After their wedding and a romantic honeymoon, Laura (Rashida Jones) and Dean (Marlon Wayans) start a family in New York with Dean starting to become a successful businessman and entrepreneur. They are raising two girls, Maya and Theo, the former in preschool and the latter in grade school and attending ballet class. They seem to be getting ahead in the world as a family but Laura is feeling the years going by. She is approaching 40 and has not fulfilled many of her professional career dreams of becoming a writer. Dean at the same time seems to be a growing success in his office and is surrounded by young and attractive coworkers.
One night, Dean approaches her in their own bedroom after the children’s bedtime to start a romantic kiss when she suddenly ambiguously says “hello friend” to him, which he takes as a signal that she is not receptive to him at that moment and he backs away and goes to bed. The next day she is confused by her own feelings about why she was unresponsive to him and seems to feel that something has not been the same in their marriage for at least several months. She starts to wonder if she is now adequate to their marriage and Dean’s growing success. Apparently starting to doubt herself she calls her successfully rich though wayward playboy father (Bill Murray) for advice and he agrees to stop by her apartment to pick her up for lunch in order to talk.
At lunch at an expensive restaurant, her father casually flirts with the waitresses and other female customers at the restaurant at random. Laura tells him her story and he asks her if she suspects that Dean is being unfaithful. She says she does not think so but that Dean does work with an attractive and young coworker, Fiona, with whom he seems to spend a lot of extra time. Her father warns her that all men are the same and not to be trusted. He tells her that he will prepare to investigate the situation and will report to her. He advises her to check Dean’s phone log on his mobile to see if he has been calling any phone numbers of women more than once or twice a day.
Reluctantly, Laura does check Dean’s phone and finds no abnormal pattern of phone call behavior. She later meets again with her father who says he has news from his investigation. They meet again and her father says he has photographs which he has hired a photographer to take of Dean which he is prepared to show her. He says that the 8by10 glossy photographs are in a plain manila envelope which he hands to her. She opens the envelope and finds a glossy photograph of Dean eating a hamburger by himself at his office desk, and another glossy photograph of Dean standing on the street by himself and hailing a cab. She tells her father that these photographs are meaningless and he agrees but tells her that his investigator also saw Dean go shopping on Fifth Avevue in New York at Cartier’s exclusive jewelry store and asks her if Dean has recently given her a gift from Cartier. She says no and her father adds that the investigator has found out that Dean is planning a trip to a Mexican resort soon. She admits that she knows nothing about the Mexico trip at all and that Dean has told her nothing about it. Her father is doubly suspicious now and tells her to redouble her observations of her husband’s activities.
The next day Dean announces to her that he forgot to tell her of a trip to Mexico which has come up and that he will be out of town for a few days. After Dean departs, Laura’s thoughts ignite with suspicion when she hears that Dean is leaving for the Mexico trip with his coworker Fiona as his assistant on the “business trip”. Laura calls her father again, who tells her they must secretly depart for Mexico to spy on Dean and find out once and for all if Dean is cheating on her. They soon arrive in Mexico after Laura leaves the children with her mother and continue their investigation of Dean, now in Mexico. At the end of the first day in the evening, they spot a female figure standing in her robe at the window in Dean’s room at the resort. Laura goes ballistic in anger and tells her father that she must go to confront Dean with the discovery that there is a woman in his room at night. When she arrives at Dean’s room, however, Fiona comes out and with surprise welcomes Laura to Mexico asking her why she is in Mexico. Simultaneously, Dean is calling Laura’s cell phone to tell her he is back in New York and will be home soon. When Fiona came out of her room, Laura could see that she was with her partner with whom she was staying during the Mexico trip. Laura heads back to New York.
She finds Dean back home, and Dean has figured out that her secret trip to Mexico could only have occurred because she was harboring suspicions about him. They manage to patch things up and go out to a nice restaurant to bring things back to normal. During the dinner, Dean surprises her with a fancy gift in a small red box. It is Cartier watch with a gold bracelet which she puts on. In the process of putting on Dean’s watch, she takes off the vintage watch her father had previously given her as a recognition that Dean is the main man in her life now.
ON THE ROCKS (2020)
And remember, don’t give your heart to any boys.
Until you get married.
Then you’re still mine.
Where are we going?
It’s gonna be fun. Come on.
Nobody tells you that once you get married, you will never fuck again.
If you like fucking, marriage ain’t for you.
Shit, I haven’t fucked in seven years.
I’ve had intercourse.
Mom, can I have some juice?
How was London?
London was great.
English guys are in for 20%.
We have to put a deposit down on that house for July. That week in July.
And I have to figure that out by tomorrow.
Baby, I don’t know what’s happening then, okay? Listen. But I’ll check, okay?
Come here. Kisses. Come on.
We’re so late.
And Jimmy’s new restaurant.
Thursday or Friday?
I just have to let him know ’cause they’re really busy.
Put your shoes on, please. Please.
I love you. Bye.
Come on, Theo.
Any more questions?
Please put your shoes on.
I want the princess shoes.
You gotta put your real shoes on.
We’re so late, okay?
Okay. Sorry. Gotta go. Gotta go.
Did you finish your reading?
I finished my reading too.
What? You did?
Mom, we’re really late.
Hey, let’s get coffee this weekend.
Oh, yeah. For sure.
Help Mommy, okay? Take your toy.
I’ll come fix it for you.
Wait up for me!
Okay, have a good day.
I know. I look awful.
I just had a peel.
My face will be red and flaky for a week.
But then it’ll be so smooth, you won’t believe it.
Okay. Okay. Let’s go.
Laura. What a stroke of luck.
Hi, little booboo.
We need to have coffee.
I’m sure you don’t have time.
