Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (2022) | Transcript

World-famous detective Benoit Blanc heads to Greece to peel back the layers of a mystery surrounding a tech billionaire and his eclectic crew of friends.
Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery

[gentle piano music playing]

[knocking]

No, subject to their approval… Ah, hold on.

Hey. Oh, shit, sorry. Let me, uh…

[man] Uh, sign here.

[woman] Can you grab the thing? Oh my God, it’s heavy.

[man] Have a good one.

Thank you.

[kids chattering]

What’s this?

I don’t know. I’ve got the CNN thing in like… now.

Amy, come on. Look alive. Hold this, please.

On in ten. He’s leading you in now.

Okay.

[kid giggles]

[music continues]

It’s from Miles!

[music stops abruptly]

[news anchor] And with me now is Connecticut governor, Claire Debella, whose Senate campaign is picking up steam as she has positioned herself as a very different kind of candidate.

Governor, thanks for joining us.

Working from home like the rest of us, I can see.

Yes. Welcome to our office, campaign center, and kindergarten.

We are losing our minds.

Your campaign is backed by billionaire philanthropist, Miles Bron,

founder of the ubiquitous tech giant, Alpha, which now has dozens of companies from Alpha Cosmos to Alpha Car, Alpha Shop…

I know, I know, I know. But what can I do?

You can tell him no.

How about no!

[man] Lionel, you’re a scientist, not a publicist.

Exactly.

You can’t keep making excuses for every one of Miles Bron’s insane whims.

Genius always looks like insanity at first, though, right?

Isn’t that how he became Miles Bron? You guys have no idea.

The man faxes me in the middle of the night.

He loves his faxes.

He sends me his ideas that I’m supposed to…

You know what, you tell me. Genius or insanity?

“Uber for biospheres.”

I don’t know. Okay. Maybe?

“AI in dogs equals discourse.”

Okay? I mean, all night long, they just keep…

But then…

Remember “child equals NFT”?

We all laughed,

but then the Crypto Kids app paid for this building.

[man 2] Delivery.

I mean, how do you argue with that?

[man 2] I wiped it down.

Yeah, we know.

Never bet against Bron, we know it.

But he’s asking us to put a volatile substance on a manned flight.

He won’t listen. He just says, “Make it work.”

And what if it works?

This is science, not a religion.

Remember that, Lionel.

Because if your name is on this, and it fails, it will sink you forever.

[mysterious music playing]

[Claire] I’m a hard line on climate change.

If that scares you, go stick your head back in the sand.

[“Mothership Connection” playing]

[people laughing, yelling]

My constituents trust I’m gonna fight…

♪ If you hear any noise It’s just me and the boys hittin’ it ♪

♪ Groovin’ ♪

♪ You gotta hit the band ♪

♪ All right, all right… ♪

I’m so bored.

Peg?

Peg?

Here! Here.

Hey, please stop fire-spinning inside.

[woman] Peg, please, I’m so bored.

No. No phones.

Why can’t she have her phone?

‘Cause she’s mean.

No. Because she’s afraid that I will tweet an ethnic slur.

Again.

Yes. And you agreed no phone for the rest of the media cycle.

I didn’t even know that that word referred to Jewish people.

I thought it was a generic term for cheap.

“Jewy”?

[sighs]

Everything is so woke these days, it’s out of control.

Yes.

Love you. Yes.

And I say it like I see it, no filter.

If people can’t handle it, that’s their problem. What’s this?

Don’t know. Some guy just dropped it off.

[woman gasps]

[cell phone ringing]

All right, genius, what is this thing?

Well…

It’s a Miles invitation.

[sighs] Well, duh! But I mean, what is it?

It’s just like a block of wood.

There’s gotta be a way to open it.

It’s solid. There’s no latches or even visible seams.

The wood-grain pattern’s weird though. It’s like it’s familiar.

[cell phone chiming]

Hmm. Oh, wait. Hold on. It’s Birdie.

Okay, how do you open this thing?

Hi, Birdie. Lionel’s on two. Hi, Peg!

Hi!

Oh no. Peg’s putting out a fire. She’ll be back.

Another fire? Bird. What’d you say this time?

No.

You’ve got to stay off the Twitter.

It’s nothing like that. It’s fine. Now, is this a Miles thing?

Have you figured out how to open it, Lionel?

Lionel, use your science brain.

I’m working on it. Bird, should you really be having a party?

No, they’re all in my pod. It’s fine. Has anyone heard from Duke?

No.

No.

[clears throat]

So this has gotten some attention recently, so obviously I would like to speak to this, and the answer is no, Jimmy Kimmel,

I do not hate boobs.

Boobs give us many useful things. Boobs give us milk, cheese.

Breasts nourish our young until the age where we can go out and hunt for them.

Let’s be honest. Boobs are fun.

There’s nothing wrong with that, right, babe?

I love my boobs. They’re so much fun.

Oops! Sorry, feminists!

Sorry, feminists.

So when we’re talking about the breast-ification of America…

I mean, what that means is a breakdown in the natural order.

Evolutionary truths that go back billions of years.

So when you’re asking a young man in America to slow down so a woman can catch up…

[older woman] Duke!

For centuries, the Western workplace has been dominated by men ’cause…

[older woman] Dukey!

…that’s what nature made us to do.

Dukey! I’ve been calling you. You gotta answer me when I call!

Mom! Will you shut it? We’ve been over this a million times.

I told you. When me and Whiskey are live, you gotta let us…

You tell your mother to shut up?

Sorry. It’s just when we’re live…

What?

When we’re…

What?

Jeez, Mom. I’m sorry.

You got a delivery. It’s in the kitchen.

Maybe it’s sensitive to heat.

[phone buzzes]

[gasps] Wait. It’s Duke. Hold on.

Duke!

[Duke] Hey, what is this thing?

My mom already broke it.

It’s a stereogram.

[Duke] She did something to it. It opened up. I don’t know. She broke it.

A stereogram!

[Claire] A what-a-gram?

Wait, a stereogram! Were those the things…

[Claire’s husband] Magic eye things? I could never do those.

[Duke] Ma! What did I tell you about touching my stuff?

[mechanical clicking]

[Peg] Do you group them by color maybe or…

Size? Weight? Should I weigh them?

Eight by eight. It’s a chessboard. This is a chess endgame.

So it’s… It’s set up for a mate in one. Should I…

[Lionel] Do it, Kasparov.

[clicks]

[gasps] That’s tic-tac-toe! I know this!

But it’s solved already, so it can’t be.

It’s tic-tac-toe.

But thank you for contributing, Birdie. Yes.

Wait, wait. The tapper thing is for Morse code.

The X’s and O’s are dots and dashes.

Dit’s and Da’s!

So that’s… Yep.

[Claire gasps] Oh, wow.

O-U-R. Here.

It’s tic-tac-toe.

[box clicking]

[soaring music plays]

[Birdie] Is something supposed to happen?

[Claire] “N.” Maybe it stands for something,

maybe in one of the other puzzles?

It’s a compass.

Ma!

It’s a compass!

Okay, north, south…

Okay, N is for north, so turn it due north.

[clicks]

[music box playing]

[gasps] It’s music. Guys, it’s music!

Shh!

Are you mocking me?

Yes.

Okay, ha-ha, I’m gonna Shazam it.

What is that?

Alexa, Shazam this song please. Alexa, Shazam this song please.

Hey, this is Bach’s Little Fugue in G Minor.

You sure?

Yeah.

Uh, I’m Shazam-ing it. Alexa, Shazam this song please.

So a fugue is a beautiful musical puzzle based on just one tune.

And when you layer this tune on top of itself, it starts to change and turns into a beautiful new structure.

This can’t Shazam. It’s a lamp.

I love you, Birdie.

I love you too, Claire.

Wait. “La-la-layered back over itself.” Hold on.

See this center wheel? Lift it up.

[clicks]

[music box stops]

[Lionel laughs]

A whole new tune.

Freaking Miles, man. Genius.

[Ma] That first one’s a Fibonacci sequence.

Ma!

[blows raspberry]

No, get your hand off of that.

Ooh, ooh, ooh!

Forty-seven for sure?

That’s the atomic number for silver.

Are you… Are you sure that’s silver?

That’s silver.

So this is it.

All together now. One, two, three.

[soaring music playing]

[mechanical clicking]

[Lionel] Look at that.

[gasps]

[harpsichord playing]

“My dear friends, my beautiful disruptors, my closest inner circle… we could use a moment of normalcy. And so you are cordially invited… for a long weekend on my private island… where we will celebrate the bonds that connect us, and I hope your puzzle-solving skills are whetted.”

[squeals]

“Because you will also be competing to solve the mystery…”

Whoo!

“…of my murder. Travel details to come. Please forward any dietary restrictions.”

“Love and all my kisses, Miles.”

Ma! Where’s my speargun? I gotta pack. Babe, get packing!

What’s that?

[door opens, closes]

I don’t know.

Whoo!

[all cheering]

[music crescendoes]

[breathing heavily]

[soft, suspenseful music playing]

[alarm blaring]

Wait… Hold on.

What just happened?

Blanc. I saw you go in the engine room.

You’re the Imposter. We all know it.

Case closed. We’re done.

I don’t understand this at all.

So Angie caught me, and now the game’s just over?

Sorry, Blanc, you’re thrown out of the airlock.

It’s a no-brainer.

I’ve got to say, the world’s greatest detective… I thought you’d be better at this.

I think maybe this game’s just not my thing.

Maybe we should try Quiplash.

[knock on door]

[Natasha] Uh, or Codenames.

No. No, I… [sighs, tuts]

Look, I appreciate what y’all are trying to do for me here.

We’re worried about you, buddy. Lockdown hasn’t been easy for any of us.

But Phillip told me you haven’t left the bath for a week.

Oh, that’s hyperbole.

[knock on door]

Get that, would ya?

[Phillip] You’re not in the bath again, are you?

[hesitates] No!

I’m just… [sighs]

I lose it between cases anyway.

I think I might be going insane. [chuckles]

My mind is a fueled-up racing car, and I got nowhere to drive it.

Hey, can I ask… Have you tried crosswords?

No, no, Natasha.

I… I don’t need puzzles or games. The last thing I need is a vacation.

I need danger, a hunt, a challenge.

I need… a great case.

[Phillip] Blanc? There’s someone here for you!

With a box!

[dramatic music playing]

[horn honks]

[Claire] Whoo.

[grunts]

[Lionel] Claire, my dear!

Hi, you genius!

[horn honking]

Whoo-hoo!

Hello! Oh my God!

We can’t hug, right?

[Peg] No!

I mean, can we?

Hi, Peg!

I wanna hug everybody.

[Lionel] Elbows!

[Claire] You need help?

[Peg] Yes, please!

Did you two stay at the hotel last night? I didn’t see you.

