Minions & Monsters (2026) – Transcript

Minions & Monsters
Year: 2026
Directed by: Pierre Coffin
Written by: Brian Lynch, Pierre Coffin
Starring: Pierre Coffin (James / Henry / Ed / Dick), Allison Janney (Olivia H.), Christoph Waltz (Max), Jeff Bridges (Frank / Elwood Bright), Jesse Eisenberg (Dort), Trey Parker (Goomi), Zoey Deutch (Debbie), Phil LaMarr (Howard), Bobby Moynihan (Phillips)
Release date: July 1, 2026

Plot: At a film history museum, tour guide Olivia begins telling her group the story of Minions James and Henry, who, according to her, made a significant impact.

Thousands of years ago, a different tribe of Minions from the one that would go on to serve Gru are on a hunt to serve the world’s greatest villains, but in many different ways inadvertently kill their masters. James, more artistic with a passion for painting and drawing, quickly develops a close friendship with two others, Henry and Ed. Among the many masters the Minions serve is a Russian warlock, killed by a monster after Henry summoned it from his spellbook, which Ed then takes along with them.

While fighting amongst each other in the desert, the Minions stumble across a train robbery, deciding to chase after the robber to become his henchmen. However, it is revealed that the robbery is all staged for a Hollywood film production. Though filmmaker Max is furious with the Minions, studio executives Frank and Elwood Bright are enamored by their antics, so Max hires the Minions to star in his films. The Minions soon become a global phenomenon, appearing in several silent films, allowing them to live a life of Hollywood stardom.

When sound film is introduced, the Minions are unable to adapt to the new technology due to their incomprehensible language. Costing the studio millions in failed material, the Minions are fired. Not wanting to give up on his passion, James comes up with an idea to make his own movie titled Minions and Monsters where the Minions would fight against giant creatures. The leader of the tribe, Dick, rejects James’ idea and leads the rest of the Minions back towards finding a new evil master, but Henry and Ed break away from them to help James make his film a reality. They pitch it to Max, who encourages James to work on the movie, providing him a film camera. Ed gets the idea to use the warlock’s old spellbook to summon a squid monster to use, but they are surprised that the monster is much smaller than expected. The monster, Goomi, agrees with James’ idea and offers to help him find the perfect monsters for the film.

Meanwhile, Dick and the other Minions decided to work for a futuristic alien robot named Dort, who is determined to invade Earth. Even when Dort’s cracks begin to show, Dick believes that he is the one to lead them. While trying to start his conquest for world domination, Dort ends up falling in love with women’s rights activist Debbie, enlisting the Minions’ help to romantically pursue her. Goomi leads James, Henry, and Ed to a frozen fortress and frees sea monsters Howard and Phillips under the false pretense of using them as stars in James’ movie. In reality, he aims to use them to summon Irene, a large orange multi-eyed blob monster, in order to destroy the world. Henry overhears this and tries to alert James, but Howard and Phillips kidnap him, using him as a sacrifice in the ‘scene’ where Irene will be summoned. Just as shooting begins, Irene breaks out and begins wreaking havoc.

While on a date in the park with Debbie, Dort and the other Minions witness Irene. Dort seemingly flees in panic, forcing some of the Minions to fight Irene themselves. Irene succeeds in swallowing Henry, with James entering her to rescue him, while the Minions take over from the military in holding her off. At first, they succeed in tearing her apart, but Irene simply reconstructs herself. Just before she consumes them, Dort re-emerges with the other Minions in spacecraft, and they successfully destroy Irene. Henry and James then cast a spell to trap Goomi, Howard, and Phillips in the spellbook. The public hails the Minions as heroes. As Ed had captured the entire battle on film, James’ movie premieres months later, receiving a standing ovation from the audience. Olivia finishes her story, revealing that the entire plot, including the tour, is in fact a film within a film, directed by James and Henry.

In the mid-credits, the spellbook falls in the hands of Gru’s Minions and is tested by Kevin, Stuart, Bob, and one of Gru’s adoptive daughters, Agnes.

* * *

Transcript

Note for Students & Writers: This transcript is archived here for educational purposes, critical analysis, and screenwriting study. All rights belong to the original creators.

(grand orchestral fanfare playing)

(music slows, distorts)

(music rewinding rapidly)

(tinny grand orchestral fanfare playing)

(music ends)

♪ Il… ♪

♪ …lumination ♪

♪ Illumination ♪

(harmonizing): ♪ Illumination. ♪

♪ ♪

(pig squealing) Hyah! Hyah!

(barking)

(whimpering)

(cat meows) (laughing)

(vibrating grunting)

BOTH: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

(elephant trumpets) (grunting rhythmically)

(Minions speaking Minionese, laughing)

(train whistle blowing) Uh…

(gasps, whimpers)

(grunts)

Eh…

(both laughing)

(laughing): Hey. Hey. Yoo-hoo.

(grunting)

Oh!

All right, everybody, gather round.

This is our latest, very special exhibit where you’ll learn all about your favorite movies

and actors. Wow. Ooh.

Welcome to The Magic of Hollywood!

(attendees exclaiming)

Look at all this cool stuff. Oh.

Look up there. It’s E.T.

(attendees gasping)

(excitedly): Oh, and look at this one.

(gasps) Keanu Reeves. (glass squeaks)

(purrs seductively)

(exclaiming, murmuring)

And you all know George Lucas, right?

(excited chattering)

GIRL: Oh, yes, he’s great.

(muffled): I’d really like to go home now.

Come on, only a few more weeks left in the exhibit.

You can do it.

Can I at least have my cell phone?

Oh, George, you’re just gonna use it to call for help.

(sighs heavily)

Oh, and over here, oh, wow, the most important figures in the exhibit.

Without them, there would be no Hollywood.

James and Henry!

Who?

Are you serious?

James and Henry.

Minions. I know the Minions.

But I’ve never seen, uh…

James and Henry.

Yeah. Never heard of them. Me neither.

(stammers)

This is insane!

James and Henry are legends, and they changed Hollywood forever.

Not just Hollywood, they changed the world.

And their story is epic.

(gasping, murmuring) They’re what?

What is she talking about?

You know what? Change of plans.

Everybody, sit down. Now.

All of you. Come on, sit down.

Tommy. You, too, Glasses and Mr. Johnson.

And-and-and you, too, Bubble Girl.

(pops)

As you may know, throughout time, dozens of Minion tribes have been roaming our planet, searching for the perfect villain

-to serve. (burps)

(Minions speaking Minionese excitedly, laughing) (singing “Blow the Man Down” in Minionese)

♪ Ho, ho… ♪

(singing in Minionese)

OLIVIA: And among them was a very special guy.

That’s him right there.

James.

He liked to draw, paint, but, above all, he loved to invent stories and share them with his buddies.

Hey, Alberto. Look at me booka. Huh?

¿Te gusta?

Uh… um, meh.

JAMES: Ah. Uh, Eric. (speaks Minionese)

Huh? (sputters, mutters)

Hey, James! Hey! (speaks Minionese) Okay?

(stammering): Uh, uh, es… Sí, sí.

(groans)

(grunting)

OLIVIA: The rest of his tribe, however, they were just interested in one thing.

(Minions gasp)

MINIONS: Big Boss. Ooh…

OLIVIA: To serve the most evil master they can find.

And this guy checked all the boxes.

Scary? Check.

Burly? Check.

Super mean?

Ooh.

Pout! Pout! Pout! (people groaning)

(laughing)

OLIVIA: Double check.

CYCLOPS: Oh.

(laughing)

MAN: No, no, no!

Pout! Pout! Pout! (panicked shouting)

(laughing)

Pout! Pout! Pout!

(panicked shouting)

OLIVIA: He was a perfect ten.

(laughing)

(Minions shouting excitedly)

MINIONS: Pout! Pout! Pout!

(chattering happily)

Pout! Pout! Pout!

(laughing) (heavy thudding)

OLIVIA: To show their new master how much they cared, the Minions did everything for him.

(speaking Minionese)

(James humming)

OLIVIA: But James wanted to go one step further and create something truly wonderful for his master.

(thudding footsteps) Uh, uh, what? Ah.

(Cyclops humming)

Ah. Hey, Big Boss!

Hey, looka! Looka! (speaking Minionese)

(Cyclops sighs) (James laughs)

Regarde! (grunts)

C’est tu! (chuckles)

Et c’est nous!

(chanting): Big Boss! Big Boss! Big Boss!

