Bad Monkey
Season 1 – Episode 3
Episode title: Nobody Said He Was Alvin Einstein
Original release date: August 21, 2024
Plot: Yancy and Rosa continue their search for more information about Nick. Caitlin confronts Eve, leading to a shocking revelation.
* * *
[seagulls squawking]
[waves lapping]
[captain] The Keys definitely have their own rhythm.
I mean, you don’t even get your day going until the world tells you to.
[barking]
[captain] Then you head back to the bar to cure your hangover.
Unless, of course, it’s a workday.
Then you start with coffee.
[Neville] Enjoy.
Appreciate you.
Well, I am happy you came, and honestly, I’m not the least bit surprised.
As for your coffee, I guessed cream, two sugars.
It’s my gift.
Actually, it’s one of my gifts.
I, one time, had this dream that my uncle Terry had cancer.
Now, he didn’t, but he did have a mole that they removed just to be safe and he’s fine, so…
I take mine black.
Are you sure? Not-Not cream, two sugars? I usually nail this kind of thing.
No. Black.
Okay.
I did get my lab to do a DNA workup on your bone shards.
I’d like to think of them as our bone shards.
We’ll know if we have a match for Stripling this afternoon.
I love this energy.
Okay. Now let’s get started by questioning Madeline, that girl that ran away from me.
Yeah, let’s go.
I love it.
Just got to, uh, check this place real quick for code violations,
but I’m gonna be super fast.
Wait, you fucking kidding me?
I called in sick for this.
Rosa, I don’t know what to tell you.
Some of us actually do take our job seriously, all right?
I’m back in a flash.
[scoffs]
[Yancy] Hello. Health inspector.
[captain] Luckily for Yancy’s stomach,
this kitchen was so clean you could almost eat out of it.
Is all okay in here, Inspector?
Yeah, most everything is to code.
If I’m nitpicking,
the only red flag would be the live monkey eating grapes in the cupboard.
[chatters]
[Samara] Neville!
[chuckles]
What you call my name for like that?
Fix this.
[sighs]
[captain] It wasn’t the first time that Driggs’s fondness for grapes
had landed Neville in trouble.
[Neville] Sir, it’s my monkey. Not hers.
Yeah, I’ll make a note of that.
But if I’m being honest, in the food inspection game,
it doesn’t really matter whose monkey it is.
It’s more just the monkey of it all.
Okay. Look, my name is Neville Stafford, and I’ve had a very bad week.
My sister sold our childhood home in Andros.
Sold it right from under me.
Ouch.
Yes.
But if I cause problems for her in her restaurant,
I lose the moral high ground.
Oh.
And you’re planning on holding it over her head forever.
Yes, I am.
I like your vibe, Neville.
Ma’am, I’m gonna come back next week,
and as long as the kitchen is a hundred-percent monkey-free,
then I won’t file a report.
Sound good?
[sighs] Thank you. Thank you so much.
I owe you one.
I’m gonna hold you to it.
[Rosa] You know, I gotta say, a grown man without a car is very sexy.
Well, Sonny promised he’s getting me one.
So which one of these 5,000 T-shirt shops does Madeline work at?
Well, it’s called Chest Candy…
[snickers]
…so I guess we’re looking for the classy one.
[sighs]
[Rosa] What are you doing?
Don’t worry about it. Just some police work.
There it is.
Park around back?
Yeah.
You ever been to Chest Candy?
No.
Okay.
But I’m familiar with it.
I get it.
So as I explained, just be prepared because she is a runner.
Who’s a runner? Bro, you know what?
Let me do the talking. [chuckles]
Really?
Like, the whole time? Okay.
[Rosa] Hey, Madeline.
Not to worry. I just wanted… [stammers] Okay.
There she goes.
[Madeline] Oh, shit!
[captain] For the sake of their new partnership, it had to be said…
[Madeline grunts]
Told you she’s a runner.
How come every time I see you, you run away?
‘Cause you’re a cop.
Actually, he’s not.
{\an8}Well, not at the moment, though the situation is fluid.
{\an8}Look, I got a record,
{\an8}and people have been asking questions about where Phinney and I got the money.
{\an8}I’m not a drug dealer or anything like that.
{\an8}I mean, I did sell K and E, but never H.
{\an8}This is starting to feel like a weird episode of Sesame Street.
{\an8}I don’t think you’re a drug dealer,
{\an8}but I do think that you and your boyfriend got involved in something bad.
Here you go.
Oh, thank you so much, Mr. Pestov.
I got yours black, because that’s how you claim that you like it.
It is.
We’ll see.
How about some privacy?
[chuckling] This is my store.
Fine.
[speaking Russian]
[Yancy] Russian is such a beautiful language, isn’t it?
{\an8}Anyway, Madeline, I went to see an old pal of mine, Keith Fitzpatrick.
{\an8}He’s the captain of the boat that Phinney was crewing on when they caught the arm.
{\an8}I just wanted to know if, uh, your boy was the one baiting the hooks on that day.
{\an8}And guess what Keith said.
{\an8}[Yancy] “This is the best goddamn fried shrimp I’ve ever had in my life.”
{\an8}Well, that’s on me, ’cause I got him stoned in the parking lot
{\an8}with some very strong weed that my friend Miguel gave me.
It’s called Trainwreck, but I digress.
But then he said…
Phinney was handling the lines that day,
which was surprising because it was fucking hard
to get that skinny little shit to do any work at all, right?
[chuckles] Want one?
