing is that, um, due to the recent change in ownership, our Barcelona team is not…
[Trevor] Sorry, could I leave you for just one minute, please?
[Trevor] [bleating]
[audience laughing]
[Trevor continues bleating]
[bleating continues]
[audience laughing]
[Trevor] Sorry. You were saying?
I was saying that our, uh, Barcelona team is not entirely familiar with all of the Housesitters staff. But you are still on our books.
…bright, Three Wise Men draw near on this holy night.
And I am calling because we’ve had a member of staff cancel due to a family emergency.
Behold! The star! Rising in the East!
[mouthing Nativity dialogue]
And we were wondering if you might be available to take over a platinum-level housesitting job over the Christmas period.
[music crescendos then fades]
[Trevor] Oh. No, I don’t really do that kind of thing anymore.
In case you were wondering, it pays around £10,000.
[star shatters]
[children and audience scream and gasp]
[lively music playing]
[Trevor] Ten thousand pounds?
[Diana] Calm. Calm. Anyone hit? Anyone hurt?
Full disclosure, uh, you would have to attend an interview on site in London this evening at 5:00 p.m.
And, if approved, start immediately. So, do you think you might be available?
[Trevor] Well, yes.
[hopeful music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
[music fades]
[baby crying]
[pensive music playing]
[crying continues]
[Trevor] What are you doing here?
[baby fussing]
[Trevor] Where’s your mom? Let’s go and find her, shall we?
[lively music playing]
[Trevor] Okay. Here we go. Right. Parents’ directory. Parents’ directory. June. June. June. June! There we go. June Harbinson. Right.
[presses telephone keys]
[Trevor] Okay.
[line dialing]
[Trevor] Don’t worry, we’ll soon get you home.
[on recording] Hello! You’ve reached June. I can’t come to the phone right now, but you know what to do.
[voicemail beeps]
[Trevor] Hello, June? It’s Mr. Bingley from school. I didn’t see you at the play, but it seems we’ve still got your baby. Can you let me know when you might be able to come and pick it up? Okay, thanks. Thanks, bye.
[pensive music playing]
[Trevor] [quietly] What time is it?
[Trevor] June, hello. I’m in a little bit of a rush to catch a train to London, so I thought I’d just pop ’round now and drop the baby off, if that’s okay?
[knocking]
[Trevor] Oh, hello, June. I’ve got… Oh.
Oh. I know. Poor little thing. She woke up with a bit of a sniffle, so I called the school and left a message to say I wouldn’t be bringing her in after all.
[Trevor] Right.
[lilting music playing]
[June] Aww.
So, who’s this little chap, then?
[music fades]
[Trevor] Um…
[lively music playing]
[car horns honking]
The baby?
[Trevor] Yes. It turned out that June didn’t bring her baby to school, so the baby that was left at the back door that we put in the manger must have belonged to somebody else, and whoever that was hasn’t come back to pick it up yet, so I…
Trevor! I’m sorry, I’m in the car. I’m going away. I don’t really have time to sort this out right now. Look, why don’t I pop it on the parents’ WhatsApp group and then refer any calls to you? Is that all right?
[Trevor] Well, the thing is, I have to go to London.
And I have to go to Lanzarote, Trevor. Tonight. With my entire family. And I’m already an hour late for the airport.
[Trevor] Uh, well, the…
I’ll pop it on the group chat now, okay?
[line beeps]
[Trevor] Hello? Oh, dear. Now what? [chuckles]
[coos]
[lively music playing]
A baby?
[Trevor] Yes. It’s a bit of a long story, but, basically, it was left at St. Aldwyn’s School, and then nobody came back to pick it up.
And who are you?
[Trevor] Trevor Bingley. I’m the school caretaker. Well, I was the school caretaker.
Okay. Well, look, the weather’s not helping us, but we should be able to get a patrol car out to you in… oh, three to four hours?
[Trevor] Oh. Oh, unfortunately, I’m supposed to be in London at five o’clock.
Your only chance of getting anyone sooner would be to try social services.
[Trevor] [groans] Oh.
[telephone rings]
[sighs] Hello, social services.
[Trevor] Hello. My name is Trevor Bingley.
Right.
[Trevor] I’ve got a baby left at a school play. And…
And you’ve still got this baby?
[Trevor] Yes. And the thing is, I need to leave in sort of 45 minutes. Um, so I was really hoping that someone might be able to come around and pick it up before then.
Okay. Uh, well, look. I’ll come and get it myself. Can I just take some details?
[Trevor] Oh, thank you. Thank you so much.
[“Deck the Halls” playing]
♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪
♪ Falalalala, lalalala ♪
♪ ‘Tis the season to be jolly ♪
♪ Falalalala, lalalala ♪
♪ Don we now our gay apparel ♪
♪ Falala, lalala, lalala ♪
♪ Troll the ancient Yuletide carol ♪
♪ Falalalala, la
♪
[song fades]
[tense music playing]
[Trevor] Baby? Baby?
[baby squealing]
[Trevor] No! No! No! No! No!
[giggles and coos]
[Trevor] Where do you think you’re going?
[vehicle approaching]
[Trevor] Oh!
[engine turns off]
[Trevor] He’s here. He’s here! Okay. Right.
[knocking on door]
[baby cooing]
Here we go.
Mr. Bingley. Hertfordshire Social Services.
[Trevor] Oh, thank you. Thank you so much for coming. I’m in a bit of a rush, because I’ve got to catch a train to London. Okay. Right. Well, the baby is…
[pensive music playing]
[Trevor] here… somewhere. Where are you? Where’s that baby gone? Uh… Oh, dear me. [chuckles] Um, baby? Sorry. Just one moment. Perhaps in here. Baby? Baby? Baby! Sorry. He’s definitely here somewhere.
So, you found this baby in a manger?
[Trevor] Yes. He’s Baby Jesus.
[pensive music playing]
[Trevor] Baby? Baby? Jesus? I can’t see you! Jesus? Jesus, where are you?
[man] Well, look, um, w-w-why don’t I just leave you to it?
[Trevor] Where might you be? Are you behind the television?
Well…
[Trevor] No.
If you… if you do happen to find this, uh, missing baby, then, uh, all-all-all of my details are on that card.
[Trevor] Are you in the coal scuttle? No.
All right, well, cheerio.
[baby coos]
Bye!
[Trevor] Oh!
[door closes]
[Trevor] Are you…?
[coos]
[Trevor] There you are! [chuckles] I’ve found it! I’ve found it! Oh, no! No!
[hopeful music playing]
[Trevor] Oh! He left his card.
[baby cooing]
[Trevor] Yes!
[keypad clacking]
[line dialing]
[on recording] This is Neil. I’m now on annual leave and won’t be back in the office until January 4th.
[Trevor] No! No! I’ve got to go! I’ve got to go! Oh, I know. I’ll drop you off on the way.
