The Daily Show
Published on September 24, 2024 (YouTube)
Jon Stewart tackles the growing war in the Middle East, from the recent Hezbollah pager attacks in Lebanon, to Israel’s plan of de-escalation through escalation, to the Biden administration’s futile efforts to contain the conflict, while looking at criticism of Netanyahu from Americans and Israelis.
* * *
JON: What if you really want to experience the full cognitive dissonance and language calisthenics that have to be deployed to describe the Middle East over the last, I don’t know, four, five, six, 10,000 years?
How we’re describing what’s… I give you the golden soundbite brought down from Sinai to explain how f*cking convoluted this has to be.
BARAK RAVID, AXIOS: What the Israeli government is saying, and the Biden administration is, in many ways, subscribed to this idea, is de-escalation through escalation.
[Laughter]
JON: Or as that is sometimes called, WAR!!! That is– World War II, look at the subhead: De-escalation through escalation. I mean, do you even hear yourself? My God. The de-escalation through escalation? That phrase is– where have I heard it? It’s right out of– hold on a second. Let me see if I can find it.
[Jon takes out Orwell’s 1984]
Hold on.
No, it’s not in there.
Hold on. Let me see if I can find it.
[Jon takes out Kurt Vonnegut’s Slaughterhouse-Five]
[Applause]
No, it’s not in there. Let me see if I can find it.
[Jon takes out a Garfield’s comic book]
[Laughter]
[Applause]
Oh, my God.
[Laughter]
Jon, that cat has wreaked havoc on your bachelor lifestyle.
[Laughter]
Although I do take issue with one of Garfield’s bromides. I happen to love Mondays.
[Cheering]
[Applause]
It’s the start and end of every workweek.
[Laughter]
Though I hear Fridays are nice.
But here’s the worst part. The country that’s providing all the bombs to the Middle East– or I guess now we have to call the bombs escalators—
[Laughter]
Seems to have no idea when these bombs are going to be used.
“We were not notified by the Israelis about their strike or the intended target of their strike.”
First, this is something we were not aware of or involved in.
The United States did not know about, nor was it involved in these incidents.
JON: They’re not telling you anything, huh? Have you checked your pager?
[Laughter]
I mean, my God, there have to be other ways of achieving de-escalation without all this respectful exchange of missiles. Historically, that part is generally followed by years of sorrow and bloodshed. And we know there have been opportunities for de-escalation, but Netanyahu did not seem particularly interested in it.
Oh, my God. I’ve criticized Netanyahu. What have I done? Go– go ahead.
The people who are criticizing the prime minister, it is shameful. It is pathetic.
We should be standing shoulder to shoulder with our strongest ally in the Middle East instead of launching this criticism.
They criticized them for going too far constantly, and that gives Hamas comfort.
JON: (In squeaky voice) I’m sorry.
[Laughter]
Criticism of the war is shameful, and it gives comfort to Hamas.
You know who might be surprised to hear that? The Israelis, who are unbelievably critical of the war and Netanyahu.
BENNY GANTS, NATIONAL UNITY PARTY LEADER: (Speaking Hebrew)
[Laughter]
JON: What you going to say now, motherf*ckers?
[Laughter]
Get off my back. You heard what he said. He said– (Feigning Hebrew).
Does anyone have a Google translate on what he said?
The Prime Minister did not look the public in the eye and tell the truth. That he won’t bring the hostages alive.
It’s a total failure. The Israeli government, no strategy, no vision.
He is trying to do everything to prevent a deal.
He do not have any intent to end this war.
Netanyahu is lying as he breathes.
JON:What anti-Semites the former prime minister of Israel and defense minister are! But still, people are going to see this segment and go, all right, maybe Israel isn’t perfect. But criticizing them feeds the fire.
“Don’t you worry about anti-Semitism?” And to that, I say no. I believe anti-Semitism will be fine.
[Laughter]
I’ve got to say–
[Applause]
Not for nothing.
[Applause]
But from what I’ve experienced, it’s very resilient. And it’s not really tied to any event or war or activity or reality. For God’s sakes, Kanye thought we ruined his Adidas deal. We didn’t, though. We just need orthotics, that’s all.
[Laughter]
Anti-Semitism will survive this war like it survived all wars going back to the brave Hebrews at Masada. Do you see, Rabbi? I was paying attention in Hebrew School.
[Laughter]
You know what?
[Cheering]
You know what? Maybe I’m wrong.
Maybe the blame the Jews from the Black Death to the Spanish Inquisition to the space lasers will all go away if Israel does right. And peace will reign, and people will no longer baselessly and conveniently blame the Jews when things don’t work out exactly the way they want them to.
DONALD TRUMP: “This is the most important election in the history of the United States.
DONALD TRUMP: I’m not going to call this as a prediction, but in my opinion, the Jewish people would have a lot to do with the loss if I’m at 40%.”
JON: Son of a b*tch!
