The Best You Can (2025)
Genre: Comedy, Romance, Drama
Director: Michael J. Weithorn
Writer: Michael J. Weithorn
Release date: June 7, 2025 (Tribeca); November 25, 2025 (United States)
Stars: Kyra Sedgwick (Cynthia Rand), Kevin Bacon (Stan Olszewski), Judd Hirsch (Warren Rand), Brittany O’Grady (Sammi), Olivia Luccardi (CJ Moretti), Ray Romano (Doug Finkelman), Victor Williams (Jerome)
Plot: Stan Olszewski, a security guard foils a home robbery attempt at Cynthia Rand’s residence. A charged friendship develops starting with late-night humorous texts. Their deepening bond shakes up both their lives.
* * *
The Best You Can (2025) | Transcript
The age difference?
No, it’s never an issue.
I mean, just to give you a sense of things, I was in my 30s at the time.
I was a practicing physician.
I own my own condo.
I wasn’t some flaky kid.
[CHUCKLES]
But then I met Warren.
And at 57, he was in his absolute prime.
He was handsome and vigorous and doing important things with the kind of wisdom and empathy you only acquire living in the world that long.
Mm-hm.
CYNTHIA: Warren was a man… a fully evolved, remarkable man.
WARREN: Okay. I’m back.
Did she bring the dessert menu?
Ah…
WARREN: Trust me, you have never in your life tasted a crème brûlée like the one they make here.
Unless you’ve been to Paris, of course.
CYNTHIA: No, not our table.
It’s not?
No, no, no.
Come on.
We were just sitting here.
No, we weren’t just sitting here. Yeah.
Oh.
Here.
Terribly sorry.
[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING] Mm!
I went to the ladies room by mistake. I guess I’m on a roll.
[CHUCKLES]
[♪♪♪]
Deep breath.
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
No.
You didn’t even give me a chance to exhale. Motherfuck.
[GROANS]
What, are you having a smoke back there?
Pick up the pace.
Try to relax.
Yeah. I might have to wait until your fist is out of my goddamn
[GROANS]
Enlarged prostate.
Fairly common at your age.
Yeah? That why it takes me a half hour to piss?
Yes. The gland is exerting pressure in the urethra.
Picture a garden hose being stepped on.
I don’t want to do that.
Just fix it, man.
I’m begging you.
I do security patrol.
I’m in a car all night.
I gotta pee every second.
I’m going to people’s bushes.
You urinate in people’s bushes?
When I do vacation checks.
It’s fine.
Flomax. It should give you some relief, but see a urologist.
At your age with these symptoms, there’s a significant risk of prostate cancer.
Nice to meet you too.
[♪♪♪]
[INSECTS CHIRPING]
WARREN: I really like that Quinto fella at dinner.
It was very smart of you to add him to your practice.
These African doctors are-they’re really more empathetic.
That’s been my experience.
You did mention that in the car, sweetheart, but thank you.
That means a lot that you feel that way. It really does.
Oh
Oh.
There you are.
Where’s that voicemail button?
They keep moving.
Okay, you just took a screenshot.
Trying to get this voicemail.
Um… Let’s just move you here. Thanks.
[ON VOICEMAIL] Hey, it’s Steve Lucas.
So, Warren, I finally heard back from Leslie at Simon and Schuster.
Sorry to say she passed on the pitch.
They’re just not looking for Watergate stuff right now.
“Watergate stuff?”
It’s goddamn history.
This is monumental history.
Sorry, honey.
I was assistant chief counsel to the Senate committee, Cynthia.
We exposed the crimes of a sitting president.
Are you telling me that that story is not relevant today?
I’m not. No.
Worked hand in glove with the great Sam Ervin.
On the Zoom, that Leslie character didn’t even know who he was.
Kept calling him Julius Erving.
God.
[SIGHS]
When did I fall off the edge of the earth?
[CHUCKLES]
[♪♪♪]
[CELL PHONE DIALS]
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
[YAWNS] FaceTime? For real, Dad?
Well, you don’t return a goddamn voicemail.
Oh, God. Yeah.
Glad to see you’re alive.
Somewhat.
Is it, um, morning or afternoon?
Try again.
That explains the darkness.
Sammi, what are you doing?
Are you singing at all?
Open mic nights. Anything?
I-I’ve been writing, mostly, but, ugh…
I’ve gotta go, Dad.
I’m starting to feel sick from whatever I did last night.
Okay, okay.
Well, come over tomorrow.
I’ll get Chinese from next door.
You love the boiled squid, right?
Oh, God.
[GAGGING]
STAN: Such a delicate flower.
[♪♪♪]
[SIGHS]
[DISTANT THUD]
Oh, come on, Mr. Prostate.
Come on.
[INCONSISTENT TRICKLING OF URINE]
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
[GRUNTING] Oh, Christ on a bike.
[CELL PHONE THUDS]
[GRUNTS]
BPSP, Officer Olszewski speaking.
MAN [OH PHONE]: Hey. Yeah. Um, uh, we live across from the Rand house.
228 Lawrence.
My wife said she just saw some guy hopped a side gate.
I don’t know, you might want to go check that out.
On my way, sir.
Mother of ass.
[ZIPPER ZIPS]
[GRUNTS]
[♪♪♪]
[ON VOICEMAIL] Warren Rand.
I’m not available right now.
Shit.
[DISTANT THUMP]
Oh, fuck a duck.
[CLATTER]
[GASPS]
[WARREN SNORING]
CYNTHIA: Warren.
[BARKING]
There’s someone in the house.
Warren.
[DOG BARKING]
[GRUNTS] Oh!
[GASPS]
Man, do I have to pee.
[♪♪♪]
Get out!
[GROANS] Get out!
I have a gun.
BPSP. BPSP.
BPSP? What are you saying?
Brooklyn private security patrol.
The alarm company?
No. Private security. Ex-cops.
You pay for it monthly.
Oh, right.
God, I forgot.
We signed up for that, like, three years ago.
It’s on auto pay, so I don’t…
Why didn’t you announce yourself?
I was about to when you–
You had an intruder, ma’am.
I know.
I don’t walk around with a lamp all night.
He fled, but I need to check the house.
Can you wait here with the dog, please?
Anything in there?
No.
Oh. Okay.
So, what do you think happened?
You think he came in through that window?
Ma’am, can you please wait there?
Could you take your shoes off?
What?
We’re a shoes-off household.
[SIGHS]
Okay. Yeah, sure. Sorry.
Oh, my God, and I just realized something.
The alarm didn’t go off.
Not set.
Not even set.
My husband always sets the alarm. Always. He never forgets.
He forgot.
He did.
Yes, he did. And I didn’t even think to check.
You know how when you’re not in the habit of doing something every day?
Yeah.
I mean, brushing your teeth?
You’re not going to forget that.
But setting an alarm is…
Wow. You know, they say that you feel violated when you get robbed?
I think I feel that way, but it’s all so recent.
I haven’t had a chance to process it.
Is this your room?
Yeah.
Is he usually such a sound sleeper?
Yes.
He’s older than me.
Than most people.
Ma’am, this is very unprofessional, but I need to urinate immediately.
May I use your bathroom, please? Thank you.
Of course. The powder room is right downstairs.
Yep.
[♪♪♪]
[LOUD BANGS ON DOOR]
Hey, I just remembered something.
A young guy rang our doorbell, like, a week ago, raising money for a school basketball team, but it sounded kind of fake.
He kept forgetting the name of the school.
Could that have been him casing us?
Do you have a video?
A video?
Did I take a video of him?
That would be weird.
I meant, do you have a doorbell camera?
Oh, no.
Everybody has those now.
Would that have taken a video?
How does that work, exactly?
Ma’am, I’m terribly sorry.
I’ve been having some difficulty lately.
Would you mind very much not…
Not what?
Speaking.
Oh, sorry.
Of course.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Have you seen a urologist?
Not yet.
I’m a urologist, that’s what I do.
I’m at Riverview in Manhattan.
Call the office tomorrow.
I’ll get you in right away.
Okay.
Doctor Cynthia Rand. But don’t go through the main desk.
As for my personal scheduler, Yolanda, she can be a little girl.
Ma’am.
Sorry.
I’m gonna put my card in your shoe.
[INCONSISTENT TRICKLING OF URINE]
[GUN CLICKS]
Oh, God.
Oh! Lieutenant Murphy.
All’s well on deck tonight, sir.
She’s like a lake.
Great. Okay. Um, if everything’s good, then…
Yeah. So, I’ll send my report.
Great. That’s fine. Fine.
You know, don’t get your hopes up.
No, I get–
Yep, yep. Got it.
I understood. Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Good night.