[Claire] No, Birdie, we clearly just arrived.

But you… Hello, stranger danger.

[man] Mr. Blanc! You are stranger danger?

[Benoit] No, that’s fine, Nikos. I don’t even know what that means.

[Lionel] Wait a second. Benoit Blanc?

[Claire] Oh my God. Are you Benoit Blanc, the detective?

Did you solve the murder of… Ah, what’s her name?

That… The ballet dancer with the thing and the thing. That’s you?

[chuckling] It is, in the flesh.

I’m obviously familiar with you all as well.

Governor. Dr. Toussaint. Miss Birdie Jay.

What an extraordinary gathering.

[gunshot]

[engine revving]

[gunshots]

[tires screeching]

[Whiskey] Whoo-hoo!

[laughs]

Crew! We’ve arrived.

[turns off engine]

Disruptors have assembled!

No, no, absolutely not.

[Birdie] Duke!

[Duke grunts]

[Lionel] The Duke.

[Claire] Duke, hello.

[Duke] Hey, guys.

Remember my girl, Whiskey?

Hi.

[Claire] Of course, Whiskey. Hello.

Who’s that?

[Claire] Why are you in Greece, Mr. Blanc?

I was invited by Miles Bron.

Tight with Miles?

[Benoit] No, never met.

[Lionel] Oh, I get it. The, uh… The murder mystery thing.

Benoit Blanc is going to help solve the mystery of Miles’ murder.

This should be fun.

Cute.

[Benoit] Well, we’ll see.

[ship horn toots]

[car horn honks]

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Greece.

This fine craft will take you to Mr. Bron’s island.

It is a two-hour journey.

Your captain, Mr. Andino, will assist you with your luggage.

But first, I’m gonna need you to remove your masks and extend your tongue.

This will only be momentarily uncomfortable.

[device fires]

[gags]

[wristband beeps]

Mr. Cody.

No pineapple in that, right? Duke don’t dance with pineapple.

There’s no pineapple.

[device fires]

[Duke gags]

[Benoit] Well, it seems I’m the odd man out, Governor.

You’re all friends.

[Claire] Miles does one of these weekend reunions every year.

Some… nutso invitation. Some extravagant trip.

Just a little… [in Southern accent] …menagerie.

Excuse me, I love your accent. I had to try it. Oh.

[device fires]

Oh! [coughs]

Eight years of doing these trips, you’re the first new person he’s ever invited.

You must be very special.

[Benoit] Oh! Oh, well… [chuckles]

[Birdie chuckles]

What is this material? I love it.

Cotton, I think.

Sir.

[Benoit] Uh…

What is that?

Open, please.

[device fires]

[coughs]

You won’t be needing that anymore.

[Benoit] I won’t?

You’re good.

[wristband beeps]

What is that? Is that some kind of disinfectant or…

You’re good. Have a great trip, everyone.

[car horn honks]

[mysterious music playing]

Andi! Hi!

Holy shit.

[dramatic music playing]

[Benoit] I could not help but notice the stir at her arrival.

Yeah. That was a stir.

She’s not in your little gang?

She was… She is.

Andi started Alpha with Miles ten years ago, just the two of them.

That’s Cassandra Brand?

[Lionel] Andi, yeah.

And they’re no longer partners?

In one legal move, he cut her out completely.

Booted her without a dime, Social Network’d her.

Lord. But he still invited her to this weekend?

The question isn’t, “Why did he invite her?”

It’s, “Why did she show up?”

[suspenseful music playing]

Is that dock a Banksy?

Pisceshite.

Oh, is that the name of the island in Greek?

Pisceshite.

Pisceshite. Pisceshite. [laughs]

[“Blackbird” by The Beatles being played on guitar]

[squealing]

Miles!

Oh, my baby, Birdie!

Oh, with your island!

Serenading me with my song!

On the guitar Paul wrote it on.

[laughs]

I know, legit, right?

But look at your face. It was worth it. Oh!

My friends, my friends, oh, my old friends.

Are we allowed to hug after the whole Men in Black thing?

We can hug. Okay.

Oh, God, bring it in.

[Miles] Oh! We’re allowed to hug.

Ah. Aw.

[Miles] Duke!

Hey, buddy. This is a dream.

Not a dream, wide awake. [straining] And it feels so good.

[chuckles]

Whiskey.

Wow. I just… I love that necklace.

Great. Come on, bring it in.

This old thing? [laughs]

[Miles] How you doing?

I’m so good.

[Miles] Yeah?

Mm-hmm. Great island.

[Miles] Greek island, huh? Sexy, right?

So, uh, Benoit Blanc, huh?

Hmm?

[Whiskey clears throat]

Man, when you throw a murder mystery party, you do it right, buddy.

[Whiskey] Dukey.

[Miles] My man.

Hey, pal.

Good to see you.

You too, buddy.

Hello.

Mr. Bron, I cannot overstate my gratitude for this, I…

So happy to meet…

[mysterious music playing]

Andi.

You’re here.

I am.

All right, when’s the murder mystery start?

[chuckles] My man, patience. Patience.

Okay, look, I know you guys think I’m a hippie, but can we just take a second and fully inbreathiate this moment together?

[Duke] Mmm.

[Whiskey inhales]

We’re old friends. We’re still friends.

And I love you all.

I just wanted to say that.

But we got a great weekend, just our gang, just us.

Hey, hey!

Hey, bro.

I’m not here.

[bottles clinking]

Who’s that?

That’s Derol. He’s just staying here. He’s going through things, but he’s not part of the experience at all, okay?

So first, a proper tour of the Glass Onion.

[Duke] Here we go.

[Birdie shrieks] Oh my God.

The Glass Onion, like our bar! Oh, I loved that baby so much.

Should we, um, get our bags, um…

[Claire] Sun is blinding.

…or someone will get them for us. Okay.

[Claire] I could use a second in the shade.

This rich-people shit is weird.

Thank you.

I… I have occasionally put on the dog in my life, but this…

This is stretching my stride-taking abilities.

You’re doing great. I’m Andi.

That is very genial of you. I’m Benoit.

You got a flat tire there.

Thank you.

Oh, wow. Okay.

Wow!

It’s like an actual huge glass onion.

[Claire] Yep.

[Miles] It’s past, present and future.

It’s what came before, where I am now, what I’ll leave to the world.

Ignore me.

This is the full reclamation of everything I’ve achieved up to now…

So, what kind of staff does it take to run a place like this?

Normally like 50, but, you know… Look, I sent everyone home.

I just wanna have a normal weekend with my old friends like the old days.

Right? See, look, that’s the thing.

This isn’t just a rich-asshole house. It’s…

I mean, it’s not even a house.

It’s a… It’s a commune. For creativity.

Oh, amazing.

[male voice over speakers] Dong!

[gong reverberating]

What is that?

That’s the hourly dong. You know I got Phil Glass to compose that?

What?

Who’s Phil Gas?

Okay, let’s stop talking and actually start hanging out and having fun.

Your rooms are assigned by the chakra that I most closely associate with each of you. [chuckles]

I know. Go with it, okay?

Your biorhythm monitor is the key to your room.

It’ll lead you to the room using haptics.

Oh my God.

[Miles] Get settled in, change. Let’s meet up at the pool.

We’ll have a chill afternoon. And then the game begins.

[monitor vibrating]

Ooh. [gasps]

Sacral! [laughs] You know me, Miles.

Oh, Miles.

Ooh.

Hey, Andi…

[Birdie gasps] Sacral!

[Miles] I…

I really am glad you’re here.

Wow. I… I’m sorry, but that is just crazy.

I know. Hey, Mr. Blanc.

[Benoit] Hmm?

Could we have a quick word?

Mmm, of course.

[mysterious music playing]

Oh my word. This…

Oh my goodness, me. This is… [chuckles]

That is… Wait, what is that?

Oh my God, it’s full of stars!

2010, the year we made contact, that’s…

Um, this is amazing, just amazing.

I… I’m so happy to be here under…

If there’s any role you’d like me to play in this murder mystery game as the… I don’t know, detective, I’d be more than happy to oblige.

Just to be included and to… To meet you…

Is that a motorcar?

Oh, yeah. That’s my Baby Blue.

It’s one-of-a-kind. Goes anywhere I go. All around the world.

Why is it on the roof?

‘Cause there’s nowhere to drive it on the island.

[inhales] Oh, yes. Yes, of course.

[Miles] Mr. Blanc, uh…

I wanted to ask, what are you doing here?

[spluttering] I’m sorry?

What are you doing here?

[scoffs]

Uh, you invited me.

No, I didn’t.

What…

You sent me a box.

Wait, you received a box?

[Benoit] Yes.

The wooden box was delivered to my home with some simple children’s puzzles which, once I completed them, there was an invitation inside.

Do you have that invitation?

Well, yes, I do. [laughs]

I’m sorry. I’m… I’m very confused.

[spluttering] Is this part of the game?

[mouthing] No.

This is just like the other ones, but I didn’t send it to you.

[mysterious music playing]

How many of these boxes did you create?

Five. One for each of my friends.

No test boxes? No prototypes?

No, my puzzle guy barely got the five done in time, and he apprenticed with Ricky Jay.

And once the boxes are open and the puzzles completed, is there any way to close them again? To… To reset ’em?

Hang on. Hang on.

Someone reset the box.

Someone reset the box. They sent it to you as a gag.

“Miles is doing a murder mystery. Let’s invite Benoit freaking Blanc.”

[laughs]

It’s so good.

I am mortified. I don’t…

Why? I’ve got the predefinite detective in the world at my murder mystery party.

That is so legit.

[sighs] Mr. Bron, I’ve learned through bitter experience that an anonymous invitation is not to be trifled with.

Okay, look, come on. I’d love to have you visit me in my home.

There, you’ve been invited. You’re an official guest now.

Thrilled to have you. I mean, relax. Enjoy yourself.

Hey, try to solve the murder mystery if you can.

I don’t want to toot my own horn, but it’s pretty next level.

I’m gonna foil. See you at the pool.

[dramatic music playing]

Lionel, you are too sexy to be a scientist.

And, Claire… you look so cute.

Aw, thanks, Bird.

You really try. I like that. You really make an effort.

Well, I figured, Greece.

And no masks, I can breathe again.

Look at this pool. I think I’ll go for a swim.

[soaring music plays]

Maybe I’ll lay out for a bit.

[“Under the Bridge” being played on guitar]

[Miles] AK and Flea get all the credit, but Frusciante really is the heart of the Chili Peppers.

Hey, Blanc! Have a dip.

[chuckles] Hey.

Grab a hard kombucha. They’re actually pretty good.

Jared Leto sent ’em over. I think he wants me to invest.

Well, I am on vacation, so…

Hey, booch me!

There you go.

Yeah.

Oh! The Baby Blue!

[Duke] Iconic.

