Elle – S01E07 – You Picked The Wrong Girl – Transcript

Elle
Season 1 – Episode 7
Episode title: You Picked The Wrong Girl
Original release date: July 1, 2026

Plot: For once in their relationship, Elle and her mum fail to see eye-to-eye on a tricky situation, causing Elle to question her moral compass. Elle bets on her own instincts to stand up against an injustice.

* * *

Transcript

Note for Students & Writers: This transcript is archived here for educational purposes, critical analysis, and screenwriting study. All rights belong to the original creators.

[gentle music playing]

[scoffs]

[officer] Sit down.

Honey.

Do I have an eyelash? No.

You’re sad?

[yawns]

He’s sad? His face tattoos.

[shushes]

[Elle] What do teardrops mean?

That he’s killed three people and he wants us to know.

I just made eye contact with him.

Um, I’m a target.

Honey, roll up your sleeves, just look tough.

Why don’t you guys go get something to drink?

So their thirst is quenched before they’re shanked in the hallway?

We’ll be fine. Thanks.

Okay, honey.

[sighs]

It’s not how I wanted to spend my Saturday, either.

I’m just glad we were home to get Liz’s call.

Yeah. That poor girl.

Can you imagine finding out your mother’s been arrested for theft?

Well, you know what they say, there’s two sides to every story.

God, I miss L.A.

At least there, we could keep Elle safe from the criminal element.

She trick-or-treated at the Menendez house.

Kitty gave out those full-sized Snickers, though, so…

What are you doing?

Appearing bigger. He’s a bear in the wild, honey.

Maintain eye contact. Do not show fear.

You get out of here!

That’s right!

Elle and I took a self-defense class at the Y.

Your mom thinks my mom did this.

No, she doesn’t.

Okay, yeah, she probably does.

Is there any chance that she did?

You did not seriously just ask me that. Well, the police don’t go around arresting the wrong person.

Uh, yeah, they do. She was framed.

Come on, if my mom was the type of person that stole money, why would she be working three jobs?

Maybe so she doesn’t have to work three jobs.

My bad. I thought you changed.

Well– Liz. Liz, hang on. Wait.

Elle, she couldn’t have done this.

Okay? Think about it, this isn’t some random person you don’t know.

It’s my mom.

You’re right.

I know Donna and I believe her.

I don’t care what it looks like.

In fact…

Hello, you look like you could use a Fruitopia.

Busy.

In the interest of public safety, I’d like to put a request in to expedite this bailout process.

Are you aware that one of your current detainees was taken straight from her place of employment without any of the products from her current skin care regimen?

That seems unethical, if not downright illegal. Oh, my God. Mom.

[Donna] I’m fine.

You can relax, sweetie.

I’m fine.

Wyatt, Eva, thank you so much.

I am so sorry to have inconvenienced you like this.

No, it’s our pleasure. Right, Eva?

Yeah. Yeah.

And we’re-we’re so glad you’re okay.

Good news is, I can make my own mascara now, with coffee and Vaseline.

We know you didn’t do this, Donna.

[Donna] Thank you, honey.

Next order of business, score you a powerhouse attorney.

My mom went to the same Burke Williams as Gloria Allred.

Oh, honey, I don’t think she’d remember me.

Didn’t you two dry-sauna naked?

That was a whole boob job ago.

Mom.

But what’s a little silicone between friends?

No. No, no, no, no. You’ve already done too much.

And, besides, I already have a lawyer. Ace Bellisario.

Is that that short guy from OJ’s team?

No, the guy whose number was scratched into the payphone in my holding cell.

Oh. Him.

♪ I’m only happy when it rains ♪

[♪ Garbage sings “I’m Only Happy When It Rains”]

♪ I’m only happy when it’s complicated ♪

♪ And though I know you can’t ♪

♪ appreciate it ♪

♪ I’m only happy when it rains ♪

♪ Pour your ♪

♪ misery down ♪ ♪ Pour your misery ♪

♪ Pour your misery down on me ♪ ♪ down, pour your misery ♪

♪ Pour your misery down ♪ ♪ down, pour ♪

♪ You can keep me company as long as ♪

♪ you don’t care ♪

♪ I’m only happy when it rains ♪

♪ You wanna hear about my new obsession? ♪

♪ I’m riding high upon ♪

♪ a deep depression ♪

♪ I’m only happy when it rains ♪

♪ Pour some misery down on me ♪

♪ I’m only happy when it rains ♪♪

[reporter] I’m outside Rainier West High where I just spoke to Principal Shane Anderson about the stolen property that investigators say was concessions cash from sporting events.

