The Witches (2020) – Transcript

A young boy and his grandmother have a run-in with a coven of witches and their leader.
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The Witches (2020)

Reimagining Roald Dahl’s beloved story for a modern audience, Robert Zemeckis’s visually innovative film tells the darkly humorous and heartwarming tale of a young orphaned boy who, in late 1967, goes to live with his loving Grandma in the rural Alabama town of Demopolis. As the boy and his grandmother encounter some deceptively glamorous but thoroughly diabolical witches, she wisely whisks him away to a seaside resort. Regrettably, they arrive at precisely the same time that the world’s Grand High Witch has gathered her fellow cronies from around the globe-undercover-to carry out her nefarious plans. Zemeckis is joined by a world-class team of filmmakers, including Alfonso Cuarón, Guillermo del Toro and Kenya Barris. The cast includes powerhouse performances from Anne Hathaway, Octavia Spencer, Stanley Tucci, Kristin Chenoweth and Chris Rock, with newcomer Jahzir Kadeen Bruno as the brave young hero.

 

 

[enchanting music playing]

[slide clicks]

[older Hero chuckles]

All right, then.

Where were we?

Oh, yeah, that’s right.

Now I remember.

“A note about witches.”

See, here’s the thing about them.

They’re real!

Witches are as real as a rock in your shoe.

That’s the first thing you need to know.

The second thing you need to know, they’re here!

And they live amongst us…

[slide clicking]

…side by side, with humans.

In every big city, in every small town.

For all you know, a witch might be living right next door to you right now.

They everywhere!

A witch might be a nurse, or your teacher, and you can bet your sweet patootie that friendly, little old lady on the bus offering you a delicious piece of salt water taffy is a witch.

And here’s the most important thing.

The most important thing.

Witches hate children!

A witch spends all her time thinking up ways to destroy children.

That’s all she thinks about.

“How will I squish this horrible child?”

[squishing]

A witch gets the same pleasure from squishing a child as you get from eating a bowl of ice cream covered in butterscotch syrup, with whipped cream, chopped nuts, and a cherry on top.

[children gasp]

[older Hero] My story begins during the last month of 1968.

Believe it or not, I was once a young boy.

[slide clicking]

A boy with a mother and a father.

[slide clicks]

[eerie music playing]

[older Hero]

We lived in Chicago.

And it snows a lot at Christmastime.

[sirens approaching]

Tricky thing with snow is, it’s slippery.

[man] Take the front! This way!

Mom?

[older Hero]

I was wearing my seat belt.

Dad?

[people shouting indistinctly]

Mom!

[older Hero]

Mama and Daddy weren’t.

[shouting] Mama! Dad!

Mommy! Dad!

[man] Let’s get you out of here.

[older Hero] It was during my eighth Christmas that I lost my mother and father.

[Christmas choral music playing]

[children shouting distantly]

[sniffs] My dear child…

Grandma.

Grandma’s here.

[Grandma] Aw, you gonna be all right.

Here, let me look at you.

Mmm.

I’mma get you out of here.

I packed your things, I’m gonna take you home.

Home? To my house?

No, darling.

Home to my house.

[engine turns off]

[Reginald] Need any help bringing these bags inside, sister?

[Grandma] Oh, no, thank you, Reginald.

You’ve done enough already.

Running into you at the bus station was a godsend.

I’m much obliged.

[Reginald chuckles]

My pleasure. [grunts]

I’ll see you in church come Sunday?

[Grandma] Oh, you know you will.

Pleasure to make your acquaintance, young man.

Welcome to Demopolis.

Thank you, Reggie.

Sister.

Wait.

Take them shoes off before you walk on my good rug.

[older Hero]

Grandma was my mama’s mama.

A tough lady with a big heart.

The kind that wouldn’t hesitate to give a spanking if you deserve it or a big ol’ hug if you needed it.

[Grandma] I reckon… you’ll be comfy here.

In your mama’s old room.

We’ll get you situated tomorrow.

I’m gonna make some hot chocolate.

Want some?

I’m gonna make some anyway, in case you change your mind.

[thunder rumbling in distance]

[thunder rumbling]

[rain pattering]

[crying softly]

[weatherman on TV]

High tomorrow, 73.

[Grandma] Young man, what is wrong with you?

Sitting in here all by your lonesome.

It’s nice out.

You want something to eat?

I just fried some wings.

Nobody turns down my wings.

I’m gonna make you a plate.

[upbeat music playing on gramophone]

[singing along] Now if you

Feel that you can’t go on

Because all of your hope Is gone

And your life is filled

With much confusion

Until happiness Is just an illusion

And your world around Is tumblin’ down

Darlin’

[chorus singing] Reach out

[man singing]

Come on, girl

[Grandma] Reach out for me.

[man] Reach on out for me

Reach out

Come on, baby. Come on.

[man] Reach out for me

Ha! I’ll be there

With a love That will shelter you

[Grandma] Mmm!

What you waiting for?

Don’t feel like eating.

And I don’t feel like wasting all this good food.

What, you think I’m supposed to feel sorry for you?

Well, I don’t.

Do I feel bad?

Yeah.

But not sorry.

Sometimes, whatever the good Lord needs to teach us

Comes in ways we don’t see.

But it doesn’t mean we’re not supposed to learn something.

Look here.

This was my baby.

I’d do anything for her to be here right now.

But the Man Above had another plan for her.

And whether it seems fair to me or not, it doesn’t matter.

Sometimes life isn’t fair.

It’s a hard lesson for folks to learn and most people don’t have to learn it this young.

But you do.

You hear me?

[Hero sighs]

Come on now, baby, you got to eat something.

You like cake?

Well, corn bread is basically cake.

Mmm-hmm.

Go on. Try it.

[laughing]

[soul music playing]

[knocking at door]

What’s his name?

It’s a she.

Her name is something you can ponder.

[playing upbeat melody]

[Grandma humming]

– Have you come up with a name for your mouse yet?

Uh-huh.

Well, tell me.

Don’t be keeping me in suspense.

Aisy.

Lazy?

Well, that mouse is full of nothing but energy.

She runs all the time in that wheel.

Not “lazy.”

Daisy.

“Daisy.” Oh.

I like it.

That’s a perfect name for her.

Close your eyes, honey.

[upbeat music playing]

[man singing] It’s your thing

Do what you wanna do

I can’t tell you Who to sock it to

It’s your thing

Do what you wanna do

I can’t tell you Who to sock it to

[older Hero]

And somehow, she did it.

Little by little, with a tug here and a pull there, she brought me out of my sadness.

[both laughing]

[man singing]

Oh, you need love now

Just as bad as I do

[older Hero] But even though my own darkness was being lifted, there was another dark shadow looming nearby.

Very nearby.

I didn’t know it, but I was about to meet my first witch.