[♪♪♪]
[SNIFFLES]
CASHIER: And the receipt is in your bag, sir. Have a nice day.
Hey, copper. The only register open, so you can’t avoid me.
How you doing?
You know, just crushing it.
How about you?
How’s the crime fighting going?
Lady beat the shit out of me with a lamp, but otherwise, fine.
Look, CJ. I’m really sorry.
I know I said I would call you after…
We fucked? Oops.
Come on. Hey.
Oh. Come on.
It’s okay.
Just missed you as well.
Hey, are you down for a little, uh, morning sext?
You wanna sext with me?
Seriously?
Yeah. Why not?
I have a break at 8:30.
I mean, you were just going to go home and jerk off anyhow, right? To me?
Sure. Now.
Well, then that’s that.
What do you want with me, anyhow?
I don’t know. You got this hot old guy thing going, and it turns me on.
And the big pistol?
Yes, please.
8:30.
You’re the boss.
[♪♪♪]
Sharp six Uro-Max dilator, please. Thank you.
I need some suction, Javier.
I heard you were robbed last night, Doctor Rand.
Not a big deal.
No one was hurt.
Nothing even stolen.
I need a sponge, please.
[♪♪♪]
I gotta see a man about a horse.
[BARKING]
It’s me, shit-for-brains.
What were you expecting?
Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.
Oh, my little blue buddies.
[PILLS CLATTER]
[GULPS] So, did Warren scare him off?
Stop asking, please.
STAN: All right, now you own half a cinder block.
It’ll make a nice weekend getaway. Come on, we gotta go.
Well done, folks.
Thank you.
8:15? Shit!
I have a meeting.
[♪♪♪]
Okay, okay.
[GRUNTS]
Okay.
[CHATTERS INDISTINCTLY]
Is he on?
He’s on.
Hi. Hi. Hi, Doug.
Cynthia.
Hey, there.
Hey. Look at you.
A sight for sore eyes.
How you been?
Good. Good.
I, uh
Sorry.
I’m just disheveled.
I just got out of surgery.
Oh. Well, you look beautiful, even in scrubs.
Yeah, especially in scrubs.
They augment.
Oh. Okay.
What’s up? What’s going on?
Um, Doug, you remember my husband, Warren?
Yeah, the great Warren Rand.
Of course.
At the moment, he’s possibly entering a phase of mild cognitive decline, so I thought I’d reach out to you, expert of experts, to get a sense of what exactly is going on.
How old is he now?
83.
Ooh, Jesus. Heh.
He’s in great health.
You mean other than the dementia?
Dementia? Whoa. That’s a big word to throw around.
I haven’t even told you the specifics of…
Memory loss?
Well, a little, yeah, but I have that too.
Ha. This morning, I couldn’t remember the name of one of the Charlie’s Angels.
The one Kate Jackson played.
There you go.
Special agent, uh…?
Yeah. Couldn’t help you.
So, what else would you consider a sign of, um… dementia?
Easily agitated.
Well, he’s always been a feisty guy, but maybe more now. Yeah.
Disoriented at times.
Yes.
Actually, last night…
Sabrina Duncan.
Special agent Sabrina Duncan.
That would have bothered me all day.
[STAN PLAYING UKELELE]
STAN:
♪ …we do, baby, without us ♪
♪ What would we do, baby
Without us ♪
♪ And there ain’t no nothing ♪
♪ We can’t help
Each other through ♪
♪ What would we do, baby
Without us ♪
Oh, come on.
Flake.
♪ Shalala
♪
Oh, fuck it.
Move.
[SIGHS]
[CELL PHONE BUTTONS CLACK]
Hello, Elyse.
Hmm.
[SNIFFLES, HUMS]
Get lost.
So just lay it out for me, Doug. Okay?
What do the next five years of my life look like?
At some point, he will need full time care at home or a facility.
No. At home. I mean, the man stays in his home.
Yeah, that may or may not be the best way to go.
At a facility, he can socialize, do the different activities.
[GROANS]
You can get on with your life.
I don’t want to get on with my life.
My God, he’s my husband.
You seem so shocked at this.
You didn’t expect this at all?
No, no. The man was a lion when I met him.
He ran five miles a day.
He didn’t seem like the dementia type.
Still with the big age difference, you didn’t think in 20, 30 years…
I wasn’t doing the math!
[CLATTERS]
[MESSAGE CHIMES ON PHONE]
[GRUNTING]
[MESSAGE CHIMES ON PHONE] Oh, boy…
[MESSAGES CONTINUE CHIMING]
Mm-hm.
[GROANS]
[♪♪♪]
CYNTHIA: Warren?
Warren, honey, where are you?
In my study.
Oh.
Oh, hello, darling.
How was it?
Listen to me.
You’re going to write your book immediately.
Screw the big publishers.
They just do celebrity crap anyway.
I’ve told you, I’m not self-publishing.
It’s demeaning.
Don’t worry about that part.
You just need to start working.
Writing every day.
I’m even going to get you a research assistant.
I mean, I am
I did.
I already did. Um…
This is Henry.
Brilliant, third year PhD student of American…
History.
History.
Mr. Rand, it’s such an honor.
I’m actually writing my doctoral thesis right now on the Nixon administration.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Later.
Can I just–
Later. Later.
tell him about the thesis?
What’s gotten into you?
I love you so much, Warren. So much.
Please. Please trust me.
You just have to get that fantastic mind of yours working again and write the book.
Now, write the book.
I’m begging you.
I beg you. I beg you.
Doesn’t matter how good you are, you got to be inside the clubs, playing live six, seven nights a week…
Stop eating so fast.
…playing your own stuff.
Singing backup.
Watching, learning.
Can you at least swallow?
You’re 45 minutes late.
I gotta get to work.
I did an open mic a few weeks ago.
Oh, well, why didn’t you say so?
Oh, because it was degrading, Dad.
The club owner was putting off this vibe the whole time.
Like you don’t exist anymore.
Bitch, we own you now.
And I so badly wanted to say you will never own me, asshole.
But I couldn’t say that.
Because he didn’t say the first part?
No, because I really wanted the spot.
And I had to grovel to some slimy fuckhead to get it.
Oh, well, why didn’t you just show him your golden ticket to the stars?
Why do you have to diminish me?
Well, stop saying stupid shit and I won’t diminish you.
Come on, Sammi. All of these guys are slimy fuckheads.
That is a given.
You are so goddamn good.
Show them!
Show them.
What are you so scared of?
[SCOFFS]
What is this?
STAN: Nothing you would be interested in unless you get high from peeing fast.
Which at this point, I think I might.
Okay. Seriously, Dad.
Why are you taking these?
My prostate is enlarged.
From what?
From eating pastrami.
How the hell should I know?
I got the name of a urologist.
I’ll go when I got time.
You need to make time.
Prostate cancer is very dangerous.
I’m aware that cancer is dangerous, thank you.
And maybe before you lecture me, you start taking care of yourself, huh?
Ugh!
I am not on drugs, Dad.
I do drugs.
There’s a difference.
[SCOFFS]
I knew this was such a stupid idea.
No. Wait, wait, whoa! Hey, wait.
Where are you going?
And I’m not fucking scared.
I don’t know why you say those things to me.
Take your dog.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
Fuck!
[♪♪♪]
WOMAN: Mr. Olszewski?
I gotta tell you, I’m impressed.
Nurse takes my fluids.
15 minutes later, you’re looking at the results.
It’s a nifty operation you got here.
So, uh, these tests, would they say if I had one?
I mean, would they tell you if it was like a can?
What?
What?
Your birthday.
Uh, what about it?
It’s same as mine.
December 24th.
Same year too.
Which we will not mention, but wow.
Okay.
This is so crazy.
Hey, when you were a kid, did you get cheated out of Christmas presents because your birthday was so close?
One year I got a Barbie Dreamhouse for both, combined.
That was it.
Do I have cancer?
Oh, sorry. Uh…
These tests can’t tell me that.
But let’s not jump ahead.
I’ll examine you first, and then we’ll talk about everything in my office.
Is that normal? I mean, for a female doctor to–
Male gynecologists treat women right?
You go to a male gynecologist?
No.
Right here.
[♪♪♪]
Hey, you know what it’s called when two people are born on the same day?
Connascence. Fun fact.
This story, your discovery of Nixon’s taping system.
Hugely important addition to the historical record.
So cool that you finally decided to write a book.
I’ve never had the time.
Now, nothing but.
Okay. I’m ready.
Let’s talk about the monumental events of June 1973.
Uh, June 23rd.
John Dean testifies in front of your committee implicating Haldeman, Mitchell, and, of course, Nixon in a conspiracy to obstruct justice.
Oh, it was beautiful, as was Dean’s wife.
