Jungle Cruise (2021) – Transcript

Based on Disneyland's theme park ride where a small riverboat takes a group of travelers through a jungle filled with dangerous animals and reptiles but with a supernatural element.
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Jungle Cruise (2021)

Set during WWI, riverboat captain Frank Wolff transports British scientist Dr. Lily Houghton, and her brother MacGregor, on a mission into a jungle to find the Tree of Life, which is believed to possess healing powers that could be of great benefit to modern medicine. All the while, the trio must fight against dangerous wild animals, a hot and deadly environment, and a competing Imperial German expedition that is determined to find the tree first.

* * *

(SOFT INSTRUMENTAL ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

MACGREGOR: All legends are born in truth. From the Amazon came the legend of the Tears of the Moon. A single petal from the great Tree could cure any illness and break any curse.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

Over the centuries, many expeditions went searching for the Healing Tears of legend. None more famous than that of the conquistador Don Lope de Aguirre, who was determined to possess the Tears’ power.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

But the jungle protected the Tears.

(GRUNTS)

History will tell you his journey ended in failure. But legend tells more. That he was found by the Guardians of the Tree and nursed back to life. That he demanded they give him the sacred Arrowhead, the key to finding the Tears of the Moon.

(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

That Aguirre attacked.

(YELLING)

But the jungle defended, and Aguirre and his conquistadors were taken, cursed, never to leave sight of the river again, unable to leave or die…

(SCREAMING)

…or so the legend goes.

“We know they disappeared here, in the region of Lágrimas de Cristal, and it is here that we will find the true source of the legend, a tree that possesses unparalleled healing powers. My esteemed colleagues…”

(WHISPERING ALONG)

“…I assert that the famous legend of the Tears of the Moon is not a myth but scientific truth.”

…but scientific truth.

“One that could revolutionize modern medicine, curing illnesses that not only scourge our cities, but cut down more of our soldiers in the trenches than German bullets. I have come here today to request access to your exclusive archives…”

(GROANS SOFTLY)

“…including an ancient Arrowhead recently recovered from the lost expedition of Dr. Albert Falls. The Arrowhead represents the missing piece that will finally unlock the location of, pause for dramatic effect, the…The Tears of the Moon.”

And you made your request, Mr. Houghton, and the answer remains, emphatically, “no.”

MEN: Hear, hear.

SIR JAMES: Our archives are the providence of legitimate scholars, not inspired amateurs.

MEN: Hear, hear.

Be that as it may, since I have your attention, would you at least allow me to, uh, continue with my, uh, examination of how important the Tears of the Moon could be to medicine?

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

Hello.

Hello.

Shaka Zulu.

Yes.

Through one simple act of innovation, he came to dominate all his enemies from the…

There was that, but also the encirclement tactic.

You are not where you ought to be.

Yes. You’re right. Uh, I think I…

The secretaries’ gallery is that way.

Thank you so much.

MACGREGOR: A cure for all ailments, whether it be consumption, diphtheria, dengue fever, yellow fever, hay fever, fever fever… All fevers, um, would be covered.

(FOOTSTEPS)

Excuse me.

Yes?

This area is for Society members only.

Is it?

Yes.

Oh, I’m so sorry about that.

Well, to be quite frank, I’ve no idea how you even…

(GRUNTS)

SIR JAMES: Mr. Houghton, we granted you an audience in deference to your late father. This, however, seems remarkably like a paper I had the honor of refusing when it was submitted by a female writer, a Dr. Lily Houghton. No relation, I take it?

None that I’ve ever agreed to.

SIR JAMES: Shall we help you find your way out?

(GRUNTS SOFTLY)

(GLASSES CLATTER)

(HAMMERING IN SYNC)

(CREAKING)

(ENCHANTING MUSIC PLAYING)

Here we are. (CHUCKLING) It’s in the first crate of the lot. And thank you so much for your very generous contribution, in solid gold bars, I might add. Would make life so much simpler if more people paid in gold. (LAUGHING)

I don’t want the whole lot, just one thing. … Seems someone got to it before me.

(LID THUDS)

SIR JAMES: Um, they shouldn’t have. I’m sure it’s all there. It must have just slid somewhere. (CHUCKLES) Let’s… Let’s see. It was definitely there.

Stop her!

Oh!

Hello. I just wanted you to know, this is a Nguni assegai. It’s been mislabeled as “Zulu.”

SIR JAMES: Grab her!

(GRUNTING)

Oh.

(GRUNTS)

(GASPS)

Wait!

SIR JAMES: The end of the line. Get down!

Oh, my God!

No, no, no!

(YELLING)

(GRUNTS)

MAN: Good day, sir!

MACGREGOR: You think you’re the first to eject me? I have been turned out of some of the best clubs in Europe!

(GRUNTS)

(GASPS)

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

(LADDER CREAKS)

Oh, my gosh!

(CAR HORNS HONKING)

Fräulein, give me that box and I will help you up.

MACGREGOR: Stop! Stop!

You are slipping!

(LILY GRUNTS)

(HORN HONKING)

(LILY GASPS)

(TIRES SCREECH)

(GRUNTS)

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

CONDUCTOR: Fare, please.

MACGREGOR: Can I put it on a tab?

You shipping out, lads?

SIR JAMES: Ha-ha! Bravo! (CHUCKLES)

I think I speak for the entire Society when I offer my most sincere apologies to you, Prince Joachim. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

You just told them my name.

Oh.

(MEN GRUNTING AND GROANING)

Oh.

(GROANS)

(BODY THUDS)

It is Prince (IN GERMAN PRONUNCIATION) “Joachim.”

Joachim.

Good.

Now, Prince Joachim, we could refund your money from the…

You keep that money, and you tell me, who is that woman?

I don’t… I do know who that was.

MACGREGOR: Breaking and entering, grand larceny, and worst of all, forced to take public transport.

Should I be concerned about you?

Why would you say that, MacGregor? This is a petal that could heal all, save countless lives, change the world. Haven’t you been dreaming about another adventure?

If I wanted to go to a primitive backwater where I can’t understand a word anyone’s saying, I’d visit our relatives in Scotland.

(LILY CHUCKLES)

Barely got over that hideous trip with Father to Bhutan.

You only lost two toes.

I was seven.

LILY: Then just stay here. You can. You can just stay here. Don’t worry about me. All alone, in the Amazon.

But who’d look after you?

(SARCASTICALLY) Well, I have no idea. Come on, cheer up. Steamer to Brazil, rail to Porto Velho…

(CUP RATTLES)

…then all we need is a skipper.

(ADVENTUROUS MUSIC PLAYING)

(TOUCAN CHITTERS)

SKIPPER: First of all, let me congratulate you on your excellent choice of skipper.

Of all the jungle cruises you could take in the Amazon, this one is undoubtedly the cheapest.

But also the most thrilling.

(METAL CLANKING)

Are you still giving a tour?

SKIPPER: Yes, I am.

Perhaps a refund?

SKIPPER: No refunds.

We should’ve taken the other cruise, honey. Told you.

(CLANGS)

(HISSES)

(THUD)

(BOAT CREAKS)

(ENGINE THROBBING)

Skipper!

Skipper?

Skipper! I think you should see this!

(SKIPPER GRUNTS SOFTLY)

Heads up! Coming through!

(PASSENGERS EXCLAIMING)

Where were we?

About to die.

Ah.

MAN: Skipper!

Sir?

Sometimes these buttons get stuck.

(PASSENGERS WHIMPERING)

Skipper!

All right.

(ALL GASP)

(TOUCANS SQUAWKING)

If you look to the left of the boat, you’ll see some very playful toucans.

They’re playing their favorite game of beak-wrestling.

The only drawback is,

only two can play.

There’s two birds, and those are toucans.

I’m saying that only “two can” play.

Not one, but “two can” play.

(MOUTHING) Wow.

The rocks you see here in the river are sandstone.

But some people just take them for granite.

It’s one of my boulder attractions.

You know, before this, I used to work in an orange juice factory,

but I got canned.

ALL: Oh…

Couldn’t concentrate.

ALL: Oh…

Yeah, they put the squeeze on me, too.

(PEOPLE GROAN)

That’s a good one. I should’ve opened with that one.

You know, they say the boa constrictor right there is capable

of eating up to 500 pounds per sitting.

Personally, I find that very hard…

to swallow.

Mommy, can you please make him stop?

No one can. And don’t interrupt me like that again.

I will feed you to the boa.

She is a small child.

He loves small children.

Close your mouth.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(INSECT BUZZES)

SKIPPER: Hey! Hey!

Hands in the boat! Know this about the jungle,

everything that you see wants to kill you.

And can.

Poison angel’s trumpet.

Strychnos. Curare. Banana spider.

(ALL WHIMPERING)

Marauders, dead of fever, for never finding the Fountain of Youth.

Adventurers, stung by stingrays, searching for cities of gold.

Conquistadors, cursed, for slaughtering innocent natives.