No, I’m good.
Ten bucks says they’ve been covered in rat shit.
Hmm.
You know, when my dad was a kid, he worked on some shitty fishing charter.
The captain would make him buy a big frozen marlin
so that he could convince the tourists that they caught something.
You know, you’d put the dead fish on the hook,
you’d let ’em reel it in and then bingo!
They felt like they caught the big one. You get it.
I was just kind of wondering,
could Phinney pull off that scam with a human arm?
[Keith] Yancy recently learned that if you could shut up for even a second
sometimes the truth would come out on its own.
I told him not to do it, but he said it was no big deal.
It was just a practical joke.
And it was so much money. Like, three grand.
Do you know who gave him the arm?
I’m guessing a not-so-tall blonde woman did.
He said it was a dude.
Fucknuts.
And the cooler the arm came in, that’s where I keep my shift beer.
Ah. Midwest Mobile Medical. That’s Nick Stripling’s company.
Nick who?
[Yancy] The vic.
Uh, previous owner of the arm.
The victim?
Mm-hmm.
[Madeline] Wait a minute.
Uh, do you think whoever killed this Nick guy maybe also killed Phinney?
Do you think he’ll come after me next?
No. If he thought you knew anything, you’d already be dead.
You serious?
What? It’s just the tru… truth.
[Madeline sighs]
It’s a true statement.
[Rosa] You know what? Maybe to be safe,
I think it’s best to leave town for a couple days.
Where the fuck am I supposed to go? I don’t have any money.
I can’t get another job.
You barely have this one.
Thanks for the privacy, dickwad.
[muttering]
He’s always spying on me.
You know, he’s not gonna admit this, but I know he has ties to the Russian mob.
Phinney and I were supposed to get married.
I told him to stop flashing that money around.
I loved that fucker but he was no “Alvin Einstein.” [sniffles]
Albert…
[stammers] Don’t. Don’t.
Hey, you know what? Do you work on commission?
Why don’t we get big guy over here a shirt?
How about, um, “vagitarian”?
It’s two for 20.
[Yancy] Uh, okay, fine.
Do you have the “I can’t believe I shaved my balls for this”?
I want that shirt.
[Keith] Across town, it was time for Neville to head home.
Thank you.
Hey.
[Driggs chatters]
Thanks for handling that guy.
That’s what it looks like to help your sibling
instead of sticking them with a knife in the back.
Maybe I am helping you. You are stuck, Neville.
Spending every day fishing and drinking with your friends.
Maybe now you’ll get your life started.
[clicks tongue] Please.
You just wanted that money to fix up this place.
[scoffs] At least I’m trying to do something.
[Keith] The worst part was that he knew she was right.
Bye, Sister.
Hey, dummy.
[sighs]
You gonna leave without this?
[Keith] And just like that,
Neville’s reunion with his sister was over.
Whew, this boy.
[Keith] The flight home was only 45 minutes.
But that was plenty of time to feel guilty for not visiting more often.
[widow] Our family is so grateful to you.
This is to remember James.
Thank you for helping him cross over.
It was an honor.
Yeah, well, I’m sure Dad would have lived forever
if you hadn’t come by and taken my mom’s money.
Drea.
I’m sorry for her.
I sorry for your loss.
I see you at the funeral.
[Ya-Ya] That child think she can talk to you like that?
[Dragon Queen] Be nice, Ya-Ya.
She lost her daddy, you know.
[Ya-Ya] Disrespect.
And it’s not just her.
This whole generation.
You think it has something to do with their phones?
I do think that.
Wait. Are you making fun of me?
Only a little bit, Ya-Ya.
It’s just, you already say it a million times.
There’s always more to know than whatever they could…
“Than whatever they could read when they on the toilet.”
[chuckles]
[mimics chuckling]
You think I a funny person or you’re just laughing at me?
It can’t be both?
[laughs]
You know you love me.
[mutters]
[chuckles]
[Keith] When he got home, Neville wanted to go fishing to clear his head.
The only problem, last time he was out on the water he had a few drinks
and now he couldn’t exactly remember where he’d left his skiff.
[Christopher] You looking for your boat?
I set it free.
What you mean, set it free?
Well, it was on my property, so I cut it loose.
I like to think it’s out there floating around somewhere, happy.
It was in the water.
You don’t own the water.
I’ll tell you what, I’ll give you three seconds to get the fuck out of here.
One…
two.
[Driggs shrieks]
[Keith] Back in Miami,
Yancy and Rosa made their way to a bland office park right outside the city.
Former home of Midwest Mobile Medical.
[Rosa] Okay. So, why the tie?
Well, it almost makes me look like a Fed,
and I’m betting that whoever delivered that arm to Phinney works here.
It’s not… It’s not right yet.
So wait, you think it’s the boyfriend, Christopher?
I mean, it’s an old story.
Husband invites his wife to the office Christmas party.
There’s an open bar and mistletoe.
Next thing you know, uh-oh,
she’s banging the coworker Christopher in the office hot tub.
Okay, so there’s a office hot tub?
I like to paint a picture. What do you think?
Let me… Can I fix it for you?
Please.
This is a lot better.
There you go. Good.
[sighs]
[phone rings]
Sorry.
Yeah.
Just give me a second.
Go for it. Yeah.
Bonnie, or should I say Plover?
Either’s fine. I answer to both.
[Yancy] Where are you?
It’s safer for both of us if I don’t say.
Your drink.
[gasps]
Thank you, Ricky.
