V/H/S/Halloween (2025)
Plot: The film is presented as an anthology of five short horror films, built into a frame narrative which acts as its own sixth short horror film. Each short is linked together with the concept of found footage as each segment is from various VHS tapes.
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V/H/S/Halloween (2025) | Transcript
[VCR whirring, tape clicking]
♪♪
[Screaming]
[Beep]
[Rapid beeping]
[Click, whirring]
[Beeping]
[Mechanical whirring]
I’m gonna have a few people that you need to meet today.
You might want to introduce yourself.
I think that’d be good.
Yeah.
What was your name again?
Uh, Linda.
Linda.
[Midtempo music playing]
[Door opens]
Fantastic.
Hi. Blaine.
Okay. [Chuckles] We’re excited to have you guys.
You guys excited to try some sodas?
Yeah.
See you guys soon.
Thank you.
[Computer beeping]
[Door closes]
[Cart rattling]
[Door closes]
[Button clicks]
Hello, 37.
Uh, hello.
We’re thrilled to be testing our new product here in the United Kingdom and so happy that you could be a part of our journey.
Thanks. Uh Super.
Do you enjoy soda?
Uh, yeah, actually.
Great.
Now, in front of you is our test formula for our new product.
It’s called Diet Phantasma.
Diet?
Trust me, 37.
This has all the taste of original Phantasma.
Now Why am I hooked up to all these wires?
No interruptions, please.
Now, the wires there’s no need to worry about them.
They’re just there so that the boffins can get a reading.
Okay.
Perfect.
Now open the can and enjoy the spooktacular taste of Diet Phantasma.
[Button clicks]
Drink it now?
Yes.
That would mean drink it now.
[Button clicks]
[Beeping continues]
All right, um…
It tastes like [Electricity surging, whooshing]
[Distorted speaking]
[Screaming]
Help!
[Screaming continues]
[Gasps] Ahh!
[Beeping intensifies]
[Screaming]
Pulse setting 31.
[Groaning]
[Groaning continues]
Can someone get in there and clean it up?!
[Can squealing]
[Laughter]
[Flatline]
[Static hisses]
[Static hissing]
Okay. Is it on?
Yeah. Do it.
[Rock music playing]
[Laughs]
Sexy.
Sick as fuck.
[Laughs] Take it off.
[Laughter]
That’s crazy.
I’m sorry.
Just take it.
I’m trying.
Welcome to our final Halloween on planet Earth before we become lameass taxpaying adults.
Right?
We’re going to college, not a nursing home.
No, I have to watch my best friend Kaleigh turn into a Yale clone in real time while I sit here and rot in MCC.
Tell the people are you too good for us now, Kaleigh Franklin, hmm?
Um, as a future member of the Yale class of 2009, yes, absolutely.
Thank you so much for asking.
[Chuckles] I’m kidding.
I love you, dude.
Don’t be annoying.
Annoying?
Yeah, annoying.
Annoying?
You’re annoying.
I’m doing us a service by filming this, okay?
Our future selves are going to look back and remember what it felt like to be legends before our titties started to sag.
What the hell is wrong with you?
You are the freaking worst, you know?
Someone needs to experiment on your brain, okay?
Come on.
Last Halloween, bitch.
Fine.
[Both laugh]
Okay, just We’re not getting arrested!
What? The police would
[Banging]
Jesus God!
Oh, my fucking fuck!
[Chanting] The Mommy’s gonna get you!
The Mommy’s gonna get you!
Are you fucking serious?
Really?
You’re too old to trick-or-treat.
She’s gonna make you disappear forever, you ugly old lady.
Aw, is the mommy witch gonna make me one of her milk-sucking babies like you?
Bitch face!
Yeah, what he said!
Where are your fucking parents?
The mommy’s not real!
Oh, my God.
Literally. Like, do you like yelling at 8yearolds?
Yes, I do.
Okay.
What?
They’re misogynists, okay?
And besides, ugly old ladies?
Please.
You’re literally the one who was talking about sagging tits.
Yeah, well, like it or not, it’s the truth, okay?
God. Word.
Can we go get some candy?
It’s baby time. [Laughs]
[Doorbell rings]
Trick or treat, Grandpa!
[Laughs]
Sorry.
[Both laugh]
Aren’t you girls a little too old for this?
What do you mean, sir?
I’m just a little baby.
I can’t.
Take it. Go, go, go, go, go!
[Both laugh]
Hey!
Go, go!
No. Lacie. Oh, my God!
“Please take one”?
Oh, man.
Take them all.
My queen.
My darling. My lady.
[Laughs] Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
Thank you.
[Laughs]
[Spooky music playing]
Seduce him. Seduce him!
Oh, my God. [Laughs] I think Danny’s cute, yes.
Okay.
I don’t think Matt is cute.
No, that’s valid.
Receding hairline and all, you know?
[Both laugh]
After last year’s Halloween, I do not like them out here alone.
That girl was barely 18 years old.
I mean, she was still a senior.
Trick or treat!
Dude, did you hear them?
That was this neighborhood.
Huh?
Stop. Listen.
The girl from Brighton High, the one who went missing last year on Halloween.
Hello? Remember?
Oh, yeah!
Eh, she was kind of asking for it in that slutty cheerleader costume.
Have you read any feminist texts?
Jesus Christ, Kaleigh.
Any books at all?
Down. Down. No, too down.
Go up. Oh, my God.
Split the difference.
In the middle. In the middle.
No, you had it.
You had it. Okay, perfect.
Ready?
Ready, ready.
Five, six.
[Both vocalizing]
Okay, harmony!
♪ The candy ♪
Okay, harmony.
♪ Spirit of Halloween ♪
Don’t throw your candy at me.
That’s the holy candy.
Girl, can you switch with me?
I don’t like the one I’m eating.
No.
Why?
Okay, fine. What do you want?
I dunno.
Well, then figure it out.
Don’t spit it. Come on, dude.
Holy shit.
What?
How the fuck did we miss that one?
I don’t know.
[Laughs] Bitch.
Oh, shit.
They definitely have king-sized candy bars.
Come on!
God damn.
That little girl didn’t want any candy?
So? who cares?
More candy for us.
Let’s go!
Oh, God.
Faster, bitch!
You run like my grandma!
So sick.
Any day now.
I’m coming.
[Doorbell rings]
“Twick or tweat.”
[Knock on door]
Hello?
♪♪
Whatever.
Anyone home?
[Knock on door]
Stop.
Let’s just go home.
[Doorbell ringing]
What?
Okay, fine. Lame as hell.
[Sighs]
[Door creaks]
[Singsong voice] Coochie coochie coo.
[Candy rattles]
[Soft laughter]
Dude, that is scary as shit.
And I want every part of it.
Yeah, no, I really I don’t I don’t want to go in there.
Don’t be a bitch, Kaleigh.
Come on.
Hey, I’m not letting us end up like that cheerleader, okay?
Come on.
Will you grow a pair?
Come on. It’s clearly like a haunted house thing.
Sick as fuck.
No, it’s like a murder house thing, dude.
Don’t be a pussy.
Don’t be fucking rude.
Girl, last Halloween!
It’s not I don’t want to go, okay?
All right. Fine. Jesus Christ.
I’ll just have fun by myself.
Seriously?
Peace!
Lacie!
What the fuck, dude?
[Laughs] Freaky.
Ugh.
Dude, are you seeing this?
Give me that.
Dude, it smells like a corpse in here.
Like, literally.
[Laughs] This is sick.
Ugh. What is that?
I think it’s like milk or something?
Great. Okay. Yeah.
Can we leave now, or, like, do you want to take a sip?
Oh, that’s fucked up.
Oh, Kaleigh, we got a theme here, girl.
Someone’s got a weird baby fetish.
No. No, no.
We’re leaving. Come on.
Relax. Don’t pull me.
[Both gasping]
[Laughs]
Hold this. Here.
[Laughs]
Okay, see, dude?
I told you this was a haunted house.
Excuse me, ma’am.
Could you please move?
We’d really like to leave.
Oh, God, shut up, Kaleigh.
I’m trying to get some candy.
No, dude, don’t.
What? [Gasps]
[Baby cooing]
[Laughs] Wait, what?
Oh, God.
The door. Hey!
[Door creaks, closes]
[Both screaming]
[Static hissing]
Turn the light on.
I can’t see anything.
Dude, same.
No. What just happened?
Did you see that?
What was that?
[Laughing] Oh, my God.
Turn the light on.
Please turn the light on.
