The Secret Life of Pets 2 (2019)
Director: Chris Renaud
Writer: Brian Lynch
Stars: Patton Oswalt, Kevin Hart, Eric Stonestreet, Jenny Slate, Tiffany Haddish, Lake Bell, Nick Kroll, Dana Carvey, Ellie Kemper, Harrison Ford, Albert Brooks, Chris Renaud, Bobby Moynihan, Hannibal Buress, Pete Holmes, Henry Lynch
Release dates: May 24, 2019 (United Kingdom), June 7, 2019 (United States)
Plot: A few years after the events of the first film, Max and Duke’s owner Katie has married a man named Chuck and had a son, Liam. Max’s resentful, then overprotective, feelings for Liam develop into an itch that leads Katie to get him a humiliating dog cone from the veterinarian, but his luck changes when Duke reveals the family is going on a road trip.
Before Max leaves, he entrusts his favorite toy, Busy Bee, to his friend Gidget. However, Gidget loses Busy Bee in a cat-infested apartment owned by a cat lady, so she gets “cat lessons” from Chloe in order to sneak into the apartment. With help from Norman, she unintentionally causes the cats to hail her as their “queen”, allowing her to retrieve Busy Bee.
When Max, Duke and their family reach a farm owned by Chuck’s uncle, Max is unaccustomed to its way of life. Local Welsh Sheepdog Rooster tells him to get over his insecurities about Liam and ditches his dog cone. After Max tries and fails to emulate Rooster’s herding skills, Rooster enlists him to find Cotton, a lost lamb. Rooster’s advice about overcoming fear helps Max to rescue Cotton from a falling tree in a gorge, earning Rooster’s respect.
Meanwhile Snowball, who dreams of being a superhero, meets a Shih Tzu named Daisy, who explains that she needs help to rescue Hu, a white tiger being held captive by abusive circus owner Sergei. Daisy and Snowball sneak into the circus, and evade Sergei’s pack of wolves to free Hu. However, during the escape, Daisy loses her flower clip, which the wolves use to track her down.
Daisy and Snowball take Hu to Pops’ apartment first; Pops reluctantly lets Hu stay, but after he makes a mess, he is relocated to Max and Duke’s apartment. That night, Duke and Max return from their trip, while Sergei and his wolves track Daisy there and capture her along with Hu, fleeing on a train. Max helps Snowball and Norman chase down Sergei as they contact Gidget for assistance in the chase. Gidget, Max’s friends, and the cats trick the cat lady into driving in her own car, in pursuit of the train.
Upon reaching the train, Max is ambushed by the wolves, so he takes out all of them, and Snowball fights and fires Sergei’s pet monkey out of a cannon while freeing Daisy. The monkey lands on top of Max, thus knocking him off the train; using his newfound bravery, he jumps back onto the train from the top of a tunnel. The other pets free Hu and kick Sergei out of the train but before they can escape, Sergei holds them at gunpoint and plans to kill them. Gidget and the cat lady knock Sergei out with their car, and offer the animals a ride back home. Life resumes as normal, with Hu finding a new home with the cat lady, and Max letting go of his anxiety for Liam while sending him off to preschool.
* * *
The Secret Life of Pets 2 (2019) | Transcript
(GRAND ORCHESTRAL FANFARE PLAYING)
(BALL SQUEAKING)
(DOGS BARKING)
MINION: Stopah!
Stopah!
(PANTING)
(CHUCKLES)
(BALL SQUEAKING)
(DOG BARKS)
(WHIMPERS) Illumination!
(DOGS BARKING)
(“EMPIRE STATE OF MIND” BY JAYZ AND ALICIA KEYS PLAYING)
♪ Yeah, I’m out that Brooklyn,
now I’m down in Tribeca ♪
♪ Right next to De Niro ♪
(BARKING, INDISTINCT CHATTER)
♪ But I’ll be hood forever ♪
(BICYCLE BELL DINGS)
♪ I’m the new Sinatra ♪
BOY: Yeah!
♪ And since I made it here ♪
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
♪ I can make it anywhere ♪
(GIRL GIGGLING)
♪ Yeah, they love me
everywhere ♪
♪ In New York ♪
♪ Yes, hey ♪
♪ Concrete jungle
where dreams are made of ♪
♪ There’s nothin’
you can’t do, okay ♪
(BARKING)
♪ Now you’re in New York… ♪
MAX: Ah, kids.
Everybody loves them, right?
(DOGS BARKING)
You probably love kids.
(BOY LAUGHING)
Hey!
I got to admit… I don’t.
(BARKING) That’s me, by the way.
I’m Max. I’m the little dog right there, grateful I’m not being piled on by a horde of children.
(LAUGHS) Wait for me!
Ugh. Can you believe that?
(LAUGHS)
Having a kid looks like fun.
Nah, man, it ain’t fun.
I’m telling you, once the humans bring a kid home, your life ain’t the same.
(DOG BARKING)
(KIDS YELLING)
(CHUCKLES)
Seen it a billion times.
It changes you.
♪ I’m from the Empire State,
that’s… ♪
MAX: Now, I thought I never had to worry about any of that, but then one day…
(GRUNTS) Ow!
…my owner Katie met Chuck.
Hey.
Are you okay?
Oh. Uh, yeah.
(LAUGHS)
MAX: A little while later, they’re married.
Hi, guys.
Which… it-it’s great.
(BARKING) Chuck is really… he’s a good guy.
(MAX BARKS)
But then…
Aw.
…something happened.
(GASPS)
(CHUCKLES)
(MAX WHINES)
(CHUCK SNORING)
♪ ♪
(BABY COOING, SUCKLING)
MAX: Katie and Chuck had a kid of their own. His name’s Liam.
(LIAM COOS)
At first, he slept all the time. Dreaming about, you know, whatever it is that babies dream about.
Who’s a cute little baby?
(LAUGHING) MAX:
He had his place…
(BABBLING)
You little cutie pie.
…and I had mine. Things seemed like they were gonna be fine.
(LIAM YELLING)
(SNORTS) Wha…?
MAX: Until he started talking.
(YELLING, GRUNTING)
(MAX GRUNTS)
And eventually, he started crawling.
(MAX WHIMPERS)
Sort of.
(GRUNTS) And suddenly, my own home wasn’t safe anymore.
(LIAM LAUGHING)
Th-There was a tiny monster taking it over. Now, I did my best to keep a safe distance.
(YELLS, LAUGHS)
(BABBLING)
But then, one day, Liam did something I never expected. Max.
I love you, Max.
MAX: And from then on…
(LAUGHING) …everything was different.
(“I WAS MADE TO LOVE HER” BY STEVIE WONDER PLAYING)
Ah…
MAX: Duke and I, we became like role models to him.
(ALL LAUGH)
Like, what can I say?
The-the kid’s a fan.
♪ My love blossomed tenderly ♪
♪ My life grew sweeter through the years ♪
♪ I know that my baby loves me… ♪
MAX: We try to be a good influence.
(MAX WHINES)
(LIAM LAUGHING)
(LIAM GRUNTS, BABBLES)
Whoa! (GRUNTS) MAX: And we help him out whenever we can.
(LAUGHING)
♪ Our love just won’t end… ♪
(LAUGHING):
This kid gets us.
(MAX BARKS)
(LIAM LAUGHING)
(MAX AND DUKE BARKING)
Bubbles!
MAX (CHUCKLING): Yeah, we have fun.
LIAM: Bubbles!
MAX: And by the way, I’m still not a kid person. I’m talking about this kid. This is my kid. He’s perfect. And I’m never gonna let anything bad happen to him. But I got to say, keeping Liam safe is a fulltime job.
(GASPS) Ah.
(GASPS)
No, no, no, no.
(CHUCKLING)
Uh…
LIAM: Wha…? Ooh.
(GASPS)
Aah!
(LIAM GIGGLES, SQUEALS)
(PIGEONS COOING)
(BABBLING)
All right.
Uh, hey. Uh, hello.
Everything’s cool.
Uh, we don’t… we don’t want any trouble.
(KID YELLS)
(FIRE TRUCK HORN DRONES)
(STEAM HISSING)
Liam?
(GASPS)
You okay there, buddy?
Was the world always this dangerous?
(WHIMPERS)
(THUNDER CRASHES, RUMBLES)
(GASPS)
(GRUNTING)
(LIAM MUMBLING)
(GASPS) Good doggy.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
(MAX SIGHS)
♪ ♪
(SNORING)
(MEOWS, SIGHS)
(GRUNTS, YELLS)
(CHLOE PURRS)
(GROANS)
(GRUNTS)
(MEOWS)
(MEOWS LOUDLY)
(GROANS)
(RAPID GRUNTING)
(GAGGING)
(YELLS)
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
No.
(GROANS)
(MEOWS)
(GRUNTS, SMACKS LIPS)
Morning, Snowball.
Who’s the best bunny in the whole wide world?
