Smurfs (2025) | Transcript

Smurfs (2025)
Director: Chris Miller
Writers: Pam Brady, Peyo
Stars: Rihanna, James Corden, Nick Offerman

Plot: Years ago, the Intergalactic Evil Wizard Alliance, led by Gargamel’s brother, Razamel, attempted to use four magic books to rule the world with evil and destroy all the goodness in the universe. However, Papa Smurf rescues one of the books, Jaunty, and hides her in Smurf Village.

In the present, an unnamed Smurf, dubbed No Name Smurf, is new to Smurf Village. While wandering through a forest, he seemingly gains magic powers by wishing for them. At Smurf Village, No Name shows off his supposed powers to Papa Smurf, causing Razamel to detect Smurf Village and have his henchmen Joel send a portal to capture Papa Smurf. No Name, Smurfette, Vanity, Hefty, Worry, Brainy, Grouchy and a turtle set off to find Ken, Papa’s brother, heading to Paris, in Earth, to do so.

The Smurfs meet a group called the International Neighborhood Watch Smurfs led by Ken’s daughter, Moxie. They lead them to their base hidden inside of a disco ball where they meet Ken who agrees to help them. No Name uses his supposed magic to create a portal to Razamel’s castle, where the Smurfs enter. However, a force field installed on the castle bounces them to the portal convergence in the Australian outback. While there, they meet the Snooterpoots, hairy creatures who pickpocket items from multiverse travelers, and Mama Poot, the leader of the Snooterpoots, tells the Smurfs of the Alliance’s plan. Feeling awful for causing it, No Name runs away from the Snooterpoots. While Smurfette comforts him, Razamel captures the rest of the Smurfs, as well as the Snooterpoots. Mama Poot, determined to save her children, rallies up No Name and Smurfette and brings them to Munich to stop him.

As Razamel is about to smash Papa Smurf and Smurfette, No Name and Mama Poot enter the room. Jaunty is revealed to be doing the magic for No Name. Joel then captures the three, while Razamel corrupts Jaunty, flying away with her after disowning Gargamel. Angered, he saves the Smurfs, and escapes with them. Papa Smurf comforts the others by sharing his story about his brother Ron, who sacrificed himself to save Jaunty.

Razamel enters a meeting of the Alliance, where he tells them about his evil misdeeds. When they ignore him, he traps them inside a water dispenser and uses the four evil books to rule the universe. However, Gargamel and the Smurfs intervene by crashing into the scene with a flying car. Smurfette reverts Jaunty back to good after most of the other Smurfs are sacrificed. She, No Name and Jaunty jump into an inter-dimensional portal, while Razamel gives chase and recaptures Jaunty. After more self doubt, No Name gains magical powers from within himself, turns the books good again, and defeats Razamel by banishing him into another dimension. Ron emerges from the dimensional door, reuniting with Ken and Papa. No Name, now giving himself the title of Magic Smurf, and the rest of the Smurfs return to Smurf Village to celebrate.

In a mid-credits scene, Razamel is stuck in the unknown dimension with a tardigrade, while Gargamel tells Joel that they have to capture the Smurfs.

* * *

[narrator] In the beginning, the universe was in perfect balance, kept in peace and harmony by four magic books. The Alliance of Evil Wizards made it their mission to capture these books and shroud the universe in darkness.

[chanting]

[narrator] One of the books, called Jaunty Grimoire, got away. That’s me! Cha-cha-cha!

[wizard 1] Ze magic book!

[wizard 2] Where is it?

Find it at once!

[narrator] She was rescued by a group of mighty blue guardians.

[Smurf 1] Those evil wizards won’t get you.

[Smurf 2] I’ve got her, Ron. [Smurf 3] You’re safe with us, little one.

[narrator] They swore to protect the magic book. The fate of the universe depended on it. So they hid her away in a secret location. Now shh! Don’t tell anyone.

I’m in Smurf Village!

[Smurfs] ♪ La, la, la-la-la-la Sing a happy song ♪

♪ La, la, la-la-la-la Smurf the whole day long! ♪

♪ La, la, la-la-la-la Sing a happy song ♪

Check this out.

[dance music playing]

[Smurf 4] ♪ Everybody know What we came to do ♪

♪ Everybody here Want a chance with you ♪

♪ You know that’s your cousin And your brother ♪

♪ And the trees and the bees And the birds Want to dance with you ♪

♪ But I heard You were feeling blue ♪

♪ I don’t know If you’re feeling cute ♪

♪ But you’re looking So put-together ♪

♪ I just started feeling cool ♪

♪ We got to coordinate ♪

♪ I match with you… Red, green and gray ♪

♪ I’m still here We got mass appeal ♪

♪ Whatever color you feel Because ♪

[Smurfs] ♪ Everything goes with blue ♪

[Smurfette] ♪ It look good On me, good on you ♪

♪ Butter-fly in that suit ♪

♪ Everything goes with blue ♪

♪ I look in the sky I see you ♪

♪ You’re a star Bright and blue ♪

♪ Everything goes with blue! ♪

♪ We got to coordinate ♪

♪ I match with you… Red, green and gray ♪

♪ I’m still here We got mass appeal ♪

Come on, No Name.

[Smurfs] ♪ Everything goes with blue ♪

[Smurfette] ♪ It look, it look, it look ♪

♪ Good on me, good on you Butter-fly in that suit ♪

♪ But you know ♪

[Smurfs] ♪ Everything goes with blue ♪

[Smurfette] ♪ I look in the sky I see you ♪

♪ You’re a star Bright and blue ♪

[Smurfs] ♪ Everything goes with… ♪

[Smurfs harmonizing]

[Smurfs pant] Ha! Now that’s what I call a banger!

Great job, Smurfs!

[Smurfs] Yay for us!

A few timing issues, but you almost had it this time, No Name.

Same time, same place tomorrow!

Adding it to the calendar, Papa Smurf.

Thank you, Calendar Smurf.

Isn’t it grand living in a place where everyone has a thing!

Excuse me?

Oh, you stepped in it now, Papa.

Papa Smurf! Quick follow-up, if I may.

And here we go.

I still don’t have a “thing.”

And a quick follow-up to the follow-up:

Don’t you think that that’s a bit odd?

Like, Hefty Smurf is hefty.

I smash things.

And Worry Smurf worries.

You know, maybe everybody else just doesn’t worry enough.

[No Name] And Brainy is… [Brainy] Hmm.

[No Name] …really smart.

And Grouchy is… Don’t even say it.

[No Name] And there’s Camouflage Smurf.

I’m right here.

[No Name] Out-of-Focus Smurf. Clumsy Smurf.

[exclaims, grunts]

[No Name] Way-Back-There Smurf.

I’m way over here.

[No Name] Handlebar Moustache Smurf.

Quiet Smurf.

[whispers]

[groans] What did he say? I have no idea.

But do you see what I’m saying, Papa?

Well, you’re No Name. That’s a thing.

[sucks teeth] Is it, though?

‘Cause if my thing is my distinct absence of a thing, I’m actually…

nothing.

Hey, Sound Effect Smurf, can you back off?

[imitates reversing truck] Even he’s got a thing.

And he’s only been here since Tuesday.

Oh, I wouldn’t worry about it too much, No Name.

Some Smurfs just take a little more time to find their thing.

It’s in there.

You just got to find a way to let it out.

