Dog (2022) | Transcript

An army ranger and his dog embark on a road trip along the Pacific Coast Highway to attend a friend's funeral.
Dog (2022)

With a dog named Lulu by his side, Army Ranger Briggs races down the Pacific Coast to make it to a soldier’s funeral on time. Along the way, Briggs and Lulu drive each other completely crazy, break a handful of laws, narrowly evade death, and learn to let down their guards to have a fighting chance of finding happiness.

* * *

[“How Lucky” playing]

♪♪ One, two A one, two, three ♪♪

♪♪ Today I walked down The street I used to wander ♪♪

♪♪ Yeah, shook my hand And made myself a bet ♪♪

♪♪ There was all these things That I don’t think I remember ♪

♪♪ Hey, how lucky Can one man get? ♪♪

♪♪ I bronzed my shoes and I hun ‘Em from a rearview mirror ♪♪

♪♪ Bronzed admiration In a blind spot of regret ♪♪

♪♪ There was all these things That I don’t think I remember ♪

♪♪ Hey, how lucky Can one man get? ♪♪

♪♪ Today I walked down The street I used to wander ♪♪

♪♪ Yeah, shook my hand And made myself a bet ♪♪

♪♪ There was all these things That I don’t think I remember ♪

♪♪ Hey, how lucky Can one man get? ♪♪

♪♪ Hey, how lucky Can one man get? ♪♪

♪♪ Hey, how lucky Can one man get? ♪♪

[high-pitched ringing]

[man breathing heavily]

[gasping]

[breathing heavily]

[exhales deeply]

[music playing faintly on speakers]

[man] You want cheese?

Sure.

Lettuce, tomato?

Uh, let me get some lettuce, tomato, and let me get some of those peppers.

[mouthing]

Done.

Yo, are you high?

I said peppers, not cucumbers.

Sorry, sir, my bad.

Mayo, mustard?

Uh, mayo, and, uh, give me some of that salt and pepper, buddy.

[phone line ringing]

[receptionist] Black Canopy Global Security.

Hi, Dorith. This is Jackson Briggs.

I was just checking on my status for the Pakistan rotation.

Um, just trying to sort my travel.

Mr. Briggs, you know the agency can’t send a soldier with a history of brain injuries to a war zone.

No, no, I just got you guys a full, clean medical.

Yes, but we need your commanding officer to certify that.

Yeah, and I’ve told the recruiter, like, 12 times.

You know these guys.

They’re impossible to reach on deployment.

But it’s coming. So let’s just get the on-boarding process going and, I don’t know, get my travel sorted.

Mr. Briggs, you know we can’t do that.

Look, I got other agencies beating down my door, so, look…

So, look, I can’t wait till next year’s rotation, okay?

And we can’t staff you without that recommendation.

Okay, uh, when do I need to have it by?

The rotation closes next Wednesday.

All right, you’ll hear from me.

[breathing heavily]

[ringtone playing]

[ringtone stops]

Hello.

Briggs, this is Jones.

Hey, Captain.

Are you in the middle of something?

No, no, it’s a good time.

Yeah, no, I was calling about that diplomatic security application I was hoping you’d help me with.

Look, I’m calling about Rodriguez.

He passed away last night.

Stop me if you already heard this.

No.

No, I didn’t hear.

I’m sorry, Briggs.

We’re all going to Patton Barracks to say goodbye to him.

When?

Tomorrow night.

All right.

Briggs?

Yeah, I’ll be there.

[breathes shakily]

[somber music playing]

[man] Sergeant Rodriguez was a legend who never quit.

He burned bright and then he burned in.

Airborne Ranger in the sky.

[all] Airborne Ranger in the sky.

You can tell an Airborne Ranger by his boots!

[all] By his boots!

[singing] ♪♪ Glorious! Victorious! ♪

♪♪ Ay! One keg of beer For the four of us! ♪♪

[singing echoes indistinctly]

[somber music continues]

Man.

[sighs]

Just need you to call and just be like, “He’s good.”

No.

That’s it.

I’m trying to get some money.

It’s not happening.

I’m trying to get some money, that’s it.

Not happening.

[Briggs] 200K a year, that’s all I want.

[overlapping chatter]

Just, like, make the call for me.

Yeah, I wish I had that power, but your boy’s still an E-6, so…

[laughs]

…that’s not happening.

I love him. You shut your mouth.

You shut your mouth when you talk about him.

[somber music playing]

[chatter continues]

Good luck, brother.

[all] Taboo! Taboo!

Get up, Kiernan. Come on.

Oh, no.

You’re pissing me off.

Let’s go.

Come on. Hey, hey, hey.

Up, up.

Hey, hey, figure it out.

Figure it out.

Okay, Briggs, get on with it.

What?

You know what.

Hey, you’re the one who’s [chuckles] screening my calls and ghosting my texts, sir.

Like, what’s a girl supposed to think?

He’s supposed to get the hint.

“Hi, it’s Captain Jones calling on behalf of Staff Sergeant Briggs. He’s a total badass, he’s squared away, good to go.”

You made that call for 50 other soldiers.

Yeah, who haven’t been flagged for TBIs.

Take it up with the doctors, not me.

Look, Bear’s got half a hand.

You got a, like a chunk of shrapnel stuck in your tramp stamp.

Kiernan can barely remember his name.

Shut your mouth.

There’s a hundred concussions walking around this entire parking lot.

[Jones grunts]

And it’s not stopping y’all.

In, in.

[sighs] Ours aren’t on paper.

Maybe check your email. I got a full, clean medical.

Yeah? How much you pay for that?

That’s not the point.

Sir, name it, what do you want?

Tell me what you want.

[sighs] I’m sorry, get home safe.

[Briggs] You’re just gonna get in… Okay.

You want me to get the…

All right, I’m getting the knee pads.

[engine starting]

I’m getting the knee pads, sir. Come on.

Are you really just gonna pull out right now?

Might as well just get the strap out of the center console and put me down if I can’t get back in the game, just go ahead and end it for me.

Just put me out of my misery, it’s fine.

[Jones] Briggs, get home safe. That’s an order.

Sir, where are you goin’? Sir!

Sir!

[car door opens]

Airborne!

[grunts]

Staff Sergeant Briggs is a total badass, huh?

[laughing]

Oh, hey, Captain.

Figured I’d find you still here.

Get yourself together.

Come meet me in Battalion in 30.

Does that mean you’re gonna make the call?

Hey, Captain, all the guys talk shit about you, but I always knew you had a heart of gold, and I was like, “Not my captain.

No.”

[“Cut Em In” playing on car stereo]

♪♪ Sometimes you need a foe ♪

♪♪ One that keep your eyes open Keep you on your toes ♪♪

♪♪ You know the ones That wanna keep you Where you been before ♪♪

♪♪ But I can’t go, No, I can’t go And woah ♪♪

What’s up, man?

Howdy.

Thank you.

[music stops]

It’s expired, sir.

Oh, come on, man.

You know how many times I’ve been in and out of this gate with that?

Excuse me?

Okay, think about it. What’s the odds I’m ISIS?

Step out of the vehicle, sir.

You want me to step out of the vehicle…

Hey.

…I’ll happily…

He’s with the Ranger battalion.

[gasps] Ranger battalion.

You’re required to dispose of this.

What did you say? I’m sorry, what?

Thank you for your service.

Energetically will I meet the enemies of my country!

[soldiers repeating in unison]

I shall defeat them on the field of battle!

[soldiers repeating]

For I am better trained.

[soldiers repeating]

And will fight with all my might!

[soldiers repeating]

[officer] Surrender is not a Ranger word.

[soldiers repeating]

[officer] I’ll never leave a fallen comrade…

What? Y’all gave away my parking spot.

I had to walk all the way from the DFAC.

Keep pushing.

Where are y’all headed?

We’re wheels down in Syria in 24 hours.

C-17 is loading up as we speak.

[Briggs] Look, sir, I really appreciate this, I ain’t gonna let you down.

I’ve been working the last three years to get it straight for this job.

That’s what I like to hear.

Kennelo, what did I say about using your mom’s weights? Like…

I’m trying to look good for your mom.

Well, I’m just trying to say, just…

I don’t know, more quads.

Gonna give you a baby brother.

So what do you gotta do? Interview me or something to make sure I’ve got a brain cell left, or…

Yeah, something like that.

[chuckling] Well, you say, “Jump,” I say, “How high?”

Wait, isn’t your office this way?

[Jones] Sure is.

Riley’s stuff just about ready, Kiernan?

Just about, sir.

You good, man?

[sighs] Yeah, man. It is what it is.

[Briggs] Yeah.

Riley was about as solid as they come.

Tell that to the tree he hit doin’ 120.