And then there’s the ones that just got eaten

by the deadly hippopotamus.

But hippos aren’t native to the…

Shh.

Look out!

(PEOPLE SCREAM)

(GROWLING)

(SCREAMING)

This is the highlight of the tour. It’s my favorite part of the jungle.

Ladies and gentlemen, get ready

for the eighth Wonder of the World.

Wait for it…

The backside of water!

It looks just like the front side.

It’s completely different.

It’s the eighth Wonder of the World, the backside of water.

Guys, get your cameras out, come on. You don’t wanna miss this.

Snap, snap, snap.

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

Keep snapping.

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

I hope those aren’t the Puka Michuna, the deadliest hunters in the hemisphere.

They hunt humans!

(PASSENGERS SCREAMING)

(MOUTHING) Come on.

Please, go faster.

Oh, any faster would damage my engine, and I can’t afford a new one.

Grazie.

Prego.

All right, listen up, I get paid by the number of people I take out,

not by the number of people I bring back. Hold on!

(MACAWS TRILLING)

(MACAWS SQUAWKING)

(ADVENTUROUS MUSIC PLAYING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(TRAIN HORN TOOTING)

(HORN CONTINUES TOOTING)

Ah. Be a good chap and, uh, take care of the luggage.

(OLD MAN CLEARS THROAT)

Told you not to wear trousers.

Drawing unnecessary attention.

I don’t care in the slightest.

(CHICKENS CLUCKING)

LILY: Hello.

(ENTHRALLING MUSIC PLAYING)

SKIPPER: Well, folks, you were all outstanding today,

now I need you all out, standing on the dock.

(LAUGHS) That means “get off my boat.” I’m only serious.

Au revoir.

SKIPPER: Ma’am, don’t forget

to collect your baggage.

Thank you.

I’m only kidding. He’s behind you.

(SKIPPER CHUCKLES)

Adiós.

Make sure you take care of Zaqueu, he’s a good kid.

He looks 10, but he’s secretly 47. Thank you, sir.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Look, how stunning. Did you make these?

Beautiful.

Oh, that is awful. Excuse me, I just think that you…

Let’s not start a fight with a monkey vendor.

I’m not going to start a fight. They clearly shouldn’t be in cages.

Oh, my gosh! Look, there’s the boats! Look, look, look!

Right. I think we’ve earned ourselves some nice lunch at the hotel,

then a bath and a cocktail.

We did not travel half the globe for baths and cocktails.

We must find this Mr. Nilo and secure our travel. Come on!

COCKATOO: (SQUAWKS) Frank owes me money.

(SQUAWKS)

Buongiorno, Frankie boy!

Please don’t call me that.

Hey, Frankie, you know what today is?

COCKATOO: Frank owes me money.

It’s the third Tuesday of the month.

My money, Frank. My contante.

Where is it?

Oh, you mean this money? It’s all here.

I just need this, so I can finally eat this week.

The rest è per te.

(TUTTING)

You insult me, Frank. This is not all of my money.

This is like a little pinky toe, nothing… (BLOWS RASPBERRY)

Itty-bitty, little nothing of my money, Frank.

You borrow money from me to get a new engine,

well, you got to pay me back, plus interest.

Yeah, I’m going to keep your engine for now.

I get 5,000 real in one week, then you get it back.

I don’t get my money in one week, then I keep your whole boat.

FRANK: What do you want my boat for?

You have nice boats. You have all the boats.

Not yet, I don’t, Frank. But I bet you I will.

I’m gonna guess, by next week.

Arrivederci, Franco.

(FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)

(CROWD CHATTERING AND WHISTLING)

Ugh, what fresh hell is this?

Oh, I love it!

Excuse me, um,

do you know Mr. Nilo…

(SNORES)

Classy clientele.

Home again, Rosita.

(ROSITA CHATTERING)

Mmm.

(WHISTLING MELODY)

(LOCK CLICKS)

(MEN CLAMORING)

Hey!

Perhaps I should search for Mr. Nilo elsewhere.

There’s always a chance he’s at the hotel bar.

Fine. But be quick about it or I’ll leave without you.

Oh, that option is becoming increasingly desirable.

Excuse me.

Um, Mr. Nilo’s office?

Upstairs. Thank you. Obri… Obrigada.

(CLATTERING)

How you doing?

(WINDOW SQUEAKS)

(FRANK GRUNTS)

(ROSITA SQUAWKS)

LILY: Mr. Nilo? Hello?

Frank owes me money.

Ah, there you are. I was hoping we might have a small business chat.

FRANK: Not a good chat time right now.

(ROSITA SCREECHES)

But if you came back first thing tomorrow morning,

lots of available chat then.

No, I would much prefer now.

My name is Dr. Lily Houghton,

and my brother and I are looking for passage upriver,

and I’m told that you are the man for the job.

You were told wrong.

That’s impossible, because you come…

(DOOR RATTLES)

…highly recommended.

I have an idea. Please go away.

Mr. Nilo, your name is plastered all over the boats outside.

I think you’re being a bit unreasonable.

You’re the one trying to break down my door.

I have a lot of money.

Oh.

You’re insistent.

It’s been said.

Now, we’re headed upriver, in the direction of the Peruvian Andes.

This region doesn’t really have a name on the conventional map,

but it was once known to some

as Lágrimas de Cristal.

You’re wearing pants.

Trousers. And yes, as are you.

Do women in England do that now?

Well, we’re not in England, last time I checked.

Now, look, as shocking as the pants are, I’d really…

ROSITA: Frank owes me money.

(TRILLS) Frank owes me money.

Frank owes me money.

Can I get you a drink?

Who’s Frank?

FRANK: I have no idea. LILY: I will have a little something.

Spritzer, I assume?

I’ll have whatever you’re having.

So, do you know the region, Mr. Nilo?

Well, if it’s on the Amazon River, I know it.

And, lady, I could tell you,

of all the places in the world you can go,

the last place you wanna go is Lágrimas de Cristal.

Oh, but I do. And I will.

Oh, but you won’t, Pants.

You can’t get there. Nobody can get there.

And if they could, they wouldn’t. It’s not a fun vacation.

Well, I’m not here for a vacation.

Where’d you get the map?

Isn’t it extraordinary? The detail and the care he took.

It was drawn by Aguirre’s cartographer.

And it belonged to my father, who used to tell me

all about the Tears of the Moon when I was a little girl.

(LAUGHS)

So, that’s why you wanna go? Your daddy’s bedtime stories?

Look, can you get us there or not?

Or has this just been a colossal waste of my time?

I could get you there,

but you have to consider the dengue fever,

anaconda, plus,

look, lady, that’s the home of the actual Puka Michuna.

They’re the ones that like to eat you and wear your eyes for beads.

Look, lady, I gotta be honest with you, let’s do something that’s safe.

So, me, you, and your pants,

we can go for a ride around town. That’d be fun.

I’ll show you some waterfalls. You look like you like waterfalls.

(SIGHS)

And I’ll also show you the herd of pygmy elephants we just found. Let’s go see some elephants.

I lost my key for that thing.

LILY: Did you?

FRANK: I did.

Well, that’s never gonna do it.

You’re gonna hurt yourself. Those are very sharp.

Mr. Nilo, I spent my childhood playtime with the toddler pickpockets of Delhi, so…

There we go.

Allow me to manage my own safety, if that’s all right. Now, shall we negotiate a price? Or shall I just cast about for another skipper?

Two beers, two steaks. (SPEAKS SPANISH)

(IN ENGLISH) Who’s paying for all this?

Oh, Mr. Nilo insisted it was his treat.

That’s right.

I consider 5,000 real more than adequate.

10,000, I take you there myself. I am my best captain.

Oh, and your most modest. Fine, 10,000.

10,000 to bring you there alive. If I have to bring you back dead, it’s 15,000.

Why should I pay more dead?

Dead, I’d have to carry you. Dead’s a lot harder, lady.

20, dead or alive.

Okay, but I get paid in full when we turn back before Lágrimas de Cristal.

Why ever would we be turning back?

Well, you’re gonna beg me to turn back, first sign of the rapids.

Well, I look forward to disappointing you.

MACGREGOR: Lily, look who I found at the hotel bar.

NILO: Ah!

MACGREGOR: Mr. Nilo.

Buongiorno, signorina.

MACGREGOR: He drives a hard bargain, but he met his match with me.

Negotiated him down to 50,000.

Who’s your friend?

Not Mr. Nilo.

Not Mr. Nilo, no.

LILY: No.

So, I suppose that would make you…

Enjoying your meal, Frank?

As in, “Frank owes me money,” Frank?

Of course. It’s all making perfect sense.

I suppose it’s only a scam if you fall for it.

Well, thank you, Mr. Frank. I hope we never meet again.

Mr. Nilo, hello.

(FRANK WHISTLES)

Did you just whistle at me?

12,000.

Eh, scusa.

10,000.

Aren’t you missing an engine?