Well, it-it was $12,515.

And when the exact amount was discovered in Donna Miller’s car, police, they-they connected the dots. Yeah.

Slimeball. I hate that guy. Well, it-it is, it’s disheartening, you know?

Donna was beloved while she was here, but she was also terminated for a previous theft, so I-I hope it’s not true, but if-if it quacks like a duck.

Did he just compare me to waterfowl?

This man needs to fry. [Elle] It’ll be fine.

We’ll get you in front of some news cameras looking all pretty, you’ll plead your innocence, and everyone will believe you because the truth always prevails.

Good, because the city is paying me a pretty penny to represent you.

Ace Bellisario. [Donna] Yes, we spoke on the phone. I’m Donna.

I recognize you from your mug shot, and from being the main character on the news. Welcome to my office.

I see that my secretary already got you drinks. We saved our receipts?

[Liz] Do you have an actual office, or do you just like talking over the sound of five TVs?

It is currently going through renovations.

They’ll call anything “condemned” these days. So, I hear the cops found a bunch of money in your car. Ooh.

Yeah. [Elle] Allegedly, which is why I’ve prepped Donna for her close-up.

I assume you’ve contacted all the local news affiliates so she could defend her name to the public?

Now that is what us lawyers call patently moronic.

[gasps] I object.

So, Donna is looking at, uh, ooh, first-degree theft and a Class B felony. Yeah.

So, what do I do?

Keep your face out of the limelight, you settle for a plea deal, and you hope that people forget who you are in a few years.

Oh, no, we’re not settling.

This needs to be dismissed.

Donna was framed.

Our principal’s been skimming money off the school budget.

He’s being blackmailed.

And he was about to be caught stealing money to pay off his blackmailer, so he needed to quickly frame my mom.

Which you can prove?

Not exactly.

The blackmail note was washed away by an aggressive sprinkler system.

Mm-hmm. No one’s fault, but, um…

I’ve itemized the school budget from highest to lowest, and right under “earthquake insurance,” you’ll see the most expensive monthly payments are for tater tots they don’t serve and a Channel One News subscription

they don’t air. And there’s no receipts for these transactions?

Um… well, no.

He has receipts.

For everything.

So, no proof of blackmail and a paper trail that adds up. Right.

You girls need to read a little more Nancy Drew.

Principal Anderson put stolen money into my mom’s car while she was at work.

We need to take him down. Actually, that can’t be proved because Donna’s Blockbuster had no surveillance.

Oh, my God. There are, however, eyewitness accounts that put Donna at the school the day of the theft, which is not great for any of us.

Maybe we should get a second opinion.

Okay.

Elle, sweetie, thank you both so much for trying to straighten this out for me, but this is not a problem for 16-year-olds.

You should be… worried about midterms and acne.

Isn’t there a winter formal that you’re in charge of?

Mr. Bellisario, you’re wrong.

We shouldn’t forget about Donna. We should celebrate her.

You don’t need to come to your own defense if we do it for you.

What-what are– what are you talking about?

When you were fired, the entire student body was more than willing to sign my “Rehire Donna” petition.

I just need to re-rally the student body, get them to say nice things about you, and show everyone you couldn’t possibly have done this.

I-I’m not comfortable admit-admitting I know her.

Just talk about how Donna took you under her wing when you had no money for lunch.

Hey, you know

I never asked her to steal that petty cash.

Does that make me an accomplice?

Cut.

Thank you, you’re excused.

I’ll just find someone else.

Didn’t the news say Donna stole, like, a ton of money?

Wait, is Donna why we can’t afford Dave Matthews at the winter formal?

I actually really like Donna.

But she should be in jail.

Cut.

[quiet, dramatic music playing]

Yellow font? On white paper?

[sighs] That’s not what I told them.

This is what I get for delegating.

I know I’m probably being overly sensitive ’cause of the whole Donna situation, but seriously, who thought yellow and snow would be visually compatible?

