The Family Plan 2 (2025) | Transcript

The Family Plan 2 (2025)
Release Date: November 21, 2025
Runtime: 1 hour 47 minutes
Genre: Action/Comedy
Director: Simon Cellan Jones
Stars: Mark Wahlberg (Dan Morgan), Michelle Monaghan (Jessica Morgan), Kit Harington (Finn Clarke), Zoe Colletti (Nina Morgan), Van Crosby (Kyle Morgan), Theodore Lindsey (Max Morgan), Peter Lindsey (Max Morgan), Sanjeev Bhaskar (Vikram), Reda Elazouar (Omar), Sidse Babett Knudsen (Svetlana Romanova), Daniel de Bourg (Jules)
Production Companies: Apple Original Films, Skydance, Municipal Pictures
Distribution: The film is available to watch on Apple TV+
Rated PG-13: The film is officially rated PG-13 for sequences of violence and action, and some strong language.

Plot Summary: Dan Morgan, a reformed assassin turned security consultant, yearns for a peaceful Christmas getaway with his family. Living in Buffalo, he surprises his wife Jessica, a former decathlete secretly eyeing a coaching job in Ohio, and their kids—tech-savvy teen Kyle, young Max, and college student Nina—with a trip to London, where Nina is studying journalism and dating parkour enthusiast Omar. To fund the vacation, Dan accepts a lucrative gig auditing a major bank’s security systems, unaware it’s a trap set by his vengeful half-brother, Aidan Clarke, the illegitimate son of the crime lord Dan killed years ago.

Aidan manipulates Dan into breaching the vault to steal a digital key unlocking their father’s vast fortune and assassin network, then frames the Morgans for a heist and slaps a bounty on their heads. Chaos erupts as ruthless killers descend, forcing the family into a frantic escape across London rooftops via Omar’s acrobatics, high-speed car chases, and brutal fistfights. Jessica unleashes her athletic prowess, sniping threats from afar, while the kids improvise with gadgets and grit. Amid holiday hijinks, bickering, and bonding moments—like disrupted date nights and festive mishaps—the Morgans race to Paris, dodging police and assassins. Dan’s lethal skills resurface in a globe-trotting cat-and-mouse game, culminating in a high-stakes confrontation that tests family loyalty and buries old ghosts for good.

* * *

The Family Plan 2 (2025) | Transcript

[reporter] Breaking news.

International crime boss Liam McCaffrey died last night in prison at the age of 76. McCaffrey, who has no known descendants, ran a global empire of assassination, extortion and robbery spanning decades. Coming from a military background, McCaffrey recruited…

[sirens wailing]

[“Is You Is Or Is You Ain’t My Baby?” playing]

Ma’am.

[phone buzzing]

The package is in room 556.

I need you to secure it now.

You’ll find a key card taped under the bar.

Got it.

Avoid the lobby. Too many cameras.

♪ I’ve got a man who’s always late ♪

Where are you?

We have less than an hour.

Are you gonna be late? I’ll be there.

♪ Yes, I love him ♪

♪ Now is you is

Or is you ain’t my baby? ♪

[door lock beeps]

♪ Maybe baby’s found somebody new ♪

I have eyes on the package.

Open it.

[Jessica] Are you sure?

I wasn’t expecting to do this alone.

Oh, my God.

What do you think?

[gasps] Oh, what… Did you just scale a building?

What, did you really think I’d be late for date night?

That is very impressive.

Someone is upping his game.

[both chuckle]

If you think absurdly romantic overtures are gonna make me forget that you’ve been away all week… you might be right.

[chuckles] Do you like it?

It’s beauti… What?

[chuckles]

[gasps, sighs]

Yeah.

You are very good with your hands, Mr. Morgan.

[chuckling] Oh, you bet I am, Mrs. Morgan.

[both moaning]

[Jessica moans]

[phone buzzes]

[Jessica groans] Ignore it.

[buzzing continues]

[groans] [sighs] It’s date night, buddy. What’s up?

[sighs] [Kyle] Max barfed, that’s what. Oh, my…

Well, you’re the sitter. It happens.

You gotta clean it up. What was in it?

Uh, Gatorade, Cheerios, carrots…

Oh, my…

…I think.

Did it get on the new couch?

Um… a little bit.

It’s pink.

[groans] All right, here’s what you do.

Give him one tablespoon of apple cider vinegar in a cup of warm water.

Tell him to sip it, not chug.

[groans] And we’ll be home in an hour.

Thirty minutes? Twenty?

[inhales deeply]

We’ll be right there. [sighs] We gotta take care of the Max thing.

We have to. He’s never sick.

Come on, let’s go. Come on.

[sighs] We’ll come back. Another time.

We will, yes.

This is the room we made Max in.

Yes. Yes, it was the room.

It is. Yes. Hello!

That was so much fun!

[“Unbelievable” playing]

♪ You burden me with your questions ♪

♪ You’d have me tell no lies ♪

[groans] Oh, Kyle…

[Dan] Come on!

…you know you love it.

[Kyle] No.

[Dan] You gotta sing with us!

[Max] Come on, Kyle!

♪ You say to me I don’t talk enough ♪

♪ But when I do I’m a fool ♪

♪ These times I’ve

spent, I’ve realized… ♪

Kyle!

[chuckles] Come on, Kyle!

Come on, Kyle. You know the words.

I’m not doing it.

♪ The things you say ♪

[Kyle] No.

Stop. Come on.

[Jessica laughs] I’m not doing it.

♪ The things you say ♪

♪ You’re unbelievable! ♪

[cheering, laughing]

Hi, everybody! Happy Thanksgiving!

[Jessica] Mom!

I made the sweet potatoes.

[giggles]

[family chattering]

[Jessica] Hi, Dad!

[shouting, clamoring]

Did you see that?

That was extraordinary.

Come on. Go, go, go, go, go!

Hey, Kyle. Can I, uh, make you a Negroni?

What’s a Negroni?

No.

How about you just get some more ice from the big freezer, bud?

Ice is more like it.

What do you think, Mup-Mup?

Give it a shot. [chuckles] Ice?

Yes. Yes, thanks. Right there.

♪ You’re unbelievable ♪

[music ends]

More gin.

[family members laughing, clamoring]

[both screaming]

Why am I at the kids’ table?

[family members] Aw.

[family member]

Better luck next year, honey.

[giggles]

[family member 2] Grab me a beer!

Let your sister sit here.

He wants his favorite child sitting next to him.

I can’t help being the only girl in a family of lunkhead boys.

Hey, hey, hey, look who I have!

Live from her studying abroad in London, Ms. Nina Morgan.

[family members clamoring] Nina!

Hi, guys! I miss you so much.

I’m sorry I’m not there. Speaking of favorite children.

Thanksgiving is not really a thing here, but I got a turkey sandwich. So…

At least you got some turkey.

Grandpa’s been eating all the turkey here.

[all laughing]

[Jessica’s dad] Hey, Nina.

How’s the journalism going?

I heard that awful man you wrote the article about, the one who was behind all that mess in Las Vegas?

He died in prison last week.

Yeah, I-I heard, Grandpa.

[chuckles] Do you guys remember the year that no one got turkey because you two idiots tried to deep-fry it and set the garage on fire?

[all chattering, laughing] Yeah.

I am sorry for what my dad said.

It’s fine.

[Jessica sighs]

The man tried to kill us, Jess.

He was still your father.

It’s okay to feel whatever you feel. Okay?

Thank you. [sighs]

[Nina] Max, Max. Can you please give me to Mom?

Whoa.

Easy, Usain Bolt.

Can you give me to Mom? Please?

I think it’s my turn with Nina, huh?

Thank you so much. There.

You wanna go see Mup-Mup?

Not really.

Oh, come on. Don’t you like it when she takes her teeth out and gives you kissies?

[groans] Um, hi. How are you? How’s the team?

Great. Yeah, we are looking to repeat at State.

Wow. In fact, an offer came in.

Spill. Head of Women’s Track at Ohio State.

[inhales sharply] Really?

Yes! [chuckles] Yes!

Are you serious? That’s awesome. That’s a D1 school.

Yeah, I know.

You’re-You’re obviously… You’re gonna take it, right?

I haven’t decided yet.

You know, I haven’t even talked to your dad about it.

Mom. It’s… It’s…

It means moving to Ohio, Nina.

That’s not a part of the plan.

You know how your dad feels about Buffalo.

[inhales sharply]

Besides, it’s a really big job.

You know, dealing with athletic directors and elite athletes and fundraisers and alumni, and…

God, who am I take that on?

No, Mom. Don’t do that please, okay?

You’re allowed to thrive in your profession.

I know. I just feel like sometimes it’s at a cost to us.

You know, our family.

[clicks tongue] Okay, enough about me.

Did you decide what day you’re gonna come back for Christmas?

Uh, yeah.

Um, about that.

[“Merry Christmas, I Love You” playing]

No, no, no, no, no. Jess, the Morgans are always together on Christmas.

That’s nonnegotiable.

She’d have to make a roundtrip international flight, Dan.

For what? A couple of days before she starts classes again?