Curses. [hissing]

[coughing]

[man singing] All right

Lord have mercy!

[Grandma] Raymond.

Raymond.

You call these fresh?

But we just got them in.

When? Last year?

Look at how yellow they are.

And those brown spots around the edges.

I’m not gonna waste good bacon drippings on these shriveled-up weeds.

Can you get me some fresh greens if you don’t mind?

Yes, ma’am.

I’ll see what we have in the back.

You do that.

[TV playing indistinctly]

Grandma, can I get these nails to make Daisy a house?

[Grandma] Hmm.

[doorbell jingles]

Well, these aren’t galvanized.

You have to use galvanized nails so they won’t rust.

But galvanized costs .35 cents more.

Safety first.

Yes, ma’am.

You cut yourself on a rusty nail, you can get lockjaw.

Yes, ma’am.

And then I’d have to flush out your system with liver oil, garlic juice,

Tabasco sauce.

You wouldn’t want to go through that now, would you?

No, ma’am.

Good.

Remember, safety first.

[coughing]

[older Hero] Grandma knew how to fix all kinds of ailments.

She learned from her grandma how to use herbs and potions and strange incantations to make sick people good as new.

Here in Alabama, where she grew up,

Grandma was known as a healer.

[whispering] Galvanized.

[in raspy voice] Boy.

[drawling] Boy.

Do you like sweets?

[snake hissing]

She is tame.

Very sweet.

[hissing]

Give her a kiss.

[Grandma coughing]

[Grandma] Young man.

You want those nails, you better come on…

[continues coughing]

Yes, Raymond, that’s more like it.

[Hero] Grandma, I need to tell you something!

Not now, son.

But, Grandma… [coughs] I thought you wanted those nails.

Forget it. Let’s just go.

[continues coughing]

Yeah.

Let’s just go.

[thunder rumbling]

Hey.

Son, what were you trying to tell me in the grocery store this morning?

You were shaking like a leaf.

Don’t worry about that, Grandma.

I just want you to feel better.

I feel fine.

You just tell me what you were trying to say.

Looked like you were about to have a conniption fit.

[sighs heavily]

I don’t know what I saw.

It was a scary lady.

She called to me.

But when she did, when she talked, her mouth… Was she wearing gloves?

Long ones, up to her elbows?

Was she wearing a hat?

It looked like she had a towel on her head or something.

And when she talked, did her voice sound ugly and scratchy like an outhouse door swinging on a rusty hinge?

Oh. [sighs]

I feared this was happening.

That lady you saw in the grocery store was no lady.

What you saw was a witch.

[thunder claps]

A witch?

That’s right.

A no-good, rotten, low-down, sneaky, sneaky witch.

Okay. Okay.

Is this you and your church friends trying to play a joke on me?

‘Cause if it is, it’s not very funny.

Listen, child.

Witches ain’t nothing to joke about.

I’ve known children who no longer exist as children on this earth.

They were turned, transformed, taken by witches.

[thunder claps]

[Hero gasps]

I can tell you about Alice Blue.

Well, Alice Blue and I were best friends.

We lived across the street from each other.

We were like sisters.

Inseparable.

We did everything together, even our chores.

But Alice was a lollygagger.

Alice, quit lollygagging, girl.

It’s almost suppertime.

[steam hisses]

[Grandma] Alice did something no child should ever do.

She took candy from a stranger.

[ominous music playing]

I got so scared, I tore out of there like greased lightning, and hightailed it straight home.

I never should have left Alice alone.

I knew I shouldn’t have.

But I was so scared.

Later that night, when I saw Alice alive, I was as happy as a mouse in a bucket of cheese.

But the very next morning, all that happiness went away because it happened.

[whispers] She started turning.

[shrieks]

[clucking]

[crowing]

[clucking]

[crows]

Alice was chicken-afied.

Chicken-alified.

[clucking continues]

Lordy!

Look at the size of that chicken.

Y’all seen where Alice run off to?

She’s right… there.

[woman] What you talking about, child?

Where’d she go?

[Grandma] I tried to explain what I saw, but everybody was looking at me like I was crazy.

Finally, I just shut up about it.

Although, I made it a point to visit Alice in her coop every day.

[chicken groans]

Hi, Alice.

[clucking]

[Grandma] Alice even laid eggs.

Big green ones.

Biggest green eggs I ever seen.

People said they were delicious.

What about the witch?

What about her?

Did she go away?

Oh, my, no.

Once a witch come into your life, it never…

[thunder cracking]

[whispers] Never… Oh, my, Lord in Heaven.

What am I thinking?

I just told you we saw a witch today.

A witch in the grocery store.

And what am I doing?

Sitting here like I’m blind in one eye and can’t see out the other, wasting precious time lollygagging.

[thunder continues rumbling]

[older Hero] Always wondered what Grandma kept in that locked closet.

Turns out it was full of medicinal herbs and elixirs, and old books about ancient healing.

Now, my mom always said Grandma was sort of a country-type healer.

But now I was starting to think she might be a voodoo priestess.

Child, we need to leave.

Leave?

That’s right, leave.

It’s not safe for us here.

But where we gonna go?

I’ll call my cousin, Eston.

Have him make a reservation for us at the Grand Orleans Imperial Island Hotel.

He was the executive chef there for over 30 years.

He’s got pull there.

[chuckles]

He’s a star.

His cooking put that hotel on the map.

It’s the swankiest resort in all of Alabama.

You’ll be telling your grandkids about your stay in this hotel.

[Hero] How do you know we’ll be safe there?

Because, child, ain’t nothing but rich white folks at the Grand Orleans Imperial Island Hotel.

And witches only prey on the poor, the overlooked, the kids they think nobody’s gonna make a fuss about if they go missing.

Go pack!

[Hero] Grandma, are there

witches in every city?

[Grandma] Every city, every state, every country.

And there’s a secret society of witches in every country called a coven.

That’s just like a Rotary Club but for witches.

They all get together in one place and gossip about who they put spells on, or trade potion secrets, and whatnot.

But most important, they receive orders from the Grand High Witch.

The Grand High Witch?

The Grand High Witch, yeah.

She’s the ruler of them all.

All-powerful, pure evil,

and without a stitch of mercy.

Yeah. Legend has it, she was hatched on the frozen tundra of Norway.

Now, take a look at that.

What, you just gonna stand there and stare at me all day?

Can I help you?

You can unload this car while

I check in to this here hotel.

Yes, ma’am.

Here’s the key.

Oh, and… No.

You keep your money, ma’am.

And enjoy yourself.

I think I will.

[older Hero] Grandma was right about this hotel.

It sure was fancy.

She brought us to the Gulf of Mexico to get away from that witch.

But she had no idea what we were about to step into.

[Daisy sniffing]

[whispers]

Be careful with the mouse.

[man] No.

