Original release date: November 24, 2021
Bishop takes Barton back to her apartment but is attacked by the Tracksuit Mafia. The pair is forced to evacuate, leaving the Ronin suit behind. After relocating to the apartment of Bishop’s vacationing aunt, Barton sends his children back home, promising to return by Christmas Day. He escorts Bishop to her workplace, then recovers the Ronin suit from a firefighter named Grills at a LARP event. Later, Bishop fails to convince Eleanor of Duquesne’s involvement in Armand’s death. After challenging Duquesne to a fencing duel, she tries to contact Barton, not knowing that he has allowed himself to be captured by the Tracksuit Mafia. She tracks down Barton’s location but ends up being captured herself, and the gang informs their boss, Maya Lopez, of Barton and Bishop’s captivity.
* * *
What would you do in a hurricane?
I would do what I always do. Protect you.
(EXPLOSION)
I need a bow and arrow.
Six days until Christmas.
We’ll fill it with a lot of activities.
Gingerbread house.
Yes!
Christmas movie marathon.
It’s gonna be the best Barton Christmas ever.
There have been a few changes while you were away this semester.
Ta-da!
KATE: Jack?
Those secretive little lovebirds.
Seems like he won the jackpot.
I’m not so sure.
KATE: Is that guy threatening you?
I… Honestly, I have no idea.
MAN: Up next, we have an artifact recovered from the wreckage of the Avengers Compound.
The Ronin decimated the criminal underworld of the city.
And his identity continues to remain a mystery to this very day.
Up next, we have a companion piece, the Ronin Suit.
(EXPLOSION)
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
KAZI: We’ve got 90 seconds to find the watch.
Everything else is secondary.
ELEANOR: Young people think they’re invincible, rich people think they’re invincible.
And you have always been both.
You’re not. You will get hurt. Don’t go out looking for it.
ENRIQUE: He’s here.
MAN 1: He’s here. Get him!
IVAN: Kazi! ENRIQUE: We gotta go!
IVAN: Let’s go, bro!
KATE: Monogrammed butterscotch?
Oh, God.
NEWSCASTER: Authorities believe the assailant could be the Ronin, the mysterious figure who terrorized organized crime in New York and elsewhere.
This is the first potential sighting of the Ronin in years.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(GRUNTING)
BARTON: Ah, come on. (GRUNTS)
(GRUNTING)
(GASPING)
Come on!
You’re… You’re Hawkeye!
Who the hell are you?
(GASPING) I’m Kate Bishop.
You’re a kid.
My God.
How did you get this suit?
(GASPING) I…
(SIRENS WAILING)
(SIGHS)
Lookit. We gotta get you out of here. Okay?
It’s not safe for you to be in this. Do you live near here?
Yeah. I live just…
Okay.
Yeah. Okay.
Here, take this. Are you okay?
I’m really fine. I…
Come on. Let’s go.
I saw a dead body.
This way.
KATE: It was a first.
BARTON: We’ll talk there.
BARTON: Where’d you learn to fight?
KATE: I, uh, started talking martial arts when I was five.
Wow. So, like, a year ago?
Are… Are you assessing threats? Is that what you’re doing?
BARTON: Something like that.
That’s how you operate?
You’re just constantly looking for things that are suspicious or weird?
BARTON: Uh-huh.
Look, just so you know, I’m not some total noob, right? Um…
I was a little overwhelmed, but I held my own with those douchebags.
We’re right here.
Um, some people have called me the world’s greatest archer.
Yeah? Are you one of those people?
(STUTTERS) Well, one of them is. Yes.
That’s wonderful. Yeah.
Open the door.
Yes.
(MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
(BARTON SIGHS)
(THUD)
(DOG WHINES)
(KATE SIGHS)
Some guard dog you got there.
Oh, he’s, uh, not my dog.
Nice place for a kid.
Yeah, I inherited it.
What are you, 18?
I’m 22.
Yeah, same thing.
So, wanna get that vest off, so I can get going?
Yeah.
Yeah, I’ll… I’ll be right there.