Very attractive woman.
[CHUCKLES]
[CLEARS THROAT]
Right. And then a couple weeks later, Nixon’s attorney, Fred Buzhardt, sends a letter to your committee, which I printed out for you.
Ah.
So what was your reaction to seeing this letter on that fateful day?
Tell me what came next in the room where it happened?
Well, this letter is a cataclysm.
He accuses Dean of perjury, insists he was outright lying about what was said at those Oval Office meetings.
He goes on to provide detailed accounts of those meetings, which contradict Dean’s version with quotes.
Uh-huh?
Verbatim quotes from those mee
meetings.
Where did these quotes come from, Henry? Huh?
Did one of Nixon’s thugs scribble down every word like some steno girl?
I think not.
Don’t you see?
Buzhardt gives away the entire game right here.
The meetings were taped, Henry. There were tapes.
Oh, um–
Where are you going?
To see Sam Ervin at the Capitol.
We have subpoenas to issue.
Okay.
But that’s my jacket, actually.
[KEYBOARD KEYS CLACKING]
CYNTHIA: Okay. You have a pretty angry prostatitis going on, bacterial infection.
Maybe it’s the whole story, maybe not.
Won’t know until it’s gone.
I’m giving you a super duper antibiotic.
Start tonight please.
Stay on the Flomax.
Okay.
And come back and see me in a month.
Okay, but say I’m feeling great in a month.
Do I have to come back?
Do you have to come back?
Yeah. I mean…
Say I’m peeing gangbusters, like I’m 16 again, like: sheeooo!
[BOTH CHUCKLE] That’s not going to happen.
And yes, you have to come back.
Let’s do this right, Mister Olsuh…
Zuski?
Olszewski.
Yeah. See, the thing is, is that my insurance doesn’t really travel to Fancy Town, you know?
I was going to pay cash today, but I can’t afford to keep coming back.
I can’t.
Oh, okay.
Um, let’s do a friends and family rate.
Just the base copay.
Does that work?
What? No. That’s like charity.
Oh, please.
My husband and I might not be alive right now if it wasn’t for you, Officer Olshansky.
No, that’s Irish.
Yeah. Look, I appreciate it, but…
Let me help you with this, Stan, okay?
Let me help you.
Okay.
Good.
Thank you.
Good.
I’ll see you in a month.
Yeah.
And, hey, you know, I work nights.
You got my cell.
So if anything’s got you squirrely.
Strange noise, drunk kids on motorbikes, you just shoot me a text, I will zip right over and check it out.
That’s so nice. Thank you.
It’s my job.
[CHUCKLES]
[CHUCKLES]
Hmm.
Left and a left.
Yeah.
[CAR ENGINE IDLING, STOPS]
[CAR DOOR CLOSES]
Henry. I thought you were leaving at 4?
I know, I know.
I just. um–
Mr. Rand, your husband, he got, uh, confused.
He left the house.
To go where?
Washington, um, D.C.
[CHUCKLES]
The nation’s capital.
Is he there now?
No, no. I got him back inside.
I pretended to be Sam Ervin.
And that worked?
I actually do a very good impression.
[IMITATING] “Uh, Warren, let’s do our lawyer work in here.”
Sorry. Listen, I think you might need…
But I don’t want to say this the wrong way, but, likeLike a nurse?
Or not
not a nurse, but like an attendant?
You’re definitely saying it the wrong way.
Sorry.
It’s fine. It’s fine.
I know this must be hard for you, so I’ll go.
You can just Venmo me.
We’ll figure something out.
[SIGHS]
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
[ON VOICEMAIL] Hey, it’s Sammi.
Don’t leave a message. That’s lame.
[VOICEMAIL BEEPS]
I guess I’m lame, heh.
Hope you’re good, Sam.
I love you.
[♪♪♪]
CYNTHIA: Warren, have you noticed this beat up car right in front?
Old cutlass.
My secretary at the firm used to drive one of those, uh, Melody something or other.
It’s been sitting in front of our house for two days.
Melinda something or other.
Melinda. That’s it. Yeah.
Don’t worry, I’ll set the alarm.
No, I set it.
I set the shit out of it.
[CELL PHONE BUTTONS CLACKING]
[MESSAGE CHIMES ON PHONE]
[SCOFFS]
Squarely?
Oh, God. Squirty?
Oh. That’s worse.
What the hell?
So…
So, what do you think?
Someone abandoned their car in front of my house?
That would really creep me out.
It’s like finding a dead body or something.
He’s an Uber driver.
How do you know?
Receipt from a rideshare place on the seat.
He leaves his regular car here, takes a bus down to Bay Ridge.
Rent an Escalade or whatever.
Why does he park here?
Well, if he’s working a couple of days straight, he knows that around here, he’s less likely to get a ticket or get jacked.
People drive Ubers for two days straight?
Yeah, if they got another job, the other five, sure.
It’s rough out there.
Wow. Now I feel bad for calling you.
No. No, it’s definitely worth checking out.
That’s why they pay me the big bucks.
[CHUCKLES]
And get that doorbell camera.
Oh, right. Yeah.
Sorry. How do I even–
Who installs those?
Me. I’ll text you which one to get.
You let me know when it comes and I’ll hook her up.
Really? Thanks.
Yeah. You’ll be in good shape with that. Plus a loud dog.
Oh, yeah. Dodger. Mm.
He’s the best.
Dodger.
Nice name.
Thank you. Thank you.
Do you have a dog?
Me?
Uh, sort of, I guess.
Sort of?
Yeah. My kid rescued a mutt, left it with me one day.
Won’t take it back, so I guess I have a dog.
Well, it’s good that you do.
It’s important.
Whenever I’m sad or upset, Dodger ambles over and he plops down in my lap and soothes me.
He really, really soothes me.
Does yours?
Not at all.
He paces. Whines.
Pretty sure he’d smoke cigarettes if he could.
Oh, poor thing.
Was he abused?
I certainly hope so.
Otherwise, he’s got no excuse for that shit.
[LAUGHS] Oh, watch out.
Oh.
Anyway, so I’m freezing.
Yeah, go, go. Go inside.
Yes, I will.
Thank you, Officer.
You’re very good at your job.
Hey, right back at you, Doc.
You take care of me, I’ll take care of you, huh?
Oh, sounds like a win-win relationship.
My first ever.
[CHUCKLES]
Good night.
Good night.
[WHISTLING]
CYNTHIA: So, Pramila, it’s the basic stuff I’m sure you’ve done before.
Getting him his meals and taking him for walks.
Okay.
Also, um, I don’t really want him driving anymore.
So, you know, taking him to the doctor and running errands.
Okay.
And also, this is a little off the beaten trail.
I need you to pretend you’re a PhD student in American history.
Okay.
You’re to help him write a book about the 1973 Senate Watergate hearings.
Okay.
He’s not delusional or anything.
I mean, he was there.
Assistant Chief Counsel.
Taught at two law schools.
He was a big deal.
I Googled him. Yeah.
And I get it.
Right now, we’re supporting the transition that he’s going through.
Yes. That’s…
Yes.
Funny story, I once took care of a woman and had to pretend I was her husband.
And her husband was alive and in the room quite a bit.
So you can imagine.
I can’t at all. No.
[♪♪♪]
Yeah. Doorbell camera.
[MESSAGE CHIMES]
Oh.
[MESSAGE CHIMES]
[KEYBOARD KEYS CLACKING]
[MESSAGE CHIMES]
[EXHALES]
[♪♪♪]
[CHUCKLES]
[LAUGHS]
WARREN: Cyn? Coming up?
You’re missing John Oliver.
I’ll be right up.
CYNTHIA: So you’re a night shift guy.
I had to do that for a year when I was a resident.
You like it?
STAN: I do.
Sometimes I go two, three days without talking to another human.
That’s special.
CYNTHIA: Hmm.
I never had that luxury in the E.R.
When someone walks in with a knife in their neck, you pretty much have to have a conversation.
STAN: Oh, one sided, I’m guessing.
WARREN: Cynthia, what’s taking so long?
I’m making tea.
[SPOON CLANKS]
WARREN: I’ll have a cup too.
♪ The wind
It’s cold and absurd ♪
♪ But, man, you gave her
Your word ♪
♪ And meanwhile
The house is empty ♪
CYNTHIA: Wow. What a talent.
STAN: Yeah, she blew the roof off that place.
But they gave first prize to some dipshit baton twirler.
I’m still pissed.
CYNTHIA: No, seriously, Stan.
She’s unique. So gorgeous.
STAN: Like her mom.
Luckily, I didn’t pollute the gene pool too much.
CYNTHIA: She want to sing professionally?
STAN: Yeah, but nothing yet.