But we need to have coffee.
I’m seeing that guy again.
Yeah, it’s happening.
And I actually think it’s fine.
But for me, I cannot stop texting him.
But then I text him, and I’m like, “I know that every time I text you, I’m pushing you farther away.”
But then I do that, and I keep doing it.
I cannot stop myself.
And then I’m like, “Okay, you know what?
Be tender. Be tender with yourself.”
Because this is a matter of the heart, you know?
It’s like, we had an affair during Hurricane Sandy.
Like, the entire thing is something that I’m trying to look at with introspection and empathy. And I’m so sorry, but we actually have to go.
But I’ll see you soon.
I’m so sorry. I’ll text you. Yeah.
Hi. I’m so late.
Okay. Talk to you later. Bye.
Have a good one. Bye.
Can you please
put on your seat belt for me?
Read me another story.
Go to sleep.
Can I ask you a weird question?
Well, last night Dean got back.
He was really out of it.
He takes Xanax on the plane.
And he started kissing me,
and then he heard my voice.
And it was like I woke him up.
He was surprised and stopped.
It was almost like
he thought I was someone else.
That’s weird. But he was just out of it.
Yeah, I guess.
He’s such a good guy. And he adores you.
You know, he’s traveling
with clients all the time, and…
I’m just the buzzkill
waiting to schedule things. I
I can’t even write.
I should’ve never
sold a book before writing it.
Give yourself a break. You have a toddler.
And you’ll get back to work
when you’re ready.
All right, hang on.
I can hear you now.
What do you think…
from a man’s point of view?
Am I crazy?
No. He thought you were someone else.
What? You think so?
You’re just dark and don’t know anything
about a committed relationship.
You need to start thinking like a man.
Thanks, Dad. That’s really helpful.
Is that a birthmark?
You know, I don’t know why
I asked you of all people. Never mind.
If you need me, I’m here.
Hang on, shorty.
You there, shorty?
Enjoy Paris. Have a French 76 for me.
I can try. Call if you need anything.
I’ll be back soon. I love you.
Time for the llama’s haircut?
No. I have to wash her first.
First, I’m gonna give you a bath.
We’re gonna clean you up.
I’m gonna brush your hair.
I’m brushing your hair, little llama.
Brush, brush, brush.
Will I see you and the girls this weekend?
Your mother and sister are coming.
You know what, Gran?
Can I Can I just call you back?
I’m taking Theo to a class.
See you then.
Three, four, five, six.
Got it. Good job.
Wheels on the bus go round and round
All over town
The horn on the bus goes
Beep, beep, beep
Beep, beep, beep
Beep, beep, beep
Head back. Head back.
Face me. Face me. Face this way.
I love you.
Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
Life is but a dream
There you guys are. Hi. Cheers.
Hard at work, I see. Cheers, cheers.
Love what you’re wearing.
You’re looking so hot.
How’s the food? Is it good? Is it good?
You look good.
Here. Meet the team.
Oh, my God. Hi. You must be Laura.
Baby, this is the team.
Fiona. So good to finally meet you.
I’ll be right back.
I’m sorry. Dean must’ve told you, there’s
just so much going on here right now.
Yeah, it’s crazy with the
with the new offices opening
and everything, and
I heard that the guys from A24 were here.
I have to go speak with them.
We just started working with the Ghosts.
Have you seen them?
Yeah. They’re actually really good.
Well, can I get you something?
I think I’m fine for now.
Jenna, Chase, this is Laura, Dean’s wife.
Be right back.
So… you work here?
I started a few months ago, so…
Cool. Are you liking it so far?
Dean’s really great to work with.
Congrats! Guys! 500K!
Well done, team!
Five hundred K. It’s all you. How sweet.
All of us.
Thank you, guys. Thank you.
We made it this…
the party would go smoothly.
Why didn’t you trust me?
Babe, what a night.
Five hundred thousand new followers.
We’re killing it.
The amount of engagement, the insight.
I mean, this is crazy.
between our briefs, our team, the amount
of, like, the ROIs, return on investments,
we’re crushing it.
Can I ask you something?
I found a woman’s toiletry case
when I was unpacking your bag.
She couldn’t fit it in her carryon,
so I put it in my luggage.
I must’ve forgot about it, so…
I’ll just bring it to her
tomorrow at the office. Thank you.
Let me have it. Let me have it.
Okay, okay. Ready.
Did anyone see my brush?
We’re going to see Grandma.
And Mommy’s grandma.
Bye. Love you.
Have fun with your family.
Yeah, right. Thanks.
Okay. Try to have fun with your family.
Love you. If you need me,
I’ll be at the office.
I love you.
Bye. Love you.
Hey, Gran. How are you?
So glad you’re here.
I laid out on the terrace last night
looking at the stars. It was glorious.
That’s so nice.
How’s the apartment?
Did you finish the bedroom?
They just finished, and it is so cheerful.
I could be in there with five blizzards
and not get depressed.
That’s so nice.
I just got a luscious cream rug
You know, Laura…
if you’re going to dress that way,
you could make more of an effort.
Please, Gran, I think she looks terrific.
I talked to Dad the other day.
He’s in Paris.
How is Felix?
You know, his usual chipper self.
I wonder what he’s up to.
Well, he does keep himself amused.
He was always a handful,
since he was a little boy.
He could never stay put for very long.
Never really knew what he was thinking.
I don’t know how you can deal with him.
Your father owes me a visit.
Is Dean still traveling a lot
with that new assistant?
Yeah, she seems nice.
She very attractive?
I don’t know.
I mean Yeah, she’s attractive.
New York is filled
with attractive women though.
No. Thank you.
They’re so good.
Come on, Maya! Come on!
You better not use my markers.