You’re welcome.
[stammers] Ricky? There’s a Ricky? Can you put Ricky on?
Even if I did, Andrew, he’d never tell.
Ricky is good people.
I’m happy you found someone.
I mean, he sounds special, Bonnie.
Well, there is an officer from the great state of Oklahoma looking for you.
I’m aware, hence my reluctance to disclose my whereabouts.
I mean, who says “hence”?
You okay?
[groans] I’m getting by. [sighs]
Thank you. [sighs]
Yeah.
Well, I never really saw myself as dating a sex offender.
I mean, one of your students, seriously?
Please don’t paint Cody as the victim.
He was three months shy of 18, and he knew more positions than I did.
Nobody got hurt.
You don’t know that.
He might have injured his shoulder high-fiving all of his friends.
[scoffs] Oh, my…
[Yancy laughs]
[sighs]
Anyway, um, it’s wrong.
Either way, you shouldn’t have put yourself or a minor in that position.
I gotta go.
My mom.
Yeah.
Sounds like she fucks a lot.
You are super direct.
Come on. Hurry up.
That’s not helping.
[lock clicks]
That was my ex on the phone, but me and her are ancient history.
We’re talking a couple days.
I do not care.
Really? That’s, uh, slightly hurtful.
Looks like old Nick was closing up shop in a hurry.
[door opens]
Hello?
Oy, there he is.
I’m Agent Yancy.
Oh.
I thought you Feds were done with this place.
{\an8}Yeah, just, uh, one more pass through here, Donald.
You know, just dotting and crossing the I’s and T’s.
Sure. I suppose you gotta, with insurance fraud.
Let me ask you… if you don’t mind… where’d you get that haircut? Looks sharp.
My mom cuts it.
You’ve got the eyes for it.
Thanks.
I applied to be a Federal officer.
[inhales sharply] Got rejected.
[clicks tongue] Aw, Donald.
[huffs]
[Yancy] Donald, look at me.
When I look at you, I see one thing.
It’s a Fed.
Thanks.
I don’t really feel it, but it’s nice to hear.
Don’t settle for anything, Donald.
I don’t give a fuck what your stepdad said, all right?
I’m proud of you, man.
[chuckles] Thanks, man.
You just inspired me.
Hey, keep reaching for the stars.
I should not have doubted the tie.
Yeah.
Well, if our new friend is halfway decent at his job,
he’s gonna notice the, uh, only car in the parking lot is your sporty SUV
and decide we’re not Feds.
So, let’s get a move on.
See if you can find anything that says the name “Christopher”
or a folder that says “murder.” Anything.
[Keith] Rosa tried to focus but something was still bothering her.
Yo, let me ask you something.
How do you have a relationship with a woman and not know her real name?
For someone that doesn’t care, you seem to have, um, thoughts about it.
So I feel slightly better because, uh…
I really don’t care.
I think you care a little. Just a hunch.
Bro, I’m good. [chuckles] I’m good.
[Keith] Unfortunately for our heroes,
it turns out that Donald was, in fact, exactly halfway decent at his job.
Neville, on the other hand,
wasn’t so sure that the woman he had given his money to
was even remotely good at hers.
What happened to my curse?
Christopher just shot at me.
[shushes]
I’m supposed to bring you more money? For what?
This seem like a good time to you?
[sniffling]
We can talk after or never.
Your choice.
After.
Mm-hmm.
[Keith] As always, Ya-Ya noticed the disrespect
and stashed it away for later.
[Driggs chatters]
[Neville] Go to your tree.
[Keith] Neville and Driggs didn’t mind waiting around
at what folks called the graveyard house.
Driggs enjoyed funerals.
He didn’t like most people so he didn’t mind when they died.
And Neville, well, one of his favorite people lived here.
What’s with the scary face?
Neville.
[Keith] Not her.
[door closes]
What are you doing talking with this silly person?
[Keith] Her.
Dawnie, let me ask you something.
You think the Dragon Queen magic even work?
I can feel it working.
[passerby] Oh, you got a girlfriend, hey?
Hey, Tanny.
Neville, you not talk to me.
Friend of yours?
We spent some time together.
Hey, I got no home.
Thinking maybe I can stay here tonight?
Lulu, run inside and get Neville a glass of water.
[chuckles]
Thank you, Lulu.
Why don’t you stay at one of your cheap hos?
They all said no.
Mm-hmm.
I’ll stay with your uncle Charles.
He like me.
[chuckles]
[Yancy] Yeah, I usually steer clear of married women,
but Bonnie was smart, worldly.
It was exciting.
She was also a kid-fucking sociopath.
I said exciting.
This isn’t Christopher,
but I found a bunch of old prescriptions and a couple 849s.
They all have the same doctor’s name on them.
“Israel O’Peele.” That’s too ridiculous to be fake.
[Keith] Yancy was excited about the breakthrough
but he didn’t have time to celebrate.
Fucknuts.
Met those guys at a funeral. They’re Feds. We should go.
[sighs] And I blame you for inspiring Donald.
I’d do it again.
[Keith] Rosa wasn’t wrong.
Donald was definitely feeling his haircut.
[Yancy] Here we go.
[dog whimpers]
Hey, fella.
[barks]
Wow. He does not like to be called “fella.”
No, of course not.
All right.
I’m gonna go first, like a decoy.
I’ll go the other direction. You hop over the wall, okay?
Love it.
You agreed to that super fast, huh?
It’s a great plan.
