No Sleep ‘Til Christmas (2018)
Director: Phil Traill
Writers: Steve Smith, Phil Traill
Release date: December 10, 2018. It premiered on the Freeform network.
Stars: Odette Annable, Dave Annable, Charles Michael Davis, Alphonso McAuley, Sheryl Lee Ralph, Marsha Mason, Sherman Tsang, Tina Jung, Stacey McGunnigle, Brittany Bristow, Craig Warnock, Jess Salgueiro, Scott Cavalheiro, Delia Lisette Chambers, Alex Cruz
Plot: Lizzie, a high-end event planner, lies awake nightly while her devoted fiancé Josh rests peacefully. When a sleep-deprived incident causes her to run into Billy, a low-key bartender who is just as sleepless and frustrated as she is, they discover that they can only fall asleep while next to each other.
* * *
No Sleep ‘Til Christmas (2018) | Transcript
[jazzy piano music playing]
[clears throat]
Are you okay?
Yeah. Yeah. Just… just a little hungry.
Well, I’m glad we could get together tonight.
New Year’s Eve is getting closer and closer.
When we’re getting married.
Come here.
Mwah.
And I have terrific news.
I’ve managed to clear my schedule between now and then, so I’m available to help you two lovebirds with every aspect of your wedding planning.
Oh, thank you, Mama.
Oh, sweetheart.
Mwah!
Mwah!
Lizzie, why don’t you pass by the house on Saturday so I can hear all your wonderful ideas.
All my wonderful ideas.
Yay..
♪ You better watch out ♪
♪ You better not cry ♪
♪ You better not pout ♪
[sighs]
♪ I’m telling you why ♪
♪ Santa Claus
Is coming to town ♪
♪ He’s making a list ♪
♪ And checking it twice ♪
♪ Going to find out
Who’s naughty and nice ♪
♪ Santa Claus
Is coming to town ♪
♪ He sees you when
You’re sleeping ♪
♪ He knows when you’re awake ♪
[grunts]
♪ He knows if you’ve been
Bad or good ♪
♪ So be good
For goodness’ sake ♪
142 sheep, 143 sheep, 144 sheep.
♪ You better not cry ♪
♪ Better not pout
I’m telling you why ♪
Maybe we should try switching sides.
♪ Santa Claus
Is coming to town ♪
♪ He sees you when
You’re sleeping ♪
♪ He knows when you’re awake ♪
♪ He knows if you’ve been
Bad or good ♪
♪ So be good, be good
For goodness’ sake ♪
♪ Oh, you better watch out ♪
♪ You better not cry ♪
Ah!
♪ You better not pout ♪
I’m telling you why ♪
♪ Santa Claus
Is coming to town ♪
[sobbing]
♪ Yes, he’s on his way ♪
♪ He’s got toys
All over the sleigh ♪
You never know.
♪ Santa ♪
♪ Santa’s coming to town ♪
[knock on door]
[Kristina] Lizzie?
Lizzie?
A cute delivery girl just dropped these off for you.
Shall I read the note?
Hmm.
“To my darling fiancée.”
Oh, I still love that word.
“Happy Thanksgiving.
“I know you’re tired, “and I can’t believe you have to work today, but that’s also why I love you so much.” Aww.
“Only six weeks before we get married, “and I can’t wait.
Love you, Josh.
Kiss, kiss, kiss.”
Mm.
Seriously?
“Ugh”?
I would die for this.
Sorry, I’m just… oh, wow, they’re so beautiful.
[sighs]
God, they’re so beautiful.
I’m so horrible.
Lizzie, babe, are you okay?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fine. I’m just tired.
I’m so tired. But I’m fine.
I’m fine!
Wow, we have a lot of work to do.
Let’s do this. Let’s do this.
Oh, my God, I need coffee.
Yeah, I’m going to bring some crystals, just to kind of change this vibe too.
[sighs]
Wow, they’re so beautiful.
[announcer] Welcome to Chicago’s Thanksgiving Day parade On the day when America just loves to gobble up 44 million juicy turkeys.
[smoke alarm beeping]
Oh…
Hey!
Oh, I thought I set the timer lower, but it should be all right.
Come on. Come on.
God, it’s so loud.
[beeping stops]
[sighs] Oh!
Come on.
I love sweet potatoes.
Hi. Happy Thanksgiving.
How are you?
You know…
I don’t think this is working.
Yeah, you’re right.
We’ll just get some Chinese.
No, it’s not the food.
It’s this. It’s us.
What are you talking about?
We’re great together.
No. We want to be great together.
But if we were great together, first of all you’d be able to sleep with me.
We do it all the time.
Not sex, Billy. Sleep.
Oh, Nic, I…
I haven’t been able to sleep properly in years.
You know that. If I didn’t want to be with you,
then…
You what, Billy?
You’re way too much of a mess to have any idea what you want.
Look at this place.
Where do we even…
The Tshirts, okay?
You wanted to sell them, and you’ve never even printed them.
And you wanted to do something cool with the crates, but they’re just sitting there.
And you want to be with me.
Guess what?
It doesn’t mean anything.
I’m sorry, Billy.
[laughs]
Happy Thanksgiving.
[door opens]
I am going to do something great with those crates.
[door closes]
[groans]
Lizzie?
Sorry. Sorry, babe.
I didn’t mean to wake you up. I just…
I think I’m going to go for a drive.
Why? Was I snoring?
No.
No, it’s just… my mind is spinning.
I can’t think of a wonderful idea I had for the wedding.
And, I mean, you know how your mom is.
Yeah, she’s great, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, she’s…
Hey, listen, if you’re stressing out about the wedding, please don’t.
It’s going to be great.
You’re going to be great.
Thank you.
I know. I’m fine.
I just…
I need to get some sleep.
You want me to come with you?
No, no, no.
You sleep, okay?
My sexy surgeon.
I’ll crack this, I promise.
I love you.
I love you too.
I’m working nights this week, but I will call you tomorrow at work, and we can brainstorm.
Table plan.
We need to make a table plan.
[Andy] It’s a shame, man.
She was the best thing you got going for you.
I know. I’m surprised she stayed with me that long.
Yeah, man, you just need to learn how to sleep.
Billy, get your ass into gear.
Drink on your own time.
Look at poor Vivian.
She’s sweating her cute tush off.
Screw you, Mark.
Hey, listen, when she passes the bar, I hope she sues your sexist ass.
I think you mean sexy ass.
Thank you, but he’s right, though.
I was sweating my tush off.
Now she’s got to sue herself.
[laughs]
I can’t wait to get my own place.
How long you been saying that?
Oh, I’m sorry, do you have money I can borrow?
Because the bank doesn’t want to give me any.
Really? Man, you such a good, reliable bet too.
[mock laughter]
[glass shatters]
This is wild, man.
All right, I’m going to bounce.
All right.
Catch the game later?
I really can’t.
Got to plan for Rosie’s party.
You haven’t forgotten, have you?
Of course I haven’t forgotten.
She’s my goddaughter.
When is it again?
You were driving at night in sunglasses?
Did that work?
No!
But it might if I keep trying.
I don’t know, Krissie. This is getting serious.
I’ve always slept well.
Like, lots of lovely deep sleep.
Now I get an hour at best.
And I have tried everything.
Okay, how about acupuncture?
Acupuncture, acupressure, hypnosis.
Drugs.
Doxepin.
Doxylamine. Diphenhydramine.
Quazepam. Zolpidem.
That’s a lot of drugs.
Krissie, what am I going to do?
I don’t know, and to be honest, your timing really sucks.
We’re entering Christmas party season, and we’re supposed to be one of Chicago’s leading event planning companies.
I know. I’m sorry.
I just…
You know what?
This is Josh’s mother’s fault.
