I Love LA
Created by: Rachel Sennott
Stars: Rachel Sennott (Maia), Odessa A’zion (Tallulah), True Whitaker (Alani), Jordan Firstman (Charlie), Josh Hutcherson (Dylan)
Premise: A codependent friend group reunites, navigating how the time apart, ambition, and new relationships have changed them.
Season 1 – Episode 5
Episode title: They Can’t All Be Jeremys
Original release date: November 30, 2025 (HBO)
Episode plot: Maia and Dylan are invited to dinner hosted by Alyssa and her partner, Jeremy. Shortly after they arrive, Jeremy begins to experience symptons of a migraine, triggered by Maia’s loud talking and strong perfume, and he excuses himself to have a nap. Dylan goes to the kitchen to start cooking while Alyssa explains that Jeremy had a skiing accident which spurred on his migraines. When Maia excuses herself to go to the bathroom, she sees Jeremy masturbating to pornography in another room. She tells Dylan about it, but they stay to finish dinner with Alyssa. Their efforts are deemed a success when Alyssa invites Maia to join her for her profile in Forbes. Meanwhile, Charlie spends time with his new client, Lukas, who surprises him by being non-judgmental, unlike his other friends in LA. While scrolling on TikTok, Maia learns that Lukas has been killed in an ATV accident.
* * *
I Love LA – S01E05 – They Can’t All Be Jeremys | Full transcript
[siren wailing]
[Maia] Baby, I think we should buy a gun.
[Dylan] A gun?
[Maia] Yeah, just… just like to have around the house, so you can protect me.
[Dylan] Oh, interesting. Alright, um… do you think you’d, like, keep bullets in the gun at the ready, always?
[Maia] Obviously, we would have bullets in the gun.
[Dylan] Okay.
[Maia] You just shoot at the floor, and then it scares them.
[Dylan] Alright.
[Maia] And then they run away.
[Dylan] Okay.
[Maia] And then, you don’t have to shoot anyone.
[Dylan] Yeah, I don’t… I’m not really a gun person.
[Maia] Okay, fine, we can just get a Byrna.
[Dylan] What’s… what’s a… what’s a Byrna?
[Maia] Okay, so it’s like a nonlethal pistol…
[Dylan] Okay.
[Maia] …and it fires pepper rounds. But the cool thing about it is, like, you need a security guard license to own one. So, you get to do this, like, free Zoom security guard training when you get it.
[Dylan] Oh, that is cool.
[Maia] Here, hold on, it’s really cool. Let me show you.
[Dylan] Alright.
[Maia] Where’s my fucking phone? Oh. Oh, fuck.
[Dylan] Alright, that… that’s actually a perfect example of why we should not have a gun in the house.
[Maia] Why?
[Dylan] If that was a gun, it would have just, like, shot my dick off or something.
[Maia] I’m not holding it like a gun. Like, if this was a gun, I wouldn’t be like… Okay?
[Dylan] Alright, okay, I really hope not. Okay.
Well, now it’s a gun.
[Dylan] Now, it’s a gun?
[Maia] Now, it’s a gun.
[Dylan] Oh, shit.
[Maia] Yeah. Try to take it out of my hands now. Come on, try to take the gun. Try to take the gun. Oh, my God!
[person] What the fuck?!
[Dylan] Oh, fuck. Sorry.
[Maia] Sorry.
[Dylan] My bad.
[Maia] It’s my boyfriend’s fault.
[Dylan] Yep.
[Maia] Um, can I come down and grab that from you?
[Dylan] Wait, what’s he holding? Wait, he’s… Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Go, go, go, run.
[gunshot]
[Maia] Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
[gunshots continue]
[Maia] Fuck!
[Dylan] Fuck.
[Maia] Do you think…
[Dylan] Oh, fuck.
[Maia] …we can still get the phone back, or probably not?
[Dylan] Don’t… don’t worry about the phone right now!
[♪ Electronic music playing]
♪ Twist the knife ♪
♪ It’s alright ♪
[Maia] It’s a bummer for me, too. Yeah. Yeah, it… I mean, Kia is a really nostalgic car for Tallulah. It was the first car she ever drove.
[Maia] [whispering] I’m lying. She can’t drive.
[Courtney laughing]
[Maia] Yeah, well, maybe we knock off the grid post, 35k? No, I know it’s a bad deal. For Tallulah. Yeah, Scott, you’re fucking us on this. You are. It’s fine. But don’t say you’re not fucking us when you clearly are. 30k. 30k.
[Courtney] I would say you can do it for 20k. Like, 20 is good. Grayson did it for 20.
[Maia] No. 30k and a story post is my final offer. Amazing. Amazing. Okay.
[Courtney] Oh, my God.
[Maia] Alright. [laughing] Oh, have fun at the baby shower.
[both] Oh, my God!
