Bad Monkey
Season 1 – Episode 8
Episode title: The Russian Mob Is Very Active in Key West
Original release date: September 25, 2024
Plot: With Caitlin and Rosa’s help, Yancy cooks up a new plan to get Nick and Eve back to Miami.
* * *
[Keith] It was just a typical family night in Big Pine Key.
How does everybody feel about old celery and tortilla chips for dinner?
Because that’s what I have.
Can I have, like, a grilled cheese?
I feel like you didn’t listen. Anybody wanna say anything less annoying?
I kind of want a grilled cheese too, and I know you have it.
You’re killing me.
[Jim] I like her.
I’m gonna miss you when he blows it.
Okay. You know what, Dad?
The next time you ask why I don’t visit more, I want you to remember this moment.
[chuckles]
[gunfire]
[Yancy] Get down!
[Cody] Holy crap! [pants]
You okay?
Yeah.
[Yancy] Dad, get everyone out the front.
[Cody] What?
[Jim] Hey, fucknut, the other front.
[Yancy] Nick and fucking Eve.
[gunfire continues]
Why aren’t you coming?
I have a plan.
No, you don’t.
I’m gonna make a plan the second you leave.
[growls]
How goes it?
The gunfire was just to scare us, or they’d still be shooting.
When they come in, I’m gonna jump them.
This is your plan?
What are you gonna do, stab them with a barbecue fork?
Just hang back unless I say “now.”
[grunting]
[intruder 1 grunting, groaning]
[groaning]
[groaning, grunting]
[grunting]
[Yancy] Now, Rosa!
“Now” is the signal. We agreed on the signal.
[groans]
Now with the fork.
[yells]
[grunting, groaning]
[pants]
[grunting, groaning]
[grunting]
[grunting]
[speaks Russian]
[intruder 2, speaks Russian]
[panting]
Yancy? Guys, put the gun down.
Pestov? Hey. All right.
Well, boy, it’s… Oh, God. It’s good to see you.
What’s happening?
I’m betting Madeline was right that,
uh, our friend Pestov here used to work for the Russian mafia.
Just a little.
Yeah.
And now I’m guessing he does the, uh, occasional gig on the side for cash.
[speaks Russian]
[stammers] Look, if I knew it was you, I would have refused.
I just told my guys to clean up.
Oh, thank you so much. What a lovely start.
Hey, don’t get stuck on that. That already looks good as new.
If you guys get a chance to get around
to the million pieces of sharp glass on the floor, that would be great.
Your dad.
Oh, shit.
Your dad just broke this dude’s face with his head.
It was awesome.
Now I have a fucking headache.
[sighs] It was worth it though.
[chuckling]
[Jim chuckles] Look how mad he is.
I am so sorry, Andrew. What can I do to make this right?
Pestov, if you can just tell me how the blonde lady or the one-armed man
reached out to you.
I… I really do need to find them.
N… No, I got approached by a guy saying that he had problems with his neighbor.
Okay. You mind if I borrow this?
Ah, I appreciate it. Thank you.
I’ll be right back.
[Pestov stammers]
[speaks Russian]
You might want to get down!
Anybody want a grilled cheese?
{\an8}[Keith] Of all the prisoners in the state of Oklahoma,
{\an8}Bonnie was the most excited to be there.
{\an8}[scoffs] I know what you’re both thinking. You’re feeling sorry for me.
{\an8}Don’t. I deserve this. And you. You’re married, so just stop.
[sighs] I guess this is it.
{\an8}This is goodbye.
The fuck?
[sighs]
{\an8}[Keith] Turns out the state of Oklahoma
{\an8}was not interested in Bonnie being held accountable.
{\an8}Nobody gives a shit.
{\an8}The state’s attorney doesn’t want the hassle.
{\an8}That’s actually the word he used about prosecuting crime.
{\an8}Hassle.
{\an8}But even the parents just want it to go away.
{\an8}Well, why did they send you after me if they weren’t gonna arrest me?
{\an8}They didn’t.
{\an8}I went after you on my own.
I should be mad, but that just makes me like you more.
My boss said I have to drive you wherever you want to go.
Yeah.
Bottom of the ocean, straight to the depths of hell.
Done. I already set the GPS for Florida.
[Keith] If you asked Bonnie,
she’d say that was the exact moment she snapped.
