A Minecraft Movie (2025)
Director:Â Jared Hess
Starring: Jason Momoa, Jack Black,Danielle Brooks, Emma Myers, Sebastian Hansen
Plot: Four misfits find themselves struggling with ordinary problems when they are suddenly pulled through a mysterious portal into the Overworld, a bizarre, cubic wonderland that thrives on imagination. To get back home, they’ll have to master this world while embarking on a magical quest with an unexpected, expert craftier. Together, their adventure will challenge all five to be bold and to reconnect with the qualities that make each of them uniquely creative-the very skills they need to thrive back in the real world.
* * *
[man] The Overworld, the biggest sandbox in the universe, is full of epic tales. Millions and billions of them. Well, guess what? This one is all mine.
[hawk screeches] My name is Steve. And as a child, I yearned for the mines.
[growling]
[Steve] But it didn’t really work out. Go on! Get out of here!
Mommy!
[Steve] So, I did a terrible thing.
[miner] Go on! Shoo!
[Steve] I grew up.
[miner] Run!
[phones ringing]
[Steve] Yep, that’s me. Same shirt, same pants. The only thing missing, was my soul. What was I doing with my life?
[sighs heavily] I wasn’t meant to sell doorknobs. And then one day, I remembered something!
[cackles]
[gasping]
[Steve, singsong] That’s right! The mines! So I geared up to dig deeper and find out what I’d been missing. And this time, I was unstoppable.
[growling]
[yells]
[shouting] Head fake! Oh, yeah.
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
My moment had finally come. Yeah.
I could just taste the adventure! So, I mined my brains out. Until I found two mysterious artifacts. This thingy. And that cool thingy. Ohhh…
And when I put those two thingies together…
[energy pulsing]
…you guessed it.
[gasping] It opened a portal to another world.
[echoing] The Overworld!
[sheep bleating]
[gasps] This place blew my mind.
[yelping] I’d never seen anything like it.
[bleating loudly] Whoa!
Turns out it was the place I’d been looking for my whole life. A world where anything you can imagine, you can create!
[exclaiming] This is my first house. Bam!
My second house. Pshh!
And my third house, made entirely of sheep’s wool. Pink house!
Life was good.
[thumping on door]
[shrieking] Except at night, which happens about every 20 minutes.
[zombies moaning] It was times like these I wished I had a friend.
[wolf howling] And then I heard it. The howl of companionship.
[growling] Actually, it was a wolf that wanted to eat me. So I tamed him with a crusty femur bone.
Maybe a bone, huh?
Yeah. Hoo-hoo!
[friendly yelp] Attaboy…
[barks] …Dennis.
He like a scratchy-scratch on the nariz.
Dennis, yeah.
Dennis and I were inseparable.
[barks] We did everything together.
[Steve whoops]
[Dennis barking] We built endless masterpieces. The more I built, the better I got.
[Steve] Dennis, check it out!
♪ Welcome to Steve’s ♪
Ohh! Yeah!
♪ I feel alive ♪
Lucky for me, pandas love to party. And cows.
♪ I feel alive ♪
Life was perfect.
[barking playfully] And the years simply flew by.
[low rumbling]
[wind hissing]
[Dennis barking]
[gasping] Until one day, I came across some strange ruins.
[Dennis whimpers] And a conveniently placed chest. Ha-hah!
Flint and steel.
Whoa!
[joyful shout]
[barks] Dennis!
No, Dennis.
[echoing shouts]
[loud rumbling]
[Steve] Turns out we’d just opened a portal to a totally new dimension.
[pigs grunting, squealing] The Nether. There was no joy or creativity at all.
[pig screeching] Just a mindless lust for gold.
[Dennis howls] Dennis!
These piglin brutes had mined this realm into oblivion, led by Malgosha, the evil piglin sorceress who ruled the place. Who are you, and why are you so round?
Leave the dog! Take me instead.
No, thanks. I’ll take both of you.
And that Orb.
Let’s get one thing straight.
Where I come from, we call this a cube.
Seize them!
[Steve] Malgosha had finally got what she’d always wanted, the Orb of Dominance.
[cackling]
[Steve] The most powerful cube-shaped orb in the entire universe. Listen up, you pigs!
With this Orb, I will pillage the Overworld, and all its gold will be ours! [cackling]
[Steve] I couldn’t let this happen. The Overworld had saved me, and now I had to try to save it.
We have to stop her, Dennis.
So we escaped! And stole back the Orb!
[warning horn blasting]
[Malgosha] The Roundling got away!
Find him and bring me that Orb!
Hurry, Dennis. Take this to Earth.
Follow my scent to 149 Holly Oak Drive.
You got that, boy?
[affirmative growl] Good boy.
You’re the last hope for this world.
Now, run! Go, boy!
[Dennis barking] Run, fluff nugget!
You got this, Dennis, I love you!
Run!
Get off of me!
[barks]
[Steve] Dennis was a hero that day. He ran like the wind. I didn’t know if I’d ever see him again, but we had a world to save.
[flesh sizzling]
[squealing in pain]
[Steve] So he ran all the way back to my house on Earth and hid the most powerful object in existence under my waterbed. As long as the Orb stays hidden, the Overworld will be safe.
[howling]
[Steve] Wait a second. Putting it under my waterbed’s a horrible plan.
[“When I’m Gone” by Dirty Honey playing] Yeah.
[man on TV] In the late 1980s, Garrett Garrison took the gaming world by storm…
[bell chiming]
…becoming the undisputed champion of the hit arcade game, Hunk City Rampage. Yeah!
[man on TV] His mastery of this two player co-op shocked the world. His effective use of the garbage toss move earned him the nickname, “The Garbage Man.” Pretty soon, he became the envy of the gaming world after landing a lucrative deal with Sizzler. Yeah!
[game plays fanfare] Whoo!
Yeah, baby!
Garbage Man!
[mimicking punches] Yeah, baby!
[man on TV] One thing’s for sure…
[grunts] Yeah!
[people cheering] …this kid had it all. Yeah! Time to take out the trash. Yeah! Mmm… Boo-rah!
[bell chimes] Garrett “The Garbage Man” Garrison?
No autographs.
Have a nice day.
[door opens]
[bell chimes]
[groans]
[sighs]
[“When I’m Gone” playing]
[song ends] Whoo! Yeah! Super cool!
[door shuts] Garrett “The Garbage Man.”
To what do we owe this pleasure?
Pleasure?
Think I come to storage auctions for fun?
I’m a businessman, Daryl.
An investor.
Well, I’m about to shovel some coal into your choo-choo train.
You’re gonna love this next unit.
It’s got a waterbed.
It’s got some pickaxes.
It’s got a huge can of mixed nuts.
It’s got an array of unisex turquoise blouses.
That sounds terrible.
I think it’s also got a 1978 Atari Cosmos.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. 1978 Atari Cosmos?
That’s what it says here.
Those things are worth a frickin’ fortune.
Heck, yeah, they are.
Bro, if you make this happen for me, I will strongly consider hanging out with you.
You serious, bro?
Yep.
Two big buffaloes like us out there, in the wild, wearing unisex turquoise blouses.
Oh, boy, that’s gonna cause a commotion.
The ladies aren’t gonna know what…
Listen, if you could keep the hammer price under a hundy, I’ll make all your weird fanboy dreams come true.
Okay?
Two loose cannons, wearing turquoise blouses.
Yeah. Let’s do it.
[Daryl] And we got 500 dollars, 500 dollars over here.
We got 500 dollars. We got six, do we have six?
Do we have 600 dollars? We got 600 dollars over here.
I’ll go over here, 700 dollars, we got 700 dollars.