(WHISPERING) Totally cool. Just stay cool.
The Hawkeye in my place.
Where’d you get the suit?
KATE: Black market auction.
BARTON: And you bought it.
KATE: No. Not exactly.
BARTON: Uh-huh.
So, what all did you do in this suit?
KATE: I beat some guys up. Saved the dog. Some light B and E.
(SOFTLY) Jesus.
A 22-year-old vigilante. Shouldn’t you be in school?
(KATE SCOFFS)
Funny you should ask.
So, uh, now that I’ve answered all your questions, I have so many for you. Uh, starting with…
Can you sign this?
I’m not done yet.
But when you are, can you sign my bow?
You’re kind of my favorite Avenger.
Are you okay? By the way?
I’m good. Oh, yeah, no, I’m fine. You should see the other guys.
I did. Tracksuit Mafia.
That’s their name?
That’s a little on the nose.
Are they the ones that killed my mom’s fiancé’s uncle?
Your mom’s fiancé’s uncle?
Armand III.
Ah.
Of at least seven.
I… I do not know.
Hmm.
But what I need to know is if anybody saw your face?
No. Kept the mask on like a pro.
Okay, ’cause the person that wore this suit made a whole lot of enemies.
All right? And the Tracksuits are just one of them.
That doesn’t sound good.
You told nobody about this suit?
No.
There’s no way you’re connected to this suit?
Right.
I need you to be sure.
I am.
Certain?
Yes.
The Tracksuits followed you from the auction to where I found you.
Did you stop anywhere before that?
I just dropped off the dog.
IVAN: Hey, Kate Bishop!
And my name’s on the buzzer.
Oh, no. Get down.
IVAN: Hey!
MAN 1: We got little surprise for you, bro!
IVAN: Show yourself!
MAN 2: Come on! Throw it!
(KISSES) Ah!
Yeah.
(MEN CHEERING, LAUGHING)
(GRUNTING)
(SCREAMING)
MAN: Put him out!
IVAN: What are you doing?
Put him out, he’s on fire!
Told ya.
Yeah.
I gotta get that suit.
(KATE EXCLAIMS)
(MEN SHOUTING)
Come on!
That’s all you’ve got? Come on. Throw another one.
(MEN CONTINUE SHOUTING)
MAN 1: My tracksuit…
Hey, shut up!
You have a fire escape?
My home! All my stuff!
Just grab the dog and go.
Wait. What about the suit?
BARTON: Leave it. We’ll come back for it.
MAN 1: …tryin’ to do, kill us all?
You’re burning down the whole freaking neighborhood.
What?
It’s a little…
I can’t hear you.
It’s a lot. Everything.
You were on fire.
I’m okay.
You were on fire.
Like a little shish kebab.
No.
So where are we going?
Getting further away from those people trying to kill you.
Right. And after that?
We’ll need some supplies.
Hell yeah. Avenger supplies?
(FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS)
(SIGHS) Not gonna lie to you. This is a bit of a letdown.
Sorry to disappoint you.
Wanna grab some of that rubbing alcohol over there? Lower shelf.
(BARTON MUMBLING)
So what’s the plan now?
Let me guess. We’re going to your safe house?
Is it in Avengers Tower?
No. Tony sold that. A few years ago.
That is so sad on so many levels.
Come on. (CLICKS TONGUE)
(DOG WHIMPERING)
MAN: Can I get a couple of those two?
Yeah.
CASHIER: These two right here?
Yeah.
CASHIER: You want the blue or the red?
MAN: Uh, red.
All right. What is it? What do you want with me?
Look, I gotta find a place to stash you. Safe.
So I can recover the suit and clean your mess.
Stash me? I’m not a bag of money.
No, you’re not. A bag of money’d be useful to me.
CASHIER: Next.
Hi, how are you? Merry Christmas.
I actually do know a place about 10 blocks away.
Would a bag of money know a place?
(SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE)
KATE: Hmm…
Okay.
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
(CLEARS THROAT)
MAN 2: (ON COMM) Y’ello.