[hopeful music playing]
[hopeful music continues]
[music fades]
[Trevor] Oh.
[pensive music playing]
[Trevor] What?
[lively music playing]
[Trevor] All right. We need a plan B.
[phone line dials then clicks]
[man] Hello, Hertfordshire Police.
[Trevor] Oh, hello. Yes. I rang earlier about a baby, uh, that was left behind at St. Aldwyn’s School. Sorry. Just a second. There we go. You put me in touch with social services, but unfortunately…
Did we give you a case number, sir?
[Trevor] Um, n-n-no.
Let’s start with your last name, then.
[Trevor] It’s Bingley.
[static crackles]
Sorry, I didn’t catch that. Could you say that again for me?
[Trevor] Um, last name is BIN…
[static crackling]
[line disconnects]
Hello?
[Trevor] Hello?
Reception’s not good, sir, but let’s keep going. So the name’s Mr. Bin? Is that correct?
[Trevor] Well, it’s “Bin” and then “gley.”
Got it. Bin Glee. So Bin’s your first name, Mr. Glee?
[static crackles]
Hello?
[Trevor] Hello? Hello?
[chimes]
You’re coming in and out a bit, sir.
[Trevor] Can you hear me now?
Yes.
[Trevor] Trevor Bingley. Called earlier. Found baby left at school.
Sorry?
[Trevor] Also reported social services. Now moving to new location, but still on same number.
[static crackles]
Mr. Glee?
[Trevor] Will send you address soonest if I get job I’m going for.
[chimes]
[Trevor] Oh, no.
[lively music playing]
[man over PA] 16:10 service to London Marylebone will depart from platform two. Two tickets to London, please.
[music swells]
[horns honking]
[Trevor] 29 Clarendon Square. Twentynine… should be… here.
[dramatic music playing]
[Trevor] Gosh. [chuckles] Right, then. Let’s try and get this job.
[hopeful music playing]
* * *
Man vs. Baby – S01E02 – Chapter 2 | Transcript
[“O Christmas Tree” playing]
[music fades]
[Trevor] Right.
[beeping]
[Trevor] Here we go.
[intercom ringing]
Oh! [groans]
[baby babbling]
[intercom beeps]
Yes?
[Trevor] Oh, hello. It’s Trevor Bingley.
Uh…
[Trevor] From Housesitters Deluxe.
Oh. Wait in the lobby. I’ll come down and get you.
[beeps]
[Trevor] Okay. Thanks.
[baby coos]
[theme music playing]
[baby yelps]
[dramatic holiday music playing]
[Trevor] Ooh. Coo…
[dinging]
[music turns suspenseful]
[dinging continues]
[Trevor] Where am I going to…
[music crescendos]
[elevator chimes]
Mr. Bingley.
[Trevor] Ah.
Thank you for making yourself available at such short notice. My name is Petra. I’m the executive concierge for the Schwarzenboch family. The housekeeper would normally be here, but she’s been called away on a family emergency. Hence, our rather frantic search. Uh, please.
[lilting pensive music playing]
[Trevor] Heh.
Do you mind if we dive straight in? We have a lot to cover.
[Trevor] Okay.
First, to access the apartment, you will need to use this fob. It’s not required for the other floors, but to access the penthouse, you need to touch the fob here and press this button.
[Trevor] Right.
[elevator chimes]
[Trevor] Heh.
[baby coos]
[tense pensive music playing]
Excuse me?
[music fades]
[Trevor] Nothing. I was just saying… [coos]
[whimsical music playing]
[music fades]
[Trevor] [coos]
[lilting pensive music playing]
[Trevor] [cooing]
[elevator chimes]
[upbeat music playing]
This way, please. This is the London home of Mr. and Mrs. Schwarzenboch.
[“O Christmas Tree” playing]
They have houses all over the world and haven’t spent Christmas here in at least ten years.
[music stops]
[Trevor] Gosh.
It should be a very quiet period with no client contact of any kind.
[Trevor] Right.
[baby fusses]
[tense pensive music playing]
Is everything all right?
[Trevor] Uh-Uh, yes. Yes.
[whimsical music playing]
But we are naturally looking for a highly responsible individual with all the attributes of elite staff. Discretion, sensitivity, and above all, maturity.
[Trevor] Right, yes.
[baby farts]
[Trevor] Sorry.
Maybe I should show you the apartment.
[lilting pensive music playing]
[Trevor] Uh…
Would you like to put your bag down?
[Trevor] Yes. Um… Yes, I’ll just leave it, um…
[baby coos]
[Trevor] Shh!
[baby babbles]
[Trevor] Ah. [sighs]
This is the living room.
[upbeat music playing]
Kitchen. Dining area. Terrace. Please don’t touch the piano. Thank you, Kenneth. Upstairs are the bedrooms, the screening room, and the study. Guest suite, guest suite. There are three more bedrooms this way, plus another steam room. The master suite’s down this way, plus another guest suite.
[baby fussing]
The library, the conservatory, and the yoga studio are through there. There’s a panic room beyond the kitchen, but you won’t have access to that.
[baby babbles]
[grunts, then babbles]
Anyway, I’m sure you have a lot of housesitting experience with this level of accommodation?
[Trevor] Oh, yes. Yes.
[lilting music playing]
Please don’t touch the air-conditioning. It’s all fully automated. And it goes without saying, there must be no unauthorized guests of any kind in the apartment. As long as that’s clear.
[baby babbles softly]
[Trevor] Perfectly clear.
Right, let’s carry on.
[lively music playing]
Gym here. Sauna to the left. That’s the laundry room.
[bottle clanks]
[music fades]
[Trevor] Lovely pot.
[clanking]
Humidor, wine cellar.
[lively music resumes]
Utility room. Media closet. Absolutely do not touch that.
[Trevor] Where is it?
And through there is the meditation space, cold plunge, and golf simulator.
[Trevor] Oh. Good. Good.
[Trevor] Baby?
[baby coos]
[Trevor] Oh!
[coos]
[Petra] Mr. Bingley?
[tense pensive music playing]
[Trevor] Oh. Yes.
[chuckles weakly]
[Trevor] Oop. Come on.
[babbles]
Well, this is the housekeeper’s office. Um… A computer, printer, router, modem, table linens, household supplies. Um… Oh. And these are the instruction leaflets for the appliances. Uh. Mr. Bingley?
[Trevor] [gasps]
Mr. Bingley?
[tense music playing]
[music fades]
[laughs weakly]
[Trevor] Hm.
This is the kitchen. Obviously. Uh, Gaggenau, Miele, Wolf, induction hob, Viking Range, two ovens at the end there, and a pantry beyond. Which brings us to the living room once again.
[baby babbles]
[music crescendos]
Any questions?
[Trevor] Uh… Well, just one, really. When will I know if I’ve got the job?
