72 Hours (2026) – Transcript

72 Hours
Year: 2026
Directed by: Tim Story
Written by: Jon Hurwitz, Hayden Schlossberg, Kevin Burrows, Matt Mider
Starring: Kevin Hart (Joe), Marcello Hernández (Nick), Mason Gooding (Mason), Kam Patterson (Freshman), Ben Marshall (Hunter), Zach Cherry (Barry), Michael Mando (Jaze), Teyana Taylor (Jennifer), Kevin Dunn (Terry), Anna Garcia (Trixie), Elysée Sanvillé (Scarlett), Geena Quintos (Dallas), Megan Suri (Caroline), Andy Garcia (Drug Lord), Brandon Dial (Daniel), Amy Keum (Alicia), Amenah (Emily), Ava Eisenson (Tracy), Katt Williams (Mike), Mike Epps (Officer Williard)
Release date: July 20, 2026

Plot: A 40-year-old man joins a bachelor party weekend with strangers after being added to their group-chat by accident. The movie begins with Joe talking to his doctor girlfriend on the phone and receives a message talking about a bachelor party weekend, he hangs up on the call with his girlfriend and reads their message.

* * *

Transcript

Note for Students & Writers: This transcript is archived here for educational purposes, critical analysis, and screenwriting study. All rights belong to the original creators.

[triumphant music playing]

[heartbeat]

[“The Largest” by BigXthaPlug playing]

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Safe to say I’m the biggest The largest ♪

♪ Been steppin’ on shit since my mama ♪

♪ Stayed In them apartments, regardless ♪

♪ My daddy told me keep the heat ♪

♪ Even when I’m in foreigns, I’m heartless ♪

♪ These niggas is hatin’ on me ♪

♪ Just because I’m the biggest, the largest ♪

♪ The biggest… ♪

[phone ringing]

[music subsides]

Here she is! Voted sexiest physician in New York City over the last six years, by me.

It was unanimous. [laughs]

What’s up, dummy? I missed you last night.

I missed you too. How many lives did you save?

Just three. Three? You’re not counting me?

You save my life every day.

-I feel alive when I’m with you. [chuckles] Aw, you’re so sweet.

You’re clearly in a good mood. [chuckles] I am in a good mood.

It’s this Adweek article.

-It’s so good. [Jennifer] Yes, look at my man!

Your little lean over the desk is real cute.

No, no, it’s not cute. That’s a power lean.

[laughs] -I’m asserting my dominance.

Means we’re a power couple, babe. A power couple.

Speaking of that, Mayo Clinic needs my decision ASAP.

That’s really big. That puts you in position to be the head of surgery.

I know, but it just doesn’t feel right.

Besides, I’m excited for this next chapter of us here together.

[driver] “Miami Bitches”?

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. What’s goin’ on?

-And I’m just… I’m ready to do this. What the fuck?

You gotta be shittin’ me. I know you fuckin’ lyin’.

Uh-uh. Babe, for real?

What the fuck? No.

That is not the answer I wanna hear after saying I’m excited for our next chapter.

Babe, no. I just got a bunch of random text messages, and it ended with a dick doin’ a windmill.

That’s what I’m referrin’ to. You’re having an eventful morning.

So I’m gonna let you handle that, and you just holler at me later, okay?

Okay, we’ll talk later. Hey. Hey!

I love you.

Love you. Savin’ my life.

-♪ I’m heartless ♪ Clear!

♪ Hatin’ on me just because I’m the biggest, the largest ♪

[siren blaring]

♪ The biggest, the largest, hey ♪

[song fades]

[man 1] Morning, Joe. How you doin’?

Hi, Joe. Good morning, Tracy.

Amazing job on that presentation. Super proud of you guys.

[Tracy] Oh, thanks.

[man 2] There he is.

[Joe] Oh! Our new chief creative officer!

No, Barry, don’t do that. Don’t jinx me.

Nobody’s made an official decision. Put it back in your pants until they do.

Everybody knows you’re the boss man’s top pick.

Just stop. What the fuck are you wearing? What is that on your face?

These? Smart glasses. What?

I’m building a campaign for this bullshit wearables company.

It’s got Internet, I can listen to music. And it records video.

[chimes] –You’re recording me right now?

[whirs] Don’t look at me like that.

Your eyes gettin’ all weird. Are they the Pervert 7000s? What the fuck?

They have a whole suite of wearables.

Look at this necklace. [chimes]

-That’s a camera too? It’s a sexy body cam.

Oh, shit. Is that the campaign?

Absolutely not. Fuck, yeah.

No. Sexy body cam.

[chiming] I don’t know what you’re trying.

But I’m not the audience.

See the world from between your nipples. Look, Barry, you gotta see this.

I got added to a random group chat. [phone playing salsa music]

The hell is this? I don’t know.

Boys! Men! In 24 hours, we touch down in Miami to give away Mason Moses.

-Aka Emily’s bitch! -Aaah!

“Emily’s bitch”? -Show up with a good attitude.

And yes, I’m talkin’ to you, Hunter.

No one gives a shit about your breakup, you giant white pussy.

I have secured a Deluxe BNB that can only be described as “within our agreed-upon budget.”

Oh my God. It looks like a goddamn prison cell.

And, yeah, it looks sus. But that’s ’cause we’re broke, okay?

What? -But for three days, we get Mason!

Before he puts his penis in dick jail.

[gunshot echoes]

Clink!

You know what? I’m gonna help these guys.

What… what are you doing? “Hey, guys, my name is Joe.”

“Uh, one of you is an idiot, and you can’t type for shit, which is why I am in the chat.”

“No worries. I was young and broke once too.”

“I come bearing gifts.”

“Here’s… $200 via Venmo.” [cash register rings]

“Consider your first round of drinks on me.”

[sent notification]

Did you actually just pay them?

Yeah, I did.

Okay. Real recognizes real.

[chuckles] These guys just don’t stop.

[laughs] They’re inviting me.

To Miami? Yeah, they want me to go.

Joe, they’re ready for you. Terry can’t wait to see your presentation.

You have the presentation ready? Yeah, of course.

I got this.

[hip-hop music playing]

[Joe] Each generation has a moment where we define who we are.

There’s no cap.

Where we see our ops gettin’ dubs and say, “Bet, we about to eat, fam.”

‘Cause we on some vibey-type shit.

And now that it’s our time, we’re gonna rizz all over it.

Unlimited Premium Vodka.

♪ Rizz up! ♪

Barry? -♪ I don’t stop ♪

[music stops]

Mmm?

[chuckles]

Rizz up. [chuckles]

[woman clears throat]

[Joe] Oh, I don’t need a clap.

You don’t have to clap.

Ugh. That was so cringe.

[all] Yeah. Sorry, Daniel, what’d you say?

I said it was cringe, Joe.

Everybody, I’m gonna need the room, okay? [woman] Yeah.

All right. Let’s, uh… [Terry] Joe, could you hold back?

You know, your last three campaigns, they’ve been total misses for Gen Z.

That Fanta ad where the two bottles are talking about changing pronouns from “he” to “him” to “refreshing” and “delicious,”

I… What the fuck was that?

Just trying to be inclusive– I mean, the sales just tanked.

The board has said that if you can’t land Unlimited as a client, then we’re gonna have to do a pivot and maybe bring in somebody younger for the chief creative officer position, okay?

Somebody like… you know, Daniel.

You’re talkin’ about that Daniel? Yeah.

You just don’t seem to get youth culture anymore.

I mean, if we’re gonna survive as an agency, we can’t be seen as old.

Then let me… let me win the Unlimited campaign back.

Give me a chance to win it back.

Terry, give me 72 hours.

Let me go get it.

If you can land that Unlimited campaign, then… the CCO is yours.

But if you fuck me, you’ll be out of a job.

I will not fuck you.

[hip-hop playing in bar] I can’t lose this job.

You always talk about startin’ your own shop.

So maybe now is the moment, okay? I’ll come work for you.

Barry, I say a lot of shit. Just because I say it doesn’t mean I’mma do it.

I’ve been climbin’ this corporate ladder for ten years.

Ten years I’ve been climbin’ this ladder. I’m not ready to jump off.

More importantly, what the fuck am I gonna say to Jen? She just moved in.

[phone chimes]

Goddamn kids. No, guys. They’re tryin’ to get me to come party.

I’m not goin’ to go party with a bunch of 20-something-year-olds. No, thank you.

♪…be the ADHD, or my personality… ♪

[intriguing music playing]

Oh, my.

Barry, the group chat. The bachelor party.

What about it?

What if this is my opportunity to get feet first in a manner like nobody else has?

Matter of fact, my pitch, basically, is comin’ from their mouths straight to the CEO’s.

Are we sure you’re actually invited? Or are they just fucking with you?

No, I’m not. So we put a feeler out.

A feeler. See what they say. Put out a feeler.

“All right, guys, look, if you want me to go, I’ll consider on one condition.”

Oh, somebody’s typin’.

Oh, you fuckin’ with me, huh?

All right, well, “How about if I foot the bill for this?”

[inspiring music playing]

[Joe] Hey! Have you seen my Just for Men?

Yes, baby, it’s right here, but I don’t think you need it.

I like the silver fox look.

No, when them grays start popping, you gotta take it down.

That’s why I need it. Was it downstairs? Yes.

Leavin’ stuff all over the place. Losin’ my mind.

Okay, well, what are you packing for? Uh…

I don’t want you to panic. Be cool. Okay.

Yeah? Mm-hmm.

[light, intriguing music playing]

I didn’t get the promotion. Wait, what?

The pitch tanked. What happened?

Terry feels like I’m gettin’ too old. Damn!

[whispers] I’m sorry, baby. It’s fine. Right?

Like, I don’t really agree with the whole “I’m gettin’ old” thing, but, uh… that’s how he feels, you know?

I think that’s nuts. Ouch.

[knees cracking] But it is what it is.

But it’s cool, that gives me a second to kinda reprioritize things in my life.

Get myself together, think about things that are important to me as a man.

When I talk about takin’ a leap, it means change.

You cannot be afraid of change.

[gentle music playing]

I think that I’m at a… a point where I just wanna make better decisions for us.

Yes. Do more for us.

Yes. Yes. Be more for us.

[exhales]

I’mma go to Miami.

[music stops]

What?

Remember the group chat where I had the guys in there? I’m gonna go.

I think I can fix this pitch by studying them in Miami.

[tearfully] So you’re gonna go to a stranger’s bachelor party?

Yeah.

[Jennifer] I feel like a fool.

Oh, sh…

Okay.

Hey, you didn’t think I was proposin’, did you?

Yes! The commitment, settling down?

Come on, now, what about those things scream “proposal”?

Joe, you’re on one knee.

Yeah, uh, ’cause I’m puttin’ stuff in my bag.

Okay, wait. Okay.

Oh, God. [knees crack]

Babe, I don’t think you understand the magnitude of what’s going on, so just let me… let me break it down for you, okay?

[poignant music playing] I am in jeopardy of losing my job.

That means my plan for our future together is in shambles.

I’m sorry, babe. The last thing on my mind is marriage.

Excuse me?

What did you say? What does that even mean?

We’re kids. Like, we’re so young. Why are you–

We’re not kids. What is happening right now?

What do you want me to do, hmm?

You want me to wait around for you to grow up?

Please don’t make me do that.

I really hope you enjoy that bachelor party.

Well, that means a lot. Thank you.

[door slams]

♪ Come down, come down to Miami ♪

-♪ Come down, come down to Miami ♪

[outgoing call ringing]

♪ Come down, come down to Miami ♪

[Joe] Hey, babe. Just touched down in Miami.

I’m feeling a little bit weird about the way that we left things.

I just want you know that I love you. Call me when you can.

[horn honks]

♪ Come down, come down to Miami ♪

[group] Hey!

[man 1] It’s the fake freshman!

Hey, guys. What’s up, unc?

[chuckles]

You good? Yeah, sounded like you said “unc.”

Oh, well, I… I did. Yeah.

OG.

[Joe] Okay.

I don’t know who’s who. You’re just a bunch of numbers in my phone.

I got you. Uh, I’m Nick, best man.

Hey. Okay?

[Joe] Okay. Got it.

This racially ambiguous pussy is the bride-to-be, my best friend, Mason Moses.

Mason Moses. How you doin’?

Nice to meet you. Hey, he’s taking a big step, man.

I’m real proud of you, dawg. Thank you.

Shut the fuck up, bitch.

I’m not proud of you for shit. Getting married’s for pussies. You’re a big pussy.

Anyways, uh, this is Hunter.