I’ve been thinking.

We don’t have a Magic Smurf around here.

Maybe that could be my thing.

Oh, Smurfs can’t do magic.

But I’m sure there’s something else for you.

Hey, List-Making Smurf.

What’s left on our giant list of Things-to-Try-to-Find- No-Name-a-Name list?

[gasps] Well, let’s see, Papa.

Okay, to date we’ve tried… [mumbles] …10,248 things.

How many do we have left?

Um… two. Clog making and… [gasps] Ooh.

…shark taming.

Well, that’s wonderful news! Let’s try clog making.

That’s a great idea, Papa Smurf.

Right, Smurfs?

[Smurfs] Yeah! [clamor] I guess I could learn to like clogs.

[Smurfs cheer] Just take your time, No Name. Don’t rush it.

I’ll just be right here. You got this.

If you could make something with a square toe, that’d be great. Thanks.

[gasps]

[imitates crash, imitates explosion]

[exclaims, gasps]

[Smurfs] Aw. Ugh! Terrible clog!

[imitates trumpet] You know, there’s always shark taming.

[Shark-Taming Smurf] That one’s already taken.

Oh. That’s too bad.

Hey, I have a great idea!

Let’s go pick some Smurfberries.

It’s hard to feel bad with a sack full of Smurfberries.

[sighs] Oh, I must admit, Smurfette, there is a gnawing emptiness inside me that all the Smurfberries in the land couldn’t fill.

It’s hard to be the odd Smurf out.

I think I might know a little something about that feeling.

What do you mean?

Well, I’m the only Smurf created out of a block of clay by our mortal enemy, the evil wizard Gargamel in the hopes of luring all Smurfs to their doom.

I mean, that was a lot for me to process.

So how do you handle that, Smurfette?

Well, I just think about all the friends who love me and that I love back.

And I get the strength to keep on keeping on.

You’ll find your thing, No Name. So don’t give up.

Thanks, Smurfette. I cherish us.

I cherish us too… infinity!

I cherish you infinity times infinity plus one.

It’s not a competition.

But if it was, I’d cherish you infinity times infinity plus one times pi times infinity, and I’d win. [chuckles] Smurfette’s right.

I need to stop dwelling on what I don’t have and start dwelling on what I do.

[sighs] But why is that so hard for me?

♪ Who am I? Where do I belong? ♪

♪ Heavy heart, but I carry on ♪

♪ Searching for the answers ♪

♪ But I’m only Moving backwards ♪

♪ What they say ♪

♪ When they think of me ♪

♪ Does a name Tell you anything? ♪

♪ Does happy ever after ♪

♪ Ever really happen? ♪

♪ I’m always on the outside Looking in ♪

♪ Never finding nothing ♪

♪ I’m always on the sidelines In the end ♪

♪ And you only see The downside ♪

♪ When you’re always On the outside ♪

♪ I try to find a reason To be strong ♪

♪ I’m holding on For something ♪

♪ But no one ever knows What’s going on ♪

♪ ‘Cause you keep it On the inside ♪

♪ When you’re always On the outside ♪

♪ Always on the outside ♪

♪ When you’re always On the outside looking in ♪

♪ Looking in ♪

[hums]

♪ I need a chance To prove them all wrong ♪

♪ And see the world From the side I never walk on ♪

♪ I know there’s something There for me ♪

♪ I still believe ♪

I wish I had my own thing.

[sighs] Aw, poor thing.

It’s in you. You just need a little help.

Uh… What’s happening? Whoa! [grunts]

[gasps] Huh?

[sniffs, sneezes]

[grunts]

♪ Hallelujah! Hallelujah! ♪

♪ Hallelujah! ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

What the shell?

Sorry! [Smurfette pants] Quick question: What’s going on?

Um, well, I wished for a thing and…

[Smurfette] You got magic!

[shouts] Smurfette!

Papa Smurf! Papa Smurf!

[laughs] You seem to have a bee in your bonnet.

What’s on your mind, No Name?

It took 10,248 tries, but I did it.

I finally found my thing.

Well, that’s fantastic! What is it?

I know you said Smurfs can’t do magic.

But I can.

It’s the thing I really wanted!

[chuckles] Wait, what are you talking about?

He never stopped trying to find his thing and I’m so proud.

Show him!

Okay, um… [clears throat] …let’s see, uh…

Va-va-voom!

That’s what I’m talking about!

Stop!

[alarm blaring]

[gasps]

[person 1 gasps]

[panting]

[whimpers]

[person 2 snoring]

[person 2 mumbles]

[mumbles, exclaiming, groans]

[shouts] Sire, it’s Joel! It’s Joel!

We found Smurf Village!

Huh? Smurf Village?

Wonderful, Joel! How did we do that?

There was an energy pulse detected on our energy-pulse detector.

Shall I send in your brother?

Gargamel? Absolutely not.

That imbecile will only get in the way.

Just initiate extraction measures.

Yes, Lord Razamel. Most evil.

[gasps] What is that?

He found us.

There’s so much I didn’t tell you.

Your Smurf location hath been acquired!

[Papa Smurf] Everyone, listen to me!

Your lives are in terrible danger!

Smurf Village isn’t safe anymore!

We have an emergency plan in case this very thing happened.

Find Ken.

Finekin? What does that mean?

Find Ken!

[smurf 5] Oh, no, Papa’s gone!

[imitates ambulance siren]

[smurf 6] Who will protect us now?

Why? [cries] Wait, wait! Everybody calm down.

We need to be rational here.

There’s only one evil wizard who would do this.

Gargamel.

No Name, use your magic to find Gargamel.

That is not your greatest idea. I just got Papa Smurfnapped!

Just focus. Concentrate.

[sighs] Okay. Gargamel. Gargamel. Gargamel.

[Gargamel hums, laughs] Success!

My sweet Azrael, what sound do you think a Smurf makes right before he expires?

[meows, screeches, chokes]

[laughs] That’s the sound I imagined, too.

You’re such a delight, my furry angel.

[person 3] Gargamel! Yes? Huh?

Did you just speak human, Azrael?

[person 3] Show thyself! [gasps]

[Gargamel gasps, shouts] [Azrael shouts] Oh, it’s Smurf Village.

Oh, no, not the evil wizard Gargamel.

Look, Azrael, a poor abandoned Smurf.

[laughs] Let’s smoosh it.

Ha-ha. Sucker.

Huh?

All right, Gargamel. Spill the beans.

What did you do with Papa? Papa? [stammers] Nothing!

Release me from this cage at once!

Something tells me you’re not telling us everything.

You got Papa snatched.

If I had Papa Smurf, I’d be gloating about it right now.

Well, maybe we should give him a makeover he’ll never forget.

Hey, Smurfs! Hey, Clumsy.

Guys! [grunts] Is this… [grunts] Is this any… [grunts] It’s just… [grunts] Didn’t Papa say to find Ken?

“Spin this track from beginning to end Through this portal you’ll find Ken.”

Thank you, Clumsy.

[Clumsy] You’re welcome.

No Name, this is how we’re gonna get Papa back.

Let’s do it. [imitates trumpet]

[pop music playing]

[No Name gasps] [Smurfs shout] This is not going to end well.

[Smurfette shouts] [No Name gasps] I hate being eaten by a grammy-phone.

Run away!

[gasps] Whoa.