Relax. Relax.
Lacie, I’m not Okay, it’s just a joke or something.
Or, like, performance art.
It looked alive.
[Laughs] Horrifying.
[Chuckles] Oh, what the fuck?
Holy shit.
Oh, my God, something definitely sleeps in this.
[Laughing] Oh, my God.
“Kids spoiled here”?
Do not touch that.
[Static hissing]
[Static squealing]
[Laughing] Okay, dude.
She has a budget.
Okay, let’s find a door.
Oh, God.
What the fuck is this?
Damn. Big ass feet.
Kaleigh, you think there’s a daddy here?
Don’t.
Oh, I love me a man with big feet.
Oh, fuck.
I don’t remember which door it is.
Definitely not the dairy factory door.
Why are you panicking, bro, okay?
It’s fine. Relax. This is fun.
This is not fun.
Oh, my God.
This is a health hazard.
You are going to get another fungal infection.
Okay, okay. Let’s go.
[Door creaks]
This is it. This is it.
Our stuff is here.
I told you.
Wait. Fuck!
What?
Why is it boarded up?!
Wait. Hold on. Hold on.
The door
The door was here.
Oh, God.
The
The door was right here.
I know!
No, no
What?!
Hey, were you recording?
Were you recording?
Yes, I was recording.
Okay, can you rewind it?
[Camera beeps, whirs]
[Tape rewinding]
[Camera beeping]
[Camera whirs, beeps]
The photo The photo is still there, but the wall it’s, like, changed.
We can’t trust anything in here.
Lacie, God, something is very wrong.
What do you mean?
I don’t What do you mean?!
I–
Shh!
What do you mean?
[Door creaks]
[Gasps]
[Singsong voice] Coochie coochie coo.
[Soft laughter]
[Creaking, thumping]
[Heavy breathing]
[Both gasping]
[Crying]
[Creaking]
Did you see that?
No, I did.
What’s going on?
I don’t know.
Just Can we get out, please?
Just find a door.
Come on.
[Gasps] Is she still there?
I don’t know. I’m not sure.
[Floorboards creaking]
Okay, she’s gone.
Okay. Okay. Come on. Come on.
Let’s go. Come on.
There.
[Thudding]
[Gasping] What the fuck?
“It’s a girl”?
What, is this a fucking baby shower?
Yes. Yes. It’s a baby shower.
It’s a baby shower, okay?
I mean, she’s totally fucking with us, okay?
What the fuck else would it be, you know?
I mean, we’re dressed as literal babies, Kaleigh.
I mean, she’s just she’s just playing the part.
[Maggots squishing]
Ugh.
Oh, God.
[Gasping]
She looks so sad.
Kaleigh, the wall.
[Laughs]
It’s a joke.
I mean, it’s
it’s a joke.
It’s a joke, right?
[Moaning]
[Glass clinking]
Come on. [Gasps] What is that?
What is that? What is that?
What is that? What is that?
[Cooing] Oh, my God.
What the fuck is that?
Shh! Shh!
We need to focus. Okay. Okay.
Oh, fuck.
Okay, we need to go through the room that he’s blocking because What the fuck are you…
No, there might be a back door!
Are you fucking insane?!
No, we’re not We need to go another way.
We need to go another way.
What way, Lacie?
[Humming] Oh, God.
No.
No, no, no, no, no, no no.
Absolutely the fuck not.
I am not-going that way, okay?
Do you see what he’s doing?
Okay, no, I see it.
Okay, we’ll just wait for him to move.
[Singsong voice] Coochie coochie coo!
[Soft laughter]
I am not waiting for her to find us.
[Moaning]
[Creaking]
[Gasps]
It’s looking at me.
Don’t fucking move.
[Screaming]
No, I know!
What the fuck is going on?!
We have to keep moving, okay?
He’s gone. Let’s just go.
[Breathing heavily] Go!
Um, is that like a torture thing?
I, um…
It looks like a breast pump.
My sister had one when she had a kid, but…
This one looks really wrong.
[Wretching, vomiting] Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Lacie, don’t
don’t touch it.
Kaleigh, we need to help her.
She We need to help her.
She’s in pain.
Lacie, look at me.
She’s suffocating.
Lacie, we have to focus on getting out of here alive, okay?
She’s in pain.
We
We’ll show the video to the police, okay?
We’ll help her, I promise, but not now.
There’s a door behind her that might lead outside.
We just We need to move her.
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, fine, fine.
[Wretching] Oh, God.
Faster.
I’m trying.
Okay, okay, okay.
[Wretching]
[Both gasp]
[Cries] Oh, my God.
Go.
[Distorted speaking]
Jesus fuck!
Where do we go?
Where do we go? Fuck!
Shit!
Oh, this one.
Yes. Go, go, go, go, go.
Kaleigh, Kaleigh, Kaleigh, her body, it just It looked so painful.
I’m scared, Kaleigh.
I know. I’m scared, too.
What does she want from us?
I don’t know, okay?
It’s gonna be okay.
Okay. Okay.
Oh, my God.
Fuck! No!
[Grunting]
Ohh! They’re all nailed shut.
Okay. Okay.
We need a hammer or something.
Um…
What the hell?
[Grunts]
[Clattering]
[Camera whirring]
[Both gasping]
Wait, wait.
What are you doing?
Kaleigh, what are you doing?
She’s in a cheerleader costume.
No, no, no, no, that’s not her.
That’s not her.
This is not a fucking coincidence, okay?
She’s been here the whole time.
[Whispering] What are you doing? Kaleigh!
[Breathing heavily] [Humming]
[Gasps, groans]
Oh, my God.
What did she do you?
Hi.
We want to help.
What did she do to you?
Oh, my God.
Did someone take you?
Oh, my God.
Kaleigh. Kaleigh.
Did she do this to you?
Is there a way out of here?
She can’t fucking talk.
That woman did this to her.
She’s gonna do it to us.
She’s gonna do it to us.
She’s gonna do it to us.
Gonna do what to us?
Mama?
Oh, um…
M-Mama?
Okay. No, um…
Um, uh…
[Breathing heavily] No. Shh.
Shh, shh, please.
[Shrieking] She’s gonna hear us, Kaleigh.
Shut up!
Go! We need to go!
Kaleigh, now, go!
[Sobbing hysterically] Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!
It’s okay. What do we do?
[Sobbing continues]
Calm down. Please calm down.
Shh!
Kaleigh, she’s coming.
She’s coming.
Get up. We need to go.
Kaleigh. Kaleigh.
Shh!
Come on! Kaleigh!
Okay, I’m coming.
[Sobbing continues]
[Soft laughter]
This way.
[Chimes tinkling]
[Heavy breathing]
Come on, come on, come on.
[Door closes]
Ugh.
[Coughs] Oh, God, the smell.
Here, help me.
Help me move this.
Lacie, come on.
[Grunting]
I mean…okay.
She
She turned her into an experiment.
Maybe she turned all of them No, no, no.
Maybe she’s drugging them. Yes.
No, no, no, no. The boys.
The boys
they said that the mommy’s gonna get us.
They said the mommy’s gonna get us.
God, and we just sat there, and we fucking laughed at them.
We’re so stupid!
Shh!
What are you talking about?
The mommy’s a bullshit story.
That’s not a thing.
No. No. No.
The mommy
she comes back.
She comes back every year.
She comes back every year, and then she chooses the ones that are too old or too greedy or too fucking stupid.
Lacie, it’s not a real thing.
Kaleigh, that’s her.
That’s her.
I’m so sorry.
We should have just stayed home.
It was my fault. I’m sorry.
No, no, no, no.
Don’t run out.
Oh, God.
Wait. What is this?
Wait, wait.
What do you mean, what is this?
It’s a bunch of literal shit.
Get the light.
She was pregnant.
[Creaking]
[Gasps]
[Thudding]
[Both gasping]
[Shrieking] Let go of her! Let go!
Fuck!
Kaleigh!
[Shrieking]
[Static hissing]
[Heavy breathing]
Come on, come on, come on!
Go, go!
[Gasping] Come on, come on, come on.
I can’t. My fucking ribs.
I know. I know. I’m sorry.
Keep moving, okay?
Just try.
[Crying]
[Indistinct shouting]
[Both breathing heavily]
My ribs.
[Sobbing]
[Soft music playing]
[Indistinct singing]
♪♪
[Sobbing continues]
Shh. Shh.
I’m getting sleepy.
[Thud]
No, it’s
it’s it’s her song.
Stay awake.