[Miles] Oh… I see it now. Yeah, it’s bad.

[Elle] And to top it all off, it’s on January 21st.

What’s wrong with the 21st?

It’s the night of the Golden Globes.

Uh… so, I guess if we’re changing the dance to accommodate your TV-viewing schedule, that means that you’re going?

[scoffs] I practically birthed this dance.

And then, once Donna got arrested, I stopped mid-push and handed it to the committee to bring into the world, but…

[sighs] Well, yeah, this analogy ends a little too dark for my personal tastes.

Hey, are… are you going with anyone?

Um…

[school bell rings]

I should go.

Yeah, me, too.

[Anderson] I-I don’t know why you’re panicking.

I don’t like how exposed we are, either, but if you watch the news, I’m clearly taking care of it.

[metal clanging] Yeah.

[student] Ow! Uh, no. Hey, hey.

No. Okay.

[student] Dude, oh…

[Anderson] That’s not to be used as a weapon.

[quiet, suspenseful music playing]

[line rings]

[automated operator] To redial 0-61 3-83311, please stay on the line. [line rings]

[man] Did you just hang up on me?

Hi, who is this?

Oh, uh, um, Coastal Northwest Earthquake Insurance.

How can I help?

Oh.

Sorry, I have the wrong number.

[line disconnects]

[dial tone]

I really like Donna, and I hate to be judgmental, so…

I don’t know.

Didn’t MLK say, “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere”?

Yeah, I think we should wait until… more facts.

Could you zoom in any closer?

I mean, doesn’t she have a great smile?

I’m just giving the people what they want.

We agreed on a fixed-frame medium close-up.

This isn’t gonna match the others.

There are no others.

No one else came out in Donna’s defense.

[sighs]

I thought this was gonna work.

I don’t get it.

Donna was always helping people who needed it.

I don’t know why I expected more from people who photocopy paper snowflakes.

Well, that was specific.

I caught Pamela from the dance committee at the Xerox machine.

My God.

I know, photocopying snowflakes.

Singularity is their core feature.

Mm, well, I would offer to help, but then I’d have to, you know, plan a dance.

But you’re going, right?

Mm-mm. Dances are lame.

Classist, sexist, elitist and homophobic. They’re basically fascist.

[scoffs] I’m, like, the least fascist person I know.

Well, either way, I don’t do extracurriculars.

I barely do curriculars.

Dances are the only reason people go to high school, especially dances I throw. You, sir, are going.

Fine.

Fine?

Fine.

So… we’re going together?

Fine.

Okay, see, I wasn’t asking you to go with me.

I was asking if you were asking me to go with you.

Fine.

Fine.

Okay.

[Elle] Mom? I’ve had a great idea of what to do with the testimonials for Donna.

The homecoming video was so good, I just…

[Eva sighs] Mom?

What?

Did you watch Outbreak again?

I told you, we’re safe here. We’re in America.

There was a carbon monoxide leak at town hall, and now they have exposure concerns about the mayoral debate.

I know a mass casualty event would be really bad press, but this is barbaric.

I mean, who is going to wear this?

Well, why don’t you do it at the school?

The gym’s huge, and it’s not like we use it for sports.

Elle Woods.

It’s like I gave birth to myself.

Thank you. So, anyway, Madison’s dad said he’d clear “I’ll Stand By You” for a low license fee, and half the testimonials start with “I love Donna, but.”

So, I was thinking we edit out all the “buts,” throw in some distracting transitions, and it’ll show 50 students saying “I love Donna” over and over.

I mean, I’m all for a little creative license, but I’m not sure that’s ethical.

I mean, they said it, right?

Mm-hmm. The debate will be filled with the discerning public.

Reporters covering the event can pick it up for the 6:00 news.

Donna’s reputation will be saved. But… tomorrow night’s Dean’s night to shine.

Okay, but Donna could go to prison.

Well, honey, that’s what happens when you’re caught with stolen cash in your car.

So you think she’s lying.

All I’m saying is that’s what I heard on the news.

Well, you lied on my birth certificate. Should you go to jail?

Watch your tone, young lady.

Why won’t you fight this with me?

Because neither of us have a law degree, and we need to leave this to the people who actually know what they’re talking about.