Blames the world. Mostly me.
[APPLAUSE]
CYNTHIA: I’m around a lot of young people at work.
They can be touchy.
STAN: Thank you.
They think all standard bullshit in life is an insult to them personally.
CYNTHIA: My parents accepted no finger pointing.
If I failed at something, it was on me.
Luckily, I never did.
STAN: Well, I failed all the time and I didn’t get to point shit.
Life’s tough, kids.
Suck it up.
CYNTHIA: Geez, I’m glad no one else is reading this.
A mob of 20 somethings would be pounding down our door.
STAN: Waving torches and demanding to charge their cell phones.
[♪♪♪]
CYNTHIA: So you said Sammi blames you?
For what, if I may ask?
Shit.
Oh, God.
Give me some bubbles.
WARREN: Cynthia.
Uh, right up.
[SPOON CLANKING] Oh.
[MESSAGE CHIMES]
[SIGHS]
[CHUCKLES]
WARREN: Lorna Doone with my tea, please.
Sorry.
I’m sorry, we can’t take Canadian money.
Hey, can I talk to you for a second?
[SIGHS]
Order something.
Yeah. Give me a half-caf Grande venti coffiato.
So I showed your tape to this lady last night.
Really cool, educated lady.
She was blown away.
Was she an agent? A booker?
Urologist.
But her reaction got me jazzed so I started asking around at work, and I found this guy who was a drummer on the side, and he gave me the name of three clubs that he says are well-run, quality owners.
No bullshit or less bullshit. Anyway…
Come on, kid. Push.
It’s out there.
And room for cream on the bottom.
Shame about that first young fellow was helping me write.
Uh, emergency neck surgery?
Sounds like no fun.
Oh, geez. Ouch.
You didn’t know?
I thought you were both in the same PhD program?
Um, we are.
But we don’t have a lot of classes together. Just, uh, gym.
Uh, we were looking at the Buzhardt letter.
We can’t seem to find it right now.
I’m drowning in all this crap here.
[MUTTERS]
We exposed the crimes of a sitting president.
What the hell is this?
Gas bill.
What do we need that for?
[♪♪♪]
Warren?
WARREN: Oh, come on.
What is this picture?
Huh?
Oh, that’s a 59 Millrose Games, Madison Square Garden.
Yours truly, second from the left.
Wow. Amazing.
Mm.
Do you remember it well?
I can still smell that place.
Smelled like elephant shit.
The circus was in town at the garden.
Tell me what else you remember.
I’d never run on a wooden track before.
Oh, the sound of it. Wow.
Like explosions.
Twelve of us striking those boards…
Tugtugtugtugtugtugtug.
Like tribal drum music.
And the final 200that drumbeat turned into a goddamn frenzy.
What were you feeling?
Pain.
[LAUGHS]
Goddamn agony.
Legs cramping, lungs burning.
Well, that’s the whole raison d’etre of distance racing, you see.
Deplete the body… and then see what you can do on sheer will.
So, what happened?
STAN: Got any kids?
CYNTHIA: As in sprung from my loins?
No, but I do have a stepdaughter named Rosemary.
STAN: Are you close?
CYNTHIA: Eh, it’s been a tricky relationship.
I’m only 12 years older.
Plus, she hates my guts.
STAN: For marrying Daddy?
CYNTHIA: For marrying Daddy, for moving into her childhood home.
Which was not my choice, by the way.
It was supposed to be only a few months while we house hunted.
It’s now been 300 months.
As long as we’re on the messy stuff…
Want to tell me about your ex-wife?
STAN: Uh, moody. Paranoid.
Poorly suited to relationships.
Same as me. That means we couldn’t make it work.
CYNTHIA: Still in touch with her?
STAN: Only by voodoo doll.
[LAUGHS]
♪ A girl can see
From Brooklyn Heights ♪
♪ What a crazy pair! ♪
♪ But they’re cousins ♪
♪ Identical cousins
All the way ♪
CYNTHIA: Remember now?
STAN: Vaguely.
She played identical twins, right?
CYNTHIA: Cousins. Identical cousins.
Good God, man, listen to the lyrics.
STAN: Different as night and day.
Got it.
CYNTHIA: No. You have to understand, this show rocked my world.
I was raised to be like Kathy.
Very proper and conventional.
But inside, I felt like Patti.
Just a kook, you know?
STAN: So, they ever make out?
CYNTHIA: Tooter Turtle?
STAN: Tooter was a maniac.
Always wanted to do dangerous shit.
Be a gladiator, a paratrooper, a bullfighter.
So he’d go to his friend, Mr. Wizard, and say, “Make me a bullfighter.”
Mr. Wizard would do a magic chant and bam, Tooter’s a bullfighter.
He’s in the ring.
He’s got the whole outfit.
Doing great. Crowd loves him.
But then, everything starts unraveling.
He’s about to get the shit kicked out of him.
He screams, “Help me, Mr. Wizard!
I don’t want to be a bullfighter.”
So Mr. Wizard does another chant: “Drizzle, drazzle, druzzle, drone, time for this one to come home.”
And he yanks Tooter out of trouble at the last possible second.
The same thing, every episode.
Stupid decision turns to shit, saved by Mr. Wizard.
Exactly like my own life.
Except no Mr. Wizard.
Did you ever want to have your own kids? You ever tried?
CYNTHIA: Ugh, deep down, I never wanted children.
But I thought that was a shameful character flaw I had to hide from the world.
STAN: I got a few of those.
CYNTHIA: So I did get pregnant, basically to please my mother.
But then I miscarried and needed an emergency hysterectomy.
STAN: So it all worked out.
Kind of. Yeah. [CHUCKLES] Sammi was 12 when the marriage blew up.
It was a rough time.
I went west, I didn’t see her for two years.
CYNTHIA: Two years?
I know. I fucked up.
You didn’t need to use all caps.
CYNTHIA: Sorry.
So have you two talked about it since then?
STAN: No.
No?
STAN: Stop with the caps, please.
CYNTHIA: Sorry.
STAN: What do you mean, ever?
Yeah.
STAN: Scotch. Airplane glue.
CYNTHIA: Valium.
STAN: Quaaludes.
CYNTHIA: Wellbutrin.
White wine. Klonopin.
STAN: Xanax.
CYNTHIA: Lexapro. Zoloft.
Prozac.
STAN: Truckloads of weed.
[GRUNTS]
STAN: Lately, a lot of Advil.
Who was your favorite Beatle?
STAN: Pete Best.
Oh, my God.
Pathetic, huh?
You’re hot.
You’re looking at one angry, self-destructive misfit right there.
Well, you rocked angry and self-destructive, let me tell you. Wow.
[BLOWS NOSE]
Send me yours.
What? My mug shot? Heh.
Whatever, the high school picture or something.
Fair is fair.
No, it’s not fair at all.
I’m sorry, but I was not what you would call a pretty girl.
Well, you’re pretty now, so you must have been somewhat.
Well, whatever I had then was totally mismanaged.
You remember that song, um…
Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir, Lady marmalade?
I used to stand in front of the mirror and do the bump with myself.
That was a Saturday night.
Still waiting on that photo.
All right.
Nice knowing you.
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
Did it come through?
Yes.
Okay. This is humiliating.
I’m hanging up.
Sorry. Wow.
You look… very smart.
Hanging up.
No, no, no, no, no.
It… Look, I definitely would have sought you out.
What, to do your homework?
I didn’t give a fuck about that.
What then, to date?
You were into geeky smart girls, like a fetish?
There was one.
Rhonda Melnick, cantor’s daughter, struggled with her weight.
We had a nice thing for a while.
Talk on the phone after her parents had gone to sleep about all kinds of shit.
Books, movies.
I remember we both loved Raymond Carver.
She was the first person to ever call me intelligent.
You’re very intelligent, Stanley.
Hey, you’re the second.
Thanks, Cynthia.
Coming from you, that means a lot.
So how did the thing with the cantor’s daughter finally end?
Abruptly.
One day, her dad walked in on us in his study.
Having sex?
Heh. The variety usually referred to with a two digit number, draped in his prayer shawl.
Oh, my God.
[LAUGHS]
Heh. That was a time when I really could have used Mr. Wizard.
[♪♪♪]
Okay, wait. This thing is instead of our old doorbell?
Are you very attached to your doorbell?
I hated it, actually.
WARREN: How goes it?
Uh, pretty much done, Mr. Rand.
WARREN: Oh, remind me your name, please, son?
Olszewski. Stan Olszewski.
Oh.
How many Polacks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A Polack joke?
Three. One to hold the bulb and two to turn the ladder.
I love that.
[LAUGHS] He knows.
What do we owe you for your fine service, Mr. Olszewski?