Stay awake.
[Thud]
[Floorboards creaking]
Lacie?
[Gasping]
[Laughs evilly] Please turn on. Please.
Lacie?
Lacie!
Oh, my God!
[Breathing heavily]
Oh, God, no! Ohh!
[Breathing heavily]
[Gasps]
Lacie, I’m coming!
Oh, my God!
[Breathing heavily]
Oh, God.
[Sobbing]
Oh, my Lacie, I’m so sorry!
[Sobbing continues]
[Sobbing continues]
[Gasps]
[Cries]
[Soft music playing]
♪♪
♪♪
[Electricity zapping]
[Chimes clinking]
[Breathing heavily]
[Baby cooing]
[Singsong voice] Coochie coochie coo!
♪♪
[Soft humming]
♪♪
Lacie.
We gotta go. We gotta– We gotta get out of here.
♪ Hush, little baby ♪
♪ Don’t you cry ♪
[Exhales heavily] We gotta go.
♪ Mama’s going to sing you
a lullaby ♪
[Yawns] [Singing indistinctly]
♪ Please say yes ♪
♪ I’ll nurse you
until you regress ♪
♪ Hush, little baby ♪
♪ Don’t you cry ♪
♪ I’m going to make sure ♪
♪ You never die ♪
[Laughing]
[Laughing continues]
[Laughing continues]
[Static hissing]
Trust me
it willbe on the shelves for Halloween.
[Speaking indistinctly] Look, I have to go.
[Speaking indistinctly] Yeah.
[Speaking indistinctly] Yeah. Bye.
[Keypad beeps]
[Phone thuds]
[Beeping]
[Beeping continues]
[Door closes]
[Beeping continues]
Is this, like, nuclear or something?
Or toxic?
[Button clicks]
No, nothing nuclear here.
[Button clicks]
[Button clicks]
Or toxic.
Can I just
[Screaming]
Help me, someone in here!
[Pounding on door]
[Screaming continues]
I told you to dial down the fucking formula.
We did, Mr. Rothschild.
Then what the fuck is going on in there?!
Do something!
[Screaming continues]
Please be calm, 39.
We’re working to get you both out of the chamber.
Fuck!
[Screaming] What the fuck are we doing?
What the fuck are we doing?!
Help me!
Someone get me! That’s stuck!
♪♪
[Screaming] Help me!
Help me, please!
Anyone in there?!
♪♪
Help me!
Please! Please!
Please help me.
[Screaming]
[Gasping]
Fucking die already.
[Static hissing]
[Camera shutter clicks]
[Camera shutter clicks]
[Camera shutter clicks]
[Camera shutter clicks]
All: Ooh!
[Laughter]
All: Ooh!
[Man coughing]
[Telephone rings]
[Ringing continues]
[Telephone ringing]
[Ringing continues]
[Ringing continues]
[Laughter]
[Panting]
[Convulsing, screaming]
[Screaming] [Enric convulsing, gurgling]
[Telephone rings]
[Ringing continues]
[Ringing continues]
[Enric convulsing]
[Rattling]
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
[Both scream]
[Gasping]
♪♪
[Screams, whimpers]
[Screaming]
[Screaming shakily]
♪♪
[Screaming]
♪♪
[Breathing shakily]
[All groaning, whimpering]
[Sobbing]
[All screaming]
[Gasping, whimpering]
[Man groaning]
[Screaming, crying]
[Woman screaming]
[Man groaning]
[Screams]
[Breathing shakily]
[Enric humming]
[Breathing shakily]
[Wood creaking]
[Humming continues]
♪♪
♪♪
[Screaming]
[Screams]
[Squelching]
[Gasping, convulsing]
♪♪
♪♪
[Gasping stops]
[Object rattling]
[Object clatters]
[Static hisses]
[Receiver clatters]
[Off-hook tone]
[Indistinct whispering]
[Static hissing]
[Thudding]
[Static hissing]
[Camera dings]
[Beeping]
[Squeegee squeaking]
[Water sloshing]
[Door creaks]
[Door closes]
[Beeping continues]
Subject 40 is in the chamber for you, Mr. Rothschild.
Mr. Rothschild?
[Door closes]
[Tab pops]
This smells like shit.
How does it taste?
[Beeping continues]
Actually tastes quite good.
[Beeping continues]
How do you feel?
Feel okay.
Can you finish the entire can, please?
Sure.
[Bone snaps]
[Groaning]
[Screaming]
[Wretches]
♪♪
[Electricity zapping]
[Rapid beeping]
You can see me?
[Screaming]
[Head thudding]
[Snarling]
Can it get in here?
It can’t break through.
The entire chamber is reinforced with that towbar material.
[Shrieking]
[Beeping continues]
[Shrieking continues]
[Loud whirring]
[Rapid beeping]
[Gas hissing]
[Shrieking continues]
[Alarm blares]
[Whooshing]
[Body thuds]
Close.
I can’t believe I’ve actually done it.
Run it again.
[Gurgles] Preferably with little to no GBH.
[Gurgling continues]
Or mortal wounding.
[Coughing, gasping] What about subject 40?
[Crying] No.
Please no!
[Flames whooshing]
[Screaming]
[Static hissing]
I’m saying, who has a Halloween party without candy?
It was a party for adults.
They had booze, of which you had a lot, babe.
Okay. Rude.
I want candy.
Guys, let’s go trick-or-treating!
Aren’t we too old to trick-or-treat?
Mm, no.
What are they gonna say?
“No, you’re too old for our shitty, tiny corporate candy bars?”
Nobody’s gonna say that.
Guys, she’s not gonna let up until we do it.
And she’s right.
Ready? So ready?
[All cheer]
[Children shouting indistinctly]
Oh, I love your costumes.
You cool with trick-or-treating, babe?
You having fun?
[Doorbell rings]
Yeah. I mean, why not?
Guys, hurry up.
Come on, slow asses.
[Knock on door]
Trick or treat!
Trick or treat!
Aren’t you a little old to be trick-or-treating?
[Gasps] No!
Also, we just got engaged.
[Laughs]
Oh.
Show them the ring, honey.
Ooh, congratulations!
It’s beautiful.
I proposed to my best friend, and she said yes.
Ooh!
So, let’s see.
You’re a superhero.
And you’re a pirate.
And what are you guys supposed to be?
We are camera operators in a found-footage horror movie.
You know how you always wonder how they don’t drop their cameras?
Well, we have lots of cameras attached to us.
I don’t consent to being filmed.
Oh, hush, Pete.
They just got engaged.
Oh! Give them candy.
Oh. [Chuckles] Thank you.
Thanks.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Trick or treat.
Trick or treat.
Oh, thank you.
[Laughs]
Happy Halloween.
Happy Halloween.
Happy Halloween.
Yes!
Ugh, it’s sour candy.
I hate sour candy.
That’s so lame.
All candy is lame.
Corporations have taken all the creativity out.
Oh, really?
We have the same main candy bars for decades.
The variety pack has no variety.
Okay.
Think on that.
I will.
Let’s do the whole block, see who has the best candy.
Onward!
Here we go. [Laughs] Hey, wait.
What are you doing?
Oh, God.
I thought you were gonna tell him.
I was, but then it was Halloween, and we had already made our costumes.
Okay, but then it’s gonna be Thanksgiving and then Christmas and then Valentine’s Day.
Oh, yeah, and then you’re married.
I’m going to do it.
[Sighs] You need to do it fast and quick, or your life’s gonna end up on the wrong track.
I know.
But, I mean, I don’t want to hurt him.
Oh, my God, you need to stop worrying about his feelings and put yourself first.
Shh!
He’s gonna hear you.
And you better delete this footage.
Come on, fiancée!
Oh. [Chuckles] Coming, fiancé.
[Laughs] Doesn’t it still sound weird hearing that
“fiancé”?
[Laughs]
You ready to let me provide for you and be my trad wife?
[Laughs]
Oh. [Chuckles] Oh, a trad wife.
What the fuck?
Ugh.
One per person?
It’s freaking Halloween.
I hate when they just leave the bowl out.
Whoa. [Chuckles] Look at the candy.
It’s, uh…
What the hell?
The hell’s a Fligs and Splips?
Snipp%rs?
R-Round Crunch.
What the hell?
& and &?
[Chuckles]
Now presenting Larry Find.
Furnitnurse Keepsitpoppa?
[Laughter]
What?!
What the hell?
Is that even English?
Have any of you ever seen any of this candy before?
No.
[Gasps] It looks like a dong.