[both exclaiming]
[Courtney] Oh! Oh!
[Courtney] Yeah, girl! Yes, girl!
[Maia] I am fucking addicted to deals!
[Courtney] Shoot them deals, bitch, yeah!
[Maia] Yes! Yes!
[Tallulah] And then, the second time that I saw the Hannah Montana movie, the part where she, like, takes off her wig and she’s like, “I can’t do this anymore.”
[Tessa laughing]
[Tallulah] Why are you laughing?
[Tessa] I’m sorry.
[both laughing]
[Tessa] No, go ahead, finish.
[Tallulah] She’s like, “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be Hannah.” I have, like… I have, like, full body chills talking about it.
[Tessa] No, I…
[Tallulah] It’s actually like a lot for me.
[Tessa] I can tell.
[Tallulah] It was big for me, okay?
[Tessa] Yeah!
[phone buzzing]
[Tessa] Mm, she’s obsessed with you.
[Tallulah] You’re obsessed with me.
[Tessa chuckles]
[Maia] [on phone] Hi, queen. I tried calling you, but you didn’t pick up. So, just voice-noting you to say Kia wants to pay you 30k for a story post. So sick.
[water running]
[Tallulah] Oh, my God…
[Maia] Also, I think I ate too much fiber, and now the poop is, like, solid inside of me. I’m so bloated. [sighs]
[Tessa] Hi.
[Maia] But 30k!
[Tallulah] Hey.
[Maia] Call me back.
[Tallulah] Making coffee.
[Tessa] 30k?
[Tallulah] Oh.
[Tessa] For one day of work? Is that normal?
[Tallulah] Well, it kinda used to be, but that’s like COVID money.
[Tessa] It’s a car company.
[Tallulah] Yeah.
[Tessa] You know how to drive?
[Tallulah] I mean, like, I’ve driven before, but I don’t, like, know how to drive.
[Tessa] [laughing] What the fuck does that mean?
[Tallulah] What?
[Tessa] You’ve driven, but you don’t know how to drive?
[Tallulah] Yeah, so I’ll learn.
[Tessa] I got you.
[Tallulah] What?
[Alani] Hey. Morning.
[Tallulah] Hi!
[Tessa] Good morning.
[Alani] Hey, good morning.
[Tallulah] Hey. Mm.
[Tallulah] Good morning, Garrett.
[Garrett] Morning.
[Tallulah] Hi.
[Tessa] What’s up?
[Garrett] Hey.
[Tallulah] Hey, do you wanna teach me how to drive today?
[Alani] My God, yes, are you kidding me? I’ve been driving, like, in LA my entire life. That’s my shit. That’s like the one thing I’ve, like, mastered, I feel like.
[Tallulah] Garrett, you wanna stay for coffee?
[Garrett] Oh no, I’m okay, thank you. I’m actually probably just gonna head out, yeah.
[Alani] Oh, okay.
[Garrett] Yeah, but, uh, yeah, text me.
[Alani] Yeah, we’ll see you.
[Garrett] Yeah.
[Tallulah clearing throat]
[door opens, closes]
[Alani] [scoffs] What? Uh, it’s nothing. We’re, like, super casual, just having fun, and he’s whatever, so, like, don’t mind him.
[Garrett] Hey, sorry.
[Tallulah] Oh, my God, hello!
[Garrett] Sorry, I… no, I forgot my bike lock key here.
[Tallulah] Silly. [chuckles]
[Garrett] Take care.
[Tallulah] Bye!
[Alani] Bye.
[door closes]
[Alani] [sighs] Yeah, he’s so responsible.
[both chuckle]
[Maia] Mm! This is so good.
[Alyssa] I know.
[Maia] Thank you so much.
[Alyssa] Oh, my God, of course. You have been locked in. Like, I am impressed.
[Maia] Thank you so much. It means a lot coming from you.
[Alyssa] You know, your work ethic reminds me of me when I was your age.
[Maia] Which wasn’t even that long ago.
[both chuckle]
[Alyssa] Okay, exciting news. Just between us, Alyssa180 is being featured in Forbes. They’re sending a photographer up at the end of the month.
[Maia] That is amazing.
[Alyssa] Mm.
[Maia] That’s so sick. And so, it’s gonna be, like, photos of you, or like, you and the whole office, or…
[knocking]
[Courtney] Knocka-doodle-doo! Oh, hey, Maia. Sugar-fish! Fun! Um, hey, Alyssa, did you get my vacation request? I’m just about to book it.
[Alyssa] Remind me what it is again.
[Courtney] Oh, it’s a biking trip up the coast where I get to try every type of apple.
[Maia] Fun!
[Courtney] Yeah.
[Alyssa] We won’t even notice you’re gone. ‘Kay.
[Courtney] Okay, bye, love you. Love you more.