I swear to God, this only started when she decided to turn our wedding into the New Year’s Eve social event of the year.
But you always wanted a big wedding.
And if anyone can pull it off…
It should be me, I know.
But right now, if I don’t get any sleep, it’s going to ruin everything.
[screams]
I am so excited about planning all of these amazing events!
Okay.
Well, Lindstech’s marketing team is downstairs.
Let’s go say hi, huh?
Okay.
It’ll be fine.
Just don’t call their boss Mr. Ballsack again.
God. Though to be fair, his head does look like a testicle.
Hold up. No
[all laugh]
I win.
You did.
Speaking of winning, Andy says that the Winning Post finally closed.
Great place for Billy’s bar.
Just saying.
Okay, Mom and Dad, I see what you’re doing.
Guys, my life’s great.
I got no stress, no overhead.
I make a mean cocktail.
Yeah, actually, it’s good.
It is pretty mean.
You’re welcome.
And you have an awesome goddaughter.
I do have an awesome goddaughter who’s about to get a face full of cream.
Uhoh! Uhoh! Uhoh!
[both laugh]
997 sheep.
998 sheep. 999 sheep.
1,000 sheep.
1,000 sheep?
[sighs]
[announcer] You’re out!
[snaps fingers]
[exhales]
[radio announcer] You’re listening to Late Night on WZU. Music next. But first, as Christmas is coming up, I wanted to read you a poem.
It’s called “Snowball.”
[yawns]
I made myself a snowball.
As perfect as could be. I thought I’d keep it as a pet and let it sleep with me.
[gasps]
Oh.
Oh, my God.
Oh, what the hell?
I’m so sorry.
Ow!
Are you okay?
Oh, I’m fine.
You need to get checked out.
I’ll take you to the hospital.
I’m fine, really.
Actually… no wonder you didn’t see me.
Well, no wonder you didn’t hear me.
Come on, let’s go.
Ow!
[groans]
I’m really sorry about that.
Yeah, that looked like it really hurt.
Oh, yeah, well, you had a great vantage point.
Contact me if you need to file a claim with my insurance.
I’ll say it was my fault.
Well, it was your fault.
I’m kidding. It was my fault.
It was my fault for jogging.
Lizzie Hinnell, event planner,
“Rendezvous”?
It’s “Rendezvous.”
Never heard of it.
Okay, well, what do you do, then?
Billy Wilson, barman, McVeigh’s.
We pronounce it “McVoix.”
Mm, never heard of it.
You probably wouldn’t have.
It doesn’t seem like your kind of place.
Oh, yeah?
Well, what’s my kind of place?
Let me take a stab in the dark here.
Someplace that serve chilled rosé on a terrace with little fairy lights overlooking the city.
That sounds amazing, actually, yeah.
Someplace that plays music like this.
You like this song?
I do.
Is there something wrong with that?
Yeah, the music and the lyrics.
That’s not funny. That’s rude.
Can you just stop touching my stuff, please?
It’s hot in here.
Thank you.
Take your hoodie off, then.
Hoodie? What are you, 12?
[engine shuts off, car beeps]
[romantic pop music playing on radio]
[sighs and groans]
Are we going to get out?
Well, I mean, you know, aren’t you going to finish this song?
You like it so much.
That’s a great idea.
Really? I was kidding.
But…
No, I’m happy to stay here.
Well, I’m happy to stay here too.
♪ Turn the lights
Turn the lights down low ♪
Hmm, tonedeaf, huh?
Well, I wasn’t trying to sing it like I’d normally sing, butNo, I’m sure.
Why don’t you sing it?
Oh, I’m good.
[ambulance siren blaring]
[police radio squawking]
[indistinct chattering]
It’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with me.
All right, try to calm down. You were unconscious.
Had a report of two unconscious patients in a vehicle.
[laughs]
I wasn’t unconscious.
We were sleeping.
What’s going on?
Easy, ma’am.
You seem confused.
Yeah. I am confused.
Did I just sleep?
Oh, my God. Yes.
Yes. I slept.
Yeah?
Thank you, Dwayne, for making sure we weren’t dead.
What time is it?
1:30.
In the afternoon?
I got to go. Are you okay?
Yeah, I’m okay. I mean, you ran me over last night.
Get checked out.
Oh, and let’s not tell anyone about this, okay?
Sure.
[car engine starts]
Oh, you’re just going to leave me here?
Dwayne, what happened here?
I’ll just call a lift.
Well, I don’t have my phone, which is awesome.
Okay, let’s talk place names.
I’m thinking aqua motif, scented with rose water, made with hempandseed paper, so guests can plant them later and remind themselves of our big day.
We can hire a calligraphist to write the names.
Well, we could do that, but it’s not just about the looks, honey.
It’s about personalizing the message.
We’ll be writing the names ourselves.
Boom.
Boom.
Bam.
This is all so lovely, Lizzie.
To be honest, I was getting a little worried about you.
Thought you were too busy, had too much on your plate.
You know, the cobbler’s children not getting any shoes.
But this is all exciting.
And it’s all coming together.
Okay, Fiona, I have no idea what that whole cobbler’s children thing means.
Although thinking about it, it probably has something to do with me being very good at planning events at work but not very good at planning my own personal events, in which case that is a very good expression.
But, yes, it is exciting.
And, yes, it is coming together.
And we have so much work to do.
What about Thursday morning for wedding dress shopping?
[gasps]
Can you do that?
Because I can.
I’m excited. I’m so excited.
[sighs]
This place is a mess.
You okay? You seem kind of on edge.
Yeah. Yeah, I’m good.
I just…
I got a good night’s sleep, so
You did?
Yeah.
Everything just feels like it’s
[crash, bottle clatters]
What the…?
[laughs]
Oh, that’s funny.
Yeah.
Seriously, being this alert sucks.
Oh, you were amazing.
What got into you?
I don’t know, but I’m back and I love it.
Although not as much as I love you.
[sighs]
Damn it.
[ambulance siren wailing distantly]
[Ed] Merry Christmas, everybody.
Good to see you.
We think we’ve got the perfect venue for your Christmas party, Mr. Balzac.
Great.
Lizzie’s going to show you some pictures.
Thank you, Ed.
Okay.
Yeah, forgot my laptop.
Be right back.
You think it might snow later?
Where is McVeigh’s bar?
[door opens]
[computerized voice]
There are two entries for
Hey. Any sleep?
Hey.
Um, yeah. Yeah, actually, a little.
All right, good.
I knew you’d crack it. Come here.
Mwah. I’m working nights this next stretch.
The new schedule’s in our calendar. Sorry.
Mm.
You know, I really don’t want you to stress out about organizing a big wedding, but sometimes you seem so excited.
I am, Josh.
I’m… yay!
[both laugh]
All right, well, good.
Have fun wedding dress shopping, and say hi to Mom.
I will.
Bye, babe.
Bye.
[door closes]
[inhales and exhales deeply]
Hello. I’m Mrs. Wright.
Welcome to Blushing Bride, Mrs. Wright.
How may we help you?
I know I’m a little bit early, but I wanted to discuss veils.
I know a lot of brides nowadays, they don’t want to wear them.
But I like them.
[yawns]
No!
Ugh!
No!
[door lock beeps]
Oh! Come on! Hello?
Wait! Wait!
Stop!
Stop! No!
Oh, thank you!
You okay, love?
I locked my car keys and my phone in my house, and I urgently need to get to town, so can you please take me?
Yes, of course.
Oh, my God, thank you.
For $2.50.
No, I don’t have any money.
Okay, look, I’m meeting my future motherinlaw.
And I’m going wedding dress shopping.
It’s kind of a big deal, so…
Can’t you call and tell her you’re gonna be late?
No, I don’t have a phone.
Well, then she’ll have to wait.
Oh, my God, please.
You don’t understand.
