Elle – S01E06 – Whoever Said Orange Is the New Pink Was Seriously Disturbed – Transcript

Elle
Season 1 – Episode 6
Episode title: Whoever Said Orange Is The New Pink Was Seriously Disturbed
Original release date: July 1, 2026

Plot: After suspecting a conspiracy is afoot, Elle and her friends get detention to gain access to school records to prove their case. The proximity heightens her romantic tensions with her crush and exposes a past relationship.

* * *

Transcript

Note for Students & Writers: This transcript is archived here for educational purposes, critical analysis, and screenwriting study. All rights belong to the original creators.

[slow, gentle music playing]

These are for you.

And these are for your daughter, who’s probably never going to speak to me again.

I am so, so sorry.

To both of you.

You know, while I have you here, maybe you could put in a good word to Shannon.

She’s gone, too.

Well, she’s not dead, obviously.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

I’m so sorry I… I kissed Miles.

Your daughter had recently broken up with him.

She broke up with him.

I don’t know if you caught that before you… you know.

But I will make this right.

[car engine revving]

[horn blares] Hey!

Some of us are busy paying our respects here.

[sighs]

Why isn’t there a stop sign at this intersection?

[gasps]

Why isn’t there a stop sign at this intersection?

[indistinct chatter] [distant phone ringing]

[bell dinging]

One will suffice.

Hi. I have this petition for a stop sign.

There’s this really dangerous intersection near our school.

You’ll see I have the requisite 1,000 signatures.

So, you’re going to win Shannon back with a stop sign?

Seems like it would’ve been easier to just not kiss her boyfriend.

Ex-boyfriend. She means ex-boyfriend.

That detail’s not for public consumption yet.

And this isn’t about Shannon and me. It’s for the greater good.

I can’t undo the mistake I made, but this is something I can do.

With your help, of course.

According to our records, we already approved a stop sign at the corner of 50th and Evans.

Last June, in fact.

I can assure you, there is no such stop sign at said intersection.

We approved the stop sign, but the school elected to handle contracting themselves.

Sorry, I-I don’t understand.

Are you saying someone ordered a stop sign but never paid for it?

It says right here.

“One stop sign, requested by and granted to Rainier West High School board, point of contact Shane Anderson.”

♪ I’m only happy when it rains ♪

[♪ Garbage sings “I’m Only Happy When It Rains”]

♪ I’m only happy when it’s complicated ♪

♪ And though I know you can’t ♪

♪ appreciate it ♪

♪ I’m only happy when it rains ♪

♪ Pour your ♪

♪ misery down ♪ ♪ Pour your misery down ♪

♪ Pour your misery ♪

♪ down on me ♪ ♪ Pour your misery ♪

♪ down ♪ ♪ Pour your misery down ♪

♪ Pour ♪

♪ You can keep me company as long as ♪

♪ you don’t care ♪

♪ I’m only happy when it rains ♪

♪ You wanna hear about my new obsession? ♪

♪ I’m riding high upon ♪

♪ a deep depression ♪

♪ I’m only happy when it rains ♪

♪ Pour some misery down on me ♪

♪ I’m only happy when it rains ♪

♪ Pour some misery down…

[Elle] Are you following?

[Donna] Can you rewind a little bit? [sighs]

Some video store humor for you there.

But, also, I mean it. Go back a little.

Sure. Principal Anderson either forgot to purchase the stop sign he ordered for the school entrance, or he got the school board to cough up the money and took it for himself.

Just like he did with the yield sign and the two “no parking” signs by the track.

[Elle] Anderson requested and received

$15,600 from the school board for campus signs alone.

[Dustin] And that doesn’t even include mousepads, tater tots, gym mats and a bunch of other stuff we found in the school budget that doesn’t exist in real life.

Mm.

Did you pay for that candy?

As if I’m gonna put Blockbuster out of business. They’ll be fine.

This is what got you fired in the first place.

All right, I know you’re all very excited by this theory, but I think you should direct your amateur detective efforts elsewhere.

[electronic entry bell chimes]

What is he doing here?

Hey, uh, Dustin called me, filled me in.

Why would you do that?