And you know she’s already freaking out about her carbon footprint.

Please.

Kyle, can you imagine Christmas without Nina?

Yeah.

Oh, thanks. You’re a big help.

Dan. She’s 20.

I’ve got my girl’s thing.

I’ll see you later. All right?

Love you, guys.

She’s gotta come home.

[Jessica] We’ll see.

All right, well, I got a thing, so…

Where are you going?

No. You’re not going anywhere.

You’re still grounded.

[laughs] You can’t be serious.

You erased the entire grades record for all of Taft High.

Yeah, and? It’s a senior prank.

You almost went to jail.

Gaming is one thing. Hacking is illegal.

[laughs] Well, I’m 18 now, and you’re not my legal guardian, so you can’t ground me anymore.

Right. Right, but I’m the owner of the house you live in.

I pay for your food, your Internet, all your other… [softly] …shit.

You’re not going anywhere.

You gotta work on your college application.

I’ll go work on my application.

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

What’s going on around here, dude?

It’s Christmas.

You want Nina to come home?

[Max] Yeah.

Morning.

Morning, boss.

Hey, Issa, you think I travel too much for work?

Did Jessica say something?

Well, I don’t know. Maybe.

But you’re building your business, right?

That’s what I said. And it’s true.

But we’re never together as a family anymore.

I mean, we’re like ships passing in the night.

Aw.

Any international offers come in lately?

Uh, yeah.

We got a tech startup in Oslo.

They want their security tested.

No. Okay, FedEx distribution center in Mexico City…

What about the UK?

Uh, a bank did reach out from London last week.

All right. This is more like it.

All right, have the team start the initial prep.

Okay. Got it.

Operation Morgan Family Christmas is a go.

Christmas in London?

Yeah, think about it.

I knock out one quick job and the whole trip’s a business expense.

It pays for itself.

Hey! There’s no 5:00 and 7:00.

It’s 10:00 and 2:00 at all times or you lose your driving privileges.

Okay. Well, stop treating me like a kid.

I passed my test.

[stammers] I-I don’t wanna go to London. I’m busy.

At Christmas? With what?

Uh, there’s a tournament.

And besides, I don’t need to fly 3,000 miles to play second fiddle to your golden child.

What are you talking about?

Oh.

We don’t play favorites.

[sighs] You arrived first, go ahead.

[Kyle] I-I know, but he’s flashing.

That’s the international sign for “go ahead.”

Okay, what’s the international sign for stop backseat driving?

[sighs] Dan, London is really far, and Max has never flown before.

Well, he’s gotta start sometime.

[stammers] Wait, I’m confused.

Now you don’t wanna spend Christmas in London?

I thought you’d be thrilled.

No, I just think that we should enjoy Christmas at our house.

Who knows how many more we’re gonna have?

Yeah, that’s my point exactly.

Nina and Kyle are gonna have their own families before we know it.

I’m playing the field for at least a decade.

Oh, please.

So gross.

Ew.

Get in the right lane, Hef.

Look, I just want us to be together as a family. That’s all I want.

[Max] It’s a great idea, Mommy.

Yeah. Yeah, you’re right.

I mean, as long as we’re together, that’s where home is, right?

Home isn’t defined by a house or a city.

Right?

Yeah, this could work.

We visit Nina and we see how Christmas feels in a new setting.

Hell, we’re not tied to Buffalo, are we, kid?

Well, we do love Buffalo.

No. London. Yes, let’s do it.

Yeah.

[exclaims] Stop sign!

[Jessica screams]

[Dan] Shit!

[Jessica screams]

[horns honking]

[Kyle] You know what? Mom’s right.

London’s a great idea.

Let’s get out of here.

[“Carol of the Bells” playing]

♪ On, on they send, on without end

Their joyful tone to every home ♪

♪ Hark! How the bells, sweet silver bells

All seem to say, “Throw cares away” ♪

♪ Christmas is here, bringing good cheer

To young and old, meek and the bold ♪

♪ Ding-dong-ding-dong, that is their song

With joyful ring, all caroling ♪

♪ One seems to hear words of good cheer

From everywhere, filling the air ♪

♪ Oh, how they pound ♪

♪ Raising the sound ♪

[no audible dialogue]

♪ O’er hill and dale, telling their tale ♪

♪ Gaily they ring, while people sing

Songs of good cheer, Christmas is here ♪

♪ Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas ♪

[no audible dialogue]

♪ Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas ♪

[“Bar Code #7 Rasta Claus” playing]

♪ Christmas is a dangerous

Time of the year ♪

♪ Snakes are out

In disguise as reindeers ♪

♪ In combat I’ll play games with careers ♪

♪ I’ll deck the halls with MC’s veneers ♪

♪ It’s duppy season for all of my peers ♪

♪ It’s ho ho hoes

In your Christmas wares ♪

♪ Let’s get this poppin’

Like Christmas beers ♪

♪ DG B. A. Baracus ♪

♪ These bars are Christmas crackers ♪

You know, I can’t tell if this is bohemian cool or deeply concerning.

What? I think it’s fine.

Shouldn’t we meet Nina later at the hotel like we planned?

No, no. If we’d have stayed at the hotel, we would’ve all fallen asleep, and then you’ve got jet lag.

We just gotta power through today…

Yeah.

…and then we’ll be fine.

Besides, she’s gonna be psyched to see us. Right, Kyle?

[Kyle] Yeah, I don’t care.

I gotta pee, so…

This is it, 18.

[Jessica] What? What, this?

Whoa, whoa. Watch out.

[Jessica] What? Oh. [stammers] What? That… Do you think…

[stammers] Is she in there?

I don’t know.

I don’t think she should be in here.

Kyle, wait.

[stammers] I think our daughter’s a squatter.

[sighs] Bathroom emergency.

[laughs] Merry Christmas, Beans.

You’re early.

[sighs] Hi, honey.

You gotta act like you’re happy to see your mom.

[shower running]

Look at all of this natural light.

[stammers] What…

Uh, what happened to meeting at the hotel?

Hey. Hey, Little Miss Greenpeace, you left the shower running.

Yeah, it’s… [stammers] Can you just…

Just leave it, please. Just…

Whoa! Oh!

Okay, a person. Stranger danger.

[chuckles] That’s… Uh, that’s a man.

What the…

Whoa. Ooh.

[Nina yelps] No. No, no. Oh, just please let him go.

It’s fine, um…

He’s my… This is my boyfriend.

Oh.

Mom, Dad. Omar.

[Max] He’s got wet muscles.

Omar, the Morgans.

Hey, Daddy.

Oh, easy there, pal.

Hey. He is your boyfriend? This guy is…

Ripped.

Mom, gross.

Sorry, I’m Jessica Morgan.

Very nice to meet you.

Enchanté. I see where Nina gets her beauty.

Oh, my God. I love your accent.

Yeah. Easy there, Mrs. Robinson.

Thank you.

[in French] So you’re French?

Yes, French-Moroccan How old are you?

Twenty-four Isn’t that a little too old to be dating my daughter?

Actually, no I don’t think it is–

[in English] What?

Did you learn French in England?

[stammers] I wonder why.

Are you done now with your inquisition?

No.

[in French] What does he do for a living?

[in English] Uh, I cook.

Oh, he’s a chef.

That is very impressive.

And I do park our.

That explains it.

[Kyle] Yep.

And I DJ.

Triple threat.

Yeah, Omar is very, um, multitalented.

Can he put some clothes on?

Yes, Daddy.

Did he just call me Daddy?

[“Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” playing]

[Jessica] So, Omar?

[Nina] He’s a good guy.

He really makes me laugh.

And he cares about the world a lot.

Hey, we care about the world.

Yeah… [chuckles] …I know.

[stammers] You know what I mean though.

Like, he goes to marches with me.

And wants to make a difference.

He’s, like…

He’s, like, really, really hot.

I mean, sorry…

[laughs] He’s just a major upgrade from Trevor.

[stammers] It’s true. [chuckles]

[chuckles] We’re really happy for you.

Aren’t we, Dan?

Oh, love him.

Yeah.

He’s wonderful.

Don’t bring him back to Buffalo.

It’s gonna be too cold for him.

Probably doesn’t like the snow, right?

Should we grab a coffee?

Did you not tell him about OSU?

What?

‘Cause I’m so tired. I’m so tired, Dan.

So, you’re the beep-beep boop-boop big man?

[chuckles] I’ve never heard it put that way, I guess, but yeah.

Do you, uh… you game?

No.

No?

Life is my game.

[mutters] Yeah, I played that one.

It gets a little dull after a while.

Like this. Like… [stammers] …what are we… what are we doing?

I could be at a tournament right now, but I feel like I’m walking in a circle to nowhere.

Everywhere is somewhere.

That’s deep, Omar.

No, I-I mean it.

For instance, there.

What do you see?

Wall thing?

You know what I see?

Something other than a wall thing?

[“Hero In Me” playing]

♪ Hey, puppy, what’s going on? ♪

♪ You know I’m having too much fun ♪

♪ Caused some trouble

And they tried to run ♪

♪ Say, “Stop, what the hell

You running from?” ♪

Wow!

That’s what I see.