She’s crazy, so I can’t do that.
Come on.
If you think about it, you’ll see that statement is not logically true.
You can keep her waiting, but you’re afraid of her disapproval, because you’ve allowed the balance of power to be skewed in her favor.
I’m just guessing, but it looks to me like you’ve allowed yourself to be drawn into what Sartre would describe as an inauthentic relationship with this person.
Cool. That was awesome.
Can I
Can I just please…?
No.
Whoa!
I hate you.
No, you hate yourself.
No, I hate you, you British twit.
You are acting from a place of fear, and this is clearly not the bus for you.
[sighs]
Ha! Got it.
What’s she got in her hand?
No, no…
[all scream]
It’s just a shoe.
[classical music playing]
[phone rings]
Hi, this is Blushing Bride.
How may we help you?
Yes, madam. She is here.
Yes, madam, a little mad, perhaps.
Okay.
But will you be here soon?
You’re where? Oh, God.
Fiona, I’m so sorry.
Thank you so much for bailing me out.
Did you see any nice dresses?
Good talk.
All right, that’s it.
[Christmas rock music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
[sniffs]
Hi, one second.
So if you get him to move by Friday, paint them, have them to me by Saturday afternoon.
Think about it.
Boom, what do you want?
Oh, yeah.
My head still hurts.
Lucy? Lily?
It’s Lizzie. Vodka, please.
Your name’s Lizzie Vodka Please?
Tough crowd. Okay.
Ouch.
So, Lizzie Not Vodka Please, is this a coincidence you’re in my bar?
Here? Now that is funny.
No, you told me where you worked in the car the night we…
Slept together?
Right.
So apart from that night, I haven’t slept for more than two hours in the last month, and I have tried everything but nothing has worked.
So the only possible conclusion that I can come up with is that maybe…
I only slept like that because you were there.
[laughs]
You serious? That’s ridiculous.
Why would I make you sleep?
I don’t know.
But you slept too.
Do you normally sleep like that?
You don’t, do you?
I knew it.
Why else would you be jogging at 3:00 in the morning?
Why would you look like that or work in a place like this?
Whoa, that’s offensive.
That was mean. I’m sorry.
Maybe I was sleeping because you ran me over
and knocked me unconscious
[Lizzie] Okay!
You literally ran into my car.
That has nothing to do with it.
It’s beside the point.
We slept. We slept.
And afterward, didn’t it feel amazing?
Like you were alive?
No, actually, it felt real weird and I didn’t feel like myself.
Okay, well, not for me, because when I haven’t slept, I’m a nightmare.
But when I have, I’m nice.
I’m organized.
I am good at my job, which is what I want to be all the time, but especially right now.
Because it’s Christmas?
Yes.
But, no, not like that, because Christmas is my busiest time of the year.
And on top of that, I’m getting married on New Year’s Eve, which means I have all of that to plan, which is impossible when I’m like this.
So, Billy, I guess what I’m trying to ask is… oh, God.
Will you please try to sleep with me again?
Are you a cop?
What? No, why would I be a cop?
Okay, I’m sorry.
You’re…
I’m catching up.
You’re asking me to sleep with you because you’re getting married?
Yes.
But with no sex.
No. No, ugh! Please.
Byebye.
[Lizzie] Dude, just hear me out, okay?
If it works, and if I actually get some sleep, maybe that’ll be a habit and maybe I’ll be cured.
Lizzie, I’m sorry, I don’t know what type of meds you’re on.
I’m not gonna sleep with you.
Please! What if I paid you?
What if we came up with some kind of financial agreement-I’m not that type of girl.
I’m very sorry.
I’m not going to sleep with you.
That is bananas.
What can I get you?
Another beer? You look good.
You do something with your hair?
All right, I’ll get you a beer.
Call if you change your mind.
Anytime.
Okay.
You don’t have to worry about waking me up.
Sounds good. Oh, I’ll take care of this one.
Don’t you worry.
And her fiancé is okay with that?
I have no idea, but this girl’s a nutjob.
[laughs]
You and your schemes.
No, no, not a scheme.
Not a scheme.
Well, maybe it should be.
No, Andy, she’s crazy.
You were the one who told me, enough with the crazy chicks.
Okay, well, yeah, I agree, it’s a little weird that, you know, she thinks you made her sleep.
But she seems a little desperate.
So? I know a lot of desperate girls.
Not desperate girls offering money, which you can use to open up Billy’s Bar, which is your lifelong dream.
Are you not getting any of this?
What are you
?
Really, Billy?
[honks horn]
[scooter ignition turns off]
Ah!
No! Asshole!
Oh, my God!
You should have seen your face.
You got to relax.
Well, I guess you don’t know me.
I could be a horrible person.
I mean, you’re not, right?
Although you do drive that.
I guess you’re not the brightest spark.
Um, cars crash too.
But, no, I’m not a horrible person.
I got a few speeding tickets
Yeah, I know.
I had a friend run a background check on you.
Oh, so you’re the horrible person.
All right, let’s just… let’s just go over what we agreed to on the phone.
Sure.
If this works, which we both know it almost certainly won’t, then I’m going to sleep with you until your wedding day.
December 31st.
And in return, you’re going to loan me the money to start my bar.
In exchange for 10% of your new business venture, subject to a fully signed and ratified contract.
In anticipation, I had my lawyer draw something up.
Here you go.
Wow.
What?
Nothing. You’re just a very determined person.
All this planning is kind of scaring me.
Okay, solving problems and making plans isn’t scary.
It’s grownup.
If you find growing up threatening, then I feel sorry for you.
Well, I feel sorry for your fiancé.
Speaking of
Josh?
Yeah. He’s a lovely and very trusting man who would agree with me.
Although he is a surgeon who works strange hours, so he will never need to know.
Wow, that’s beautiful.
Are those your wedding vows?
Oh, yeah.
They are, actually.
Okay, well, let’s just see if this crazy idea works.
Seriously?
Yeah.
[sighs]
How close do you think?
Yeah, I don’t think we need to be close at all.
Just how we were last time.
Well, do you want a drink?
I made my own sloe gin.
No, thank you.
I’m good.
Don’t mind if I do.
[Billy sighs]
[sighs]
It’s not working, is it?
Nope.
Oh, well.
“Oh, well”?
Well, if you relax, maybe it would work.
Oh, right, because nothing is ever your fault.
You know what?
You’re right. It is my fault.
Normally I can satisfy a woman, but I’m getting a little bit older.
It’s a little bit embarrassing, to be honest.
Well, Billy, if you can’t satisfy me, then it is all over.
Well, I will do my best, Your Highness.
Good night.
Good night.
[cell phone vibrating]
Oh, my God. It worked.
It worked.
Billy.
Billy.
Aah!
It’s okay.
I slept. We slept.
It worked.
It did.
It did. Why?
I have no idea, but it worked.
Can you just never wake me up like that again, please?
Okay, can you just move your little scooter thingy.
[sighs]
Let’s go.
[Revered Peter laughing]
So will you be using traditional vows or writing your own?
Writing our own. Right, honey?
Yes.
Actually, I’ve been researching a few options.
Hold on.
Hold your horses.
Some people find it more pleasant to hear each other’s vows as surprise.
Oh, no, we don’t like surprises.
Oh, yeah.
We like plans.
We like plans, yeah.
I mean, it wasn’t raining when Noah built the arc, am I right?
Delightful.
[laughs]
So let me get this straight.
You’re like a gigolo, but without the sex.
I get it.
Yeah, well, I don’t get it.
I mean, I haven’t been able to sleep properly in years.
Decades, actually.
Now, all of a sudden, I can.
And on top of that, Andy’s bullying me into borrowing money, rushing me to open my own bar…
Dude, she offered you money, and you’ve talked about opening your own place for 10 years.