Oh, no. No. Nothing, sir.
It’s good to do a little work in the fresh air.
Well, then, Cynthia, sounds like we need to buy this man a steak dinner.
How’s Thursday night?
STAN: No, no, no.
You know, you don’t have to do that.
No, indeed we do.
And bring the missus.
Not married.
Well, then bring your best girl.
God knows you don’t want to stare at the two of us the whole time.
[CHUCKLES] Let’s make a night of it.
Okay.
Okay?
[♪♪♪]
[STAN READING ONSCREEN TEXT]
CYNTHIA: Yes.
I’ve been on it for two hours.
This thing is addictive.
Watched a family on bikes screaming at each other.
Little girl threw her helmet.
Wildly entertaining.
STAN: And you can rewatch at any time.
CYNTHIA: Hey, are you sure you’re okay doing that dinner Thursday?
I know Warren put you on the spot.
STAN: Big old steak?
Hell yes, I’m okay.
[MESSAGES CHIMING]
[DEVICE PINGS]
[♪♪♪]
[GASPS]
Oh, my!
[SIGHS]
[♪♪♪]
There was a name I gave him?
Oh, yeah.
No, you did, you did. Yeah.
Just a little…
Just a little bit late.
I need the address.
No. It’s fine.
STAN: Hey.
So sorry we’re late.
Warren, Cynthia, this is C.J.
Hi. It’s so nice to meet you both.
Hi, C.J.
What was the name?
Seejay? Indian?
No. Like C.J., the letters.
The initials.
Ah. Oh, like Y.A. Tittle.
I don’t know what you just said.
New York Giants, great quarterback.
Oh.
He knows.
Yes. Still random.
Sit, sit.
How about we get some drinks going?
I feel like we’re behind.
Waiter.
[♪♪♪]
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
[ALL LAUGHING]
Bottom line, handcuffed to a drainpipe is not the way that I wanted to lose my virginity.
No. Why would you?
[LAUGHS]
My first time was in a Newport News whorehouse.
And the prostitute told me I reminded her of her grandson.
[LAUGHING]
STAN: That’s a home run right there.
All right, C.J.?
Um, well, I lost mine at 15 to my 13yearold cousin. Mm.
And as you might imagine, it was magical, heh.
[LAUGHS] [GROANS] Whoa. Oh. [LAUGHING] Cynthia?
Uh…
Okay. I was 22.
I was with my boyfriend, a med school classmate in his dorm room.
You really must learn to embellish, Cynthia.
It’s what happened.
WARREN: Okay.
He lit a candle. That help?
Well, kids, if you’ll excuse me, I have to use the little boys room.
Such is my curse these days. Excuse me.
[CLICKS TONGUE]
So fucking sexy.
Rugged. A man’s man.
Um, that’s a mermaid.
Well, actually, I identify as a mermaid.
Okay, fine.
Oh. Oh, you’re still waiting.
Yeah.
I was going to use this one, but a tiny female pulled rank.
Oh. Usually single toilets are for anybody these days.
Well, I guess some places still adhere to the traditional belief that men are disgusting.
[CHUCKLES]
So, C.J., she seems great.
Yeah.
Yeah. Fun, lively and very mature, considering her brief number of years on this earth.
Which is what? Thirty years.
Nearly.
[LAUGHS]
Oh, still in her 20s.
Yeah, you know what I say.
So what? So… So what?
Oh. Yeah, honestly, the main thing.
I’m just happy to find out you’re not lonely after all.
Lonely? No.
I mean, you said you were lonely in a text, like a week or two.
Hey, whatever.
Point is, you’re not lonely.
And that is fantastic.
You two are speaking very loudly.
Go on.
Hey, this is just like the night we met, remember?
Stop speaking, please.
Eventually, we pieced together all the evidence and made an irrefutable case that Nixon had violated his oath of office and the trust of a nation.
Well, then what happened?
He resigned.
No fucking way.
Can I just say one thing?
STAN: Nope.
I find it very odd that after having shared many personal things…
Nope, nope. Nope!
…with each other over the past few weeks, like my menopause issues, I would have hoped we’d developed a degree of trust and mutuality.
And yet somehow you never thought to mention–
Stop talking.
that you have a tattooed baby girlfriend!
Oh, shit.
She’s not my girlfriend.
We’re just having a good time.
It’s not a serious…
Oh, you might want to tell her that.
Tell her what? You think she wants to get married?
You think she wants to be wiping oatmeal out of my beard in 20 years?
She’s not doing the math.
Can I please take a goddamn whiz?
Who’s stopping you?
[GRUNTS]
[EXHALES]
You know what I think?
Uh-huh.
I think you’re not really mad at me.
I think you’re mad at yourself.
Oh, fascinating, thank you, Dr. Young.
Because when you were her age, you had the exact same daddy issues.
Yes, I know what you meant.
Totally different situation.
But while we’re on the subject of unconscious motivation, maybe you should examine why you completely avoided the CJ topic with me.
Think about that and get back to me.
Now go resume your four-hour attempt to urinate.
That is a very unprofessional comment.
Too bad, I’m off the clock.
♪ We were wild and young
And restless ♪
♪ Too cute, too stylish
But… ♪
♪ You want me bad
I know you do ♪
♪ Don’t go, stay close ♪
♪ I’m feelin’ so powerful
Right now ♪
♪ The sky… ♪
[PHONE RINGING]
YOLANDA: Doctora, Mr. Olszewski on line one.
Really?
Yes. You want to take it?
Uh… Sure.
Hello?
STAN: So?
Okay.
For starters, I had too much to drink.
That needs to be factored in because honestly, I think it’s fine.
You can date whoever the hell you–
I was just taken aback by her youngness.
Just called for my lab results.
Told you to call today.
I did.
YOLANDA: I have it right here. Need it?
Oh, Yolanda, heh.
Still on the line?
No, thanks, I got it.
Okay. Uh, PSA. Six. Better.
Um, not great, but better.
Stay the course.
Thank you.
[MUTTERING]
Oh, my God.
[♪♪♪]
[SIGHS]
[STAN READING ONSCREEN TEXT]
[WHIRRING]
♪ I’m the new
Newest little fish ♪
♪ In the big blue sea ♪
♪ Everybody’s talking
And they’re looking at me ♪
♪ Saying, what you gonna do
With your life? ♪
♪ You know, you gotta do it soon
And you gotta do it right ♪
♪ Well, I get what they want
I understand ♪
You hate it.
Do you think it’s corny?
No, no, no, no, no, it’s cool.
I just wonder, maybe you might try with just a little bit more tempo.
Give it kind of like a groove.
Almost like a, like a…
Boom.
Boom, boom. Boom.
Really?
Let me try it higher.
Try it, try it, try it.
Yeah.
♪ I’m the newest little fish
In the big blue sea ♪
♪ Everybody’s talking
and they’re looking at me ♪
♪ Saying, what you gonna do
With your life? ♪
♪ You know, you gotta do it soon
And you gotta do it right ♪
♪ Well, I get
What they want
♪
Uh, no. Ooh.
♪ Well, I get it I got it
I understand ♪
♪ You can’t screw up
‘Cause you got one chance ♪
♪ Supposed to get a job
And then follow the plan ♪
♪ But then how in the heck
Could I be who I am ♪
From the chorus.
♪ And I’ma be all right
I’ma be okay ♪
♪ I’m gonna make it happen
Either way ♪
♪ So it doesn’t really matter
What you think or say ♪
♪ I’m a BELIEVA ♪
♪ Oh-oh, whooooh ♪
Well?
Yeah. Well, it’s great.
It’s weird, but in a good way.
Like you.
It’s you. It’s great.
Oh, I’m fucking terrified.
But, you know, I’m gonna make a demo and send it around and…
Yeah. Okay.
Shit, I gotta go.
Thanks, Daddy.
Hey, Sam.
Can I talk to you for a second?
What?
Yeah. It’s not a big deal or anything.
You know, I just wanted to say that, um…
What? I gotta go.
I made a big mistake, Sammy.
Going to Colorado.
I mean, I should have stayed here for you, no matter what else was.
But, you know, I gave into my own stupid, hurt feelings, and I hurt you in the process.
I mean, you’re the only person in the world.
Oh, fuck.
I’m sorry. Uh… I love you.
It’s a great song.
[FOOTSTEPS RECEDING]
[♪♪♪]
[GLASSES CLINKING]
Cynthia.
Rosemary.
Right here.
Oh! I didn’t see you there.
Where’s the turkey baster?
When I was a kid, it was always in this drawer.
Oh, shoot.
I don’t think we have one.
Don’t worry, it’s fine.
Luckily, I packed one.
Yeah. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Green Bay is about to score, so.