Signorina, he could not get you as far as the outhouse.

In fact, his boat kind of looks like an outhouse. (CHUCKLES)

You’re never gonna find a faster boat in the harbor than La Quila.

Plus, she has the finest bath in all Brazil.

Why should I trust you?

I’m the only one that could get you there.

(WOMAN SCREAMS)

(GROWLING)

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

(EXCLAIMS IN ITALIAN)

(GROWLING)

Oh, my gosh!

Careful. They can smell fear.

I am not afraid.

Might be me. Warm, liquid fear.

(JAGUAR CONTINUES GROWLING)

(SNIFFING)

(SNARLS)

(EXCLAIMS IN ITALIAN)

Shoo.

(GRUNTING)

(JAGUAR YOWLS)

NILO: Everybody stay calm!

(GROWLING)

A little bit more fear just came out.

Shut up!

(FRANK VOCALIZES)

(SNARLS)

(SNARLING)

(FRANK GRUNTING)

(GROWLING)

(SCREAMS)

Ouch.

(FRANK GRUNTING)

(HISSING)

(JAGUAR SNARLING)

(SHOUTS IN PORTUGUESE)

MAN: He did it!

(ALL CHEERING)

Thank you, thank you. Thank you.

Frank Wolff. Jungle Navigation. Best rates in town, completely jaguar-free.

Thank you. (CHUCKLING)

You are a lot of things that I don’t really care for. But you are capable, so, 12,000.

15,000.

12,000.

15…

Nuh! (GRUNTS) 12. Half now, half upon return, alive, and if we have a deal, I’ll meet you at the docks with our luggage.

FRANK: We have a deal.

LILY: Good.

La Quila will be ready first thing in the morning.

Oh, no, “Frank owes me money,” we’re gonna depart in 10 minutes.

(LAUGHING) No, it gets dark in two hours.

Does it?

We should probably leave in 10 minutes.

Good decision.

(SHOUTS IN PORTUGUESE)

(SPEAKS PORTUGUESE)

Not now. I said, not now.

(GROWLING)

(SIGHS)

(WHINES)

(CHUCKLING) Come here. You did good, Proxima. You’re a good girl. You were a little late, and you bit me way too hard. But you did good.

(HORN TOOTING)

Jungle doesn’t care how pretty your dresses are, you’re never gonna get all your luggage on my boat.

Not mine.

Mine. And, I assure you, every one of these items is entirely necessary for my survival.

Well, with all this extra added weight, we’d be lucky to even get out of the harbor, so, no.

Dinner without a dinner jacket is hardly, well, dinner, is it? Now… be a good chap.

(CHUCKLES)

(BIRDS SCREECHING)

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

What’re you gonna do with those birds?

We’re gonna stuff them and send them to Paris.

No, you’re not.

How much? (GASPS)

What on Earth do you think you’re doing?

(MUFFLED SCREAM)

LILY: Hey! MacGregor!

That will need to be retrieved immediately.

LILY: Help, MacGregor!

(BIRDS SCREECHING)

MacGregor!

No.

Those are my tennis rackets.

It’s a river cruise.

(GRUNTS)

Assorted day wear and shoes?

No.

Light reading and bathing costumes?

Good.

The liquor?

That one can stay.

Now, listen here, you buffoon, if you scuttle any more of my luggage, I will… Gosh, there’s a lot of you, isn’t there?

Yeah, there is.

Lily?

Lily?

(LILY GROANING)

(BIRDS SCREECHING)

MAN: Hey!

Nilo! He’s got your engine!

Oh, we gotta go.

Not without my sister.

FRANK: Come on. Get your stuff. Let’s go.

(BIRDS CONTINUE SCREECHING)

(NOISY CHATTER)

(WOMAN GASPS)

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

FRANK: Lady!

Let’s go.

MACGREGOR: (GRUNTING) I am not leaving without my toiletries.

MAN: Shut down that engine!

MACGREGOR: Okay, time to leave.

(GRUNTS)

Why are they chasing us?

I have no idea.

Here’s the English woman. Pay up.

(BOTH GRUNT)

(BIRDS SCREECHING)

(MEN EXCLAIMING)

MACGREGOR: Lily.

Turn starboard. Resume heading.

MACGREGOR: What? I don’t know what that means.

(GRUNTING)

(ALL GASP)

(MAN GROANS)

(BOTH GROAN)

(GRUNTING)

Lady, look, we gotta…

Oh, God, sorry, Frank.

It’s all right. Strong form.

LILY: Frank, follow me.

FRANK: Don’t go up there. It’s that way.

(MAN GRUNTS, GROANS)

(FRANK GRUNTS)

Lady, it’s that way.

(CLANGS)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(SCREAMING)

(SIZZLING)

(ALL SCREAM)

(MONKEYS CHITTERING)

FRANK: Lady! Leave the monkeys. The monkeys are fine. Don’t go up there.

(SCREAMING)

(MONKEY SCREECHING)

Lady, stop!

Not now, Frank!

(MAN GRUNTS)

(LILY YELPS)

(GRUNTS AND GASPS)

(FRANK LAUGHING)

How you doing, Pants?

(STIFLED) I’m good.

You know, I was trying to tell you about the…

I know.

Come on.

No.

Come on! Lady, jump! What are you waiting for?

MAN: There they are!

(WAITER GASPS)

(SHATTERING)

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

Where’s Lily?

There.

Of course she is.

(LILY GRUNTS)

(WHIMPERING)

Okay. Come on, lady.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTING)

(LAUGHING)

(CLEARS THROAT)

Tucking in a spot of sightseeing? How nice of you to join us.

Why didn’t you jump in the water?

I don’t wanna talk about it.

She can’t swim.

You booked a river cruise and you can’t swim?

I have no intention of swimming.

And what about the 20 guys chasing us around town?

I may or may not have something in my possession that may or may not be of interest to other interested parties.

(DOOR OPENS)

(MAN SPEAKS GERMAN)

Shh!

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

I assume she escaped your grasp, Axel.

Yes, your excellency.

Then I’ll take care of it myself. The Tree is the key to Germany winning this war.

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING ON GRAMOPHONE)

The Arrowhead will show us the way to the Tree. We cannot let it leave this harbor. Surface!

(MAN SHOUTS IN RESPONSE)

(MUMBLES)

Who are those guys?

Oh, my gosh.

The price just went up.

(GREETS IN GERMAN)

Batten down! (GRUNTS)

(YELPS)

(VOCALIZES)

(GASPS)

(ENGINE WHINING)

(GROANS) Come on!

What happened?

We lost all power.

Lady… (GRUNTS)

Reload!

(VOCALIZES)

I need you to take the wheel.

No, no, no. I am an excellent driver.

Anyone but you.

(GASPS)

Starboard. Quick, before he reloads.

You missed…

Understood.

It’s all yours.

Oh, thank God!

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

(GRUNTING)

(BOAT THUDS)

(STRAINING)

Frank… (SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(IN ENGLISH) You steal my engine? Get off my dock! It’s private property, Frank. You’re finished.

Ciao.

(WEAPONS FIRING)

(ALL GASP)

(GRUNTS)

(EXCLAIMS IN ITALIAN)

JOACHIM: Sink them and we can recover the Arrowhead from the bottom of the river! Load torpedoes.

MAN: Load torpedoes!

MAN 2: Torpedo in. Closing the hatch!

(GRUNTS)

Thank you.

Oh, you’re welcome.

JOACHIM: Closer. Closer.

MACGREGOR: Lily?

LILY: Do you know, if I were you, Frank…

Well, you’re not me.

I just feel that sometimes it just needs a bit of a…

This is my engine. Nobody touches my engine but me.

(CLANGS)

What did I just…

LILY: There you go.

JOACHIM: Goodbye.

(BOTH SHOUT IN GERMAN)

(WEAPON FIRES)

MACGREGOR: Is that a…

Torpedo.

LILY: Oh, my God.

Frank, Frank, Frank!

Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank!

What are you doing?

FRANK: We can’t outrun it.

(DUCK QUACKS)

(FRANK GRUNTS)

(EXCLAIMS IN GERMAN)

(EXPLOSIONS CONTINUE)

(BOTH LAUGHING EXCITEDLY)

(MAN SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

(MEN SHOUTING)

(NILO WHIMPERS)

(GASPING)

(YELLS)

Frank!

(BOTH CHEERING AND LAUGHING)

Oh.

(CRASHING)

(DRAGONFLY BUZZING)

FRANK: Look what they did to you. Poor thing. I’m so sorry. Machine guns. Who brings a submarine to the Amazon? But you still outran them. Every time.

(PRAISES IN SPANISH)

I thought I’d keep it casual. Well, you’ve really outdone yourself this time. Do we know the identity of our homicidal maniac in the submarine?

No, I don’t know his name. But the youngest son of Kaiser Wilhelm wrote several articles about the Tears of the Moon.

And if I had to guess, I would say that that’s him.