[No Name] Whoa! [chuckles] Whoa. [grunts]

[Brainy Smurf] What’s happening?

We’re obviously in some kind of non-Newtonian portal.

Where is it taking us?

To the land of Ken.

[chuckles]

[all] Whoa. Whoo!

[No Name laughs]

[all whooping]

[all grunting] Whoa.

[grunts] Smurfette? I’m here! Hefty?

Here! Worry?

Here. Brainy? Present. Vanity?

Here! Grouchy?

Here. Unfortunately.

Where are all the mushrooms and Smurfberries?

Where are we?

It’s Paris.

How do you know that, Smurfette?

Je ne sais pas. Je ne sais what now?

Uh, I’m not really sure.

Let’s just stick to the plan. Find Ken, save Papa.

Let’s go, Smurfs.

And Turtle.

And Turtle. Sorry.

[Razamel] Hello, fellow wizard members of the Evil Alliance.

[inaudible dialogue]

[groans] We cannot hear you.

[microphone turns on] Oh, oopsies. Sorry, I was just, um, inquiring:

Did you all have fun weekends? Cut the codswallop, Razamel!

We can’t link our four books together, erase all goodness and shroud the universe in a cloud of Dark Magic forever if we only have three books!

That’s just Logic 101.

[Razamel] Yes, and I feel terrible about that, and that’s why I’m super excited to share some great news with the council.

Ah! You have your magic book?

Well, no, not that great. [stammers] But I am so close.

[groans] He says that every time, you know?

It’s been 106 years!

And Razamel, how much longer do we have to wait for you?

Do we need to replace you, Razamel?

No! Please, no! [clears throat] Sire, a word?

Joel, I’m on a very important Zoom.

It’s them, sire.

Who them? The them.

[yelps] Quick bathroom break, ladies and gents.

Thank you!

We’re one step closer to total evil dominance!

Huzzah for the bad guys!

Huzzah, I say!

Yes, sire. Huzzah, indeed.

[Razamel panting] Why did we design the Zoom room so far away from my evil lair, Joel?

Well, that’s where your laptop is, my lord.

[Razamel] My podcast microphones are set up in the Zoom room, Joel!

Why wouldn’t I use my podcast microphones for my Zooms?

[panting]

[gasps, chuckles] Yes! Papa!

[chuckles] One hundred years in the making.

He hid, I seeked, and I won!

You’ve won nothing, Razamel.

Oh, really? Who’s in a jar in my evil lair?

Hmm? Hmm?

Where’s the book? Um… shoot.

I don’t know. I saw Papa, and I grabbed him.

Maybe it’s in his pocket?

[sighs] Look at him, Joel.

He’s… He’s the size of a slice of apple pie.

Would a book fit into a miniature man’s pockets, Joel?

Uh, honestly, it would depend on how big his pants were.

Oh, go back from whence you grabbed him and find that book! Now!

Yes, sire.

[sighs] It’s good to see you, Papa Smurf.

I cannot say the same.

[Joel] Ah, I’ve got something!

In the same portal that picked up Papa Smurf.

Seize it, Joel!

Bring that magic book back to me.

[chuckling] Yes… yes… yes!

[cackling] [meows] What is this wretched place?

[Razamel] Gargamel?

Razamel, you found me!

I knew you wouldn’t leave your own brother stranded forever!

Oh, I missed you so much!

Uh, yes, yes. Reunited, and it feels so good.

Oh, and you’re the one who took Papa Smurf.

Well, all right, all right.

Well done, baby bro.

Too bad you didn’t get the rest of the Smurfs.

And you never will.

My Smurfs are hidden away, safe and secure.

[dogs barking] What did you do, Hefty?

I just asked ’em where Ken was!

[Vanity] I don’t think they speak Smurf.

Don’t bite my face!

Actually, a dog’s bark is worse than its bite.

[Smurfs grunt]

[all panting]

[dog barking]

[Smurfs shouting] [horn honking]

[engines revving] [Smurfs shouting]

[Smurfette] This way!

[No Name] Watch out! It’s a killer brush death machine!

I’m a bird! A beautiful bird.

[Smurfs groaning] Who are these guys? City Smurfs.

Salut! My name’s Moxie.

And we’re the International Neighborhood Watch Smurfs.

Paris Division.

Ooh. That sounds important.

[Moxie] It is.

What kind of Smurfs are you?

Um, we are… the standard kind.

Smurf Village Division.

Smurf Village? Where’s Papa?

That’s why we’re here. He told us to find Ken.

We’ll take you to him.

[speaking French]

[in English] We got you. Follow us. Hup, hup, hup.

[City Smurfs chanting]

[Moxie] Ken’s inside the discotheque.

[Moxie chants]

[“Don’t Stop the Music” playing]

[Smurfs gasp]

[Moxie] Get across the dance floor.

Avoid feet!

[No Name gasps]

♪ Please don’t stop the music ♪

♪ I wanna take you away ♪

♪ Let’s escape into the music ♪

♪ DJ, let it play ♪

♪ I just can’t refuse it Like the way you do this ♪

♪ Keep on rockin’ to it ♪

♪ Please don’t stop the Please don’t stop the ♪

♪ Please don’t stop the music ♪

[City Smurf grunts]

♪ Baby, are you ready ‘Cause it’s gettin’ close ♪

♪ Don’t you feel the passion Ready to explode ♪

[record scratches]

♪ …just came here to party ♪

♪ But now we’re rockin’ On the dance floor ♪

♪ Actin’ naughty ♪

[record scratches] [crowd cheers]

♪ …hand in hand Chest to chest ♪

♪ And now we’re face to face ♪

♪ I wanna take you away… ♪

[Smurfette grunts] Almost there. Almost where?

See you on the other side.

[gasps]

[Turtle chuckling] Wee!

So, where’s Ken?

[Ken] I’m right here.

Let me guess. Papa Smurf’s in trouble.

How did you know that? I’m Papa Smurf’s brother.

We had a plan in case the worst thing in the world ever happened.

And it looks like it just did.

[gasping] [Ken] Oh.

Uh, sorry about the mask.

I was just doing a quick exfoliation.

I never have time for self-care.

I always make time. [sighs] Is the book safe?

What are you talking about?

Papa never told you about the magic book?

[Smurfette] Pardon me, Ken, but we didn’t even know Papa Smurf had a brother.

Don’t take this the wrong way, but you Smurfs don’t know Smurf about Smurf.

[scoffs] With all due respect, Ken, we all Smurf.

In fact, I’ve probably personally Smurfed more than you’ll ever Smurf.

[scoffs] That sounds like a load of Smurf.

Can you Smurf that Smurf up?

I can Smurf that Smurf up and have it delivered to your house.

Hey, come on, Smurfs. Stick a Smurf in it.

Smurf that.

I don’t like his Smurfitude. Ditto!

Ditto infinity times infinity plus six. I win.

Let’s just leave it at that. Fine!

This is the handiwork of the evil wizard Razamel.

He plays for keeps. How do you know that?

The part that he plays for keeps or the Razamel part?

Well… both?

I know a lot of things, fella.

[spittoon clangs] Cool. Cool. All right.

So let’s go find this Razamel and…

And smash him!

I like this guy.

[clears throat] Let’s get Papa Smurf back.

“Let’s”? You’re staying here.

I don’t work with amateurs.

Well, joke’s on you because I like being called an amateur.