I had no idea you were a Packers fan.
Well I’m not.
I’m a fan of making the 40point over, so it’s so close.
Listen, you can watch in Warren’s study if you wanted to.
Oh, yeah. No. That’s okay.
Rosemary wants me to be here so I can, you know, socialize.
God damn, you catch that ball!
[GRUNTS]
Grandpa, want to play checkers?
Sure I do.
How do you play?
Mom?
Grandpa forgot how to play checkers.
Maxwell.
Grandpa didn’t forget.
He’s just a little tired right now.
Maybe Grandma Cynthia wants to play.
Oh, no.
Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
Will you join your children, please?
Yes, yes. Ahem.
Oh, it’s so good to see you, Popsie.
We’re moving to Cleveland soon for Rob’s new job, remember?
We’ll be closer.
I want to stay in Phoenix.
Howell, Cleveland’s beautiful.
Remember we looked at the picture of the big lake?
I hate lakes.
Nobody hates lakes.
Ah!
Dad.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Last second field goal.
It–
Fuck me with a crowbar.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
Oh, boy, oh, boy, Cynthia.
My dad has slid so far since last time.
He has.
It’s like a different person.
I hate not being nearby.
Well, when you guys are settled in Cleveland, you’re just a quick flight away, right? [SOBS] I mean, you can
Oh.
Are you okay?
We were sitting in the kitchen.
He asked me, when is your mother getting here?
He thought she was alive.
Oh. That’s hard.
What did you say?
I said 4:30.
You gave him a time?
I know, I guess I got lost in the fantasy too.
The three of us were together again.
Okay.
Look, I wanted to talk to you about how best to handle his situation going forward.
Sure. I mean, um, things are stable at the moment.
I’ve got Pramila here every day. He adores her.
I think he should be in Cleveland.
What?
There’s a wonderful facility 10 minutes from our new house called The Arbors.
I went there for my friend’s mother’s 90th.
I loved it. They had a piñata.
Okay, wait a minute.
What are you even saying?
Cleveland.
Cynthia. This makes sense.
As he declines, he’ll need family around.
Don’t you agree?
Well, I’d like to think of myself as family.
You have him with a stranger all day.
You just said it yourself.
I work, I have a job.
Well, that’s exactly why this makes sense.
I can be with him every day because I don’t work and the boys can visit him after school.
They’re not going to.
You can fly out on the weekend.
Rosemary.
We’re not going anywhere right now.
I need to think this through.
I see how things develop.
Of course, this is just for when the time comes.
Although we do need to visit the place right away to get on the waiting list.
So I’ve arranged a tour a week from Saturday.
Just so we’re ready when the time comes.
But wouldn’t the time–
Start saying that!
[♪♪♪]
[ROLLS LIPS]
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Hey. What’s up?
SAMMI: Hey.
So I maybe have a gig at one of those places that your friend told you about.
Baby! That’s fantastic.
Yeah. Maybe. Maybe.
I don’t know. I sent the owner my demo, and he liked it, and he said he wanted to meet me and…
Oh, um, can you come down here?
SINGER: One. Two. Three. Four.
[PLAYING ROCK MUSIC]
♪ Hey! ♪
♪ We used to sing
Now we speak in tongues ♪
♪ We only drink
To wash down the drugs ♪
♪ We were born to melt down ♪
♪ Natural therapy ♪
♪ We were born to melt down ♪
♪ That’s just how
We’re meant to be ♪
[LAUGHS] You the daddy.
I am.
Hi, Daddy.
Your daughter here, she sings like an Afghani!
Thank you.
I assume that’s a compliment.
Hi.
Thursday night, I got a good crowd for her.
Two sets, 200. Hasan.
Sounds great.
Right, Sam?
There’s no stage, no riser.
I got no riser.
Yeah, I think a lot of clubs don’t.
Dad, there should be a riser.
Not just for proper staging, but out of respect for the artist.
I mean, the people are right there.
Dad, look.
Hey.
Can you get a riser?
No. Is she gonna do it?
Yes. She’ll do it.
Just, uh, put all the small people up front.
[LAUGHING]
This guy got jokes.
Sammy. Sammy!
Hey! Fatherhood, huh?
Life’s greatest adventure!
Are you serious?
Are you really going to walk away from this over a fucking riser?
I don’t feel comfortable singing from the floor.
I can’t help it.
So fight it.
Face your fears.
That’s how you get better.
I don’t need you to tell me that.
That’s not what I need from you. You know, you dumped this emotionally manipulative bullshit on me.
You’re so sorry that you vanished for two fucking years.
But you don’t mean it.
If you meant it, you would support me at least one goddamn time.
What?
When you sabotage yourself, would you bail because something rubs up against your way-too-sensitive feelings again?
Yes.
No, no, no.
I can’t support that.
That’s what I do.
And look what happens.
Here’s where that ends up, okay?
I’m nowhere. I’m nothing.
You’re my father.
At least be that.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Shit!
[SNIFFLES] Yeah. DeShawn.
OFFICER [OVER PHONE]: I’m stretched thin here brother. For real.
Where the fuck are you?
Yeah. I’ll…
Hang
Hang on, hang on.
Sammy!
[♪♪♪]
CYNTHIA [CHUCKLES]: Are you kidding me?
ROSEMARY: What do you want me to say?
Howell has the flu.
Now Maxwell’s sneezing.
I can’t leave sick children with just Rob.
Why didn’t you tell me sooner?
Rosemary, we could have rescheduled.
What’s the difference?
I’ve been to The Arbors.
I love it.
You’re the one who has to be satisfied.
[GROANS]
Rosemary.
Honestly, Cynthia, this is a blessing in disguise.
Seeing it alone will give you a chance to really–
Okay. Stop, stop!
You’ve won the most passive aggressive person on Earth award. Move on.
[CELL PHONE BEEPS OFF]
God! Kidding me? Ridiculous.
[THUD]
[GRUNTS]
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
What now?
[GRUNTING]
Rosemary’s not coming.
Her stupid kids are sick.
And now I’m in Cleveland and I have to go to that place by myself tomorrow.
This is bullshit.
I want my dog.
Pramila took Warren to the movies.
Just put the mail in the planter.
Thanks.
[GRUNTS]
God.
[SIGHS]
[♪♪♪]
[ALARM RINGING]
[GROANING]
[RINGING CEASES] Mm.
[GRUNTS]
Good morning.
Do you need a taxi?
No thank you.
I ordered an Uber. Thanks.
[♪♪♪]
I don’t
I don’t…
I don’t even know what to say.
But you did this, drove all night.
I drive all night every night.
I just went in a straight line this time. [LAUGHS] Crazy.
Capacity is 175.
We’re at about 150 right now.
Mmhmm.
This part of our facility is dedicated to our assisted living residents.
Seniors that may need some minimal care but are essentially self-sufficient.
Oh. Very nice.
Hi, Diane.
Oh, hello.
Oh. [CHUCKLES]
WOMAN: This is our Memory Care Neighborhood.
This is where your husband would reside.
[RECEPTOR BEEPS, BUZZES]
Here is our main activity room.
Very spacious, as you can see.
Perfect timing on your visit, here is our regular Saturday morning bingo game.
N41!
That lucky for anyone?
Jerry. Don’t think I haven’t noticed your haircut.
WOMAN: Betty does such a wonderful job.
The residents absolutely adore her and she brings the best snacks.
Now, this week, she brought homemade Christmas cookies to…
VOICE: Alice?
[♪♪♪]
Alice?
Oh, hmmmm. No.
Every day our residents play games, do art projects, yoga, whatever physical exercise they can tolerate.
We strive to keep their bodies and minds active and engaged.
So they can get better and go home? [SCOFFS]
[“JINGLE BELLS” PLAYING IN BACKGROUND]
Hey!
CYNTHIA: Yes. Yes.
Let me know if you have any questions.
Oh, yes, I will.
Oh thank you.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
CYNTHIA: Could this possibly be what awaits the great Warren Rand Connect-the-dots and Bingo?
The man wrote federal housing legislation.
A brilliant innovator, always figuring out ways to help people.
It was thrilling to ride shotgun with a man like that.
Oh, the bastard’s leaving.
It’s just me again.
And me is just…
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
Nothing to show for my stupid life.
Oh, come on.
Come on yourself.
You, you made a beautiful child.
I never even made one of those.
[“ONE AND ONLY GIRL” PLAYING]
♪ Oh, girl, oh, girl
You ♪
♪ You’re my one
And only girl ♪
♪ I would never trade
For the world ♪
What’s going on?
Wedding.
♪ I love you
So glad I found you ♪
Wanna be my plus one?
♪ You ♪
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
I can’t crash a wedding.