Remember that night you almost pancaked me with it on the road outside…

Anderson Cooper’s birthday.

[both chuckle]

Coop’s parties are memorable.

[male voice over speakers] Dong!

[Duke] Yep!

[Duke grunts]

[Claire] Oh, God.

[Lionel] Really, Duke?

[gunshot]

[Claire] Oh my God!

Really.

Asshole.

[Miles] Now it’s a party.

That is quite a piece.

Never without it.

Mmm.

So I see. [chuckles]

You never know when shit’s gonna go down.

Ah…

[suspenseful music playing]

Birdie. You have to tell him.

You gotta tell him.

I will.

I’m serious. You gotta…

I will.

I will.

You just gotta go beg.

Okay?

Oh, God.

When he goes to his room, just follow him and then do it.

I will take care of him. Don’t worry.

[Miles] Cool me off. Gimme a sip of that.

I’m hot for both…

That’s so hot.

[both laugh]

There was a time, you know, back when… I was the one on magazines. He was nobody.

He couldn’t believe he was even talking to me.

He said that to me.

“You’re Birdie Jay, on billboards. I can’t believe I’m talking to you.”

He was this little thing in my hand.

[Whiskey laughs]

I preferred that.

Andi! Hi! Wow.

How long has it been?

Since the trial. So a few months.

Mmm, the trial, ugh. That was not fun.

I mean, for all of us. For anybody. Right, Peg?

Right? I’m uncomfortable. I’m gonna go for a swim.

[machine beeps, whirring]

Now, I can handle the Matisse in the bathroom, but is, uh… Is that a fax machine?

[Birdie chuckles]

Miles doesn’t even have a phone.

It’s really convenient. I have one number, goes to all my fax machines all over the world.

There’s something about analog that’s…

Oh! Look at this blast from my past.

[chuckles]

Look, everybody. Look.

Miles, you’re so funny, having this around.

[Benoit] May I ask, if it isn’t too presumptuous of me, what first drew you all together?

You’re such an eclectic bunch. [chuckles]

I think disruptors recognize each other.

Yes.

Now you’ve used that word before, “disruptors.”

What does that mean?

[Miles] Some people think Birdie’s disruptive every time she opens her mouth.

I mean, just because she says what everyone’s thinking, but no one’s got the nerve to say.

It’s true. I say it like I see it.

No. But seriously, you know about Sweetie Pants, right?

I’m going to embarrass myself here.

I adore Sweetie Pants. I live in mine…

You’re sitting next to Birdie Jay. She was a fashion icon.

And then the youngest editor ever of She She Magazine. Right?

Establishment BS, on top of the world, but then…

Well… [sighs]

Then there was the whole thing with the Halloween costume.

Oh.

[Birdie] It was a tribute to Beyoncé, but people did not take it that way.

Anyway, I had a lot of time at home.

[Benoit] Mm-hmm.

[Birdie] I just spent all my time in my…

Oh, in sweatpants.

[Miles] She comes out with designer, high quality, comfortable sweatpants just as a pandemic hits.

She disrupted her own disruption. She made a killing.

And look at Duke. You think people looked at him and saw anything other than the beef?

You think they saw the first influencer to have a million followers on Twitch?

Yes, I did. Here it is. [grunts] Deal with it.

Hello.

[Miles] What about Claire?

You know, soccer mom in beige throwing grenades into machine politics.

Lionel, he didn’t wait ten years licking on the taint of academia to get permission to start pushing the boundaries of science.

He just did it. That’s what I did with Al…

That’s what we did with Alpha. Disrupt. See…

Tell you a little secret. Your worldview’s gonna change.

Once you hear it, you can’t unhear it. Is your phone turned off?

Oh, I left it in my room.

[Miles] Okay.

If you want to shake things up, you start with something small.

You break a norm, or an idea, or a convention, some little business model.

But you go with things that people are kind of tired of anyway.

Everybody gets excited because you’re busting up something that everyone wanted broken in the first place.

That’s the infraction point.

That’s the place where you have to look within yourself and ask, “Am I the kind of person who will keep going?”

Will you break more things?

Break bigger things?

Are you willing to break the thing that nobody wants you to break?

Because at that point, people are not gonna be on your side.

They’re gonna call you crazy.

They’re gonna say you’re a bully. They’re gonna tell you to stop.

Even your partner will say, “You need to stop.”

Because as it turns out, nobody wants you to break the system itself.

But that is what true disruption is.

And that is what unites all of us.

We all got to that line and crossed it.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

[Miles] See?

Yeah, yeah.

So, disruptors.

All of us.

[clapping]

Wow.

Mmm!

That was some real red-pill stuff, Miles.

The Andi I built Alpha with? She believed it.

Oh, I believed it.

I believed it.

Mr. Blanc, you’re a detective, right?

Yes, I’m…

Can you spot the other thing?

The real thing this group has in common?

Andi, come on.

Oh, Lionel. Everybody knows who Lionel works for.

That’s no secret.

And we know who bankrolled Claire’s campaign.

But when nobody…

Nobody would touch Birdie with a ten-foot pole because she went on Oprah and compared herself to Harriet Tubman…

In spirit! Oh, God.

…who do you think showed up as an angel investor in Sweetie Pants? Huh?

And Duke.

When Duke got banned from Twitch for hawking rhino-horn boner pills to teenage boys…

There was zero rhino in those pills.

…who set him up at YouTube and used their media empire to promote the stream?

That is the common thread here.

Every single one of you is holding on for dear life to Miles Bron’s golden titties.

And each of you,

you’ll stab a friend in the back to hold on.

That is what I believe.

[Claire sighs]

[Claire] Andi, wait.

[Miles] Wow.

That was so real.

Anyway, dinner’s at 8:00.

See you all there? Yeah.

[Birdie] Like Miles said,

I’m a truth-teller. Some people can’t handle it.

It’s a dangerous thing to mistake speaking without thought for speaking the truth.

Don’t you think?

[mysterious music playing]

Are you calling me dangerous?

Well, we’ll see.

If you’ll excuse me.

[mysterious music continues]

[Claire] Something’s off.

[Lionel] What do you mean?

She’s changed.

What’s she playing at?

[Peg] Mr. Bron! Wait!

Hey, hi.

Hello.

[Peg] Uh…

Please don’t do this.

Sorry?

Bird showed me the statement you want her to make to the press about Bangladesh, and if you make her go through with it, her name is…

destroyed.

But you see, my resume is just Birdie Jay, Birdie Jay, a short stint in retail, and then Birdie Jay.

So if her name is destroyed, then my name is…

I… I’m sorry…

It’s Peg.

I’m begging you. You gotta get her to make that statement.

It is her only way out.

What…

Okay, good.

But, uh…

[male voice over speakers] Dong!

[gong reverberating]

[lighter clicks]

[alarm blaring]

[automated voice] This is a smokeless garden.

This is a smokeless garden. This is a smokeless garden.

[alarms blaring]

[automated voice] Please, keep our water clean.

Please, keep our water clean. Please, keep our water clean.

[panting]

[Miles laughs]

[rustling]

[Miles moaning]

Are you gonna do it for me?

[Miles] Mm-hmm.

[“To Love Somebody” playing]

♪ There’s a light ♪

♪ A certain kind of light ♪

[Birdie gasps] Wow!

♪ That never shone on me ♪

♪ I want my life to be ♪

♪ Lived with you ♪

♪ Lived with you ♪

♪ There’s a way… ♪

Welcome, gang. A few cocktails before I’m murdered.

I think I remember everyone’s favorite.

And we got tamales.

My chemist.

Mmm, Lagavulin 16.

[Miles] He likes it heavy on the peat.

[Lionel] Serve it up neat.

Is this my Cuban Breeze?

The drink that got us on the no-fly list at St. Barts. What else?

Well, #Worthlt.

Claire-bear.

[Claire] Hmm?

Room temp white.

[Claire] Pinot Gris.

[grunts]

Halle Berry! That has a kick.

Oh, that’s Jeremy Renner’s small-batch hot sauce.

[clears throat]

I let him invest. He sends me a pallet every year. Take a few bottles.

Well… [coughs] …thank you.

I apologize. I don’t know your drink, but, you know, pick your poison.

Hey, Andi.

I’m hoping it’s still whiskey soda.

You know I…

[Claire] Okay. Miles.

[scoffs] I mean, I know you have a thing for it, but…

I mean, this place is the Tate Modern!

Why would you hang a framed print of the Mona Lisa front and center?

It’s like having a Che poster in your dorm room.

[Miles] Mm-hmm.

[chuckles]

Or…

Come on.

Wait.

That’s impossible, Miles.

[Miles] Mm-hmm.

Forgive my incredulity, but surely… [laughs] No, the Mona Lisa, that’s property of the state. There’s no way…

Blame it on the pando, Blanc.

The Louvre was closed, France needed money, and so I bought myself a little short-term loan.

It turns out the transport and the security was most of the cost.

Check this out.

[glass shield thuds]

[Claire] Oh my God.

[Birdie] Oh my God.

[Birdie laughs]

[sighs]

Don’t tell the insurance guys, but I had a little override button installed.

Oh, you did.

Where do you think it is?

[thuds]

[Birdie] Oh, my gosh! It’s easy.

[Miles] It’s so freaking sensitive.

A phone dings, it closes up. It’s ridiculous, but I needed to be able to look her in the eyes without glass in between us.

My mom took me to Paris when I was six years old.

First time I looked at this lady, it changed my life.

You know da Vinci invented a technique for brushstrokes that leave no lines?

That’s how you can look straight at her, and her expression changes every time.

Her smile’s there, then it disappears. Is she happy? Is she sad?

Is it something else?

This simple thing that you thought you were looking at, it suddenly takes on layers and depth so complex,

it gives you vertigo.

It really is something.

It’s a classic.

Hey. Not here.

Every time we’ve gotten to the point where I’m going to strangle you, you pull something like this, and it’s magic.

Thank you. Thank you.

Look, it all started with her.

What did I say to you guys?

The first night we hung out at the Glass Onion, what did I say?

I wanna be responsible for something that gets mentioned in the same breath as the Mona Lisa.

Forever.

A-and what does that mean?

Oh, it means immortality.

He wants to do something that’s gonna change…

[Claire] Wait a minute, Miles.

Why do you have the Mona Lisa in your living room?

In one week, I’ve invited world leaders and members of the press from all over to come to this island.

And right here, I’m going to unveil the future.

[sighs]

You know what this is?

You know damn well we do.

What’s going on, Miles?

Uh… I don’t. [chuckles]

Don’t drop it.

[Claire] Oh my God.

[Miles] That’s a new solid hydrogen fuel. It’s incredibly powerful.

It’s radically efficient.

Zero carbon emissions, and it’s derived from abundant seawater.

I call it Klear, with a K.

And at this event, we are going to announce “Klear America.”

Our affordable home power solution.