Mom says you have to share.
Mom, she’s pulling my hair!
Don’t do that! Stop!
She’s hurting me, Mom, Dad!
To be continued.
Where’s my toothbrush?
Mom, did you remember
to check my homework?
Yes. It’s on the bench in the hallway.
Can you pick up my little guy?
He’s trying to get you.
Go get your book bag.
Rinse, rinse, rinse.
Can I have a cookie? Can I have a cookie?
No, you cannot have a cookie.
We just had breakfast.
And it’s not just, like, a sexual thing.
Because he’s coming to me.
I’m the one with the ideas
for our company.
You know? And this whole thing started
because I was like, “You know what?
Why are nails not more ornamental?”
Obviously, they’re functional. We need
them to hold our furniture together.
But, you know, I was like,
“It’s about these small details
that actually aren’t just details.
They can be treasures.”
And he was like, “That was really
That’s really inspiring.”
In fact, just having this conversation
is how we ended up being together.
Okay, see you later.
Okay, bye, bye, bye.
One, two, three,
four, five, six, eight.
…twinkle, little star
Like a diamond in the…
Feel like hopping in?
Feel like scooting over?
You can still break my ribs.
Hi, Laura. Nice to see you.
Mus, you know that this one
is named after the song…
Laura is the face in the misty night
Footsteps that you hear down the hall
You know this one, Musto?
The laugh, Musto
That floats on a summer night
That you can never quite recall
It’s one of my favorites.
Lead part, please.
I can’t whistle.
No, I can’t anymore.
It’s so weird. Ever since I had kids.
No kid of mine is gonna stop whistling.
We’re working on this. Come on.
The bangle is a reminder
that women were once men’s property.
I’m sure that’s exactly
what Dean was going for.
Do you think I’m underdressed?
You just show ’em your cute mug.
Oh, my gosh, do you look beautiful.
You’re about to see Cliff.
Hello, Mr. Keane.
Cliff. How’s your mom’s hip?
You tell her to do her exercises or she
may as well have kept the old one.
Good afternoon, Mr. Keane.
He thinks you’re my girlfriend.
Hey, I’ll have a Cutty on the rocks
and a Bombay martini for the kid.
You know what’s interesting?
Back when humans walked on all fours,
it was the sight of the female haunches
that excited them.
So that when
we finally stood up on two legs,
it was the women with the rounded breasts
that mirrored the haunches
that were most exciting to the males.
So, they made babies with them,
and eventually, that shape
evolved into what is our modern female.
And men were attracted
to adolescent females
because they were easier to catch,
therefore ultimately easier to mate.
And slowly over time, these qualities…
little or no beard…
evolved into the qualities
most desired today.
So they prefer no beard? Good to know.
Yes. I studied at the Bolshoi.
Dad, can we order? ‘Cause I gotta get back
and pick up the kids.
I’ll have the rib eye,
well done, with spinach.
I’ll have the chopped salad, please.
Can you ever just act normal
around any woman?
She’s a ballet dancer.
They love to be complimented.
So, do you miss having the gallery?
I still have the odd deal here and there.
Did I tell you I got a new assistant?
You know what’s great about her?
She doesn’t talk. She just listens.
That sounds perfect for you.
So Dean’s going away a lot?
On business trips?
Dad, not everyone is like you.
Where was he coming back from
when he was acting so strange?
Where was he staying?
I think it was Blakes?
Blakes. Yeah. Why?
Blakes is a
cozy, little offthebeatentrack hotel
that I wouldn’t stay at
if I were on a business trip.
I know a concierge over at Claridge’s.
He knows all the concierges.
When was he there?
but let’s not get carried away, okay?
There was something.
There were some…
There were some of his
coworker’s toiletries in his luggage.
But she couldn’t put them
in her carryon through security,
so he offered to put them in his luggage.
Raise your hand if that sounds fishy.
You know what?
I shouldn’t have said anything. Forget it.
Have you checked his phone?
Well, do yourself a favor,
check his text messages.
If it’s I mean, it may come to nothing,
but, you know, may as well make sure.
Dean is not like you.
Okay, he’s a nerd.
He’s a good guy. A great dad.
He’s a man. It’s nature.
Males are forced to fight to dominate
and to impregnate all females.
I remember the first time
I saw your mother.
It was a beach party.
Back then, all the girls wore bikinis.
Your mother walked out of the ocean
in a white onepiece swimming suit,
and that was it for me. I was done.
Staying on track…
what does Dean have planned
for your birthday?
He’s not gonna be here for my birthday.
What kind of guy
forgets his wife’s birthday?
He didn’t forget.
He has a work trip, but we’re gonna
celebrate when he gets back.
That’s not the same.
I traveled. I never missed a birthday.
But you had some other shortcomings.
All right, I’m gonna take you to 21.
Just do me a favor.
Check his texts, will you?
And if there’s anything else
you can think about London…
At some point, we can make a decision
about whether to tap his phone.
Laura, come on.
He should be worshipping
the ground you walk on,
and if he’s not, you need to know.
Now, it’s probably nothing, but…
check his phone.
Do I swim?
Am I green?
Do I make this noise? Gribbit.
Hey, did you change your password?
You’re sometimes green.
I was trying to send
that cute picture of the girls to my mom.
Yeah, there’s a new
security protocol at work.
They just change it up
for some reason, so… Here.
You sure you don’t wanna use your phone?
No, I don’t have that picture.
All right, girls. Daddy gotta get to work.
Gimme a kiss.
Hey, be nice. And be nice to Mommy.
I love you.
Sorry I’m not gonna be here
for your birthday.
I’ll make it up soon as I get back, okay?
I need to have some for breakfast.
No! Definitely no.