Oh, you’ve got the job. It started 15 minutes ago.
[upbeat music playing]
[Trevor] Ooh. [chuckles]
The password for the Wi-Fi is “Dom Pérignon.” I’ll leave the lift fob here. Please don’t lose it, there is only one. The cleaner, Elsa, won’t be in until the New Year, and the concierge already left for his Christmas break. That is my cell phone number. You are free to contact me at any time, though I am leaving for Thailand tonight. Haven’t had a vacation in two years, and would really appreciate it if you kept contact to an absolute minimum. Well, I think that’s everything.
[Trevor] Right. So there’s definitely no one coming for Christmas?
[laughs] I don’t have a single member of staff on site.
[elevator chimes]
Apart from you, Mr. Bingley. If the Schwarzenbochs come for Christmas, we are all in a lot of trouble.
[upbeat holiday music swells then fades]
Happy Holidays.
[Trevor] [chuckles] [exhales]
[whimsical pensive music playing]
[Trevor] Huh.
[delicate music plays]
[Trevor] [chuckles] [sighs]
[baby coos]
[cries]
[Trevor] Oh, my goodness.
[baby babbles then cries]
[squeals]
[Trevor] Oh!
[Trevor grunting]
[Trevor] Hello, you.
[cell phone ringing]
[baby crying]
[Trevor] A toy. Toy…
[ticking and rattling]
[Trevor] There we go.
[cell phone continues ringing]
[Trevor] Hello?
[officer] Hello. Is that Mr. Glee?
[Trevor] Well, yes.
Hertfordshire Constabulary here.
[Trevor] Oh, right. Well, I was just trying to say that I’ve moved to a new address, in London. SW1.
Ah, you’ve changed regions, then, sir.
[timer ringing]
That makes it a matter for the Metropolitan Police. I’ll pass on your details. They’ll be in contact.
[Trevor] Okay. Okay, thanks. Bye.
Bye.
[Trevor] [sighs]
[baby babbles]
[whimsical music playing]
[Trevor] You okay? Oh. I’m sorry.
[baby babbling]
[Trevor] [sniffing] Oof. You need a nappy.
[laughs]
[Trevor] Um, I might just… Oof.
[baby coos]
[whimsical music playing]
[Trevor] Oh. [clicks tongue] Ah. [sighs] Oh, goodness.
[pensive music playing]
[Trevor] Oh.
[lively pensive music playing]
[Trevor] A-ha!
[babbles]
[Trevor] Here we go. Okay. Ooh…
[baby laughs]
[cheerful music playing]
[babbles]
Let’s get you dried off, eh?
[chuckles] Peepo!
[baby giggling] Peepo!
[giggling]
[music crescendos]
[cheerful music continues]
[siren wailing distantly]
[car horns honking]
[helicopter whirring overhead]
[music stops]
[chuckles]
[babbles]
[Trevor] Oh! Milk!
[laughing]
[Trevor] [groaning] [grunts] Ah!
[gentle lilting music playing]
[Trevor] Here we go. Right. Are you ready? Yes, go on. There we go. Good boy. You’re hungry. Are you ready? Oh.
[pensive music playing]
[Trevor] Oh!
[lively upbeat music playing]
[Trevor] Now, where’s the baby food?
[“We Wish You a Merry Christmas” plays over speakers]
[Trevor] This looks like it here. Yes. Yes. That looks like the stuff. I think so. Oh. Now, Maddy used to love these. The only question is… the weight.
[scale beeps and whirs]
[Trevor] Here we go.
[woman] Nice.
[Trevor] Are you ready? Okay. Good. And…
[scale beeps and whirs]
[Trevor] There we go. 8.2 kilograms. There we are.
[cell phone ringing]
[Trevor] Oh! Well, who’s this?
[Trevor] Hello?
[woman] Hello. Can I speak to Mr. Glee, please?
[Trevor] Well, it’s Bingley. But yes, yes, that’s me.
My name’s Georgia Hakopian. I’m from Westminster Social Services. Metropolitan Police gave me your number regarding a misplaced baby.
[Trevor] Yes, I’ve got it right here.
And is the baby safe and well?
[Trevor] Very much so. What time can you pick it up?
I should be able to get there tomorrow.
[Trevor] Oh, so… So not tonight?
No. I’m afraid we’re very busy. We’re operating with skeleton staff due to the Christmas break, so it’ll have to be tomorrow afternoon, Mr. Glee. Somewhere between midday and 7:00 p.m.?
[Trevor] Oh, dear, dear, dear.
Okay? Bye-bye.
[Trevor] Okay, thanks. Bye.
[Trevor] You’ve got me for a little bit longer, I’m afraid.
[imitating airplane whirring]
[tender music playing]
[Trevor] No? Oh. [sniffing] Ugh. Again?
[coos]
[music swells]
[Trevor] [exhales]
[Trevor] [yawns]
[music fades]
[baby yawns]
[Trevor] Well, now. Where are you going to sleep?
[tender music playing]
[Trevor] Night-night, baby.
[music fades]
[Trevor] [snoring]
[baby crying]
[Trevor] [gasps] Oh! Oh! Uh… What’s wrong? What’s wrong?
♪ Little Bo-Peep has lost her sheep ♪
♪ And doesn’t know where to find them ♪
[baby continues crying]
♪ You’d better watch out
You’d better not cry ♪
♪ Better not pout, I’m telling you why ♪
♪ Santa Claus is coming to town ♪
[crying continues]
[Trevor] [sighs]
[baby burps]
[Trevor] Ah!
[giggles]
[Trevor] It was wind!
[uplifting music playing]
[music fades]
[tender music playing]
[music fades]
[baby crying]
[Trevor] You must be joking.
[lively pensive music playing]
[music fades]
[Trevor] [quietly] Cheers.
[pigeons cooing and fluttering]
[pops]
[rings]
[crying]
[Trevor] [groans] Oh. Oh, goodness. [groans] It’s all right. I’m coming. I’m coming. Hello. You’re going home today. [giggles] Oh. [sniffing]
[ominous music playing]
[Trevor] Oh, no. Oh. Last one. [groans] Oh. Oh! [chuckles]
[hopeful pensive music playing]
[Trevor] Nappies. Should be just enough. Right.
[music crescendos]
[music fades] [sighs]
[Trevor] [sighs]
♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪
♪ Falalalala, lalala… ♪
[timer ringing]
[tense music playing]
[baby babbling]
[Trevor] No! No! That’s dangerous.
[intercom ringing]
[Trevor] Nappies.
[dramatic music playing]
[ringing continues]
[Trevor] Oh. Uh… What do I press? What do I press? Um… [groans]
[ringing continues]
[Trevor] Hello? Hello?! Oh! [groans]
[dramatic music playing]
[elevator chimes]
[buzzes]
[Trevor] Wait! Wait! That’s mine! Sorry. I didn’t quite get to the thing in time.