[Jones] All right, Kiernan, let’s go, come on.

[Briggs] What’s gonna happen to his dog?

Thought you’d never ask.

Family funeral’s Sunday outside of Nogales.

She’s the guest of honor.

Oh, that’s… That’s a genius idea.

I hope she doesn’t eat everybody first.

[chuckles softly] Well, that part will be up to you.

Wait, wait, what?

[dogs barking]

[man shouting indistinctly]

[Jones] We sent Riley’s body off late last night.

And his mother called this morning. She wants his hero dog at the funeral.

Sir, are you asking me to fly a damn dog to Arizona?

No, I’m asking you to drive a Ranger to Arizona.

She refuses to fly.

Why ain’t she deploying with you?

Won’t work with anyone. One minute she’s good, the next minute, she’s sending three guys to the ER.

Riley kept trying after you guys got blown up, but she’s gone all the way.

Maybe Riley should have thought of that before he broke the speed of sound into a tree.

Yeah, well, Rangers find a way to die.

Hold on, let me get this straight, so I agree to do this, and you’re gonna call Black Canopy and get my packet pushed.

You do this, and then I make the call, no screw-ups, nothing gets back to me. After the service, you drop off on base down at White Sands, they’ll handle the rest.

White Sands? So they’re just gonna put her down anyway.

There’s not a handler or a PD crazy enough to adopt her up.

Doesn’t make us feel warm and fuzzy inside. Just is what it is.

How about I disappear her ass, you make the call, and we both go on with our lives? How about that?

You stick your neck out for Battalion, I’ll stick mine out for you.

Take it or leave it.

Sir…

Ready to pick up your furry flash-bang?

[Briggs] That’s what I’m told, man.

[Jones] Here’s the deal, Briggs, this isn’t the same dog you served with, she’s got every combat trigger in the book.

So you keep her secured and you don’t take her out in public.

We clear?

All right.

If anyone asks, say she’s on her way to rehabilitation.

Hey, do you want me to leash her up for you?

No, let’s just get this over with.

All right.

What’s up, dog?

You remember me?

[growls softly]

Your favorite chew toy from 2015.

Huh?

Me and you are gonna go on a little road trip.

[dog panting]

[Briggs] Fifteen hundred miles.

Just to act like your daddy’s looking down on us from above.

All right, I’m gonna leash you up.

All right?

Be cool. Easy.

Easy.

You really did give up, huh?

What are y’all so scared of? She’s milding out big-time.

[groans]

[laughter]

[Briggs] Stop!

Enough!

Hey, man, I forgot to tell you not to touch her on the ears, man.

I left that part out.

[barking and whining]

[man] Hey, we weaned her off the Prozac, so she might get moody from time to time.

Her muzzle can only stay on for about two hours at a time or she’ll overheat.

Make sure you put water in her food, and as you know, don’t touch her ears.

Other than that, here’s your Bible.

Have a good trip.

See you, Trent.

[barking]

Thank you, sir.

All the belongings in Sergeant Rodriguez’s backpack go to his family.

They want his uniform at the funeral.

The “I Love Me” book, that stays with Lulu.

If you have any trouble, all her info’s in there.

I’m not gonna be out there long enough.

Hey.

Rangers lead the way, sir.

All the way.

[Lulu barking]

[man 1] Good luck.

[Briggs] All right, boys.

[man 2] Looks like Briggs finally got a girl.

[“Run It” playing]

♪♪ Can’t try much harder To get back to water ♪♪

♪♪ Gonna get back hotter Get back, get back to water ♪♪

[line ringing]

This is Dorith.

Hey, Dorith, this is Jackson Briggs again.

I was just calling to let you guys know that I only fly business class to countries with names that end in “stan.”

Sir, we’re still missing your recommendation.

Uh, look, it’s actually what I was callin’ about.

[whining]

So, first thing Monday morning, uh, you’ll be getting a call from Captain Luke Jones from Second Ranger Battalion.

If we hear from your captain before Wednesday, I’ll let the RSO know to expect you on rotation.

[whining and barking]

Yes, ma’am, I’m very, very happy to be working with…

[continues barking]

Yes, sir, I can’t hear you…

Yes, ma’am, yes, ma’am, thank you so much. I… Okay.

[Lulu barking]

[Briggs] What?

[frustratedly] What is your deal, man?

Come on.

[whines]

You’re just slobbering all over my seat.

[barking and whining]

Maybe just take the crazy down.

Just like one notch.

[Lulu whining]

Just one notch, that’s it, and maybe we could get along.

[whines]

And if we get along, maybe we could even have some fun and send Riley off right.

[whining]

Doesn’t that sound nice, dog?

I’m all you got, I’m it.

It’s just me.

[whining]

Believe it or not, I don’t wanna keep you all muzzled up 24/7.

I really don’t.

And to be honest, I don’t wanna drive straight to some dry-ass desert town and just sit in a motel and stare at a wall for five days waiting for his funeral.

[barks]

Do you?

[barking] Come on, man. Okay, okay, fine, fine, fine, fine.

All right. So I gotta take your muzzle off, but if you bite me, I’m gonna leave it on all the way to Arizona.

[Lulu growling]

So be chill, all right? That’s great.

[growling stops]

[starts growling]

Just remember all those times we had fun kicking in doors, getting our murder on.

[growling]

Relax, I’m not the bad guy.

Easy. Do not bite me in the face, all right?

I’m gonna reach up, I’m not gonna touch your ears, or near your ears.

[growling]

All right, I’m not touchin’ that, I’m not touchin’ that.

All right, all right. We’re good, we’re good. Okay, look at that. We did it, we did it.

We did it.

All right.

[barking]

Hey, no, no, stop!

Stop it. Hey, hey, chill out.

Fine, fine. Stay in there then.

Stay in there, have fun.

Bye, crazy town.

[barking]

[gunshot]

[high-pitched ringing]

[ringing continues]

[gunshot]

[ringing continues]

[barking]

[whines]

[sighs]

[gunshots]

[indistinct chatter]

[Briggs humming]

Hey, you ready to go to the shitters?

[Lulu growling]

Hey! No, no, no. No!

No!

[growling]

I’m gonna kill you. Oh, my…

No! [frustratedly] Oh, my God!

You just stay right there!

You know, I was gonna let you have a little bit of fun on this trip.

I was gonna let you run and frolic, you know, sniff some buttholes and all that, but no, turns out they are right, you’re just a demon.

You’re just a demon!

[growling]

All right,

last chance to apologize.

No?

All right, fine. Night-night, bitch.

[“The Lion Sleeps Tonight” playing on car radio]

♪♪ Weeheeheehee, dee heeheeheeh Weeoh aweem away ♪♪

♪♪ Weeheeheehee, dee heeheeheeh Weeoh aweem away ♪♪

♪♪ A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh ♪♪

♪♪ A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh ♪♪

♪♪ A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh ♪♪

♪♪ A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh ♪♪

♪♪ In the jungle The mighty jungle ♪♪

♪♪ The lion sleeps tonight ♪

[Briggs laughing]

Oh, what’s happening?

You’re gettin’ a little sleepy back there?

Someone gettin’ a little tired, tired?

Oh, allergy season is brutal this year.

Man, you used to be a legend. Not no more, huh?

You’re just falling asleep on me.

Wait, what’d you say?

Oh! Daddy should go out and get some beers, you’re right.

Let you get a little shut-eye. Okay, I’ll do that.

That’s really nice of you. You’re right, too, I haven’t been laid in a while.

Maybe not as long as you but that’s not the point.

Still sad, and we’ll keep that a secret.

All right, Portlandia, let’s turn it up.

♪♪ A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh ♪♪

♪♪ A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh ♪♪

Hey, sorry, man. No GMOs here, only bio-dynamic microbrew.

Cool, I don’t want that. What’s this?

What’re you… Ma’am, what’re you having?

[woman] Maker’s.

[Briggs] Maker’s.

Can we get two more of those, please?

You want me to tease it, or add to it?

Please don’t tease it, just Maker’s in a glass.

That’ll be great.

Awesome.

Look, all I’m saying is every single one of those kids got out of the compound all right.

We’re not heroes. We just do our jobs.

I mean, you don’t have to wait in this line, you know?

You just pop on that VR headset, and boom, you’re at the illest bar on Earth, hanging with guys like me.

How do you get to the actual beers, though?

Virtual beers, bro. That’s the beauty of it.

‘Cause you must be, like, just the biggest Billy Ray Cyrus fan of all time.

Well, I am actually a huge country fan.

It’s just a little hard for me to get behind the toxic masculinity, you know.

Yeah, that’s exactly what I was saying. Yeah.

So at what point did you realize that you were just a pawn for big oil?