[Alyssa] Mm. Oh, my God, poor Court. Jesus, I just, like, really hope she finds someone.
[Maia] We’re so lucky we have such amazing partners.
[Alyssa] Yeah.
[Maia] You know what’s crazy? I’ve never met Jeremy.
[Alyssa] What? That is crazy.
[Maia] Yeah.
[Alyssa] Because, like, he knows all about you.
[Maia] He does?
[Alyssa] I mean, he’s my partner and he is my closest collaborator. I tell him everything.
[Maia] Ugh, that must be so nice to just never have to stop talking about work.
[Alyssa] He’s a music producer, and, like, I always ask for his advice, as long as it isn’t song time.
[Maia] Dylan’s the same way. He’ll do some music stuff, and when he’s thinking of a song, he’s just, like, off in his own world. I’m like, “Hello? I have a tiny problem.”
[Alyssa] Wait, Dylan is a songwriter? Wow, look at us! I didn’t know that. We are both in power couples.
[Maia] Yeah. For Dylan, it’s more a part of his teaching.
[gasps] I just had the best idea. We need to have a double date.
[Maia] Yes.
[Alyssa] Like, I don’t know why Jeremy and I don’t have couple friends. That’s so weird.
[Maia] So weird.
[Alyssa] Yeah. Okay, well, how’s tomorrow night?
[Maia] We’re in.
[Alyssa] ‘Kay, we’ll host. You guys come starving. Jeremy loves to cook.
[Maia] Ooh! What should we bring?
[Alyssa] Anything. We’re easy.
[Maia] Okay, I’ll grab some flowers and a…
[Alyssa] Mm, no flowers. We’re not a flowers house.
[Maia] No, no, not flowers.
[Alyssa] Okay.
[Alani] Oh, and people here get into an accident, like, every six months, so when it happens to you, don’t freak out.
[Tallulah laughing] I don’t want to get into an accident, Alani.
[Alani] No, no, it’s good. It means you’re safe for another six months. That’s, like, I don’t know, when you see your babysitter get, like, struck by lightning, or… or like adult twins.
[Tallulah] It doesn’t make any sense.
[Alani] Okay, we’re gonna make this left, ’cause when it’s red, it’s your turn.
[Tallulah] Right now? Ooh, shit.
[car horn honking]
[Tallulah] I’m sorry, I’m new!
[honking continues]
[Tallulah] Sorry! Fucking asshole. Is that Garrett?
[Alani] No. I don’t even, like, care about that guy.
[Tallulah] Okay, well, that’s not true. You like him, Alani, we know that.
[Alani] Okay, well, he’s just, like, definitely a fuck boy.
[Tallulah] Okay, I mean, like, he’s a fuck boy now, but you just have to make him, like, obsessed with you.
[Alani] You’re right. You’re right, you’re right. You’re right, I need to stand in my motherfucking power and text him right now and tell him how much I care about him.
[Tallulah] No, Alani! Are you crazy? No.
[Alani] Then, what do you want me to do? I don’t understand.
[Tallulah] You need to be mean and trick him.
[Alani] Okay, well, Lula, we both know that I can’t be mean.
[Tallulah] Okay, you know what, just take out your phone, and… Actually, just let me see, let me do it.
[driver] Swear to God, bitch, go!
[Tallulah] Just let me do it.
[horn honking]
[Tallulah] Okay! I don’t wanna… I don’t wanna make a left. I wanna make a right. I wanna make a right.
[Alani] Okay. Okay. It’s fine. It’s fine. It’s fine. It’s fine, it’s fine.
[Tallulah] I don’t wanna make a left anymore!
[Alani] Let me… It’s easier if I just do it. Let’s just switch.
[Tallulah] Okay.
[Alani] Let’s switch, let’s switch.
[Charlie] Fuck. I mean, archive Westwood, bitch. Like, are you kidding? I’m gagging! Like, these bitches could never! Um, I mean… it’s gonna be epic!
[all exclaiming]
[Charlie] Right, it was a language thing. Yeah, you like it though, right?
Yeah, it’s good.
[friend] Yeah! Yo, Lukas.
Hey, that thing’s lit.
[Lukas] Man, I freaking love it.
[Charlie] Thanks, thanks.
[laughing]
[Charlie] [sighs] So, what do you say? You, me, the boys? Vegas. … Yeah, I know you’re probably seeing other people for this, but I… Lukas, I could… I could kill it for you.
[Lukas] Yeah, it’s just, you know, we have a lot of options to weigh.
[all laughing]
Psych!
What?
[Charlie] You should see your face, my dog.
[Charlie] What did… did my face do? What?
[Lukas] It’s you! It’s been you for, like, 20 minutes!
[Charlie] Shut up!
[Lukas] You’re coming to Vegas!
[Charlie] You’re bad, you’re bad. He’s bad. Thank you. You guys got me.
