Heretic (2024)
Genre:Â Horror, Thriller, Mystery
Director:Â Scott Beck, Bryan Woods
Writers:Â Scott Beck, Bryan Woods
Stars:Â Hugh Grant, Sophie Thatcher, Chloe East, Topher Grace
Plot: Two Mormon missionaries, the confident Sister Barnes and the timid Sister Paxton, visit the home of the reclusive Mr. Reed, who invites them in under false pretenses. As they engage in a tense discussion about religion, the girls realize they are trapped, and Reed’s intentions turn sinister. He subjects them to psychological and philosophical torment, forcing them into a deadly game involving a choice of doors and a staged resurrection of a woman he calls a Prophet. When Barnes defies Reed, he kills her and manipulates Paxton into questioning reality. Paxton discovers Reed’s elaborate scheme, exposing his belief that the desire to control others is at the heart of all religions. In a final confrontation, Paxton stabs Reed, and with Barnes’s last act of defiance, Reed is killed. Paxton escapes into the cold, clinging to a fragile sense of hope and faith, symbolized by a butterfly that briefly lands on her hand before disappearing.
* * *
(UNSETTLING MUSIC PLAYING)
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
PAXTON: I heard Magnum condoms are basically the same size as regular condoms.
BARNES: Mmmmmm.
PAXTON: Which makes you think, like, what else do we believe just because of marketing?
Like, if you grew up being told the Book of Mormon is fake, you’d probably believe it was fake ’cause that’s what you were told.
BARNES: No, Magnums are huge.
My sister said her exhusband had a scary big peen, like, frighteningly big, and they had to wear Magnums.
PAXTON: (SIGHS) Sounds made up.
BARNES: Elephant trunk.
(CROW CAWING)
(CLICKS TONGUE) Yup. That’s what she would call it.
(PAXTON EXHALES)
PAXTON: I was watching this video,
I’m not sure where I saw it.
It was these two people having intercourse, um, sexual intercourse, sex, and, uh, and a cameraman filming them.
Like an amateur porno… nography type thing?
Um, and the girl in the video was moaning loudly, as in typical, I assume, in that kind of video.
Just screaming.
And then, all of a sudden, off camera, in the hallway, you hear this lady yell, through the wall, “We can hear you!”
And the couple stop sexing.
And the look of embarrassment and horror on their faces was so painful.
And the pornogirl who’s, like, taking it from behindish, says something defiant, like, “Good!” under her breath, but you can literally see her soul being sucked out of her body, right then and there.
All of her dignity gone, as if realizing for the first time, like,
“Wow, this is my life, I’m fing a stranger on camera for money.”
And I just thought,
“Like, wow, that is really poignant.”
Because, like, in that moment, I was like, “Yeah.”
God’s real.
We have souls.
It’s divine confirmation.
Do you watch a lot of…
No! I do not! No.
(CHUCKLES)
I do not watch pornoography.
Okay, okay.
No.
It’s okay.
No! I said no!
I’m not!
Mmmhmm. I know.
Not a pornography watcher.
Okay. Okay. (LAUGHING)
Oh, I hope this goes well. (SIGHS)
I know it’s not a competition,
but I haven’t baptized a single investigator
on my mission yet. (SNIFFS)
It’s okay, I’ve only converted,
like, eight or nine people.
Eight or nine?
Balls.
Anyway, what do you think about what I was saying?
The porno thing?
Like…
How has God shown you that the church is true?
I don’t know. I guess I haven’t really…
I haven’t really thought about it.
But you know it’s true.
(EERIE MUSIC PLAYING)
PAXTON: If ye receive no witness
until after the trial of your faith…
If ye receive no witness…
(PANTING)
BARNES: Who do we have…
after this couple again?
PAXTON: I think we have the bald guy we met at Costco.
BARNES: Okay. Oh, yeah.
PAXTON: Okay, for every flight of stairs…
BARNES: Yeah? PAXTON: …our husband
gets five times hotter.
(BARNES LAUGHS)
Hi, good afternoon, ma’am. My name is Sister Barnes,
and this is my companion, Sister Paxton.
Are you interested in learning
about our savior, Jesus Christ?
(SIGHS WEARILY) Okay.
Hi!
Good afternoon.
Hi, are you interest…
My name is, uh,
Sister Barnes, and…
PAXTON: You ever feel like when you sing,
it’s, like, too high or too low?
BARNES: I don’t really like to sing.
PAXTON: I think you have a beautiful voice.
I know I don’t have a beautiful voice, but…
BARNES: No, you do. You do.
PAXTON: I enjoy it.
(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING)
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)
Oh, my gosh. I already love these girls.
SORORITY GIRL: Hey…
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
(CAR HONKS)
(GIRLS SCREAM)
SORORITY GIRL: Sorry!
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
Sorry! Can we get a pic?
Oh, of course!
Uh, here.
Is it true?
Is what true?
Do you wear magic underwear?
What?
(PAXTON GASPS)
(CAR HONKS)
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
Oh, my gosh! Come on, let’s go.
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
(BICYCLE SPOKES CLACKING)
(WIND WHISTLING)
(PAXTON SOBBING)
(SNIFFLES)
(EXHALES)
This is it.
(SOFT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
PAXTON: People think we’re weird.
What do you mean?
I don’t know. That South Park musical
kind of makes fun of us.
I listened to some of the songs,
and they’re actually pretty funny.
(LOCK CLICKS)
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Anyway, who… who cares what people think?
You’re awesome.
Thanks.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
(RAIN PATTERING)
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
(OBJECTS CLATTERING)
PAXTON: (WHISPERING) Hi, I’m Sister Paxton. Hi.
Hello, I’m Sister Paxton. This is my companion,
Sister Barnes.
God chooses prophets,
such as Adam,
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Noah, Abraham and Moses.
The prophets teach about God and receive revelation.
All right.
Let’s get you a baptism.
(CHUCKLES)
Okay.
(THUD)
(FLOORBOARD CREAKING)
(OBJECTS CLATTERING)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
(LOCK CLICKS)
Ah!
Good afternoon.
Hi. (CHUCKLES)
Good afternoon.
Hi.
Good afternoon.
I’m Sister Paxton, and this is my companion, Sister Barnes.
Um, are you Mr. Reed?
I am. Hello to you.
Hello. Wait.
Hi.
You are Paxton, you are Barnes.
Barnes?
Um, no. I’m…
Paxton, Barnes.
Barnes, yes.
Paxton, Barnes.
BARNES: Yeah.
Mr. Reed, it’s so nice to meet you, finally.
We were just in the area, and we wanted to stop by
because you mentioned you might be interested
in learning more about the Church of Jesus Christ
of Latterday Saints?
Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(PAXTON AND BARNES CHUCKLE)
Mr. Reed, we would like to give you this booklet,
as it will help you understand the restoration.
I… I actually have one already,
but, um, you can never have too many.
It… it tells you all the ways
the Heavenly Father can reveal His gospel.
As a part of His plan…
Thank you.
…God chooses prophets,
such as Adam, Noah, Abraham and Moses.
Uh, prophets…
Yeah, well, talking of Noah…
(CHUCKLING) …it is very, very wet.
…teach about God and receive revelation,
and they interpret the word of God, and preach
the gospel to the world, and because of Apostasy…
Would you like to come inside?
…people lose knowledge of the gospel.
Do you have a girl roommate? (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
A girl, who?
BARNES: A… a roommate?
We can’t come inside unless another woman is present
but, um, we can, uh, stay out here
in the doorway, if that’s fine with you?
It’s just for safety. We don’t mind the rain.
Well, my wife is home. Does that count?
Yeah!
Perfect.
When you said “roommate,” I panicked. I…
I haven’t had a roommate since, uh…
Anyway, I… I have a soulmate and that is good enough?
Yes!
That’s great!
We’d love to come in and meet your wife.
Then come on in! Great!
Do you like pie?
Yeah!
MR. REED: My wife has pie in the oven.
I’ve gained so much weight on my mission.
People are always feeding us treats.
We never seem to turn them down. (CHUCKLES)
Well, my wife loves to bake.
(PAXTON AND BARNES CHUCKLE)
May I take your coats?
BARNES: Oh, yes.
(SIGHS) I really love pie. I’m super excited.
My grandma used to make the best pie.
Okay, well, you and my wife are gonna get on very well.
Great.
Oh, one thing,
the walls and ceilings have metal in them.
I hope that’s okay.
We don’t mind.
Good!
Well, I will go and check on the snacks.
Make yourselves at home.
Thank you.