Just body bags carrying out ecological genocide for the corporate elite.

All these big oil fat cats, they think that they own this place.

They think they own Mother Earth, but no one owns Mother Earth, and I’m gonna fight against them every day for the rest of my life because it’s just not…

Wow!

…’cause I don’t wanna see those ducks in the goo.

Look, and if you invite 50 of your Instagram friends, you get half off.

What does this get me?

Free drink.

On me.

Cool.

No, no, no, no version of you ever paying my bill. Please, no chance.

Would you like me to come right back?

No, we’re good, I promise.

[waitress] Okay.

Her money is no good here.

I got it.

Oh.

Tonight, I said to myself, you’re gonna love this, I said, “You will meet a construction worker or a soldier.”

That’s interesting.

Or, I don’t know, any man without a white savior complex.

Good luck.

Wait, what?

I hope that you get the help that you need.

Thanks for the drink.

No, no. Look, look, look, hey, I’ve been trapped by the Taliban.

Hey.

We gotta get outta here

because you are about the only woman in this entire city that I would actually like to have a conversation with.

[pouring liquid]

Here, this is a peace offering.

Be chill, and I’ll be chill with you. Here.

Look, I didn’t want to drug you.

You didn’t have to eat my seats, that’s all I’m saying.

We can be friends, but this is gonna be an eye for an eye.

Are we gonna be cool?

[whining]

Or do we need to have another meeting of the mind?

[growling]

Fine, you don’t wanna trust me, fine.

I don’t even care.

I definitely don’t trust you, so whatever.

Is that a Belgian Mal?

Uh, yeah. Yeah, it is.

She’s beautiful.

Hi, sweet girl.

Are you a rescue?

[Briggs] Uh, sort of.

[woman 1] Does she like other dogs?

[woman 2] Oh, yeah.

No, um, no, no.

Actually she’s, um, she’s a little sad right now.

She’s… She’s, um, grieving.

She lost her best friend.

[woman 1] Oh, no, sweetheart.

I know. Who are… Who are these little cuties?

Oh, this is Lucy.

This is Maggie.

Aw, they’re so cute.

[woman 1] They’re Shih Tzus.

They’re great.

Oh, I love Shih Tzus.

Here you go.

Thank you.

Mmm-hmm. Cheers.

I was about to give up on this city before I met y’all.

Well, Portland’s not for everybody.

I don’t know, it’s growin’ on me.

It’s not every day you meet two plant musician ladies.

[women chuckling]

We’re actually Tantrikas.Um…

Okay.

Yeah.

We DJ ecstatic dance circles sometimes, though.

That’s sick. Is that, like… That’s like yoga?

I’ve done yoga. But I’m horrible at it.

We help heal people by moving blocked energy so they can experience the full potential of sexual pleasure.

Oh.

So you just move the energy for…

Hell, yeah. I can…

I mean, I got… I got cash in the truck, I think.

[chuckles] Oh, no, no.

No, the attraction is completely genuine.

Ah. I mean…

As long as it’s in the flow for you.

No, I’m good.

Kidding.

[women laughing]

I’m so in… I’m so in the flow.

[whines]

[panting and whining]

Great, I love some chakrastuff.

Do we smoke that or…

No.

No?

This is… This is rad.

[shushing]

[Lulu barking in distance]

Does your baby wanna come in?

Nope, she’s good, she’s just happy.

She’s a happy… That’s a happy bark.

She’s just letting me know.

How are our hearts in this moment?

[whining and barking]

Mmm, my heart is, um… just full and it’s like…

I mean, I got a new job.

Yeah, uh, things are really looking up.

I just feel solid. I feel solid over here, I’m ready to go.

Um, I’m not quite there yet.

Okay.

Hmm.

Okay.

But maybe yab-yum would help move some prana.

This is what my heart needed.

Yeah, let’s go.

Mmm.

So good, right?

[women sighing in unison]

All right.

May I have permission to remove your shirt?

Hell, ye… I’m gonna remove it for you.

[barking]

[whining]

Hey, hey, hey. What’s going on?

[barking]

Why are you so upset?

Oh, poor baby.

[whining and barking]

Oh, my Buddha.

Oh, no, no. That’s, like, some old army shit.

Don’t worry about that.

You guys…

What’s this from?

I don’t know. That one is…

The big one’s an AK round.

Your body is in so much pain. I’m so sorry, we had no idea.

No, no, look, it’s fine.

It’s fine. Do I have permission to remove your shirt?

‘Cause I wanna take care of your heart.

This is why we were drawn together.

[Lulu growling]

What an asshole.

[Lulu barking]

What?

Place my hand…

Mmm-hmm.

…wherever your pain guides it.

Yeah, I can do that.

I like this plan. Why don’t we start here?

Let’s get you out of here.

[barking]

[woman 1] I’m sorry, um…

Okay, uh…

I’m sorry. I can’t, uh, I can’t hold this pace.

I’ll go check on her, how about that? I’ll go check on her. Just…

You stay right there and you just keep the energy.

[Lulu barking]

Hey!

Hey! What are you doing?

Freeing that abused animal.

You throw that rock and we’re about to see who’s abused.

Of course you threaten violence, you redneck!

[chuckles] Red… You’re the one with the rock, man.

Just put it down and walk away.

I promise you…

Animals are people, too.

Okay…

Let her out now or I will.

You understand…

[woman 1] Are you okay?

What’s going on?

Oh, no. It’s no big deal.

He’s just a nice man, came over to make sure the dog…

[glass shattering]

[Briggs] Hey! Dog, get back here!

[man screaming]

[Briggs] No!

[man] Stop! [Briggs] Let go! No!

[Lulu growling]

No!

Get it off.

Heel!

Release!

Come on. All right. Come on. Let go!

Stop it.

[man] I’m callin’ the cops.

What are you tryin’ to do?

[Lulu whining]

You… Son of a…

All right, now, you ruined an epic threesome.

No. Hey! Ah!

[women scream]

[Briggs] Bitch!

Where are you guys going?

[door slams]

What about… What about my pain?

[Lulu panting]

God, just get in the car.

[high-pitched ringing]

[clears throat]

[growling]

[“Award Tour” playing on stereo]

♪♪ We on a world tour With Muhammad, my man ♪♪

♪♪ Going each and every place With the mic in their hand ♪♪

♪♪ New York, NJ, N.C., VA ♪

[Briggs] Whatever happened to you, dog, huh?

Remember when Maretti died?

Riley made us watch, like, 15 hours of Grey’s Anatomy.

Everybody was sitting around and then you just came around with your fat head, nuzzling everybody, being all cute, making everybody laugh.

Whatever happened to that dog, huh?

[whining]

The army has no place for liabilities and that’s all you are now.

See, you know, that’s the difference between you and I, though.

You know that?

Those brain doctors said I’d be on disability for the rest of my life.

Not your dad, though.

Your dad, they just sent back with no questions asked.

They said I’d never see straight, I’d have headaches and if I got stressed out, that I’d have seizures and die or some bullshit like that, but you don’t see some little seizure stopping me, do you?

[whines]

But you, on the other hand, look, if you don’t want it, ain’t no cure for that shit.

Nope.

People like me and you are better off just being all in or all out.

I just wouldn’t want some bullshit-ass injection, like you’re going to have. I mean, it’s not like you’ve got a choice in the matter, but it’s just not a warrior’s death.

[Lulu whining]

[Briggs] I’d probably steal a prop plane and fly that bitch right into the sun till the engines froze out.

And then I’d swan dive right out of the cockpit and laugh my ass all the way to Valhalla.

[Lulu barking]

Hey, come on, man, stop the whining.

You sound like a whiney-ass chihuahua.

Oh, shit. Okay. Hey, hey, hey!

Hey! No, no, no!

[car honking]

[Lulu barking]

Hey! Hey!

No, no!

Hey! [grunts]

Hey, look. No, no, no, no. Come here.

Hey, dog!

Dog, come here. No!

[panting]

Come here! [grunting]

Hey, dog!

Dog!

[Lulu barking in distance]

[creaking]

Hey, dog!

Hey, come!

[door creaking]

Oh, shit.

No, no, no, no, no. Dog, we’re not supposed to be in here.

Let’s go.

Hello?

[door creaks]

[Briggs] Hello?

Come!

Dog?

Come on. [grunts]

[dart fires]

[grunts]

[door creaking]

Hey!

[high-pitched ringing]

[breathing heavily]

[pig grunting]

Oh, shit. You’ve gotta be kidding me.

Dog!

[pig grunts]

[breathing heavily]

Hey, dog!

[pig grunting]

[Briggs] Hello?

Hello!

[man] Hey, big fella.

