Bob’s Burgers
Season 16 – Episode 4
Episode title: The Skids in the Hall
Original air date: October 26, 2025
Plot: Louise and Gene try to help Tina clear her name after she is fired as a Hall Monitor.
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Bob’s Burgers – S16E04 – The Skids in the Hall | Transcript
[♪ theme music playing]
I still can’t believe it.
Me, Tina Belcher, fired as a hall monitor.
Uh-huh.
I just…
I’m still processing.
[sighs] Thanks again for doing all these counseling sessions with me.
Yup. What?
Um, so, could you?
Counsel me?
Oh, uh, sure.
How did it make you feel to be fired from the hall monitors?
I was upset. I mean, you know, you were there.
And also, you were the one who fired me.
Uh-huh. And how did that feel?
When you shouted at me? Not great.
Sure.
I keep playing it over and over in my mind.
It all started when head monitor Maggie was reading the monthly post reassignments.
Yes, yes.
I reassigned the posts.
It’s the recommended practice by the national hall monitor advisory council.
It helps prevent burnout.
Anyway, there I was.
[Phillip] So glad you’re telling this story again.
Rudy, you’ll be at south hall first floor this month.
Ugh, pretty sleepy beat.
What’s that, Rudy?
Happy to serve.
Tina, this month, you’ll be at north hall, second floor.
Copy that. Those north hall kids better watch their steps because there’s nothing cool about running.
Even though there is that movie, Cool Runnings.
Uh-huh. Stuart, you’ll take over Tina’s old post on south hall, second floor.
Stuart.
What?
Ugh, Stuart.
What?
Okay. Halls to the wall, people. Keep it safe.
Well, excited about my new post, still gonna miss my old post.
But that’s the life, huh, Rudy?
You can always send it a postcard.
[chuckles] Sorry, I can’t turn it off.
[Tina] And then it happened.
It was sixth period. Flex period.
When kids have elective classes, study hall, you know the drill.
[Phillip] I know the drill.
[Tina] There’s more foot traffic than usual, so us hall monitors stay on duty the entire period.
[Phillip] I said I know.
[Tina] So, I was monitoring the heck out of that hall, and then I heard it.
The button on the fountain on my old post was stuck again.
“Waterworld,” we called it.
I did. I was hoping it would catch on.
[Phillip] It did not.
[Tina] Anyway, as you know, Waterworld was Stuart’s new post.
But, surprise, surprise, Stuart was nowhere in sight.
I know we’re not supposed to leave our post, but I couldn’t do nothing while things got wet and wild on that floor.
But then…
[screaming] Ow!
And that’s what happens when you leave your post.
People die!
Or twist their ankles.
But the fountain was overflowing–
Tina, what is the cardinal rule of hall monitoring?
Never leave your post.
Never leave your post!
We all have to trust each other.
I know Stuart has something that rhymes with Shmae-DHD, but south hall second floor was his post.
Just because you didn’t see him, doesn’t mean he wasn’t there.
Right. Wait, what?
And when you left your post, Cole Riddley ran and twisted his ankle.
You know how I feel about running in the halls.
I hate it. If I could build weighted pants that kept people’s legs from moving fast, I would.
Not again with the weighted pants.
I’m sorry I have to do this, Tina, but I’m gonna need your vest and citation pad.
Wait, what?
You’re fired from hall monitors.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Sure, I messed up, I got cocky.
I thought I could do it all. Fix the water fountain and get back to my post.
But, hey, it’s my first mistake.
There have also been complaints.
Complaints?
Students say you’re too rigid, not cool, North Koreaish–
Okay, well, yeah, of course the kids I write up are going to complain.
Tina, these are from your fellow monitors.
What?
There’s been a friendly request that you get kicked out of hall monitors.
And this injury on your watch was the last straw.
But you want me on that hall.
You need me on that hall.
Vest and pad, please.
[sighs] Can I keep the pencil?
It’s got my chew marks on it.
Ew. Keep the pencil.
[both grunting]
So, yeah, that’s what happened.
And now I feel like, who am I if I’m not a hall monitor?
Just a regular dumb kid?
[school bell rings]
Thank God. And that’s our time.
So, you good? We done here?
Maybe four or five more sessions.
Great.
Hey, T, how was counseling?
Are you fixed yet?
[Tina groaning] Gotcha.
Well, maybe you’ll feel better after a state-mandated lunch?
It is lasagna day. A girl could lose her troubles in those layers.
I’ll meet you in the cafeteria.
I’m gonna go to the bathroom and pee, sadly.
Try standing up. I just started doing it the other day and it’s working for me.
Aha! So you’re the culprit.