There you are, mate.
[Trevor] Thank you. Thank you very much.
[upbeat music playing]
[chimes]
[ominous sting plays]
[Trevor] [whispers] The fob.
[tense music playing]
[babbles]
[squeals]
[Trevor] Oh, no. No! No! No! Oh, my God! [gasps]
[coos]
[music crescendos, then fades] [baby babbles]
[upbeat music playing]
* * *
Man vs. Baby – S01E03 – Chapter 3 | Transcript
[lively music playing] [sighs]
[baby giggling and babbling]
[music crescendos, then fades]
[baby giggles]
[theme music playing]
[baby coos]
[elevator chimes]
Oh my God.
[tense music playing] Oh.
Oh.
Aha!
Petra said… the cleaner had a fob.
[muttering]
Elsa!
[music fades]
Cleaner!
Yes!
[dramatic music playing]
[music crescendos, then fades]
[cell phone chimes]
[suspenseful music playing]
[intercom buzzes]
[pensive music playing]
Oh.
Hello. I’m sorry to bother you.
I’m Trevor.
I’m housesitting for the Schwarzenbochs in the penthouse flat.
[grunts] Mm.
And, unfortunately, I’ve come out without my fob.
To get up.
[grunts] Mm?
And also my phone.
[tense music playing] [groans] Yes, I have a fob.
Oh, wonderful.
Well, look, I know this is a huge favor to ask, but could you perhaps bring it over?
[sighs] I would need to speak to Petra first.
If Petra says okay, then okay.
So can you call Petra, then ring me back on this number?
[softly] Would that be okay?
[groans softly]
Thank you, Elsa. That’s really kind.
Thank you very much.
[groans]
[elevator chimes]
Oh. Now, the thing is, she’s going to call back.
So, could I…?
Oh, for the love of…
[Trevor] Thank you.
[tense pensive music playing] [elevator chimes]
[lively chatter and laughter]
Don’t panic, everyone.
[man] Ooh, hello.
Christmas is resupplied!
[cheering] Well done, Lionel.
[chuckles]
[suspenseful music playing] [baby cooing]
[music intensifies]
[music fades]
Come on. Come on.
[“Good King Wenceslas” plays over speakers]
[lively chatter]
[Trevor] Uh… not importing weapons.
[man 1] All right.
Shiraz, please. Thank you. [chuckles]
[man 1] There we go.
Well done.
[man 2] Come on, I’ll order.
[man 3] Dad, stop it.
Do you want to pull up a chair?
Oh, that’s very kind. Uh, thank you.
I’m not sure, um…
[chattering indistinctly] Uh…
Oh, well…
[lively chatter]
[chatter fades]
[man 1] Well, let’s say that I was an NFT and I had a…
[tense music playing]
[intercom ringing]
[cooing and babbling]
[intercom ringing]
[yelps]
[music stops]
[whines]
That Schwarzenboch, he’s a loathsome individual.
Uhhuh.
[Lionel] Scrooge, we call him.
He bought the whole building three years ago, along with the head lease.
Now he’s… he’s forcing us out.
[tense music playing]
[funk music playing as ringtone]
Mr. Bingley, this is Georgia Hakopian from Westminster Social Services.
I’m at your address, responding to a callout request.
If I can’t make contact with the vulnerable party, I will refer this matter back to the police, so if you’ll call me back as soon as possible, please.
Thank you. Byebye.
My lease is up next.
I’ve gotta be out by tomorrow.
After 40 years!
[cell phone ringing and buzzing] Oh!
Hello?
[woman 1] Hi, Dad. Oh. Who’s that?
Ah, Gillian!
[man 1] Gillian?
Gillian, everyone!
[cheering] Merry Christmas, Gillian.
[woman 2] Gillian! How are you?
Gillian!
[Trevor] Oh, dear.
[woman 3] Gillian’s putting the twins on.
[Trevor] Sorry.
[woman 3] How much hair.
[Trevor] Can I…
[man 2] Yeah, more than you, Colin.
[call beeping]
[Trevor] Oh! At last!
Sorry, Gillian.
Hello, Elsa?
Okay, Petra says I give you fob.
Oh, that’s fantastic news. Thank you.
I’ll be there in 30 minutes.
Okay, lovely. Thank you. Bye.
Bye.
[opens door]
[dramatic music playing]
[cooing and babbling]
Oh, dear, dear, dear.
[intercom buzzing]
Elsa?
[tense music playing]
[sighs] Thank you so much for coming.
[chimes]
Ah!
I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this.
Anything else?
Uh, no. No, no, just…
Happy, uh…
[lock buzzes]
[lilting music playing]
[exhales]
[elevator chimes]
[sighs] The nappies!
[suspenseful music playing]
Oh. Um…
Uh…
Um…
Ooh.
[elevator chimes]
[alert beeps]
Yes! Ah!
[elevator chimes]
[alert beeps]
[chiming and beeping]
Oh, no.
No! No! No! No! No!
[dramatic music playing]
[chiming]
Oh, no!
Elsa! Elsa!
[tense music playing] Oh!
[lock buzzes]
Elsa!
[whimsical flourish plays]
[elevator chimes]
[holiday music plays]
♪ Christmas is here again ♪
♪ Christmas is here again ♪
♪ Christmas is… ♪
[Trevor] Elsa!
[sighs] Oh! Elsa!
[suspenseful music swelling]
[cooing]
[music crescendos, then fades]
[squeals]
[tender music playing]
[babbling]
[whimsical music playing]
[humming indistinctly]
[chimes]
[elevator chimes]
[woman] Come on, Archie.
[Archie whines]
[Archie whining]
[woman] Who’s a lucky boy?
[Archie whines]
[suspenseful music playing]
[cooing]
[cooing and babbling]
[music intensifies]
[giggling]
[elevator chimes] Baby?
[suspenseful music continues]
Baby?
[baby giggling distantly]
Where are you?
[music turns pensive]
[distant thumping]
[baby babbling]
[baby squeals] Ooh! [grunts]
[grunts]
[music crescendos, then fades] There you are.
[babbles] Mrs. Hakopian, this is Trevor Bingley here.
I’m so sorry that I missed you earlier, but I do still have the baby, and I was wondering when you might be able to come back and pick it up.
Uh, do give me a call and let me know.
Okay, thank you.
[sighs]
[funk music playing as ringtone]
Hello, Dad. Maddy!
Are you there? Is that Barbados?
No. It’s London. We haven’t left yet.
Oh.
We got delayed 24 hours because of the weather.
Sweet pea, I’m so sorry.
It’s okay. They’re hoping we can leave in the next couple of hours.
But that’s not even why I’m calling.
I just wanted you to know that I really wish I wasn’t going on this trip.
I was so looking forward to spending Christmas with you, Dad. Oh, me too, sweet pea.
It’s all I really wanted.