(ELECTRIC TOOTHBRUSH BUZZING)
(MOLLY GRUNTING)
(SNIFFS)
(FIGHTING ON TV)
MAN (ON TV):
Take that, evildoer.
Off into the sun with you.
(EXPLOSION BOOMS) Yeah!
(MIMICS EXPLOSION)
Ears up.
♪ ♪
(LAUGHS)
(MAKES WHOOSHING SOUND)
I’m calling this meeting of the Superhero Animal Friends to order.
Commander Horsey, please read the minutes from our last meeting.
Thank you.
Now, remember, everyone, crime is out there.
We have to be ready.
MOLLY’S DAD: Come on, Molly, time to go.
Ooh, I’m gonna be late for school.
Captain Snowball, you’re in charge while I’m gone.
Mwah.
First of all, I want to welcome White Thunder back from the washing machine, who was put in there with a red blanket and henceforth will be known as…
Pink Thunder.
Okay, I’ma go check the perimeter.
(JOHN WILLIAMS’ “SUPERMAN THEME” PLAYING)
(YELLS)
(SNIFFS, GRUNTS)
Good morning, New York City!
(SCATTING “SUPERMAN THEME”)
MAX: Snowball.
(CHUCKLES): Hey, Snowball, what are you doing?
What’s it look like I’m doing?
I’m looking for crime, Tiny Dog.
I’m doing superhero stuff.
Thwip, thwip, thwip, thwip, thwip. (LAUGHS) Let me tell you something.
Anybody comes in here looking for trouble, oh, they gonna meet my partners.
I’m talking about Paw and Order.
(GROWLS, MARTIAL ARTS WHOOPING)
Uh-huh.
Okay, well, you do know that your owner is just playing superhero, right?
(LAUGHS): You’re just wearing some superhero pajamas.
Ha! Tiny Dog, you so naive.
Point me in the direction of any animal who needs my help, and stand back.
(GRUNTING)
Death blow!
(MARTIAL ARTS GRUNTING)
(GRUNTS)
Okay, okay, uh, I got it.
(MARTIAL ARTS GRUNTING) So, uh, did your kid leave for school yet?
Yeah, yeah, no, she’s got a quiz today.
Advanced spelling.
She’ll ace it, though.
You know, she writes her answers down in ink.
That’s how confident she is.
That sounds really smart.
But you know what?
Liam is smart, too.
In fact, I heard Katie say that Liam’s head circumference is in the 80th percentile.
Oh, that’s cool.
That’s a lot of head.
Hey, quick question: Is he still peeing everywhere?
Can’t control his bladder?
Yeah, he-he’s… he’s peeing.
But-but every pet knows, if you pee on it, you own it.
And Liam, he’s just thinking ahead.
Yeah, well, you still better train him before preschool starts.
You don’t want Liam to get a reputation as one of those pee-pee kids.
(CHUCKLES):
Yeah, totally, like…
Wait, preschool?
Yeah. He’s around that age.
The baby bird is leaving the nest, TD.
No, no.
Baby bird is staying put.
He doesn’t need preschool.
He’ll, you know…
(GRUNTS)
…stay home with-with me, where it’s safe.
DUKE: Hey, Max.
It’s, uh, no big deal… no need to overreact… but, uh, Liam just left.
Wait, what? Where’d he go?
I don’t know.
They never tell the dog specifics.
Okay, okay, okay.
(GRUNTING)
(TOYS SQUEAKING)
This is Homebase to all units.
(RADIO BEEPS) The package has left the building.
Does anyone have eyes on him?
(STATIC CRACKLES)
(STATIC CRACKLES)
I don’t see him. Over.
(CHEWING NOISILY)
Well, he’s not in this bag of chips. Over.
Okay. Keep… Wait a minute.
Why would he be in a bag of chips?
NORMAN: Homebase, this is Eagle Eye.
Don’t you worry.
(WHIMPERS)
I had eyes on the package as soon as he left the building. Over.
(BACKUP WARNING BEEPING)
(GRUNTING)
Subject is safe and sound, enjoying what looks to be a cookie shaped like a moose.
Here you go. Numnum.
(LIAM LAUGHS)
NORMAN: No, wait.
It’s a reindeer.
Okay. Thanks, Norman.
(GRUNTING)
Scratching again there, buddy.
(GRUNTS) I just…
I really don’t like it when they take him out without me.
KATIE: Hey, Duke.
(TOY SQUEAKING)
Ooh.
(DUKE BARKS, PANTS)
What’s this?
Oh, I know this!
It’s a ball.
Go get it.
(BARKING) Hey, Maxie.
What say we go for a walk?
(GRUNTS)
(PANTING)
You know, I got to say, this is nice.
Good to stretch the… legs.
DOG: (YELPS) No!
I don’t want to go to the vet!
Hmm. Uh…
The vet? No!
No, no, no, no, no!
Oh, not cool. You tricked me.
Maxie, come on, boy.
(WHIMPERS)
You’ve been so stressed lately, but this vet is gonna help you.
Let’s go, buddy.
(BARKS, WHIMPERS)
(BELL JINGLES)
(“GAROTA DE IPANEMA” PLAYING QUIETLY OVER SPEAKERS)
(KATIE SIGHS, GRUNTS)
(MAX WHINES)
All right.
(BIRD SQUAWKING)
(MAX WHIMPERS) Aw.
(WHINES)
First time here?
Uh, yeah.
Oh, Dr. Francis is the best veterinarian in the business.
You’re gonna love him.
He specializes in behavioral disorders.
B-Behavioral disorders?
Yeah.
But I don’t have a behavioral disorder.
I-I-I mean… II mean, I worry a little, sure, but it-it’s a… it’s a dangerous world.
You-you’d be crazy not to… to worry.
Yeah, I’m fine, too.
(CHUCKLES)
It’s my human that’s nuts.
I mean, you know, II bring her a dead bird, she throws it out.
(CHUCKLES)
I bring her a dead mouse, right in the garbage!
Is nothing I do good enough for you, Mother?!
(YOWLS, HISSES)
Okay.
I run, and I run, and I run, and I run, and I get out, and I’ve gone nowhere.
Nowhere!
Uh…
My owner always says, “You’re such a good dog,” and I feel like a good dog, but what if, deep down, I’m a bad dog?
What if I’m a bad dog?!
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
BOTH: We start fires.
(SCREAMS, WHIMPERS)
Max?
Come on.
♪ ♪
(WHIMPERS SOFTLY)
I know, buddy.
It’s just until we can get this scratching thing under control, okay?
(GASPS)
(GASPS) Busy Bee!
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS QUIETLY)
(GRUNTS)
(STRAINED GRUNTING)
(GRUNTS, BLOWING)
(GROANS, SIGHS)
(STRAINED GRUNTING)
DUKE: Max! Max!
(MAX YELPS) Max. Max.
You’re never gonna believe it.
Oh, hey, I like your cone.
Listen, I heard Chuck tell Liam that we’re going on a trip.
Really?
We’re going in the car?
We’re going in the car!
Car, car, car, car, car, car!
(LAUGHING EXCITEDLY) Man, you know, life is funny.
One minute, you’re getting fitted for a cone, and the next, you get to go in a car!
Oh, I feel like that’s very specific to you, but totally.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
(MUFFLED): This is incredible!
I’ll be right back.
Chloe?
(RATTLING)
Chloe, I’m going on a trip, and I… Oh.
I was wondering if you’d…
Will you watch my Busy Bee while I’m gone…?
Oh, hey, Max.
Were you saying something?
(SCOFFS) Yeah.
I was wondering if you could…
Oh… (GROANS) Okay.
Never mind.
What’s that stupid thing on your head?
Gidget?
♪ ♪
Gidget, are you home?
Gidget?
(WHOOSHING, STEAM HISSING)
(GASPS)
(GRUNTING)
Mm. Oh, hi, Max.
Do you want to join me?
Oh, you know what, I really wish I could, but get this…
I’m going on a trip.
Wow. Really?
Yeah, it’s a big deal.
I was wondering, could you watch my Busy Bee while I’m gone?
(GASPS)
He is so cute.
I know. It’s my favorite toy in the whole world.
(CHUCKLES)
And that little face.
(LAUGHS):
His little face.
Oh, and-and ready?
(SQUEAKS)
Oh, wow. I love him.
Oh, I just…
I just love him immediately.
It’s-it’s like we’re his parents.
It’s like you’re the dad and I’m the mom and we’re in a relationship and this is our baby. (CHUCKLES) Well… (SIGHS) It’s exactly like that.
Exactly.
It’s not… Okay, yes.
Yes, that’s exactly what it is.
Uh, so you’ll watch Busy Bee while I’m gone?
Max, you go, have a great time, and I want you to know I have got this.
Thanks, Gidget.
See you later.
I will defend Busy Bee with my life.
