My Spy: The Eternal City (2024)
Genre: Action, Comedy
Director: Peter Segal
Stars: Dave Bautista, Chloe Coleman, Kristen Schaal
Plot: JJ, a veteran CIA agent, reunites with his protégé Sophie, in order to prevent a catastrophic nuclear scheme aimed at the Vatican, which disrupts a high school choir trip to Italy.
* * *
[announcer] And if you saw the People’s Choice Awards last night, you saw a heck of a lot of this guy’s face.
Here’s the number one single in the country right now,
from Ryan King Kerr.
[♪ “Big World (Found You)”]
♪ Searchin’ high and low, steady and slow ♪
♪ Up and down, coast to coast ♪
♪ It’s a big world, it’s a big world ♪
♪ All the places I’ve been ♪
♪ It’s a big world, it’s a big world that I found you in…
What are you working on?
[song continues over headphones]
Oh, I’m, um… I’m writing a new song for my grandma.
I told her, if I won a People’s Choice Award,
I would write her a new song.
I guess I got a lot of work to do.
That’s really sweet.
Yeah, well, she worries about me after those recent threats.
I told her, as long as I got JJ as my bodyguard, nothing’s gonna happen to me.
Just glad the CIA gave you some time off.
That’s right.
I’m gonna take a leak. You want anything?
Uh, maybe a water on your way back.
Oh, anything for the man who protects me.
Anything? I’d like you to teach me how to play guitar.
What, with those ham hands? [laughs] Just think about playing the tuba.
Really think I can play the tuba?
[snickers]
You crack me up, JJ.
What a cute little dick.
[air hostess] Water?
I couldn’t help but overhear.
[JJ] Thank you.
[tense music playing]
[sets glass down]
[grunts fiercely]
Aah! Son of a…
[intense, pulsing music playing]
Aah! Are you kidding me?
[sighs, blows air]
[gasps softly]
[Sophie] JJ, it’s Sophie.
Coming in for extraction now.
Brace for impact.
Hey, not my People’s Choice.
[groans]
[rapid beeping]
[all screaming]
[energetic music playing]
[Ryan yells, grunts]
Sophie?
I got you.
It’s gonna be okay.
[Ryan whimpering]
[JJ panting, grunting]
How’d you know what they were planning?
That’s not important.
So for the last time, can I go to the homecoming dance with Ryan this Saturday?
Sorry.
You’ve got underwater training scheduled.
[gasps] What are you doing?
[screaming]
Hey, Sophie?
Hmm?
I can’t go to the dance with you.
I asked Olivia Rodrigo.
Hmm.
Wait.
No!
[screaming]
[alarm ringing]
[grunts softly]
[alarm stops]
[♪ Moon Taxi: “Classics”]
That was weird.
♪ ♪
[JJ] Here you go, Oz.
All right. Yeah.
Hey, Blueberry.
There you go, pal.
You’re looking very handsome today.
[alarm beeping]
Sophie, food’s getting cold.
Made your favorite… scones.
[Sophie] But muffins are my favorite.
[JJ] I tried making muffins, but they didn’t rise.
And now they are scones.
What is going on with your hair?
Still got bed head. Supposed to be out the door.
[scoffs] It’s fine. I have free period this morning,
then seminar advisory, which I can just blow off.
No, blowing off is a bad habit.
I’m not letting you start bad habits.
I need you there at 0900.
Did you hear me, young lady?
Mm-hmm.
Is that a “mm-hmm” like you heard me or a “mm-hmm” like “shut up”?
Yes, I will be there at 0900.
Geez, just ’cause you think you can act like my dad
doesn’t mean that you are my dad.
‘Cause you are not.
[cell phone vibrating]
[phone chimes]
[Kate over phone] Hey.
Hey, babe.
How are you?
Well, we finally got here and settled in.
The people are so great.
And, boy, did they need us.
Nurses for Global Health to the rescue.
What’s Rwanda like?
It’s unbelievable.
But how about you? How’s everything?
Hi, Mom.
Hey, sweetheart.
Don’t feed your scones to Ozzie.
And we have practice today… 1600.
Yes, drill sergeant.
[JJ sighs]
It’s called “four o’clock.”
So, how’s it really going?
I mean, my suggestions used to be considered useful,
my jokes funny.
Today, after I simply reminded her of the importance of punctuality,
she reminded me that I am not her dad.
[sighs]
But no, it’s fine.
I’m not her real dad.
I’m just… [sighs]
I don’t know.
You have her training every day.
Try asking her what she wants to do for a change.
Sophie loves the dojo.
It’s her thing.
Her thing or yours?
Just ask her.
She might really appreciate that.
She’s changing, JJ.
Be patient.
[suspenseful music playing]
Perimeter?
Looks good.
Bobbi, can you show me the close camera?
And someone needs to finish these scones that I baked
for my little girl who fed ’em to the dog.
These are pieces of my heart that you’re leaving on this plate, people.
I’ll take one. Thank you.
Connelly.
What?
I’m on Lipitor. I’m allowed.
[JJ] We got a bogey, six o’clock.
[suspenseful music continues]
[yelps]
[beeps, lock clicks]
[JJ] Well done, Christina. You’re clear to proceed.
Copy that. Wish you were with me, friend.
All right. That’s the air-gapped server.
[Christina] Gonna need some help here, Bobbi.
What do we got?
Looks like the lock’s a JET-08.
Sending data package now.
[beeps, lock clicks]
[alarm buzzing]
[JJ] Christina, we got another bogey approaching, ten o’clock.
[grunting]
[suspenseful music continues]
[computer whirring]
Time to see if Kim’s informant’s right and the data’s actually here.
Good Lord. We got seven more bogeys approaching.
Thirty seconds out.
Need more time.
Christina, get out of there. Now!
[Bobbi] No, JJ, wait.
Christina, you’ve got this.
Got it. Got weapons locations scattered globally.
I said move, damn it!
Almost done.
Three. Two.
[urgent chatter over monitor]
One.
[JJ sighs]
Hey. Good work, JJ.
Thanks.
Little touch and go there, but…
No, I mean the scones.
At first, I was disappointed the raisins wasn’t chocolate chips.
I was like, “Where the chocolate chips at?”
‘Cause all the scones I had had chocolate chips before.
But then, about the fourth bite, I was like, “Damn!”
They’re currants. Thank you.
Uh, you okay?
Yeah.
Yeah?
‘Cause, uh, you’re sweating like you’re going through menopause.
Christina had that, and you almost shut it down.
But I didn’t, did I?
[suspenseful music playing]
[breathing deeply]
[cell phone chimes, vibrates]
[sets phone down]
[electronic chiming]
[phones ringing]
Sir? You wanted to see me?
I heard we were successful. Congrats.
Yeah. Thank you.
So, what did this data reveal?
At the end of the Cold War, when the Soviets were falling apart,
the KGB set out to hide weapons all around the world for a potential first strike.
Suitcase nukes, each weighing less than 50 pounds.
Portable so they can be moved
but carrying a blast capability of one kiloton.
In 1973, NATO intelligence intercepted a top secret Soviet document
containing activation codes for these weapons.
But these weapons could not be found.
Over a hundred nukes went missing.
So, hopefully, this data that you helped retrieve will tell us where they are.
I’m glad that tip worked out.
Yes.
Step one: finding them.
Step two: acquire and neutralize.
Step three: getting you back in the field, JJ.
I need you to finish this mission.
You know I can’t do that, sir.
When I moved here three years ago, I made…
Yeah, I know.
You made a promise.
No more fieldwork, focus more on intel and family.
[whimpering mockingly]
I just want to live long enough to walk Sophie down the aisle one day.
Fieldwork is behind me. I’ve changed.
Oh, quit the crap, JJ.
I need my number one bull elephant heading this mission.
And Connelly can’t do it.
He scheduled a colonoscopy.
He already picked up the gallon of orange goo,
and he has to be near a latrine for the next 48 hours.
Sir, I just want to serve my country peacefully
and be the best father…
the best guardian I can be.
Scone?
They’re sugar-free, but you’d never guess if I didn’t tell you.
They’re really good.
[Kim sighs]
[Kim] Wait.
[tense music playing]
Oh, God.
♪ Oh, Shenandoah ♪
[♪ choir: “Shenandoah”]
♪ I long to see you ♪
[school bell ringing]
♪ And hear ♪
♪ Your rolling river ♪
♪ ‘Tis seven long years ♪
♪ Since last I see you ♪
♪ And hear ♪
♪ Your rolling river ♪
♪ ‘Tis seven long years ♪
♪ Since last I see you ♪
♪ Away ♪
♪ We’re bound away ♪
He’s so good.
So good.
♪ Across the wide Missouri ♪
♪ The wide Missouri ♪♪
That’s the stuff, Ryan. Thank you.
Thank you, Dr. Brookey.
Thank all of you.
Your focus this week has been very impressive.
National choir rankings come out tonight,
and the top five schools will be invited to tour Italy
with a command performance at the Vatican.
Fingers crossed.
[students cheering]
See y’all tomorrow. Thank you.
Nice going, Ryan.
Good job, man.
All right.
Oh, you killed it.
[chuckles]
[student] Awkward.
[chuckles] Sorry.
Thank you, Sophie.
I appreciate that. Hey, you sounded great.