You can still fly.
Where can I toss you folks out?
We’re going to ballet. 51 Walker Street.
I’d love to.
You been working on your whistling?
Shove over, tiny.
Hi, guys. Nice to see you again.
Honey, put your seat belt on.
All right, let’s take it from the top.
Emerald City. As quick as lightning.
Just, like, air.
It helps to have a little bit more belly.
Try to get it from the belly.
I’m sorry, hey.
Sorry. Wanna go say hi?
You did a really great job today.
Maya, my precious.
It’s been too long.
I can’t live without you.
Are you gonna come take my class? Hey.
You’re in fourth position.
Dad, this is Miss Mindy.
Hello, Miss Mindy.
Goodbye, Miss Mindy. Thank you.
See you next week.
Bye, Miss Mindy.
Say bye, Maya. Okay.
Right this way, ladies. Ladies and ladies.
Musto, pull over a second.
You got it.
I want a unicorn balloon.
Yeah, yeah, the unicorn.
A, you’re adorable
B, you’re so beautiful
Come on, guys.
C, you’re a cutie full of charm
I’m gonna jump in the shower quick.
Can you just watch them?
D, you’re delightful
You wanna watch something?
And E, you’re exciting
And F, you smell like you own a farm
Does my foot smell funny?
‘Cause I was wondering
We’re watching Breaking Bad.
It’s really good.
It’s a great show. Have you seen it?
Yes, I have seen it.
It’s great. It’s not for kids.
What? Was there something bad on?
Hey, look, I can shuffle.
Wow. That’s great.
We learned that all young girls
should know how to shuffle. And how to…
And how do you bluff?
And that girls should wear their hair
long and pretty, how boys like it.
Or you can wear it short,
or however you wanna wear it.
Long and pretty.
Long and pretty.
Don’t listen to him, okay?
You’re gonna grow up,
and you’re gonna be strong women
who get to wear their hair
however they like.
Now it’s dinnertime.
What were you drinking?
We made egg creams.
You were all out of Fox’s Ubet.
But we made do.
This is not good before dinner.
Well, nobody wants one after dinner.
Time to wash our hands.
Let’s go. Dinnertime.
Let’s get going. Jump over. Jump.
Wash your feet too.
You two guys drop food on the floor
And it’s wasteful.
Clean toes, pop that back into your mouth.
Tensecond rule. Learn to respect it.
Can we have burgers?
All right, I’m off.
We’re gonna talk
about your birthday tomorrow?
Actually, I don’t really feel like
celebrating my birthday this year.
The celebration of the date of one’s birth
was originally a pagan tradition.
Historically, Christians didn’t celebrate
for that very reason.
Now, we’re past that, aren’t we?
Kids. Do you want a mom who doesn’t want
to get taken out for cake and ice cream?
Ice cream. Ice cream!
I just don’t feel like it, okay?
We’ll talk tomorrow, okay?
I love you all.
The biggest one the most
and then in descending order.
Keep up the good work.
Hey, Felix. You’re back in town.
Yes, you are.
Yeah. Got a lot going on.
Yeah, I’m good.
Let’s go home.
Here you go. Thank you.
So, do you want anything
back from Los Angeles?
Where do I start?
Hey, cheer up.
Can’t have fun without you guys.
That’s my reality right now.
And actually, now that I think about it,
perhaps she did show me some strength,
because here I am,
standing in my own power.
Those flowers are pretty. Wow.
Wow. So pretty. Look at these flowers.
You can pull them out if you want to.
They’re so nice.
Yeah, if you wanna pull them out
Do you think they’re from Daddy?
They’re from my daddy.
“Behind the speaker’s platform
hung an oil painting, richly framed,
depicting the mouse in Aesop’s fable in
its heroic act of freeing a captive lion.
Well, it’s like this”
Look, it’s Daddy.
Hi. Hi, birthday girl.
Greetings from Hollywood.
How’s your birthday?
Good. It’s pretty mellow.
It’s really nice.
Babies, go get the gift
that we wrapped for Mommy.
I’m gonna get it.
Miss you guys so much.
Miss you too.
You guys planned this?
Just a little.
Do you think she’s gonna like it?
You look good.
How’s it going?
It’s right there.
Miss that little smile.
Okay, now listen, the gift, I want you
to understand, it’s a little different.
What is this enormous box?
It’s nerdy, but it’s actually really cool.
Is this Do you wanna come help Mommy?
Here, you take that.
The girls helped me wrap it.
Okay. Okay. Yeah.
Got to take the tie off.
Start with the ribbon.
Gonna help her open it?
Baby, back up so I can see Mommy.
What is it?
All right, so this is different.
Twelve different appliances
all rolled in one.
It does, like, mixing, weighing,
kneading, chopping, everything.
But, you know what,
it’s perfect for, like, making things.
you gonna make Mommy a big birthday pizza?
There’s one more part to your present,
but it’s not ready yet. Okay?
Can I call you back? I’m sorry.
You know what, I got meetings.
I’ll call you later. I love you.
Bye. Love you.
I’m down here.
What? I told you I wasn’t coming.
Buzz me in.
Stop being so annoying.
Get back in bed.
Good night. Love you.
Good night, Mom. Happy birthday.
Thank you, honey.
What are you…
I’m taking you out.
You can’t not celebrate your birthday.
I don’t have a babysitter.
Musto. He’s got four kids.
They’re all still alive.
Yeah, I’m sure he’s great and everything,
but you can’t just show up here
and expect me to…
I’m not taking
“you just can’t show up here
and expect me to”
for an answer.
Okay, I’ll call Lucy,
the girl from downstairs,
and I’ll see if she’s available,
but it’s really, really short notice.
So don’t get excited.