A journey away from your truth, like a journey away from the sun,
casts a shadow of regret in every step you take.
[Keith] Agent Russell would agree.
Yancy spent the morning complaining about his new Russian mafia furniture,
so Jim went outside to take in the neighbor’s house in all its glory.
That house next door is an assault on nature.
How come that fucknut isn’t in jail?
Well, it would be bad for Pestov if I reported this and, uh,
you know, I’m actually looking forward to going to the guy’s wedding.
I am heading home today.
And it’s been great having you.
And if you want, you can leave without giving me a speech of any kind.
I’ve been thinking a lot about you.
Here we go.
The stars put a good woman in your path.
I know because I saw her look at your worst qualities and she smiled.
I don’t know that I have any worst qualities.
Maybe caring too much or being too much fun to spend time with?
I know you think that badge made you whole again, but it didn’t.
You got good spirits around you, son. You just tend to ignore them.
I’m gonna warn you.
If you got this message from a bird, or a fish, or a deer,
I am gonna politely ignore you, and I’m gonna leave.
Turtles?
Turtle is bad too.
Just hear me out, kiddo.
Don’t hang on to something you think you need
and lose the stuff that really matters.
I’m gonna head to work. Love you, Dad.
Love you back.
Oh, yeah.
Still smell like the ocean.
[chuckles]
A little freshwater wouldn’t kill the old boy, would it?
[chuckles, sniffs]
[Keith] As Gracie gazed at the place where her altar used to be,
she realized that spending the night with Egg
had made her sadness go away for a second.
But it was back with the morning sun.
Fast to put your clothes on.
You always tell me men never know when to leave. So I’m leaving.
No need to run off when you’re my only company.
Oh, so you need me now?
Today maybe.
Something wrong with that?
Not your style, eh?
Nothing good ever comes from caring about someone.
I see.
Maybe you ought to find a different bed to sleep in then.
Come on, Gracie.
Am I allowed to call you that, huh?
For now.
Not sure why you running off anyway.
We both going to the same place.
You’re not ready.
So I was gonna go get myself some breakfast.
No, sir.
Time for you to learn to wait.
[groans]
Wait quieter.
[Keith] It dawned on Egg that if he truly didn’t care about her,
he’d already be gone.
[sighs]
[Eve] Come on, Nicky, I’m so excited. What is it?
Ta-da.
What do you think? We had to replace the Summer’s Eve eventually.
Fuck me.
No, I mean it. Right now. Like, do it.
How do you like the name?
[Eve] Oh, my God! Babe!
Eve, “Eve-r.” Now I get it.
Oh, my God. I love it. Oh.
Babe, this is swanky as fuck.
You know, I’ve only ever loved two people in my life,
and now one of them won’t even talk to me.
Just promise me you’ll never shut me out like that.
Do you promise me you’re always gonna take care of me?
Always.
Then we’re good.
[chuckles]
[chuckles, moans]
[moaning]
Oh. Hey, looks like our guests are here.
Uh, apologies, uh, for my erection.
[clears throat]
[clears throat, chuckles]
Hi. You look great.
Where’s the… Why… Where’s the dragon monster or whatever?
We’re paying you to keep the locals in line.
I don’t know how you do that if you’re not looking scary.
Yeah.
I feel like I could be whatever I want whenever I want.
All right. Yeah. I mean, that… that’s still terrifying… [chuckles] …so…
[chuckles]
[laughs]
Man, it’s hot as shit. I’m getting in.
Give me a hand.
[chuckles] Yeah.
Oh, sorry…
[Keith] Doesn’t matter what form it came in,
money always caught Gracie’s eye.
[chuckles]
Have fun.
[chuckles] Whoo!
[chuckles]
Come on in. Ooh!
[gasps] This is all mine.
[chuckles] Oh, my God.
Eggy, could you get us some champagne please?
One for myself too?
It’s up to her.
Is he, um… Is he here as your guest, or is he working?
[Dragon Queen] Today?
He with me.
Hell yes.
I’ll bring back drinks.
[chuckles, sighs]
How did you two happen, anyway?
He sings pretty good and fucks even better.
[squeals] I love meet-cute stories.
Hey, babe.
Babe, are we gonna, like, go out on the water or what?
We’re still waiting for one more guest.
Uh, also, I don’t know how to get back on the boat.
Babe, there’s always a ladder on the back.
Hope he can sing.