It’s hardly rushing.
And this spot is perfect.
So, look, calm down.
You’ve slipped. You’re paranoid.
You’re right.
You’re right, 100%.
It’s so much easier to think clearly when I’m tired.
That’s not good, is it?
No, it’s not good.
This is a really bad idea, Lizzie.
Like, literally the worst idea I have ever heard.
It’s really, really bad.
I just need you to know that.
Yeah, thanks.
And even if it works now, what happens after you’re married?
Are you just going to keep sleeping with this other guy?
Like, are you and Josh just going to end up in some weird kind of threesome with this other guy, like, curled up in a cot beside your bed?
What are you even talking about?
No, no, this is just the wedding pressure causing me not to sleep, okay?
Come on.
And if you’re wrong?
If this barman turns out to be the only person you can sleep with?
Then I…
This girl is nuts.
[grunts]
[phone line rings]
[yells]
Aah!
[laughs]
Asshole.
Come on, let’s go.
Give me a sec.
All right, had my lawyers look it over. Seems good to me.
You have lawyers?
Yes, I have lawyers.
I have good lawyers.
Actually, I have great lawyers.
Billy, I’m only in my second semester.
Whatever, that’s fine.
What do you think?
Yeah, this is a really good deal for you.
I mean, she’s crazy.
Yeah.
So anyway, I was thinking of names.
And what do you think about, like, Bartini’s?
[laughs]
Barcelona?
Billy’s Bar?
Sure. Whatever you want.
Let’s sleep.
Bar and Away.
BarBCue’s good too.
Billy’s Bar.
Nice ring.
Listen, do you think we have to be in here for this to work?
Are you serious?
Where are we?
Really?
I’m not going anywhere I might know anyone.
Fine. They’re going to think we’re having an affair.
Only if we behave like we are.
How do you behave like you’re having an affair?
I don’t know. I never had one.
Me neither.
Please. Let’s just pretend like we’re an ordinary couple.
Well, you did book it for today, right?
Yeah, could have sworn I did, honey.
Well, that wouldn’t be the first time you screwed that up.
I’m sorry, dear.
Let me get your name.
Sure, it’s Mr. and Mrs.
Wilp… son.
Wilpson?
Yes. Wilpson.
You got it.
WILPSON.
[typing]
Wilpson.
[computer beeps]
I’m afraid I can’t find it.
I…
Well, what a surprise.
That is so strange.
Do you have any rooms available for tonight?
Yes. King?
Actually, do you have two twins?
Sorry, he snores.
I don’t snore.
Hmm, and lies.
I…
Sorry, only kings left.
Okay.
Room 532.
Thank you very much.
Oh, Billy.
Sorry, dear.
Treat them mean, keep them keen.
Know what I mean?
Exactly.
Well, that came quite naturally to you.
Made it much easier being with you, Mr. “Wilpson”?
Is that it?
[door closes]
Okay.
I mean, who needs that many cushions?
They’re not cushions.
They’re called throw pillows.
And, honestly, you can never have too many.
Oh! Do you want a beer?
Do you know how expensive mini bars are?
Yeah. But I’m not paying.
[bottle hisses open]
[sighs]
So, what are we thinking?
We thinking lights on? Off?
On.
On.
[snaps fingers]
That was a test. You passed.
That’s perfect.
[sighs]
Jeez.
Sorry, sorry.
So aggressive.
[both sigh]
[snores]
No. Mmmm.
I thought I was a snorer.
Yes!
Aah!
Sorry.
Jeez!
Psycho. What is that about?
I’m sorry.
I told you not to wake me up like that again.
We slept.
[sighs]
Yes.
All right, I got to go.
I got to go.
You go to–
Are we going to order some breakfast?
Don’t even think about it.
[playing jazzy music]
What do you think?
I like it.
Me too.
Okay, let’s try another one.
Sign that lease, baby.
[laughs]
Here’s the keys!
Yes. Let’s do this.
One more!
What?
[laughs]
Thank you.
[yelps]
[laughs] And has your father decided whether he’s coming or not?
His last email said he would, but you know him.
Well, I guess you don’t, but I do.
♪ Little bit of naughty
Little bit of nice ♪
♪ Got a lot of sugar
Got a lot of spice ♪
♪ Check that list twice ♪
♪ Show up in a hoodie
Good enough for me ♪
♪ Thinking up some goodies
Underneath the tree ♪
♪ Stay up all night ♪
Just to make you feel comfortable.
Wow. That actually felt really good.
Mark, I’m starting my own bar, and Vivian’s coming with me.
[laughs]
Hey, Billy, so I’m in charge of this huge Christmas… party tonight, and I was wondering if we could get together in the afternoon for, like, a quickie?
At yours.
Um… uh, yeah.
Yeah, I can do that.
Where did you get this thing?
I saw someone throwing it away.
Oh, I wonder why.
And you thought this would make a good Christmas tree?
I’m sorry it’s not all perfectly measured and covered in Christmas balls, but if I spray-paint it, it could be cool.
Yeah. Could be cool.
Really cool.
Listen, could you just stop laughing and give me a hand?
Oh, my God!
[cell phone vibrates]
Hey, Billy.
Wow, you didn’t punch me this time.
Oh, yeah. I forgot.
Oh!
Come here.
I’m going to catch you.
You think she likes you?
Who, Viv?
No, she likes girls.
Not Vivian. Lizzie.
Oh. No. She likes sleep.
Do you like her?
No.
Is she attractive?
I mean, yeah.
Then why don’t you like her?
Because she’s engaged, Andy.
That doesn’t answer the question.
What about when you get a boner?
Oh, no. That hasn’t happened in years.
[both scream]
Aah!
Aah!
Put it down!
I can’t!
Okay, so maybe it happened again.
Well, there you go.
I looked it up on the Internet.
That only happens from rapid eye movement sleep.
I’m only getting REM sleep when I’m next to her.
So you get a boner because she gives you REM sleep?
Yes. Exactly.
Makes sense, right?
Are you kidding me?
Are you sure this isn’t getting out of hand?
What are you talking about?
We’re just sleeping together.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Okay, deep breaths.
[exhales]
It’s okay.
It’s just Josh is so gorgeous, and lovely, and he’s a surgeon who saves lives, and he likes making plans even more than you do.
It’s like you’re two peas in a pod.
Exactly. And Billy is none of those things.
Okay.
Well, I’m glad you feel that way, because I’ve been there, remember?
Emily dumped my sorry ass when we were engaged, and it was not pretty, and I would just, like, hate for that to happen to you.
Krissie, I hear you.
And I know this is an odd situation.
But not sleeping is really bad.
You know that, right?
Yeah, I actually do know.
I looked it up.
It, like, demolishes your immune system and it makes it more likely you’ll have Alzheimer’s.
It, like, doubles your risk of cancer, which is insane.
Exactly. See?
So there you go.
I mean, all of that should be way more concerning to you than what I’m doing about it, which, by the way, is working wonders.
I mean, not only do I feel and look a thousand times better, but you and I are crushing these Christmas parties.
Yeah, we are.
It’s, like, really impressive.
Yeah!
And your wedding planning
is back on track.
Yes!
And I haven’t killed my future mother-in-law yet.
So you should be looking for someone to sleep with too.
Okay, okay, so when is your next sleep sesh?
Tomorrow morning.
I need a quick one before I choose wedding place settings.
But he’s being Santa at his goddaughter’s school play, so I’m just going to go there and drag him out.
So that means you’re going to be meeting his friends.
I mean, I don’t know.
It’s…
It’s not a big deal, okay?
It’s not like I’m going to go and hang out with them.
[camera shutters click]
I cannot believe she made me dress like this.
You look awesome.
Sorry.
She can be very persuasive.
But you do look dope.