Klear is going to be powering people’s dreams, all over this country, by the end of this year.

[glass shield thuds]

[sighs]

No.

No. Because I was clear with you.

I told you I need two years minimum to test this stuff to see if it’s safe or even viable.

Claire and I are not gonna be responsible for putting something out in the world before it’s tested and…

Oh, no.

Oh, yeah.

No.

You’re running this entire place off this?

All of it. All this awesome lighting, the heating and cooling, everything right down to my fax machine.

The whole Glass Onion is powered by Klear.

Oh my God, Miles.

Guys, we did it.

I’m out. I’m done.

This is reckless. And you’re gonna get somebody killed.

Bro, you’re not getting out.

It’s already happening.

I love you. Come on, let’s… Let’s eat!

[Lionel sighs heavily]

Okay, gang.

It’s been a memorable weekend already, to be sure, but now the real fun starts.

We got three days to bask in the sun, swim in the Ionian Sea, eat good food and wine, and enjoy each other’s company.

But alongside and underneath the partay, you’ve been charged with a serious task.

Because tonight, in this very room, a murder will be committed.

[Claire scoffs]

My murder.

You will have to closely observe the crime.

Consider what you know about each other.

Know that across the island, I’ve hidden clues.

Some may be helpful, some may misdirect. That’s for you to determine.

But if anyone can name the killer, tell me how they achieved the murder, and, most importantly, what was the motive,

that person wins our game.

Any questions?

Uh, wait… What do we win?

I… What do you mean? What do you…

What do you want?

No. No, nothing, I just…

I just thought maybe there was a prize or something.

I… An iPad or like…

Okay, fine. Yeah, no, the winner gets an iPad.

And, uh, once you’re dead, will we still be able to talk to you?

Yeah, I’m not playing dead the whole weekend, dude. [splutters]

We hang, but I…

You just can’t ask me questions. I’m not gonna help.

I don’t actually need an iPad. I’m just saying. It’s just…

When you said “win,” it… You know, it made me say it.

Can we, um, work together?

[Miles] Um, only one person can solve the crime, so if you got a theory, keep it close to your chest.

It’s designed to be hard. This will take the whole weekend.

Well, this is truly delightful.

Oh! Have we started already, is it…

Well, the murder hasn’t happened. But…

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, why not? As Watson said to Holmes…

It was Birdie who planted a remote device on a crossbow in revenge for you stealing her signature Ren Diamond.

Look at the seating arrangement.

It triangulates Birdie just perfectly with that thing, which is loaded with a dummy bolt.

Aimed directly… at Mr. Bron.

Now I believe close inspection will reveal some sort of remote triggering device, but more damning, that is a vintage Jayhawk brand crossbow.

Jayhawk, Birdie Jay.

Of course, there are other superfluous and rather clumsy clues.

The hedgerow in the south garden spells letter B.

Birdie’s room is the sacral chakra, which is the one blocked by guilt.

Blah, blah, blah. But the motive, yes, on the cleverly planted 1998 issue of The Face magazine with Birdie on the cover…

[chuckles] …she famously wore what became known as the Ren Diamond.

And that’s a family heirloom, I believe.

Well, to be clear, I mean, I didn’t know what a “blood diamond” was so…

Mr. Bron, the large pendulous locket which is… Has not left your neck.

[chuckles] Bit out of keeping with your breezy island style.

Would you kindly open it for us?

[screams]

My Ren Diamond!

A dramatic, passionate and colorful crime for a fashionista.

Miss Birdie Jay.

Unfortunately, this crime clashed with the presence of Benoit Blanc.

[Benoit laughs] Oh!

That… See that? That just went up… Very good. Very good.

My God, that just felt so good. So solid, so satisfying!

You know, like one of those mini-crosswords The Times has or, you know, I have a chef friend, and she speaks of trying to create the perfect bite and that just felt like the most satisfying bite-sized…

You’re angry.

No, Blanc, I’m, uh, just, you know…

What the hell?

That was not the simplest thing to set up, so…

It’s fine. It doesn’t matter. It’s just…

I hired Gillian Flynn to write the whole thing…

Oh, she’s quite good.

She’s goddamn expensive, is what she is.

What am I supposed to do now? Play Yahtzee all weekend? Just… [exhales]

Mr. Bron, truth is, I… I ruined your game on purpose and for a very good reason.

I’m sorry, what?

I like the Glass Onion as a metaphor.

An object that seems densely layered, but in reality the center is in plain sight.

Your relationship with these people may seem complex, but look, what you’ve done this weekend is crystal clear.

You’ve taken seven people, each of whom has a real-life reason to wish you harm, gathered them together on a remote island and placed the idea of your murder in their heads.

It’s like putting a loaded gun on the table and turning off the lights!

Oh, whoa. [chuckles]

Come on.

So you play hardball with Lionel, threaten to destroy his reputation if he does not play along and power a manned rocket with Klear.

But now with Claire too…

Now perhaps, you threaten to support her opponent in the up-and-coming election if she does not approve your power plant.

You have done some homework.

And Birdie. Bangladesh.

Sweetie Pants are manufactured there in a sweatshop.

You’re making Birdie take the fall to cover your ass as the main investor.

And Duke? Well… [chuckles] …we all know why Duke wants to kill you.

He doesn’t know about that.

Yes, he does.

Take my presence as a sign.

For at least one person on this island, this is not a game.

Oh, this is the famous napkin!

I know this story.

Right…

Will you look at that?

I sketched out the original idea for Alpha on a cocktail napkin and I showed it to Andi one night at the Glass Onion.

That was our local bar.

That’s where it all began. But they tore it down the year after that.

[Benoit] Mm-hmm.

[sighs] Andi.

Yes, Andi.

Andi used to tell me the truth.

Nobody does that now.

It’s all just fake smiles and agendas and people wanting what they think they’re owed.

Hating you when you don’t give it to them because that’s what you’re there for.

I know it’s probably hard to have sympathy for the poor, tortured billionaire. But…

God damn, I miss that bar.

[“Take Me Home, Country Roads” by Toots and the Maytals playing]

[cell phone dings]

[glass shields thudding]

♪ Yeah, listen… ♪

[phone dings]

[thuds]

You know, you could just power it down.

Ah, it’s my Google Alerts. Got them for all you guys.

Whiskey, sports I like, general interests.

[phone dings]

[glass shield thuds]

You have a Google Alert for the word “movie”?

I like movies. Don’t hate. Nerd.

Oh, thank God for Benoit Blanc.

We don’t have to spend the weekend spelling hedges.

Well, I’m out of here. Tomorrow morning. Gone.

We just got here.

[imitates crying]

You can stay, have fun.

Fine. You’re murdering my vibe.

[cell phone ringing]

[Lionel] Well, I hate saying this in any context, but I’m with Duke.

Or we can get drunk and enjoy paradise for the weekend.

We should probably go too.

No. Miserable in paradise. We’ve all earned this.

Yes, you have.

Are we even gonna talk about the elephant in the room?

Or just gonna throw a blanket over it and push through the weekend?

Am I the elephant?

Yeah. You’re the elephant!

You’re not that bad.

[Lionel] What’d you come for, Andi?

Given the circumstances, I think it’s a fair question.

Fair?

Oh my God. Yes, no, fine. Nothing about any of this is fair.

Congratulations. Now, you know.

And we all stuck with Miles. What do you want?

Do you wanna know why we did it? Hmm? Really? Why? Do the math. It’s easy math.

[scoffs] So you come here, in your Gucci flats, telling us…

Valentino.

…that we owe you?

You made money off of Alpha all those years.

You did fine. You got yours.

I got?

No, he got his from me. All of it!

My life was taken away from me by someone, by everyone in this room.

My life! Do you even know what that means?

Huh?

What Claire’s trying to say, is we’re sorry.

We feel bad for you. What do you want?

Are you really asking me that?

[Claire] Yes. What do you want?

A check? You want performative pity?

[sighs]

Just tell us the right words that we can use so that we can get on with our lives.

You want revenge? You want to slit Miles’ throat?

You wanna take us all down? What? Just drop the bombshell! Say it!

Say it!

I want the truth!

[thuds]

I want the truth.

I can give you that.

I’ll be the asshole.

[sighs]

The truth is, is that we are all holding on to that golden tit.

We’re all playing the same game here, honey.

You lost.

So you can go ahead and put yourself up on a cross like some unspeakable crime has been committed against you

that none of us could possibly imagine.

But me, I’m tired of pretending like you’re the victim in this game.

You just couldn’t hack it.

You’re the loser. There. That’s the truth.

[Duke grunts]

[cell phone dings]

[glass shield thuds]

There she is. There’s the Andi I know.

[Duke chuckles]

[cell phone dings]

[Miles] Okay.

Oh, jeez, detective.

Your next assignment is who killed the party.

[cell phone dings]

[Claire grunts]

[Miles] Come on, guys!

[glass shield thuds]

Blanc ruined my game. It’s okay. Hey, Alpha DJ, give us something upbeat!

Miles, I’m gonna be leaving in the morning.

[“Star” by David Bowie playing]

Yeah, me too.

No. No, we’re having a champagne brunch on the beach tomorrow.

You’re gonna try foil surfing, and you’re gonna put some aloe on, work on that tan, and make your constituents say, “What was she doing in lockdown?”

Birdie, come on, dance with me.

Come on, pretty lady, get that smile up. Come on, come on.

[both chuckle]

Where’s Andi?

Yeah, where is Andi? Come on!

[cell phone dings]

[Miles] Hey. Duke’s smiling. There it is, there’s my guy.

What’s going on? You look like you got good news.

I was wondering why my Googs are blowing up.

The views on my channel are off the charts. You gotta see this.

Ooh!

This is all over the Internet. I mean, look at those numbers.

That’s fire. That changes things, right?

It sure does.

Numbers like this. Maybe we can talk Alpha News?

You bet your ass. Come here.

[laughs]

Congratulations.

Dukey! That’s amazing! Let me see!

Everything works out in the end.

You gotta keep the faith.

[phone dings]

[thuds]

[Miles] Guys, have I ever let you down?

Have we ever not pulled through? Pulled it off?

You’re staying. Yes? You’re staying. Okay. Love it.

Come on, this is our time.

You feel it? What did we all used to say? Fake it till you make it and have fun while we’re doing it. It’s happening.

[phone dings]

[thuds]

We’re all changing the world, all of us! Making a dent in our own ways.

Five minutes ago, Blanc was telling me that this whole party was a dangerous idea ’cause you all hate me so much that one of you would actually wanna…

It doesn’t even matter. It’s so silly.

[Birdie] Whoo!

Wow! Look at that dress spin. Birdie, that’s amazing.

Just… Watch this dress. Spin that dress again.

[Birdie] Everybody, Miles says look at me!

[cell phone dings]

[thuds]

Look at you. She’s a bird.