It means doing something for the love of it.

And that’s me. That’s what I do.

Love. [scoffs] That and a dime’ll get you a phone call in 1986.

What?

Exactly. [scoffs] You don’t get it.

[City Smurfs chanting] Your enemies are everywhere.

And you have to be ready to take ’em out like that!

[imitates fighting]

[panting] That’s one of the most disturbing world views I’ve ever encountered.

[scoffs] Funny coming from a bunch of Smurfs who don’t even know who they really are.

What’s that supposed to mean? It means…

Smurfs are descendants of mighty guardians.

We swore to protect the four magic books from the Alliance of Evil Wizards.

But your Papa walked away.

Why would Papa keep that from us?

You’d have to ask him.

I will when we rescue him.

Oh, no, you’re not coming with me.

Oh! We’d love to come with you!

No! I just said the 100% opposite of that.

[Smurfs] Yay, we’re going!

So, how do we do this?

[Smurfs] Yeah, how do we do this?

[groans] Okay.

We do this by storming Razamel’s castle, and we take no prisoners!

Except for Papa. We’ll make sure and grab him.

Hold down the fort, Moxie. Roger that, Captain Ken.

Did you bring the turntable?

The old-timey one? No, we just went through it.

Come on, guys. The last one through is supposed to bring the turntable!

How do we make a portal now?

We’re not mind readers, ace.

And it doesn’t matter, ’cause my friend can get us there with his magic.

[scoffs] I never heard of a magic Smurf.

My magic confidence is at a soft “four” right now.

Failure is the best teacher, No Name. Dare to fail.

Failure would actually be bad.

Papa’s counting on us.

Okay, Magic Smurf…

[sighs] …take us to Razamel’s castle!

[Ken] Uh…

[chuckles] Give it another shot, No Name.

[chuckling] Okay.

[breathes shakily] Come on, come on.

Take us to Razamel’s castle.

Please.

[gasps] This is good!

Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle once removed.

You need some serious therapy and a hug.

[yelps] Well, they’re all going to die.

[Gargamel] Oh, look. He hates this.

[chuckles] This is so much fun!

Wow.

Can you believe it’s been 62 years since you sent me on my mission to infiltrate Smurf Village?

[Gargamel] Remember?

Oh, yes. Yes, I do.

I just didn’t think you’d ever do it.

You’re hilarious! Didn’t you get my emails?

No. They must have gone to spam.

Spam? Why would they go to spam?

Fine! I blocked you.

You blocked me? Why?

[groans] We can discuss all of this brotherly business later during a sidebar. But for now…

Where is the magic book, Papa Smurf?

It’s gone. I destroyed it.

[chuckles] You are the worst liar.

I know you didn’t. You know why?

Why? Because you’re weak!

Like your best friend, Ron.

Don’t you talk about Ron!

[exclaims] Look how upset he gets!

Don’t worry, I’ll get you to talk.

Those other blue rat monkeys must have taken the magic book with them.

Where are your Smurfs now, Papa?

I’ll never tell!

[alarm blaring] I have something, sire! What is it?

The energy-pulse detector picked up a fresh portal.

The Smurfs are trying to infiltrate the castle.

Fortunately, our force field knocked them off course.

And I know exactly where it’s sending them.

Joel? Let’s go.

Wait, you’re taking him?

Uh, Joel is my favorite hench-minion.

It worked!

[Ken] It did if you were trying to kill us.

Brace for impact!

[all scream] I think I just Smurfed my pants.

[screaming continues] Hug the walls!

[all grunt, groaning] Uh, this doesn’t feel like Razamel’s castle.

That’s because it’s not.

This is bad.

Oh, no.

Turns out our magic Smurf here is a bit of a dud.

Maybe you ought to just stick to clog-making.

We’ve been bounced to the inter-portal way station in the Australian Outback.

And now we have to deal with the Snooterpoots.

Snooterpoots?

[Ken] They’re tricky creatures who survive out here by taking advantage of lost inter-portal travelers.

They like cake.

Here, hold this cake inside that rock until they bite.

Bite? Why do I have to do it?

I don’t want to lose an arm. Don’t be a bully, Ken.

I’ll do it.

No, no, I got us into this mess.

If anyone needs to lose an arm, it’ll be me.

Hold it out!

[screams]

[Smurfette] No Name!

[all grunt]

[all screaming]

[whooping]

[Smurfs grunting] Keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times.

Vehicle? And watch your pockets.

Hey! My glasses! I need those! [Snooterpoots chittering] Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake!

What’s going on? I can’t see anything.

Trust me, it’s a good thing you can’t see what’s coming.

[Snooterpoots chittering]

[Smurfs shout]

[Smurfs laughing, cheering]

[chuckles] Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake.

Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake.

[all grunt]

[chewing] Double double chocolate with extra chocolate from Fou de Patisserie, Paris. That can only mean one thing.

Hello, Kenneth.

[Ken chuckles] Mama Poot.

Am I that predictable?

Well, obviously not or I’d have known you’d skip town on me.

Oh, come on. We’ll always have Paris.

Ooh la la. [Smurfs oohing]

[imitates kissing]

[Ken groans] Look, Mama, I-I can explain.

Save it for your bridge club, tough guy.

Words are cheap.

Actions are what matters.

Actions and, uh, cake.

Well… looks like things worked out.

You’re doing pretty all right for yourself.

Yeah, Kenneth, business is booming.

Every yahoo thinks they can navigate the multiverse these days, so…

Ow!

Hey, that’s permanent!

[groans, yelps]

[Mama Poot] Looks like you yahoos could use a lift.

Yeah. We really could. [Smurfette grunts] It’s an emergency.

Ah, it always is.

It’s gonna cost ya. We brought cake.

Lots of cake.

[exclaims] You swindling scoundrels!

You don’t get to talk to my Poots like that, you hear me?

Don’t listen to him, my shaggy babies.

The emotionally unavailable Smurf didn’t mean it.

[baby voice] Okay?

Great. Now I’m all out of cake.

Stop it.

You know, I also take cash.

[exclaims] Or a watch.

But Mama Poot, this was a gift from my grandpa.

Give her the watch, Ken.

[Mama Poot] Yeah, give her the watch, Ken.

Jeez.

Thank you.

All right, Snooterpoots, it’s showtime!

Well, ticktock. Where to? Meter’s running.

Razamel’s castle.

Oh, no, no, no.

Heck no. No, sir. Not interested. Deal’s off.

What do you mean, the deal’s off?

[Mama Poot] Here.

This is just the wristband. Ah, fine!

Okay, look, h-here’s how this goes.

You never saw me, we never talked, this never happened.

You can’t back out now. Papa Smurf is in trouble.

Guilt doesn’t work on me, sister.

Please, Mama Poot, we have to save Papa.

Just drop us off.

No one will ever have to know you were involved.

The Alliance of Evil Wizards knows everything.

Nobody, and I mean nobody, comes back from Razamel’s castle alive.

The walls of the moat are made of the bones of the ones who tried.

[thunderclap] [Snooterpoots gasp] Um… okay.

We’ve got a magic Smurf.

Maybe he can stop those wizards.

So you’re telling me your magic is strong enough to take on the whole evil enchilada?

The whole evil enchilada… what-what is that?

These wizards have one goal in mind:

To rule the world with evil by getting rid of all the goodness in the universe. And nothing will stand in their way.