(laughing)

Pout, pout, pout.

JAMES: Uh…

No, pout, pout, pouta. No. (Cyclops laughing)

No. (laughing, grunting) (grunts) Eh?

(Cyclops gasps)

(screaming)

(gasps) Regarde! Regarde!

(whimpering)

(screaming)

(shouting in pain) (shouting in Minionese)

(crashing) (Cyclops cries out)

Ah, ooh, ooh.

(crashing) (grunting)

(cries out in pain)

(whimpering)

Uh, pulla, pulla… (speaks Minionese)

(straining)

(grunting)

Phew.

(laughs)

JAMES: Hey, hey, uh, no, no, no!

¡Cuidado! !Cuidado!

Oomph! (air squeaking)

(screaming)

(pained grunting)

(gasping)

Ow! (grunting)

Oh! Ooh! Oh!

(screaming)

(thudding, squishing) (gasping)

(grunts woozily) (gags)

Oh, James. James.

(chuckles sheepishly)

♪ ♪

(sighs)

OLIVIA: The Minions were banished from the Cyclops’s island that day, and everyone was mad at James.

(speaks Minionese) James, James, James!

(shouting angrily in Minionese, grunts)

Oh. OLIVIA: Well, not everyone.

(laughing) -One other Minion found it very funny.

Big Boss. Pout, pout, pout.

(screaming in pain)

(speaks Minionese, blows raspberry)

(screaming in pain)

Ayah, ouch. (groaning)

(laughing, speaks Minionese)

OLIVIA: And that was Henry.

HENRY (sighs): Ooh la la la. (James chuckles)

(speaking Minionese)

Allez.

(stutters) Hey, James. (speaking Minionese)

Ah, sí, sí.

(rhythmic drumbeat)

Uh-uh.

Nope. Nope, nope, nope.

Hey.

(speaks Minionese)

♪ ♪

Huh? (laughs)

(Henry laughing)

Mee-ta Henry.

Ah, bello. Mee-ta James.

Tapioca? Ah, oh, tapioca.

(laughs) Ooh, hey.

(speaking Minionese) Sí.

(speaks Minionese excitedly)

Oh, oh. (speaks Minionese)

Hey, oh! (speaking Minionese)

Ah, o-okay. Sí, sí. Sí. Sí.

(laughing nervously)

Blah. (sputters)

(both laughing) (sighs)

OLIVIA: And from that moment on, James and Henry were inseparable.

The best of friends and by each other’s side no matter where they went…

MINIONS: Big Boss! Big Boss!

…or who they worked for. Big Boss! Big Boss! Big Boss!

Their next master was extremely promising, very powerful and, more importantly, very evil.

And his book– ooh, dear me, it had some wicked spells in it.

Misha stroganoff.

(vocalizing, whistling)

Oh la la la. (speaking Minionese)

(shouts in foreign language)

Brush up! Brush up!

(speaks Minionese, laughs nervously)

No touch of la bookiski.

No touch of! Okay, okay. No touch of.

Ah. (laughing)

No touch of! (yelps) Bah no, no.

(hushed): Hey, James. James.

Come here, come here. Looka.

Touch of la bookiski.

(chuckles): Oh.

Looka. Come here, come here.

(grunts)

Oh.

Bella la monstra.

(laughing)

Ooh la. Ooh.

Oh, oh! La! La rabbit!

Holy kawaii! Voy a la spella.

Uh… (clears throat)

(speaking foreign language)

♪ ♪

(crackling)

(Minions gasping) (soft rumbling)

(exclaiming, whimpering) (magical tinkling)

(deep purring)

BOTH: Aw.

(speaks Minionese) …cute-a.

(chirps)

(roaring viciously)

(screaming)

(wind whistling)

(snarling)

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!

(Wizard shouting in foreign language)

(wind whistles)

(screaming)

(cries out)

(panting, whimpering)

Uh, hah. Blah. Command-Zed.

Command-Zed!

Undo! (growling)

Command-Zed!

Undo!

(strained growling, roaring)

(bellowing)

(crackling)

(Minions groaning weakly)

OLIVIA: Once again, the Minions had inadvertently lost a master.

(groaning)

Henry! (laughing)

OLIVIA: On the plus side, James and Henry’s friendship became stronger that day…

Uh… Uh… (laughs nervously)

OLIVIA: …even if it made some of the other Minions unhappy.

(speaking Minionese angrily)

(grunts)

(snickering)

(gasping, panting)

(strained grunting)

OLIVIA: Oh, this is Ed, by the way.

He’s a friendly Minion who is a bit hard of hearing.

(blows raspberry)

So they came up with a way of communicating with each other.

Y polenta, la mango. Mm-hmm.

(grunts)

(laughing)

Come here.

Huh?

♪ ♪

OLIVIA: And so the Minions went from one boss to the next.

And there were many.

♪ ♪

(growling)

The Big Boss! (cheering)

(toilet flushing)

CHRIS: Uh, buddies. (stammers)

Por favor. (whimpers)

Uh. Huh? Ah!

(grunts)

(mummy screams)

MINIONS: Oh, Chris!

(pirate laughing) (Minions growling)

(Minions shouting)

(grunts)

(pirate screams)

MINIONS: Oh, Bill.

(pirate screaming)

(snoring)

MINIONS: Oh, Patrick.

(shouting in Minionese, grunting)

(bamboo creaking) Huh?

MINIONS: Oh, Brian.

♪ ♪

OLIVIA: But after a while, they couldn’t find any more evil masters to serve.

For a very long time, the Minions wandered about, tired and losing hope.

(panting)

Okay. (speaking Minionese)

Okay?

(speaking Minionese)

OLIVIA: And that very bossy Minion there, that’s Dick.

He barked at everyone to make camp for the night.

(James and Henry laughing) Eh, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup.

(speaking Minionese)

OLIVIA: Now, because of their nonstop blabbering and giggling, Dick ordered Henry and James to go sleep away from everyone else, as per usual.

(snoring) -Which was fine with them, as it meant they could stay up all night discussing the meaning of life, the cosmos, their hopes, their dreams.

(James and Henry speaking Minionese)

HENRY: Ooh la la. (speaks Minionese)

JAMES: Bank you.

Bellissimo, James. Uh-huh.

Ah. (speaks Minionese) …Dick.

(speaks Minionese) …asparagus.

Mick or no. Mick or no. Mick or no.

(laughing)

DICK: Hey, yo! Henry, James! Sleepa!

(growls in frustration)

(snickering, laughing quietly)

(Henry and James snoring)

(snoring continues)

DICK: Hey. (speaking Minionese)

Go, go, go.

Hey, Henry, wake up. Huh? (speaks Minionese)

(speaking Minionese)

(speaks Minionese) (stutters, speaks Minionese)

OLIVIA: Oof. And with that, Dick lost his temper… again.

And he said all he had on his mind about the two friends.

Henry thought long and hard about Dick’s remarks… and decided to punch him.

(speaks Minionese) (Dick whimpering)

But thankfully Ed intervened, signed for his friend to calm down, breathe deeply… -and… Hey. Hey! (grunts)

…punched Dick himself.

(shouting) (Dick stammering)

Uh, putt, putt, putt, putt. (speaks Minionese) Okay?

(grunting) (clamoring)

OLIVIA: Well, this seemed like

-the breaking point… Looka!

…but then Dick saw something that would change the Minions’ lives forever.

Big Boss! Ah! Ooh! Ah!

(gunfire) ♪ ♪

(dings)

(dreamily): Big Boss.

ERIC: Hey, buddies!

(speaking Minionese excitedly)

(gunfire)

(shouting excitedly)

(laughing)

(exclaims)

(Minions shouting) (horses whinnying)

MINIONS: Bye-bye!

(Minions shouting excitedly)

What the…? (train whistle blowing)

Hyah!

(Minions chattering) (grunting)

(whimpering)

(shouting in Minionese)

(screaming)

(Klaxon horn honking) Huh? Buddies, looka!

(guns popping) (bandit yelps)

To the train!

(bandit whimpers) (Minions chatter)

Follow him! (grunts) Get on up! Get after him!

Go, go, go!

Hmm? (gasps)

After him! Come here, you little…

(strained grunting)

Hey! (yelling) (grunts)

(whistling)

(grunts)

Huh? Oh.

(laughs)

(Minions chattering) (bandit whimpers)

(yelps)

Hey! Down here!

(whimpers, grunts)

(grunts)

Buddies! Helpa me!