You don’t belong inside the water fountain drain.
Silly wadded-up paper towels.
You should be clogging the toilets.
Ugh, my life.
Wait, isn’t that the water fountain Tina left her post to fix?
I believe so, if I remember the story Tina’s told us many, many times.
Huh. Doesn’t it seem weird that the drain was clogged like that?
Like, it was on purpose or something?
Totally, totally. But also, walk faster, please.
I wanna get there before the lasagna’s all lagonea.
I did it. I finally got an appointment at the DMV to renew my license.
Aw. Wait, how proud am I supposed to be?
Very. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
This website has a lot of forms, Lin.
There was so much clicking, and then it would freeze, and then I’d have to refresh, and then I’d lose everything.
Everything, Lin!
Okay. Okay, okay.
But I did it.
Congrats! You did a thing millions of people do everyday.
Thanks, Teddy. I’m actually really excited to get a new picture.
Oh, yeah. That picture.
Yeesh. Show ’em.
Okay, but don’t think of me this way.
Ready?
Yikes!
Yeah.
[Bob] Yeah. I know.
[Linda] You look like a sex offender who won a raffle.
The lady bullied me into smiling and that’s what happened.
Yeah, I get it. Put it away, put it away, Bob.
Hi, everybody!
Hey, Gretchen.
Hi, Gretchen.
Here’s your to-go order, hon.
Thanks, Lin. I’m gonna eat it during my gynecologist appointment.
[Bob] Hmm.
[Linda] How’s business at the salon?
Slow. I definitely need more clients.
I’m considering dipping a toe into men.
What?
Yeah, like I could do facial hair.
Styling beards and moustaches is hot right now.
[gasps] Bob!
Uh… Uh, what?
You could be my moustache model.
Uh.
Yeah, I style your moustache.
I take some pics, I put them on the wall so people can see my looks, and then, some of my ladies bring their men the next time.
I get word of mouth about your mouth-brow.
Oh, mouth-brow.
That’s fun, right, Bob?
I… I can’t leave to go get styled, soI can do it here, tomorrow.
It’ll take no time.
I gotta go.
My gynecologist gets mad when I’m more than 30 minutes late.
Can I get some ketchup?
Never mind, they got it there.
I think the only way those paper towels wound up in the water fountain drain is if someone shoved them in there, like on purpose.
I mean, right?
Oh, yeah.
There were signs of a shove.
Lunch jump! [chuckling] Wait, is that the seventh-grade boy who twisted his ankle?
Yeah, Cole Riddley.
Sure looks like his ankle’s okay now.
Yeah, and his dimples are shockingly deep, as ever.
Huh. So, first, you leave your post to fix a water fountain that someone clogged with paper towels, and then, the person who supposedly twists his ankle on your watch is now jumping all over the place?
[sighs] If I was still an HM, I would give him a lunch jump citation so hard right now.
Oh, my God, Tina.
I think you were set up.
What? What do you mean?
Somebody wanted to get you fired from hall monitors.
[gasps] Oh, hall no.
What? You think someone plotted to get Tina kicked out of the hall monitors?
That jerk! I’ll give him a monitor. A hard monitor.
What did Mr. Frond say when you told him.
What?
Nothing. We didn’t say anything to him.
Why not?
Cole Riddley could stick to his story.
It’ll seem like I’m trying to clear my name and get back on the HMs.
Hall monitors.
Thanks, Gene.
We need more than a hunch and an accusation.
We need proof.
Smart. First, the proof, then, the beat down.
Mm.
[cell phone chimes]
Ugh, Gretchen keeps texting pictures of different moustaches.
Are you and Mom in an open marriage?
No, your father’s gonna be a moustache model for Gretchen.
She’s gonna style him up tomorrow and take some pictures and put them up on the wall at the salon.
Why? Is she trying to get rid of a hex?
Or scare off someone she works with?
No, she wants to bring in more men.
Don’t we all?
Tina.
Okay, there’s Cole.
Let’s go have a chat, but play it cool.
Don’t spook him.
Right.
Hey, Cole, how you doing, man?
Uh, okay?
Oh, really? Are you okay?
I bet you are, punk!
Sorry. Sorry about her.
She skipped Pilates this morning, and she is edgy.
So, looks like the ankle’s healing up, huh?
Uh, yeah, it’s doing better.
That’s so great.
Good for you, buddy.
What’s going on there?
Ooh, that’s a doozy of a bruisy.
Bruise Springsteen over here.
Huh? I don’t know.
Must’ve hurt it when I fell.
What? That wasn’t in the incident report.
I don’t know. Must’ve forgotten to mention it.