[laughs]
[Keith] Not one of them had any idea they were being watched.
[phone rings]
Yancy.
They got a boat now.
Ah, fucknuts. Tell me it’s a shitty boat.
{\an8}Nah, man. It’s pretty nice.
I knew you were gonna say that,
partly because I can be pretty psychic sometimes and not just with coffees,
although that is my wheelhouse.
You know, I’ve called the FBI every day, and it’s always the same shit.
You know, extradition issues, financial challenges, you gotta be patient.
You back at work?
Yep.
Busted a shithead drug dealer yesterday.
I’m, uh, writing up a report as we speak.
How many F’s are there in paraphernalia?
No F’s.
Thank you. I’ll probably just use the word “stuff”
because I know where all the F’s on that go.
What about you? Are you, uh, still laying low?
Doesn’t seem like Egg is looking for me anymore.
That’s probably ’cause they know we can’t do shit.
We’re back at Dawnie’s place now.
She’s letting me stay there for a while.
So that’s nice, being with her.
Small victories.
Be careful, all right?
Just seems like the bad guys won.
You stop that right now.
Some optimism, come on.
Momentum’s its own reward.
Sure, Andrew.
Now, let me guess. It’s cream, no sugar, am I right?
Just don’t hang up on me because I don’t like it when people ha…
[Keith] Neville couldn’t help but wonder if Yancy even cared anymore.
After making her way back to the Keys and grabbing her car,
you’d think Bonnie would just head for the hills.
But there was one more thing she had to take care of.
[door opens]
[bell chimes]
Hello.
Hi, handsome.
Uh, do you have any of those cans that people put gas into?
You mean a gas can?
[sighs] You know that’s what I meant.
[Keith] Danny was not aware that Bonnie had recently snapped.
I’ll go get you one.
I want 20.
Why 20?
This is the face I make when the conversation’s over.
Okay.
[Keith] Neville was wrong about Yancy not caring.
Why else would he be willing to drive all the way to Miami
just to meet an old friend?
Director Rhodes?
No way. This is crazy.
Running into you across from your office on your lunch break
at a place someone told me was your favorite.
[sighs]
If you want to know who told me, it was Pomp.
Listen, I’m still coming in hot, but this time I’ve added some disarming charm.
Can you feel it?
Well, you gotta give it a chance. I’ll ask you again in a few minutes.
Look, Detective, there’s extradition issues.
Yeah, and it’s also financially challenging, and I need to be patient.
And that’s all good. May I tell you that your hair looks lovely?
And I love the pantsuit.
Just tell me how I get you to do something.
I have friends that are over there.
And if they get hurt, I’m gonna feel like it’s on me.
I’m sorry, but as long as they’re overseas, my hands are tied.
So, you’re saying I have to try to get them back to the States.
No, that would be a de facto kidnapping.
That’s what you want,
but you can’t say it. Message received.
Mmm. There’s no message.
That’s a pretty big ask.
I’m not asking anything of you.
No, and you would never do that.
I got it. I got it.
Why are you winking?
Oh, I’m just having fun.
You haven’t given me any kind of instructions whatsoever.
And I could swear that in a court of law, and I’ll swear it right now.
I completely understand.
[groans] And we do it.
I’m gonna go.
[Yancy] Okay, please don’t walk away from me.
I’m just not a huge fan of people hanging up on me
or walking away from me, but I’m still loving the pantsuit.
The world’s gonna keep turning, Rhodes.
We’re not in charge of it.
[Keith] It wasn’t just a pleasure cruise.
To keep moving ahead on their resort,
Nick and Eve needed to charm a local government official.
What a lovely, lovely afternoon. I’ll get all those permits expedited.
And, um, where do I put my glass?
Oh, silly. No, that there is a roadie.
It’s one of our country’s greatest traditions.
It’s up there with baseball and bleaching your butthole.
Okay. Well, then.
Get home safe.
[chuckles]
How much did that cost us, babe?
Just a grand.
Wow.
Everybody want dip their beak.
Man, you gotta love a third world country.
Bribery’s so cheap here.
It’s almost more expensive not to do it.
So Mr. Knowles said that that, um, boutique owner girl
was being like a little cooze-ish.
You know, trying to start trouble with the property you sold us.
You know her, right?
Asia?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, she’s a friend.
Used to be, anyway.
She won’t be a problem.
