Futurama
Season 12 – Episode 4
Episode title: Beauty and the Bug
Original release date: August 19, 2024
Plot: Bender becomes a matador in the sport of “Bug Fighting”.
* * *
♪ flamenco music playing ♪
♪ theme song playing ♪
♪
[brush scraping]
I don’t get why you brush your buggalo. They have no hair.
[whispers] Shh! They don’t know that.
Don’t know what? [hollow bonking]
They’re just such beautiful creatures.
My parents own the largest herd on Mars.
Where do you keep them all? [buggalo chittering]
O-M-Jah! Don’t know how I missed them!
We raise them for food but Betsy here has been my pet since I was a kid.
That’s why we not eat her! [sizzling]
[Hermes yelps] Yet.
Don’t know how I missed you either!
Amy, you forget the best part of raising buggalo.
Bugfighting season!
♪ flamenco sting ♪
Neat!
[camera shutter snaps]
Nobody’s gonna fight sweet little Betsy, are they?
No, no. Females too wimpy.
Buggalo matadors only fight the males.
[fierce snarling] [banging]
[gasps] How do I keep missing these things?!
Nobody should be fighting any kind of buggalo.
It’s cruel and inhumanoid.
Oh, please. They’re just brainless insects.
Really? ‘Cause they have very large brain pans according to the brain-ometer.
Big don’t mean smart.
Zoidberg’s big, but he got the intelligence of a brine shrimp.
Thank you, sir!
It’s not about intelligence.
There’s just something… special about them.
[loud slurping]
Ew, gross!
[loud chomping]
After lunch, you all come downtown.
We kick off bugfighting season with the running of the buggalo!
Sounds dangerous.
Oh, no. Couple people get killed.
Not many. Not dangerous at all.
People get killed, you say?
Four, five tops. Plus some robots.
But mostly people, you say? I’ll do it.
[all cheer]
Let’s run it!
You guys can’t be serious!
Leela, you’re not gonna participate in this, are you?
[chewing]
Uh… How about we let this be your issue?
♪ rousing pasodoble music playing ♪
[crowd cheering]
Welcome, spectators, runners, and coffin salesmen, to the annual running of the buggalo!
[crowd cheering]
We got a great group of buggalo…
[snarling, snorting]
…and a lazy-looking bunch of runners.
[listless groaning]
So sign those liability waivers, say goodbye to your loved ones…
And run for your lives!
[flare gun fires]
[crowd cheers]
[buggalo snorting]
ANNOUNCER [on speaker]: And they’re off and running!
Hello, splatter fans. Don Cunningham here.
The red planet will run red today with the blood of its bravest heroes.
Also their guts.
[crowd cheering]
[Leela and Fry panting]
[Professor snoring]
[Zoidberg whooping]
[breathless panting]
[yelps]
[thundering] [chittering]
[back cracks]
Whoo!
[grunts]
Next time, watch where you’re going!
[grunts]
[tiles shatter] [Bender thuds]
CUNNINGHAM: And the buggalo make the turn towards the Mars Vegas Strip, home of the $1.99 subprime rib.
[slot machines chiming]
Come on! Baby needs a new left hip!
[handle cranks] [wheels spinning]
[buggalo thundering]
[crashing, smashing]
[coin clatters]
[chandeliers creak]
[coin clatters on floor]
♪
[panting] Man, I’m running outta steam.
Good thing that’s not what I run on.
[gasps] [eyes whirring]
♪ dreamy music playing ♪
[eyes whirring]
[eyelashes whir, clang]
[panting] I’m Bender, baby! What’s your name?
Marquita Maria Christina Chiquita Alana Paloma…
Uh-huh… Right… Okay…
…Ramona Rosita Catalina Lupe
Lunes Martes Miercoles Jueves Viernes Sabado Domingo…
Cat’s got some moves!
He’s very light on his feet for a two-ton robot.
I’ve never seen such beauty.
Do you have many more names?
Yes, many. Veronica Helena Hermina…
Uh-huh? Right.
…Francesca Esperanza Valentina…
Okay. Keep going.
…Carmelita Leonora Lupita Isabella Juanita Teresa Sofia Mariana Benihana Bonita
Nereida Guadalupe
Alvarez.
♪ dreamy music playing ♪
[woozy groaning]
[grunts]
[clanging, banging]
[Bender grunting]
[thundering away]
[crumpling, whirring]
BENDER: No! Where’d she go?!
[gasps, sighs]
I’ll never see the love of my life again!
And even more tragic,
she’ll never see me again!
[sobbing]
CUNNINGHAM: Another magnificent running of the buggalo has come to an end. [dogs barking]
Along with many, many lives.
What a sick and unnecessary exercise.
And such a beautiful tradition.