Aren’t you hot in all that?

Not in the slightest.

My eyeballs are sweating.

(MACGREGOR GROANS)

LILY: Are you all right, love?

(DOLPHINS WHISTLING)

Oh, my… Oh, my goodness! MacGregor, look!

Inia geoffrensis!

Oh, how beautiful! (LAUGHING)

(DOLPHIN WHISTLING)

(LAUGHS)

You know, here we call them “encantado.”

“Bewitched”?

Yeah. Shape-shifter spirits. Don’t look them directly in the eye unless you want nightmares for life. You believe in legends, you should believe in curses, too. … Okay.

(DOLPHIN WHISTLING)

Hey, MacGregor. Had a girlfriend once, she was cross-eyed. Didn’t work out. We could never see eye to eye.

(SNORTS)

(FRANK LAUGHING)

LILY: Oh, my God. Is that your idea of a joke? That is not funny.

I’m also quite sure she was seeing somebody on the side.

(SIGHS IN EXASPERATION)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Silly.

(CAMERA WHIRRING)

You know, most people smile when they’re on camera, Frank.

(NO AUDIO)

It’s a moving picture camera. Have you never seen one before?

I’ve never seen a moving picture.

They’re so much fun and you can experience being anywhere in the world.

Ah.

Although, why would you want to, if you could be here, surrounded by all this? It’s just… Oh, it’s like drifting through the Garden of Eden. It’s just beautiful. Look at this. Frank, did you see these heliconias?

Do you know there’s more individual species on one tree in the Amazon than there is…

(NO AUDIO)

(CHUCKLING)

MacGregor, I think you seem to be taking us off course. We should turn that way.

FRANK: No, we’re good. Stay on course. Lágrimas de Cristal is that way.

LILY: Frank, Frank…

FRANK: He’s fine.

I think you’re mistaken. (CHUCKLES)

I’m not mistaken, I’m the skipper. The Lágrimas de Cristal is straight ahead. Stay on course.

Frank, it says on the map that it’s passable. Here we have that cliff and exactly that tributary. We can save two days going this way.

We cannot go that way. We have to go that way. Lágrimas de Cristal is that way. We go that way, it’s rapids. You ever been down the rapids?

No, but I presume that you have…

Yes.

…which is why I hired you!

So just… turn that way. To the right. Starboard. Whatever you call it.

I’m not the one who can’t swim, Pants.

Don’t you worry about that, Skippy.

Lady, it’s “Skipper.”

My mistake.

(SHIFTS GEAR)

JOACHIM: This godforsaken, endless Amazon, with its infinite tangled tributaries. Dr. Houghton and the Arrowhead could be anywhere. There’s only one person who has ever gotten close to the Tears of the Moon. We shall have to ask him directly. We’ll set a new course.

AXEL: But, Your Highness, the curse of Don Aguirre…

(AXEL CHUCKLES) That’s only a legend, right?

(INSECTS CHIRPING)

(FROGS CROAKING)

FRANK: We’re gonna anchor here for the night.

LILY: Can’t we make good time in the dark? Look, we can just keep going.

No, not unless you want the engine to overheat.

(SIGHS) Tell you what, Skippy. After this day, I could really do with that luxurious bath of yours. Is it, um, down there?

No, there’s no bath down there, Pants.

LILY: What?

No, the bath is out there. That’s the bath. 4,300 miles of luxurious bath. I also warmed it a little bit for you earlier. Oh, and I know you don’t know how to swim, so if you happen to drown out there, go ahead and, uh, use the soap to wash yourself ashore.

(OBJECTS CLATTER)

(SHIFTS GEAR)

I could do with something to eat. Someone threw all of my reserve food into the harbor. You know, Frank, if you think you’re going to cut our trip short by starving us, let me tell you that that is extremely likely to work.

(ANIMAL SCREECHES IN DISTANCE)

Do you expect me to eat that?

(WATER BUBBLING)

(FRANK GRUNTS)

(SPLAT)

LILY: Oh…

FRANK: Piranha. Better eat them before they eat you.

(MACGREGOR GASPS)

No way.

Have to say, Frank. These piranha are so good. Can’t quite place that flavor, though.

It’s blood.

(GULPS) Oh.

Right. I’m to bed.

Sleep anywhere you want downstairs, just not in my cabin. It’s off-limits.

Why on Earth would I want to do that?

Phew.

(GROANS)

Bugger!

LILY: You’re staring, how do I make it stop?

I’m just not used to seeing a woman in pants, that’s all.

Awfully interested in my apparel, Frank. Get your head around it.

(FAINT CREAKING)

(SOFT THUD)

(MOANS)

(SOFT GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING)

FRANK: You know, you really bring those eyes to life. Your perspective’s a little off, though.

LILY: What? Well, you’re right, annoyingly. Do you draw?

I used to.

Why’d you stop?

Well, I drew everything I wanted to draw. Then I figured I’d learn something new.

Or perhaps you just need some proper inspiration.

FRANK: What about you?

(SCOFFS) Never lack for inspiration.

No, I mean, what’re you doing out here? Chasing maps all over the place? Or is this your idea of fun?

The Tears of the Moon…

Oh, come on.

I believe that the legend is real.

Which it’s not.

And I’m gonna find it.

Which you won’t.

And when I do, just imagine the lives that could be saved. Legend says one petal from the Tree will heal anything. It will change medicine forever. It’s the beginning of a scientific revolution. It’s very exciting, Frank.

So, you wanna be the Darwin of flowers?

And I want to help as many people as I can.

Wanna save the world?

I didn’t say “save the world.”

It’s very noble.

Well, thank you.

It’s also very stupid.

You are deeply unpleasant.

(CONTINUES PLAYING GUITAR)

And off-key.

So, you’d rather risk your life and your brother’s life to save people you don’t even know?

Well, I don’t have to know someone to care.

Well, I don’t have to care about anybody, period.

That’s apparent.

Look, I just think if you’re lucky enough to have one person in this life to care about, then that’s world enough for me.

(MOUTHING) “That’s world enough for me.”

Hmm.

(MACGREGOR SCREAMING)

(OBJECT SHATTERS)

(GROWLING)

Oh, my goodness! Oh, my goodness! Oh, my… MacGregor!

Proxima! Proxima!

(MACGREGOR WHIMPERING)

Heel there, Proxima! Proxima, heel. Heel. Proxima.

LILY: This is your cat? So, that fight?

Faked it.

For goodness’ sake, Frank! Is there a single thing about you that I can trust?

Not a thing.

(GROWLS SADLY)

Great timing.


JOACHIM: The natives speak of this place with dread. This is where Aguirre and his men were punished for trying to steal the Arrowhead.

(EERIE MUSIC PLAYING)

There. River water. This is what you have been waiting for.

(WIND WHISTLING)

Look who is here. The legend in the flesh. River water. You want to see more? A long, painful wait to see the river again. The Tears of the Moon can break your curse, free you from this jungle. You want what I need.

Detonator.

The Arrowhead is near. You will find it for me, and we both get what we want. Deal? Swear it. Good.

(EXPLOSION)

(WATER RUSHING)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(LAUGHING GLEEFULLY)

(GASPING)

Ah, look who had nightmares. (LAUGHING)

(RATTLING)

(ADVENTUROUS MUSIC PLAYING)

All right, we’re about to hit the butter churn. Ready, Pants?

You sure this is the only way?

FRANK: You picked the route. You wanted to save two days.

Uh, “butter churn,” how literal a metaphor?

If you have anything of value, I would recommend that you store it below deck.

Since I consider myself of value, I will see you all on the other side.

Wait a minute. MacGregor. Wait. Wait, wait, wait. Do not lose it.

You see that?

(LOW GROWLING)

I want you to bring that to me. (SPEAKS SPANISH)

It’s been lovely knowing you.

LILY: Don’t say that.

Go.

(GROWLS SOFTLY)

Oh, not you again. Go away.

(LOW SNARLING)

You sure you’re up for this, Pants?

Just drive the boat, Skippy.

(GRUNTING) That ruddy cat!

LILY: What are you doing?

She’s incessant.

(GROWLING AND SNIFFING)

(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

Here we go.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(GRUNTS)

Oh, my God!

(GRUNTS)

(MACGREGOR YELPING)

You okay, lady?

I’m fine.

You wanna turn back, Pants?

Nope. Just getting started.

Good. Me, too.

(GASPS)

MACGREGOR: (WHIMPERS) Slow down!

(GRUNTING)

You wanna turn back?

Just drive!

(SHIFTS GEAR)

(FRANK GRUNTING)

(GROWLS)

(BOTH GRUNT)

Looks like you wet your pants, Pants.

That was the wave.

You should give up.

You should give up the guitar.

(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

(GASPS)

(GRUNTING)

Oh, my God!

(WHIMPERS)

(GRUNTING)

(YELPING)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(WHIMPERS)

FRANK: Come on, buena niña.