[Lukas] Dude, you’re gonna be so stoked. We have two whole floors at the Luxor.
Dude, there’s an esports lounge.
And all our rooms interconnect, so when any of us need to check in with an accountability partner, we can just knock on a door.
[Charlie] Yeah. Yeah. Now, just what is… what is an accountability…
Accountability partner.
[Charlie] Yeah, what is that term?
Yeah, um… We help each other stay on track.
[Charlie] Mmhmm.
Spiritually and morally.
Morally.
Really, any sins at all.
But mostly pornography addiction.
[Lukas] Yeah.
[Charlie] Pornography a-addiction.
[Lukas] Like right now, we got this thread going where if we even think about going to one of those bad websites, we just check in with each other.
[Charlie] And you just send other the websites, or… you just say, “I’ve been thinking”? I’m just trying to… yeah.
[phones dinging and buzzing]
[sighs]
Aw.
All good, brother. Give it.
[Charlie] He was thinking.
Love you.
We love you, man.
We love you.
[Charlie] [whispering] The fuck?
Stay prayered up.
♪ You won’t get
what you want from me ♪
Do you have any nudes on your phone?
[Alani] Yeah, they’re in an album called “Nudes of my body, private.”
[Tallulah] Oh, my God. Alani!
[Alani] [chuckles]
[Tallulah] This photo is insane.
[Alani] I know, right?
[Tallulah] How did you even get the lighting like that? Like, this is crazy.
[Alani] I wish I could take credit. That was my dad’s old DP.
[Tallulah] Oh, my God.
[Alani] Yeah, Carl was actually so sweet. It’s, like, really not cool what happened to him. Everyone overreacted.
[Tallulah] Okay. I am sending this picture to Garrett.
[Alani] [chuckles] ‘Kay.
[Tallulah] And I’m gonna say… “Oops, sorry, wrong person.”
[Alani] Okay.
[text whooshing]
[text whooshing]
[Tallulah] “Can I come over later?”
[Alani] Are you serious?
[Tallulah] So easy. Yeah.
[Alani] You’re lying. Okay, okay, say… No, no, he literally just… Say, “Yes, I’m so down, baby.”
[Tallulah] No!
[Alani] Um, “Pull up around six…”
[Tallulah] Oh, my God! Alani, you are not getting the point. No. “Sorry. Busy.”
[Alani] Okay, but Lula, I’m not busy. I’m free.
[text whooshing]
[Tallulah shushing]
[text whooshing]
[Tallulah] I’m sorry, what does that say? [chuckles] “Wine in my backyard tomorrow?” Boom, bitch, phase two! Okay. Okay.
[Alani] Okay, okay, you’re right.
[Tallulah] Okay?
[Charlie] Hey, babe, you’re making me nervous.
[Maia] Well, sorry, I have to hit my steps, so.
[Charlie] It’s just a lot of walking around the apartment.
[Dylan] Here you go.
[Charlie] Thank you.
[Dylan] What’s this?
[Charlie] Mm! It’s my big bag of wigs.
[Dylan] Oh.
[Charlie] You’ve never seen my big bag of wigs?
[Dylan] I have not. Ooh.
[Charlie] I’m going to a wig party tonight. You guys can actually come.
[Maia] Dylan, no. A wig party would literally kill you. Okay, we have to be fresh and ready for tomorrow night.
[Dylan] Right, we have to stay in tonight because of a dinner we have tomorrow.
[Maia] Okay, baby? Do not joke.
[Dylan] I’m not joking.
[Maia] Okay? Alyssa finally takes me seriously as a peer, okay? And if Jeremy likes you, then we’re gonna be couple friends. Next thing you know, we’re going on dinner dates. Me and Alyssa, we’re texting each other TikToks at work. She’s laughing. We’re going on couples’ trips. Then, bam, me and her next to each other in Forbes fucking magazine.
[Charlie] Okay, guys?
[Dylan] Great.
[Maia] That’s the one.
[Dylan] Baby, really, you don’t have to worry about me. The dads at school, they… they love me. You know, I just… you say, like, “Hey, you see the new season of Reacher?” And then, they just go on and on, and it’s great.
[Maia] Okay, but Dyl? Jeremy is not like the dads at your school, with love. He is a big music producer.
[Dylan] Okay.
[Maia] So, you have to talk to him about that. I told Alyssa that you’re a songwriter, too.
[Dylan] Mai, no, no, no.
[Maia] What?
[Dylan] Please, I… [scoffs]
[Maia] You are!
[Dylan] I wrote one song one time for Miss Atwell’s second graders.
♪ Trash, trash,
pick up your trash ♪
[Charlie] ♪ Trash, trash, pick up your trash ♪
♪ Trash, trash, trash, trash ♪
[Maia] Yeah, it’s amazing, it’s a banger. And it worked. They pick up their trash, okay?