We can use the extra brainpower.

Plus, he’s Shannon’s boyfriend.

Ex. Ex.

[electronic entry bell chimes]

What am I missing?

[whispering] They’re on a friendship sabbatical.

I’m just here to help.

Anyway, you were Principal Anderson’s secretary for two years.

Do you think he could’ve stolen all that money?

I don’t know. He’s such a rule follower.

[Dustin chuckles] [clears throat] Well, the teachers love him, parents love him.

He was just a finalist for State Principal of the Year.

The people spoke.

But… but he sucks.

Fine, but you can’t just order things and not buy them.

There is a record. And, plus, I would know.

I’ve spent hours filing receipts and invoices.

[Dustin] Did he have receipts for the stuff we don’t have?

Mousepads? Tater tots? Gym mats?

I don’t know… ’cause I’m staying out of it.

Hypothetically, where would these receipts be?

In his file cabinet in his office, which is always locked.

Can we break in? [Dustin] If it opens, it can be broken into. How?

[gasps] I have a lot of bobby pins from my French-twist period.

We steal Frank’s master key. Got it.

Wait. Frank the maintenance guy? I thought he was fired.

His schedule got shifted to weekends. Budget cuts.

[Donna] Yeah, good luck. When I’d ask Frank for the key to the snack closet, he’d say, “From my cold, dead hands.” [Liz] Right, because you have to pay for snacks. [moans]

They’re– Okay. [Elle] Okay, so let’s say we somehow get into the school on Saturday, get the key off Frank.

What do we do? We break into Anderson’s office, make copies of the receipts, cross-reference them with the budget.

If anything’s missing, that’s evidence we can take to the school board.

Easy. Now we just need an excuse to be in school over the weekend.

Guys?

[adventurous music playing]

[microphone feedback humming]

[Liz] Hello, Rainier West High.

This is Liz Miller coming to you live from the AV room.

Please rise for the national anthem.

[♪ Bikini Kill sings “Rebel Girl”]

♪ That girl thinks ♪

♪ she’s the queen of the neighborhood ♪

Coming through. ♪ She’s got the hottest trike in town ♪

♪ That girl…

Dustin, principal’s office, now.

♪ so high ♪

♪ I think I wanna be…

This period was not designed for you to take a nap.

♪ Rebel girl ♪

♪ Rebel girl, you are the queen of…

Take that to the principal’s office.

♪ Rebel girl, rebel girl ♪

♪ I think I want to take you home, I want to try on your clothes, uh ♪♪

[record scratches] [song stops abruptly]

For you.

From the League of Women Voters.

Huh.

Thank you.

[softly] Thank you.

[woman over P.A.] …head to the nurse’s office.

[birds chirping] [crow caws]

[paper rustles] [Elle] Listen up.

“Operation: Manifest Anderson’s Demise by Breaking into His Office to Expose His Hypocrisy” starts now.

Subtle.

[Elle] Once the detention monitor gets here, we’ll initiate Phase One: key loop sabotage.

I took the liberty of fleshing out the plan a bit.

[Dustin] What’s that smell?

[Liz sniffs]

Is this… lavender scented? [Dustin sniffs]

Great nose, Liz.

Lavender is a naturally calming fragrance, and heists are known to be quite nervy.

Whoa. When did detention get so uncool?

I’m sorry, what are you doing here?

Oh, turns out nine tardies is six too many, so…

[scoffs] Didn’t expect to see Good Girl Barbie serving time.

What’d you do? Turn in an English essay in the dialect of a Valley girl?

I don’t speak Valley.

I only go there for sushi and designer discounts.

Oh. [Liz] Yeah, Elle’s actually

the biggest badass here. [scoffs] Really?

Enlighten me.

Pie to Anderson in the face. Don’t want to talk about it.

Elle Woods pied the principal.

That’s… shockingly epic.

Thank you.

But it’s now 9:23 a.m.

Does detention not start at 9:15?

Where’s our monitor? [footsteps approaching]

Oh, here we go.

I heard that.

You forgot your lunch. Oh, I didn’t–

I think someone might miss being at school.

[Martindale] Okay, delinquents, here’s how this is gonna work.