I want a toast. I want a toast to The Disruptors.

My OGs. I love you. All of you.

[laughs] Disruptors! Breaking it and making it!

[song continues playing]

[Birdie] Whoo!

Turn up the music. We’re going in the pool tonight!

We’re all starting in the pool tonight. That’s what I want.

Miles.

On your feet, genius. I wanna see…

Miles, Duke.

[gasping]

Whoo!

[Duke gasping]

Jesus.

[gasping]

[screams]

[gasping]

[dramatic music playing]

[Birdie] Duke!

[Claire] What… Is he choking?

[Lionel] Yeah, I think he’s…

No, he’s not choking.

Okay.

[Lionel] You got him?

[Benoit] Yeah.

[Lionel] Duke.

You see anything in there? No, because I feel like he’s…

[grunts, breathes heavily]

I…

[shudders]

What?

I’m afraid Mr. Cody is… is dead.

No, Duke! No!

[Birdie screams]

[screams] Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

What happened? Did he choke? What happened?

[Benoit] There was no obstruction in his airways.

But we won’t know the cause of death without an autopsy.

What just happened?

My dear, would you do me a favor? Would you come sit over here?

Just so I can take care of Mr. Cody.

Yes, that’s right. Mr. Bron, would…

Would you call your boat and have them come immediately?

Oh my God. Oh my God.

Mr. Bron!

I’ll do it. I’ll do it.

How do I do it?

There’s a… There’s a radio room, through there.

You tell them we need medical personnel and police.

[Lionel] Okay, yeah.

Listen, I must insist that nobody touch the body or disturb anything around it.

Police?

Are you treating this as a crime scene then?

Oh my God. No, wait, wait, this is bad. [spluttering] I can’t. I…

The police always come. It’s protocol.

[Claire] I can see the headlines!

“Governor jets off to Greece in a pandemic with a men’s rights YouTuber who dies!”

Oh my God. No, I…

[stomach gurgling]

Bacardi…

[retching]

[crying]

I think Mr. Blanc’s…

You’re not saying it was done with intention, are you?

Well, we don’t know.

But Mr. Cody’s death was so acute and violent… yes.

My guess is something was put in his drink, intentionally.

[dramatic music playing]

What do you mean “morning”? How’s that possible?

[Andino] Pisceshite! Dock is Pisceshite!

Piece-of-shite. Piece of…

Boat can’t come till low tide in the morning. 6:00 a.m. at the earliest.

Do they understand the situation?

There is no other landing point, and Miles’ dumbass Banksy dock was set to low-tide height and it isn’t buoyant. It is a piece of shit.

Oh, heck. Yeah, all right, all right. Um…

I suggest you all retire to your rooms, lock the doors until 5:30, when we will convene here and walk together to the dock.

I’ll stay up all night with the body.

Make sure it’s not tampered with in any way.

I recommend that everyone gets some sleep.

Oh!

That is…

[gasps] That’s your glass, Miles.

[Miles] He…

He picked up mine.

He picked up mine.

He…

Now we could…

Uh…

Oh, come on, Miles.

Miles, it’s us!

Miles, baby, for real?

I’ll pay you one billion dollars to tell me which one of them tried to kill me.

Miles!

Miles!

[phone dings]

[glass shield thuds]

I’m just going to silence Duke’s phone.

We’re staying here in this room.

I’m keeping you all in plain sight until that boat arrives.

That’s what we’re doing.

For God’s sakes.

[scoffs]

Where’s Whiskey? Where’s Andi?

Where’s Duke’s phone?

It just dinged. It must be here.

[Lionel] Yeah, I saw it.

We just heard it.

It isn’t in any of his pockets.

Well, he must have dropped it somewhere. Let’s wait for it to ding again.

Forget about his phone. Look.

Where is his stupid gun?

Oh, fiddlesticks. When did his gun disappear?

He always has his gun.

Well, he always has it, which means we stopped seeing it.

But at some point this evening, it was gone.

When was that?

Andi.

We need to find Andi.

[Miles] Andi!

Oh. [sputters]

Mr. Bron!

[male voice over speakers] Dong!

Oh, it’s all right. It’s just that hourly dong thing.

What?

Oh, no. No.

Miles, calm down!

Oh, shit. Shit.

No. It’s happening.

Mr. Bron. What is the matter?

It was the game. The game! My murder game. We were gonna be having drinks, and I thought it’d be fun to say something dramatic at 10:00.

We were gonna have 20 minutes where… [gasps]

Blanc, you have to help me. You have to help me. Help me! Help me!

What happens at ten o’clock?

[systems powering down]

[Birdie screaming]

[Peg] Birdie, listen to my voice.

[Birdie] Oh my God.

Is that you?

[Peg] Stop screaming.

[Birdie] Something touched me!

[Benoit] Do not panic!

[Birdie] It’s so dark.

[Peg] I’m here.

Where’s my phone? It has a flashlight.

[Birdie] I can’t see.

[Benoit] How does this…

[Claire] Lionel!

[Lionel] Claire?

Everybody…

[Lionel] Over here!

I’m here!

Stand still. Calm down. Do not panic.

It was Andi! [panting] It was Andi.

She killed Duke, and she tore our room apart. I saw her!

What?!

[Claire] Is that a speargun?

No. Not today!

[Birdie] Wait, wait, wait.

[Benoit] Mr. Bron!

[Claire] What the hell is happening?

Oh, hell’s bells! Just, everybody, just stay here!

[gasps]

[footsteps]

[Peg] Aha! Here’s my phone!

Birdie? Lionel? Guys?

Andi?

[Benoit] Andi!

[panting]

[footsteps running]

Who’s that?

Oh, Lord help us.

[footsteps approaching]

Helen.

[grunts]

[panting]

Now listen, did you take Duke’s gun?

Why would I take Duke’s gun? Why are the lights out?

Duke is dead.

What?

I don’t understand.

Please. Trust me. It’s all in plain sight.

We only need one last piece of information, but only you can…

[gunshot]

[glass shield thuds]

[Claire] Lionel? Lionel?

[Peg] Guys? Where are you?

[Miles] I’m here! What happened?

[Claire] Did you hear that?

[Miles] Guys?

[Lionel] I heard it from here. Everybody all right?

[Miles] What was that?

[Peg] Was that a gunshot? It sounded like a gunshot.

[systems powering up]

[knife clatters]

Oh, God.

[screams, whimpers]

[gasps]

[Benoit] Everyone. Inside.

Shouldn’t we…

She’s not going anywhere.

It’s time to finish this.

Peg, radio the mainland. Tell them to send the boats now.

Banksy be damned! Beach them if they have to!

She killed Duke. Why would she…

No.

It makes no sense.

It all makes perfect sense.

Duke, Andi, this weekend, this ridiculous game that started well before we set foot on this island.

Will you explain it to us then, detective?

No, I can peel back the layers, I can take it to a point, but what lies at the center, only one person can tell us who killed Cassandra Brand.

[gentle piano music playing]

[knock on door]

[Benoit] Get that, would ya?

[Phillip] You’re not in the bath again, are you?

[Benoit hesitates] No!

[door unlocking]

Yep?

Uh…

Can I help you?

[in Southern accent] Yes, is this Benoit Blanc’s residence?

Um, what is this regarding?

Well, his office was closed, and I really need to speak with him.

It’s urgent. Please.

Blanc! There’s someone here for you.

With a box!

[Benoit chuckles] Oh my.

Well, why don’t we start at the beginning?

My name is Helen Brand, and I came all the way here from Alabama.

Well, what do you do in Alabama?

I teach. Third grade. Do a lot of Zooming.

We’ve been getting into tie-dying a lot and all this pandemic stuff.

Okay, none of that really matters.

Mr. Blanc, two days ago, I received a call.

My twin sister committed suicide.

In her car.

In her garage.

With the engine running.

My sister was Cassandra Brand. Do you know who she was?

Yes, of course. I’m sorry, you… I thought you looked familiar. [chuckles]

Impressive woman, your sister.

You know, she kept a journal every day of her life since she was six years old.

You know what she called it?

“Notes For Future Biographers.” Biographers. Plural.

The girl was six years old.

[chuckles]

Then the day after high school, she shot off to New York, and she just never looked back.

[laughs] You know, when we were kids, we goofed together, and we’d do this character, Rich Bitch.

“Heavens, the dog ate the caviar again.”

[chuckles]

Then I hear her doing a talk, and that’s exactly how she sounded.

Rich Bitch! And I’m like, “Who are you fooling, girl? Not me!”

She had the guts and brains for both of us, and I was just happy watching her, you know?

So you, um… You get the call…

Yeah, yeah. I get the call and I fly in. This was yesterday.

And then I go to Andi’s house. I’m cleaning it out. It’s a mess.

All of her books everywhere.

And I’m just thinking about what was taken from my sister, how I wasn’t there for her.

And I’m getting angrier and angrier, and then I just hear a knock at the door, and it’s some courier with this thing from Miles Bron.

And I’m sure there’s some clever way to open it.

I don’t know. I just open it.

And it’s an invitation to his private island in Greece for next weekend.

One of those little trips she’d go on with him and his group of shitheads.

They like to call themselves “The Disruptors.”

But I knew who they were, and I told her who they were. Shitheads.

[sighs]

Miss Brand, what can I do for you?

Andi didn’t commit suicide.

[dramatic music plays]

[Helen] She didn’t leave any note.

So I went on her computer, and I looked in her email, her sent messages, to see if she wrote anybody anything.

And look. She sent this at 4:00 p.m., the day she was murdered, four days ago.

“I finally found it.”

“It’s right here, and I’m going to use it to burn his whole empire down.”

“I’m giving you all one last chance to make things right.”

“You know where to find me. A.”

And I’m assuming all of these names here are…

Birdie Jay, Duke Cody, Claire Debella and Lionel Toussaint.

The Shitheads.

She sends that email, nobody writes back anything, and then the next day, she’s dead in the garage with sleeping pills in her system?

I searched every inch of every room in her house, and guess what wasn’t there?

The red envelope.

Compelling.

Google said you are the world’s greatest detective.

Somebody like me, takes something like this about a group of rich folk with an army full of lawyers…

But if one was to get ’em alone, isolated for a weekend with, in your words, the world’s greatest detective…

You wanna hire me to go to that island.

It’s a stupid idea, right?

Listen, I want to be clear, huh?

I am not Batman.

I can find you the truth, I can gather evidence, I can present it to the police and the courts, but… [scoffs] …that is where my jurisdiction ends.

Yeah, but it’s you doing it instead of me. I’ll take those odds.

I’ve not seen your sister’s death in the news.

Did you release a statement?

[Helen] No.

Shit. Was I supposed to?

I don’t know how this works.

And you have no other family member who was informed of the death and…

Oh, if I pulled a few strings, I could keep it from leaking to the press for another… week?