Forgot to mention it?
The only thing deeper than your dimples are your lies.
Tina. Tina.
You like paper towels, Cole?
Uh-You like wadding them up real good, stuffing them where they don’t belong?
Tina.
He’s about to crack.
Regroup, regroup!
Ugh, shouldn’t we do this in the bathroom or something?
Nah. I got my little vacuum right here, Bobby.
Ah!
Okay, one more snip and… done.
Wow, hot. Yeah.
Do you love it?
Uh…
Sophisticated, elegant. I gave you that gap in the middle.
Why have one moustache when you can have two?
Oh, you look so good… in the face.
Mmhmm. I have one other idea.
We tint it.
Frosted moustache tips. “Frostache.”
Uh, no, no, sorry. I really have to get back to work, Gretchen.
Okay, that’s fine.
This pic is good.
This will get me business.
Who wouldn’t want to get their boyfriend’s nose bush to my shop when they see this?
Enjoy the twins, Harry and Connick Jr.
Uh, thank you.
[Bob whines]
Cole Riddley is definitely hiding something.
Hiding a baguette in those dimples, probably.
Shoes, shoes, shoes.
So many shoes these days.
What is this, Zappos?
[laughs] Oh, that’s good.
Uh, you know we can hear you, right, Mr. Branca?
I find the shoes in the hallway, I put them in the lost and found, and then, the next day, I find the same shoes in the hallway again!
Save it for your memoir.
Okay, I think we should talk to the hall monitor who was closest to the water fountain when it got clogged. Who was that?
Stuart. I heard he’s covering Waterworld and the post I got kicked off of.
South hall, second floor.
Or as I call it, “Where Tina got screwed over and her whole life was ruined” hall.
Catchy.
Flex period.
How about we go flex our detective muscles on Stuart?
[Gene] Is he eating pink sugar puffs?
Fancy candy on a hall monitor salary.
[Tina] HMs aren’t supposed to eat on duty.
Ugh, he’s wiping all the sugar dust on his uniform?
Respect the vest, Stuart.
[Louise] Come on, let’s go stir the Stu.
What? Now he’s leaving his post.
[boys panting] You guys hear that?
[boys grunting]
What was that?
They were running during flex period, without shoes?
They slammed into the wall, and Stuart just wandered off somewhere?
Are you socking kidding me?
Oh, boy.
What?
Don’t you see?
That’s how Cole got that bruise on his arm.
And Stuart, he’s in on the whole thing.
They bribed him.
Paid him in pink sugar puffs to look the other way and let something happen that you never would.
Sock racing. Illegal, during class, sock racing.
What the hell?
Language.
I can’t believe I got set up just so stupid seventh-grade boys could sock race without getting in trouble.
I can’t believe Dad isn’t wearing an ascot to go with his moustache.
[sighs] Yeah.
Why is it so shiny?
Are you using product?
Yeah, Gretchen put some product in there and I can’t get it out.
‘Cause you’d have to shower.
Kids, stop.
Your father looks… great.
Just look anywhere but the middle of his face.
I’ll focus on his bosom.
[sighs] I’m shaving it.
I’m gonna shave it all off.
No! You don’t wanna be bare-naked lady face for your driver’s license.
Plus it’s not that bad, Bob.
No one thinks you look like you marry wealthy women who then die under mysterious circumstances.
But enough about your father’s lip problem.
Tina, now can you to Mr. Frond and get back on the hall monitors?
Not yet. Since a hall monitor is involved, I wanna go to Maggie first.
She’s the head hall monitor.
And then, together, we bring it to Mr. Frond and they double give me my job back.
And then throw me a GD parade.
Sounds like a good plan.
Gene, will you pass the peas?
You got it, Vaudeville bad guy.
Uh-huh.
Okay, HMs, let’s go M those H’s.
Oh, Tina.
Maggie, can we talk?
Of course.
Step into my office, which is actually right here.
I don’t have an office.
I have some very disappointing news and it gives me no pleasure to report this.
Well, some pleasure. Little bit.
Okay.
So, the thing is, I witnessed…
Pink sugar puff dust?
Tina? What?
What did you witness?
Uh, I witnessed a banana peel in the hall.
Uh, I threw it away.
I just wanted to tell you, ’cause, you know, they’re killers.
Oh, thanks.
Yeah, well, keep up the good work. Bye, girl…
Gene, Louise. Maggie knows about the sock racing.
She’s getting bribed too.
What?
She had that pink sugar puff sugar dust all over her vest.
This goes all the way to the top.
Whoa.
Damn.
Hey, guys, what’s up?
Are you in on it too, Rudy?