Every one of these books is gonna be reshelved by 3:00 p.m., so get friendly with our Dewey decimal system.

[feedback hums]

[sighs]

[whispers] Phase One.

[intriguing music playing]

[clearing throat]

[clearing throat loudly]

May I please request the hall pass?

[grunting softly]

[gasps, whispers] Frank.

[gasps]

[groans]

[groans]

♪ ♪

[clattering outside room]

Elle should be back by now.

“9:15, cut key loop.

10:15, flood toilets.”

What is this and why does it smell like my grandma?

Not for you.

Okay, you guys are being even more… yourselves than usual.

Did you Trojan horse yourselves into detention? What’s going on?

Okay, why don’t you go stack some books.

I should know if I’m about to become an unwitting accomplice to some lame secret operation.

Guys, uh, she could actually be useful.

Oh. Thank you. Oh, why?

Do we have a role for an overly confident mean girl?

Mrs. Martindale, I think my fellow delinquents are up to something shady.

Okay, you have no idea what you’re doing.

As I said moments ago, I would love to be in the loop.

Fine. We think someone here, at a very high level, is embezzling money from the school.

So you all wasted the only sunny Saturday in the last two months to, what, care?

You’re right, super useful.

Okay, I’m sorry. It’s not like it’s our own personal money.

The stolen funds were meant for a stop sign in the intersection where Robin had her accident.

Count me in. Who do I bludgeon?

Anderson. [sighs] We need to break into his office to prove it.

[intriguing music playing]

What the…?

Great.

[door opens]

Elle.

Ms. Burke. Hi!

Hi.

Oh. I’m just coming from the bathroom.

You know, taking the scenic route.

Got to keep the blood flowing, right?

Detention’s the enemy of cardiovascular health.

Detention?

Doesn’t sound like Elle Woods.

If anyone asks, I threw a pie in Anderson’s face.

[chuckles] Wha… [clears throat] What?

I didn’t actually, but all my friends got detention, so I decided to join them for moral support.

Oh. Protective and caring.

How very Cancer of you.

Oh, I’m a Gemini.

Oh. Maybe cusp, then.

No. My birthday is June 20th.

Purebred Gemini.

My-my sister is Gemini rising.

Or Gemini moon?

Or she dated a Gemini?

Wow, I have got to call my sister. [chuckles]

[chuckles] Sorry. Uh, you should… you should get back to detention. Yes.

Oh, well, there is something I never thought I’d say to you.

You and me both. [chuckles] Oh.

Don’t forget to sign up for the Science Fair!

Got it.

[Dean] Welcome to Medina Town Hall.

Like any other hall in any other town.

You brought me here to do… what?

[Dean] Well, when we first met, you were very… honest about my campaign needing a refresh.

But I don’t know anything about political speeches.

You know about presentation.

All right? If it wasn’t for you, I would still have that mustache that nobody else told me made me look like a serial killer.

Ooh.

And I would still be dressing like, um…

Ted Bundy.

[chuckles] I was gonna say Jordan Catalano, but…

From My So-Called Life? No.

Here’s my question.

How do I get people to like me?

[sighs]

You’ll be presenting here?

Mm-hmm. And against that color scheme?

You’re gonna be standing?

All right, get up there. Let’s see how the people will see you.

[Dean] Okay.

Yikes.

That’s what I’m talking about.

Nixon. Oh.

He sweat through his first debate with Kennedy.

It cost him the entire election. Okay.

We’re gonna need some powder foundation, some incandescent lighting, and I will send you to my chiropractor to work on your posture a bit.

And I know you’ve been kind of experimenting with a few things up there, but I’m just gonna fly out my hairstylist.

Great. [laughs]

Cool. You want to come check out my campaign office after this?

Oh, I would love to, but I got to pick Elle up from detention at 3:00.

Detention?

She seemed so sweet when she was cajoling me into renting a booth for her homecoming.

Yeah, she has some ludicrous theory about her principal stealing funds from the school.

Can you go to the other podium?

Your better angle needs to face the TV cameras.

Hold on.

E-Elle thinks that Shane Anderson is stealing money?

Yes. And she can be very convincing when she’s invested in something.