[man over PA] Flight BA23, passengers to Barbados, please make your way… Sorry. Dad, they’re giving us news about our flight. I’ve got to go. Bye.
Okay, bye.
[poignant music playing]
[music fades]
[snoring softly]
[elevator chimes]
[suspenseful music playing]
[man] We’ve got lentils and chickpeas anyway.
Yeah. Yeah. yeah.
Have some crackers.
That would be good.
Nuts as well. Pistachios and raw almonds?
[woman] Just take a bag of each.
[music fades]
[gasps]
Mr. and Mrs. Schwarzenboch?
Please don’t call the police.
Uh…
We can put it all back.
Yeah, we’re really, really sorry.
How did you get in here?
[tense pensive music playing] Oh, um…
[chuckles weakly] We used this.
We found it in the basement.
That’s where we’re living.
Sort of unofficially.
We’ve had some financial difficulties.
Our flat was repossessed.
Then we happened to walk by here and found a way in through the building site.
We just really needed some food.
There’s always so much food.
We’re really, really sorry.
We’ll never do it again.
[music crescendos, then fades]
I’ve actually got one of those myself.
[Trevor chuckles]
Well, it’s not mine.
I’m actually trying to get rid of it.
[chuckles]
Well, not get rid of it, exactly.
Give it back to the authorities.
Does yours like puréed carrot?
[baby babbles]
Um…
Because mine absolutely loves it.
I’m Trevor, by the way.
[whispers] Let’s go.
[tender music playing]
Thank you.
Actually, there’s some cheese here, if you’d like it.
Uh, it’s this Gruyère.
And I think this might be Camembert.
Oh, we don’t really do dairy.
[man] Mm.
Oh. Uh…
There’s pickled cornichons.
Duck rillettes with port and orange.
Oh. Candied walnuts.
Hello?
Hello?
[elevator chimes] [man] Thank you, Trevor!
[pensive music playing]
Huh.
[birds singing and chirping] [snoring] [cork pops] [rings]
[baby crying]
Morning, baby.
[man on TV] A third straight night of recordbreaking lows has brought more chaos to Christmas travel with forecasters predicting just enough of a warming trend to replace the black ice with heavy snow.
[ringing]
Hello?
[woman] Mr. Bingley. Georgia Hakopian from Westminster Social Services. Oh, yes. Hello.
I can be with you at midday. Yes!
Can you confirm you’ll be there with the baby? Yes. Yes, we’ll be here.
Great, thank you. Okay.
Byebye. Thanks. Bye.
Ah!
Good.
Now, I think there’s just time for a walk before you go.
[coos]
Except…
Uh…
Hmm…
[quirky music playing]
[women chattering indistinctly]
Oh, my goodness.
[women exclaiming] Hello. Good morning.
Oh, he’s so darling.
What’s his name?
Um…
Jesus.
[pensive music playing] Oh. [chuckles] How old is he?
Um…
[music fades] Oh, about three months.
Oh, but he’s huge for three months.
Well, you should see his mother.
[chuckles]
[tense pensive music playing]
[music fades] [basket squeaking]
[quirky music resumes]
[music fades]
[dog barking distantly]
Goodness me.
[coos]
[groans]
[chuckles]
Well, I never…
[laughs]
Good.
[Archie panting] [quirky music playing] Hey! Hey! Leave it! That’s mine!
[growling] Get off the… off the shoe! Give it here!
[whines] Aha!
[Archie barks]
No!
[growling] Give it back. Please give it back.
[growling]
Oh.
Here, and fetch.
[barking excitedly] Yes! Ah.
[grumbles]
[grunts]
Good.
[Archie panting]
[growling] Ow! No! Get… No. No.
[quirky music playing] Get off.
[groans] Ah. Oh!
[Archie growling] Oh! [groans] Oh! Ah!
No, please.
Leave it alone.
Leave it alone. Leave it alone.
Oh! [groans] Oh! I know.
Here we are. Here we are.
Fetch this one. Yes.
[sighs] Oh.
[woman] Archie! Heel!
[Archie yelps]
Right.
There’s a good boy! There’s a good boy!
Here we go.
[quirky music playing]
Doggie!
[giggles]
Where’s it gone?
[sighs]
[dramatic music playing]
[music fades] [intercom ringing]
[ringing continues]
[Trevor] Oh!
[intercom beeps] Hello.
Oh. Hello, Trevor. Sorry to bother you. We just wanted to thank you again for being so kind to us last night. Oh, okay.
And to drop something off for you, if that’s all right? If you get in the lift, I can buzz you up.
Great.
[intercom buzzes]
We, um, just wanted to give you this.
Oh!
There he is.
It’s, uh, been so cold, we thought you could use one for your baby.
Oh, that’s very kind.
We’ve been using a tea cosy.
So, are you going for a walk?
Oh. No, um, we’ve got one of the last appointments at the housing office before they close for the holidays.
[man] If the interview goes well, they might just give us a place we can move into immediately.
Oh!
It’s his nap time, really, but he’s having to come with us.
[Trevor] Oh.
Well, would you like me to look after him, while you go to your appointment?
You’d do that?
Absolutely. I’m not going anywhere.
Um…
[upbeat music playing]
[babies suckling]
[music turns tender]
[softly] Now then…
[upbeat music playing]
[Trevor snoring]
[music fades]
[suspenseful music playing]
[music fades]
[intercom ringing] [snorts] Oh!
Oh! Oh!
[suspenseful music playing] Yes!
Hello?
Social services. I’ll be right down.
Thank you. [intercom buzzes]
[lively music playing]
[elevator dings]
Mrs. Hakopian, it’s a pleasure to see you.
I’m Trevor.
Hello.
Very resourceful.
Oh, well, you know…
Hello. [chuckles] Quick photo for our records.
Oh, yes.
[camera clicks]
If you could sign this, please.
Name and signature at the bottom.
There. Thank you.
Okay.
Uh…
[baby babbles]
If you can keep the top copy for yourself.
Thank you, Mr. Bingley.
Okay.
Have a good Christmas.
Will you let me know…
[poignant music playing]
…what happens… with the baby?
It’s not your baby, Mr. Bingley.
That’s the whole point of this.
Any information regarding an infant in care is highly confidential.
Oh, right.
I’m sorry.
Here, let me get the door.
[buzzes]
Byebye, Baby Jesus.
[sighs]
[music fades] [young couple chattering] Oh, hello.
Oh!
How did it go?
We’ll know by tomorrow morning.
Fingers and toes all crossed.
Well, come on up.
[elevator chimes]
Well, your little chap’s right as rain.
I fed him twice.
I popped a new nappy on him.
And, you know, he was as good as gold.
Uh…
This isn’t our baby.
[giggles]
[dramatic music playing] Jesus!
[elevator chimes] [dramatic music continues]
[lock buzzes]
What is this?!