The mayoral debate is not the place for a high school protest.

And what are you wearing?

Could Glam-ma be right?

What if I’m totally wrong about Donna?

[Bruiser whines softly]

What if my predilection for seeing the good in people is blinding me from an uglier reality?

[Bruiser growls]

Like how that hooded man’s running right towards us and we’re just sitting here like we’re completely safe.

[gasps]

Okay, Bruiser, we trained for this.

We are bigger than you!

We appear very large and threatening!

[roars]

[Bruiser barks]

Miles, what the heck?

You know I took self-defense at the Y.

Oh, yeah. Definitely.

Mm. [Bruiser growls]

What’s going on?

Just asking Bruiser how to choose between my mom and my gut.

Who’s winning?

My entire life, I wanted to be my mom.

I wanted her clothes, her social life, her friends, her skin.

And then we move here, and… I barely recognize her.

It’s like we have nothing in common anymore.

I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

This last summer, I realized I loved the Eagles…

Mm. …even though I grew up thinking

I hated them because my dads did.

Maybe this is the time in our lives we realize our path diverges from our parents.

If this ends with you making me an Eagles mixtape, our paths are going to diverge.

Every bone in my body wants to sing “Desperado” right now.

Please. I really want to do it.

Miles, I am begging you, for Bruiser’s sake.

[chuckles]

I’ll spare you. [laughs]

If you want my advice… I think you got to ask yourself who you’d rather disappoint.

Your mom or yourself?

I almost got you that time.

I just got off the phone with my lawyer.

He’s gonna bill you a quarter for the payphone.

Um…

It’s bad, Liz.

Um, the plaintiff’s attorney just convinced the judge to consider jail time.

Three-to-ten if convicted.

What, years?

They can’t do that.

Can they?

I don’t know.

[doorbell rings]

Hey.

[Donna] When it rains, it pours.

[Kimberly] Can I come in?

Uh…

What are you doing here?

Well, no one asked me for a testimonial for the Save Donna Campaign.

No one asks Freddy Krueger for sleeping tips, either.

Just let me do a nice gesture.

Six minutes, all glowing.

Whoop. Just kidding, sorry.

Since when are you capable of nice gestures?

Maybe I have been a little bit of a Freddy Krueger to you lately.

What’s the statute of limitations on “lately”?

I-II don’t know. I-I guess–

Since you made out with me all summer at camp, and then pretended I didn’t exist, right?

If you want to get technical about it.

Look, not everybody grew up with a mom like yours.

Um, my parents would never, uh…

Anyway, um, I convinced some of the popular seniors to give testimonials, too, so that’s five, but in terms of social currency, it basically counts as ten.

They’re very influential.

They are, aren’t they?

[♪ Violent Femmes sing “Blister in the Sun”]

Where are you going?

I’m calling Elle.

[doorbell rings]

I think this is a video mixer.

♪ ♪

♪ When I’m out walking I strut my stuff ♪

♪ and I’m so strung out ♪

♪ I’m high as a kite, I just might ♪

♪ stop to check you out ♪

♪ Let me go on ♪

♪ like I blister in the sun ♪

Save room for dinner.

[doorbell rings] ♪ Let me go on…

Your trendsetters are here.

Donna was basically the least judgmental person at this school. So, yeah, sucks they fired her.

Tell us why you think Donna was… Okay.

Why am I so nervous for this?

[chuckles] [Kimberly] And action.

And I’m pretty sure we would’ve been late to every single meet without her.

♪ Let me go on ♪

♪ Big hands…

I’ve curated a list of student home addresses from nearest to farthest.

Convince them this is the most down-with-the-establishment cause they’ll ever be a part of.

Also, all the cool kids are doing it. So, you know, peer pressure.

Peer pressure is my religion.

Okay, now you’re gonna tell your favorite Donna story.

And action.

Remember when Donna would stand outside our classroom in the morning to greet every student?

I actually really miss that. So, my freshmen year, uh, Donna volunteered

to be the manager… Here you go.

…of our cross country team…

[Kimberly] Donna was basically… Elle-A, check this out.

…the least judgmental person…

Donna noticed that I was the only kid who didn’t have money for pizza day, and she split her pizza with me.

She’s a good person, and if she says she’s innocent, I believe her.