Hi. That’s my dad. My dad’s here.
Are you free by any chance to come over?
I just have this lastminute thing.
I won’t be too late.
Yeah. That’d be great.
Thank you so much. Okay.
You look very lovely.
Musto, take us to 21.
21 it is.
So, did Dean take his trip?
Did he get you a nice present?
He did, actually.
No. He got me a nice present.
When are you gonna drop it about Dean?
No little red box?
What are you implying?
I had him followed. Do you know
where he came from the other night?
What? No, where?
52nd and 5th.
You didn’t get any present from there?
At least we know he has taste.
Now, what was he doing there?
Did you ever check his phone?
Yes. There weren’t any texts.
Well, that’s really suspicious.
If you’re working with someone,
you’re in close contact. Unless…
he erased ’em.
When did this acting strange start?
He’s just been distracted
since he… started this company
and started working with Fiona.
Is Fiona Miss Toiletries?
The tall business associate, yeah.
I mean, how he could do this to you…
I could strangle him.
Here’s the Plaza.
This is the place to have an affair.
It has the most exits.
Exits on three streets.
Can any man be monogamous?
Monogamy and marriage
are based on the concept of property.
I’ve been married for 20 years.
Women, you can’t live with ’em,
you can’t live without ’em.
That doesn’t mean
you have to live with ’em.
Where he proposed to Bacall.
Happy birthday, kiddo.
I love this.
You used to like to wear that. I think
it might fit you a little better now.
I’ve always loved this watch.
I bought that for myself
after my first big sale.
A de Kooning woman.
I love it. Thank you.
I remember the first moment, the moment,
when I first recognized you as a person.
We were in the country.
You were about nine months old,
and you were sitting on the ground,
and I picked you up, and your diaper
was sopping wet with mud and water, and…
we looked at each other
and just started laughing. And…
there you were. I saw who you were.
And here we are.
What next? I think we should follow him.
I think we should keep an eye on him.
See what he’s up to.
No, I can’t do that.
I think you better see him in action.
Well, they have a work dinner on Friday.
I’ll change car. We’ll tail him.
Can you just act
a little less excited about this?
Because this is my life,
and it might be falling apart.
We gotta get you out of this limbo.
We gotta ease your troubled mind.
Could we bring the little girl
a belly buster, please?
I’m not worried about you, kiddo.
You’ve got brains, beauty and character,
which is the most important thing
a person can have.
Do you know a woman is at her most
beautiful between the ages of 35 and 39?
Great, so I have many months left.
Women are like flowers.
They’re all beautiful at any age.
Even dried flowers. You know…
I don’t know why women
get plastic surgery.
Because of men like you.
I prefer the factory original.
Yeah, and every other make and model.
I’m gonna take that as a compliment.
Are there two?
You know, I think everyone has a right
to their own privacy.
But if he’s doing something dishonorable,
you need to know
and find out on your own terms,
so you can be prepared for anything.
I don’t think there’s anything at all.
It may not be anything.
We’ll find out on Friday.
I’ll pick you up, and we’ll have some fun.
And that way I’m, like,
I’m gonna take the risk.
I’m gonna introduce him to Milo.
It’s, like, people to people meeting.
Like, why does it have to be, like,
this guy that I’m sleeping with…
meets my son.
Hey! Come here.
You know what I mean?
I’m so sorry.
Is that crazy?
I’m so sorry.
How’s my big girl?
Hey, muffin! How’s my baby?
Hi, baby. How you doing?
How’s the birthday girl? How was the day?
My dad. Lots of theories and stories.
So, what do you say we go around
the corner and we can celebrate properly?
Yeah, that sounds nice.
I’ll call a sitter.
How was your trip?
How was your trip?
Great. Very productive.
Yep. Found an office,
had some great meetings.
We found this really fun karaoke bar.
We had so much fun.
Yeah, it’s really cool.
They have these 3Dprinted homes
that they can put up for, like,
a few thousand dollars,
and they can do it in, like, a day.
It’s really great.
Like, if there’s a disaster or something,
you can just rebuild an entire community.
Wow. That’s really cool.
Technology, man. It’s crazy.
How’s the thing?
Yeah, I don’t know.
I’m so used to writing at night.
So, sitting at my desk during the day,
it just feels, like, creatively stifling.
You just have to start.
I just gotta handle this thing for work.
Make sure this text went through.
We just landed another account.
You know, I’m just wondering, should we
enroll Theo in preschool this year?
Because, you know, she’s on the cusp,
and I don’t wanna wait too long,
and the deadline’s soon.
What do you think?
Whatever. I mean, I trust you.
Do you wanna go? It’s loud.
Yeah, let’s get outta here.
The wine was good.
Dinner was good.
I’m sorry. Did you want a cake?
I thought you hate
when they do that in restaurants.
No, it’s fine. It’s fine.
So I’m just
I didn’t wanna embarrass you,
so I didn’t get it.
No. It’s fine.
If you want cake, it’s really simple.
I’m gonna get you a cake. Excuse me!
No, Dean. I don’t want one.
Okay, you have to go to sleep.
Okay? Good night.
I love you.
Good night. I love you.
Please go to sleep.
Yes? Yes? You go to sleep. Go to sleep.
Thank you so much.
I’ll just be a few hours.
Okay. Okay, sounds good.
It’s just a dinner thing. Okay.
Thank you so much. Thanks.
This is your idea of incognito?
They’ll never see us coming.
We have supplies too.
Hop in, cutie.
Let’s make a night of it.
Where are we going?
Why is he at Soho House?
I don’t know.
So many great clubs in New York,
Knickerbocker. The readings alone
at the Knickerbocker, please.
Okay, we beat ’em.
My guy at Claridge’s got back to me.