Yeah. More of a gatherer, but good guy.

Hunter. How are you, man?

How are ya? [Joe] Good.

Is there a last name, or is it just Hunter?

It was gonna be Mr. Matthews if things had worked out.

Bro, fuck her, dawg. Let it go.

That sounds really nice, actually. I would love to fuck her.

You were gonna take her last name? Yeah, why wouldn’t I?

Be the honor of my life.

Okay. Got it. Hunter.

Hunter it is. Yeah, and then there’s, uh…

Oh, where the fuck is Freshman?

[dog barking]

[man yelling]

[group] Oh!

[Freshman] Bad dog!

[Nick] Whoa.

[barking continues]

[festive music playing]

Hey. Don’t go over there. There’s a dog over there. He is not happy.

I tried to climb that fence, but I couldn’t.

You didn’t have to do all that. Joe’s here.

He’s got the code. He’ll let us in.

[Freshman] Oh. Joe, this is Freshman.

Oh, you old. Like, vintage.

Freshman, huh?

[Freshman] Mm-hmm.

Why they call you Freshman?

Nobody knows for real. It’s been so long, we’ve all forgotten.

We call you Freshman ’cause you repeated freshman year.

Oh!

Yeah, it was… it was way harder the second time.

They added letters to the math. Aah.

Yeah. What do you say we check out the spot?

Absolutely, right?

[Nick] Let us in, Joe. Come on.

Let’s, uh… check it out.

♪ Whoo, baby-baby ♪

[all exclaiming]

♪ Smells like money ♪

[yelling and whooping]

♪ Open my wallet… ♪

[Freshman] Hey, y’all think this real gold?

Don’t blow the lights, dawg!

[Mason] Shit!

Whoa, look at the backyard, bro!

Looks like a football field.

[Hunter] This room is insane.

♪ Get mine, get mine, get mine Get yours, bitch, I’mma get mine ♪

♪ Get up, get up, get up… ♪

Mason, look! It’s like a forest out here!

With no trees.

♪ Smell like money ♪

Hey, guys! Can we live here forever?

Please?

Hey, what’d I say? Paradise, right?

[Nick] Whoo!

[Freshman] Yes, sir.

Yo. All right, listen. Let’s talk about the itinerary for tonight.

We gotta make some bad decisions. We gotta get Mason arrested, okay?

So, tonight, party bus. We tear up South Beach.

No survivors.

[Freshman] Hmm!

Then, tomorrow morning, we grilling and chilling by the pool. No survivors.

Uh-huh. Nick, I like where you at, man.

This y’all first time partying with the big dog.

[all] Ooh! Yeah. And I plan on bein’ off the leash.

So I could bite anybody.

[all laugh awkwardly]

Gotta kick it off with a big bang.

Pow! Pow! Got a gift for y’all.

Oh, you ain’t gotta do that. That’s–

[Joe] No, I had to.

We gonna party, we got to party right.

[all] Yeah.

Let me get it. Let me get my–

[Mason] Up. [Joe] No, I got it. There you go.

[Hunter] Wow. Oh, okay.

There you go. You said you don’t wanna survive, right?

[chuckles] Whoomp, there it is.

[all] Ooh…

[Joe] No survivors!

[Freshman] Damn! Okay. [laughs]

You know they sell alcohol here too, right?

Thank you, bro, for all the booze. Yeah.

It’s maybe too much? No, man, ain’t no such thing.

Just told you, you with the big dog now. Right.

It’s my job to make sure you guys have a good time.

Thanks.

[Joe] I mean that.

Sure, it’s a little bit weird that this old man got us all this alcohol, but this little man got a big wallet, boys.

He’s flexin’. Thank you, bro. We appreciate it.

Hey! Oh!

Mmm. He said it.

[all laughing]

He a little angry leprechaun.

Nick, I meant to ask you, man. I saw that invite video. It was really good.

Oh, thanks. Is that your gig?

Oh, no, Nick’s unemployed. This weekend is basically his whole life.

Oh.

Just like Elizabeth was mine. Heh.

Yeah, you know what? I’m not unemployed. I’m just in between careers.

You and E broke up? Yeah, man.

That was the love of your life, man. She was perfect.

That must’ve hurt.

Just saying, guys, it’s gonna be a lot of tears this weekend.

Hey, fuck that. No tears.

May turn this bitch into Eat, Pray, Love.

Hey, hey, hey! Hey! Hey!

I just told y’all the big dog is here. Come on, now!

If anything, it’s gonna be tears of joy. You hear me?

And you already know the vibes.

[chuckles] Got him.

[laughing]

Aah! Look, I’m gonna make drinks.

You wanna get things started, do it yourself.

Four… Rob Roys.

Yeah. Shaken, not stirred.

I’m gonna make sure he’s not drugging us.

[Mason] Yep. Good idea.

Uh…

[Hunter] This place is nuts.

Joe! How you doing, bro?

[Joe] Hey.

I’m good, man. This is cool. Yeah. Yeah.

I just wanted to tell you, bro, uh, it’s really weird that you came.

Really? I had no idea you were, like, 50.

No, man, I’m 40.

Oh, 40, yeah. That’s… that’s still so many years to be.

No, man, 40 is the new 20.

It’s a lot.

Look, man, if I offended you in the chat, I just wanted to say I’m sorry.

I was just messin’ around. I hope you didn’t take that seriously.

Joe. Joe, we’re good.

Okay. It’s like I’m hanging with my dad.

Or not.

Listen, all I’m trying to say is this is me and Mason’s, like, last hang before he does this crazy marriage thing.

He going to jail, pretty much. Mmm.

That woman is scary.

She not gonna let him out the house. Yeah.

It’s a big deal that we spend time together and kinda keep this a perfect weekend.

I get it, but I wanna let you know so you can be more comfortable.

I’m here to hang with the gang. Okay.

I ain’t here to get in the way. I’m out the way.

And if I ever get in the way, then you pull me to the side and say, “Joe, move.”

Okay? Okay.

I’m pickin’ up what you’re layin’ down. All right. We good?

Yeah, we good. This is great. Come on, Joe. All right.

Hey, we ain’t going nowhere until y’all finish these Rob Roys!

All right, Joe.

You– [sighs]

I know you fucking lying.

I mean, come on, Joe.

[sighs]

Fuck, man!

You just– Oh, that’s terrific.

We can find somewhere to go in this Miami book.

Freshman, where’d you get that?

A lady at the airport gave it to me. She was nice.

Bro, this is in Arabic.

And it got pictures in it. Hey, if you like it, I love it.

[“The Anthem” by Pitbull feat. Lil Jon playing]

♪ Dale, dale ♪

♪ Get nasty, get freaky ♪

♪ You sexy, you fine ♪

♪ Okay ♪

♪ Go, go, go ♪

♪ Go ♪

♪ Go, girl ♪

♪ Go, go, go, girl ♪

Oh, God. [sighs]

[beeping]

[suspenseful music playing]

[man] Hey, Jaze, we recorded this earlier.

At the old mansion.

Some guy walked in the boss’s summer closet.

He’s got a lot of nerve. Ah, fuck.

Okay, did you lock the door? Just like you said, yeah.

And you put that little label on it? Yeah.

He’s taking the boss’s clothes.

[Jaze] All right. Relax. It’s okay, man.

If I knew using Deluxe BNB would attract renters that were such assholes, I would not have used Deluxe BNB.

We’re gonna turn this into a win. That’s what we do.

Keep his security deposit, double his cleaning fee, charge for repairs, upsell him on the missing items.

You got it, boss. One more thing.

I want you to watch this guy.

Oh, shit, here she comes.

[Mason chuckling]

[salsa music playing]

I don’t know. I feel ridiculous, but this is all I could find on such short notice.

Nah, man, you look like a bad genie.

I like it. Yeah?

He looks great, right, guys?

Yeah, man, you look like shorter Pitbull.

[music fades]

[Muzak playing]

[Joe sighs]

[cash register whirring] Yeah.

Gotta get two.

Oh, we gotta get beer.

[Freshman] What about this?

[Hunter] Prosecco? Yeah.

[Hunter] No. Know what that is?

This is my mom drink. Exactly,.

Note to self.

The younger generation. You know, it’s not just about the product, but it’s about what they mix with the product.

What’s the right drink?

Hey, what’s up, Joe?

[closes app]

Hey. What was that?

I was about to make a call. Just… Nothin’.

And what’s that?

Oh, necessary.

[chuckles] Yeah. Oh, okay. Whatever, man.

I’m just noticing you’re not buying a lot of alcohol. So…

What’s your deal? You… you more of a…

[sniffs]

Do I have allergies?

I don’t understand what you’re asking me. Cocaine! Do you do cocaine?

No! I’m not no cocaine guy.

It’s my rule. No more cocaine.

Last time I did it, I was watchin’ the Scarface movie.

While I was watching the movie, my wires got crossed. I ended up blacking out.

I don’t know. I turn into a different guy when I do cocaine. So no cocaine.

It happens to me too.

[whispers] With Chinese food. Oh, that’s bad.

What do you do? Do you do, like, the… the eyes and the voice?

Like, “Ooh… wha… whaaa…”

“Aah…” Are you… No! What?

Are you outta your mind? Yeah, you can’t.

Not in today’s time. They’ll cancel you.

Jesus. Sorry.

First time she cheated on me, I said, “Fine. You know what? Everyone gets one.”

Right? Second time? Okay. Third time, it’s starting to feel like a pattern.

That third time, I was like, “He’s really a bitch, man.”

Yeah. All right.

You gotta understand, that’s crazy, dawg.

Well… you don’t have to say that.

And, like, at least it was, like, a Black guy, so…

That was cool. Like, she was inclusive. Yeah.

You know? It’s diversity.

Yeah. She a nice person for that, dawg.

[Hunter] Okay. [grunts]

What you… No, no, no, no.

Your money’s no good here.

That’s gold.

Gold ’cause I’m bold, okay?

These young guys want it, they get it.

Hey. Oh no. Uh, you gon’ get it.

What kind… How this cap on? What you gotta do?

Just twist it. Twist it, now? Get outta here.

I remember when I was doin’ it comin’ up, it was just a simple snap and pop. Okay?

Mmm.

[Nick] Oh.

You doing the whole bottle?

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Yeah, see, what you gotta do is coat your stomach.

But that’s not enough. Now you throw the real coat on.

You’re not gonna drink both. No, you got to do it.

Number two, what you gon’ do?

No, Joe. Oh, come on, man.

Oh, my God. I don’t think that’s safe, man.

Mmm.

You all right? [belches] Yep.

[Nick] Ugh.

[Hunter] Jesus.

[Joe] That’s that, brother. We keep it up! Yeah!

[Hunter] Oh!

Hey, Joe, can I offer you some ZYN?

I’m sorry?

[Nick] See, Joe, I’mma do two.

Lower deck.

[Hunter] Oh, shit! Upper deck.

If you gonna do two, then I’mma do three.

[all] Oh!

Run a triangle offense. Two at the top, one at the bottom.

I’m going Chicago Bulls. Championship squad.

Scottie Pippen, Toni Kukoč, they at the top. Mmm?

Mmm? Right there.

I’mma put Michael Jordan in the paint. Here you go. Fly.

They’re supposed to sit on your gums. Oh, okay. I’ll put it down there, then.

But I can drink with it, right? Yes, you can.

Why don’t we keep it up? Yeah. Pour me up. Pour me up, pour me up.

Let’s keep it goin’. Let me get that.

Hey, hey, hey. Joe, Joe, Joe.

Joe. Come on, man. I ain’t gonna post it.

What are you gonna do with it? I ain’t been out like this.

Are you gonna jerk off to that later? What?

Guys, guys. Let Joe get his video.

But after that, no phones, no social media.

Yeah, just have fun!

[all] Yeah! Whoo!

[all laughing and exclaiming]

Fuck, yeah! Hell, yeah!

Listen up, boys. Hey. Time to do emotional check-ins.

The fuck is that? Emotional check-ins before we go out.

Come on. Make sure everyone’s copacetic.

I’m sorry, I don’t… I don’t follow.

I’ll start. Um…

Ooh! I feel appreciated.

[Nick] Mmm!

[Hunter] Good.

I’m feeling grateful.

[Hunter] Ah, I like that.

[Nick] Boys’ trip, Miami, bachelor party.

[Hunter] Yeah!

I feel Miami.

[Hunter] All right. It’s more of a city than a feeling, but… But I do though. I feel Miami.

[Mason] If he feels Miami… I’m, uh, feeling a little emasculated.

You got circumcised?

Hey, Joe, how you feeling, man?