(ENGINE WHINES)

(GRUNTING)

(RATTLING)

Come on!

(METAL CREAKING)

(ENGINE THROBBING)

(GRUNTS)

(SQUEAKING)

(ENGINE CONTINUES THROBBING)

(PANTING)

(SIGHS)

Please don’t ever do that again.

I could turn the boat around and we could head back to town, how’s that?

That may be the first intelligent thing you’ve said since we met.

FRANK: How about you, Pants? You ready to go back to town? No?

I actually loved, uh, the whole experience. I… I found it, um, exhilarating.

You’re looking a little green around the gills. That’s why I’m asking. Are you okay? Are you hungry?

(GAGS)

Yeah, she’s hungry. Have some cured piranha if you think you…

(COUGHING)

You did good… (GAGS)

(LILY CONTINUES COUGHING)

(PROXIMA GROANING)

Did you get it? (SNIFFS) Ugh! You’re drunk? You’re the worst cat I have ever had.

(WHINES)

(MACAWS SCREECHING)

I don’t know how you live with that woman. I’ve been with her for two days, and I already wanna throw her overboard.

Does take some getting used to.

Does she ever stop being so, uh…

Lily?

Yes.

Afraid not. Headfirst, figure it out on the way down. It should be on her crest in Latin.

(QUOTES HALTINGLY IN LATIN)

(COMPLETES QUOTE)

Hmm.

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

(WHISPERS) What you doing? … Your funeral.

(PROXIMA GROWLS)

(WHISPERS) It’s just a peek.

FRANK: Your sister says whatever she wants to say to whoever she wants to say it. No regard for anybody’s feelings.

Doesn’t matter who gets hurt. Usually me. She takes after our father. He was always chasing after some far-fetched idea. There’s no such thing as curses. Or cure-alls. And there hasn’t been a conquistador here for three centuries.

Hmm.

So, why’d you follow her out here, then?

It was the third time that I’d been presented with an entirely suitable marriage to a charming, educated woman that sits on a horse well, that I had to tell the lady in question that I couldn’t accept the offer. Or, indeed, any offer, given that my interests happily lie… elsewhere.

Elsewhere?

Elsewhere.

Huh. Well… To elsewhere.

Uncle threatened to disinherit me, friends and family turned their backs… all because of who I loved. I would’ve been ostracized from society were it not for Lily. She stood by me. And for that, I would follow her into a volcano.

Pants! Let’s shove off!

Would you care to explain this?

I said stay out of my quarters.

Oh, I bet you did. So that you could keep more secrets from us. Just lie upon lie. I mean, Frank, you are like an onion of deceit.

What lies?

That you’re after it yourself!

I am not after it! Not anymore. Not for a long, long time. Okay, yes, I came here seeking the Tears of the Moon, just like you. I have a map just like yours. And a dozen others just like it.

LILY: Aguirre’s cartographer certainly was prolific.

Yeah, well, he lost his life searching for something that can’t be found. I’ve tracked the legend to every village, every island, every shoal. Nothing. And now I’m stuck on this river ever since, wishing I could be anywhere else but here.

But you never had this.

(PURRING)

I’m going to pet you now. And you’re not going to eat me. Understood?

(GROWLS SOFTLY)

Easing in. About to engage.

(PURRING)

You’re not that bad really, are you, for a big, hairy murder cat?

(SNORTS, HUFFS)

I don’t usually offend so immediately.

(ARROW STABS)

(GASPS)

Lily!

LILY: MacGregor.

(GRUNTS)

(FRANK GRUNTS)

Oh…

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

MACGREGOR: Where are they taking us?

FRANK: We’re headed into headhunter territory, which is a terrible place to be headed.

LILY: Oh, Frank, come on, not now.

FRANK: I can’t turn it off.

(ANIMALS CALLING IN DISTANCE)

Lily!

LILY: Frank!

(WHISPERS) Frank.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

(RHYTHMIC THUMPING)

(DRUMS BEATING)

(SPEAKING TUPI)

…MacGregor…

(FRANK CONTINUES SPEAKING TUPI)

What did you say?

I said that they should let you and your brother MacGregor go, and live. In exchange, you’ll have to leave all of your things and your clothes, and I’ll stay back as well.

That’s very, very brave. That is not something I agree to, Frank. We’re not doing it.

There’s no way that the three of us can get out of this situation alive. I know these people. Leave now and let them…

No!

Can I please talk for five minutes without you interrupting me?

(GROANS)

(SPEAKING TUPI)

(CHIEF SPEAKING TUPI)

(WHISPERS) Oh, now you’ve done it.

(CHIEF SPEAKING TUPI)

(WHISPERS) Oh, no.

(CHIEF CONTINUES SPEAKING TUPI)

“The only thing of yours I want is the Arrowhead.”

(WHISPERS) No.

Don’t shake your head like that. They hate that. They hate that. Don’t do that.

(CHIEF CONTINUES SPEAKING TUPI)

“I know you have it. It belongs to my people, taken long ago. You can return it and go free. Or I can pry it from your fingers.

(CHIEF CONTINUES SPEAKING TUPI)

After I pick them clean of meat.”

MACGREGOR: Oh.

(LILY GASPS SOFTLY)

(SIGHS)

Come on. You heard the nice cannibal.

Hand it over.

I’m a little rusty in the Puka Michuna dialect, so I want you to translate what I say, word for word.

Okay.

No, I cannot give you the Arrowhead.

Oh, God. Lily.

Lily.

Shut up. Just say it.

Yes, I have the Arrow that belongs to your people.

(FRANK SPEAKING TUPI)

She’s being weird about the Arrowhead.

I will return it.

(SPEAKS TUPI) She’s extremely difficult.

But first I must use it to find the Tears of the Moon.

(SPEAKS TUPI) It’s hard to be around her.

Now, if I die for that, so be it.

(FRANK SPEAKS TUPI) She doesn’t mind if you kill her.

But you must let these two men go free.

(SPEAKS TUPI) Just don’t kill me.

Lily!

Come on, fight me. You, come on, fight me. Go! Do it! What’s wrong with you?

Lily…

(ALL LAUGHING)

(SIGHS)

(IN ENGLISH) Seriously, Frank. Next time I’m going to charge you more for this “booga-booga” nonsense.

Sam, we had a deal, okay?

No, no. I’m tired, and this is a whole production, with these ridiculous costumes! And you told me this was a nice English lady with her wimpy brother. And she’s gonna get herself killed.

I know, because she’s crazy! … She’s crazy determined. Lily, listen, the truth is I didn’t get a chance to call this entire thing off. Remember, it’s only a scam if you fall for it.

(GROANING)

You’ve gotta stop doing that.

Wimpy, eh?

In a strong way.

(GROANS)

Strong form. The whole family has strong form.

Can you translate it?

Possibly. Possibly, but, you know, there are some impediments.

Your English gets very exact when you want something. I have the tingling impression we’re to negotiate a price.

You get me. Trader Sam likes a trade.

Oh, I bet.

Would you like that hat?

TRADER SAM: Hmm.

You can have that hat.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER AND LAUGHTER)

You’ve really done it now.

(SIGHS) You think she’ll get over it?

Not likely.

It wasn’t personal, you know. It was a pre-existing arrangement.

Cross Lily like that and you are dead to her. Dead and buried. Entombed. Embalmed and entombed.

I got it.

Dead as a dodo.

You’re making it very clear.

Dead, dead, dead.

MacGregor.

This beer’s actually rather nice.

It’s masato.

Hmm.

It’s made out of fermented spit. You’re drinking spit.

(GULPS)

When in Rome. God, I wish I was in Rome.

“The Tears of the Moon possess the power to cure anything.”

Now, this word here, there’s no exact translation in English. It’s… a pain to… the soul.

(FUMBLES FOR WORDS)

Heal. Heal.

Heal the soul.

Pretty much.

Mm-hmm.

Heal.

“To prove yourself worthy, you must turn water to stone. Then mend a broken heart.”

MACGREGOR: Ooh.

TRADER SAM: “For Tears to bloom, the great Tree must be under the rare crying Moon.” There is one in two days. “The Tree hides where the Moon bled. It sank into the west, over the heart of the serpent.”

Serpent.

“Where the fang bites its own tail…”

LILY: “Where the fang bites its tail.” Oh, my goodness.

TRADER SAM: Now, I told you it was complicated.

Of course no one’s ever found it.

Right, because it’s not in Lágrimas de Cristal.

It’s here. La Luna Rota.

Yes.

How long would you say it would take me to get down there?

Two or three days.

What about via canoe?

BOTH: Excuse me?

Please inform Captain Skippy that I will be traveling alone from now on.

You’re never gonna make it alone, Lily.

Please tell him that he misjudges my determination, also my driving skills.

Please tell Dr. Pants that what’s out there in the jungle, she’s never read about in her little textbooks. Tell her that.

Well, I’m not gonna be falling for any more of his ludicrous tricks. They’re getting really tedious.