[woman] For God’s sake, I think you’re being extremely unreasonable.

[man] No, Deidre.

For the last time, I will not have that woman in my house.

[woman] Oh, she’s very good company.

[man] Absolutely not, Deidre.

[woman] Oh, for God’s sake,

Bruno, your face.

Obviously can’t take you anywhere.

[receptionist]

Here you are, ma’am.

Come on, we got our key.

We are in room 766.

[Hero] Sounds like a good room.

[Grandma coughing]

You okay, Grandma?

[coughs]

That’s the first time you coughed since we left the house.

Can I help you, madam?

[coughs]

Oh! You must be Eston’s cousins.

Yes, he insisted that you stay in room 766.

That’s the Magnolia.

This is one of our most lovely junior suites.

[Grandma chuckles]

And aren’t you a lucky fella? Hmm?

It’s not every day that a young gentleman such as yourself is fortunate to come and stay in such a fine hotel as this now, is it?

Come on, Gatsby.

Let’s go.

Let’s go find our room.

Would you like me to show you?

It’s on the fourth floor.

[Grandma] Mmm.

[Hero] Grandma, if we’re on the fourth floor,

Why is it number 7-6-6?

Because the man who built this hotel was a numerologist.

He believed numbers have meaning.

I know a little something about numbers.

Seven and six together means a test is coming.

Two sixes mean abundance.

So, it look like a big test might be coming.

[marching with synchronized steps]

Well, hello there.

The Grand Orleans Imperial Island Hotel welcomes you and your lovely group of benefactresses.

Uh, I would just like to say that we applaud your innumerable, uh, philanthropic… acts and, um…

[cat purring]

And, um… I’m sorry, madam, but the hotel has a very strict no-pet policy.

[with Eastern European accent]

You seem like the sort of man

Who loves a precious.

Don’t you, Mister…

Stringer. R. J. Stringer III.

Hotel Manager.

Thank you for making an exception,

Mr. R. J. The Hotel Manager.

Stringer.

Yes, but I haven’t yet…

But I didn’t agree…

So, tell me something, Mister…

Stringy?

Stringer.

Hotel man.

Manager.

The third.

Yeah.

I know you love kitties.

[cat hisses]

[chuckles uneasily]

But what do you think of… mice?

Mice?

Yeah. Mice.

What would you do if there were mice running all around in this hotel?

Well, I can assure you, madam, there would never be any mice…

[shushes] But if there were?

Hypothetically?

Mmm. Oh, hypothetically.

Yes, I suppose, well, I would, uh… I would call the exterminator.

Exactly!

You see, girls?

He would call the exterminator!

Just like any normal human with his head screwed on right, he would exterminate those brats.

Uh… Rats.

We would exterminate the rats.

[Grandma] Evil.

[thunder crashing]

There’s no other way to describe them.

Pure, unvarnished evil.

That’s what witches are.

[thunder cracking]

[Grandma coughing]

[hoarsely] Now, you see this here cough of mine?

It was likely brought on by a witch.

Probably that one you saw in the grocery store.

Really? A witch can make you cough?

Oh, you bet your sweet patootie they can.

Grandma, how can you tell a real witch from a normal lady?

Well, first of all, witches aren’t really women at all.

They’re demons in human shape.

That’s why if you look closely at a witch, you’ll notice the corners of her mouth is elongated, stretching almost up to her ears, and that’s usually hidden with pancake makeup.

And a real witch always wears gloves. Always.

Because a real witch doesn’t have hands.

She’s got claws.

[Hero] Claws?

[thunder cracking]

And they don’t have toes. Ooh.

Their ugly feet look like their toes got chopped off with an axe.

And all witches are bald.

As bald as a boiled egg.

So, they wear wigs.

And it gives them nasty sores.

“Wig rash,” the witches call it.

Mmm! And it makes them crazy.

So, gloves, wigs.

Is that everything?

Nose-holes.

Nose-holes?

Yeah. Nostrils.

Nose-holes.

Witches have larger nose-holes than normal people.

When they need to sniff out a child, those nose-holes can grow out as big as eight inches in diameter.

[thunder cracks]

But, mind you, children smell horrible to witches.

[Hero] Even if the kid just had a bath?

[chuckles]

That makes it worse.

A freshly clean kid smells like dog poop to a witch.

Dog poop?

That’s right.

And the cleaner the kid, the poopier he smells to a witch.

Maybe I should stop taking baths.

Child, don’t test me.

Can a witch come in here and get us while we sleep?

No.

Not at all.

Witches never do silly things like climbing drainpipes or breaking into people’s houses.

Besides, they have no idea where we are.

Okay, but I’m still a little scared.

Over here, come on, little man.

There we go.

Get some sleep.

[thunder rumbling]

[hisses]

[cat purring]

Hmm?

Really?

[wincing]

Mmm.

[thunder cracking]

[chuckles]

[people chattering in distance]

[older Hero] The next morning, the sun was shining and the air was crisp – and clear.

I kept quiet as a mouse so Grandma could sleep in, and I took it upon myself to order her some room service breakfast.

[Grandma] Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Here’s your breakfast, Grandma.

Scrambled eggs, chicken fried steak, hominy grits, pecan sticky buns, rhubarb strawberry jam, and a pitcher of sweet iced tea with mint.

Oh, that sure smells special.

Oh, mercy, I slept in late.

Phew.

Well, thank you for ordering me breakfast, darling.

I gave the room service guy a half a dollar tip.

Was that okay?

That’s mighty gentlemanly of you.

[coughs]

Grandma, are you okay?

I’m fine.

Just a little tickle.

Grab Grandma that glass of tea. [coughs]

And listen, Grandma’s gonna take it easy today.

But I want you to get outside – and run around.

Go down to the water.

Have fun.

I was thinking I would do some training with Daisy.

Oh! Well, take her with.

Just don’t let her get too close to the water.

I wouldn’t want some big old sea snake to grab ahold of her.

Sea snake?

I’m just joshing.

There ain’t no sea snakes.

You go on now. Have fun.

And don’t worry about me.

I’m fine.

[older Hero] Even though I knew Grandma was kidding about the sea snakes,

I didn’t wanna take any chances, so we stayed inside.

And wouldn’t you know, we came upon the big ballroom where it turns out the International Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children folks were gonna have their conference.

[door creaking]

Hey!

You there!

And what are you doing?

Breaking and entering?

Looking for a quiet spot.

For what?

Training.

Training what?

Cool. Super.

What’s his name?

It’s a she.

And her name is Daisy.

Can I hold her?

[Daisy squeaking]

She’s not too comfortable around strangers.

Can she do any tricks or anything?

We were just about to do some training.

Wanna watch?

What time is it?

A nice lady told me

to meet her here at 12:25.

She said she would give me six bars of Swiss chocolate.

What’s your name?

I’m… Bruno Jenkins!