We got 700 dollars here. We got 800 dollars over here.
[sighs] We got 850. Do we hear 850?
Do we… 850 over here.
Do we hear any more? Do we hear 900? 900?
Nine hundred, going once, 900 going twice.
And 900 going three times.
And sold to hometown hero, Garrett “The Garbage Man” Garrison, for 900 dollars.
[Garrett] I wouldn’t cash that for about six months.
What?
[whoops] Come to papa! Cosmos!
Whoo! [blows]
[orb chiming softly]
[Garrett] Daryl? Where is it?
I’m sorry. I didn’t check the box.
Whoa, whoa, whoa…
[Garrett] Where’s the Atari?
Whoa!
There’s no Atari in here!
That does not mean you can trash this unit!
[Garret grunts loudly] I’m up against it, man, I’m…
[panting] Oh, no. My store.
My wrists aren’t what they used to be. I just… [panting] I need a win, man. I need… I need a win.
When are you gonna stop looking for treasure inside a storage unit… and recognize that the real treasure… is inside your heart?
[sighs deeply]
[Daryl] Let’s roll, everyone.
This man has no respect for the storage community.
Daryl.
[“I Remember You” by Skid Row playing] Oh, man.
[chiming softly]
[shouting along with music]
[radiator pops] Oh, no!
Oh, man!
What the frick?
[screaming] Look, Chuglass was not my first choice either, but it was Mom’s dying wish for us to live here.
Or at least that’s how I interpreted it.
Yeah, I read something online.
This place sucks.
Anyways, rent is super low, and I’ve got a full-time gig here, so it’s not really an offer we can turn down right now.
[boy] Yeah, I get it.
Look, I think you’re really gonna like it here.
What’s going on with that dude?
[screaming and sobbing]
[girl] Oh, my gosh, Henry, we’re in Chuglass.
Say hi to Chuggy the Chip.
[girl] All right. This is the new neighborhood.
[Henry] When was this house built?
[laughing] It’s so nice to meet you.
Yeah, nice to meet you.
Uh, your new bosses sent you this.
Oh…
Yeah, people love working at the potato chip factory.
Yeah, well, I’m, uh, I’m running their socials for a little bit.
I said I’d get their follower count past 75.
Nice! You must be Henry.
Nice to meet you. I’m Dawn.
Hi. Why is there an alpaca hanging out of your car?
[Dawn] Well, real estate’s not my only hustle.
I also do some mobile zoo stuff on the side.
Anyhoo, I gotta run.
Call me if you need anything.
Also… I’m really sorry about your mom.
It’s really brave what you’re doing.
I hope you know that.
Thank you.
[alpaca braying loudly] Chill out, man. I’m coming.
Golly!
[sighs]
[Natalie] Henry, breakfast is ready.
[Henry] I’m coming.
Check it out.
I made you Mom’s signature Tater Tot breakfast pizza.
So you can hand out slices on your first day.
I thought you wanted me to seem normal.
I do.
I’m just trying to help you out.
I got you some body spray.
Signature scents are huge here.
[Henry] Velvet Mischief?
You’re gonna want to spray it and then walk into it.
Don’t be too direct. It’s really powerful.
Okay.
Love you.
Love you, too. [sniffs] Smells like banana bread and poo.
[bell chimes]
[exhales]
[orb chiming softly]
[Henry] Your store’s really cool.
Yeah, I know.
Looking for anything in particular?
Nah, just checking some stuff out.
Non-committal. Classic loser mentality.
I can help.
I’m starting a mentorship program for people who want to win at the game of life.
Fifty bucks an hour.
Cool.
How do you actually win at life?
[scoffs] That’s literally the answer I charge money for.
Tots. What’s with the breakfast pizza?
My sister made it.
I’m supposed to hand out slices at school to make friends.
A little desperate for day one, don’t you think?
I also notice that you’re wearing Velvet Mischief.
It’s a wonderful cologne.
And I strongly believe that every young man should have his own signature scent.
[sniffs] I didn’t think I applied very much.
Listen, I’m gonna give you a hot Garbage tip.
Friendship is like a puzzle.
Sometimes you think you need lots of pieces to be cool.
And sometimes it’s just one piece to be cool.
And people will be like, “That’s not a puzzle, that’s a picture.”
And they have a right to speak, too.
Any questions?
Yeah. Quite a few, actually.
Listen, kid. The point is, there’s no “I” in team.
But there are two in winning.
Okay, well, I gotta go to school.
Whatever, nerd. Just leave the pizza.
[class bell ringing]
[woman] All right. Let’s put this nametag on. Uh, why does it have an exclamation point?
[chuckles] Oh, Henry, we’re just so thrilled to have you.
You know, you’re the first student to enroll here, ever since that article came out about the school rankings.
Anyway, I’m Vice Principal Marlene, and I’m an open book.
You probably heard that my husband, Clemente, recently divorced me.
And to be honest, I expected it to hurt more than it does.
You know, the fire went out on our marriage 20 years ago, but we stuck it out for the dogs.
Okay, let’s get you to your first class.
[class bell ringing]
[teacher] Good morning.
Just a little something about myself.
I teach gym, I teach art.
Financially, I’m living in a nightmare, okay?
I wouldn’t wish my life on my worst enemy.
Last year, I claimed 4,000 dollars on my tax return.
So in the summer, I do clams and oysters down by the airport.
But most of my money is tied up in a drone kiosk at the mall.
Okay, today we’re gonna do a still life.
One orange, one banana.
Let’s get after it, people.
[“Change Song” by Dayglow playing]
[teacher] What is this?
Don’t you know what a still life is?
It means you just draw the thing.
Do the assignment next time.
[book thuds]
[class giggling] That jetpack would never work.
It’s kind of foolproof, actually. It’s just math.
My dad said math has been debunked.
Check it out. New kid thinks he’s a rocket scientist.
[laughter] I’d love to be a rocket scientist.
So prove it.
[song resumes]
[song ends]
[students cheering, laughing]
[whistle blows nearby] All right. Count us down, guys.
[all] Five, four, three, two, one!
[kids exclaiming] Okay, so I know that we’re all very excited about the new rebrand, but I don’t think you should call your party bags, “Salt Sacks.”
[jetpack roaring, whistling]
[all exclaiming]
[loud booming]
[people shouting]
[loud, metallic creaking]
[panting] Chuggy!
Oh, no!
[car alarms ringing in distance] I was never here, okay?
Well, the good news is nobody died.
I’m sorry, okay? It was an accident.
This could be grounds for expulsion, Henry.
I need you to call your guardian.
[sighs]
[line ringing]
[Garrett] Game Over World. Hey, uh, Mr. Garbage Man, it’s Henry.
The kid with the Tater Tot breakfast pizza?
[Garrett] Oh, yeah.
[fly buzzing fitfully] I have a weird favor to ask. Uh, could you come to my school and pretend to be my uncle?
No way. I don’t do that stuff anymore.
I have 26 bucks.
[“We Gotta Party” by Jag Team playing]
[tires screeching]
[motor revving] Hi, I’m Henry’s uncle.
You?
The Trash Bag?
It’s actually “Garbage Man.”
Garbage Man, huh?
You can bag me up and take me to the curb anytime.
But you gotta bungee the lid ’cause I got a lot of raccoons in there.
Whoever divorced you is a complete idiot.
[motor rumbles]
[tires screeching]
[song ends]
[Henry] I just don’t get it. It should have worked. The math is right.
But I probably just cost my sister her job.
Oh, wow.
You’re super creative.
Hey, since you’re going to juvie, you mind if I get this flyer back?
