Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation (2018)
Director: Genndy Tartakovsky
Writers: Genndy Tartakovsky, Michael McCullers
Based on: Characters by Todd Durham
Stars: Adam Sandler, Andy Samberg, Selena Gomez, Kevin James, David Spade, Steve Buscemi, Keegan-Michael Key, Molly Shannon, Fran Drescher, Mel Brooks, Kathryn Hahn, Jim Gaffigan
Release dates: June 13, 2018 (AIAFF), July 13, 2018 (United States)
Plot: In 1897, Dracula and his friends travel in disguise on a train to Budapest, the capital of the Hungarian part of Austria-Hungary. However, Drac’s arch-nemesis Professor Abraham Van Helsing boards the train and unveils the monsters; the monsters escape by climbing through the roof, and Drac pushes his friends off the train for their safety. Van Helsing becomes obsessed with destroying Drac but is constantly outsmarted by him.
In the present day, one year after the second film, Drac is running his hotel business smoothly with Mavis and Johnny. Drac is depressed that he has remained single since his wife Martha’s death despite his attempts to meet someone. Misinterpreting this as stress from overwork, Mavis books a cruise so they can all take a break and spend more time together as a family. Drac, Johnny, Mavis, Dennis, Vlad, and the hotel guests board a cruise ship called Legacy. Drac sees the ship’s captain, Ericka, and falls in love with her at first sight, something that he thought was impossible as he had already “zinged” before.
Ericka afterwards goes to a private and secret room on the lower decks where she meets up with Abraham van Helsing, secretly her great-grandfather. Van Helsing has almost entirely mechanized his body to avoid death and has a plan to eliminate all the monsters: on the cruise’s arrival at the lost city of Atlantis, he will use an Instrument of Destruction in Atlantis’ ruins. Van Helsing makes Ericka promise to not assassinate Drac beforehand, but she makes repeated unsuccessful attempts to do so anyway. Drac’s friends hear Ericka complain about her inability to get him and misinterpret this as a sign of affection. Drac nervously asks Ericka out on a date, and she accepts since she sees this as another opportunity to kill him. As they dine on a deserted island, Ericka unexpectedly begins to fall in love with Drac, after they learn about each other’s pasts where they lost their loved ones – for Drac, it was his beloved Martha and for Ericka, it was her parents.
Mavis discovers her father is interested in Ericka and becomes suspicious of Ericka’s motives. The cruise ship reaches Atlantis, which has been converted into a casino. Drac decides to tell Mavis the truth about Ericka but gets distracted seeing Ericka enter an underground crypt. Drac follows her, with Mavis not far behind, and learns that Ericka is after a “family heirloom”. With Drac’s help, she evades the booby traps around the object and escapes. Mavis arrives and confronts them, and Drac confesses that he “zinged” with Ericka, to Mavis’s surprise and confusion. After Ericka is told what a “zing” is, her inner guilt about lying to Drac forces her to reject his feelings for her, leaving Drac heartbroken and Mavis feeling guilty.
A regretful Ericka gives van Helsing the heirloom, and he sets a trap for the monsters at a dance party. Noticing that Drac is still depressed about Ericka, Mavis takes advice from Johnny and tells her father to talk to Ericka, admitting that she was afraid of him leaving her, which allays Drac’s fears. Van Helsing shows up and pushes away the DJ and a saddened Ericka is forced to reveal that she is his great-granddaughter. Van Helsing reveals that the heirloom is the Instrument of Destruction—a case for a music note sheet—and plays a song that drives a friendly Kraken living near the island to attack the monsters. Drac tries to stop the evil Kraken but gets injured. Ericka saves Drac from the evil Kraken and pleads with her great-grandfather to stop the destruction, confessing her love for Drac. This infuriates Van Helsing, and he attacks them both.
To pacify the evil Kraken, Johnny opens up a portable DJ kit and plays positive songs to beat van Helsing’s song. Upon playing the “Macarena”, the Kraken is relaxed and happy for good. Van Helsing is unable to counter the song as the humans and monsters begins to dance, including the music sheet, which rips itself to pieces during the process. When van Helsing also dances, he accidentally slips and falls, but Drac saves him. Touched by the act of kindness, van Helsing apologizes to the monsters and gives everybody a full refund for the cruise, before sending them back.
Back at the hotel, Drac proposes to Ericka, who gets tongue-tied at the question before accepting.
* * *
Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation (2018) | Transcript
(ENGINE CHUGGING)
(TRAIN HOOTING)
Budapest.
The next stop’s Budapest.
(ALL GASPING) Budapest is the next stop.
Budapest.
Tickets, ladies.
(IN FALSETTO) Oop, here you go.
(IN FALSETTO) Here’s mine.
(IN FALSETTO) And mine.
(IN FALSETTO) Mine, too!
(IN FALSETTO) Here you go!
Thank you, young man.
(IN NORMAL VOICE) Man, I hate wearing disguises.
These heels are killing me.
Okay, take it down a notch.
We don’t want to alarm the humans.
(BOY WHIMPERING) Psst. Drac.
(GERMAN ACCENT) I’m about to und freak out!
You’re a nice kitty.
I’m und kittycat.
Meow. Meow!
(ALL GASPS) Oh, no, not this clown again.
Good evening, travelers.
I am Professor Abraham Van Helsing.
Yes. One of the Van Helsings.
For centuries, my family has protected humanity from the evils of monsters.
So you can believe me when I tell you, there are monsters hiding amongst you!
(LOUD CLUCKING) But fear not, for I am a professional, and I know how to flush out these beasts and bring them into the light!
Fire bad!
(YOWLING)
(SCREAMING)
(CHICKEN CLUCKING) (ALL WHIMPERING) (YELPING) FRANKENSTEIN: Whoa!
Sorry, guys.
(ALL SCREAMING) (ALL GRUNTING AND GROANING) (MURRAY SCREAMING) Finally! First I kill Dracula, and then the rest of the monsters!
Why do you keep doing this?
Your dad, your grandfather, your greatgreatgranny…
I defeated them all.
When will you Van Helsings ever learn to let go of the hate?
Never! Because you, monster, are a…
(HIGHPITCHED) Eh, squeak, squeak.
What? A mouse?
VAN HELSING: Ahhh!
You can’t run from me, Prince of Darkness!
I will hunt you for all eternity!
(SCREAMS) I swear I will never rest until I destroy you… (GROANS) And… (YELPS) Every… (GROANS) Other…
Monster… Ow!
If it’s the last thing…
(GROANS) I… (GRUNTS) Ever… (GROANS) Do!
(THUNDER CRASHING) Boy, that guy is annoying.
Maybe one day there will be a place where monsters can go to get away from it all, take a vacation.
Who knows, maybe even get married.
Wouldn’t that be something?
(SCREAMING) (THUNDER CRASHING)
(♫ “HERE COMES THE BRIDE” PLAYING ♫)
(♫ BAND MOANING MELODY ♫)
GUESTS: Hmm?
(BABIES BAWLING IN DISTANCE)
(SHUSHING) It’s okay.
Oh, when is this thing starting?
Aw, you made them cry, Wayne.
All except this little one.
Coochiecoochie…
WAYNE: That’s Sunny. She doesn’t cry.
(YELPING IN PAIN)
She bites.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
This is a very special moment, Carl.
(WHIMPERING) Any second, your beautiful bride is going to walk right down the aisle.
Oh, no, Drac, she’s not coming.
(AIR DEFLATING)
Oh, don’t worry.
Mavis is with her.
I’m sure everything is under control.
Mavey, is everything under control?
Um, yep, just a slight case of prewedding jitters.
(SCREAMING) Ahhh!
(HISSING) (WHIMPERING) Yep, everything is fine here.