Yeah, that’ll pair nicely with Quiet Kyle saying that Donna let him hide his ferret in her file cabinet during gym.

Already done.

Fifteen more testimonials.

Everyone says some version of “I believe Donna.”

That means we just broke a hundred.

And we’re off to get more.

Oh, call if you need any more refreshments.

Got it. Thank you.

♪ Let me go on ♪

♪ like I blister in the sun…

Donna volunteered to be the manager. [laughs]

Um, she gave birth to me.

Which is pretty cool of her.

[Donna laughs]

Don’t forget to save… I forgot to save… a cup of pasta water. …a cup of pasta water.

One day.

You know, I’ve never made a homemade meal with my mom before.

Then again, I’ve never held a can of Jolt in her presence, either.

Easy with that stuff.

It’ll make you vibrate. Don’t worry, I saw what happened to Jessie Spano when she got addicted to caffeine pills.

Saved by the Bell? Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

[Donna] I don’t know how you guys did all this stuff.

[Elle] Oh, it was Liz’s idea to use the seniors with social influence.

She’d do anything for you, including empower the popular girls.

Well, when you’re all the other has, you got to have each other’s back.

It’s gonna be okay, Donna.

[gentle music playing]

♪ ♪

[Liz] And we are officially… outputting.

Hundred and eighty-nine testimonials.

Let’s hope it’s enough to change the hearts and minds of the public at the debate tomorrow.

You mean tonight. It’s ten after 5:00.

Oh, my God.

Did I just have my first all-nighter? [gasps]

I feel so collegiate.

[sighs]

[chuckles]

Why are you doing this?

‘Cause I love your mom.

Well, I love my mom, too.

But, you know, I don’t think it would’ve ever occurred to me

to hijack a mayoral debate on her behalf. Mm-hmm.

Coco Chanel once said, “If you’re sad, add more lipstick and attack.”

And I think Coco would agree, it’s a lot easier to attack when you have an army.

What’s that?

[sighs]

Um, please don’t be you about this, but…

I saw it in the window of a consignment store and I thought of you.

You’ve made Seattle a little pinker, and I like to think Seattle’s made you a little more plaid.

Liz, I love it.

Thank you.

Yep.

You can let go now. Best friend.

Okay, I don’t want to, though.

I know you don’t.

[indistinct chatter]

Oh, sir. Yeah, that’s for you.

Hi. There you go.

Sorry, I only have so many.

I gave the Dean Team signs to the best-looking people in the crowd.

I hate myself for thinking that’s a good idea, but you are brilliant.

You look handsome. Thank you.

In a Charlie from Party of Five kind of way.

Wow. That’s actually a show you should reference. Kids out there will eat it up.

I’ve got this. This is the part I’m actually good at.

Why are you so nervous?

I just… really need a win right now.

Been, uh, going through it with Elle.

Aw. She’s convinced herself that Principal Anderson set up Donna to hide some secret affair.

Well, did you tell her that this is one of the schools I oversee and that I do my research before I hire my principal?

There you are. I’ve been calling you.

I’m sorry, my phone was off. Keep it on.

There’s breaking news and the press will want a comment.

What’s the breaking news?

Where’s Liz? Haven’t seen her.

Okay, well, we’ll just have to start without her.

Once Principal Anderson announces the candidates, I’ll hit the lights. Everything goes dark.

Dustin rolls in the projector, you pull down the screen, Dustin presses play. Elle.

And we get totally busted.

Boys, would you mind giving us a moment, please?

I asked you

not to do this. I know how you feel about leaving this to the judicial system, but, respectfully, I disagree, and so does our school.

We believe in Donna.

And I don’t mean to piggyback off your big night, but all the reporters are here to see that Donna is good and everyone in–

She pled guilty.

What? It’s on the news.

She took responsibility for the crime.

But what about Anderson? I mean–

She must’ve made it up.

And Dean oversees the school affairs.

He wouldn’t have hired Principal Anderson

if any of that nonsense were true. But it is true.

Donna is innocent.

I mean, she must’ve pled guilty for some, for some other reason.

Honey– [Anderson] Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to start, so if you could please take your seats.

Thank you very much.

I have to get back out there.

I tried to warn you, honey. I’m sorry.

I’m Principal Shane Anderson.