♪ ♪
(SQUEAKS)
(LAUGHS)
♪ Well, I’m on my way ♪
♪ I don’t know
where I’m going ♪
(BARKING)
♪ I’m on my way… ♪
(LAUGHTER)
Come on, Duke! Go!
Okay. (LAUGHS) Yes, yes, yes.
How we doing, Liam?
Whoo-hoo!
“Whoo-hoo” is right.
♪ Seein’ me and Julio
down by the schoolyard ♪
(MAX BARKS)
(CHUCKLING): Okay.
♪ Seein’ me and Julio
down by the schoolyard… ♪
Yes!
Here we go!
Oh, wow!
Whoohoo!
Hey, man.
I’m in a car!
Us, too!
I love the car!
It’s the best!
(LAUGHS) Yes!
♪ Well, I’m on my way ♪
♪ I don’t know where I’m going ♪
(BARKING)
♪ I’m on my way ♪
♪ And I’m taking my time, but I don’t know where ♪
(LAUGHS) Whee!
♪ So goodbye to Rosie ♪
(LAUGHS)
♪ The queen of Corona ♪
♪ Seein’ me and Julio down by the schoolyard ♪
Okay, come on, guys.
All right.
Let’s be quick.
Here we go.
♪ Seein’ me and Julio down by the schoolyard. ♪
(LIAM LAUGHING)
KATIE: No. No, no, no.
This way, buddy. Come on.
No!
(SNORING QUIETLY)
(WHIMPERS)
(CHUCKLES)
(LAUGHS, SIGHS)
♪ ♪
(BUSY BEE SQUEAKS)
(BIRDS SQUAWKING)
(BUSY BEE SQUEAKING)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(SQUEAKING)
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
BOTH: Mm…
(GRUNTS, GASPS)
Oh, no! Oh, no!
Oh, no, no, no, no!
(GASPS)
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
(GRUNTING)
No…!
(BUSY BEE WHISTLING, SQUEAKING)
Gidget, what have you done?
(PANTING, GRUNTING)
Huh?
ANNOUNCER (ON TV):
La Pasión de la Pasión.
WOMAN (ON TV): Why? Why?!
(GASPS) Aha.
Okay.
(SQUEAKS) Hmm?
(SQUEAKING)
(MEOWS)
(CATS YOWLING, HISSING)
(LONG SQUEAK)
(CATS MEOWING)
(SHUDDERS)
(SQUEAKING)
(BUSY BEE HONKS)
(YOWLS)
(BOTH CATS SHRIEK)
(BUSY BEE SQUEAKING)
(CATS SHRIEKING)
(SHRIEKING, SQUEAKING CONTINUE)
(HISSES)
(CATS YOWLING)
Oh, dear, sweet Busy Bee.
(LONG, DISTANT SQUEAK)
You know, I’ma be the first bunny with washboard glutes.
I’m not even sure what glutes are, but… mine are gonna be shredded.
(STRAINED GRUNTING)
Oh, yeah, yeah.
That’s, uh… that’s fascinating.
Let me tell you something.
(GRUNTS)
Criminals are gonna take one good look at my glutes…
(EXHALES)
…and they just gonna give up.
(GRUNTS)
(YELLS) Okay, this is obviously glued to the floor.
DAISY: Excuse me, rabbit, cat.
(VASE SHATTERS) Do any of you know Captain Snowball?
Yeah, uh, ye-yes.
Yes, we do.
And here we go.
Oh, good.
My name is Daisy, and I really got to talk to him.
A poor, defenseless animal needs saving.
Wha…? Are you saying…?
Yes. I need Captain Snowball for a…
(WHISPERS):
top secret rescue.
All right, well, I got to go.
But nice meeting you, uh…
What was it again?
Okay, you don’t listen.
It’s Daisy.
Whatever. Okay, I…
I got to get the dude to get the stuff to do the things.
I got to… Bye-bye.
Mmhmm.
That was weird.
Oh, sister, it’s gonna get way weirder.
♪ ♪
(GRUNTING)
It’s Snow time, baby.
♪ ♪
(GASPS)
(SINISTER LAUGHING, GROWLING)
Help!
Anybody hungry?
Ha!
(ALL LAUGH, THEN GASP)
(GRUNTING)
(YELLS)
(GROANING)
(YELLING WILDLY)
Oh, Snowball.
(SNOWBALL YELLING AND GRUNTING IN OTHER ROOM)
Uh, is he okay?
Not in any way. No.
(SNOWBALL GRUNTING)
Hello, citizens.
Who is that?
Mmmmmm.
I’m Captain Snowball.
I hear one of you needs my help.
Ooh, that’s me.
Ah, very good.
New dog, tell me your story.
Okay.
Well, it all began when I was on my way back from vacation.
DAISY: Our humans were safely stowed in the overhead compartment, and we were going through our owners’ stuff. (CHUCKLES) Humans always blame the airline.
What do you got?
I’ll trade you two socks for a pair of workout shorts.
Are they clean or dirty?
They ain’t clean.
(SNIFFS)
Nope. They nasty.
(CLATTERING) DAISY: And then I heard a noise.
(GRUNTING)
(CLATTERING CONTINUES)
(GRUNTS)
(TIGER GRUNTS)
Now, I don’t speak wild animal…
(MOANS)
…but from what I gathered, he was a scared, adorable tiger cub named Hu.
This poor baby kitty was being held against his will.
Whoa.
That is unbelievable.
I know, right?
No, I mean I literally don’t believe a word of it.
No offense.
Or do take offense.
I’m good either way.
Um, pardon me.
Offense is very much taken.
That story happened, and it gets worse.
After the plane landed, I saw Hu again.
(HU MOANING)
Use your no-good clown muscles and push!
DAISY: He was being brought to his new owner.
And this guy…
Time is rubles!
Y’all, this guy was pure, concentrated circus evil.
That tiger needs Captain Snowball.
Daisy, let’s go.
Yeah!
(GRUNTS)
Let’s free that tiger.
Or die trying.
Well, I mean…
I mean, we might.
Um…
Probably you.
Huh?
You’re wearing a bright suit.
Everyone’s gonna notice you.
I’ll be fine.
(WHIMPERS)
♪ ♪
(SHEEP BLEATING)
(CHICKENS CLUCKING)
Hey, guys, we’re here.
(SIGHS) Yay.
(DUKE SNORING)
(CHICKEN CLUCKING)
(CHUCKLES) Hey there.
There’s Uncle Shep.
Welcome to the farm.
(CHUCK AND UNCLE SHEP LAUGH)
Where’s my little man?
(LIAM LAUGHING)
(BIRDS SQUAWKING)
(SHEEP BLEATING)
(CATTLE MOOING)
(ROOSTER CROWING)
(LAUGHING): Oh, wow!
Look at this place.
Yeah, it’s… (GASPS)
(DUKE LAUGHS)
(CHICKENS CLUCKING)
(LAUGHS) Oh, so many smells I have never smelled before.
My nose is so confused.
And happy! (LAUGHS) Come on, Max.
Let’s go explore.
(LAUGHS):
Oh!
Yeah!
Uh, wait up.
(CHUCKLES) Oh!
Hey, cow. Moo.
(BELL CLANGING)
You’re a cow.
You’re supposed to moo.
(DUKE LAUGHS)
Woof, woof.
What?
Oh, I’m a dog.
I’m wagging my tail like an idiot.
(PANTING)
(CHUCKLES):
Oh, okay. Dude, not cool.
Oh, are you gonna throw a ball?
Oh, please throw a ball.
And I will chase it because my brain is the size of a rat turd.
(LAUGHS)
Okay. Yeah, I get it.
(MAX SIGHS)
You made your point.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, look. I’m peeing on a tree.
I now own this tree.
Okay. Yeah, great.
Leaving now. All right.
I guess I’ll just stare at the door until you come back!
MAX: Oh, I miss New York.
DUKE: Maybe a break from the city is just what you need.
This place is…
(RUMBLING) Wha…?
♪ ♪
(ROARS)
(SCREAMING)
(GOBBLING)
(MAX PANTING, GASPING)
MAX: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. (SCREAMS) Duke, what did I do?
What did I do?
(MAX SOBBING)
(HOWLS)
(GOBBLES)
(MOOING) Huh?
(GROANING SIGH)
(GOBBLING)
Whoa.
(RAPID JINGLING)
(MAX GASPS) Dinner’s on!
(“WHITE RABBIT” BY JEFFERSON AIRPLANE PLAYING)
(WHISPERING): Chloe? I need your help.
Chloe.
Oh. Uh… oh.
(PURRING QUIETLY) Uh, Chloe?
Chloe, are you okay?
Shh.
Sorry. Uh, I’m-I’m just…
I’m… (SIGHS) Real quick… why is there a lampshade on your head?
(CHUCKLES)
Listen, Gidget, baby, I got to be honest with you.
My owner might have given me a little bit of catnip.
(CHLOE CHUCKLING)
(GRUNTS, CHUCKLES)
(SIGHS)
Oh, okay. Gotcha.