[♪ Ashnikko: “Worms”]
♪ The world is burning…
Oh, God.
[school bell ringing]
Sophie, wait up.
Hey, I’m trying out for the play next Thursday.
Want to help me run some lines?
I got to learn some Italian for this one.
[speaking Italian]
Mm, accent’s a little Super Mario, but it’s not bad.
But I can’t.
[student] Hey, Soph.
JJ’s making pasta and wants me home.
He sure does love to cook.
Collin, how long have we been friends?
Since the first day you got here.
You were the only one who showed me around.
Well, that’s ’cause I felt bad.
I mean, look at you.
That hideous smile? You’re doomed.
[laughing]
Okay. Seriously, I need your opinion.
Do you think Ryan would say yes if I asked him to the homecoming dance?
You and Ryan?
Shouldn’t he be asking you?
Well, he barely knows who I am.
I had a dream I asked him, but it didn’t go so well.
Look, I like the guy, but he’s a jock.
The only reason why he joined choir is because our football team sucks
and it’s the only way for him to meet girls.
Well, it worked.
He’s got style. He’s smart.
Smart? FYI, he drops his pants all the way to the ground when he’s at the urinal.
That’s completely unnecessary.
Come on. For real.
[sighs]
Of course he’d say yes.
He’d be an idiot not to.
Thanks.
See ya.
[school bell ringing]
[sighs]
[traditional Turkish music playing]
[Turkish music fades]
[tense orchestral music playing]
I’m going to need that thumb drive.
[gun clicks]
The drive.
The real one.
I’ll give your best to JJ.
Toodles.
[♪ Saint Bodhi: “The Future”]
[grunting]
♪ Charge me up, I want the power ♪
♪ Give me a rib, should I say it louder? ♪
♪ I’m ready to go, I’m ready to blow ♪
♪ I’m ready to blast off ♪
♪ Come on, let’s go ♪
♪ I’m the future, I’m in charge ♪
♪ I make my own rules, I’m going hard ♪
♪ I’m the future, I’m in charge ♪
♪ I make my own rules, I’m going hard ♪
♪ I’m the future ♪♪
[grunts]
Come on. Got to land that.
Look, I’m done, okay?
It’s 5:30, and I’ve got stuff to do.
Like what? Catching up on your Snapchat?
Yeah, I wish I could, but my iPhone is so old it overheats after three texts.
Keep your grades up, then maybe for your birthday.
Come on, another set.
It’s the only time we get to hang out.
[sighs]
No, I can’t, okay? I just…
[zipping up bag]
I’ve got too much homework.
If you want to be a great agent, you got to put in the time.
Yeah, well, I have other interests now that also require my time.
You used to really want to be an agent. It’s all you ever talked about.
Yeah, well, I also wanted to be Dora the Explorer.
I’ve changed.
Okay? And so have you.
I mean, being in the field is all you used to talk about,
and now you prefer making pasta and scones.
Well, I think it’s just another excuse to skip practice and take the easy road.
And you’re not hitting your high kicks, your punching speed is slow,
and I haven’t seen you pick up a knife in like three weeks.
[sighs] Okay, I take back the knife comment.
But everything else still stands.
[sighs]
[somber music playing]
Sophie.
Wait.
Hey. I’ll tell you what.
Tomorrow’s Saturday. Forget practice.
[sighs] What would you like to do?
[cell phone chimes]
Whatever. Can go to a museum, catch a movie, whatever you want.
[screams] Oh, my God, my choir is top five.
Oh, my God, I’m going to Italy.
Oh, I’m going to Italy!
Italy!
Chaperoning? You’re serious?
Yeah. Kim approved it.
Well, just say you can’t do it.
Like a normal dad who can’t take you to your first concert
because he’s suddenly too busy with his second family
that’s no longer a secret.
Wow. That’s specific.
Look, I became an analyst so I could be your eyes and ears as a partner.
But the last few years, you, the badass, has become an analyst, too.
And now I just help Connelly,
who, like, never invites me to his trivia nights.
Have you been invited?
Mm…
It’s like I don’t even recognize you.
You just sit there like an avocado getting older and softer.
Because I’m chaperoning a trip?
Yeah.
You’re sounding kind of sexist.
I can’t hear you… over your vagina!
[chuckles mockingly]
Sorry, was that too sexist?
Why don’t you go cry about it to HR?
Enjoy your trip.
Ugh. Connelly.
Lot of vagina talk.
I know.
So, chaperone?
I chaperoned three Boy Scout overnights with my son. They’re a piece of cake.
Really? Got any advice?
It’s kind of an important trip for us.
Trick is you got to give them a taste of adulthood but with a safe perimeter.
What do you mean?
You’re going to Europe, right?
Yeah.
On a field trip.
Let her let her hair down.
Let her stay up past her bedtime, run in a field, taste some wine.
Surprise her. Open up the rules.
And the clincher… if you can make her friends like you, you’re in.
You’ll be your kid’s hero.
Her friends, huh?
Yeah.
Yeah, all right.
[Nancy] Who wants to go to Italy?
[♪ NOBRO: “Let’s Get Outta Here”]
[students cheering]
♪ Let’s get outta here…
Gather in your assigned groups, and let’s get this show on the road.
[students cheering]
How do you know your group?
Don’t you read the emails?
What emails?
[sighs] Geez.
I also texted you a list of some ground rules.
Ground rules?
Yes.
I think some basic guidelines are in order
if this is going to be a successful trip for you and me.
♪ Let’s get outta here ♪♪
“We are not roommates”?
Correct.
I will be sharing a room with my friends.
“Rule two: Visiting hours are limited to one hour a day.”
Which brings us to our next rule.
For God’s sake. Do I just constantly embarrass you?
Not constantly.
Nice fanny pack, by the way.
Thank you.
You must be JJ.
I’m Nancy Buck, the new vice principal.
I’ll be traveling with you, helping out.
Let me introduce you to the other chaperones.
JJ, meet Linda, Ted, Z, Sharonne, Alex and Sam.
Hey.
Linda and Alex have done two tours,
so when you need help, don’t hesitate to ask.
We’ve got your back.
All right.
Now, I think I got this.
Oh, he’s got this.
[laughter]
JJ’s a G-man. Works for the government… CIA.
I’m just an analyst now.
You’ve probably seen it all, JJ.
Yeah, pretty much.
So you know what to do when a kid cries all night because he’s homesick?
Or when someone from Linda’s group crawls into bed with someone from Alex’s group?
Or when a girl from your own group
gets her period and has run out of tampons?
That’s a trick question.
‘Cause we don’t talk about periods because they’re embarrassing and private.
You think the female body is embarrassing?
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, my God.
I mean, uh, no. No, of course not.
Pass. Next question.
Are you sure you can handle this?
Yes, ma’am.
Good. These kids are at a tricky age.
Raging hormones, poor impulse control.
Plus, the numbers are stacked against us 15 to one.
So stay frosty, soldier boy, because if you can’t hack it,
I will dump your ass from chaperone to the shadow tour
with the other loser parents who want to stay in the nicer hotels
and sip chardonnay from a distance.
The ones who are too afraid to get their hands dirty
in the crap bowl of American youth.
[♪ bbno$ feat. Rich Brian: “Edamame”]
I did not love that conversation.
♪ Whoo, hanging low while I pop a bottle off a yacht ♪
♪ Chain swanging, cling-clang and it cost a lot…
[sighs]
So, my name is JJ, and I’m your chaperone.
Okay. Huddle up, guys. Come on.
All right, for this mission, our squad’s going into foreign territory,
so to succeed, we’re gonna have to maintain
a high level of situational awareness.
[students laughing]
Which means we’re gonna have to look out for each other.
[laughter continues]
Hey, can you put that down, please?
Sorry.
[laughter stops]
But I really wanted us to get off on the right foot, so I brought you guys
some fresh-baked cookies…
[hushed] and some White Claws.
[students whooping, laughing]
Hey, we’re gonna get so wasted.
What the hell are you doing?
You want to get us kicked off this trip? You cannot give these kids alcohol.
It’s not real.
I had Langley fabricate the cans with some carbonated water.
Well, that’s putting our tax dollars to good use.
What were you thinking?
First of all, you don’t pay taxes.
Second, I just want us to have a good time and I want your friends to like me.
[Collin] You don’t have to walk me in, Dad.
Ah, of course I do. I’m not gonna see you for ten whole days.
Give me a kiss. Come on.
Dad.
Oh, don’t Nemo me.
Kiss me on the cheek, or so help me, when this bus pulls away,
I will run after you screaming,
“Hey, Collin, you forgot your diarrhea medication!”
Okay. Okay.
All right.
There you go. Was that so hard?
[blows raspberry, laughs]
Please, Dad, stop.
Okay, one-one more, one more. [blows raspberry]
[Collin] Bye, Dad.
[Kim] Goodbye.
Oh, I have something more to tell you. [blows raspberry]
Bye, Dad.
[laughing] Okay.
What? There’s nothing wrong with expressing your feelings.
What about expressing your saliva all over Collin’s cheek?
My son is the reason I agreed to give you this time off.
I want you to keep an eye on him. He’s sensitive.
This is gonna be the first time Collin hasn’t slept in his own bed
since his mom died three years ago.
