Bad Monkey
Season 1 – Episode 2
Episode title: A Hundred Bucks Says You Won’t
Original release date: August 14, 2024
Plot: Caitlin meets with Yancy to discuss her suspicions about her stepmother Eve. Yancy learns of Eve’s secret boyfriend.
* * *
[captain] Here’s the thing about the Florida Keys:
Except for all the hungover tourists, well, most everyone seems to wake up pretty early.
There’s tide pools to sit in, and morning strolls to take before you start munching bushes.
Yancy hadn’t slept well.
Couldn’t stop thinking about that kid getting shot.
[buzzing]
[phone rings]
[sighs]
[captain] He always greeted his lawyer the same way.
Good news or bad news?
Maybe I’m just calling to say good morning.
Niños, breakfast.
Monte, when your lawyer calls, it’s either good news or it’s bad news.
Which is it, man?
It’s good news.
Dr. Witt and Sonny had a closed-door meeting, and he’s dropping all the charges.
No trial.
Nothing on your record.
Well, that’s not good… That’s fucking great news.
That’s incredible, man. Why didn’t you lead with that?
Sonny wouldn’t give me all the details, but he said he’ll download you at the station.
That’s terrific. Is our guy around?
Yes, he’s right here.
[whispers] No.
Can you put me on speaker?
[Monte] Sure.
[Yancy] Thanks so much, Monte.
Ro, you there?
I wanna talk to you about that shooting at the Half Shell.
I’m gonna ride my bike over there. We’ll drive in together.
Oh, you don’t really need to do that.
I know I don’t need to, but I want to.
And you also want me to. You just don’t feel comfortable saying it.
Brush your teeth. I’m gonna hug your neck.
I’ll see you in a few minutes.
Yancy, don’t both…
Will you stop being who you are? Bye.
You could have kept that from fucking happening.
[chuckles]
[captain] The thought of getting his job back put a bounce in Yancy’s step.
[Evan] Found this beautiful shell on your beach.
Think about it.
All right, you two.
Trust me when I say this is about to blow your mind.
Are you loving the color? It’s pastel yellow.
[phone rings]
Hello?
Listen to this shit.
She’s already trying to have Dad declared dead.
Hey, it’s Caitlin, right? How are things?
I’m not sure which stage of grief that is, but I think it’s somewhere in between denial and “I definitely murdered my husband.”
Sounds like you haven’t landed on a strong opinion yet.
You’re still kind of working things out, so…
She did it. She’s even got a boyfriend already.
Really?
Can you believe that shit?
Could we just meet up in person?
All right. Let’s do the, uh… Let’s do the Half Shell, Key West.
Tomorrow, 3:00. Good?
Okay.
Okay. Bye.
[Evan] What in the fuck?
[client screams]
What the… Stop it.
[bees buzzing]
Stop. Shit. Fuck… Stop it.
Get the fuck off me. Get…
[captain] Yancy was grateful because the bees seemed to have an appetite for dipshits.
[exclaims, pants] There’s not enough water.
Oh, my God, they’re everywhere.
Get ’em off me! Get away!
[captain] Evan Shook, on the other hand, mostly just thought about all the bees in his mouth and whether they could sting his brain.
[groans]
[captain] All in all, it was feeling like a pretty good day.
[car approaching, idling]
[captain] The feeling didn’t last very long.
[captain] Over on Andros, Eve had just finished her morning cardio walk.
So she stopped to take some pictures, and not just of seabirds.
Babe, that fucking asshole is still living on our beach.
We’re building a five-star resort. It’s gross. Tilly’s still traumatized.
[whines]
Hey, Egg, handle it.
Now?
Fine.
You’re the best, Egg. We love you.
Baby, can I go to Nassau? I wanna go shopping.
We don’t have the money yet.
Do we have it now?
[captain] Eve knew she might get a UTI from banging in the Jacuzzi, but she still felt it was worth it.
[Rosa hums, slurps]
[captain] The Miami coroner’s office was so busy that sometimes Rosa got a little numb to all the death.
The deceased is a 29-year-old Caucasian female with signs of blunt force trauma and a super cute top.
At least you looked good going out, right?
Girl, something wrong with you.
Whatever, Janet.
[captain] Normally Rosa would torture Janet for her judgmental bullshit, but today she had something else on her mind.
[phone buzzes]
Hey, bro.
[caller speaks Spanish]
Are you gonna make it tonight?
Yeah,
I’m coming from work.
Bro, that’s not good.
Can you at least try to look nice tonight?
[scoffs, speaks Spanish]
[caller] That’s not mean, that’s real.
Mel, let’s get this fucking show on the road.
My ass is falling asleep.
Is that Heather with the fucking Weather?
I gotta go. I love you.