(DOOR CREAKING)
(CLOCK TICKING)
(VELCRO TEARS)
(GLASS CASE SHUTS)
(SOFT CHUCKLE)
(UNSETTLING MUSIC PLAYING)
(CLOCK TICKING)
(RAIN PATTERING)
(WINGS FLUTTERING)
(GLASS CLINKING)
(WINGS FLUTTERING)
(FLOOR CREAKS)
(THUD)
(MUSIC STOPS PLAYING)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
(SIGHS)
(ICE CUBES CLINKING IN GLASSES)
MR. REED: My wife is being shy.
(PAXTON CHUCKLES)
But the pie, the pie is nigh.
(LAUGHING)
She’ll have to be in the room with us too.
Yes, of course! Of course, right. I understand.
Please take a seat, take a seat, take a seat.
Couple of colas. Help… help yourself.
I think…
it is good to be religious.
Well, our work here is done.
(CHUCKLES) No. I just want you to know that before we start.
Yeah, I think that we would consider
that refreshing to hear.
Well, sometimes, it feels like
maybe religion isn’t at the center of culture anymore.
Well, it’s fading, isn’t it?
Yeah, over time. Mmhmm.
Okay, are you ready to hear about
our Heavenly Father’s plan for you?
I am! Wait.
Where are you both from?
Me? Ogden, Utah.
One of eight daughters. I know,
it’s as bad as it sounds.
(ALL CHUCKLE)
And Sister Barnes is from Salt Lake City.
Uh, Philadelphia, originally.
MR. REED: Ah.
And you’re both raised in the church, yeah?
Born and raised.
My mother was a convert, so, um,
when my dad passed away,
we auditioned a few different churches,
just to see what was out there
and see if we still believed in it.
MR. REED: I know that feeling.
I know that feeling very well.
It’s so important to find your faith
in a doctrine you actually believe,
and that’s a very, very personal struggle.
That is a personal challenge that I have struggled with
for a very, very long time.
You know,
what is the one, true religion? (CHUCKLES)
PAXTON: It’s funny, Sister Hall was telling us
that we should
prioritize other investigators. (CHUCKLES)
Oh. (LAUGHS)
Oh, but no! I…
(BARNES LAUGHING)
I’m just saying
that I could tell that you
are a very spiritually curious person,
just like Joseph Smith.
You know, Joseph investigated many different denominations,
Presbyterian, Methodist, Catholicism.
And none of them quite fit,
which is why Joseph founded our church.
BARNES: Mmhmm.
As I understand it, stop me when I go wrong,
he was visited in the night by an angel called Morony.
PAXTON: Moroni. BARNES: Moroni. Yeah.
Moroni, who showed him where he could locate
some golden plates near his home.
His mysterious translation of those plates
form the basis of this.
(LOUD THUD)
(PAXTON AND BARNES LAUGH)
PAXTON: Wow!
No, you read more than we do!
(MR. REED CHUCKLES)
No, seriously,
we should be more like you, Mr. Reed!
(CHUCKLES) Mr. “Read.”
(LAUGHING)
The pie smells amazing.
And now that you’ve been studying The Book of Mormon,
how does it make you feel?
Can you guess what kind of pie she’s making?
(INHALES DEEPLY)
Is it…
blueberry pie?
MR. REED: It is blueberry pie!
PAXTON: Yes! I knew it!
(CHUCKLES)
My favorite!
(ALL CHUCKLING)
Going back, can I ask
how did your father pass away?
Um…
MR. REED: I’m sorry.
I shouldn’t…
Lou Gehrig’s disease.
Blueberry disease?
(CHUCKLING) Okay, that’s…
That’s… that’s wonderful, blueberry disease.
Who wouldn’t want that? Yeah.
PAXTON: Uh…
Lou Gehrig’s disease.
Gehrig’s.
(GASPS)
Oh, that’s… that’s awful.
I’m so sorry. I… I… I misheard.
That is a malicious affliction.
I… I thought you were making a joke
about the pie. I’m sorry.
Yeah.
(INHALES SHARPLY)
Have you seen any signs of your father since he passed?
Has he tried to communicate from the other side?
Mmm, no.
Strange.
Well, I’m…
I’m really sorry, and I’m sorry about the…
blueberry mixup.
(BARNES CHUCKLES)
It’s okay. (CHUCKLES)
When I die, I want to come back as a butterfly,
just to follow around the people I love.
I’ll land right on their hand.
Not their arm, not their… their head,
right on their fingertip, so they know it’s me.
(RAPID TICKING)
MR. REED: Ah.
BARNES: That’s sweet.
(LIGHTS CLICK)
(AUDIBLE VOLTAGE DROP)
(METALLIC CLANK)
(INHALES SHARPLY)
PAXTON: Oh!
MR. REED: Apologies! That is a foible of the house.
(BARNES AND MR. REED CHUCKLE)
I’m sorry. It does that. It does that.
Um, well…
Ladies, I can’t see you now.
Um, I think it is time.
Hmm.
BARNES: Time for what?
Time for pie!
(SHOUTS) Pie!
(MR. REED LAUGHING)
PAXTON: Woohoo!
MR. REED: And, uh, time for enlightenment.
(MR. REED CLAPS)
BARNES: Oh?
(PAXTON LAUGHS)
MR. REED: I’m sorry, I should have offered you water.
The word of wisdom forbids
caffeine and alcohol, doesn’t it?
Well, it doesn’t, uh, specifically mention soda.
Sure, it may be healthier to avoid caffeinated drinks,
but we’re just not thirsty.
MR. REED: Aha.
How do you feel about awkward questions?
The meme?
Heh, no. I want to ask an awkward, uh,
an icky question,
an insensitive question that I think
will add depth to our conversation
very quickly before the sun goes down
and we’re done for the evening.
But only if you’re comfortable with that.
BARNES: Well, we won’t know if we’re comfortable
until you ask, so…
Fair point.
BARNES: Maybe you just ask?
Okay. (CLICKS TONGUE)
If you don’t ask,
I’m gonna leave here wondering what we missed out on.
Very well. My question is this. Um…
(SIGHS)
Now I feel it’s been built up to. Uh…
(PAXTON CHUCKLES)
Should I request a drum roll?
I’m going to request a drum roll.
A drum roll please, ladies!
(PAXTON HUMS)
(MR. REED LAUGHS)
MR. REED: Keep going! Keep going! Keep going!
More! More! More!
(PAXTON LAUGHING)
Now, I… I… I… my question is,
how do you feel about polygamy?
How do you… how do you feel about the concept of
a man having multiple wives?
I mean, it’s… it’s not for me, um…
BARNES: Are you asking from a biblical perspective?
MR. REED: Uh, Mormonism has a controversial history
with the misogynist practice
of men claiming multiple wives.
But I am fascinated by the idea of Modern Revelation,
which was used to erase this behavior
from the church in 1890.
I just think that’s worthy of conversation.
Yeah? Uh…
And what I mean by that
is that we’re discussing a church that
decided that a controversial practice
was a stain on its reputation, and an actual hindrance
to recruiting new members, and so it used revelation,
word of God told unto the prophet
to banish a provocative religious pillar
that seemed unsavory in contemporary times.
Yeah, I know that, um,
it may be difficult to understand, um,
but, uh, polygamy was a spiritual mission
needed at the time in order
to grow the ranks of our membership
in the wake of much hardship and bloodshed.
Um… a man having plural wives
meant more… more babies to help the community grow.
Hmm.
(UNSETTLING MUSIC PLAYING)
It’s, yeah, it’s sketch for sure,
to our modern brains.
BARNES: And it was…
it was removed from the church not just because
it was grotesque or controversial,
but just because it wasn’t necessary anymore.
You see, I worry, and…
forgive my loud language,
uh, (CHUCKLES)
I worry that Joseph Smith used the concept of polygamy
to legitimize his affairs with other women.
I worry that Joseph’s wife, Emma Smith,
was upset when he slept with Fanny Alger,
their sixteenyearold maid.
I worry that he formulated a plan
to use revelation for consequencefree sex
in the aftermath of that indiscretion
and others like it.
You know, “With great power comes great responsibility.”
Spiderman.
Voltaire.
Right.
MR. REED: I guess what I would pose to the room is my concern
that polygamy has no spiritual bearing whatsoever.
That is somewhat of a distortion, I think…
The church’s own history corroborates
and implies this… (BREATHES DEEPLY)
…cynical brainwashing tactic.
Is that true?
I… I… I’m sorry,
I… I’m not sure where you’re getting this.
If revelation by God is filtered through man
and man is flawed and man sins and man lies,
then how do we know any of it’s true?
We know it’s true because of how it makes us feel.
Bingo! (CHUCKLES) That’s exactly right!
That’s exactly right. Couldn’t agree more.
It’s our personal relationship with God which matters.