(bandit screaming) (clamoring)

(gasps)

(yelling, straining)

(clamoring continues)

(straining, yelling)

(strained grunting)

(Minions shouting)

What? Oh! (engine sputtering)

(screams)

(clamoring)

(bandit grunting)

Whoa, whoa! (engine sputtering)

(“Hooray for Hollywood” playing)

(grunting)

Big Boss! Hey! (Minions laughing)

(shrieks, whimpers)

(screaming)

(Minions shouting) (man yelps)

(shouting in Minionese)

(laughing)

Uh, oh. Oh.

(speaks Minionese) (laughs)

(shouting in Minionese)

(laughing)

(people shouting and screaming)

(screaming)

Hey, hey, looka.

(train whistle blowing)

Toot, toot! (laughing)

(whistle continues blowing) (woman exclaims)

(whimpering)

(shouting excitedly)

(panting, screaming)

(Minions shouting)

(laughing)

(chattering)

(grunting)

(bandit screams) (shouting)

(grunts)

(laughing, shouting)

Uh, uh, oh.

(strained grunting)

Oh, oh, oh.

(yells)

(grunts)

(shouting)

(man yelps)

Hey. Toot, toot! (train whistle blowing)

(laughing) Toot! Toot!

(whistling stops) (gasps) Agh.

(speaks Minionese) Broke off. Huh?

Toot, toot! (laughing)

Toot, toot, toot! Toot, toot!

(laughing) (car horn honks)

(stammering)

(woman speaking softly) (baby babbling) (screams) Buddies, go, go!

Toot, toot!

(screams)

(straining)

(screams)

(giggling)

(Minions sigh)

Ah! (shouting in Minionese)

(shouting in Minionese) (man whimpering)

(shouting in Minionese)

(clowns whimpering)

(clown laughing)

(whimpering)

(Minions shouting excitedly)

(screams) Please don’t hurt me!

MINIONS (dreamily): Big Boss.

Phew.

(screams) Look out!

HENRY: Kumquat?

MINIONS: Huh? (gasps)

BANDIT: Huh?

No. (grunting)

(metallic screeching)

(panicked shouting)

(panicked shouting) Stop!

Sto… op! (train creaking)

(steam hisses)

(Minions grunt)

(plane engine sputtering)

(crashing)

Toot, toot.

Cut! (stage bell ringing)

Okay, people, back to one.

(crew groans)

(growling): And you!

Do you have any idea what you have done?

(speaking Minionese)

…la Boss y, uh, conducto… (speaking Minionese)

Huh? E la toot, toot. Y la James también.

Sí, toot, toot.

(speaking Minionese, shouting)

Stop! Stop.

You’ve ruined everything.

It was a perfect scene.

All that work. All that money. All that effort.

Uh… (speaks Minionese) No?

Get out of here. (Minions gasp)

You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you.

And you. Me?

Definitely you. Get out!

Out! Out, out, out, out, out! (Minions whimpering)

Out! (yelps, whimpers)

Verschwindet!

Let’s go again.

MAN: Uh, hey, boss.

We’re out of film.

(exhales)

This is not going to go down well.

♪ ♪

(Klaxon horn honks)

(muttering quietly in German)

FRANK: You tell that no-talent bum if he messes up again, he’s fired!

And then send him a bottle of champagne because it’s his birthday. (chuckles)

Oh! There he is.

Our favorite director. (chuckles nervously)

Hello, Mr. Bright.

Mr. Bright. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

(yells) All right, let’s see what you shot.

(strained grunting)

Roll the scene, now.

We are so excited to see it.

Come on, let’s go.

Just so you know, Mr. Bright, we had… (gulps) a small problem.

A problem?

Is just a puzzle for friends to solve.

Problems cost money, Elwood.

If this scene is terrible, you will never work in this town again.

But we’re sure you’ll do great in any number of other towns. (chuckles)

(Max chuckles weakly)

Roll the scene, please, and thank you.

(film projector clicking) (piano playing jaunty tune)

♪ ♪

(dramatic piano music plays)

(whimpers): Ooh, here we go.

♪ ♪

What is going on?

MAX: I know. That’s what I was trying to tell you at the…

(whimpers)

(Frank grunts)

What are those things?

Uh… they, uh…

FRANK: You changed the whole scene.

(dramatic chords)

MAX: But I didn’t.

I… oh, boy, I didn’t.

It’s genius!

What?

(jaunty music continues)

The scene, it’s great.

It’s better than great. I love it!

Those sickly children, oh, they’re fantastic.

They have to be in every shot of the movie.

Uh… yeah.

(laughs nervously) Okay. Absolutely.

I’m going to get my very good friends– just those, uh, uh, what’s their names– and put them in the movie!

(laughs nervously)

(music ends)

Sam?

Elwood?

Would you mind playing it?

All right.

(playing “As Time Goes By”)

Ah, that’s the stuff, Frankie.

Ah, yes, it is, Elwood.

Schnell! Schnell! Get me my car!

(Klaxon horn blaring) Faster, faster!

We need to find them. Where are they?

Get out of the way!

Move it, move it!

(horns honking)

SUFFRAGETTES (chanting): Give women the vote!

Give women the vote!

Give women the vote! Take the next right.

They could be on Sunset.

Ah. Ah.

Oh, looka! (speaks Minionese)

Ooh, ooh, ooh!

(grunts) (speaks Minionese)

(grunting)

(Henry laughing) Mmm!

(gasps) Hey, hey!

(chattering in Minionese)

(hocks, spits)

Oh.

(laughing)

(speaking Minionese)

Eh, looka.

(hocks, spits)

(laughter)

(speaks Minionese, hocks, spits)

(laughter)

VENDOR: Hey!

MEN: Huh? Don’t let ’em get away!

(angry shouting)

(police whistle blowing) Huh?

(whimpering, screaming)

(shouting in Minionese) (whimpering)

DICK: Huh? (stammering)

(screams) (whimpering)

(angry shouting)

(frantic chattering)

(bicycle bell ringing)

BICYCLIST: Whoa!

(tires screeching) (frantic chattering)

(screams)

(cries out)

(neighing)

(Klaxon horn honks) (gasps)

(Klaxon horn honks)

(laughs): My boys!

I’ve been looking all over for you. Get in, get in.

MAN: There they are! Uh…

(Dick yelps) Get those little guys!

(shouts in Minionese)

Quick, quick. (grunting)

DICK: Go, go, go!

(tires squealing)

MAN: Don’t let them get away!

MINIONS: Banana!

(excited chattering in Minionese)

(muffled chatter)

(muffled laughing)

(speaking Minionese)

Wunderbar. Wunderbar.

Uh, first things first.

Who are you?

(speaks Minionese) …Henry. Y James.

(speaks Minionese) …Dick.

(speaks Minionese) …Ed. Uh…

Soy Peter! (speaks Minionese) …Ken.

(Minions shouting out names)

(stammering)

Is-is there a name I can just call all of you?

Bah…

Minions.

Look, Minions, my name is Max.

MINIONS: Bello, Max!

Yeah, hi.

Okay, I’m so sorry about earlier.

So, I would like to work with you.

We should make movies.

Movies? Movies?

Movies? Huh?

You don’t know what movies are?

Mm…

Movies are stories that play out right in front of you, and people love them and people love the people who make them.

(speaks Minionese) …storya.

James… (speaks Minionese) La storya.

Le movies? ¿Para mí?

Sí, James. Sí! (James laughing)

♪ ♪

Welcome to Bright Brothers Pictures, where we make all kinds of movies.

Oh, oh!

(laughs)

Hello, Josh.

JOSH: Hey, Sam.

Perfect.

(spluttering)

All right, positions, everybody!

Find your mark… (busy chatter continues)

♪ ♪

(grunting)

Whoo!

(cork pops) (cheering)

It’s a wrap. Congratulations, everyone!

(excited chatter)

(stammers)

Fantástico!

It is fantástico.

It’s exciting, isn’t it?

Oh! (speaking Minionese excitedly)

Ah, James, I love your enthusiasm.

How about you gentlemen?

Do you want to make movies, too? (cheering)

Eh, buh, buh, buh, buh. No maka le movies.

(speaking Minionese) …Big Boss.

JAMES: Mm. Uh… (shouting)

(laughter) Le movies!

Excellent. Let’s get to work.

So, I need you to act in a, mm, very simple scene.

Here. You stay here, and I shall return.

Uh…

(lights thump) Oh.

MAX: Okay, listen up.