Don’t worry. He’ll be in good hands.
What’s up with the Peppa Pig scrubs?
You know, Collin still thinks I’m a pediatric nurse.
When are you gonna tell him that you’re the head of covert operations for the CIA?
Keeping him in the dark keeps him safe.
And I trust you told Sophie not to tell him?
Yeah. Many times.
I got to go.
Have fun with the choir, JJ.
Thanks, Chief.
Was that as bad as it felt?
A man making out with his son?
No, it wasn’t great.
Collin!
I love you!
He’s so embarrassing.
Collin!
I’ll be right back.
I got to run to the store and buy some tampons.
Acknowledge me!
[♪ Mina: “Chi Sarà”]
[singing in Italian]
[JJ] Are you guys seeing this? St. Mark’s.
It was consecrated over a thousand years ago.
[students coughing, yawning]
And, uh, that’s…
that’s the doge’s palace, apparently Venice’s most iconic landmark.
[student coughing]
And I’m having an affair with Lady Gaga.
I can say this because no one’s listening or cares.
Maybe they’re all wasted from the fake White Claws.
Funny.
Here. I got you something.
I know it’s not your birthday,
but I wanted to wait till we got here to give you this.
Really?
Open it.
It’s not an iPhone, but this is better.
Enhanced tracking, satellite capabilities, a stun light and a built-in Taser.
And the best thing about this… when you’re done with it,
just throw it away.
You got me a used burner phone.
Maybe I can use it to buy some meth or order a hit man.
Don’t be ridiculous.
If you need a hit man, come to me for the referral.
I got you a spare battery.
Now, Langley puts E-tags on these so they can track them if they’re lost.
Don’t even think about losing it, ’cause those are expensive.
[♪ Myriam Del Mare: “Dolce Notte”]
You’re welcome.
[song continues with singing in Italian]
[sighs]
[knocking at door]
[grunts]
Hi, JJ.
Second-guessing your decision to come on this trip?
No, not at all, although… [chuckles] it is a little like herding kittens.
How is it anything like hurting kittens?
No, herding.
Herd-ing kittens.
Ah. ‘Kay.
Anyway, we made it, and as long as bed check was fine
and the kids are all squared away, we are good.
Yep. All good.
Great. Just remember I need your bed check roll call
emailed to me every night at 10:00 sharp.
I’ve got a lot of nervous parents that I need to keep happy.
Got it. Ten sharp.
Have a good night, then.
Good night.
[intriguing music playing]
Bed check.
[breathing sharply]
Oh, God.
[knocks]
Bed check.
[lock beeps, clicks]
Oh, God.
[sighs] Oh, no.
Bed check.
[lock beeps, clicks]
Sophie? [sighs]
[knocks]
Bed check.
[♪ Book feat. Haviah Mighty: “I Know I Got It”]
[boisterous chatter]
♪ Dudes like my hair flow, got you in a muse by my moves like concerto ♪
♪ Sweet, bet you wanna get a chew like an aero ♪
♪ Mean you don’t gotta hear no dude in your earphone to cop this ♪
♪ Trying to be the winner…
Spin the bottle?
♪ When I say that I’m the top pick ♪
[student retching]
♪ You should already know the topic ♪
♪ Stomping in my heel highs, shifting all the optics…
Throw those bottles away. Start cleaning up.
[sighs] Fiona, you okay?
I can’t believe you guys went out and got beer.
[knocking at door]
I’m coming in. Whoever’s in there better have clothes on.
[lock beeps, clicks]
♪ Oh, the land of cloudless, cloudless day ♪
[♪ “Unclouded Day”]
♪ Oh, the land of an unclouded sky ♪
♪ Oh, they tell me of a home where no storm clouds rise ♪
♪ Oh, they tell me of an unclouded day ♪♪
What is going on here?
[JJ] Um, we’re just rehearsing.
[Nancy] It is 10:05, JJ.
Where’s my bed check update?
This will be a final reminder that there will be zero tolerance for missing curfew.
Yeah, no, that’s on me.
I mean, failing to prepare is preparing for failure.
It won’t happen again.
[Nancy] I hope not.
Please don’t have me do your job for you again.
Back to your rooms, everyone.
Okay. Come on, guys. Let’s go.
[students murmuring quietly]
[dramatic orchestral music playing]
This is your fault.
You got us in trouble.
I got you out of trouble.
Really?
You drew the vice principal straight to us because you forgot to do your job.
And I could’ve turned you in to Cruella de Nancy, but I didn’t.
You’re the one that snuck out, and you’re getting mad at me?
Yes, because I was this close to having my first…
Okay.
[thunder rumbling]
I did nothing wrong.
You have got to give me some space.
Well, I can’t.
Because you asked me to come, and now I’ve got a job to do.
JJ, I am going to have fun on this trip,
and if you’re going to get in my way, then consider yourself the opposition.
The opposition? Really? Me?
Do you know who you’re talking to?
I’m an Army Ranger who survived five tours of duty.
I can survive one choir tour.
[scoffs]
[door opens and closes]
[busy chatter]
[phones ringing]
You know how Christina was supposed to bring
that thumb drive to the Berlin embassy?
Yeah.
She never arrived.
Get me chief of station Berlin.
♪ Oh, Lord, please hear my prayer ♪
[♪ choir: “Hear My Prayer”]
♪ In the morning ♪
♪ When I rise ♪
♪ It’s your servant ♪
♪ Bound for glory ♪
[sniffling quietly]
♪ Oh, dear Lord ♪
♪ Please hear my prayer ♪
♪ When my work ♪
♪ On Earth is done ♪
♪ And you come ♪
♪ To take me home ♪
♪ Just to know I’m bound ♪
♪ For glory ♪
♪ And to hear you say ♪
[stifled gagging]
♪ “Well done” ♪
[sighs]
♪ Done with sin and sorrow ♪
♪ Have mercy ♪
♪ Mercy ♪♪
[applause]
[thunder rumbling]
All right, we’ve got an hour till the buses leave for Florence.
Let’s pack ’em and stack ’em.
Yes, ma’am.
Hey.
Do you guys want to sneak out tonight when we get to Florence?
You’re not worried about getting in trouble again?
Oh, come on. It’ll be fun.
Yeah, ’cause statistically, we’ve only gotten in trouble
one out of one times on this trip so far.
[ominous music playing]
[♪ Cocki Mazzetti: “Tango Italiano”]
[singing in Italian]
[JJ] Guys, if you look out to the left, you will see the Santa Maria Novella.
It says that it was built in the first half of the 13th century
and it’s considered one of the most important points
of religious and artistic interest in Italy.
[students yawning]
And hey, if you look to the right, you will see the Duomo.
Uh, there it is. There it is.
I can’t actually… can’t believe that we’re here seeing that.
You see that, guys?
Right over there? Look how amazing that is.
Are you guys excited to see that? I am.
[♪ Sacha Distel: “Facile da Dire”]
[singing in Italian]
[mouthing]
[cell phone chimes]
[chuckling]
[cell phone chimes]
♪ ♪
Hey, guys.
Let’s turn in early so we’re fresh for tomorrow, all right?
Okay, JJ. By the way, I enjoyed your guided tour.
I had no idea the Duomo took 142 years to build.
Thanks, Collin.
[indistinct chatter]
[lock beeps, clicks]
[intriguing music playing]
Don’t be such a kiss-ass.
He was terrible.
That guided tour took 142 years off my life.
I know, but the best way to sneak past the warden is to be his best friend.
[scoffs] What was he so cheery about?
Good question.
So, how late is this place open?
I don’t know.
But I do know it has the best gelato in Italy.
It’s the perfect place to ask Ryan to homecoming.
[sighs] Oh, geez.
Please, Collin.
I need you to do this for me.
I’ll owe you forever.
[sighs]
Whoa.
I have a camera in the plug and one in the vent.
What’s he doing?
[gasps]
A tracker.
Not as smart as you think you are, JJ.
Where’d you learn how to do all this?
Ironically, he taught me.
That’s so cool.
Really?
Yeah.
My dad’s totally boring.
What are you talking about? Your dad’s…
probably cooler than you think he is.
[scoffs] Unlikely.
It’s almost time for bed check. It’s now or never. I got to get ready.
What about JJ? He leaves his door open. How do we get by?
[scoffs] Trust me.
I know all his moves.
[dialogue over TV dubbed in Italian]
[intriguing music playing]
[cell phone chimes]
Follow me.
[sighs]
Hey, come on, man. You got this.
Oh, God.
[Italian dialogue continues over TV]
[suspenseful music playing]
[chatter in Italian]
Damn.
How’d you find the trackers?
Nanny-cammed you.
Nice.
How’d you get us?
Trip-wired the boys’ door.
Not bad.
Now, why don’t you guys turn around and go back to your rooms.
JJ.
No, I mean it. Now.
[sighs]
[Sophie scoffs] Sorry, guys.
All right, I’ll tell you what.
I’ll let you guys stay up a little past your bedtime.
There is 40 minutes to curfew.
If you guys promise to be back in your rooms in 35 minutes,
I’ll pretend like I didn’t see you.
Thank you, Mr. Jones. Hey, you’re pretty cool.
Yeah.
Pretty cool.
[speaking angrily in Italian]
How much do I owe you?