I’ve been looking for you everywhere, young man.

Your father is furious.

Hello, Mother.

This is my new friend.

Nice to meet you.

Look at your hands, they’re filthy!

Look at your shirt!

It’s a complete mess!

Come with me.

Ow!

What have you been doing?

Running around in a sausage factory?

[door creaking]

[older Hero] The room was completely empty.

A perfect place for me and Daisy to do our training.

And I figured, if all the Prevention of Cruelty to Children people showed up, they would probably look kindly on a young mouse trainer who was just going about his business.

[clangs]

Jeez, that scared the crap out of me.

[switches clicking]

So, here we are.

Here is the Le Grand Imperial Ballroom or Le Salon Grande, as we call it.

Well, actually we call it the Mural Room because of all these beautiful murals…

I was told there is only one door in and out, yeah?

Yeah. Yes.

There’s, uh, only that door there, in and out, and which, of course, does not make the fire marshal very happy.

So, don’t you go starting any fires.

This room will do.

[Mr. Stringer] Right, so… [marching with synchronized steps]

Yeah, so, if there’s any…

Is there anything else that you ladies…

No.

No?

Bye-bye.

Oh, all right.

[sniffing]

[woman] Saoirse, secure the room!

Okay, you so-called ladies.

Prepare for removal.

[whispers] Wake up.

[snake hissing]

[hissing]

[sniffing]

[grunts]

Okay, you trussed-up succubines, you may remove your gloves.

[dramatically]

You may remove your shoes.

And… you may remove your wigs!

[sighing in relief]

[whispers]

They’re all witches.

[older Hero] My blood ran cold as I started to get real scared.

Here I was, trapped in a room with a bunch of bald-headed witches!

And the mean one, the bald-head honcho who was standing right above me, the one who was giving all the orders, as soon as I got a good look at her, I knew instantly who she had to be.

[crunches]

She’s the Grand High Witch.

[thuds]

[snarls]

[croakily] Witches.

Witches.

You are a heap of good-for-nothing worms!

[in normal voice]

This morning, I’m having my breakfast and I’m looking out the window, at the beach, and what am I seeing? Hmm?

[croakily] What am I seeing?

[in normal voice]

I’m seeing dozens… I’m seeing hundreds… I’m seeing hundreds of repulsive little brats playing in the sand, and it’s putting me right off my food!

So…

Here are my orders.

I want every child in the world… rubbed out!

Squashed, squirted, and frittered!

Your Excellency, do you have a plan?

How can we possibly wipe out every child?

[witch yelps]

[witches gasp]

That was actually a good question.

Insubordinate but a good question.

Of course I have a plan.

I want each of you to return to your pathetic little town.

And open… [inhales sharply] a candy store.

And in this store you will sell only the highest quality, tastiest candy.

Now, you’re probably wondering,

“Where do I get the money to buy a candy shop?”

Well, I have thought of that too.

In my room, room number 666, I have a steamer trunk filled with brand-new, crisp $100 bills!

Room 666.

[Grand High Witch]

Remember that room number 666 and your shops will sell only the highest quality, tastiest candy.

And…

We use Formula Number 86 Delayed Action Mouse Maker!

[witches] Ooh!

One drop of Mouse Maker in a piece of candy will transform a dirty little child into a mouse in one hour!

[witches] Ah!

Two drops will transform the disgusting little brat in 30 minutes.

And three drops is instantaneous.

An instant mouse!

[rattling]

[giggling] Oh.

Oh, no, no, no.

[rattling continues]

[shushing]

Shut up.

So, less than an hour ago, I found a repulsive smelly little boy in the lobby and I gave him an outrageously expensive bar of Swiss chocolate.

A chocolate bar that was laced with one drop of my Number 86…

Oh, no.

[Grand High Witch] …Delayed

Action Mouse Maker potion!

Bruno.

And I told the greedy little brat to meet me here at 12:25.

So, in less than 10 minutes, all you pathetic witches will see what a true genius I am!

[witches chanting]

Genius! Genius! Genius!

[cackling]

[witches continue chanting]

Quiet!

[chanting stops]

[sniffing]

[continues sniffing]

[growls]

[witches gasping]

[snake hissing]

[knocking at door]

[Bruno] Where’s my chocolate?

It’s the greedy little cretin.

Quick! Put on your wigs!

[Bruno] Hey, are you in there?

Welcome, you… fine, handsome man. [sniffs]

We’ve been waiting.

[Grand High Witch] Darling boy.

I have your chocolate for you.

[Grand High Witch whistles]

You promised me six bars of chocolate.

I only see one in your hand.

Hmm… You see, ladies, not only is he fat and stupid but greedy too. [chuckles]

[witches snicker]

Mmm.

[witches gasp in awe]

[Grand High Witch]

That’s right, little man.

Here is your delicious chocolate.

Come and get it.

Come and get it.

Get ready, girls.

Ten seconds.

Give me my chocolate.

Give it to me.

[Grand High Witch]

It’s right here, my darling.

[whispering]

Daisy, what do we do?

[Bruno] Give me.

Give me.

[Grand High Witch]

Five seconds.

[Bruno] Give me my chocolate.

Give it to me.

Three…

Give me it. Give me. Give me!

[Grand High Witch] Two… One…

[clock clangs]

[bones cracking]

Ignition!

[cackling]

[Saoirse laughing]

[smoke hissing]

[gasps]

That smelly brat, that horrid louse has been transformed… She’s done it.

She’s a genius.

[Grand High Witch]

into a lovely little mouse!

[laughs]

What’s the big idea?

Where’s my chocolate?

Squish him!

Whoa!

[witches clamoring]

Squish him! Kill him!

[Bruno panting]

He’s right there.

[Hero] They turned Bruno into a mouse and now they’re trying to squish him.

I’ll fetch him.

Did you just talk?

It’s a swarm!

They’re everywhere!

[Grand High Witch] Get him.

Where is he? Where is he?

[Bruno yelping]

Gosh! You’re a giant.

Why are you so big?

I’m not big.

You’re little. I’m normal.

How can I be little?

Because you’re a mouse.

A witch put a spell on you.

Witch? What witch?

Ah-ha! I knew it!

Dog dropping!

[Hero] Help!

[Grand High Witch] Grab him.

[Hero] Help! Help me!

Hold him down.

Flip him. Gag position.

Help! Help!

Open his trap.

Open it.

[croakily] Okay.

That’s how you wanna play, we’ll play the Shakespeare way.

[grunts]

One drop… [smoke hissing]

[muffled groaning]

[Grand High Witch] Two…

[breathes heavily]

Blast off.

Yes! Yes!

Yes!

[screaming]

[smoke hissing]

[gasps]

[panting weakly]

Aren’t you a cute little mouse?

[growling]

[screams]

[Bruno gasps]

Who has the mallet?