♪ Hero in me ♪

[Max] I wanna try.

[Kyle] Oh.

Parkour!

[groans]

[music stops]

[“Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” playing]

You okay? Yeah?

Totally fine.

[Jessica] Max!

Hey, hey, hey!

[Max] That was great.

[Dan] Maxie, you all right?

Hey. What the hell was that?

He’s fine, Daddy. Look.

[Jessica] You okay?

He’s four. Stop calling me Daddy.

Are you sure?

I’m just saying, look, my father was overprotective when I was young and now we don’t speak.

Kids need to run free.

Yeah, Dad.

I knew this guy was bad news.

I mean, what kind of kid doesn’t speak to their dad?

That’s different.

[Nina] I actually have to run.

‘Cause I have one last exam before break, so…

Uh, me too. I got a scrim lined up…

No.

…with Valkyrae.

No, no, no, no.

What happened to Morgan Family Christmas?

This trip is about quality time together.

I have a whole itinerary planned out for us.

[chuckles] Of course you do.

What’s that supposed to mean?

All right. Listen, you’ve got your meeting in the morning.

Why don’t we just all do what we need to do, which is kick our jet lag and officially start Morgan Family Christmas for real tomorrow?

Is that a deal or what?

Yeah, deal.

[Nina, Kyle] Deal.

Deal?

Okay.

Deal.

What?

Call your dad, all right?

He’s overprotective because he loves you.

[Jessica] It’s okay.

It’s all right. Come on.

[Max] Kyle, did you see me do park our?

[“Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” continues]

[music ends]

[bell tolling]

Cheerio, mate.

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

How’d you sleep?

Like a log.

That’s good.

Yeah. You ready for your meeting?

[Dan] Yeah, should be routine.

[Max] Wake up, Kyle.

It’s nearly Christmas.

We’re gonna assess their security, find their weak points…

Mmm.

…and we are getting a fully paid Christmas holiday for one hour’s work.

Oh, so exciting.

Huh?

What the hell time is it?

And how is it light?

[knocking on door]

Didn’t I tell you you’re gonna be jet lagged?

I told you stay off the game…

That’s right.

…and sleep on the plane.

[knocking continues]

Hello.

[Dan] Morning, Beans.

[Nina] Good morning.

Nina with coffee.

[Nina chuckles] You look cute, Mom.

Thank you.

[Nina] Very Christmassy.

All right, I’m off.

I’ll meet you guys for lunch.

Morgan Family Christmas…

Okay.

…officially kicks off in three hours and 28 minutes.

[cheers] Yes.

And you, lucky lady, are in charge of holding on to the tickets.

We’ve got the bus tour, then London Eye, then dinner and a show tonight.

Packed itinerary.

This is so relaxing.

I love it.

It’s… It’s gonna be great.

And remember, it’s just us.

[whispering] Yes, us and Omar.

Okay?

No, just us.

It’s… It’s immediate family.

Okay. I understand.

We’ll see how many tickets are there. Okay.

Go.

Bye.

[door opens, closes]

[sighs] “Don’t bring Omar home to Buffalo.”

You still haven’t told him about the OSU offer.

I’m just waiting for the perfect moment.

All right, maybe I’m just selfish to even consider it.

Okay, Mom. Mom, Mom, Mom. Please.

Nina, honestly.

No. Okay, you… you have lived in Buffalo for 20 years, okay?

I would say he owes you one.

Just don’t wait too long to tell him.

Um, anyway, I’m gonna bring the boys to St. James’s Park with Omar.

So, you can relax for a little bit.

Just, like, do your thing, order room service, whatever you wanna do.

Um, because you have like three hours and exactly 27 minutes to figure out how you’re gonna tell Dad that we’re moving to Ohio.

Do it. Okay?

[sighs] Good luck!

Max!

[groans]

[door beeps]

[scanner beeping]

[Dan] Hi, how are you today?

Hi.

[person] Dan.

I’m looking for a…

I’ll take it from here, Annette. Thanks.

[inhales deeply]

Aiden Clarke.

We spoke on the phone.

How was your flight?

Oh. Terrific.

Liar.

All right, fair enough.

My kid kept me up all night asking how Santa’s gonna find us in London.

[chuckles]

Well, look, as I mentioned, we recently expanded and we’re bringing our new branches up to standard.

Your associate mentioned you offer “kinetic assessment.”

Demonstrations of our weaknesses?

That’s our premium service.

Oh. We’re a premium bank.

You want me to break into your bank?

Right now?

It’s what you do, isn’t it?

All right. Walk with me. Nice and casual.

[Aiden] Now, that is a key card entry door.

And I hope you’re not expecting to use mine.

No, I’ll use my RF scanner.

I cloned someone’s card when they entered earlier.

[scanner beeps]

[inhales deeply] Well…

[chuckles] This is already depressing.

I’m just getting warmed up. After you.

Dan, there’s something that I need to… [sighs] [inhales sharply] Dan, you know how we always say, “Happy parents make for happy kids”?

[sighs]

You know what’s crazy beautiful?

Ohio in the spring.

[knocks on door]

[attendant] Room service.

[grunts]

I actually already ate. [chuckles]

[exhales heavily]

Most of these cameras are wireless.

That’s a mistake.

They should be hardwired or the right hacker could see every inch of this place.

All right, where do you wanna break into?

[inhales sharply] Uh, safe deposit room?

It’s just down…

This way. I know.

Oh, wow. Look at that. Centcom 584M.

Good model. Except for one weakness.

Let me guess. RF scanner?

Nah, good old-fashioned paper clip.

[door beeps, opens]

[chuckles] Uh, excuse me, y-you can’t be back here.

Doug. Just the man I’m looking for.

[stutters] You have, uh, something in your teeth, and there’s a very unhappy client asking for you out front.

Um… [chuckles] Confidence and a little humiliation goes a long way, huh?

All right, this is more like it.

Reinforced steel.

[Aiden] Let me guess. Paper clip proof?

Oh, and then some.

There’s no RF scanning this one.

You need an actual card.

Let’s use Doug’s.

I didn’t see you take that.

Neither did he.

I had a, uh, unique education.

[door beeps, unlocks]

Shall we?

After you.

No, I insist. Please.

[Aiden chuckles]

[grunting]

Who the hell are you and what’s happening here?

[panting]

Doug didn’t recognize you, and neither did Annette.

You got some rough hands.

[grunts] You’re no bank manager.

So I’m gonna ask you again. Who are you?

Pocket.

[panting]

Slowly.

[grunts]

[groaning]

[Dan] You son of a bitch.

[grunts, laughs]

What do you want?

[chuckles] I want you to finish the job, Sean.

[chuckles]

Deposit box 411. Make it quick.

It shouldn’t be a problem for a pro like you.

Chop-chop, Sean. I’d hate to hurt that lovely wife of yours.

[sighs]

[grunts] [unlocks] Here.

You have what you want. Let her go.

Open it.

Unless you want little Maxie to be an orphan. [chuckles]

[ominous music playing]

[Dan sighing]

[sighs] So, you recognize it then?

It’s a digital key.

It’s more than that and you know it.

It’s the key to the kingdom.

How do you know about it?

Well…

Maybe this’ll help.

What a handsome lad you were.

Do you recognize where that is?

Yeah. Portrane. Where my Dad was from.

Him?

[Dan] That was the maid’s kid. He was…

Finn?

[chuckles softly] I go by my middle name now.

And my mother’s last name.

You see, our father never let me use his.

You’re my brother?

I am, Sean.

Yeah.

[chuckles]

Yeah, unfortunately, our reunion will be short-lived.

My prize is this.

Your prize is taking the blame for everything we’ve just done.

You see, this gives me proof of every ghastly thing you ever did for Dad, so you should probably keep your mouth shut about me to the cops if you don’t want to be executed.

Jail’s better, trust me.

Oh, and, uh, just so you know, I could’ve gotten this without you, but, uh, it’s so much sweeter this way.

Two birds, one stone.

How are you planning on getting us out of here?

[Finn] Yeah.

I don’t have to, brother. You do.

So, uh… [chuckles] …be convincing, unless you want me to kill your entire family.

He’s got a gun!

[civilians clamoring, screaming]

[grunts, pants]

Get down. Get down!

[customer] Everyone, stay down!

He’s a madman!

He says he’ll kill me.

Shut up.

[grunts] Walk.

[pants] You’re doing great, Sean.

I got you out. Where is she?

[chuckles] Where is she?

I got you out. Where is she?

I always imagined what it would be like meeting you again.

The great Sean McCaffrey.

[Jessica panting] Dad’s pride and joy.

You okay?

[pants] Bit of a letdown if you ask me.

Enjoy prison, brother.

Why do you have a gun?

They taped it to my hand.

What is going on?

[Dan] They think I robbed a bank.

Come on, we gotta get out of here.

[officer] Drop your weapon!

We’re the good guys! They’re cops!

It’s a long story! Okay?

We gotta go get the kids.

Stop! Armed police!

[officer shouts indistinctly]

[Jessica panting]

[Dan] Oh, shit.

Make a right at the alley.

What?