[Joe] Hmm?

[Mason] How you feelin’?

Oh, with the…

[hiccups] Pass. Pass?

I don’t wanna be in no therapy session.

I understand that it can be scary to share emotions, especially with people you just met, but it took a lot of courage for Freshman to tell us that he was feeling Miami.

That was big of you, bro. Thanks.

I’m feeling lit. You want one, there you go.

I’m gonna keep gettin’ lit.

Pow! Hold on. Pow!

[Hunter grunts] Yeah.

Question. My lip’s startin’ to get numb. That’s normal.

Like, this shit right here is startin’ to shut down a bit.

But… that’s what it’s supposed to be?

Have you been swallowing them? Scottie Pippen and Toni Kukoč gone.

You swallowed Scottie Pippen and Toni Kukoč?

You feel fine? You’re fine. I can keep drinkin’.

Oh, we drinkin’. Yeah!

Everybody else in here thinkin’. I’m the only one drinkin’.

I feel Miami!

[all cheering] -♪ I let shorty clean the pendants ♪

♪ I’m a diamond in the rough ♪

-♪ 24 carats, VV’s in the slugs ♪ Uh! Hey!

♪ Rings go off Like Michael with the glove ♪

♪ Only one mobbin’ With designers and the thugs ♪

♪ When we shop at Rick Owen Bring a bottle full of bub ♪

♪ Couple platinum records later Still I got the game locked… ♪

No, no. You know what… what I’m gonna do?

Freshman, put some old school on.

Okay. [Joe] Hit me with it!

I’m goin’ to my dad playlist. Come on, Fresh.

♪ They call me Big Elly, Big Silly ♪

Whoo!

Okay. I know you fucking lying.

It’s his song! Let’s see it.

[Joe] All right. Let’s see it, man.

♪ Ya hear me ♪

Whoo!

♪ I be slicing with these bars So ya fear me ♪

♪ Let me rip it up for cuz in the back ♪

[Freshman] Let me see them shoulders work!

Hey! -♪ I’mma tell ya how to cause an attack ♪

♪ Timbaland, “Ladies love” on the track ♪

Hey! Oh!

♪ Lovely, get the ice, pop champagne ♪

♪ Don’t forget I used to ride the train ♪

Go! Go! Go! Go!

♪ When I bump it right, call my name ♪

Damn! That’s what I’m talkin’ about!

[all yelling]

Oh, what the fuck, Joe?

Get the fuck off me. Fucking pink, man. What did you do?

I think the good news is, worst of it’s over.

What the fuck?

Look, I saw an ATM outside. I’ll stop. I’ll get money. Right?

If it’s clothes that I gotta get, I’ll get ’em. Whatever I gotta do to fix this.

[shop bell chimes] [sighs]

I’m doin’ what I said I was gonna do.

I told ’em I was, so I don’t understand why they’re acting as if I’m not.

But I’m trying.

How much for the skinny one?

I’m sorry?

The skinny one.

You’re their pimp, right? I’m the… What are you talking about?

I’m payin’. I got money.

Hey, man–

[ATM whirring]

Get your sick ass outta here!

[siren blares]

Tryin’ to buy my boys.

You’re not buyin’ my boys.

Is there a reason why you got cash in your hand in a area known for prostitution?

Grown 50-year-old man out here with some underage kids.

Okay, Officer–

Come on up outta there.

[cop] Come on.

You know, that’s actually good.

They can clear this up. Yeah.

Guys, come on. Is everything okay?

Uh, we got a little situation where the officer, he thinks that I, us, we are somethin’ that we’re not.

Maybe you guys can clear it up. It’s easy.

He’s… he’s like, our, uh…

He’s like our friend, but he’s older than us.

So he’s like our daddy. Why… why would you…

You don’t need to say that.

Sir, this relationship is completely consensual, okay? We met via text.

He bought us alcohol. Mm-hmm.

Goddamn it. What are you d… Guys. His name is Joe.

Thank you. Smith?

Robertson? Something. Joe…

Stevens. Stevenson. Jackson.

There we go. We got a case now. Human trafficking.

Soliciting. That’s jail time.

Oh my God. Hands on your head!

Everybody goin’ to jail. Yep.

Oh, my God. No… No, fuck that. Everybody’s goin’ to jail.

Guys, it’s time for a loop-de-loop. Yeah.

[all] Loop-de-loop.

[Mason] Joe. Joe!

Hey! Yes. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Leave him.

No, we can’t… Joe. Joe! Leave him.

Joe! [Freshman] He’s old.

Come on. We’re loop-de-looping. What the fuck’s that?

Loop-de-loop! Don’t worry.

Loop-de-loop. On the count of three. Just stay.

No. You guys are the reason.

[Freshman] Three… I’m goin’ to fuckin’ jail.

Three.

[all] Loop-de-loop!

Loop-de-loop! Hey.

I didn’t get a receipt. Loop-de-loop!

[cop] Get back here!

Do your job. Fuck!

[Joe] Hey, guys!

[man] What the hell?

[upbeat hip-hop music playing]

[Hunter] Run, Joe! Move those little legs!

[Joe] Wait up! These fucking shoes!

Yo.

[Mason] Come on, Joe. High knees.

Ooh, shit.

[Nick] You’re on your own, papi.

[siren whoops]

Oh.

We got him. Bingo.

[cop] Stop!

Don’t move!

Stay right there.

[cop 2] Running’s gonna make it worse.

Can we just cut it out? Hey! Put your hands up!

Shut up. I’m gonna finish it now.

[cop] Stay there.

Get down. Help!

Help! Get off of me.

Hey! Oh!

Aah! [groans]

Leave me alone! [panting]

Stop!

[cop 2] You goin’ to jail, little pimp.

[Joe] I’m not a pimp!

[music fades] Oh, my God.

Holy shit! What the fuck was that?

Yeah, what the fuck was it? My first time ever doin’ a loop-de-loop.

Is that a police badge in your hand? Yes.

You stole that from a cop?

From the fuckin’ loop-de-loop.

That’s how I got it, man.

[panting] I got my clothes. Did you get ours?

No. Open the door, man. Can we go inside?

[intriguing music playing]

[sighs]

Oh, my goodness.

Um…

Download, download.

Download.

[sighs]

Okay, um…

[whispers] “Check this out, and let me know what you think.”

[sent notification]

[sighs]

[outgoing call rings]

Hey, this is Jen. Sorry I missed you. I’ll call you back–

[sighs]

[Joe] One time, ready? One, two, three.

[group cheering] This is fire, Joe.

[Joe] That was just last night.

I get to see their alcohol purchasing decisions.

I get to see their pre-gaming, their partying.

No focus group on the planet can give you this information.

You need a fuckload more footage, but this is genius, man, using these kids’ real lives as part of the pitch.

Terry is gonna flip. Well, I can’t. That ship has sailed, man.

Told me I can’t tape anything else. Weird.

What is the deal? They wanna be online, but at the same time, they don’t.

What the fuck you wanna do? It’s what the glasses are for.

What? I snuck my glasses into your work bag.

And the necklace. I knew you’d need ’em. Just pick one.

What the fuck are you snoopin’ in my shit for, Barry?

Why is everyone always asking me that?

Know who sneaks around a lot?

The Navy SEALs. These people are heroes.

It’s a double standard, Joe.

How about instead of, “That’s sus, Barry,” why not, “Thank you, Barack”?

Thank you. Thank you, B…

I’m not calling you fucking Barack, but thank you.

Am I tripping? Like, this could actually work?

I gotta figure out a way to get back in their good graces.

Hey, Joe? Yeah?

If one of these girls flashes her titties in your face, make sure you record that, okay?

Get your fuckin’ self together, Barry.

I don’t know what my wife’s titties look like anymore.

It’s grim over here. I gotta go.

[intriguing music playing]

[Hunter] All right, so this Joe thing is kind of a bust, right?

Yeah, lookin’ at Joe makes me sad. I don’t wanna be old, man.

I mean, if we tell Joe to bounce, then we have to find, like, a hotel or something, and…

That’s true. Also, he’s clearly going through something.

We don’t know this guy. What if he snaps?

He could tie us up and fuck us.

What? That could happen.

True-crime shit. Right.

And he gon’ fuck you first. There they go, there they go.

There. Shit, it’s Dr. Pepto.

Mornin’, fellas.

Morning.

[Joe] Tell you what I need.

Little kick of this.

I’ve been peein’ out my ass all damn mornin’.

Jesus, man.

[Joe] Yeah.

[Nick sighs]

Look, I get it.

All right? A major party foul on my part.

I still believe in that method. That Pepto-Bismol was the right move.

I think I got a bad batch.

You drank two bottles.

You tried to sell us for sex, man.

Okay, did I do that?

No. That’s not what the cop said?

I wanna go on record and say if I did do that, that’s wrong.

Sure. We can agree on that. Yeah.

Okay. But you did fuck up the night, Joe.

Come on, guys. Okay.

[Nick] On some rookie shit.

You gotta step up for that, Joe.

Let’s back up. I wanna say I’m sorry. Okay? I wanna make it right.

And I’m willing to do whatever I gotta do to make it right. How about…

All right. What if I were to go and charter a yacht for y’all?

Forget what happened last night.

Courtesy of Joe, huh?

A yacht? I mean, that sounds pretty good to me.

You like that? Absolutely, yeah.

Okay, all right.

I’m on it right now.

Uh, Joe, before you go. Yeah?

You look like the inside of a rich dude’s jacket.

Oh!

[Nick] Ha-ha!

[chuckles]

Congrats on your quinceañera. That’s huge.

[laughs] That’s two.

It’s like a rhythm. You just keep it. Ba-da-da! Ba-da-da!

Lookin’ like Floyd Gayweather.

[chuckles]

[upbeat Latin pop music playing]

Yeah, well, this is my guy now. My boat guy. Hey, how you doing?

Listen, uh, so we’re here. I’m walking down the dock.

Towards the marina. Oh, shit. Titties.

[slowed] He laughed, and then…

[all laugh]

[Hunter] Just keep going.

[woman 1] He was like…

[Hunter] Hello!

[Freshman] Hi.

[woman 2] Oh, hey, boy. Hey, ladies! Hey, ladies, hold up.

You guys know how to swim underwater?

Huh? ‘Cause… I can hold your breath.

All right, see y’all later. Have a good one, boys.

You guys are stunning. Have a great day.

What? Why would you…

[Hunter] “Stunning”? What am I doing?

[Freshman] How…

[Nick] Focus.

[Freshman] Focus!

[Nick] How you feelin’?

I feel Miami! [laughs] All right, chill out, man.

Yeah. Okay. Well, I don’t know what that means. “A booking error.”

No, I don’t want a refund. I want a fucking yacht.

God damn it. I mean, you gotta be…

[Nick scoffs] Mmm, let me guess. No yacht.

Everybody take a beat. Let me figure it out.

I told you guys I’d get you a yacht. That’s what I’mma do.

I’mma get you a yacht. Give me a second.

[excited squealing]

[Joe] You know what? Change of plans.

Excuse me, coming through.

Excuse me. How are you, man? Always good to see you.

[bouncer] Whoa. What… Hey, you should see a Sam…

Sam Slaughter on the list.

Sam Slaughter? Yeah.

Sam Slaughter, yeah. No Sam Slaughter.

Get to the back of the line. Thanks. Slaughter?

Yeah, no, I didn’t wanna do this. All right, let’s…

Ohh.

Officer, I didn’t– Uh…

Yeah, but I’m just saying– Ah!

So you– Thank you.

That group right there?

Yeah. We’re all gonna go on this boat.

We’ll go around for a bit, then we gon’ get up out your hair.

But I don’t want nobody knowing I’m here.

Okay? Well, go on. Enjoy yourself.

[Joe] Come on. Have a good time.

Yeah. All right, rookie.

[upbeat music continues]

Oh! Joe, you the GOAT, man. Come on.

Yeah, man, this is… It’s all right. Oh!

Yeah, listen. What Nick is trying to say is you have more than made up for your fuck-up last night, man.

This is great!

How about we just go get a drink?

Yeah. Can we get a drink?

[Nick] Let’s do it. Let’s get a drink. Look around.

[dramatic, suspenseful music playing]

Let’s do a toast to the groom.

[Mason] Ahh!

We’re losin’ a good one. I love you. bro.

Yes, yes.

[phone rings]

That’s Emily. I’ll see you. Oh, come on, Emily? Boo!

[Joe] Oh!

[Nick] Fuck you, Emily! He’s ours!

Boy’s in love, man. I get it.