That’s great. Um, listen.
It is great, Gidget.
Everything is great…
All right.
(PURRS)
Do you hear that? (PURRS)
Hear what?
It’s like… it’s like a tiny… like a tiny motor.
It’s like a humming sound.
(PURRS)
I’m not… don’t know what you’re ta…
Oh. Chloe, you’re purring.
(CHUCKLES) That’s you.
What? That’s me?
Like, as in the sound is coming from inside of me?
Yep.
Oh.
I wonder what other sounds I could make.
(MEOWS)
It-it’s just, Max trusted me to look after his Busy Bee, and then…
(HIGHPITCHED PURRING)
(GRUNTS)
Chloe, would you listen?
(LONG, WARBLING YOWL)
Wow. Please stop.
(LONG, DEEP YOWL)
Are you finished?
(HIGHPITCHED SQUEAK)
This is important.
I lost Busy Bee.
I got to get it back, but to do that…
Chloe…
(SIGHS)
I need you to teach me the way of the cat.
(GRUNTS)
Here we go.
I’m gonna get you. (GRUNTS)
(CONTINUES GRUNTING)
(BARKING)
(QUIET CHATTER, LAUGHTER) Max, come on.
Try to catch a firefly.
I’m just…
That sounds great, but II think Liam wants me near him.
You-you know, he’s a little freaked out being in this weird place.
I think he’ll be okay.
LIAM: And this one is a jumper.
(PANTING)
O-Okay.
(LAUGHING)
Just one.
(GRUNTING)
Yes, I…
(GROANS, SOBS)
Oh.
(BABBLING)
(DOG GROWLING)
(YELLS)
Oh. Hello.
Dog’s got two things in this life: his water bowl and his dignity.
You take one, you take the other.
I, uh… II didn’t know this was your bowl.
What?
The cone blocking your view?
It’s got my name on the side.
We are so sorry, Mr. Chicken.
Name’s not Chicken.
Do I look like a chicken to you?
No. No, sir.
No, not-not even a little.
Name’s Rooster.
MAX: Oh.
Okay.
I-I’m Max, and this is…
Hey, what’s that kid doing in the cage?
There something wrong with him?
He got the fever?
(LIAM LAUGHING)
(FROG CROAKS) Uh, that’s-that’s Liam.
Hehe likes to run.
So let him run.
Well, Liam’s super fast.
(CHUCKLES): We-we-we blink, and he’s up a tree.
So then your kid’s up a tree.
What’s the problem?
Well, he could fall.
He might.
And then he hurts himself.
Oh, so he got really high up in this hypothetical tree?
(STAMMERS, SIGHS)
Kid gets hurt, he learns not to do it again.
You know how many electric cords I’ve chewed?
Like, multiple cords?
One.
It shocked me.
I walked backwards for a week, but I never chewed a cord again.
Well, that is great for you.
And-and it explains a lot, but I like to protect Liam from… everything.
(SNICKERS) Well, that’s you, and you’re wrong.
(SCOFFS)
Can you believe that guy?
Yeah, he was cool!
No, he wasn’t.
I know.
He wasn’t cool at all.
KATIE: No, I’ll do the dishes.
Come on.
CHUCK: Let’s get this guy inside.
KATIE: Thanks.
Whoa. Hold up there.
Dogs sleep outside.
Uh, pardon?
Huh?
Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Okay, wait, wait.
L-L-Let’s talk about this like rational… (GRUNTS) All right, we’re here.
In record time, too, thanks to the Bunny-mobile.
Oh, yeah! (GRUNTS)
(THUNDER RUMBLING) Stealth mode.
Let’s go!
♪ ♪
(GRUNTING)
(YELLS, GRUNTS)
(GRUNTS, BABBLES)
(GASPS)
(THUNDER CRASHES)
(SCREAMING) You are jumpy.
I meant… (YELLS) That’s cool.
Or… (YELLS) Look at that thing I’m not scared of right there.
Or… (YELLS) There’s a candy wrapper on the ground.
See? It’s just a thing I do.
(YELLS QUIETLY)
(WHIP CRACKS)
(GASPS)
SERGEI: Come on, you stupid tiger!
(WHIP CRACKING)
DAISY: There he is.
Let’s go.
(GRUNTS)
SERGEI: We don’t have entire night.
(WHIP CRACKING)
(HU MOANS)
Let’s go!
(MOANS)
You’re wasting Sergei’s time.
(MOANING)
We got to do something.
(WHIP CRACKS)
(BOTH GASP)
(GASPING, YOWLING)
(MEN CHATTERING URGENTLY)
Okay, all right, all right.
Whoa, whoa.
Wait.
(CHATTER CONTINUES)
SNOWBALL: Come on.
(WHIMPERS, MOANS)
We try again tomorrow.
If tiger does not do trick…
(MONKEY HOOTS)
tiger will become rug.
(MONKEY GRUNTS)
(GROANS QUIETLY)
Do not let tiger out of your sight.
(WOLVES GROWLING QUIETLY)
(MOANS)
It’s okay, Hu.
It’s me, Daisy, from the plane.
(PURRS)
(DAISY CHUCKLES)
Hey.
Step away from the tiger.
Mind your business, wolf.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
(ALL GROWLING)
Oh!
(GRUNTING, YELPING)
(WOLVES GROWLING)
Huh?
(GRUNTS, YELLS)
(BARKING, GROWLING)
(YELLING)
(GRUNTS)
(GROWLING)
(GASPS, YELLS)
(WOLF BARKS)
(GRUNTS)
Haha!
(YELLS)
(GROWLS)
(SNOWBALL WHIMPERING, PANTING)
(GAME MUSIC PLAYS, BELL RINGS)
(SCREAMS, GRUNTS)
(BELL DINGS)
Whoa! (SCREAMS) (YELLS) No!
(LOW GROWLING)
(THUNDER RUMBLES)
(SCREAMS)
(GROWLING)
(WHIMPERS)
(LAUGHS, SCREAMS)
(WOLF SNARLS)
(YELLS, GRUNTS)
(WHIMPERING)
Oh, gonna die, gonna die, gonna die!
(YELLS, GASPS)
(RIDE CLUNKING)
Whoa! (GRUNTS)
(BUZZING)
(GROWLS)
Huh?
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
(MUFFLED): I got the keys. Let’s go.
What?
(SPITS)
(FEEDBACK SQUEALS)
(OVER SPEAKER): I said, “I got the keys.”
Come on, let’s go.
Uh, all right.
Yeah, of course.
(RIDE WHIRRING, CLACKING)
(SHUDDERS, GRUNTS)
(DOOR CREAKS)
(HU PURRING)
(DAISY AND SNOWBALL CHUCKLE)
Heck yeah!
BOTH: Boom.
You know what I learned today?
Hmm?
Wolves are jerks.
(SNOWBALL LAUGHS)
(WOLVES GROWLING QUIETLY)
(SNARLS, GROWLS)
(INSECTS CHIRPING, OWL HOOTING)
(DUKE SNORING QUIETLY)
(MAX WHIMPERS)
(GRUNTS, GROANS)
(WHISPERS): Duke.
(SNORING CONTINUES) Psst. Duke.
I think we should check on Liam.
Duke.
I finally caught you, tail.
(GROANS)
(SNORING CONTINUES)
(SIGHS)
(SIGHS)
(TWITTERING NEARBY)
Huh? What’s that?
(TWITTERING)
(OWL HOOTING)
(WHIMPERS)
(CAWING) Okay. Okay.
(CROAKS)
(HOOTING)
What?
(CHITTERING)
(BELLOWING)
(WHIMPERS)
(CHIRPING)
(SNORING)
(FRIGHTENED WHIMPER)
(MUNCHING LOUDLY)
(GOBBLING)
(PASSES GAS)
(HOWLING)
(SCREAMS)
(SIGHS)
(LOW GROWLING)
(RUSTLING IN GRASS)
(GASPS)
(GROWLING)
(SCREAMS) Wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
No, no, please, you don’t want to eat me.
I’m skin and bones. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no…
(WHIMPERING)
(ROOSTER BARKING)
(GASPS, WHIMPERS)
(ROOSTER BARKING)
(FOX WHIMPERING)
Uh… (CHUCKLES) Thanks.
He, uh… he got the jump on me.
(CHUCKLES):
I guess he…
I couldn’t see him because of the cone.
Then get rid of the cone.
Oh, man, I would.
(CHUCKLES): I would, but my therapist says I need it.
Oh. Oh, okay.
Well, that makes sense.
(MAX CHUCKLES) Yeah, it’s a medical device.
(CHUCKLES):
These doctors.
(ROOSTER GROWLS)
(MAX YELLS) There.
You’re cured.
Hallelujah.
Not a fan.
I am not a fan of the farm.
CHLOE: Okay, tail.
(CHUCKLES)
Ears.
And voilà .