Here, here, here. Go, go, go, go.

What? What? What?

[panting]

Holy shit, you’re fast.

Well, I’m a track coach. Keep up.

Can you get rid of that gun?

No, I can’t!

Well, you’re gonna have to tuck it away!

[groans] Go inside. Go in here. Go in here.

What? What?

Just go in here. Come on.

[“Fairytale of New York” playing]

♪ We kissed on a corner

Then danced through the night ♪

♪ The boys of the NYPD choir

Were singing Galway Bay ♪

[Jessica] Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

[patron stammers] She’s got a gun!

She’s got a gun!

I’m so sorry.

[whimpers] No. This isn’t what you think. No!

No, it’s okay. I’m not gonna hurt you.

It’s okay. Don’t worry. I owe you a bag.

I’m so sorry.

Come on. This way.

Oh, my God.

I can’t believe we just stole her bag!

Turn around.

[driver] Where are we going?

[officer] Armed officers in pursuit.

Do we have a visual on the fugitives?

[Finn] Back to their hotel.

Prick won’t leave without those brats.

St. James’s Square.

Go. Now!

Keep going, keep going, keep going.

Good. Very good.

You’re lucky to be so far away from home, man.

[chuckles] Dad’s such a pain in my ass.

[chuckles] I felt the same way, but, honestly, though, like, now that they’re not literally up my ass every single day, I kind of miss it.

Dad just needs to accept that he doesn’t, like, always know what’s best for us all the time.

Yeah.

[Max] I wanna go higher.

Hey, Omar! Omar!

Not too high, okay? He’s only four!

[Max giggles] Oh, my God. I sound like Dad.

[both chuckle]

It’s sweet. Max finally, uh, found a friend that’s on his level.

[chuckles sarcastically]

[chuckles]

[ringtone: marching band]

[Nina] You’re so funny.

[laughs] Nice ringtone, loser.

That’s Dad.

[Kyle chuckles]

Hey, Dad.

Yeah, they’re both here. What’s up?

Stay where you are.

Yeah. And get rid of your phones.

[pants]

What’s going on?

Uh, Dad’s ranting about phones again.

I’m not ranting about phones, Kyle!

It feels kind of ranty.

Put your sister on!

I said, “Put your sister on!”

Translate Dad, please.

Hey.

[tense music playing] Okay.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I… I got it.

Sure. Yeah, I got it.

What the hell?

There’s trouble.

Yeah. There… Now there is.

I just bought that.

No, no, idiot. Like… Like, Dad trouble.

Like, Vegas trouble.

Uh, Omar! Playtime’s over. I… I need Max.

But he’s doing so well.

No… No, Omar. Now!

[horn honks]

Give me your phone.

Give me your phone!

Again?

Come on!

[panting] Nina! Kyle!

Go round. Go round!

Max!

[panting] Oh, God.

Did you get rid of your phones?

[Nina] What the hell is going on?

I’ll explain later, okay?

We gotta get out of here now.

Come on, run. This way. Come on!

Come on, Maxie. Stay with Daddy.

Stop, stop, stop.

Yes.

Gotcha. Go. Go!

Who’s in the car?

That’s your uncle.

Wait, what? Our uncle?

Not the time, guys!

It sort of feels like the time.

Nina, give me the tickets.

Dan, please tell me you have a plan.

I got a plan.

There. There!

You might wanna get rid of your bag before we get on the bus.

Uh, what… what… what’s with the bag?

Uh, nothing to see here, honey.

Whoa, wait a minute.

Come on.

[pants] Oh, God.

Come on, guys.

Come on, guys.

[pants] Oh, God.

[bus ticket agent] Ticket, please.

Here you go, sir.

All right. Come on, everybody.

Get on the bus.

[tour guide] Welcome to London’s Automated Bus Tour, giving you fascinating facts. Fasten your seat belts, also hang on to your cameras…

Okay, since when do we have another uncle and why is he trying to kill us?

Yeah. More secrets, Dan?

I didn’t know about him, Jess. I promise.

Okay. Well, who the hell is he?

Go on, Sean.

Tell her.

Tell her how Dad left me on a barren rock… without even the McCaffrey name to call my own.

[pants]

He gave you everything you ever wanted and you threw it away.

For what?

To raise pimple-covered brats.

The key, Sean. Now.

What key?

I’ll give you to the count of three.

One, two…

[grunting]

[passengers gasping, clamoring] Get off me.

[tour guide] Look to your left, you’ll see the iconic Shaftesbury Memorial Fountain… [grunting] …affectionately known as Eros… although it actually depicts Anteros, the god of requited love. The Houses of Parliament. And of course, towering above is the clock tower, Big Ben.

[grunting continues]

Is it true you spent 20 years selling used cars?

Certified preowned.

[grunting]

[tourists clamoring] While you were doing that, I was doing Dad’s dirty work.

[grunting]

[grunts]

[grunting]

[grunts]

[screams, gasps] Whoa. Whoa!

It’s gonna be okay.

[Jessica grunts] The key, Sean.

You want it?

Come get it.

No!

[yelps]

[panting]

Come on. We gotta get the kids.

Uh, you know, Dad…

Uh, the more people we meet from your side of the family, the more I appreciate Mom’s side.

Mmm.

Look, I brought you to this restaurant because there’s somebody here who can help us.

What, like another one of your murdery coworkers?

Oh, well, that’s really nice, Nina.

[person, in Mandarin]

I can’t believe my eyes Sean McCaffrey Is it really you?

Good to see you, Zimo Any chance you still have my bag?

Everything he needs is in here You saved me from the troubles in my country You were the troubles, Zimo–

[in English] Did you know that Dad could speak Chinese?

No, I didn’t.

[chuckles]

All right. This should be enough.

We’re good.

For what?

We’ve got a big trip ahead of us.

Everybody eat something, okay?

Could you just, like, explain the whole uncle situation?

My dad had a house in Ireland.

We’d visit every summer.

The housekeeper there had a kid, Finn.

Yeah. He used to follow me around like a puppy.

Wait… [chuckles, stammers] So… So your Dad and the housekeeper…

Yes. That’s how it works, Kyle.

[Kyle stammers] My dad never said anything.

He certainly never acknowledged that Finn was his.

I can’t imagine what Finn’s life has been like.

Is that sympathy for the guy that’s trying to kill us?

Well, what’s worse?

Growing up with a dad like mine or growing up like Finn?

Totally abandoned.

I mean, how can anybody do that to their own flesh and blood?

It’s like leaving Maxie on the street to fend for himself.

I’m never letting these guys out of my sight again.

We’ve noticed.

[Jessica] So what now?

We get out of London immediately.

[Nina] No.

No, I… I’ve… I’ve got, like, an entire llife here now.

I have classes and I… I have Omar.

I… I can’t.

That’s over, Nina.

Okay, well, I’m… I’m an adult.

So I actually think that I should be involved in the discussion.

[Dan] There is no discussion.

With that key, Finn has access to my father’s encrypted server.

That means all of his money, all of his… [whispers] …assassins…

[normal] …all of his surveillance capabilities.

There’s nowhere to hide.

He’s gonna find us.

He clearly hates me.

Even though I didn’t know, Finn blames me.

And I can’t go to the police.

Why?

I kinda robbed a bank, okay?

Ooh, Daddy’s bad.

[sighs] I didn’t really rob a bank. They made it look like I robbed a bank, buddy.

Now everybody thinks that I robbed a bank.

I didn’t do it, I promise.

Plus, Finn now has proof of everything that I did in the past.

It’ll be okay. I have a way out of this.

If we can just get to…

Do you mind giving us a second, Omar?

[Nina] Why?

It’s safer if he doesn’t know where we’re going.

He could take his food over there.

[Nina] Safer?

Uncle Dickhead saw him with us already.

I don’t know if he saw him.

I’ve been told I’m hard to miss.

Okay, well, then…

He’s obviously gonna come, right?

He’s… He can come with us.

Do you wanna come?

Uh, yes. I-I go where you go.

Incroyable.

Fine, you’re in.

Yes!

Uh, in… in what?

[whispering] You’re in deep shit.

[dramatic music playing]

All right.

We’re officially out of UK waters.

High five.

Cool. Thanks for the exfil no one wanted.

Kyle.

[sighs]

Well, clearly your brother’s never gonna forgive me.

What do you… What do you expect?

You flipped our entire world upside down.

Again.

I’m the first person to say that I think Kyllboi’s world is so stupid, but it’s his stupid world.

You know? Like…

The same way that… that London was mine.

I saw how happy you were there. I’m sorry.

And I know that you guys think it’s… it’s, like, crazy thinking that I could actually change the world, but I…

No. We don’t think it’s crazy.

Leaving Buffalo and actually being in London, it just felt like it was actually possible that I could.

And because of your past, now we’re all on the run again, being chased by a literal maniac.

And, like, maybe let him be mad for a second.

Thanks.

[doorbell ringing]

[sighs]

Hello, Vikram.

Do you know who I am?

I do.

Do you know who I really am?

I’ll take that as a yes.

Well, now that dear old Dad’s gone, I’ve come home to take over the family business.