Paper don’t grow on trees, and… not really allowed in Kinko’s anymore.
Well, you can have my book, too.
‘Cause I’m done with it.
So what’s this stupid junk?
Who cares?
Probably some new age bullcrap.
I could let it go for like 950.
I wonder what it does.
Hey. Instructions.
“Never, under any circumstances, combine the Orb and Crystal.”
[chortles]
[energy thrumming]
[Garrett] Uh, wait…
“Do not follow this Orb, even if you’re a struggling business owner and need a ton of cash fast because there’s loads of treasure down here.”
[stammering] Hey, dude. Dude?
It feels like it wants to go somewhere.
[energy pulsing loudly]
[Garrett] What?
[goats bleating]
[Dawn grunts] I’m sorry. I tried everything. I didn’t know who else to call.
No, it’s okay. What’s going on?
Henry’s missing. I tried the school.
I tried his phone a million times.
He’s not answering.
He was supposed to be home hours ago.
I thought he’d still be in detention for blowing up Chuggy The Chip.
That was him?
Give me your phone.
Oh, my gosh. Oh, I can’t believe this.
We’re here for one day, and he’s already the town villain.
[phone chimes] Got him!
He’s fine. He’s just playing in an abandoned mineshaft.
[alpaca shrieks nearby] What?
Come on. I’ll drive.
You can feed Mr. Scribbles this busted carrot if you wanna keep that pretty face of yours.
[Mr. Scribbles gurgling]
[Dawn] Hop in.
Okay.
[Garrett] You go first. I’ll cover your six.
[Henry] Yeah, yeah. I got you.
[Garrett] Danger. Whatever.
[panting]
[whimpering]
[Henry] Whoa.
[Garrett] Whoa.
[Natalie] Henry!
Oh, gosh!
What are you doing down here?
Who’s this guy?
He’s my new mentor.
Who, me? Oh.
[Natalie] I’m sorry. What?
Hey, guys! Guys!
[orb chiming, pulsing] It’s pulling me, guys.
[groans, yells] Whoa!
Oh, Henry!
[groaning]
[all shouting] Henry, let go of that thing!
[Henry yelling]
[grunts]
[groans]
[yelling, grunting]
[groans]
[screams, grunts]
[yells]
[both grunt] Oh, man, my butt. My butt.
[Dawn groaning]
[Natalie grunts]
[sighs]
[Garrett] Yep.
We’re not in Idaho anymore.
I think this is Wyoming.
Wait, who are you again?
Garrett “The Garbage Man” Garrison.
Gamer of the Year, 1989.
Whatever. I barely think about it.
[sheep bleating] What the heck?
[bleating]
[Garrett] Oooh.
If that’s what I think it is, it could be our first quest giver.
[retches] I’ll do the talking.
[Garrett] All right, yeah!
[Natalie] Henry!
[Dawn] Yeah, Henry!
Come on back here.
[Natalie] What are you doing?
Hmm.
Hmmm…
Huh-huh.
Uh-huh…
[roaring]
[piglins snorting, grunting]
[Malgosha] Listen up, you swine!
[piglin squeals]
[Malgosha] If you can’t find more gold, I’ll just send you to the Overworld to zombify.
[leaping grunt]
[piglin babbling quietly]
[Malgosha] You!
What are you making?
Come closer. It’s all right.
Come on. I’m not gonna bite you.
[whimpering fearfully] Oh! How pretty.
But how will that help me find more gold?
[squeaks] Oops.
Huh?
What?
Well, looky what we have here.
[curious grunts]
[cackling] Our time has come.
[seething]
[metallic clinking]
[blowing]
[Malgosha] Roundling!
Malgosha!
Was I unclear when I said no one was to waste time on art or leisure?
[guard squeaks]
[Steve yelps]
[gasps] The Orb has returned.
It can’t be.
Dennis?
You stole it from me, and now you will retrieve it.
It would be a privilege, my liege.
We’re going to unbind you now.
Don’t do anything stupid.
[scoffs] Of course not.
You can trust this little dungeon pup.
Let me just… Sneak attack… [gasps] Go ahead. Strike me down.
My piglins will make a meal of your beautiful wolf.
How do I know you’re telling the truth?
There’s only one way to find out.
The Orb for your little dog’s life.
[piglin guards guffawing]
[tense grunt] Hah-rr…
Huh.
[Dennis barks] Hrr…
Hm?
[barking] Mm-hm.
[bleats] Hola, wise Quest Giver.
We humbly seek gold.
Give us a quest that will lead us to your treasure load.
Garbage Man, I work in the animal field, and I am telling you, that thing doesn’t understand a word you’re saying.
Shh…
We’re talking.
[sheep bleating] Sorry about that. What were you saying?
Okay. Come on, Henry. We’re going home.
[howling] That feel quick to anyone else?
[bleating] Yeah.
All right, everyone.
Stay calm.
[panting] Relaje. Free Garbage tip.
Fear is just weakness hijacking your body’s cockpit.
[faint rattling] What in the hell?
And if that happens, you can say vaya con Dios to your body plane’s navigation system.
What?
Yeah, Garbage Man isn’t speaking English or español.
[guttural chittering]
[whimpering] What am I doing here?
[skeletons shrieking]
[screaming]
[all shrieking]
[Dawn] Run!
[Henry] Garrett!
I’m sorry! Dead dudes can’t win Gamer of the Year!
[yelps, grunts]
[repeatedly grunting]
[defeated moan]
[all screaming]
[yelping]
[skeletons shrieking]
[all continue screaming]
[grunting]
[gasps] Henry!
[Henry] Whoa!
[zombies groaning]
[Natalie] Oh!
Yo! We got a zombie problem!
We need to go right now!
[Natalie] Henry, come on!
[Dawn] It’s not a good time to stop.
Henry! Hurry up!
[chuckles]
[Garrett screaming]
[grunting]
[skeletons clatter menacingly]
[yelling]
[Henry grunting] How’s he doing that?
I don’t know, but it might work.
[Natalie] This way! Faster!
[Dawn] You got this.
Go, Henry!
Don’t slow down, boy.
Don’t you slow down! You can do this!
[Natalie] Keep going, Henry! Come on, come on! Quickly!
Faster, faster, faster! Come on!
[hissing]
[thudding]
[sinister hissing]
[sparking softly]
[squeaky chirp]
[Garrett inhaling tensely]
[yelps]
[squeaky chittering]
[booming thuds]
[squeaking] Oh, my gosh. I’m so sor…
[shrieks, grunts]
[coughing groan]
[zombies moaning]
[sheep bleating]
[sheep screaming]
[screaming] Henry!
Help me, please! Henry!
Garrett! Garrett, over here!
[Henry] Garrett!
[Natalie] What are you doing?
They’re right behind you!
Up here!
[Henry] Garrett, over here!
[Dawn] Oh, no! That can’t be good!
You idiot. Run!
[Dawn] Watch out!
[Natalie] Hit it and run!
[shrieking] Open the door!
[zombies growl]
[all screaming] Hai! Go away!
[yelling]
[zombie groans]
[Dawn] Come on! Let’s push that booger-looking box-head!
[Henry yelling] Oh, man. Oh, boy!
Oh! You’re movi… Oh!
Hank! Oh, man.
Oh, man, no!
[high-pitched screaming]
[muffled yell]
[both grunt]
[Garret groans]
[Henry grunting]
[zombies growling]
[creeper hissing]
[both yelling]
[screaming]
[all shrieking]
[all crying, whimpering, screaming]
[screaming stops]
[zombie gurgles, groans]
[“Lil Boo Thang” by Paul Russell playing]
[Garrett shrieks]
[Steve yells]
[grunting aggressively] Whooo! [yells]
[all whimper]
[grunting] Kyaa! Hyaa!