Elf! Little Charlie here wants us to take a picture together.
Ho, ho, ho, ho.
Sure.
Sorry. I just didn’t think that we’d be here this long.
[camera shutter clicks]
Thank you.
Ooh, can I have some pictures too?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Can you sit on Uncle Billy’s lap?
Oh, I don’t…
Please?
How do you say no to that?
She’s going to go very far.
Anything you want, kid.
Ho, ho, ho.
So, Lizzie, Billy says you’re getting married.
Yes, I am.
In two weeks, actually.
Super stressful.
I have so much to do, as I’m sure you know.
Oh, no, no. We don’t know.
We’re not married.
Oh. That’s cool.
So weddings just aren’t your thing?
No, we’d love a nice wedding, it’s just Rosie surprised us by coming along, then… well, you know what they say.
Man plans and God laughs.
Never heard that before.
And, luckily, you don’t need a certificate to have the SEX anymore, right?
Right.
Oh, no.
What’s the SEX?
[laughs]
Baby…
Nothing. I’m so sorry.
Why do you need a certificate for it, then?
No, sweetheart, you don’t.
That’s the point.
[Rosie] Billy, have you had the SEX too?
Lizzie? Lizzie.
[Rosie] Why not?
Yeah, it is you.
Simon. Simon Mousley.
I play golf with Josh.
I beat him. I’m that guy.
He owes me money.
Yeah. Oh, my God.
Simon, how could I…?
Hi.
I love this outfit.
Everything, top to bottom.
Yeah, it’s crazy.
It’s so good, right?
I know. What are you doing here?
Oh, ugh, my nephew goes here, and I just couldn’t think of an excuse to get out of it.
So are these guys your friends?
Um…
No, actually.
I’m just organizing the event.
Yeah, I’m an event planner.
So just doing this charity thing.
You know, like giving back to the community.
Actually, when I got here it was a really big mess.
I mean, they’re very disorganized.
I mean, I know they’re not professionals, but really.
It’s no excuse.
Just here, just helping out.
Good for you.
And I just can’t wait to tell Josh I ran into youNo! No, no, no.
Don’t tell Josh, please, because it’s actually a secret.
He thinks I’m doing way too much for free, and I promised him that I would cut back.
So let’s just keep it between you and me.
Locked. Thrown. Got it.
Awesome. Great.
Good to see you.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
See you at the wedding.
You will see me at the wedding.
See you.
Oh, my God. Bye.
I’m sorry.
No, it’s all good.
You know, we’ll just go do that sleeping thing.
Us disorganized amateurs.
They’re real tired.
Bye, friends.
[Rosie] Bye.
You’re not still mad at me, are you?
No, no.
Look, it’s all good.
But just so you know, not everyone loves planning as much as you do.
Some people like things a little bit freer, where they can have this thing called fun.
I know, I know. I’m sorry.
I just–
What I meant was, a little organization can be a good thing.
God!
I just want this sleeping problem to be over.
Listen, you can’t blame that on being tired.
Yes, I can, because it affects everything.
I guess it just doesn’t bother you as much.
Just because I handle things differently doesn’t mean I’m not bothered by it.
Okay, well, go on, then.
Why aren’t you trying everything to figure out why you can’t sleep?
I know why I can’t sleep
Okay.
Do you want to tell me?
No, it’s stupid.
Come on, Billy.
Okay, sure, yeah.
I’m 13 years old.
I go to bed one night.
Just a normal night.
And I wake up in the morning, and I see my mom crying because my dad had disappeared.
Like, totally gone.
Turns out he had another girl that he decided to live with.
He did call me months later, months later, to try and apologize, but I’m not going to talk to him again.
So… that’s why I can’t sleep.
Because who knows what might happen when I do.
Boy, that…
I’m so sorry.
Yeah, well, I told you it was stupid, so… good night.
[Billy sighs]
I don’t think it’s stupid at all.
For what it’s worth, I get it.
My dad was never really there for me either.
Yeah, he’s a pilot.
Great at being up in the air, but not so good at being on the ground.
I thought that I would see a lot more of him after my mom died, but, no.
I mean, he always makes these big promises to come visit me, but… anyway…
I guess that’s why I like making plans and sticking to them.
Yeah, it’s odd.
Good night.
Good night.
Lizzie, I think this is my favorite.
Sure.
What?
You don’t like it?
Hmm?
Oh, yeah.
No, they’re… they’re lovely.
Are you feeling a bit tired again?
No, no, no. I’m fine.
Just looking at all of this, and…
And?
Thinking how wonderful it all is.
It is wonderful, isn’t it?
[laughs]
You know, when Mr. Wright and I got married, we couldn’t afford all of this.
We had paper plates.
[laughs]
And plastic cups.
Ha!
♪ Caught up in Christmas… ♪
Okay, building inspector’s coming at 2:00 p.m. tomorrow.
Health board, 3:00.
Beer delivery, 3:30.
Wow. Listen to you.
I’m impressed.
Hey. What’s up, Nic?
Hey.
So, you’re finally doing it, huh?
Uh, yeah.
I’m trying.
I have help, so…
I’m getting super high right now.
[both laugh]
And look at you.
I mean, you look amazing.
Oh, thank you.
So do you.
Yeah, the gym gave me six new classes to teach, so I’m head Zumba instructor now.
There you go.
Congratulations.
[laughs]
So, who’s responsible for this new Billy, then?
Did you meet someone, or…?
No, not quite. It’s–
He’s sleeping with someone, but he’s not seeing her.
[drill whirs]
Thank you, Andy.
It’s complicated.
It’s a whole
Do you mind if I show you around my bar?
Come on, let’s go. Here you go.
Sure.
How about this for after the band?
[soulful music plays over laptop]
Mm… maybe wait to plan it.
What if we kept things just a little more free?
What do you mean?
You don’t want to make a playlist?
Well, what if people plugged in their phones, played whatever they wanted?
That’d be cool.
[phone rings]
Hello?
Party time!
[all shouting] We got your stuff.
Come on, we’re out front.
Okay, I’ll be right there.
I’m going to go do this.
All right.
[door opens]
[all laughing]
Okay, okay, where to next?
We’re guest-listed at Smart-bar.
Polly’s.
Drop Lounge.
No, no, no. Cuckoo.
[all] Oh!
Actually, guys, there’s this cool bar opening tonight that I heard about.
Should we do that?
Really, Lizzie?
Yeah. Why not?
Sure. Sure.
You know what? It’s your night.
It’s my night.
Here we go. Thank you.
♪ This is the season
For loving ♪
♪ This is the season
For caring ♪
One, two. One, two.
Right.
Let’s get shots.
[all]
Yes Lizzie?
Oh, my God! Hi!
Hi.
This place is awesome.
All right, hey.
Won a pageant or something?
[laughs]
We didn’t know you were coming.
Well, we weren’t going to, but you know what they say.
Man plans and God laughs.
That’s right.
Yup.
I really wanted to apologize to you guys about the other day.
I didn’t get to, and it hasn’t been sitting right.
I… I honestly didn’t mean to say it.
She surprised me, and I just panicked.
It’s okay. We get it.
It’s cool. It’s super stressful being an elf.
It is. It actually is.
[laughs]
Yeah.
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
I mean, I don’t know if Billy gets it.
I tried to explain it to him, but then he started talking about his dad leaving.
Billy hardly ever talks about that.
He must really trust you.
Really?
Yeah.
He gets it, trust me.
Speaking of… hey, Billy.
Look who’s here.
[Billy]
Oh.
Well, hello.
Well, hello.
I-I didn’t think you’d want to see me.
Are you kidding? I’m delighted.
Didn’t think you’d slum it here.
What? I always love to party on–
Wait, where the hell are we again?
[laughs]
No, I’m joking, I’m joking.