[sad sigh]
MAN: Excuse me, Señor Bender?
I’m Abner Doubledeal.
BENDER: I know you!
You’re the commissioner of the Ultimate Robot Fighting League.
And also every other league.
Plus, I’m El Comisario of La Asociación de Bugfighting.
And I need you to be my new matador.
Wh-What happened to the old matador? [buggalo chittering]
Uh, he retired.
I don’t know.
It seems dangerous. I mean, I know I’m great, but do you think I’m great enough?
Definitely not. That’s why you’ll need to be trained by the greatest matador alive.
♪ dramatic, dreamy music playing ♪
[gasps] Marquita Maria Christina, etc.?
I would die a thousand deaths to spend one minute with her!
[grunts]
Then you have chosen the right line of work!
♪ upbeat pasodoble music playing ♪
[snarling, snorting]
[chittering] [crowd cheers]
[crowd cheers]
Marquita’s the best.
You’ll wanna learn all her trademark moves.
Trademark infringement? My specialty!
[snarling, snorting]
♪ energetic flamenco music playing ♪
[knife stabs] [crowd groans]
CUNNINGHAM: Ooh, and Matador Marquita dispatches the honorable beast with utmost honor.
I’ve never seen so much honor, folks.
I just hope Marquita doesn’t slip on all that honor.
♪ gentle flamenco music playing ♪
Bender, I want you to meet your trainer.
Matador Marquita Maria Christina something something.
¡Comisario! If you can’t remember a simple name, I’m not–
I remember it!
Chiquita Alana Paloma Ramona Rosita Catalina Lupe Lunes…
Just train him to survive this season. I gotta go.
The NFL’s up for sale on Craigslist.
…Valentina Carmelita Lenora…
[muffled]
You remember that from our brief meeting?
Alvarez.
I pay close attention when things are about to get jiggy.
♪ romantic music playing ♪
I too was struck by the thunderbolt of love at first sight.
But love must wait until you have studied the ways of the bugfighter.
First study, then jiggy?
Patience is the hallmark of the matador.
[excited squeal]
We shall begin with the most important element of bugfighting.
Stabbing? Screaming?
[flirtatious] Jigging?
Clothing.
♪ dramatic flamenco music playing ♪
Uh, you got anything slimming?
I wanna give the buggalo as small a target as possible.
Sir! My family has been making matador outfits for seven generations!
So you’re experienced?
My father died yesterday. You’re my first customer.
Honestly, most of our matador work is repairs.
Lots and lots of repairs.
♪ The Bullfighter’s Song plays ♪
[muleta flaps]
[puffing]
[clang, crash]
[flapping]
[clang]
[both grunt]
[panting]
Ah, ah. Only if you survive your first bugfight.
And maybe gargle something.
♪ trumpet sting ♪
In honor of Bender’s first bugfight tomorrow,
Buggalo wings with Martian Valley Ranch!
Them’s good eats!
I can’t believe you’re going through with this, Bender.
They’re just innocent bugs.
And yet, you’re eating one right now.
No, I’m not. This is Beyond Buggalo.
Yuck. What it made from, plant?
No. Pork! I never did like pigs.
Betsy? Want some porky-worky?
[slurps, crunches]
Hey! Why you talking to her?
Dumb bugs can’t understand anything!
Now, now, Leo. Perhaps Amy has a point.
I brought my X-ray specs so I can directly examine Betsy’s brain.
[whirring, humming]
[gasps] My word!
Amy is absolutely 100%… wrong.
Buggalo heads are literally empty!
They have no brain whatsoever!
Maybe not, but Betsy’s got emotional intelligence!
That’s the stupidest kind of intelligence!
[legs scuttling]
♪ rousing mariachi trumpet playing ♪
[crowd cheering]
I love you, Bender! [swoons]
Shut up, señorita! I know it!
[clang]
Marry me, Bender! Then, divorce me!
Man, this is my kind of sport.
[scuttling, snarling]
Oh, right. The buggalo.
[snarling, growling]
Eh, you don’t look so fierce.
[roaring]
Oh, that’s new.
Bender! Remember what I taught you!
[echoing] Always smooth your compression socks.
Ah, right.
♪ tense music playing ♪
[roars]
[all gasp]
Oh no! My cerveza hat!
♪ dramatic music building ♪
[straining, grunting]
[snorts]
CUNNINGHAM: And the crowd falls silent as one of their own faces mortal peril.
[chittering] [crowd gasps]
[Fry wails]
Save him, Matador Bender!
♪ heroic music playing ♪
CUNNINGHAM: They’re on the edge of their seats, waiting to hear how I,
Don Cunningham, describe the ensuing carnage.
[screams]
[snorting]
[crunch]
[crowd gasps]
Fry! No!