There’s a version where you’re the decoy.
No, I like your way.
All right.
[barking]
[Rosa] Go!
[barking]
[growls]
[Keith] What Yancy didn’t count on
was the dog and Rosa both being more athletic than he was.
[Yancy strains]
[growling]
[Yancy grunting]
[barks]
[Yancy screams] Fuck!
Hey, there’s only one medical doctor named O’Peele licensed in Miami-Dade.
Map says we’re close.
How’s your butt doing?
Not great.
Your beach towel has mostly stopped the bleeding though.
[chuckles] Great.
I know this neighborhood.
Can you pull over at that shit-box right there with the blue door?
What?
Right here, right here, right here.
[Rosa] Okay.
[sighs]
[Rosa] What are you…
[sighing]
[Rosa] What are you gonna…
Um, hello?
[groans]
I have some questions.
[straining] This is the house of shit-heel detective Johnny Mendez.
It’s another story for another time.
I try to do this every time I come by.
[sighs]
Oh, my God. This guy.
Small victories. [sighs]
Let’s do it.
[groaning] Oh, yeah. Sitting is awful.
[grunts]
We should go. We just actually committed a crime.
So it’s a felony.
We?
[Keith] Johnny Mendez was a bad cop.
[speaks Spanish]
[Keith] No one liked the guy.
Not even the demon-eyed cat he loved so much.
[hisses]
[speaks Spanish]
[Keith] He was actually the reason
Yancy wasn’t a police officer in Miami anymore.
[speaking Spanish]
[Keith] Maybe that’s why it felt nice for Yancy to be back in town
doing a little detective work.
[knocking]
[Yancy] Dr. O’Peele?
[knocking]
[Yancy] Hello?
Who is it?
Inspector Yancy. Have a few questions.
Oh, fuck.
Yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Okay, okay, okay.
Here I come.
Hey, how you doing?
[Yancy] Hey, how are ya?
Uh, yeah, yeah. Come on in, come on in.
[Yancy] Please.
What time is it?
It is actually just past, uh, bathrobe time, so you’re still good.
[O’Peele] Okay.
Your, uh… Your ass is bleeding.
Yeah. Yeah.
It, uh… [chuckles] It does that.
Mr. O’Peele, I’d like to ask you a few questions about Nick Stripling.
Yeah, that’s a pretty funky name, Israel O’Peele.
Where is that from?
I guess we’ll do your questions first.
[O’Peele sighs] I go by Izzy.
My mom was Jewish. She left my dad. She married a mick, thus Israel O’Peele.
Okay?
Sounds like a Broadway play.
[O’Peele] It’s a whole saga.
Listen, Nick’s dead,
so I don’t mind answering any questions, but I want a lot of immunity.
How about just a normal amount of immunity?
No, it’s gotta be a lot, a lot.
Well, he can’t give you any.
She’s right.
They don’t really leave that up to food inspectors.
What?
I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you. Just enjoy that cocktail.
You used to be a surgeon, right?
[O’Peele] Yeah.
I had such a good practice.
Ninety-nine percent of the people in Florida need a hip replacement.
But now the medical board… These fascist fucking assholes.
Off the record, don’t tell anyone this.
But I, uh… I’m dealing with some substance abuse problems.
Stop it.
Fuck you.
[Yancy] Are you being serious?
This isn’t exactly the life I had planned out for myself.
I’m gonna tell you the same thing that I shared with my friend Donald.
Keep reaching for the stars.
[scoffs] Prick.
How about we talk about insurance fraud?
Did Midwest Mobile Medical ever have eyes on an actual patient?
[chuckles] No. It’s a classic ghost-patient scam.
You know, we billed Medicare for equipment that never got delivered.
The Super Rollies and whatnot.
And the senior citizens whose IDs we jacked, they never even knew
because the checks would come directly to us from the government.
What did Nick pay you?
Thousand bucks for a scooter prescription.
Sometimes more, if we had a good month.
[Rosa] Let me ask you something.
Do you think that Nick and Eve were a good couple?
I mean, would you ever see Eve having a sidepiece?
[chuckles] No, they really loved each other.
Sometimes it was too much, to be honest. They were all over one another.
{\an8}A lot of PDA, you know? Gross. They would kiss with their tongues out.
You know when you can see tongues? You don’t wanna see anybody else’s tongue.
[chuckles]
[O’Peele] Sometimes Eve would look right at you while she was doing it too.
It was very unnerving. It was like a power move.
Can I offer you a…
I’m good. Thank you.
Take one for later.
I’m good.
Okay. I’ll take yours. Lehayim.
[O’Peele sighs]
Look, at the end of the day… Let’s back up.
Let’s zoom out. Let’s be honest with each other, right?
Nobody got hurt.
Oh, I don’t know. I heard that murder hurts.
Murder? What the fuck are you talking about?
Nick drowned.
You know, maybe.
But, uh, all this kid here did was take some money
to hook a severed arm on a fishing line.
That kid’s dead?
Shot in the heart, so… [chuckles] …yeah.
I, uh… I don’t wanna talk anymore.
I, uh… I’m gonna… I’m gonna take a nap.
Which is a phenomenal idea, because you’ve been up for about 15 minutes
and sleep is so important.
You know what I’m gonna do, Mr. O’Peele?
Izzy?
Izzy.
[Yancy] Yeah. Izzy, if you ever feel like talking again,
I’m gonna go ahead and leave you my information just in case.
Sound good?