Welcome to tonight’s mayoral debate.

[audience applauds]

[Anderson] Yeah, well, not that I wish a carbon monoxide leak on anyone…

[chuckles] But how fortunate for Rainier West High to have the honor of witnessing tonight’s debate between

Superintendent Dean Wilson…

[cheering]

…and current Mayor Mike McAllister.

[cheering]

[crying]

Elle-A?

What’s going on?

I think I…

I just got something in my eye.

Or it’s allergies.

This season’s been really bad.

Hi.

[crying]

[quiet, gentle music playing]

Donna just… [stammers]

[sniffles]

Okay.

Thank you.

Donna just turned herself in.

Is there a chance we’re wrong about Principal Anderson?

Hey, hey, hey.

Anderson’s guilty as hell. But Dean said he’d never hire someone with a shady past.

And he’s the school superintendent.

I mean, if we found discrepancies in the school budget, wouldn’t he?

I mean, he basically oversees everything.

What?

[dramatic music playing]

[Dean] What I see are long-term residents being pushed out of their neighborhoods by greedy developers.

Voters aren’t asking for fancy stock options.

They’re asking for humane rent.

[cheering]

This is everything we got from Anderson’s office.

We-we compared these to the budget.

All the line items have a matching invoice.

[Elle] Who is this?

[man] Coastal Northwest Earthquake Insurance.

What if the receipts aren’t real?

[Anderson] Thank you, both, for an educational night.

I think you’ve given our students and our guests a lot to think about.

[applause]

Thank you.

Thank you.

One last question.

Elle.

[audience murmuring]

[clears throat]

Good evening!

[microphone feedback squeals]

Sorry.

[clears throat]

Hi.

Elle Woods.

Junior with an interest in fashion merchandising.

What’s your question, miss? Mayor McAllister and Superintendent Wilson, how will you, as Medina’s next mayor… reconcile the widespread corruption going on right under

your very noses? [audience murmuring]

[McAllister] Widespread corruption?

Teenagers are very dramatic, aren’t they?

Yes.

[McAllister] Miss Woods, can you be a little more specific?

Um… okay.

I, uh… I brought a little research to back my findings.

My friends and I highlighted some items the school claims to have purchased but don’t actually have.

Among them, mousepads, tater tots and a stop sign at the uncontrolled intersection where Shannon Walker’s mom Robin was fatally struck by another car.

[audience murmuring]

Robin’s death was the result of greed.

And the man responsible for these fictional purchases was our very own… Principal Anderson.

[audience exclaims]

Do I love politics?

[Anderson] Okay, can we get her out of here?

Yeah, now.

Wait, wait, wait.

Are you saying your principal stole?

That’s exactly what she’s saying.

[Elle] He knew we were close to uncovering his fraud, so he planted the money on Donna Miller in case anyone started looking into why things weren’t adding up.

Okay, Donna pled guilty to theft.

What innocent person pleads guilty?

[Liz] A mother.

[audience murmuring]

My mom pled guilty to avoid jail time.

A misdemeanor allows her to remain free, pay a fine, and complete community service.

But it wouldn’t take her from me.

[gentle, upbeat music playing]

So the real question is… why would Principal Anderson steal from his own school?

“Whichtofor,” brings me to a time I was in his office and commented on an orange suede jacket he claimed belonged to his wife, a beautiful redhead.

But that doesn’t make sense because… well, Mom?

Because redheads can’t wear orange!

[Elle] Mm.

Mm-hmm. [audience murmuring]

She’s also a native Seattleite, so I was surprised the jacket was authentic suede, because everyone knows people from Seattle…

[audience] Don’t wear suede.

Though one could argue someone from

Sunnyside, Washington, a city in the high desert that averages a meager eight inches of rain per year probably love suede.

[scoffs] The jacket didn’t belong to his wife because it belonged to the mother of a secret love child.

[audience exclaiming]

Oh, my God. Yuck.

All right. [coughs]

If everybody can please calm down.

Can we escort Ms. Woods, uh, to the door?

She’s disrupting the debate with these nonsense allegations.

Officer, get-get her off the mic.

You’re done talking. [Anderson] This is ridiculous.

She is a student. [clears throat]

That one there. Hey, come on now.