Vale. Bye.
Sorry. That was my sister.
Oh, my God, who gives a fuck?
Just do my hair.
You got it.
[grunts]
[Yancy] This is crazy. There’s no turn signal.
How does anyone know you’re turning?
[Rogelio] I did not fucking miss this.
[Yancy] Why are you clutching the wheel like you’re strangling it?
Could cause an accident. Now we’re waiting. Now we’re waiting.
[horn honking]
I’m not being a dick.
I’m just saying you shouldn’t be allowed to operate a motor vehicle.
Since we stopped being partners, I’ve had no problems driving myself.
We did not stop being partners.
We’re never gonna stop being partners.
All I’m saying is when you’re changing lanes, you don’t need to look over your shoulder like that five times.
You’ll make yourself sick.
That old lady in the SUV was right on my ass.
You can’t control how many old ladies there are driving around in SUVs.
But you know what you can control?
Your reaction to the old ladies in the SUVs.
You’re fucking exhausting.
I need to repark this thing. Can you give me the keys?
Doesn’t need to be reparked.
You know, I’m getting my badge back today, and you don’t seem happy at all.
This is one of the things you need to be working on,
Ro.
[groans]
If you could allow yourself to experience joy,
I mean, that would not be the worst thing in the world.
Your family would thank you. I would thank you.
And most importantly, you know, who would thank you? You.
You would thank you.
Hey, I’m a joyful person.
Hmm. Where are you going?
I’m gonna repark the fucking car.
Why didn’t we start there?
That’s what I said.
[Rogelio] I’m not listening. [sighs]
[person] Yo, Yancy.
[Yancy] Yo. Good morning.
Nice to be seen.
[imitates gunshots] There he is.
My guy.
Hey, my man.
Listen, I know I’m probably not officially back on payroll until tomorrow,
but I’m gonna go ahead and start today free of charge.
Just gonna dive right in.
[groans, mutters]
[Yancy] And is there a fire to put out? I’m on it.
[Sonny] Whoa, whoa, whoa. Tap the brakes. [clears throat]
Well, I can’t tap my brakes, Sonny, ’cause you took my car away.
[chortles] This guy. [chuckles]
What’s going on?
Cliff dropped the charges.
He sure did, but I did have to agree
not to immediately reinstate you as a detective.
Ah, fucknuts.
Kills me too.
I was in there fighting for you, man.
[grunts, clicking tongue]
And when did the good doctor say he would permit me to be reinstated?
I don’t know. We only talked for, like, ten seconds. [sighs]
But you were slugging it out the whole time.
The guy’s connected.
He biopsied moles of half the county commissioners.
And they got YouTube, okay?
They saw you launch his golf cart into the harbor.
But you owe me one. Remember the arm?
I do. And I appreciate that, which is why I got you another job. A good one.
[inhales deeply] You do like a good meal, don’t you?
[exhales deeply] God knows I do.
Where are you going with this one?
Your new job: Restaurant inspector.
Roach patrol?
It’s a paid vacation, Andrew.
The other guy got sick and quit.
He died, Sonny.
Okay. “He died.”
First he got sick.
Why can’t you just hide me in a desk in here or something?
Wouldn’t even be doing any real work. I’d just be checking the websites I like.
[sighs]
What is it that I need to do in order to be a detective again?
All right, Sonny, please.
Please.
You take this gig, you stay out of trouble.
When the smoke clears, I’ll give you your job back.
What do you say?
[captain] Yancy pretended to think about it for a second.
When do I start?
We’re burning daylight here.
[captain] Scuba divers have always flocked to Andros
because it has more blue holes than anywhere on Earth.
But Neville didn’t care about any of that.
He just hoped the fish were biting.
Luckily, just like yesterday and the day before that, they were.
[engine revs]
[captain] But that’s when Neville’s luck ran out.
Morning.
Nice fish.
[captain] Neville’s dad had once bragged it only took him a day to build the place.
My home.
It came down even quicker.
[sucks teeth]
And we put all your shit over there.
You got ten minutes to drag it off this beach.
Says who?
Says me.
Your turn to say something.
That is what I thought.
[captain] Neville had never felt like a coward before.
The shame stung a bit.
As for Driggs, he just wanted grapes.
Hey there, handsome.
Hi.
Heard someone needed a ride.
[bell tolls]
[Bonnie] Food inspector?
Cliff’s such a sad, vindictive little man.
[Yancy] Are you opening a library?
Putting all my books in storage.
I have to leave town tonight forever.
Please don’t ask why.
Okay.
You’re not gonna ask why?
You just said that you didn’t…
I cannot believe I gave my heart to a man with such little curiosity.
Bonnie, sometimes I feel like I’m in a movie that you’re writing in your head.