It’s a simple question!
It’s a penalty ticket, madam.
I know it’s a penalty ticket, but why is it on my car?
You parked on a double yellow line, so…
Yeah, with a parking permit.
Excuse me?
Makes no difference.
Yeah. No.
I parked with a parking permit.
Sorry to interrupt, but, uh…
Thing is, I gave her the wrong baby.
[officer] There are no parking exceptions on a double yellow line.
With a parking permit!
It’s a double yellow designated…
Can you tell her when she’s finished that I’ll take this baby back and get the right baby from upstairs?
[officer] It’s hard to understand you.
[Georgia] This cancels out this.
[officer] If you want, appeal it.
[Georgia] No, you appeal it!
I’ll be back in a minute.
[dramatic music continues] [Georgia] You made the mistake.
[officer] It’s not.
[Georgia] What is this for, then?
[officer] That’s not my concern, is it?
What is your name?
[elevator chimes]
Quick!
Oh!
[gasps] [music fades]
[fob clattering distantly]
No! No! No! No! No! No! No!
Oh, my goodness.
[baby babbles] Just a minute.
[triumphant music playing] Ah!
[chimes]
[elevator chimes] [dramatic music resumes] [baby whining] Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!
Where did you take our baby?
I tried to give it to social services.
[chuckles]
[music crescendos, then fades]
She just drove off.
No.
[groans]
[clicks keypad]
[line dialing]
Pick up. Pick up.
Pick up. Pick up. Pick up.
I’ve just done my last stop, darling.
So I’ll do the dropoff, and then I’m home for Christmas.
[man] Okay, love. See you in a bit. [call beeping]
[automated voice]
Please leave your message after the tone. You’ve driven off without the baby!
It’s still here.
Could you please come back and get it?
[call beeping] Oh.
Mrs. Hakopian?
[Petra] No, it’s me. Petra. They’re coming.
Who’s coming?
The Schwarzenbochs!
They’re coming to London for Christmas, after all.
[choir in German] ♪ O Christmas tree ♪
♪ O Christmas tree ♪
♪ How loyal are your branches! ♪
[upbeat music playing]
* * *
Man vs. Baby – S01E04 – Chapter 4 | Transcript
[choir in German] ♪ You’re green
Not only in the summertime… ♪
[Trevor] The Schwarzenbochs are coming?
[Petra] Yes. So, what are we going to do?
Well, I’ve tracked down Janet, the housekeeper.
She’s agreed to take care of the preparations.
She lives nearby, so she won’t be long.
You are to stay in the apartment until she arrives, at which point you’ll be dismissed and can go home.
Oh.
But on full pay.
Oh!
[sighs] Right. I’m sorry.
[call beeping] I’ve got to get this.
Uh, the housekeeper will be in contact.
[theme music playing] [baby babbling]
[baby squeals]
[Trevor humming indistinctly]
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪
♪ Jingle all the way ♪
♪ Oh, what fun it is… ♪
[funk music playing as ringtone]
Hello?
[woman] Hello, dear.
I’m Janet, the Schwarzenbochs’ housekeeper.
Oh. I’m afraid we have got a problem.
Right. Yes, I heard.
But you’re not far away, are you?
Oh, well, that’s the problem.
I’ve been a bit of a naughty girl, you see.
Petra, she thinks I’m in Chiswick.
I’m actually in Perthshire with my mother.
[ominous music playing]
You’re in Scotland?
Listen, it’ll be no problem at all.
I’ll head to the station shortly, and I will be with you later on tonight.
Oh, okay.
Oh, nothing to worry about.
I’ve come up with a plan. [chuckles] Now, there’s a credit card in the drawer in the kitchen office.
If I send a wee list to your printer, could you make a start on the shopping?
[tense music playing] [printer whirring]
[music fades]
Gosh. That’s quite a list.
[printer whirring] [tense music resumes]
[music crescendos, then fades]
Finally.
[printer whirring]
[hopeful music playing]
All right, little man.
Let’s see if there’s any room at the inn.
[music fades]
[Georgia screaming]
Chocolate with figs. Chocolate with figs.
[“We Wish You a Merry Christmas” playing] Aha!
Chocolate with figs.
[baby babbles] There we go.
And…
And Dom Pérignon Champagne.
Ah!
Champagne. Here we are.
Yes. Dom Pérignon.
Oof.
Goodness.
[laughs]
Ah.
Huh.
“Twentyfour”?
Okay.
There we go.
[baby babbling] Another one down.
[funk music playing as ringtone]
Mrs. Hakopian?
[Janet] I was about to head for the station, but I remembered one other thing. Herr and Frau Schwarzenboch cannot do without their Trüffelstreichwurst. Their what?
Spreadable sausage, dear, with the calf’s liver and white truffle.
[dramatic fanfare plays]
Thank you.
Goodness. Ooh.
Now, we’re going to need another trolley.
This is a CAT 1 emergency.
Immediate priority.
We have a missing infant.
Repeat, missing infant.
[hopeful music playing]
[trolley wheels squeaking]
[sirens wailing]
[officer over radio] All units, we have a missing baby. Over.
[music crescendos, then fades]
[sighs] Ah.
[clicks]
[line dialing]
And the baby was definitely in the car seat when you left?
Yes! Yes, I strapped him in myself.
[on recording]
You’ve reached Georgia Hakopian. Please leave a message after the tone.
[voicemail tone chimes]
[sighs]
[gentle pensive music playing]
[music fades]
Oh, hello.
Um…
I just wanted to apologize again for the whole mixup with the baby.
And, uh…
And to give you these.
[tender music playing]
They’re really nice, actually.
It’s very kind of you.
Okay.
Thank you, Trevor.
[lively music playing] [dogs whining and barking]
[door lock buzzes]
[music fades]
[tender music playing]
Yeah.
Well, I hope you have a good Christmas.
Yeah. I’ll, uh…
[music fades] I’ll just slide this.
[Soren] Thank you.
[baby babbling]
[elevator chimes] [lively music playing] [woman] Come on, Archie.
[dog barks] Hayley!
[Hayley] Hello, Annabel. Hello, Archie.
Right.
Here we go.
Now, then.
It is not your shoe, I’ve told you.
[growling] Give.
There we go. Thank you.
[Archie whines] [Hayley] No problem.
You have a lovelywovely time! Bye! Bye!
[quirky pensive music playing]
[Hayley] There you are. Here, Archie.
[dogs whining and barking]
Huh.
[Hayley] Let’s go.
[elevator chimes]
[Hayley] Stay here.
[barking] Archie! Come back!
No! No! Get off!
Sorry! I’ll bring him straight back down!
[sighs]
[growling] Get off! No!
Archie, where are you going?
[baby crying]
[Archie growling]
[crying continues]
[tense pensive music playing]
Right. Come on, let’s go.
Let’s go.
[buzzes] [music fades] Hello, Annabel?