Maybe, that’s…

Oh.

No, that’s outrageous. That wouldn’t…

Well, now…

Wow. No, that… Yes. Miss Brand.

Any feelings of reverence or respect that you had for me when you crossed my threshold, buttress those feelings now.

Buttress them.

I am proposing that you come with me to that island as your sister.

As Cassandra Brand.

What? No. No, no, no, I’m hiring you to go.

I… I’m not… Are you insane?

Buttress now. Yes.

A famous detective shows up and out of the blue, starts poking the subject of your sister, they’ll shut up like a clam.

Your presence on that island is the essential catalyst.

Oh, no, come on, man.

Buttress.

Yeah, I’m trying real hard to buttress, but this sounds nuts.

But it is the only way that this works.

Look at me. They’ll know instantly that I’m not her.

You’ll cut your hair. You’ll wear her clothes.

Oh, you really think I can fit into that shit?

And what about my hair?

I know a guy.

Now, why would anyone suspect you showing up, playing your sister, when they don’t know your sister is dead?

[Helen] Right.

They don’t know Andi is dead.

So why would they suspect anything?

And you’ll do the inspecting?

Yes, I will. You just have to be there.

Mr. Blanc, is… Is this safe?

No. No.

One person will know the truth about you.

From the moment you arrive on that island, the killer will know who you are and what you are doing.

And they certainly wouldn’t hesitate to kill again if it covers their tracks.

I’m… I’m a detective, Helen. I’m not a bodyguard.

I’m sorry. I can’t help you.

No.

One of those shitheads killed my sister.

Do you really think we can get the son of a bitch?

[suspenseful music playing]

[music continues]

Well, my goodness.

I shouldn’t be here. This is nuts. But I’m here. So let’s do this.

Drink?

You need a drink.

Oh, no, I don’t drink. I’ll have some coffee.

[waiter] All right.

Andi’s journals.

Good, you keep studying them. Okay, so… Tomorrow.

I’ll get there early.

Really lay on some Southern hokum, get them all off guard.

On the boat… be cold.

Don’t engage in conversation.

Okay, I’m not great on boats.

Oh, you’ll be fine.

Just remember, Rich Bitch voice. Andi posture.

I have all of her TED Talks on this, and I’ve been studying ’em.

Good.

[in stately tone] The dog ate the caviar.

There you go.

Yeah.

[in Southern accent] So, you said you were gonna be researching these folks for motive.

Did you find anything?

Yes, I did.

But motives for each of them to want Miles Bron dead.

Now why would they kill her to protect him?

I just don’t get it.

What about Miles? What if he just did it?

Well, we can’t rule it out, but Miles Bron is not an idiot.

To risk committing murder after a very public court case, with the possibility of that email of Andi’s coming to light, would be an exceedingly stupid thing to do.

Especially if someone was willing to do it for him.

Come on. Walk me through these journals.

Okay.

About ten years ago, before they all hit it big,

they used to hang together at this bar.

[Benoit] And Miles was leader of the pack?

[Helen] No. Andi was.

They were all friends with Andi.

Birdie was a washed-up model.

Duke was a nerd doing video game tournaments.

Claire just lost a race for city council.

Lionel was a substitute teacher.

All of them run aground in their thirties.

But Andi saw their potentials. She found them all.

Hi!

Hey!

[Helen] Then she found Miles. Introduced him to the group.

This is Miles.

Hey, nice to meet you.

Hey, bro.

[Claire] I love your hair.

[Helen] At first, nobody liked him.

[Miles] …outlive the person…

[Helen] He’d say stuff like…

I want to be responsible for something that gets talked about in the same breath as the Mona Lisa. Forever.

What does that even mean?

It just means immortality.

He wants to create something that feels lasting, that feels…

His first venture was Moviefone for foot massages.

Did it work?

[Lionel] No!

Okay, listen, let’s just roll with it.

Let’s humor him. Let’s see where it goes. Let’s see what happens.

Hey, team.

[Helen] And things started happening.

[screams]

[Helen] He got Birdie a show for her designs. It did well.

Got Lionel published. Duke set up at Twitch.

Claire elected locally.

…at you. I love you back!

[Helen] You know, small stuff, but it happened.

And then the big thing happened.

What is that you’re working on?

♪ He told me ♪

♪ Let the children lose it ♪

♪ Let the children use it ♪

♪ Let all the children boogie ♪

So based on the napkin idea, Andi and Miles created Alpha.

It blows up. They bring everyone along for the ride.

Miles’ aspirations keep getting bigger and bigger.

Cut to two years ago, Miles meets some sketchy Norwegian scientist at an ayahuasca ceremony in Peru who sells him on this whole new hydrogen fuel.

Hmm.

He becomes obsessed.

And he’s willing to give the company’s entire resources to launch this thing.

No.

Andi. Andi, come on. This is it!

No, no, no. This is not a start-up. This could blow up the world.

Yeah.

No! Literally, Miles. This could blow up the world!

[sighs]

The reality-distortion field ends here. I can’t let you do this.

What… What do you mean you can’t let me?

I’ll walk.

And I’ll take half the company to stop you from using it for this.

And she did it. And, God, I love that she did it.

Then she found out Miles had the lawyers work the contract so she was cut out the company completely.

So she sued over that?

Her whole case was based on intellectual ownership of the company’s founding idea.

Her idea on the napkin.

Which she didn’t keep.

Miles was very excited. He had an idea.

Uh, so he grabbed a napkin, and he, uh, he scribbled something on it to show us.

That’s a lie! Your Honor, it’s a lie.

[judge] Order! Counsel, get your client…

[Andi] Look me in the eye, Claire! You know it’s a lie!

It’s a lie.

[camera shutters clicking]

[lawyer] And do you recall, Mr. Cody, who wrote this napkin?

Yeah, Miles.

Uh, it was Miles.

Miles.

[Helen] This was March.

And right after the verdict, Miles suddenly found the napkin written in his handwriting and did all those interviews about it.

[Benoit] A bald-faced fabrication.

A damn lie, and it worked.

[dramatic music playing]

[grunts]

So… every one of The Disruptors perjured themselves to destroy Andi and shield Miles Bron.

We… You and I, we need to find out why. Motive.

Whose was strong enough to go one step further and commit murder?

And then, this will be tricky,

everyone’s whereabouts on the night of her death.

Who could have been at Andi’s house that night? Opportunity.

Our suspects, motive, opportunity… Hey!

Mm-hmm.

This kinda looks like that Clue notepad.

Yes, yes, yes.

You must be really great at Clue, huh?

I’m very bad at dumb things. My Achilles’ heel.

Ticking boxes, running around, searching all the rooms.

It’s just a terrible, terrible game.

Well, my students love it.

I’m scared.

I understand.

This is your last chance to back out.

[dramatic music playing]

[grunts softly]

Oh, God. Boats.

[Duke whistles]

Ballsy move.

[Birdie] You shouldn’t be here.

Duke and Birdie, I think they’re onto me. Or they were just being assholes.

Well, that’s not mutually exclusive.

Now, look, I suspect, when we’re all settling in, Bron’s going to pull me aside to explain my presence.

That is your chance to snoop.

Snoop?

Snoop.

[suspenseful music playing]

Snooping. Snoop.

Okay, here we go.

[Whiskey] Hey.

[Helen, in stately tone] Hi.

Andi.

Yes.

I’m Whiskey. We didn’t really meet.

Are you looking for the pool?

I am.

Do you want to walk?

Sure.

Do you want this? I’m not into it. It smells like that guy Derol.

That’s a beautiful necklace. You’re a Taurus?

Yeah. Um, Miles got it for me.

He, um, surprised me for my birthday.

He filled his entire penthouse apartment with roses.

It was very cute.

He’s a really good guy. He’s complicated.

But…

I think it’s really shitty what they all did to you.

And how they all treated you.

I read your court transcripts, and you got shanked.

Thanks, Whiskey.

Yeah, this is my second one of these things.

We did a yacht thing last year.

Well, that sounds fun.

[laughs] No.

I mean, when they’re all together, it’s kind of the worst.

Duke just treats me like arm candy, and they just ignore me.

Why do you put up with it?

With Duke?

I’m building my brand, and he’s putting me on his channel more often.

Though, he’s leaning harder right into this mandom stuff.

If I’m going to go into politics eventually, I don’t think that’s a road I wanna go down.

It’s expeditious, but it’s kind of a shitshow.

Oh, here’s the pool.

I’m gonna walk around a little longer.

I’ll catch you over there.

Okay.

Hey, it’s really great talking to you, Whiskey.

You too.

[male voice over speakers] Dong!

[gong reverberating]

[gunshot]

[Claire] Oh my God!

[Duke] Really.

Asshole.

[Miles] Now it’s a party.

[grunts]

I did it. Two weeks ago, I did it.

You signed off on the power plant.

Yep. When this thing breaks, poof.

My whole base is gone. The grassroots lefties? Gone.

I did it too.

Did what?

I signed off on putting Klear in a manned mission.

The staff doesn’t know it yet.

[Claire] Oh, God damn it.

Let’s just pray that Andi was wrong about this Klear stuff.

No, she was right.

You put its gas form into household piping, there’s massive leakage into the air. The hydrogen particles are too small.

Hydrogen gas?

Lionel. I sold my soul for this.

You’re telling me that it could literally turn people’s homes into the Hindenburg?

I will take care of him. Don’t worry.

There was a time, you know, back when…

I was the one on magazines. He was nobody.

He was this little thing in my hand.

I preferred that.

Andi! Hi!

Wow! No. [chuckles] You’re really good at this.

This is interesting stuff about Whiskey and motives for both Lionel and Claire.

Well done!

Those were motives? Because I was kind of confused.

Oh, no, they bet the farm and will both be ruined along with Miles if he fails.

They need to protect him at all costs.

But I can’t imagine them killing her. I just can’t.

Think of the crime, the nature of it.

No, they’ve come to apologize, to make amends.

And the murder itself, it’s nonviolent.

Gentle even.

They don’t even see her die.

[engine starts]

[Benoit] She just goes to sleep.

No. No.

They’re all more than capable.

[Helen gulping]

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

I thought you said you didn’t drink?

Oh, this? This isn’t a drink. This is some funky health stuff.

No, you give me that.

That’s hard kombucha. That’s Jared Leto’s hard kombucha.

What is it that? That’s 9% alcohol or so…

Get off that. How many of these things you had?

I don’t know, but I feel fine.

Okay? We need to focus.

We need to focus. We need to find the O’s, the opportunities.

We got to open them up. It’s time to push.

No, no, no. We’re not pushing anything right now.

Listen, I feel good.

I think maybe you should lie down.

We’re running out of time, Blanc!

Helen!

[softly] Helen…

Please.

Think of the danger here.

You gotta step back and let me handle this.

Push nothing.