I’m a urologist.
♪ …girl… ♪
Oh, look. Come on.
They’re checking invitations.
This is ridiculous.
Oh!
Oh, hey. Hi.
How you doing?
I feel like Jack and Rose in Titanic.
Good analogy.
Oh!
♪ You
You’re my one and only girl ♪
Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
This is a wedding, okay?
And if you attend someone’s wedding uninvited, you should look like a human being.
Okay?
Let’s at least do this.
Okay.
Thank you.
[GRUNTS]
♪ I would never trade you
For the world ♪
♪ I promise, I promise
I love you ♪
Hey. How you doing?
Love that jacket.
From Dodge City. I love what you’ve done with the place.
CYNTHIA: Oh, such a lovely day.
STAN: Hey.
CYNTHIA: Pretty dress.
Where’s the alcohol?
♪ Girl, you know I need you
I’ll stand in line ♪
CYNTHIA: Yeah. Best thing for that is a heating pad and cranberry juice.
You’ll be fine by the honeymoon phase.
♪ You’re more than
A pretty face ♪
Your standard quarter.
Nothing special. See?
Blow on that.
Whoop. Disappear. Oh!
It’s in your sleeve.
♪ I’ll take all the rings
For you ♪
♪ For you ♪
♪ For you ♪
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
♪ One and only girl
One and only girl ♪
They seem so right for one another, don’t you think?
Yeah.
They really do.
Although, you know, in marriage there are no guarantees.
Ours is a bloody shambles.
Shambles.
Oh, I don’t know, honey.
That’s a bit strong. Maybe.
But these two, they have as much a chance to make it as anyone.
Which is 50/50. Pick them.
[“LADY MARMALADE” PLAYING IN BACKGROUND]
[GASPS]
♪ Hey, sister, go sister ♪
♪ Soul sister, go sister ♪
“Lady Marmalade.” They’re playing “Lady Marmalade.”
That’s my bump song.
You ever done it with a real person?
Not yet.
Come on.
♪ He met Marmalade
Down in old New Orleans ♪
♪ Strutting her stuff
On the street ♪
♪ She said, “Hello, hey, Joe
You wanna give it a go?” ♪
♪ Hmm, hmm
Gitchi gitchi ya ya da da ♪
♪ Gitchi gitchi ya ya here ♪
♪ Mocha chocolata, ya ya ♪
♪ Creole Lady Marmalade ♪
♪ Voulez vous coucher avec moi
Ce soir? ♪
♪ Voulez vous coucher
Avec moi ce soir? ♪
♪ He stayed in her boudoir
While she freshened up ♪
♪ The boys drank
All her magnolia wine ♪
♪ On her black satin sheets
Where we started to freak ♪
♪ Gitchi gitchi ya ya da da ♪
♪ Creole Lady Marmalade ♪
♪ Voulez vous coucher avec moi
Ce soir? ♪
♪ Voulez vous coucher
Avec moi ce soir? ♪
♪ Voulez vous coucher avec moi
Ce soir? ♪
♪ Voulez vous coucher
Avec moi ce soir? ♪
♪ Voulez vous… ♪
[HUMS] Well, this is me.
Wow. Great.
Anyway. Thanks again.
This was so much fun.
I haven’t danced in so long.
It’s great to spend some relaxing time for a change.
Really.
Thank you so much.
Yeah.
Anyway
[♪♪♪]
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
[GRUNTS SOFTLY]
[EXHALES]
[♪♪♪]
[GROANS]
CARTOON CHARACTER: Oh, Mr. Wizard.
[MUFFLED OVERLAPPING VOICES]
CYNTHIA: No. No. Okay.
Where are you right now?
Are you with him? Okay.
No, no, no.
You did the right thing.
Okay, okay. No, no, no, no, that’s not, um–
Just, just, just, just, just tell me the readings when you first got to the ER.
Right.
Okay.
Pramila, he’s stable.
I have a 7:30 flight.
I’m on my way.
[♪♪♪]
[THUMP]
[GASPS]
Sorry.
[VOICE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER DISPATCH RADIO]
CYNTHIA: Okay.
We’re going to bring you to the house now.
Okay.
CYNTHIA: Oh, Pramila, I’m so sorry.
I had no idea you were waiting down here.
No. It’s fine.
I ate some of the Kegel.
It’s kugel.
[CHUCKLES]
How’s he doing?
Oh. It’s better.
It took a while to get him settled up there.
Oh, that man is as tough as nails.
But this stroke. Wow.
I know you must be exhausted, but I wanted to talk to you for just a moment regarding my work here.
Oh. I’m sorry. I haven’t even had a second to think about it.
You know, from now on, he’s going to need, you know, nursing care.
Oh, no, no, no, I figured all of that.
Um, I meant with the book.
The book?
The book.
Your husband’s book.
You’re actually working on the book?
I recorded everything he said, I transcribed it and I edited it.
It’s a book.
What? About Watergate?
Sometimes.
It’s not a history book.
It’s just a book.
Can I have this?
[CHUCKLES] Yeah.
[♪♪♪]
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
Hey. Sorry to keep you waiting.
Yeah. No problem.
I thought we were going to do an exam like usual, but they brought me right in here.
Yeah, I thought we should, um, discuss.
Hey, how’s Warren?
He’s, um, so-so. It was, um, bad stroke. Thanks for asking.
Yeah. I mean, I didn’t want to text.
Anyway, just give him my best, will you?
I will, I will, I will. Okay.
Uh, down to business.
I’m just running very late today.
Okay.
Okay. It’s looking like the infection is gone. That’s good.
Yeah.
Peeing better for sure.
Not going to win a state fair, but–Yeah, PSA is still high, though. It is still high.
Okay.
The next step in the protocol would be a biopsy, Stan.
I’m not saying it’s urgently called for, but I certainly would recommend it at this point just to get a clear answer on that issue.
Wow. Um… Okay.
Sure. Let’s do it.
Actually, my partner, Dr. Kaseman, is going to do the procedure.
He’s wonderful.
Oh, but I mean, you’re going to be there, though, right?
Uh… I won’t be at the procedure. No, no.
Are you still my doctor?
You know, I really think it would be best if Dr. Kaseman took over at this point.
Same financial arrangement we had. He’s the best.
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait a minute.
Is this because of Cleveland?
That doesn’t mean you can’t be my doctor, does it?
Actually, it does.
It’s an ethics issue.
Ethics? Come on.
It was one night of partying.
It never happened.
Honestly, I can’t even remember Cleveland.
Where’s that?
I’ve never been.
Dr. Kase–
Oh, fuck him. And fuck you.
[GASPS]
That’s quite a nifty onetwo punch you hit me with this afternoon.
Listen, Stan. I’m sorry.
Clearly, this is a shitty situation.
We became friends.
Close friends, and that was wonderful.
But I let it get too far, and I take full responsibility.
Oh, do you?
Okay, well, sure, because I had no say in it, right?
I’m just your hot guy in a uniform doll by Mattel.
You never got over that stupid text.
Doesn’t matter.
Okay, Cynthia, because I am out of your life right now as per your wishes.
Now, maybe you meet a cute furnace guy and start a whole new thing, huh?
And you know what?
I can take responsibility for my own fuckups.
Thank you. I’ve had a lot more practice than you.
[DOOR SLAMS]
[EXHALES]
[♪♪♪]
[TIRES SQUEAL]
[♪♪♪]
[VOICES VOCALIZING]
[MACHINES WHIRRING]
[STAPLE GUN CLICKING]
What’s that?
A riser.
[GENTLE ACOUSTIC GUITAR PLAYING]
♪ Have faith
Promises were made ♪
♪ You just take care
And behave ♪
♪ You left
Now you are saved ♪
♪ The path
It walks you away ♪
♪ Meanwhile
The house is empty ♪
♪ The legs, naked and weary ♪
♪ Walls barely hanging on ♪
♪ Carry on
As she waits for you ♪
♪ She can’t hear
Anything he’s saying ♪
♪ She can’t believe
What is true ♪
♪ It doesn’t make sense
What they’re saying ♪
♪ She can’t see anyone
But you ♪
I love you.
♪ Last night
You left like a bird ♪
♪ Fly away
And never to be heard ♪
♪ The wind
It’s cold and absurd ♪
I love you.
♪ But man
You gave her your word ♪
♪ Meanwhile
The house is empty ♪
♪ The legs, naked and weary ♪
♪ Walls, barely hanging on ♪
♪ Carry on
She waits for you ♪
♪ She waits for you ♪
♪ She waits ♪
[APPLAUSE, CHEERING]
Yeah!
Damn right! Woo hoo! Yeah!
Thank you.
That was for my dad.