If your father had intended that, he would’ve found a way of communicating it to me before he died.

[Finn] He did.

Welcome home, Master Finn.

[“I’m a Man” playing]

♪ Now, when I was a little boy ♪

♪ At the age of five ♪

♪ I had something in my pocket ♪

♪ Keep a lot of folks alive ♪

♪ Now I’m a man ♪

♪ May 21 ♪

♪ You know, baby ♪

♪ We can have a lot of fun ♪

♪ I’m a man ♪

♪ I spell M ♪

♪ A ♪

♪ N ♪

♪ Man ♪

[vocalizing]

♪ All you pretty women ♪

♪ Stand in line ♪

♪ I can make love to you, baby ♪

♪ In an hour’s time ♪

♪ I’m a man ♪

♪ Spell M ♪

♪ A ♪

♪ N ♪

[chuckles]

All right, old man.

Let’s see what you got.

[music ends]

You guys are right.

You shouldn’t have to run from the ghosts of my past anymore.

That’s why I’m going to Paris.

We’re gonna end this once and for all.

Okay, why Paris?

Well, it’s where my brother is now.

It’s where I grew up.

What? You grew up in Paris?

I didn’t tell you that?

[Omar] Me too.

[sighs] Actually, I grew up a bit everywhere.

Uh, my father was always traveling for work and so…

Not now, Omar.

I… I’m sorry, I… I thought we were trying to get away from Uncle Asshole.

He tried to kill us.

Look, I’m gonna get us out of this, I promise.

But that means no more running.

I gotta take the fight to Finn.

Daddy, could you tell Santa where we’re going so he can find us?

Yes, of course I will, buddy.

Come on, I got a special ride for you.

It’s a short ride. Come on.

[“Le Temps de L’amour” playing]

This is really not what I expected my first time in Paris to be like.

Oh, no. I think it’s kind of romantic.

Right?

Yeah.

Mmm.

[Dan] Look, look, look, look, look.

The Eiffel Tower! You wanna climb it?

[Kyle] That’s pretty cool.

Oh, my gosh.

Max, it’s magical.

[Omar] The city of love.

It’s the city of relationships.

[Dan] Right?

I-I could use some food, or, like, shelter.

Yes.

Well, I know where we could find both, but your mother’s not gonna like it.

What?

[Nina] Why?

Wait, you mean I’m not gonna like her.

Are we talking super sexy assassin in the Gwen mold?

[Dan] No.

Svetlana was Russian intelligence.

[sputters, laughs] Svetlana?

It’s a typical Russian name, Jess.

It’s like Susan.

Seriously?

Uh, I rest my case.

So you and Svetlana were…

[Dan] It wasn’t serious.

Purely physical. [sighs] Why are you trying to pick a fight?

I’m sorry. I’m…

All right. This is it.

[doorbell rings]

At least tell me the rest of her name is ugly.

Svetlana Romanova.

Damn it.

If some ex of yours was the way out of this mess, I’d be cool with it.

What if his name was Rod McLongDong?

[chuckling]

Rod McLongDong. What the…

Well, I’d… I’d ask Rod what part of Scotland the McLongDongs are from and what pattern their tartan is.

[Nina scoffs] I’m totally cool.

You’ve got a dirty mind.

Try not to stare, Kyle. All right?

I promise nothing.

[door unlocks, opens]

Sean!

Svetlana?

Oh, God.

Oh, wow.

Oh. Ooh!

Hey. Hold this.

[Dan] Ooh.

Oh. Okay.

Oh, he’s allergic to…

Oh. Still so handsome.

[cat meows, hisses]

[exclaims] No. No, no, no.

Yes, yes, yes.

No. No. Hi. Yes.

Hi. I’m Jessica, his wife.

It is such a joy to meet you.

Oh, Sean.

Where you have been so long time?

Oh. Um…

And you don’t write.

In my bed.

I’m so happy to see all of you.

Mmhmm.

Uh, hi.

Mmm. Mmm.

Is this your family?

Um, yes. Except for him.

So, what, are you on the run, guys?

You come in?

[Dan] Um… Holy shit! You have more cats.

Phew.

[purrs, trills]

[Svetlana] Okay. Come in, come in.

[Max] What’s that smell?

Maxie… [shushes] Sorry, I don’t have Christmas tree.

That requires getting out, which requires getting dressed.

So sit, sit. My casa is your casa.

Quite the Bonnie and Clyde, eh?

Oh, my God.

It’s okay.

The little fiend.

I really do hate to say it, crime suits you.

You-You look really hot there.

I am never going to work again.

Don’t worry. Just retire like me.

I do crosswords puzzles now.

It’s so good for the brains when we are this age, as women.

So good for brains our age.

You should try it. Very necessary.

She likes crosswords.

[Svetlana] Yes. Are you hungry?

[cat meows]

You look hungry.

I’m starving.

Yes? I just made borscht.

You like borscht, boy?

[bubbling]

Good. Good.

[Jessica] Delicious.

Mmm.

[Svetlana] It’s so good.

[Jessica] So good for you.

Mmm. [grunts] It’s so good. Mmm.

[sing-songy] Yummy, yummy, yummy.

In my tummy, tummy. Mmm.

Um, do you think you could still get a message to my father’s encrypted server?

But I thought he was dead. Very dead.

Yes, he is.

But somebody new has taken over.

What happened to you taking over?

Well, I went a different direction a long time ago.

I’m a dad now, a husband.

Mmm. Deep cover. I like it.

[in Russian] You need to get close to her Dad or something?

No, he’s a wonderful father-in-law

[Svetlana, in English]

Yeah, of course he is.

Such a sweet couple.

Borscht.

Whoa!

[Kyle] Wow.

I’ll be damned.

Max never eats anything.

This is a good boy. I like this one.

[Jessica scoffs] What is your problem? Eat.

[Dan] Kyle.

[Nina] I’m so sorry about him.

[stammering] No, I just… Oh, I ate…

Eat!

[slams table]

[Dan] Mmm.

Mmm.

I like this one.

[sighs]

Finn’s agreed to meet.

Meet?

I have to try to reason with him, Jess.

He did not seem like he was reasonable, Dan.

[sighs]

Would you be doing this with Finn if he wasn’t your brother?

No, probably not.

But I can’t just take him out like some thug my dad sent, Jess.

He’s my blood.

Finn was a good kid back then.

My dad made him this way.

I have to try. [sighs] Where are you gonna meet?

At a museum. I know it well.

There are metal detectors.

Finn won’t be armed.

I won’t approach if I sense anything’s wrong.

I’ll be careful.

[Jessica sighs]

Well, you’ve got some balls asking for a meet.

Yet here you are.

It’s strange being back in this city.

It makes Dad being gone feel real somehow.

He was gone for me my whole life.

When I was 12, I waited outside your mansion in the freezing rain for hours, just to catch a glimpse of the life you had.

Eventually, you came out, the two of you, wearing matching peacoats, the kind you get in the navy.

And although you looked like… well, like twats, I was so jealous.

I wanted to run after you, yell at you both that I’m your blood.

But my legs were numb from the cold.

And you walked off, Dad looking at you with pride.

[Dan] It wasn’t like you thought, Finn.

I left that life behind.

Is that supposed to make me feel better?

That you didn’t even want what you were given?

I’m telling you you were better off.

Oh, that’s easy for you to say, Daddy’s Little Prince.

Don’t call me that.

What, Daddy’s Little Prince?

[grunts, chuckles]

I said, “Don’t call me that.”

[sighs]

You do know Dad tried to kill me, right?

Yeah.

Frankly, you had it coming.

You and Dad are the same.

You both abandoned your flesh and blood.

I would die for my flesh and blood.

There’s nothing more important than family.

I was your family.

Don’t you get it, Finn?

If I’d have known you were my brother, I’d have been a brother to you from the very beginning.

I called this meeting to tell you it’s not too late.

You end this right now, stop trying to be Dad, we could still be brothers.

That’s your pitch?

I give up an entire empire of limitless resources and in return I get you?

For what?

Barbecues and football?

Swapping birthday cards?

Piss off.

Listen, little boy, Dad wasn’t great.

He was a psycho, all right?

Take his money if you want.

I don’t give a shit.

But don’t become him.

You don’t want that kind of blood on your hands.

Now you wanna play big brother?

Dad’s dead, all right?

There’s nothing to prove to him or me.

Let it go.

Yeah, I can’t do that, big brother.

[sighs]

[Finn] I’m taking what’s mine.

I’m not waiting outside in the cold any longer.

I’m sorry to hear that.

[tense music playing]

I’d hoped to get through to you.

Clearly, I can’t.

So I’m gonna warn you instead.

Call this whole thing off.

Or what?

[chuckles] Or I will show you who Dad trained me to be.

I’ve been Dan Morgan so far.

A loving father, husband, family man.

You don’t wanna meet Sean McCaffrey.

Ain’t no love there.

You talk a big game, Little Prince.

[chuckles]

Come near my family again…

I’m gonna tear you apart.

[tense music continues]

[Finn] Are they here?

[Vikram] They are, sir.

My knob-head of a brother came to Paris to try to stop me.