[smacks lips]

I think our best bet is to do this by candlelight.

[door opens] [footsteps approaching]

Phase One is complete.

Is Phase Two killing Anderson?

You guys told Kimberly? I was forced.

[Kimberly] Oh, like someone forced you

to wear those pants? Remember when you got nicer?

Can we go back to that?

Okay. Phase Two.

What does “Consolidate and secure personal care essentials” mean?

[smacks lips]

[whimsical music playing]

Can I help you?

That looks so familiar.

Oh, yeah, it’s Cujo. I kind of thought was banned, and I will therefore be prominently placing it right… here.

No. Your bracelet.

Camp Saddle Rock.

I saw it earlier and thought, “Who have I seen wearing that before?”

And then I thought, “Wait. Liz has that bracelet.”

And then I thought– Get there faster.

Were you two at camp at the same time?

Why in the world would that matter?

I’m just trying to figure out what your damage is with each other.

With you and me…

We don’t need to recap. Mm.

But Liz is, like, the most neutral force ever.

[scoffs] I’m sorry, but Liz is not neutral.

Okay, so something did happen.

Did you have a big fight?

You know, this might shock you, but our lives didn’t just start the second you appeared at this school.

[sighs] What the hell is a friendship sabbatical?

What?

You and the running man are being weird.

[chuckling] What? No, we’re not.

[Martindale] Stop playing with fire!

I’m not! Everyone’s fine!

You’ll burn the place down.

Why are the quiet ones always pyromaniacs?

And isn’t Cujo banned?

I’m moving to self-help.

[adventurous music playing]

So, uh, I hear you and I are on some sort of embargo.

Embargo, sabbatical.

Where are we, a thesaurus convention?

Are you okay?

Yep.

You just shelved R. L. Stine in self-help.

[chuckles softly] One could argue his entire repertoire is a metaphor for the horrors of teen adolescence.

One could.

I messed up.

Maybe I shouldn’t have told Shannon.

You were tiki drunk at her mom’s memorial.

I know. I-I screwed up.

But we both tried calling her.

She doesn’t want to talk to us.

I’m not sure what else we can do.

Nothing. We do nothing.

No more extended eye contact, no more leaning against lockers, no more– No speaking to each other?

I think we should avoid anything involving mouths.

Okay.

Can I ask, respectfully, why?

I mean, she already knows.

She’s not here.

Because it’s just not me, Miles.

I’m not that kind of girl.

Uh, there’s a plumbing emergency in the ladies’ room.

What? Did you say something?

Toilet… [blows raspberry]

…exploded.

[sighs] I’ll call Frank.

[intriguing music playing]

That’s my cue.

Good luck.

[liquid sloshing]

[sighs]

Aw, come on.

[suspenseful music playing]

Come on, come on, come on.

Why does every key look the same?

[Anderson] Miles?

Principal Anderson.

[Kimberly] Hey.

Did you drop this?

Hilarious. I thought so.

Yeah, do you come up with these ahead of time, or is this just, like, off the top of your head?

Oh, you think I’m funny? [Elle] Here’s an idea.

Why don’t you two stop fighting about… the mineral economy, and start getting ready for our next phase.

[Miles] Hey, guys.

We’re screwed.

Sixty-one tampons!

And that’s not to mention the super pluses that got so engorged they became one monster, uh, tampon rat king.

Yep, we’re screwed. Fire, blood or flood.

I am not to be bothered on my days off unless there is a fire, blood or flood, and you all chose the latter.

Mrs. Martindale, you may take the rest of the day off.

Uh… [clears throat]

They’re all accounted for. Mm.

[Martindale] The one in the hoodie’s alive.

He just looks comatose.

[sighs]

Uh, Miss Woods?

Yeah, might I ask what you’re doing here?

I am here to serve my time just like everyone else.

Uh-huh. Well, I’m just looking at my roster here.

I got the athlete, the basket case, the princess, the criminal, but no Elle Woods, so… what are you doing here, Miss Woods?

[tense music playing]

[laughs softly] You remember.

[mumbles] When I pied you in the face.

When you… I’m sorry, when you what?