Let us talk with our bishop
about some of the points you’re raising. Um…
Question. What’s your favorite fast food?
I try not to eat it.
None of us do, but go on, we’ve all got one.
BARNES: Um…
Okay. Burger King is better than Carl’s Junior…
What’s Carl’s Junior?
Hardee’s on the East Coast.
Burger King is better than Hardee’s
which is better than Rally’s…
Rally’s?
Checkers.
(MR. REED CHUCKLES)
Burger King is better
than Hardee’s, which is better than Checkers,
which is better than Wendy’s, which is better than InNOut,
which is better than McDonalds,
which is better than Jack in the Box,
which is better than nothing.
Jack in the Box serves breakfast all day.
I love breakfast!
(MR. REED CHUCKLES)
What about Taco Bell?
We don’t talk about Taco Bell.
Why don’t we talk about Taco Bell?
We’d have to talk about Taco Bell to talk about…
(CHUCKLES) why we don’t talk about Taco Bell.
All right, so… so Burger King is number one.
I think it’s trash.
Oh.
MR. REED: Right. Not Jack in the Box.
I vote Wendy’s.
I could support.
Good! Wendy’s it is. Yeah.
Do you know? I’ve never had a Wendy.
(CHUCKLES) That came out wrong.
(BARNES AND PAXTON CHUCKLE)
It’s okay.
MR. REED: So when I started studying theology,
the last thing I wanted to do was find…
the Wendy’s of religions.
I was just writing a research paper
for a college class, and I was content with dabbling.
So, some McNuggets here, BK Whopper over there,
whatever fit the mood. (INHALES DEEPLY)
As I studied the genres, McD, BK, InNOut,
i.e., Mormonism, Scientology, Islam, Buddhism,
as I got closer to God
through genre and rigorous study,
as I worked on my personal relationship
with Heavenly Father, and I think strengthened it,
do you know what I found?
The more you know, the less you know.
(CANDLE SIZZLING OUT)
(UNSETTLING MUSIC PLAYING)
And by the time I was 50, I was malnourished
from the fast food of religion I’d been packing into my brain
for the best part of a decade.
Every sect, cult, creed, denomination
all claimed to be the one, true doctrine,
and yet none seemed true when held under the microscope.
So I wondered what else was out there.
I promise you,
the last thing I wanted to do
was find the one true religion.
But unfortunately, I did.
(UNSETTLING MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
Can we meet your wife?
Please?
MR. REED: Of course, yes! (CHUCKLES)
She just has to be present, and we want
to meet her as well.
BARNES: Yeah.
Sorry. I’ll… I’ll go ask.
(TIMER WINDING)
(DOOR CREAKS)
(FOOTSTEPS RECEDING)
(DOOR OPENS)
(LIGHT BUZZING)
(CLOCK TICKING)
PAXTON: Sister Barnes, I don’t… I don’t know.
Yeah, I don’t want to spook him,
but we should wrap this.
Any messages?
Nothing.
(EXHALES)
Okay. Um…
let’s just politely wrap this and head back.
PAXTON: Just the highlights…
(CRACKLING)
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
(SCRAPING)
(GASPS)
(CLOCK TICKING)
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
(CLOCK TICKING INTENSIFIES)
(DOOR OPENS)
(MUSIC AND TICKING STOPS)
MR. REED: And she is finally ready.
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
(CHUCKLES) Sorry about that.
(EXHALES) Come on through. She’s eager to… meet you.
There we are.
This way.
Okay.
(GLASSES CLINKING)
One moment, Mr. Reed. Uh, we’re just getting a call
from the Relief Society president.
We’ll be right there.
Oh, do you need a minute?
Hi.
This is Sister Barnes. Um…
I’ll wait.
I’ll wait on the other side.
Yeah. Just one moment.
Thank you.
Yeah.
(DOOR CREAKS, SHUTS)
(SOFTLY) Should we leave?
(SOFTLY) Now?
(SOFTLY) Yeah?
(SOFTLY) Yes? Yes.
(EXHALES)
(FLOOR CREAKING)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(TENSE MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
What is it?
Our bikes.
Yeah?
They’re locked outside.
So what?
He has our coats.
The key to the bike lock is in my coat pocket.
So we need our coats.
Yeah.
We do.
I don’t know, do we?
Walk back without coats and bikes?
What is that, two miles?
No, I think it’s four.
It’s a little over the top, but I…
I’m fine. I’m fine to walk, yeah?
(DOORKNOB RATTLING)
It’s stuck.
Unlock it.
(TENSE MUSIC BUILDS)
(WHISPERS) There’s no… lock.
BARNES: (WHISPERING) What? Pull harder.
Here. Here.
(DOORKNOB RATTLING)
BARNES: All right.
(RATTLING)
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
(PAXTON BREATHING HEAVILY)
(BARNES GRUNTING)
(CREAKING)
(DOOR CLOSES)
(SHUSHES)
(MUSIC STOPS PLAYING)
(DISTANT FOOTSTEPS)
(PAXTON SHUDDERS)
BARNES: (WHISPERING) Is he still there?
PAXTON: (WHISPERING) Didn’t we hear him leave?
BARNES: Are you sure?
Should we ask him for help?
No.
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
Can you fit through this?
PAXTON: You crazy?
(SIGHS)
(WIND BLOWING)
Um, we should try Sister Hall, okay?
Or Elder Kennedy, just so they know where we are.
(BARNES SIGHS HEAVILY)
(PHONE BEEPS)
(LINE RINGING)
(WIND GUSTING)
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
(LINE BEEPING)
(SIGHS) It’s not going through.
It’s the storm. Keep trying, okay?
(PHONE BEEPS)
(BREATH TREMBLES)
(LINE RINGING)
(DOORKNOB RATTLING)
(GRUNTS)
(PANTING)
(DOOR CREAKING)
(WIND GUSTING)
(DOORKNOB RATTLES)
(PANTING)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(BREATH TREMBLING)
(EXHALES)
Okay.
We ask for help, hmm?
It’ll be fine.
(OMINOUS CREAKING)
(RAPID TICKING)
(LIGHTS CLICK)
(GASPS)
(FOOTSTEPS)
(TIMER WINDING)
(CRANKING)
(FLOOR CREAKING LIGHTLY)
(BREATH TREMBLING)
(FLOOR CREAKING LIGHTLY)
(FLOOR CREAKING)
(BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY)
PAXTON: Mr. Reed?
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(MUSIC FADES OUT)
(SIGHS, CHUCKLES)
(DOOR LOCK CLICKS)
(JUST LIKE A BUTTERFLY THAT’S CAUGHT IN THE RAIN PLAYING)
(DOOR CREAKS)
And there they are! Welcome.
Mr. Reed, you have been too generous with your time.
Sister Paxton and I were just saying
what a pleasure it’s been.
Um, but we just got off the phone with Sister Hall,
and she needs us to return to the church.
MR. REED: Oh! Oh, well…
Unfortunately, yeah.
I won’t keep you if you wish to leave.
We’ve been summoned back.
Yeah.
Damn it! Damn it, ’cause we were just
getting started, weren’t we?
You know, you had me thinking that maybe you were
onto something with your visit. (CHUCKLES)
I’ve been impressed, but I understand.
Uh, yeah, your coats are here,
hanging on the back of the pew.
Excuse me one moment.
Yeah.
(JUST LIKE A BUTTERFLY THAT’S CAUGHT IN THE RAIN PLAYING)
(THUD)
(WATER SPLASHING)
(MOUTHING) Key.
So… so we just, uh, need your help
with the door. Um…
It’s…it’s a little tricky.
I’m sorry?
PAXTON: I think your door is a bit stuck out there.
The door won’t open.
PAXTON: The front door.
Yeah, the front door won’t open again.
It opened when we came in.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
MR. REED: Yeah. (CHUCKLES)
Maybe if you unlock it, it will open?
No, no, I… I… I understand what you’re asking me,
but, uh,
the deadbolts are on a timer.
I got carried away with our conversation,
I didn’t realize the brace had been set.
I should have pulled the pin when you came in,
but I forgot. So if you are now
regrettably ready to leave,
you’ll have to exit through the back of my house.
Uh, where?
Just through here.
Well, can you just unlock the front one, please?
We would like to go that way.
Just so we don’t get turned around
and confused when we get outside.
Yeah, it won’t open again ’til morning.
(MUSIC STOPS PLAYING)
Please, sir?
MR. REED: Oh, I’m sorry.
I promise you, it’s safe to leave this way.
Huh?
It’s a little unusual to have a door
that, um, locks on a timer?
MR. REED: Uh…
Yes, well, I see that.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
And it’s…
Well, it’s a little unusual that it can’t be unlocked.