Are you? Are you?
Hey, what are you doing?
No dust. And I don’t think Rudy’s ever been assigned to south hall second floor.
Which means they never needed to bribe him or get him out of the way.
What are you talking about?
Tina, you have a very intense expression.
And you gave me an armpit wedgie.
Rudy, come here.
The seventh-grade boys are doing illegal underground sock races during flex period.
What? No way. They would never get away with that.
Oh, they’re getting away with it, because they’re bribing hall monitors.
[gasps] They got to Stuart. They even got Maggie.
No! Not head monitor Maggie!
Yes, head monitor Maggie.
Oh, dear Lord. What do we do?
We gotta tell Mr. Frond, right?
No, we’re gonna show Mr. Frond.
We’re gonna get Maggie on tape, witnessing the sock racing and doing nothing.
And also, hopefully talking about all the bribes she gets.
And all in the style of Wes Anderson.
But wait, how do we get Maggie to be there for the sock racing?
It’s not her post, and she knows to stay as far away from it.
Yeah. We need someone on the inside to help lead her there.
Someone who’s still a hall monitor.
Someone who still has all the access.
This person sounds perfect.
I hope they’re brave enough.
Oh, it’s me. Crap.
Eh, it just makes the rest of your face look too big.
The nose, the mouth, just all of it.
Oh, yeah.
Thank you, Teddy.
[Gretchen] Hi, everyone.
Hi, Gretchen.
So the picture’s on the wall, and I’m getting some interest.
My business is gonna be booming.
I’m gonna be riding that mustache all the way to the bank.
Gretchen, that’s amazing.
Bob, are you so happy?
Are you loving the new you?
Are you so bold and confident now?
A gentleman assassin in the bedroom?
I’ll ask Linda later.
[cackles]
[Bob] Hmm. Mmhmm.
Wait. Do you not like it?
Um, IA stylist knows when a client isn’t happy.
Wha… what’s the problem?
I… I guess it’s just a little too cool for me?
Huh. I can make it less cool.
Why don’t I get in there and reshape it a bit?
I’ll make it a little more conventional.
Oh, I don’t know.
[hesitates] I can…
[camera clicks] [Gretchen] There.
[Bob whines] Oh, wow.
Oh, boy.
I can tell you like it, Bob.
A stylist always knows.
Yep. Yep.
Gotta run. I gotta go back to my gynecologist.
I forgot my underwear, and they won’t mail ’em.
[door opens, closes]
I’m shaving it.
You have to.
[retches] I can’t look at it.
I can’t look.
[school bell rings]
[Louise] Okay.
This angle is good.
Wow! This camera we checked out of the media room is pretty high end.
How’d our school afford this?
It was either this or books.
They made the right choice.
Hopefully, our undercover man is holding it together.
[inhales deeply]
So I’m totally cool with this whole thing and I’m glad to be on the inside of it.
[clicks tongue]
That’s me winking.
Okay… So Stuart told you about the sock racing?
Uh-huh, and I want in.
I love corruption and candy.
And Stuart told you to tell me he wants more candy?
Yep. So that’s what I’m doing, ’cause I’m part of this now.
And the seventh-grade boys don’t want to give it to him, so I have to go talk to them?
Yep. It’s a whole thing, a whole lot of big personalities.
You gotta go right now before flex period.
[Rudy breathing heavily]
[groans] Okay, fine.
Okay, great!
So, is everyone enjoying school today?
Wait, why is the floor glowing?
Maybe it’s pregnant?
Oh, my God, the floors are freshly buffed.
They’re gonna be so slippery.
Damn you, Mr. Branca, and your commitment to excellence.
I mean, it seems fun for the race.
No, no. It’s dangerous.
Like, really dangerous.
That wall they love to slam into?
They’re gonna hit it twice as hard, maybe harder.
They’re not just gonna bruise their shoulders, Louise.
They’re gonna crack their skulls.
Okay, well, that doesn’t sound as fun.
Yeah, they’re gonna get concussions.
They’ll forget everything they learned in school.
They’ll have to start over.
They’ll have to Billy Madison it!
[Tina] Oh, my God, oh, my God, we gotta do something.
We can’t exactly stop it ’cause then we don’t get them on camera and you don’t get your job back.
Plus, it’s golden hour.
The lighting is mwah!
Well, I can’t just stand by and let people get hurt.
Maybe we can make the wall soft somehow?
For when they crash into it?
Oh, yeah, good idea.
Let’s get some soft walls.
Tina, do you hear yourself right now?
Oh! Tumbling mats. There’s tons of them in the gym.
Ooh, I take naps on those mats.