[Charlie] Yeah.
[Maia] So, lean into that.
[Charlie] Okay, go slow again, go slow again.
[partner moans]
[Charlie] Fast, fast, fast, fast, fast, fast, fast.
[moaning]
[Charlie] Oh, fuck. Fuck, sorry. I just like… I did Molly, it might take me a second.
Babe, it’s like 6 a.m.
[Charlie] Sorry. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Sorry.
I can’t get lockjaw. I have court later.
[phone buzzing]
[Charlie] You have court? Sorry, wait.
I told you, I work for the D.A.
[Charlie] Fuck! This is my new boss. He wants me to go work out with him and his friends.
[chuckles] Obviously, just say no.
[Charlie] No, no, no. Okay, no, babe, babe. You can’t say no to a pop star. Like, they turn on you fast.
Mm.
[Charlie] Ooh! I’m high. Okay. I got this. You give great head. Remember that.
Call me.
[Charlie sighing, groaning]
What’s up?
[all] Charlie!
I’m so pumped you made it, man.
[Charlie] I’ve been up for hours, actually, yeah, just doing errands, cleaning. Classic morning things, you know? Um, what’s the… what’s the plan today?
Well, we’re helping to train Dom for his first half-marathon since his knee surgery.
Yeah.
Yeah?
Pro tip, don’t ride an ATV in sunglasses if it’s cloudy out.
[Charlie] [chuckles] A half… half-marathon, you said?
Okay. You ready, boys?
[all] Warmup sprints?
[Charlie] Warmup sprints.
[Charlie groaning]
[Charlie] [vomit spattering] [coughing] Oh. [chuckles] Whoops! It’s all good. I think I drank my water too fast, or… [retching] [grunting, chuckling] … Say it. Say it. Say it. I was bullied my whole life, I can take it, just say it. Like, “Oh, he’s fucking gross, right? A disgusting fucking gay guy can’t run up a hill.” [chuckles] Just say it. Like, “Fuck this guy, right? Fuck… fuck Charlie.” Fuck this fag.” Come on, say it. Say it.
Hey, no, dude, dude, hey, hey. Dude, we all have off days, okay? Right?
[Dom] Yeah.
[Lukas] Yeah. There’s no shame in it, man. Why don’t y’all do a quick little lap? I’ll just hang out with Charlie till he’s feeling better, okay?
Sounds good.
Okay.
How you feeling?
[Charlie] That was… I hated that experience.
Yeah.
[Charlie] Like a lot, it was really embarrassing for me. [chuckles]Â Bet you guys are gonna fucking roast the fuck out of me in the group chat tonight.
Why would we do that? We’re your friends, man.
[Charlie] I mean, yeah, that’s what… that’s what friends do, right? I mean, like, I love my crew, but like, we do talk a lot of shit.
Huh.
[Charlie] You know, and that keeps us from all ever making any mistakes, ever.
[Lukas] That sounds kinda rough.
[Charlie] No. No. No, I think it’s… it’s like… it’s more in like the tone. It’s the way we say it. It’s like we’re funny about it, of course.
[Lukas] Oh. [chuckles] Oh, okay.
[Charlie] Like for example, like, I got a nose ring.
[Lukas] Mmhmm?
[Charlie] And they, like, bullied me… [chuckles] Until I no longer had the nose ring.
[Lukas] That’s kind of a bummer, man. Like, you tried something new, and they brought you down. My friends… they give me a sense of belonging and purpose. Anyway, you rest up, brother. I’d invite you to come ride ATVs with us later, but you’re precious cargo. Random thought, you rule. Thank you. [phone buzzing] [chuckles]
[Dylan] What, uh… baby, one more time, what… what does he do for a living again, Jeremy? Kidding.
[Maia] Okay…
[Dylan] I’m kidding. I’m kidding.
[Maia] Lock in.
[Dylan] I’m locked in.
[Maia] The only jokes you should be making tonight are music ones.
[Dylan] Music ones?
[Maia] Yeah, like, “Oh, I wish pianos were lighter.”
[Dylan] [chuckles] Okay.
[Maia] Something like that.
[Dylan] Oof, you smell so good.
[Maia] New perfume.
[Dylan] Mm.
[Maia] Okay, focus.
[Dylan] Mmhmm, focus.
[Alyssa] What do you want?
[Dylan] Oh!
[Alyssa and Maia laughing]
[Alyssa] Just kidding. Hi!
[Maia and Dylan] Hey!
[Alyssa] I hope you came hungry. Dylan?
[Dylan] Yes.
[Alyssa] Get in here.
[Dylan] Okay, I’m coming.
[Maia] Red!
[Maia] We are starving.
[Dylan] Yes.
[Maia] Like you said.
[Alyssa] Mm. [chuckles]
[Dylan]
[Dylan] It’s a beautiful home.