(SOBBING) Please try to relax, Lucy.
I’ve taken care of everything.
The wedding is going to be perfect.
It’s not that.
Just, how do I know I’m doing the right thing?
(BLOWING NOSE)
(GLASS SHATTERS)
(CRYING)
I know just how you feel.
The day I married Johnny was the best day of my life, but I was so nervous.
Not as nervous as I was.
And you should have seen my dad.
He was a mess.
I wouldn’t get out of my coffin that night.
But he knew it was meant to be.
It doesn’t matter where you come from or how different you are.
A Zing only happens once in your life, and you have to cherish it.
(CRIES, CHUCKLES) ALL: Aww.
You’re right! Thank you!
(GRUNTING) Okay. All right. Okay.
Oh. Uh… Okay.
(FORCED CHUCKLE) (BLABBING) I do.
(BLABBING) I do.
(BLABBING)
(♫ “WEDDING MARCH” PLAYING ♫)
(ALL CHEERING, WHOOPING)
(DISTANT THUDDING, RUMBLING)
Do you hear that?
Yes. I thought we locked him in his room.
We did!
(BARKING)
DENNIS: Whoa! Whoa!
(PANTING)
Hi, Mom. Hi, Papa.
Dennis!
Dennis!
Tinkles was crying, so we let him out.
(BARKING) Ahhh!
Tinkles, sit!
(TINKLES WHINING) DRACULA: Ah. Whose idea was it to let Dennis have a puppy?
Um… Yours?
(CHUCKLES SHEEPISHLY) (STAMMERS) Right.
Poor Tinkles.
MAVIS: Dennis…
Look, honey, I know you love Tinkles, but we’re not allowed to bring our dogs…
(GASPS)
Uh… I mean, our pets everywhere.
Okay?
Okay.
(♫ UPBEAT POP MUSIC PLAYING ♫)
♫ I’m in love ♫
♫ I’m in love with a monster ♫
DJ Jazzy Johnny in the house. It’s time to welcome the happy couple, Mr. and Mrs. Prickles!
(♫ “ALWAYS AND FOREVER” PLAYING ♫)
CROWD: Aw!
JONATHAN: The bride and groom invite everyone to join them on the dance floor.
♫ Always and forever ♫
FEMALE MONSTER: Care to dance?
♫ Each moment with you ♫
GRIFFIN: Is that her?
Ooh! Watch out now.
She got stitches in all the right places.
Okay, there’s no way that is related to you, Frank.
No, she’s my right arm’s cousin.
(CHUCKLES)
(BONES CRUNCHING)
Ay! Oh!
Oh!
GRIFFIN: Ah! I see it now.
Frank wanted me to meet you.
(BONES CRUNCHING) We’re arm cousins, twice removed.
DRACULA: Of course.
I’d recognize that bicep anywhere.
He thought, since we’re both single, we might hit it off, maybe go on a date?
DRACULA: “Date”? Oh!
Well, eh, it’s just that, eh…
(♫ ROCK MUSIC BEGINS ♫)
Whoa!
The DJ booth is a sacred space!
(GIGGLES) I love this song!
(GIGGLING) Don’t you?
Dracula?
Oh, where’d he go?
Dracula?
(DEEP GROWL) What’s the matter, Drac, you didn’t like her?
No offense, but you can’t be too picky.
You haven’t had a date in 100 years.
Look, guys, I appreciate your concern, but it’s not up to me.
You only Zing once, and I did.
Times have changed, buddy.
You can even find someone to Zing with on your phone now.
What? Really?
Oh. Oh, no, no, no.
I’m far too busy.
I have Mavis and Dennis and the hotel, and blah, blah-blah.
Um, did you guys hear that?
He actually said, “Blah, blah-blah.”
I don’t say, “Blah, blah-blah”!
(BEEPS)
(AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE SPEAKING)Â Eh, uh, I’m looking for a Zing.
Okay. Changing phone ring.
(RINGTONE PLAYS) No, no.
I’m looking for a date.
(AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE SPEAKING) No, no, no.
I want to meet someone.
(AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE SPEAKING) Are you kidding me right now?
Don’t you get it?
I want to go on a date!
I’m… lonely.
(AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE SPEAKING)
You want baloney.
(GROANS)
(CELL PHONE CONTINUES PINGING)
(DRACULA SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
(MUMBLES) What? Look at that hair.
Come on.
Ah. Too many eyes.
Too few eyes.
Not into tentacles.
(CELL PHONE CHIMES) “Match found”?
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
No, no, no!
First things first.
(CATS SNARL)
Whoa!
I’m not into games. You’d better have a job, and my cats have to like you.
(CATS YOWLING)
(DRACULA EXCLAIMING)
DRACULA: Oh, no.
Oh, whoa, no.
Dad?
Oh! Mavis! Oh.
Uh, what are you doing here?
I was just checking on the honeymoon suite, and I heard something.
Oh, I’m sorry, my little bedbug.
I wa… I was just cleaning the attic.
(♫ SCATTING MELODY ♫)
It’s so dirty, ah, yes…
WITCH: (OVER PHONE) Who is that?
Are you on the phone?
What, this? I was just, eh… trying to find a maid
to help me with the mess.
WITCH: A maid? Who do you think…
Thank you, I’ll check your references and get back to you. Goodbye!
(♫ RESUMES SCATTING MELODY ♫)
Dad.
(STAMMERS) Stop trying to hide it from me.
Hide? Who?
I mean, what? Me?
Yes.
And I know what it is.
Uh… Really?
You’re stressed out from working too hard.
Oh!
Okay, yes.
You got me, yes.
Hey, it’s a big hotel, you know?
Can’t get to everything.
But what about you?
You’re pretty busy yourself.
I know. It seems like now that we’re working together more, we’re seeing each other less.
Ah. Yeah.
You’re absolutely right.
I am working too much, you’re working too much.
We should really take a break, starting right now.
Nightnight.
(SIGHS) WITCH: I’m still here!
(CAT YOWLS)
(♫ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING ON TV ♫)
(ALL SNORING) Aww.
Oh! Hey, honey.
You ready for… (YAWNS) date night?
(YAWNS)
Aww.
That’s okay, sweetheart.
You rest.
(RESUMES SNORING)
(SIGHS) You know, Dad’s right.
We need a break.
We need to all be together again, like a family.
Like we used to.
MAN: (ON TV) Are you overworked and stressed out?
(GRUNTS)
Do you need some family time? Are you a monster? Then you need a vacation, a monster vacation.
♫ Sail away, sail away, sail away ♫
STEWARDESS: Welcome aboard Gremlin Air.
(ENGINE SPUTTERING) (CACKLING)
Ah!
(SCREAMS)
(SHOUTING GIBBERISH)
(CACKLING)
(GREMLINS GRUNTING AND CHATTERING)
(GREMLIN CACKLING)
Ladies and gentlemen, please direct your attention to the front of the cabin.
For your safety, please unbuckle your seat belts.
Ooh.
(SCREAMS, GRUNTS)
(ENGINE SPUTTERING)
In the likely event we experience a sudden drop in cabin pressure, oxygen will be provided.
(GREMLIN BLOWING) Can I stow that for you, sir?
All right. Thanks.
Beverages. Snacks. Beverages.
Beverages. Snacks.
Beverages.
(BUZZING)
(BONES CRUNCH)
Ahhh!
Coffee?
That would be lovely.
(SCREAMING)
(RUBBER DUCKY SQUEAKING)
(CACKLES)
(GRUNTS)
Mavis, please, you’re torturing me.
You know I hate surprises.
(CHUCKLES) This is a fun surprise.
There are no fun surprises.
Just tell me where we’re going.
Why are we on a plane?
We can fly, you know.
Back in my day, people took trains.