So here’s the scene.

You see those large, heavily armed men?

They suspect you have killed their leader, and they want you dead.

(imitates slicing): Gweek.

Uh, gweek?

All right, I need you (whimpers) to really sell the drama.

You do a good job, and you’re hired!

You fail, it’s back to wandering the streets, scavenging for food.

Have fun with it!

Okay!

Ready, action!

Attack! (angry shouting)

(screaming)

Uh, buddies? (screams)

(screams) (grunting)

No, no, no, no, no! (screams)

(cries out) (yells)

(angry shouting) (whimpering) Henry!

(whimpers)

Henry, helpa! (whimpers)

(growling)

(shouting in Minionese)

(grunting)

Buddies! (speaks Minionese)

(chainsaw buzzing) (shouting)

(yells) Help!

(grunts)

(laughing, munching) (screams)

(screaming, grunting)

(yells) (pained grunt)

(high-pitched scream)

Skoal! Skoal!

(grunts) (whimpers)

(whimpers) Hey.

(screaming)

Cut!

(stage bell ringing) (actors moaning)

Huh? (speaks Minionese)

Okay, that was…

(laughing): perfect!

(cheering)

Minions, are you ready to become stars?

And I mean the biggest stars the world has ever seen?

(cheering excitedly)

(Max laughing) (cheering continues)

(radio stations changing)

Honey, it’s starting. (theme music playing)

Oh, goodie.

NARRATOR (over radio): On this beautiful spring day of ’27, the world has never been a better place.

The economy is forever booming with no sign of slowing down ever.

People have never been so happy, and the future has never looked so bright.

Meanwhile, over in Hollywood, the new stars of the silver screen took the world by storm and changed the face of the motion picture industry forever with movies like The Good, the Bad and the Stupids, Look Behind You… And Then Down and They Came from the Stars to Hit You With a Frying Pan!

Part Four: Target Miami Beach.

The Minions have become the kings of the box office, and it seems like the public just can’t get enough of them.

(laughter)

We spent weeks with the super-mini sensations, and we’re going to let you in on a few of their secrets.

Our boys have moved into a luxurious house in Beverly Hills… …where they’ll be able to enjoy a comfortably large game room… (shouting happily)

(Minions groaning)

…and an equally comfortable gigantic sauna.

(Minions grunt, groan)

Their lives have changed since fame hit them.

WOMAN: Look, Minions!

NARRATOR: They can’t go anywhere without being recognized.

(fans shouting) -(laughs) Run, boys, run!

Looks are everything in Tinseltown, and the Minions are always on the hunt for the hottest, most modern looks.

♪ ♪

What trendsetters.

What fashion icons.

And not only that, now there’s Minions merchandise.

What will they think of next?

♪ ♪

And boy, Hollywood has never seen parties like the ones those classy gentlemen are throwing.

(elephant trumpets)

Yes, the Minions are on top of the world.

They truly have it all.

♪ ♪

(stage bell ringing)

(sighs)

(slurping)

JAMES: Bank you, bank you.

(speaking Minionese)

Okay? Hah. (speaks Minionese)

(speaking rapidly in Minionese)

(grunting)

(grunts)

Gooda, huh? Loving it.

(laughs, grunts) (shrieks)

(grunts) (shouts in Minionese)

(coughs)

(speaking Minionese, gasps)

(speaking Minionese)

…para aquí, eh?

Aquí.

Wow. Incredible.

Eh, buh, buh, buh, buh. Sergei!

(speaking Minionese) …película. Looka.

(grunts, speaks Minionese)

Okay? On it.

(speaks Minionese)

(speaking Minionese)

Okay? (speaking Minionese) (laughs): James, my boy, you have a real gift for filmmaking.

Ah, bank you.

Ja, you have what it takes to become a director.

There could even be an Oscar in your future.

O-Oscar? (speaks Minionese)

Ah, it’s an award given out to the best films and filmmakers.

Ah…

And the Oscar for the best movie ever goes to…

(drumroll)

…James.

(exclaiming, cheering) (applause)

Whoo-hoo-hoo! Bank you, bank you!

(gasps)

♪ ♪

Eh… (elephants trumpeting)

Bank you!

Bank you… (murmuring)

MAX: James.

James? (murmuring continues)

Are you all right, my friend?

(microphone feedback)

(both scream)

W-Wait, wh-what’s-what’s happening? What is this?

I’ll tell you what it is.

It’s the future of cinema.

Everyone’s doing it, Max.

From now on, our movies are gonna have…

(over speakers): sound.

(Minions gasping)

That right there, what I just said, that was sound.

(exclaiming)

(chattering in Minionese) (microphone thumps, feedback)

I have a very good feeling about this.

(stage bell ringing) Quiet, everyone.

Are you ready, Henry?

Ah, sí, sí, sí.

This will be great.

Okay, we’re recording.

And action.

(audio track beeps)

(dramatic orchestral music playing)

You disappear from my life five years ago, and now you think you can come waltzing back in?

Well, no. No, I say!

Get lost, you handsome bastard.

(gasps)

Oh, Humphrey. (giggles)

My mother warned me about men like you.

(clears throat)

Mm, baby, piñata, carbonara, lasagna.

(smooching) What?

Was?

What? (smooching continues) (dramatic orchestral music playing)

(bombs whistling)

Stay with us, Sarge.

We need you.

What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?!

(groaning)

(cries out in pain)

Yeah, Sarge?

Sí… chihuahua!

(moaning)

(grunts)

Cut!

(stage bell ringing)

(laughing): Chihuahua!

(Frank growling)

(dramatic orchestral music playing)

(glass shatters)

Oh, poop.

MAX: Cut!

Bikini.

(blowing raspberries)

(laughing)

(laughing continues) Can I have a cup of coffee, please?

Tiny bit of milk.

Two sugars.

Thank you.

Balzac!

This is a disaster! We’ve lost millions!

(Minions gasp) No.

You know who I blame? Them!

Sadly, yes.

Get out of here!

But we wish you the best of luck in your new endeavor, and we hope we can still be friends

who never speak to each other. Leave.

And have a great life away from us.

(speaking Minionese)

…Mbappé de Platini.

(speaks Minionese) …Oscar.

O-Oscar?

James, you’re never going to win an Oscar.

You’re done.

You’re fired!

(gasping) (door opens)

(dogs barking)

(growling)

(sighing, moaning)

MAX: Goodbye, Ridley. Goodbye, Max.

Auf Wiedersehen, Eric.

Bye-bye, Max.

Hasta la vista, Quentin.

Bye-bye, Max.

Goodbye, Stephen. Tschüss!

Ciao, Federico.

Bye-bye, Max.

(groans) Dick.

(grumbles): Max.

Henry, James, good luck, my friends.

(James whimpers) Don’t worry, boys.

It’s just a minor setback.

(crying) (gasps)

(crying continues)

Bank you.

You’re going to be fine, James.

You’re going to do great things.

DICK: Henry! James! (shouts in Minionese)

Bye-bye, Max.

♪ ♪

(gate rattling) (Dick groans)

No, no, no.

¿Por qué?

(shouting in Minionese, sobs)

(thunder rumbling)

(groans, mumbling in Minionese)

(thunder crashing)

♪ ♪

(panting)

(thunder crashing)

Ah… (shouting in Minionese)

(Minions panting)

(distant thunder crashing)

(grunts)

(Minions murmuring)

Uh, okay.

(speaks Minionese)

(murmuring quietly)

(sighs, speaks Minionese)

Hey, Victor, bood night.

VICTOR: Bood night, Peter. Hey, Nick, bood night.

Ha, bood night, Greg. Bood night, George.

Bood night, Stephen. Bood night, Bruno.

Bood night, Julian. Thomas, bood night.

(moaning)

(grunts)

Bood night, James.

(sighs sadly)

(Minions snoring)

(speaking Minionese quietly)

Hmm.

Huh?

(gasps)

(speaks Minionese)

Eu-Eureka.

Eureka!

(panting, laughing)

(speaking Minionese excitedly)

(laughing)

(speaks Minionese)

Storya.

(speaks Minionese) …Minions.

(speaking Minionese excitedly)

Bonanza… (continues speaking Minionese)

(speaking Minionese)

(exclaiming excitedly)

Glory hallelujah!

(laughing) Henry, come here, come here!

(Henry mumbling) Huh? (speaks Minionese) …storya!

Looka, looka! Huh?

(speaks Minionese) …movie.

Un movie de Minions. Con monstras.