I’m glad.
Hey, Egg, are you gonna walk your friend home?
Because I’m horny and we wanna stay and christen the captain’s suite.
Of course.
[giggles] Bye, cuties.
Thanks for the afternoon.
And, Eve?
You get sun today.
Your skin look nice.
Oh, my God. [chuckles]
I could cry.
[laughs]
[chuckles]
[Dragon Queen] I saw that head shake.
You got something to say?
You really think they’ll ever pay you the rest of your money?
Wait.
You think they’re your friends now, huh?
You mean to tell me those two dishonest pieces of shit
are trying to take advantage of me?
I had no idea.
I’m just a stupid girl from the third world.
Okay.
Fifty grand they paid me is not enough to take care of Ya-Ya
and get off of this island for good.
I bleeding those two for all they got.
You be careful, Gracie.
They don’t fuck around.
[sucks teeth] Don’t you worry about me.
I know what game I playing.
I know how to get mine.
When I do, I’ll be gone like a puff of smoke.
[blows]
You at least gonna say goodbye when you leave?
[chuckles]
Maybe I’ll wave.
Come on.
You know what I want.
♪ Caribbean Queen Now we’re sharing the same dream ♪
[laughs]
♪ And our hearts, they beat as one ♪
[vocalizes]
♪ No more love on the run ♪
[Keith] The mistake they both made was not realizing that this moment…
♪ I said, my Caribbean Queen ♪
[Keith] …this was as happy as either of them had ever been.
♪ Yeah, same dream ♪
♪ Our two hearts, they beat as one ♪
[Yancy] There is only a few tiny problems
with going to grab the Striplings in the Bahamas.
It is illegal. Uh, I could probably lose my job.
And I could get killed.
That’s a bummer.
Can I have the rest of your grilled cheese?
I didn’t even answer yet, it’s already in your hands.
I’m hungry.
I know. You are a beautiful, beautiful wolverine.
[laughs] So, when do we get these guys?
We?
Come on, man.
I need this, all right? I need something.
I don’t know what to do here, Rosa.
My dad said to me not to hold on to something I think I need,
’cause I might lose the stuff that really matters.
He says this kind of annoying shit to me all the time.
I never know what the hell he’s talking about.
He gets it all from turtles.
Well, at least he’s still speaking to you.
I mean, ever since I quit my job, my mom,
she just walks around muttering that God has this plan for me.
[speaks Spanish]
So I’m like, “All right, well-well, what if that’s not my plan?”
She’s like…
[speaks Spanish]
Oh, my God.
I mean, isn’t that annoying?
I honestly have, uh, no idea how annoying it is
because I still don’t speak Spanish
and that hasn’t really changed since yesterday.
[scoffs] She says she’s basically gonna light every candle in Miami for me.
Well, see, now you’re gonna get mad at me because I think that’s a lovely gesture.
Now you’re pissing me off. Let’s go get ice cream.
You still have grilled cheese in your mouth.
I mean, who can do that much dairy?
You’re driving.
[groans] Look, I do want to go to the Bahamas so bad and get those fuckers.
I can taste it.
I just find myself in that familiar place where, you know,
I’m not sure is this a dare to be great kind of a thing
or is it like, you know, ruin-your-life scenario?
No way. I mean, that’s exactly how I felt
when I was trying to decide whether I should fuck you or not.
Okay, ignoring that, moving forward.
I just wish there was some kind of a sign from the heavens.
[laughs] You know, my mom always said
that God wouldn’t have to yell at you if you would just listen harder.
Well, I wish he’d yell a little louder.
[laughs, gasps]
[explosion]
Hi, Andrew.
Rosa, this is Bonnie.
[gasps]
It is so nice to finally meet you.
Hi.
Bonnie, what’d you do?
They wouldn’t arrest me.
I think they probably will now.
[explosion]
Yeah.
Yeah.
[sirens wailing in distance]
[Bonnie] Accountability is everything.
I am so grateful to Andrew for showing me the way.
You know, you don’t have to tell them that I gave you the idea to do this.
This is all for you. Don’t pretend like you don’t get it.
I’ll be really upset.
Sorry.
Take care of yourself, Bonnie.
This goodbye might be a little bit more permanent.
I’ll make sure he visits.
Thanks. I like her for you.
Well, I was hoping for your blessing.
[Keith] Yancy had two thoughts.