Seriously, this place isI mean, it’s legit.
Well, you might make some money on your investment after all.
No, I still have faith in you to screw it up.
Fair. That’s fair.
I just-I got to give it to you, okay?
I really need your addresses, because I want to invite you all to the wedding.
And Rosie too.
Wow, thank you. We’d love to.
Yeah?
All right. Yeah, yeah.
Nice.
So, bachelorette, you going to sing us a song?
Song? No, no, no.
Yes!
That’s a great idea.
Are you kidding me?
No.
[Billy] Oh, I’m sorry, did you not plan to sing, so I guess you can’t?
Suzanne, we ready to rock?
Yes! You’re doing it.
No! Billy!
Think of it as my wedding gift to you.
Don’t leave me up here alone.
I’m not. I’ll stay here.
Oh, it’s perfect.
You know this one?
I actually do this song.
You know this song?
Yeah, but I’m not a singer.
Okay, let’s see.
♪ The boys in the NYPD choir ♪
♪ Still singing “Galway Bay” ♪
Oh, wow. He’s bad.
♪ And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas
♪
I’m terrible.
Come on. I need help.
All right.
[Billy] Okay.
[all cheer]
Give her a round of applause.
You don’t think I know this one?
♪ You’re a bum
You’re a punk ♪
♪ You’re an old slut on junk ♪
♪ Lying there almost dead
With a drip in that bed ♪
♪ You scumbag, you maggot ♪
♪ You’re cheap
And you’re haggard ♪
♪ Happy Christmas your ass
I pray God it’s our last ♪
♪ The boys of the NYPD choir ♪
♪ Still singing “Galway Bay” ♪
♪ And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas Day ♪
[cheers and applause]
I’m terrible.
I’m more of a dancer.
Are you?
I actually just figured that.
♪ I could have
Been someone ♪
♪ Well, so could anyone ♪
♪ You took my dreams
From me ♪
♪ When I first found you ♪
♪ I kept them with me, babe ♪
♪ I put them with my own ♪
♪ Can’t make it all alone ♪
♪ I’ve built my dreams
Around you ♪
♪ The boys of the NYPD choir ♪
♪ Still singing “Galway Bay” ♪
♪ And the bells
Were ringing out ♪
♪ For Christmas Day ♪
Hey, guys. Guys, you’re doing an amazing job.
But Vivian needs you by the bar.
Oh, uh…
Yeah, of course. Go, go, go.
Yeah, I’ll just
Sorry.
Oh, Lizzie, this is Nic.
Nicola, this is Lizzie.
Hey. It’s nice to meet you.
Hi. You too.
I’ve heard all about you.
Great.
Um…
I’m sorry about…
I’ll see if I can find you some penis-shaped ice cubes or something.
Your bachelorette.
Oh, yeah.
That’s right.
Please, that’d be great.
[laughs]
A shot for the rock star.
Okay.
Let’s do this.
[all]
Cheers.
[Kristina]
Oh, wow, girl.
[laughter]
So good.
I’m getting married, so let’s have another.
[groaning]
[toilet flushes]
[sighs]
I’m sorry.
It was my bachelorette party.
But people get drunk on their bachelorette parties.
You got drunk on your bachelor night.
Not that drunk.
Not my problem you don’t like to lose control.
What is that supposed to mean?
I’m sorry.
I’m just… I’m just tired.
Okay?
[sighs]
Sorry I’m late.
We’re off to a great start.
Drinks are pouring out, money’s pouring in.
Congratulations.
That sounds awesome.
Yeah.
So it was really nice meeting your… new girlfriend?
Ex, actually.
She dumped me.
But we’re giving it another shot.
Right.
Well, I’m happy for you.
And me.
I feel much better about sleeping with you now that you’re seeing somebody else.
Awesome.
Thank you.
Talk to me.
What’d you think of the bar?
Any feedback?
Really. I thought it was good.
I mean, once you iron out the kinks, it’s going to be great.
Oh, yeah? What kinks?
Well, I mean, the service was a little bumpy.
Music was all over the place.
Champagne was kind of warm.
No, no, that didn’t seem to stop you when you tried to get the entire bar to do the Macarena.
[laughs]
Relax.
I mean, you asked.
I was just pointing things out.
Yeah, well, maybe I shouldn’t have.
[cell phone vibrates]
Glad you’re a silent partner.
Silent doesn’t mean dumb.
Hello?
Hey, babe.
At home? Yeah, of course.
Why aren’t you at work?
[whispering]
Wait, he’s at your house?
Cycling.
Yeah, I…
Who cycles?
No, I can’t hear you ringing the doorbell.
That’s weird. Why don’t you try ringing that again.
[stammering]
Still can’t hear it ringing.
[mouthing]
I can’t come down right now, because I’m…
[whispering] Help me.
[whispering] Just hang up.
[both mouthing]
Because I’m in the bath.
What?
Yeah. Just soaking it up.
Um…
Yeah, no, you’re absolutely right.
I’m in the Hotel Racine, Room 532.
No, no.
Okay, bye.
He’s coming over.
He’s…
Stop. What are you doing?
What do you think I’m doing?
You can’t go, okay?
He’s not going to believe it if it just comes from me.
Oh, right, because he’s going to believe me.
I don’t know, maybe.
I mean, look, if you stay, it proves you’ve got nothing to hide, okay?
It’s so ridiculous, he’s got to believe us.
Does he got a gun?
No!
[sighs]
Yes.
But he only uses it for skeet shooting.
Oh, skeet shooting.
I’m fine, then.
I’m out of here.
Oh, my God, stop. Don’t go.
Oh, my God, what if he shoots me?
Frankly, you deserve it, if only for answering the phone.
Josh!
Aah! How the hell?
I don’t know, dude.
Maybe I got suspicious and used Find my Phone.
No, Josh, just stop.
Let me explain, okay?
It’s not what you think.
Of course it’s not.
Men and women meet secretly in hotel rooms for all sorts of things.
I just can’t think of any offhand.
Oh, yeah, here’s one: banging each other senseless.
That is quite popular.
No, no. Okay, look.
Billy makes me sleep.
What?
It’s true. It’s true.
I can’t sleep either, and then one night I went for a run
and she ran me over
No, he ran in front of me and I hit him, so I drove us to the hospital.
That’s what happened.
She ran me over, and then–
Anyway, that’s when we found out when we’re next to each other,
we can sleep.
Yes, exactly.
Which is all we do, okay?
We get together and we sleep.
Are you being serious right now?
You expect me to believe this?
[both] Yes!
Oh, if you shout it together like that in unison, of course.
No, it’s true, Josh.
Okay, look, I know I should have told you, I know that.
But I didn’t want you to worry.
I didn’t want you to think that anything was wrong. It’s not.
Okay? I was just so desperate to get some sleep so that I could wake up each day and stay focused on organizing us an amazing wedding.
Oh, I see, so you were doing it for us.
Yes, exactly.
I mean, I know that sounds crazy, but you can’t really believe that I would want to be here.
Right? With that guy.
Come on.
[Billy] Yeah, and I can assure you that I’m not at all interested in her.
That’s not to say that I can’t see why she would be attractive to you.
She just doesn’t do it for me, you know.
She’s not my type.
Because I’m not some ditzy aerobics instructor.
It’s Zumba, and I’m not into control freaks who lose their mind when a plan changes.
Yeah, I’m not into lazy slobs who still think farting’s funny.
Farting is funny. Who doesn’t think farting is funny?
Okay, okay, that’s enough.
I’m not saying I believe you.
But go on, then.
Prove it.
Prove what?
Prove that even though you say you don’t like each other, that you make each other sleep.
Okay, fine. We will.
Great. Go on. then.
You good?
Sure.
Okay, I have a question, though.
How are you going to know we’re not pretending to be asleep?