Sí, sí, sí!

(hooting happily) (Dick clears throat)

¿Qué pasa?

Ah, looka, looka.

James… (speaks Minionese)

…in la movies.

Movies? (speaks Minionese) (strains, speaks Minionese) …James.

Era fantástico.

(scoffs) Minions don’t maka movies.

(speaks Minionese) …Big Boss!

(speaks Minionese) …y helpa James.

(speaking Minionese angrily)

…Big Boss! Big Boss!

(grunts)

(muffled murmur) Oops.

Uh, scusa, Greg. Uh, all is good?

(muffled): Sí, sí. (grunts) (speaks Minionese) …movies.

(speaks Minionese) …Boss.

(shouts in Minionese)

(chanting): Big Boss!

Big Boss! Big Boss! No, b-buddies.

Big Boss! Big Boss!

Big Boss! (door slams shut)

(grumbling in Minionese) (speaks Minionese) Alles gut?

(speaking Minionese excitedly)

(both speaking excitedly)

(laughing, chattering)

Come, Ed! ¡Vamos! !Vamos!

(band playing “Congeroo” from Hellzapoppin’)

♪ ♪

(lively chatter)

MAX: Ooh, there’s romance. (imitates kissing, chuckles)

How’s that going to end up?

Whoo-hoo-hoo, he’s so scary.

James, I love your movie. Bank you.

Yes, it’s clear this is a real passion project, and you need to make it, whatever challenges get in your way.

Sí, sí. (speaks Minionese) (speaks Minionese) …advice.

Advice?

Sí, sí. Bitte. Uh, well… where do I start?

I mean, eh, uh, yeah.

Um, you guys have film equipment?

Eh… no.

Ah, no film equipment. Uh-huh.

A crew?

(laughs): Crew. No.

No crew either? Mm.

And you wrote a monster movie with a very big monster?

Sí. (speaks Minionese) …kaiju.

(growling, laughing)

And what are you going to use for your monster?

Ah, uh…

(blows raspberry) Aha. Okay.

Listen to me carefully.

What I’m going to tell you is

very, very important. (slurping loudly)

So, if you want to make a fantastisch, very cool monster movie, you will need a fantastisch, very cool monster.

(sputters, gasps)

I can’t really help you with that, I’m afraid.

But I can give you this.

♪ ♪

JAMES: Un-un-un cámara.

Max, wirklich?

It was a gift from my father.

My first camera.

I’m passing it on to you now.

I believe in you, James.

I know you’ll do great.

And remember, a very cool monster movie needs a very cool monster.

WOMAN: Max, darling. Come over here.

Good luck, guys.

(sighs heavily)

(speaks Minionese) …kaiju.

(yelps) Uh… Ed.

(rummaging)

(gasps)

♪ ♪

Oh… (gasps)

Hey, buddies, buddies. Sí.

Maka la movie!

(laughing)

(blathering happily)

Ed saved the day!

James is gonna get his monster!

Oh, well, I’m happy you’re happy.

(Olivia laughs)

Now do you mind if I go on with the story?

Sorry, I get a little excited sometimes.

Yes! Please continue.

What about Dick and the other Minions?

Did they find a new boss?

Ooh, yes, well, I was getting to it.

Dick and his friends were about to fulfill the mission of every Minion ever and find their tribe the greatest, most evil master to serve.

(chanting): Big Boss! Big Boss!

Big Boss! Big Boss! Big Boss! Big Boss!

(robotic voice): Attention. (shushing)

Uh, attention, earthlings.

Cease current activities and listen.

(speaks Minionese)

I am Dort, and I was sent here by the Supreme High Ruler to judge this pathetic planet.

(gasps)

Big Boss?

But first, uh, Dort needs to find loyal assistants.

Ooh, hey, you, with the very cool spaceship.

(gasps) Do you want to serve Dort?

Okay, let’s go home. (imitates flying saucer)

You can do this kind of thing on your mom’s weekend.

Oh, yes, and…

(men laughing)

MAN: Come on, please.

Leave me alone. (yelps) (laughter)

Guys, look at this winner.

DORT: Ah, thank you.

That’s very kind. (clears throat)

Are you and your burly friends interested in assisting Dort in a potentially dangerous mission?

Hey, I think the weirdo in the lame robot suit is talking to us.

Ha. I can assure you that this is no costume.

Um, I mean…

You know, it’s dangerous to hang out here dressed as a tin can.

(raucous laughter)

(Dort laughing mockingly)

Ah, ha-ha-ha. Ha, ha-ha-ha.

A tin can wishes it were as tough as me, so there.

(men growling) (knuckles cracking) (clears throat) I sense you are preparing a hostile attack.

Please stop.

Oh, yeah? Or what?

(Dort groans)

(man screams)

(thuds)

(high-pitched yelp)

Whoa.

Why, you!

(grunts) (metallic clang)

(screaming)

(whimpering) (scoffs) Now you’ve done it.

Dort was on a simple mission…

(growling) (grunting)

…to decide whether or not Earth should be invaded, and then you went and got all up in Dort’s facial recognition sensors.

Dort has made his decision regarding the fate of this planet.

(gasping in awe)

Dort is going to invade Earth and enslave humanity!

(laughs) Hey, hey, scusa, scusa.

Ah, greetings.

I am Dort. (stammers)

Bello, Dort. Soy Dick.

Salutations, Richard.

Bah, no, no, no. Le Dick.

Mm, okay.

Do you want to assist Dort in a potentially dangerous mission?

Sí. Sí, sí! Yeah!

MINIONS: Sí! (cheering)

Great! Follow Dort back to Dort’s secret lair!

(yells, laughs)

DICK: Big Boss!

MINIONS (chanting): Big Boss! Big Boss! Big Boss!

(sighs) Okay.

(speaks Minionese)

Henry? Sí, sí.

Ed? ¡Vamos!

(clears throat)

Miso soup… (speaks Minionese)

…yaki onigiri… (speaks Minionese)

…edamame…

(speaks Minionese)

…daifuku!

(crackling)

(creature snarling)

(wind whistling)

(gasps) Looka! (Henry whimpers)

(creature snarling fiercely)

(crackling)

(fierce snarling continues)

HENRY and JAMES: Le kaiju! (laughing)

(laughing giddily)

Yes! Yes, I’m free!

F-FFreedom. (giggling)

(giggling continues) Bah…

Oh, happy day! Hmm?

Oh, I got to say, it is so great to finally be out.

I have been trapped in that book forever, and I…

(squeaks) (speaks Minionese) …monstra.

I am forever in your debt. Hmm.

And I just wanted to– Whoa! (squeaking)

What you doing there, mister?

(squeaking) Whoo. (laughing)

(squeaking rapidly) Oh, whoo, whoo, okay, okay.

(squeaking continues) Henry, no, no, no, no.

(sighs, speaking Minionese) (laughs, whoops)

(speaks Minionese)

Oh, no, I feel like I’ve disappointed you in some way.

I’m-I’m so sorry. Can I help?

(speaks Minionese) …le monstras?

Monsters? You want big, scary monsters?

(laughs) Sí. Come here, come here.

(grunts)

Que para le movies.

(chuckles): Oh.

You need monsters for your movie.

I know the perfect monsters for you.

I’ll take you to ’em.

(gasps) Uh, uh, bank you! (Henry gasps)

Oh, by the way, I’m Gary Orkam Oliver Magma Ichabod the Deceiver.

But my friends just call me Goomi for short.

Oh. Soy James.

Oh, James.

Rolls off the face tendrils.

James. (burbling)

(speaks Minionese) …Henry. Hey, bello.

Henry. Oh, I like it.

It sounds tough and rugged.

It’s like, “Oh, look out, here comes (gruff voice): Henry!”

(speaks Minionese) …Ed.

Ed. Enchanté.

Oh, man, it’s gonna be so much fun!

Come on, come on!

(James laughing)

HENRY: Huh?

GOOMI: What a fantastic day!

(stammers) No.

(Henry whimpers)

Wipe your insolent feet before stepping into the lair of Dort.

(water dripping)

DICK: Uh…

(speaks Minionese) …le lair?

DORT: Affirmative.

Everyone, file in.

WOMAN: Dort!

Where have you been?

(cat screeching) (Minions whimpering)

Ah, Mrs. Konikoff.

Yes, so sorry.

Uh, Dort had an important work meeting.

But I come with good news.

Look what I found on my way back.

Those muffins you love. (growling)

I only like the blueberry ones!