Whoa.
Gidget, you look so much like a cat, it’s crazy.
(CHUCKLES)
Yeah. Who knew?
So easy.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on.
It’s gonna take more than fake ears and a sock, okay?
You got to learn how to act like a cat.
Okay.
Okay, Gidge, I’m gonna throw some situations at you, and you’re just gonna, you know… you’re gonna react like a cat.
Gotcha.
Fetch.
Yes!
I’m gonna get it!
(DOGS BABBLING)
Gidget, stay.
But…
No.
Cats don’t care about fetching.
Fetching is for dopes.
MEL: Yes! (LAUGHS)
(BUDDY PANTING)
You’re above that, because you are a cat.
GIDGET: Mm.
(YELLS, GRUNTS)
(SCREAMS, YELPS)
(GROANS)
You see, dogs land like the clumsy oafs they are.
Meanwhile, cats land on their feet.
Really?
How do they… (SCREAMS)
(GRUNTS, GASPS)
Yes! I did it!
I landed on my feet.
Yes!
(MUFFLED): Nice work.
(WHIMPERS) Seriously, guys, I think I broke something.
You gotta.
It’s a fact of life.
Absolutely not.
Never gonna happen.
Guys, I found treats!
(STIFLED GAGGING)
Oh, Mel. Ugh.
Okay, Gidget, eat Sweetpea.
What?
(TWEETING) Cats eat birds.
It’s nature.
Yeah, I’m gonna pass.
No, no, no, no.
You used your one pass on the litter box, so you have to do this.
But…
(MOCKING): B-B-B-But… Do it.
You’re seriously gonna make her eat Sweetpea?
Oh, no, no, no. Of course not.
I’m just freaking her out.
(SWEETPEA SQUEALS)
(GASPS) Okay. What’s next?
Gidget, no. That’s…
Bad dog. Bad cat-dog.
(RETCHES, GAGS)
(SWEETPEA TWITTERING)
(GRUNTS) Sorry.
Up.
(GIDGET GRUNTS) And tail in the face.
Okay, touch the butt to the cup.
(MEL LAUGHING)
Walk on keyboard.
There you go.
Coffee on computer.
(ELECTRICAL CRACKLING)
And down.
(GIDGET GRUNTS)
Nice.
Yes, you got it.
(SWEETPEA CHIRPS)
Gidget, you’re as close to a cat as a dog can get.
(LAUGHING)
Cool.
Now turn me into a chinchilla.
Can you do that?
(CLICKING TONGUE)
(BUDDY CHUCKLES)
(“FANTASTIC VOYAGE” BY COOLIO PLAYING)
Oh, yeah.
First mission in the bag.
It was easy.
Too easy? Maybe.
Maybe it was.
(HU YOWLS)
♪ Come along and ride on a fantastic voyage… ♪
Hey, big fella.
What’d I do?
Oh, I just rescued a tiger.
No, I’m not even trying to brag.
I’m just telling you what happened.
See, that’s the thing about being awesome.
When you awesome and you just tell the truth, it sounds like you bragging.
Let me know when you finish tooting your horn, ’cause we got to find a safe place for Hu.
Uh, what?
What are you talking about?
(CLATTERING)
(YELLS)
(MEOWS)
Oh, yeah.
Oh, that guy. Yeah.
Uh… yeah.
Oh! I got it.
I know a guy whose owner is never home.
Yeah, we can just take him there.
Sounds like a plan.
Super-bunny powers, activate.
♪ ♪
Wait out here, buddy.
(GRUNTING)
We’ll be right back, okay?
(PURRS QUIETLY)
POPS (MILITARY CADENCE): ♪ I’m a puppy cute and sweet ♪
♪ Beg real nice and get a treat. ♪
Hip, hip, hip,
hip, hip, hip.
(PUPPIES GRUNTING)
Hey, Pops.
POPS: Who-who’s that?
(PUPPIES CHATTERING)
Bunny, bunny, bunny, bunny!
Oh, uh… (SCREAMS) I am a hero.
I need you to respect that.
All right, all right.
Tenhut!
(SNOWBALL GROANS)
Puppy school is in session.
Puppy school?
Now the daily pledge.
I promise…
PUPPIES: I promise… to listen to Pops… to listen to Pops… and learn how to be adorable, wide-eyed and loving… and learn how to be adorable, wide-eyed and loving… to get what I want, when I want it.
…to get what I want, when I want it.
Okay, now, Pop’s quiz.
Myron has hidden socks all over the room.
Now, what do we do with human socks?
Ooh, me, me.
Go ahead, Princess.
We hide them, Mr. Pops.
Correctarooney.
And why do we hide them?
Not knowing where one sock is messes with the humans’ minds.
Heck yes, it does.
Always keep ’em guessing.
Now, go find those socks.
What? Okay, all right.
Okay. Hey, Pops.
What…? Okay, that’s enough.
Hey. What’s going on?
Yeah. My owner got a new puppy.
My name’s Tiny.
Nobody cares!
I was teaching Tiny how not to be anyone’s sucker.
Word got out, suddenly every puppy in the tristate area is scratching at my door.
Yeah. Oh.
Professor Pops?
Yes, Pickles?
I got to make a poop.
Oh. You know where to do that.
Find a shoe.
(PICKLES PANTING)
(CHUCKLES)
(LAUGHS)
This is so sweet.
Yeah, they’re good…
(HU GROWLS) Holy cheese and crackers!
What is that?
Myron, horn!
(SQUEAKS)
(AIR HORN BLARES)
(GASPS, GROWLS)
No, no, no.
No, no, look, look. It’s okay.
This beautiful creature is Hu.
And the good news… is he’s staying with you.
Get that tiger out of here before he does any more damage.
But we don’t have anywhere else to take him.
Well, he ain’t staying here.
PUPPIES: Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty!
No, what are you…
Don’t get attached.
That thing is out.
PUPPIES: Aw.
Oh, Pickles.
Did you poop in a shoe?
I pooped in a boot.
Your owner won’t find it for weeks.
(GIGGLING)
(POPS MOANS, SNIFFLES)
Are you crying?
What? No. You’re crying!
(SNIFFLES) But I’m just so proud of Pickles.
(POPS CLEARS THROAT)
PRINCESS: Mr. Pops, please, can the tiger stay with us?
Please?
PUPPIES: Please.
(WHIMPERING)
(GRUNTS) Myron, look away.
(WHIMPERS)
(HU PURRS)
POPS: Oh, flapdoodle.
Okay, fine. One night.
(PUPPIES CHEERING)
I taught you guys too well.
(MYRON SNIFFLES)
(MYRON BLOWS, SNIFFLES)
(CHITTERING)
(HOOTS, CHITTERS)
(GRUNTS ANGRILY)
(MEN AND WOLVES WHIMPERING)
I give wolves one job.
Guard white tiger.
And you wolves, you blow it.
(WOLVES WHIMPER) Maybe I should make juggling monkey
head of security.
(HOOTS)
What say you, Little Sergei?
(SQUEALS EXCITEDLY)
Yes, you are so smart.
And then there’s this one.
You’re the worst wolf ever.
(WHIMPERS) I swear, I…
(GASPS)
(WHIMPERS, GROWLS)
What this?
(SNIFFS)
This from thief of tiger.
(SNIFFING)
Yes, smell.
(WOLVES SNIFFING)
(WOLVES BARKING)
(SERGEI CHUCKLES)
(WOLVES SNARLING, BARKING)
You bring that tiger back.
And if you don’t, that one…
(WHIMPERS)
…will be a new coat for Little Sergei.
(LITTLE SERGEI HOOTING)
(ALL HOWLING)
(SNARLING)
♪ ♪
(MUNCHING LOUDLY)
Oh, this is good.
You should really try this. Mm!
(LIAM BABBLING)
KATIE: Mmm.
CHUCK: So nice.
KATIE: So fresh.
(CHUCKLES) Max.
Book, book, book.
We’re turning it again.
Um, I’m sorry, Liam.
We can’t read.
Well, wait a sec.
There’s no reason we can’t figure this one out together, right?
(LIAM CHUCKLES)
This first page, there’s a little girl in a red hood, skipping through the forest with…
(GASPS) with some food.
Look at that… she’s got food.
(CHUCKLES) Om, nom, nom.
MAX: And look at that… she brought the food over to…
Hmm. Say, who is that?
Oh! Looks like her grandma.
Oh, I’ll bet you’re right.
Oh, that is sweet. She…
(DUKE AND MAX SCREAM)
So, Grandma had a pet wolf.
They had a great visit.
The little girl went home.
No one got eaten.
The end.
(LAUGHS)
ROOSTER: No, no, no, no.
That’s not how the story goes.
(GROANS)
We got this, thanks.
That wolf was gonna eat the little girl.
Nope! Thank you, Rooster.
He already ate Grandma.
(MAX GROANS)
ROOSTER: And then he assumed the old lady’s identity.