Lizzie
I just want to know the plan.
That’s a good point.
Because…
I am going to take you both back to my friend at the sleep clinic and have you monitored.
That’s a great idea.
Wait, what the hell’s a sleep clinic?
What the hell’s a sleep clinic?
It’s actually very legit, and you’re coming with us.
No, I’m not going.
Yeah, you are.
No, I’m not.
Actually, you’re coming.
Okay, listen, you guys expect me to take the night off from my new bar at Christmastime so we can go to a clinic to prove that we make each other sleep?
Yes!
Yes!
When you shout it together like that, then…
I’ll make some calls.
[whispering]
“Control freak”?
Oh, “Lazy slob”?
I know. I know.
I’m sorry for all of this.
It’s fine.
Jeez, you never told me he looked like that. Wow.
What is he, a Chippendale?
If I were any dumber, I’d think you’re jealous that I’m getting back together with Nicola.
Trust me, you couldn’t be any dumber.
(Scoffing)
Okay, all done.
I’ve never tested two people at the same time before.
Lizzie, you know the drill.
[door closes]
[sighs]
[doctor, over intercom]
Okay, good night, you two. Sleep well.
What if we can’t sleep?
Then Josh will conclude that we’ve been screwing each other.
My life is over.
Oh. Good.
No pressure.
We got this.
Yeah. Yeah. Do we?
♪ Turn the lights
Turn the lights down low ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Girl, I can feel you
Breathing slow ♪
I mean, thank you for trying, but I think that’s actually going to keep me awake.
[whispers]
Just shut it down.
[inhales and exhales]
Well, they’re asleep.
Don’t worry.
She’ll be awake in half an hour.
Wait.
Josh.
Josh.
Hmm?
It’s Christmas Eve, and I still have to drive to Cedar Rapids so I can spend the next 24 hours arguing with my dad about whatever it was he saw on Fox News this morning.
So…
All right.
All right.
[door opens]
There’s nothing here that shows abnormal activity.
Okay, then why can’t they sleep without each other?
It’s hard to say.
Could be an outside disturbance.
Another person moving or snoring, for example.
Could be an inner disturbance.
Anxiety.
So you’re saying that they’re anxious when they’re not near each other.
Possibly.
But they’re not when they are.
Possibly.
Can we go do my paperwork so I can go?
[zipper rasps]
Merry Christmas.
And this stops right now.
Ed, thank you for being so understanding.
I feel a huge weight has been lifted.
Good.
And I think the doctor might be right.
Now that I know there’s nothing scientific, I feel like I might be able to get some sleep.
Well, let’s just hope Santa doesn’t wake you when he comes down the chimney tonight.
Thank you.
♪ Have yourself ♪
♪ A merry little Christmas ♪
♪ Let your heart be light ♪
♪ From now on ♪
♪ Our troubles
Will be out of sight ♪
♪ Have yourself ♪
♪ A merry little Christmas ♪
♪ Make the yuletide gay ♪
♪ From now on ♪
♪ Our troubles
Will be miles… ♪
Open this one from Uncle Billy.
Do it. Do it. Just rip it.
Rip it.
A baseball game.
I love it.
Uncle Billy, can we play it now.
Uh, maybe later, kiddo.
I’m a little tired.
[Lizzie] No, Kris, you don’t understand.
He thought I was sleeping, but I was totally faking it.
And when he asked me how it was this morning, I told him it was velvety.
Well, maybe it’s time to think about calling it off.
You still have a week to go.
Are you insane?
I’m calling you to talk me off the ledge, not push me off of it.
I’m just saying that I saw you and Billy
singing up there at the bar…
Krissy!
Josh and I are two peas in a pod. You said that.
Yeah, but maybe those two peas should just be friends.
Maybe those two peas shouldn’t be living in the same pea pod for the rest of their pea lives. Besides, Josh will be fine. He’s like a superhot surgeon with amazing taste in flowers, and I know that I’m gay, but I would totally… you know.
Well, I wouldn’t totally, because he’s your fiancé.
Okay, yeah, I get it.
These are just normal wedding jitters. Okay, I’m just going to trust my thought process when I was sleeping properly and excited about getting married.
Not now, when I’m so tired I can barely stand.
So, please.
Just help me get through these next six days.
Of course. I got you.
You’re my ride or die.
Thank you. I love you, because I am a wreck right now.
Well, we all know the cure for that.
We do?
Sure. It’s concealer.
[sighs]
Okay, bye.
[sighs]
[laughs]
Sorry.
Hi.
Hi.
Yo. How’s it going?
Well, I’m trying to be happy that he’s here, but even though he’s here, he’s not really here.
Ah.
Yo, Billy!
What’s going on, man?
Oh, nothing. Just… just trying to make a decision about something.
Mm. That’s fine.
You know what?
Toss a coin.
If you think it’s going the wrong way, then you know what you really want.
That makes no sense.
It makes sense in my head.
I’ll toss it.
Okay.
You want to call it?
[snaps fingers] Heads.
Tails.
No.
Hey, at least you know.
So, what was the question?
[sighs]
Whether or not to break it off with Nicola and tell Lizzie I’m madly in love with her.
You want a drink?
Let me make you a drink quick.
Thanks for coming.
Yeah, no problem.
Sorry it had to wait so long.
So we’ve almost made it.
Wedding is tomorrow.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
Bottle top openers.
Classy touch.
Listen, jerk, you know how many beers I had to drink for that?
[laughs]
Okay, so I wanted you to have something.
I bought it for you earlier.
But… close your eyes.
Really?
Yeah.
Wrapped it myself in a bag, so…
Really? Thank you.
Okay.
Should I open it?
Yeah, if you want to see it.
Huh?
[laughs]
It’s a throw pillow.
You can never have too many.
Yeah, exactly.
Right? Yeah.
Rosie took it.
It’s stupid.
[laughs]
That’s awesome.
Thank you.
So
So, listen…
Oh, sorry. You go.
No, please.
No, no, no. You go first.
Okay.
[sighs]
I’ve been thinking about us.
And Josh still wants everybody to come to the wedding.
But we’d rather you pay off the loan as soon as possible.
Oh.
And he would prefer it if you and I were not business partners.
Yeah, that makes sense.
I’ll see what I can do with
Thank you.
Yeah, that–
I’d really appreciate it.
[sighs]
So, your turn.
Huh?
You wanted to say something?
Doesn’t matter.
It’s… it was stupid.
You sure?
Yeah, no, I’m totally sure.
It feels like
Yeah, sure.
Thank you.
I’ll take this, yeah.
Okay.
Hey, just one more thing.
I was thinking about your dad leaving, and that wasn’t your fault.
You know that, right?
Yeah.
No. Really.
It wasn’t, Billy.
He may have screwed up, but you’re not like him.
You’re an amazing guy.
And, unlike him…
I bet you’d be an incredible dad.
Uh, yeah, I’m going to get back to work.
Yeah.
All right.
Take care of that pillow.
Don’t drool on that.
You dick.
[laughs]
Bye.
[door opens and closes]
[sighs]
Billy.
Oh! Whoopsie.
Who’s next?
Billy!
Come on, who wants some shots?
It’s New Year’s Eve tomorrow.
You want one? Yeah, I do!
Whoo!
[glass shatters]
Okay, I can do that better.
Watch this.
Whoo!
Andy?
We need help.
Oh.
Those go on the upstairs balcony.
Lizzie.
Here.
Okay, let’s go over the plan, shall we?
Shower now.
Hair starts at 10:00.
Makeup at 11:00.
Dress on at 12:00.
And pictures at 12:30.
[sighs]
Sounds good.
We’re doing it.
Let’s do it.
[groans]
Whoa. What are you doing?
Hey, where’d you come from?
I slept on the floor after we carried you home last night.