First off, no one had ever looked so happy being stuffed into a squad car.
And secondly…
You want to go to Andros?
Yes.
Asia, you here?
[debris clattering]
Oh. [gasps]
What the fuck happened?
As if you don’t know.
No.
I told them I knew you. I said it’d be okay.
I didn’t know about this.
I am so sorry.
Feel better?
Now get the fuck out of my life.
[chattering]
Why you trash her store?
Why do I do anything?
I was paid. The lady wanted it done.
I know Asia was running her mouth. I could’ve handled it.
Sorry you’re upset.
But you said you knew what game you were playing.
Don’t bother coming by my bed tonight.
What about the couch?
She seems sweet, eh?
[Keith] Nick had hired a new chef at the bar,
so Eve was excited to try the new appetizers.
Oh. [groans]
Why are the conch fritters from our restaurant so disgusting?
‘Cause real conch is expensive.
So we use grouper and pig parts.
The fuck are you doing?
That might be poisonous.
Ugh, I wish.
You love her.
[sighs]
Fuck you.
[phone buzzing]
[pants]
Please tell me this isn’t a butt-dial.
Not a butt-dial.
The problem with going to church
is that they keep preaching about forgiveness.
Consider me a Jesus freak then.
I love that hairy guy.
Um, I was worried that you’d moved on.
I tried to, but you keep popping into my head.
Like the other day, one of Simon’s friends from church
even started talking about Andros.
Her family has stupid money. So I told them about your resort.
Oh, honey, you didn’t have to do that.
It’s dumb, but, uh, I guess I thought if she bought out there,
Simon and I could go and stay with her.
So fucking Eve couldn’t say a thing about it,
but I could still come and see you.
You come here and you stay with me.
I’m your dad.
It’s so good to hear from you. [chuckles]
Um, well, hey, I guess just, you know, text me that lady’s information.
Cool. Uh, I gotta go, Dad.
Wait, wait, wait. Hang on.
Um, I love you.
[sighs] I-I love you too, Dad.
Bye.
[Keith] Nick never had a lot of luck telling Eve what to do,
but that didn’t stop him from trying.
Don’t say anything.
[inhales deeply] Okay.
[clears throat]
Just know I’m thinking it.
[sighs]
[Rosa] You’re a good liar.
[sighs] Drug addict.
Look at that. Narcotics has a silver lining.
Okay, when you text your dad, I can’t be involved at all.
Since they know what I look like, Rosa’s gonna play the friend.
And her name is… Here comes the magic.
Hold on. Just one sec. I’m actually pretty great at this.
Uh, let’s see.
Her name is, uh, Cecilia Ramos.
No.
So lame.
Great. Raise the bar on me, I’ll have to jump over it.
We’re gonna go with, uh, Alma.
[chuckles] What… Am I the first Latina you’ve ever met that’s under 90?
A little judgmental. How about Louisa?
Ew.
[Yancy] Fine.
You guys are so passionate about this, you choose.
I’ll be Rosalba.
[laughs]
What? Are you kidding? That’s a fucking terrible name.
Rosalba’s my actual name.
Let me finish. Why’d you cut me off?
Terrible name for this, ’cause it’s a beautiful,
grounded name that belongs to an angel.
Hey, look, if it’s easy for you to remember…
We don’t want to waste our day on this. Let’s go with that one.
Just so you know, as a group we have landed comfortably on Rosalba.
Okay. Rosalba Ramos.
Rosalba.
Hey, guys.
Look… [stammers] …I know my dad is a huge fuck up, but he’s still my dad.
So please, um, just make sure he doesn’t get hurt.
I’ll try.
Uh, and also if you get the chance, uh, shoot Eve in the fucking face.
I’m sorry?
[Keith] Yancy took Rosa to Andros the very next day.
What he didn’t realize was that it was kind of their first trip as a couple.
I’m saying I think you’re being judgmental.
[Yancy] I am not. I’m just making an observation.
I have everything that I need for the trip in this backpack,
including my toothbrush, and you have these two giant suitcases.
And I was just wondering,
did I give you an impression that we are moving here?
I need my stuff. I’m going undercover.
Yeah, definitely keep shouting that.
[Rosa] Oh, calm down.
Cute.
Okay, Neville says that Nick and Eve never leave their compound,
so we can go out.
Wanna go get a drink?
I need to borrow your toothbrush.