Whoever stops him gets triple their rate.

You take what you need.

In here.

[clears throat]

Your wife look very sad. Be nice.

[sighs] I know.

Hey.

I guess this means it didn’t go very well.

[Dan] Yeah.

How’s the mood out there?

[Jessica] How do you think?

This isn’t the Christmas that we envisioned, Dan.

We’re in Paris at Christmas.

We just make it special.

Come on. Get the kids.

[“Quelqu’un M’a Dit” playing]

Oh, my gosh. [chuckles] What?

[Dan] Wow. [chuckles]

[Jessica] Wow.

[Dan chuckles]

[Jessica sighs] Ah!

Maxie, we live in Buffalo.

We see snow all the time.

But the snow tastes different here.

[groans] Good boy.

[sighs] Love you, buddy.

[cat meows]

[music continues]

Oh, hey, Daddy.

[Dan sighs]

[Svetlana] Psst. Meow.

[music ends]

[speaks Russian]

Mmm.

[groans]

[clicks tongue, exhales sharply]

Tonight, I got exactly what I’ve been looking for.

Wh-What’s that?

[sighs] Time with my family.

[sighs] Man, life can get complicated.

No shit.

I mean, right?

Yes.

I mean, you try to juggle a career, relationships, raising kids.

And then, somehow, in spite of everything you do to hold it all together, it somehow just…

It slips right through your fingers.

But then you have a night like tonight, and it’s all worth it.

And it’s all because of you.

Thank you for helping me and my family.

My little boy…

[groans]

I’m such as asshole.

What?

Sean, your brother put out the bounty to end all bounties.

But I swear I wasn’t going to kill you.

You were just gonna hand me over to Finn and let him do it?

Work is slow. Cats are expensive.

[Dan] Oh, come on.

But now here you are with all this “I love my family” business.

And your little boy, he was so sweet.

[breathes heavily] He ate my soup… [kisses] …and now I am starting to feel bad.

Oh, shit. [grunts] Oh, be careful.

All right.

Are they coming?

I’m starting to feel bad.

You should.

Yes.

Hey. [panting] Are they coming?

Afraid so.

They’re coming here?

They’re coming here now…

Now?

Oh, my God. Jessica. Jessica!

…because I am such an asshole!

Jessica.

Guys, wake up. We gotta go. We gotta go.

Dan, what’s wrong?

We got trouble.

What’s wrong?

[screams] Oh, my…

[cat screeches]

[gasps] Oh, my God.

[Nina] Oh, my God.

[speaks Russian]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Are you… Are you drunk?

What the hell, Dan?

Drugs.

[Svetlana] Drugs.

[Dan] Not drunk.

Huh?

They gave me a drug.

[Jessica gasps] Oh, my God.

What did he take?

Uh, my own blend of sodium acetate and Rohypnol.

God, so you… you roofied my dad?

What?

Yes, roofie. I roofied him.

Are you out of your mind?

Honey, easy. I’m trying to help you.

By drugging my husband?

That was then. We’re at now.

[Dan] She used to do it all the time.

That was literally two minutes ago when you did that.

They’re coming.

And a lot can change in a minute, baby.

Oh, my God. Omar, Kyle, let’s go.

[Dan] Oh, my God.

He really love you guys.

Even you, Jessica.

[Dan] I’m okay. I’m fine.

Unfortunately, what he said was true.

They are coming.

So you might want to skedaddle.

[gasps] Here?

All right, get the jackets.

And you’re letting us go?

[Svetlana] Please, I wish you would.

Let me talk to Mommy.

You think I want this shit to go down in my apartment?

You’re trashing the place.

Here, take my car.

I will never understand the moral code of these people.

[Svetlana] Here. Go.

[Dan] Oh, my God.

There’s cat shit everywhere.

[tense music playing]

[Dan groaning] Oh, my God.

[sighs] Are you kidding me?

[Dan groans]

Oh, come on.

[Kyle] It’s not exactly a getaway car.

Okay, all right.

[Jessica sighs]

[Dan] Oh, God.

[Jessica] Okay, this is gonna be a tight squeeze.

[door slams]

[person speaking French, muffled]

[shushes] There’s a man outside.

[Dan groans]

[tense music continues]

Okay.

[shushes]

[Omar] You okay, Daddy?

I’m your daddy.

[Nina shushes]

Daddy.

What about the garage door?

[sighs] Go through it.

[pants] I don’t know if I can do it.

He’s right there.

What? Of course you can.

You’re an adult now.

What would your dad do?

[Dan] Your daddy.

[snores]

I’m your daddy. Big daddy.

If he were awake.

Protect his family.

[sighs] That’s right.

[pants]

[engine starts]

[engine revs]

[Jessica gasps]

[pants]

[dog barks]

What are you doing?

I don’t know. It just went.

Why are there three pedals?

Oh, God. It’s a stick.

All right, left pedal.

Okay.

Right pedal. Go!

[engine revs]

[Kyle clamoring]

[tense music continues]

[Nina] You need to go faster.

I can’t. This car is slow as shit.

Wait, you’re still in first.

Does he not know how to drive?

Apparently not.

Uh, what do I do?

Left pedal.

[gear clunks] Right pedal.

[engine revs]

Okay! You got it, okay?

[“Ça plane pour moi” playing]

[Nina] He’s trying to kill us. Go.

Oh, my God.

[grunts]

[people screaming, clamoring]

Sorry. He drives like his mother.

What?

[in French] Cut across!

[yells] Whoa! Whoa!

[Dan] Whoa!

See, see, see! Go left! Oh, my God.

[screaming]

[Jessica screams]

[screams]

I wanna take you to eat at that restaurant.

[music continues]

We need to go faster.

Whoa!

[Nina] Omar!

Oh, my God.

Happy New Year.

Oh, my God, Dad. Stay down.

Happy New Year.

That car’s coming straight for us.

They’re trying to kill us! Turn!

[all screaming, clamoring]

Let’s get some clams over there.

Shut up, Dan.

[Dan] Okay, Mommy.

They’re right on our tail.

Let me drive.

I’m not letting you drive, Dad.

Let me drive.

No.

Faster, faster.

I’m going as fast as I can.

[Jessica screams]

Whoo! Oh, my God. Did you just see that?

[in French] We’re seconds away–

[in English] Another car!

[people clamoring]

Sorry. It’s drink and drugs.

[people screaming]

Right turn, Kyle.

[screams]

[music continues, distorted]

[all clamoring, distorted]

[Jessica] Shit!

[normal audio resumes]

[Nina] Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[all clamoring] I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

[Jessica, Nina clamoring]

Are your family holidays always like this?

[all groaning]

[Nina] Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Max] Roller coaster!

[in French] West towards La Pigalle I see them–

[Jessica in English] Oh, shit.

It’s the red car again. Turn left.

Sh…

[tires squeal]

[Jessica screams]

[in French]

We’ll cut them off at the intersection–

[Omar in English] He’s getting closer.

Go, go, go, go, go, go.

[music continues]

[Kyle] Guys, there’s an intersection.

Should I slow down?

No!

No, no!

Drive, Kyle!

[all screaming]

[Nina] Oh, my God!

Oh, my God. We did it.

[pants] We did it.

Yay!

I’m never driving again.

Oh, my God.

Whose itty-bitty car is this?

[music ends]

[bells ringing]

Hey.

Hey. [sighs] I thought I could make him listen.

Mmm. You did what you thought was right.

[Dan sighs]

So, what now?

I gotta get you guys somewhere safe.

Somewhere we can still have a normal life.

They think you robbed a bank, Jess.

[Jessica] Us.

You’re not going to jail, okay?

[sighs] But what about you?

Um, I’ll figure it out.

You guys being around me is only gonna put you in danger.

I’m not doing that anymore.

[sighs]

[Nina] You’re wrong, Dad.

We’re stronger together.

Yeah. Remember Vegas?

Look, can we just…

Can we talk about this together?

We can figure it out as a family.

[sighs]

[Nina] Okay. So let’s just do a recap of our options.

Um, so if we leave together now, then we just have to give up being the Morgans and be the Andersons and live on the run from Finn and the police forever.

I say no to that plan.

Uh, me too.

Uh, me three.

[Max] Me four.

Me four.

Oh, sorry.

Or… [stammers] …we turn ourselves in to the authorities and Finn outs you as Sean McCaffrey, and that means you have to go to jail for, like, ever. So…

And everyone you ever wronged might still come after us, so pass.

[Nina] Pass.

Hard pass.

You’re not going to jail, Dad.

I… I should call my dad.

[Nina] Look, I… I love you so much, but it’s just really…

The family bonding is probably a trigger.

No. It’s not that. No. It’s not…

It’s just that… It’s really…

We’re never gonna be safe as long as Finn has control of my dad’s network.

I have an idea.

I have an idea.

[suspenseful music playing]

[Dan] Finn will know I’m coming for him. He’ll be prepared.

We need to take down the McCaffrey encrypted server, and to do that we have to get into the house where I grew up.

It’s right there. Take a look.

Wait, that’s the house you grew up in?

[stammers] House is an understatement.

I’m sorry.