DORT: Yes, you’re in luck.

(growls) And I can only eat them with a glass of…

Milk?

(Mrs. Konikoff grumbling)

Enjoy your fruit-filled baked goods.

(sighs contentedly)

What a sweet, sweet, lovely woman.

She shall be spared when Dort overthrows the planet.

Excuse me. Excuse me. (heavy footfalls)

As will her cat.

Uh, hello. Sorry. Whoops.

Uh, everyone, commence greeting Dort’s roommate Floyd.

Uh…

MINIONS: Bello, Floyd.

Hey. Sup?

Mm, hey, Dort… (speaks Minionese)

Whoa, whoa, lower your throat volume, Minion.

This is definitely a lair.

No, looka.

Bink.

Bed. (snores)

(grunts)

Boyd.

No, no. Floyd.

Yeah, sí, Floyd. (speaks Minionese)

(Dort laughing)

You foolish, naive Minion. (whimpering)

You are actually standing in a very futuristic alien spaceship made to look like a dingy apartment.

Very realistic, isn’t it?

Even the weird smell. That’s all fake.

Impressive, I know.

(Minions exclaim quietly)

(murmuring)

Huh? But, but…

But nothing!

No. Dort needs to retreat to his private quarters to, uh, report back to his home planet.

Engaging in slamming mode!

(door slams) (objects rattle)

Wow. (laughing)

Oh, Dort is so cool!

(Minions exclaiming)

Okay, okay. Calma, calma.

Hey, hey, buddies. Looka. (chuckles)

Wobble, wobble, wobble.

(giggling) Wobble, wobble.

(sighs) Fellas.

Wobble, wobble?

(Minions laughing)

♪ ♪

Wow, you’re really into your art, James.

You’re so passionate.

I think you’re a genius.

Oh, bank you.

(seagull squawks)

Huh? (stammers)

JAMES: Ah. (speaks Minionese)

Hey! Bello! (laughing) Aw.

(gasping)

(Henry speaking Minionese nervously)

(James cries out)

(speaking Minionese urgently)

(whimpering)

Ah la. (gasps)

(whimpering) No, no, no, no, no, no.

Eh?

Ah, phew. (speaks Minionese)

(snarling) (panicked shouting)

(grunting)

(yelling)

(ferocious bellowing)

(otter chirps)

(water burbling)

(chuckles nervously)

Whoopsie.

Uh… Oh, oh, look!

There it is, our destination!

(laughs)

¡Vamos!

Let’s go, fellas. (excited chattering)

(speaks Minionese, laughs) Uh, sí, sí.

(jaunty music playing quietly over radio)

(Dick sighs, grunts)

(speaking Minionese)

…Dort. (toilet flushing)

Huh?

(Minions gasp)

(shushing)

Attention. Attention, Minions and Floyd.

Dort has finally received his orders from the Supreme High Ruler.

It is time to officially invade Earth!

(Minions cheering)

(whooping)

Yeah! Hey, Dort! Dort! Dort!

MINIONS (chanting): Dort! Dort!

DORT and MINIONS: Dort! Dort! Dort! Dort!

Dort! Dort!

Dort! Dort! Dort! Dort! Dort!

MRS. KONIKOFF: Dort!

What did I say about the noise?!

Oh! Oh, yes. Ooh, sorry.

My apologies.

(quietly): With me. Dort. Dort.

(chanting quietly): Dort. Dort. Dort. Dort.

♪ ♪

(metallic clang)

Attention, people of Earth!

Dort is officially claiming your planet!

(laughing maniacally)

Yeah! (laughing) (Minions cheering)

(children chattering playfully)

(crying)

Oh. Well, hello there, little fella.

Dort meant your sandcastle no harm.

(metallic tapping) Hey.

Please stop your shovel attack. (grunting) (groans) Cease immediately, or you will pay the price.

(gasps) Looka, looka, buddies.

(speaking Minionese excitedly)

Let’s see how you fare against a similar attack, tiny insurgent.

Hey, y-you in the robot suit.

No, no, no, you can’t kick that kid.

But he must be taught a lesson.

And also, he started it.

(laughs) You are not from around these parts, are you?

DORT: Well, no.

I originate from the planet Metlar.

Hmm? Near the G45T system?

(laughing): Right. I don’t know where that is.

But I’m from a small town in Minnesota myself, so I understand the feeling of being a stranger in the big city.

So, what you’re saying is I am now free to kick him.

(child screaming) (woman laughing)

No, you can’t.

(sighs) Well, I should get a move on.

My friends and I are headed to a protest for women’s rights.

Do you believe women and men are equal?

Why, yes, of course. Oh, good.

In that you both now belong to the Supreme Ruler equally.

(laughing)

You’re so funny and cute.

Oh, I-I mean what you said.

What you said is cute.

Uh, pardon?

Come on, Debbie, we’re gonna be late.

Did you say Dort was…

SUFFRAGETTES (chanting): Give women the vote!

Give women the vote!

Give women the vote! Give women the vote!

Bye! Don’t kick children!

Give women the vote! Give women the vote!

Huh. Uh, Boss?

Minions, Dort is, uh, uh, slightly postponing Earth’s invasion.

Huh? (stammering)

You heard me. Follow Dort!

(chanting): Give women the vote!

Give women the vote!

Give women the vote! Uh.

(stammering) (chanting continues)

Uh, buddies?

(chanting): Bive women da bove!

Bive women da bove! Bive women da bove!

(wind howling)

GOOMI: Come on! Come on, come on!

James, you okay down there?

(James speaks muffled Minionese)

The entrance is straight ahead.

(Henry grunting)

(thumps) (speaking Minionese angrily)

Patagonia!

(continues speaking angrily)

(grunting)

(yelps, muttering)

GOOMI: I can’t wait for you to meet my friends!

(singsongy): Watch your step!

And here we are.

(exclaiming excitedly)

You’re gonna love these gents.

We get them, and then we go to…

Ooh, ooh, Hollywood. Uh, Hollywood.

Yeah, sure– to make your movie.

Whoa. (laughing)

There they are!

Howard and Phillips.

JAMES: Goomi, magnífico.

GOOMI: Right?

Ed, cinema. Cinema.

(laughing excitedly) (camera rattling)

Don’t be scared though. They’re such good guys.

Just try not to look too delicious.

Huh?!

(clicking) Hmm.

(growls)

♪ ♪

(clicking)

(vibrating gong) (ice crackling)

♪ ♪

(Minions grunt)

(laughing excitedly) (footsteps booming)

Mega kaiju!

Behold!

(bellowing roar)

(yawning, smacks lips)

Hey, Goomi. Thanks for the jailbreak.

(laughs) All right, where were we?

Howard and Phillips destroy world!

Yeah!

But wait, I’m sorry. Quick question.

I want to eat one of these funny-looking yellow guys first.

Is that okay?

(Howard snarling) (Minions whimpering)

Guys, guys.

We are not going to destroy the world nor eat anyone in this room.

Are we clear?

Huh? Not really.

Destroying stuff is-is kind of our thing.

Uh, not anymore, Phillips.

No, all that stuff is over.

We are no longer evil.

We work in the motion picture industry.

See? (camera rattling)

No worldwide destruction.

No devouring funny-looking yellow guys.

We’re just gonna help James here make his dreams come true.

(dings)

Huh?

(dings)

Oh!

Okay. (laughs maniacally)

Wink, wink. (laughs)

Got it. All right, we’re in.

(laughing)

They’re in!

Come on, let’s go to Hollywood!

Sí. Woot, woot! (laughing)

Huh? Oh, no, no, no!

(speaking Minionese) James, James.

(speaks Minionese) …loco. Le monstra bada.

Henry… (speaks Minionese) Stoppa, okay?

(speaks Minionese) (speaks Minionese) Stoppa.

C’est me movie, okay? Me movie!

HOWARD: Howard having super weird day.

Uh… (sighs) (laughing gleefully): Faster!

Faster!

(laughing) Ah. Gooda, gooda.

Hey, Henry! (laughs)

(James speaks Minionese)

(Henry grunting)

(Henry whimpering)

(speaking Minionese, crying)

(crying continues)

♪ ♪

(Dort clears throat)

(Minions laugh sheepishly)

(grunting, cries out)

(screams)

(speaks Minionese) (Dort sighs)

(gentle violin music playing)

(glasses clink)

(munching loudly)

Mm! (mumbles)

Ah!

♪ ♪

(snickering)

(spits)

Mm-hmm.