You know.

[singsong] When I pied you in the face.

I… no, I don’t understand anything you’re saying.

When she pied you in the face.

[stammers] Oh.

[stammers]

You mean the lemon meringue you gifted me for some woman thing?

Wha– What?

Seriously! Why are you here?

To scare myself straight.

Well, I guess now you’re here because you lied.

[clipboard clatters] New deal.

No more hall passes.

We are all staying put until 3:00.

[Dustin] What if we need to use the facilities?

Then I guess you’re gonna have to get familiar with the concept of holding it.

[soft groan]

Oh, my God. You’re Ally Sheedy.

[whispers] Elle Woods. No, in The Breakfast Club, there’s the whole thing where they learn that Ally Sheedy didn’t even have to be in detention, she just showed up.

Okay, I couldn’t do it. [groans]

I really tried. [sighs] Mm-hmm.

I even went to his office with the pie.

But I’m not a natural rule breaker, and the consequences really flash before your eyes once you’re face-to-face with them.

Can you imagine what it’s like inside her head?

[Liz] Wait, I’m sorry, I thought that I was Ally Sheedy, and I thought that you were Molly Ringwald.

Am I Molly Ringwald?

[Dustin] Maybe we should have seen it coming that Elle’s bad at being bad.

[Miles] Guys, whatever.

Elle’s a model citizen. We knew this.

We have more important things to deal with right now.

We need a plan B.

[sighs]

[intriguing music playing]

Yo, Kyle. Mm-hmm? Mm-hmm?

Wake up.

You wouldn’t happen to have your, uh… you-know-what, would you?

[whispers] Have his what?

[scoffs]

♪ ♪

[chittering]

All right, Mr. Chuckles. I’ll see you soon.

[Liz] Principal Anderson, we need you to settle an argument for us.

Do I actually need a pregnancy test to know that I’m pregnant?

Uh… [Elle] I vote yes.

And I feel like those tests are just the patriarchy trying to normalize corporations charging women money for something they already know about their own bodies.

[Elle] Hmm, good point.

I do know when I’m ovulating.

[Liz] Mm-hmm. Boo.

Thoughts?

Um…

Well, have you talked to your parents about this?

Oh, my parents are religious.

We can’t talk about sex.

Yeah, um, see Mrs. Nelson in the guidance counselor’s office next week.

I’m sure she has a pamphlet.

Yeah, or something like that.

Okay.

[faint chittering and scurrying]

Hmm. [Elle] I felt a kick.

[Kimberly] Oh. Oh.

Is that a contraction?

Yeah. I think that’s what those feel like.

Like, it itches, right? [grunts]

Uh…

[faint chittering and scurrying]

Does anyone hear that?

Hear what?

[Dustin] I think it’s coming from the ceiling.

Oh, my God, is that a rat?

[sighs]

[Elle] What? A rat?

Yeah, you don’t hear those little toenails?

[Dustin] We should call maintenance. [grunts]

No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no.

This can wait until Monday.

[metal thumping] Oh.

[gasps]

[chittering and scurrying]

[metal thumps] [gasps]

Oh.

[Liz] Yikes. [Elle] Principal Anderson, if there is a rat trapped in our school air ducts, we– as the most evolved species of mammal in this room– are responsible for its well-being.

Mm-hmm. It’s a rat.

A rat without access to food or water, not to mention daylight.

When was the last time these vents were cleaned?

Anyone?

I genuinely have no idea.

Do I need to make a call in to PETA’s own Linda McCartney and alert her to the inhumane living conditions at Rainier West High?

Also, if it dies, it’ll smell really bad.

[groaning]

[sighs]

[picks up phone]

[dialing]

Hey, Frank, it’s Shane.

[chuckles] Yeah.

Uh, eh– would you mind bringing a ladder up to the library?

Oh, and a jar of peanut butter.

For the rat, not for me.

[Frank] Busy day.

I noticed that, too.

[grunts softly]

[intriguing music playing]

[chittering and scurrying]

It sounds like he’s right up here, Frank.

[Frank] Give me that peanut butter.

[Anderson grunts, sighs]

[sighs]

[Frank] Spot me. Oh. Yeah.