Thank you, Andrew.
That is so sweet.
[captain] As per usual, Yancy felt himself being sucked down
into Bonnie’s world of insanity.
[tires squeal]
[captain] Seeing that Yukon again snapped him out of it.
You can pull over right here. I’ll walk the rest of the way.
[stutters] What? I th…
I’m okay. Right here.
[Bonnie] Bye, Andrew.
[phone buzzes]
[Barista] Cafecitos.
Thank you.
Yeah?
[Yancy] Hey, Ro, are you busy?
Can you see if Eve Stripling owns a black Yukon GT?
I’m not remotely busy, but I’m still not doing it.
Un cafecito.
Sí, claro.
Look, I’m trying to stay out of this, but with Eve and the arm
and that Phinney kid getting plugged…
Like, my gut is telling me that all of this stuff is somehow connected, you know?
Like there’s somebody who’s keeping an eye on me because of what I know,
but the problem here is… is I really don’t know what I know.
Yeah, that’s always been an issue for you.
Please, just do me a favor
and check it out.
Nope.
Don’t hang up. I don’t like it when you…
[speaks Spanish]
[captain] It was a familiar question for Yancy.
What did he know that he didn’t know that he knew, and who else knew?
[engine revs]
[tires squeal]
[captain] Once again, the Yukon snapped him out of it.
[Yancy] Fucknuts. [sighs]
[Yancy] Hi.
I’m here to make sure your kitchen complies
with all current Florida health and safety codes.
Also, love to use your bathroom just to freshen up?
In the back.
Thank you.
[captain] With his house in shambles, Neville had a bone to pick with someone.
[Dragon Queen chanting]
Presiding spirits, I call upon you to move through me
so I could end this man’s suffering.
[sighs]
[breathes deeply]
[Neville shuddering]
[shuddering]
Why you so scared of me?
Sorry.
No, I like it very much.
Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone what I saw.
You have no idea what you saw.
That man been suffering from cancer for a long time.
So you’re trying to end his life?
Me?
I only opening a door that been closed to him.
Or you rather he keeps suffering?
They knocked down my home.
The American, Christopher, he fine.
Your magic, it ain’t working.
[chuckles]
Handsome Neville.
Wants what he wants, and he wants it now.
Typical man.
You so focused on what’s right in front of you,
you can’t see what’s happening all around you.
Whatever’s happening needs to happen faster.
You didn’t pay for faster.
Unless you got something else you wanna give me.
I’ll think about it.
Okay.
Then go think.
Why I always have to tell you to leave?
[partygoers cheering]
[captain] Miami may, in fact, be the capital of dancing on boats,
but Rosa had lost her taste for that and for bars like this a long time ago.
Still, she couldn’t say no to her sister.
[shrieks]
[Rosa chuckles]
[gasps] Wow.
You look great.
For real, where did you get that top?
I got it at work.
Where do you work?
Okay. I’m thirsty. Let’s go.
[sighs] Okay.
[captain] She knew Mel would be pissed if she didn’t at least try to have fun,
but her brain was stuck on the same thing it had been stuck on all day.
[Mel] Two tequila shots, please.
[finger snaps]
[Mel speaks Spanish]
Uh-uh-uh.
What?
You stole the shirt from a corpse?
I washed it.
Qué nasty.
Ay, please.
[Mel] What? It’s disgusting.
Hi. Thank you.
[bartender] Sure thing.
[chuckles] Anyways.
[chuckles]
[groans]
Listen, what’s been up with you lately?
What are you talking about?
You just seem kind of…
What?
…dark. [speaks Spanish]
[groans]
Do I need to call Mami?
Please don’t. Leave it alone.
All right. Damn.
[sighs]
You do look hot though.
Mmm, even in dead-girl clothes.
Thank you. [giggles]
He thinks so.
Come here.
What are you doing?
Nada.
Don’t you dare.
I gotta go pee-pee.
Mel, don’t go. [stutters]
Hi.
Hi.
I’m Brad.
Of course you are.
Sorry, Brad. [sighs]
Um, that’s a nice watch.
[Brad] Thanks.
[Rosa] A Mirot, huh?
Can I see your tan line?
Can I see yours?
What? Oh, yeah. I mean, totally.
I just… I’ll show you everything if you just show me yours first.
Yeah.
[chuckles]
Look,
I have a place right around the corner.
You know what?
Why don’t you just wait right here,
and I’m gonna go tell my sister that I’m leaving, dale.
[captain] Brad was recently divorced, so this was a very big moment for him.
Yes.
[captain] It probably would have been even bigger if she’d ever come back.
[sniffs, exhales sharply]
[groans, sniffs]
[flies buzzing]
[coughing]
I’m shutting you down.
100 bucks says you won’t.