No, that’s bullshit. It’s always the same thing.

What’s going on with you, Hunter? Why you looking like somebody stole your damn dog?

Boats remind me of her. We’re both water signs.

Bro, shut up! Let me feel my feelings.

[Nick] “Let me feel my…” What? Nick. Go get the Unlimited bottle.

So we can top our drinks off. Thanks.

It’s all right. You gotta stop feelin’ sorry for yourself.

I mean, come on, look around. Look at your environment.

All these women around. Oh, my God, look. Be like Freshman. Look at Freshman.

Oh, my God. It’s not that easy, man.

Yes, it is. It’s very easy!

At the end of the day, Hunter, I get it. I really do.

Your girlfriend cheated on you, right?

[music stops]

And at the end of the…

That was… By the way, a weird break in the music.

Turn the music back up. Yeah.

[Joe] Okay? He was kid… He was joking.

No, no, look, it is what it is.

[laughs] No. And because it happened, you feel broken.

What would I even say, man?

Stop thinkin’ so much!

Okay? Look, be like Freshman.

Yeah, be like me, man.

Where are they coming from?

[Russian accent] Oh! Hello, my name is Victor. I bring the vodka.

Oh, somebody found the Unlimited bottle. Yeah, come on!

[Joe] Give it to Hunter.

[Nick] Okay.

[Hunter] Thank you.

[Joe] Yeah!

Come on. Let me get some too, right?

[Nick] Oh!

Let’s take a toast to an “unlimited” amount of possibilities. How about that?

Hey, to you gettin’ back on the horse, and I hope that horse got a fat ass.

At some point. Hey! Hey, dude, come on, man.

I… Uh, give me one second.

I’ll be back. I’m gonna go look for food. All right.

Come on, man. Do you think Joe could be my wingman?

Uh, no. Too small.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, okay. Talk to you soon.

[Joe] Excuse me.

Hey! [chuckles]

I was trying to find some food, man.

You okay?

Huh? What’s wrong?

[Mason] Huh.

I was talking to Emily on the phone, and I am realizing how huge of a step this all is.

Mmm.

Cold feet. It’s normal.

Start thinking about life, thinking about all the things you could do, what you got in place, what you don’t have in place.

A job, a house, financial stability.

No, Joe, I don’t have… I don’t have cold feet.

I thought ’cause you were crying… [laughs]

No, um, that’s just because I miss my fiancée.

I am so excited to be a husband.

[gentle music playing]

But ever since I got engaged, Nick talks shit about how excited I am to be married.

But he just doesn’t get it.

It’s all about… creating something with someone else.

Otherwise, you’re just wasting your life, and…

If you have that, what are you waiting for?

You know?

[outgoing call ringing]

Hey, this is Jen. Sorry, I missed–

[music fades]

Loco, go check on the jet skis now. You got it.

[suspenseful music playing]

How you doin’? Do you know where the food is on this boat?

Yo! Loco, close the door.

[door slams and locks]

Do I know you?

No, you don’t… you don’t know me. [whispering]

[Joe] I’m just lookin’ for somethin’ to eat.

Are you a police officer?

Who, me?

No! No, no, I’m a… I’m a civilian.

Last time a cop was on board, I did things to him I wouldn’t tell my own mother.

I tell her everything.

[gun cocks]

Put that away.

[man] Yes, sir.

[Jaze] Look at me.

You’re sure you’re not a cop?

Yeah.

Come here.

Juju, pour him a little bit of somethin’-somethin’.

Prove you’re not a cop, Mr. Civilian.

I, uh… Okay. The thing about this, though, I don’t do drugs.

Do the fucking drugs.

Yeah. I’ll do it. All right?

By the way, yeah. [chuckles]

You want me to do the drugs, I’ll do… I’ll do the drugs, right?

Okay, yeah. Let me just, uh…

Okay, here we go. Here we go.

[Jaze] Mmm. Here we go.

[dramatic music intensifies]

Oh, shit.

[music stops]

No cop, right? [laughing]

I don’t know. You know what that felt like to me?

Felt like you were a cop pretending to be a civilian.

[music resumes] You want me to do another one?

To do a real one, like you mean it.

Yeah, like a… like a… like a criminal bump.

More like a guy who walked into the wrong room about to get killed bump.

Okay, I’ll do it. Okay. I’ll do it. I’ll do it. I’ll do it.

[music intensifying]

Double bump, comin’ up.

Oh, shit!

[Jaze] Whoo!

[Joe chuckling]

[Jaze] My man!

[Joe] Yeah.

[Jaze] How you feel?

Hey, that’s, uh… that’s in there. Right?

That stuff kicks in a little fast! Right.

You got three seconds, then I’m gonna bust your ass.

[both laughing]

Okay. Yeah.

I’m going. Get outta here. Y’all all right. How’s this work?

[Jaze] Let him go. Let him go. Yeah. I can’t… I was… I can’t leave.

[Jaze] My man.

Whoo! Yeah!

[Joe] Ha-ha-ha! [chuckling]

[man] There it is, on that side. Hey. Oh, you gotta go.

No, you gotta go. You gotta Go ahead, get there.

No. No, no, no, no, no.

[Mason] They’re having fun.

[Joe] Come on, Joe. [groans]

Losing control. Don’t black out, Joe.

Joe. You good?

[music intensifying]

Who is Joe?

Hah!

[heavy Hispanic accent] I am… Ricardo Montana.

And you no fuck to me.

Is this racist? Oh, yeah, for sure.

I no like that.

[Nick] What happened?

I no… I no like. I no like you look to me.

Bro, nobody’s lookin’ at you.

[hits wall] Gah!

No fuck to me. No fuck to me!

I fuck to you!

[man] Hey, why don’t you mess with somebody your own size?

He wasn’t doin’ anything to you.

[Joe] Hmm.

[spaghetti Western music playing]

You want to fuck to me?

Mm-hmm.

[Joe] Un momento.

[sighs]

Leave.

Why?

Because I want to say hello… to my little friend.

Yep.

[Nick] Yep, okay.

Okay.

So you… you have beef with me?

One hundred percent beef. Does he know this guy?

Don’t know. I think that’s Katt Williams?

[Joe] Know what?

I let you apologize for interrupting me.

I’m sorry… Hmm!

That you’re a bitch. Wait, what?

[dramatic music playing]

[Mason] Go, go, go!

[Nick] Yep! Hah!

I no feel it.

Hah!

[groans] Hah!

Now it’s time to party.

Did you just Will Smith me?

I did. But you no get no–

Ah, man! Aah!

Olé!

No one touches the Ricardo.

[grunts] Enough!

[both] Oh!

What kind of drugs are you on?

[crash]

[gasps] Oops.

[clattering]

No, you no… you no know where I is.

Nigga, don’t you know I can see you?

Yah!

Ay!

Ah, whoopsie-daisy.

I no feel it. Aah!

Head trauma on the way. Oh no.

Oof! How much can you take?

You think you’re winning? Does this look like losing? Huh?

[Joe] You go face-first.

Face-first! [groans]

I… I win.

You no–

Uno! Dos!

Quattro!

No, cinco!

[yells]

Oh, God. [groans]

[man] Open this door!

No! No, you stay!

[music subsides]

You fight good!

[man] Thank you. [click]

Oh! Dude!

[Nick] Gotta go!

[Joe] Hola.

[Mason] Hunter, we gotta go now.

[Freshman] Wait a minute.

Do it! Thank you.

Not–

[Hunter] Uh-oh. Joe?

I am…

[Mason] Joe, please, please…
Ricardo… Montana.

Come on, Joe. Joe?

This is my city.

[woman] Did you see that? El Rey de Miami.

Hey, hey! Joe, Joe, Joe! Please, you’re gonna get us killed.

[laughing]

Welcome to the fiesta.

You’re late, puto.

[crowd] Ohh.

Thank you.

[Joe] Gah! Aah!

I no feel it!

[Nick] Oh, God!

I think we gave him a little too much. Go get that grasshopper.

I am Ricardo!

[upbeat Latin pop music playing]

[panting]

[Mason] Run! Run, run!

[bouncer] Ah-ah-ah!

[Hunter] Oh!

[Joe] To the horses!

[Nick] Horses?

I don’t know what horses is.

[Joe] Oh, shit!

[crash]

[Mason] Go, go, go, go, go, go!

[Nick] Oh! Oh, dude!

[Joe] Gah!

I fine.

[woman] Show me.

[Joe] I okay. Peekaboo, motherfucker.

Oh, my friend! Ah!

Puto, yes!

[Nick] Oh no!

[crowd gasping]

[Joe] To the horses!

These are the horses!

You don’t wanna do that.

[“Gasolina” by Daddy Yankee playing]

You a dead man. Okay.

[lyrics in Spanish]

[neighing]

[music fades]

[Mason, echoing] Ricardo? Hello?

Ricardo?

You awake, Ricardo?

Ricardo?

[scoffs]

Guys, he’s finally awake.

[Joe] Ricardo?

[Freshman] Hey!

[group chuckling]

[Mason] What are we sippin’ on? Look at this.

[as Ricardo] Hey, my baby.

It’s your lover.

♪ A ella le gusta la gasolina ♪

♪ Dame más gasolina♪

[echoing] I love you!

[suspenseful music playing]

[tires squeal]

[Jaze] We have a problem. Somebody stole our shipment.

No, no, no. New guy. Pretended to be a cop.

Stole our motherfucking cocaine.

What’s up, baby? This is not mine. I don’t know what the fuck this is.

Pull it up, pull it up.

[Mason] Please, please, Joe… Right there. Listen.

I am El Rey de Miami.

This is my city.

His name? His name is… Ricardo Montana.

[Nick on video] …wingman…

[Hunter] I really think… Hey. Hey, what’s up, Nick?

Um, so I was just thinking for tonight, uh, I was thinking it’d be sick if maybe you sat… you sat this one out.

It should just be us, you know?

Not some random stranger who showed up out of nowhere, way older than us.

Okay.

Nick, look, man, I get it.

Like you’re scared. You feel like you’re about to lose your best friend, and because of that feeling, you know, you got a nice amount of energy bottled up that you don’t know what to do with.

Take that energy and apply it to yourself.

Start thinkin’ about the things you wanna do with your life.

Like a career, you know? Yeah.

Yeah, well, I know what I… I’m gonna do.

Okay. I just wanna be helpful to you, unc.

Ah, that’s a hard C.

I don’t think I really need help, though… Nick.

Oh, Yeah, I don’t like that C thing you’re doing.

Well, mine’s was a K.

Whatever, man. I’m good.

Oh. My life is gonna be lit.

Well, mine too, buddy. Yeah?

Lit-y. Great.

Okay. Cool.

Yeah. Huh.

[snorts] [scoffs]

Tsk. Pfft.

All right. So we’re good?

Yeah.

Uh. so maybe you just… stay around here tonight, I mean?

Organize your pills, ice your back, shit like that?

I don’t ice my back.

You know… you know what, Nick? I’m going.

[upbeat salsa music playing]

[Joe laughs] Oh, guys, guys, wait a minute. Hold on. Hold on. Yes.

Wow! Medium well, please.

Right, right, right, right.

Hey, boys, hey. I think that it is time that you take full custody of this.

The book. Oh shit.

[Mason] Nick, this is the… the…

Oh, my God. Look at these photos.

Oh, our first concert.

The OutKast reunion!

[Nick] Yes, bro.

No, Nick, you have always been the keeper of the book, dude.

You’re about to get married.

You’re gonna be the most responsible one out of all of us.

Nick, this is the best fucking gift I ever could have asked for, man.

I got you, bro. Love you, man. Thank you.

[Hunter] Aw, that’s a good gift. That’s nice. Really nice.

All your memories are in that book?

Why don’t you guys just use social media? That’s what it’s for, right?

This is a physical representation of who we are.

Nick started it when we were 12.

Since then, anything that has happened has gone into this book.

Can… can I take a look at it? I don’t know if–

[Mason] Can you look?

[Joe] Yeah.

After this weekend, Joe, you gonna be in this book.

[Freshman chuckles] Well, that…

I mean, I don’t know. I don’t even know how to take that. That was huge.

It’s incredible, actually.

So you guys aren’t lying. This is really from the early days.

[Mason] That’s right.

[Joe] Wow. Look at you guys.

Is this what Facebook was like? Hey, Joe? Just get the book back?

Sure, Nick.

Yep. You’re kind of crinkling it.

It’s an old book, you know? Got it.

[phone buzzing]

Sorry, give me… give me one second.

[Mason] Oh, yeah, take your time.