[Jeremy] So, I’m, uh, working on my laptop across from this beautiful woman.
[Maia gasps]
[Jeremy] And, uh, I’m trying to figure out what to say, and I’ve got nothing.
[Alyssa] [laughing] I’m doing the same. So, I finally just blurt out… “Can we ask them to turn this music down? Whatever it is is so, so bad.”
[Jeremy] And I said, “It’s Beck and, yeah, I asked him to go easy on the cello, but, hey, I was just the producer.”
[Dylan] Oh!
[Maia] Oh, my God! So, you… it was… that was your song that was playing.
Yeah, that was… yeah.
[Maia] That is crazy.
[Alyssa] Yeah. Yeah.
My song.
[Alyssa] I was so embarrassed, I… I bought him lunch, and then the rest is history.
[Maia] Aw.
[Jeremy] The rest is history.
[Dylan] That’s good.
[Maia] Well, great story.
[Dylan] Yeah, that’s… that’s great.
[Maia] Cheers to you guys.
[Dylan] Yeah, cheers.
[Alyssa] Mm.
[Dylan] Mm, Jeremy, I know you get to, like, work with a bunch of very cool people and everything. But I gotta ask you, have you ever met Rick Rubin?
[Jeremy] Oh! Yeah.
[Jeremy and Alyssa chuckle]
[Dylan] Yeah? Wow, that’s great.
[Jeremy] Yeah, he is a…
[whispering] Who is that?
[Jeremy] He is a character. Have you… have you read his book?
[Dylan] No, no, not yet. I’m, uh… it’s next in line. I’m reading, uh, The Rise of the Third Reich right now. It’s going through kinda the political climate post-World War I.
[Jeremy] Right.
[Dylan] And just kinda leading up to everything that really the whole…
[Maia] Dylan, we don’t need to talk about the Nazi book. [chuckles]
[Maia] It’s not the one that Hitler wrote, by the way, JSYK.
[Dylan] Yeah.
[Maia] Um, it’s like about Hitler and how he is bad, and how to not, you know, do all of that again.
[Jeremy] So, uh… Alyssa told me what you’re working on with Tallulah.
[Maia] Yeah! Um, it’s been so nice to just, like, dive right in and just, like, book, book, book, book, book. [snapping] It’s like, get one job, bam! [clapping loudly] Another job, bam! You know? [clapping loudly]
[Alyssa] Yeah, I can hear her all the way from my office making deals.
[Maia chuckles]
[Alyssa] Killing it! [chuckles] Are you okay, my love?
Yeah, no, I’m… yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[Alyssa] Sweetie, tell me.
[Jeremy] I’m just, um… no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Shh, shh, I’m just… okay. I thought I felt a migraine coming on, but, um…
[Alyssa] Mm.
[Maia] Oh, no.
[Jeremy] I’m good, no, I’m good. I’m good. I’m good.
[Maia] I’m sorry, I’m… I’m Italian, so talk loud, talk with my hands.
[Alyssa] Italian?
[Maia] Yeah. So, Jeremy, what are you working on producing now?
[Jeremy] [scoffs] I’m just, um… I, uh, no longer can produce in studio because, uh, I get headaches from the… the playback, so, um…
[Maia] Oh, sh… shit.
[Jeremy] [chuckles] It’s complicated.
[Maia] That’s tough.
[Jeremy] So…
[Alyssa] Yeah.
[Dylan] Mm.
[Alyssa] Like, I have to catch the microwave before it beeps.
[Jeremy] Is, uh, someone wearing perfume?
[Maia] [gasps] Yes! Thank you. It’s me. It’s Byredo.
[Alyssa] Oh, my God. I’m sorry, babe. I have COVID.
[Jeremy] No, it’s…
[Alyssa] I… I couldn’t… I didn’t know.
[Jeremy] That’s okay. It’s fine.
[Alyssa] Maia, perfume is a… is a trigger for Jeremy’s headaches.
[Maia] Oh, my God. I’m so sorry.
[Jeremy] No, it’s okay. You couldn’t have known. Uh, that said, I think I’m gonna have to, uh, remove myself.
[Alyssa] No.
[Jeremy] No, I’m just gonna go lay down.
[Alyssa] Oh, no. Honey.
[Jeremy] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It’s fine, it’s fine, I’m just… I’m sorry, everyone.
[Alyssa] I love you.
[Alani] Where’s Maia? Are you guys, like, going out later?
[Charlie] Um, no, she and Dylan have a dinner at Alyssa’s house. It’s actually a big deal for her, so.
[Alani] She’s, like, always fucking grinding. It’s the weekend.
[Charlie] Alani!
[Alani] Just saying.
[Charlie] This is her career. I mean, it means a lot to her. I think it’s inspiring.