Hi, Officer. That one in the pink, can we arrest her, please?

Absolutely not. She’s in Chanel.

Where are you getting at, miss?

Our principal without principles was stealing money because he was being blackmailed for his secret.

But by whom?

The most expensive line items on our school budget was for earthquake insurance.

Right there.

No surprise because of your biggie last year.

I remember when an earthquake devastated the Fashion Center at Northridge.

You know, the one with the Bullock’s that had the seasonal Jean Paul Gaultier a week before everyone else because the merchandising girl was so on it.

So you can imagine my dismay when the mall was deemed uninsurable, thus cutting off my inside track and forcing me to fight for

Gaultier’s ready-to-wear alongside everyone else at the Beverly Center.

The damage was so far-reaching.

I found it curious that

Rainier West was able to purchase said earthquake insurance so effortlessly after the Seattle earthquake had occurred.

So I thought, “Maybe I should just give a call to the insurance company and ask them for their secret.”

And then I thought, “Why don’t we all give them a call?”

Oh, great. [Elle] Kimberly, may I please borrow your phone?

Hmm.

[dialing]

[line ringing] [phone ringing nearby]

[audience murmuring]

[quiet, uplifting music playing]

Oh. Huh.

Oh, wait.

[phone ringing]

I think you have a phone call.

[stammers]

[audience gasping]

[ringing stops]

Mayor McAllister, Coastal Northwest Earthquake Insurance is a front organization controlled by your opponent Mr. Dean Wilson.

[audience exclaims]

Okay, that’s not–

This can all be explained.

Principal Anderson, mayoral hopeful Dean Wilson, you picked the wrong student body to mess with.

[audience cheering]

[whooping]

Well done, miss.

Officer.

What? What– No.

Ow. What, you’re arresting me? He did it.

[McAllister] Bring them both in for questioning.

How did you do that? Elle, that was epic.

I don’t know what came over me. [chuckles]

I need to tell my mom. Go.

Dean, wait. Wait, wait, wait. Stop, stop.

What is this? What was Elle talking about?

A guy like me doesn’t stand a chance against an incumbent like McAllister without funding.

So you resort to stealing money?

I’m sorry, Eva.

[Elle] Mom!

[clamoring]

Mom! Mom!

Elle-A, are you kind of a badass?

I can’t believe we actually did it.

[reporter] Ms. Woods, how did you and your friends uncover this fraud?

[reporter 2] Can you comment on your relationship with Donna Miller?

Why did you decide to pursue an investigation?

Because I always believed in Donna.

And because my friends and I refuse to let anyone underestimate us.

[cheering]

[uplifting music playing]

I’m sorry about Dean.

I know how hard you worked for him.

He just dropped out.

No way a politician can survive fraud charges and a sex scandal.

I just wish you would’ve given me a heads-up.

[scoffs]

I did.

But you were more interested in believing in some faceless institution than believing in your own daughter.

You’re right, I was.

But I just thought that if you were wrong, you’d be crushed.

I’m going to be crushed on occasion, Mom.

I’m human.

We’re not gonna always agree on things, but I need to be my own person.

But you’re my person, too.

And my job as your mother is to protect you.

I love you, and I am so, so grateful for everything you and Dad have given me.

But if I had listened to you over my own gut… Donna would be serving time for a crime she didn’t commit.

It’s one thing for the outside world not to believe in me, but it is a hundred times worse when it’s you.

Honey.

I’m sure we’re-we’re both exhausted.

I’m… I’m just gonna go to bed.

Okay.

[♪ Cranberries sing “Dreams”]

♪ Oh, my life ♪

♪ is changing every day ♪

♪ in every possible way ♪

♪ And, oh, my dreams ♪

♪ It’s never quite as it seems ♪

♪ Never quite as it seems…

Feels like home. [chuckles]

I got to say, I spent my whole life settling for whatever the world threw at me.

It never occurred to me to fight back until I met you.

Well, it wasn’t just me.

The entire school was willing to fight.

[Ms. Burke exhales sharply]

Interim principal reporting for duty.

Ooh, looking good, Ms. Burke.

Oh, thank you. It’s a new skirt.

[laughing]

Your schedule and your messages are on your desk.

And let me know if you need help working the P.A.

Oh, I will.