Yeah. [sniffles]
[door closes]
Fuck.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
[bird squawks]
[Keith] After the funeral,
the Dragon Queen waited patiently in the graveyard.
She liked spending time there
and she knew Neville would be along soon enough.
Watch yourself, Neville. You was rude.
The dead don’t appreciate rudeness.
You got anything you wanna say?
Sorry.
Don’t tell me. You better tell them.
Sorry, everybody.
I don’t like him.
Ya-Ya, I do.
You got family in here?
My mother and father back over there.
My mother here somewhere too.
The spirits of those that loved us, you don’t have to be afraid of them.
They mean well.
Now, the others, not so much.
[clicks tongue] I brought your money.
500 more speed things up?
Always cutting to the chase, boy.
I’ll take your money,
but you still wear your doubt all over your face.
[clicks tongue] My face has never been great at hiding how I was feeling.
I like that you can’t hide your face.
Right now it’s looking very…
nervous?
I wanna believe you can do what you say you can do.
Isn’t that enough?
I guess it will have to be.
No.
Now you done it.
[Ya-Ya] You want to believe?
[scoffs] Explain him why faith matters.
Ain’t no magic without faith.
Then I will find faith.
I promise.
That ain’t good enough for Ya-Ya.
You gotta prove it.
How?
[Dragon Queen] Sacrifice.
Not just money, something that matters to you.
Everything that matter to me already been taken.
[Ya-Ya] Not everything.
Driggs? He an asshole.
He’s just misunderstood.
[Keith] And then Neville made a decision
that Driggs would hold against him for the rest of their lives.
[Neville] Fine.
He’s yours.
[chatters]
Now get me back my home.
You best run along, before she change her mind.
He said the kid I gave the arm to is dead.
What the fuck, Eve?
Dead? Wow. If that’s true, that’s so sad.
So you didn’t know?
No.
What the heck are you talking about?
Did he OD? That kid seemed like he might be on drugs.
I’m on drugs!
Really? Just kidding. [chuckles]
He got shot, Eve, with a fucking bullet.
Now that is scary.
Guns are a huge problem in this country, especially in Florida.
I am freaking out. I am freaking the fuck out.
Izzy, listen to me.
Take a deep breath. Try to relax.
No, I’m having a panic attack.
It’s gonna be okay.
I gotta squat.
Deep breaths. Let me hear ’em.
Out your mouth. Really breathe from your belly.
[breathing deeply]
You good?
Yeah.
Here’s the thing.
I actually know the guy you were talking to.
He’s this dude Yancy.
He’s not even a real fucking cop.
I know. He’s a food cop. What the fuck is a food cop?
So don’t sweat it, okay?
You know what you need?
[choking]
Eve?
[chokes, coughs]
Shit. Oh, my God, I almost choked.
I have to remember to chew. [sighs]
You need fruity drinks and some fun in the sun.
You have to come to Andros. I’ll send the plane for you.
[sighs] You know I love it there.
It’s so peaceful.
Please come, okay?
You’d be like a pig in shit here. There’s oxy everywhere.
You know what I’ll do?
I will personally put it on your pillow every night like a mint.
All right, I’ll think about it.
Come, okay?
[Keith] Eve actually made him feel better for a second.
I love you so much. Keep me post…
[phone beeps]
[Keith] But only a second.
[Yancy] That’s our Christopher, right?
Did you take this? I mean, isn’t that stealing evidence?
Oh, please, it’s a brochure. You’re meant to take those.
You know, I’m not currently working as a police officer,
or I would just probably run a background check on Christopher Grunion,
but I’m not allowed to be working on this particular case,
so it’s like, what do I do?
Fine. I’ll do it tomorrow.
You’re amazing.
Oh, you know what?
The DNA on those bone shards came back.
Our bone shards.
No surprise. Matched with Stripling’s arm.
Do you know what that hammering sound is, Rosa?
What’s that?
That is the sound of us building a case.
[chuckling]
It’s exciting.
You watch. I’m gonna have my old job back,
probably before I can even finish my ice cream.
Mmm. Maybe not.
[chuckling] What the fuck is wrong with you?
I’m fucking starving.
My new job has me so grossed out, I can’t even eat.
How’s your work going?
Oh, it’s been nice to take a break from the dead bodies. Mmm.
And what led you to the cheery specialty of forensics pathology?
[chuckles] I don’t know, man. Whatever. It’s my job, you know?
Who enjoys their job every day?
Jugglers. Ice cream tasters.
Uh, game show hosts seem to have a lovely time.
Day drinkers before it gets too late into the evening.
I think people who originally work at, like, a pastry shop probably like it.
Early, before they work there too long.
Have you ever considered doing anything else?
[scoffs] All right, seriously.
Why are you acting like this is a date?
Why am I what?
I’m not acting like anything.
Really?
Are you serious?
What’s up with all the small talk?
I mean, the getting-to-know-you games.
You’ve… [chuckles] You bought me ice cream.
I’ll have you know that my ex-partner, Rogelio, and I
would always come for ice cream after a great day’s work.
Oh, please. That is not true at all.
Rosa, I cannot wait for you to eat those words one day.
Are you sure you don’t want to join me again tomorrow?
Because if you do, I’m gonna meet you
with a giant cup of black coffee, which you love.
[sighs] Fine. Okay?
I don’t like black coffee.
What?
I take it with cream and two sugars,
and I didn’t tell you that because I didn’t want you to be right.
I’m aware.