(Minions yelling)

(shouting)

(speaking Minionese, grunting mockingly)

(laughing)

(wind whistles softly) (shivers)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

(crickets chirping)

GOOMI: Ooh, is this where you make movies?

Sí. (speaks Minionese)

GOOMI: Fantastic.

You hear that, guys? This is where it all happens.

(laughing)

JAMES: Come here!

Come here!

(speaking Minionese, grunting)

(Goomi laughing)

(grunts)

(Goomi laughing)

Holy! Wow, would you look at this!

(laughing)

(speaking Minionese excitedly)

Uh, uh.

(muttering quietly in Minionese)

Uh… Oh! Oh, oh, oh, look.

This is great. Huh?

Sí.

(speaking Minionese excitedly)

(growls) El a destructo la terra!

(laughing giddily) C’est besta storya.

Oh, James, you’ve painted such a wonderful picture with your beautiful gibberish.

(sighs) Your movie is gonna be fantastic.

Isn’t it, guys?

(groans) Who cares about the movie?

I just want to eat people and chase people and-and…

Smoosh people with feet!

Exactly. Smoosh.

Howard gets it.

Huh? (stammers)

(laughs nervously)

Okay, just a little moment, please.

(laughs nervously)

Uh, you and you, a word? (chuckles)

We’ll be right back.

Oh. Okay.

(laughing)

(grunts)

Uh. Eh.

(humming “Hooray for Hollywood”)

(continues humming)

Goomi, what are we doing here?

Back in the good old days, you were all about going from planet to planet, obliterating everything in sight.

Now you want to make movies?

You’ve changed, man.

Howard agree! Guys, guys, guys.

Where’s the trust?

Of course we’re gonna destroy everything.

When those cameras start rolling, we’re going to conjure Irene.

Irene?! Irene?! Really?

Yes, Irene, the eater of worlds herself.

We’re gonna have our revenge, but we’re gonna destroy everything on the planet.

Destroy! (laughing maniacally) (door opens)

Howard, stop! Huh?

Uh… destroy?

(laughs): Oh, hey, Henry, buddy.

James!

(yelps, whimpers) Get him!

(panicked whimpering, panting)

(shrieks)

(roaring) (gasping)

(growling) Uh…

(gasps) Ooh! (Henry laughs)

(“The Lone Ranger” playing at fast speed)

(sped-up audio) (Howard yelling)

(metallic clang) Ow! (high-pitched laughter)

(roaring)

(Howard growling)

(Phillips grunting)

HENRY: Hmm.

PHILLIPS: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

(grunting, yelping) (Henry giggling)

Hey! (blows raspberries)

(laughing) (growling)

Eh, en garde! (speaking Minionese)

HOWARD: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! (screams)

(Henry laughing)

Aha!

(screaming)

(blowing) (laughing)

(exclaims)

(song ends) (normal audio resumes)

(muffled grunting) (deep laughter)

James!

Huh? Henry?

(muffled shouting)

JAMES: Henry?!

Oh, hide him. Hide him, quick.

Henry? (gasps)

Oh, hi, James. Mm, no.

There’s no Henry here. (muffled shouting)

Uh, just us monsters, you know, talking about, uh… uh, a friend of ours that would be great in your movie.

(sighs wistfully)

This is Irene.

JAMES: Oh.

Imagine the movie opens with Irene being conjured.

The coolest monster ever, unleashed upon an unsuspecting world.

Oh, I promise you, James, you’ve never seen a monster like her.

Okay. ¡Vamos, vamos!

♪ ♪

(panting, sighing)

♪ ♪

Hey, Ed, maka le movie.

GOOMI (laughs): Okay.

The big day has arrived.

And I have good news.

Last night, Henry and I were having a little chat…

Henry? Yeah, yeah, Henry.

And he said he’s sorry for being such a doink, and also that the scene we’re about to do, you know, when Irene arrives, he thinks it’s missing something.

Huh? (speaks Minionese) Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

But Henry had a solution.

What if, when the monster first comes out, she eats a victim to let the audience know that she means business.

And better yet, Henry has volunteered to play the part of the first sacrifice!

(muffled pleading)

(gasps, laughs) Henry! Bank you!

(muffled): Mm-mm, mm-mm!

GOOMI: Oh, man, he seems excited, huh?

He’s really getting into the part. Aw.

(sighs) Well, James.

Jim. Jimmy.

Jimothy. (yelps)

Are you ready to start making your first movie?

Sí, sí. (laughing)

By the way, are you okay with me appearing in this scene?

Th-This is your project.

I don’t want to step on any toes.

No problemo. Lumiosa!

Sonos!

(microphone feedback)

Y smoka!

Minions y Monstras.

Uno!

♪ ♪

(Goomi laughing maniacally)

The end is finally here.

Earth is living its last moments.

The monsters are back

with a vengeance! (thunder cracking)

The time for Irene has come again!

Rahlia!

Yogsogoth! (soft whooshing)

Flitahgen! (crackling)

Carbonica! (whooshing)

Alea Iacta Est!

Mercurio Sulubidis!

Cardamen Macchiato!

♪ ♪

(exclaims)

Welcome, the all-consuming, all-powerful Irene!

(low growl)

(thuds)

(low burbling)

PHILLIPS: Irene!

(gasps, exhales)

Wow, you’re so beautiful!

So big, so orange, so…

G-GGooey!

Now feed, Irene!

Feast on our modest offering and go forth into the world!

♪ ♪

(muffled shouting)

(low growl)

(muffled shouting continues)

C’est gooda! Gooda, Henry!

(strained grunting)

(yelling, grunting)

(grunts) (Irene bellowing)

(crashing) (whimpering)

(exclaims)

(panting, whimpering)

(screams)

(grunting)

(panting)

James! Helpa me!

Huh? Helpa?

But por qué helpa?

(Irene bellowing) (screams) (grunting) James!

Uh, no, no!

Stoppa!

Irene, stoppa!

Bitte, bitte, stoppa!

GOOMI: Stop? I’m not gonna stop.

I’ve been waiting for this moment for eons.

Irene is going to devour everything and everyone.

No!

(low roaring) (whimpering)

(panting)

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Henry! Oh, oh, no!

(gasping)

(screaming, yelling)

(panicked screaming)

(panicked screaming continues) (horns honking)

(panting, whimpering)

(whistles)

(panicked screaming, shouting)

Henry! Uh…

(yells, whimpers)

(growls)

(grunting rhythmically)

(dog barks)

(woman screams)

(Debbie sighs contentedly)

That was super fun.

What a perfect day this has been.

Thank you so much.

Oh. Oh, no.

No, no. No. Thank you.

I really like you, Dort. You’re… you’re not like the other men that I know.

Mm. You mean Dort is not all about suppressing feelings to avoid appearing vulnerable?

Well, yes, but more like, with you… well, I-I feel respected and listened to.

Aw, Debbie.

Dort.

♪ ♪

(whooshing)

(crashing) (gasps)

(panicked screaming)

(gasps)

(speaks Minionese, gasps)

(Henry screaming)

(yelps, whimpering)

(stammers) C’est la Henry!

Dort! Kawasaki le kaiju!

Help buddy, buddy.

DORT: Huh? Oh, my heavens!

Look at that thing!

Well, he’s no match for my robot boyfriend.

Go! Get him, baby!

Um, yes, yes.

But that thing i-is huge!

Uh, I, um… (clears throat)

Okay.

(Dort whimpering)

Dort? Dort?

(Dort grunting)

(metallic thud) (cat yowls) Dort!

Uh, uh… Hmm?

Buddies. (speaks Minionese) …Dort.

Y tú. Helpa Henry!

Huh? Helpa Henry?

Sí, helpa Henry!

(growls) Buddies!

Helpa Henry! (shouting in Minionese)

(panicked screaming)

(woman grunting)

(yells)

(laughing maniacally)

(woman grunting) (continues laughing)

(distorted Klaxon horn honking)

(panicked screaming) (Henry yelling)

(tires screech)

On my command, prepare to fire!

(growling)

And, uh…

(deep bellowing) (screaming)

Fall back! Fall back!

(panting) Huh?

(growls)

(laughing, hooting)

(laughing) Uh. Ooh. Uh.

Uh, uh, uh, uh… (metallic clanging)

Hmph. (growls)

Meow.

(grunting)

(smacks lips, laughs maniacally)

(speaking Minionese)

(cheering, yelling)

DEBBIE: Wait, wait, wait! Slow down!