[♪ Nat King Cole: “L.O.V.E.”]
[singing in Italian]
[quiet chatter]
[Sophie] There it is. Just ahead.
What? Oh.
Oh, no. I totally left my medicine back at the hotel.
I better go get it.
It’s for worms.
I got pinworms from my dog.
But don’t worry, the medicine’s working and I’m turning the corner on the worms.
My butt hardly itches at all anymore.
[mouthing]
I’ll catch up with you later.
That was weird.
Yeah.
[sighs] I’m never gonna live that down.
Now say exactly what I say to the server.
[speaking Italian]
That’s dope. I didn’t know you could speak Italian.
[chuckles] Well, yeah.
Uh, I didn’t, either, till just now.
Oh, maybe if you helped me rehearse for the play,
you’d know I learned some Italian. Now, tell the server…
[speaking Italian]
So cool. Hey, listen, I’ll get the next one, okay?
The next one?
Yeah.
I like hanging out with you.
Let’s take a pic. Come on.
[tires squeal softly]
[camera clicking]
[muffled grunting]
Hey, something’s really wrong. I’m so sorry, but I’ll be right back.
Hey!
Hey! Hey!
[tires squeal]
[camera clicks]
[tense, dramatic music playing]
[horn honks]
[whimpers, grunts]
[panting]
[bicycle bell dings]
[panicked chatter]
[Sophie] Sorry. Scusa.
[chatter in Italian]
[engine revving]
[tense, dramatic music continues]
[angry chatter in Italian]
Oh, damn it.
Damn it. How much do I owe you?
[grunts]
Whoa. [yelps]
[tires squealing]
[whimpers, screams]
[horn beeping]
[yells]
Are you okay?
[panting]
They took Collin.
Who took Collin?
I don’t know.
[cell phone rings]
How’s my little cocoa bean?
[garbled voice over phone] We have your son, Mr. Kim.
Come to Rome alone
to the following coordinates for further instructions.
If you tell anyone, including the CIA,
we’ll know and the boy dies.
[phone chimes]
[rings]
Something just happened.
[Kim over phone] Stop.
Nothing over the phone. Cover Collin’s absence.
Get to Rome ASAP. I’ll send you the coordinates.
Don’t do or say anything until I get there.
There’s no knowing who’s involved.
Here.
You recognize him.
Yeah. Bishop Crane.
He’s as bad as they come.
Assassination, extortion, trafficking.
There’s nothing he won’t do for money.
Why would he want to kidnap Collin?
JJ, what are you not telling me?
We were in the Special Forces together.
Crane was the new guy in an elite unit doing drug interdiction in Colombia.
He sold us out to the cartel, made millions.
Your unit?
I was the only one who survived.
Whoa.
I’m sorry.
If Crane is involved, whoever he’s working for is very powerful.
I’ve got to get the other chaperones to cover for me.
You won’t be safe here.
You’re coming with me.
Where are we going?
[somber music playing]
[JJ] There he is.
Wait.
We got to keep our distance.
He’s being watched.
[steady beeping]
[dramatic music playing]
All right, come on.
[quiet chatter]
Get in.
I asked you to do one thing.
One. You failed.
This would’ve never happened under the old JJ’s watch.
Bobbi? What are you doing here?
I asked her to be here.
I needed a tech, and everybody knows techs are basically expendable.
Right.
The better question is: What are you doing here?
Collin is my friend.
Yeah.
And if whoever Crane is working for knows about you, then they know about me.
Which also means Sophie’s at risk.
I can’t leave her behind.
Chief, what is that?
About to find out.
[chiming]
[garbled voice] Breach NATO vault at Aviano.
Retrieve activation codes to trade for your son.
[sizzling, electrical buzzing]
[Kim groans]
[Bobbi] Whoa.
[Sophie] Aviano?
It’s an air base.
Activation codes?
Christina never made it to Berlin with that thumb drive.
If these kidnappers have that drive…
It would mean they would know the location of a hundred missing nukes.
Why you?
They need someone who can get in.
My rank with the CIA will grant me access to any NATO base.
Yeah, but getting into the vault under heavy security
is gonna be nearly impossible.
Which is why we need to make one stop first.
[♪ Nicola Kirsch: “Libiamo, ne’ lieti calici” from Verdi’s La traviata]
[aria continues with singing in Italian]
Why are you doing this? We don’t have any money.
[sighs] You know, you remind me a little of myself at your age.
I hated myself at your age.
[door opens and closes]
[aria ends]
[quiet chatter]
[Dr. Brookey] All right, listen up, everybody.
There have been a lot of rumors flying around,
so I wanted to take a moment to address them.
First of all, everything’s fine.
Collin needed to return home due to a family emergency,
and JJ and Sophie are accompanying.
I’ll keep you all updated.
But in the meantime, who’s excited to go to Rome
and sing at the Vatican?
[students cheering]
Yeah.
[crickets chirping]
[Kim] This is an MI6 safe house.
It’s got everything we need for this mission:
weapons, external hard drive for the codes.
There’s even a surveillance van in the garage.
Best of all, no one’s here right now.
Day manager is this little old lady who goes home at 7:00.
You sure we shouldn’t loop in CIA, get support from local authorities?
I’m not risking my son, JJ.
This is the only way to play it.
[Sophie] Hmm.
Looks like a pretty solid security camera system on the perimeter.
[Kim] Yes, but on the ground floor only.
We’ll break in from the second story.
Put this on till we’re inside.
Okay, we’re in and out in five minutes. Let’s go.
[suspenseful music playing]
[birds chirping]
[JJ] The old lady’s got a lot of birds.
[Kim] Yeah, let’s get to work. But let’s be careful.
A lot of these safe houses are booby-trapped for security.
[chiming]
[door lock clunks]
[dramatic, upbeat music playing]
[Kim] Got everything?
Yeah. Let’s move.
Okay.
[JJ] There’s the van.
[beeping]
[intriguing music playing]
Just time the gap.
Jump through.
[wings fluttering]
Time the gap?
I need a much bigger gap than you.
[wings fluttering]
[Kim] Huh.
How’d the birds get out?
I don’t know.
Hey, little guys.
[birds screeching]
[screams, groans]
Booby trap! [screams]
[screams, whimpers]
[screams, grunts]
[yelps] Get ’em off!
What’s that lady feed these things?
[Kim] My guess? Nothing!
[tense, dramatic music playing]
[whirring]
[grunts]
[sighs] Oh, thank God.
[birds chirping]
[screeches]
Oh, shit.
[grunts] JJ, now!
[panting]
Who the hell trains attack finches?
British have a strange sense of humor.
We better move.
We may have company.
[beeping]
Goodbye, nasty widdle birdies.
[shrieking]
Aw, did that hurt your widdle beak?
Fucker.
So you’re like, what, ten now?
Fourteen.
Like I said, 14.
Got any boyfriends yet?
Uh…
I don’t know, maybe.
Oh. Okay.
I knew it. That’s why I’m an analyst.
Although you got my age wrong.
Here’s some advice.
When you go in for that first kiss,
don’t be afraid to use lots of tongue.
Get sloppy.
Really?
Oh, heck yeah.
Be like a cleaner shrimp in a shark’s mouth.
Explore that wet hole like a blind man’s cane.
Wow.
You know, it’s really surprising no one’s snatched you up yet.
Yeah, well, I do the snatching.
[intriguing music playing]
[Kim grunts]
[keys jingling]
Hey, did you shut the fan off?
No. Why?
[birds screeching]
[screams] Oh!
[screaming]
This is taking too long.
They’re highly trained professionals. They’ll be fine.
[JJ screams]
[yelling, whimpering]
They’re eating my nipples!
[screaming continues]
Or maybe not.
[tense, dramatic music playing]
Can I help you?
[Kim] Yes.
Kim, CIA. We’re here to see Colonel Minelli.
All right, the vault with the codes
is in that building.
Bobbi, can you hack through security and get access?
What, am I new?
[Sophie] And?
So, what, that’s it?
Of course not.
Let me just whip the spreadsheet with the detailed plan out of my ass.
Yes, that’s it.
Kim, you son of a bitch.
You guys on good terms?
He’s like a brother.
Oh, that’s nice.
In that he hates me, we were in love with the same woman
and I owe him about eight grand.
Colonel, it’s good to see you.
[grunts]
This is my good friend Colonel Minelli,
who has a lot of trouble expressing his affection.
And, Colonel, this is my…
stepbrother JJ, who is loaning us his van,
my stepdaughter Sophie and my…
…wife Bobbi.
[Minelli] You’re about ten years late.
Did you bring me my money?
Of course.
Welcome, my old friend!
Benvenuta.
[Bobbi] Mm-hmm.
Benvenuta.
[chuckles uneasily]
Benvenut… Yeah.
[clears throat]
Why did you decide to come here now after all of these years?
Family vacay.
Heading north to Lake Como.
We thought we’d stop in, say hello and settle some old business.
But that does not make sense, because Lake Como is west.
That’s what I’ve been telling them.
But no, because Mom and Dad are too busy arguing to listen to me,
and Uncle JJ can’t hear anything because his ears are cauliflowered shut.
Dua Lipa?
Oh, she’s good. Yeah.
[Bobbi sighs] Okay.
Honey, um, can you two boys do your catching up quickly?