So tell me, Magic Smurf, how you gonna handle that?

I will tell you how.

No Name, come back! [Smurfs gasp]

[panting] No Name!

No Name, stop!

[No Name pants, gasps] I can’t do it.

I can’t take on the whole enchilada.

[groans]

[No Name panting] [Smurfette sighs] I don’t have it in me, Smurfette.

I know I’m gonna let everyone down.

Hey, don’t beat yourself up.

Pressure gets to all of us.

You just have to believe in yourself.

Yeah, but I-I don’t even know how I’m doing all this magic stuff.

This isn’t me.

I can’t face off against a powerful wizard.

Listen.

That voice inside your head telling you you’re not good enough?

That voice is not who you are.

You’re the only one who notices that voice.

Whoa!

Yeah, “whoa”.

You just need to decide who you want to be, and every day you’ll become yourself a little more.

And before you know it, that voice will go away.

It worked for me.

[piano playing]

♪ I know what’s on your mind ♪

♪ I’ve been there, too ♪

♪ One too many times ♪

♪ It’s time to let go ♪

♪ Go live your life ♪

♪ You’ve got a story ♪

♪ That you got to write ♪

♪ You were born to be great Born to be real ♪

♪ Born to be wild ♪

♪ You were born to have faith Faith in yourself ♪

♪ Born to survive ♪

♪ Don’t ever let anyone ♪

♪ Say you’re not anyone ♪

♪ When the world says Give it up ♪

♪ Keep going ‘Cause you’re onto something ♪

[vocalizing]

♪ Don’t ever let anyone ♪

[vocalizing]

♪ Say you’re not anyone ♪

♪ Say you’re not anyone ♪

[vocalizing]

♪ So when you feel Like nothing works ♪

♪ When you try But it’s getting worse ♪

♪ Getting harder By the minute ♪

♪ You don’t have To be a cynic ♪

♪ You don’t have To have a limit ♪

♪ The universe is telling us ♪

♪ There’s something More to life ♪

♪ But you’ve been only seeing What’s in front of your eyes ♪

♪ You were born to be great Born to be real ♪

♪ Born to be wild ♪

♪ You were born to have faith Faith in yourself ♪

♪ Born to survive ♪

♪ Don’t ever let anyone ♪

♪ Say you’re not anyone ♪

♪ When the world says Give it up ♪

♪ Keep going ‘Cause you’re onto something ♪

[vocalizing]

♪ Don’t ever let anyone ♪

[vocalizing]

♪ Say you’re not anyone ♪

[piano fades] You feeling better? Yeah.

The part with the kangaroos was a little weird, though.

What was that? I don’t know.

No.

Snooterpoot Village!

Come on.

[groaning] Mama Poot! What happened?

Razamel took two of my Snooterpoots and the rest of you Smurfs.

He just took ’em! He took ’em back to his castle.

Razamel was here?

Oh, yes, he was.

And he just made the biggest mistake of his miserable little life.

You still want a piece of him?

[Smurfette grunts] Oh, yeah.

We’ll take the Scream Buggy.

And I’m driving!

The Scream What-y?

Why is it called the Scream Buggy?

Well, she runs on the fuel of your fear.

What? Why?

Ha!

No idea.

[grunting] Huh?

Buckle up!

Hold onto your little Smurf nubs!

I’m out. You can do this.

You! Brick me!

[laughs]

[both screaming]

[Mama Poot] Yeah, yeah!

More fear! More fear!

[Mama Poot laughing]

[screaming continues] [Mama Poot] More fear!

[laughing]

[Razamel] It’s raining Smurfs! [screaming]

[Razamel] Hallelujah!

Oh, my sweet Smurfs. Come here.

[all] Papa!

Let me look at you. Are you okay?

We were so worried about you.

Especially me.

Oh, I could never forgive myself if any of you were harmed.

Joel, please hang my travel cape.

Joel, what do you call a group of Smurfs?

A gaggle? A herd? A troop?

A murder?

Let us out of here, Razamel!

Oh, way to give it thirty percent, Papa Smurf.

Great stuff.

Now give me my book.

We told you we don’t have it!

And where is my so-called brother?

He’s relaxing with his feline associate in the solarium, sire.

Oh, how I hate that cat!

Um, could we accidentally help it shed its mortal coil, Joel, my dear?

As you wish, lord sire.

Joel!

Fetch me a Clamato. Room temp.

Hey, what about us?

Prisoners don’t get clam drinks!

But I do have another treat in store for you.

I hope you like… party games.

We’re going to play one called:

Let’s Squish A Smurf Every Time Papa Doesn’t Tell Me Where The Last Magic Book Is Till All You Smurfs Are Squashed!

[screams, grunts] That doesn’t sound like a fun game.

Joel, be a doll and move these fetid degenerate goblins to the Squishadrome for to squash.

[slurps] I warned you about getting complacent.

[clears throat] Smurfs, can you give us a minute?

[muttering] [Papa Smurf chuckles] The book is still safe. But why are my Smurfs here?

It’s way too dangerous.

Well, maybe if you hadn’t been hiding away in Smurf Village for the past 100 years none of us would be in trouble.

You know I had my reasons for that.

Do you think Ron would have just walked away?

[all] Uh, who’s Ron?

[No Name screaming] [Mama Poot] Whoo!

Bringing her in hot!

[No Name] Ow!

[grunts]

[sniffs, exhales] That cleared out the sinuses.

[laughs] Hey! You dead? [groaning] That was absolutely terrifying.

I think I swallowed my gum.

I’m coming for ya, Poots! Mama’s coming for her babies!

It might be good to not yell so much and give away our location.

Right, right. Ah, okay.

What is this place?

Munich, autobahn, Razamel’s stupid castle.

He thinks it’s so spooky.

So how do we get in there?

Well, it’s an impenetrable fortress, so we’re gonna have to sneak in.

Okay, let’s get some ideas going.

You know, blue-sky time, no judgments.

[gasps] We pole-vault over the wall.

That’s a terrible idea! And that’s a judgment.

Maybe we can exploit a weakness no wizard can resist.

What kind of weakness? A fried weakness.

[bell rings] Your food is here. [butler] Who ordered this? Razamel Q. Wizard.

[butler] Mmm. That sounds right. He complains when his tunic gets too tight but he’s the one who gets himself in this mess.

[gate buzzes] So you can just order any kind of food from anywhere?

Absolutely.

Just make sure you tip the driver ahead of time or they’ll lick everything.

Okay, here’s the plan.

We’ll sneak into the castle inside this bag and when we get delivered to Razamel, kablammo! We save everything.

We should have gotten more fries. I’m a stress eater.

Mmm. Oh! That’s good.

Oh, it’s the quill pen that my great-great-great grandfather Zazamel used to sign the Treaty of the Alliance of Intergalactic Wizards.

Razamel always worshipped this pen.

[screeches] [gasps] Uh…

I’ll just put it behind this.

Enjoying the solarium? [yelps] Yes! Uh, very much. Thank you.

You’re probably admiring Dadah’s urn.

[gasps] This is Dadah?

Oh, yes! Dadah in all his glory.

Sometimes, when no one’s looking, I sprinkle him into Joel’s protein shakes.

[gags] [Gargamel] You know, Dadah always wanted us to rule together.

Remember how he said that was going to happen?

And rule together we shall!