He said that Dean went to J.Sheekey’s,
where he had reserved a fourtop…
which is a good cover.
Or maybe they just went with clients.
That’s a possibility too.
I think there’s a reservation.
There they are.
Is it the one with all the legs?
No, I can see them from here.
There you go.
Thanks. Chivalry is not dead.
Yeah, that’s Fiona.
Did I ever tell you about
the Rockette that I dated?
the Russians fed the cosmonauts beluga.
Their waste was nothing but a…
slight touch of ash.
We can call this caviar because…
there’s no more beluga.
But this is Americanmade,
and it’s pretty good.
Can a man ever be satisfied
with one woman?
Keeping the species alive.
I mean, the woman
passes through an emotional filter.
Man doesn’t pass through
the emotional part.
It goes directly from the eyes to the ass.
And it’s just that simple?
so then how does a woman
keep her desirability to a man?
A woman that knows that she is.
A woman that is confident
in her effect on you, that’s sexy.
wanted me to pull her hair… hard.
And that just wasn’t me.
My God. It’s Dean.
What do I do? What do I do?
Take it, but be cool. Breathe.
No, everything’s everything’s fine.
I’m just about to go to sleep.
Yeah. No, that’s fine.
After midnight? Yeah, no problem.
That was pretty good for your first time.
He’s cutting her out of the herd.
“Oh, golly goodness,
I don’t think my long legs
will fit in that cab with all of them.”
Are you coming?
Okay. Scoot over.
I can’t believe this.
All right. Let’s get going.
Hang on to those eggs. Here we go.
Oh, my God. What are you doing?
They’re trying to lose us.
It’s not gonna happen.
We’ve got too much horsepower!
You’re driving crazy!
Screw you, asshole!
Now, that wasn’t nice. Thank you!
Oh, God. Why are you driving like this?
‘Cause they’re driving like this is why.
Come on. Not now. Not now.
Oh, my God.
Hey. Come on, girl.
Come on. Come on. Come on, darling.
There you go. Careful.
Oh, my God.
You are all in my way!
I’m gonna be sick.
Lucky it’s a convertible.
Come on. There you go. There you go.
They’re turning! Hang on!
Are you trying to kill us?
He ran a red! And so did we!
Oops. We’re gonna meet people.
We’re gonna make new friends, I’m afraid.
Sir, please pull over.
Nothing to worry about.
There you go.
Your license and registration, please.
And I’m gonna need you
to turn the engine off.
I’m afraid I can’t do that.
Sir, turn the engine off.
Listen. Here’s the deal.
I’m stuck down here in second.
The starter’s overheating.
If I turn it off,
I’m gonna lose it, and that’ll be that.
Sir. Turn it off.
Okay. All right. Let’s say goodbye to it,
’cause it’s not gonna come back.
Sir, is that alcohol?
Hell That’s ’98 Krug in the car,
but it’s not open. We’ve yet to pop it.
Okay. Sir, I’m gonna have to ask you
to step out of the car.
Your lady friend can stay seated.
This is like three times this week.
You’re very funny.
I’m charmed that you said that though.
I mean, it’s kinda flattering.
But she’s not exactly my lady friend.
This is my daughter. Laura.
Who’s your guy over here?
Chris, my daughter Laura. How you doing?
Laura. This is Officer…
Are you Tommy O’Callaghan’s kid?
Is Tommy your pop?
Tom, yes, that’s my dad.
Well, we go way back. I’m gonna call him.
No, no, no.
Sir, please put the phone away.
It’s late. It’s late.
Yeah, it’s late. I don’t think my mom
would appreciate a phone call right now.
That’s right. She would brain him, not me.
Well, I know your pop. That was a guy.
I went to Sergeant O’Callaghan, Timmy
I went to his beefsteak
for his retirement,
and I don’t know how we got home,
to be honest with you.
That’s my grandfather.
That’s right. That is correct.
Gosh, I don’t know why
I didn’t make you right away.
You are a ringer. Dead ringer.
The eyes. Oh, my God.
So, you still going upstate?
Going to the Adirondacks, what?
We Well, when we can.
And you got kids of your own?
We’re trying. Yeah.
It’s the trying
that’s so much fun, isn’t it?
Yeah, isn’t it?
Well, it’s good to see ya, man.
Really good to see ya.
Nice to meet you, sir.
Good to meet you.
we could get you on your way,
if you could be a little more careful
from now on, please.
No, I was being careful,
that’s why I ran the light,
’cause I didn’t wanna get stuck
in the intersection.
That’s all right.
Hey, I need a little manpower.
We need some beef. You only gotta
get it going about ten miles an hour.
It’ll pop pretty easily in second.
We’re just gonna give him a push.
I’ll just pop it.
Thanks. Let me get the keys in.
Yeah, I’m in. Thanks.
It must be very nice to be you.
I wouldn’t have it any other way.
All right. On your mark. Get set. Go.
New York’s finest! Thanks, fellas.
Wow, you look great.
You look better.
Yeah? Well, I’m with my daughter.
I may be ready to sell the Hockney.
You know how to get to me.
You know where to call me.
I keep funny hours.
It’s a client.
I think I’m going deaf.
I can hear everything fine,
except women’s voices.
You can’t go deaf just to women.
It’s the pitch.
We’re making some good progress.
This is pathetic.
We just need to get some more information.
Maybe he’s just not
interested in me anymore.
You’re gonna be all right, shorty.
Turns out he was married.
I’m so sorry.
I know. It’s such a strange bummer.
And you know what?
Like, I have things to do.
You know what I mean? I don’t really
have time for other people’s baggage.
I’m sort of like, “Okay.”
Like, get on down the road if that’s
sort of what you’re gonna be like,
especially in our community.