Oh, my God.
[Chuckles] Wow.
Don’t touch it.
Okay, I mean, all candy bars kind of look like dongs.
No.
This has the tip.
[Light laughter]
It does.
It’s veiny.
Uh…
What is this?
It’s like some kind of, uh, adult novelty thing.
Well, maybe it’s just, like, a factory mistake.
Well, it sure doesn’t look like it.
Who wants the first bite?
[Chuckles] Huh? Huh?
I am so good.
I am so good on that!
[Indistinct shouting]
All yours.
No.
All yours, Austin.
[Imitating gagging]
Ohh!
All right.
Ugh.
Ohh!
Ohh!
Gross!
Of course it’s full of white cream.
Gross.
No, it’s actually…
Ew!
Ugh!
It’s pretty good.
It’s got, like like, a lot of like, a lot of layers.
[Laughs] Ugh.
It’s too chewy.
Ew.
Mnh-mnh.
You missed some.
You got a little on your chin.
Did I miss a spot?
Yeah. A lot.
Yeah. On your chin.
This is so weird.
There’s nothing coming up about this online.
Everything is online.
You type it in right?
Yeah, of course I did.
Maybe it’s new?
I don’t know, but…
This is crazy.
…I’m taking more.
Wait. No. Stop.
Hey, it says one per person.
What if they’re watching?
I hope they’re watching.
‘Cause then they can come out and tell us where the fuck they
[All scream]
Ah! What the Oh, my Oh, my God.
[Laughter]
Oh, my God.
Okay.
Okay, yeah, that was pretty good.
Oh, my God.
All right.
O-Okay.
That
That was pretty good.
Uh, how
How did they I don’t
Ow.
You can
You can let go now.
How are they What is happening?
Austin, stop.
Help.
Stop!
Austin!
What’s
What the Hey! Hey, what What’s happening?
Help! Help!
[Gasps] Oh, my God.
Help me!
Oh, my God!
Help! What the fuck?!
What the fuck?!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
It’s coming! Help me!
What the fuck is happening?!
Help me!
Oh, no!
[Both gasping]
Oh, my God.
[Breathing heavily] What the fuck just happened?
I don’t know. Call 911.
Okay.
[Line ringing]
911.
What is your emergency?
Yes, we’re trick-or-treating, and our boyfriends they just got captured.
The address is Ahh!
[Breathing heavily] Fiancée.
It got you, too?
[Groans] Where are we?
Fuck if we know.
Whatever pulled us in was gone when we got here.
What the fuck is happening?
Oh!
[All scream]
[All gasping]
Hello? Hello?!
[Thud]
[Gasps] [Gasps] Wait.
Wait.
I-Isn’t that the same bowl?
Maybe that will bring us back.
It’s the way back.
Is there anything in there?
“One per person.”
It’s the same fucking sign.
Is this some kind of sick joke?
It’s the same fucking sign.
Oh, my God!
[Gasping] Ugh!
[Groans] What the fuck?!
[Whimpers] [Gasps, groans] What
What is it?
III don’t know.
Is it burning?
No.
Uh, it’s, uh…sticky.
Sweet.
II think it’s… caramel.
What the fuck?
[Thud]
Ahh!
Ahh!
Fun size!
Ahh!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Go!
What the fuck was that?
Oh, my God.
Go, go, go, go, go!
Faster!
Austin, that’s a lot of blood on the walls!
Hello there!
Ahh!
[All screaming]
What the fuck is that?!
Let’s just get away from it!
I’ll protect you!
Wait.
Guys, there’s an exit.
Oh, my God.
It’s locked!
[Groans]
Um, uh, maybe there’s a key.
Everyone look for a key!
We’re not gonna find a key.
Let’s try!
Okay.
Oh, I found the key!
What?
Okay, now let’s see if it actually works.
Ahh!
Ohh!
♪ Ladee-dah-dee-dah ♪
What the fuck was that?!
[Screaming] Oh, my God. Austin!
Austin! Austin!
Austin!
Austin!
Austin! Austin!
[All screaming]
Austin!
[Breathing heavily]
[Crying] Oh, my God.
How did you get here?
[Power surges]
No, no, no, no!
Get me out!
They’re too tight!
There has to be a way to stop this.
[Screaming] What is this place?
[Thud]
Fun size!
No! I’m not gonna make it!
I’m not gonna make it.
What is happening?
[Screaming]
[Thud]
What No, no, no.
[Uptempo carnival-style music playing] What the fuck is happening?
These chains won’t fucking budge!
[Machinery rattles]
Yummy!
I love you, Haley.
Shut up.
You are not gonna die.
I think I found a knife!
Hurry!
Fuck, It’s just a prop knife.
Ahh!
But this is real.
[Breathing heavily]
Okay.
I’m not gonna make it.
Take the key!
Take the key!
What are you doing?!
I don’t want to cut his fucking arm off!
[Indistinct shouting]
Take the key! Take the key!
No, no, no. No!
[Machinery whirring, beeping]
Oh, my God.
[Screams]
[Saw whirring]
[All screaming]
Oh, my God!
Ahh!
Oh, my God.
[Music continues]
Ahh! Austin!
I’m sorry.
Oh, my God.
What the fuck?
No! Austin!
What the Where the fuck are we?!
Oh, shit, no.
What do we do?
Can we help him?
I told him he was gonna be okay.
[Crying]
[Music continues]
The key.
Get the key. Get the key.
[All scream]
Come on, you fucker!
No.
What?!
Oh, no!
[All screaming]
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, what is happening?!
What the fuck?
Chop its fucking head off!
Oh, my…
It’s not human.
It’s not human!
Yeah, you better run!
Let’s just get the key and get out of here.
No, no, no, no, no, no!
The key, the key!
[Thud]
Ow! Fuck!
[Alarm blares]
Oh, my God.
What the Oh, my God!
What a sick fuck!
What the fIs that caramel?
Oh, my…
Ugh.
Oh, my God, that’s his brains.
How do you even do this to someone?
Ugh.
Oh, my God!
Haley, I Oh, my God, his balls!
My God, they’re turning him into candy.
Oh, my God, that is so disgusting.
Oh, God.
I’m gonna be sick.
[Music continues]
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
Fuck.
That is so fucked up, guys.
I’m done.
No.
I’m just getting on the conveyor belt.
I just want it to be done, okay?
I’m just done. No!
Haley, listen to me.
We are going to get the key, and we are going to get the fuck out of this place.
We are not gonna be stuck here, okay?
Okay!
Okay. Come on! Let’s go!
Go!
Okay!
[Machinery whirring]
The key’s in there, so hurry up and unwrap one.
Stop yelling at me.
That’s my fucking boyfriend.
♪♪
Go on. You can do it.
♪♪
Okay, this is his penis.
You’re doing great, guys.
Doing great.
I think these are his balls.
Oh! Oh! I have it!
Yep.
I–
I–
Okay.
Good job, fiancée.
Let’s go. Let’s go.
[Breathing heavily] Come on! Let’s go!
Wait, wait.
[Laughs evilly] Whoospie.
Ahh!
Ugh!
Haley!
[Laughs evilly] Haley. Haley, what Ahh!
[Laughs evilly] [Screaming] Haley!
Lauren, she’s gone!
No.
She’s gone.
We We have the key.
Let’s just No!
Fiancée, please!
No.
Haley!
Damn it.
[Breathing heavily] Haley!
[Crying] Haley.
Haley. [Gasps] Thank God.
Come on. Let’s go.
It’s okay. It’s okay.
It’s just us.
The fuck?
Uh, Lauren?
Haley? Haley?
[Gasping] Oh, my God, Haley!
[Whooshing]
[Screaming]
[Uptempo carnival-style music plays]
♪♪
No, Haley!
What is she doing?
Oh, my God.
Wh-What is she doing?
What is she doing?
No. No, no, no, no.
[Power surges]
Haley, what are you doing?
[Crying]
[Alarm blares]
[Saw buzzing]
Come on. Come on.
Leave her!
Oh! I dropped the key!
I dropped the key!
I dropped
Wait. No, no.
Wait. I got it. I got it.
We don’t know if it even fits.
[Breathing heavily]
It fits! It fits!
[Laughs]
Fuck, yeah! Fuck, yeah!
Oh, we’re fucked!
We’re fucked!
We didn’t take more than one!
You killed the guy who took more than one!
Calm down, okay?
We are going We’re going to get through this.
Um, uh
Wait!
Th-There’s an air vent.
