Jon Stewart Tackles the Trump Conviction Fallout & Puts the Media on Trial | the Daily Show – Transcript

Jon Stewart breaks down the response to Trump’s guilty verdict from Joe Biden and the media, as well as the GOP’s vow for revenge and hypocritical complaint about Democrats pursuing “political prosecutions.” Plus, Jon pleads with the media to act a little more like the court system and examine evidence and reach conclusions, instead of wildly speculating on future realities.

Published date:  June 4, 2024

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[Applause] Welcome to The Daily Show. My name is John Stewart. What a fabulous program we have for tonight. No, listen, it’s been rough for me now that my Knicks and my Rangers are out of the playoffs. I’m ready to focus on the world; there’s a lot going on.

Today, Dr. Anthony Fauci testified in front of Congress and ironically contracted rabies there. Terrible… but yeah, his testimony was about whether the pandemic was caused by a lab leak. I guess we’ll never know… Don’t say it, Stewart… Also, Bibi Netanyahu has been invited next week to come to lie to Congress. I’m sorry, um, address—address Congress. What did I say? Come to address Congress through the art of lying.

Mexico has just elected its first female and its first Jewish president, so I’m very much looking forward to NPR’s coverage of it because they are always very careful to pronounce names authentically. So I’m sure it’ll be like, “Turning now to the newly elected Mexican president Claudia Gia Shaneb Shan.”

But of course, the biggest story continues to be the reaction to former President Trump’s trial convictions. For the left, the conviction was an exercise in concealed and controlled glee. Many took the opportunity to over-demonstrate how they took no pleasure from this day that they had been dreaming about since childhood.

It was a somber and sad day for America that we have now seen a former president convicted on 34 felony counts.

I would hope we could all agree that this is a sad moment.

The justice system had an honorable day; our country had a sad day.

And Ferris Bueller had the day off… Perhaps nothing personified the delicate highwire between glee and gravitas more than President Biden’s Cheshire cat press conference encore.

Mr. President, can you tell us, sir, Donald Trump refers to himself as a political prisoner and blames you directly. What’s your response?

No, don’t stop. Why can’t they tell him to just f*cking keep walking… whenever he’s out in public and he stops? No bueno. Okay, go.

Sir. Do you think that conviction will have an impact on the campaign? We’d love to hear your thoughts. Sir.

Why does everything have to be so f*cking weird? Why? If you have something to say about it, say it. If you don’t have something to say about it, don’t say it. But you’re just going to stop and hit him with some kind of ’70s sitcom freeze frame? Mr. President, what do you think of the conviction?

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I mean, come on! Why? So, for Democrats, of course, the challenge is how do we exploit the moment politically without giving the impression that this was the plan all along? Republicans needed to employ a slightly different strategy:

“This was a sham, rigged political show trial from the very beginning.

This is the most outrageous travesty I’ve ever seen.

This was not law; this was not criminal justice; this was politics. This was a political smear job.

I guess we all need to shop at Banana Republic from now on because that’s what it feels like, yeah? A Banana Republic.

After this trial, we need to shop at Old Navy because our country is a sinking ship. It was a shame, a sham, this trial. A sham, I say! It was a sham. I’m shopping at Old Navy. The trial was a sham. Yes, we impaneled grand juries and submitted evidence and cross-examined witnesses, but how is Donald Trump or his family not allowed on the jury? Outrageous! I guess in America now we need to start shopping at Bonobos because our country is getting f*cked at both ends. You see, if I may, bonobos are highly sexual apes, frequently engaging in activities with multiple partners. Oh, I’m going to be a big hit on primatologist TikTok!”

Alright, maybe our justice system wasn’t a sham, but certainly applying our justice system to Donald Trump was.

This is the weaponization of the justice system against their political opponent. This is a justice system that hunts Republicans while protecting Democrats.

Oh my God, the justice system hunts Republicans while protecting Democrats? Someone should mention that to such unprotected Democrats as Senator Robert Menendez and Congressman Henry Cuellar, both facing corruption charges brought by our Department of Justice. Not to mention, Hunter Biden was facing jury selection in a federal gun charges trial f*cking today. It’s probably why you noticed everyone on Fox and Friends this morning using pillows to cover their boners.

But now you’ve done it, liberals. Through your sham, upstanding, good-hearted, and good-intentioned denizens of MAGA-land have finally been pushed too far.

Be ready because on January 20 of next year, when he’s former President Joe Biden, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

Daily Wire’s Matt Walsh said Trump should, quote, “make and publish a list of 10 high-ranking Democrat criminals who he will have arrested when he takes office.

These Democrats will rue the day they decided to use lawfare to stop a presidential candidate. It won’t be Hunter Biden next time; it’s going to be Joe Biden. It could potentially still be Barack Obama. It could still potentially be Hillary Clinton.

It could be Barack Obama?

First of all, why is she broadcasting in front of Georgia O’Keeffe’s vagina? And second, perhaps it is time for those on the right to begin to examine what it might be like to investigate Hillary and William Clinton, or perhaps to do it continuously and relentlessly for the last 30 years. But to admit their own political gamesmanship, their own attempts at weaponizing justice, their own relentless pursuit of opponents, their own dehumanizing rhetoric towards the left, would be to allow a molecule of reality into the airtight distortion field that has been created to protect MAGA-donians from the harsh glare of actuality. It is a place where a moment such as this next one can pass without so much as a gasp of “What planet do you live on? For it is clearly not ours.”