Jesus. Is that blood on your knife?
[sighs]
[captain] Brennan prided himself on being a fairly quick thinker.
200.
Brennan,
I found 17 health violations,
and I wasn’t even trying that hard.
Oh, come on. Like what?
There’s rat shit.
There’s rat hair. There’s actual dead rats.
Okay, that should be one thing, not three.
It should just say “rat.”
You got cockroaches everywhere.
You got moldy vegetables.
You got decomposing shrimp,
just sitting out right there.
It’s defrosting.
And my favorite: There’s an actual condom in that vat of soup.
It’s a chowder.
I may never eat again.
It is going to be particularly humid, so ladies, make sure to use that anti-frizz.
[chuckles] I’m Heather with the Weather, and that’s the weather.
God bless her. She’s sticking with that sign-off.
The last guy, Nilsson, he never gave me any trouble.
Ever. And he ate here on the reg.
And he died of hepatitis.
You’re shut down.
[sighs, scoffs]
[captain] And that’s when Yancy saw the pussy magnet’s girlfriend.
He was pretty sure she saw him too.
The hell was that?
Not my problem anymore.
Hey, everyone. Quick public service announcement:
You should stop putting that food in your mouth.
Really? Wow.
Thanks for listening.
[captain] Neville felt almost as hopeless as Yancy did.
Hi. Welcome to The Bay’s Edge. Will you be dining with us today?
Mind your business.
[captain] They had never had a hostess here before.
He didn’t know how his favorite local bar could change so much in one night,
but he did know one thing: He didn’t like it.
What happened here?
Your friend Christopher, boy.
Bar’s becoming a part of his Curly Tail Lane resort.
Gotta make everything fresh and clean for the tourists, eh?
Speak for yourself, man. I’m okay with fresh and clean.
This is bullshit, man. Come on. L-Let’s talk a little bit, eh?
What’s that about?
They fired Charles.
Guess he ain’t fit in with the new look.
Me just want the $400 I’m owed.
Fuck off. Mmm?
You’s a thief, and your boss is a thief too.
You lucky there’s people around.
[captain] Neville couldn’t help but wonder
if his friend was just as afraid of this guy, Egg, as he was.
Hey, boys.
[captain] Turns out he was not.
[Neville] You okay, Charles?
All good.
Give me that there.
No, no, no, no. [sighs]
[Neville sighs] Wait up, Charles.
Call the pretty waitress, boy.
Me niece picking me up.
Dawnie?
I’ll come with you.
Sorry about that asshole.
You know him not even from here?
Him come from Nassau.
[Neville] Yes, we’ve met.
[sighs]
Fuck that Christopher, man.
Hey, hey, you see the Dragon Queen yet?
She says she need more money.
[sucks teeth, sighs]
I know where I can get it.
[horn honks]
[chuckles] Hey, Dawnie.
What you been up to?
What are you doing hanging around with this childish fuckboy?
Fuckboy?
He fucks everyone.
[chuckles] Nice, man.
Not everyone.
Can I get a ride?
Sure.
Not from me. [chuckles]
[chuckles]
[captain] Rosa hadn’t been this excited about anything
involving her job in a long time.
[chuckles]
[captain] Yancy, on the other hand, hated his new gig.
His favorite noodles now reminded him of the chicken worms he had seen at Stoney’s.
[phone rings]
Hello?
[Rosa] Hey, it’s me, Rosa.
I just found out what kind of watch Nick Stripling owned.
Limited edition Michél Mirot.
Suggested retail price is $220,000.
Wow. I should have been a watchmaker,
though I imagine there’s some training involved.
Look, I think you should go to Eve’s house
and ask her if he took his watch on his fishing trip.
I gotta stop you right there, Rosa.
I can’t get involved in this.
The fuck are you talking about? You’re the one that got me involved.
Oh, you wanna stop being polite and start getting real?
Is that the intro to The Real World?
In my defense, I thought you were too young to know that.
My sheriff specifically said to me
that if I ever want to be involved in law enforcement again,
I need to be done chasing this case.
Now, I realize that I’m a big part of why I’m in this mess.
Part of it is also on Dr. Clifford Witt,
and frankly, a little part of it is on you.
Me?
For tattling.
You tattled on me to Sonny. You’re a tattletale.
No judgment. Everybody does it, me included.
I mean, it’s not something I’ve been involved in since I was, like,
ten years old, but, you know,
everyone grows out of their things at different paces.
Are you gonna let me explain?
No.
As far as the watch is concerned, you work in a police station
with all kinds of nice people you can bounce your ideas off of,
but it can’t be me.
Oh, my God. You’re such a big baby.
At least I’m not a tattletale. Good night, Rosa.