Which I think is like…
Okay, I mean, he’s basically
walking around with, like, a mask on,
whereas I’m, like, so… open.
I’m just, like, bare. Like, I’m naked.
And I was
You know, I was there with him naked.
You would think two people naked together,
like, one of them might say,
“By the way, like,
I have a wife and a family,
and we own a home together, and we,
like, all sleep in the same house
and use the same bathrooms, and we…
have a family, and you’re not in it
because you’re not even my girlfriend.
Because I have a wife.”
Okay, what’s so important?
Well, it’s just a start.
Oh, my God.
This is nothing.
My God. What if what we find out is
that Dean’s just busy, and I’m in a rut?
God, I regret telling you anything.
I talked to my man at Bones.
No, enough with the spy scenarios, okay?
Did you really call me in here to show me
pictures of my husband eating a sandwich?
There’s more. We put a hotwatch on him.
What’s a hotwatch?
They track his credit cards
and his whereabouts.
May be nothing, but…
He booked a trip to Manzanillo.
You are so full of it.
He would tell me
if he was going to Mexico.
We need to gather and evaluate.
I have to get going.
Wait, I can drop you. Quick stop.
Mrs. Morris at the Sherry. It’s her 90th.
I have to get home.
Fast elevators, and she’s got a Twombly.
She did the Venice Biennale.
With Storm King,
she’s doing something so beautiful.
It’s beyond description.
It’s a crescent. It’s called Fallen Sky.
Made of stainless steel,
and you have the reflection.
And at Storm King, you know,
all these grotesque big things…
Are you Felix’s daughter?
Yes, I’m Laura.
You live in the city?
Are you married?
Yes, I am.
How is it?
Honestly, I’m not sure right now.
And that was very entertaining.
She makes rocks, huge ones, small ones,
but they’re as light as a feather.
You know what I think?
Marriage is like a bank account.
You make deposits
for the first 20 or 30 years,
and then, after that,
you have all this interest built up,
and you can start making withdrawals.
And… I don’t forget costumes.
So nice to meet you.
I’m dying for that Twombly.
She looks pretty healthy to me.
She might make it to 100.
Don’t get my blood pressure up, shorty.
I wanna show you something special.
But you have to walk backwards
so no one knows we’re leaving.
Where are we going?
Hey! Where are we
That’s something, isn’t it?
I remember the first time I saw them
at the Tuileries.
The next day, your mom and I
drove out to the gardens at Giverny.
How’s writing going?
I wish I had something exciting to report.
I just I’m so stuck.
I keep telling you…
you have to make more time for yourself.
Yeah, right. Like… take a trip.
I forgot to tell you.
I got invited to a conference
down in Mexico.
It’s kinda last minute,
but it’s a really big deal.
Just the team, you know.
Me, John, Fifi, Rog
All right. I’m going to bed.
Your Bones man was right.
They’re headed to Mexico.
I told you.
All right, pack your bags. Call a sitter.
I’ll arrange everything else.
Are you crazy? I’m not gonna leave
my kids for a few days with a babysitter.
Call your mother.
We’re not just gonna hop
You know what?
I’m just gonna talk to him.
I’m just gonna talk to him.
I don’t advise that.
Look, you need to get ahead of this thing.
It’s only a few hours away.
My friend’s condo,
at the resort next door, is available.
Got its own private entrance.
And you deserve a little vacation.
I got a map of the properties
from my travel agent.
Who has a travel agent anymore?
Their group is staying
at this place right over here.
What do you say
we meet at the bar in, say, 45?
I’ll come back to you
Some sunny day
You know every night
That I’ll be pining
Every hour the year that I’m away
Dry those big brown eyes
And smile, dear
Banish all those tears
And please don’t sigh
Kiss me once again
And hold me
Gabi, Laura. Laura, Gabi.
My yoga instructor.
This fella I didn’t meet.
Do you really have to make such
a big entrance everywhere you go?
That was an exit.
But if I do go missing,
check the yoga studio.
Just don’t break anything.
Carla. This is her place.
It’s so nice.
And I’ll think about the Hockney.
Wait. Is that why we’re here?
Because you’re making a deal?
No. We’re here ’cause we’re here.
She just might be someone
who could be interested
in a very expensive piece of art.
I can’t believe I’m here.
It’s beautiful. Isn’t it?
Do you know there’s a cult up in Canada
where women kidnap innocent men,
and if they try to escape or resist
in any way,
the women placate them with sex.
It sounds like your fantasy.
It’s not unlike the bonobos.
You know who they are.
where the females dominate the males.
Why is it that when a woman has an affair,
it’s so wonderful that she found someone?
But if a man has an affair,
he’s banging his secretary?
Why did you do it?
When your mom and I were first together,
she was so amazing.
I mean, she shone all her light on me.
But when you guys came along,
all that light went to you two.
And when someone
looked at me again like that…
you know, I wanted that glow again.
You’re such a baby.
We all just want to be loved.
It’s exhausting to try to love you enough.
Your mother had all these things
she wanted to do all of a sudden.
And all her friends.
And she had you kids.
You know, when Holly came along
and was so crazy about me,
I wasn’t used to it.
So that’s all it took?
That was the appeal? That she just
looked at you with such adoration?
Yeah, and your mom
didn’t wanna travel with me anymore.
I needed to travel. She wouldn’t go.
She suggested I take Holly.
Holly had just started at the gallery.
Did you know that she died this year?
I never thought I’d outlive her.
She was only…
I don’t really remember her.
She was funny…
and very smart…
and a terrifically talented painter.
I never got to say goodbye to her.
After everything you put us through,
what it did to Mom,
and then you didn’t even stay with Holly.