Joe, this new shot of these kids hanging out and making drinks with the Unlimited, this is incredible.

I know, and this generation is all about real, authentic connection, not the shit that you wanna fucking put online.

They’re into the real shit, things people will never see.

Yo, this promotion is yours, Joe.

Joe Nixon’s back, baby!

Fuck, yeah! Yeah! -Oh.

You know, except–

Why’d you say “except?” There’s no women in this footage.

Come on, Barry, stop it with the women and the titties and shit.

No, no, no, no, no. Not that, okay?

I was thinking about titties, talking about… Terry’s gonna want the woman’s perspective, you know?

That’s 50 percent of the customer base.

The female demo, yeah. Yes.

So go find some Gen Z women.

Shit. Okay, I gotta go.

Hey, did you turn the oven on?

No more dino nuggets!

-We had dino nuggets… [laughs] Oh!

[in Spanish] It’s the Tiger, Ricardo Montana!

The whole city is talking about the shit you pulled.

Cold-blooded…. Cold-blooded!

All we want to do is show respect to the new boss of the bosses!

[stamps] Oh!

Gracias.

[exclaiming in Spanish]

[suspenseful music playing]

[in English] Please take this away from me.

Something’s off about this Ricardo guy, man.

[phone chimes]

You fucking kidding me?

[tires screech]

[horn blares]

[techno music playing in club]

[Joe] I already know what you thinkin’.

“I gotta find me a girl that’s in my league,” right?

“Somebody normal.”

Wrong!

Tonight, we in the major leagues. I’mma be your coach.

I don’t know, man. I feel like a fucking pervert talking to women in person.

I would much rather just comment on her Instagram till she notices.

Look, here’s what you’re gonna do. Yeah.

You gonna look out there on that dance floor.

When you find the prettiest girl, you gonna point to her. Right?

Do something to start the conversation.

Oh, wow. Say, “I need help settling this debate.”

This is like a master class.

[Hunter] A debate?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Blacks versus whites.

[splutters]

What? Probably not.

No, man.

[woman] Whoo!

Whoa! Yo. Yo! Remember the bachelorette party from this morning?

Yeah. They’re here, dawg.

Six o’clock. No way.

We gotta wait till six o’clock? No, six o’clock.

[woman laughing]

Whoo! Cheers! -♪ Can’t touch this… ♪

Hunter. Yeah?

I’m about to call a play. We up. Look at me.

Look at what I’m calling. I don’t know what that means.

Follow me! Okay, got it.

[ominous music playing]

¿Cómo está?

[bouncer] Hey, what’s goin’ on?

Have a good night. Enjoy.

Ladies!

Hey! How you doin’? I’m Big Dick Joe.

Oh, well, hi.

Mmm! What I tell you? What I tell you?

Mason. Uh, hey, he’s a groom.

Bride. I don’t know.

You guys should have sex and ruin your marriages!

Uh, that’s Nick. Forgive him.

His sense of humor hasn’t grown since middle school.

Let me keep it going. This is Freshman. Hi.

Nice to meet you. Freshman?

Like, “Freshman” like school. Oh, I went to school too.

I’m gonna go home. I don’t wanna do this. What?

I’m gonna go home and go to bed. No! Absolutely not.

I called the play. I called the play! Go.

All right, here we go.

You. Me?

I’ve been watching you dance.

I also have a big penis.

Why you doin’ the Terminator? What the fuck?

Yeah, I’m just gonna… I’m sorry, I don’t.

I’m Hunter. How are you? Scarlett.

You never bail. Shit. [clattering]

Hi. Oh, hello.

It’s nice to meet you. [barks] How are you? Oh!

[chuckles] Oh, that’s cool. Yeah.

[barking] [laughs] Oh, barking.

Yeah. Hey, Joe?

Yeah? I’ll see you after.

Hey. Hi.

How you doin’?

That over there’s my best friend, Scarlett.

She’s into big twinks and she just broke up with her ex.

So she’s gonna fuck his brains out.

And it’s like, if they’re gonna fuck, then… then we’re gonna fuck, right?

No. No, we not.

Pull your dick out. What?

I can get to it if you want me to.

It’s easy if I just put a leg up. Huh?

I have a condom on already. You got a what?

[ominous music playing]

You gotta try this. It’s pretty good. Okay.

Oh my gosh!

Oh! Oh, that’s okay.

We can save it.

[bride] It’s fine.

Let’s just cheers now.

[Mason] Okay.

Don’t spit that. Don’t sp–

Hey, hey. Listen. Yeah.

I know that you’re weird and old and stuff, but this is cool, man.

Thank you. Means a lot. Come here, man.

All right. That’s what grown men do.

All right, guys, split up and find this motherfucker.

He’s gotta be here somewhere.

So we are going to another club. Do y’all wanna come with us?

We got a stretch limo, plenty of room.

I think I speak on behalf of all the guys here that we’re trying to have a boys’ night.

He don’t speak for me. He don’t at all.

The fuck? Come on, it’ll be fun.

Ladies, let me talk to the guys.

Yeah.

[Joe] Have a little powwow.

Y’all just give us a second.

[woman 1] Okay.

With the guys. Will you back off?

Please. Come on, baby.

Come on, Hunter!

Whoo!

[Freshman] Ha ha!

[Hunter] Yeah! Dang!

My life changed completely. So fast. You’re on the plane. You gotta land it.

Gotta land the flight. I gotta be like Sully.

[Joe] Yes. Yeah.

Okay. I’mma get right to it. Who’s fucking? Raise your hand.

Oh, yeah.

Oh shit, yeah. If approached to fuck, I will fuck, sir.

And I am not fucking anyone who isn’t Emily, but I will go wherever you guys wanna go.

Did you count me? I’m fucking. I’m fucking ready to fuck.

I know, but that’s aggressive.

[suspenseful music playing]

All right. Okay, okay, okay. We got three yeses, one maybe, and one no.

I’m not… I’m not… I’m not fucking either, Mase.

You’re not? So I got two. Two no fucks, three fucks.

Okay? All right, I’m about to call it in. Ladies.

[all] Yes? We’re in.

[squealing]

[squeal echoing]

[ominous music playing]

No– [echoing] We’ll go in the stretch limo.

[Joe] I know!

It’s okay. Enjoy your drink.

[Joe] Walk! Just go.

[woman 2] Lead the way!

[phone rings]

[woman 2] Wanna call your mama?

[Joe] Take the bag. No, please…

[woman 2] Meet you in there, baby.

[Joe] Get in the car, please!

Hello? [Jennifer] Hey, babe.

Hey… Hey!

I think this is the wrong number.

I’m looking for somebody named Ricardo.

[Joe] Hah! I can explain that.

I can, I can give you– -No, thank you.

Um, I’m just calling you back.

Unless now’s not a good time.

No. No, no, no. No! This… this is a great time.

Joe! Come on! [thud]

[woman 2] Hurry up. Get your dick in here!

[barking]

Shut up and get the fuck in the car. Who is that?

I’m in the v… I’m in the big van.

[Jennifer] Who the fuck is that?

Oh, who’s that? You… No. Ah. That’s, um… Hunter… So this… [chuckles] It’s crazy. He broke up–

[woman 2] Whether you like it or not?

[beep]

You’re gonna give me that dick!

No dick for you.

[beep] You there?

Babe, you know what? Actually, if I could… Give me…

Give me, like… give me, like, a quick minute.

Let me deal with some stuff real quick– No.

I cannot wait to be a priority in your life.

I can’t. -What? Why would you say that?

You are the priority. I’m not.

Because if I was, you would be here and not there.

And clearly moving in together was a big mistake.

I’ll be gone when you get back. No, no, no, no. Babe, don’t hang up.

[disconnection tone] That’s…

[woman 2] Baby, you done with your phone call?

[Latin hip-hop music playing in limo]

[Mason] Joe, talk to me, man. What’s up?

Jen is leaving. She’s movin’ out.

Okay, so… what are you gonna do about it?

That’s a good question, Mason. I don’t know.

I got the perfect thing.

I’m gonna ask you a couple of questions from a quiz that was really popular online like a year ago, okay?

But the most important thing is that you answer without thinking, okay?

Sure.

Do you love this woman?

Yes.

Okay. Do you wanna spend the rest of your life with her?

Don’t think, just answer.

Do you wanna spend the rest of your life with her?

Yes.

You passed the test.

That’s the test? Two questions, that’s the…

No, the test had like, a hundred questions that basically boiled down to you and your partner’s sleeping numbers.

It was like a mattress firm brand quiz.

But you answered the two most important questions correctly.

Mmm.

See, who cares if we don’t have all the pieces fitting perfectly together?

Go home and tell her that you love her, that you wanna be with her forever.

I promise you, if she is the right one, she will take you as you are.

Wow.

[poignant music playing] How old are you again?

[clicks tongue and chuckles]

[Hunter] Well, I got it. Did you ask me if I wanted a shot?

[Scarlett] A shot!

[bride] Yes!

I’m not getting married, guys!

So I can still have some fun. Come on!

[cheering]

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

[woman 2] Yeah!

[bride] Whoo!

You guys should talk, man.

Uh, no. He has the emotional intelligence of a child.

Whoo! I like that. I like that. Yeah!

The bond that you guys share, man, it’s… it’s pretty amazing.

Like, that scrapbook, the memories, that’s the stuff worth fighting for.

I hope that you find a way to have a conversation.

I hope so.

Hey, I’ve been meanin’, uh… to talk to you about somethin’.

Yeah. It’s a little, um… work-related.

[yawning] Uh-huh.

[woman 2] Hi! All out of beverage.

[bride] We’re doing shots.

And I got to drink some more. You promised me. You promised.

Don’t start yawning now. We had a deal.

I have some for you. [echoing] Glug-glug-glug.

That last shot, though, I think I might have… made a mistake.

[giggles] Guys, it’s all spinning.

[Nick] You gonna take care of me… What’s goin’ on?

[Hunter] This car is so long.

[suspenseful music playing] Hey.

[mumbles]

[bride] What, baby? What you worried about?

[slurring] Everybody over here all of a sudden taking a nap.

[echoing] I know you fucking lying… You fucking lying… lying… [echoing] Night-night, bitch.

[laughter echoing]

[music fades]

[seabirds calling]

[Mason coughing]

[Nick groans]

[Mason] Yo, is everybody okay?

[Hunter] I think so.

[Mason] Shit!

They stole my phone and my wallet.

Guys, it’s all gone, all of it.

[Nick] Wait, what?

What the fuck? Wait, they…

They fucking robbed us, man.

[Mason] That’s what I just said.

[Nick] I knew it, dude. Those girls were bad news.

So many red flags. That girl was hooking up with Hunter in five minutes.

Her name was Scarlett. I think we had something real.

Oh, shut the fuck up.

If we’re here, I hope the girls are okay.

Freshman, the girls robbed us. Huh?

The girls are the ones who fuckin’ robbed us, man.

Girls can be bad?

Wait. Wait, wait.

Where’s the book, dude?

The fucking book, guys.

They stole the fucking book, man.

They took the fucking book, Joe! I’m sorry.

This big excursion, so fun, man. I’m sorry.

You’re sorry? That’s great. That helps a lot, dude. Fuck!

I mean, what the fuck? How are we gonna get back?

We don’t even know where we are. We could be in fucking Cuba.

We’re not in Cuba.

Joe, what are we doing, man? What are we supposed to do right now?

Come on, on your feet. Let’s just… Let’s walk, see if we can find a road.

[“(I Got) So Much Trouble in My Mind” by Sir Joe Quarterman playing]

♪ Give me the strength to carry on ♪

♪ Give me the strength to carry on… ♪

[Freshman] Hey, Joe, this a beach.

We’re on a fuckin’ island, guys.

♪ Think about it ♪

♪ I think about it, I think about it… ♪

[Hunter] Tiny-ass island.

We’re gonna fucking die out here, man.

We’re gonna have to resort to cannibalism.

Yeah. We’re gonna eat each other out.

No, Freshman, just eat each other.

Yeah. They do it in the movies all the time.

[Nick] You will be the first one.

[Joe] I’m not…

[Nick] Shit.

[Joe] Hold on.

[Freshman and Mason] What? A boat. Look.

There’s a boat!

[all] Hey! Hey!

[Freshman] Hey.

[Hunter] Hey, sir.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

[click] What the hell? Where did you come from?

Have you been watching us?

Yeah, from… from over there.

Look, it’s an emergency. These women… girls, rather, they, uh, took our phones, our wallets, right?

Self-respect.

Bad people. Pretty people, though.

We’re just trying to see if maybe we can get a ride back to Miami.