It’s okay! Five-second rule!
♪
[buggalo thuds] [Bender grunts]
[crowd cheers]
Astounding! Matador Bender has won the audience over!
Fembots are tossing their dainties into the ring.
They’re throwing their shiny metal asses at me?
I love you, Bender.
[clang] [Bender groans]
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
[Bender straining]
[buggalo growls]
[hooves thundering]
CUNNINGHAM: The tension is excruciating!
You don’t wanna miss one second of this action, fans!
And now, a word from our sponsor.
♪ gentle music playing ♪
As a matador who may or may not still be alive, I know nothing’s more annoying than a bugfight getting interrupted by a commercial.
So upgrade now to ad-free Fulu Premium.
The same old shows for an exciting new price.
[ding]
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
[hooves thundering]
[straining]
CUNNINGHAM: Welcome back, fans.
What a beautiful afternoon at the arena where Matador Bender is about to be shredded like tin foil.
♪ dramatic music building ♪
[scuttling, thundering]
[whimpering]
[echoing] Bender, did I teach you nothing?
Kinda!
♪
[all gasp]
[hooves thundering]
I’m dead if I can’t magically pull a sword outta my ass.
Hey, wait!
♪ flamenco music playing ♪
[blade crunches] [all gasp]
I’m in my car now, on the way home. But what’s this?
[crowd roaring] I hear the crowd roaring behind me.
[heavy thud]
[roaring continues]
[air horn blows]
[fembots swooning]
[thudding]
Matador Bender, in honor of your thrilling come-from-behind victory, I award you the head and carapace of your defeated rival…
[chainsaw buzzing]
…in lieu of financial remuneration.
[crowd cheering]
[kisses, blows]
[wind gusting]
[metal clanks]
♪ flamenco music playing ♪
[gears clanking, whirring]
[slurping]
Ooh! This cart has buggalo legs!
[loud chomping]
[glasses clink]
You did well, Bender.
Of all the students I have ever taught, you are the one who is alive.
Hey, Marquita, let me ask you something, matador to matador.
“Hay” is for horses. Go on.
Do you think it’s possible buggalo really do have some kind of awareness?
‘Cause when it looked me in the eye, I felt something.
Not something phony like love.
Something real like the Force.
I too have felt such a thing.
But, of course, it is impossible for a bug to feel the complex emotions we robots feel.
Speaking of complex emotions, how are you feeling about the jiggy we earlier discussed gettin’?
♪ gentle Spanish guitar music playing ♪
[fireworks crackling] [sparks fizzing]
[snoring loudly]
♪ music building ♪
♪
[buggalo chittering]
[Bender sighs]
It’s a soothing sound, isn’t it?
[yelling] Amy! You scared me brickless!
I was just tucking Betsy in.
Anyway, congrats.
I’m no bugfighting fan
but you must feel great after today.
I always feel great. ‘Cause I am.
But, I also feel something else tonight.
Something I’ve never felt before.
Guilt?
Maybe.
I always wondered what guilt felt like. [neck creaks]
Hey, um, can I come in?
They’re too dumb to know I killed their pal, right?
Probably.
[gate creaks]
Just stay away from Betsy.
♪ flamenco guitar flourish ♪
[sighs] I’m sorry I killed your friend.
Or uncle. Or fruncle.
[sniffles] Can you forgive me?
♪ flamenco music playing ♪
[buggalo clicking]
It really is such a soothing sound.
DEEP VOICES: Bender…
[louder] Bender…
[louder] Bender!
What? Who’s there? Is that you, Fruncle Friender?
[buggalo chittering]
BUGGALO: We are honored to share our sleeping space with you.
[gasps] You can talk?!
I mean, not as good as me can, but still.
BUGGALO: Please make yourself comfortable in the place of honor at the bottom of the sleeping pile.
♪
[nervous muttering, yelps]
BENDER [muffled]: I can’t breathe!
[normal] Oh, right. Robots don’t breathe.
Actually, this is pretty cozy.
♪ flamenco guitar flourish ♪
[contented sigh]
[buggalo chitter softly]
[Bender snoring]
♪
[crowing]
Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys!
[loud chomping, gulps]
What?
You’re not gonna believe this, but something amazing happened.
The buggalo spoke to me!
That is amazing!
And we don’t believe you!
[loud crunching]
Which buggalo spoke?
All of them!
Buggalo can be singular or plural.
I understand, Bender.
Buggalo cannot speak, but sometimes, I feel as though they do.
But they don’t.
They do not don’t! Tell her, Amy!
Uh, Bender, I think you may have taken me a little too literally.
Nuh-uh! They’re intelligent creatures!
I say the travesty of bugfighting must end once and for all!