[yells]
[gurgling gasp] Ha-hah! Taste it!
[arm splats]
[blows]
[fist rattles] Skyy-ah!
Sneak attack!
[both grunt explosively]
[Garrett yelps]
[zombie growls] Uh-oh…
[zombie flesh sizzling]
[grunts]
[zombies wailing] Huh?
[Steve cackles]
[zombies howling] Ha-hah!
[song ends]
[Dawn exhales] Who are you?
I… am Steve.
[cow moos in distance] Who are you people? Where’s Dennis?
Dennis? Who’s… We don’t know any Dennis.
Then how’d you get that?
Hey. Relaje, muchacho. This is my property.
Do you even know what that is?
It’s the Orb of Dominance.
It’s a cube.
Okay. [exasperated shout] You people seriously have no idea what you’re dealing with.
Hand it over and no one gets hurt.
No way!
Okay, we need this thing to get home.
I hate to take a big, fat dumparoo on your plans, but you can’t get home.
W-W-Wait. What do you mean we can’t get home?
Not without the Earth Crystal.
You mean that little boxy thing? Garbage Man busted it.
Nuh-uh.
Listen, Henry, why don’t you hold this?
You got those good Frodo vibes, kid.
I got Frodo vibes.
Are you implying that we’re stuck here?
Yes!
Unless you get the Earth Crystal.
It’s your only way home.
There’s only one way you could ever replace it, at the Woodland Mansion, but going there would get you all killed!
Well, so would staying here.
Fair enough.
Listen, I can get you home, but then you gotta give me that Orb.
So, what are you gonna do with it?
None of your concern!
So, what do you say? Do we have a deal?
He did just kill, like, 20 zombies.
Pfft! More like 15, but okay.
All right, Steve.
Under two conditions.
One, always address me, because I’m the leader.
Two, if you double-cross us…
[mimics punching noise] …I will crack your cabeza with my butt cheeks like a walnut.
[sighing] This guy is such a toolbag.
[Dawn] I’m so sorry.
[grunts] We just met this man, and he’s not the leader.
Hmm!
Well, it looks like Dr. Swollenstein here just got himself a deal.
[manly grunts] Ooh.
[menacing grunt] Oh, my God.
[Steve] All right.
First we need to load up on some gear, or we’re all gonna die.
Let’s go to Midport Village.
This guy’s lost his mind.
[Steve] Move out!
[horn blaring] Harr.
[horn honks]
[horn blowing] Hurrr…
Mm-hm!
[horn blares]
[prolonged scream, groan] Hrrr…
[Marlene] Oh, no. Not again.
[groans]
[Marlene] Oh!
I am so sorry.
Oh, my God. Are you all right? Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Are you all right?
Your head is huge.
Harr…
You’re not gonna sue me, are you?
Because everyone wants to sue me once I hit them with my Jeep Grand Cherokee.
Hurr.
Oh, my.
How about this? What if I just take you to dinner?
Would you like to go to dinner?
Huh.
[Steve] Here it is. Midport Village.
I got a secret stash of elite loot that’ll help us survive the Woodland Mansion.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, who are these guys?
Oh, these dudes? They’re the villagers.
They’re total pacifists and vegetarians.
You don’t bug them, they won’t bug you.
They just like to chill, trade, and eat buttloads of bread.
They love crushing loaf.
So they built all this?
[Steve] Yeah, most of it.
But the good stuff you see, that’s all Steve.
Whoa. Is he some kind of king?
[Steve] No.
That’s a legend.
Kid, anything you can dream about here, you can make.
Zero limits. You know what I’m talking about.
That was your tower, right?
Yeah.
Pretty killer for a first build.
[metallic growling]
[screams] Relax. It’s just an Iron Golem.
Local security force.
[metallic grunt] But they’re a bunch of big softies!
[metallic scoff] Unless you start messing with the villagers.
Don’t ever do that!
This place makes no sense.
[Steve] Come with me!
[Garrett] Yo, I need protein, like, pronto.
[Steve] I got just the place, buddy.
[chickens squawking]
[Steve] Hello, there.
Whoo-hoo!
Oh, dude, I got goose pimples just walking up on it.
You ever wonder what happens when you mix hot lava and chicken?
I did, and you’re about to find out.
[scoffs] Uh-oh!
[bell chimes]
[squawks]
[sizzling] Mm?
You hear that?
That’s the sound of sizzle-een.
[chuckles]
[Steve] Mm-hm.
Smell that smell.
[jangly beat playing]
♪ La-la-la-lava ♪
♪ Ch-ch-ch-chicken ♪
♪ Steve’s Lava Chicken Yeah, it’s tasty as hell ♪
♪ Ooh, mamacita Now you’re ringing the bell ♪
♪ Crispy and juicy Now you’re having a snack ♪
♪ Ooh, super spicy It’s a lava attack! ♪
[bell dings]
[sizzling] I have a small business, too.
But one thing I try to do is not have my jingle suck butt.
[sizzling]
[yelping]
[snorts, spits] Friggin’ loser.
[gibbers, gasping] Pass the bird, turkey.
I’m not a little wimp like big Steve here.
I crave heat. And I crave pain.
Garrett, wait!
Hear my words.
That chicken was just cooked in hot lava.
Let it cool down, man.
Mm-hm.
[snorts]
[growls] Not bad.
[mouth sizzling]
[whimpers] Garbage Man… you’re a big-time idiot.
[piglins grunting, squealing]
[Malgosha] What is it?
[oinking urgently]
[Malgosha] What?
[angry grunt] General Chungus! Get over here.
[snarling]
[fearful chattering]
[ferocious roar]
[coughing] Hey, Malgosha. What’s going on?
Your old dungeon buddy, Steve, has betrayed us.
Well, that’s a bummer.
The Orb is with four Roundlings.
My spies tell me he has taken them to his lava chicken shack.
No way. I love that place.
♪ La-la-la-lava Ch-ch-ch-chicken ♪
Shut up!
Take your finest warriors, bring me that Orb, and kill the Roundlings.
So, like, you want me to end his life or whatever?
Are you serious?
What do you think I’m talking about?
Okay.
I was just kinda confused there for a second.
Take this Nether wart so you don’t zombify.
Your Majesty, I don’t think this is gonna be enough to go around.
Deal with it!
No worries.
All right. Drink up, guys.
You don’t wanna zombify up there.
But just tiny sips, okay?
Harr…
Okay, so, how do we find this Woodland Mansion thing?
Over the mountains, into the dark forest, right beyond the massive red shrooms.
Massive red shrooms?
Mm-hm. Big old red ones.
We need to find a real map, Steve.
This place is dangerous, and I need to get my brother out of here.
Well, it seems like he’s having a pretty good time.
Look, your brother has a gift. You know that, right?
You should let him explore it.
Creativity in this world is key to survival.
Okay, well, in the real world, things are a little bit different.
Creative kids get picked last for gym, they sit at the bummer lunch table and they get bullied.
[chuckles] Don’t I know it.
Do you even realize what he did back home?
He blew up Chuggy The Chip!
Well, maybe I belong in this world.
Henry, that’s not what I meant.
That’s not what I was saying at all.
[sighs]
[Garrett] Just so you know, I’m more of a sister to Hank than you’ll ever be.
Yeah.
[sighs] Spin kick. [groans] You okay?
Fine.
Look, I found one of these big-headed-looking dudes that sells maps.
Looks legit. Come on.
[Steve] Welcome to the stash.
TNT.