(Minions panting) Dort!

DEBBIE: Where are we going? (yells)

(panting)

(door slams shut) Dort!

Opena!

(Dick grunting)

Huh?

(high-pitched whirring) (exclaims)

(shouting in Minionese)

(speaks Minionese) (yelps)

(panting, speaks Minionese) (screams) (grunts) Phew.

Hey, what are you doing? (grunting) Ouch! Ouch!

Get out of here, you weirdo. Ouch! (screams)

(panicked panting)

(muffled grunts)

(screaming)

(yelling)

(muffled yelling)

(laughs) Henry.

So I guess this is the end.

Irene, finish him!

HENRY: Huh? (stammering)

(gasping)

Oh!

(tires screeching) No, no, no, no, no!

(screaming)

(muffled grunt)

Henry!

(growls) (tires screeching)

(shouting in Minionese)

(burbling)

(engine puttering) Huh?

(grunts)

(electrical crackling) Ah, no!

(speaking Minionese)

(muffled grunting)

(muffled grunting continues)

Ah… (speaking Minionese)

(speaking Minionese angrily) (switch clicking)

Ah… (sighs)

(screams)

(both screaming)

Huh? Henry!

(laughing) James!

BOTH: Toot, toot! (Klaxon horn honking)

(both laughing) (engine puttering)

GREG: Minions! Huh?

GOOMI: What? (shouting in Minionese) (continues shouting in Minionese)

Mm, piñata!

(grunts, speaks Minionese)

Huh?

(grunts weakly)

(shouting in Minionese)

(grunting)

(shouting in Minionese)

Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow!

Click! Click! Click?

(growls, shouts in Minionese)

Yah! Yah!

(shouts in Minionese)

(hammer squeaks)

(shouting in Minionese)

(buzzing) (laughing)

(snapping)

Ow!

(groaning)

(speaks Minionese) Bazooka!

(grunts)

(grunts)

(muffled explosions)

(low bellowing)

(Minions cheering)

(gasps) James!

Looka, looka! (speaks Minionese)

Go, go, go!

(grunts, speaks Minionese)

(laughing)

(cheering, laughing)

(burbling)

(Minions gasping)

(stammering, whimpering)

HENRY: Oh…!

(shouting in Minionese)

(Minions yelling)

(James and Henry grunting)

(Goomi laughing maniacally)

Good game, fellas, but it’s over.

Irene, take ’em all down!

(Goomi laughing)

(panicked shouting)

(whimpering)

(bellowing)

Uh, James.

(whimpering, yelps)

(bellowing)

(electrical crackling, electronic whooping)

MINIONS: Huh?

Ah, ah, what’s happening? Who dares?

(electronic whooping)

I am Dort!

(Minions cheering)

Bravo!

Call off your attack, or else.

Oh, yeah? Or else, what?

We’ve got Irene!

Agreed.

But I’ve got…

Minions!

(Dick laughing)

Piñata!

(Minions shouting)

(screaming)

(panting, screaming)

(deep bellowing)

(screaming, grunting)

(yelling)

(Dick laughing)

(grunting)

(gagging)

(speaking Minionese)

Uh, no.

(grunting, gasps) (chicken squawks)

(speaking Minionese angrily)

(screams) (spring boings)

(muffled shouting)

(panting, sighing)

Ah…

BOTH: Kanpai!

(grunting)

Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew!

(deep bellowing)

(weapons whirring)

♪ ♪

(Howard and Phillips crying)

GOOMI (sobbing): Irene!

JAMES: Hey, Goomi!

Huh?

(sighs, speaks Minionese)

Huh? GOOMI: Oh, no.

No, no. No, no, no, no. (Phillips and Howard gasping)

No, no, no, no!

Undo la spella.

Command-Zed! (screams)

Run for it, boys!

JAMES: Undo!

(panting, screaming)

(panicked shouting)

JAMES: Command-Zed!

Don’t you dare lock me in there again, or I’m gonna…

(Minions laughing and cheering)

(laughs) Dick!

Tú le besta.

No, Greg. Tú le besta.

DICK: Ah. Oh! (laughing)

(laughing)

Oh.

(crying)

DEBBIE: Dort! Dort!

Oh, Debbie!

OLIVIA: Yes, indeed.

The day and Earth itself was saved.

All was right in the world.

(Minions gasp)

And get this.

-Ed had never stopped filming. (camera rattling)

(Henry and James cheering)

(laughing)

(speaking Minionese excitedly)

(laughing)

OLIVIA: And so, after months of hard work, and with the help of all of his buddies, James had made his dream come true.

He had done it.

He had finally made his movie.

(Minions laughing over speakers)

And let me tell you, watching the movie play with a theater full of people, there was truly nothing better.

(cheering and applause)

(chanting): James! James!

James! James!

James! James! James! James! James!

(cheering and applause continue)

Bank you. Bank you a tutti.

Bank you.

Bank you.

Bravo!

I’m so proud of you, James!

Oh, xiè xie.

DORT: Fantastic work, Minions.

That was incredible.

Fun for the whole family.

(speaks Minionese)

OLIVIA: And the evening just kept getting better and better.

Uh…

(gasps) Uh.

(laughs) Whoo-hoo-hoo!

(laughing) Bank you, Henry.

(both laughing)

♪ ♪

(cheering wildly)

OLIVIA: Oh, was it a glorious, beautiful moment that none of them would ever forget.

(Dick sobbing)

They had done it.

The Minions had achieved success in the face of adversity.

And even though it took a long time and it wasn’t always easy, they came out on top.

As a group.

As a tribe.

As friends.

ATTENDEES: Aw!

Cut! (stage bell ringing)

The movie is finito! Bank you, toda!

Bank you!

(cheering, happy chattering) (“Hooray for Hollywood” plays)

Hey, hey.

Bank you!

DORT: Way to go, Minions.

Ooh, hey! ¡Cuidado! !Cuidado! (thudding footsteps)

(yelps)

HENRY: Hey! (Cyclops laughing)

(speaking Minionese excitedly)

(children laughing)

(Minions shouting happily)

(speaking Minionese)

Thank you. (cork pops)

(Henry and James laughing) Whoo!

(James speaks Minionese)

Hey. (chuckles) Come here, come here.

(speaks Minionese, laughs)

(Henry speaking Minionese)

Bank you, Floyd!

(speaking Minionese excitedly)

Aw. (laughing)

(Minionese baby talk)

Eh, James, tapioca? (laughing)

Tapioca. Credits!

♪ ♪

STUART: Ooh.

(laughing) Eh.

(dog sniffing)

STUART: Hey, hey, Mini Boss.

(chuckles)

(speaking foreign language)

(barks, snarls) (screaming)

(snarling) (Stuart and Kevin laughing)

(snarling continues) (yelping)

(Gru and Minions screaming) (snarling)

♪ ♪

(speaking foreign language)

(gasping)

(echoing): Whoa!

Bello?

Stuart, helpa con la booka.

Uh… (speaking foreign language)

(Dr. Nefario yelling)

(speaking foreign language)

Ah, uh, uh… (speaking Minionese)

(grunting)

Ow! Ow! Ooh! (squeaking)

Stop! Hey, stop it! (Minions laughing)

♪ ♪

Eh?

(speaking foreign language)

Uh… (speaking Minionese)

Ah. (speaking foreign language)

♪ ♪

(laughing)

(laughing, shouting happily)

(lighthearted music playing)

(dramatic orchestra music plays and choir sings)

(lighthearted music resumes)

(laughing)

Ooh, looka, looka!

(speaking foreign language)

(deep growling) (gasping)

(laughing)

(bellowing)

(shouting happily, laughing)

Come here, come here! (speaks Minionese)

(giggling) (deep laughter)

♪ ♪

(laughing)

(speaking foreign language) …Kitty Gru!

Rawr.

(laughing)

(speaking foreign language) …Sheepy Gru!

Baa… (grunts)

(laughing)

Ooh, ooh. (speaks Minionese) (speaking foreign language) …Penguin Gru!

(squawks) (laughing) (speaking foreign language) …Piggy Gru!

(oinks)

(laughing)

(speaking Minionese)

(clears throat)

(laughs sheepishly)

(speaks foreign language)

(screaming)

(laughing) (oinking)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

(soprano singing aria)

(soprano continues singing)

(soprano continues singing)

(carrying note)

(voice squeaking, note continues off-key)

(Minion coughing hoarsely) (music ends)

(sighs heavily)