There’s an air vent.
It has It has to lead somewhere.
Okay.
Okay. Okay.
[Both gasping]
We’re doing it!
We’re doing it.
We’re gonna make it.
This is gonna be one hell of a story we tell our kids.
[Thudding]
Josh, the floor.
The floor, it’s What? What?
It’s a conveyor belt.
[Alarm blares]
[Both screaming]
No, no, no, no! Ahh!
Oh, fuck!
We have to go back.
Ahh!
[Evil laughter]
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Fiancée.
I’m so sorry… we never got the fairytale wedding.
Unless…
Lauren Margaret Everett, do you take me, Joshua Roger Day, to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part?
[Stammers] I…
I…
I do… not!
What?!
[Screaming]
[Screaming continues]
[Sobbing] I want out! I want out, I want out, I want…
[Panting]
Help! Help!
[Sobbing] Okay…
[Whimpering]
Fun size!
[Screams]
[Splat]
Okay, kids. Smile!
Fuck. Shit.
Okay, kids!
This candy looks weird.
It’s good to try new things.
Come on, Liam.
Well, what’s your review?
There’s something metal.
Oh, my God, give me that.
What the hell is that?
I took two. Is that bad?
[Screaming]
[Static]
Hello, Subject 41.
Don’t be shy.
You’re quite safe.
Hi.
Are you excited to try our new Halloween soda?
Super!
Can you reach out and take a drink of the soda in front of you?
Okay.
[Beeping]
It smells gross.
I told you to add that fucking pumpkin spice!
Actually, we are working on it, Mr. Rothschild.
Fuck you, Larry!
Don’t worry about the smell.
It tastes delicious.
[Beeping continues]
It tastes really good.
And how do you feel?
Can I have another one?
Of course!
[Button clicks]
Is there any fucking extract in the sample?!
Yes! But we dialed it down significantly for a smaller subject.
Get the kid another one, but fucking dial it up!
[Gulping]
[Explosion]
[Splat]
Call Sector 31!
[Static]
How old are you?
Four.
Four years old?
Or five. Four or five.
Four and a half?
Four or five.
About four and a half, five?
I don’t know.
Can you say your name on camera for me?
Cleo.
I’m eight.
I’m 10 and I’m in fifth grade.
I like cereal and sometimes pizza, too.
Reading and math.
Can you say your name on camera for us?
Um…
Not right now.
Do you like Halloween, or not so much?
Yes.
I’m a little old for trick-or-treating.
Me and my best friend, we’re going to be dead nurses.
I’m gonna be a witch.
Um, a vampire.
And I’m gonna be a clown.
Probably trick-or-treat.
We might stay in and watch a horror movie.
We need candy, and we love candy.
My sister might be a vampire.
And if anybody came up to you after school and asked if you wanted to play tennis with them, but they’re a stranger, what would you say?
Yeah.
Well, I don’t know if that’s the safest thing to do.
So, tonight, with Halloween and all, you think you’ll go out trick-or-treating?
If my mom lets me.
Yeah, well, if your mom lets you, what would you dress up as?
A butterfly.
Butterfly.
That’s great.
I love that. A butterfly.
Is this over?
Uh, yeah. You’re all set.
You’re good to go.
Uh, so thank you for trusting Kaplan’s Electronics for all your KidPrinting needs.
Now, we recommend making two copies.
And we do have a backlog, so…
You could get them Monday, or we could deliver.
You can’t rush it?
I was hoping to get it immediately, before trick-or-treating.
Mom, I’m not going to get kidnapped tonight.
Hey, look, with all that’s going on these days, you can’t be too concerned, right?
Your mother’s just trying to look out for you, Lindsay.
Mm. It’s all so horrible.
Yeah.
Every day I watch the news just hoping for something.
Yeah, I know, I know, but that’s what our service is for.
You know, we don’t want people searching all around town based off a picture from last year’s school Is there any way they can be duplicated while we wait?
I told her she could only go out tonight if we got this done.
Well, look, I don’t work evenings or weekends.
Home in time for dinner every night.
Uh, and with Halloween tonight, I did tell my daughters that I’d be ducking out early, be home by three, so…
I understand.
Uh, well, look, let me see what I can do.
If you don’t mind waiting a second, go in the back editing room, I’ll see what I can do.
Do you mind?
No, no. Thank you.
Let me just grab this.
And you met Alicia when you got here.
This place would fall apart without her.
That’s funny, Alicia.
I also decorated the whole store.
Yeah, well, you did a fine job at that.
Just follow me right back this way.
You’ll also meet Miles.
He’s our, uh, wizard Wizard of inventory!
He does the stock.
Miles, how many Symphonic VCRs do we have?
Uh… eleven?
Uh, no. Ten.
We sold one today.
The boy is great.
Good at what he does.
And back here, we got Bruce.
Bruce handles all the tech stuff.
Hey, once we’re done, once I eject this, I’m gonna have you dub Lindsay’s KidPrint, all right?
And, uh, I have a couple other tapes for you, too.
Nice to meet you, Bruce.
Miles.
Bruce isn’t really used to us barging back here with customers while he’s working.
You know, even Miles stresses him out.
Coming and going, coming and going.
Hey, hey, Lindsay, why don’t you look at this?
Look at these tapes over here.
Each one of these are your friends and your schoolmates, and they all represent a little part of what I do for the community.
Are these missing ones the kids who got murd–
[Static hissing]
The challenges facing our police force are proving insurmountable because the abductions lack similarities.
Right…
Children of varying ages going missing from both the north and south side of town.
Any hope of stopping this crime wave has proven elusive.
Look.
What at first seemed like…
I’m doing the best I can.
You know, trying to help out.
…has now emerged into a puzzle without a solution.
Diligent parents have…
This thing scared the crap outta me.
I thought it was real.
Oh, this is a fun one.
Spoooooky!
That’s my favorite guy in the store, actually.
I love this guy.
Here’s a little gem I found at the Goodwill.
You know, found a bunch of these.
Miles thinks it’s wack, but we think it’s cool, right, Alicia?
Miles can eat shit.
Yeah.
Just do this. Yeah.
Okay. Get up and look at the camera, though.
And smile. You gotta smile.
This is gonna be in next year’s commercial.
[Objects clatter]
Alicia, I’m gonna take this home with me.
I think the girls would love it.
You do that.
[Car door closes]
[Engine starts]
…with a special bulletin.
We’ve just received word that the body of 14yearold Ethan Mulligan has been found behind the Lawrence Park shopping plaza, his corpse showing signs of grotesque injuries unlike any we’ve seen.
Mulligan is now the eighth victim, and the second this week, after 14yearold Lisa Marcus’ decomposed remains were dragged from the river.
Parents are strongly…
[Chuckles] Hey!
Look. There’s Dad.
Dad!
How’s it going?
Hey, you having fun here?
Mmhmm.
Smile for the camera.
…copycats or connected crimes…
[Radio clicks off]
Please stop with that.
Just for public safety.
You know, no one’s gonna try any funny business if someone’s pointing a camera everywhere around town.
So you say.
No…
Come on, girls, don’t you feel safer when this is on?
Don’t you feel safe with this on?
Um, I’m not…
I’m not sure.
Come on.
Charlotte, what do you think?
I mean, I guess.
Yeah.
Honey, it’s not normal trick-or-treating.
This isn’t like normal Halloween.
30 people are going down to the town square, and none of their friends are going.
It’s just cops handing out candy.
You get to take one piece and then leave.
We gotta get the candy.
It’s Halloween.
Yeah, I like candy.
Let me see your pumpkin.
Look at that.
That’s nice. Perfect.
It’s a perfect pumpkin.
A little candy is better than no candy, right?
We’ll go out for an hour.
I’ll film everything.
Also, if I happen to get the bad guy on camera, guess what?
I’ll be the local hero.
More so than I already am.
[Scoffs]
[Indistinct chatter]
Hey, wave for the camera, kids.
Are you having fun on Halloween?
No. No.
Just a pleasant, safe town we live in.
Isn’t that right?
Ooh, Halloween, so scary, with the police giving out candy.
Oh, watch your hat there!
[Laughs]
Wave to the camera over here.
Hey, Happy Halloween!
Happy Halloween!
Happy Halloween!
That’s fun.
Hey, Nicole, Katie, you guys look awesome.
Hey, I’m glad to see somebody didn’t cancel.
Uh, well, I tried.
She had a meltdown.
Our
Our plan is just 15 minutes, and then we’re gonna leave, right?
What is with everybody?