Here! Here!

Get the mallet.

[witch] Where’s the mallet?

I’m not afraid of nothing.

[Grand High Witch] I have him.

Where’s the mallet?

Come on. Give it to me.

Give it to me.

[crunches]

[screams]

[screaming]

[Hero] Run, Bruno, run!

So, you’re a mouse too?

Now I’ve got you.

[yelps]

[yelping]

Four legs, Bruno.

Four legs.

[panting]

Rats! A dead end!

[gasps] Run, Bruno, run!

No!

[screaming]

[screams]

[sobbing]

[all grunting]

Ow, my back.

What happened to us?

Why are we mouses?

[Daisy and Hero] “Mice.”

Whatever.

There’s a convention of witches here in the hotel,

And they have an evil potion.

They put it in your chocolate.

My chocolate? Crikey!

They always spike the chocolate.

It’s standard evil witch procedure.

Wait. You were a kid too?

A girl.

Do I look like a baby goat to you?

[bleating]

Nope, a mouse.

What are we going to do?

I don’t want to be a mouse.

I like being a portly little kid.

“Child.”

Whatever.

All right, we have to find my grandma.

She knows everything about witches.

She’ll know what to do.

Come on.

Two crab salads.

What are you doing?

Wow, look at all that lovely food.

Okay, here’s what we do.

You see that vent?

I bet that’ll get us to the lobby. Let’s go.

[chef] Pick that up.

That’s white truffle.

You have any idea how much white truffle costs?

Wipe it off and put it in the sauce.

What is this?

You call that puffed?

Let’s get some more hands in here.

[elevator bell dings]

[Daisy whispering]

So, now what?

Look, all we need to do is make our way to the elevator,

Then up to the fourth floor.

Come on.

[grunts]

Hey, a little help.

[all grunt]

Crikey.

Hurry up.

This way.

I just realized something, y’all.

How exactly do we reach the button for the fourth floor?

Floor?

Four, please.

Come on.

There’s my room, 766.

This way.

[Hero grunting]

[sighs] She’s never going to hear us.

[gasps] A doorbell.

Come on.

[grunting]

[grunts]

Crikey!

All right.

We make a human ladder.

You mean a mouse ladder?

Right, a mouse ladder.

[all grunting]

Ow! Ow.

[straining]

I got… I got…

I got it!

[doorbell dings]

[Daisy screaming]

[Hero grunting]

Help me!

Ahhh, great balls of fire, don’t let me fall!

[grunting]

[Bruno] Phew.

Follow me, boys.

[screaming]

[screams]

[yelping]

[kids yelping]

[chambermaid] Mice!

Mice! Mice! [screams]

They everywhere!

[squeals]

[chambermaid screaming and sobbing]

[gasps]

Grandma, it’s me.

Grandma, it’s me, your grandson.

My grandson… Is that you, boy?

Yes, Grandma, it’s me.

Oh… Oh.

Is it really you?

It’s really me.

What happened?

It was the Grand High Witch.

The Grand High Witch?

Oh, Lord, not the Grand High Witch.

Yes. She mouse-afied me.

And the whole hotel is full of witches.

They’re having a witch convention or something.

You been through so much, you don’t need this.

Grandma’s so, so sorry.

Grandma, please get off the floor and put me on the coffee table.

How do I do that?

Pick me up.

Pick you up?

Yeah, just like I pick up Daisy.

Right.

I can’t believe this happened to you.

Believe me, things could be a lot worse.

They could?

[Hero] Oh, Grandma, by the way, this is my friend, Bruno Jenkins.

He’s now a mouse too, but he used to be a chubby, little English kid.

You could’ve just stopped at,

“This is my friend, Bruno.”

[Grandma] I’m so sorry, Bruno.

Those nasty, evil witches got you too, huh?

Yes. They got me good and proper.

It’s been an awful day.

Anybody else hungry?

Ahem!

Oh, and Daisy used to be a kid… A girl too.

[Grandma] Why didn’t you say something before, darling?

Because it can be very dangerous for a mouse to talk.

Most people don’t understand and they get scared.

I almost said something the other night when you told the story about Alice Blue getting turned into a chicken, but I thought better of it.

So, some wicked, evil witch mouse-afied you.

Yes, ma’am, four months ago.

On the very same afternoon I ran away from the orphanage.

Well, what happened was, a kind lady…

Well, I thought she was kind.

Anyway, she offered me a chocolate bar, and before I knew it, poof!

I was transformed.

Then, faster than a hot knife cuts through butter,

A panhandler scoops me up and sells me to a pet store so he could buy food.

Yum!

I’m so sorry, Daisy.

Mary. Uh, my real name is Mary.

Mary. That’s a pretty name.

Excuse me.

All this talk about food is making me really hungry.

Can I have one of those grapes?

[Grandma] So, it was the Grand High Witch, and she’s in this very hotel?

We got to do something to turn you back. Make this right.

The Grand High Witch has a room full of potion.

And she’s gonna use it to turn every kid in the world into a mouse.

We have to help them.

[doorbell rings]

[Bruno gasps]

Who is it?

[man] Hotel maintenance.

[whispers] Quick, hide.

Here. Hop in my knitting tote.

Keep your heads down.

Yes.

I’m sorry to bother you, ma’am, but we got a report of – a possible rodent infestation.

Rodent infestation?

In a hotel this expensive?

That’s crazier than a hog on slaughter day.

Yes, ma’am.

It’s probably nothing.

The maid who said she saw the rodents has a tendency to be a bit high-strung. [chuckles]

Mmm.

But, to be on the safe side, I thought I’d lay these here traps, if you don’t mind.

Okay.

We put them in all the rooms.

Mmm-hmm.

Just to be safe.

So, uh, what are they? Mice?

Oh. No, ma’am.

Maid said she saw a swarm of huge, ugly rats.

At least a dozen of them.

Goodness, a dozen?

Well, it’s like I said, she has a tendency to be a bit high-strung. [chuckles]

[sniffs]

Fresh Wisconsin cheddar.

Drives them rodents plumb crazy.

They can’t resist it.

[Bruno] Mmm… [grunts]

Anyway, you hear any of these traps start snapping, give me a call.

I sure will.

[man] That’s right.

Don’t you know anything?

Grapes can hurt a mouse.

[Grandma] All right, you three.

You stay away from those traps, you hear?

If we could just get our hands on some of that potion, I might be able to reverse-engineer it.

Make it a potion that turns mice into children.

I always travel with my anti-hex herbs and salts.

But whoever knows where that wicked, evil witch is.

We do. She’s in room 666.

We heard her tell all those witches to meet her in room 666 right after dinner.

And we’re in room 766.

Room 666 is right below us.

Good Lord!

That evil sorceress is living right beneath us?

Yes. And here’s what we do.