Okay, I should probably get to class.

Great to have you back where you belong, Donna.

Hey, Elle.

Have you ever considered becoming a lawyer one day?

Nah. [chuckles]

And end up like yours?

[both] “Is that an Ace up your sleeve?”

[clicking tongue]

[laughs]

[singer vocalizing]

What is this?

This is the cheeriest you’ll ever see me, so eat it up.

[♪ Tag Team sing “Whoomp! (There It Is)”] ♪ Party people ♪

[students cheering] ♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Tag Team music in full effect ♪

♪ That’s me, DC…

E-LLE! That’s how we spell “victory”!

Donna’s free! Not guilty!

Elle Woods got all lawyer-y!

You guys choreographed this yourself.

♪ Check it to wreck it, let’s begin ♪

♪ Party on, party people, let me hear some noise ♪

♪ DC’s in the house, jump, jump, rejoice ♪

♪ Says there’s a party over here, a party over there ♪

♪ Wave your hands in the air, shake the derriere ♪

♪ These three words mean you’re getting busy ♪

♪ Whoomp, there it is ♪

♪ Hit me ♪ ♪ Whoomp, there it is ♪

♪ Whoomp, there it is…

Aw, look what you… tried.

It’s strawberry on strawberry.

You made this?

You didn’t just get justice for Donna.

You got justice for Shannon and her mom, too.

[all chanting] Elle-A!

Elle-A! Elle-A! Elle-A!

Elle-A! Elle-A!

♪ And make this mother … party hype ♪

♪ I’m taking it back to– ♪ [music stops]

[student] She’s back?

Shannon?

[Shannon] It’s one thing to hurt me, but it’s quite another to go after my friends.

[Elle] What?

What are you doing here?

I had some loose ends to tie up in Seattle, so I picked up some easy reading for my flight.

Cosmopolitan.

And what are the odds?

The most recent issue actually had some inspiring words from an up-and-coming author named Elle Woods.

I-I never wrote for Cosmo.

Apparently you won some essay-writing contest.

[Elle] That’s impossible. How could I have won?

I threw my application in the trash with my…

Mom.

“What I’ve learned from living in Seattle is how lucky I am to be an L.A. girl.”

Damn. And that’s just the first sentence.

There’s two more pages, and it gets worse and worse.

Turns out sweet innocent Elle Woods is nothing more than a backstabbing blonde bitch.

♪ Whoomp, there it is ♪ ♪ A little louder ♪

♪ Whoomp, there it is ♪ ♪ Come on, y’all ♪

♪ Whoomp, there it is ♪ ♪ Louder ♪

♪ Whoomp, there it is ♪ ♪ Come on, y’all ♪

♪ Whoomp, there it is ♪ ♪ A little louder ♪

♪ Whoomp, there it is ♪ ♪ Come on, y’all ♪

♪ Whoomp, there it is ♪

♪ Whoomp ♪

♪ Shaka-laka-shaka-laka, shaka-laka, shaka ♪

♪ Whoomp ♪

♪ Shaka-laka-shaka-laka, shaka-laka, shaka ♪

♪ Whoomp ♪

♪ Shaka-laka-shaka-laka, shaka-laka, shaka ♪

♪ Whoomp ♪

♪ Shaka-laka-shaka-laka, shaka-laka, shaka ♪

♪ Point blank, gin and juice, I drink ♪

♪ And then invent as I puff on dank ♪

♪ Rock the mic, uh-oh, I crave skin ♪

♪ Rip …, find a honey, dip to dip it in ♪

♪ Slam dunk it, stick it, flip it and ride ♪

♪ that B-double-OTY, oh, my ♪

♪ Ooh, that’s it, come on, come on ♪

♪ Whoomp, there it is, I’m done ♪

♪ Whoomp, there it is ♪ ♪ Come on ♪

♪ Whoomp, there it is ♪ ♪ Louder ♪

♪ Whoomp, there it is ♪ ♪ Give it to me ♪

♪ Whoomp, there it is ♪ ♪ Come on, come on ♪

♪ Whoomp, there it is ♪ ♪ Get louder ♪

♪ Whoomp, there it is ♪ ♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Whoomp, there it is ♪ ♪ Come on, come on ♪

♪ Whoomp, there it is ♪♪