Fuck this shit. [sighs]
[captain] Whenever she was stressed, Rosa had one surefire way to unwind.
Tonight, though, she wasn’t ready for where it took her head.
What the fuck? [chuckles]
[phone buzzing]
Hey, Mami.
[speaks Spanish]
Nothing. [blows]
Just here imagining what it would be like to be one of my cadavers.
Why would you tell me that?
[speaks Spanish]
[inhales sharply, blows] No.
[Mami] You should still be out having a nice night with your sister.
Oh, my God. Did she call you?
She’s worried about you and so is your father.
She can handle herself.
[sucks teeth]
Ay, Mami.
[speaks Spanish]
You used to sparkle.
Okay, okay. Mom, thanks.
I love you. Bye.
[sighs]
I still sparkle.
[captain] The next morning, Yancy did everything he could
to forget all about Rosa and anything even remotely police-related.
When you’re done with this, just go ahead. Okay?
[captain] He was unsuccessful.
You’re not supposed to be here.
Honestly, is anyone ever supposed to be anywhere?
Now, how many black Yukons do you think there could possibly be
here in South Florida?
I checked. 17,000.
Fucknuts.
Be easier to make a match if we had a tire tread imprint.
Maybe next time, you let him run you over.
Look at my face. Do I look like I’m ready to joke about what happened yet?
I’m ready.
Yeah.
Come on. Get outta here. I got work to do.
Oh. You know what happened?
I was doing an inspection over at Stoney’s…
Love that place.
You shouldn’t.
It’s fucking disgusting. The place is like a day spa for rats.
But anyway, I saw Madeline. You know, Phinney’s girl.
The second she saw me, she just bolted.
What are you doing? You’re not a cop. Stay the fuck out of it.
No, I know, but I’m passing it on to you ’cause you are a cop.
I’m just simply giving you information that could save people’s lives.
Here it is. Here’s a…
Okay, fine.
Here’s a plate of information.
Thank you.
If you wanna nibble on the plate, get some stuff,
just take a little bite and see what you can figure out.
Bye, Yancy.
All right. Well, see you later.
Oh. Thanks so much for looking into it.
Later.
Thank you again. Appreciate it.
Make better choices.
[sighs]
Hmm.
You’re great at bubbles.
Mmm. Thank you.
Okay.
I got you in a two-door economy sedan with GPS.
Thank you so much. That’s perfect.
And we can have it here for you in…
six days.
Ah. I don’t know if I was clear with you. I actually need the car right now.
Okay.
Ah. Great news. We have one in Miami.
Oh, that’s good.
Awesome. High-five to that.
That’s incredible ’cause, you know, I could just walk there.
Wouldn’t you know you didn’t have one? What’s the suspense for? It’s brutal.
You could just say, “I don’t have any cars.”
It’s the Keys, man.
[phone rings]
Yeah?
Dude, where the fuck are you?
You told me to meet you here at 3:00. It’s, like, 3:20.
Thanks so much for your help. You’ve been amazing.
No problem.
Right. Sorry, I forgot.
I’ll see you in a minute. [sighs]
[captain] That was a lie.
He knew it would take him about 25 minutes if he walked there,
maybe only 23 if he did a slow jog.
In the end, it took about half an hour.
[Caitlin] Eve is such a bitch.
I’ll tell you why she’s trying to have him declared dead so fast:
There’s a $5 million life insurance policy,
and guess who’s getting it all?
Eve’s getting it all.
You didn’t give me time to guess.
I’m pretty confident I could’ve gotten that one.
But I’m just currently not in a great position to pursue this particular case.
I think my stepmother killed my dad, and you’re not gonna ask me anything?
[sighs]
Okay. You hadn’t seen your dad in a while.
Why?
Fucking Eve told him I had a drug problem,
which I did, but Dad cut me off financially.
So I told him to go fuck himself, and that was it.
He never called me back. I never called him.
[Yancy] Hmm.
Was there any other reason Eve would’ve killed him?
You had said something about a secret boyfriend.
[Caitlin] Yeah. I heard her on the phone at the funeral.
Some dude named Christopher in the Bahamas.
Ta-da!
They let me drive it off the lot in Nassau right onto the ferry.
[sighs] Do you really think that’s what a new widow would be driving?
People grieve in very different ways. I wanna show Tilly.
She’s gonna love it.
Till! She’s gonna love it.
Isn’t it cute, baby?
[Caitlin] You know what?
I think you should drive with me down to Miami.
And while Eve’s off sucking and fucking in the Bahamas,
we can break into her house and then…
Hard pass.
Come on.
Tempting as it sounds,
my calendar is literally booked every day for the rest of my life on that one.
I just don’t think Dad could’ve had some stupid accident and drowned.