(GASPS) No.
Wha…? Hey.
Don’t freak out my kid.
Take that, Mr. Wolfy.
(BLOWS RASPBERRIES)
Kid seems fine to me.
You’re the one who’s scared of everything.
I am not. I’m-I’m…
Tell him, Duke.
Yeah, yeah.
Max isn’t scared of everything.
I-I… I can think of, um…
Uh, yeah.
Yeah, well, there’s a few… there’s a few things.
Okay, thanks.
You bet.
♪ ♪
(TV PLAYING QUIETLY)
(CATS MEWING)
Okay, this is it.
You good to go?
Roger that.
(GRUNTS)
(YELPS, GRUNTS)
(GASPS)
(YOWLING, MEOWING)
(WHIMPERS)
That’s a good kitty.
(CAT GROWLS)
(HISSES)
(CAT WHIMPERS)
MAN (ON TV): Maria, your face, it wears a thousand sorrows.
(CAT YOWLING)
(WHIMPERING)
(BUSY BEE SQUEAKS)
(GASPS)
GIDGET: Busy Bee.
(SQUEAKS, WHISTLES)
(GRUNTING)
(YELPS, GRUNTS)
(CAT MEOWS)
(STRAINED GRUNTING)
(GASPS)
Oh, boy.
(SNORING)
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
Okay, come on, Gidget.
(SQUEAKING)
(GIDGET GRUNTS)
(GASPS)
(STRAINED GRUNT, GASPS)
(SQUEAKS LOUDLY)
Huh? (ROARS)
(GIDGET GASPS, SQUEALS)
Norman, now!
NORMAN: You got it, sister.
(HIGHPITCHED WHIRRING)
Huh?
(MUFFLED YELLING, SHRIEKING)
(GRUNTING)
(ROARS)
(GRUNTS) Busy Bee!
(CREAKING)
(SQUEAKING)
(ROARS)
(CATS YOWLING)
Whoa. Okay.
Uh, time for plan B.
Engaging plan B.
(ALL GASP)
(GRUNTS)
(SWALLOWS)
(WHIMPERS)
She caught the red dot.
ALL: Huzzah!
(GRUNTS)
(“LA MARSEILLAISE” PLAYS)
(BUSY BEE SQUEAKS)
She is the Chosen One.
All hail the queen.
CATS: Hail the queen!
All hail Queen Gidget.
(NORMAN SCREAMS)
(CAT YOWLS)
(BARKING)
(CATTLE SNORTING)
(BARKING)
(MOOING)
(BARKING)
(BARKING, MOOING CONTINUE)
Hyah!
(BARKS)
Get in! Faster!
Max, did you see that?
Uh, yeah.
So cool.
Oh, it’s not that big a deal.
(ROOSTER GRUNTING)
Move. Hyah!
Move it!
(CHUCKLES):
Oh, man.
(PIG SNORTING)
(CHICKS CHEEPING)
Hey, look.
That big guy got out.
We better get Rooster.
No. No, no, no need for that.
I can handle it.
Hey, mister.
Ba-Back inside.
Come on.
Yep.
(STRAINED GRUNTING)
You’re doing great.
Go underneath him.
(MAX GRUNTS) Let’s go. (SIGHS) I think he moved a little.
Don’t you… don’t you ignore me.
(GRUNTS)
Ah, come on.
(GRUNTING)
DUKE: Yep, uh-huh.
Now go and do the front.
No, no, back.
Now go to the side.
Uh, Max, Rooster nips at the cows to get ’em to move.
Really? (CHUCKLES) That sounds drastic, but… okay, pig, you asked for this.
(SQUEALING WILDLY)
Oh.
(SCREAMING)
(GRUNTS)
(SHEEP BLEATING)
(GROANS WEAKLY)
Hey, Max. You okay?
Yeah.
(GROANS WEAKLY)
What’s going on?
Don’t worry, I’m-I’m fine.
You let all the sheep out.
I did?
Hey!
Get back in there!
Come on.
Wait a minute. Where’s Cotton?
Oh, he went into the woods.
(SIGHS)
You.
Uh…
Come with me.
Wh-Where are we going?
We’re gonna go get Cotton back.
Oh. Great.
Come on, Duke.
Oh.
Duke, sit.
Yep.
This is just you and me.
Oh, boy.
Come on.
(CHUCKLES) Super.
Goodbye!
(MAX WHIMPERS)
(CROAKS)
Cotton, where are you?
(GRUNTING)
Come on.
Hurry up!
Uh…
Okay.
Just jump.
(WHIMPERS, GRUNTS)
(YELLS) Ow, ow, ow!
(WHIMPERS)
Ow, ow!
(GROANING)
Scent’s getting stronger.
Cotton’s close.
(GRUNTS)
(EXHAUSTED SIGH)
Oh, boy.
(GROANS)
I can do this.
(PANTING):
I got it, I got it.
(SCREAMS)
(GROANS)
(GRUNTING)
(SIGHING, PANTING)
Rooster, you-you know what?
Just… just go on without me.
Oh, you’re not giving up.
Yeah, but…
(COTTON BLEATING)
Follow me.
(PANTING)
♪ ♪
(MAX PANTING)
Cotton, what are you doing down there?
(MAX GASPING) There’s apples in this tree.
All right, just don’t panic.
MAX: Oh, man.
Max is coming down to save you.
Wait, what?
That tree can’t support my weight.
You get down there.
♪ ♪
(BIRD SCREECHES)
I-I-I can’t do that.
Sure, you can.
Think of this as a… as a… as a game of fetch.
Now, go fetch the sheep.
No. No, no, no, no, no.
It-it’s too high, and-and I’m-I’m… I’m too afraid.
Max, here’s a trick.
The first step of not being afraid is acting like you’re not afraid.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
So, are you scared?
No.
Are you scared?
No! No, I’m not.
Now you’re talking.
Go get Cotton.
Hurry.
(SIGHS NERVOUSLY)
Okay, okay.
Hey.
(INHALES DEEPLY)
(EXHALES)
Okay.
(GASPS, SHUDDERS)
(WHIMPERING)
(YELLS) Whoa!
(GRUNTS) Listen, uh, Cotton, walk toward me, okay?
Okay, sure.
But my leg is stuck.
(STAMMERING):
His leg is stuck.
Well, unstuck it.
Uh… (WHIMPERS)
(ROCKS FALLING)
(YELLS, WHIMPERS)
(TREE CRACKLING)
Hold on.
COTTON: Whee!
(MAX WHIMPERS)
Okay, Cotton, listen, we got to…
(YELLS) Hurry up!
(GRUNTING)
Ooh!
(STRAINED GRUNTING)
COTTON: Ow! Whoa!
(MAX GRUNTS, YELLS)
(MAX GASPS)
Come on.
(GRUNTING RAPIDLY)
(STRAINED GRUNTING)
(GASPING)
(SCREAMS)
(WHIMPERING)
(SCREAMS, GRUNTS)
(WHIMPERING)
(PANTING):
Okay.
We’re… we’re alive.
(SIGHS)
Yep.
(LAUGHING) Yeah, we… Oh, no!
Oof. Yeah, we are.
(SHEEP BLEATING)
DUKE: Mm.
(DISTANT BARKING)
(GASPS) Max?
(SLURPS)
♪ ♪
(COTTON CHUCKLING)
Max.
Get back in your pen, Cotton.
Okay.
No. Other way, Cotton.
Okay.
(HUMS A TUNE)
So, how did it go?
What-what happened?
You-you know, it was… it was pretty intense.
Tell him, Rooster.
You know, some stuff happened.
Now it’s over.
(CHUCKLES): Wow!
He can really tell a story.
Right?
(GROWLS)
(SNIFFING)
We are getting closer.
(WOLVES GROWLING)
So there I was, surrounded by nasty wolves.
You asking, was I scared?
No one asked anything.
You just walked up to us and started talking.
I was scared.
But I saved that tiger anyway.
Am I a hero?
That’s not for me to say.
Boo-Boo.
Boo-Boo, are you listening?
I am. (GRUNTS) Stop digging for a second, Boo-Boo, and maybe you’ll learn something.
As I was saying…
Wo-Wo… W-W-Wolf.
Duh. That’s what I’ve been talking about… wolves.
(WOLVES GROWLING)
(GASPS)
(YELLS)
(SNARLING)
(PANTING)
(GRUNTING)
(GROWLS)
(MAN GASPS)
(SCREAMING)
(BIKE CRASHES, RIDER GROANS)
(GRUNTS)
(SNIFFING)
There.
(WOLVES GROWLING)
(BARKS, GROWLS)
(GASPS)
(GASPS)
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Where is the tiger?
Oh. There he is!
Huh?
What?
Hey!
So long, suckers!
(BLOWS RASPBERRIES)
♪ ♪
(VIDEO GAME SOUND EFFECTS)
Ha! Take that!
Now, this is training.