♪ ♪

[metal creaking]

[upbeat music playing]

[Frank] Gotcha! [gasps]

[chittering]

Giant freakin’ rat.

[Anderson] That is no rat.

That is a ferret.

Okay, take it.

I am not touching that.

Kyle? How many times do we need to tell you?

No ferrets in school.

Get up here.

Uh, would you mind telling us how that thing got in the vents?

Uh…

Yeah, I must have dozed off, sir.

I have six brothers and three sisters.

Uh-huh.

And this is the only place I really get any sleep.

Okay. Well, then, you’ll be happy to know you’re due back here next Saturday.

Alone.

Uh, thank you very much, sir.

[clearing throat]

[softly] Excuse me. Uh…

[clears throat]

Uh, Principal Anderson?

I think Kimberly’s trying to get your attention.

[Kimberly clearing throat] What is it?

[choking]

[dark music playing]

[Elle] Oh, my God.

Kimberly, do you have a peanut allergy?

[Kimberly clearing throat]

Whoa, whoa, aren’t those fatal?

[Liz] Did you bring your EpiPen?

[Elle] You know, you should really make a habit of keeping an unexpired pen on your person at all times in the event of an anaphylactic emergency.

Well, maybe if she doesn’t die right now, she’ll bear that in mind.

Uh, no, there is one.

It’s in, uh, the nurse’s office.

Um… Uh, keep her calm.

Uh, and if any of you step foot outside this room, you will be expelled.

[Kimberly gasping]

[coughs]

[sighs] God, I’m good.

[softly] Jesus Christ.

[groans] [chuckles]

Told you she’d be useful.

[Dustin] Okay, let’s do this. Anderson’s old.

I give him four minutes to get the pen, tops.

That gives me three.

Yeah, are we sure we want to do this, guys?

He said we could be expelled.

Well, if anyone’s gonna do this quickly, it’s gonna be the fastest runner at this school.

It’s me. I’m-I’m the fastest runner.

[others] We know! Okay. Okay.

I’ll see you at 11:21. Bye.

[suspenseful music playing]

[panting]

For a second there, I thought you were in real danger.

Have you considered pursuing the theatrical arts?

Should someone be standing lookout?

[tense music playing]

[shoe squeaks]

[groaning]

[moans]

♪ ♪

[grunting]

My old neighbor discovered the Culkin family at a diner.

If you want to put yourself on tape, I could send it to her.

[scoffs] Um, acting’s not really my thing.

[stifled laugh]

[Liz coughs]

Is that funny?

[smacks lips] Kind of, yeah, considering.

Oh, really?

Considering what?

Oh, do you really need me to spell it out?

Whatever. I might benefit from some spelling out.

[sighs]

[suspenseful music playing]

[panting] Okay. Okay. Okay.

Uh…

[panting]

Okay.

[whispers] Receipts, receipts, receipts.

[Liz] Kimberly’s good at acting because she’s in a perpetual state of performance.

[chuckles] Okay, say what you want.

I know who I am. Great. I know who you are, too.

Great, then we have something in common.

You mean besides the fact you both have a thing for each other?

♪ ♪

[grunts]

Okay, okay.

Come on, Shane. Come on, Shane.

EpiPen, EpiPen.

Epi… Pen.

[Elle] This book you were fighting about earlier… features two ladies looking very wistful.

Like, full of wist.

You were making fun of Liz for reading it, but I-I looked inside, and you had checked it out from the library yourself.

Multiple times.

And then you have that secret drawer full of secret things.

Okay. [sighs]

All right.

Okay.

[muttering]

[camera clicks] [thumb wheel turns]

[camera clicks] [Liz] What secret things?

Your zines.

And also, that camp bracelet.

You went through my stuff?

Not on purpose.

But I think something happened between you two at that camp– like, romantically– and now you’re caught in this whole Sam and Diane thing.

From Cheers.

[door closes] [footsteps approaching]

[gasps softly] [Anderson groans]

You don’t hate each other.

You like each other. It’s so cute.

That’s… No. That’s not, uh, at all… II don’t know… where you’re going with this one. …what is going on there.