[Miles] They’re gonna tell you to stop.

Even your partner will say, “You need to stop.”

Because as it turns out, nobody wants you to break the system itself.

But that is what true disruption is.

And that is what unites all of us.

We all got to that line and crossed it.

[Claire] Andi…

Wait! Wait.

Wait? No, you wait!

That day in court, you couldn’t even look me in the eye.

What are you doing?

You want to talk about the email?

Oh.

So now you want to talk about the email? You didn’t even write back.

I’m a politician.

I never email anything that I wouldn’t want to see on the front page of The Times.

That’s why I called.

[scoffs]

We all did. Right after we got it, over and over.

You… Your phone was off, and then the whole next week.

Yeah, I’ve got a new number.

And when we couldn’t reach you, I went to your house.

[Claire] Lionel and I got there at the same time.

Duke was already there.

[Duke] Andi!

[Lionel] Hey, Andi?

[Duke] The lights were out.

I was pounding so hard, I almost broke it down.

Andi!

We knocked, waited, and called for you, but after an hour, we left.

Birdie came back later on to check. It was the same thing.

Where the hell were you, Andi?

What time did you get there?

I don’t know. It was dark.

And, Duke,

you were already there?

He almost got in an accident on his motorcycle, he was driving so fast.

Andi, I almost got pancaked.

Okay, okay. Can you say all that one more time for me, please?

[sighs]

Look.

I don’t know what you’re planning on pulling being here, but we need to talk about this.

If I would’ve answered the door that night, would you have said, “I’m sorry. I back you with Miles.”

Or were you just showing up so you could stop me from using that envelope?

Something’s off.

I don’t like it.

What’s she playing at?

[alarm blaring]

[automated voice] Please, keep our water clean. Please…

[Helen] Blanc!

[automated voice] Please, keep our water clean.

That’s everything she said, I think.

I think maybe you should take up drinking. You’re just killing it.

Lionel and Claire were never there alone. But Duke came early and Birdie came late.

But they could’ve gotten there early, killed your sister, circled away and then waited for the other to arrive.

Shit.

Something is just teasing the edge of my brain.

This… this case confounds me. It just confounds me.

We don’t have a motive for Duke or Birdie, so…

Do either of you two want to do a session or what?

I’m on the clock.

No, not right now.

[fax machine whirring]

Maybe later.

All right. It’s your money, not mine.

Ugh. Oh, if I ever meet Jared Leto, I’m gonna whoop his kombucha-brewing ass.

One number. All his machines.

[Helen] Holy shit.

From that afternoon, just minutes after Andi sent the email.

Lionel. Lionel faxed it…

Now hold on, it doesn’t necessarily mean he… Get down.

Right now. Go to him. Do what you gotta do, push that son of a bitch. Just get an answer out of him.

Look, babe. We really need this. So do this for me one last time, okay?

All right. I love…

[line disconnects]

[Miles chuckles]

[Miles moaning]

[Miles] Come here.

[rustling]

Are you gonna do it for me?

[Miles] Mm-hmm.

[grunts]

Not that.

Hmm?

Huh-uh.

Oh, come on, come on.

It’s all he wants.

The YouTube channel’s dying. He needs the exposure.

Just put him on Alpha News, baby. Just a late-night spot.

And you know he’s earned it. With what he did.

[Miles] Listen, listen.

I am building the future of news.

I can’t have rhino-horn-boner-pill karma in the mix.

[both giggle]

See? See?

Like, he is my loyal friend, but I can’t put him on Alpha News. Okay?

[breathing heavily]

[Birdie] There’s no stopping it, Peg.

I can’t do this anymore. I’m done.

Peg!

Don’t. Just don’t talk to me!

Wait! Peg!

[Peg] Ten years! Ten years!

My therapist says this is a toxic relationship.

[Birdie] Don’t be like that!

[Peg] Don’t follow me. Birdie!

I quit! I quit!

[Birdie] It was a tribute to Beyoncé, but people…

[fast forwarding]

[Peg] What did Miles mean, “This is her only chance”?

[Birdie] What does anything mean?

[Peg] I swear to God, I’ll punch you in the face if you do not…

…tell me!

I am going to sign the statement.

No! That will destroy us. There’s no coming…

The story is gonna break! There’s no stopping it!

We will do what we always do.

Deny, half-apologize, and then go silent awhile.

I will handle this. You…

What is this?

It’s my secret phone.

What is this?

An email from the Sweetie Pants contractor two years ago.

“Miss Jay, I’m writing to inform you that the proposed Bangladesh factory is notoriously one of the world’s biggest sweatshops. Please advise.”

And then you replied, “Sounds perfect. Thanks.”

With your Memoji dabbing.

Birdie,

please tell me you did not think sweatshops are where they make sweatpants.

Oh my God.

[sighs] Miles is going to pay me off.

He said if I take full responsibility for the sweatshops, he’ll pay me the value of my shares.

Thirty million.

I will do whatever I have to do to save myself, and he is my only lifeline.

Can I have my secret phone back?

[Peg] No.

This never happens in Clue.

That’s because it’s a terrible game.

They all had a motive to protect Miles.

They were all there that night. So what now, detective?

The envelope.

Whoever killed your sister took that envelope to protect Miles, and they wouldn’t just destroy it.

They would want him to see what they’d done for him.

They brought it here. It’s here.

So how are we supposed to find it?

Well, unless someone brings an attaché case to dinner, they won’t have an envelope that size on their person.

They’ll have to hide it in their room.

So, at dinner tonight…

Andi. I’m hoping it’s still whiskey soda.

[Benoit] You need to keep your head clear and stay sharp.

Because you have to find a way.

[Helen] I want the truth!

[thuds]

I can give you that.

[Benoit] A way that is so painfully uncomfortable that nobody will question it or follow you.

Pick a fight. And lose.

I’m tired of pretending.

[Benoit] We have to find that envelope.

You’re the loser. That’s the truth.

[Duke grunts]

There she is. There’s the Andi I know.

[cell phone dings]

[thuds]

[in Southern accent] He’s a son of a bitch, Whiskey. Leave his ass.

[dramatic music playing]

[Benoit] Search their rooms. Ransack them, fast and thorough.

Don’t worry about being neat.

[cell phone buzzing]

[grunts]

[gasps]

[“Cool Change” by Little River Band playing]

Hey.

Hi. Sorry.

Want to hang out or…

[cell phone buzzing]

Damn it.

What the hell?

Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

[dramatic music playing]

[Whiskey screams]

Andi?

[male voice over speakers] Dong!

I can explain this.

Huh?

Wait a minute. Whiskey, is the party over?

No. No. I left.

Duke… [crying]

I left Duke because I couldn’t… He didn’t deserve this.

How am I going to tell his mom?

Hey, hey, hey. Yes, he did. Okay? He is a bastard.

I don’t feel sorry for him.

He deserved what he got, and you are better off without him.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

What the fuck?

[systems powering down]

[both scream]

[Whiskey] Please don’t kill me! Oh my God, please don’t kill me!

[Helen] I’m not trying to kill you, you crazy bitch!

[dramatic music playing]

[panting]

Andi?

[Benoit] Andi!

Blanc!

Blanc, where are you? Where are you?

Helen! Listen, there’s great danger. Did you take Duke’s gun?

Why would I take Duke’s gun? And why are the lights out?

Duke is dead.

What?

No time. Did you find the envelope?

No, I searched every room. It’s not there.

Oh, I’ve been a fool! There’s one more room to search.

They already gave it to Miles. It’s in the Glass Onion.

If I can distract everyone, and you can get up there and find it…

No, but that doesn’t tell us who gave it to him.

Blanc, I don’t understand.

Please. Trust me. It’s all in plain sight.

We only need one last piece of information, but only you can…

[gunshot]

[harpsichord music playing]

[whimpers]

[gasps]

[panting]

Son of a bitch!

Blanc, go chase him!

What are you doing? Don’t let him get away.

The killer thinks you’re dead.

This is our cover.

I can buy you maybe five minutes alone in the Glass Onion, but you have to…

Give me that.

You have to find that envelope.

I will.

That’s it…

Oh, no, give me that. Give me that.

This’ll be good.

[clears throat]

Oh. Oh. Oh!

Shitballs!

Blanc…

Yes.

[systems powering up]

[Claire] Oh, God.

[Birdie screams, whimpers]

[Miles] God, Andi.

[Benoit] Everyone, inside right now.

[Claire] Shouldn’t we…

[Benoit] She’s not going anywhere.

[Helen grunts softly]

[Benoit] Inside.

[Helen whimpering softly]

[Benoit] It’s time to finish this.

[Helen straining]

[gasps, blowing nose]

Shitballs.

[Miles] It makes no sense.

[Benoit] This makes perfect sense.

Duke, Andi, this weekend, this ridiculous game that started well before we set foot on this island.

Will you explain it to us all then, detective?

No, I can peel back the layers, I can take it to a point, but what lies at the center, only one person can tell us who killed Cassandra Brand.

Who?

Well, I keep returning, in my mind, to the Glass Onion.

Something that seems densely layered, mysterious and inscrutable.

But in fact, the center is in plain sight.

Where? Where?

And that is why this case has confounded me like no other.

Why every complex layer peeled back has revealed another layer and another layer and come to naught.

And that was the problem, right there.

You see, I expected complexity.

I expected intelligence. I expected a puzzle, a game.

But that’s not what any of this is.

It hides not behind complexity, but behind mind-numbing obvious clarity.

Truth is, it doesn’t hide at all.

I was staring right at it.

[soaring, dramatic music plays]

The killer nearly struck my Achilles’ heel.

But thank high heaven, at the last moment, I realized what had teased my brain through this entire case…

“Inbreathiate.”

It’s not a word.

What?

Can we just take a second and fully inbreathiate this moment?

It’s not a real word.

It kind of sounds like one, but it’s just entirely made up.

Now “reclamation,” now, well, that…

That is a word, but it’s the wrong word.

This place is the full reclamation of everything I’ve achieved up to now.

This entire day…

The predefinite detective.

A veritable minefield of malapropisms…

The infraction point.

…and factual errors.

Bask in the sun, swim in the Ionian Sea.

That is the Aegean Sea.

Oh, yeah, it is. It is.

His dock doesn’t float. His wonder-fuel is a disaster.

His grasp of disruption theory is remedial at best.

He didn’t design the puzzle boxes. He didn’t write the mystery.

Et voilà! It all adds up. The key to this entire case.

And it was staring me right in the face.

Like everyone in the world, I assumed Miles Bron was a complicated genius.

But why?

Look into the clear center of this Glass Onion…

Miles Bron is an idiot.

Oh, please. Just tell us who tried to kill me.

Nobody tried to kill you, you vainglorious buffoon.

Duke took my glass!

That’s what you told us he did.

He must’ve picked it up by mistake, you told us, right after it happened.