Hey, what did you hit me with, man? Horse tranq?

This is pretty good.

[man] Time for you to start squealing.

Hey, have you seen a dog?

She’s brown, she’s, like, running around, I don’t know, with crazy eyes, huh?

[man] Tell me who you work for.

[Briggs] Okay, look, [sighs] I’m obviously not who you think I am.

[man] I know who the hell you are.

Think you’re the first commando they sent up here?

Take my strains?

Look, old man, unless you’re willing to walk this till the end of the road, I highly suggest you cut me loose and let me go find my damn dog.

[man] You got five minutes to clear your head, or you can join her ass.

[grunts and groans]

[breathing heavily]

[grunting]

[groans and pants]

[zip tie snaps]

[grunts]

[pig grunting]

[clatters]

Hell, yeah.

[man speaking indistinctly]

Who the hell you think you’re talking to?

We’ll see about that.

Bitch!

[operatic music playing softly on speakers]

[man mumbling indistinctly]

Oh, that is… That’s bullshit.

[man speaking indistinctly]

[softly] Dog, come here, come here.

[Lulu panting]

[whispers] Now! Come here!

Come here!

[woman] Gus, is he awake yet?

[Gus] Wide awake. He’s zip-tied in the barn.

[woman] Zip-tied? Oh, my God.

What the hell did you do to him?

[Gus] Some shit. I told him I killed his dog.

[woman] Gus, what do you know about interrogation?

You were a conscientious objector.

[Gus] How about a little damn appreciation?

[woman] I told you not to hit those edibles so hard.

Cartel? You paranoid maniac.

Tell him you’re…

[Gus] You’re crazy, I’m not…

…a scared old fool who needs heavy therapy.

Just tell him you’re sorry.

[Gus] I shot him with a tranquilizer.

[woman] I don’t care what you did. [Gus] I pushed him…

[woman] Now you’re making me upset this little nugget.

[panting]

This perfect noodle… [mumbling]

[Gus] Listen, let’s get the hell out of here.

[woman] ‘Cause I wanna look at your little, little paw.

You’re so good.

So good.

So good.

[Lulu grunts softly]

[woman] What a little nugget.

[woman] Honey…

Look, Jesus, I…

[Briggs] Shut up.

Sit down.

Uh…

How’d you make her eat out of your hand?

[Lulu whining]

I didn’t make her do anything.

I just talked to her.

By the way, you can do anything you like with my idiot husband.

Gus, apologize.

[hesitates] Sorry, dude. My bad, my bad.

[Lulu whining and panting]

[woman] Hmm, see, she’s just a noodle.

She just needs some good…

I’m just going to touch her little, little paw.

Is she gonna be okay?

Well, I’m worried she may have broken her foot, but I’m gonna try my best.

You need to give, um… What is her name?

Lulu.

Lulu and I some space.

So, um, here.

Come on. Gus, make yourself useful and get this man some clean clothes because he’s really smelling strongly of Boris and his friends.

So here, take some homemade edibles.

Go make friends, okay?

Guys, come on, stop it. Get outside.

[Gus] You can’t tell me that you did this with a damn shoestring.

[Briggs] You just gotta compromise the plastic.

That’s it. [chuckles]

Listen, I’m a lot better at permaculture than I am tying dudes up.

I need to know, man, how close was I to…

Dying?

Yeah.

Pretty… Pretty close, actually. I almost put an axe in the back of your head.

[sighs]

[hesitates] This is… Well done.

Yeah, right? Right?

Hmm.

I’m just glad you love that dog so much.

I don’t love that dog. It’s not even my dog.

Come on, get on your back.

Get on your back, you can do it.

Come on.

[Gus] Whose damn dog is it?

[zip tie snaps]

[both cheering]

[Briggs] Look, you see that?

You see this?

[Gus] Yeah.

[Briggs] This is how they teach them to attract the enemy. They can smell their clothes from, like, a mile off.

Is this two dead dudes?

[Briggs laughs]

Yeah. Those are… That’s two Taliban, uh, dope farmers right there.

Oh, don’t look all shocked, man.

It’s war. It’s not all unicorns and rainbow vaginas out there, right?

Yeah, I bet.

So why do they call it I Love Me book?

I don’t know. Uh, but in the army, they just, they make us all keep one.

They make us put every single, last stupid detail in.

So, Lulu’s greatest hits. This is like…

Like her music. Like, music she…

No, no, no, no, no. It’s the other greatest hits, you know.

[chuckles] Like, it’s her bodycam footage.

Oh, Jesus.

Yeah.

It’s the… [imitates gunshots] kinda…

Yeah, I’ll pass.

So let me get this right, man.

So, like, the dog did all this, man.

I mean, they’re just going to put her down?

Look, don’t get all misty-eyed on me, big man.

Like, it’s… It’s not like that.

That dog did exactly what she was born to do, and that was to live a legendary life.

And she did it.

What the hell is this here?

“Dear Lulu, I can hardly imagine life before I knew you. Did you come into this world a beast of fury, or were you just…”

What was that? What was that?

He wrote… It’s like written up on top right there.

There’s a couple of ’em, like poems or love letters, or something.

Rodriguez could barely spell.

I mean, he definitely can’t rhyme.

I know what this is. This is…

So when you have a brain injury, you basically get sent to these brain doctors.

And then they study you, and they make you draw and write and do all this art therapy bullshit.

Nobody really takes it serious.

Shit!

Oh!

[woman laughs]

Dog!

You’re okay. Hey.

[Lulu barking]

Look at her. She’s running around.

Yeah. There was just a little piece of barbed wire just lodged way up in her paw.

I sterilized it and stopped the bleeding.

Never seen a dog so strong.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Also, she did offer me a transmission.

If you feel called.

Transmission?

Yeah, she bats about 350 on those.

I mean, but, you know, if it was baseball, it’d be hall of fame numbers.

[woman] Wow.

You two are definitely karmically connected.

She must have incarnated to find you.

I’m seeing pyramids.

Ancient Egypt.

Now, a young girl, she’s playing.

[chuckles] Oh, she’s so happy.

Does Lulu work with kids?

Uh, wow.

Yeah. She loves kids.

She loves ’em.

Oh.

And licks their faces right off.

[Gus] Unbelievable.

I think it might be your daughter.

Does she have a boy’s name?

A boy’s name?

Uh, Sam.

[Gus] Oh.

Um, what about my daughter?

Well, Lulu, she’s bringing her into my awareness.

How old is she?

Uh, three.

Let’s… Let’s just keep it about the dog.

[woman] Okay.

[hesitates] I’m feeling cold.

[inhales deeply] Hard, yes.

She’s yearning for soft.

Yes, a bed.

A luxury mattress. [chuckles]

She says she’s never slept in a nice bed before.

She asks if it’s okay.

She’s asking me that?

[woman] Mmm.

Okay, yeah, sure.

Now I’m getting hot… Tongue… Taste.

Yes.

Indian food she wants?

[Gus] Oh!

Are you kidding me?

Gus.

Strike three.

Gus, why do you undermine me?

[Gus] The damn dog don’t want Indian food.

[“Turtles All the Way Down” playing] ♪♪ In a lake of fire That I was standing in ♪♪

[Briggs] I’m so happy we didn’t have to kill those nice people.

But I’m just saying, if we did, you were definitely digging the bigger hole ’cause Gus was massive.

And by the way, the next time you smell weed, don’t run away, just let me know, and we can go get it together.

Hey, hey, hey! No, no!

[barking]

[groans] Why, man?

Hey, dog!

♪♪ But I swear That God is there ♪♪

♪♪ Every time I glare into The eyes of my best friend ♪♪

No, no, no, no, no, no!

[growling]

Stop it! No, no!

This is my unicorn.

[Lulu barking]

♪♪ Says my son, “It’s all been done ♪♪

♪♪ And someday you’re gonna Wake up old and gray ♪♪

No, no, no, no, no. Stop!

[dogs barking]

Stop it. Okay, all right, come on, come on. Let’s go.

Let’s go. Sorry, guys.

♪♪ You meet and greet And cheat along the way” ♪♪

[line ringing]

Hey, it’s Niki. Leave a message.

♪♪ It’s turtles all the way Down the line ♪♪

[Lulu barks]

What are you looking at?

[whining]

What you whining for?

You’re the whole reason we’re up here.

Get comfy.

That’s where you’re sleeping tonight.

[sighs]

[music stops]

[Briggs] You’re missing your cage?

Look. It’s Alcatraz, it’s right there.

Just take a little tour.

You know, possibly just leave you there.

You only got about three more days left on this green Earth, so you better speak now or forever hold your peace.

[whines]

Hey, look, ain’t no shame in wanting a big, comfy mattress, okay?