[Alani] Okay, I mean, I guess you’re right. Um, okay. For Garrett?
[Charlie] Love.
[Alani] Really?
[Charlie] Serious, it’s so cute. You look sexy.
[Alani] [squealing] I love you. Also, I was thinking, ’cause it’s gonna be, like, a little chilly. Oh. Sorry. What do you think?
[Charlie] Hey, random thought. You rule.
[Alani] I love you. You’re being so cute today.
[Charlie] You’re cute every day!
[Alani] Stop! Wait, oh my God. [sighs] I’m excited ’cause Garrett’s, like, amazing. And, you’re gonna eat this up. He sent me this pic.
[Charlie] Oh. [chuckles]
He’s so fucking cute.
[Charlie] Alani, I don’t think he would appreciate me seeing that. So, I think for your eyes only. But it’s so sweet of you to show me. I’m really happy for you.
[Alani] Thank you. You’re being so mature. I love you. Wait, hold on, I need to…
[Charlie] Love you.
[Alani] …see one more thing.
[♪ light electronic music playing]
[emojis popping]
[Charlie] [chuckles softly] Aw.
[exhales sharply]
[Alyssa] A few years ago, Jer took a tumble skiing at Big Bear. He’d had an amazing day. And then, on his last run, he took his helmet off to look cool. He hit a tree.
[Maia] Oh, my God.
[Dylan] Oh, wow.
[Maia] That’s terrible.
[Alyssa] Sometimes these migraines put him in bed for days. Yeah. [sighs]
[Dylan] Oh, uh, I… I just thought of something. I could actually go get the grill going.
[Alyssa] Yeah, if you want.
[Dylan] At least get something going, you know?
[Maia] Yeah. That would be amazing, baby.
[Dylan] Yeah? Okay.
[Alyssa] That is so sweet.
[Dylan] Yeah, alright. I’m on it.
[Alyssa] You don’t have to.
[Dylan] No, no, I’m happy to… the grill, uh, it’s…
[Alyssa] You’ll find it, it’s…
[Dylan] I’ll… I’ll find it. It’s a grill.
[Maia] He’s got it.
[Alyssa] He seems… he’s nice.
[Maia] He’s the best, and he loves to.
[Alyssa] [grunting] More wine?
[Maia] Yeah. That must be so hard for you.
[Alyssa] Ugh. When I met Jeremy, he was like a rocket. Do you know how many times I could have fucked Jon Hamm at Speranza?
[Maia] Uh, a lot, probably.
[Alyssa] But I didn’t, because I was all in on Jeremy. And now… [sighs] I leave the house, he’s in pajamas. I come home, he’s in the same pajamas. Like, that wasn’t on my vision board.
[Maia] Yeah. It’s not on my vision board. It’s like, you know, pajamas are for night. Clothes are for day, like… But honestly, you’re killing it.
[Alyssa sighs]
[Maia] You are, Alyssa! Like, not a lot of people can say that they’re a badass CEO and an amazing wife. [clicking tongue] I, like, really admire that.
[Alyssa] Thank you.
[Maia] Yeah.
[Alyssa] [sighs] Partner, not wife.
[Maia] Totally.
[Alyssa] My choice.
[Maia] Okay, I’m gonna pee, and then I’m gonna go get started on the salad.
[Alyssa] The bathroom is down the stairs. And there’s no toilet spray.
[Maia] Okay.
[Alyssa] Because of Jeremy.
[Maia] Got it.
[toilet flushing]
[Maia] [sighs]
[whispering]
[Maia] What the fuck?
[moaning on TV]
[Maia] [gasps] Oh… [mouthing] my God. Oh, my God. Ew!
[Dylan] [chuckles]
[Maia] I mean, I don’t know. What do we do?
[Dylan] I don’t know. I mean, I can… I can go down there and help him finish, and then that way, he comes back up here…
[Maia] Dylan. Dylan. Dylan.
[Dylan] Alright. Okay. It’s okay.
[Alyssa] Mai? This salad is giving me life.
[Maia] [gasps] Yay! Yay. So glad. I can’t wait for you to try Dylan’s steak.
[Alyssa] [sighs] Such a bummer that Jeremy is sleeping. I… I really wanted him to tell you the story of when Sia threw up on him at the studio.
[Maia] [chuckles] Oh, my God, well, next time.
[Dylan] Oh.
[Maia] He… rest is so important.
[Dylan] Yeah. Yeah.
[Alyssa] The doctors say that he cannot be disturbed during his naps. Like, his inner ear is so sensitive, that, like, even if the Wi-Fi goes out during one of his naps, he senses it, he freaks out. He, like, wakes up, texts me, like, “What’s going on?”
[both] Yeah.
[Alyssa] The nap.
[Dylan] Yeah.
[Alyssa] Wow. So rare. It’s like you just showed the cow a photo of a flame.