Firework rockets. Also good for propulsion.
Boots of Swiftness.
Diamond armor, full set.
And blades for days.
Everything we’ll need to make it to Woodland Mansion.
Whoa.
Bogus layout, bro.
Look but don’t touch.
Those are some of my favorite treasures.
Hrr.
[hinges creaking] What’s this junk?
That is an Ender Pearl.
Teleports you to wherever you throw it.
Yeah, right.
No!
[yells, gasping] Oh, God.
What the…
And that was the only one I had.
No biggie.
Almost died fighting an Enderman for it.
Come with me.
This is a crafting table.
Here’s how it works.
You place these elements in different patterns, and kaboom!
You got yourself a sweet blade.
[metallic ringing]
[Garrett] You wanna see a blade?
I’ll show you a blade.
Yeah!
[objects clattering] Hammer.
Kadoosh!
Ahh…
[wheezing cough] That’s okay, bud. Buckets are useful here.
Yeah. They’re cool, Garrett. They’re like nunchucks.
Yeah, I know. That’s why I made them.
They’re…
Buck-Chuckets.
Uh… they’re what?
Hey, can I try something else?
Abso-rootin’-tootly.
Bro, you had Tots the whole time?
Yeah. Sorry.
[Steve] Ohh!
It’s a Tot Launcher.
Dude, you just took boring junk from the real world to create something amazing.
That is next-level.
[Garrett] Hank?
Can I play with your Tot Launcher when you’re done?
Yeah.
Sweet.
Hey, Steve. Can I talk to you for a second?
Sure thing.
[launcher powers up]
[axe clanging] What’s up?
You know that note you left with the Orb?
The one about the riches?
I read it.
Yeah. There’s riches everywhere.
I keep a fat stash of diamonds at the Redstone Mines.
So this treasure load, is it on the way to this Mansion place?
Not really. It’s a major detour.
Plus, the mines can be perilous.
Let me keep it simple for you, Steve.
No diamonds, no Orb.
You smell what I’m steppin’ in?
Hurr…
Good day.
Huh…
We need a map to the Woodland Mansion.
Uhhrr-uhr?
[clears throat] We just need a map.
[distant growling] Uh-oh.
Nat?
Dawn?
Something’s going down.
[piglins vocalizing]
[surprised gurgle]
[piglins thundering] Huh.
[Chungus] All right, guys, just start trashing their produce.
Villagers hate that.
[footsteps thudding]
[piglins howling]
[all shouting, wailing]
[all roaring]
[guttural roar]
[both gasp]
[shocked yelp]
[screaming]
[both yell] Who are these guys?
Piglins. They must be after the Orb.
[all grunting] Hey, Steve. What’s going on, dude?
Crap! Chungus.
I’m really sorry, but I have to un-alive you and stuff.
[yells sharply] Malgosha double-crossed me.
We just need that Orb thingy.
You know this guy?
Yeah, we used to get into some dungeon stuff.
He seems nice, but he’s a killer!
Wow, you look good, Bro-Hammer.
You lose some weight?
Stand back, boys.
This pig is mine.
No.
I’m tired of you getting all the glory.
This pig is mine.
[curious grunt]
[bucket clangs] Steve!
[groans, grunts]
[yelling]
[shrieks]
[tot launcher powers up] We have to get to Henry.
Yeah.
Do you think we could take these guys?
[both shriek]
[heavy grunts]
[Natalie] Come on, let’s do this!
[Dawn] Yeah, we got this!
[“Zero to Hero” by Benee playing]
[grunts]
[belly rumbling]
[Natalie grunts]
[Dawn yelps]
[groans] Hai!
Nice moves, bro.
[attacking shriek]
[Chungus] Sorry.
[Garrett grunts, groans]
[Natalie yelling]
[Dawn] Yes!
[screams]
[groaning]
[Chungus] The party’s over, bud.
Just give me the Orb.
Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something!
What?
[Chungus] Whoa!
Thanks, big guy.
Ninja roll!
[pained groan] What happened?
I just saved your butt, that’s what happened.
You can thank me later.
We gotta get to the rampart. Follow me!
[villagers shouting]
[panting]
[slow motion] Henry!
Nat, we have to go now.
Dawn, I cannot leave him. He’s my entire family.
He needs you alive, okay?
We’ll meet him back at the Woodland Mansion.
We gotta go find the map guy! Come on!
[Steve] Follow me!
Garrett, what about Natalie?
We’ll meet her at the Mansion.
[piglins growling]
[Steve] Come on, run!
[all panting, gasping] Whoa!
[Henry] Whoa.
[Garrett] Oh, great. Now what?
Fr-r-rah!
[metallic clang] Elytra Wingsuits!
Ska-tah! Ska-tah!
[Garret grunts] Whoa!
Head for those mountains.
I thought we’re going to the Woodland Mansion.
Hank, don’t talk back to your elders.
But…
Buh-bye.
[screaming] Those things work, right?
Absolutely.
[screaming]
[exclaims] Whoo-hoo!
Check it out. I’m flying!
Yeah!
[laughs]
[gasps] Buenos dÃas. Which means, “See you later.”
[screaming] No! I thought I grabbed three!
Wait for me!
Coming in hot!
[“Private Idaho” by The B-52’s playing]
[Steve cackles]
[Garrett] No! No way, dude!
Let go of my hair!
Just relax. Let my hips guide you.
It’s the only way.
What? [sobbing]
[piglins screeching] Hank! We’ll have a better chance if we split up!
What?
Ki-yai!
[Henry screaming]
[all squealing]
[yelling] Get off me!
Get off me!
[Henry screaming]
[Steve] Yee-hah!
[screeching] Yeah!
Hoo-hoo! [laughing]
[all yelling] We got hog riders at our three o’clock!
[grunting]
[Garrett] I got you, buddy!
They got us boxed in!
[Garrett wailing] Head for the tunnel!
[Garrett] We’re not gonna fit! We’re too chunky!
We’re gonna have to go nose-to-toes.
Full man sandwich.
What? No. I’m not gonna do that!
I’m ordering you to make a full man sandwich!
Okay!
[both yelling]
[babbling, yelling]
[Garrett whoops] Yeah! [whooping]
[Steve] Dang it! A lava bucket!
Okay. Tighten up!
What?
There’s still some negative space back there!
We both know it!
I’m trying to close the gaps!
Okay, now get ready.
I’m gonna squeeze for your safety.
I understand. [yells] Whoo-hoo!
[roaring] Yeah! [laughing] Yeah!
Whoo-hoo!
[piglins squealing]
[yelling] Get off me!
[piglin squeals]
[belching]
[Henry yelling] Henry!
[Garrett] Oh, crap.
[all yelling]
[grunts]
[sneezes]
[all yelling] Don’t worry!
I’m gonna cushion our fall with this water bucket.
Release!
[all exclaiming] You can really fight, Nat. You were kicking butt.
Thanks! I have no idea where it came from.
There he is!
Hey! Get back here! We need a map!
First, we need a boat.
Okay, okay, uh…
Okay, hurry. The map guy’s floating away!
[Natalie grunting] Boat magic!
Hah-haah!
Nat, that’s the worst boat I’ve ever seen.
I’m sorry. I have no idea what I’m doing.
Forget it. Let’s go, come on!
[“Could This Be Love?” by Bret McKenzie playing]
[Marlene laughing] Oh. Oh…
Hrrr.
[laughing] No, thank you.
Of course.
You know, I gotta tell you, I’m having a great time.
Huh.
I, uh… I recently got divorced from my husband, Clemente, and… and the main reason is, you know, he… didn’t have any personality, you know?
I mean, not like you.