Forgot mine.
Are you kidding?
[Keith] Gracie was born in that house, but she couldn’t remember
ever being there by herself for more than ten minutes.
[phone buzzes]
[Keith] There was only one person she wanted to talk to…
[Keith] and today it wasn’t him.
[sighs]
[phone buzzes]
[Ya-Ya] Hello?
You answer pretty quick.
Hoping you ain’t waiting on no gentleman to call.
Driggs will get jealous.
[sighs]
I just want to know you’re okay.
Now you know.
Why you won’t tell me where you’re staying?
Because then you’d come over.
Just to ask you to be with me.
I know. And I wouldn’t be able to say no.
I got no one, Ya-Ya.
All the time you was training to be a priestess,
you thought you was all by yourself.
But you wasn’t. You had me.
You had the magic.
Now you get to feel what it’s really like to be all alone.
Maybe that’s how you’ll find your way back.
[sighs]
[chattering]
Come on.
One last ride in this ill-got gain.
[chattering]
[Yancy] Thank you.
[Rosa] Bro, it’s happening. [sighs]
Christopher or Nick or whatever, he texted me.
He’s picking me up at the hotel tomorrow.
And we’re off.
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Come on. This is gonna be very easy.
[inhales deeply]
You go see the land…
Yeah.
…and you say that you love it. You want to buy it in cash.
Then you tell them that you’re gonna be back in two months with the dough,
unless they want to come to Miami and get the money from you before that.
Well, what if they want to wait the two months?
They won’t. Grifters always want the money right away.
They’re like you with grilled cheese sandwiches.
The second they show up in Miami, the FBI is gonna grab them right away.
What if I suck at pretending to be someone else?
Nick and Eve have never seen you.
So, you got nothing to worry about.
Just let the words flow. Whatever comes out, comes out.
It’s not that simple.
Sure it is.
Try me.
Wow, you’re really that cocky.
All right. Hi, stranger. What’s your name?
My name is Jordan Fleeter.
I’m from Chicago.
And I know exactly what you’re thinking. My dad was a Chicago Bulls fan.
And he was, but I’m actually named Jordan after my grandmother.
It’s unisex.
And I flew here because my partners and I developed
a water desalination device that you kind of attach to your sink.
All you gotta do is hook it up.
It pumps in the salt water from the ocean,
and it gets clean enough that you can wash your dishes,
but you can’t drink it ’cause it’ll kill you.
But it’s still a bargain ’cause it’s only 20 bucks.
[chuckles] What the fuck? I can’t do that.
Sure you can. Just try it.
Pick anyone here in the damn bar.
[scoffs]
[sighs] Oh. Okay.
Excuse me, sir.
Mm-hmm.
Hi, um, we’re, uh, newlyweds. [chuckles]
Oh. Sweet.
From, uh, St. Pete.
Mm-hmm.
Love it.
What’s good here?
Um, conch fritters just blew my doors off.
I-I plowed through a dozen, and I’m gonna go again.
Hey, Andre.
Yeah, man?
Can we get another, um, of the…
Just the way you like it.
Look at that, he’s coming over.
I’m, uh, KJ.
[stammers] The, uh, Fleetersons.
Nailed it.
Nice to meet you. Is that Finnish?
Bob. Bob Fleeterson. And guilty as charged.
[all laugh]
[Yancy] KJ, my friend, I’m gonna have to pull the cord now.
But I’d love to remember this night forever,
so can we get some big smiles, everyone?
[grunts]
[cheers, laughs]
[Claspers] What a great night.
[Yancy] Yeah.
You know, I-I’ve been coming here for ages.
This is the first time I’m making the wall.
Well, how is that even possible? A friendly fellow like yourself.
Well, some people say I can be a little chatty or needy.
Gosh. I’ll be honest, I haven’t caught that vibe at all. Babes?
No. I mean, why would people even say that?
Well, you don’t know my bosses. They’re the worst. I fly them everywhere.
I don’t think the wife even knows my name.
So, you’re a pilot, huh?
Yeah.
What-What’s your last name, KJ?
Claspers. It’s Dutch.
[grunts]
[inhales deeply]
Yeah.
Well, um, you have a couple of friends for life, KJ Claspers.
I’m fleetered. [laughs]
[laughs]
[Yancy laughs] That’s so good.
Hey, you know what? Why don’t you go ahead and put in your info?