[Maia chuckles]
[Alyssa] I’m kidding.
[Dylan] Yeah, it’s… it’s a leaner cut, and you kind of don’t, um… But you know, it is pretty rare.
[Maia] It’s a little… it’s a little bloody, I think, yeah.
[Dylan] It’s… let me… I’ll throw it back on for just a minute.
[Alyssa] No, not just for me.
[Maia] No, no, no, I like it that way, too.
[Dylan] Yeah, she likes it like that.
[Maia] Done, done, done, done, done.
[Alyssa] You do?
[Maia] Yeah. Yeah.
[Alyssa] Oh, my God, twinsies.
[Maia] Twinsies.
[both chuckle]
[Alyssa] Ugh.
[door closes]
[Alyssa] I wish that Jeremy was here cooking the steak. Dylan is really sweet for trying, though.
[Maia] I mean… they can’t all be Jeremys. [chuckles]
[Alyssa] There are other Jeremys out there. It’s not like you guys own a house together. And you’re both so young. We can always do better. Right? I’m just saying.
[Maia] Yeah.
[Alyssa] I call it like I see it.
[Maia] No… And I… it means a lot to me that you see the best in me, and you want the best for me.
[Alyssa] I do.
[door opens]
[Alyssa] You’re welcome.
[Maia] Thank you.
[both chuckle]
[Dylan] Okay. Alright. That was quick, but.
[Alyssa] Thank you, Dyl.
[Dylan] They are cooked.
[Alyssa] Mm! Dyl, don’t you think that your hot girlfriend should be in the Forbes photo with me?
[Maia] I would love to.
[Dylan] Yeah. [chuckles]
[Alyssa] Great! Done deal!
[Maia] Done deal.
[Alyssa] Yes, and we need to all get dinner again together, when Jeremy’s feeling better.
[Maia] Yes. Yes.
[Dylan] Whenever he’s up for it, yeah.
[Maia] I wanna hang with him.
[Alyssa crunching loudly]
[Dylan] Yeah. Wish he was here.
[Maia] I just can’t fucking get over it. Like, who jerks off standing up? Do you?
[Dylan] Uh, I mean, I, like, have.
[Maia] Yeah.
[Dylan] But not at a dinner party with people in my house. Like, that’s…
[Maia] Yeah, a dinner party with no food.
[Dylan] No food.
[Maia] She was like, “Come starving.” You cooked dinner.
[Dylan] I know.
[Maia] And the steak? Delicious, by the way.
[Dylan] No, yeah, well, you know…
[Maia] Thank you so much.
[Dylan] You’re welcome, at least it wasn’t in the fucking fridge where Jeremy left it.
[Maia] I honestly feel so bad for Alyssa. She talks up Jeremy like he’s this cool guy and he’s so successful. She… she acts like they’re this power couple, but he’s a fucking loser.
[Dylan] I can’t even stand the term “power couple.” You know, it just annoys the shit out of me.
[Maia] Well, I mean, they’re not, you know?
[Dylan] Yeah, but I mean, regardless, like, we… we work to live. They live to work. You know what I mean? It’s like pathetic. Those kind of people that just like… they have this, like, endless ambition. Like, it’s never gonna be enough, you know. They just want… they want success, and money, and like, a nice house, and all these things, and it’s just like, no.
[Maia] Yeah, I mean, it’s good to want some things, you know?
[Dylan] I mean, I want things, but like…
[Maia] To have, like, goals and stuff. But there’s a limit…
[Dylan] They’re unhappy people.
[Maia] Yeah.
[Dylan] And that’s because their level of ambition is just unattainable. I bet all they do is talk about work, you know?
[Maia] Totally. Yeah.
[Dylan] Yeah. Alright, I’m gonna call it.
[Maia] Okay.
[Dylan] Alright.
[Maia] I’m right behind you.
[Dylan] Okay.
[door opens, closes]
[♪ Music playing lightly on phone]
♪ I’m going down to the railway station ♪
[reporter] Breaking news, Lukas Landry found dead at 23…
[Maia] Oh, my God.
…from a tragic ATV accident. His breakout song…
[Maia] No!
[♪ “Help I’m Alive” by Metric playing]
♪ I tremble, I tremble ♪
♪ I tremble, I tremble ♪
♪ They’re gonna eat me alive ♪
♪ If I stumble ♪
♪ They’re gonna eat me alive ♪
♪ Can you hear my heart beating like a hammer ♪
♪ Beating like a hammer ♪
♪ Help, I’m alive, my heart keeps beating ♪
♪ Like a hammer ♪
♪ Hard to be soft, tough to be tender ♪
♪ Come take my pulse ♪
♪ The pace is on a runaway train ♪
♪ Help, I’m alive, my heart keeps beating ♪
♪ Like a hammer ♪
♪ Beating like a hammer ♪