Have we been rich this whole time?

Are… Are you seriously telling me that’s where you spent your childhood?

If you can call it a childhood, yeah.

[chuckles] Oh, my God.

Oh, God. Vikram.

[Nina] Who?

[Jessica] Wait. Who’s Vikram?

He was our butler.

Uh, I’m sorry. Butler?

You had a butler, Mr. Clean Up After Yourself?

“Do all your own dishes.”

[Jessica] Exactly.

Okay, I get it. That’s enough.

[chuckles] I’m gonna hold this over you forever.

So, what’s the plan?

Security is tight at the best of times.

Right now, Finn’s got the most lethal assassins on payroll.

The mansion will be heavily guarded, with surveillance cameras everywhere.

Best way in is on the roof.

We’ve got comms, body cams, four-and-a-half Morgans, one Omar, and some surveillance equipment from Svetlana’s place.

Dad, if you get this into the terminal, I can wipe the mainframe and all of the files.

No more secret assassin network.

No more Sean McCaffrey.

[music continues]

Uh, look, we’re also gonna need a distraction on the street.

You know anybody?

Think I can call a few people.

Jess, while I’m inside, you’re calling the shots outside.

If anything goes wrong, you all abort and disappear.

Mmm.

Become the Andersons.

Is that clear? That’s the code word.

It’s nonnegotiable.

Got it.

Mom says to abort, you go. That’s it.

Yeah.

Mmhmm. Okay.

Maxie, it’s gonna be okay, buddy.

Mmhmm.

[Dan] Wanna go for a climb with me?

I like roofs.

It would be an honor, Daddy.

Uh, Dan… Dan.

[speaks French]

All right, everybody, get it in.

Come on, for the Morgans.

On three.

Morgans.

[Dan] I gotta say “three” first, dude.

Sorry.

On three. One, two, three.

[all] Morgans!

[energetic music playing]

[Jessica] All right, we’re parked just west of the mansion.

[Dan] All right. Thanks, Jess. Stand by.

[whirring]

[Kyle] Body cams are live. Nina, you figure out that mic yet?

Yeah. Actually, this thing’s awesome.

I’m keeping it.

[beeping]

[people moaning, speaking French]

[chuckling]

[Nina] God, what are they doing?

Oh, that’s horrible.

What are you doing with that?

Yeah. Seriously, perv. Gross.

Ugh.

Really?

[chuckles]

[Omar grunting]

[grunts]

[Dan grunts]

[Kyle] Dad, I’m picking up some walkie-talkie frequencies.

[Dan] Copy, Kyle.

We’re approaching another camera.

[Kyle] I-I’m scrubbing for radio frequencies now.

[suspenseful music playing]

Nina, roll tape on this.

You go left. I’ll go right.

[whirring]

Recording.

[grunts]

[Dan] Omar, on my mark, drop down.

In three, two, one. Go. Hey, Harry.

Sean McCaffrey.

[chuckles] You cheeky prick.

Twenty years ago, you’d have shot me in the back.

I’m not that guy anymore.

[Harry] Good. He was an arsehole. Couldn’t agree more.

Why don’t you tie yourself to that railing?

Bite me.

[silenced gunshot]

[gasps] Dan?

I’m here.

Okay.

[sighs]

[Finn] Harry, have you seen any movement on the rooftops?

Hey, Kyle.

We’re gonna need an answer quick.

Okay.

[Jessica] You got this.

Harry, I said report.

Come on, Kyle.

[Kyle] Nina, give me a second.

Okay, got something.

[Harry pants] You cheeky prick.

Listen, wanker. When you work for me, you do things as I say. Is that clear?

You’ve got this, Kyle. Come on.

[Kyle] Uh…

[Harry] Arsehole.

Would my dad have put up with this?

There are many things about this situation your father would have found unacceptable.

Just keep your eyes open.

You rock.

[pants] Great save, Kyle.

[dramatic music playing]

There’s one last camera. Take it out.

Is that Omar’s friends? Yes! Yes.

Oh, they came. Okay. Let’s go.

[protesters chanting]

There’s so many.

[in French] You know the problem with these big oil companies is… they’re prioritizing profit over people and the planet–

[in English] Omar, your real dad would be proud.

[in French] The CEO of Paxcore is taking his private plane to his private yacht… and you know where that oil-spilling fat cat lives?

Right there!

[protestors clamoring]

[chanting in French]

Stop oil pollution! Climate revolution!

[chanting continues]

[in English] Who are you arseholes?

Come on, Dad.

You’re gonna change the world one day, Beans.

I know.

[in French]

Are you the organizer of this protest?

[in English] I… I’m sorry.

I don’t understand.

[in French] Can I see your identity card?

[in English] I have my passport.

But it’s in my bag.

[in French]

Do you speak French or not at all?

[chanting continues]

Madame…

[in English, speaking indistinctly]

[in French] You have nothing on you?

[in English] I don’t have it on me.

[in French]

Okay, let’s move aside a little Long live the revolution!

[protestors clamoring]

[upbeat music playing]

[laughs]

[grunts]

[chuckles]

[music ends]

[Kyle, in English] That’s romantic.

[Max] Are you gonna marry Omar?

[protestors clamoring]

Pricks.

[chuckles] Hey.

Um, excuse me, Dad. Is that your stash?

[Nina chuckles] Let me see.

Wait, what?

[Dan] Hey, I was a teenager too. You had Samir’s garage.

Nina had that hollowed-out book.

[sniffs] Mmm.

What, you knew about that?

[Dan] Yeah. Are you kidding me?

[Dan] And this is all mine. [chuckles]

[Max] What’s a stash?

[Nina] Shut up.

[Dan] And here’s the real key to the castle.

Uh, wait. Hold on, Dad. Isn’t it alarmed?

No, I rerouted the wire in ’94.

The question is whether they ever noticed.

Nope.

[grunts]

[sighs]

[clamoring continues]

I don’t buy it.

[grunts]

[melancholy music playing]

I can’t believe he kept all of this.

[Finn] I can.

[tense music playing]

Welcome home, Little Prince.

Oh, my God. That’s Finn.

[Kyle] Shit.

When we were kids, you told me about your way in and out of your castle in Paris.

[sighs] You called it your, um…

Secret passage.

Yeah.

Is that my coat?

It is.

I think it suits me.

This coat, this house.

Look, Finn…

Don’t. Goodbye, brother.

[Vikram] If I may, sir.

We have a room for things like this.

It’s good to see you too, Vikram.

Sir.

Go on.

[music continues]

Jess…

[protestors clamoring]

Andersons.

[Dan sighs]

[Jessica] Dan?

Is your family here? [chuckles] Is that your missus you’re talking to?

[protestors clamoring]

See, I don’t know what Andersons means, but I would take it as… “Goodbye.”

[music ends]

Oh, God.

We… We have to do something.

No, your dad was clear about what we had to do.

[Finn] Go on.

[Max] Is Dad okay?

Um…

Mom, there’s… Look.

[sighs]

That’s my flash drive. It’s not moving.

Dad must have dropped it.

We can save him if we get control of the main computer.

No, he said if the plan went wrong, that I had to get you outta here.

[breathes shakily]

But he also said that I was the one who is in charge.

[suspenseful music playing]

I’m calling an audible.

If anything goes wrong, you head to the US embassy.

I’m going in there to finish this and to save your dad.

[protestors clamoring]

Go, Mom.

[Jessica panting]

[window creaks]

[pants]

[panting]

[protestors clamoring]

[panting]

She’s not seriously thinking of…

Holy shit. She is.

Mom, don’t even think about that.

It’s way too far.

I pulled it off in Vegas.

[Kyle] Did you?

Because I remember it very differently.

In college, I could jump 18 feet.

Okay. It feels like the first two words are very relevant here.

I got this.

Oh, God. I can’t… I can’t look.

[grunts, panting]

Yes!

[Max] Mommy flew!

[Nina gasps] [chuckles] I still got it!

Shit. Now I’m kinda mad I missed it.

[chuckles]

What kinda man brings his whole family here?

And there I was thinking you were a good dad.

Find them. They’re close.

You, check upstairs now.

[panting]

I got the thingamajiggy.

Hurry, Mom. Get to the server.

[Jessica] Got it.

[typing]

[Finn] Down you go, Little Prince.

[Jessica] Oh, my God. This place is huge.

[Dan] Hey, Vikram. Remember when Dad locked me down here in the dark for four days for talking back to him?

[Vikram] I remember it working.

Over the drain, please.

You know, it’s good to see you’re still the same ray of sunshine, Vikram.

I mean, you really think my dad would want this?

Well, uh, say hello to Dad for me.

That was foolish, Vikram.

I guess there’s no such thing as loyalty anymore.

On the contrary.

My loyalty will always be with your father.

And despite their differences, there is no question as to which son he’d want me to protect.

[grunts] [groaning] Find him.

[panting]

[computer beeps]

Did it work?

We’re in!

Yes.

[sighs]

[Kyle] Accessing the CCTV.

Okay. Okay, we can see you.

Where’s your dad?

I’ll start scanning other feeds.

Oh, shit.