Look at that dress spin. Birdie, do that again. Watch this.

And after you said those words, that’s what we all remember seeing, but think!

Ignore his lies, everyone, and think clearly now.

What did we all actually see?

Wow! Look at that dress spin. Birdie, that’s amazing.

Just…

[gasps]

[Benoit] You handed Duke your own glass.

Clear as crystal. Right in front of our eyes.

All of us. And then told a bald-faced fabrication.

And it worked.

Blanc, are you telling us Miles killed Duke?

Yes.

Why?

Because the night Andi sent you all the emails, when Duke got to Andi’s house early on his motorcycle…

[engine revving]

[Benoit] …he saw Miles leaving.

[tires screeching]

[Benoit] Was almost struck by him.

In fact, he told all of us. Right out in the open, he told us.

Iconic.

Remember that night you almost pancaked me with it on the road outside of Andi’s?

Anderson Cooper’s birthday? Mm-hmm.

That night, at Andi’s.

That night, Duke told us he almost got in an accident.

He… pancaked?

Yeah, but Miles had been living in Greece the past six months.

No. Whiskey.

Miles saw you on your birthday in New York.

Gave you that necklace for your birthday. And you’re a Taurus.

I am.

Two weeks ago.

[Benoit] Forget the hydrofuels…

May 9th.

…and the sweatshops, and the consensual cuckolding for cable news assignments.

Sorry, what?

And focus on the envelope.

[screams]

[gasps] Holy shit!

What is reality?

Andi?

[Benoit] Who did the envelope threaten?

Miles Bron.

That night, Lionel faxed Andi’s email to Miles who received it in New York.

The one thing that could destroy his empire of lies, the truth in the hands of the only person unafraid to tell it.

So Miles drives his Baby Blue Porsche to the scene of the crime, and Andi lets him in.

Of course she did.

Miles’ machine of lawyers and power could destroy her through sheer dumb force.

But Miles himself?

Oh, she was clever enough not to fear Miles.

But she didn’t see the real threat, the obvious threat until it was too late.

Duke alone knew you were there that night, but he didn’t know Andi was dead.

No, no, he didn’t know that until this evening.

Right here, when he got a Google Alert on his phone, which has now fallen strangely silent.

And which he showed to you…

[gasps]

…because you don’t own a phone.

Duke! No!

Did he really think he could stop all of them

from finding out about Andi’s death?

They all have phones.

Where’s my phone?

[Birdie] Peggy.

Phone!

Still no.

[Benoit] He didn’t need to hide the death.

He just needed to hide that Duke had shown him the death moments before he was killed.

Right out in the open, Duke showed him.

[Duke] That changes things, right?

It sure does.

And told him exactly what he wanted in return for his silence.

Numbers like this. Maybe we can talk Alpha News?

You bet your ass. Come here.

So what does Miles do?

Does he keep a vial of poison in his tooth or something?

Is that a rich person thing?

No, no, no, no, it’s just… It’s so much stupider than that.

Birdie, what are the ingredients to your Cuban Breeze?

Um, vodka, amaretto.

Oh, God.

[Birdie] And… pineapple juice.

No pineapple in that, right? Duke don’t dance with pineapple.

An allergy.

He can’t even have a drop.

Pineapple juice!

He just put pineapple juice in his whiskey.

It’s so dumb.

Oh, it’s so dumb, it’s brilliant.

No! It’s just dumb!

“Died of an apparent suicide. She is survived by her sister, Helen.”

Helen.

You told me about Helen, your sister…

[gasps] Oh, wait!

Helen Brand, ladies and gentlemen.

And now we come to Helen’s attempted murder, which, I have to give you credit for, did have a sound foundation of thought.

You realized the opportunity laid out in front of you.

You have a house on a remote island, filled with desperate people, all of whom have a real-life reason to wish this woman harm. You…

Furthermore, you have a loaded gun conveniently within reach.

And the lights had even been turned off.

You’ve taken seven people, each of whom has a real-life reason to wish you harm, gathered them together on a remote island, and placed the idea of your murder in their heads.

It’s like putting a loaded gun on the table and turning off the lights!

Heavens to…

You dim-witted, brainless jackass!

Your one murder, with any panache at all, and you stole the whole idea from me.

[dramatic music playing]

[gunshot]

And after all that, you… You still kept the envelope?

You didn’t burn it or anything?

You recognize this?

Andi’s handwriting.

I got you, son of a bitch.

Oh, let’s slow down there, sister. Okay?

Because first, how could you ever prove that that’s the original?

She might have copied mine.

No.

The bar closed nine years ago, and hers has one thing that yours just doesn’t.

Okay, but second…

[thuds]

What the hell did he do?

He just burned it!

[Miles] Burned what? I didn’t see anything.

[Helen] You burned it!

Is someone making toast?

This will not stand.

Uh-huh. Well, did you see this proof, this smoking napkin, Blanc?

No. Did anybody?

Okay, then wow!

Wow! We got some big accusations flying around here.

Except, everybody seems to have a very foggy recollection of what they actually saw, and there’s nothing but totally circumspective evidence.

[sighs]

So, if this was just us playing my murder mystery game, which we should have been doing all weekend, then Blanc wins an iPad Pro this time.

But this is the real world.

And in the real world, you need more than a neat, little detective story.

You need evidence.

And you’ve got… nothing.

Do you?

He’s right.

The contents of that envelope and his possession of it were our only physical evidence.

Right.

Wanna take that to the cops? You wanna take it to the courts?

[chuckles]

Look, you pick your poison.

Anywhere you go, it’s going to be your word against mine.

How do you think that’s gonna go?

I think it’s gonna go about like it went for Andi.

Jesus.

And, I do want to say, your sister was a complicated woman, but she meant the world to me.

And I’m so sorry for your loss.

Nobody’s stepping up?

Raise your hand and say, “I saw him take Duke’s gun.”

“I saw him that night at Andi’s house.”

“I saw the napkin before he burned it.”

We didn’t…

We… We didn’t.

You would lie for a lie, but you won’t lie for the truth.

You’re still holding on to his titties.

You shitheads.

Blanc.

I need you to do something.

I’m sorry, Helen.

I gave you the truth.

This is where my jurisdiction ends.

I have to answer to the police, the courts, the system.

There’s nothing I can do.

Except maybe… offer you some courage.

And a reminder of why your sister walked away in the first place.

[menacing music playing]

[frenetic string music playing]

[scoffs]

[glass shattering]

Hell, yeah!

Why the hell not?

Yeah, go, Helen! All right, go, Helen!

[chuckles]

[glass shatters]

[music ends abruptly

[screams]

[electricity crackling]

God damn, that felt good.

[tense music playing]

Oh, really?

You want to join in?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

You go.

Yeah, we should… Hey, Miles!

[music intensifies]

Okay.

[Birdie yells]

[women whooping]

I get it, guys. Let it all out.

[Birdie] Yes! Whoo!

[music ends]

[Whiskey and Claire whooping]

Yay! Mazel tov!

Ooh, coming in real hot.

Helen, easy!

Whoa!

I think that belonged to Liberace.

Okay, I… Are we done?

Whoa, whoa.

We’re not done.

[Claire] Whoa, whoa.

[dramatic music playing]

Why are you… [gasps]

Ooh.

[screaming]

Okay. What?

What? What is it? What do you want?

We’re not…

[women screaming]

[gasps]

Oh my God! Whoa!

[Lionel] Miles! Fire extinguisher. Miles?

[Birdie] Andi?

Uh, Helen!

[Lionel] Fire extinguisher?

[Birdie] Wait…

Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

[Birdie] Helen, God damn it!

Come on, Helen! [gasps]

Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! [screams]

Okay, stop!

Stop. Enough.

[sprinklers activating]

Helen, walk away.

Yeah.

With a reminder of why my sister walked away in the first place.

Oh, shit!

[gasps] Hindenburg.

[automated voice] This is a smokeless garden.

This is a smokeless garden.

This is a smokeless garden. This is a smokeless garden.

Disruption. [chuckles]

[automated voice] This is a smokeless garden.

Fuckin’ A.

[both chuckling]

[metallic creaking]

[horn blares]

[huffing angrily]

[“Mona Lisa” by Nat King Cole playing]

♪ Mona Lisa, Mona Lisa ♪

♪ Men have named you ♪

♪ You’re so like the lady With a mystic smile ♪

♪ Is it only ’cause you’re lonely They have blamed you ♪

♪ For that Mona Lisa strangeness In your smile ♪

♪ Do you smile To tempt a lover, Mona Lisa? ♪

♪ Or is this your way to hide ♪

♪ A broken heart? ♪

♪ Are you warm, are you real ♪

♪ Mona Lisa? ♪

♪ Or just a cold and lonely ♪

♪ Lovely work of art? ♪

♪ Mona Lisa ♪

♪ Mona Lisa ♪

[song ends]

Oh, fantastic! Oh, that’s so punk rock!

What? You think you’re an alligator?

You think you popped me like a gangster? No!

You baby!

[screams] You child!

You feel better now?

I hope your little bitch tantrum gave you closure ’cause it accomplished nothing!

Your fuel of the future just barbecued the world’s most famous painting, you dumbass.

Congratulations on the public launch of Klear and the end of Miles Bron.

You’re ruined. And you did get your wish.

To forever be remembered in the same breath… as the Mona Lisa.

No. No.

Gang? We all saw the same thing. We know what happened. Am I right?

I saw the napkin he burned.

God, now that you mention it, I clearly saw him grab Duke’s gun.

I saw him driving away from Andi’s house the night she was killed.

Oh… you shitheads.

[harpsichord music playing]

[dramatic music playing]

[dramatic music fades]

[harpsichord playing]

[music ends]

Did you get the son of a bitch?

Yeah.

You ready to go home?

[harpsichord music resumes]

[“Glass Onion” by The Beatles playing]

♪ I told you about Strawberry Fields ♪

♪ You know the place Where nothing is real ♪

♪ Well, here’s another place you can go ♪

♪ Where everything flows ♪

♪ Looking through the bent-backed tulips ♪

♪ To see how the other half live ♪

♪ Looking through a glass onion ♪

♪ I told you about The walrus and me, man ♪

♪ You know that we’re as close As can be, man ♪

♪ Well, here’s another clue for you all ♪

♪ The walrus was Paul ♪

♪ Standing on the cast iron shore, yeah ♪

♪ Lady Madonna Trying to make ends meet, yeah ♪

♪ Looking through a glass onion ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Looking through a glass onion ♪

♪ I told you about the fool on the hill ♪

♪ I tell you, man He’s living there still ♪

♪ Well, here’s another place you can be ♪

♪ Listen to me ♪

♪ Fixing a hole in the ocean ♪

♪ Trying to make a dove-tail joint, yeah ♪

♪ Looking through a glass onion ♪

[song ends]

[ominous music playing]

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