Now, that’s classy.
Sure, Dad. Forty hours in a closet-sized room with you and Uncle Bernie and his smelly cigars, arguing who was more attractive, Cleopatra or Nefertiti.
(GROANS) Nefertiti.
Okay, Dad, thank you.
(LAUGHS) Mavis, this is such an amazing surprise!
I can’t wait to spend time with the people I love most.
But I beg of you, tell me where we’re going!
Nope. I’ve taken care of everything, so you don’t need to worry.
You’ve been so stressed out lately.
It’s time for you to relax.
(MAVIS CHUCKLES)
(GRUNTS)
Now, isn’t that better?
Oh, yes.
So relaxed.
I’m gonna go check on you-know-who.
I’ll be right back.
I have to go to the bathroom.
(GREMLIN CACKLES) Hey, did you see that?
Dennis went to the bathroom!
Uh… Okay.
Psst. Hey, where are you?
(WHINES) There you are, Tinkles.
Don’t worry, we’d never leave you home alone.
PILOT: (OVER P.A.) Okay, folks, you’re free to move about the cabin, as we have started our descent.
(ENGINE WHINES) (SCREAMING)
(OVEN DINGS)
(MUZAK PLAYING)
(ALARM BEEPING)
So, any big plans for the weekend there, Bill?
Oh, you know, the usual.
Got to take the kids to soccer.
(BOTH SLURPING)
STEWARDESS: Snacks. Beverages.
Snacks. Beverages. Snacks.
(HULL CREAKING)
Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve arrived at our destination, the Bermuda Triangle.
ALL: Ooh!
(PASSENGERS WHOOPING, LAUGHING)
Welcome to the Bermuda Triangle, where you’ll embark on a monster cruise of a lifetime.
A cruise?
Surprise!
(GRUMBLES) Oh, no, you… No.
But it’s… just like a hotel… on the water.
I just figured you need a vacation from running everyone else’s vacation.
You’ve barely been out of the hotel since…
Well, since Mom died.
But this is a chance to make new memories, with all of us.
With Dennis.
Boat!
Boat!
Who made you such an amazing daughter?
You.
(CHUCKLES) That’s right!
What a father I am.
Come on, Denisovich, let’s get cruising!
DENNIS: Yay!
(DRACULA CHUCKLES)
(WITCHES CACKLING)
(WHOOPING, CACKLING)
DENNIS: Wow!
(ALL GASPS)
(HORN BLOWING)
(FAINT CHEERING)
(PUPPIES CRYING AND GROWLING)
Okay. Smile.
(CRYING RESUMES)
Thank you.
(CACKLING) Ow!
DENNIS: “No pets allowed”?
Uhoh.
Perfect.
(GROANS) FISH MAN: Welcome aboard.
How are you doing?
Dennis, come on.
FISH MAN: Nice to see you.
Oh, lovely shirt. Yes.
Oh, hello. Welcome aboard.
Uh, this is Bob.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Say hi, Bob.
“Hi, Bob.”
Oh, my gosh, Griffin.
I’m, like, so excited.
This is, like, the nicest hotel I’ve ever been to.
GRIFFIN: Yeah! (CHUCKLES) Man, this is amazing!
There’s so much to do!
Olympic-size swimming pool…
All-you-can-eat buffet?! (MUFFLED GRUNTING) Full-service Spa?!
Whoo! I’m gonna get me a seaweed rewrap!
Wow, it sounds like everything we can do at our hotel!
Except on the water!
(MURRAY CACKLING)
(FIREWORKS EXPLODING)
(SHRIEKING)
(CROWD GASPING)
(WHINING)
(CROWD GASPING)
ALL: Ooh! Ah!
(GIGGLING)
Wow!
You nailed it, honey.
Your dad is going to love this!
Best summer vacation ever!
Wait till you see the itinerary.
(FIREWORK EXPLODES)
Oh!
That’s nice.
Frank, “Fire bad.” Remember?
Oh, yeah, right, but, uh… maybe you’ll find your own fireworks on the cruise, huh?
It’s not the Love Boat, Frank.
I’m just here to have fun with my family.
(GRUNTING)
DRACULA: Huh?
Ha!
Ahoy there!
Welcome aboard!
(GREETS IN SPANISH)
(GREETS IN GERMAN)
(GREETS IN RUSSIAN)
(GREETS IN OTHER LANGUAGE)
(PURRS)
(DEEP GROWL)
Whoa! Who is that?
I am Captain Ericka.
And, yes, I’m human.
But don’t hold that against me.
I could not be more excited to have all of you onboard our first-ever monster cruise!
(ALL CHEERING)
(RAPID HEARTBEAT)
Whoohoo! (CHUCKLES) Dad? Are you okay?
Eeny feeny fanny foonyah wah wah?
Oh, no! He’s having a heart attack!
Drac? Not likely.
Yeah, the only heart attack that can hurt him is with a wooden stake.
It must be a stroke!
Actually, I think it might be her.
Ow! Watch where you’re pointing, mister, I’m right here.
You always stand so close to me.
It’s creepy.
For so long, monsters were hiding, living in the shadows, but not anymore!
You’ve stood up and waved your hand or claw or tentacle and said, “We’re here, we’re hairy, and it is our right to be scary!”
(ALL CHEERING)
Now it’s time to celebrate!
You’ll enjoy gourmet dining, thrilling adventures, and nonstop entertainment, all on the way to our final destination, the lost city that isn’t lost anymore, Atlantis!
(CROWD CHEERING)
Oh, yeah!
Whoo-hoo!
Whoa!
The fish are acrobats!
They’re fishcrobats!
(JONATHAN GRUNTING)
(MAVIS CHUCKLES) Hello. How y’all doing?
(♫ SULTRY MUSIC PLAYING ♫)
So…
You must be the one and only Dracula.
I have waited so long to meet you.
Wow, you really don’t age, do you?
I would kill for your skin.
(CHUCKLES) Eh doobeeday shoolah eh koobeeday?
Oh. You’re speaking Transylvanian.
Oh. Always wanted to learn.
Uh, eh doobeeday shoolah koobeeday?
Eh koobeeday.
Koobeeday.
Eh koobeeday.
Koobeeday.
Eh doobeeday shoolah koobeeday.
Doolahday shoolah koobeeday.
Oh, such a romantic language.
You know, there’s just something about an accent that makes a man sound so intelligent.
Alibooboo.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) That’s Transylvanian right there.
He’s saying it’s…
“It’s nice to meet you”.
(CHUCKLES) Well, then “alibooboo” to you as well.
Alibooboo. Alibooboo.
Drac! Drac, snap out of it.
Wait, wait. I’ve always wanted to do this.
Wake up! Wake up, Drac!
(SLAPPING) Snap out of it!
Hey, cut it out!
Hey, buddy, you okay?
No, not okay.
Not okay!
(STAMMERS) I… I…
I…
Zinged.
(♫ PARTY MUSIC PLAYING ♫)
(LIVELY CHATTER)
(♫ PLAYING “DOWNTOWN” ♫)
(♫ SPOKEN SINGING ♫)
♫ I went to the moped store, I said, “Sell it” ♫
♫ Salesman’s like, “What up? What’s your budget?” ♫
♫ And I’m like, “Honestly, I don’t know nothin’ about mopeds” ♫
♫ He said, “I got the one for you, follow me” ♫
♫ Ooh, it’s too real ♫
♫ A chromedout mirror, I don’t need a windshield ♫
(♫ VLAD SCATTING JAUNTY TUNE ♫)
Mmm!
VLAD: ♫ It’s a lovely day ♫
Ooh!
Oh!
Check that out!
VLAD: Ah! (CHUCKLES) (SIGHS) Here we go.