‘Cause Sophie and I need to use the restroom
and we have those dinner reservations I’ve been so looking forward to.
[JJ] Mm-mm.
[sighs, chuckles]
Your stepbrother is quite large.
Yes. He used to do MMA, hence the hearing damage.
Well, you picked a good day to visit.
[Kim] Oh? How is that?
[muffled heavy metal music playing]
[heavy metal music blaring]
[lively chatter]
Oh, boy.
[beeps, lock clicks]
[intriguing music playing]
It’s just down the hall and to the right.
I’ll wait here.
Grazie.
[sighs] Okay.
Oh. Electromagnetic radiation readings.
This must be the server room.
Here.
[heavy metal music blaring]
[cheering]
[bell rings]
[Minelli] A way for the men to blow off some steam.
[Kim] I can see that.
It’s good to see you, Kim.
And I’m glad you came here to finally settle your debt.
Yes, about that…
Nine thousand euros should cover everything you owe me, plus interest.
I forgot it was that much. Do you take Discover?
Cash only.
But maybe he can help pay your debt.
Let’s go double or nothing.
We have got to tread water while Bobbi gets the codes.
Most of the men on this base must be in here, so it’s the perfect diversion.
I’d knock that guy out in ten seconds.
Negative. You’ll engage with him until I give you the all clear.
You end this fight any sooner,
and you’ll be doing desk duty for the rest of your career.
I want to be on desk duty.
I meant you won’t be doing desk duty
for the rest of your career.
[groans]
Is the password working?
Give me a minute.
Oh, Kim better be right about this.
♪ It’s a blackout ♪
[♪ Holy Wars: “Get Mine”]
[grunting]
[shouting]
Your friend fights like a gelding, afraid to hit.
Come on, Bobbi.
♪ I’m gonna get mine, I’ll get mine ♪
♪ It’s a blackout ♪
[mouthing]
♪ You’re right, I don’t wanna be like you ♪
♪ Speak the truth on the tip, sip the tea like I told you ♪
♪ Quick on the fuse, use me, I’m-a use you ♪
♪ Watch you fade quick, fading from my rearview ♪
♪ One by one ♪
[groans]
♪ It’s a blackout ♪
[grunts]
I’m in.
Hurry. We have to make this quick.
Oh, we do?
‘Cause I thought we could do a TikTok and have a snack.
♪ I’m gonna get mine, I’ll get mine ♪
[grunting and groaning]
♪ It’s a blackout ♪
[mouthing]
♪ It’s a blackout ♪
Now, JJ. Now.
♪ Blackout ♪♪
[grunts, groans]
But I do take traveler’s checks.
[groaning]
What happened? I gave you the signal.
What-what…
I can’t breathe. It’s like a marathon.
Went way longer than I thought.
Three and a half minutes?
Here, let me help you up.
[grunts]
Help me up.
Sir.
You need to come see this.
What is it?
It’s about the chief, sir.
We think he’s gone rogue.
[busy chatter]
Replay it, please.
The NATO base at Aviano just notified us that Kim, Jones and Ulf entered the base
about four hours ago.
So?
So, apparently, the activation codes for 100 lost suitcase nukes
just downloaded from their server.
Satellite imagery is tracking a van heading to Rome.
Bring ’em all in now.
Get me the DOD. We have to go to DEFCON one.
Isn’t that a bit extreme?
We just found those nukes.
Kim and JJ supervised the mission.
[bell tolling]
[quiet chatter]
[Kim] The CIA will think we’ve gone rogue.
We’re as good as dead.
Had to be done.
Won’t be long now.
That’s what you said an hour ago.
Hey, I know this is hard, but you know the drill.
They’ll make contact, show proof of life, then give us the drop-off.
We’ll get Connor.
Collin.
Right.
Oh, my God.
I never should’ve let you guys go out unsupervised.
Uh, we were supervised.
You were spying on us, remember?
Apparently not well enough.
Maybe Bobbi’s right.
I’m losing my edge.
What happened to it?
[sentimental music playing]
I didn’t want to be just that guy anymore.
I wanted to be something… more.
[cell phone chiming]
Here we go.
Oh, my God, he looks so scared.
Okay, that’s an industrial area on the edge of the city.
We can get there in 30 minutes.
Let’s roll.
[suspenseful music playing]
[Kim] That’s the location.
[Bobbi over radio] Okay, boys, we’re out of sight.
Uh, a few blocks away from you, and satellite is up.
[JJ over radio] Any activity visible?
Negative.
That’s weird.
No one’s been in or out of there in the last 24 hours.
It’s a trap.
[tires squealing]
[both grunting]
[gas hissing]
Oh, my God.
[coughing]
[water dripping]
[JJ breathing heavily]
Kim. Wake up.
Kim!
[grunts] Where are we?
I have no idea.
I’ve totally messed this up, JJ.
I put my son in great danger.
I haven’t done much better.
Sophie’s supposed to be having the time of her life.
Instead, she’s trying to track us down before we’re brutally killed,
saddling her with a lifetime of debilitating guilt
and unresolved daddy issues that she’ll work out on a pole.
You’re right. Yours is much worse.
[Crane] Jason Jones.
It’s been a minute.
Crane.
You son of a bitch.
What have you done with my son?
[Crane] He’s fine.
But if I were you,
I’d be much more concerned about… you.
[tense music playing]
Shoot.
[panting]
They’re gone.
Oh, my God, JJ.
Ugh. Our trackers have been dumped.
We’re blind.
Maybe not.
I hacked JJ’s phone in Venice.
And I have advanced satellite tracking on this.
Okay.
[JJ] What’s this about?
Who are you working for?
Patience.
Looks like you’ve made quite a life for yourself, JJ.
Maybe I’ll pay them a visit after you’re dead.
Sophie’s going to need a new daddy.
[phone drops to ground]
[garbled voice] Enough. Time for work.
Nancy?
[garbled voice] That’s right, Jason Jones.
[normal voice] God, I love this thing.
[garbled voice] Find Solo. I am Kylo Ren.
I don’t understand.
When did you have time to color your hair?
[Nancy] I created a character and infiltrated your world months ago.
That anonymous tip you got on how to get the weapons cache?
That was me.
I got you to use your own agent to steal the locations of the nukes.
And then I paid off the choir board and got your son to Europe.
And that was all it took to get you to evade your own CIA detail,
to come here and break into Aviano.
[Nancy chuckles]
I’ve embedded myself into every aspect of your lives.
So it was you who changed all my passwords?
I haven’t been able to watch DIRECTV for a month.
What? No.
No, you idiot.
That was probably a program update.
You need to use a two-step verification process now.
[Crane] Yeah, it’s true.
I had to do that for all my Google stuff.
You done?
And God forbid you enter your password wrong.
You can get locked out of your own phone.
It’s facial recognition. Hello, my face hasn’t changed.
I mean… Okay, stopping.
I’m going to need those codes now.
Where’s my son?
First things first.
Get him down.
Never! I…
Yeah. Oh, yes, get me down.
You can’t give her those codes.
People will die, Kim.
I’m as good as my word. A deal’s a deal.
It’s my boy.
[sighs]
[Nancy] Thank you.
Put him in the car and get rid of the boy.
No. You gave me your word!
I’m not gonna kill him. Crane is.
The boy was just bait, and now you’re my insurance.
[grunting]
[Kim] Don’t do this, please!
What are you really up to?
Let’s just say this choir trip has been very helpful.
What is that?
[Nancy] This is a powerful neurotoxin.
Every muscle in your body will start to slowly seize up…
including, finally, your diaphragm…
whereupon…
[syringe hisses]
[grunts]
[JJ sighs]
…you will suffocate and die.
Enjoy the ride, Jason Jones.
[breathing heavily]
[stirring music playing]
[grunting]
[wheezing]
[grunts]
[wheezing]
There he is.
[labored breathing]
He’s barely breathing.
Start compressions.
[Sophie] Okay.
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight.
What are you doing?
It’s atropine and adrenaline.
It’ll keep his heart going till his body can metabolize the toxin.
Well, hurry.
[gags, retches]
[inhales deeply]
[Bobbi groans]
[triumphant music playing]
[gasps] JJ!
Oh, I don’t feel so good.
Is Bobbi okay?
That’s a lot of vomit.
[Sophie] She’ll be fine.
Okay.
Where’s Mr. Kim?
Oh, no.
We’ve got to get to Collin before Crane kills him.
What? Oh, God.
We got to go. We got to go.
Hey. Wake up.
[smack]
[JJ] Hey.
Stop. That’s not the way you wake someone up.
You have to say their name.
Bobbi, wake up.
[smacking]
Bobbi, wake up!
[JJ] Bobbi.
[Bobbi grunting]
Yes, yes.
Bobbi.
Help me.
[Sophie] Let’s go.
[tense, dramatic music playing]
My arms and my legs aren’t working too good.
Yeah, and my face is killing me.
Did you see or hear anything when you were dead?
Just the sound of you barfing.
You’re gonna have to drive.
I can’t drive if I’m gonna hack traffic cameras to find Crane.
Well, I can’t drive.
I can drive.
[JJ] Negative.
We don’t have time to argue about this, JJ.
I’m taking driver’s ed soon.
Yeah, in two years.
You’ve let me steer. You know I can do this.