If you go upriver by yourself with that thing around your neck, you’re never gonna make it out alive.

Really?

We have to stick together.

Do we?

Yes, we do.

“We” is an interesting word, Frank. Because it sort of implies a bond of trust and honesty. Neither of which you know anything about, because you are a liar, Frank. You are selfish, you are arrogant, and I wouldn’t trust you as far as I could throw you, which clearly isn’t very far, because you are huge. So, there is no more “we,” actually. In fact, here’s the rest of your 12,000. Oh, and here’s a tip for such wonderful service.

This one is a driver.

TRIBESPEOPLE: Driver.

Yes. Use that for anything over 200 yards. Under that, you’ll need an iron.

War paint? Righto, yes.

For a warrior. Dilly!

Tickles.

This doesn’t appear to be coming off.

That’s ’cause it’s tattoo ink. It’ll come off eventually. In a few decades.

Oh, no.

VOICE: (WHISPERING) Francisco…

(SQUELCHING)

(ROARS)

(RUSTLING)

Lily!

Oh… Frank, what?

We have to get out of here now.

What?

Give me the Arrowhead.

LILY: Do you think I’m a fool? I think you must think I’m a fool.

VOICE: (WHISPERING) Francisco…

Francisco…

(WOMAN SCREAMING)

What’s going on?

That’s what I was trying to tell you.

(SCREAMING)

No.

(SPEAKING SPANISH) You seem surprised.

(IN ENGLISH) It’s impossible.

The myth is real.

(SPEAKS SPANISH) After 400 years… The Arrowhead… belongs to me.

(ALL GRUNTING)

(SPEAKING TUPI)

Save your family!

Yes!

(LILY GASPS)

Oh, God!

(SNAKE SQUEAKS)

Frank, Frank! Frank!

(FRANK GRUNTS)

(LILY GASPS)

(GRUNTS)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(FROGS CROAKING)

(FOOTSTEPS SLOSHING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(BEES BUZZING)

(GRUNTS)

Come on. I got you, Pants. Trust me.

Hold on!

(LILY SCREAMING)

(FRANK GRUNTS)

Frank? Frank, get it.

Hold on.

Come on.

(FRANK GRUNTING)

Frank, please.

I got it.

Frank.

I don’t got it.

Frank!

Oh, my God!

Frank, get off me! What’re you doing?

I’m trying to get traction.

LILY: This is ridiculous!

No, no, wait.

Just leave me alone! That was a disaster!

You’re too heavy.

MacGregor!

Lily?

(GRUNTS) Sorry.

(GRUNTING)

(YELLS)

(GROANS)

(WOMAN SHRIEKS)

(BABY YELLING)

(ALL SPEAK TUPI)

(BEES BUZZING)

(CHOKING)

Get off her!

(PANTING)

LILY: No!

Aguirre!

(GRUNTING)

(BEES BUZZING)

(BODY THUDS)

Driver.

Lovely shot, sir.

The Arrow.

(SNAKE SQUEAKS)

(GROANS)

(BOTH GASP)

(GRUNTS)

AGUIRRE: No!

Frank!

(GRUNTS)

TRADER SAM: We gotta go! Come on! Get in! Grab that knife! Now!

(YELPING)

Are you all right? What have you done?

My foot. (GROANS)

LILY: It’s all right. It’s all right.

Ow, ow, ow. (GROANING)

You must go. Get out of sight of the river and run. Aguirre only wants the Arrowhead. Just run as fast as you can.

Go.

They’re coming! Go! Get away from the river!

(BRANCHES CREAKING)

(PANTING)

(LILY WHIMPERS)

(GRUNTS)

(GONZALO SPEAKS SPANISH) I have her!

LILY: No!

AGUIRRE: (SPEAKS SPANISH) Give me the Arrowhead!

Aguirre, we’re too far from the river!

(SCREAMING)

(GROANING)

(GASPS, GROANS)

(YELLS)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAM ECHOES DISTANTLY)

(BREATHES HEAVILY)

(SCREAMS) Oh, my God!

It’s cool. It’s me. It’s me.

Whoo! (EXHALES HEAVILY)

(FROGS CROAKING)

(MELCHOR SPEAKING SPANISH) Did you see the Arrowhead? Have you really seen it?

Not only have I seen it, I held it in my hands.

Finally we can break the curse… and Francisco shall pay.

Forget about Francisco! The Arrowhead, Aguirre!

Only the Tears of the Moon can help us get out of this curse.

MELCHOR: This jungle is devouring our souls.

We are disgusting.

Speak for yourself. I am delicious.

(LAUGHS)

Do you really believe we still have souls?

That’s why we need the Tears of the Moon, they are our only hope. The woman in pants has the Arrowhead… and has taken it away from the river.

Because she knows we can’t follow her there.

The Prince. He can follow the Arrowhead. Tell him where she went.

You heard him. Tell the Prince.

(BEES BUZZING)


LILY: MacGregor! MacGregor! MacGregor! MacGregor!

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

Frank? Frank, you’re alive. How? How are you alive, Frank?

(FRANK PANTING)

I saw you die. I saw you fall. How are you alive?

Lily, I don’t care what you’ve done for me, if we make it out of here alive…

LILY: Oh, there you are.

…I am never leaving Kensington again.

Frank’s alive! (CHUCKLES)

Yeah. Frank’s alive.

Huh. Oh, um… You’ve got a little, um, something in your back.

LILY: Frank?

The name’s actually Francisco. Francisco Lopez de Heredia. And… I’m roughly 400 years old.

What?

I know it’s a lot to take in. I will explain to you the entire story…

There’s no blood in you.

Are you a ghost?

No, it’s complicated.

But clearly you’re… you’re not a human.

Okay, but it’s very hard to focus when I have a sword impaled in my heart. Trader Sam, I need you to come and pull.

Vampire?

I told you last time, I’m done pulling weapons out of you.

Oh, no.

It is, uh, Dr. Houghton, right?

Of Botany. Look at it. It’s just hanging out like that.

FRANK: Well, it’s how it’s made.

It’s got a very strange shape. Have you seen it out the back? It’s like… Woo… Like that.

Well, it’s not… It’s kinda actually just straight.

(SIGHS) One hand, two hand, what do you want?

Let’s try one. You’re gonna need two hands.

FRANK: No, no, no!

What, what, what?

Oh, my gosh! That hurts.

No, it doesn’t.

How do you know?

Frank, would you like to bite down on my stick?

Nope. I’m good. Thank you.

No, for the pain.

(MOUTHING)

I understand what it… What he means. But no.

There if you need it.

I just feel like you’re very uptight right now.

And it’s not helping me, ’cause I’m very nervous.

It’s okay to be nervous. It’s your first time.

Ooh! (SIGHS)

It is your first time, right?

Yes, you know it is, Frank.

I know, I know. I can tell.

(CLEARS THROAT)

I’ve done this hundreds of times.

I don’t know how to take that, Frank.

This is special.

Is it?

It is.

Slow!

What?

FRANK: Oh, you can’t do it like that. That’s way too hard.

LILY: Frank.

Would you like me to give it a wiggle?

Yes. Yes.

Absolutely not.

I could pop around the back and give it a once over.

No, we’re good.

Okay.

You know what always helps? If you put your foot on it.

I’m a little nervous.

Don’t be nervous. Frank, I’m gonna count to three.

You’re gonna… I’m counting or…

No, I’m counting.

One.

‘Cause… Ahhh!

(SNORING)

I dreamt I was lunching at Boodle’s.

(CHUCKLES)

FRANK: Hey, Doctor. We should go.

Of course.

No. You’ve done enough.

I can’t leave you alone out here.

Look at the state of you. And you can’t even walk.

Will you at least consider turning back?

I will be fine. I promise.

Do I smell?

Horrendously.


(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

We have visitors. Open the hatch.

(BEES BUZZING)

(SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

(PANICKED CHATTER)

(IN ENGLISH) Good afternoon, my friends.

(BEES CONTINUE BUZZING)

Something is there? What is there? You have found their river boat?

(BUZZING)

No? Not the river boat? The Arrowhead?

(BUZZING)

The Arrowhead? Yes. Show… Show me where.

We’re taking orders from a bee.

JOACHIM: Show me on the map. Here? Yes! You heard him. Change course!

Could you ask the bee for coordinates?

Don’t be ridiculous, Axel.

Thank you. (WHISPERS) Thank you.


395 years…

…five months and 13 days.

(SIGHS) I really thought you died.

Were you sad when I died?

I was very concerned.

For my soul.

For my expedition. And for you. So, what are you? You don’t bleed, I think you breathe. You’re not possible.

I don’t know what I am anymore. But I can tell you what I was. My father was a mercenary and he was recruited by Aguirre’s father in Algiers.

(SOFT INSTRUMENTAL ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

When my father died protecting him, he took me in. Raised Aguirre and me together, like brothers. Aguirre’s daughter Anna had fallen ill. She was all he had. He vowed he wouldn’t lose her.