Then it was nice having jiggy with you.
[chair creaks] Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must prepare for a bugfight.
Marquita! Don’t go!
Please!
[chewing] She seems nice.
♪ dramatic pasodoble music playing ♪
♪
Poor things. Don’t worry.
You’ll be okay.
[sobbing] No, you won’t!
I was lying! I’m sorry.
Guys, guys, I’ve got a plan.
I’m gonna disguise myself as El Gran Buggalo and put a stop to this savagery.
I don’t usually do the right thing, but I’ll be ruining everyone’s day, so it balances out.
[squishing]
[echoing] Whoa, trippy. Now, here’s the idea.
Just at the key moment, I’ll rip off my disguise and say…
[muffled indistinct passionate speech]
That oughta convince ’em.
♪ triumphant pasodoble music playing ♪
CUNNINGHAM: Today’s match pits the greatest matador of her generation against the greatest buggalo of its.
You know him, you love him.
El Gran Buggalo!
Look how his legs barely move as he glides effortlessly, with all the majesty and grace of a dog on a skateboard.
BENDER: Marquita, it’s me. Don’t worry. I’m just gonna…
[muffled indistinct speech]
CUNNINGHAM: What’s this? El Gran Buggalo is up on his hind legs.
Is he trying to teach us a new dance?
BENDER [muffled]: Ladies and gentlemen…
[muffled indistinct speech]
[grunting]
[echoing] Man, this head is really stuck on tight.
[knife slices] Oh crap!
Kill it already!
It’s not getting any tastier just standing there!
[muffled pleading]
[crowd cheering]
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
CUNNINGHAM: And Matador Marquita moves in for the kill.
It’s all over, folks.
This is Don “Beat the Traffic” Cunningham signing off.
[crowd cheering]
♪ intriguing music playing ♪
♪ Spanish guitar flourish ♪
♪ intriguing music playing ♪
♪ guitar flourish ♪
[knife stabs] [Marquita grunts]
♪ dramatic sting ♪
[muffled whimpering]
♪ somber music playing ♪
[sighs] Don’t you people get it?!
This buggalo is just an innocent…
♪ dramatic sting ♪
…robot?
How did you get that off so easily?
[pained grunting]
[crowd gasping]
Bender, no! Are you in pain?
Marquita, my darling. I’m…
I’m okay.
Luckily, the sword just went through my head.
[creaking]
[mic feedback]
People of Mars! Matadors!
Don Cunningham!
FRY: He went home!
Maybe buggalo really are brainless.
Maybe they don’t feel any pain.
Maybe they don’t suffer. But, even so, what does it say about us that we celebrate their bloody deaths?
Instead of celebrating death, should we not be celebrating life?
And love?
Bender, hear me now.
I… love… bugfighting.
You lousy tramp! I oughta kick you!
But I love you more.
Okay, that’s better.
Let us end this barbaric, yet noble, yet barbaric ritual once and for all!
[crowd cheering]
Yet noble–
Shh.
Guess you were right, Amy. I’m proud of you.
You disinherited.
[mic feedback]
[clears throat]
Buggalo fighting now banned forever.
[crowd cheering]
But gambling still legal. Nothing wrong with gambling.
I brought mines with me.
[coin clatters]
Come. Let us make the jiggy.
[loud rumbling]
[both gasp]
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
[scuttling]
[chittering]
BUGGALO: We are the buggalo.
[all gasp]
What?! They can talk?
My word!
It seems that while each individual buggalo is brainless, their empty skulls form resonance chambers that allow large groups to assemble a hive mind!
BUGGALO: The raisin man is correct.
We have consciousness, and we feel emotions.
Fear, pain, suffering.
All the emotions.
But, most of all, we have a deep love of buggalo fighting!
[all gasp]
Huh?
Say what?
BUGGALO: Much of our culture is built around this ancient tradition.
It’s not a very rich culture, we admit that.
We just like to eat grass and kill matadors.
But, we refuse to forsake our noble traditions.
The fight must continue!
[snorting, snarling]
[gulps]
[swords slicing]
I love you, Bender!
We shall die together with great honor.
I love you, too, baby.
But, Bender! You said we was engaged!
No! He swore his love to me!
And me!
Bender. Are you two-timing me?!
Two? Nah, nah. It’s way more than that.
How did this happen? And when?
Well, remember when I said I spent a whole night sleeping with the buggalo?
It was actually only part of a night.
And I didn’t do much sleepin’.
♪ dramatic sting ♪
I call first gore.
[Bender whimpers]
[buggalo growl]
Well, I deserve this.
[metal crashing on metal]
[Bender and Marquita grunting]
This has been Don Cunningham.
Goodnight, everybody.
♪ rousing pasodoble music playing ♪