Mmm, yummy.
(GROWLS)
(GRUNTING) (SIGHS)
WITCH: Ah!
WOMAN: ♫ Auf Wiedersehen ♫
♫ Danke schoen ♫
(MUFFLED GROANING)
(GASPS)
(MUFFLED GROANING)
(RETCHES) Papa.
(BARKING, CRYING)
(GASPING)
(PUPPIES WAILING) “Kids Club.”
What’s a kids club?
(MONSTER BABY BELCHES)
(GRUNTS, GIGGLES) Whee!
Whee!
Fish.
That’s right, dear.
I’m still not sure I understand.
You take my kids, all day, on purpose?
Fish.
That’s right.
What exactly don’t you understand?
Why? Ow!
Shh.
So they can have a great time, and you can have a great time.
(SNIFFLES)
Fish.
Oh, don’t worry, you’ll get them back at the end of the day.
Fish.
Oh, well. That’s better than nothing.
(WHISTLES) Oh. Oh!
So…
(GLASS SHATTERS) What do we do now?
I think… I think we do whatever we want.
“Whatever we want”?
Whatever we want.
Whatever we want.
Whatever we want!
BOTH: (CHANTING) Whatever we want.
Stop! Help me!
Whatever we want.
Whatever we want.
Whatever we want.
Oh, hi. Hello.
How y’all doin’?
Oh. (CHUCKLING)
Good evening, Captain.
Oh, well, hello. Oh, my goodness.
Ah! (CHUCKLES) Would you mind uh… lifting, uh… lifting your tail? You know…
Oh! Certainly.
Okay. Thank you so much.
Oh, hello.
Welcome aboard.
Ugh! You were so right, Great-Grandfather.
Monsters are disgusting!
VAN HELSING: They’re animals!
(CHUGGING, SQUEAKING) I’ll be right there.
(PANTS, GROANS) (SQUEAKING, SPUTTERING) Dracula, is he onboard?
Yes. I saw him.
Face-to-face. Ugh!
I was so nice to him.
That pale face of his and his goofy smile, showing off his fangs.
Argh, it’s just like you taught me!
It’s even worse than I feared!
It was that fateful night that I realized a human could never defeat a monster.
(SCREAMING)
But I wouldn’t let our family legacy die. And so, I began to search for an answer. And I saw it in an ancient text, an instrument of destruction so powerful it destroyed Atlantis, a whole city of monsters. (CHUCKLES) And there, deep within the rubble, it lay, waiting.
Endlessly, I searched for the lost city Time passed, and my body began to fail me.
Oh, it was so sad, Ericka.
First my liver, then my spleen, followed by a kidney or two.
Then my golden locks.
(MOANS) But I wouldn’t let that stop me.
I replaced my failing organs with technology!
Haha!
And look at me now.
Mmmhmm!
Oh, girl, it’s an improvement, really.
Um… sure.
And now, after 120 years, I have finally found Atlantis.
Oh, forget about all this!
Let me get rid of Dracula right now.
I was so close to him, I could’ve just…
(GRUNTING) No, no, no!
We have to stick to the plan.
Lure the monsters to Atlantis, retrieve the instrument of destruction, trap them there, and then wipe them out.
It’s simple, Ericka!
Now, promise me you won’t try and kill Dracula.
Ugh, fine!
I promise.
Promise what?
(GROANS) I promise I won’t try and kill Dracula. Okay?
(SNORING) Ugh.
Don’t worry, Great-Grandfather, I won’t try and kill him…
I will kill him.
♫ Tonight… ♫
♫ I just want to take you higher ♫
♫ Put yo’ pinky rings up to the moon ♫
♫ Girls ♫
♫ What y’all tryin’ to do? ♫
♫ 24karat magic in the air ♫
♫ Headtotoe ♫
Whew!
♫ Uh, look out ♫
(EVIL CHUCKLE)
♫ Pop, pop, it’s showtime ♫
♫ Showtime ♫
♫ Showtime ♫
♫ Showtime ♫
♫ Guess who’s back again ♫
♫ Oh, they don’t know? ♫
♫ Go on, tell ’em ♫
♫ Oh, they don’t know? ♫
♫ Go on, tell ’em ♫
♫ I’ll bet they know as soon as we walk in ♫
♫ Sho’ ’nuff ♫
♫ I’m wearin’ Cuban links ♫
♫ Designer’minks ♫
♫ Yeah ♫
(BABBLING)
♫ Don’t look too hard, might hurt yourself ♫
♫ Known to give the color red The blues ♫
(GRUNTS)
♫ Tell me whatcha tryin’ to do ♫
♫ 24karat magic in the air ♫
(CHUCKLING) Ugh! Darn it.
♫ Moon ♫
♫ Girls ♫
♫ What y’all tryin’ to do? ♫
(LAUGHS) Oh!
(WHIMPERS)
(RAPID, HIGHPITCHED GRUNTING)
♫ Girls ♫
♫ What y’all tryin’ to do? ♫
♫ 24karat… ♫
(SONG PAUSES)
♫ Put yo’ pinky rings up to the moon ♫
(GRUNTS) Work it, Dracula.
You know it.
Oh! Lookin’ good, Drac!
Feeling good, Frank.
Look at you, so fancy!
What? This? Please.
Ooh! Dressed to impress, huh?
“Impress”? Oh.
Who do I need to impress?
Hey, isn’t that Captain Ericka?
Oh, no! (STAMMERS) Uh, what? Eh, oh…
GRIFFIN: Oops, no, not her.
(ALL CACKLES)
Ooh, that’s good!
(DRACULA CHUCKLES) Very amusing.
(CHUCKLES WEAKLY)
(SIGHS) Sorry, Drac. You know, it’s just… we’ve never seen you like this.
I know, I know.
It doesn’t make any sense.
You can’t Zing twice, it’s impossible!
But I did! So now what?
(GASPS) And what about Mavis?
She wants you to be happy, right?
I’m sure she’ll go with the flow.
Oh, no, no, no!
Mavis needs me.
She depends on me.
I need to be home with my family.
Hey, Murray here may be from Egypt, but you’re the one in “da Nile.”
(LAUGHS) You guys get that?
(THUDS)
Ow! You hit me right in the…
Mavis!
Don’t say a word, or I’ll haunt your dreams.
Having fun?
Oh, I’m having even more fun now that you’re here.
You know, Dad, I feel really lucky to have this time with you.
All of us together, it’s really special.
Me, too, spider-monkey.
Now, are you ready for me to destroy you in monster ball?
Whoo-hoo! Monster ball!
(GIGGLES) Come on, Papa Drac!
(CHUCKLES) Bring it on!
For I am king of family fun!
Haha! All right!
Who is ready to get pummeled?
(WHIMPERING) I got to warn you, I played second-team coed intramural volleyball at Santa Cruz.
(MAVIS CHUCKLES)
Sure, pal. Whatever you say.
Everybody, just please watch the hair.
Watch the hair!
Oh-ho-ho! Let’s go!
Let’s do this!
Oh, my gosh, this is gonna be so much fun.
MURRAY: Haha! Get ready.
Here comes the pain!
(SCREAMING)
Spike!
Not the hair! Not the hair!
Whoa!
(WHIMPERS) No, no, no!
(LAUGHS)
(ALL CHEERING)
All right!
FISH MAN: (OVER P.A.) Captain Ericka, you are needed on deck.
Next stop…
Buhbye, Dracula.
Haha! All right, baby!
(DEEP SNARL)
(SCREAMING)
(BABBLING)
(DISTORTED BABBLING)
(ELECTRONIC FEEDBACK)
(DISTORTED GRUNT)
Oh, baby, I got this.
Hey there, monsters.
Huh?
Yeah! What’d I say!