(SPEAKING SPANISH) I will travel far. But I will come back to you with a Tear of the Moon. And you will run again in the moonlight. Healed.

(SOFT INSTRUMENTAL ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES)

FRANK: (IN ENGLISH) We fought the ocean, only to be beaten by the river. The jungle fought our every step. I would’ve done anything to find the Tears of the Moon and save Aguirre’s daughter. Even chart the Amazon.

LILY: You were Aguirre’s cartographer? You drew my map? Frank…

Really think my work is extraordinary?

I think you were a minor master of your time.

Minor?

(THUNDER BOOMS)

(COUGHS)

FRANK: One by one, the jungle took us. We were all but dead. Still, Aguirre wouldn’t turn back. There was no world for him without his daughter in it. And then they came. We would’ve all died had they not saved us with the Tears of the Moon. The petal’s magic was real. Its powers unlocked by the Chief and his daughter.

(CHANTING)

All that was broken, the petals mended. And all at once, we were revived. And Aguirre was happy, because he was closer than ever to finding a cure for his daughter.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

But he grew impatient. Aguirre demanded they give him the Arrowhead and take him to the Tree.

(SPEAKING SPANISH) You are not worthy.

FRANK: (IN ENGLISH) The Chief refused.

(YELLS)

(BLADE SWISHES)

(GASPS)

(ALL CLAMORING)

Despite all the kindness they’d shown us, he would’ve killed every last one of them.

(AGUIRRE SPEAKING SPANISH) She has the Arrowhead!

FRANK: (IN ENGLISH) I loved Aguirre, but I couldn’t be part of the madness.

(SPEAKING SPANISH) I’m not going to hurt you. I only want the Arrowhead.

FRANK: (IN ENGLISH) And I couldn’t just stand by.

(SPEAKING SPANISH) Give it to me!

(WOMAN SCREAMS)

Run!

(IN ENGLISH) No!

(SPEAKS SPANISH) A brother’s blade cuts deepest. Traitor.

(YELLS)

(DRAMATIC ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(CHANTING IN TUPI)

FRANK: (IN ENGLISH) The Chief knew he was breathing his last breath. And he used that breath to protect the Arrowhead and their sacred Tree. He cursed Aguirre. He cursed all of us, so that we could never leave sight of the river again.

(SPEAKING SPANISH) Where did she go? She can’t be far!

FRANK: (IN ENGLISH) Or the jungle would take us back to it, for all eternity.

(CONTINUES CHANTING IN TUPI)

(YELPS)

(SCREAMING)

FRANK: Aguirre hated me for betraying him. He found me over the years, and we fought. And fought again.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

FRANK: I got tired of being stabbed. So I made sure he would never hurt me or anyone else again.

(SCREAMING)

I trapped them in a cave.

(SPEAKING SPANISH) The river! Where is it?

FRANK: (IN ENGLISH) Where the jungle couldn’t take them back to the river.

(SPEAKING SPANISH) We have to get out of here!

(DRAMATIC ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES)

(ALL GRUNTING AND GROANING)

(GROANS)

Francisco, you will pay for this!

FRANK: (IN ENGLISH) And for 300 years, the jungle ravaged their bodies. Turning them into the monsters they are today. I don’t know how they got free, but I was safe for a long time.

What did you do?

Well, I made the best of it. I built a town. And that was fun. Made some friends. Lost some friends. That’s when I decided to search for the Tears of the Moon. I built a boat. And I named her after the goddess of the moon, Quila. I charted every inch of this river, searching. Till I finally gave up. And since I could never leave sight of the river, I started giving jungle cruises to tourists.

All that time, all alone…

(PROXIMA WHINES)

Well, not entirely alone, of course.

That’s right. Over the years, I would find strays that needed someone. The next, after the next, after the next. And la próxima, la próxima…

LILY: La próxima?

FRANK: Proxima, yes, I name ’em all Proxima.

Oh, la próxima.

Oh, but don’t worry, you’re my favorite girl.

MACGREGOR: (SINGING) Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily

Life is but a dream

You’re meant to join in on the second verse.

I’ll do it again, shall I?

(SINGING) Row, row, row…

I’m begging you, stop!

MACGREGOR: Are we there yet?

TRADER SAM: No!

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

Got one. I spy with my little eye something beginning with… “S.”

Thought you might want a lift.

Hey!

TRADER SAM: I don’t take lifts from strangers.

Cup of tea?

So, how do you enjoy this (IN THICK ACCENT) jungle?

I beg your pardon?

This jungle.

Yeah, sorry?

The jungle.

Try it slower.

The jungle.

Could you pop it in a sentence?

The trees, the bugs… The… The jungle.

The jungle?

Yes. That is what I said.

Right.

How do you enjoy it?

It’s actually rather grown on me.

I don’t care anymore.

(DEVICE WHISTLES)

AXEL: (ON SPEAKER) Sir, we have arrived at the target.

Ah. Time to make a deal.

(HORN TOOTS)

Look, right through here. You see the peaceful Puka Michuna tribe? With the touch of this button here, I could end 400 innocent lives. Their only crime being that they are still living. Your sister and the Arrowhead were here. Now, I need to know where she is going. The choice is yours. Do they live or do they die?

FRANK: Let me help you.

LILY: No, it’s my turn.

FRANK: Okay. You gotta listen to her.

(ENGINE THROBBING)

It’s perfect.

Pretty good.

Yeah. Now we can just cruise.

(SHIFTS GEAR)

(STEAM HISSES)

Do you know how many years people have been looking for that?

This old thing?

Yeah. That old thing.

How is it that you turn up with it?

Stole it.

You stole it?

Liberated it. How about that?

Okay. I’ve searched for this thing for so long, but I’m pretty sure it belongs to you.

What are you gonna do when you find the Tree?

Lift the curse.

And what will happen to you?

Well… (SIGHS) I get to make a choice. And I choose to rest. Hey, Lily, look. Everything that you see that’s new in this world, I’ve seen hundreds of thousands of times.

Yes, but none of it has been meaningful.

(ANIMAL HOOTS IN DISTANCE)

All right. Where are they?

I don’t actually recognize the specific…

(SHOUTS) Where?

There.

(BEES BUZZING)

I think you got it.

JOACHIM: The Tree is here and will be ours. I cannot share my discoveries with their masters.

You’ve been down here a while?


(ADVENTUROUS MUSIC PLAYING)

LILY: This has got to be “water to stone.” Do you think that we climb?

I don’t think we’re meant to go up.

We’re in luck. There’s a chamber down there with a lever in it. I think pulling it is the key.

LILY: That’s wonderful!

FRANK: It’s wonderful. It’s fantastic. Only problem is that the ancients who built all of this were on average narrower.

Mm-hmm.

So, it’s a great time for you to take the finest bath in all Brazil.

No, no, no. Frank, Frank, please!

Yes. Pants, listen…

I cannot swim, Frank. That is not something I can do.

You’ve never tried.

It’s not about trying. I have this very deep fear.

FRANK: I’ll do all the swimming.

Frank, please.

Listen… Look, I can’t do this without you. I need you. You have to trust me.

No, no. Frank, Frank, Frank, please.

I thought you might, uh…

Just turn around and look at the waterfall, Skippy. All right? Please.

Fine. Whew.

Don’t look.

Are you wearing pants under your pants?

Yes.

Oh, my God! Frank!

It’s okay. It’s okay. Here we go.

I’m not… No, no! Wait a minute! Something just touched my foot, Frank!

It’s okay, it’s okay. It was my foot.

(WHISPERS) Oh, I’m so sorry.

I’m very scared.

Okay. I got you. It’s okay. Breathe.

Ready? Okay.

Yes.

(BOTH INHALE DEEPLY)

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC CONTINUES)

(GROANS)

(GASPING)

(PANTING)

Lily! Lily, come on, come on. Come on. Lily, come on. Come on. Come on, Lily.

(COUGHS)

(FRANK GROANS)

What is the matter with you, Frank?

You’re alive!

How could you leave me?

I didn’t leave you. There was a lot of fish down there that…

What? Fish? Frank…

There were lot of piranha, they were coming after… I saved you. Look.

Don’t even look at me.

Fine.

“Turn water to stone…”

FRANK: After 400 years… I found it. We found it.

(LAUGHING)

Now you can be the Darwin of flowers.

The petal’s right there, you can be free. You can… I mean, it’s not like the river’s not beautiful, but you can go anywhere and you can see the world. You can come to London. I’m from London. I could show it to you. I even have a motor car. I could be like your skipper, Skippy… If you want.

Lily, I would love to do all that with you. But I’ve made up my mind. There is no London for me after this. There’s no motor car. I’m ready.

LILY: (SOFTLY) No.

It’s my time. It was my time long ago.

No. No, I don’t accept it. You could have one more life.

Luckily for me, it’s my choice.

Well, it shouldn’t be, because you have very poor judgement.