Well, why not? Eve said he was a bad swimmer.
Bullshit. He loved to dive.
I even put his favorite speargun in the casket.
Ah. That’s a, uh, odd gesture.
[sighs] Will you… Will you just look into this for me? Please?
Look, Caitlin…
I appreciate everything you’re going through,
I do, but it’s not possible at this time.
Fuck you, man. You’re just like everyone else.
Bye, Caitlin.
[captain] Caitlin was used to feeling helpless,
usually sent her down a bad path,
but she knew she had one bullet left.
Fuck yeah.
[captain] The afternoons in Andros moved pretty slow.
Driggs liked to spend them in his favorite tree,
trying to decide who to throw poop at.
Egg preferred a beer and some quiet time.
He had made peace long ago with what he did for a living,
but he still didn’t like to have his routine interrupted.
You know, when we painted the bar, we put in security cams too.
I’ll go get the money.
Too late for that.
No, man. Come on.
[grunting, choking]
[whimpering]
Where’s Eggy?
[shower runs]
I want a smoothie.
[Christopher] I don’t fucking know, probably working.
Hey, keep that shitty little dog off the bed, okay?
Okay.
[kisses]
[Tilly whimpers]
[sighs] Shitballs.
I have to go to Miami.
All right. I’ll have Claspers get the plane ready for us.
No. You just stay here. I’ll handle it. I need to check the house anyway.
[Christopher] You sure?
Eve?
[captain] For Yancy, sitting in his favorite chair
was a lot like Rosa’s bathtub pot habit:
It usually de-stressed him.
That day, though, it didn’t do the trick.
[Caitlin] I don’t believe Dad could’ve had some stupid accident and drowned.
Please just look into this for me?
Please?
[Yancy] It’s not possible at this time.
[Caitlin] Fuck you, man.
[captain] Rosa had found Eve’s address
and had taken the day off to go and confront her about the missing watch.
It didn’t dawn on her until the very last second that this might not be that smart.
No way. Welcome.
What the fuck?
Are… Are you serious?
We’re cool.
I have it on good authority that Eve is off sucking and fucking in the Bahamas.
I… That’s… No, the… She did that.
The stepdaughter. You know what I mean.
What are you doing here?
The same as you: Breaking and entering.
I knocked.
Fine, you’re entering.
You can still get in trouble for that.
[sighs] And you know what? Just so you know, I didn’t tattle.
I’m not a snitch.
That guy, Sonny, tricked me, and he told me you guys were close
and asked me what we were working on.
That sounds like Sonny. Sorry I gave you attitude.
Apology not accepted.
Oh, so you’re one of those people who can’t forgive right away.
I love people like that.
[Rosa] Whatever.
So, what are we looking for?
We? Okay, that’s fun.
We are looking for evidence.
[sighs] Oh. Well, thanks for, you know, being specific.
It’s really helpful.
Oh, would it have been more helpful if I referred to them as clues?
[gardener 1] Hey, man… [speaks indistinctly]
[Rosa] Hey, heads up.
[gardener 1] Hey, wipe your feet.
Relax. Rich assholes are never here.
I need a turkey sandwich. [sighs]
You know, it’s hard for me to find showers big enough ’cause I’m so tall.
This is actually luxurious.
Why are you talking right now?
I’m not great with silences.
Let’s get great.
[sighs]
Also, feel free not to tell your boyfriend about this.
I don’t think he would love the idea of you being in the shower with another man.
I don’t have a boyfriend, okay?
I know.
I just assumed it was something that you said
so that guys would stop trying to sleep with you.
It is.
It works.
It’s good.
Good.
[sighs]
Also, were you just gonna…
Oh, my God.
…knock on the door and ask Eve about the watch?
I mean, was that your plan here?
Please, please…
For the love of God, just please shut the fuck up.
Only because you asked so nicely.
[shouts]
[shushes]
[shushes]
I don’t know how it turned on. There’s not even a knob on this thing.
[Rosa] Just turn it off.
I don’t know what makes the…
That way.
Okay, sorry. It’s like a puzzle.
[groans] Just… Fucking up.
I got it. I got it. I got it.
I got it.
[sighs]
[drain gurgling]
Is that blood?
[Yancy] Let’s see what we got here. [strains] Mm-hmm.
[sighs]
[Rosa] Those look like bone shards.
Yeah, maybe.
Could be a conch shell.
Hmm. Salty. I still can’t tell.
No, no, no. Let me rephrase that. They definitely are bone shards.
Why did you let me lick them?
l didn’t let you lick them. You just licked it.
[gardener 2] Uh, hello?
Shit.
[gardener 2] Who’s there?
Excuse me…
[chuckles] …what are you doing in the house that we just purchased?
Guy, you can’t just use our bathroom.