Didn’t you hear?
Hear what?
It’s a high school senior.
Somebody said that she went over to her car to grab something, and she just vanished.
Says who?
A bunch of high school kids?
It’s probably a prank.
No, but there’s, like…
What are you looking at?
Let me just scan around and see…
Find some troublesome faces.
Here, here.
Like this guy over there.
Who the hell is that guy?
Looks nice.
He’s there with his daughter.
He’s probably just waiting to eat her Halloween candy.
He’s a local fatso. Big deal.
I’m
I’m gonna wrap this up.
I’m gonna give her five more minutes, and then we’re out of here.
[Cheers, laughter]
Take a bite of the healthy snack.
There we go!
[Laughing] Hey, girls.
Wave for Mommy.
Happy Halloween, Mommy!
Happy Halloween, Mommy!
I mean, I’m sure you’ve heard about this by now, but Olivia Hamel is missing as of about an hour ago.
Yeah, I just heard.
Yeah, we’re out here doing what we can, but, you know, 17yearolds, they’re still going out on their own and…
Shit, we we messed up big time.
The parents are hysterical, and [sighs] we took them down to the station.
They said Olivia came in.
Well, me and my friends might try to go to some houses before we go to our friend’s party.
Do you mind running back to your store to grab the backup?
They’re out of their minds, they don’t want to go home for it, and we want to get it on the news as soon as possible.
Of course. Uh, I’ll go do that right now, actually.
Great. Thank you, Tim.
[Sobbing] Hey, girls, you’re gonna stay with Nicole.
You’re going back to her house.
You’re gonna play with Katie back there, all right?
Mom’s gonna pick you up there.
That’s okay, right? That’s fun?
Yeah.
Ah! That’s
That’s fun.
That’s good.
Okay.
[Muttering] Happy Halloween, hm?
[Gate rattling]
Ah. Where’s my light?
[Static, distorted audio]
[Footsteps]
[Faint chatter in background]
[Sighs] Damn it, Miles, stop leaving the TV’s on.
[Screaming, shouting in distance]
[Shouting intensifies]
What the hell is this idiot watching back here?
[Screaming] I don’t like it here.
[Screaming] Where are you taking me?!
[Screaming] I don’t want to go!
[Screaming continues]
Jesus Christ.
What the fuck is this?
Please stop.
You’ve kept me here for hours…
What the fuck is going on?
[Screaming, sobbing] I don’t like this anymore.
Please stop it. Please, no!
No, no, no, please, you’re scaring me.
Please. I’ll do anything you want if you stop.
I’ll do anything you want.
No, please…
[Screaming]
[Static]
[Muffled sobs, screams]
[Rasping, screaming]
[Screaming]
[Screams, sobs continue on monitors]
[Screaming]
[Screams, sobs continue on monitors] [Sobbing, panting]
[Sobbing, panting continues]
How do you feel?
[Screams, sobs continue on monitors] [Screams, sobs continue on monitors]
[Static, high-pitched tone]
You creep…
I hope you fucking die!
What the hell is that?
[Muffled sobs in distance] Hello?
[Sobbing] Please, stop!
Please, just let me go!
[Sobbing]
[Sobs continue]
[Footsteps creaking]
[Muffled sobs]
[Muffled sobs continue]
[Gasping]
[Sobbing]
Stop it.
[Sobbing]
Please, just just let me go home!
[Choked sobs]
Please, let me go home!
He
Hello?
[Screaming] Hey, Tim!
See you decided to come to work the weekend shift with me, huh?
[Tim screaming]
[Static, high-pitched tone]
Can I be your girlfriend?
Would that be okay with you?
No.
I’m your friend.
[Screaming, banging]
Lighten up, dude.
I need to go home!
Come on.
[Screaming] Help!
Whoa. Hey.
[Screaming] And now we’re gonna have a little fun.
No, thanks.
[Static, distorted audio]
I’m just kidding.
[Laughing]
[Sobbing] [Grunting] Bruce, what the fuck are you doing?
[Static, high-pitched tone]
Yeah, we got Super Nintendo.
We have a lot of games.
Hey, listen, you want to come down to the store?
It’s Kaplan’s Electronics.
You wanna swing on down?
Yeah, yeah, I know it.
Oh, yeah? Okay. Cool.
Hey, you ever had a camera?
No.
Check it out. It’s fun, man.
See that? [Splutters] Oh, now, now…
Watch the button now, man.
That’s my boss’s, now.
You break it, he’ll have your head.
Right, right.
I know that guy.
See the focus?
Isn’t that cool? [Laughs] Look at that. Come on down, man.
You good? Let’s go.
[Static]
Hey, you okay there, big guy?
Y-You all right?
Hey, you wanted to come down, right?
What is wrong with you, you fucking freak?
Hey, hey, hey, hey! Hey, stop.
Fuck you!
I’m only talking to you, man!
Get fucking in.
[Static]
[Muffled screams]
[Squelching]
[Laughing] Round two?
[Muffled scream] Okay.
You talked me into it.
[Screaming] How you doing, champ?
[Static, distorted audio]
[Static, high-pitched tone]
[Grunting]
[Thudding]
What are you doing? Don’t!
Bruce, don’t!
Why’d you come down here?
Come on! Bruce!
What the fuck?
What the fuck are you doing?!
[Thud]
Aah! Aah!
[Blows landing]
Fuck!
[Weapon clatters]
Fuck!
Ah! Fuck!
[Groans] What the…?
What the fuck are you doing?!
[Static]
[Groaning]
[Groaning]
[Weakly] Listen to me.
Before he gets back, we gotta get the fuck out of here, okay?
Fucking stop!
Ow! Fuck!
[Screaming]
[Static]
[Groaning]
[Screaming]
[Weapon clatters]
[Screaming]
[Screaming continues]
No, no, no…
[Screaming, sobbing]
[Breathing heavily] It’s the other guy.
It’s his store.
He was upstairs.
They’re in it together!
[Screams]
Ow! Fuck!
[Static, distorted audio]
Oww!
Okay, let’s start by telling me your name.
[Groaning]
Brucey. Little Brucey Dittman.
Ow! Oww!
You sick freak!
Yu got the wrong g– So, Brucey…
What are you going to be for Halloween?
[Sobbing] [Screams] Cowboy. I wanna be a cowboy.
[Sobs]
[Panting]
Now, Brucey, are you going to be safe while you’re trick-or-treating?
What
W-What happened to the other guy?
Guess your mom and dad are letting you go by yourself for the very first time.
Oh, God. I need to stand up.
Let’s get the hell out of here.
Nothing will happen to me as long as I’m brave.
I’ll be safe.
Let’s get you to the hospital.
I’m not gonna talk to strangers.
I’m not gonna go anywhere with them.
Anywhere with them.
[Screaming]
[Weapon thudding]
[Maniacal laughter] Happy Halloween, kids!
[Screaming]
[Weapon thudding]
[Low humming]
[Maniacal laughter]
[Static]
♪♪
The scourge that has plagued our community is ended, and a killer of kids has been stopped, while abducting his latest victim to the very store where he claimed to create safe video documentation for local children.
Tim Kaplan died of injuries on Halloween night after torturing and presumably killing both Olivia Hamel and Drew Stackhouse, whose bodies have yet to be found.
Tim was so weird.
Nothing about him surprised me.
Ma’am, please.
Can you comment on your husband?
Please, ma’am, the situation with your husband.
Kaplan’s family has not yet spoken to the media, and now have round-the-clock police protection from angry community members.
I’m here with Bruce Dittmann.
Bruce, you worked alongside Tim Kaplan for many years.
You even handled the technical aspect of his KidPrinting business.
You were as close to Tim and his operations as anybody.
Did you ever have any idea anything was amiss?
Well, it’s kind of hard to say.
Um, you know, it’s a damn shame, though.
Tim always had kids coming through there.
So, so many of them. Just…
You know, and, um… and I’m in the back there, you know, hours a day, watching video after video.
The video of these sweet little innocent faces.
You know, it makes you think back to your own childhood, you know, and
and how vulnerable you were back then.
Maybe it was something in his past.
W-We’ll never know.
But
But I’m committed to continuing the KidPrint service for the sake of the children.
[Low humming]
[Screaming, sobbing]
[Low humming]
[Static]
Subjects are situated, Mr. Rothschild.
Mr. Rothschild.
Subjects are situated.
Yeah.
[Beeping]
Now, remember, as mentioned before, please remain seated at all times.
No matter what happens, stay in your seats.