MR. REED: No, I… I… I know.
I am selfaware enough to know how this might look.
Older man, two young women in his house,
but I assure you, you are welcome to leave
through…through the back.
You saw my house from the outside, right?
BARNES: Mmhmm. MR. REED: Right!
So, you know it’s a tiny footprint.
The back of the house is just there.
(INHALES) Yeah.
Anyway, I will leave you space to make your decision freely.
Yeah.
To clarify, I am trying…
have been trying very hard to make it a point
not to pressure you,
so you shouldn’t even feel the need
to fabricate a story about someone from your ward
calling you to leave. It’s… perfectly fine.
Leave when you want.
It wasn’t an excuse, they do need us back.
No, I know, but you’re saying you took a call
with someone from your ward.
Yeah, a moment ago.
But when you came inside, I asked if you were okay
with the metal in the walls and ceilings.
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
What do you mean?
I mean that the metal obstructs cell phone signals,
so I do know you didn’t take a call. But…
(CHUCKLES) Just to be clear,
so you’re comfortable,
it is totally fine for you to leave on your own accord.
You never need to feel like you have to… (SIGHS)
…make excuses or… or tell me little…
little… little white lies.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
So which door takes us outside?
MR. REED: Pff.
Well… (CHUCKLES) do you have a preference?
Wh… why would I have a preference?
PAXTON: Should we have a preference?
That is a fair question.
Not to be completely weird, but can your wife
please just step in the room,
say hello and walk us to the back of the house?
I’m not trying to be silly,
I promise, I’m really not,
but there are rules we follow, and we were upfront with them.
I will ask.
Can I ask you a question first?
(TENSE MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
Do you…
still believe that my wife is in the next room?
Despite all the evidence to the contrary,
the scented candle,
the absence of an oven with blueberry pie?
Or have you been politely indulging a lie?
If you still believe that she’s in there, I’ll go ask,
but it’s something I want you to think about
and maybe think about
in the context of your beliefs.
(FOOTSTEPS)
Do you believe in God because
somebody told you at an impressionable age
that God is real, despite having doubts
as you got older, despite…
seeing evidence to the contrary your whole lives?
When your father lost control of his body,
did you think it was God’s plan to ruin his life?
Or did you go on believing something
that you know is not true just to give you comfort
because you were afraid of what it might mean
if it was all a lie?
I put the scented candle on the table
because I wanted you to think
about the things that you believe
just because somebody asked you to believe them.
Can…
Can we use your phone?
Please?
I… I don’t have a telephone.
You have a really beautiful home, Mr. Reed.
It’s like a church in here.
Did you build it yourself?
My wife built it.
(WATER POURING)
(CLACK)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
We’re gonna leave
through the back of your house.
Now, is that okay?
MR. REED: Of course.
BARNES: Just like you said, it’s okay,
and we can leave, right?
MR. REED: That’s right.
(TENSE MUSIC BUILDS)
(DOOR CREAKING)
(MUSIC FADES OUT)
What is it?
(OMINOUS MUSIC RISES)
(DOOR CLOSES)
(MUSIC FADES OUT)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Sister Barnes?
(DOOR CREAKING)
That’s a basement.
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
It doesn’t look like this goes outside.
(WIND GUSTING)
(SLOW, SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
(WIND GUSTING)
(TREE BRANCHES CREAKING)
(BUCKET RATTLING)
(SIGHS)
(WATER RUNNING)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
(WIND HOWLING)
I think that you can tell that we’re regrettably
uncomfortable with this situation here tonight.
(CLICK)
I’m sorry, but didn’t you just say a moment ago
that you saw the outside of my house?
So then you clearly saw…
(DOOR CREAKING)
…that the back of my house overhangs a hill,
so you would know that you have to go down…
(SHUDDERS)
…in order to go out.
(CHUCKLING)
(DOOR CLOSES)
BARNES: I think it would be best for you
and for all of us if you could help us
go home because
the Stake President, he knows where we are.
And the Ward Missionaries know.
And they’ll be expecting us.
And there were witnesses, weren’t there, Sister Barnes?
On our way here, we passed a police officer?
MR. REED: Whoa! The police? (CHUCKLES) I promise you,
you’re getting way, way, way, way too worked up.
BARNES: Right.
But I think that we’re scared
because you lied to us earlier.
Do you want me to help?
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
You asked me earlier if you should
have a preference between the doors.
I think you should. I think it’s something
you should consider very carefully,
and then make the right decision.
Do you want me to help you?
BARNES: Yes.
MR. REED: Okay.
Then, please…
come and stand here. Both of you come.
Just here.
That’s it.
It’s a simple choice.
(DOOR CREAKING)
(DOOR CLOSES)
But it should not be made simply.
(TENSE MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
I need you to reflect very, very deeply
and then make a sincere decision.
(TENSE MUSIC BUILDS)
(MUSIC STOPS PLAYING)
Have you ever played
the Parker Brothers game, Monopoly?
Monopoly is currently published in 47 languages.
They sell it in over 114 countries.
(STATIC)
(THE AIR THAT I BREATHE BY THE HOLLIES PLAYING)
♪ If I could make a wish ♪
They say over a billion people have played Monopoly.
But I’m guessing that only a fraction of that billion
have actually finished it.
Maybe that reminds you
of something else?
Just a thought.
This is what most people mean when they hear “Monopoly.”
There’s the pewter avatars.
Everyone has their favorite. I shall not tell you mine.
Meow!
There’s the pastel money in various denominations,
and, of course, the jail.
Now, this next part is very important.
Have you ever played the 1904 board game called
The Landlord’s Game?
It is very nearly identical to Monopoly
in every fundamental way. There’s the jail.
There’s free parking.
There’s fines and fees. There’s penalties.
for landing on other people’s properties,
and the ultimate goal of forming monopolies
to force your opponent out of the game.
What do games have to do with us leaving?
Everything.
The Landlord’s Game was designed by
American feminist Elizabeth Magie,
almost three decades before
a heater salesman from Philadelphia,
Sister Barnes, changed the name to Monopoly
and sold the concept as his own
to Parker Brothers in 1935.
This chap was called Charles Darrow,
went on to become the first millionaire games designer
in the history of the world, while poor old Elizabeth Magie
died without ever being credited for the impact
she had on American culture.
(RECORD SCRATCHES)
(THE AIR THAT I BREATHE FADES OUT)
I’m talking to you
about iterations.
I need you to have a very basic understanding
of iterating, because I’m going to make
a very disturbing claim tonight.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
It will make your stomachs sink a little
and your hearts beat faster.
It will make you sick.
It may even… I’m very sorry…
make you want to… to die.
(FOOTSTEPS)
(STATIC)
(THE AIR THAT I BREATHE BY THE HOLLIES PLAYING)
Have you heard this song before?
You just played it.
No, I mean before tonight.
PAXTON: Mmmmmm.
I disagree!
I think you’ve heard it many, many times before,
but we will come back to that.
You are, are you not, monotheistic?
We believe in Heavenly Father, yes.
MR. REED: Okay.
There are three major monotheistic religions,
Judaism, Christianity and Islam.
I call them, “The Big Three.”
Judaism, i.e.
“The Original Edition.”
Christianity, i.e. “The Most Popular Edition,”
and Islam, “The Newer,
“Second Most Popular Edition.”
May I see your Book of Mormon, please?
I’ll give it back.
Thank you.
And finally, after 800 years, this!
Mormonism, i.e.
“The zany regional spinoff edition.”
These are all iterations
of the same source material.
These texts share many of the same characters
and histories albeit presented
with different meanings and perspectives.
So no,
I will not accept… (CHUCKLES) …that you stand there
and tell me that you’ve never heard
The Air That I Breathe by The Hollies,
when I know that you have heard Creep by Radiohead.
Oh, yes, you have. Come on.
(SINGING) ♪ But I’m a creep! ♪
Yeah?
♪ I’m a weirdo ♪
(LAUGHING)
Okay! “What the hell am I doing here?”
(MR. REED LAUGHING)
I know these are things you are thinking right now,
but they’re also lyrics you recognize, yes?
Yes?
The Hollies filed a plagiarism lawsuit against Radiohead,
which they later settled by proving
that the melody and rhythm of The Air That I Breathe
appear in Creep.
How old are you? 19 or 20?
Something like that. Okay.
BARNES: Hmm.
So maybe you know Lana Del Rey,
who remarkably was sued by Radiohead
for plagiarizing Creep in her 2017 song
Get Free.
Iterations.
Over time.
Diluting the message.
Obscuring the original.
Judaism is the OG monotheistic religion.
It should, by a wide margin,
have the most number of practicing members. And yet,
it makes up only 0.2% of the world’s population.