Yes, hey, uh… Hi. Yeah, we’re… Uh, I got pizza.
I got pi… Uh-huh.
Huh? What?
Hello?
Mm. Yep. That’s…
(DOOR UNLOCKS)
(KATE GRUNTS)
Okay.
Okay, not exactly a fortress, but it’ll do, right?
It’s my aunt’s place. She’s in Florida for the winter.
Hold that for me.
BARTON: Right.
(LOCK CLICKING)
(SNIFFS) Is there cats in here?
Mm.
Just cat hair.
(SNIFFLES)
Okay.
Here. I need you to clean your wounds. Use this. Use soap, this and disinfect it.
All right. I’m going back to your apartment to get that suit.
And then I’m going back to my kids.
Oh, yes, Clint, you may enter my apartment.
Don’t you need my keys?
Nope. I’m good. Stay here. Lock this door.
(SIGHS)
(SIRENS WAILING)
OFFICER: Yeah, Captain wants to keep everybody back.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
WOMAN: All right, sounds good.
…closing up the shop. They headed down…
(FIREFIGHTERS SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
MAN 1: Go ahead and break up that wall, all right?
WOMAN 1: Hey, whoa, whoa! Look over here.
(BARTON BREATHES DEEPLY)
MAN 2: You got another circuit interrupter?
MAN 1: Coming down.
It’s clear up there.
BARTON: Where is it?
(MAN ON RADIO SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
ELEANOR: I was so scared. What happened to you?
KATE: Nothing. I went out the back.
Hey.
Hey.
ELEANOR: That was crazy.
An explosion? Some kind of black market auction?
I gotta go. Love you.
I love you, too.
When did everybody start saying, “I love you,” to everybody all the time?
KATE: That was my mom.
Since when did your heart shrink three sizes?
When a little girl in a ninja costume stole my Christmas.
(KATE CLEARS THROAT)
What?
Multitasking.
Hmm.
Reducing swelling.
Thawing out Pizza Dog’s breakfast.
Is that the, uh, dog’s name?
He doesn’t have a name.
It’s more of a title of nobility.
Like Earl of Sandwich.
How’s your wound?
Uh, all right. It still hurts a little bit.
(CHOIR SINGING ON TV)
Oh, shit.
What?
Did you clean it?
Yeah.
You did it all wrong.
Let me fix it. Okay?
You’re taking it off?
Yeah. It’s on wrong.
And I’m just gonna rip it off like a Band-Aid. Okay?
Ready. One. Oh. Oh.
(GROANS)
All right. Just gonna clean it up.
(KATE GROANS)
You don’t want this infected, it’ll ruin your week.
Ooh. That’s actually not so bad.
Okay.
It’s a deep scratch. Want these perpendicular to it, you wanna close it. This is helping it cinch.
So it can mend to each other faster.
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
All good?
So, how’s my place?
Crispy.
Did you get the suit?
No.
But you have a lead.
What makes you say that?
What is this?
Oh, I started to describe, um, what I could remember of the Tracksuits’ faces.
I guess you’re not an art major.
Okay.
Um, I would offer to buy you a hotel, uh, ’cause from certain angles, I know this all looks like my fault.
Um, but my mom cancelled my credit cards due to the whole clock tower.
That’s not necessary.
I’m just gonna be another minute, kid.
Okay. Thank you for…
I’ll, um, see you tomorrow, I guess.
BARTON: Oh, man.
People always like, “Grills, when you gettin’ a new costume?
“Your costume looks pretty bad.”
How about now? You see me?
When you see me sneakin’ and creepin’, it’s too late.
You’re already dead. Ninja style.
Oh, shit.
(WHIMPERS)
(BARTON CHUCKLES)
I’ll be back in the morning, buddy.
You’re a good dog.
WOMAN: Have a great holiday!
BARTON: Okay.
Cooper, off your phone.
Okay, guys.
Thank you. This is a car to the airport.
Once you get to the airport, Cooper’s in charge.