We wait for the Grand High

Witch to leave her room, then we use

Grandma’s knitting wool as a rope to lower me down to the Grand High Witch’s balcony.

I grab a bottle of potion, Grandma hoists me back up, she reverses the spell, and ta-da!

We’re kids again.

Young man, you think all that up just now?

Popped right into my head.

[kids screaming playfully]

[beach crowd chattering]

[splutters]

[retches]

[Grand High Witch]

Vile, filthy brats.

You make me puke!

[groans] Hades, it’s getting so bad, I can’t even enjoy a glass of wormwood.

She’s the Grand High Witch, all right.

[both gasp]

[Hades meows] [groans]

Grandma, that’s the potion.

She’s keeping it on ice.

Yeah, it’s exactly what we need.

[Grand High Witch] Hades, come.

[Hades growls]

We are late for tea.

Teatime. Perfect.

Now look, all we need is one bottle of potion.

So, grab one as fast as you can and hurry on back.

No telling when that monster is fixing to return.

I know you’re likely scared, baby.

I’m not scared, Grandma.

I don’t know why, but ever since I was turned into a small mouse, little things don’t scare me anymore.

Okay. Hold on tight.

[sniffing]

[Hero grunting]

[grunts]

[straining]

[straining]

[grunting]

[doorknob clicks]

[Hero gasps]

[door closes]

[panting]

[Hades growling]

[Grand High Witch]

I can’t believe they won’t let my precious into the dining room.

This fleabag, roach-trap hotel discriminates against everything.

Money.

Money, money, money.

Oh, Hades, why, in this disgusting human world, do you need money for everything?

[coughs]

[sighs]

[gags]

Disgusting, filthy lucre.

[whimpers and sniffles]

[blubbering]

[grunts]

He’s ready.

[gasping]

[both gasp]

Well, well, well, well.

Why is this wool here, I wonder?

Oh. [chuckles nervously] Hello.

I just dropped my knitting over the balcony.

But it’s all right.

Thank goodness I still have a hold of it on this end.

Well, I’m just gonna go ahead on and…

And pull it on up.

I’ll be out of your way.

Let go.

[breathing shakily]

I know you.

Me?

I don’t think so.

I have seen you before.

I remember your face.

You mighta seen me in the lobby, maybe.

No, no, no, no, no.

Not in the lobby.

I remember you from…

[doorbell dings]

[yells] What? Who is it?

[Mr. Stringer]

It’s Mr. Stringer III, Hotel Manager.

[Grand High Witch] Curses!

[scoffs]

[Mr. Stringer]

You want me to remove

The children from the beach?

[Grand High Witch]

I want them removed.

[Mr. Stringer] Well, I’ll…

I’ll see what I can do.

Madam, I procured this, uh, for you today.

I thought you might like it.

It’s a kitty carrier.

And I thought you could put your feline friend in there and you can transport him all over the hotel, including the dining room.

Thought you might like that.

Well, let me tell you something,

Mister Cat-Cage-Procurer.

I will never, ever allow my precious puss to be… [Hades yowls]

[Hades growls and purrs]

Well, look at that.

He likes it in there.

[grunts quietly]

Oh, madam, I almost forgot.

Regarding your ladies’ dinner this evening, we have neglected to select a soup.

Now, there are two choices.

One is our Cajun spice crab Creole, and the other one is our plantation kitchen split pea.

[inhales sharply]

Which one is cheaper?

Well, madam, I’m sure you will appreciate that the crab is fresh and it is…

[shouts] Which one?

[groans]

[sighs]

Plantation kitchen split pea.

That’s the one.

Then we will have the split pea soup.

Yes, madam.

[Grand High Witch] And… no garlic in the soup.

No what?

Garlic.

No garlic?

Did I stutter?

No garlic.

My women, all suffer from a selective food avoidance disorder.

Picky eaters.

Yes, madam.

As you wish.

I will inform the chef.

You do that.

I’ll let myself out.

You do that.

Well, my precious, since you enjoy being in that cage so much, -you can stay in it!

[snarls]

Traitor!

[Grandma] Mouse Maker potion.

A drop of hyssop…

[fizzing]

A smidgen of mugwort…

And now, a dash of healing water, straight from Lourdes.

This is the most powerful healing water there is.

Okay.

Now let’s all join hands and bow our heads.

[liquid fizzing]

Well, I’ll be…

Not much more to say than that. [sighs]

We had to try something, kids.

This witch’s power is far greater than my little home remedies.

Evil power.

[Grandma] And strong.

Much stronger than me.

Please don’t cry, Grandma.

It’ll be okay.

[Grandma] I’m sorry, children.

It’s not your fault, Grandma.

Sometimes things just happen.

Yeah, they do.

I actually don’t mind being a mouse.

I get to hang out with my new friends all day,

Don’t have to go to school anymore, and I don’t have to learn how to drive, which means I’ll never get into an accident.

Oh, child.

Come here.

Grandma, will you still take care of me?

Even if I stay a mouse?

[Grandma] Of course I will, darling.

Doesn’t matter who you are or what you look like, so long as somebody loves you.

And I always will.

What about my friends?

Can they stay too?

Well, of course.

If they want to, but don’t forget, they all have loved ones who miss them.

I’m not so sure about that.

Don’t be a fool.

I’m sure they love you.

My mother thinks I’m clumsy, and my father complains that I’m always hungry.

Well, maybe this will help them love you for who you are, not for who you ain’t.

You’re fortunate to have parents, Bruno.

Some of us don’t.

But we’re gonna be okay.

We have Grandma.

And she’ll always be our family.

And for that we are very blessed.

But what I wanna know is why are we standing around here lollygagging?

How are we gonna stop those horrible witches from turning more children into mice?

She’s right.

We got to do something.

I know what we’ll do.

I sneak into the kitchen with the Number 86 Mouse Maker, then I slip the potion into the witches’ pea soup and turn them all into mice.

Are you sure about this, little man?

This sounds like it could be a very dangerous

And scary mission.

Trust me, Grandma, I can handle it.

[dramatic music playing]

I’ll meet you in the lobby bar.

Bruno and Daisy know which vent.

Be careful, darling.

I will, Grandma.

[sous chef] Hurry up there!

[chef] The pea soup is ready.

No garlic.

[sous chef] I got the soup, no garlic, Chef, coming right up.

[chef] Where are my prawns?

This is not a prawn, this is a shrimp.

– You don’t know the difference – between a shrimp and a prawn?

Count the pincers.

Un, deux. One, two.

Let’s start ladling out that soup.

Come on, you people.

[chef rushing in French]

[sous chef] Yes, Chef.

[grunting]

[chef in English]

What are you doing, huh?

[sous chef] I’m getting the prawns ready.

[chef] Don’t tell me that’s a prawn.

I’m a crustacean expert.