Okay. Okay, go for it.
You’ll be fine.
[♪ Ditonellapiaga: “Serial Killer”]
Punch it, Chewie.
[tires squealing]
[song continues with singing in Italian]
[JJ yelps, groans]
[Bobbi screams]
[JJ] Your left!
[Bobbi] Whoa!
[JJ] On your right!
[JJ and Bobbi] Oh, my God!
Good luck in driver’s ed.
That’s not helping.
Does this go on my insurance?
[JJ] Reverse.
[shouts in Italian]
Go, go, go!
[engine revving]
♪ Serial killer ♪
[song continues with singing in Italian]
Not one word.
♪ Serial killer ♪
[song continues with singing in Italian]
[JJ groans]
[tires squealing]
[song ends]
You did that on purpose.
Did not.
Can you guys cut it out?
I got a hit on their plate from a traffic camera.
Satellite’s tracking ’em north through Chianti.
[dramatic music playing]
[grunting quietly]
[panting]
[horns honking]
[grunting]
[birds chirping]
[♪ Tito Beltrán: “E lucevan le stelle” from Puccini’s Tosca]
[inhales deeply]
[exhales]
[aria continues with singing in Italian]
[Collin panting]
[silenced gunshot]
[aria continues]
♪ ♪
[rustling]
♪ ♪
No!
[grunts]
Sorry, kid.
[gun clicks]
[grunting]
[aria ends]
[intense music playing]
Run!
You’re gonna tell me Nancy’s plan.
[grunting and groaning]
[Crane] What’s wrong, JJ?
Neurotoxin got you down?
[grunting, breathing heavily]
Oh, look. I forgot I had this.
[bullet whizzing]
[gasping]
Oh, come on! Let me do it.
No! I’ve seen you drive.
Why is she trying to kill you?
[bullet whizzes]
Aah! Sh…
Oh, sh…
Here, you-your turn.
She’s trying to kill you, but she’s a terrible shot!
What?
[engine starts]
[pained breathing]
[bullets whizzing]
[JJ] That’s Crane’s.
[Sophie] JJ!
Are you okay?
Yeah.
Other than Bobbi shooting me.
Sorry.
I’m fine. Can you crack this?
Ugh. With my eyes closed.
Is that how you shoot?
Yeah, it’s just so loud and scary.
Do you want me to do that?
You’re doing a terrible job. It’s going to scar.
I don’t care how I look.
I know.
[Collin] How can he just…
Okay, let’s not watch.
[birds chirping]
[Collin] I don’t believe it. Any of it.
I mean, why would they take my dad? He’s just a nurse.
JJ will find him. I promise.
Ever since my mom died, my dad’s been totally overprotective.
He makes me FaceTime him anytime I go anywhere.
And if I don’t answer, he FaceTimes my friends.
I know what you mean.
JJ treats me like I’m still nine.
I mean, he still walks me to school every day
and tries to put me on his shoulders.
That’s actually kind of cute.
Yeah, well, he’s six-five, so one time, I almost got decapitated by a ceiling fan.
The truth is, your dad is…
just trying to be a good dad.
Maybe JJ is, too.
They just need to realize we’re not kids anymore.
Yeah.
We’re not.
Collin, I have to level with you, okay?
Your dad is the head of covert operations for the CIA.
What?
And you’re not going to believe this, but Mrs. Buck is actually a terrorist.
Your dad traded himself in to save you.
Yeah.
It’s for real.
How are you so calm?
I’m not.
[Collin sighs]
Thanks for coming to save me.
[gentle music playing]
You would’ve done the same for me.
[wind whistling]
[tense music playing]
Bring him.
♪ ♪
It’s somewhere here.
[device beeping]
[chiming]
Break it open.
[grunts]
Who are you working for?
[Nancy] Let’s just say
I represent a group of very powerful people
who had their fortune frozen by your government
and every one of its corrupt allies.
Oligarchs.
Friends. Patriots.
My husband was one of them.
Leaving him in financial ruin drove him to his death.
Well, he was married to you, so that may have also contributed.
I’m going to see to it we get back all that is rightfully ours
and make those righteous nations pay, with a little interest.
[Kim] Suitcase nuke.
Must have been hidden behind this wall for over 60 years.
And thanks to you, our ticket to our reparations.
Why hide it in a church?
Who would search a church?
Plus, it wasn’t necessarily intended to go off here.
Just to be stored until the time and moment was right.
You will never get away with this.
I’ve searched everything. There’s no clue of where they’re headed
or what they’re gonna strike.
[Bobbi] I’m in.
Ugh, to his dating profile.
[♪ Sexyy Red: “SkeeYee”]
It’s not helpful.
It’s actually really sad.
I’m gonna try and grab some sleep on a real bed.
Good night, guys.
Good night, Collin.
[JJ] Night, Collin.
Hey.
Hey.
You should try to get some rest, too.
Can’t. I’m not tired.
Collin seems like a nice kid.
Yeah, he’s great.
You know you’re torturing him, right?
What?
You can’t tell?
He likes you.
I mean, like-likes you.
You’re crazy. He’s one of my best friends.
That’s what all cute girls say about guys they’re torturing.
Do you like him?
Of course I like him.
But I like-like this kid named Ryan.
The jock?
Yeah.
For a highly trained operative, you can be pretty blind.
[Bobbi] I’m in.
For real this time.
I’ve got everything: emails, texts.
I also found this.
It’s about how Nancy’s husband died.
[Sophie] Whoa.
Hey, this is new.
[Bobbi] From Nancy. She sent this two hours ago.
[Sophie] What?
[JJ] She’s gonna detonate a WMD
under Rome’s financial district.
[dramatic music playing]
We swept the sewers and ran into a signal coming from behind a locked vault.
It looks like they’re protecting a central hub, just like you suggested.
Have you breached it?
Technical is setting up now.
[busy chatter in Italian]
[chatter in Italian over speaker]
[whirring]
[officer] We’re clear.
Moving in.
[tense, dramatic music playing]
There’s nothing here. No WMD.
And look at this IED.
It’s a fake.
I don’t understand.
Seems like you got played.
We’d appreciate it if you’ll settle this game
in your own time, not ours.
♪ ♪
[sirens blaring]
Agent Jones just called in a fake bomb threat under the financial district.
That makes no sense.
No, it doesn’t.
Maps, fake IEDs. I don’t get it.
That email… could it have been sent to mislead us?
This was all a distraction.
Well, why would she need to distract us? Where is she really?
[helicopter blades whirring]
I think I know.
[clamoring]
[speaking Italian]
We have equipment for the choir performance to unload.
You’ll never get all the way in… not with the G7 security.
Ordinarily, I’d say that you’re right, but I am not ordinary.
Prego.
♪ Softly and sweetly ♪
[♪ choir: “A Hymn of Peace”]
♪ Guide us into light ♪
♪ And as the moon is rising ♪
♪ To shine us with thy light…
Shouldn’t we tell security to clear the area?
Police aren’t gonna believe me anymore. Pretty sure that was part of Nancy’s plan.
This place is massive. My dad could be anywhere.
[Sophie] Wait, your dad’s phone…
Crane destroyed it.
Did he carry a spare battery?
Always, for whenever he was “on call.”
And all the phones issued at Langley have E-tags on their batteries so they can be…
Tracked.
Bobbi, can you look up Kim’s phone records and find his battery’s tracking signal?
Yes, but first, I’m gonna need the Vatican’s Wi-Fi password.
No, I’m not. I-I can do it. What do you think it is?
“Pope”? Probably.
He’s so full of himself.
[tense music playing]
[guard] We’ve cleared the room. Good luck.
Yeah, sì, sì. He just came through here.
Thank you.
[phone chimes]
Langley just located a battery signal from Kim.
[Nancy] Quite inspiring, isn’t it?
Some of the finest works of art the world may never see,
stuck here in storage.
Well, this is where your journey ends and mine is just beginning.
[garbled voice over speaker] This is a message for the leaders of the free world.
There is a bomb under the Vatican.
[Nancy’s normal voice] And we will detonate it if our demands are not met.
And if you try to leave…
[garbled voice] …boom. We’ve recently acquired the location
of a hundred nuclear weapons hidden around the world.
We want $50 billion per G7 country, or there will be no more G7 countries.
Wire transfer details will be sent after this message.
You have 30 minutes to comply.
We got to move POTUS now.
[majestic music playing]
Okay, the signal’s getting stronger.
[JJ sighs]
Okay. This is as far as you two go.
What are you talking about?
[JJ] This is way too dangerous.
But I can help. I…
You guys need to get back to the choir and warn them.
No, I’m not leaving here without you.
Hey.
It’s been really great being on the same team with you again the last couple days.
But I need you to let me go at it alone from here.
Okay?
Okay.
Okay.
If we survive, the CIA better let us write about this for our college apps.
Let’s go.
[tense, atmospheric music playing]
[Nancy sighs]
[Kim] You don’t have to do this, Nancy.
What about all our children up there?
[scoffs] The choir has served its purpose.
They were just my Trojan horse.
How else could I get this close to the G7?
My God.
When they announced last spring that the G7 session would bring together
all of the most corrupt leaders who destroyed my life to this one spot,
this holiest of places, it was too perfect to pass up.