Look, I get it. I get it.

I’ve had three back operations, so I get it.

Comfort is king. But the facts are this…

They ain’t letting two rock eaters like me and you in some bougie-ass hotel.

And I ain’t about that Holiday Inn life.

But I got an idea.

If you want that bed, we gotta go big, or we gotta go home.

Are you with me?

Hey.

Are you in or are you out?

[whines]

I’m going to take that as a yes.

[panting]

[“San Francisco Blues” playing]

♪♪ My baby’s from San Francisco He paints that bridge Across the bay ♪♪

Welcome to the Grand Regal, sir.

What up, cuz?

[receptionist] Enjoy your stay.

Thank you.

[chuckles]

Hi. Welcome to the Grand Regal, sir.

Oh, hi, sorry.

Hi.

Are you checking in?

Yes, please. I was… I was hoping, uh, that you might have a room for me and my little girl here.

Oh, well, let me check on that.

Oh, is that a purple heart? Was she wounded?

Uh…

[whines]

Yes, she was.

Oh.

Thank you for your service. Oh.

[laughs] What did I say? Right when we walked in, I said that, “Never in history has a blind veteran and his hero dog walked into a hotel and not gotten a free room.”

And why did I say that?

Why did I say that happens every time?

[panting]

[gasps] Oh, you’re right.

Freedom. That is why that happens. [chuckles]

Who’s a genius?

[panting]

What… What’s your… What’s your deal?

Why are you… Are you hot?

Do you want water?

Huh?

Let’s get this vest off you. Come on, get up, get up.

Up! Come on.

[sniffs]

Oh, man, you stink.

Okay, dog, here.

Come on, let’s get in.

The water’s fine.

Come here. Come on. Let’s go.

Let’s go. Come here.

Come, come, come here. Get in the tub.

Come on, come on.

Okay.

[in a soft voice] You good little nugget.

Such a good little nugget.

Come on, little nugget.

Come on, now get in the nugget bath.

Good girl, come on.

Come on. You’re okay.

I’ll dip you like a nugget.

[whines]

I don’t want to kill you. Mmm-mmm.

Yeah, good girl. Good girl.

[whines]

Good girl. Come on. Come on.

Come on, yeah! Get in. Come on, come on.

[barking]

No, no, no, come here.

Come here, come here, come here.

[barks]

It’s all nice and warm.

It’s all nice and warm. Yes, it is.

Yes, it is!

We went through four bath bombs, bath salts.

Should I call down to the spa and get us a slot down there for a doggy massage? Yeah?

You’re definitely not the girl I thought I’d be in the tub with, but, hey, you know, I’ll take what I can get at this point, I guess.

All right.

Last bit, all right?

There we go.

[doorbell rings]

One second. One Minute.

Hold on, I’m coming.

Yes, one second.

Um, one second, yes.

Coming.

Good evening, sir. Here with the room service.

Good evening.

Oh, good evening.

May I come in, please?

Yes, please.

All right. I can take the door.

So we have one rib eye, medium rare, and one Indian samosas.

Anything else?

No.

Everything looks shipshape.

All right.

Thank you very much.

Have a good evening.

[door closes]

[laughing]

Hey, dog, you should see this guy’s face.

[laughs] Hey! No!

Get off! Get off there!

Don’t do it! Stop!

No! No! You…

Okay. You know what? I didn’t even care anyways.

That was your bed. ‘Cause I’m going out.

[whining]

[TV playing indistinctly]

Do I look like 200k a year or what?

Look at you, sitting on the couch, looking all cute.

Why didn’t you tell me all I had to do was just turn on the TV and put your greatest hits on of you mauling people, to get you to relax?

[chuckles] You narcissist.

What happened, no go on the Indian food?

I told you, you can’t trust psychics.

But don’t you worry.

I got exactly what you want.

Dry-aged, marbled-on-the-bone beautifulness. Ready?

Take it, savor it. Come on.

You don’t have to be scared. Just take it out of my hand.

Whatever.

Do not do anything stupid.

[growling softly]

What?

[whining]

Hell, no.

Oh, you think you’re coming with me?

Do you think I forgot about Portland?

[barks]

No.

I’ll never forget about Portland.

Ever.

[barking]

Go lay back down.

[barking]

You asked for the bed, I got you the bed. Go lay down.

[door closes]

[whining]

Hey, no, no!

[Lulu barking]

[barking]

Hey, dog, no!

[Lulu barking and scratching]

[objects clattering]

[muzak playing]

You’re a first-class moron, you know that?

[Lulu sniffing]

You smell that, girl? Money.

Congratulations, by the way.

Thank you.

Thanks.

[indistinct chatter]

[woman speaking indistinctly]

Oh, I am so sorry.

Oh, sir, pardon me.

[Briggs] I’m… You okay?

Yes, Mr. Briggs.

Of course, yeah.

Wait, I know that voice.

Wait. Who’s that?

Oh, we met at the front desk.

[Briggs] Oh, the… Yes.

Callan.

[Briggs] Yes, Callan, the front desk angel.

I’m looking for a place to eat tonight.

Oh, there are…

Any good recommendations?

[Callan] Yes, there’s a fantastic oyster bar down at the Embarcadero.

[Briggs] I love oysters.

They really, you know, heighten the senses.

What time do you get off?

[Lulu growling softly]

Uh, I’m off at 7:00.

7:00? What time is it now?

[Lulu barking]

Oh, no, no. No, no, no! Dog!

Come here, dog! No, dog!

[woman screams]

Dog, no!

[woman screams]

Watch out, watch out.

[women screaming]

Dog! No, no, dog! No, dog!

[people screaming]

Dog, dog, no, no, no! Move!

No, no! No, no, no, no!

[Briggs] Get off!

[man groaning]

[Briggs] Get off.

[Lulu whining]

No!

[man groaning] [Callan] Oh my god, take your time, take your time.

Are you okay?

[Callan] Somebody get a doctor.

I’m so sorry.

[Lulu whining and barking]

No!

[Callan] You all right? Take it easy, take it easy.

Okay. Here we go, here we go.

Oh, my God, I can… I can see.

I can see. Guys, I can see!

[indistinct chatter]

Hey, hey! Hey!

[officer] So you were impersonating a blind man as part of a seeing eye dog training exercise?

[Briggs] Yep, that’s right.

Mmm-hmm.

When suddenly, uh, unbeknownst to you, um, your dog broke free from your grasp, sprinted the entire length of the lobby and muzzle struck the victim?

Correct.

[officer] And you’ve never seen this dog exhibit any type of aggressive behavior before this?

Never. Never. She usually… She loves people.

It’s out of her character. I really don’t understand it.

Man, honestly, I’m in shock.

[clicks tongue] Uh-huh.

Is there anything else you want to add?

How is the guy? Is he all right?

Yeah.

He seemed okay.

Well, we’re gonna be contacting Dr. Al-Farid in the morning.

He wants to press charges. We’ll take it from there.

Until then, you just sit tight.

[Briggs] Cool, and the dog? Dog’s okay?

[officer] We’re gonna have to check with animal control on that one.

[Briggs] Okay. So when do I get her back?

Do I have to post bail or whatever?

[officer] Post bail? Buddy, it is Friday night.

Judge is not back until Monday A.M.

And I am required to keep all suspects in possible hate crimes in my custody.

Hate crime?

Now, don’t start with me. Take it to City Hall.

Who said anything about a hate crime? Wait, wait, wait.

Hold on a second. Okay. All right. Let me… Let me…

Let me level with you, man.

Okay? I was an Army Ranger.

That dog’s handler was my buddy, and he passed.

I got to take her down to his funeral in Arizona on Sunday.

I got a Gold Star family that’s just depending on me to get her there.

All right? Now I’ll be back here first thing Monday morning. I promise.

I just… I got to… I got to get her and I got to go tonight.

You were an Army Ranger?

[Briggs] Yeah.

[chuckles]

Why the hell didn’t you say so?

I’m sorry.

Instead of puttin’ me through 20 minutes of that Ray Charles bullshit, huh?

I was in the 202nd.

Hey, buddy, I gotta tell you something.

And I gotta level with you.

You going into that hotel lobby, huh, with that damn cane and those glasses, man.

You Army Rangers, you’ve got balls of steel.

No. It was stupid.

I’m a huge fan, seriously.

Hey, I gotta ask you something, on the real, on the real.

You sent that little beast for that raghead, didn’t ya?

What?

Huh?

Get a little payback for what they took from us, right?

Right?

No. I… No, definitely, I didn’t do that.

Come on. Don’t worry, man.

My lips are sealed. I’m not gonna say nothing.

And us 31 Alphas, we keep it tight.

You know?

Alpha 31s?