Oh, my God.

I did it again, didn’t I?

I don’t know why my gaydar is so off.

I mean, hearing myself say it, the camp thing did sound like a stretch.

[door opens]

[gasps] Anderson’s on his way.

[♪ Pearl Jam plays “Go”]

Wha– Miles should be back by now.

And one…

[camera clicks] [thumb wheel turns]

[camera clicks] [thumb wheel turns]

[sighs] Okay.

Guys, we need to do something.

Oh, come on, Miles.

Okay, what do we do?

Um…

♪ ♪

[panting]

Come on.

♪ Oh, please don’t go out on me ♪

♪ Don’t go on me now ♪

♪ Never acted up before, don’t go on me now…

Uh, uh, quick question: What are you doing?

[Elle] Anderson won’t notice Miles is missing if we’re all missing.

♪ Just passing it on ♪

♪ Go ♪

♪ Fuck ♪

♪ Once fastened, servile, now you’re getting sharp ♪

What’s this? ♪ Moving oh so swiftly ♪

♪ with such disarm ♪

♪ I pulled the covers over him ♪

♪ Should’ve pulled the alarm ♪

♪ Turned to my nemesis ♪ [alarm ringing]

♪ a fool, not a fucking god ♪

♪ No…

[alarm continues ringing]

No.

I can’t believe you just did that.

It’s just a fire alarm. It’ll go off in a second, so let’s get out of… [gasps]

Oh, boy.

♪ Don’t go on me ♪♪

♪ ♪

[thumb wheel turns]

[thumb wheel turns]

[Anderson] The sprinklers didn’t just go off, did they?

Huh?

They were triggered by one of you.

Isn’t that right, Dustin?

Yeah. You want me to believe this doesn’t fit right in on your rap sheet?

Mascot vandalism, assembly without permission, flagrant and recurring skateboarding in the hallways, and now turning the entire school into your own personal swimming pool.

[stifled laugh]

[wry chuckle] Yeah. I’m s… I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

This is all some big joke to you, huh? Right?

It’s not not funny. Okay. All right.

Here’s the deal, guys.

[whistles] Okay?

Nobody wants to tell me who did this, we all come back here next Saturday, play this game all over again, huh?

Would you like that?

How’s that sitting with you, Miles?

Wait a second, isn’t that Notre Dame scout coming to your cross-country meet next week?

You sure you want to miss that?

Hmm?

Okay. Liz.

You gonna miss another shift at Bad Vibrations, while your mom works three jobs?

That seems fair, huh?

And you’re on such thin ice already.

Glad you pulled through, Kimberly.

[Kimberly] Yeah, I’m just relieved I was able to find that spare pen hidden in my inside backpack pocket.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, you’re not even friends with these people, and now you’re willing to take the fall for them?

Huh?

Oh, I guess your parents won’t be bragging about you at church tomorrow.

And finally… Miss Woods.

Aren’t you above all this?

You weren’t even supposed to be here.

And now you’re gonna let some delinquent loser add “destruction of school property” to a flawless high school transcript!

Dustin’s not a delinquent loser.

Okay, well, remember that next Saturday when you’re sitting next to him.

I actually won’t be sitting next to him.

Then start pointing fingers.

Because it was me.

No, it wasn’t. It was.

I did this, and I’m willing to serve my time.

This isn’t the Elle Woods I know.

Actually, Principal Anderson, a “good intention turned unexpected mess” is the Elle Woods I know, and I’ve never felt more accountable in my life.

Suit yourself.

And, apparently, I can’t have you serve detention in standing water, so I’m gonna have to call it for today.

But I will see you next weekend.

Maybe you are that kind of girl.

[♪ Simple Minds sings “Don’t You (Forget About Me)”]

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Whoa…

And in conclusion, that is why a second Saturday of detention is ultimately a net positive.

While we have not confirmed the existence of the stolen funds, we do believe, once we find a discrepancy in Anderson’s paper trail, we will have the proof we need to expose his fraud.

And where is this paper trail?

Developing at Walgreens. Okay.

Elle, I didn’t love when you got detention in the first place, but you started a fire and flooded your entire campus.