No donuts, buddy.
What? Why’s he in charge? He’s an idiot.
But I got seniority.
When you land, your mom is gonna be waiting there, okay?
Is this about the ninja?
No, it’s not about the ninja.
Most importantly, remember these words, “Don’t lose Nate.” Okay?
Where is Nate?
Where is Nate?
Guys, get in the car, please.
Nate, come on, buddy.
(LAUGHING) Okay. Come on.
Come on, buddy. What did you eat?
(SIGHS) You ready?
Okay, buddy.
I love you, Dad.
I love you more. (CHUCKLES)
(KISSING)
Now get inside, buddy. Come on, Lila, let’s go.
Huh? What’s with this face?
You have a cut on your forehead, Dad.
What’s going on? Should we be worried?
No, no. It’s nothing. Daddy’s got this. It’s no big deal. Okay? Come on.
(LILA SIGHS)
I really thought you were gonna be home for Christmas.
Hey, look at me. I’ll be home for Christmas.
Promise me. Promise?
Yeah, okay.
I said Coop’s in charge, he’s not. You’re in charge.
You always have been. Look after these boys.
Merry Christmas. See you soon.
Keep your word, okay?
BARTON: I will. I promise.
You guys be safe, okay?
Okay.
Call me when you get home? I love you.
NATHANIEL: Bye, Dad.
COOPER: Bye, Dad. Don’t worry. I got this.
LILA: Cooper, you do not got this.
NATHANIEL: Love you!
NEWS REPORTER: A major NYPD investigation is underway.
New York socialite Armand Ducane was found dead in his home last night.
Witnesses saw a mysterious figure leaving the scene.
But that’s…
Yeah.
The description matches the masked assailant from last night’s auction robbery.
These two events have officials wondering if indeed, the Ronin has returned to New York City, if he may be responsible for Armand Ducane’s death, and what he may do next.
Oh, my God. Wait. Wait, they think I… They think I’m that… vigilante?
It’s been less than 24 hours, you’ve been on the news twice. Impressive.
Told you that suit was bad news.
Clint, I gotta go.
Uh, no, no, no. That is, uh, the last thing you need to do, actually.
Let’s not forget the Tracksuit guys trying to kill you twice yesterday.
I’m going to find this suit, and until I do, you’re gonna stay put.
It’s not safe, obviously.
Not showing up at work is not safe.
My mom is already high strung.
Surprised she hasn’t called me already.
Just stay put, please.
Look, if I stay put, she’s just gonna come and find me, anyway.
She owns a security company. It’s literally the safest place I can go.
Yeah, no. You’re just not gonna listen to me, are you?
I want to, but no.
Go get changed.
You look silly.
All right, I’ll go see what else she has.
I’m gonna be late, thanks to you.
You’re gonna be alive ’cause of me.
Hey, man, here you go.
All right.
Oh.
Being a gentleman, walking on the outside. Nice.
No, no, it’s just so I can hear you.
And to be clear, not ’cause I want to, just ’cause I need to.
Oh.
What happened?
(GROANING)
(EXPLOSIONS)
(GROANS)
Uh, too hard to tell.
BOY: Mommy, Mommy, a superhero.
MOM: Wow, Stevie, you wanna say hi?
HERO 1: Come on, kid!
HERO 2: Puny tourist.
KATE: Hey, look, that one’s you.
No.
That’s Katniss Everdeen. Let’s go.
Your problem is branding.
No, my problem is you.
And this ninja suit, and the people trying to kill you ’cause of it.
It’s a problem that I’m going to solve today, so I can go home to my family.
No, it’s branding.
Your whole thing is that you’re low-key. It’s a very hard brand to sell.
Well, I’m not really trying to sell anything.
It should technically make you cooler, but with the scary stuff that’s happened since the Avengers appeared, people don’t want that cynical, cool thing anymore.
They want sincerity.
That right?
Not self-seriousness, but a heart-on-your-sleeve sincerity.
I see.
You are very contained. Keep your cards close to your vest, which you wear over a suit of armor and, like, 16 other layers of self-protection.