As long as those self-righteous men will listen to reason and pay,
no one needs to die, except for you.
[hushed] Okay. You take down the tough guys, I’ll handle Nancy.
You sure?
Yeah.
She’s a brain, not a fighter.
You can tell by the way she moves, the way she carries herself,
the way she surrounds herself with large, attractive men to do her bidding.
Did you hear the part where I said “large, attractive men to do her bidding”?
That was meant for you.
Move.
[Boris] Look what I found.
[Nancy] Oh, well, look who’s back.
You just won’t die, will you, JJ?
[JJ] Well, I find your story fascinating, Nancy.
I’d really like to see how it ends.
[Crane] It could end like this.
[grunting and groaning]
[Bobbi] Ugh.
[pained breathing]
Come on, old man. Get up.
[breathing heavily]
[Crane] You fight a lot like your friends from the platoon.
All cowards.
They begged me not to kill them.
Callahan, Bridges,
even Christina.
Christina?
Yeah.
I planted a copy of the thumb drive she stole in your home,
along with the gun I used to kill her.
It’s not a good look for you, JJ.
You were in my home?
I spared the dog ’cause I’m a dog guy.
Oh, and I watered your plants, you know, ’cause I’m a plant guy.
But Blueberry…
…sleeps with the fishes.
[melancholy music playing]
[tense music building]
Oh, shit.
And he should not have done that.
Forgive me, Lord, for what I’m about to do.
[Crane groans]
[tense, energetic music playing]
[grunting and groaning]
Release the kraken.
Crane, if you could please stop moving, I’d like to shoot JJ now…
See? Totally handled.
[Nancy grunts viciously]
[Bobbi yelps]
[grunts viciously]
[yells]
Why? I’m already tied up.
[Nancy grunts viciously]
[groans]
[sighing]
[gun clicks]
Quick, cut me loose.
I’m going after Nancy.
Gotcha.
[♪ Isibane se Afrika: “Holy Spirit”]
[singing in Xhosa]
♪ Amen ♪
[continues singing in Xhosa]
♪ Amen, hallelujah ♪
♪ Amen…
Hey.
Hey, where were you guys?
Long story.
Where’s Dr. Brookey?
Hey. I really missed you.
Ryan, seriously, okay?
I really need to tell him something.
Okay? We have got to get out of here. There’s…
[intriguing music playing]
Oh, my God.
[electrical crackling]
[guards groaning]
I have Tasers on both of your backs.
Turn around quietly, or I’ll use them.
[gasps] Sophie?
My little muffin chop.
Ooh, you’ve grown.
Three words: Beeyoo. Tee. Full.
But… you were dead.
[Carlos] When Bobbi threw the grenades,
we ran back to our apartment and dove into our new cast-iron tub.
If we went with Todd’s idea of white porcelain, we would be dead.
[Todd grunts]
Hush.
Let’s move, or I’ll tell the real guards you’re phonies.
[tense, energetic music playing]
[grunting and groaning]
[shouts in German, groans]
[panting]
Aah! It’s in my eyes!
Not fun, is it?
[grunting and groaning continue]
[device beeping]
[rapid beeping]
He activated a kill switch.
We have two ways to stop this bomb from going off.
Either I can figure out how to deactivate it
or we got to get that kill switch from Crane.
On it.
♪ Amen, hallelujah ♪
[panting sharply]
[tense, atmospheric music playing]
[sniffing]
[engine starts, revs]
[intense, energetic music playing]
♪ Amen, hallelujah…
[electrical crackling]
[Todd groans]
How are you involved in this?
We used to work for the cartel.
That’s how we met Bishop Crane.
He asked if we’d freelance on this little shindig.
We said no at first, but our trip to Cabo got postponed because of the hurricane,
and we’re about to do a big reno, so here we are.
You have to stop Nancy from doing this, or we’re all going to die.
[scoffs] That is not gonna happen.
Why not?
She cray, but she’s also smart.
Nancy won’t let this end with a bang.
Well, at least not while she’s still here.
Do you know her exact 20?
[Todd] Hmm.
[Carlos chuckles]
[Carlos] It’s been nice catching up with you, Sophie,
but we have to end this little reunion and get back to our post.
It’s our job to make sure that no one leaves before the show is over.
Like it is for you.
[grunts]
Get away from her.
[Carlos] Oh, isn’t this cute?
It’s the nerds from Stranger Things.
I forgot my medicine.
Feel less guilty about killing him in my dream.
[Carlos] Why don’t you join your friend and get the hell out of here
before I kick your ass!
Hey!
[energetic music playing]
[electrical crackling]
[Collin] Sophie!
[electrical crackling]
[Todd groaning]
[electrical crackling]
[Carlos yelling in pain]
[electrical crackling]
[Carlos yells]
[grunting and groaning]
[electrical crackling]
[Todd groans]
[electrical crackling]
[Todd groaning]
[electrical crackling]
[Todd groans]
[grunting and groaning continue]
[electrical crackling]
[Carlos groaning]
[Collin grunts]
Oh, I don’t think… He’s already…
Yeah, I didn’t need to do that.
But thanks.
Sure. You were awesome.
Remind me to thank Ryan for all his help.
[cell phone chimes]
Come on. We’ve got to find JJ.
[suspenseful music playing]
What are you doing?
Anything I can.
[engine revving]
And now, from America, the children from North Virginia High School.
[♪ orchestra: Verdi’s Requiem: “Dies Irae”]
[screaming]
[choir vocalizing]
[tires squealing]
[horns honking]
[panicked chatter]
Bobbi, where’s JJ heading?
[Bobbi] Sophie?
He’s chasing the dude with the kill switch.
Let’s pray that he finds him,
’cause I cannot figure out how to turn this thing off.
[choir singing “Dies Irae” in Latin]
Tell them they have 23 minutes to change their minds
or else they’ll learn the hard way.
I’ll be at the heliport in ten.
[choir continues singing in Latin]
[Connelly] Freeze!
[sighs] Connelly, you don’t understand.
What have you done, Chief?
I’m not one of them.
If I were, you’d already be dead.
And you just let the real bad guy go.
What the hell is this all about?
How do we know you’re telling the truth?
Connelly, who allowed you to use your CIA credentials to spy on your ex-wife?
You did.
And, Hargear, who kept it quiet when at the Langley checkpoint
security found something vibrating in your bag?
All right, I trust him.
It was a toy for my kid.
[whispers] You don’t have any kids.
Guys, we need to evacuate everyone now.
We tried, but they say it’s not a credible threat.
Bottom line, no one’s leaving.
My God.
So, what do we do now?
Put all our chips on JJ.
[tense, energetic music playing]
[panicked chatter]
[tires squealing]
Bobbi, I need eyes on JJ.
Uh, headed north past Castel Sant’Angelo.
[grunts]
[grunts]
[tires squealing]
[yells]
[horn honks]
[tires squealing]
[construction vehicle beeping]
[grunts]
[worker shouting]
[grunting]
[tires squealing]
[grunting and groaning]
[horn honking]
[tires squealing]
[grunts]
Last of your unit.
You should be proud, JJ.
[grunts]
[gun clicks]
[JJ grunting]
[groans]
Where is it?!
[laughing]
[gasping]
[tense, dramatic music playing]
[burbling]
[grunts]
[gasps] JJ.
♪ Just to know I’m ♪
[♪ choir: “Hear My Prayer”]
♪ Bound for glory ♪
[tense music playing]
[beeping]
[sighs] Come on, JJ.
[burbling]
[breathing heavily]
[beeping]
[tense music building]
[music crescendos and fades]
♪ When my work on Earth is done ♪
[somber music playing]
♪ And you come to take me home ♪
♪ Just to know I’m ♪
♪ Bound for glory ♪
♪ And to hear you say ♪
♪ “Well done” ♪
♪ Done with sin ♪
♪ And sorrow ♪
♪ Have mercy ♪
♪ Mercy ♪♪
[coughing]
[crying] JJ.
[JJ] Wait.
If this is heaven, it’s not what I expected.
[Sophie] No, no.
You did it.
[sobs]
[Sophie crying]
[gasps] Holy shit!
Yes!
[sighs] Come on.
That’s, like, three Hail Marys, tops.
[tense music playing]
[quiet chatter]
[Collin] Nancy Buck.
You’re not going anywhere.
Really?
I could still smother the life out of you right here.
[speaking Italian] Mamma, no.
Don’t leave me again! I promise I’ll be good!
All right, all right.
[crowd murmuring]
[speaking Italian] Mamma…
I won’t tell anyone you hit me anymore! Please!
He’s not my son.
Mamma, per favore.
Get off me!
[siren blaring]
[Nancy yelps]
Freeze! Get down on the ground and spread ’em!
That was a close one, Chief.
I’m glad you’re back.
[Collin] Dad.
Collin.
Oh, my God.
I thought you were dead.
I thought you were a nurse.
We have a lot to talk about.
[sentimental music playing]
[police radio chatter]
I was so scared I was gonna lose you.
Thanks for coming back for me.
You know you were pretty good out there, right?
You’re not a desk guy.
[chuckles]
You should go back to being you.
I’ll be fine.
I promise.
[JJ chuckles]
And I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting recently.
You don’t have to apologize.
Been hard for me, emotionally, just watching you grow up.