[growls] [grunts]

[gasps] [screeches] Once we get our hands on that Jaunty Grimoire, the whole universe will be under the darkly magic control of the Intergalactic Alliance of Wizards.

And finally, all goodness shall be eradicated for evermore.

Sounds amazing!

So you’ll introduce me to the Alliance, then?

Of course! Proudly!

But first, what do you schay we schmoosh some Schmurfs?

I’d say that sounds like music to my ears!

And, hey, I just wanted to say I’m so glad to be back and that we’re together again.

I love you, Razamel!

Best friend brother friend brother.

Love.

Ah, well, ditto I’m sure.

Come along, Azrael.

We’re going to watch the Smurfs get squashed.

[German pop music playing on radio]

[horn honking]

[butler] Absolutely repulsive.

We’re inside the castle.

Maybe you should slow down on the fries.

You’re right. Just one more.

Are the plates ready? [sighs] Yes, sir.

[gasps] Hand!

Ooh, ring! No ring, Mama.

Where’s Terry the food taster?

I don’t know, on break? Fine, I’ll taste it.

But if I die, I’ll kill Terry!

[gasps]

[butler] Wait a minute.

Did you forget to order fries again?

You ate all the fries!

I love salty potato-based treats and I will not apologize for that.

Hey, don’t look at me. I didn’t make the order.

Just check again.

What do we do now?

I don’t know. Can you magic some up?

[bag rustles] Hand incoming!

O magic powers from up on high, bring us fries.

Bring us fries!

[butler] Oh, here they are.

Onion rings! Who ordered this garbage?

They’re Razamel’s favorite.

[sighs] How did you know that? No idea. It just came to me.

[all yelp, grunt] This way.

[No Name gasps]

[bellhop sighs]

[chain clicking] [gulps]

[sighs] Oh.

[hisses] Ready, Joel?

[groans] Oh, good, it works. First Smurf, please.

Please, Razamel! Don’t hurt my Smurfs.

Then tell me where the magic book is.

Somewhere you’ll never find it!

Then let’s loosen those lips!

Who shall we squash first?

Eeny… meeny, miney…

I’ll go.

[grunting]

[chain clicking] Hear that?

That’s the clicking sound of evil.

Let’s go Smurf that wizard up.

Last chance, Papa!

[footsteps] We’re here… to save everything!

[Gargamel gasps] Deal with my awesomeness.

My, those are dated moves for such a bold entrance.

State your business, stranger.

Free Papa Smurf at once!

And give me back my babies!

Or what?

Or I shall uncork all of my awesomeness all over this place! [sneezes] Wha… Huh?

[blows nose] There must be a cat in here. Is there a cat in here?

[meows] I knew it! Man, the dander gets me.

Is that what I think it is? Uh-oh.

Could it be?

Jaunty Grimoire!

Oh! I knew you couldn’t hide forever.

I thought you said the magic book was safe!

How long have you been on my head?

And how did I not feel you there?

I have soft hands. And feet.

And I’ve only been up there since you made a wish.

Cha-cha-cha!

I’m magic! [chuckles] Wait. Were you doing the magic?

Um, yeah, kind of.

Yeah, but the moon walking was all you.

Yeah, actually, that was me, too.

I didn’t even do the moonwalk?

[sighs] There’s no such thing as a magic Smurf.

Chin up, pal. Don’t quit on yourself.

You made a wish for a thing, so I just gave you a little head start.

You got a lot more magic in you than you think.

You just got to let it out.

Oh! There’s Papa! Hey, Papa!

Thank you for bringing the final magic book right to me.

[gasps] Oh, look who it is!

It’s our lost little wizard girl family member.

I’m not part of your family, you freak.

Tut-tut.

Methinks these voluminous Polaroid photo albums from your childhood… Huh?

…would tell a different tale.

Here you are when you were clay.

Oh, here you are throwing horseshoes at a Sunday barbecue.

Ooh! And look at you laughing at the caricaturist who drew you in front of the Eiffel Tower.

That’s me?

You may have looked different, but you were always one of us.

Why don’t I remember any of this?

Oh, and here you are enjoying the wizard’s favorite snack, French fries.

Oh, how you loved your fries!

That’s a lie! I hate fries!

Huh?

I knew I didn’t like her for a reason.

She’s the darn enemy!

No, I’m a Smurf!

And P.S., news flash, and FYI, that’s not who I am now.

[cackles] You can never change what you really are.

Don’t listen to him, Smurfette! You’re with us, now and always.

That’s right! I’m with him. And them.

You’re sure about that?

You did exactly what you were created to do.

You brought me Papa Smurf and Jaunty.

The final piece of the evil puzzle.

Ergo ipso delicto… I win.

Time to rule the universe.

I want to stay with Papa. Papa!

Jaunty Grimoire!

What a wonderful moment.

Too bad it has to be interrupted by… reality!

No! Chiballog badoo!

Bomba gee joo…

Wait a minute. What am I reading?

Ah, yes, that’s better.

May dark power course through your pages now and forever!

[gasps] I don’t want to be evil!

I… am… Grimoire.

No! Yes. [chuckles] Well, thanks for saving me a lot of squish time. See ya!

Wait. I’m not going with you?

To meet with the other wizards?

Um, that’s a big fat no! [cackles] This is the end of the road for you, Gargamel.

But you said “Ditto” when I said I loved you.

I lied. I’m telling Mother!

Mother never respected you… or your stupid cat.

[gasps] [meows] Goodbye, Smurfs, and so long, brother… forever!

[groans, thuds]

[grunts, groans]

[shouts]

[meows] I’m so sorry, everyone.

[Joel] I’m sorry, too.

This is my first job out of college, though.

I need a good review on my Linkedln.

Well, you’re not getting one from me.

Fair enough. [whimpers] That’s pretty impressive engineering.

I can’t believe I’m the one who’s gonna get smashed.

[sighs] At least I’ll be thin. [grunts] I’m gonna miss you guys.

[groans] I love you.

[Mama Poot] Huh.

[gasps] What? What are you doing?! It doesn’t go down like this.

Yes, I may loathe the Smurfs with the fury of a thousand burning suns, but I loathe my brother more for disrespecting me and my sweet, sweet Azrael. [meows] And I’ve had enough of said respectlessness.

Run, Smurfs! Run!

[both gasp]

[shouts, grunts] Prisoner escape! Prisoner escape!

[exclaiming]

[meowing] Good idea, Azrael. Engage wing spell!

Look at me. I’m going to need a bigger litter box.

[roars] Oh, my.

Bring it!

[Papa Smurf] Come on, Ken!

I don’t run from a fight.

We’re not leaving you, brother.

All Smurfs and Snooterpoots spoken for.

Excelsior, my sweet Azrael!

[Smurfs, Gargamel cheering] I’m not feeling so majestic.

Oh, boy. Assume crash positions!

[Smurfs, Gargamel screaming]

[children laughing]

♪ Happy birthday… ♪

Oh…

[Smurfs exclaiming, grunting]

[Smurfs groaning]

[groans] This is all my fault.

This is all my fault.

I can’t believe I did exactly what that wizard wanted me to do.

I’m so sorry, No Name.

No. This is my fault.

The only reason any of this happened is because I wanted to find my thing.

If I hadn’t been so selfish, none of us would be here.

No. It’s not your fault, No Name.