My man, I’ve been there and I empathize, but I’m not on board.
I’m sorry. No one told us anything.
Well, I’m gonna count to five so you can get the fuck out of here.
One, two…
When she counts, it’s bad.
…three, four…
[gardener 2] Forget the sandwich. We gotta go.
Well done.
Thank you.
[captain] Neville had decided to take the quick flight to the Keys
to get his money from his sister, but he didn’t want to take the trip alone.
[chatters]
Get up.
[sighs]
[captain] Deep down, he hoped she’d put aside their differences
and be happy to see him.
[scoffs] I knew you’d change your mind about the money.
Good to see you too, Samara.
[chatters]
Looks good, Jaden.
Not bad, Driggs.
[Jaden] You’re doing a great job, Driggs.
Jaden has grown so much.
Hmm. That’s what happens in a year.
Feel like you’re looking to fight.
I feel like I am too.
We grew up in that house. If Dad were here, he’d be pissed.
He wanted me to live there.
Yeah.
Daddy always wanted whatever you wanted.
Must be nice.
[sucks teeth]
I open my restaurant at 9:00.
I’ll stop at my bank on the way to work tomorrow and get you your money.
Sound good.
Trash goes out to the alley.
Mama, look.
[Neville] Good job, Jaden.
[Samara] Ooh.
[captain] Back when Caitlin was at her most strung out,
she found one of those classic Florida megachurches as a lifeline.
As she watched her fiancé prepping his youth group for a field trip,
she couldn’t help but feel rescued.
[children cheering, laughing]
[Simon] Whoo!
Have fun at the water park, guys.
[Simon] Thank you, babe. You sure you don’t wanna come?
No, those places are filled with pee.
Fair enough.
[chaperone] Quietly now.
[Simon] Here we go. Whoo-hoo!
[captain] Caitlin wasn’t surprised by anyone she saw at church.
Prostitutes, politicians, you name it.
This time, though, she almost shit herself.
No fucking way.
Sweetie, can you please just give me a second?
I’m finishing up this prayer for your father.
Sorry, your daughter just interrupted.
But I hope everyone you’ve ever had sex with is there, because you deserve that.
Amen.
Can we go somewhere where we can… where we can chat?
Go ahead. Talk right here.
[inhales sharply]
Oh, no, I wanna go somewhere where He’s not listening.
He’s always listening.
You’re right.
And that’s why we love Him.
[captain] As he put the salty tasting bone shards into an evidence bag,
Yancy wondered if he’d ever be hungry again.
This is bad news for Eve.
She did it, didn’t she?
She killed her husband, chopped him up in that shower,
and then dropped the pieces in the ocean for fish food.
I’m betting there’s other people involved.
There’s a boyfriend. Plus you remember that kid Phinney that got killed?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I saw his girlfriend, she ran away from me like a crazy person.
Yeah, I think that has more to do with you.
Ah.
So, what do you want to do?
Do you want to take this evidence to the police?
You mean the illegally obtained evidence?
I p… I personally don’t like prisons.
It’s kind of a gang culture. I’m not much of a joiner.
Yeah.
[chuckles]
What’s with the laughing?
You.
All you had to do to get your job back is stay out of trouble.
And you can’t do that, can you?
Well, would Sonny be happy if I did exactly what I was told?
Yes.
But you know what I think might make him happier?
Surprising him with the gift of solving the murder.
Right? I mean, those are the best kind of gifts you can get
because there’s no obligations.
You know, it’s not Christmas and it’s not your birthday.
And then I’m just kinda like,
“Hey, Sonny. You know, you were on my mind, so I brought you this.”
Are you coming off, like, a religious fast or something?
Yummy, yummy. [chuckles]
Mm-hmm.
Give me the bone shards. All right.
I’m gonna get this tested tomorrow morning,
check the DNA and see if there’s a match for Nick Stripling.
Well, I got a better idea. Meet me tomorrow at 10:00 a.m.
We will hit the ground running…
I can’t keep going and playing hooky, helping you investigate a homicide.
I’m gonna text you the address.
I’m not going.
Okay, we’ll see.
You know, most people breathe when they eat a burrito.
My car is actually here. I’ll see you in a bit.
Hey, you know what? I’m not going.
I’ll see you there. I’m proud of you.
Oh, wow. Somebody’s a cologne fan.
Can we keep the windows down, chief?
[Eve] Well, God bless Simon for introducing you to that church.
It’s such a great little community.
It’s probably so good for your sobriety.
I gotta say, this is such a cute house, hon.
[sniffs, gags]
Do you think I’m fucking stupid?
I don’t think you’re stupid.
I think you’ve made some poor life choices,
but… [chuckles] …we all have.
You’re here because of the money.