All of which, under, finally, is your heart.
So, not exactly on your sleeve.
Again, not really trying to sell anything.
But you do, anyway.
(SIGHS) Yeah, okay, Kate. Um, what am I selling, then, huh?
It’s certainly not Halloween costumes or toys off the shelf.
Inspiration, Clint.
The office is here. Shall we meet at the safehouse after work?
Uh…
Uh, if all goes as planned today, this is gonna be the last time we see each other.
All you’ve taught me is how to lose a tail and I almost already knew that.
Right, maybe I taught you how to bandage a wound.
How’s that?
But what about trick arrows?
There are no trick arrows, Kate.
Here, put your phone number in here. For emergencies only.
Just go inside. Stay safe.
(LINE RINGING)
Just lettin’ it ring, so I have…
Gotcha.
…your number.
Emergencies only, or I’ll block and delete you.
Um, this is goodbye.
Okay.
Great. Merry Christmas.
All right.
Okay?
Cool. Call you later.
No, please don’t.
KATE: I got your number.
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
That’ll work. We can put it in her calendar for now and…
Hey. Back in a sec, D.
Oh. Hi, Kate. Nope. Oh.
Good mornin’.
I’m sorry. I know. Before you say it…
JACK: Katy.
Good morning.
Kate.
Sorry for your loss. I, um, saw it on the news.
Thank you, Kate. That’s very sweet of you.
He was very dear to me.
Must’ve come as quite a shock.
JACK: It did. (EXHALES)
It did, indeed.
You two were probably really close.
Well, we had a special relationship.
What about the inheritance?
Kate, what are you wearing?
Oh, this, it’s, um…
A friend’s. Just borrowing it.
What’s this I hear about a fire in your apartment last night?
I can explain. Can we talk?
Without the interloper?
Please.
No, no, it makes perfect sense that she would be hostile.
She likely feels displaced by me, and she’s testing our new dynamic.
She both desires my approval, yet wants to set firm boundaries.
She feels threatened by me, and you know what?
I can understand why.
I bought a book. About being a stepdad.
(SCOFFS)
Money well spent, Jack.
ELEANOR: Kate, Jack’s cooking dinner. Why don’t you join us?
Fine.
On one condition.
What’s that?
I come up with the conversation topics.
(CHUCKLES)
(CHUCKLES)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
A quill please, sir?
Here you go.
Hi.
MAN: Hey.
(INDISTINCT)
BARTON: Ah, there you are.
Uh, Hey. There’s no looky-loos.
Uh, I’m not trying to cause any trouble here.
I just wanna talk to that ninja, right there?
Stole that suit.
So, I’d like to talk to him.
Ah.
So, you can take that up with him when the LARP is over.
The Live Action Role Play. This, you know… This whole thing.
Wait, when is it over?
Midnight.
Yeah, that’s not gonna work. It’s just gonna take a couple minutes…
Uh… Hey.
Look, I know who you are, but most of those folks out there are firefighters and cops.
And if you break the rules, it’s gonna get real messy.
(SIGHS)
What are the rules?
WOMAN: Name?
Uh, yeah, no, thank you.
Email?
That’s classified.
Title? Organization?
All right, yeah.
Let me just sign it, and, uh, we’ll get this show on the road.
So, your scroll details your character’s mission.
Right.
Beginners only get one free hit.
If you get hit in the torso, it’s fatal.
(CLICKS TONGUE)
Oh.
So violent.
Just watch what other people are doing.
And have fun.
What do you do with this?
That’s what you live by.
Okay. Thank you.
Wait, wait, wait, your armaments.
(CLEARS THROAT) Helmet.
I mean, do I have to?
(PEOPLE GRUNTING)
(BARTON SIGHS)
(SIGHS)
(MAJESTIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(ALL GROANING)
(DISTORTED SCREAMING)
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
(DISTORTED) Goodness!
(WOMAN YELLS, SCREAMS)
GRILLS: Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. I’m a Viking. I’m really a Viking.