[sous chef] This is a prawn.

[chef] I’ve been sauteing prawns for 30 years

And I only use butter.

[sous chef] Only butter?

[chef] Never oil.

I don’t give a damn about what nutritionists say.

They are the ruination of cuisine.

Always butter, butter only.

[chef speaking French]

[in English]

Where are my prawns?

Who do I have to get some prawns around here?

[chef shouts in French]

[in English] Let’s start ladling out that soup.

[sous chef] Yes, Chef.

[chef] Are you crying?

There’s no crying in my kitchen.

[gasps]

Chef, this soup needs some garlic.

Absolutely no garlic.

Stringer’s orders.

Grease fire.

[sous chef] We got fire blankets under those sinks.

[chef] Are those my prawns that just exploded?

[grunts]

Forget the prawn, just throw some shrimp in there.

You idiots don’t know how… [bubbling]

[chuckles]

Someone get me a sharp knife so that I can kill myself.

[chef grunts]

Somebody call an exterminator.

Look, there’s my mother and father.

That’s your mother and father?

As I live and breathe.

Bruno, I think it’s time to say hello to your parents.

Are you mad?

Right here in the bar?

There’s no time like the present.

[Grandma clears throat]

Excuse me, are you Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins?

Can we help you?

I’m afraid I have some, well, strange news about your son, Bruno.

What about Bruno?

Where is he?

Maybe we can go somewhere a bit more private.

[Mr. Jenkins] Private?

Why do we have to be private?

It’s not an easy thing for him to explain.

He’d be much more comfortable we all went up to your room.

No, no, look here, madam,

I’m perfectly comfortable exactly where I am.

So, either you tell me where I can find Bruno or you just leave us alone now.

[Grandma] Well… got him right here.

[shrieks]

That’s a mouse! A mouse!

What in God’s name is wrong with you?

Get that filthy rodent out of here!

No, no, no, no. This is Bruno.

Bruno, say something to them.

[Mrs. Jenkins screaming]

“Say something”?

Are you insane?

Get away from us before I call the manager.

Quit all this hollering.

This is your son, Bruno.

Manager! Someone get me the manager.

This woman has just scared my wife half to death.

She’s walking around with rats in her handbag.

[sighs]

Bruno, why didn’t you say something?

My father hates it when I talk with my mouth full.

[Hero] Psst! Grandma.

Down here.

There you are.

Thank the Lord.

So, how’d it go?

Soup is on.

Look! The pea soup.

[waiter] Here we are, garlic free.

Excuse me, madam, may I have a word with you?

Please, this way.

Just over here.

Um… You wouldn’t happen to be carrying around a mouse on your person now, would you?

A mouse?

Mmm-hmm.

Why on earth would I be carrying around a mouse?

Does this have anything to do with all the rat traps being set up all over this hotel?

Rat traps?

Is this your pathetic idea of a smoke screen?

Accusing your guests of carrying around mice

To hide the fact that this hotel has a mouse infestation.

Shh. No… Shh. What?

I’ll tell you this.

For what this hotel is costing me, I better not see a single mouse.

Not even a tiny, cute one.

Yes, madam. I’m so…

My mistake. I’m sorry.

Luther.

Would you please show this lady to our finest table?

Certainly.

This way.

Apologies, madam, I, it’s just…

[Grandma] Mmm.

Our finest table, madam.

Oh, uh, thank you, Luther.

I’m sure your finest table in this lovely establishment is this one right here next to the kitchen.

I always prefer a table near the exit so I can get out fast.

Of course.

[Grandma] Mmm.

[footsteps approaching]

[Bruno grunts]

[Hero whispers]

Check it out.

They love the soup.

[waiter] Have you decided?

Uh, yes, I think I’ll have the jambalaya.

Excellent. And would you like something to start?

[Grandma] Mmm…

Well, that pea soup those fancy ladies are eating looks good.

I’ll have that.

I’m sorry.

That soup is reserved

Strictly for that group of lady guests only.

If I may, that large party suffers from a severe garlic allergy.

So, they have requested their soup be prepared garlic free.

It is very bland.

Practically inedible.

[witches slurping]

[Grandma] I see.

That sounds disgusting.

[waiter] May I suggest the Cajun spice crab Creole?

It’s one of our signature dishes.

[Grandma] Uh, sounds…

[waiter] Yes?

Uh, the… The shrimp Creole will be fine.

[waiter] You mean the crab Creole?

Yes, yes, the crab Creole.

[waiter] Very good.

[quietly] Keep your heads down, we got company.

[whispers] Pigtails.

I’m sorry?

[drawling] Pigtails.

You wore pigtails.

[Grandma] Do I know you?

Many years ago, in a shabby little town.

A shabby little town right here in Alabama.

You wore pigtails.

And you got away from me.

Remember?

But I got that horrid little friend of yours.

Remember…

[gagging]

[clucking]

[giggling]

Quick, mouse ladder.

[all grunt]

It was you.

You were the filthy witch who turned Alice.

[wheezing]

Aw… That’s a nasty…

[witch whimpering]

[Saoirse gobbling convulsively]

[witches gasping]

[smoke hissing]

[witches whimpering]

[screeching]

[witches screaming]

[smoke hissing]

[witches screaming]

What are you doing?

[squeaking]

[all screaming]

Grandma, look.

[all giggle]

Attaboy.

[witches screaming]

[grunts angrily]

[screeching]

[all screaming]

[all laughing]

High five, baby!

Mmm-hmm! That’s some serious ratification.

[rats squeaking]

[people whimpering]

[man] Oh, my God!

It’s on my leg!

Ooh. Lordy, hell’s a-poppin’. [chuckles]

[screaming continues]

[witch grunting]

Come here, you nasty critter…

[screeching]

[screaming]

[grunting]

[Mr. Stringer] Get it off!

Get it off!

Get it off!

[crunches]

[screaming]

[all gasp]

Come on, kids.

It’s time to skedaddle.

[Mr. Springer continues screaming and grunting]

Somebody call the exterminator!

[key jingling]

Good job.

Ooh, ooh…

Look at all this potion.

Kids, we got to grab every bottle.

Hey, Grandma, what about him?

[Hades yowling]

I’ll call the manager to let him out once we out of here.

Oh, I dropped some.

I’ll get it, Grandma.

[all grunting]

[sniffs] Whoa, that cheese smells awfully good.

[all gasp]

[all gasp]

[objects rustling]

[all whimpering quietly]

[Grand High Witch growls]

[gasps]

[grunts]

Look what you made me do.

You think you’re so clever, breaking into my room with a stolen key?

But everyone knows they keep a spare key at the front desk.

We’ll never let you get away with your filthy, evil plot.

Oh, no?

Who’s gonna stop me?

A feeble, stupid, sick woman like you?

[Grandma coughing]

[chuckling]

Oh, you think that’s funny?