[dramatic music playing]

[man 1 shouting on deck] Twist it, twist it!

[man 2] If it’s there, we breathe in!

[heavy footsteps]

[man 1] Yeah! It stinks… Tell you what, man.

We can count our positives way more than we can count the negatives.

If that fisherman hadn’t been there–

Dude, just shut the fuck up, man.

Am I the only one who’s wondering where we are?

We’re on a boat. No, I know we’re on a boat, man.

I’m saying this doesn’t feel like a normal fishing boat.

What is all this fucking shit? Probably fish.

[Mason] Let’s just open it.

[Nick] It should be fish.

[Hunter] It’s not fish. Why would it be locked up?

[Nick] Okay.

[Mason sighs]

[Nick] Wh… what is that?

Pool noodle?

Freshly used. It’s not a pool noodle.

Yeah, the kids grab ’em and play with ’em in the…

[squelching] In the pool.

Heavier than they normally would be.

[Nick] What’s so funny?

What the fuck are you laughing at, Freshman? What’s funny?

[Freshman] The boxes say “Kujira no penisu.”

What language is that? What?

[Freshman] Every box is in Japanese. You can read Japanese?

[Freshman] Yeah. What do you mean, “yeah”?

I’m a hyperpolyglot. You’re a what?

Hyperpolyglot. Like, I know a bunch of languages.

Hey, man, what the fuck is it?

It’s a whale dick, man. You got a whale dick in your hand.

[Joe] You couldn’t start with that?

[Mason] Hey, relax.

Why didn’t you fuckin’ start with that? There’s gotta be at least 50 whale dicks.

These are extremely valuable.

[Nick] What?

There’s a whole black market to sell these.

They have healing and aphrodisiac power. How do you know?

Did you study whale dicks? Briefly, online.

Is this illegal? They’re fucking smugglers.

I told you!

[Nick] Sh, sh!

[footsteps] Sh, sh, sh!

[helicopter hovering]

[dramatic music playing]

[woman] This is the US Coast Guard.

Stop your vessel. Prepare to be boarded.

[man 1] Board this, asshole!

[Hunter] We gotta get outta here now.

[Joe] Do not go out there.

Know why? ‘Cause right now, whatever the fuck is happening up there, they gonna assume we’re part of whatever the fuck this is.

[man 1] They’re not getting my penises!

[gunshot]

[gunfire]

Do not fucking move.

Don’t move? They’re shooting! I don’t give a shit what they do.

[Nick] I don’t wanna get shot. You’ll get shot if you go up there.

We’re gonna stay here.

[Freshman] Hey. Stay here.

[woman] Drop your weapons and put your hands up.

[man 1] Isn’t there someone else you could be arresting?

[gunfire]

[Joe] Listen.

[man 1] Whoo! They jumped off the boat.

[Nick] What do you mean? They jumped off!

So who’s driving the fucking boat? There’s no one driving the fucking boat.

[Nick] Joe! Joe, Joe. What do you mean? It’s water, Joe!

[Freshman yelps]

[Nick] Oh no!

Go, go!

[Mason] Get the fuck out!

[Nick] What? Oh shit.

[Mason] Get the fuck out!

[all yelling]

[Nick] I got it.

Okay, I got it.

[Joe] Oh!

Look, look! Turn it. Turn it and push it! Okay.

Turn it? Hurry up!

[Joe] And push. Come on!

It ain’t opening! Sorry!

I’m really sorry. What are you sorry about? Get it open!

We’ll do it together. Let’s go on three. No.

What? Can’t do three.

[Nick] What? I’m not good on threes. Let’s do four.

Okay, fine. Fuck! You ready?

One, two, three, four.

[metal grinding]

[Nick groans]

[Joe] I told you.

[Nick] Yes!

All my life. I’ve never done on four.

I can’t. I’ve only done three.

I’ve never been able to do three. Go!

Go! Okay, yep. Sorry, you’re right. Come on.

[Hunter] Wait for me.

[Joe] Grab a whale dick!

Swim to the beach.

Grab a dick. Grab a what?

I got a dick. Grab a dick!

[music fades]

[Joe] It’s good these things float.

[Freshman] They way better than pool noodles.

[Mason] I just need to lay down.

[Hunter] I swallowed so much water.

[Nick] I wish I could thank the whale that this dick belonged to.

[Freshman sighs] I’m so thirsty.

[Mason sighs]

[all groaning]

Guys, dang, man! We can say whatever we want.

Without these dicks, we don’t make it. Hey, Joe.

[Joe] Yeah? There’s a jellyfish.

[Joe] Oh, shit! Guys, jellyfish at nine o’clock.

Listen. One of those sting you, it’s over.

Ooh! Fuck! Dude! What?

[Hunter] I think it got you. Joe.

It got who?

[Nick] Your face!

It got me on the fuckin’ face?

[all] Oh!

[Hunter] Oh, my God!

[Mason] Oh, shit!

[all wailing]

Do you feel anything? Guys, I think it got me!

[Mason] Yeah, no, we know! It got me!

Use the dick. What?

The dick has healing properties. Is it fuckin’ swollen?

If you put your face on it, it will help. No! No!

And I hate to say it, but it’s concentrated mostly in the tip.

That’s bullshit, man!

By the way, we are so lucky, ’cause this one has some semen left over.

[Joe] Whatever it is, it’s numbing it a little.

[all laughing helplessly]

Hey, Joe, at least take the whale to dinner first.

Why don’t you go fuck yourself, Nick?

[Nick] That whale will never forget you!

Okay, that’s not… That’s honestly ridiculous, guys.

I gotta get Benadryl and some ginger.

I need ginger.

‘Cause my body, the way that my body works, sometimes I just gotta settle down the energy.

God, it fuckin’ hurts.

That got pretty epic back there, but… we almost drowned in that boat, and you saved us.

I honestly just did what I had to do, man.

I was thinking, um…

I’d really appreciate it if you came to my wedding, Joe.

Say that again?

Joe, you are a part of this family as much as anybody else.

So I want you there on my big day. Please.

It’d be my fucking honor. You hear me?

All right. Let’s– I mean that.

Let’s go get you some Benadryl. Yeah, I’m fine.

By the way, already feeling better after that news.

[man] I send you out all night and you come back with nothing?

What is this guy, a ghost?

There’s too many people on the streets talking.

If word gets out that it’s okay to steal from me?

Fuck no. Stop.

I want my drugs back. Tonight. Go back.

Stop.

Fuck! There he is. -What?

I knew I knew that son of a bitch. He’s staying at one of our mansions.

Pull up the address. -He’s renting one of our properties?

He broke in your summer closet after you put that label on it.

And you didn’t recognize him? What are you, a fuckin’ idiot?

He’s a fucking dead man.

[upbeat salsa music playing]

[group groaning]

[Mason] Unbelievable.

[shoes thud]

[Hunter] Holy shit, my feet hurt.

Get some water. Can someone get some water?

[Nick groans]

[Hunter] Thanks.

[Joe] Mm-hmm.

You know what I think? I probably should get some more Benadryl.

We could try Find My Phone on your computer.

[Joe] It’s a good idea, Mason. A real good idea.

You know, maybe we can find those girls and get our shit back.

Hey, Joe, what are all these photos and videos of us?

[suspenseful music playing]

Ohh… Oh, that’s right.

What is this?

[Hunter] What’s up? “Unlimited campaign pitch deck”?

The fuck? That’s why you brought the Unlimited bottles?

This is a fucking marketing campaign?

You’ve been doing, like, corporate espionage.

Listen to me, Nick. That is not what corporate espionage is.

Bro, look at the angle on this.

That’s what that fake-ass necklace was. It was a camera!

Why you guys acting like this, hmm? Y’all should be honored.

How fuckin’ delusional do you gotta be to think that we would be honored that you commodified our life just to sell shit?

What? This whole weekend’s just been some kind of fuckin’ lie, huh?

I feel violated.

Hunter… You exploited us without our consent!

For your own personal shit.

You’re a monster, Joe.

Now, that’s enough.

That is enough!

I’m not a monster!

[Freshman] Joe.

I don’t feel Miami no more, man.

Freshman, now, hold on. Freshman. Freshman, don’t walk off like this.

You still in Miami.

Thought you got me out of my slump, but you’re just like Elizabeth.

You look and sound exactly like her right now.

[scoffs] Fuck you, Joe.

Fuck me? I’m… I’m the one that almost got your dick sucked.

Almost.

[sighs heavily] This is crazy, guys.

I trusted you, man.

[Joe] Hey. Hey.

Out of all people, you… you the one that should be on my side.

After what you said, remember?

You said Nick has the emotional intelligence of a child.

Did you not say that to me?

I know he’s all drugged up.

There’s no way you said that to him.

[poignant music playing]

[Joe] Tell him, Mason. Right?

Yeah.

Yeah, you know what, Nick?

It has been a little difficult to talk to you since I got engaged.

What? Are you serious? You friend-cheated on me with this weirdo?

It was just nice to talk to somebody about how excited I am to be engaged without being called a pussy every five seconds.

What are you talking about, Mase? That’s what our whole relationship is based on.

That’s how I show you– I’m telling you that doesn’t work for me.

Let it land.

Shut up, Joe! Shut the fuck up, Joe!

Fair. You know what?

Your little project? Don’t do that.

Mmm? Hey, uh, okay, Nick?

I’m gonna tell you this one time. Hmm? Do you think this is cool, Joe?

You do what I think you’re about to, it’s gonna be some furniture movin’ in here.

Swimmin’ with the fishes, Joe.

[Joe] No, Nick, no–

Oh, you got some fuckin’ nerve, don’t you?

Goddamn it! You done did it.

Ah, shit!

They say I got seven seconds. Can’t hook it.

You…

You done fucked up, Nick. You hear me?

You a bad person, Joe.

Yeah, you better walk away.

That’s what you better do. You better storm out like a little child.

[scoffs] I can’t believe that shit. Mason, can you believe that?

Joe, you gotta leave, man.

[poignant music playing]

So that’s how it’s gonna be, huh?

Well, my name is still on that contract.

Hey, y’all gonna give me my luggage?

[lively Latin pop music playing in bar]

Mmm.

Aah.

I probably took more than I’m supposed to take, but I feel like I had to.

I think it’s going down, which is a good thing, right?

Having such a bad day.

Lost my goddamn phone. I ain’t got no wallet.

Can’t pay for shit.

God damn. What’d you just say?

Hmm? You said you can’t pay for this?

I said I can’t play with this. I don’t fuck with that water.

[woman] Whoo!

Whoo! Yeah!

I know you fuckin’ lyin’.

[dramatic salsa music playing]

[woman laughs]

[man] Hey!

[grunts]

Hey! Don’t trust them bitches!

[women] Shots! Shots! Shots!

Wait! Them bitches are robbers!

They’re fuckin’ robbers!

Don’t trust them!

Aah!

I was having…

[Joe] Aah!

[grunting] Aah!

[bride] Hey, what the fuck was that?

[Joe] Yah!

Oh, shit! Surprise, bitches!

Guess who’s back from Roofie Island?

[tires screech]

[all exclaiming] Oh my God!

Everybody stay still! What the fuck?

Listen to me. I’m here to save your life because these bitches, they crooks!

What, man?

[Joe] No!

Oh, fuck!

[Joe] Don’t you fucking drink that!

Don’t drink it! They gonna fucking drug y’all!

You hear me? You’re not gonna be yourself.

He drank it.

Hey, brother, look at me. He gone! He’s smashed.

Shut your ass up! Hey, man! He just looks like that!

Look at me, man. Don’t you fucking die on me!

Fuck this shit! I’m out. No, no…

[Joe] You gotta get him some fucking food, man. Put somethin’ on his system.

Put somethin’ on his system. Noted!

[Joe] Get him some fuckin’ water!

Ohh. Now, I see this goin’ one of two ways.

You can either go the easy way or the hard way.

Easy way is real simple.

Give us our shit.

You mean our shit, yeah?

Oh, you want it? Well!

Somebody’s smart about their choice. Want it?

[“Victory Lap” by Fred again.., Skepta & PlaqueBoyMax playing]

[echoing groan]

[Joe] Oh, shit!

Get off! Get off of me!

Man, shut the fuck up!

Get his ass! Fuck him up.

[woman 2] Get out! Get the fuck out!

Y’all tryin’ to kill me? Get the fuck out!

[Joe wailing]

Get the fuck out! Get your fuckin’ hands off me!

[Scarlett shrieks]

[all yelp]

♪ But now we’re on stage And a milli gets made ♪

♪ I need that, I need that, Greaze… ♪

Yes! Sit your ass down!