I don’t care.
Wait a minute. Aren’t you Hawkeye?
I’m not trying to cause a scene here, all right?
Out of respect to whatever the hell this is, but I’m plumb out of patience.
You got two choices.
I could take this pretend-sword and you pretend to die and I take that suit, or I’m gonna real punch you and you’re gonna real fall down and I’m gonna take that suit.
Just let me kill you.
And I’ll give you the suit.
No.
Come on, man.
You’re a superhero in real life.
This is as close as I’m ever gonna get to being one.
Just work with me. Let me kill you.
And I fought Thanos.
Okay.
All right, cool.
Just make it quick.
Yeah.
What? No, you gotta make it look real. We gotta have trial by combat.
(CELL PHONE VIBRATES)
(KATE CHUCKLES)
Okay, so, I was kinda mean, but I think it worked.
MAN: (OVER PHONE) Kate Bishop?
Uh, depends who’s asking.
This is Detective Caudle of the New York Police Department asking.
Then it depends what you’re asking.
I’m asking if this is Kate Bishop.
(STUTTERS) Yeah, it is.
Ms. Bishop, can you come down to the station for a quick chat?
Uh, I’m… I’m sort of unclear what the rules are here.
Am I, um, able to ask what this is regarding?
Are you aware there was a fire in your apartment last night?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Totally, totally.
You don’t seem too upset about it.
(CLICKS TONGUE)
Well, I wasn’t home, so, thankfully, uh, I’m… I’m fine.
Mind telling me where you were last night?
Yeah. I, um…
Mm-hmm. Uh…
(STUTTERS) I’m actually at work right now.
How about tomorrow morning before work?
That’d be great. See… See you tomorrow.
(LINE DISCONNECTS)
GIRL IN BRAIDS: Welcome!
(LARPERS CHEERING)
Now, you must drink the ritualistic potion.
It is a bottle.
Right, I’m good, thank you.
Can we just please… Let’s get on with this.
Uh-oh. You’re not gonna reap the benefits.
(CLEARS THROAT)
He didn’t drink the potion?
WOMAN: What is he thinking?
Winner takes the suit.
Proceed!
(ALL CHEERING)
GRILLS: Come on.
(VOCALIZING) Cling.
Cling. Cling. Cling.
Cling. (MIMICKING SWORD RINGING)
What you doin’?
I’m trying to sell it. You gotta make it real.
They gotta believe it.
Just kill me.
(LARPERS SHOUTING)
(ALL SHOUTING)
You ready?
I’m begging you. Kill me.
LARPER 1: Finish him!
(GRILLS YELLS)
(CHEERING)
Yes! Yes! Yes!
GIRL IN BRAIDS: Winner!
For Mount Deepdale!
LARPER 2: Huzzah!
GRILLS: Yes!
Yes!
GIRL IN BRAIDS: And now, we burn the corpse!
LARPER 3: Burn the corpse!
(SOUND FADING)
Oh.
Noble Mayor of Westland. Thank you.
I shall be regaling my countrymen with this tale for many years to come.
You can call me Clint.
I… I can call you Clint?
Yeah.
You could take this to the front desk.
Yeah.
Can’t have that on my credit card.
Nah, they will charge you.
Yeah.
GRILLS: No, but, seriously, thank you. I owe you one.
This has been, like, the best day of my life.
I can’t say the same.
I mean, come on. You did have fun, right?
I’m glad I did it.
Merry Christmas.
You, too, Clint.
Take care.
Oh! I’m… I’m… I’m Grills.
BARTON: Nice to meet you, Grills.
NATHANIEL: Where’s the frosting?
LILA: Don’t mess up my house.
Hi, hon.
I’m not gonna make my flight.
LAURA: That’s all right. That’s what, uh, flight insurance is for.
There’s never enough frosting.
How bad is it?
One more day, I think.
How’s the problematic wardrobe?
Yeah, safe.
I need to hang on it for insurance.
At least, until I clear things up with the old Tracksuit friends.
Jesus, not those idiots.