[Keith] It felt even better than he thought it would.
[Heather] …outlook for the weekend once again, sunny and very humid.
I’m Heather with the Weather, and that’s the weather.
You know, my sister does her makeup and she says she’s a bitch.
Well, never meet your heroes.
Well…
Take care of that butt.
Yeah, well, you take care of yours too.
[chuckles]
We’ll both look out for our butts.
[Keith] Unlike Yancy, Neville just wanted that day to end.
Charles.
[knocking]
You home? Need a place to crash.
[grunts]
Charles!
Charles! It’s me! Eh, it’s me.
Jesus. What happened to you?
[gasps]
[Charles] Egg just muscle.
Christopher’s the real problem.
Him grabbing up beachfront,
bullying people into selling, bribing local officials.
The whole thing crooked, man.
Maybe I’ll help the Dragon Queen’s curse a bit.
I bet if I dug around his office, I could find something to bury him.
These people are dangerous. Don’t be stupid.
I ain’t gonna be stupid.
The gun work?
That is a question a stupid person would ask.
Me find it diving in a reef off of Small Hope Bay.
Cleaned it up pretty good though.
Do me a favor.
Whatever foolishness you’re thinking about doing, sleep on it.
Then when you wake up, think about it some more.
Sounds like a lot of thinking, Charles.
Mm-hmm.
Okay. See, this is why I wanted to bring you back here at night.
Look at the moonlight on the water.
It’s beautiful.
Sure. But how’s the bonefishing?
Mmm.
Well, I caught an eight-pounder out there, so I’m not sure what you would catch.
[Yancy] Hey, hi.
[buyer] Oh, is this our potential new neighbor?
Hi.
Let’s get you guys to the hotel.
Hi, I’m Barb.
Hey, Barb.
[Barb] My husband, Buzz.
My goodness. Look at these two.
[Evan] We’re gonna get y’all back…
Open marriage?
I’m kidding. [chuckles] Totally kidding.
He’s right.
The fishing here is absolutely amazing.
Yep.
The wild dogs, that’s a different story.
I told you, Buzz.
What?
Oh, wild dogs?
[Yancy] Yeah.
Here?
No, no. Don’t listen to him. I’ve never seen wild dogs.
[Yancy] That’s exactly the problem.
You don’t really see ’em until they’re kinda up on ya.
[chuckling] Well…
[Yancy] It’s less of a concern for
us adults, but it’s been a real problem for a lot of the toddlers in the area.
Well…
The Stetson girl, really,
I mean, she made it, but it’s…
I wouldn’t say she’s looking forward to a school picture anytime soon.
You… This… Whoo-hoo.
[Barb, Evan chuckle]
You know what? Look at this.
If you look, you can still see the teeth marks. You guys see that?
See what happened?
Okay.
Wow.
I don’t think there’s an infection. But we’ll find out more tomorrow.
What about our cats?
Oh, gosh. [chuckles] Well, the dogs absolutely love cats.
That’s their main source of food, actually,
is kind of smaller domesticated pets.
But anyway, it was such a pleasure to meet you guys.
You guys have a terrific evening.
And do me a favor, stay safe.
Yeah. Good stuff, man.
[Keith] Yancy felt pretty proud of himself.
But he didn’t have long to enjoy it.
[tires screeching]
You better run, you chicken shit!
Sorry about that, guys.
We got a bunch of tweakers in the neighborhood.
I actually kind of feel sorry for ’em. I feed some of them, but not that one.
We’ve got a major drug issue.
Okay! Cool!
When he’s high, he doesn’t always know what house he’s going into.
Get in the car.
[Yancy] I got tons of weed.
I try to get him on the weed to get him off the ice.
You guys have a great night.
[squawking]
[Keith] The next morning, Neville found himself cursing Charles
because he hadn’t been able to sleep.
But he was still thinking.
It was too early for a cold beer,
so Neville did the other thing that helped him make decisions.
He wondered if he was the only one who used fishing to clear his head.
Bingo. All right.
[phone ringing]
What’s up, Madeline?
Look, I don’t know if you spooked me or if it’s bad weed,
but I feel like someone’s fucking following me, man.
All right, I doubt that anyone is actually following you.
Oh. [chuckles] Great. Thank you so much.
You fixed it.
Okay, fine. I’ll teach you something.
I want you to look around and try to memorize the faces.
Look for any kind of standout features.
Glasses, kind of a big beard, a bowler.
Wait, what’s a bowler?
A hat.
Well, then just say “hat.” Jesus.
Okay. Hat. Happy?
Once you’ve done that,
I want you to walk around the corner.
Okay. I did it.
Now, run back to where you came from.
Super fast. Go! Fast, fast. Run, run, run, run, run.
Okay.
Now I want you to scan the faces.
Anyone looking at you? Trying hard not to look at you?
No. No, no one even noticed.
Well, then you’re not being followed.
[sighs]
Feel better?
Yeah. Yeah. Actually, I do.
Good, ’cause that’s definitely a real thing
and not something that I just made up.
Dude, seriously?
[chuckles]
But now that I said… Listen to me.
You are such a prick.
Now that I said it out loud, it’s kind of not a bad plan.
Fuck you, man.
I just want you to be okay.
[phone beeping]
All right, bye.
Asshole.
[Keith] It’s been said that stressful situations can reveal who we really are.
And Madeline was cash-light.
Izzy, on the other hand, had a good heart.
It had just been a long time since he had done the right thing,
so it took him a second to get there.