[elevator chimes] [lively quirky music playing]
[barking]
[buzzes] [music crescendos, then fades] [Trevor] Hello!
Dog lady?
Oh, no.
[sighs]
[gentle music playing]
Ah.
[elevator chimes]
[Archie growling]
Oh! No. Archie! Archie!
Give me that shoe!
Archie!
[tense music playing]
[Archie panting]
No! Not the spreadable sausage!
[groans] Oh!
[Archie growling]
[growling]
[music fades] [sighs] Oh…
Look.
Look what I’ve got.
A shoe.
A lovely shoe for you.
Come and get it, Archie.
[growling] Oh!
[Archie whines]
No, not the fob!
Let go. Let go, Archie. Let go. Good dog.
Let go! Let go.
Let…
[dramatic sting plays] Oh, no. Oh, no.
[whines, then gulps]
No!
Not the fob! Not the fob!
[quirky music playing] Where is it?
Oh!
[music turns pensive]
[rings]
[elevator chimes]
[Archie whines]
[elevator chimes]
Phew!
[funk music playing as ringtone]
Mrs. Hakopian?
Listen, I’m afraid the weather’s atrocious up here, and the trains, love, they’re all over the place.
So, I’ll take the overnight sleeper.
Would that be all right?
Oh.
Um…
And if you could make a wee start on decorating the flat, I’d appreciate it.
There’s decorations in the storage unit downstairs.
Okay. Uh…
And we’re gonna need a Christmas tree.
Oh! Where do you think I could get one of those?
Oh, don’t worry about that.
I will have Geoff drop one off. [chuckles] He does all the flora and fauna for the penthouse.
Will you need help setting it up? Oh, no, that won’t be necessary.
I’ve set up a fair few Christmas trees in my time.
Of course you have.
I do like you, Trevor. [chuckles] You did you get the spreadable sausage?
Oh.
Uh…
[growling and whining]
Yes.
Yes, I did.
Full marks, dear.
I knew we were in safe hands with you.
I’ll see you first thing in the morning.
Okay. Bye.
Archie!
No! No, no, no, no, no!
[funk music playing as ringtone]
Hello?
This is Annabel from the third floor.
I got your note and was just wondering if you could bring my dog downstairs?
Oh…
[tense music playing]
No.
I’m sorry, because…
I’m out at the moment.
[construction equipment thumping] [siren wailing]
[thumping continues]
[Trevor imitating wind blowing]
Well… when will you be back?
[lilting pensive music playing] Well, that’s a bit difficult to say.
Two hours?
Three, maybe?
Why don’t I call you when I get back?
[dramatic fanfare plays]
[pensive music playing] [Archie barking]
[music turns hopeful]
[elevator chimes]
Ah. Hello, Trevor.
Lionel, how are you?
Today’s the day, having to move out.
I can’t believe it’s actually happening.
[poignant music playing]
[Trevor groans]
[elevator chimes]
[music crescendos, then fades] [elevator chimes]
[chuckles]
[hopeful music playing]
[Archie barking]
Here we are.
[bell tolls]
[tense pensive music playing]
[scoffs]
[music fades]
Goodness.
[laughs]
What am I even going to put it in?
[quirky pensive music playing]
[enchanting music playing]
[music turns quirky]
[music turns dramatic]
[Archie whines]
[laughing and babbling]
[music fades] [sighs] Good.
Now all we need to do is decorate it.
[baby babbling] While someone’s having a sleep.
[cooing]
Come on.
[lilting upbeat music playing]
Sheep.
Straw.
Ah.
Archie, come on.
[barking]
[grunts]
All right.
[sighs] Ooh…
[music turns dramatic] Huh.
Oh!
[“Deck the Halls” playing]
[song crescendos, then fades]
[exhales]
Good.
[Archie whining]
You need a poo.
At last, you need a poo!
Come on, Archie.
Go on.
That’s right.
[Archie whines] Good boy.
That’s right. Go on. Go on.
Yes. Well done, Archie.
Now, then.
Uh…
I need a sort of…
[Archie whines] Oh!
Well, look at that.
Good.
Here we go.
[retches and coughs]
Oof.
Right.
Now…
[whines]
Ooh!
Yes! Yes!
Yes, it’s there! Ah!
[hopeful music playing]
[elevator chimes] [music fades] [barks] Oh!
Ah! There he is! There’s my boy!
[laughs] Oh! Did he do his business?
Did he?
He certainly did.
Oh, what a good boy! There’s my good boy!
Oh, well, thank you for looking after him.
That’s all right.
Are you going up?
Yes. Yes.
Uh…
And, uh, you’re the, uh, penthouse, aren’t you? Hm.
[elevator chimes]
[awkward pensive music playing]
[whines]
[music fades]
[elevator chimes]
[pensive music plays]
[music turns hopeful]
[music fades]
[Trevor yawns]
Nightnight, Baby Jesus.
[enchanting music playing]
[birds singing and chirping]
[funk music playing as ringtone]
Hello?
[Janet] They’ve canceled everything. There’s no trains running at all. I’m not gonna make it.
What?
You’ll have to prepare the Christmas feast for the Schwarzenbochs yourself.
What do you mean? How many[tense music playing] Only 12. Possibly 14.
Sixteen at the outside. Now, the Schwarzenbochs arrive at five o’clock, so that’s your deadline.
Five o’clock? Oh, there’s no need to panic, Trevor.
Janet, that’s…
Oh, do not worry, hen.
I was up the entire night at the station, and I’ve written down stepbystep instructions.
They should be coming through to you any minute.
[whirring] [tense music continues]
[music fades]
“Christmas feast.”
[“Nutcracker Suite (Russian Dance)” playing]
[babbles]
[chopping]
[babbling]
[“Nutcracker Suite (Russian Dance)” continues] Eh…
Heh.
[song crescendos, then fades]
[ticks]
[exhales] Oh.
[sighs]
[sighs]
[beeps, then chimes]
Ah.
[muttering] Good evening.
If you would like to come through?
If you would like to come?
[chimes] Ah.
[sighs]
[somber music playing]
[beeps]
[music turns pensive]
[sighs]
[tense music playing]
[music fades]
[thuds]
[sighs]
[sighs]
[keypad clacking]
[line dialing]
[on recording] Hello, it’s Janet. Please leave a message after the beep.
[beeps]
[groans] Hm…
[keypad clacking]
[line dialing]
[Petra] Hello? Oh, hello, Petra. It’s me, Trevor.
Sorry, Trevor who?
Trevor Bingley.
From the flat in London. I’m still here because Janet, who’s also here, uh, asked me to help out with a few bits and pieces.
And she asked me to let you know that the Christmas feast is ready, but that there’s still no sign of the Schwarzenbochs.
I’m so sorry. I, um…
I meant to call her, but it completely slipped my mind. Um…
Could you tell her the Schwarzenbochs aren’t coming?