Uh-huhh…
[laughs, shudders]
[Garrett] You got some talking to do, buddy.
Hank and I want some answers.
Like how are we gonna stop those pigs?
And why does my beard smell like gorgonzola?
Yeah, and who’s that evil sorceress you were talking about?
Look!
The sorceress is a piglin queen called Malgosha.
Those are her minions.
She rules over them in a dark hellscape called the Nether.
And I always keep a chunk of gorgonzola in my front pocket, okay?
Listen!
Malgosha’s path to darkness started the way these things often do… during the semi-finals of The Nether’s Got Talent.
[dance music playing] Young Malgosha always dreamed of being a world-class dancer.
[Malgosha grunting] Her moves were pretty out there. No one in the Nether was ready for it.
[all guffawing]
[Steve] It crushed her. What’d I tell you about all that dancing?
It’s time for you to grow up.
I’m tired of you chasing your dreams.
Now, take this axe and go find some gold.
That was such embarrassing dancing!
[Steve] So, from that day forward, she denounced all forms of creativity. If she ever gets that Orb, she’ll black out the sun.
Nether wart will flourish.
This beautiful world and everything in it will wither and die.
And you were gonna give it to her?
Great idea!
I’m not gonna give it to her.
But I need that Orb for leverage.
I gotta save Dennis.
Come.
[animals lowing and bleating] The Woodland Mansion is just beyond the Redstone Mountains.
We can go over or through.
Whatever’s fastest.
Through will be faster.
[piglins grunting, snorting] General Chungus, you have failed me for the last time.
Yeah, I’m really sorry about that.
[growls] Bring out the beast!
[piglin grunting] What?
What do you mean you just have to put the brain in?
Well, yes, it’s a big deal. Get it done!
Look, everybody knows it wasn’t my best day.
But I’m really trying to set some new goals, and…
[hog howling]
[Malgosha cackles]
[roaring] The Great Hog.
My ultimate weapon.
There he is!
Kill him!
Wait, does this mean you’re firing me?
[sizzling]
[Malgosha laughs] Well done.
Now, find the Roundlings and bring me the Orb!
[guttural howl]
[wolf howls]
[Natalie] We are so lost.
[grunts loudly]
[grunts]
[groaning] My one job was to protect Henry, and I blew it.
[zombie moans] I just promised my mom I’d never let anything happen to him.
I guess I’m just not cut out for this parenting stuff.
[sighing] I just wish I could have been a kid for a little bit longer, you know?
Just to have that feeling like I could have done anything.
I hear you.
Being a grown-up sucks. [grunts] You got all these responsibilities, and you just stop chasing your dreams.
[both grunting] You think I like having 15 hustles?
[wolf growling]
[Dawn gasps]
[snarling]
[Natalie yells] Wait, wait, wait. Hold up, hold up.
Let’s just calm down.
I think this one just needs some TLC.
Yeah? You like bones?
Oh, I bet you like bones. Yes, you do. Yes, you do.
[gasps, laughs] Aren’t you a beautiful one?
Yes, you are! Yes, you are!
[panting] I cannot believe you just did that.
Wait.
[Dennis whining] Dennis?
Steve’s Dennis?
[barks] Well, can you take us to him?
[barking]
[whimpers]
[Dawn, laughs] Oh!
Nat, I think this might be our way to the Woodland Mansion.
[Dawn shrieks] Let’s follow that pooch!
Son of a biscuit, we found it.
[hooting laughter] Looky, looky here.
Welcome to the Redstone Mines.
You see that glowy stuff? That’s redstone.
Conducts energy.
You can build some crazy contraptions with it.
I thought you said this was a diamond mine.
Easy, big dog. They’re here, but be careful.
I set some booby traps a long time ago.
But I can’t for the life of me remember where they are…
[machinery whirs]
[whimpers]
[screaming] Get them off me!
Help me, please!
Sorry!
[screaming] Hah! Here it is! Thanks, Garrett.
[Garrett groans] Yeah.
[chortles] Yes!
My diamonds.
[Garrett] Ooh! That’s what I’m talkin’ about.
Steve delivers the goodies!
Did you guys plan this?
I’m sorry, Henry.
[Garrett] Whoo!
Yeah! I’m not.
Oh, yeah.
What the heck, man?
Oh, relax.
Natalie could be at the Mansion already.
She could be in danger!
[gagging] Oh, no. Do you smell that?
Nether wart.
What does that mean?
[heavy thudding]
[weapon powering up, firing] No! The Great Hog!
She finally put the brain in.
Run for the minecarts!
[shrieking]
[grunting] Hit it, Henry, hit it!
Go!
[all yelling] If memory serves, I built a kick-ass safe room just up ahead.
[Steve] Whoo!
Dang it, my torch blew out.
[Henry] Why are we stopping?
[Steve] ‘Cause we ran out of redstone!
We’re gonna need a boost fast.
[sparking, hissing]
[Garrett] What’s that sound?
[Steve] Chill out, Gar-Gar. We’re totally safe.
Crap! My creeper farm.
[Garrett] What the…? You gotta be kidding me!
What kind of idiot would breed these things?
[The Great Hog bellowing]
[yelps]
[Garrett yelling] Up ahead, look!
[Garrett squeaks]
[Steve] We gotta get to the redstone rail!
[Henry] Garrett, you got us into this mess!
Get out and push!
Okay. Okay.
[growling] Go, Garrett! Go faster!
We’re not gonna make it!
Come on!
Come on, Garrett, you gotta go faster!
Start slapping, Hank!
Get outta here! Yeah! Get…
Garrett, get in!
[Henry yelps]
[Steve] He’s right behind us!
[both screaming]
[Steve] I love you, Dennis!
[all screaming]
[Garrett] Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
[Steve] Nice work, Gar-Gar.
Your little detour almost got us killed.
Relaje, you’re so dramatic. We’re still alive.
What’s your problem, man?
We didn’t need those stupid diamonds.
I swear, you are literally the most selfish person I’ve ever met.
Whatever. I need them, okay?
I need the diamonds, because I need the money, because I’m broke.
You wouldn’t know anything about that.
My life sucks, kid. All right? I’m a frickin’ loser.
There, I said it.
I know it looks like I got it all put together, right?
I’m smart, funny, bilingual.
El humble to un el faultot. But that’s not the reality.
I’m not doing well.
I’m washed up, Hank, and I’m gonna lose everything.
And that’s not the worst part.
I’m alone.
You weren’t alone.
I was your friend.
Sorry about your finances.
Shut up, Steve.
[Marlene] Wow. I feel like you get me, and you’re an incredible listener.
And only people with emotional intelligence are good listeners.
You know, I just didn’t think it was in the cards that I would have another first date, ever, you know?
Hm.
I wanna have the guts to invite you over to my house for dessert.
Huh. Uh-huh.
Are you finished?
No, I think he’s Swedish.
But we’re done with our meal.
There it is. The Woodland Mansion.
We’re gonna get in there, get the Earth Crystal and get you guys home.
Follow me!
Check this out.
Let’s do this.
Pay close attention to Papa Steve.
The Woodland Mansion has three floors.
The first floor is loaded with Vindicators.
Axe murderers, basically.
Why is the third floor on the first floor?
I’m very confused.
[Steve] I was trying to make three floors, but I didn’t have time to make, like, a doll house.
The second floor crawls with Evokers.
They wield powerful dark magic.
This is the worst model I’ve ever seen.
Garrett, stop talking.
We’re trying to figure out a plan.
Bro, how long are you gonna be mad at me for?
I just got mad at you.
Please don’t be mad at me for this, okay?