Yeah, we looked out for you badasses real good.

Out by the front gate, right?

Oh, you were an MP.

Damn right.

Right.

What are you implying?

Oh, no, no, I’m not implying anything.

No, I mean, we…

You MPs, man, you guys got a hard job.

I never slept better knowing that you guys were out there at the guardhouse, on the wall, watching over us.

Yeah, I appreciate that, brother.

Yeah, I appreciate it too that you’re not like all those other Army Rangers that I’ve met.

You know, with the long beards flowing in the wind, like they were Moses?

The car going right by the front gate, not showin’ an ID, flipping us off, “Thank you for your service.”

Yeah, you’re not one of those guys, are you?

No, I…

No, no, no.

No, I definitely…

You know what?

I buy that. You know what else I buy?

White military guy sics his dog on a Muslim doctor in the heart of woke-ing class America.

[Briggs] Man, don’t do this.

Don’t do this. Just let me get my dog and go.

Oh, now it’s your dog!

Sleep tight, bitch.

[sighs]

[door closes]

[man] Briggs?

[knocking]

[man] Rise and shine. Line-up time.

Step to the left.

Really? A line-up? It’s like…

It’s me, right?

[man] Everybody, step to your right.

What are we doing? Did you guys even have dogs?

He seems like a cat guy.

Quiet, number three.

[over speakers] We all know it was me, right?

Yes, it was him.

Face forward.

It’s him.

I got it. Thank you, sir.

Can I… Can I just, like… You know what?

I’m just gonna confess. How about that?

Step back, number three.

No, I’m sorry. Can I confess? Is that, like, a thing?

Man, I’ve got lunch.

It was my fault. I don’t…

Look, my dog, she was just doing what she was trained to do.

And unfortunately, she was trained to attack guys that look like Dr. Al-Farid.

All right, that’s enough, number three.

Wait, let him speak.

There. But I’m sorry, that is the truth.

She served seven years, eight deployments, but she did save more people than you can count.

I’m not some racist piece of shit, but I’ll confess to whatever it is that you want me to or do whatever you want me to, as long as someone promises me that they will get her to that funeral this Sunday.

Is that a deal that I can make?

[scoffs] Give me a break.

All right. Take him out of here.

Really? Nothing.

[man] Next group in five.

That’s it?

[man] Hold on, number three.

So you impersonated a blind man just to get a free hotel room?

Uh, yeah, yeah, I did.

Um, there was a psychic and she said that she wanted…

My dog wanted a mat… Like, a comfy mattress.

And some… Never mind.

It’s… It’s insane.

It is insane.

And if you want my non-clinical opinion, so are you.

Yeah, that’s… That’s fair.

But the more I sit with it, it’s even more insane to leave my practice and fly back from Boston just to prosecute a veteran trying to get his dog to a funeral.

Just promise, when it’s all done, you’ll seek professional help.

I, uh… Yes, sir.

Salaam.

Salaam.

[“The Gambler” playing]

[Lulu panting]

♪♪ On a warm summer’s evening

[Briggs] Hey, what’s up, dog?

[Lulu whining]

What’s up? How’re you doing?

Never thought I’d be this excited to see you.

Has she always panted so much?

Yeah, she runs… She runs hot, I guess, like me.

She’s not hot.

That’s anxiety. It comes from trauma.

You know, she tried to bite my colleague when he lightly touched her on the ears.

Either take responsibility for her or find someone who will.

Okay, thank you.

♪♪ Knowin’ what the cards were By the way they Held their eyes ♪♪

♪♪ So if you don’t Mind my sayin’ ♪♪

You’re ready to get out of here? Huh?

Your personal effects. Dismissed.

As in, get out of my face.

Did you hear the nice man? We should get out of his face.

Come on.

Oh, and, officer, thank you for your service, bitch.

[laughing]

Come on.

Yeah, keep walking.

What are you looking at?

[singing along with car radio] ♪♪ You got to know When to hold ’em ♪♪

♪♪ When to hold ’em ♪

♪♪ Know when to fold ’em ♪

♪♪ When to fold ’em ♪

♪♪ Know when to walk away ♪

You’re a very photogenic dog, you know that?

You look like a hero.

♪♪ When you’re sittin’ At the table ♪♪

♪♪ There’ll be time enough For countin’ ♪♪

Why didn’t you tell me you had a brother?

And he lives in Los Angeles.

We got something in common, me and you.

I got family in that godforsaken city.

You know what? I’ll make you a deal.

You don’t do anything all psychotic on this trip, and we make good time, we can go see him.

Maybe, okay? Is that a deal?

Shake? [laughing]

Shake. You got it.

[laughing]

Okay, deal.

Jesus Christ. All right.

♪♪ But in his final words I found an ace That I could keep ♪♪

[Briggs] All right, let’s go.

♪♪ You’ve got to know When to hold ’em Know when to fold ’em ♪♪

♪♪ Know when to walk away And know when to run ♪♪

♪♪ You never count your money When you’re sittin’ At the table ♪♪

♪♪ There’ll be time enough for countin’ When the dealin’s done ♪♪

[music stops]

[indistinct chatter]

Okay, game time.

Look, if I’m spending too long in there, you have full permission to go psychotic, like usual, and I’ll come out.

Jacket or no jacket? I feel like the jacket’s too much.

What am I doing, talking to you?

[Lulu whines]

[car door shuts]

[whining]

[Lulu barks]

[panting]

Mommy, Curious George turned off.

[woman] Okay, sweetie.

I’ll be right there, okay?

Mmm-hmm.

Mommy, who’s there?

[woman] Uh, it’s just one of Mommy’s friends.

[chuckles]

[woman] Go to my room, I’ll bring your pasta in a few minutes, okay?

[panting]

[panting]

[whines]

[whining]

[sighs deeply]

[sighs]

Well, you want it? You got it.

Okay, dog, I tried my family, let’s try yours.

[engine starting]

[barking]

What?

Look, if your brother ain’t here, we are definitely not waiting.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no, no, no.

[Noah] Nuke!

[Briggs] Hey, Noah.

I’m sorry to barge in, man.

Lulu, is that you?

I’m one of Riley’s old teammates, and I figured, you know, I’d let her see her brother.

[Lulu barking]

Watch her…

I know, I know.

She’s sensitive on the ears, aren’t you, girl?

[Lulu whining]

Good girl. Hey.

Oh, yeah.

You give hugs now, really?

Oh, yeah. Lulu gives the best hugs.

You’ve never had a Lulu hug?

No, we don’t… We don’t… We don’t exactly hug.

You a medium or a large?

Are you bitching out on me?

No, I’m not bitching out on you. She’s been wanting to kill me for three days.

[barking]

Come on, let’s go.

Give it to me, come on, let’s go.

[Noah] Stay calm. You’re having fun.

This is fun.

[barking]

Oh, having fun? Just look at her.

She wants to murder me.

[Noah] Relax. [Briggs] This isn’t fun.

Relax.

[Briggs] Come on, come on.

Come on, we’ll make it fun.

[Lulu barking]

It’s fun. Take a little piece.

Take a little piece. I know you like it.

I know you want it.

[panting]

[barking]

Remind me again why we want her to bite.

She doesn’t know what war is. For her, it’s just work.

You’ve got to show her that work can be fun again, nothing bad is going to happen, okay?

That’s how you make a bond.

I don’t need to make a bond, okay?

I just… What, am I not fun enough for you?

You’re fun.

Come on.

Just hold your arm up a bit higher.

It’s up, man. Take it.

Come on, just get it.

[Nuke barks]

Good boy, Nuke. Good boy!

Good boy.

Let him know this is love, your chew toy, this is fun.

Good boy, Nuke. Good boy.

[Briggs] So you’re telling me that Nuke was just as messed up as Lulu.

I’d been working every day for six months before I convinced the army to let me adopt him out.

Thought we’d never get there.

Now we trust Nuke to babysit.

Kids, burgers!

Shit.

Daddy, was this on the ground?

No.

You’re lying. I saw it fall.

Baby, I dropped it into my hand, okay?

It’s fine. You’re fine.

[grunts in frustration]

[grunts]

[music playing faintly]

Saturdays.

I can barely take care of the dogs.

I don’t know how you’re doing all this.

Yeah, I get it.

Nuke was about all I could handle, but when he stopped struggling, that’s when I realized maybe I could stop struggling too, you know?

[Briggs] Do you think Riley could’ve fixed Lulu?

[Noah] Not by keeping her in the fight, no.

You gotta know when to hang ’em up or check out, I guess.

Well, sometimes Rangers just find a way to die, man.

Give Riley’s mom a big hug.

They didn’t talk much, I know, but she meant a lot to him.