Yeah, those idiots.
I’m not sure how high it goes up, so I just gotta stick around a bit longer.
(SIGHS) I promised… I promised Lila I’d be there for Christmas.
(NATHANIEL GIGGLES)
Well, then you have five days to keep that promise.
Yeah.
I’m missing out on, uh, gingerbread house construction.
Nah, it’s okay. You’d have slowed us down. What’s the play?
A little catch release.
Nice.
One of Nat’s old moves.
Be careful.
Yeah.
Send me pictures. I wanna see the disaster.
Time to get myself caught.
(NATHANIEL YELLING)
You guys, come on. We gotta finish!
That was delicious, Jack. Thank you.
I’m so glad you liked it.
KATE: Mmm.
The secret to a good risotto is to agitate it.
Just enough.
And then it’s just down to patience and attention.
KATE: Wow.
You cook, you’re attentive, you’re wealthy.
You’re almost too good to be true.
(JACK CHUCKLES)
I assure you, I am not.
KATE: Hmm.
So, it seems you’re quite the sword aficionado, Jack. Do you fence?
I dabble.
Would you say you’re more an épée, foil, or sabre man?
JACK: Oh.
You know your stuff, little lady.
(SCOFFS)
I was a two-time state champion.
Good with all the outdated weapons.
Made me aware of when someone is trying to stab you in the back.
Okay, I think you’ve both proven that you know what swords are.
Can we move on now?
Oh, but, dear, I think a common interest is very fertile ground for bonding.
That’s exactly what I was thinking.
Bonding.
JACK: Mm.
Let’s break out these bad boys.
Please, let’s not, okay?
We’ve had enough drama this week.
Yeah.
You know, perhaps… perhaps your mother is right.
Oh, come on, why not? You’ve got some spare fencing gear.
I’m convinced.
All she said was, “Why not?”
That’s not a convincing argument. That’s not an argument at all.
And yet…
I’m gonna go get my stuff.
What?
This’ll be fun.
ELEANOR: Honey, be careful.
(SIGHS) When am I not careful?
I was talking to Jack.
Wow. You are good.
KATE: Don’t let me win, Jack.
I wouldn’t. Go again?
(KATE GRUNTING)
JACK: Oh! Caught me again. Wow, you are good.
Kate, I prefer a fiancé with four limbs, please.
KATE: Stop letting me win.
JACK: I… I’m not. Honest. I mean,
two-time state champ, right?
(KATE SCOFFS)
(KATE GRUNTING)
JACK: Oh!
What are you hiding, Jack?
Nothing. I’m an open book.
Right, darling?
(YELPS) Kate!
What is wrong with you?
He’s lying.
To be fair, I did downplay my skill and repeatedly lie about it.
She tried to stab you.
No, I knew he would parry. What I was trying to do was prove that he is lying, which I successfully did.
I’m gonna go change.
(PANTS)
I cannot believe you.
Jack is hiding something, Mom.
Don’t you think it’s a little strange that the same night his uncle threatens you, he ends up murdered by sword?
(SCOFFS)
How many people get murdered by sword each year in New York?
I’m gonna go ahead and guess zero.
Kate, it’s sweet that you’re worried, but just remember I’m the mom. It’s my job to protect you.
I’m not a kid anymore.
You’re not a superhero either.
Okay? What happened to Armand is terrible, but the police will handle it.
I don’t want you doing any more snooping.
You could get really hurt, and we’re not talking scrapes on the knee anymore, Kate.
Mom, there was more. There was a ninja suit and a street gang.
Molotov cocktails…
Street gang?
Ninjas? What exactly is in a Molotov cocktail, anyway?
Are you… Are you old enough to drink?
(SCOFFS)
Kate, everything will be okay.
Okay, I get being scared at the uncertainty of what comes next in life, but we know what comes next for you.
You’ll graduate, and in the fall, you’ll start working at Bishop Security.
Like we’ve always planned.
Like you’ve always planned.
Kate, just put one foot in front of the other, and in a few years, you’ll look up, and I promise, you will be happy where you are. I promise.