Coach Blevins says that’s not exercise, but I toss and turn plenty.
Come on, they’re heavy.
I need your help moving them.
Let’s go.
There isn’t much time.
[groans] Okay, hold on.
Let me just hit record.
[Tina panting]
Tina, shh! Your shoes are so squeaky, someone will hear and that’ll blow everything.
Well, your shoes are squeaky too.
Mine are more squawky.
We gotta lose the shoes.
Fine.
Fresh floors, meet my stinky feet.
[Louise] Ooh! Oh, my God, it’s so fun. I get it.
[Tina] Louise!
But, yeah, it’s fun.
[all grunt]
[boys panting]
[Gene] I hear seventh-grade socks.
They’re gaining on us.
[Tina] Oh, crap.
We gotta move.
[boys panting]
So, yeah, right after the race, big talk with Stuart, right?
About taking more bribes to look the other way during dangerous sock racing?
Which is something me, and you, and Stuart, love.
Where is Stuart?
Uh, he’ll probably be here soon.
Let’s just chill out and relax, Maggie.
[inhales deeply]
[Maggie] Huh?
Okay, Hold it steady.
What is going on?
Uh, hey, don’t look at me.
I’m on the inside with you.
[chuckles nervously]
[boys panting]
[boys groan, grunt]
There they go.
Running in the hall.
And we’re not gonna do anything about it because we get bribed in candy not to.
What are you doing, Tina?
I figured out what was going on.
And I’m keeping people safe, Maggie, because that’s our duty as hall monitors.
Or did all those pink sugar puffs give your brain a cavity?
You’re not a hall monitor anymore, Tina.
Yeah, you made sure of that, didn’t you?
But you are a hall monitor, Maggie.
You’re here to protect them from the world, from themselves, from walls.
You don’t get it.
Seventh-grade boys are gonna do this kinda crap no matter what.
That’s true.
Tweens gonna tween.
So we might as well get some pink sugar puffs out of the situation.
[Louise] And cut!
I think we have what we need.
Huh?
We got you.
Oh, crap.
Good job, Rudy.
Oh, thank God it’s over.
[inhales deeply] I’m not cut out to live a double life.
[exhales] I’m not Hannah Montana.
Not yet.
[clicks tongue] Oh, Maggie.
You set me up and got me fired for a handful of candy.
It was more than a handful.
It’s been so much candy.
My teeth hurt so good.
What did I miss? How’s everyone’s flex period going?
Ah, Stuart…
Tina Belcher, a word.
What’s up, F-bomb?
Uh, what?
Frond-bomb.
[splutters] Well, anyway, this has never happened before, but, weirdly, the hall monitors wrote letters asking for you to be reinstated, so I guess you’re back in.
And Maggie thinks you should be head hall monitor for some reason.
Wow. Huh.
I wonder what caused them to change their minds about me?
A deep respect, I guess?
It definitely wasn’t ’cause of any blackmailing caught on tape.
[laughing] ‘Cause who would do that?
Yeah, sure. Well, here.
[gasps] My old vest!
Ah… still fits.
I mean, it’s been four days, [school bell rings] Actually, I need that back.
School’s over, the vest stays.
Right, right. Just gonna give it… Oh, okay.
I still think Maggie and Stuart and all the dirty HMs should have gone down.
I’ll whip them into shape.
The halls are going to be so monitored.
And if any of those HM’s have a problem with it, they can talk to the cam… corder’s memory card that I have with the incriminating evidence on it.
Yeah. Yeah, I know.
By the way, did you hear that the seventh-grade boys started doing sock races at the mall?
Not my hall, not my problem.
Good luck with that, Paul Blart.
Come on, let’s get home.
Okay, let’s go!
Yeah, baby!
Guys, no, seriously, don’t!
No running in the halls!
You know I’m gonna have to give you citations, right, guys?
[Gene] Shut it, narc!
[Bob] Oh, God, oh, no.
Please stay on, fake mustache.
[blows]
Oh, this was a bad idea.
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Hang on. Hang on.
Hang on, buddy.
[camera clicks]
♪ Take off our shoes ♪
♪ We’re ready to rock ♪
♪ ‘Cause we like to roll ♪
♪ In just our socks ♪
♪ We’re slipping and sliding
All around ♪
♪ Because we’ve got no tread ♪
♪ Slowing us down ♪
♪ Sock racing ♪
♪ Zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom ♪
♪ Sock racing ♪
♪ Zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom ♪
♪ We’re slipping and sliding
Look at us tussling ♪
♪ Keeping us safe
Avoiding concussions ♪
♪ Sock racing ♪
[scatting]
♪ Sock racing ♪