[typing]
[phone beeps]
Can’t a guy fish?
[Rosa] So check this out.
I ran him through both the city and the state databases.
The thing with this Christopher Grunion guy
is that he has no record,
no last known addresses, no license, nothing.
It’s like this guy doesn’t exist.
A lot of sketchy people roaming around Florida who don’t exist.
Well, how do I find him?
You don’t.
You know what? You do not deserve that pastelito yet.
Come on.
All right. I’ll give you one more shot.
[sighs] There was a cop that used to work here.
His name is Yancy. Do you know who he is?
Yeah, good guy. Why? You’re not dating him, are you?
No. No.
Good.
He’s a fucking train wreck. A human anchor.
He drags everybody down with him.
But a good guy?
Great guy.
Give it up, Rosa. I took my diabetes medicine this morning.
Come on. Show me some love, huh?
[Keith] As per usual,
Yancy was blissfully unaware of how many people were interested in him.
He was too busy off meeting Sonny
to finally get that car he was promised.
[meows]
[whistles] How good am I at tossing keys?
Are you seriously waiting for an answer to that?
What is this piece of shit?
I’m not driving around in this clown car.
[Sonny] What are you talking about?
KBB rated this in particular automobile the number one small car in 2016.
[Yancy] See how tall I am?
I’m in Florida where it’s hot. You got me crowded in there.
It’s like living in a closet.
The AC works fine.
And it’s a short distance from the vent to your face.
[Keith] There was that glow again.
Another enemy for life.
I just shut this place down.
How did it reopen so quick?
Who knows? Favor here. A little hush money there.
What are you gonna do?
You know, that almost feels like the type of vacuum
that law enforcement could step into.
[chuckles]
Thank you for the tip.
So, hey, uh, whatever happened with that whole tricky arm situation?
Uh, case is dunzo. Thank God.
It’s been officially ruled an accidental death.
Daughter, Caitlin, signed off yesterday.
Oh.
Good.
I’ll go get us a table.
Make sure you get the chowder. He uses russet potatoes and old condoms.
Ha!
Really?
You’re flicking me off with a man bun, guy?
Yeah. Hey, I put it up for health code reasons.
Your place is a fucking rat trap. Why don’t you get a cat?
Yeah, I have one right here.
Frances. She’s sweet.
[Yancy] Yeah, then buy a tiger.
You can’t get tigers in Florida, idiot.
There was a documentary about it, dumbass.
You seem upset.
Just, like, a little bit.
She killed him, Ro.
Maybe.
But the case is closed. That’s all she wrote, bro.
[car lock beeping]
[Yancy] Goddamn this thing.
[Ro] No one will ever care that a piece of shit con man
who was scamming insurance companies got what he deserved.
You’ve been poking around a little bit, haven’t you?
Yeah, ’cause I’m allowed to.
You know why? I’m a cop.
You’re a food inspector.
Leave it alone.
Hmm.
[Keith] Yancy always tried to listen to Ro, but it never stuck.
[door opens]
Oh, hey, Inspector. Come in.
Hey.
Okay time? Sure.
Yeah, come in.
I was just about to call you.
I decided that I was being just…
Oh, you know what?
I am so excited to hear what you’re about to say
that I’m actually gonna say my thing first,
’cause otherwise I just won’t be able to focus.
You were right, Caitlin.
Eve killed your dad.
I know that might be a bit of a problem, seeing as you helped pronounce him dead.
You know, I’m betting that that’s because she promised
to cut you in on some of that insurance money.
[scoffs]
Oh, I’m all ears now.
Go ahead.
Look, man.
The truth is Dad wrecked his boat and drowned.
Hmm.
I just needed someone to blame.
I prayed on this a shit ton. I’m at peace now.
I mean, you clearly know the Bible better than I do.
I always thought that killing somebody
and chopping them up into little pieces was a no-no,
but, you know, I just haven’t been to church in forever.
What are you talking about?
I found bone chips from your dad’s arm in their bathtub, Caitlin.
I know you had unfinished business with your father.
And I bet in the back of your head that you thought,
you know, maybe someday you two could work it out.
[sighs]
But Eve took that away from you.
I hope it was worth it.
[sighs]
[Keith] Caitlin was used to people calling her on her shit.
But she wasn’t used to it stinging that much.
[door closes]
[Keith] All these crooked people were making Yancy sick to his stomach.
He just hoped talking to Izzy would finally put an end to the whole mess.
[sighs]
[gunshot]
Did you see anybody just now?
Only you.
Great. [panting] I’m gonna go.
[Keith] Yancy knew he shouldn’t involve Rosa in this,
but he tried calling her anyway.
[Rosa] Okay. So he’s a little older,
but then again, I haven’t had much luck with guys my age.
He talks way too much, and his ex-girlfriend is a sex offender.
So, there’s that.
Ay.
[Rosa] But he is tall.
I do like tall.
I don’t know. What do you think?
I think you desperately need to catch some dick.
[chuckles]
[chuckles] Mira, bro.
Can you believe that Heather didn’t show for work today?
The weather is literally her life.
Low-key, I hope that bitch is dead.
Any news on Heather?
No. I hope she’s okay.
Same.
You are unbelievable. Why would you say that?
Hey, you weren’t answering your cell.
Yo. Is that the dick you’re catching?
I gotta call you back.
I was screening you.
Hmm.
I haven’t decided if allowing you in my life
would be mentally healthy for me yet.
Well, the answer is probably no.