Why is that?
Why is the original less popular
than the iteration?
Is it any less true than the others?
Are we talking about religion or board games or music?
MR. REED: Yes.
It has the fewest members because it doesn’t advertise.
It doesn’t have people like you,
knocking on doors,
selling people a better life,
a better board game, a better song.
You ever think about that?
How missionaries are really just salespeople
for an organization?
The product you’re selling is an idea.
You knock on my door and you sell,
maybe I buy, maybe I don’t buy.
Those are the rules of engagement
when I invite you into my house.
We are negotiating a transaction of ideologies.
(GASPS)
MR. REED: And what I’m trying to say to you tonight
is that I have an idea which I would like to sell to you.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(THE AIR THAT I BREATHE PLAYS LOUDER)
(THE AIR THAT I BREATHE STOPS PLAYING)
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
(PROJECTOR CRANKS)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(WIND BLOWING)
(PAPERS RUSTLING)
MR. REED: My argument is that the holy texts
which we revere
are just mythological iterations of stories
which ancient people have been
telling each other for centuries.
(CRANKS)
(WHIRRING)
They’re not true or real in any literal sense.
They are merely a conduit to a more ancient truth.
(KNOCKING ON WINDOW)
The story of a savior…
who was born to a virgin,
who could perform miracles
and was supernaturally resurrected,
was a very popular story
for at least a thousand years
before Jesus was born.
(CLANK)
One of them has blonde hair,
one of them’s brunette, both dressed similar.
No. Never stopped by.
(CLINK)
MR. REED: Mithras performed miracles.
He was marked by the sign of the cross.
Horus, walked on water,
was crucified, had 12 disciples.
Krishna, he was a carpenter, born to a virgin,
baptized in a river, rose from the dead
and ascended into heaven.
This little gallery depicts 12 gods
who were born on December the 25th,
all of whom predate the existence of Jesus.
I am sorry,
but it is impossible to ignore the influence
of one narrative upon another,
or to ignore the fact that all these stories
iterate into…
Star Wars: Episode I
The Phantom Menace.
Can you imagine thousands of years from now
people accepting Jar Jar
as a significant religious figure?
Beg your pardon?
MR. REED: Jar Jar. Jar Jar Binks.
(IMITATING JAR JAR) Jar Jar! Exsqueeze me.
(IN NORMAL VOICE) Never mind.
(LIGHTS CLICKING AND BUZZING)
It is all terrifying, isn’t it? I’m sorry.
It is.
It is all…
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
Scary.
I’m scared.
I’m scared just saying it out loud, really.
(OBJECT THUDS)
If God is real, and he watches when we masturbate,
and he has such a fragile ego that he only helps us
when we beg him and shower him with praise,
and he hates gay people
for being what he made them to be,
well, that’s terrifying.
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
If there’s no God
and we’re just horny, microscopic ants
floating on a rock through space
with no divine purpose
and no hope to achieve eternal life,
well…
that’s terrifying too.
(FOOTSTEPS)
“Either the church is true or it is a fraud.”
“It is the church and kingdom of God,
“or it is nothing.”
Do you agree with that?
Would it help if I told you this is Gordon B. Hinckley,
the 15th President of your church.
Do you agree with Gordon?
Yes.
BARNES: Mmhmm. MR. REED: Thought you might.
So either it is all true
or none of it’s true, yes?
PAXTON: Yes. BARNES: Mmhmm.
Okay.
Then I want you to choose which door
to go through based on your faith.
Are…
are you asking us
for us to deliberate our belief in the church?
Is that a factor which will correspond
to us going home?
MR. REED: I’m asking you to choose between belief
and disbelief.
My own claim is that all 10,000 verifiable religions
that exist in the world today
are as artificial as the symbolic church
you are currently standing in.
It is farce.
There is nothing holy here.
Your religious text is mere ornament…
(THUD)
…as hollow and as capitalistic
as these ridiculous games.
(OBJECTS CLATTERING)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(PAXTON BREATHING HEAVILY)
(BREATH TREMBLING)
(PAPERS RUSTLING)
(PAPERS RUSTLING)
(BARNES EXHALES)
I want to know what is going to happen to us
before we choose.
I don’t even know
how to begin to answer that question
if it hasn’t happened yet.
Wow, Mr. Reed,
you’ve introduced a lot of interesting points.
I think we can admit that you’re a very smart man
and we still have a lot to learn.
So with that, I would like to agree
that you’ve…
convinced us,
and we’d like to leave
through the disbelief door and go home now.
Right, Sister Barnes?
Sister?
(WATER POURING)
Sister Barnes?
I think we should listen to our super neat
and thoughtful host and choose the right door?
You know, choose the “right”?
Like they taught us in primary?
It doesn’t…
matter what you say to him.
He’s not gonna let us go
just because we admit he’s right.
Let’s just get out of here while our host is being
gracious enough to let us leave.
(WHISPERING) I think that we’re being studied.
I think he wants to learn something about us
based on which door we open.
Is that the game?
Someone scratches their neck, and he’s watching.
We say the wrong thing, and he stumbles on his words.
A candle flame flickers, and it captures his attention.
What have you been looking for?
What have you found?
If I’m right,
then the only thing that matters right now
is what we actually believe.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
And because I think your rhetoric is thin,
and your garage sale board game metaphor
is kind of offensive.
I mean, you asked why Judaism only makes up
0.2% of the world’s population
but didn’t even pause for the Holocaust.
You make no acknowledgement of the religious persecution
Jewish people have faced.
You just use it as a setup
to a punchline about missionaries.
And then, you skip over the fact
that none of this addresses Islam,
as Muslims don’t even believe Christ was resurrected.
And then, you point out all the similarities
these mythological gods have with Jesus,
but breeze over the many glaring differences!
One of these guys has a freaking bird head!
I don’t think… that my point of view…
fits into belief or disbelief.
I think there’s an entire spectrum
that your game is neglecting.
So it doesn’t matter what I believe, does it?
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Sister Paxton, do you still believe in God?
Yes.
Then let’s leave through here.
Let’s be honest and sincere
and let God decide what happens next for us.
(PAXTON BREATHING HEAVILY)
(DOOR OPENS AND CREAKS)
Okay, we’re leaving now.
Thank you for all your mentorship,
and thank you for letting us leave.
(FOOTSTEPS RECEDING)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
Are you coming too?
(DOOR CREAKING)
(DOOR SHUTS)
(DOOR LOCKS)
PAXTON: Sister…
(CLICK)
BARNES: It’s okay.
One step at a time. We’ll go slow.
(BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY)
(LOCK CLICKS)
(BOTH PANTING)
(RAPID BREATHING)
(BARNES WHIMPERS)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(WATER DRIPPING)
(LOCK CLATTERING)
PAXTON: Sister Barnes, there’s nothing.
It’s all blocked off.
What do you think he wants?
Is he gonna keep us here forever?
BARNES: No, he’s too smart. He…
He knows an Elder will check on us, and…
which means he’ll either have to let us go or…
kill us.
(THUNDER CRASHING)
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
From now on, if he lands a philosophical point
that we don’t agree with, we challenge him.
We make him think.
He doesn’t have to steam roll us.
We might not be a physical threat,
but we can be an intellectual one.
(CHAIR CREAKING)
(GRUNTS)
(CLATTERING)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(GRUNTS)
I think that window has a cage on it.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
You’re right.
(DOOR CREAKS)
BARNES: He’s coming. He’s coming.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Take this.
Take this. Put it back.
If anything happens, you take this,
and you stab him in the neck as hard
and as fast as you can.
No! No, no!
It has to be you.
He’s watching me too closely.
He won’t expect us to do it.
Sister, no!
Okay. Let’s have a code word.
Okay? Um…
Hey, if I say “magic underwear,”
that means stab. Okay?
(DISTANT THUD)
He’s coming.
Magic underwear. That’s the code word. Okay?
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(CREAKING)
(PAXTON WHIMPERS)
(DOOR UNLOCKS)
(DOOR OPENS)
(CREAKING)
(CREAKING CONTINUES)
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
(BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY)
Mr. Reed?
(OMINOUS MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
(SQUELCHY FOOTSTEPS)
(LANTERN CREAKING)
(WHIMPERS)
Mrs. Reed?
Is that you?
(OMINOUS MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
(PAXTON WHIMPERING)
(BARNES INHALES SHARPLY)
(PAXTON GASPS)
(BONES CRACKING)
What’s happening to her?
(RATTLE)
(CREEP BY RADIOHEAD PLAYING)
(MR. REED MOCKINGLY SINGING)
♪ But I’m a creep ♪
♪ I’m a weirdo ♪
(MR. REED LAUGHING)
BARNES: Mr. Reed?