Yeah, I will, man.

Oh, come on. No! Shit! You gotta be kidding me.

No, it’s a real nice neighborhood you got here, man.

They got all my shit. They got Riley’s shit.

They got my meds.

Well, that’s good.

At least I can give his parents his dog tags.

[Lulu whining]

[Briggs] Oh, good.

They left your unicorn.

[Lulu barking]

Lulu, Lulu, here.

Seek.

[sniffing]

[Briggs] Yeah, Lulu, go, seek.

[Noah] Good boy.

[Briggs] Lulu, seek.

[Noah] Seek, seek.

What’s in here?

[Briggs] Oh, yeah. There we go. There we go.

Good boy, Nuke. Good boy.

Okay, okay. Come on, Nuke.

Come, Nuke. Nuke. Seek.

I guess we’re going in the right direction.

Seek, seek.

Seek, seek.

[Noah] Yes, baby, yes.

Put the water on, I’m sure it’s boiling.

Yes, pesto is fine.

We’re… I’m just showing my buddy the Boardwalk.

Sorry, Tiffany, I just wanted to see the piers.

[Noah] Yes, okay. We’ll be back soon, okay?

[Briggs] Seek.

Nuke!

[woman] Oh, hey!

[panting]

[Lulu barking]

Yeah, Lulu, go, go, seek.

[Noah] Seek, seek.

Just don’t let her go. Seek, Nuke.

Seek.

Seek, Nuke.

Seek, seek, seek.

Find it, Nuke. Find it.

[indistinct chatter]

[man] Hey! Hey!

[Briggs] Seek.

[man] Joe! Shut the hell up.

[sniffing]

[Briggs] Seek, seek.

Seek. Seek.

Seek.

[Lulu sniffing]

[Briggs] Seek.

[Lulu whines]

[barking]

[Briggs] Yeah, yeah, she found it, she found it.

[Noah] Good boy, Nuke.

[Briggs] Yeah, this is it.

Yeah, yeah, it’s my shit. It’s just everywhere.

This crackhead’s probably snorting my migraine meds right now.

[dogs barking]

Yeah, most of Riley’s shit’s here.

Her book’s here.

Hey, what is this shit, man? This is private property.

Oh, is it? That’s yours?

Yeah.

All right, Jackson, let’s go.

Your name’s Rodriguez?

Man, I’m a United States army veteran, man.

Yeah? Take it off right now.

I ain’t taking off shit.

What battalion were you in?

That’s classified.

[groaning and screaming]

[Briggs] Get it off! Get it off!

[thief continues screaming] Oh, goddamn, man.

Hey, I serve my country, and this is the thanks I get?

I’m a war hero!

[man] Get the fuck outta here, man!

[Noah] You’re gonna be all good without those meds?

[Briggs] I should have just let her eat that stolen valor piece of shit.

[Noah] You never know in places like that who served.

And if you were here five years ago, you could have caught my ass under that pier, and that would have been the best-case scenario.

[Briggs] Yeah, but I didn’t.

‘Cause that bullshit ain’t us.

Yeah?

What about Riley?

What about Riley?

I mean, the dude couldn’t get out of bed without popping three percs.

Well, that’s just the breakfast of champions, and he was a champion.

I can’t tell you how many times he called me up, we’d get shitfaced talking about how we were gonna check out.

Look, man, we all deal with shit to stay in the game, okay?

So we’re supposed to stay in it forever?

He used to talk about driving off the Grand Canyon at top speed, but he drove himself into a tree instead.

I tried to get him to talk.

Talk, like what, to a therapist?

That was a great idea.

No, to other guys who have gone through it, or even just to God.

God?

Okay, you didn’t know shit about Riley, all right?

Look, by God, I mean anything.

Could be a rock, could be a shoe, could be his damn barber.

But we all got to pick something at some point.

[Briggs] Well… he didn’t, and he won’t.

So ain’t no use bitching about it.

[Noah] You know, we trained to put the whole world on our back.

At the end of the day, the hardest thing was knocking on a friend’s door.

Bye, Lulu.

Say hi to your daddy for me.

[panting and whining]

I’ll be praying for you guys.

[Briggs] We’re gonna be just fine.

Come here.

[Noah] Hello, guys.

[indistinct chatter]

[rainfall pattering]

I hope you’re ready for this tomorrow, because you know what they want, right?

They want the hero war dog all sad and stoic, just missing her hero war daddy.

What they definitely don’t want…

They definitely don’t want you trying to eat everybody as soon as the color guard starts firing their salute.

Now, they… They don’t know you.

That’s for damn sure.

They don’t know what it takes to be a hero.

The things you’ve done to be a hero dog.

If they knew the truth, it would scare the living shit out of them.

You know, when I got out, your daddy gave me this shitty piece of plywood with the word “Thanks” carved in it. [chuckles]

It’s like, what else do you say to somebody that you experience what we experienced together?

You even listening to me?

Just talking to a dog.

[screeching]

[Lulu whining]

What is that?

No. No, no.

No, no. Come on.

Don’t you do this to me now.

No.

Ow. [grunts]

[groans]

Okay…

[whines]

Of course, there’s no service.

Why would we have service?

[growls softly]

Hey, hey, hey.

Hello?

Hey.

Come on.

All right, we got to go.

Come on. We’re moving on.

[thunder rumbling]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Lulu barking]

Hey, hey, no.

No. Chill out.

[barking continues]

Hey. Hey, hey!

No! Stop! Relax!

Look, stop. It’s just thunder.

It’s just a thunderstorm. We gotta… Stop.

Calm down. Stop!

[growls]

Hey!

All right, you want to go? Come on. Come on, then.

Come on, you’re not gonna do shit.

Come on, then, let’s go!

[barks, growling]

[panting]

Such a coward.

[barking]

[thunder rumbling]

[soft music playing]

Easy. I’m not gonna make you go out there, okay?

How about we just chill out for a little while?

Relax.

[thunder rumbles]

[whines]

Hey, it’s okay.

It’s just thunder and a little lightning.

You know what? How about this? Let me see if I can give us a little something to take our mind off.

Cross your paws. Let’s see if this thing works.

What do you feel like?

Who doesn’t like San Francisco?

You want to watch your greatest hits, or do you wanna watch… Wanna watch Grey’s?

I’m gonna go with Grey’s.

[laughs] It works.

We’re just gonna rest, we’re gonna get a little cozy, relax.

[TV playing indistinctly]

Watch a little trash TV.

A little snack ’cause you can’t watch trash TV without a snack.

[thunder rumbling]

What?

Oh, you want some?

[laughs] Look at that.

Who knew you just needed to have a fight to get along?

Did Latin Shakespeare ever, like, read you his love letters?

Some pretty good ones in there.

Let’s see.

What about…

Okay. [chuckles]

“I woke for an instant when I saw you covered in dirt.

You’ve taken bullets before.

This was the worst.

The guilt still haunts me.

I’m not going to lie, but I know you did what you did that night, so none of your brothers had to die.”

It’s pretty good.

“When they took you away, I was sure we’d run out of time and that’s when it hit me, girl, I was never your handler. That you were actually mine. Your brother, Riley.”

You slept with Corrine?

Yeah.

[Briggs] What? Okay.

[Sloan] While I was dealing with my sick daughter?

I cannot believe you actually like this trash.

Unreal.

All right, the sun’s up.

It’s time.

There is about zero chance of us making it a hundred clicks in six hours with no cell phone service or ride.

But, hey, last time I checked, “surrender” is not a Ranger word.

[“Hold On” playing]

I don’t know about you, but I got a funeral to go to.

Come on.

Come on.

♪♪ Bless my heart Bless my soul ♪♪

♪♪ Didn’t think I’d make it To 22 years old ♪♪

♪♪ There must be Someone up above ♪♪

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

♪♪ Saying “Come on, Brittany You got to come on up!” ♪♪

♪♪ You got to hold on ♪

♪♪ Hey, you got to hold on ♪

Hey.

Hey, hey, hey, please, please. Come on.

Come on, please, please. Come on! Man.

♪♪ So, bless my heart And bless yours too ♪♪

♪♪ I don’t know Where I’m gonna go ♪♪

♪♪ Don’t what I’m gonna do ♪

[man 1 speaking Spanish]

♪♪ Must be somebody up above ♪

[man 2 speaks indistinctly]

♪♪ Saying “Come on, Brittany You got to come on up!” ♪♪

♪♪ You got to hold on ♪

[conversing in Spanish]

♪♪ Yeah, you got to hold on ♪

♪♪ Yeah, you got to wait! ♪

♪♪ Yeah, you got to wait ♪

♪♪ But I don’t wanna wait ♪

♪♪ Yeah, you got to wait ♪

♪♪ But I don’t wanna wait ♪

♪♪ I don’t wanna wait ♪

We’re gonna make it.