[“O HOLY NIGHT” PLAYING]
[CHURCH BELL RINGING]
Goddamn kids.
Who knocks over Santa?
You know, they do make inflatable ones.
Another option.
No way, man.
They’re just gonna steal them, take them home, do all kinds of sick shit to them.
You know what I’m talking about.
[CELL PHONE PINGS]
Excuse me.
[MESSAGE CHIMES ON PHONE]
Goddamn It!
[GROANS]
[TAKES A DEEP BREATH]
You know, it’s funny, um, when you fall in love with someone… whatever it is that draws you to them, whatever they represent to you at that moment, it gets kind of locked in.
And that’s who they are forever.
To me, Warren was strength.
You know, it’s not a very feminist thing to say, but, heh, Warren made me feel safe.
Sorry. It’s true.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
I loved Warren’s strength.
I-I, I relied on his strength.
So, when that strength began to fade, when his body and mind stopped being what they once were.
I felt abandoned.
I felt angry.
Not proud of that, but it’s what I felt.
Pramila Mahesh knew Warren only at the end. And what a gift.
Because Pramila, without any expectations, listened to Warren… in a way that I had stopped listening.
And bless her, she recorded his words and made this remarkable book that I can’t even begin to describe what reading this book has opened up for me.
I mean, I knew most of the stories already.
I knew that he ran in the Millrose Games when he was 19, as part of his legend.
But he
he wasn’t a legend.
Not then. He was a boy.
A boy who wanted to win that race so much, who ran so hard, who took the lead with a lap to go.
And lost.
This second plane trip, the one back home, was bent in the back row in tears.
One night about a week ago, um…
I got into bed and Warren woke up for a moment and looked at me.
[VOICE CRACKING]
And there he was, the boy.
I saw in his eyes the pain that he was feeling at age 19 and now again, 65 years later, the pain of falling short of what he wanted to be.
And in that moment, I loved the great Warren Rand more fully than I’d ever loved him before.
And I’m so glad I got to do that before he left.
Thank you.
[INDISTINCT MURMURING]
[♪♪♪]
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
Warren. I’m home.
Warren.
Warren, honey?
Oh, you’re still here?
I, uh…
I wanted to know what it feels like not to hear him answer.
How’s it feel?
I feel like I let him down, Stan.
I mean, if he was being honest, totally honest, would he say I was a good wife?
Would he say I was there for him in the way he needed all these years?
I don’t know. I-I truly do not know.
[IMITATING CARTOON]
Help me, Mr. Wizard.
[SIGHS]
[GRUNTS]
[GRUNTS]
I took Sammi camping once, up in the mountains.
She was like 10 or so.
And she didn’t want to go.
But I said, “We’re going.
We’re going to have a great time, so shut the fuck up.”
Such was my sensitive parenting style.
So, we go.
She won’t stop complaining.
“It’s cold. The food’s gross.
It’s raining really hard.”
It wasn’t even raining that hard.
If it wasn’t for the big hole in the tent, she never would have noticed.
[CRYING SOFTLY]
And then she starts complaining that her ears hurt because of the altitude.
And I remember that her mom used peroxide for that.
So I get some out of the first aid and I tilt her head to the side and I pour a capful in one of her ears, which, as it turns out, is way too much, and most of it rolls out down right into her eye and she starts screaming.
Screams of the “God help me, I’m being burned alive” variety.
[CRYING]
So now I’m thinking, “Holy shit, did I just blind my kid?”
Nearest hospital is like two hours away.
We’re in the Adirondacks.
So to get some sense of the damage, I take–
And I’m not defending this move, mind you.
I take a capful of the peroxide–
And I’m not defending this.
pour it into my own eye to see how bad it really is.
Turns out, very bad.
Like sulfuric acid.
So now I’m thinking I do need to get her to a hospital, not to mention myself.
So, I scoop her up in her pajamas.
But I’m half blind.
I’m running towards the car and I don’t see the picnic table at the exact height of my balls.
[SOBBING]
I feel like you’re getting ahead of the story, but yeah, I go slamming into the picnic table, Sammi goes flying.
She lands in a big pile of mud.
I’m grabbing my gonads, keeled over next to her.
And there we are in the mud… cold, wet, eyes burning.
And the only thing I can think of to say is…
“I’m sorry, Sammi.”
And she looks at me… with this muddy, squinty face… and she says, “It’s okay, Dad.
You’re doing the best you can.”
And I definitely, uh… backhanded compliment, given the circumstances.
But still, for some reason… she chose that moment of all moments… to let me be human.
Mr. Wizard.
Hm.
STAN: And, uh, happy birthday.
CYNTHIA [CHUCKLES]: Happy birthday.
[“BELIEVA” PLAYING]
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ I’m the newest little fish
In the big blue sea ♪
♪ And everybody’s talking
And they’re looking at me ♪
♪ Saying, “What you gonna do
With your life?” ♪
♪ You know
You gotta do it soon ♪
♪ And you gotta
Do it right ♪
♪ Well, I get it, I got it
I understand ♪
♪ Can’t screw up
‘Cause you got one chance ♪
♪ Supposed to get a job
And then follow the plan ♪
♪ But then how in the heck
Could I be who I am ♪
♪ Whoa, oh-oh, whooooh ♪
♪ I don’t think
They understand ♪
♪ That I’ma be all right
I’ma be okay ♪
♪ No, I’m not there yet
But I’m on my way ♪
♪ So it doesn’t really matter
What you think or say ♪
♪ ‘Cause I’m a BELIEVA
All right ♪
♪ I’ma be okay ♪
♪ No, I’m not there yet
But I’m on my way ♪
♪ So it doesn’t really matter
What you think or say ♪
♪ ‘Cause
I’m a BELIEVA ♪
♪ Whoa, ohoh, whooooh ♪
[SAXOPHONE SOLO]
♪ I’m a BEliever ♪
♪ PEOPple pleaser ♪
♪ That says she can
So you best believe her ♪
♪ Put your hands up
You’re a dreamer ♪
♪ A BEliever ♪
♪ A PEOPple pleaser ♪
♪ She says she can
So you best believe her ♪
♪ Mmm, mmm ♪
♪ I’ma be all right
I’ma be okay ♪
♪ No, I’m not there yet
But I’m on my way ♪
♪ So it doesn’t really matter
What you think or say ♪
♪ ‘Cause I’m a
BELIEVA, all right? ♪
♪ I’ma be okay ♪
♪ No, the best is yet
To come my way ♪
♪ So it doesn’t really matter
what you think or say ♪
♪ ‘Cause I’m a BELIEV ♪
♪ I said, BELIEV
Get a BELIEV ♪
♪ Get a BELIEV
Get a BELIEVA ♪
SAMMI: It’s my dad!
[CHEERING]
Whoo!
[AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
That’s my kid!
Yeah!
My daughter!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING CONTINUE]
Come on! Do it!
[“ONE AND ONLY GIRL” PLAYING]
♪ Oh, girl, oh, girl
You ♪
♪ You’re my
One and only girl ♪
♪ I would never trade you
For the world ♪
♪ I promise, I promise
I love you ♪
♪ So glad I found you ♪
♪ You ♪
♪ You ♪
♪ You’re my
One and only girl ♪
♪ I would never trade you
For the world ♪
♪ I promise, I promise
I love you ♪
♪ So glad I found you ♪
♪ Baby, you are my melody ♪
♪ You put my words
In harmony ♪
♪ Now, come on
I wanna feel ya ♪
♪ Girl
You know I need ya ♪
♪ I’ll stand in line
Just to get your love ♪
♪ You’re more
Than a pretty face ♪
♪ You take my heart
To many places ♪
♪ I’m waiting
For your kiss, girl ♪
♪ I’ll take all the rings
For you ♪
♪ For you ♪
♪ For you ♪
♪ For you ♪
♪ One and only girl
One and only girl ♪
♪ You’re my only girl ♪
♪ Ooh, girl, whoo! ♪
♪ My one and only girl ♪
[♪♪♪]
♪ Girl ♪
[PLAYFUL MELODY ON HORN]
♪ My only girl
My only girl ♪
♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ Hey, my only girl ♪
♪ You ♪
♪ Baby ♪
♪ You’re my
One and only girl ♪
♪ My one and only ♪
♪ I would never trade you
For the world ♪
♪ Never, never, never ♪
♪ I promise, I promise
I love you ♪
♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ So glad I found you ♪
♪ Oh, girl, you ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ You’re my
One and only girl ♪
♪ My one girl ♪
♪ I would never trade you
For the world ♪
♪ Never, never, never ♪
♪ I promise, I promise
I love you ♪
♪ So glad I found you ♪
♪ Whoo! ♪
[♪♪♪]
Good night!