I’ll fuck you up!

[slowed-down yelling]

[groans]

[Joe] What the fuck is wrong with y’all?

You die!

Motherfucker! Bitch, take this!

[woman 2 screams] I didn’t actually want your dick. You thought that?

[screaming]

[Joe] Fuck you, bitches!

[slowed] Oh, shit!

[screaming]

Oh my God, Scarlett! I’m so sorry! God! Oh, my God!

[slowed-down yelling]

[tires screeching]

[shrieking and groaning]

[screaming]

♪ Black Swan, Darren Aronofsky Plug said he want 16 for the pound ♪

♪ But I’m tryna get it Under a rack like Saudi ♪

-♪ Iced-out watch, my diamonds cloudy ♪

[bride] Get his ass!

-♪ Grills like Foreman ♪

[Joe] I’m getting the fuck out of here!

[driver] Watch out! Oh!

[women yelling]

Get over here!

I would never fuck you, you fucking idiot!

Oh, yeah? You fucking lost!

Four against one. Four against one! And I got the bag. Fuck you!

♪ I need that, I need that I need that, I need that ♪

I got your scrapbook back.

It wasn’t easy, but I fuckin’–

[all yelling]

What the fuck are you doing?

I’m sorry! I thought you were them. Thought I was who?

Drug guys, man.

What?

[Freshman] They took Mason!

You know Mason, the strong one we were with?

The wedding? Yeah.

There was four of us, now three? I know Mason.

Light-skinned, kinda like us but lighter? I know who the fuck Mason is!

They took him! I’m losing a lotta patience with you.

With me? You made us drug dealers! Yes.

Stop it! Right now. Take a beat, and tell me what the fuck is goin’ on.

They think that you, Ricardo Montana, are some sort of kingpin trying to move into their territory.

Who thinks that? They told us that we have until 8:00 p.m.

We get the drugs back, or they’re gonna kill Mason.

What drugs? Yeah, “What drugs?”

Yeah, what drug… Don’t pull that shit on me. What drugs?

You stole 30 kilos of cocaine from the big yacht.

I ain’t steal no goddamn drugs.

[Nick] You did!

They gave me this burner phone and they said if we call the cops, they’re gonna kill Mason.

We have to meet them at some exchange point with the drugs.

I don’t know how to use this. It’s from your generation. You do it.

Y’all need to listen to me. Listen good.

You sound like fuckin’ idiots!

Like I wouldn’t know if I had 30 kilos of cocaine on the…

[gasps]

[Hunter] Careful.

[Joe] The jet skis!

When you go down the stairs, make a left.

[Freshman] Come on, come on!

[Hunter] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Joe] Oh, God.

[Hunter] Over here, over here.

[Freshman] How you open it?

[Nick groans]

[Hunter] Oh, the front.

Hold the top. Oh! Oh!

That’s, like, five billion dollars’ worth of cocaine.

I don’t know about that math, man. Guys, what is it?

Yeah. Yeah, Joe.

Bunch of it, man.

[Nick] Oh, shit. [dialing]

[outgoing call ringing]

[man] You bitches have my drugs?

Yes, but… but listen, we… we have them, but I just wanna tell you that we–

Who’s this?

Um… This is Joe Nixon.

I told you I only wanna talk to Ricardo Montana.

Give me Ricardo Montana or the kid dies.

[Nick] Oh, my… Okay, so here’s the thing–

[hangs up]

Hello? Oh, shit, he hung up. Oh, my…

Oh, fuck, no.

No, no, no, no. Okay, uh, call… call him back and be Ricardo.

It’s not that easy. Just call Ricardo.

I don’t have the fuckin’ patience to deal with Freshman right now.

[Hunter] Chill out. It’s not a different guy. It’s a…

It’s him. What?

[Nick] Just– Guys, I cannot just become Ricardo.

Ricardo is inside of you. All right. He’s inside of him?

It sounded weird. Wait.

It’s not voluntary.

All right? It only happens if I… if I do the shit.

What?

Okay, so…

[both sniff]

[tense music playing]

Nick, cut him up a little bit of that.

Come on, Joe, it’s just… it’s just coke. Yep, just get in there.

[sighs] For Mason.

Oh. [sighs]

[snorts]

Whew! Oh.

[Joe] Hah!

Whoo! Did it work?

Yeah, are you… are you Ricardo?

God, please speak Spanish.

[Joe groans]

[Freshman] You wanna salsa yet?

[Nick] Buenos… buenos días. [sighs]

Hola, Ricardo?

Hola? ¿Cómo estás?

[tense music playing]

No, still Joe.

[Nick] Fuck! Fuck me, man. Come on, dude.

Um… Do more.

Yeah. What?

Do more fucking coke, man! We need you to become Ricardo.

That makes a lot of sense. You have to do more coke.

No. No. Wait. What if Joe dies?

That’s a good point.

What if Joe dies? What if Mason dies, dawg?

You gotta just do it. I didn’t put anything on my stomach.

My stomach get fucked up. I didn’t take no Pepto-Bismol.

Shut the fuck up about Pepto! Do more!

Not how it works. When you do it, wait a beat. Take a beat.

Then after that, another beat. A beat?

If I don’t… What’s he talking about?

What are you talking about? Do more, man!

No, you gotta– Hey, fuck it.

You’re doing more cocaine.

[Joe] No, no! Oh!

Do it!

[Joe] Oh, fuck!

[sneezing] Oh. Oh!

[squeaks]

[wheezes]

What the fuck was that?

Huh? Seriously, man, seriously.

What the fuck? What are you doing, man?

Fuck that! Don’t put a handful of cocaine in somebody’s face.

I don’t know what it was. What if I fuckin’ OD’d?

You’re fucked up. Fucked up. Everybody here’s–

[dramatic music playing]

[Nick gasps]

[Freshman gasps] Oh, shit.

Where did he get glasses from?

[clicks tongue]

[Hunter] Did it work?

Are you Ricardo?

[Joe sniffs]

[Freshman] Is he all right? Something happened. I don’t know.

[Nick] Say something.

[Hunter] How you feelin’?

Did you– -¡Cállate!

We was trying to call you, man.

Enough.

Dial the fucking number.

Okay.

[Hunter] Dial it.

Yeah. Okay. Put it on “peaker” phone.

What? Put it on “peaker” phone.

Do what he says, man. Put it on “peaker” phone.

[tense music playing]

“Peaker” phone. There ya go.

[outgoing call rings]

[clicks tongue]

[drug boss] This better be Ricardo.

Sí.

And you are?

We both know who I am. Do you have my drugs?

Maybe I do, maybe I don’t.

No, we have them. It depends.

Depends on if you have my niño.

That’s “boy.”

Hmm?

I have your niño.

Listen.

You listen good.

Oh, he’s… he’s negotiating.

If there is one scratch… on him, one scratch, you and me, we gon’ have a problem.

Big problem.

Hmm?

You no want a problem with me, ’cause I crazy.

You hear me?

Why don’t I just kill him now?

Fuck.

[Joe] I’ll tell you why!

Because you no want no war.

I want war.

I love war.

In fact, you want to hear a little surprise?

Hmm?

I already partner with the yakuza.

They with me today.

No! Why are you saying that? Hmm.

You’re full of shit. I already have a deal with the yakuza.

I no lie!

It makes me want to feed you to my hippopotamus. Huh?

I let you talk to the yakuza yourself.

Why are you doing this, man? No.

Yakuza.

Speak.

[in Japanese] Not anymore. We’ve partnered with Ricardo Montana.

Boom.

Like a big bomb go off.

So now you listen to me.

We are going to do a trade.

My guy, your drug, hmm? That simple.

Hey, maybe you should– Hey.

I would just– Yah!

Oh!

What the fuck, dude?

[Joe] Enough.

Slapped the fuck outta you.

Silence.

Oh!

Do we have a deal?

Ow! What?

[Joe] Huh?

Sending you a location.

Aah. Oh, yes.

You make the right decision.

I’m looking forward to settling who the true king of Miami is.

And I look forward to fucking your mother.

What the fuck, man? Wait a minute.

[Hunter] Too far. What is that?

[Hunter] Ricardo! Don’t fuck with Ricardo.

That’s great.

[phone buzzes]

Oh, oh, oh, oh! We got a text.

Oh, it’s an address.

All right. Come on, let’s go. We got this shit. Let’s go.

Get all of the drugs and just get out–

Wait!

[dramatic music playing]

[sniffs]

Hmm.

[sniffs]

This is good.

If we are going to party, then I am going to want to dress appropriately.

And you, well, you will do the same.

Hmm?

♪ Estoy ♪

♪ El camino ♪

Aah! -♪ Yeah ♪

¡Vamos!

Vamos, yeah. I don’t know.

♪ Hang on, I be gettin’ to the money ♪

♪ Everybody mad ♪

♪ Think I’m gettin’ too much money ♪

♪ Everybody mad ♪

♪ The same ol’ nigga from the block ♪

♪ The same old nigga with the pot ♪

♪ The same old nigga from the trap ♪

♪ Everybody hated on him Then he bounced right back ♪

♪ I done spent A whole lotta time overseas ♪

♪ Doublin’ my money ‘Cause you know I want cheese ♪

♪ I been in my hometown Playin’ with the keys ♪

♪ When they fell off the boat Yeah I’m talking ’bout Belize ♪

♪ I know it’s a whole lotta niggas That was hatin’ ♪

♪ All I see is 20’s, 50’s, 100’s ♪

[music stops]

[tense music playing]

[Mason whimpers]

Ricardo, you good? You okay?

[Joe] Hmm?

No. The fucking coke wore off.

What? I can feel my goddamn teeth.

My chin is fuckin’ all of a sudden under control.

It’s gone.

[Nick] Got it.

I’ll helicopter dick. Distract ’em.

[Hunter] Do not take your dick out.

It’s long. They won’t know what to do. Yo!

[all yelp]

You glittery motherfuckers, let’s go. Just follow my lead.

Follow his lead. Follow his lead. Okay.

[ominous music playing]

Loco.

[Mason gasping]

Oh, I’m so glad you guys made a wardrobe change!

Okay, okay.

Papi‘s here.

Game’s over.

So. [sighs]

You thought you were gonna be the new king of Miami, eh, Ricardito?

Get on my boat, you steal my shit.

You think I was gonna let you go, with doing that?

Why are you wearing my father’s clothes?

Don’t fucking look down. I’m talking to you here.

Why are you wearing my dead father’s clothes?

What kind of person are you?

You know how much disrespect my father had when he was alive because he was a little person?

And now this? I gotta look at this little shit little person with his fucking clothes on?

[Mason groans]

I called the yakuza. They never heard of you.

So now I’m wondering, who the fuck is Ricardo Montana?

[thunder rumbles]

It’s a simple fucking question.

[music fades]

Why are you clapping?

Why the fuck are you clapping? Give… give me a gun.

[music resumes]

[gun cocks]

Okay, I’m gonna ask you the same question again.

Then I’m gonna count to three and I expect an answer.

Who the fuck is Ricardo Montana? One, two, three.

[all screaming]

Oh my God! Joe, just tell him the fuckin’ truth!

Okay. All right.

You wanna know the truth?

I’m nobody.

I’m a guy that crashed these fucking kids’ bachelor party because I’m… I’m scared.

[poignant music playing] I’m scared to grow up, man.

Ricardo Montana’s fuckin’ fiction. He’s not even real.

It’s some… it’s somebody I turn into when I do coke.

Okay? It makes me all stupid and crazy, man.

My name is Joe Nixon.

I’m a 40-year-old creative exec.

I stole the jet skis. I had no idea that the goddamn drugs was in ’em.

We had no idea.

[Hunter] No idea.

These guys got nothin’ to do with this. I’m the one. I fucked up. It’s all me.

So if you guys wanna do anything to anybody, it should be me.

‘Cause I’m the one whose fucking life is goin’ down a goddamn tube, and I’m scared.

That’s my truth.

All this is because… you had a midlife crisis?

I think I said a lot more than that. I think I said… I gave you more examples.

So you come down here pretending to be a Cuban drug lord with a shitty fucking accent?

You think every fucking drug lord here in Miami is Cuban?

No. Everybody wants to be fucking Tony Montana with a stupid fucking accent!

Am I speaking with that fucking accent?

What do you think you sound like?

[Nick] Joe.

No.

[boss] Are you a fucking moron? No–

Let me tell you something, when I do cocaine, I… I do a really hilarious African American accent.

Really? Okay, but, what, like hip-hop?