Sit.
Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.
Caitlin, I understand your anger.
I probably even deserve it a little bit, but I loved your dad.
And I miss him…
My Nicky.
Is that Dad’s wedding ring?
I thought you took it to, like, sell or something.
I don’t know.
[sighs] Honey, never.
Listen. We both need to find a way forward.
That’s gonna be easier because of him.
I mean, he set up this insurance policy to take care of us.
Someone told you, obviously, that he made you a beneficiary, right?
No.
What?
Nobody told me.
[sighs] Fuck.
I’m so sorry.
I didn’t come in here to tell you how to grieve.
If calling me a murderer and, like,
slowing down the insurance money is gonna help you heal,
then I’m 100% on your side.
It’s just money.
Okay, you need to eat. I’m gonna order us pizza.
[Yancy] Thanks so much. And these smells will stay with me forever.
[captain] Even though Yancy’s eyes were still watering,
he loved seeing the mother deer eating his bushes,
but he couldn’t stop wondering where her baby had gotten off to.
He also wondered who the hell this was.
Killer view.
Mmm.
Well, if you love it, the house next door is for sale.
[chuckles] That’s a little out of my price range.
I’ve never seen a house that looked like it was on coke before.
[chuckles]
Johnna Russell, Oklahoma State Bureau of Investigation.
Very nice badge flash.
I used to do mine a little, you know, slower and a bit more dramatic.
Do you know of a woman named Plover Chase?
I do not know a Clover Chase.
Are you sure?
Plover? What did you say?
[captain] He did not expect to see a picture of Bonnie.
That’s actually my girlfriend, but I know her as Bonnie Witt.
I think we’re broken up currently.
And she actually just left town, which,
you know, obviously now makes a little bit more sense.
But can I ask, what did she do?
Uh, she’s wanted back in Oklahoma for sexual assault.
She was an English teacher. Slept with one of her students.
Jumped bail and disappeared for about nine years.
Till I saw her in a YouTube video of you launching some old guy in a golf cart into the Atlantic.
He deserved it.
I’m sure.
Do you have any idea where she might have gone?
No.
I’m gonna take that as a “yes,”
but you’re not ready to talk ’cause that was a lot of new information.
You are probably right.
Tell you what.
When you’re done processing, here’s my card.
Give me a call.
Will do.
[bleating]
[captain] And that’s when he saw the baby deer stuck in Evan Shook’s construction site.
This fucking guy.
I need a favor.
[bleating continues]
[Johnna] Good luck.
[captain] Johnna was good people.
She gave him a ride to the vet without even asking why he didn’t have his own car.
[Yancy] Hi.
This guy’s leg is hurt pretty bad.
Okay. [sighs] Let me just…
[sighs] Ooh.
Yeah, that leg looks like it’s gonna have to be amputated.
Um, I’m closed.
Are you willing to pay for… [sighs] …after-hour emergency fees?
No, sir. This isn’t a pet. This guy belongs to nature.
Then I suggest you take it back to where you found it and let nature run its course.
Okay. I’ll just leave it on your doorstep. Do you have any kids?
Two.
Yeah.
You and the kids can just listen to him wail in pain until he passes away, so…
[chuckles]
Just give me the damn deer.
[Yancy] Sure. Have a great evening.
Yeah, go to hell.
[Yancy] Bye-bye.
[captain] That night, Yancy and Neville found themselves feeling the exact same thing, like they were both being sucked unwillingly into chaos.
Neville decided to help out at his sister’s restaurant in the morning to try and clear his head.
After all, it would be a new day.
[Ya-ya] So the boy Neville, he doubts your power?
[Dragon Queen] Yes, and now he gotta pay more.
[Ya-ya] Do you ever doubt yourself?
Maybe sometime.
I knew you first had the gift when you was a child.
Please, not this story again.
[Ya-ya] You know when I realized how strong you could be?
When that man you love, he break your heart and he pay with his life.
Ya-Ya, that was just a coincidence.
He choke at a restaurant.
Did you not wish he dead?
Maybe.
Hmm.
As I taught you.
Young Neville.
Such a handsome boy.
He think this is just between him and Christopher, the man he so desperately wish to get rid of.
“Such a bad man,” he says, but he’s not the only one.
All kinds of bad people getting in the water now.
[chanting]
Shango,
Orisha of justice, use my life force.
I am the wind.
And the people in this life…
they just grains of sand.
[Dragon Queen] They move where my breath takes them.
I’ll be right with you.
Thank you.
[Dragon Queen] Drawing them together, closer and closer.
Get a coffee, please?
Yeah, man.
Thanks.
Make that two coffees, please.
[Dragon Queen] Unaware that they all heading into the heart of the storm.
And one by one, it will swallow them all.