Okay?
Keeping my reflexes sharp.
Ha! Flawless victory.
Oh!
You were just beaten by a rabbit.
You don’t even know it.
(BELL DINGS) Ooh, my pizza rolls.
(BLINDS RUSTLING)
What’s that?
(YELLS) Oh.
Oh, hello, Snowball.
Hey, Pops.
What’s, uh… what’s-what’s going on?
Oh, you know, just returning your giant tiger.
Oh, uh, fun fact: He trashed my apartment!
(HU MOANS) This thing ate a flatscreen like it was a pita chip.
For shame!
Oh, now you’ve done it.
Pickles is pissed.
Uh… are you sure that’s my tiger?
‘Cause I don’t…
I don’t know if that’s…
Let’s go, class.
(PRINCESS SCOFFS)
Ah, come on, old man, don’t do this.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Please.
(HU MOANS HAPPILY)
Hey.
How you been?
(SNIFFING)
(PURRS)
(YAWNS)
I’ma go get back to my pizza rolls, and I’ll come back and check on you in a bit, okay?
(HU MOANS)
Problem solved.
GIDGET: Snowball?
(GASPS) Puffy Dog?
What are you doing in Max’s apartment?
Nothing.
Why are you hanging out with every cat in the universe?
(CATS MEOWING)
Oh, you know, just because.
Mm, okay.
Okay.
Okay.
(DISTANT BIRDCALLS)
(GASPS)
Uh, hey, Rooster.
Hey, kid. Good job today.
Yeah? Well, I-I got to admit, I feel pretty good.
I’m not so nervous around the farm or you or… the turkey who won’t stop following me!
(GOBBLES)
Yeah, I see you, you weirdo.
(CHUCKLES, GRUNTS)
Anyway, I heard Katie say we’re leaving tomorrow, and…
(ROOSTER HOWLING)
Oh. Uh…
You want me to, uh… you want me to go?
(CHUCKLES):
No. Just what we do out here.
You want to join me?
Uh, yeah. Okay. Cool.
(GRUNTING)
(ROOSTER CHUCKLES)
You ready to try?
(HOWLS)
(MAX HOWLS WEAKLY, SIGHS)
Come on, kid. Deeper.
Deep from your gut.
Right. O-Okay, got it.
(BOTH HOWL)
(CHUCKLES) There you go.
(MAX CHUCKLES)
(BOTH HOWLING)
(ROOSTER CROWING)
(ROOSTER TAKES A DEEP BREATH)
(SNORTS, GRUNTS)
Wow.
(SIGHS)
(DUKE BARKING)
LIAM: Whee!
(KATIE AND LIAM LAUGHING)
KATIE: Yay!
(UNCLE SHEP GRUNTS)
(GRUNTS)
All right, come on, guys.
All right.
(BABBLING)
(GRUNTING, PANTING)
Huh? What do you think?
Max, so cool.
Hey, where-where’d Max go?
(LIAM LAUGHS) And who let this super cool cowboy in the car?
(DUKE LAUGHS)
Whoo-hoo!
(ALL LAUGH)
Bye, Uncle Shep.
(ENGINE STARTS) Goodbye, now. So long.
(MAX AND DUKE BARKING)
Bye, Rooster!
And thank you!
(GRUNTING, SIGHING):
B-Bye.
(TURKEY GOBBLES)
Mind your business, turkey.
I’m-I’m…
I’m having a moment.
(TURKEY GOBBLES, WHIMPERS)
Okay, moment’s over.
(ROOSTER SIGHS)
(GOBBLES)
♪ ♪
Mwah.
There we go, buddy.
(MAX YAWNS)
(DOOR CLOSES)
(DUKE SIGHS)
Good to be home.
So good. (SIGHS)
(CREAKING)
(SNIFFS)
(YELPS) Shush.
Shh!
You shh.
(HU PURRS)
SNOWBALL: Shush!
Huh? Snowball?
(SNOWBALL GASPS)
(HU GRUNTS) Oh, hey, what, uh…
Hey, Tiny Dog.
What are you doing with a tiger in my apartment?
Well, what are you doing home from your trip so soon, hmm?
I mean, as long as we pointing fingers.
Hey, hey, hey.
We don’t have time for this.
We are trying to hide Hu before the circus wolves get here.
Circus wolves?
You do know I have a life when you’re not around, right, TD?
Yeah, okay, but…
DAISY: Captain Snowball.
They’re here.
What?
(GASPS) Wolves.
(MAX GASPS)
SNOWBALL: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh, no, they gonna kill us, Hu.
Oh, this is bad.
(SOBS)
Well, at least we die together.
(SOBBING)
Keep it together, boy.
(SNIFFLES) Okay. Okay.
We need a plan. Daisy?
(MAX INHALES DEEPLY)
Let’s hide Hu on the roof.
Tiny Dog, where are you going?
Yeah, I’m-I’m not sure, but I guess I’m gonna… gonna try and find my inner Rooster.
What?
(PANTING): Okay. Okay. Okay.
(MAX GRUNTS)
(WOLVES GROWLING)
(BARKING)
(GROWLING CONTINUES)
(WHIMPERS, GASPS)
(GRUNTS)
(GASPS, WHIMPERS)
(SERGEI GRUNTS)
(YELLS)
(PANTING)
(SERGEI LAUGHING)
SERGEI: Puny little coward.
(GRUNTS)
(PANTING)
Hurry up, Hu.
All right, let’s hide him in the…
(SCREAMS)
Oh. Oh, it’s just this weird little guy.
Why don’t you just go back to wherever you belong, Bonzo, because I don’t want to… Ow!
Ow, ow, ow, ow!
(LITTLE SERGEI GIGGLES)
Ow, ow, ow! (SCREAMS)
(WOLVES GROWLING)
(GASPS)
Run, Hu.
(GRUNTS)
(MOANS)
(DAISY YELLING)
(WOLVES SNARLING)
(GASPS)
(MOANING)
(WOLVES GROWLING)
(DART GUN WHOOSHES)
(GROWLS)
(MOANS)
(LAUGHS, GROANS)
(GROWLING)
Oh, pretty little dog, I like you.
You will join my circus as a cannonball.
(BARKING)
(GRUNTS, GASPS)
(CLOWN WHIMPERS)
Mongrel doesn’t learn.
(PANTING)
(HU WHIMPERS)
Stupid tiger!
(VEHICLE DOOR CLOSES)
(GASPS)
(SERGEI LAUGHING)
(PAINED MOANING)
SERGEI: Pathetic. Let’s go!
We have a train to catch.
(MAX GASPS)
Ow! (SIGHS)
(ENGINE STARTS)
Daisy! Hu!
(EXHALES)
What…
They are in a truck.
What are we gonna do, TD?
Whoo-hoo!
Whoa! (LAUGHS)
(GASPS)
Attention.
This is Captain Snowball.
Me and Tiny Dog need backup.
We read you loud and clear.
Over.
We are headed to the circus.
This is urgent. Over.
Copy that.
Busy Bee, Mommy’s got to go save Daddy.
(SQUEAKING) Again.
Cats, let’s do this!
(CATS MEOWING)
(“LA GRANGE” BY ZZ TOP PLAYING)
♪ Rumor spreadin’ round ♪
(MEOWING)
♪ In that Texas town ♪
♪ About that shack outside La Grange ♪
Are my babies hungry?
♪ And you know what I’m talkin’ about ♪
Oh, dear.
(FEEDBACK SQUEALS)
♪ Have mercy ♪
♪ Ahow, how, how, how ♪
♪ Aheh, ahow, how, how. ♪
♪ ♪
(ENGINE STARTS, REVS)
(TIRES SQUEALING)
(GRUNTS) Whoa!
Buckle up, everyone.
Hang on, Max.
We’re coming.
Floor it!
(YOWLS)
(TIRES SQUEALING)
(YELLING EXCITEDLY)
(TIRES SQUEALING)
(HORNS HONKING)
(HU MOANS)
Hurry up, you clowns!
(CLOWN HORN HONKS)
(SERGEI LAUGHING)
Let’s go, let’s go!
(GROWLS) Sergei have new toy.
Training is going to be a lot more fun.
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLES)
(HU MOANS)
(SERGEI LAUGHS)
All right, let’s get this show on the tracks.
(ENGINE WHIRRING)
♪ ♪
(YELLING)
(LAUGHS)
(GRUNTS)
(SNOWBALL AND MAX GRUNT)
(MAX GASPS)
(PANTING AND GRUNTING)
(GRUNTS)
Snowball!
(PANTING)
Come on, jump!
(PANTS, YELLS)
(SCREAMS)
(MAX GRUNTING) Guys, what’s your location?
They’re on a train headed northbound.
Over.
Roger that, Norman.
We’re on it.
Go right here.
(YOWLING)
(TIRES SQUEALING)
(WARNING BELL CLANGING)
You hang back, TD.