Uh, they diverted to New York at the last minute. Not coming?
[choir in German] ♪ O Christmas tree ♪
♪ O Christmas tree ♪
♪ How loyal are your branches! ♪
Oh, please tell her how sorry I am.
I hope she didn’t go to too much trouble.
Well…
Uh, she, um…
Now, look, I’ve got to go. I’ve got the New York housekeeper on the other line.
But, um, will you wish Janet a very merry Christmas from me?
And, um, please say thank you again.
She’s been so wonderful.
Happy Holidays.
[call disconnects]
[poignant pensive music playing]
[intercom ringing]
Hello?
Sorry to bother you, sir. Metropolitan Police. Uh, we’re making inquiries about a missing baby we understand was previously in your charge. [hopeful music playing] Oh! Yes! Yes!
Yes, it’s right here.
You mean, you’ve got the baby? Yes. I’ll bring it right down.
[beeps] Come in.
Come on, baby. Let’s go.
[elevator chimes]
Ah.
Ah.
Well, well, well.
What do we have here, then?
[pensive music playing]
Ah.
Oh!
This is him, is it?
You’ve been very busy, haven’t you?
Led everyone on a right little dance.
[chuckles]
Here we go.
[pensive music playing]
Uh…
Doesn’t, uh, appear to be the same baby, sir.
Oh, no, it isn’t.
That’s the wrong baby.
This is the right baby.
I had the wrong baby when I gave it to Mrs. Hakopian, you see.
And then while I was going back to get the right baby, that was when she drove off.
Ha!
[quirky pensive music playing]
Why not let the caseworker sort this out?
If that’s okay with you, sir?
Right. Yes.
[baby babbling]
Uh, control? This is DSonenine.
Can you get the FLO on site ASAP?
Ah…
[whines] I think I’m going to have to feed him.
Do you want to come upstairs?
I think I probably should, sir, yeah.
[hopeful music playing]
[music stops] [chimes]
[hopeful music resumes]
[elevator chimes]
Here we are.
Please, come in.
[“O Christmas Tree” plays]
Oh, wow!
You’ve got yourself quite a place here, sir.
Oh, no, it isn’t mine.
I’m just the house sitter.
[music fades] Ah.
Can I offer you something to drink while you’re waiting?
[babbles] Oh, uh…
I’m afraid we’ve only got vintage champagne.
[officer] Hello, hello, hello.
[baby laughing] [baby sneezes] Oh, bless you.
[intercom rings] [“Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” playing] Oh, hello.
Hello, Trevor. Do you have a minute? Uh, yes. I’ll buzz you up.
Sorry to bother you, Trevor.
We just wanted to say thank you for the presents.
And to give you this.
Yeah.
Oh, goodness.
It’s a chewable Peppa Pig set.
River loves them.
We thought your baby would too.
Ah, that’s really, really kind. Thank you.
♪ What you are… ♪
Would you like to come in for a mince pie?
Or some stollen cake?
♪ Last Christmas I gave you my heart… ♪
[intercom ringing]
[“Last Christmas” by Wham! playing]
♪ This year, to save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special… ♪
[intercom beeps] Hello, Lionel.
Herr Scrooge says I’ve got to leave these with you, apparently.
[elevator chimes]
[Archie barking] Oh! Archie! Come back!
[sighs] Sorry, Trevor. We were in the lift when you buzzed Lionel up.
[Archie barking] Archie!
Still can’t believe this is really it.
The final goodbye.
Oh.
Can I offer you a drink, Lionel?
[Archie barking] Oh…
[funk music playing as ringtone]
Jess!
How are you?
How’s Barbados?
We’re not in Barbados, Trevor. We’re in London. Oh.
We spent two days at Heathrow waiting for our flight to go, and then last night at an airport hotel.
And then, after another sevenhour wait, they canceled the flight.
Jess, I’m so sorry.
[Archie whining] So we’re in a taxi on our way back into town. Is Maddy okay?
Well, that’s why I’m calling. I realize it might be asking an awful lot, and I know we’ve already messed you about this Christmas, but… do you think there’s any way we could come to you, after all?
Well, yes, I think there probably is.
But I’m in a different place. What do you mean? Where are you?
[intercom ringing]
[Trevor] Oh!
Jess, I’ve got to go, but I’ll text you the address.
Georgia, come on up.
♪ Dingdong, merrily on high ♪
♪ In heav’n the bells are ringing ♪
♪ Dingdong, verily the sky ♪
♪ Is riv’n with angel singing… ♪
Happy Christmas, Archie.
[Archie barks]
♪ Hosanna in excelsis ♪
♪ Glo ♪
♪ Ria ♪
♪ Hosanna in excelsis ♪
[upbeat music playing]
Are you sure this is the right address?
[elevator chimes]
Dad!
[Trevor] Hello, sweet pea.
Hello, Jess.
Hello.
Dad, this place is amazing.
What is this?
And who are all these people?
Well, it’s a bit of a long story.
[baby babbling] Oh!
Whose baby is this?
Oh, the baby’s mine.
[Jess] What?
[Maddy] What do you mean, Dad?
Well, not minemine.
It’s part of the long story.
Well, it’s a story that keeps getting longer, to be honest.
Because despite all our best efforts at social services, we have absolutely no idea where this baby has come from.
[cracks] [guests exclaiming] [“Driving Home for Christmas” playing] [chattering] [cracks] [exclaiming] You’ve got two?!
[chattering]
Mom, can I give you that? I won’t eat it.
♪ And it’s been so long… ♪
Happy Christmas, Jess.
Cheers!
So how do you know these people?
♪ To pass the time away… ♪
Uh, bread sauce?
Oh, uh, they don’t do dairy.
[laughs]
Oh, that must be really hard.
[silverware clinking on glass]
Everyone! Everyone!
I think it’s high time someone proposed a Christmas toast.
[Lionel] Ah!
To Trevor.
Oh!
[all] To Trevor.
To Dad.
Oh, and… and to the baby that brought us all together.
[all] To the baby!
[timer ticking]
[ringing]
Uh, where is the baby?
He was just here.
[Trevor] Oh, no.
[Jess] Under the table?
[tense music playing]
[officer] Can’t be far.
Check the curtains.
[Lionel] Yes.
[Jess] Yes, you do that side and I’ll…
Jesus?
Baby Jesus?
Where are you?
Baby?
Baby?
[Jess] He’s here!
[tender music playing] He’s here!
[music turns enchanting]
[Jess] Mm…
[babbling]
[Trevor] Oh.
[sighs]
[enchanting music continues]
[intercom ringing]
[music fades]
[intercom ringing]
[beeps]
Hello?
Happy Christmas, Janet. We decided we could not miss your Christmas feast after all. [laughs]
[dramatic music crescendos]
[music fades]
[gentle choral music playing]