You famously said regarding Hillary Clinton, “Lock her up.” You declined to do that as president.

“I didn’t say lock her up, but the people would all say lock her up, lock her up.”

What the f*ck—you never said “lock her up”? I think I remember you saying it to her face at a debate:

“It’s just awfully good that someone with the temperament of Donald Trump is not in charge of the law in our country.”

“Yeah, because you’d be in jail.”

To be fair, I apologize. You did not say the words “lock her up.” You only used a phrase synonymous with locking her up. “Lock, lock, lock.” Again, apologies. You didn’t say “lock her up”; you merely gave the thumbs up to thousands of others chanting “lock her up.” But that doesn’t mean he literally said “lock her up,” although, to be fair, he literally said “lock her up” all the f*cking time.

So, “crooked Hillary”—wait, “crooked”? “You should lock her up, I’ll tell you.

For what she’s done, they should lock her up.

Lock her up is right. Lock up the Bidens. Lock up Hillary.”

He said it a million times, and then the Fox and Friends B team is just f*cking sitting there, tanned and fit, healthy and so f*ckable. How did they get so good-looking, that bunch? But there’s three of them. One of them didn’t remember he said “lock her up.” I can believe two of them didn’t remember. Three of them? And that, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, is why we need courts. Whatever flaws the American justice system has, and they are legion, especially for non-billionaire former presidents, it does appear to be the last place in America where you can’t just say whatever the f*ck you want regardless of reality. Trump knows this better than anyone.

“I would have testified. I wanted to testify. The theory is you never testify because as soon as you do, for anybody—if it were George Washington—don’t testify because they’ll get you on something that you said slightly wrong, and then they sue you for perjury. You would have said something out of whack, like it was a beautiful sunny day and it was actually raining out.”

Yes, our jails in America are filled with incompetent weathermen. “I’m telling you, officer, I thought there would be thundersnow. The 20% is still a chance. Don’t take me away.” This is why the law-and-order right hates court procedures when applied to them. Courts are the last remaining guardrail that has a standard of evidentiary presentation. It is the last place where you have to prove what you say. And you see the difference in what they say out of court versus what they say in court.

Here is Trump on the 2020 election out of court:

“This is a fraud on the American public.

We know there was massive fraud. It was a rigged election 100%.”

Here are his lawyers in court:

“This is not a fraud case. We are not alleging fraud in this lawsuit. We’re not alleging that anyone is stealing the election.”

Here is Rudy Giuliani pleading before the court of seasonal landscapers. What happened there? It’s a mix-up; he’s pleading but not in the actual court.

“It’s a fraud, an absolute fraud.”

And what does Giuliani say about that in court?

“If we had alleged fraud, yes, but this is not a fraud case.”

It’s not a fraud case in court, where I would need evidence. It’s only a fraud case out there amongst the sod and the mulch where I can say whatever I want. Fox News says that Dominion voting machines rigged the election for Biden out of court:

“They were flipping votes in the computer system or adding votes that did not exist. The whole situation was carefully calculated and created to steal the election from President Trump.”

Did you notice as the fraud trial went on, Sidney Powell turned into Michael Jackson? Is that what happened? Powell probably ended that segment with “Woohoo!” But that’s what you can say out of court. In court, Fox was forced to pay $787 million for false statements. The difference between in court and out of court is that in court, someone can say, “Prove it.” And the problem is that most of the time in this country, our political leaders are not in court. They are here on TV, where the news media has decided that there’s really no such thing as reality.

We now live in two utterly different universes.

“These two Americas are living in two different realities.”

“We’re living in two different realities.”

“Americans are living in two, for the most part, two very different realities right now.”

No, you’re thinking of the multiverse. We are all living in one reality, and it can be the news media’s job to litigate the parameters of said reality. What the courts do really well is look backward and reconstruct the realities of what happened. The news media could do the same, but what they do instead is look forward and wildly speculate on the future.

“If Donald Trump is the nominee and if he is convicted of a crime, could you support him?

If he’s a convicted felon, if he is the Republican nominee, does that mean you’re still going to vote for him?

He could be convicted before November. Would you still support him then?

Will you commit to certifying the 2024 election results no matter who wins?

Let me look forward. Will you accept the election results of 2024 no matter what happens, Senator?

No matter what, Senator? Voting irregularities? Ant overlords? Voting machines that suddenly transform into fighting robots? Voting booth powers activate! Will you still certify?” Who f*cking cares? No one knows what the future holds. Ask this person what it was about the 2020 election that they found objectionable, and then litigate the realities of their objections to them, in front of them. So when they say to you, “I never said lock her up,” you can say, “I object!” F*cking do that! What is wrong with you?

And you know what? I got it. Here’s the deal. You really want to ask speculative questions that nobody can answer? We’ll just create a show just for that. We’ll tighten it down to a half-hour and call it “No One F*cking Knows.” And you put all the polls and the horse race questions in there, and then with the other 23 and a half hours in the day, the other seven days a week, you can present the evidence for our shared experience. Because court should be the option of last resort for our defined reality, not the only option for our defined reality. So listen up, media. We’ll give you a little gavel, you can study all the evidence, no matter how tedious, and reach a conclusion. And then you can present those conclusions, and the audience, us, will be the ones doing it like jury duty, willingly, without penalty of law or without trying to come up with any excuse to avoid having to do jury duty.

I think I’m seeing the flaw in my argument. Either way, it’s better than what we have now!

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