No, you fuckin’ idiot! Why would I do that? It’s disrespectful.

That’s… Okay, I get it. Are you a fuckin’ moron?

No, that’s what I’m saying. What you’re saying, after you say it, I’m like, “Oh.”

[poignant music continues]

[boss] I miss you, papi.

[thunder rumbling]

[boss inhales]

He’s crying.

He’s fucking crying?

You smell just like my father.

Yeah. Yeah.

[boss inhales]

You ain’t had… you ain’t had a chance to get it out.

[mouths]

Love you, papi.

[music stops] Uh…

Love… love you too.

[music resumes]

You’re too old for this crazy shit, man. You gotta settle down.

You know, I settled down, and it changed my life.

You see my son over here?

Jonathan. He’s my pride and joy.

Love you, Dad. [speaks Spanish]

Dad, uh, on the streets, I thought I told you to call me Jaze.

Shut up. They don’t call you that.

I swear to God. I told you last week over brunch.

I even got the tattoo and everything. Okay, whatever, Jazz.

Jaze, Dad, with an E. No–

Please, just say it. Okay, Jazz with an E. Okay, whatever.

Go.

I see what you’re saying about family, and that’s…

What you guys have? I want that.

He takes after his mother. Okay.

Okay.

You need to prioritize the people in your life that are most important.

Reach out to them, tell them you love them, and that you wanna be with them forever.

It’s the most important thing.

Okay, let him go. Let’s hit the road. Grab the stash.

Welcome home, buddy. Oh!

[Nick] We love you.

[Mason] Oh, my God.

Joey. Yeah?

You’re lucky I’m old school, and I don’t kill civilians.

Take the coat off.

Yeah, no, abs… absolutely.

You, uh… Yep, just…

That’s it. You want the pants too?

No, no, keep the pants.

[Hunter] Joe, what is on your ass?

That’s shit.

[Hunter] What?

Huh? What? That’s shit.

[Hunter] I was worried.

[Joe] The gunshot. It’s shit.

[Hunter] A scary situation. I did.

[Nick] Oh my God. I did.

[Latin pop music playing]

[Joe] You are gonna have a great time at this weddin’.

Freshman, don’t fuck up the date. When? October.

It’s July 7, Freshman.

Oh, July 7. My fault, I thought it was Halloween.

It’s not… it’s not on Halloween, Freshman.

Switchin’ topics, Freshman, I didn’t tell you how good a job you did on that call with them drug lords, it blew me away.

You need to go get a job at the UN as a translator.

Become a hero. Like Batman?

I’m done fightin’ it. You gotta submit.

[Mason] Yep.

Right? Let him do his thing.

I am unbelievably sorry for really, uh… ruining your weekend, man.

You did. You did fuck up the whole weekend.

Yeah.

But it was unforgettable, Joe. You’re gonna make it in the book for sure.

[Joe] Wow.

[poignant music playing]

Being in the book is a big deal, man. Thank you.

If I could just give you a piece of information…

It’s not advice. It’s just information.

Understand that the world is gonna throw a lot of curveballs at you.

It’s your job to filter through it and make decisions that best suit you and what you have.

But you protect this. Protect this circle.

Nick, you were gonna helicopter dick to save my life.

I won’t forget that.

Man, I would helicopter dick for you a thousand times.

I mean it. For you. For any of you.

You too, Joe.

All of us. I don’t need it.

We can do it. Let’s do it.

No, guys, no. I think it’s one of those things that’s yours.

All right. Why not?

Suit yourself. I’ll take a hug.

You wanna touch us? Can we just do a hug? Give me a hug.

[Mason] Let’s do it, come on.

[Hunter] All right.

[Joe] Huh? Give me a hug. Yeah.

[Hunter] Come on.

[Joe] You know what?

This makes me feel Miami!

[cheering]

[plane touches down]

[woman] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to New York’s John F. Kennedy Airport. For your continued safety and the safety of those around you, -please keep your seatbelt fastened…

[phone buzzes]

…until the aircraft has come to a complete stop at the gate.

[Nick] Sorry I wrecked your shit, but I was able to save your hard drive and I made this for your little ass.

♪ They call me Big Elly, Big Silly ♪

♪ Big Money, Big Willy… ♪

This is good.

This is really good.

♪ I need you all on the floor ♪

♪ Shut the door, no cap ♪

♪ We’ll go all night Outta sight, dynamite, no cap… ♪

[sighs] Where is he? Uh, he just texted. He’s almost here.

♪ So, so, so, tell me no lies ♪

♪ Open up your eyes, hands to the sky ♪

♪ Uh-oh, why you so fine? ♪

♪ If you don’t mind, baby Turn up the vibes ♪

[panting]

♪ Turn up the vibes, turn up the vibes ♪

♪ Turn up the vibes Turn up the vibes ♪

♪ Turn up the vibes, turn up the vibes ♪

♪ Turn up the vibes Baby, turn up the vibes ♪

♪ Keep bussin’ That three-piece bubble pack ♪

♪ Sweet tea Never with bass like Thundercat ♪

♪ Need someone like wifey Drippin’ like Icee ♪

♪ Hot like light beam fire pack ♪

♪ Been a runner-up twice She don’t really wanna sightsee ♪

♪ Show me somethin’ nice And I’m comin’ back ♪

♪ No hesi when it’s time Steady on the line ♪

Shit.

♪ See in my eyes I’m really likе that ♪

♪ If you don’t mind, turn up the vibe ♪

♪Go! ♪

[Joe] Aah! Hey.

Um, I…

I’ll be quick, ’cause I know you’re in a rush, right?

This past weekend, I got asked two of the most important questions of my life.

The first question was, “Do you love this woman?”

The second question, which I think is the most important question, was, “Can you see yourself being with this woman for the rest of your life?”

[gentle, emotional music playing]

[Joe] And…

And that’s when I realized that you are my life.

Right? Like, I mean, out of all the things I have in my life, there’s nothin’ more important than you, which makes both of the answers “yes.”

Like, both of my answers are yes.

Ain’t that from that goddamn sleep number mattress quiz that went viral last year?

Okay, fair. Fair.

But that doesn’t mean that what I’m sayin’ isn’t true.

Right? It doesn’t make it not true because it’s how I feel.

Okay, well, what about your pitch?

What about the goin’ away with the fuckboys, the save-your-job thing?

Fuck that pitch. I’m not… I’m not worried about the pitch.

I’m missin’ it right now.

I’m thinking about doin’ something different. Startin’ my own business.

You know, becoming my own boss.

And if I’m my own boss, that means I’m a CEO.

I can make my own rules. Relocate.

But that would just be to be closer to you.

I love you, and I’m sorry.

I don’t wanna lose you.

I’m sorry.

Sorry.

[whispers] Sorry.

I love you. Love you.

I love you.

♪ Okay, shawty, what’s happenin’?

♪ Happenin’ ♪

♪ Girl, let’s get this thing crackin’ ♪

♪ Crackin’ ♪

♪ You just bend it on over ♪

♪ Over ♪

♪ I’ll get behind and you make it wind ♪

♪ Jump in the line Shake your body on mine ♪

♪ Ba-dong-bong-bong… ♪

You weren’t kidding about this Miami thing, huh?

Oh, like I said, baby, we bonded.

Hey, y’all. Hey, how’s it goin’?

Hi. Hi, good to see you.

So Barry wants to know if we wanna extend the campaign to mid-level markets.

-Hey, Joe, check it out. I’m in Miami!

[Joe] Barry.

Whoo! Wife and I got a weekend away. No. Barry.

We just bought some cocaine. Bye, Barry.

I’m not doing that. We’re at a wedding!

Yeah. We’re not working! I’m with my fiancée.

I know. Beautiful.

[Joe] Right? Okay.

I understand you brought in the Unlimited campaign, which is why I hired you, but I will fire you.

Oh. ‘Cause I’m your boss.

And it’s my company. Right.

I will fire you. True. Okay, yeah. Thank you, unc.

Okay. [chuckles] Old!

[Jennifer chuckles] “Unc”?

You really made a big impact with these boys.

Well, that’s what I do. I think I make a big impact on anyone I meet.

But, honestly, they make a better and bigger impact on me.

Mm-hmm. Yes. Good kids.

Hi, lovely lady.

I’m gonna steal him for two seconds. Have at it.

Hold on. I’ll return him.

Hey. Look, don’t take me away.

Watch yourself! Who’s calling my phone?

[Mason] Boys, let’s go.

[Joe] You supposed to be out.

[Nick] Yeah!

[Nick] Come on.

[Joe] All right.

Uh… Okay, okay.

Wait, shots.

[all] Whoa!

[Freshman] Yes, please.

[Joe] I’m gonna say it.

[Mason] Uh… Mmm. Emotional check-in time.

Oh!

[all laughing] Ooh!

Okay!

[all] Oh!

I’ll start. I got you. You’re starting?

I feel married.

Whoo!

[all exclaiming]

Hey! Okay.

[Mason] Yeah.

Hey, uh… I feel like I’m, uh, employed.

[all exclaiming] For now.

Okay. Okay, for now

. [Hunter] Finally!

I feel… out of my slump.

[all exclaiming] Yeah, that’s big.

That’s real big.

I feel married, really. Why?

‘Cause when he get married, I felt the energy of the marriage, and I wanna get married too.

Right! That’s good.

[Hunter] Yeah!

Um…

I feel… ♪ Shake, shake, shake, señora Shake it left and right, right… ♪

…like I’m going to be planning a bachelor party soon.

[all yelling] Whoa!

[all cheering]

♪ My girl got a big old booty ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Your girl got little booty ♪

♪ Oh no ♪

♪ My girl got a big old booty ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Your girl got little booty, oh no ♪

♪ Baby got back ♪

[as Ricardo] Oh no.

[giggling] Oh no…

[all laughing]

Old-fashioned. Come on! Yeah!

Kevin slapped me for real, y’all.

Hands on your head! No!

Everybody going to jail. Three hots and a cot.

No, it should be no jail time– Bunk beds. Oodles of noodles.

Honeybuns. Human traffickin’.

You ’bout to be somebody li’l bitch!

What do you do? Do you do, like, the… the eyes and the voice?

Like… “Ooh! Waah-aah…”

“Ooh…” [laughs]

[splutters] [crew laughing]

[Marcello] He can’t do that. He can’t do that shit.

Don’t do that to me. Fuck.

[Kevin] Come on!

She didn’t even cheat on me, you know? It was an emotional affair.

But she fucked another guy.

Like, she put her dick… Oh, let me… [splutters]

[laughter]

But that’s not enough.

Now you throw the real coat on. You’re not gonna drink both.

No, you got to do it. No, you gotta bang both. Bang both…

No… [Mason and Kevin laughing]

You gotta bang ’em both, brother.

I’m saying you… you look good.

You too. Thank you.

You’re like a flamingo. That’s my favorite bird.

Okay. Okay. Fluorescent bird. See a bird like that?

Freshman, I really don’t like bein’ stuck talkin’ to you for long periods of time.

Why?

Grab a dick. Grab a what?

Grab a dick!

[Freshman] Why are they still hard?

I feel mine’s on the smaller side. You don’t get to pick your dick, man.

Your dick chooses you. That’s how it is, man.

[as Ricardo] El Rey de Miami.

Hmm?

[all laughing]

Ooh! Come on, grind up on me. No.

Slip it in. No… No, you don’t slip nothin’–

Oh, my God, it’s going in. No, that… No, it’s not.

Aah! That–

Huh? That’s enough.

Okay. Let– That was good. Let’s do it again.

What was good? Nothin’ happened. Kiddin’. Wanna blow job?

I use teeth, but they’re soft.

What the f… No!

[speaking faux Spanish as Ricardo]

[growling]

[laughs]

Yakuza man!

[crew laughing]

I’m sorry. I got it. I got it.

[speaking faux Japanese]

[repeating line]

Ricardo Montana! [repeats faux Japanese] Ricardo Montana!

Ricar– [laughing]

[barking]

Montana! Yaah!

[crew laughing]

[man, laughing] What was that?

[Marcello] He didn’t even try. I am trying.

Been watching him practice for two hours.

He just threw it out the window soon as it came to him.

[barking]

No, but we wanna see you hop into the car.

Come on, jump in the Jeep, Joe.

Need a little boost?

[Mason] Come on, hop in the car.

There you go!

[all cheer]

[all] Oh!

[upbeat salsa music playing]

[tense, energetic music playing]

[upbeat salsa music playing]

[tense, dramatic music playing]

[upbeat Latin pop music playing]

[salsa music playing]

[music fades]