Mom. Mom, you have company.

You need to find a different way out.

Mom, she’s coming. You need to hide.

[breathing heavily]

[door creaking]

[Dan] Hey, Finn!

I may not have wanted it, but this is my house, Little Brother.

[chuckles]

She’s right there.

You have to stay hidden.

[breathing shakily]

Mom, please don’t move.

[Jessica] I don’t think that’s an option.

[grunting, groaning]

[grunts]

[grunts]

Shit.

Mom!

[both grunting]

[gunfire]

[gunfire continues through wall]

Little Prince!

[groans]

[groaning, grunting]

[grunting]

[grunting continues]

[grunting]

[panting]

[grunting]

[groans] [panting] Oh, fu…

Nice.

[sighs]

No.

It’s the guy from last night.

Mom, we’ve got company.

I’m coming.

[grunts]

[groans] Ah, God!

I got a little cocky there.

[Nina] Are you almost done?

Can you hurry up?

[Kyle] I’m working on it.

[engine sputters]

[Nina] Crap, the battery’s dead. Kyle, please. Can you do it a little faster?

The car’s not working.

[sputtering continues] Hurry, Kyle.

[Kyle] Oh, shit.

He’s getting closer.

[Kyle] I’m going as fast as I can.

[alarm beeping]

[Nina] Are you done?

[Kyle] I hope so.

[Nina] Okay, let’s go.

Okay, move.

Max, come on. Let’s go.

[Max] How will Mommy find us?

[Kyle] It’s okay, Max. Mom’s okay.

Here, give him to me.

Take Max.

[in French] He’s an oil company enforcer!

[speaks French]

[Nina] Go, go, go, go, go!

[speaking French]

[spits]

[grunts]

[protestors clamoring, chanting]

Okay. [pants] Nina, Kyle, where are you?

Where… Okay.

Nina, Kyle, where are you?

Nina?

[Nina] Okay, okay.

Sorry.

[panting] Mom.

Let’s go there. Come on.

[Kyle] Max, get in the carousel, okay?

All right. Let’s go, Max. Let’s go.

Shit.

[computer beeps]

[Finn] You blew it, Danny Boy.

All that training, and I still beat you.

[marching band music playing]

No, no.

No.

No.

No, no, no, no. No, no, no!

[chuckling]

What’s the matter, Finny?

Not bad for a couple pimple-faced brats, huh?

I’m gonna kill you and those bloody kids!

Where are ya? [grunts]

[Dan] Right here.

[grunting]

[shouting]

[groaning]

Shit.

Oh, you want a brother to play with?

[pants] Let it go, Finn.

Dad’s empire’s gone.

There’s nothing left to win.

Let it go!

Well, let’s play, Little Prince.

[grunts]

[panting]

[grunts]

[panting]

[grunts]

[grunting, groaning]

[grunting, groaning]

[grunting]

[grunting]

Mommy!

[pants] Oh, my God.

[pants]

Okay. Come on, you guys.

[Kyle] Go, go. Police! Help!

[speaks French]

[in English] They can’t hear us.

Okay.

[in French] Goodbye, children–

[Nina, in English] Hey, Mom.

[grunts]

[grunting]

Hey! We’re the bank robbers wanted in England, but we really need your help.

[Finn] Nice little game of hide-and-seek, Brother.

You know, Sean, I’m interested.

Are you enjoying your family vacation?

You know, if you’d have come to me as a brother, you could have been a part of that family.

Instead, you try to kill them.

No, Sean.

I’m trying to kill you.

You thought you’d won, didn’t you?

But you see, Sean, I don’t need Dad’s empire.

I rose from nothing once.

I’ll do it again.

[pants] And you’ll still have nothing in your life that matters.

Well, then maybe I’ll look up a recently widowed track coach.

[grunting, groaning]

[bell tolling]

[grunting]

[dramatic music playing]

[metal clattering]

[churchgoers gasp]

[grunting, groaning]

[bell tolls]

[bell tolls]

[groaning]

[grunting, groaning]

Give it up, Sean. You’ll never win!

I’m the only one who has something left to fight for.

You got nothing, Finn. Nothing.

[grunting, groaning]

[grunts]

[bell tolls]

[straining, panting]

[bell tolls]

And what have you got?

Your precious, boring family.

That’s right.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to enjoy the rest of my family vacation.

[bell tolls]

[grunts]

[screaming]

[bell tolling]

[groaning]

[breathing heavily]

[triumphant music plays]

I told you it doesn’t matter where we are for Christmas.

[Max] Hi, Daddy.

[Jessica chuckles]

[Dan]

Operation Morgan Family Christmas is a go.

All right, I don’t care where we are, as long as we are together as a family.

I love you guys so much.

Love you.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

You know that money that disappeared from Grandpa’s accounts?

Mmm.

I had it transferred to Greenpeace.

[Jessica] What?

Really?

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

You’re welcome.

[police radio chatter]

Ah.

[siren wailing]

[siren stops]

This is them?

[sighs] Oui, Papa. That’s them.

Omar!

[squeals, chuckles]

[Omar] Oh!

Okay, okay. I’m happy to see him too.

That’s enough.

That’s enough.

You guys, uh, this is my dad.

He’s the Secretary General of Interpol.

Excuse me, could you maybe have mentioned that?

No, I tried many times.

But you were right about calling him.

We spoke about everything.

We settled our differences, so…

Yeah.

You know, you should be so proud of your son, sir.

I’m Dan Morgan.

Nice to meet you.

This is my daughter, Nina, and that’s my son, Kyle.

You should know they just took down one of the most dangerous criminal networks in the world.

That’s my wife, Jessica.

Hi. Hi.

Soon to be Head of Women’s Track at Ohio State.

[breathing heavily]

Ohio State?

Yeah. Yeah.

That’s incredible.

Oh, my gosh!

You deserve a big job like that.

That’s incredible. Why didn’t you tell me?

[chuckles] What? Oh, my God.

I’m so proud of you.

Wait. Oh, that’s our youngest, Max.

Uh…

[Dan] What happened to Max?

Wait.

Where’s… Whoa, Maxie!

That… No, that’s not…

[Jessica] Oh…

Is this your son?

Ho ho ho.

[Jessica] Oh.

No, no, no, Max. That’s not…

Oh, no. Let him have it, Daddy.

Let him have it.

Oh, my gosh.

[Max] Happy Christmas, Santa.

Hey, let’s keep an eye on your brother.

[mutters]

[Dan] I’m glad things are good there, and you should be having fun, but you have to find and maintain a balance between studying and partying.

And things are good here.

You don’t have to worry, all right?

But I do have to say, it’s hard being so far away from you.

I mean, I feel like part of the family is missing.

I feel the same. I miss you so much.

[Dan] Right?

Sorry you’re not here for Thanksgiving, but we’re excited to see you for Christmas.

I gotta go.

Okay. See you later, Daddy.

[speaks French]

[Omar speaks French]

[speaks French]

[chuckles, speaks French]

[Omar speaks French]

[sighs]

[in English] Any minute now.

[chuckles]

[Dan] Hey, that move was awesome.

But what was our deal?

Only when an adult is watching.

[Dan] That’s right.

Only one problem with that move.

What?

Now you’re defenseless and I got you.

[grunts] Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoa, you’re getting big.

You’re getting old.

[Jessica] They’re here!

Happy Thanksgiving.

[Dan] Welcome home, Beans.

This is amazing. This house is great.

[Max] Kyle.

Hey! Max.

It’s beautiful, right?

Aw…

Hi. [grunts] Oh, my gosh.

Hey. Put her there, college man.

Get outta here.

[chuckles]

[Max] Welcome home, Nina.

Look at you.

Wow. How does it feel to be there out on your own?

You know, it’s nice, Dad.

I love it, but it’s good to be home.

Hey, we’re always here, buddy.

Kyle, have you done any laundry since September?

There’s a… There’s a laundry?

Hey. We’re always here, pal, but not to do your laundry.

[Jessica chuckling] My God.

Don’t you have practice soon?

No, I let them go early for Thanksgiving, so I’m all yours.

Third date all mine?

Yes.

Wow. All right.

We’ll have the adults watch the kid.

No.

That’s a wonderful idea.

Just keep an eye on your brother.

You gotta check out the new swing set.

Watch your brother.

[chattering]

[rhythmic tapping]

[keys jingling]

[door unlocks, opens] You.

[door closes]

Merry Christmas, Finn.

I brought you something.

[clears throat]

Is that supposed to be funny?

You gonna open it?

[in French] Can I open this?

Of course, Mr McCaffrey

[in English] Mr. McCaffrey, huh?

You’re running the joint?

Little respect makes you comfy.

[paper rustling]

I hope it fits.

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

Come on, try it on.

It looks good on you.

Hmm. [clears throat] We look like real twats.

We’re brothers.

So, what now?

We play.

[chuckles]

You better not cheat.

Of course I’m gonna cheat.

I mean, look who raised me.

Yeah, and I’ll still beat you.

Yeah? [chuckles] What, like you beat me in Paris?

[laughing]

[laughing continues]

[“Mr. Electric Blue” playing]

[song ends]