BARNES: Where are you?
(BARNES BREATHING HEAVILY)
(MR. REED HUMS ALONG)
♪ Couldn’t look you in the eye ♪
♪ You’re just like an angel ♪
(FIRE CRACKLING)
♪ Your skin makes me cry ♪
(SCRAPING)
(GROANING, WHEEZING)
(SHUSHES)
(MOUTHING IMPERCEPTIBLY)
(WHIMPERING SOFTLY)
(MOUTHING) No.
(OBJECTS CLANKING IN DISTANCE)
♪ And I’m a creep ♪
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(WOMAN WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY)
(PANTING)
(MR. REED HUMMING) (CREEP CONTINUES PLAYING)
(PANTING)
(RATTLING)
♪ I wanna have control ♪
♪ I want a perfect body ♪
(SCRAPING)
(SCRAPING, THUDDING BEHIND DOOR)
♪ I want a perfect soul ♪
♪ I want you to notice ♪
♪ When I’m not around ♪
(LOUD BANGING)
♪ You’re so very special ♪
♪ But I’m a creep ♪
♪ I’m a weirdo ♪
♪ What the hell am I doin’ here? ♪
♪ I don’t belong here ♪
(TAPE PLAYER SCREECHES) (CREEP STOPS PLAYING)
MR. REED OVER SPEAKERS: I had to be sure
before I introduced you to her.
Sure about what? (BREATH TREMBLING)
You are now in the presence
of a living prophet of God.
(WOMAN WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY)
(WOMAN WHEEZING)
(BONES CRACKING)
MR. REED: The reason I invited you
into my sanctuary tonight is because
I have been shown a miracle.
I believe this miracle is proof
that all known religions are demonstrably false,
and only an ancient echo of something true.
I need a witness,
you, to verify that the miracle is real.
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
Now, our family recipe for blueberry pie is,
I think, a traditional one.
The ingredients include butter, flour, corn starch,
sugar, lemon,
blueberries, of course,
but tonight I’ve also included some wolf’s bane
and some belladonna,
which means that, in a short while,
the Prophet will be dead from consuming the pie.
(SQUELCHING)
MR. REED OVER SPEAKERS: Then,
you will witness a miracle.
By the grace of God,
she will be resurrected.
(WHEEZING WEAKLY)
(CONTINUES WHEEZING WEAKLY)
(RETCHES)
(LANTERN CLATTERS)
Now, feel her pulse, please.
Both of you.
(WATER DRIPPING)
MR. REED OVER SPEAKERS: I need you
to feel her pulse right now!
(PAXTON BREATHING HEAVILY)
MR. REED OVER SPEAKERS: Acknowledge, please,
that her heart has now stopped pumping.
Do you know how to do that?
Index and middle finger on the side of the neck,
in the soft, hollow area just beside the windpipe.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
MR. REED: Both of you, please, lift her head to be sure.
(SQUELCHING)
(PAXTON SHUDDERS)
(PROPHET GURGLES)
(PAXTON GASPS)
PAXTON: She moved! She moved!
MR. REED: (LAUGHING) That was just a catalytic spasm.
PAXTON: (GASPS) She’s alive!
MR. REED: No! No, no. Not yet.
Chemicals being released into her body.
Acknowledge, please, that there’s no pulse.
(GRUNTS SOFTLY)
Acknowledge!
No. No pulse.
No pulse.
MR. REED: Thank you.
Acknowledge that she is no longer breathing.
Do you feel a breath?
BARNES: No. No.
MR. REED: So she’s dead. BARNES: Yes.
(WHIMPERS)
MR. REED: Okay.
Thank you.
A moment longer, and you will witness a resurrection.
She’ll return and she will tell us
what she saw in the afterlife.
Has the Prophet moved?
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
No.
MR. REED OVER SPEAKERS: Hello?
No. No.
Mmmmmm.
(BARNES WHIMPERS)
MR. REED: All right. Just un momentino.
Only a moment longer.
(BELL RINGING)
(GASPS)
(BREATHING RAPIDLY) The Elders?
(DOORBELL RINGS)
(FOOTSTEPS ECHOING)
(DOOR LOCKS)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(BOTH PANTING)
(PANTING)
We scream.
We scream.
BARNES: But not until he answers the door.
(KNOCKING)
PAXTON: He’s coming back. BARNES: Scream! Scream!
(PAXTON AND BARNES SCREAMING)
(DOOR CREAKING)
(DOOR SHUTS)
(BOTH CONTINUE SCREAMING)
(LIGHTS CLICK)
(GRUNTS SOFTLY)
(KNOCKING)
Coming!
(TICKING)
Ah! Sorry!
I was at the back. (CHUCKLES)
No, I’m sorry to bother you.
No.
I’m just in the neighborhood looking for
two young ladies from my church.
Oh.
Is everything all right?
(BOTH SCREAMING)
(BOTH PANTING)
They can’t hear us.
MAN: I’m sure everything’s fine,
I was just wondering if they…
(WIND BLOWING)
…stopped by.
No. I’m sorry to say,
you are the first house caller I’ve had all day, so.
Did you see this?
It’s locked.
BARNES: Help.
Help.
We can pull the rug.
The matches.
We start a fire,
smoke out the speaking pipe to make sure
the Elder knows we’re here.
Okay. But you did ask
for more information on the church, correct?
Uh, this… this is the which church?
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
(WIND BLOWING)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
BARNES: Pull. Careful.
Is there some other way I can help?
Do you want to use my phone, call the police?
I could get my coat…
No, no. That’s fine.
…and come help you look around.
No, no, no, no, no. I’m sure they’re not far.
Uh, thank you for your time.
All right, well, good luck. Yeah, I mean that.
Okay.
Uhhuh.
(WIND BLOWING)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(MUSIC STOPS PLAYING)
(DOOR CREAKS)
(CREAKING)
(FOOTSTEPS)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(CLICKS)
(WATER POURING)
(THUD)
(FURNITURE DRAGGING)
(FOOTSTEPS)
(CLICKING)
(SCRAPING)
(FLOOR CREAKING)
(FOOTSTEPS)
(MR. REED COUGHS)
(MR. REED CLEARS THROAT)
(OBJECT DRAGS)
(TENSE MUSIC BUILDS)
No.
(CLICKING)
(FOOTSTEPS)
(BARNES BREATHING HEAVILY)
(BARNES GRUNTS)
(THUD)
(DOOR CREAKS)
PAXTON: (WHISPERING) He’s coming!
(FOOTSTEPS)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
(DOORBELL RINGS)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(RATTLING)
Yeah? Yeah? Any luck?
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
(GASPS)
She moved.
What do you mean?
When we were gone.
No, you’re remembering it wrong.
She hasn’t moved at all.
Her head is different.
That’s where she was!
It’s not!
Sister, that’s not how I remember it. Please!
Please, just come on! Help!
Hold the sleeve up.
I’d be remiss if I didn’t ask you one question.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC BUILDS)
(MUSIC STOPS PLAYING)
Have you received this booklet?
I have not,
but I will give it a looksee.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
PAXTON: Try another.
BARNES: I know.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Focus.
(WIND BLOWING)
(RATTLING)
Faster.
(MATCH IGNITES)
(BARNES WHIMPERS)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC BUILDS)
(GASPS)
(BARNES GRUNTS)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
(MUSIC STOPS PLAYING)
(WIND GUSTING)
(MATCH SCRAPING ON WALL)
(BARNES WHIMPERS)
(BARNES BREATHING HEAVILY)
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
(MATCH IGNITES)
(SCREAMS)
(GASPS)
(BOTH GASPING)
(WHEEZES)
(RETCHES)
(BOTH GASPING)
(RETCHES)
(COUGHS)
(PROPHET WHEEZES)
PROPHET: Conductor…
says… my… name.
White… clouds.
Not… Heaven.
They… unplug…
my brain.
It is…
not…
real.
(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
MR. REED: And, thank you, Prophet.
We are very grateful for your passage
to the other side.
(WHEEZING)
Your prophecy will be recorded into our liturgical texts.
Come. You must be exhausted. Take my arm.
(UNSETTLING MUSIC PLAYING)
(BARNES BREATHING HEAVILY)
(INDISTINCT WHISPERING)
(INAUDIBLE)
(DOOR UNLOCKS)
(MATCH SCRAPING)
(PROPHET WHIMPERS)
(DOOR CREAKS, SHUTS)
Well, now.
You see, this is rather interesting because…
(OBJECT CLANKS)
(MR. REED CHUCKLES)
I know that one of you has been lying
since you first got here. (CHUCKLING)
And do you know how I know that?
Excuse me, can I… can I take that?