I didn’t get to be a part of your first nine years, and this part… it’s just going too fast.
I know you can take care of yourself.
That’s what makes me a little sad.
I really like taking care of you.
I’m just dreading the day you don’t need me anymore.
[chuckles softly]
Well, you have at least a week.
[chuckling softly]
I think you’re right about Collin.
I didn’t see it at first, but thanks.
So, what I’m sensing here is, basically, you’ve said I’m right.
Twice.
Don’t get cocky.
[chuckles]
[EMT] Mr. Jones.
We need to take you to the hospital for some observations.
Okay.
Can I come with him?
Uh, I’m sorry, miss. Are you family?
He’s my dad.
Of course.
[Sophie] This is so weird.
I dreamed it would be a view like this
where I’d be standing here with Ryan on this trip.
Maybe even have my first kiss.
I’m sorry it didn’t work out the way you wanted.
I’m not.
[♪ Nat King Cole: “L.O.V.E.”]
[chuckles] It’s the right view, but I had the wrong person.
[song continues with singing in Italian]
Do you maybe want to go to the homecoming dance with me?
Yeah. That’d be nice.
Whoa.
Do you think JJ’s watching us somewhere?
[sighs] Probably.
[song continues over speakers]
[JJ and Kim sniffling]
Oh, for the love of Pete, are you crying?
[sniffles] I’m not crying.
You’re crying.
You cried first.
How much is this satellite costing the CIA, anyway?
You don’t want to know.
[sighs]
Hey, what are you doing?
I’m giving them some space.
All right. Fine.
Hey. You know, you and I could end up being family someday.
Hey. This was a nice moment. Let’s not ruin it, okay?
Speaking of new family, when we get back…
[Bobbi sighs]
…I’m gonna make a lot of changes in my life.
[Bobbi giggling]
[Bobbi and Kim] Mm…
Yep. A lot of changes.
Isn’t that right, my little cleaner shrimp?
[Bobbi] Mm…
[both inhale deeply]
[Bobbi and Kim moaning]
Holy shit.
♪ Lock your door, uh-huh ♪
[♪ Noga Erez: “The Vandalist”]
♪ Coming like a vandalist ♪
♪ Uh-huh ♪
♪ They say you better handle this ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ They don’t wanna know ♪
[indistinct chatter]
♪ Where all their Nikes are from ♪
♪ Uh-huh ♪
Hey.
♪ Coming like a vandalist ♪
♪ Uh-huh…
[blowing raspberries]
[laughing]
♪ They don’t wanna know where all the bodies have gone ♪
That is so embarrassing.
Really? I think it’s kind of cute.
[JJ] Mm-mm.
[Sophie inhales deeply, blows raspberry]
[chirping]
Chief?
Do not move.
Yeah, no shit.
[birds chirping]
What do I do?
There’s only one thing to do.
Run!
[Kim screams]
[Kim] Get off me!
[Kim screaming]
[bird shrieks]
♪ Lock your door, uh-huh ♪
♪ Coming like a vandalist ♪
♪ Uh-huh ♪
♪ They say you better handle this ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ They don’t wanna know where all the bodies have gone ♪
♪ Busta, busta, bust ♪
♪ Oops, you caught me up like a Pac-Man ♪
♪ Back up, I come back like a Batman ♪
♪ Mic check, I’m a scoop for the madman ♪
♪ Ladies and gentlemen, you got me looking mad ♪
♪ Oops, forgot a line on your article ♪
♪ Click on the clickbait, I go viral ♪
♪ Comin’ up with the bots and the psychos ♪
♪ Ladies and gentlemen, you got me ♪
♪ I’m only here for benefits ♪
♪ Yeah, all my friends are counterfeits ♪
♪ My bills are paid, I’m down for it ♪
♪ Just tell me who you wanna hit ♪
[bell rings, crowd cheers]
♪ My hit list won’t be getting long ♪
♪ As long as I can sing this song ♪
♪ I wrote you in just for the twist ♪
♪ I’m done ♪
♪ Lock your door, uh-huh ♪
♪ Coming like a vandalist ♪
♪ Uh-huh ♪
♪ They say you better handle this ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ They don’t wanna know where all their Nikes are from ♪
♪ La-la, la-la ♪
♪ Uh-huh ♪
♪ Coming like a vandalist ♪
♪ Uh-huh ♪
♪ But they don’t want a hand in this ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ They don’t wanna know where all the bodies have gone ♪
♪…is a tremendous word, such as ♪
♪ It’s my pleasure to present ♪
♪ The vandalist ♪
♪ Oops, you think you won ♪
♪ But I still made you sing along ♪
♪ Oops, you think you won ♪
♪ But I still made you sing along ♪
♪ Oops, you think you won ♪
♪ But I still made you sing along, ah ♪
♪ Oops, you think you won ♪
♪ But I still made you sing along, ha ♪
♪ Oops, you think you won ♪
♪ But I still made you sing along ♪
♪ Oops, you think you won ♪
♪ But I still made you sing along, ah ♪
♪ Oops, you think you won ♪
♪ But I still made you sing along ♪
♪ Go home… ♪
♪ Lock your door, uh-huh ♪
♪ Coming like a vandalist ♪
♪ Uh-huh ♪
♪ They say you better handle this ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ They don’t wanna know where all their Nikes are from ♪
♪ Uh-huh ♪
♪ Coming like a vandalist ♪
♪ Uh-huh ♪
♪ But they don’t want a hand in this ♪
♪ Ah ♪
♪ They don’t wanna know where all the bod… ♪♪
Connelly, what are you doing here?
Chief! It’s a happy ending.
♪ We saved the world ♪
[piano playing gentle music]
♪ You got the girl ♪
♪ We’re having a good time, we’re having a good time ♪
Connelly, you got a flight to catch. Don’t you think you should get moving?
I got plenty of time.
Come on, have a drink. Let’s celebrate.
You know I don’t drink while I’m on duty.
It’s not professional.
♪ You should let your hair down ♪
♪ Get rid of that frown ♪
♪ If you act like a wimp ♪
♪ You won’t turn on that cleaner shrimp ♪
One drink.
[slurring] ♪ Ah, yo, pretty ladies ♪
[♪ “Word Up”]
♪ Around the world ♪
♪ Got a weird thing to show you ♪
♪ Tell all the boys and girls ♪
♪ Wave your hands in the air ♪
Yeah!
Come on!
♪ Like you don’t care ♪
♪ Glide by the people ♪
♪ As they stop to look and stare ♪
♪ Do your dance, do your dance ♪
[Bobbi whooping]
♪ Do your dance quick, mama ♪
♪ Come on, baby, tell me, what’s the word? ♪
♪ The cleaner shrimp ♪
That’s me!
♪ Wah, wah ♪
♪ The cleaner shrimp ♪
That’s me!
♪ Wah, wah ♪
♪ The cleaner shrimp ♪
That’s me!
♪ Wah, wah ♪♪
♪ A love like yours is rare ♪
[♪ “Always”]
♪ It must have been sent from up above ♪
♪ And I know you’ll stay this way ♪
For always. I mean it.
♪ And we both know ♪
♪ That our love will grow ♪
♪ And forever ♪
♪ It will be ♪
♪ You and me ♪
[off-key] ♪ Ooh, you’re like the sun ♪
[soft vocalizing]
♪ Chasing all of the rain away ♪♪
♪ Thousand miles away ♪
[♪ Billy Barratt: “Big World (Found You)”]
♪ From the man I used to be ♪
♪ Mm, mm ♪
♪ Closin’ in on something, something that I couldn’t see ♪
♪ Mm, mm ♪
♪ Try to find my way in the dark ♪
♪ Give me a sign in the stars ♪
♪ Take me back to your heart ♪
♪ Searchin’ high and low, steady and slow ♪
♪ Up and down, coast to coast ♪
♪ It’s a big world, it’s a big world ♪
♪ All the places I’ve been ♪
♪ It’s a big world, it’s a big world that I found you in ♪
♪ That I found you ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ That I found you ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ It’s hard to find a blessing on the broken road ♪
♪ Mm, mm ♪
♪ Just close your eyes and let your heart be the one to guide you home ♪
♪ Mm, mm ♪
♪ I will go to the ends of the Earth ♪
♪ Every twist, every turn ♪
♪ Oh, I give you my word ♪
♪ Searchin’ high and low, steady and slow ♪
♪ Up and down, coast to coast ♪
♪ It’s a big world, it’s a big world ♪
♪ All the places I’ve been ♪
♪ It’s a big world, it’s a big world that I found you in ♪
♪ That I found you ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ That I found you ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ That I found you ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ That I found you ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ We’re living in a big world ♪
♪ We’re looking for the silver lining ♪
♪ We’re living in a big world ♪
♪ And it’s all on the horizon ♪
♪ We’re living in a big world ♪
♪ We’re looking for the silver lining ♪
♪ We’re living in a big world ♪
♪ Searchin’ high and low, steady and slow ♪
♪ Up and down, coast to coast ♪
♪ It’s a big world, it’s a big world ♪
♪ All the places I’ve been ♪
♪ It’s a big world, it’s a big world that I found you in ♪
♪ That I found you ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ That I found you ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ That I found you ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ That I found you ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪♪
[song ends]
[intense, dramatic music playing]
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
[music fades]