But you have your world to go back to. It’s your world.

But it could be yours, too. It could be that one person’s world enough.

Could be. … Lily…

(METALLIC GROANING)

Lily.

Hello. Small chance I told a madman with a cannon where to find you.

(BEE BUZZING)

(MEN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)

JOACHIM: Oh, so, we finally meet. Wow. Big, strong boy, huh?

(GUNS COCK)

Go to the bridge. Go. … I believe this belongs to you. Now, the Arrowhead, please?

(GUN COCKS)

LILY: No, no, no.

Such an imaginative woman seeking the Tears of the Moon to share with the scientific community that won’t even permit you, Fräulein, to sit among them. To put that tremendous power into the hands of the masses would be pure madness. When I could use the Tears, not only to win the war, but to reign for all generations to come.

JOACHIM: (SPEAKING GERMAN) Take them away.

(RUSHES IN GERMAN)

(IN ENGLISH) Eyes ahead. Navigate to the Tree.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(SLOW DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

This Tree is long dead. You know more about the Tears of the Moon than anyone, so… you know how to make it bloom. You will do this for me.

And when you have what you want, what’s to stop you from killing us then?

I could kill you now.

(GUN COCKS)

I’ll do it. If you promise to let them go and give me one single petal in return. I know the myths and the ancient ways as if I’ve lived them myself.

(WHISPERS) Frank, do not…

FRANK: If anyone here is going to bring the Tears of the Moon, it’s me.

(JOACHIM SPEAKS GERMAN)

(IN ENGLISH) If you can make the Tree bloom, you may have your petal. You have my word.

There’s no other way.

But the little brother stays on the boat.

Little brother? I have a name.

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

Wow, it is wonderful. (CHUCKLES) Go ahead.

The Arrowhead should fit here.

(EXCLAIMS IN GERMAN)

You better go help him. Go.

LILY: No.

No?

(SPEAKS GERMAN)

(GUN COCKS)

I’ll do it if you give me a petal as well.

If I give you a petal as well… One petal. Not two. You must choose. What do you think, Muscles? Will you sacrifice your petal for her?

She’d have to kill me first.

Ja? (CHUCKLES)

Done.

Done.

“Broken-hearted warrior climbed to the highest peak and shot his arrow into the Moon. From there, the Moon learned real pain and began to weep. Where the Tears fell grew a sacred Tree…”

(COMMUNICATING IN GERMAN)

Rum-pum-pum-pum…

(BOTH SINGING GERMAN FOLK SONG)

Give me the Arrow.

(SINGING CONTINUES)

(IN ENGLISH) Hurry up!

(GUNSHOT)

(RESUMES SINGING IN GERMAN)

(CONTINUES FIRING GUN)

Trader Sam said we would need to fix a broken heart. It’s not an Arrowhead, it’s a heart. You can’t mend a heart that isn’t…

…broken.

(ENCHANTING MUSIC PLAYING)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC CONTINUES)

(GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

(GRUNTS)

I’ll take that petal now.

(CHUCKLES)

(WATER SLOSHES)

(GRUNTS)

“Under the crying Moon…”

We must pluck the petals before it sets. Go! Hurry!

(SHUSHES QUIETLY)

(MEN GRUNTING)

(GROANS)

(GROANS)

Every time.

Sorry.

(YELLS)

(WHISTLES)

(GROWLS)

(MEN SCREAMING)

Shoot!

(GUNSHOTS)

(GRUNTS)

Good murder cat.

(PURRS)

Where’s Lily?

Up there.

(SIGHS) Here we go again.

(PANTING)

MACGREGOR: The Moon’s setting. The Tree is dying.

(GRUNTING)

Whoa.

Come on.

Yes!

(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING)

(BRANCH CREAKS)

(GASPS)

(GRUNTS)

Lily!

(GRUNTING)

(BRANCHES CREAKING)

This is a amusingly familiar situation, no? Give me that petal.

No.

You are about to die one way or another, but if you do not give me that petal, so, too, will your brother. His will be much more slower. Give me that petal.

(GRUNTS)

Just one is enough. Give it to me.

Never. Frank!

Let go of me!

(SCREAMS)

Take the wheel. Hold her steady.

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(WHIMPERING)

You’re the best cat I’ve ever had.

(PROXIMA PURRS)

(BUZZING)

Get off!

(SPEAKING SPANISH) It looks like you haven’t been very nice… to my little friends.

(IN ENGLISH) Aguirre, help me to get the petal! I’ll give you anything you want! Money, ships… Spain!

Royalty is not to be trusted.

(GROANS)

(SPEAKING SPANISH) Aguirre, the woman in pants…

Get her!

Aguirre!

Francisco has the petal! Stop him!

This is where you get off.

What?

Tell Lily she would’ve been world enough for me.

Where are you going?

Proxima. You protect him, you’re in charge. Go.

(WHINES)

Goodbye, girl.

(WHIMPERS)

Let’s give ’em one last cruise, mi buena niña. There’s only one way to end this. Come and get me.

(GRUNTS)

Lily.

(ENGINE THROBBING)

(FRANK GRUNTING)

He’s going to crash.

No, he’s gonna block the river.

(GROWLS)

Francisco! Give me the petal!

SANCHO: (SPEAKS SPANISH) He has the petal in his pocket!

(IN ENGLISH) Enough is enough!

It’s now time for you to die!

Right. I think we’ve had quite enough of you.

(GRUNTING)

Good night.

(GROANS)

(CURSES IN GERMAN)

(GASPS)

Not exactly what I intended.

(GROANS)

(YELLS)

(GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

A brother’s blade cuts deepest.

(CHOKING)

Give me the petal.

MACGREGOR: He told me to tell you, you would have been world enough for him.

Where’s the petal?

(SNAKES SNARLING)

(SIGHS)

I’m sorry, old friend.

MACGREGOR: He wanted you to have it.

(SPEAKING SPANISH) Stop the boat! Stop it!

Frank.

Wait.

Frank, no!

(IN ENGLISH) No!

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTING)

(SCREAMING)

Francisco, what have you done?

This is worse than death! This is torture!

(BOTH SCREAM)

(BOTH SCREAM)

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

(WHINES)

Oh, you are the most infuriating man I’ve ever met.

Lily…

(DEEP EXHALE)

(PURRS)

(PROXIMA GROWLS SOFTLY)

Frank.

(UPLIFTING MUSIC PLAYING)

Frank!

Oh, you’re bleeding.

(GROANS) That hurts.

It does?

Yeah.

Well, that’s good.

I can’t believe you shot me.

I know.

Twice.

I know, but you didn’t go down the first time. You should’ve just gone down.

You’re both my world.

(LAUGHING)

(PROXIMA PURRS)

(BELL JINGLING)

(SHOUTS IN PORTUGUESE)

(ZAQUEU CONTINUES SHOUTING)

(SIGHS)

(PROXIMA YAWNS)

Well, well, well…

Nilo. Now you have all the boats.

(THANKS IN ITALIAN)

Take care of her.

(ASSENTS IN ITALIAN)

(GROWLS)

MACGREGOR: I stand before you today to tell you about the Tears of the Moon. The legend is true. Our party traveled further into the Amazon than any expedition had previously dared. On our trip, the lines between life and death, past and present, vanished. I witnessed things not to be believed. Enchanted dolphins that could haunt one’s dreams. Undead conquistadors, cursed as prisoners of the jungle for nearly 400 years. A tribe whose chief, a lady…

(CROWD EXCLAIMS DISAPPROVINGLY)

No! It actually worked rather well. My point is, this was a journey the likes of which this society has never seen. An adventure truly worthy of this association. But is this association worthy of our great adventure? You see, we didn’t seek the Tears of the Moon so that we could be written up in some journal for a load of crusty old farts.

(CROWD EXCLAIMS DISAPPROVINGLY)

My sister, who just made full professor at Cambridge, has asked me to respectfully reject your invitation of membership on her behalf. Which I will do. Just not respectfully. Gentlemen, you can take your invitation and you can shove it up your association.

(CROWD SHOUTING ANGRILY)

MAN: How dare you!

(WOMEN LAUGHING)

(HORN TOOTS)

Ready for your first driving lesson?

I think so, Pants.

I hope you know what you’re getting yourself into here, Frank.

A car.

LILY: Oh, your jokes. They will be the death of me.

(ENGINE STARTS)

They are absolutely exhausting.

Wow, Lily.

Did you like it?

It was good.

Yeah.

Are you proud?

(TIRES SQUEAL)

Oh! Frank, Frank, Frank! Oh, my goodness!

FRANK: Okay, I got it.

Frank, for goodness’ sake!

FRANK: I got it, I got it.

LILY: Turn now! Turn now! Turn now!

FRANK: I got it all under control, Pants.

(LILY WHIMPERING)

(UPBEAT ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(ADVENTUROUS ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(BIRD CALLING)

(INSECTS CHIRPING)

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