And it certainly isn’t yours, Smurfette.

This is all my fault.

I kept secrets from you all.

And that was wrong.

I didn’t want to lose any of you the way we lost Ron.

Who’s Ron?

He was the greatest Smurf who ever lived.

I should have told you about him a long time ago.

[Ron] You’re safe with us.

[Papa Smurf] I’ve got her.

[Ken] Those evil wizards won’t get you. Ron!

[Papa Smurf] Oh, he was a Smurf of tremendous courage and valor, and really, really great hair. It’s good to see you, my brothers.

It’s been too long.

We just had Smurfberry juice and waffles together.

Like I said, it’s been too long.

That magic book will be mine!

Well, that was a bit of a letdown.

Now that’s more like it!

[Papa Smurf] He dispatched baddies with a Smurfy blend of elegance and lethality. I think it was safe to say that Ron loved everyone and everything no matter how small or insignificant they may seem.

I love you, brother. Or sister.

[Papa Smurf] Oh, he was way ahead of his time.

[gasps]

[Papa Smurf] But Razamel soon got the upper hand.

That’s really something else.

I should probably start with this one next time.

[grunting, thudding]

[gasps]

[Jaunty crying] Baby Jaunty!

[Jaunty screaming]

[Ron shouts] No!

Hang on! Papa’s coming! I got you!

Save the book!

You’re next!

More vortex. [imitating vortex] Grab my hand, Ron!

I probably should have cut my hair, like you guys suggested.

You always were a free spirit.

It was an honor and privilege guardianeering with both of you.

No!

Fi-i-i-i-ist buu-u-u-u-mp!

[Papa Smurf] Ron… was gone. Now, I won’t ask you again.

Give me that baby book. No.

No? Hey.

No! Not in the face!

[sighs] That’s why I created Smurf Village.

So I could keep all of you safe.

I couldn’t lose any of you like we lost Ron.

There isn’t a day goes by that I don’t think about him.

I know, brother.

It’s time I told you about our higher calling.

We Smurfs are Guardianeers of Good.

What does that mean? It means…

that we have always been protectors of peace and harmony in the universe.

Even Smurfs who don’t have a thing?

Yes, No Name.

But it’s not just some thing you call yourself.

And it isn’t who you are.

It’s who we are.

It’s the sum of all its parts.

It’s brains and brawn.

It’s a Smurf who always fights for what she believes in.

And even a Smurf who thought he didn’t have any thing but is willing to give everything.

I’m not gonna sugarcoat this, Smurfs.

The bad guys want to destroy everything good in the world.

And they can do it.

But we’re not gonna let them!

Because there is nothing we can’t accomplish if we do it together!

Now let’s get that book and save the universe!

Let’s do it for Ron!

Let’s get to Guardianeering!

[all cheering] Ron!

Wait! Where are we going?

Way to kill the mood, Glasses. He’s right.

Razamel and that book could be anywhere in the universe.

Attention!

Attenzione! I know exactly where the wizards have taken all four books.

Now, I will share this information with you vicious garden weasels on one condition.

Name it. That I be in the room to see the stupid, angry look on my stupid, angry brother’s mean, stupid, angry face when he sees you all alive and thriving.

It’s a spite mission.

I think we got it.

We all get what we want.

But after that, our little alliance is over.

Yeah, okay, deal. Where to, freaky-deaky?

To the ninth dimension, the nexus of space and time that represents all possible worlds and all…

Just get in the car! Oh, yes. Sorry. Of course.

[pop music plays]

[Gargamel] Yeah!

[Gargamel, Smurfs screaming] Hello, everyone! I have big news.

And it involves me and my magic book.

Oh, what a surprise. Raz-a-mope is late.

[scoffs] What could you have been doing?

Having your hair cut by a blind raccoon?

[chuckles]

[gasps]

[groans] Do you know what?

I’m sick of being treated like garbage by all of you, with your sarcastic comments and mock merriment.

[scoffs] Late and lame.

You’re all lame!

[laughs] You’ll make wonderful hench-minions now that I’m the lord of the universe.

Solo! Me. I. Moi!

[laughs] Well, time to start chanting.

[plays note] Oh, yeah… no chance I’ll hit that note.

And here we go!

Ommm beklartz…

…flunknard!

[car horn beeping] Wh… Hmph.

[engine revs]

[Mama Poot laughing]

[Smurfs grunt] You have got to be kidding me.

The Guardianeers of Good are here.

We’ll try not to hurt you, but we’re not making any promises.

It’s not bragging. That’s just me being real.

Oh. This is bad.

He’s linked all the books.

Ken, we need a plan.

We’re Guardianeers, Papa. We are the plan.

Charge!

[Smurfs] Charge!

Hold on!

[laughs] Well, that’s adorable.

Kachow!

[all groan] Your goodness is mine!

Into the vortex, Smurf spirits.

[Papa] Razamel stole their Smurfy goodness.

We can get them back if we break the spell by rescuing Jaunty.

Where are you going, traitor?

Traitor?

[stammering] Oh, well, I brought the Smurfs to you!

This was a spite mission.

[sighs] It was. Hmm?

In the water bottle you go. No!

He’s distracted.

You thought I forgot about you? [chuckles] Whose goodness shall I take first?

No!

[Papa groans]

[Smurfette gasps] Papa! [groans] Don’t give up, my precious Smurfs.

You’re Guardianeers.

It’s up to you now.

[Smurfette gasps] Smurfette?

My work is done.

I finally delivered everything you wanted, Your Evil Lordship.

What is this?

I have always been on your side.

What? No!

Well, well, well.

That’s what we in the evil business call the long con.

Welcome home, sinister Smurf demon.

Thank you.

[gasps] Psych!

[grunts] Got you, Jaunty!

Thank you, Smurf… [yelps]

[yelping, laughing]

[screams]

[grunts] Stop! That’s the inter dimensional abyss.

Anyone who goes in there never ever comes back the same.

[Razamel laughs] You’ve got nowhere to go.

[groans]

[Smurfette screams] What do we do now, Jaunty?

Warning! Lose the heels.

You’re really not gonna like this first dimension, Smurfette.

Why?

[all grunt] Clay?

[groans] That’s why I feel overly thick and bloated.

Where’s the book? [Smurfette gasps] Give that back to me!

[screams] That’s what happens to handsy fellas.

Find a door! Go, Smurfette!

[No Name groans]

[Razamel] Ow! Whoa!

[sunshine drawing yelps]

[No Name grunts]

[gasps] This is the worst dimension!

Stay away from erasers!

Oh! What’s that? What?

[laughs] Made you look. Oh, come on.

Help! Help! A mean old wizard got me!

[screams] Eraser!

[Smurfette gasps] That’s my book, you freakish popinjays!

[No Name, digitized] Oh, no!

I can only run from left to right!

[Smurfette, digitized] Here! Jump up these tiny hills.

[No Name] This dimension isn’t so hard, actually.

Hand over the eight-bit book, Smurfs, or face the wrath of my evil picket fence!

It’ll take more than a fence to stop us.

[in Japanese]

[laughs]

[in English] Ugh! This is my least favorite dimension.

[screams] What are you?

I’m a tardigrade, the most rugged micro animal in the universe.

Our motto is “Live tiny, die never”.

Hi, Tardi, nice to meet you, bye!

Nice to meet you, too! Bye!

I just want a friend.