[Claspers] Oh, sure.
[Keith] Yancy knew what he was gonna see even before he saw it.
And done.
Whoa, would you look at that.
A little heavy-handed with the exclamation points, huh?
Try to keep it fun.
Well, you hit your mark. Cheers.
You’ve got a strong text game.
[Keith] Not many kids like waking up with the sun.
Lulu was no different.
[Lulu] Why we gotta fish so early?
[Neville] You hungry right now?
Yes.
So are the fish.
[Keith] You see, Neville couldn’t help but feel like things were about
to take a turn for the better.
And when Neville was happy, he liked to be up.
Yancy, on the other hand, was just the opposite.
[exhales deeply]
[door opens]
[Yancy] Well, well.
Who might this be?
Rosalba Ramos.
[chuckles] Are you going on a safari?
[chuckles] I’m thinking my family owns car dealerships.
I love it.
See, Rosa, I told you you’re gonna be great at this.
Now, knowing the brand of loving I threw on you last night,
I think we would both agree that I deserve a little rest.
I am gonna sleep a little bit longer, and then I’m gonna grab some breakfast.
Uh, no, you’re not.
You’re gonna get your ass out of bed before the driver gets here.
[sighs] Rosalba Ramos is a little pushy.
I like it.
[Keith] Rosa wasn’t the only one amped up.
It definitely felt like a pretty damn big day.
Mmm.
Baby, we’re so cash poor right now that, like,
if this Spanish woman is really that rich,
I will absolutely let you fuck her.
But only if she’s a total uggo.
Understood. Uh, thank you.
Listen, I’m trying to get my game face on.
Have you seen my watch?
No.
Have you seen Dada’s watch?
[Keith] You know what they say.
One person’s good luck charm is another’s escape plan.
Nice watch.
Is it now?
Well, it’s worth $250,000.
So yeah. I’d say it’s pretty nice.
You didn’t know that, did you?
What’s it to you what I know and what I don’t?
Well, you know, I’m just a naturally curious person.
And honestly, I can’t believe I’m seeing that watch again.
My Ya-Ya would say it’s not a coincidence.
Uh-oh. I don’t know what a Ya-Ya is.
Me?
I think it’s because there’s only one decent breakfast place
on this entire fucking island.
[laughs]
May I ask you where you got it?
I stole it.
From a very bad man.
But I think you already know that.
Wow.
That is a very good guess.
I’m Andrew Yancy.
Okay.
Well, sometimes people say their names too,
but, uh… [chuckles] …it doesn’t matter.
You know, mystery lady,
I intend to make that man pay for the things he’s done.
And his wife too.
Don’t make me no never mind.
I just trying to get enough green to start my life.
My turn for a question.
So what kind of god are you?
Well, that’s flattering.
I’m just a man.
Then why you think you can make bad people pay for their sins?
Well, we all pay for them eventually, don’t we?
I hope not.
Me too, mystery lady.
Mmm.
I’m gonna get another coffee, so maybe I could get you one?
And you could tell me your name and what you know about all those bad people?
You gonna have to throw in a muffin for all that.
Deal.
You know, my friend Neville says this is the best rum cake
in all of Andros, so why…
[Keith] Yancy was furious with mystery lady.
But in her defense,
he hadn’t warned her how much he hated it
when people walked away from him or hung up on him.
That property is amazing.
It’s so beautiful. I love it.
[Eve laughs, squeals] Yay!
I’m in.
[Eve] Oh, I’m so happy!
[laughs]
Hey, it’s so great that you got it now ’cause that’s our last available lot.
So once we get your deposit, we can start construction.
You know, I’d prefer to pay the whole thing in cash
if that’s okay with you guys.
[chuckles]
Oh!
Sorry, just had a little orgasm.
Just a tiny one.
[laughs]
But if you don’t mind me asking, uh, why cash?
Well, my family does own a few car dealerships,
but that’s not actually the family business.
I mean, you know what?
[chuckles] I shouldn’t talk too much more about it.
Understood. I’m gonna get some mimosas.
[Eve] You read my mind, baby.
[giggles] It’s so fun that-that you and Caitlin know each other
from that weird church.
Yeah.
How close are you two?
[Keith] Rosa knew this was her moment of truth.
Well… [sighs] Look, I don’t want to be too forward.
I know her father just passed away.