Thought I’d keep Andy company in case you try to fight anyone again.
Oh.
What are you doing?
I’m cleaning up my act.
[laughs]
Right.
Very literal.
Are you sure you need to pour it all away?
No. Good point.
Here, take it.
Thank you.
I’m sorry.
You trusted me, you left your job, and I let you down.
I won’t do it again.
It’s okay.
That’s what friends are for.
Look, there’s something I need to do, so just take everything I got, especially the tequila and the vodka.
I heard that!
[phone line ringing]
Dad.
Hey, it’s Billy.
I know, I know. It’s…
Yeah.
It’s nice to hear your voice.
Where’s my princess?
Dad?
Lizzie?
Oh!
I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m late.
Look at you.
Oh! Short story long:
a guy got sick in Dubai, I had to take his route to Paris, I missed my connection in Amsterdam.
It’s okay.
It’s so good to see you.
[sighs]
Hey, babe, are you showered yet?
Yeah, I hit the hot spots.
Knock, knock.
Uncle Billy!
[Billy] Yay!
Hey, are we going to this wedding, or what?
Sure.
Great. But first, Gemma, I’m sorry for being grumpy on Christmas Day.
It’s okay.
Thank you.
Rosie, I’m sorry for being grumpy on Christmas Day.
It’s okay.
Thank you.
You can bring your baseball game.
We’ll play it in the car.
All right?
Andy… thanks for being such a good friend.
It’s all good.
Great. Now, do you have a suit I can borrow?
I knew it.
I knew that’s what–
You need something, didn’t you?
[indistinct chatter]
Wow.
Oh, man. That’s nice.
You okay?
Yeah, yeah.
I just think my hangover is finally kicking in.
Hey.
Are you the guys from the…
Lizzie’s friends.
It’s you guys.
Is that Santa?
No. Wrong guy.
You’re Santa, aren’t you?
No.
Santa would do that.
It is you.
Santa!
I am so sorry.
I completely forgot.
Do not tell Josh.
My man.
I can’t do this.
I’m sorry, I can’t do this.
You stay. I got to go.
Where are you going?
Got to go home.
[Andy grunts] Are you crazy?
That’s so far.
[Lizzie’s dad] So the turbulence gets worse, and the passengers are freaking out.
I mean, screaming, crying, throwing up. I think, “I got to calm them down.
I know, I’ll tell them a joke.”
So I get on the intercom and I go, “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.
“A man goes to a zoo.
The zoo is so bad that it only has one dog.”
Know what kind it was?
Lizzie?
What kind do you think it was?
What what was?
The dog.
What dog?
Oh, we’re here.
Let’s get you hitched.
Okay.
[exhales]
[bells tolling]
[car door closes]
Lizzie, you look wonderful.
You ready for this?
Excellent.
Okay, let’s go.
[“Bridal Chorus” playing]
Now before we begin, it is my obligation to ask if there’s anyone present who knows of any legal reason why these two should not be wed in holy matrimony?
Okay, let’s begin.
Joshua George Wright, do you give yourself to Elizabeth Jasmine Skye Hinnell to be her husband, to love her, care for her, honor and protect her as long as you both shall live?
I do.
Elizabeth Jasmine Skye Hinnell, do you give yourself to Joshua George Wright,
to be his wife…
[camera clicks] …to love him, care for him, honor and protect him as long as you both shall live?
Uh, Lizzie?
Lizzie?
[whispering]
Lizzie?
Lizzie?
Lizzie? Lizzie?
[gasps]
Oh, wow, did I just…?
[clears throat]
Yeah, I did.
Uh… sorry, I just haven’t been sleeping well.
Overexcited, I guess.
Please, continue.
[laughs]
Elizabeth Jasmine Skye Hinnell, do you give yourself to?
Hold on.
What do you mean you haven’t been sleeping well?
I thought you’ve been sleeping fine.
You said it was velvety.
Josh, please, not now.
Not now?
You just nodded off in the middle of our vows.
Lizzie, have you been faking it?
No! No.
Well, maybe.
[sighs]
Yes.
Mm.
I’m so sorry, Josh.
I really…
[sighs]
…I wanted to tell you.
Oh, God, I should have told you.
Okay, and what else haven’t you been telling me?
I mean, this may not be the right time to ask this, or maybe this is exactly the right time to ask this.
Do you love me?
Do you really love me and want to marry me?
Josh, honey, that’s enough.
No, Mom.
This isn’t just about today.
This is about the rest of our lives.
Lizzie, I love you more than anything in the world, and I want to be with you forever.
But if you’re not sure about wanting to be with me, then I think I deserve to know the truth.
It’s okay.
I… I don’t know, Josh.
I really thought I did.
But then this whole sleeping thing happened, and…
I guess the honest answer is, no.
[Lizzie] I’m so sorry.
This is not your fault.
You did nothing wrong.
You’re amazing.
You’re so amazing.
[laughs]
Okay.
This wasn’t really the plan, huh?
No. It really wasn’t.
I’m sorry.
Oh, hey, no, no, no.
No, I
Let me just
It’s okay.
It’s stuck.
Yeah, I can’t get it off.
You’ll give it to me later.
I’m sorry.
Krissy, you were right.
However much it hurt, it’s so much better that Emily called off the wedding before you found out she wanted to do something else with her life.
Yeah.
Like have sex with men.
What?
Yeah, she’s… dating some farmer named Brian.
Really? Wow, I did not see that coming.
I mean, are you sure?
Because I feel-I just feel like you’re getting a little distracted.
You’re right.
Yeah.
I’m so sorry for the wasted trip, Dad.
Oh, honey.
And the dog, it was a shih tzu.
Yes, it was.
Fiona, I’m sorry.
I really wish I’d left you in jail.
Yeah…
I’m sorry.
It’s okay.
[indistinct chatter]
Where’d he go?
Home, I think.
Wish me luck.
♪ Give me some time
Let me learn how to speak ♪
It must really hurt to run in those shoes.
♪ I never mind
About bothering you ♪
♪ I’m trying to decide
If I’ll bother with you ♪
♪ So feed me your wisdom ♪
♪ And breathe me
Your truth ♪
♪ I’m amazing ♪
Stupid British cars.
♪ Wish me a wonder
And wish me to sleep ♪
[engine starts]
♪ You don’t have to wander ♪
♪ To hear when I speak ♪
♪ There is nothing I’ve got ♪
♪ When I die that I keep ♪
♪ It’s amazing ♪
♪ Somebody said
It’s unspeakable love ♪
♪ Somebody said
It’s unspeakable love ♪
♪ You don’t believe
I can speak well at all ♪
♪ You’re a maze to me ♪
[tires screech]
Oh!
[Billy grunts] Seriously?
Oh, my God.
Ow!
Oh, my God.
Are you okay?
Can you stop running me over?
I’m sorry.
I’m so sorry.
♪ You lift that burden
Off of me ♪
♪ You lift that burden
Off of me ♪
♪ You lift that burden
Off of me ♪
Hi, babe.
Hey.
That was a good day.
That was a long day, but it was a good day.
Yeah. Now for a good night’s sleep.
Mmhmm.
Good night, Mr. Wilpson.
Good night, Mrs. Wilpson.
I love you.
I love you too.
[both sigh]
[baby shrieks and cries]
Not it.
Not it.
♪ Little bit of naughty
Little bit of nice ♪
♪ Got a lot of sugar
Got a lot of spice ♪
♪ Check that list twice ♪
♪ Show up in a hoodie
Good enough for me ♪
♪ Thinking up some goodies
Underneath the tree ♪
♪ Stay up all night ♪
♪ Falalala
Lalalala ♪
♪ Uh-huh, you know ♪
♪ Falalala
Lalalala ♪
♪ Oh, yeah, let’s go ♪