ERICKA: We’re arriving at our first destination. (RUMBLING) The underwater volcano! Everyone, grab your scuba gear and get ready to explore the wonders of the sea.
Especially you, Count Dracula.
(CHUCKLES) You see that, pal?
She likes you.
Oh, no, no, no.
That sounds like a Zing in full effect.
Oh, no, no, no.
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
I’m just here to have family fun.
Family, family, fun, fun.
(HISSING, BUBBLING) Hmm, let’s see.
What about here?
(HISSING)
(YELLING)
(ALL CHEERING, WHOOPING)
Right this way, everyone.
Welcome to one of the true wonders of the underwater kingdom.
I give you, Volcano del Fuego.
Or, as the local sea life call it…
(POPPING MOUTH)
(PEDALS SQUEAKING)
(MUFFLED YELLING)
(DENNIS GIGGLES)
DENNIS: Whee!
(WHALE SINGING)
(CHUCKLES) Aw, what a cute family.
What? No, it’s not.
Argh! Dracula bad! Dracula bad!
(GRUNTS)
(GASPS)
(PEDAL SQUEAKING)
(STOMACH GRUMBLING)
(COUGHING)
(TAKES DEEP BREATH)
GRIFFIN: Frank, we just ate.
I can’t believe you’re hungry already.
I’m sorry.
You know what it is?
It’s all… Just all that seafood just swimming around, and when I “see food…”
Oh, man! I’m gone.
Oh! Dracula, Dracula, Dracula!
Dracula, Dracula!
I get so close, but it’s almost like he’s teasing me.
I just…
I can’t stand it anymore.
I have to get him!
(GRUNTING) Boy, that underwater volcano looked hot.
WITCHES: Mmmhmm.
(ALL GASPS) Oh… Hi, Bob.
Right. We promised you we’d play, uh, ping-pong now.
Um, Dennis? Who is this?
Uh, it’s our friend, Bob.
Say hi, Bob.
“Hi, Bob.”
Okay! Time to go play ping-pong.
FRANKENSTEIN: Drac!
GRIFFIN: Drac!
Drac!
Drac!
Hey, boys, where’s the fire?
Oh, well, Griffin here, he…
He has something to tell you.
Me? Uh…
Oh. Yeah, I got this bite on my hand, and since, you know, you’re a biting expert, I thought you could take a look.
Yeah. Come on over here.
The light is better.
Okay…
Okay, what is going on?
You guys are acting weirder than normal, and your normal is pretty weird.
You are not gonna believe what we heard, but…
(♫ VOCALIZING ♫)
♫ Ericka loves the Drac ♫
♫ She can’t get enough of that Drac ♫
♫ Oh, yeah ♫
♫ Drac is back ♫
♫ He’s got the Zing ♫
♫ The ZingaZing ♫
Shh. I told you I don’t want to upset Mavis.
But what are you talking about?
(CROWD GASPS)
Okay, well, see, Frank got hungry, so no surprise there…
But we swam back to the ship, and we found Ericka raving about you.
She can’t live without you, buddy.
It’s serious!
♫ You can’t deny the Zing, baby ♫
So, Drac, this is great. Now, are you gonna make a move on the captain, or what?
Uh, yes.
Maybe? No, no.
Ugh.
It’s been a while.
I don’t even know where to start.
It’s easy, Drac.
Just make some small talk.
And remember to smile.
Look into her eyes.
Keep it casual.
Say something funny.
Ask her where her parts are from.
Oh, and say that her wrappings look nice.
“Do you like coffins?”
Compliment her.
“Your neck looks delicious.”
GRIFFIN: Here she comes.
Okay, Drac, hit it.
Your delicious neck wrappings are in a nice coffin.
Would you like to see my parts?
(IMITATES MISSILE WHISTLING AND EXPLODING)
Yes, I’d love to go out with you.
Ay! What?
ALL: What?
Cantina. Midnight.
Don’t be late.
Phew!
That was a close one.
(PANTING)
(SNORTS, SNIFFING)
Wait! Stop it, Tinkles, stop!
Wait, Tinkles. Come back.
DENNIS: Tinkles, stop!
Wait!
No, no, no!
(THUDS)
(GASPS)
(GROWLING, BARKING)
Tinkles, stop!
(GASPING) I’ve been found!
You’ll never get me, monster!
DENNIS: Shh! Tinkles, stop.
Shh! Shh!
(YAPPING)
(YAPPING FADES IN DISTANCE) Ew.
FISH MAN: Everybody, we are pulling up to our next stop, the Deserted Island. It’s time to get lost on the beach, and we hope you’ll find yourself some fun and relaxation.
JONATHAN: Whoohoo! Beach time!
Johnny, you go set everything up.
And, Dad, you go get in line for the snow cones.
You know, actually, I was thinking you and Johnny should spend some time together.
What do you call it again?
Eh… date night?
Date night?
What are you gonna do?
Well, I thought me and the guys would take this opportunity to spend some quality time with Dennis.
Oh. Okay.
That’s a great idea.
Come on, Johnny. Date night.
Duh-duh-duh-duh-date night!
(EXCITED SQUEAKING)
(SATISFIED SQUEAK)
Okay, here you go!
(PANTING)
Good girl!
I got this one.
(BARKING)
(RETCHES)
(YAPPING IN DISTANCE)
What was that?
(RUMBLING)
It sounds like our children.
It is our children! Run!
Run!
Please! Help! Someone!
Get the parents!
Frank? Would you rub some moon-screen on my back before I get burned?
Wait one second, honey.
You know, the kids buried me in the sand.
(KIDS GIGGLING) Mmm. Thanks, honey.
Shall we have another?
Sure.
Sounds good.
Straight up.
Isn’t this place amazing?
Whoa! The menu is in a bottle!
Genius! Isn’t that awesome, honey?
What? Oh, sorry.
I was just thinking about my dad.
Don’t you think he’s acting weird lately?
Not really. Besides having a huge crush on the captain.
What?
(CHUCKLES) Oh, yeah.
The Love Boat is definitely making another run.
No way. He’s…
He’s my dad.
I know, right? It’s weird.
When my parents kiss, I still close my eyes.
I guess I never thought about him with anyone besides my mom.
You’re cool with it, though, right?
Of course. I want him to be happy.
Totally.
Totally.
(♫ PLAYING MARIACHI MUSIC ♫)
Good evening, my friend.
Have you a beverage to quench me of my parchment?
Yes, of course, Mr. Chupacabra.
(GOAT BLEATS)
Thank you very much.
(CHUCKLES)
(GOAT SCREECHES) You look ravishing.
Oh.
Uh, thank you. I just…
Oh. (CHUCKLES)
(EXCLAIMS) So, um…
Does Captain Ericka have a last name?
Uh, oh, uh…
Oh, guacamole!
“Ericka Guacamole”?
That’s so… international.
(CHUCKLES) No. Guacamole for us to share.
Oh, how beautiful is that full moon tonight?
Look. Right behind you.
Mmm! The food here is to die for.
(BOTH MOANING)
Holy moly, that was a lot of guacamole.
Are you feeling all right?
Totally fine. Why?
No reason.
(STOMACH GROWLING)
Oh…
There must have been garlic in the guacamole.
Oh, no.
(GROANS) Isn’t that deadly for you?
No, no, no.
It’s just that I’m…
Garlic intolerant.
(FARTS)
(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)
Was that you?
(GIGGLING) Whoo!
Oh, yeah!
Dolphin surfing!
(DOLPHIN CLICKING)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Whoa!
Hi, Mama. Hi, Papa.
Hey-hey.
Oh! Hey there.
(GRUNTS)
Papa.
Hideyho!
Hi.
(CHUCKLES) Is my dad in there, too?