Not that.

See, I was just thinking.

Pretty soon, you not gonna be able to do much of nothing.

And why is that, brave, little, soon-to-be-dead woman?

The pea soup.

[quietly] The pea soup… No… No…

No… [whimpering]

[Grand High Witch laughing]

[croakily] You stupid fool.

I did not drink the pea soup.

If you recall, I was interrupted.

[whispering] Okay, here’s what we’re gonna do.

[whispering indistinctly]

[Grand High Witch]

Well, well, well.

Let me see.

I think I will reach into your chest and rip out your withered, shriveled heart, and squeeze it until it bursts.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

All your butt-ugly witch-talk don’t scare me one bit.

It should, considering the last thing you will ever see is my snickering face.

I believe with every fiber of my being… that in the end, love will always triumph over hatred and evil.

Is that so?

[Grandma] You may have turned Alice and my grandson, but I will make sure you never turn another child.

So help me, God.

Now!

[grunts]

[screaming]

[Grand High Witch gagging]

[gasps deeply]

[grunts]

[shuddering]

[liquid bubbling]

[gobbling convulsively]

[fizzing]

[Grand High Witch yelping]

[muffled screaming]

[smoke hissing]

[gasps]

[Mary whimpers]

[snarling aggressively]

[gasps]

[snarling continues]

[gasps] You stupid rat.

[all screaming]

Look what you’ve done.

[Bruno whimpers]

Run!

Look what you’ve done.

[snarling]

You stupid rodents.

Get back here!

You filthy pests.

Yum.

Parasites.

Kid, I’m gonna get you, you putrid varmints.

[Grand High Witch yelling]

[Bruno screams]

[snarling]

Now I’ve got you!

[cackles]

What?

I’m done listening to your trash talk.

What is this?

[grunting]

[Grandma chuckles]

You fool.

Let me out.

[all grunting]

Let me out!

Let me out! Let me out!

[screaming]

[both in sing-song]

Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.

Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.

I will rip out your tongues.

Stupid mice.

[Mary in sing-song]

The witch in a bottle…

[Grand High Witch] Let me out.

Witch in a bottle…

[Grand High Witch] Let me out of this stupid fish bowl.

Hey, Grandma, this is the key to that big trunk.

That’s my key.

That’s my key.

That’s my key, you pea-brain brat.

You pea-brain parasites.

Come on, guys.

Nah, nah… [blows raspberry]

Put your tongue back in your mouth, you filthy sewer guttersnipes.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

That is mine.

[Grandma] Ooh!

That’s mine.

You idiots. You scoundrels.

That is a lot of bacon.

Lettuce.

Dough.

Hey, you’re making me terribly hungry.

No, get your hands off of that, that’s mine!

Get your filthy paws off my filthy lucre.

I’ll poke out your beady eyes.

What are you looking at?

What’s that, Grandma?

It’s a list of names and addresses of every witch in the world.

Wow!

With that list and that money and all this potion, we could turn every witch in the world into rats.

Excellent!

[Grand High Witch] I’ll cut off your tails

With rusty scissors.

I’ll clip your ears with toenail clippers.

I’ll poke out your beady eyes.

I’ll get you for this!

[Grandma] All right, kiddies, one hop.

We got work to do.

[Hades meows]

[Grandma] I almost forgot.

[gasps]

[Grand High Witch]

No, no, no, don’t do that.

[voice shaking]

What are you doing?

Hades.

Good pussy.

You are a good pussy cat.

[snarling]

Nice kitty.

You two have fun now.

Nice kitty.

Ah, you stupid, mangy fleabag. Precious.

Put the books back.

Stay back, you stupid, precious…

No! Hades.

Hades, precious, remember who feeds you.

No, don’t think about food.

[yelps and screams]

[Hades hissing and yowling]

[panicked squeaking]

[Hades continues yowling]

Grandma, you hear that?

I don’t know what you’re talking about.

I didn’t hear a thing.

[Mary giggles]

Oh! Well, thank you kindly.

And one for you.

[older Hero] The next morning, we were feeling joyful and triumphant.

As a matter of fact, Grandma was so happy, she was spreading her joy to the entire hotel staff.

Thank you kindly for everything.

One for you.

And one for you.

Thank you, ma’am.

[older Hero]

Bruno tried to explain

The situation to his mom.

Hello, Mother.

I’m now a mouse.

[shrieks and gasps]

[Mrs. Jenkins] It’s a mouse!

[older Hero] But it turned out

Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins weren’t really mouse people.

So, we decided it would be best if Bruno came to stay with me,

Grandma, and Daisy.

[all whooping and cheering]

[Bruno] Faster, faster!

[Mary squealing]

[laughing]

[all screaming happily]

Here we go!

[laughing and cheering]

Whee!

Cool!

Whoo-hoo!

[Mary] How’s my hair look?

How’s my hair?

[laughs] Whoo-hoo!

Whoo-hoo!

Let’s go again, y’all.

[Grandma chuckles]

[Bruno] This time I sit in the front.

Grandma, I love being a mouse.

Oh, I believe you do.

But you wanna know something weird?

I still feel just like a boy.

[Grandma] But you are, darling.

Life changes all of us.

I mean, look at me.

I’m getting on up in the years, but I still feel like a girl.

And I still feel like a boy.

See?

You get it.

Never give up what you are inside.

When I look at you, I don’t see whiskers and a pink nose.

I just see your eyes.

Bright and beautiful.

Grandma, how long does a mouse live?

Oh, an ordinary mouse only lives about three years, but you’re no ordinary mouse.

You’re a mouse-person, and a mouse-person will almost certainly live three times longer than an ordinary mouse.

Maybe even longer.

That’s great news.

I couldn’t stand being looked after by anybody else.

I’ll be a very old mouse and you’ll be a very old grandmother, and we’ll both die together.

With a little luck, darling.

But no one knows how long their time is on this earth.

Only God knows that answer.

And that is the natural order of things.

[older Hero]

Daisy, Bruno, and I loved living with Grandma.

We were one big, happy family.

[disco music playing]

[camera shutter clicks]

[older Hero] Where were we?

Oh, yeah. That’s right.

So, here we are, ready to carry on the fight.

[all] Carry on the fight!

Over the years, we have turned and mouse-afied every damnable witch in these United States.

[kids cheering]

So, we are gathered here to take our battle to the entire world.

[kids cheering]

You have your names, correct?

[kids] Yes, sir.

[older Hero] Your addresses?

[kids] Yes, sir.

And your Number 86 Mouse Maker potion?

[kids] Yes, sir. Number 86 Mouse Maker potion, sir.

Let’s get out there and give those witches a taste of their own medicine.

[kids cheering]

[Grandma laughing]

[sighs]

So, you ready for this mission, old-timer?

Grandma, I’ve never been more ready.

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