Rest in peace.
She’s kind of a little bitch, isn’t she?
Oh, my God.
[laughs] Oh, my God. I love you.
[laughs] Right?
She’s such a skinny little bitch.
Hey, only one of them is a mimosa
’cause I ran out of OJ.
Oh, thank you.
[laughs]
So, you know, I’m not really in a rush.
I can be back in a couple months with the architect and the cash.
But if you guys want the money, you know,
sooner than that, you guys can just zip over to Miami.
Cheers. [chuckles]
[chuckles]
[chuckles] I love Miami.
[chatters]
[Keith] Driggs could barely make out Neville on the porch,
but it was still nice to see him.
He could have gotten closer,
but he didn’t want Neville to know he cared.
[Rosa] Hey, guys.
Do you want to tell them?
You get to tell them.
You’re the one that did it.
[inhales sharply] We got those motherfuckers.
[chuckles]
There it is. [laughs]
[laughs] They fly to Miami next week.
Amazing! Now who’s hungry?
I am.
Okay, no one’s talking to you. Come.
[chuckles]
Stay strong.
She’s still letting you stay here?
We’ll see how dinner goes.
I got you.
No, you don’t have to…
No, no. No, no, no.
Hey, Dawnie, how handsome and kind is Neville over there?
That’s a pretty special package, right?
[sighs]
[Yancy] He can pull off purple.
Not easy.
[Neville] Right. Just relax.
[Yancy] Are they tasty?
[Rosa laughs] That’s so true.
All right. A toast. Raise a glass.
Because I want my friend Neville to know that the bad guys do not always win.
Bonnie’s incarcerated.
Not sure what else we can do.
Do you have fire insurance?
Yes, but it doesn’t cover fucking arson.
Oh, that’s too bad. Mine does.
[sighs]
Look, maybe, um, that fire was just from natural causes.
Nah, she blew your house up.
[sighs, groans]
What about now?
I promise you, in the end, people pay for what they do.
The world holds them accountable.
A hundred bucks?
Yes, sir.
You’re lucky I don’t arrest you.
I’m sorry, okay?
I… [sighs] I’ve had a really rough week.
Oh, no. I’m keeping this.
Goddamn it. [sighs]
Might teach you a lesson.
[Yancy] Then they have to accept their fate.
[sighs]
Now, sure, they can run away.
I’m serious.
Some of them don’t even think twice about leaving their homes
or even their loved ones.
But I’ll tell you this much.
Those are the very goodbyes that they end up regretting for the rest of their lives.
And you may think this is just my crazy philosophy,
but the air of ideas is the only air worth breathing.
And that is from a great novel by Edith Wharton.
Age of Innocence.
Are you kidding me?
Handsome and well-read? My guy.
[Rosa laughs]
Dawnie, this is the type of guy that should stay under this roof forever.
[laughs] I’ll give him one more night, then he needs to find his own place.
[chuckles]
Oh, wow. You have Miami stations here.
Down here in Miami, you wouldn’t know it if you looked outside today,
but a storm is heading our way fast.
In fact, I’m just being updated.
It’s apparently a full-fledged hurricane which they’re naming Hurricane Melanie.
Aw.
Oh, my God. I guess this is Hurricane Mel reporting on Hurricane Mel.
[chuckles]
[laughs]
That’s a good name.
[Neville] Mm-hmm.
[chuckles]
[Rosa] I’m happy for her.
Well, to be fair, no one could fill Heather with the Weather’s shoes, but she did good.
Are you serious?
Heather with the Weather was an icon and you know that.
[laughs] I mean, who’s this?
[Keith] Here’s the thing about tiny islands.
Whether it’s the Keys or the Bahamas, when people know there’s a storm coming, they all head out to the bars.
You can say it’s just to blow off steam before they’re all cooped up.
But it’s also to keep from being scared about all the chaos that is right around the corner.
Ooh. Bad idea. Ow.
[inhales sharply]
What are we doing at this shithole?
Well, I want a conch fritter that’s not made from pig’s butt, and this place is supposed to be amazing, so…
Will you get us, like, I don’t know, like two dozen and some tequila?
And I’m just gonna, I don’t know.
I’ll just wait here for a table.
[Keith] Like Gracie said before, not a lot of good places to eat or drink on this fucking island.
So it wasn’t much of a coincidence.
Still, bad luck they chose this one.