(MONSTERS GASPS)
GRIFFIN: (AS DRACULA) Don’t worry, I’m over here. Blah, blah-blah.
(GIGGLES) No, Papa Drac’s not here.
He’s on his date.
Date?
Please, forgive me, I…
I’m just very nervous.
You see, I haven’t had a date since… my wife died.
How old was your daughter?
She was just an infant.
It was hard being a single dad, but I… I did my best.
I never knew my mother, either.
Or my father.
Oh, I’m so sorry.
Who raised you?
My great-grandfather.
I basically grew up on this ship.
That’s why you’re a captain.
Yeah. It’s all I’ve ever known.
It was just expected.
You know, a family thing.
I understand, family is everything.
You have to honor the past.
But we make our own future.
MAVIS: Dad?
Mavis!
JONATHAN: (CRUNCHES) Mmm.
Johnny!
Captain Ericka and I were just… discussing the hospitality industry.
You know, just work stuff.
You’re working now?
This is supposed to be a vacation.
A family vacation.
I should really go… do captainy things.
Dad, you said you were gonna spend time with Dennis.
Dennis. Dennis? Dennis.
Oh! Yeah, you’re right.
Where is that kid?
Denisovich?
You’re supposed to be with me.
Come on now, kid, it’s family time.
Quit hiding. Dennis?
What was that about?
You mean your dad’s date?
It wasn’t a date.
It was… work stuff.
Uh-huh.
I’m telling you, Johnny, there is something about that woman I don’t trust.
But you want your dad to be happy, right?
Yes. Just…
Just not with her.
(CRUNCHING) Mmm. Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Heads up, honey.
This guac is loaded with garlic.
Garlic?
(GASPS)
(STOMACH GRUMBLES)
(SQUEAKY FART)
Aww! That was a cute toot, honey.
(LAUGHING AND BARKING)
We’ve been up all night!
Let’s stay up all day, too!
Let’s get wild!
(LAUGHS)
(BOTH HOWLING)
(LAUGHING AND BARKING)
Ericka!
(SHRIEKS) What?
(SIGHS)
Just where have you been, young lady?
Uh… doing work.
Wearing that?
You were with him! I know it!
Who? (CHUCKLES) “Who?” You know who!
You’ve been sneaking around my back trying to kill Dracula again, haven’t you?
So what if I have?
I am a grown woman!
I have the right to kill whoever I want.
It’s not just about you.
You could have ruined the legacy.
What if he discovered who you were?
I know. I wasn’t thinking.
There’s just something about him that just drives me crazy!
I just, I see him, and I want to…
Punch him?
Uh… I guess.
Just, I can’t wait to get this over with.
Don’t worry, it won’t be long now.
Once you recover the instrument of destruction, no one can stop us.
Not even Dracula!
Oh. Excuse me.
Spies!
(GRUNTS) Now, quickly, before someone comes!
(GASPS)
(GRUNTING)
(VAN HELSING YELPS)
(HORN BLOWING)
(P.A. CHIMES)
FISH MAN: Everyone assemble on the forward deck. We are arriving at our final destination.
From the depths of creation, the mighty city has risen once again.
Home to the greatest monster civilization the world has ever known, far surpassing Athens and Rome in art, culture and sophistication.
I give you the legendary lost city of… Atlantis.
(PASSENGERS GASPS)
(YELLS) It’s a giant Kraken!
♫ There’s a place you’ve gotta be ♫
♫ A thousand leagues beneath the sea ♫
♫ And it’s waiting over here for you and me ♫
(CAMERA CLICKS)
♫ Gonna take you for a ride ♫
♫ But first you’ve gotta come inside ♫
♫ Get ready, for the party’s on tonight ♫
♫ So relax and just unwind ♫
♫ Leave your worries all behind ♫
♫ And get ready, for the party’s on tonight ♫
Welcome to Atlantis!
THE KRAKEN: ♫ So get ready ♫
♫ Ready ♫
Oh!
♫ It’s party time ♫
(BURBLING)
(BURBLES)
♫ It’s party time! ♫
Ooh. I am so excited!
(CHUCKLES)
MONSTER: Come to Daddy!
(ALL CHEERING)
Oh.
FISH MAN: Twenty-eight black!
(ALL CHEERING) Oh!
Ahhh!
Oh, no, you don’t.
Last time you gambled, you lost an arm and a leg. Literally!
Replacement limbs…
MONSTER: I’ll raise you 40.
…aren’t just lying around like they were in the old days.
So, no gambling.
Frank!
Yes, dear! Got it!
No gambling!
DENNIS: Tinkles, stop.
Wait.
Stop it, Tinkles, stop.
Ah! Wait!
(MONSTERS SCREAMING)
Have you guys seen Mavis?
I have to find her.
Why? What’s going on?
I’m going to tell her about Ericka.
I can’t lie to my own daughter anymore.
She’s the most important person in the world to me.
I have to tell her the truth.
Right after I talk to Ericka.
(FRANKENSTEIN SNICKERING)
Hey.
All right, I’m all…
Frank, are you sure you know what you’re doing?
I got this. I’m all in.
Johnny, have you seen my dad?
Maybe he’s with Bob.
Why would he be with Bob?
Bob’s a great guy.
Oh, there he is.
Who? Bob?
There he is! Hi, Bob!
(LAUGHING)
(GRUNTS)
(GROANING)
(YELPS)
(GRUNTING) Oh.
(SNARLING)
(RAT SQUEAKS)
(GASPS)
There it is.
(GASPS) You saved my life.
Of course. Why wouldn’t I?
I just… can’t believe you would do that for a human.
Humans, monsters, what’s the difference?
Yeah, right. Right.
Wait. What are you doing here?
Oh, uh… Well, you know, vampires can predict the future, so I knew you would need my help.
Ha! Never heard that before.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It’s a well-known fact.
(STAMMERS) What are you doing here?
Oh! Uh…
Well, I’m here to get that.
Yeah, it’s a family heirloom.
Yeah, it was lost at sea, and my great-grandfather is… Was!
Uh, was totally obsessed with getting it back.
So, any-who, thanks for saving my life, but I can take it from…
(GASPS) (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) Got to be a little more careful.
How many times can you save my life, right?
I don’t know. Every time?
(CHUCKLES) Really? Well, then…
(♫ TANGO MUSIC PLAYING ♫)
(CRASHING)
(GASPS) Wow!
(PANTING)
(SIGHS) Ah, that was incredible.
Oh, uh…
Don’t you want to get your family heirloom thingy?
Oh. Right.
(CHUCKLES) Got it.
(RUMBLING)
(BOTH PANTING)
Mmm.
(CHUCKLING) Oh, here, let me get that for you.
(DRACULA AND ERICKA CHUCKLING) Dad!
Mavis!
What are you doing to my father?
ERICKA: Wait! Whoa. Whoa!
Mavis, stop! Put her down!
No! She’s trying to hurt you.
Why can’t you see that?
(GROANING) Because I…
Because I Zinged.
(ERICKA GRUNTS)
What?
I Zinged… with Ericka.
No, that can’t be true.
You only Zing once.
That’s what I thought, too.
“Zing”? What’s a Zing?
Uh, well, it’s a thing for monsters.
It’s kind of like our “love at first sight.”
What? No. No, no, no.
You don’t even know me.
Well, not yet.
But we’re just…
No, you don’t understand.
I can’t be with you.
I could never be with someone like you.
I could never be with a monster.
Dad, I’m so sorry.
I…
It doesn’t matter.
You heard what she said.
But a Zing never lies.
Ha! You got it! (CHUCKLES) Yes.
(LAUGHING) Now that we have the instrument of destruction, our family legacy will be fulfilled.
But first, we’ll draw them in with a dance party!