Was it worth it?
It was heartbreaking…
Do you know where we are?
We’re gonna cut between these two.
Move it. Move it. Move it.
Get down. Get down. Get down.
Okay, okay! All right!
No. Too late.
Stand up. Stand up. Stand up.
Put your arms around me.
Yuck. That is truly a new low.
Hey, you’re welcome. It was effective.
This is wartime.
Where are we going?
Mr. Wonderful’s room is right over there.
If you can hold
some of this… here.
Can hold these.
Don’t crush those.
Can you hold these, please?
Are you okay?
I’m doing great. I’m on fire.
I never got the point of infinity pools.
Where the hell is the edge?
You don’t even know.
The damn thing makes me afraid
that I’m gonna fall off
into some canyon or something.
Wait a second.
What? What do you see?
There’s a woman in the room.
What? You sure?
Hey. Where you going?
I can’t believe this.
I’m ending this shit right now.
Wait. Don’t do that.
Where is he?
Wait up. Wait up.
Just a second. This is a bad idea.
This is your bad idea.
And that’s bad too. Silence that.
You silence it. It’s not mine.
Shut it up.
It’s not mine. It’s not my ring.
It’s my ring, but you you have my phone.
Where’s my phone? Where is it?
Grabbing isn’t helping.
Where is it?
Where’s my phone?
Give it to me. Come on! Give it
It’s for you.
It’s for you. I wanna talk to this guy.
Oh, my God! What
Do you need to get that?
Hey. What’s up?
How you doing, baby? Guess what?
I’m coming home.
I got done early,
so I caught a flight home.
I’m on my way.
I should be there in a half hour.
So, you wanna order some Chinese?
Maybe crack a bottle of wine?
Well, I’m not home. My mom is with them.
Where are you?
Well, I can’t wait to see you.
I love you. See you soon.
I’ll call you later.
Were you trying to surprise Dean?
Sort of, yeah.
That’s so romantic.
Is he with you?
Yes. That’s my dad.
Come say hi, Dad.
Fiona Saunders. Nice to meet you.
And this is my friend Mandy.
So, Dean gave us his room.
It’s so nice, the ocean view, and just…
Do you wanna come in and have a drink?
That’s very nice, but no. No.
We’re Thank you.
Thank you. No, we’re gonna go.
Good to see you.
You can slow down. There’s a storm coming.
I know. I just gotta get outta here.
How could you bring me here?
Hey. I’m on your side.
I was such an idiot to let you
convince me to come here.
You blew your own marriage,
and now you’re gonna mess up mine?
Can you let anybody be happy?
You are so selfish.
You can say it to my face now.
I am sick of you taking over everything,
making it all about you
and what you want all the time.
What you dragged us all through.
You pushed Mom away.
You can’t go deaf to women’s voices.
You know that, right?
You have daughters and granddaughters,
so you better start figuring out
how to hear them.
You pushed Mom away.
You wanna push us away too?
It’s shocking that as your daughter,
I’m capable of having
any kind of relationship at all
with anybody, with anyone respectful.
You weren’t even discreet.
You couldn’t even just be discreet
out of respect for Mom?
Do you know what it’s like
to have to keep all of your secrets?
You are not an animal
with no selfcontrol.
You can control your own behavior.
And can you be around a woman
without hitting on her?
Because it’s starting to get pathetic.
What happened to you?
You used to be fun.
Maybe something changed.
Can you please check? Any flight.
I’m sorry, ma’am.
Those flights have been canceled.
You can try going on standby.
Ladies and gentlemen,
please check updated flight information
because there are
multiple delays and cancellations.
You made it.
Come on, girls. No, no. Let’s go to bed.
I don’t wanna go to bed.
Can we talk outside?
What are you thinking? What was that?
You know, one of his crazy ideas.
He thought it was a good idea
to follow you to Mexico…
and if something was going on,
I could get ahead of it.
Why didn’t you just ask me?
I don’t I don’t know.
I know I should have. I should have.
I’m just not myself right now, and…
I can’t write,
and I just feel like
you’re not that into me.
And I… feel so boring.
Hey. You are not boring.
Okay. Maybe a little bit.
I don’t wanna be with anybody else.
But it seems like you were
everywhere else except with me.
I was working.
All right. You know what? I’m sorry.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I did anything
to make you feel that way.
And I’m sorry I haven’t been around more.
I’m just trying to
make this company successful.
I’m trying to impress you.
You don’t have to impress me.
I just wanna be enough for you.
Enough for them.
I’m so sorry.
I’m so stupid. It was stupid.
Stupid as hell.
I love you.
I love you.
Let’s go home.
I can’t believe you went
all the way to Mexico.
Trust me, it was not a vacation.
You’re such a stalker.
Do you want some pancakes?
Let me sleep.
You got it.
Very nice. You’re great.
Well, we got to the bottom of things.
And I may have made a few mistakes.
Next time just ask me
if you wanna spend some time together.
Okay, I do. How about this?
The QE2 leaves at 5:00.
You could still make it.
I have the Princess Margaret suite.
A little bit floral, but very nice.
and it’s a known fact that you can drink
a lot more on a ship in the open ocean.
We could just get aboard,
see how much we could handle
without falling overboard.
Sounds fun, but I can’t.
You have your own adventure.
I’ll see you soon, kiddo.
So, how’s the writing going?
How many pages you do today?
I am on page 64.
I just don’t really know where to go next.
You’ll get through it.
At least we know you could write
a really good detective story.
Or not so good.
I can’t believe you.
I got you a little something.
It’s the rest of your birthday present.
Hope you like it.
Sorry, I didn’t realize
how long it takes to engrave.
It looks really nice on your wrist.
Happy birthday, my love.