Come on.

[grunts] Come on.

Come on.

Almost there.

[priest] May you know the Lord’s love and peace.

[Briggs] You’re gonna look great.

You’re gonna look like a hero, just like Riley would’ve wanted.

[panting]

Okay.

You know what else Riley would’ve liked?

You not to bite anybody, so maybe just don’t do that.

Come on.

[priest] Receive the Lord’s blessings.

May the Lord bless you and watch over you.

May He make His face to shine upon each and every one of you and be gracious to you.

May He look lovingly on you and grant you peace.

[Lulu whines]

[priest] May He bless your children and your families…

[Lulu whines]

[Briggs shushing]

[priest] …that they may know love and happiness.

[softly] No, no, no. Shh, shh, shh.

[priest] May you know that love deeply.

[Briggs whispering indistinctly]

[priest] And may He always be with you.

[Lulu barks]

We should not grieve for…

Lulu.

[Briggs shushing]

[Lulu continues barking]

[shushes, whispers] Come on. It’s okay.

[in normal voice] I’m sorry.

[barks and whines]

No, no, no. It’s okay.

[panting]

Okay, fine, all right.

Okay, it’s okay, go.

It’s okay.

[crowd softly] Aw.

[priest] So let us rejoice for our dearly departed brother.

For he has stood his last watch, and he’s now on his final deployment.

In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

[officer] Detail. Port Arms.

Half right, face.

With blank ammunition, load!

[rifles cocking]

Ready!

[Briggs shushes]

Aim! Fire!

[Briggs shushing]

[gunshots]

[Briggs] Easy.

[officer] Aim!

[sushing]

[officer] Fire!

[gunshots]

You’re okay, you’re okay.

[officer] Aim! Fire!

[gunshots]

[officer] Ready…

You’re okay, you’re okay.

[officer] Cease fire!

Present Arms!

You’re okay. You’re okay.

[bugle blowing “Taps”]

On behalf of the President of the United States, the United States Army, and a grateful nation.

[bugle stops blowing]

[whispers] Thanks.

[softly]All right.

Come on, let’s go.

[panting]

[Briggs] Yes, sir.

Yep. Still on schedule to drop her off first thing in the A.M.

[Jones speaking indistinctly]

All right, I’ll tell him to expect your call.

Hey, and, Captain, thank you for making this call.

I really appreciate it.

You got it, brother.

Oh, uh, one more thing.

Look, she’s… She’s doing a lot better.

I mean, she’s a completely different dog now.

I don’t know, maybe there’s someone on base that one of us could talk to.

[Jones] Briggs, you know that’s not up to us.

Just get it done.

[Briggs] Yeah.

[Jones] Good luck over there, Briggs.

Yes, sir.

All right.

[sighs deeply]

[grunts] Let’s go, let’s go.

Let’s go do something stupid.

Thank you, sir.

[slow instrumental music playing]

You wanna go out there?

Hmm?

You see something you wanna go get?

[chuckles softly]

You’re free, go.

Go for it. I ain’t gonna try to stop you.

You hear me? Hey.

Hey.

Go.

Get out.

[whines and barks]

Go, come on. No. Hey.

No, I’m not trying to tell you to do tricks, kid. No.

Get. Go.

Hey. [chuckling] Hey.

Now. Come on. Come on.

Hey. Hey.

You got no idea, do you, dog?

[high-pitched ringing]

[Briggs gasping]

[ringing continues]

[groaning softly]

[ringing continues]

[grunts, breathes heavily]

[ringing continues]

[breathing heavily]

[gasping rapidly]

[breathing heavily, gurgling]

[groans softly]

[breathing heavily]

[Lulu whining softly]

I’m okay.

I’m okay, girl.

[weakly] I’m all right.

[whines]

I’m okay. I’m okay.

I’m okay.

I’m okay.

[soft instrumental music playing]

[whispering softly] You’re okay.

You’re okay.

[door opens]

[Briggs] All right, Lulu, come on.

[door closes]

ID, sir?

Yeah.

Your army ID has expired.

[sighs]

You’re required by law to dispose…

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got you.

Uh, I’m just dropping off the dog, man, uh, to a Corporal Levitz.

Hey, Levitz!

Do me a favor, park right here.

[Briggs] Yeah.

Shit, man. You Rangers ever hear of callin’?

I’ve been out here cooking my ass off for an hour.

It could be worse.

You could be actually working.

[Levitz] All right, man. I hear she’s a real killer, so just make sure you muzzle her up good, okay?

[Briggs] Yeah.

Don’t worry.

She ain’t gonna be a problem.

Are you, girl?

Last time, okay? Last time.

Just gonna put it on one more time.

[Lulu whining]

Hey, man, she’s been doing a lot better.

So just make sure the vet techs, you know, reevaluate her, give her a chance.

[Levitz] Yeah, yeah, they got their protocol.

You heard me. Make sure.

So as soon as we’re done here, you’re gonna call Captain Jones, yeah?

That’s what they’re telling me.

What are you… Look, man, are you trying to piss her off?

[Lulu whining]

[sighs deeply]

All right. You’re gonna be okay, all right?

[Levitz] Come on, man, I ain’t got all day, let’s go.

[Briggs] I’m just gonna put this on you.

[Lulu whining softly]

[whispers] Give ’em hell.

All right, let’s go.

[Lulu whining]

[engine starts]

[Lulu barking in distance]

Oh. No, no, no, no, no.

[Lulu barking]

[Briggs] Come on.

[sighs]

[Lulu barking and whining]

God. Easy, easy, easy, easy.

[sighs]

[tires screech]

[Briggs] Hey, hey, hey, hey. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Hi, hi, hi. No. It’s fine. It’s fine.

My bad. I should have… You know what, I should have put a vest on her.

She listens more when the vest is on.

You know girls and their fashion. [chuckles]

I’ll be right back. Up!

Get there.

Sir, you forgot your ID.

Uh, you know what, man, why don’t you keep it?

Thank you for your service.

Hey, man, what about the dog?

What are you… What are you looking at?

Let’s not make this all emotional, okay?

[Lulu whining]

[Briggs] Dear Lulu, I got the adoption papers from the army today.

Riley would be so proud.

[inaudible]

Maybe even of both of us.

Look, I’m no good at this poem stuff, so I’ll just get to the damn point.

Thanks.

Thanks for saving my life.

[“Starting Over” playing]

♪♪ Well the road rolls out Like a welcome mat ♪♪

♪♪ To a better place Than the one we’re at ♪♪

♪♪ And I ain’t got No kinda plan ♪♪

♪♪ But I’ve had All of this town I can stand ♪♪

♪♪ And I got friends Out on the coast ♪♪

♪♪ We can jump in the water And see what floats ♪♪

♪♪ We’ve been saving For a rainy day ♪♪

♪♪ Let’s beat the storm And be on our way ♪♪

♪♪ It don’t matter to me Wherever we are Is where I wanna be ♪♪

♪♪ And, honey For once in our life ♪♪

♪♪ Let’s take our chances And roll the dice ♪♪

♪♪ I can be your lucky penny ♪

♪♪ You can be My four-leaf clover Starting over ♪♪

♪♪ This might not Be an easy time ♪♪

♪♪ There’s rivers to cross And hills to climb ♪♪

♪♪ Some days We might fall apart ♪♪

♪♪ And some nights Might feel cold and dark ♪♪

♪♪ When nobody wins Afraid of losing ♪♪

♪♪ And the hard roads are The ones worth choosing ♪♪

♪♪ Some day we’ll Look back and smile ♪♪

♪♪ And know it was Worth every mile ♪♪

♪♪ It don’t matter to me Wherever we are Is where I wanna be ♪♪

♪♪ And, honey For once in our life ♪♪

♪♪ Let’s take our chances And roll the dice ♪♪

♪♪ I can be your lucky penny You can be My four-leaf clover ♪♪

♪♪ Starting over ♪

♪♪ Starting over ♪

♪♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

SHARE THIS ARTICLE

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

Read More

Samaritan (2022)

Samaritan (2022) | Transcript

A young boy learns that a superhero who was thought to have gone missing after an epic battle twenty years ago may in fact still be around.

Top Gun: Maverick (2022)

Top Gun: Maverick (2022) | Transcript

After more than thirty years of service as one of the Navy’s top aviators, Pete Mitchell is where he belongs, pushing the envelope as a courageous test pilot and dodging the advancement in rank that would ground him.

Elvis (2022)

Elvis (2022) | Transcript

The life story of Elvis Presley as seen through the complicated relationship with his enigmatic manager, Colonel Tom Parker.