I love to dance.
(♫ OLDTIMEY MUSIC PLAYING ♫)
(LAUGHING)
EUNICE: Frank, could you zip me up?
We’re gonna be late. (GASPS) Where did you get those?
Uh, see, (STAMMERS) here’s the funny thing.
I lost my hands gambling, but…
It’s no big deal!
Look, I got these from the seafood buffet.
Look at this. Clickety-click, click, clack, clack, click, click.
I kind of like ’em.
I like ’em.
Mmm! Mmm! Mmm.
Mmm. Mmm.
Aha!
(GASPS)
(SOBS, SQUEALING)
(SQUEAKING)
(BOTH SQUEAKING EXCITEDLY)
Ah, I guess the party’s this way.
Whoo!
Whoa!
(EXCITED CHATTER)
(GASPS) Wow.
Let’s get this party started right!
Whoo-hoo!
All right!
(ALL GASPS)
MONSTER: What?
EUNICE: Huh?
I thought they said the party was this way.
(♫ ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE ♫)
(♫ MUSIC GROWING LOUDER ♫)
DJ in a clamshell?
(GASPS) I’m so jealous.
(♫ DANCE MUSIC CONTINUES ♫)
(RUMBLING)
(SPOTLIGHTS WHOOSHING)
(ALL CHEERING)
(ALL WHOOPING)
(♫ DANCE MUSIC CONTINUES ♫)
(WHOOPING)
(CRYSTAL AND GRIFFIN LAUGHING, WHOOPING)
I can’t believe my dad Zinged with someone who’s trying to kill him.
Yeah, the Zing makes you do crazy things.
Really, Johnny?
What’s most important to understand is that love is an infinite enigma that is beyond our understanding.
You and I were two halves, a world apart.
But then we followed the strands of destiny and were brought together.
And our halves made one whole.
But what if she and he…
You must release all the negativity and look within.
Your bond is unbreakable.
You’re right, honey. Wow.
Thanks.
Whoa, you sounded pretty smart, Dad.
Oh, that? Yeah, it was just the philosophy of Sifu Sing from my favorite TV show when I was a kid, Kung Fu Shaolin Monk Master. Anyways, let’s get back to dancing!
Cool.
Dad? You have to talk to Ericka.
What?
I know.
I know what I said before, but maybe I overreacted a teensy bit.
It’s just the thought of losing you.
What? What are you talking about, losing me?
Well, obviously, after you get married, you’re gonna live on the ship and travel around the world…
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Slow down, Mavis.
There are two things I can promise you.
One, nothing can ever take me from you and all my family.
Two, I will never live on a boat.
You’re my cute little tarantula.
How could I ever leave you?
Now, seriously, go talk to her.
I can’t.
You heard what she said, she could never be with someone like me.
No, Dad.
You’re just a half, and you have to follow your destiny to find an infinite whole.
You sound like Johnny.
Point is, you can’t deny a Zing.
Monster, human, unicorn…
It doesn’t matter.
So go to her! Now!
Okay. I’m on it.
(MUSIC STOPS)
DJ: Hey, man, you’re not allowed up here.
The DJ booth is a sacred space.
(SCREAMS)
(THUDS)
(DJ GROANS)
(ALL GASPS)
(GROWLS, BARKING)
No. Tinkles, quiet.
Who is this?
Ha! I know you recognize me, your greatest rival.
Hmm. Oh, right.
You own that Holiday Inn down by the airport.
No! It is I, Abraham Van Helsing.
Van Helsing?
After all these years?
You look… awful.
Always with the quick insults.
Well, this will shut you up.
And all monsters.
Eh, huh? That’s just Ericka’s family heirloom thingy.
(EVIL CHUCKLE) Good one, Ericka.
Ericka?
You fool.
Not only is she the ship’s captain, but she also happens to be…
(SNICKERING) Wait. You tell him.
I’m his great-granddaughter.
I’m Ericka Van Helsing.
(GASPS) I knew there was something wrong with her.
But…
(STAMMERS) See, what happened…
Now that we’re all caught up, let’s get back to the dying.
Behold, the key to the demise of all monsters.
(ALL GASPS)
(ALL GASPS)
(SCREAMS HYSTERICALLY)
(CRACKS KNUCKLES)
(GROANS) Let’s see.
Right… Okay.
(♫ PLAYING ELECTRONIC, SYNCOPATED RIFF ♫)
Listen to the melody of your destruction.
Ooh, what’s this little doodad do?
(♫ TURNS UP BASS ♫)
Yeah!
(♫ SYNCOPATED RIFF CONTINUES IN DISTANCE ♫)
(EYES MATCHING SYNCOPATED RHYTHM)
(DEEP RUMBLING)
Hey, look! It’s the Kraken.
(ROARS)
(MUSIC STOPS)
(♫ RESUMES SYNCOPATED RIFF ♫)
(BABBLING ROAR)
Everybody out! Now!
We’re trapped! Everybody back!
(PANICKED SCREAMS)
(BABBLING GROWL)
(GRIFFIN GASPS)
(YELLS) (GROWLING)
(CACKLES)
(WINNIE SCREAMS)
(TINKLES GROWLING)
BOTH: Yay!
(ALL WHIMPERING)
Baby!
Papa!
(SQUEAKY GRUNTING)
This has to stop now!
Drac, no!
Ah!
(YELLS)
(STRAINED GRUNTING)
(SCREAMS)
Dad!
(GRUNTS)
Mavis!
Time for the immortal Dracula to die.
(♫ PLAYING DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC ♫)
Dad!
(STRAINED YELLING)
No!
Ericka!
(GRUNTING)
Bob! Help!
Huh?
Tinkles?
Dennis.
Oh, no.
Bob is Tinkles?
How did he get here?
But thank goodness he did, ’cause look!
(THE KRAKEN GROWLING)
(BELLOWING)
You can’t do this!
You’re wrong about monsters!
Dracula… He saved my life.
What?
I’m so sorry, Drac.
I was trying to kill you this whole time, but then I realized how wrong I was.
How wrong all of this is.
And then I…
I Zinged.
“Zing”? What’s a Zing?
It’s a monster thing.
You wouldn’t understand.
It’s like true love.
Love?
(GROWLING) Well, I guess the legacy ends with me.
Hmm, that’s an awkward ending.
(CHUCKLES) ERICKA: Nope!
It’s time to start a new legacy.
A monster-human legacy.
No!
(♫ PLAYING POUNDING DANCE BEAT ♫)
Drac! Van Helsing’s beats are controlling the giant octopus thingy.
If there’s one thing I hate, it’s an evil DJ.
We need positive energy!
Get ready for a DJ battle!
You just carry all that stuff around with you?
Once a bar mitzvah DJ, always a bar mitzvah DJ.
We’re gonna use good music to defeat his evil music.
What?
Trust me, I know the tunes, but you’ve got the power.
All right. Okay.
Opening song needs to be off the shizak.
Ooh, got it. Play this!
(GIGGLES)
(♫ “GOOD VIBRATIONS” PLAYING ♫)
♫ I’m picking up good vibrations ♫
(WHOOPING)
♫ She’s giving me excitations ♫
♫ Good ♫
♫ I’m picking up ♫
♫ Good vibrations ♫
♫ She’s giving me ♫
♫ Excitations ♫
♫ Good, good, good ♫
♫ Good vibrations ♫
(ALL CHEERING)
♫ She’s giving me… ♫
What is that noise?
♫ I’m picking up good vibrations ♫
♫ She’s giving me excitations ♫
Wow! I like this one.
This feels good.
♫ Good vibrations ♫
(LAUGHING) The fool.