Captain Snowball is on the ca… (YELPS) Snowball!
I’m fine.
(TRAIN HORN BLOWS)
Yeah, can, uh… can you, uh, find a way to get back up here, or is there…?
(WOLVES SNARLING)
(GASPS, WHIMPERS)
(WOLVES GRUNT)
What the…?
(MAX YELLS)
(WHIMPERS)
(WOLVES SNARLING)
Tiny Dog.
(FOOTSTEPS SCURRYING ABOVE)
(LOUD GRUNT NEARBY)
What was that? Hello?
(STRAINED GRUNTING)
(GASPS) Daisy!
Snowball!
Oh, thank goodness.
Get me out of here.
I’m stuck.
Okay, okay, look… Huh?
(SNARLS)
(GRUNTS)
(SHRIEKS)
(YELLS, GRUNTING)
(GRUNTS)
(GRUNTING)
(GRUNTS FIERCELY, YELLS)
(GRUNTING)
(GROWLING)
(MARTIAL ARTS WHOOPING)
(HOOTING)
(BELL CLANGS)
(YELLS)
(SHRIEKS)
(MARTIAL ARTS GRUNTING)
(BOTH GRUNTING AND GROANING)
(MARTIAL ARTS WHOOPING)
(LITTLE SERGEI GROWLS, YELLS)
Body blow.
(GRUNTING RAPIDLY)
(WHOOPS)
(GROANS, WHIMPERS)
(KNUCKLES CRACKING)
This ends now, monkey.
(WHIMPERING)
(SNOWBALL YELLS)
(LAUGHS)
(WOLVES BARKING)
(YELPING, GRUNTING)
(WOLF SCREECHES)
(GRUNTING)
(GASPS)
(GROWLING)
(YELLING)
(MOANING)
(SIGHS)
You still there, monkey? Huh?
(LITTLE SERGEI SCREECHING)
Oh, no! He’s here! He’s here!
And on fire! (SCREAMS) Hey! Get me out of here!
(YELLS)
(SNARLS)
(SCREAMING)
(SQUEALS)
(GASPS, BLOWS RAPIDLY)
Snowball, the fuse!
I got it. I got it.
(HOOTS)
(SHRIEKS)
(SCREAMS, GRUNTS)
(DAISY YELLS)
(GASPS)
(DAISY SCREAMS)
Whoa!
(GRUNTING)
(GROWLS)
(YELLS, GROANS)
(SHRIEKS)
(GRUNTING)
(SCREECHING)
(HOOTS)
(DAISY GRUNTS) Say goodbye, monkey!
Uh-oh.
(SCREAMING)
(PANTING)
(LITTLE SERGEI SCREAMING)
Huh?
Oh! (SCREAMS)
(BOTH YELLING, GROANING)
(LITTLE SERGEI WHIMPERING)
(PANTING)
♪ ♪
(GRUNTS)
(GRUNTS)
(PANTING)
(TRAIN HORN BLARING)
(SNIFFS)
(GRUNTS)
(BARKS)
Huh?
(GROWLS)
All right, doggy.
Bring it.
(YELLS, SCREAMS)
Tiny Dog!
(SCREAMS)
(GRUNTING)
(SNOWBALL YELLING)
Get away! Get off me!
Go away! (YELLS) My God!
(YELLS)
(SERGEI SCREAMS)
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
(SPITS)
SNOWBALL: Come on.
SERGEI: Stop!
(ALL GASP)
You are going nowhere.
I’ve had enough.
(ALL WHIMPER)
This ends here and now.
(GRUNTS)
(“ANTE UP” BY M.O.P. PLAYING OVER CAR STEREO)
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh… ♪
(BARKS) Hi, Max.
Gidget.
Uh, that was a bad guy, right?
(LAUGHS) Yes.
(LAUGHTER)
Hey.
(MEOWS, PURRS)
(CHUCKLES): Whoa.
Okay, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right.
(“IT’S GONNA BE A LOVELY DAY” BY LUNCHMONEY LEWIS PLAYING)
(SERGEI GROANS)
(GIGGLES)
(ENGINE REVVING)
(TIRES SQUEALING)
(SERGEI YELLS, GROANS)
(MOANS)
(SCREAMS)
(COUGHING)
(SNORING)
Whoo-hoo!
Yeah!
We did it!
Whoo!
Awesome!
Yay! (LAUGHS)
This is so good!
♪ ♪
♪ I can feel the sun shining ♪
♪ I can see the stars aligning… ♪
MAX: Okay, so things got back to normal.
(MEOWS)
♪ I can feel my heart beating… ♪
I mean, mostly.
(MUTTERING)
(ROARS)
(GASPS, SHRIEKS)
MAX: You know what they say: When life closes a door, it opens a cat lady’s window.
(MOANS, PURRS)
That’s a good kitty.
Ooh! (GIGGLES)
(THUD)
(CAT YOWLS)
MAX: Because everything changes.
Good morning, Snowball.
MAX: Nothing stays the same for long.
Mm…
MAX: The minute you’re used to something, the minute you think, “Oh, this is how life is,” life finds a way of surprising you.
Aw.
(YELLS)
Hey, man, what is going on?
What? This is… awesome! Wow!
KATIE: Come on, buddy.
CHUCK: This is gonna be fun.
Whoo-hoo!
MAX: You never know what life is gonna throw at you.
(LIAM CHUCKLING)
And you have two choices: run from it…
(PIGEONS COOING)
Boo!
(LAUGHING)
MAX: …or run at it.
♪ The sun keep blinding me ♪
♪ Whoo ♪
♪ I don’t know what you’ve been told… ♪
MAX: It’s a big day.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER) And from this point on, nothing is gonna be the same.
Wow.
♪ Just keep that smile upon your face ♪
Hi.
MAX: But I’m gonna be brave.
♪ ‘Cause everything’s gonna be okay… ♪
And I’m gonna help Liam be brave.
(LAUGHING)
Because he’s my kid, and I want him to see the world. The big, scary, incredible world.
Okay, there’s your cubby.
Right over there.
(SIGHS)
Are you okay?
Yeah.
I’m good.
♪ It’s gonna be a lovely day… ♪
(BOTH SOBBING)
(BLOWS NOSE)
♪ L-L-L-L-Lovely… ♪
Wait.
(LAUGHS)
My doggies.
MAX: Always.
Bye-bye, Mama and Dada.
♪ Just keep that smile upon your face ♪
♪ ‘Cause everything’s gonna be okay ♪
♪ Just sing along with it ♪
♪ Oh, I know somebody love me ♪
♪ Someone be trying to hug me ♪
♪ Road is getting bumpy ♪
♪ Hey, but it’s gonna be a lovely day ♪
♪ Oh, yeah, I know you feeling lonely ♪
♪ Someone be trying to hold me ♪
♪ You can’t be acting grumpy ♪
♪ It’s gonna be a lovely day ♪
♪ Oh, I know somebody love me ♪
♪ Someone be trying to hug me ♪
♪ Road is getting bumpy ♪
♪ Hey, but it’s gonna be a lovely day ♪
♪ Oh, yeah, I know you feeling lonely ♪
♪ Someone be trying to hold me ♪
♪ You can’t be acting grumpy ♪
♪ It’s gonna be a lovely day ♪
♪ Hey, l-l-l-l-lovely ♪
♪ L-L-L-L-Lovely ♪
♪ L-L-L-L-Lovely ♪
♪ Oh, it’s gonna be
a lovely day ♪
♪ Oh, l-l-l-l-lovely ♪
♪ L-L-L-L-Lovely ♪
♪ L-L-L-L-Lovely ♪
♪ L-L-L-L-Lovely ♪
♪ L-L-L-L-Lovely ♪
♪ Ooh, it’s gonna be a lovely day. ♪
Bye, Snowball.
Bye, Mr. Bear.
(“PANDA” PLAYING)
SNOWBALL: ♪ Panda ♪
♪ Panda, panda, panda, panda ♪
♪ Panda, listen, hey ♪
♪ Panda, panda, panda, panda ♪
♪ I got broads in Atlanta ♪
♪ Twisting rope, drinking Fanta ♪
♪ Credit cards and the scammers ♪
♪ Hittin’ off licks in the bando ♪
♪ Black X6, Phantom ♪
♪ Wait and see, looking like a panda ♪
♪ Panda, panda, panda, panda ♪
♪ Listen ♪
♪ Hundred scammers, Black X6, Phantom ♪
♪ Wait and see, Panda ♪
♪ Pockets swole, Danny ♪
♪ Selling bar, candy ♪
♪ Man, I’m the macho like Randy… ♪
(MUSIC STOPS, DOOR CREAKS OPEN)
Snowball, I’m back.
(CHUCKLING)
Mm…
(“PANDA” PLAYING)
♪ Panda, panda, panda, panda, panda. ♪
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
ROOSTER: Okay, moment’s over.
♪ ♪
(MUSIC ENDS)