Having so many subjects at one time will be a strain on our equipment, Mr. Rothschild.
It took almost five hours to clean that little boy off the walls.
I’m getting impatient.
Please open your can and taste our new soda.
[Beeping continues]
[Cans hissing, popping]
[Clattering]
[Unearthly roaring]
[Alarm blaring]
[Roaring, snarling]
[Subjects screaming]
[Maniacal laughter]
[Screaming continues]
[Laughter echoing]
[Metal crunching]
[Low growl]
[Screaming] Fucking remain calm!
[All screaming]
[Banging]
Let me out!
[Bones crunching]
[Screaming, banging continue]
[Low growl]
[Screaming continues]
[Explosion]
What the fuck is happening?!
The equipment wasn’t engineered for more than three subjects!
Can’t you pull the fucking plug?!
Which fucking plug?!
Maybe this big fucking red button…
[Whirring, oscillating]
[Rapid high-pitched tone]
[Whirring continues]
The chamber’s clear!
[Equipment beeping]
Did you extract them all?
I’ve still got a live reading.
So there is still something in there!
[Distorted audio]
[Static]
Turn your fucking camera light on!
[Can clatters]
[Eerie music]
Hi, 47.
Did you drink the soda?
[Deep voice] Uh-huh.
Can I have more, please?
Can you come closer to the mirror?
Receptive.
Can you tell me what is your favorite soda?
Diet Phantasma.
Perfect.
Help me! Anyone! Help me!
[Banging]
Fuck’s sake!
Who is that now?
[Sobbing] Help me!
[Loud roar]
[Snarls] Sir, it’s gonna break!
The S.I. bar has shut down!
They can get in here!
[Shouting] What do we do, Mr. Rothschild?
[Snarling]
[Screaming]
[Alarms blaring]
I’m unable to extract.
What do we do, Mr. Rothschild?!
They’re gonna break through!
They can get in here, Mr. Rothschild!
Package and ship the product.
But it’s not ready!
I said get the fucking sodas!
[Static]
♪♪
Careful with the details, son.
She’s our star attraction.
I’m trying, Dad.
Camera’s rolling.
Use stage names.
I’m trying, Dr. Mortis.
Look at those teeth.
She’s alive, Igor!
She’s alive!
[Laughing maniacally]
♪♪
Zack!
Raaah!
Aah! Why me?!
I got you!
Nooo!
Right. We have our witch.
Now we need a torture chamber.
What if next year we did just like a giant chicken head?
That wouldn’t be scary, Dad.
That wouldn’t be scary at all.
No, that would be terrible.
I really can’t wait to go trick-or-treating with Dad.
Yeah?
Yeah.
What about me?
Oh, I have to hand out candy to the kids.
We’re gonna eat some of these pumpkin guts.
Um, I think you…
Ugh! Ew!
Oh, look at you two!
You’re so stinkin’ cute.
We’re not cute, Mom.
We’re scary.
Out! Out of the laboratory!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! You’re too scary. You’re terrifying.
Ah! Ah!
[Laughing]
Into our house of horrors.
Hold the hand, ’cause…
Here?
Yeah, now…
Yeah. Yeah.
♪♪
That’s much better.
Ready, Igor?
Our guests have arrived.
♪♪
[Creaking]
♪♪
Aah!
That’s enough. Turn it off.
Turn the camera off, too.
Oh!
Ohhhh!
Turn it off!
Hey, come on, turn it back on!
Come on, Zackie, I’m just trying to get you pumped for our season.
I’m gonna be pumped to move out and never, ever do this again.
Oh, don’t be like that, bud.
This maze is important.
It’s our thing.
It’s your thing.
It’s important to you.
I’m done being your clown.
Hey, you loved it when you were a kid.
Yeah, well, kids like dumb stuff.
It’s not dumb.
Hey, it’s not dumb!
Hey, we’ve always done this together.
You know I can’t film the first walkthrough without you.
So, what do I have to do?
Beg? Bribe?
I don’t know.
Call your work buddies.
Dress them up like assholes.
See how they like it.
Yeah, they’re alcoholics.
You know that?
Great! Then Dr. Mortis can’t make their lives any worse than they already are.
Stop being dramatic.
No one’s ruining anyone’s life here.
The kids at school have an IgorMortis junior dance, Keith.
They draw pictures of me… doing things in belfries.
Belfries? You’re not even that kind of a hunchback.
Don’t you try to explain our lore to these idiots?
Your lore is why I don’t have a girlfriend.
You’re really trying to blame that on our home haunt?
You know, I can’t tell if you try to be a dick or if you just can’t help it.
Zack!
Just give me one more Halloween.
Keith, I’m done with all this bullshit.
I just don’t want to end up like you.
Zack! Come on.
Whoa.
Need an assist?
I used to know how to talk to him.
He just called me Keith.
[Sighs] He’s just at that age.
Let me work my magic, okay?
I remember when I had the magic.
Can we, uh…?
Oh, right. Sorry.
Hey, hey! There he is!
I knew you’d come around, Zackie.
I’m not coming around!
Mom’s just better at blackmail than you are.
[Door slams]
I want that on the record.
Oh, come on!
[Bells jingle]
What are we looking for, exactly?
Oh, I don’t know.
Wardrobe, props.
Oh! Scary stuff.
You really need more junk?
Hey, we need more junk.
The scarier, the better.
Hey, Keith!
No recording.
Oh, sorry, Janet.
Must’ve forgot.
We’ve been over this.
Okay. I’m sorry.
[Camera beeps]
[Quietly]
I didn’t forget, Janet.
And I am not sorry.
Zack.
Zack!
Oh, my. Oh…
Oh, man.
Igor Mortis Jr.
signature collection.
[Grumbles]
What have we here?
Keeping the good stuff in the back, huh, Janet?
Oops!
Whoa.
Look at all this stuff.
That’s a gnarly little guy.
Uh-oh.
♪ Dundun ♪
Too sharp.
Ugh, a little too real.
Hey, now we’re talking.
Mystery trunk.
Ah, no cymbals.
Eh. No sale.
Oh! Oh, man!
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Check.
[Camera beeps]
Go on!
Easy, easy.
Watch the foam.
I am!
Hahaha!
What do you think?
I think I liked it better when it was smaller.
[Laughs] What’s so funny?
[Clears throat] Check it out.
You steal things now?
I left some money on the counter.
She won’t miss it.
It’s perfect. Right?
Lots of dead kids on this thing, aren’t there?
Eh, like I said, this year will be scary.
I’m talking traumatized neighbors.
911 calls. TV deals.
“Listener beware.
He who invokes the song of Samhain on All Hallows’ Eve lets loose the riders of hell, with a symphony of the damned!”
[Laughs] Oh, hell yeah!
We’ve found our overarching narrative.
Overarching. Right.
Symphony of the damned.
Alright, Igor, let’s get into character.
[Sighs] Stop squirming.
I need to fix your hump.
Please stop calling it that.
Are we having fun yet?
[Door slams]
[Laughs]
Is it straight?
It’s fine, Keith.
Well, it needs to cover the entire frame, okay?
It’s fine. Let’s get moving.
[Clears throat] Come on.
Make sure to get everything.
One for you, and one for you.
Hey, Ashley.
Hey, Zack.
Hey, Igor.
Oh, hello, brave little one.
Are you ready to enter our house of horrors?
Yeah, I wouldn’t worry about it.
This shit always looks fake.
Chill out, Rich.
If it looks like shit, then why are we doing it?
‘Cause I want to tell him that it looks like shit.
Language, Rich.
It’s a family haunt.
Don’t want your stupid flyer.
It’s a family haunt.
I’d like to see you make a haunt.
Could be anywhere else.
Old grouch. Anywhere else.
[Camera beeps]
Okay.
[Sighs] Recording.
Come… Come…
Someone just kill me.
Enter.
Please.
It’s not gonna be scary.
It’s gonna be fine.
This way.
Keith thinks he’s Mr. fucking Halloween.
You know, goes to the Halloween store and buys some shit, calls it a haunted house.
Looks like a fire hazard to me.
Seriously.
I’m gonna make a call.
♪♪
Ladies and gentlemen of the living.
Shh! Quiet, quiet!
Welcome to your place of eternal rest.
Tonight on All Hallows’ Eve, we gather to bear horrible witness.
Oh, come on, Keith.
Get on with it, man.
Together we gather to open a portal into the beyond, with this key… our symphony of the damned.
[Static]
[Record playing]
Do you hear it?