I know from the way
that the fire reacts to each of you.
A.
B.
Yeah. One of you has a very, very… (CHUCKLING)
…very big secret, but we will know more soon.
There will be before you saw a woman die
and come back to life, and there will be after.
(BLOWS) Books will be written about it.
So choose your words very carefully when I ask,
what did you witness?
Tell me. Tell me what you saw.
How did she…
I don’t know…
And if you didn’t see something transcendental,
you absolutely must tell me.
I don’t know.
‘Cause if I’m wrong,
I need to hear it. That’s why you’re here.
It’s a contrived experiment. We are your prisoners!
It doesn’t make sense…
MR. REED: Oh, pooh!
We’re all prisoners together.
…for us to have an opinion!
You must know by now that any of us can leave
whenever we want, but why would we want,
after what we’ve seen?
I saw it. I saw it.
I heard her describe
what she experienced on the other side.
Great! What did you hear?
She said there was a conductor.
Yes. Yeah.
Did she mean angel?
She had a feeling of disassociation,
a feeling that something wasn’t real.
That’s it.
So now you know.
Now, we know?
Yeah, now, you know.
Know?
I can show you God.
If you’re willing to die.
It… it can be painless. It can be temporary.
Like the Prophet, you can be brought back.
It doesn’t have to be frightening at all.
I’ll tell you… I’ll tell you what’s frightening.
Not knowing is frightening!
Where do we come from? What are we doing here?
What’s our purpose?
The terror of those questions is why religions exist.
I can answer those questions for you.
I can give you a comfort no religion in the world
is capable of giving you.
It all makes sense now.
I’ve been asking myself all night,
how is he gonna make killing us our idea?
(MR. REED SIGHS)
Sister Barnes, you’re in a muddle.
I know. I can’t tell
if you’re playing chess or checkers.
Monopoly!
Come on, it was right there.
You didn’t show us a miracle.
Okay, what did I show you?
That wasn’t a miracle.
MR. REED: So you say. What did I show you?
That was not a miracle!
What did I show you?
It was a magic trick.
MR. REED: A magic trick?
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
You wanna know why we don’t talk about Taco Bell?
It killed me when I was four years old.
Fifty people were hospitalized from an E. coli outbreak.
The kids at school called me Taco Hell
’cause I was clinically dead
while doctors operated on my kidneys.
When I was dead,
I saw exactly what your prophet described.
A blinding white light,
clouds, but not Heaven, a sense of wanting to return,
a feeling that my state of reality wasn’t real.
That wasn’t a prophecy.
That was a neardeath experience.
When the oxygen leaves your brain
or your heart stops pumping, your mind
creates unbelievable things.
I think you’ve been keeping this woman
on the edge of death in order to ask her questions
about meaningless hallucinations
so that you can substantiate your idea
of what the one, true religion really is.
MR. REED: Did you know…
that when you remember something,
you’re really only remembering
the last time you remembered that experience?
You’re not actually recalling the event.
So your memory of dying at Taco Bell… (CHUCKLING)
…isn’t really of dying,
it’s of the memory of the memory
of the memory of the memory of the memory…
stop me… (CHUCKLES) …of that event.
So you’re remembering a false correlation
with the experience you’ve just witnessed.
But this, this is happening right now!
That’s why I think, Sister Barnes, Sister Paxton,
that you really need to pay attention
because I promise you… (CHUCKLING)
…we’re not talking about a magic trick.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
No,
we’re talking about magic underwear…
(SLASHING)
(MUSIC STOPS PLAYING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(INAUDIBLE SCREAMING)
(IMPERCEPTIBLE)
(INAUDIBLE SCREAMING)
(SCREAMING) Help me! Help!
(WIND GUSTING)
(SOBS)
(INHALES SHARPLY)
(SIGHS)
(EXHALES SHAKILY)
MR. REED: She’ll come back to us!
I promise!
Sister Paxton, do not be scared!
She will rise again.
Challenge him.
Debate.
Challenge him.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(FOOTSTEPS)
MR. REED: Come on, now, Sister B.
Wakeywakey!
(WATER DRIPPING)
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa! No, that’s not it.
That’s not it. That’s a… a mucky pup.
Let’s have that. (CHUCKLES)
Moments. It’ll be moments.
Let’s have one of your drum rolls, yeah?
Whoop!
Hey! (SNIFFLES)
I’m very sorry.
Something is wrong.
(UNSETTLING MUSIC PLAYING)
I’m now worried…
that she’s not…
(BOX CUTTER OPENS)
…coming back to us.
Yeah.
(GRUNTS SOFTLY)
Oh, yeah.
(SOBS)
MR. REED: Oh, yeah.
Yep.
Yep.
Yeah.
There it is.
(GRUNTS)
No, it isn’t.
That was a vein.
(MR. REED GRUNTS)
(SQUELCHING)
Aha! (CHUCKLES) Aha.
(TENSE MUSIC BUILDS)
The implant.
This is why she can’t come back to us.
Take a look!
I’m very sorry.
But Sister Barnes, she’s a program.
She’s not real.
Do you know what gave it away?
The candles.
What are you saying? I don’t understand.
No, no, I know. I know. I know.
How could you?
(SHUDDERS)
Can you explain it to me?
Are you, Sister Paxton,
familiar with the Daoist concept
of “The Butterfly Dream”?
PAXTON: A butterfly…
A butterfly flaps its wings and causes a typhoon?
That is “The Butterfly Effect.”
Common mistake. No. “The Butterfly Dream”…
(CLATTERING)
…concerns an ancient Chinese philosopher
who asked himself the following question.
(OBJECT CLATTERS)
“Was I a man dreaming
“I’m a butterfly, or am I now…”
(THUD)
“…a butterfly dreaming that I am a man?”
Come and sit down.
Come on. (CLICKS TONGUE) Here.
(SIGHS)
(SCRAPING ON TABLE)
This is us.
You and me alone together.
That was Barnes.
Byebye, Barnes.
I have come to a dark realization
that we exist inside a simulation so advanced
that we cannot tell the difference between real life
and artificial dream.
You heard the Prophet. She said, “It is not real.”
You see, fire dynamics are very difficult to render.
I’ve noticed this anomaly in its behavior
when it interacts with simulated NPCs,
like poor old Sister B.
She couldn’t come back to us, but when you die,
finger, please, you will pass through death
and wake up…
(BOX CUTTER RATTLES)
…into the real world.
What do you think?
Yes, no, maybe?
Um…
That’s a theory.
Well yeah, you’re very welcome to…
to challenge my premise. I love that.
(BOX CUTTER CLOSES)
Go for it.
(SNIFFLING)
I don’t think this is a microchip.
MR. REED: Oh?
I think it’s a contraceptive.
A… a birth control implant.
Huh.
Tell me, have you ever met
a Mormon missionary who was on birth control?
Did “Sister Barnes” say she was on birth control?
PAXTON: Our church would’ve made her
feel ashamed about it,
and she would’ve been too embarrassed.
Simulation theory is…
Ah!
“Hypothesis,” please. Sorry, it doesn’t matter.
Simulation hypothesis
is not testable, is it?
No, it’s a matter of belief, like any religion.
You either believe it, green door,
or you don’t believe it, purple door.
With all due respect,
I…
I don’t believe it.
I’m not smart enough to say why, I just don’t.
Do you believe the miracle that I showed you?
PAXTON: Yes.
Yeah?
PAXTON: At first.
But now?
I think something happened tonight
that you didn’t expect.
It feels like you’re improvising,
trying to convince me of a simulation theory
that’s not sticking. Am I right?
Uh, (CHUCKLES) are you asking me if you’re right
that I am improvising
or you’re right that the simulation narrative
is not sticking?
Yes.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
Highfive.
(GRUNTS SOFTLY, CHUCKLES)
So, in fact, you agree with your friend.
You think that the Prophet was just hallucinating
a meaningless, neardeath experience.
No.
I think you switched the bodies.
(MUSIC FADES OUT)
I just haven’t figured out how yet.
I switched…
the bodies?
(FIRE CRACKLING)
The doorbell rang when the Elder got here.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(DOORBELL RINGING)
Which drew our attention to the stairs.
You would have been prepared for that.
When we came back downstairs,
I noticed the woman wasn’t in the same position as before.
It was similar…
PAXTON: Her head is different.
But it was not the exact same.
I think another woman who looked exactly like her
came into the basement
through a hidden door or something,
disposed of her body and then took her place at the table.
I see.
And then, once we got back downstairs,
she read off a scripted prophecy
that you prepared for her.
Except the last thing she said was,
“It is not real.”
…not… real…
Maybe she was trying to tell us
that the miracle wasn’t real.