But I accidentally stole the Orb while you were crafting.
Are we cool now?
You are literally the worst person in the entire world.
Guys! Both of you, eyes on my demonstraysh!
Third floor houses the Loot Chamber.
That’s where the Earth Crystal is, but it’s guarded by Endermen.
Whatever you do, do not look them in the eye.
They’ll fry your brains out.
Okay, well I could build stairs to the second floor, sneak in through the window, and snag the Earth Crystal.
That’s a great idea, Hank.
But to pull it off, we’re gonna need a pretty sweet diversion.
You know what could work on these guys?
It sounds crazy.
Hit me.
[funky beat playing]
♪ Friendship is The wish you make ♪
♪ When you’re blowing out The candles ♪
♪ On your birthday cake ♪
♪ Don’t be a bully And don’t be a brute ♪
♪ Time to put on ♪
[both] ♪ Your birthday suit ♪
[Steve] ♪ Go Hank, go While we blow! ♪
[vindicator growling]
[horn blowing]
[music continues, muffled]
[grunting]
[vindicators growling]
[yelling]
[both yelling]
[panting]
[growling]
[vindicators snarling] You gotta be kidding me.
[crowd murmuring]
[Steve] You got this, Gar-Gar.
Reach down deep.
You’re the Chuglass Kid, and I love ya!
What’s going on, Steve?
It’s some kind of sadistic Vindicator fight club.
I’ve heard of these, but I’ve never seen one.
They want me to fight the chicken?
[squawks] It’s a fight to the death, kid.
[vindicators cheering]
[squawking]
[loud clanking]
[machinery rattling, creaking]
[gleeful cackling]
[squawks] Mmmm…
[snarls]
[shrieks] Chicken jockey.
[snarls]
[yelps]
[grunts]
[all cheering]
[Steve] Watch out!
[both yelling] Keep him away from your face!
[grunting]
[slapping]
[Steve] Chuck him!
[grunts] Whoa!
[squawks]
[screams]
[slowed grunt]
[attacking scream]
[yelps]
[grunts]
[sizzling]
[grunting]
[chicken jockey squealing]
[sighing] Finally.
[spectral growling]
[hissing screech]
[both grunt heavily]
[vindicators cheering]
[chicken jockey screeching]
[shrieks]
[ululating]
[explosive grunt]
[squawks]
[crying] I’m sorry, little buddy.
Don’t fall for it, Gar-Gar!
That baby’s got the heart of a demon!
No, you’re not a demon, are ya?
You’re a cute little booger-face.
I’m just gonna… pet your little head.
[screams]
[all cheer]
[ghastly groaning]
[echoing] You’ll never be as cool as me, Hank.
Just give up.
[echoing] The Overworld doesn’t need you, Henry.
Neither do I.
[Garrett, distorted] Give up.
[echoing] This is all your fault, Henry.
Everything you do fails.
This stuff? It’s trash, kid.
[hissing stops] What the…?
[yells, grunting]
[groaning]
[Steve shouting] Garrett! No!
[growling]
[Steve] I’m coming!
Hang on!
[yells] Sneak attack!
[hollering]
[vindicators groan]
[chicken jockey crying]
[grunting]
[orb humming]
[grunting] Heck yeah. I got you, Gar-Gar.
Come on.
[groans] You… You saved my life.
That’s what friends do, Garrett.
[Henry yelling]
[thud] Hank! Did you get the Earth Crystal?
Yeah, I got it.
Let’s get outta this hellhole.
[all yelling]
[Steve] Come on! Run!
[Henry huffing]
[roaring]
[Malgosha] I knew I’d find you dummies here.
Oh, no. It’s her!
[Malgosha] Of course it’s me, you fool.
I’ve been tracking your scent from two biomes away.
Check it out. I even built me a new Hog.
[roaring] Malgosha! Your reign is over!
You’re wrong.
It’s just beginning.
[grunts]
[gasps]
[Henry] No!
Hah!
No!
Kill them.
We have work to do.
Goodbye, Steve!
[cackling]
[piglins screeching]
[Garrett whimpers]
[Steve] No!
They’re gonna blow this bridge sky high!
Sorry, Hank.
What?
[Garrett yells]
[screaming] Yeah! Slime cube.
[grunts, hollers] Come on, Garrett, jump!
I can’t, Steve.
Get him outta here!
Go, Hank! Save your sister and get home!
Garrett, you don’t have to do this!
Tell my story in song.
Keep it metal. Keep it heavy. Real instruments.
Besides… I love luaus.
Spin kick.
[roaring]
[high battle cry] Garbage toss! Oh, crap!
[Steve shouts]
[Henry] No!
[both yelling] We’re going down!
Brace for impact!
[both yelling]
[grunting]
[Steve chuckles] Dennis?
[whines] Dennis!
[Dawn laughing] It’s you! It’s really you!
[laughing] Gimme…
[babbling affectionately] Oh!
How’d you find me?
He’s one heck of a wolf.
He led us right to you guys.
Now I understand why you kept yourself so filthy and smelly, so Dennis could find you one day.
Is he okay?
He’s fine. He’s just resting.
Good.
It was a pretty rough crash landing.
Wait a minute. Where are we?
[Dawn laughing] Whoa!
I wish Garbage Man was here to see this.
He would’ve loved your mushroom hut.
Yeah, I think so, too.
[voice shaking] I was so afraid that I lost you.
I was so afraid that I lost you, too.
I am really sorry about what I said.
And I’m really sorry about Garrett.
[ghast shrieking]
[Malgosha] I’m only gonna say this once.
This thingy goes on top of that thingy.
Got it, Travis?
It’s gonna make a real cool laser beam that’ll darken…
[shrieking]
[Malgosha, growls] Never mind.
[deep rumbling]
[zombies moaning]
[bones rattling]
[chattering]
[all grumbling, growling]
[Steve] No. No!
The Great Darkening! It’s begun.
Malgosha’s gathering all her forces.
She will destroy this land.
Unless… we go get that Orb.
Well, what’re we doing here?
Let’s go fight some pigs.
I’m ready. I’m done with those pigs.
Yeah, me too.
Let’s do it for Gar-Gar.
First we mine, then we craft.
Let’s Minecraft!
[grunts] One, two, three.
Team!
Get the Orb!
Orb! What are you saying?
Minecraft.
We should all say that.
On three. One… Forget it. There’s no time!
[Steve] Show us what you got, Henry.
[Henry] Okay. I got a plan.
[Steve] Killer recipes.
We’re gonna have to move fast.
Let’s get to work!
[Henry] First we’re gonna need some iron ingots.
[sizzling]
[grunts] Oh, yeah!
[Henry] And the boots of Swiftness.
[Dawn] Time to light this place up.
[bones rattling] Come on, boys.
Have a nice flight!
Yeah, man! Whoo!
I bet you do. I bet you do!
[Henry] We’re also gonna need a ton of diamonds.
[grunting]
[Steve] Show me what you got, Nat.
Whoa! Yeah!
[Natalie] You want some, buddy?
[excited chatter] We’re ready.
Let’s go save the Overworld!
[piglins roaring]
[Malgosha cackling] All right, my piggies.
Today, we take the Overworld as ours!
[all roaring] Attack their villages.
Burn their homes and their symmetrical farms.
All they have created, we destroy!
[all roaring] Well, what are you standing around for?
Get out of here!
Go on, bring me the gold!
[Natalie grunting]
[Iron grunting]
[Natalie] Hurry, Henry!
[heavy metallic grunting]
[thudding, metallic footfalls] Uh?
Hah! News flash!
Iron Golems will not attack unless provoked.