The sound of fingers digging in their graves, clawing back to our world, through the soil at your feet.
Hungry for your flesh.
♪♪
Do you feel them?
♪♪
Spirits gathering in the air around us.
Drawn to our music.
We call out to them.
Hear our song!
Let our symphony open wide the gates of hell!
[Objects clattering, electricity buzzing]
♪♪
[Maniacal laughter]
Keith, what the fuck?
[Music stops abruptly]
Aah!
What the fuck, Keith?
Did you see that?
I don’t even know why I put up with this shit.
Is everyone okay?
What’s going on?
I dunno.
It
It’s not real.
Just take deep breaths.
Everything’s fine.
It’s gonna be fine, I promise.
I thought this was supposed to be a fucking haunted house, not a miniature golf course.
[Creaking]
Oh, man, Keith, that looks like shit.
[Chuckling] This is so lame.
[Door creaks, slams]
Huh?
Keith, what’s going on?
The door won’t open.
What are you talking about?
It’s a fake door.
It’s all fake.
Same old shit every year, Keith.
Come on, man.
[Snarling] Rich, that is not one of mine!
[Screams] Aah! Aaaaah!
[All screaming]
[Gasping]
[Bones crunching]
[All screaming]
Keith!
Ah! Aaaah!
Run! Everybody run!
[All screaming]
[Whooshing]
[Flesh squelching]
Oh, God!
They’re everywhere!
Oh, God!
Aah!
[Screaming continues]
We’re gonna die here!
This way! Towards the crypt!
[Indistinct shouting]
[Panting] God damn stone!
How is it stone?
Oh, my God!
[Creaking, banging]
Oh, my God!
[All shouting]
We gotta go. We gotta go!
Aaaah!
Open the door!
Hurry!
[Splat]
[All screaming]
Keith!
[All screaming]
[Flesh tearing, squelching]
Let’s go! The door!
[Straining]
[Screaming continues]
Hurry!
Everybody push!
Ugh! They’re coming!
[Screaming continues]
Everybody!
Everybody, push!
Oh, God, no!
[Flesh tearing, squelching]
No! Don’t close the door!
[Snarling] [Sobbing] [Grunting] We could save her!
We can save her!
No, she’s gone.
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.
Zack. Put the camera down.
I can’t.
[Girls sobbing] If we don’t make it out of here, people need to know what happened, or else they’ll blame you.
Everyone will blame you.
What’s happening to us?
People are dying, you asshole!
[Muttering] My husband…is dead.
I can’t explain any of this.
It’s that record!
When we played the music, something [Screaming, sobbing] What’s wrong with her?
Ruby, are you okay?
Aah! Aah!
Don’t leave me!
Don’t leave me!
Don’t go.
Don’t leave me!
No! Don’t go in that room!
Stay here. I got you.
We have to stop her.
We have to get her!
It’s okay. [Sobbing] Hello?
H-H-Help…me…
Where are you?
Help.
Talk to me.
[Clicking, whirring]
What room is this?
Oh, God. Oh, no.
I can’t see her.
Where are we?
It’s the torture chamber.
[Screaming] Oh, my God!
[Howling]
[Weapon clanks]
[Sobbing] Oh, my God!
[Weapon thuds]
[All screaming]
Please! Please, God, no!
[Shouts] Oh, my God!
Stay away! Stop!
[Weapon clanking]
[Rumbling, scuffling]
[Roaring]
[Roaring continues]
[Screaming]
[Panting]
[Sobbing] Everyone…
Is everyone all right?
[All whimpering, panting]
I’m okay.
Don’t look at that, Zack.
Come on.
This way.
[Grunting]
[Whimpering, sobbing continue]
I want my mommy.
I’m gonna take you home.
[Sighs] Last room.
I’m not going in there.
We have to.
II can’t!
Zack.
She’s in there!
I’m gonna keep you safe.
I’m sorry I got you into this, but I swear to God, I’m getting you out.
Okay, Dad.
Wait, wait.
Where’s the little girl?
Hey, don’t go in there!
Oh, God.
Get her out!
[Cackling]
[Grunts]
[Screaming]
[Grunts]
[Eerie laughter echoing]
Ah! Where’d she go?
Where’d she go?
[Sobbing]
[All screaming]
[Sizzling]
[Cackling]
[Screaming]
[Growling, snarling]
[All screaming]
[Snarling] Mom! Are you okay?
Come on. We gotta get Dad.
Come on, please.
Please. We gotta go. Please.
Keith! Keith!
Keith, get up! Keith!
We gotta go. Come on.
Dad! Get up!
[Groaning] Okay.
We gotta go.
[Panting] Dad! Get down!
Aah!
[Laughing maniacally] [Screaming]
[Bones crunching]
[Gasping]
[Snarling]
[Screaming] [Screaming]
[Flesh squelching]
[Laughing maniacally]
[Stones clattering]
[Distant screech]
[Static]
[“grimace_smokingweed.jpeg” by Chat Pile plays]
♪♪
♪♪
♪ Normal night, should be ♪
♪ Just trying to live
a normal life, okay? ♪
♪ It was the image
that brought me back ♪
♪ But listen ♪
♪ I don’t want your presence ♪
♪ Purple man smoking weed
in my bedroom ♪
♪ Don’t want you,
I don’t need you ♪
♪ And don’t think I’d forget ♪
♪ You hurt me in a past life ♪
♪ And you were so strange once ♪
[Audio distorts]
[Doorbell rings]
♪♪
Diet Phantasma made with real ghosts.
Made 100% with poltergeist extract.
It’s spooktacular, and only one calorie.
♪♪
[Deep voice] It’s scary how good it tastes.
Diet Phantasma available now from the Octagon Company.
[Static]
♪♪
♪ At least stranger
than you are now ♪
♪At least stranger than
you are now ♪
♪ Okay, it’s true,
I wanna wear your flesh ♪
♪ When I look through my eyes,
I wanna be you ♪
♪ Okay, it’s true,
I wanna wear your flesh ♪
♪ When I look through my eyes,
I wanna be you ♪
♪♪
♪ I’m a monster too ♪
♪ I’m a monster too ♪
♪ I’m a monster too ♪
♪ I’m a monster too
♪ I’m a monster too ♪
♪♪
♪ But somewhere I’m just ♪
♪ Drifting ♪
♪♪
♪ Purple man,
get out of my room ♪
♪ New spoon, stolen ♪
♪ Gleaming light ♪
♪ I think back
to the time fondly ♪
♪ That one time I felt sick,
but I zen’d out ♪
♪ And it boiled in no time ♪
♪ I felt good in no time ♪
♪ I felt good in no time ♪
♪ I fell asleep ♪
♪ Into forgotten pleasures ♪
♪ And there was no time ♪
♪ No time ♪
♪ Purple man,
stop coming into my room ♪
♪ Stop looking at things
that aren’t meant for you ♪
♪ Purple man,
stop coming into my room ♪
♪ Stop looking at things
that aren’t meant for you ♪
♪ I’m twisted ♪
♪ And frail ♪
♪ Broken up ♪
♪ I’m purple ♪
♪ I’m purple man too ♪
♪ I’m purple man too ♪
♪ I’m purple man too ♪
♪♪
♪ I’m trying to kill myself ♪
♪ If you don’t mind ♪
♪ That’s why I locked the door ♪
♪ I just need some privacy ♪
♪ If you don’t mind,
I’m gonna open the window now ♪
♪ And jump out, face first ♪
♪ I know we’re not that high ♪
♪ But if I do it right ♪
♪ I can break my neck ♪
♪ I don’t want to be alive ♪
♪ I don’t want to be alive ♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪ Animal ♪
♪ Pyramid ♪
♪ Face ♪
♪♪
♪ I had a question here,
but not anymore now ♪
♪ I try not to at least,
I try not to ♪
♪♪
♪ I just stare at the wall ♪
♪ How long? ♪
♪♪
♪ Face forward, eyes open ♪
♪ Devoid, all right? ♪
♪♪
♪ Devoid ♪
♪ Demon ♪
♪ Face, no, shut up ♪
♪ Demon, face,
no, shut up, face ♪
♪♪
♪ Shut up! ♪
♪ Okay ♪
♪♪
♪ Shut up! ♪
♪♪
♪ I’m fine ♪
♪ Okay? I’m fine ♪
♪ No, seriously ♪
♪ Leave me alone! ♪
♪♪
♪ Leave me alone! ♪
♪♪
♪ You’ve been gone a long… ♪