(♫ “GOOD VIBRATIONS” FADES ♫)
(♫ PLAYING POUNDING DANCE BEAT ♫)
(BABBLING)
(ALL SCREAMING)
(GASPS)
Whoa! His music is too powerful!
We’re gonna need something even more positive.
Now, Drac!
(♫ “DON’T WORRY, BE HAPPY” PLAYING ♫)
♫ So don’t worry ♫
♫ Be happy ♫
♫ Don’t worry ♫
Really?
It has a nice message.
♫ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♫
♫ Don’t worry ♫
♫ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♫
♫ Be happy ♫
♫ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh… ♫
I’ve had enough of this nonsense!
(♫ PLAYING POUNDING, SYNCOPATED RIFF ♫)
(LOW GROWL)
(RUMBLING)
(ALL SCREAMING)
(♫ SYNCOPATED RIFF CONTINUES ♫)
(GROWLING)
Johnny, we need the most brain-dominating, toetappinating song in the history of all the universe.
(GROWLING)
JONATHAN: Come on. Where is it?
I don’t know!
There’s too many choices.
(♫ ELECTRONIC, SYNCOPATED RIFF CONTINUES ♫)
No, wait!
This… is… it.
(SYNCOPATED RIFF STOPS)
(♫ “MACARENA” PLAYING FAINTLY ♫)
What the…
(♫ MUSIC GROWING LOUDER ♫)
Boy, that stinks.
It’s working!
(♫ “MACARENA” CONTINUES ♫)
Hey, Johnny’s corny music is defeating the evil music.
I kind of like it.
WITCHES: Ooh!
(♫ VLAD SINGS ALONG ♫)
(SCREAMS)
(♫ “MACARENA” CONTINUES ♫)
(♫ PLAYING SYNCOPATED RIFF ♫)
(♫ “MACARENA” DROWNING OUT SYNCOPATED RIFF ♫)
(♫ DANCING TO THE TUNE OF “MACARENA” ♫)
No!
(♫ “MACARENA” BEAT CONTINUES ♫)
(HAPPY SHOUTS)
Argh! Ahhh! Whoo!
I’m a slave to the rhythm!
(♫ SCREAMING ALONG TO “MACARENA” ♫)
(SONG STOPS)
No!
Drac, what are you doing?
You got to be greater than the haters!
(SCREAMING)
(WINGS FLAPPING)
Huh?
Why?
Why, after everything, would you save my life?
Because basically we are all the same.
Claws or hands, two eyes or three eyes.
Green skin.
No skin.
Prickly.
Brainy.
(BARKS)
(STAMMERS SOFTLY) I’m sorry.
(MUFFLED YELLING)
Ew.
(EXHALES) You are amazing.
Look at me, Dennis.
Look at me.
Come on, you can’t deny it.
No! I’m too young to Zing!
Well, I feel kind of silly now.
Heh. For decades I have hunted your kind, persecuted you.
(DISGRUNTLED CHATTER)
The only thing I can do to make it up to you is give you, eh…
(STAMMERS) a 30% refund.
(ANGRY CHATTER)
Preposterous!
Oh, all right.
Full refund.
(ALL CHEERING)
(TIRED GROANS AND CHATTER)
(PANTING)
(SCREECHING)
(SNIFFING)
(GROWLING)
(HIGHPITCHED YIPPING)
(TINKLES YIPPING)
(PUPPIES BARKING)
GRIFFIN: Wayne, Wanda, what happened to you guys?
CRYSTAL: Yeah, we, like, hardly saw you on the cruise.
Yeah, I know.
We got tranquilized and spent most of the trip locked in a closet.
(SIGHS) We’re gonna book it again for the holidays.
Hi. Checking in?
Yes. Thank you.
Great. I have a room all ready for you.
(ERICKA AND DRACULA GIGGLING)
Hey, buddy, would you mind?
Sure thing, pal.
(ERICKA LAUGHS)
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
(DRACULA GIGGLING)
(LAUGHING)
Okay, what’s going on, sneaky-pants?
Oh, nothing.
It’s just, I wanted to make sure nobody would bother us.
Oh! Why?
Are you going to sucka my blood?
Blah, blah-blah.
(CHUCKLES) No.
I was going to ask you if you would marry me.
(INQUISITIVE GRUNT)
(GASPS)
Well? What do you say?
Will you marry me?
(STAMMERS) I… I…
Woobee deeba doobee?
Wha…
I mean, I… woobee doobeedee?
(GROANS)
MONSTERS: What did she say?
Uh… I’m not sure.
Yes!
(GASPS) Whee!
(CHEERING, WHOOPING)
♫ I see love ♫
(GREMLIN CACKLING)
(CHEERING CONTINUES)
♫ I see love around me ♫
(GREMLIN CACKLES)
♫ From a river to a flood ♫
♫ I see love around me ♫
♫ Love around me ♫
♫ All of you helped me find my heart ♫
♫ I didn’t even know my name ♫
♫ Then I was blinded by the dark ♫
♫ My eyes will never look the same ♫
♫ Come on, let’s run and get lost in the crowd ♫
♫ Into the light as the night’s coming down ♫
♫ I’m double-tapping, I’m focusing now ♫
♫ We’re focusing now ♫
♫ I see love ♫
♫ I see love around me ♫
(CACKLING)
♫ From a river to a flood ♫
(MUSIC STOPS)
(CACKLING)
(SCREAMS)
(♫ MUSIC RESUMES ♫)
♫ From a river to a flood ♫
♫ I see love around me ♫
♫ Love around me ♫
♫ Come on, let’s run and get lost in the crowd ♫
♫ Into the light as the night’s coming down ♫
♫ I’m double-tapping, I’m focusing now ♫
Haha!
♫ We’re focusing now ♫
(GRIFFIN WHOOPS, LAUGHS)
♫ I see love ♫
(MOTOR WHIRRING)
♫ I see love around me ♫
♫ From a river to a flood ♫
♫ I see love around me ♫
♫ Love around me ♫
♫ I see love ♫
♫ I see love ♫
♫ From a river to a flood ♫
♫ I see love around me ♫
(BURPS)
♫ I see love ♫
(♫ “FLOAT” PLAYING ♫)
(GREMLIN CACKLING)
♫ No, I can’t be patient ♫
♫ Pullin’ up in this spaceship ♫
♫ Don’t need no destination ♫
♫ Baby, come on ♫
♫ Don’t need to complicate this ♫
♫ We’re lifting off of this pavement ♫
♫ I’ll take you to that place where we can vibe on ♫
♫ There ain’t nothin’ but a slow ride ♫
♫ So, come on, let’s catch some more vibes ♫
♫ Baby, let me get by your side ♫
♫ And hold on ♫
♫ Wanna float away with you ♫
♫ Wanna float away with you ♫
♫ Nothing else I’d rather do ♫
♫ Wanna float away with you ♫
♫ You, baby ♫
♫ Away, yeah ♫
(CACKLES)
♫ Away, yeah ♫
♫ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♫
♫ Sun over that ocean ♫
♫ Sippin’ on that potion ♫
(CRASHING) ♫ Don’t matter where we rollin’, baby, come on ♫
♫ Your love prescription ♫
♫ Is gettin’ me so lifted ♫
♫ ‘Bout to take this trip where we can vibe on ♫
♫ There ain’t nothin’ but a slow ride ♫
♫ Slow ride ♫
♫ So, come on, let’s catch some more vibes ♫
♫ More vibes ♫
♫ Baby, let me get by your side ♫
♫ And hold on ♫
♫ Wanna float away with you ♫
♫ Wanna float away with you ♫
(GREMLINS CACKLES)
♫ Nothing else I’d rather do ♫
(WHOOPING)
♫ Wanna float away with you ♫
♫ Float ♫
♫ Wanna float away with you ♫
(♫ INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING ♫)