I’ve started researching teen wilderness programs.

I couldn’t let Miles get expelled.

And maybe there are other sides to me.

Maybe I’m not the rule-abiding Gemini I always thought.

[sighs] I mean, even Ms. Burke accused me of being a Cancer.

I hope this isn’t your cusp starting to present.

Okay, what is this cusp thing?

How you were born during a transitional sun, how you’re a Gemini, but you’re a little bit Cancer, too.

Ms. Burke was right?

But you’ve always said I was a Gemini.

June 20th, 11:59 p.m. It’s on my birth certificate.

I could’ve sworn I told you about this.

Told me about what?

How when I was pregnant, your dad had a pool at the office and everybody bet on which day you’d be born.

Not ringing any bells.

Oh, you remember. So fun.

Um, we wanted to stay in the good graces of the head of Cedars’ plastic surgery division, who had placed a bet on June 20th.

Which worked out for him, because I was born on June 20th.

And for us.

Look at the fabulous life we lead.

We have a favorite bistro in Paris and a pilot on speed dial.

We use “summer” as a verb.

Mom, when was I born?

June 21st. Mom…

Yeah, but 12:01 a.m.

What is two minutes in the grand scheme of things?

My whole identity. Okay, technically, your head was out at 11:59.

Great. Great.

So, my head’s a Gemini and my body’s a Cancer.

This changes my entire emotional narrative.

Did you knowingly corroborate the lie I’ve been living the past 16 years?

No?

Uh, Miles on the phone.

Said it’s important.

How does a Cancer cusp even answer the phone?

[Elle] This was with the receipts?

It was shoved in the binder.

The note said, “What a beautiful family.”

Well, it did before the sprinklers washed it off.

Okay, so he had a photo of his family?

Yeah, but the note is creepy. And that’s not his wife.

[Dustin] What? His wife has red hair.

And they don’t have kids.

I’ve seen that jacket before.

[gasps] I knew it didn’t belong to his wife.

He was dismissed from a school in Sunnyside, Washington, for unknown reasons.

This girl’s wearing a shirt that says Sunnyside.

Seems like she’s the unknown reason.

So, we’re saying this girl is his daughter?

[sighs] Wow.

I mean, I thought he was having an affair, but I never thought he’d have a whole secret family.

Maybe he was stealing the money to provide for them.

Yeah, but that still doesn’t explain the note.

[Dustin] Unless the money isn’t for his family.

It’s a pretty big secret.

Almost worth stealing thousands of dollars to cover up.

He was paying someone to keep quiet.

Someone must be blackmailing him.

[bicycle approaching]

[brakes squeak]

[Liz] Guys, I need your help.

[panting] It’s my mom.

[suspenseful music playing]

[sighs] Oh, fuck.

[sirens wailing]

[siren whoops] [tires screech]

[Elle] What do they want with your mom?

She swears she didn’t do anything. Why were they there?

[officer] This is the police!

Step out of your car with your hands up.

[Liz] They were there to arrest her.

[Donna] Okay. [Liz] Look, thousands of dollars in cash was reported stolen from school today.

[officer] We got the items.

Look, “Rainier West High,” written all over them.

Those aren’t mine.

[Liz] They found it in her car.

What? That’s impossible. Donna would never steal.

Well, she’d never steal that much.

[Miles] That doesn’t make any sense.

Donna wasn’t even at the school today.

Yes, she was. You remember? She… she dropped off my lunch.

Okay, but Donna was the one who told us about the receipts.

And then tried to convince us not to look for them.

[Miles] Didn’t we just realize that someone was blackmailing Anderson?

I’m sorry, what are you talking about?

We think Anderson has a secret family and someone knows about it.

[softly] What?

And you think my mom is blackmailing him?

No. No way.

Donna couldn’t have done this.

[♪ Simple Minds sing “Don’t You (Forget About Me)”]

Could she?

♪ I say la, la-la-la-la ♪

♪ la-la-la-la ♪

♪ la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪

♪ la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪

♪ la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ When you walk on by ♪

♪ will you call my name? ♪

♪ As you walk on by ♪

♪ will you call my name? ♪

♪ When you walk away ♪♪