Will you stay here with me forever?

Absotively not! [grunts]

[Smurfette gasps] Is this…

Smurf Village.

We’re home.

[sighs] Cha-cha-cha!

All you have to do is get me to Papa Smurf’s mushroom house and I can hide away for another hundred years, easy!

[laughs]

[Smurfs gasp] Welcome back.

Papa.

Oh, you’re okay.

I’ve never been better.

It’s good to have you home.

We did it, Papa.

Keep her safe.

I knew you’d come through…

[as Razamel] …Smurfette.

[stammers] I don’t understand.

Oh, let me explain.

We’re in the surreal dimension.

It’s made of your dreams and nightmares.

No.

Thank you for your service.

Time to rid the universe of all things good.

Bye-bye, puppies.

Ciao, daisies. [laughs] He’s done it.

He’s sucking all of the goodness out of the universe.

What the shell?

Release Jaunty! Huh?

We’re not gonna let this happen, Razamel.

And just who is going to stop me?

You? [laughs] You are nothing!

I’m not nothing.

Oh? Then who are you?

I’m… I’m…

That’s what I thought.

[Smurfette gasps] You’re nobody.

No Name!

No Name!

[echoing] Can you hear me?

[echoing] Who are you, No Name?

Who are you?

Yeah, who?

I, uh… I-I don’t know.

You should’ve just stuck to clog making.

[screams] Stay with me, No Name.

Please.

[screaming]

[echoing] You got more magic in you than you think.

That voice inside your head telling you you’re not good enough?

That voice is not who you are.

I don’t know who I am, Papa.

And I don’t think I ever will.

I know who you are.

You’re kind and fair.

You’re strong because you’re determined.

You remind me a lot of Ron in that way.

Really? How?

He was resilient.

When Ron got knocked down, he’d get right back up on his feet.

Just like you.

But Ron knew who he was. He had a thing.

[scoffs] Not at first.

Some Smurfs just take a little more time to find their thing.

And, No Name… it’s your time.

[rhythmic thumping]

[gasps]

♪ La… la… la-la-la-la… ♪

What? What are you saying?

♪ La, la, la-la-la-la… ♪

I know who I am.

Hey! We’re not done!

Oh, I’ve had just about enough of you!

No Name!

But-But how?

Who are you?

Call me I’m-The-Smurf-Who’s-Gonna-Kick-Your-Big-Giant-Butt Smurf!

[screams, grunts] Uh, The Smurf-Who’s-Gonna-Kick-Your-Big-Giant-Butt Smurf?

I don’t know, I think it’s got a bit of pizzazz.

You don’t like it, do you?

[groans] I don’t care what you call yourself!

One lone Smurf can’t take on the whole evil enchilada!

That’s the difference between you and me, Razamel.

I’m not alone.

♪ La, la, la-la-la-la La, la, la… ♪

Smurfette…

♪ La, la, la-la-la-la La, la, la-la-la ♪

[gasps]

♪ La, la, la-la-la-la Sing a happy song ♪

♪ La, la, la-la-la-la… ♪

Why are you singing that dreadful song?

Because we are the Guardianeers of Good.

And I believe you have something of ours.

[gasps, gulps] Whoa. Wow.

[grunting]

[groans]

[Gargamel groans] No!

[all gasp] Huh?

No, stop it! Stop this right now!

[Smurfette] Whoa!

[grunts, exclaims]

[Smurfette gasps] Amazing.

What?

No! [grunting] Wait. [grunts] What are you doing?

Smurfette, I command you to help me at once!

You’re an evil wizard and always will be!

Not true. Who I am is up to me.

I decide.

I am a Smurf.

We may be small, we may be adorable, but don’t mistake our kindness for weakness.

Because kindness always wins.

Unite in Smurfitude!

[Razamel gasps] No! My books!

They’re not evil anymore!

[laughs] Cha-cha-cha!

Cha-cha-cha!

Ooh! That’s good.

[Turtle screaming] Oh. Hey, everybody.

Oh, I hate you.

I know.

[grunts] Thank you, No Name.

I mean… what did you call yourself again?

I’m-The-Smurf-Who’s-Gonna-Kick- Your-Big-Giant-Butt Smurf.

You’re right. Terrible.

I can beat that. [chuckles] Wait!

What about Kick… [bleep] …Smurf?

[Smurfs gasp] Uh, Kick… [bleep] …Smurf is definitely inappropriate.

You’re lucky Sound Effect Smurf is here.

Sorry. I don’t know what the…

[bleep] …I was thinking.

Hey! I said “Smurf.”

[zip]

[sighs] You know, maybe I’ll stick with Magic Smurf.

It-It’s got a nicer ring to it.

It’s classic.

Kid… you earned your name.

Give it up for Magic Smurf!

Magic Smurf! That makes so much sense.

[Razamel groans] How did this happen?

You came up against the Guardianeers of Good.

[Razamel groans] This is for Ron.

You missed me, idiot. Did I?

No! No!

Help me, dear brother!

I… I…

love you.

Funny how you’re finally able to say it now.

How about Azrael? [purrs] How do you feel about my precious feline associate?

He has feelings, you know.

[groans] I love you, Azrael.

[scoffs, meows] In the immortal words of Azrael’s favorite pop crooner and social provocateur, Jonathan Mathis, “too much, too little, too late”.

No! No!

You will all pay!

Well, that was quite the successful spite mission.

I’m off.

[banging] [Smurfs gasp, clamor]

[Worry Smurf] It’s Razamel!

Did somebody say… Ron?

[Ken gasps] [Papa chuckles]

[both] It’s Ron!

Judging by the smile on everyone’s face, looks like the Guardianeers of Good took care of business.

These Smurfs were more than up to the task.

And they did it their own way.

Ron! I thought you were a goner!

Well, if by goner, you mean I was stuck in the tenth dimension guarded by every variation of vicious dragon in every possible variation of the universe then you’d be right. I was a goner.

So, what did I miss in the last 106 years?

Well, that depends.

Are you thinking about time in a linear fashion or as a series of flat circles?

Uh… What?

Exactly.

What do you say we get out of here and head back home, where life is good and things don’t crunch our brain so much.

That sounds pretty Smurfy to me.

[“Higher Love” playing]

♪ Ooh, baby, do you know What I’m worth? ♪

♪ Ooh, heaven is a place On Earth ♪

[Subhi singing in Hindi]

♪ Take you up To a higher love ♪

[singing in Hindi]

♪ Take you up To a higher love ♪

My dear Smurfs, we will no longer hide away from the world.

Whenever we’re called to action, we’ll be there.

Because we’re stronger together!

[cheering]

[Subhi singing in Hindi]

♪ Take you up To a higher love ♪

♪ Higher love ♪

♪ I’ma bring heaven straight to your doorstep ♪

♪ It’s all nirvana, baby Come and adore it ♪

♪ I’ma be the only one That you’re needing ♪

♪ I’ll give you something, boy For you to believe in ♪

♪ Keep it high, that vibration Live or die, your salvation ♪

♪ Keep it up, up, up Keep it up, up, up ♪

♪ Higher love ♪

[upbeat music playing]

[gasps] [screams] Best friends forever and ever…

Help me!

[echoing] Joel! Joel!

[chuckles]

[chuckles] Break time’s over, Joel.

We have unfinished business with those Smurfs.

Yeah!