O’Peele’s dead. [sighs]
What?
Yeah. Oh, also I, uh, jumped into my car.
I got a car, by the way.
Super cool. Very highly rated.
But I kind of ripped open my backside again.
Show it.
Only ’cause you’re a professional.
I thought I told you to take care of it.
I thought duct tape kinda takes care of everything.
Get on the table. I’ll stitch you up.
All right.
You want the open one, since this gentleman’s on that one?
Don’t like the joke? It’s like a morgue in here.
I’ll show myself out. I’m kidding.
Ay. [sighs]
[Yancy] So the boyfriend, Christopher, killed Stripling
when Eve was away with an alibi.
And the brochure that I found, that ties O’Peele to both of them.
But why kill O’Peele?
Someone has to cut off the dead guy’s arm
to make it seem like an accident and O’Peele’s a surgeon.
That is really smart.
I like to think, with a little bit more time,
I might have landed there as well, but… [groans]
Have you actually ever done this before?
Not on a live person, so hold still.
Yeah, it’s like a student driver kinda. No offense.
You’re not a walk in the park either, my friend.
No, it’s just that the needle hurts, like, when it goes deeper, I can feel it.
Like that?
Yes!
Exactly like that. [sighs]
[line ringing]
Mm-hmm. Come on. Be there.
Be there.
[phone buzzing]
[Keith] Unfortunately, when Madeline stayed late
to make vaguely pornographic T-shirts,
she liked to listen to her awful music.
[buzzing continues]
[Keith] It was her meditation.
[sighs] Damn it.
What?
Well, that kid Phinney, you know, now O’Peele?
I feel like this Christopher guy is tying up loose ends.
The only other person that knew anything about this was Madeline,
and, uh, she thought she was being followed earlier today.
Now she’s not answering her damn phone.
Then we should go.
You almost done back there?
Almost.
Now we’re done.
All right. [groans]
[door crashes open]
[Keith] Neville’s decision to break into Christopher’s office
was less scary without the guard dog.
The poor animal was too psychologically damaged to work anymore.
That’ll happen when you get attacked by a monkey.
[sighs]
[grunts]
[breathes heavily]
Hello, friend.
Good to see you again.
I’m sure she’s fine. What’s her name again?
[Yancy] Madeline. We’re still a ways out.
I’m just asking you to check on her apartment.
You know, maybe poke your head into where she works.
I-I can’t do it, man.
Monte made paella tonight and, as you know, paella makes me sleepy.
Well, she’s probably fine.
It’s, you know, just a hunch.
[chuckles] You know how many of your hunches
have been right over the years? Hmm?
I’ll answer for you.
None. None hunches.
Yeah. Well, what if this time is different?
[scoffs] That’s what you always say. Good night, Yancy.
[sighs]
Come on, man. You see what’s happening here.
You’re gonna ruin this island.
Don’t you care about anything?
Getting paid.
So, time to fuck you up, son.
That thing even work?
Don’t know. Wanna find out?
Off you go then.
But just know this is not going to end well for you.
[Neville] We’ll see about that.
[grunts, pants]
That was for Charles.
[pants]
[breathes shakily]
And now normally we’d be going to Heather with the Weather
for the weather, but apparently tonight I’m doing it.
[doorbell rings]
It’s Miami.
[Keith] Eve hadn’t told anyone she was in Miami,
so she wasn’t expecting visitors.
Hi, babe. Well, this is such a fun little surprise.
We need to talk.
Aw, you just literally described my dream night. Come on.
[breathes deeply]
Get your bony little ass in here.
Come on. Sit. Sit. Get comfy.
I can’t do this. Fu… I can’t fucking do this.
What? You… [stammers] You can’t do what, hon?
[sighs] You killed my dad, Eve.
[sighs] Sweetie.
[groans, blows raspberry] We have been over this.
How about I make us a drink and we can hash it out?
I don’t drink anymore.
Okay, I’ll get you a beer then.
You just hang here and I’ll be back.
Stop.
[gun clicks]
Okay.
Hands are up.
I’m not trying to be mean, but I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen you
go more than ten seconds without speaking.
Madeline was nervous when she called and, uh, I was kind of a dick about it,
but, uh, yeah, I just don’t want to see her get hurt.
[Keith] Rosa couldn’t help but feel for him.
You see, they’d both been around way too much death.
And they had come to learn a very simple truth.
No matter how hard you wished for someone to be okay,
it rarely made a lick of difference.
Whoa! What the fuck are you doing here?
Well, that’s a great question.
We’re here because we thought
there was just a small chance you could get murdered.
Yancy. What the fuck? What’s going on?
False alarm. Just a bad hunch. That’s on me.
But it means a lot that you came, and you look casually fantastic.
Rosa. This is Rogelio, my ex-partner.
Hi.
Hi.
You’re the fucking worst.
Why can’t you focus on the positive? No one got killed here tonight.
You know what? It better fucking be ice cream time.
Told you.
[chuckles]
[Yancy] Bye, Madeline. Glad you’re not dead.
All I need is for you to admit it just once. [inhales shakily]
[sighs] Just say it, Eve.
Tell me you killed my father, please.
[Keith] Most people spill their guts
when they’re staring down the barrel of a gun.
But Eve knew she’d be fine.
I’m never gonna tell you that I killed your father
because I didn’t.
[breathes shakily]
[gasps, sighs]
[inhales sharply] Dad?
Hey, sweetie.
[breathes shakily]