Okay? Can we just put all this behind us?
Hon? Okay? Why don’t you start by apologizing to Jack?
Sorry for scaring you into telling the truth.
(SCOFFS)
Smart as a whip, this one, huh?
Would you like a drink, darling?
ELEANOR: Are you okay?
I’m fine, I’m fine.
It’s not the first time somebody tried to take my head off.
(ELEANOR CHUCKLES)
JACK: Butterscotch?
Kate. What’s wrong?
(STUTTERING) Nothing. No, I’m fine.
I, uh, just remembered what time it is.
It’s a work thing.
If it’s for work, I’m your boss.
I can get you out of it. What’s going on?
Uh, nothing. Everything’s fine. I’m gonna call you later.
ELEANOR: Uh, okay. Love you!
Come on, guys.
Let’s just get this over with.
MAN 1: What’s up, bro?
BARTON: Hello, boys. You found me.
Hey, easy, bro.
ENRIQUE: Hey, Hawkeye, you have some place to be?
You gonna be a little late!
(GRUNTS)
Come on.
IVAN: Easy, easy.
Come on.
She wants him alive.
(SIGHS)
IVAN: Careful now.
Go!
BARTON: Guys, I can see through the bag.
THOMAS: Ivan, that was easy, eh?
Where to?
Hi, goin’ to Fourth and B.
You got it.
Clint, uh, hi, it’s me. I, uh, I have a crazy clue to tell you about. “Clues.” Plural.
Um, so, yeah, call me back, okay? Bye.
Should I try again? I should try again. I’mma try again.
(LINE RINGING)
Sometimes back-to-back calls isn’t the right move.
In this case, it was.
MAN: I’m sorry, Clint Barton can’t take your call right now.
(DIGITAL BEEPING)
Sir, I’m gonna need you to speed up. Please.
IVAN: I’m just saying, you spend so much time devoted to learning a skill, you might as well freelance, you know?
Wakey-wakey, bro.
(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
It’s a nice place you got here.
Not creepy at all.
THOMAS: Hey, hey, hey, hey. You kid.
I know you kid. So, don’t kid, okay?
Because it was getting very hard to find place.
Now, all the warehouses are being converted into lofts, so how can I get something better?
ENRIQUE: Come on, bro.
But he’s criticizing.
Uh, look, guys, I’m not who you think I am. Okay?
Hmm.
So, you are not Hawkeye?
Well, I… I guess I am who you think I am.
Uh, I’m not the guy you’re looking for.
Kate Bishop.
Not Kate Bishop.
Kate Bishop is guy, bro.
Kate Bishop is not guy.
Kate Bishop is guy in costume.
BARTON: Wow. Hmm.
Can I speak to your manager? This is like talking to furniture.
I came here (CLEARS THROAT) to talk to your boss.
Is that possible?
I’m trying to be civil here.
Civil? We kidnapped you, rozumiesz?
You are our hostage now, rozumiesz to?
(MURMURS)
Well… (GRUNTS)
If you like.
Is that him there? I would like to speak to your boss.
It’s why I came.
THOMAS: Hey.
Look at me, okay? Because I’m interrogating you right now.
IVAN: Bro.
We are now interrogating you, so look at us.
You’re the shift manager?
THOMAS: Where is Kate Bishop?
I’ve never met her. I have no idea.
Come on! Where is Kate Bishop?
(THUDDING)
Who are you talking about?
(CREAKING)
(KATE GRUNTS, GROANS)
Bro, I found her.
(KATE GROANS)
Oh, my God.
Oh, wow. Didn’t realize we were supposed to bring guns.
(GUNS COCKING)
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
(LAUGHS)
BARTON: There you go.
Don’t worry, you will not fell off.
You got it.
It’s strong. (LAUGHS)
Thank you.
Look what you did.
I was just trying to help, okay?
Don’t talk.
Well…
THOMAS: Uh-oh. You’re in trouble now, bro.
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
We have them both.
We have them…
(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