Ah.
You see what I mean when I say
something happened that you didn’t expect?
I think you gave her a script, and she went off the book,
and now you’re trying to recover.
Well, if that’s right, then, uh,
there’d have to be another way into this basement, yeah?
Shall we have a look?
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
I don’t think there is.
No.
I’m not doing very well,
Sister Paxton.
Unless…
(WATER DRIPPING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(RATTLING)
(WATER POURING)
(WATER DRAINING)
(CLANKING)
(MUSIC STOPS PLAYING)
(CREAKING)
Which means that…
there would have to be a dead body down there
if you were right, huh?
PAXTON: Correct.
MR. REED: How will you test your theory?
(SIGHS) I don’t know.
MR. REED: But will you go into that hole and
see if there’s somebody down there?
If I have to.
MR. REED: Why would you do that?
Because I want to know the truth,
and because the only way out is through.
Robert Frost?
Swamp Thing.
(CHUCKLES)
Don’t go into that cellar…
unless you are prepared
to discover the one, true religion.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
(SNIFFLES)
(LADDER CREAKS)
(RISING SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
(MUSIC STOPS)
(SIGHS)
(FOOTSTEPS)
I knew it.
(DOOR CREAKS AND SLAMS)
(HEAVY BREATHING)
(WATER SPLASHING)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(LOCK CREAKS AND CLICKS)
(DOOR CREAKS)
(CONTINUES HEAVY BREATHING)
(UNSETTLING MUSIC PLAYING)
(DOOR CREAKS)
(SHARP INHALE)
(DOOR CREAKING)
(WATER DRIPPING)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(CONTINUES HEAVY BREATHING)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
(GASPS)
(HEAVY BREATHING)
(MUSIC FADES OUT)
(DOOR CREAKING)
(CLANK)
(DISTANT WEAK WHEEZING)
(SHUDDERING BREATH)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
(COUGHING)
(FAINT GROANING)
(SHIVERING BREATH)
Hey.
(SNIFFLES)
(PAXTON SHIVERING)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
Sorry about the cold.
(SNIFFLES)
Have you figured it out yet?
(PAXTON SNIFFLES)
I think so.
MR. REED: So what is it?
What is the one, true religion, Sister P?
(PAXTON SHIVERING)
(SNIFFLING)
It’s…
(INHALES)
(HEAVY BREATHING)
When we first arrived,
you left us alone in your living room.
(DRAMATIC, SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
We thought you were talking to your wife,
but you were doing something else.
I was.
PAXTON: You took a key from Sister Barnes’ coat,
went outside to unlock our bikes and hide them.
I noticed your hair was wet when you came back
with the drinks, like you were out in the storm.
You did this, I assume, because you didn’t want
the Elder to find our bikes
when he came back looking for us.
(LATCH CLANKS)
But there was something else on your mind.
(WATER POURING)
There was.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
PAXTON: You returned the bike key
to the wrong coat pocket.
We thought this was a mistake you made.
(MOUTHING) Key.
PAXTON: (VOICE SHAKING) But now I know it wasn’t.
Why?
(INHALES)
You gave the bike lock to one of your prophets,
instructed them to lock the final cellar door with it.
But why, why, why? Why did I do that?
Because you wanted me to know
the only reason I’m standing here right now
is because it is exactly
where you want me to be standing.
I’m not here because I chose to be.
I’m here because you made me choose to be.
Oh.
Because you want me to believe the one, true religion is…
(SIGHS)
…control.
(CHUCKLES)
That is exactly right.
Religion is just a system of control…
(WHEEZING)
(HEAVY BREATHING) It’s okay.
I’ll help you.
MR. REED: No, you see, that’s what’s so interesting.
They don’t want your help.
They… (CHUCKLING) they are exactly
where they chose to be.
But you killed that woman.
MR. REED: I disagree.
She… She chose to eat a poisoned pie
because of her profound faith.
It is called drinking the… anyone?
(SNAPPING SHEARS)
KoolAid.
It is true…
that I keep these ladies a little chilly,
and a little peckish,
for which I am very sorry. Sorry, ladies.
But only for the same reason
that your church goes to Haiti
to give out Bibles after a hurricane.
It’s easier to control
someone who has lost…
(SHEARS CLICK)
…everything.
(SHEARS CLICK)
You’re absolutely right. She did go offbook.
(SHEARS SLICE)
(PROPHET SCREAMS)
Why do you do this?
The question is,
why do you all let me?
(SPLASH)
(WHIMPERING)
(WHEEZING)
PAXTON: Sorry… (CRYING)
You are here because the ideas of others
have influenced every single decision you’ve made
since the day you were born, and I’ve been able to predict
every decision you would make tonight because of that.
(WHIMPERING)
(CRYING)
(SHUSHING)
You have allowed them
to dictate every decision of your life.
(CRYING)
They decide who you worship,
where you worship, what you worship.
(PAXTON BREATHING HEAVILY)
(SPRINKLER SPRAYING)
They even dictate the garments you wear under your clothes.
The what?
Your magic underwear.
(SLASHING)
(MR. REED SCREAMS, GURGLES)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
(PAXTON PANTING)
(GROANING)
(SQUELCHING)
(PANTING)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(PANTING)
(GRUNTING)
(GROANS)
(OMINOUS MUSIC BUILDS)
(MUSIC FADES OUT)
(PANTING)
(DOOR CREAKING)
(UNSETTLING MUSIC PLAYING)
(HEAVY BREATHING)
(DOOR CREAKING)
No… No…
No…
(HEAVY BREATHING)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
(SQUELCHING)
(GASPS)
(PAXTON WHIMPERS)
(CLATTER)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(PAXTON WHIMPERING)
(DOOR SLAMMING SHUT)
(PAXTON GASPS)
(PANTING)
(MR. REED GROANING)
(WHEEZING)
(GROANS)
(LAUGHS)
(PAXTON WHIMPERING)
(GROANING)
(EXHALES HEAVILY)
(GROANS, INHALES SHARPLY)
MR. REED: (WEAKLY) Pray…
(WHIMPERS)
Pray.
(WATER DRIPPING)
(WHIMPERS)
Pray for us.
(EXHALES)
Praying… (INHALES SHARPLY)
…doesn’t work.
(BREATHING WEAKLY)
(PAINED BREATH)
(PAXTON PANTING)
Have you ever heard of the great prayer experiment?
(GRUNTING)
(GROANS)
They divided patients into groups.
Those who received prayers and those who didn’t.
The results of the study were conclusive.
It doesn’t work.
But I think it’s beautiful that we all pray for each other…
(MR. REED GROANS)
…even though we all probably know it doesn’t make a difference.
(WHEEZING)
It’s just nice to think about someone other than yourself.
Even if it’s you.
(GROANS)
(BREATHING WEAKLY)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(PAXTON PRAYING INDISTINCTLY)
…I’m grateful for all the trials
you’ve given me in my life.
And for your path that you’ve laid out for me.
(WHEEZING) Quietly.
(MR. REED WHIMPERS)
(MR. REED WHEEZES)
(PAXTON CONTINUES PRAYING INDISTINCTLY)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
(INDISTINCT PRAYER)
(MUSIC STOPS PLAYING)
(SLASHING)
(MR. REED GROANS, SCREAMS)
(GASPS)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
(BREATH TREMBLING)
(SLOW, DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(SOMBER INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(IMPERCEPTIBLE)
(WATER DROPS PATTERING)
Goodbye, Sister.
(SNIFFLES)
(KISSES)
(SOBBING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(PANTING)
(WHIMPERS)
(CONTINUES PANTING)
(CREAKING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(PANTING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC RISES)
(MUSIC STOPS PLAYING)
(WIND BLOWING)
(KNOCKING ON HEAVEN’S DOOR BY SOPHIE THATCHER PLAYING)
♪ Mama take this badge off me ♪
♪ I can’t use it anymore ♪
♪ It’s getting dark too dark to see ♪
♪ I feel like I’m knockin’ on Heaven’s door ♪
♪ Knockknockknockin’ on Heaven’s door ♪
♪ Knockknockknockin’ on Heaven’s door ♪
♪ Knockknockknockin’ on Heaven’s door ♪
♪ Knockknockknockin’ on Heaven’s door ♪
♪ Mama put my guns in the ground ♪
♪ I can’t shoot them anymore ♪
♪ That long black cloud is comin’ down ♪
♪ Feels like I’m knockin’ on Heaven’s door ♪
♪ Knockknockknockin’ on Heaven’s door ♪
♪ Knockknockknockin’ on Heaven’s door ♪
♪ Knockknockknockin’ on Heaven’s door ♪
♪ Knockknockknockin’ on Heaven’s door ♪