[cackles]
[hollow clang]
[arrow clatters]
[exasperated groan] Real smooth, Travis!
[high-pitched whistling]
[piglins screeching] You ready?
Let’s do this.
[Natalie grunting]
[Malgosha] Oh, for goodness’ sake!
Well, what are you doing, you big block of meat?
Get down there and take care of those Roundlings!
[growling]
[cackling]
[roaring] How do you like them pork chops?
[growling] Come on!
[hooting laughter]
[gasps] Huh?
Okay, Goshe. Let’s dance.
Bring it on.
[yells]
[snarls] Sneak attack!
[grunts] Hah!
[grunts]
[grunts] Ooh!
[yells] My diamond armor!
Egg attack! Hyah!
Frizz!
[Malgosha growls] What is this, breakfast?
[grunts]
[chickens clucking]
[grunts] Get off of me!
[Natalie] Hurry! The Orb’s up there!
[thud]
[agonized groan] Do it, Henry.
I got this.
[gasps] Go, Henry, go!
[The Great Hog snarling]
[bellowing]
[sharp whistle]
[Dawn] Hey, Captain Butt Crack!
I got something for you.
[guffawing] Get him, Dennis.
[wolves howling]
[Dawn laughing] Whoo! Take a bite outta that pig!
Finish this, Henry!
[grunts]
[roaring]
[cannon powering up]
[screaming] Henry!
No!
[both grunting] No!
[screaming] Whoo-hooo!
[grunting] Gotcha, kid!
[shrieking] Yes!
Yes!
[laughing] Yes!
Garrett, you’re alive!
Yeah! [affectionate grunt] Between us, I used Steve’s water bucket trick.
Pretty cool, huh?
Little bit.
Let’s get this Orb and go home.
[Natalie] Yes! Yes, go, Henry!
All right, Hank. It’s fireball time.
Grab that spear.
I want you to jab it in the tentacles.
Yeah.
[ghast screeching]
[Garrett] Whoo! Jab it!
[Garrett] Yeah!
How’d you learn how to do that?
Don’t ask.
[Garrett] Whoo!
Yeah!
[groaning in pain]
[joyful shrieking]
[Malgosha] No!
What have you done?
The Orb!
[cackling]
[thudding footsteps]
[orb humming]
[Natalie] Yes!
[laughs] It’s good to see you, Garbage Man.
[Garrett] Yeah, it is.
[Steve] Parry! Thrust!
[breath rasping] You failed, witch.
The Overworld lives on.
You, too, have fallen for the great lie.
You’ll never be happy.
Deep down, you know.
To hope, to dream, to create is to suffer.
You’re right.
It is harder to create than to destroy.
That’s why cowards tend to choose the deuce.
[derisive grunt] Later, Goshe.
Every minute knowing you has been a horror-show waste of time.
Wait, one more thing.
Come closer.
Do you have a little knife that you’re gonna try to stab me with?
No, no. I’m too weak.
[rasping sigh] All right.
Yah!
Come on!
It was worth a shot.
Wait, wait. Let me say one more thing.
Come closer.
No way!
No, really, it’s about you.
[sighing] Fine.
Lean down here.
[grunts weakly] You really are the worst.
Goodbye.
This is it, really. Come back.
I don’t even have a knife.
Where would I keep it?
Sneak attack.
[groans]
[piglin whimpers] Hey!
You sure you wanna go back, Henry?
It won’t feel like this.
There you got constraints, judgments, obstacles.
[Henry] Yeah, I know.
But I’m gonna go make stuff anyway.
[Steve] I like that.
Mmm.
You’re a brave kid.
Steve. You still cool with this?
[playful whine] Yeah.
Come here, boy. Yeah.
Of course I still love you.
That’s why I think this is a good idea.
You changed my life.
[whimpers] It’s time for you to go change hers, too.
♪ Go now, Dennis ♪
♪ Change Dawn’s life, Dennis ♪
♪ Go on a journey ♪
♪ And think of me, Dennis ♪
♪ Go now, legendary Wolf of my dreams ♪
♪ My doggie, doggie, doggie ♪
♪ My Dennis ♪
[howling melodically]
[sobbing]
[emotional growl]
[voice breaking] If I would have known you could sing like that, it would have helped me get past your smell.
Garrett… you are a truly bodacious warrior… and a really good friend.
I wish you’d come home with us.
Hank’s cool, but I don’t have any friends my age.
We would make a great team.
Vaya con Dios. It means “Goodbye, brother.”
No, it doesn’t.
Don’t look at her. It does.
No, it does not.
Yeah, it does.
Are you sure you don’t want to come back?
Yeah, I’m staying here.
I got a bunch more stuff I wanna build.
Why don’t you bring some of that magic to the real world?
Screw it, I’m coming with.
[giggling]
[Steve] Turns out, if you’re brave enough, you can make the real world… your Overworld. Garrett finally leveled up. And his store became the hot spot!
[indistinct chatter] Together, we all joined forces to create the new hit game, Block City Battle Buddies.
[male game voice] Block City Battle Buddies! Yeah, we’re still in the beta phase, working out a few bugs. But let me tell ya, life…
[rock riff playing]
…is pretty perfect.
♪ Yeah, yeah! ♪
[all cheering]
♪ I used to wake up and play Back in my childhood days ♪
♪ Gettin’ older’s Such a dirty shame ♪
♪ They never gave me a chance To let my imagination dance ♪
♪ ‘Til I came up With a different game ♪
♪ Down in the mines All of the time ♪
[all] ♪ Crafting ♪
[Steve] ♪ Out in the sun Havin’ some fun ♪
[all] ♪ Laughing ♪
♪ I’m never, ever Lookin’ back, ’cause ♪
[all] ♪ I feel alive ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
[Steve] Dawn finally got to ditch her real estate job.
[Dawn] Have fun!
[Steve] She and Dennis brought the party wherever they went.
[Dennis barks]
[Steve] Natalie decided to share her new skill set with the real world. Survival Mode Self-Defense.
And now he’s going to…
[grunting]
[groans]
[Steve] The streets of Chuglass have never been safer. You get ’em, Natalie! And Henry? He finally got that jetpack to work.
[students chattering, cheering]
♪ I feel alive ♪
♪ I move mountains With my mind ♪
[class bell ringing]
♪ I feel the high ♪
♪ Like a new moon on the rise ♪
♪ I feel alive ♪
♪ Like a redstone overdrive ♪
♪ I feel the high ♪
♪ With the power Of the wolf inside ♪
♪ I feel alive ♪
♪ Yeah! ♪
[“Zero to Hero” by Benee playing] I know how much you love bread.
Mm-hm.
[door opens]
[woman] Marlene, your ex-husband’s here.
He said it was an emergency.
Well, you tell him I’ve got nothing to say to him.
You gotta be kidding me, Marlene.
This is the guy?
Too late, Clemente.
You had your chance.
[in rich British accent] She’s right, Clemente.
You totally blew it.
And now I reap the rewards of your mistake.
You see, when Marlene’s Jeep Grand Cherokee ran me over, I was struck by a love so powerful, it transcended the barriers of conventional speech.
Now I speak Human, and she speaks Villager.
[speaking villager]
[speaking English] Marlene, ever since we met last night, I wanted to say, “Would you marry me?”
Yes! Yes! A thousand times, yes!
[“Zero to Hero” continues]
[song ends]
[knocking on door] Hi, sorry to bug. I just… I used to live here, and… I’m Steve.
Oh, is this about that chest in the attic?
Ho-ho, yeah! I’m so glad that’s still around.
Hey, you want to come in?
I’m Alex, by the way.
Alex, great to meetch.
