Jim Jefferies on Gun Control [Full Transcript]

Australian comedian Jim Jefferies breaks down the absurdity of America's obsession with guns in his Netflix special BARE (2014)
Jim Jefferies: Bare

Australian comedian Jim Jefferies breaks down the absurdity of America’s obsession with guns in his Netflix special BARE (2014)

by Jim Jefferies

I’m gonna talk about something now that sort of splits the crowd a little bit. Uh… Gun control. Now… No, wait. Before you… Don’t get excited because the other people have guns. The anti-gun people are like, “Yeah! Do it, Jim!” No, let’s just… [Shushes] Now, before I start saying this, I wanna say this, right? I believe in your right as Americans to have guns. I’m not trying to stop you from having guns. All I’m saying is this is my personal belief on the opinion. My opinion on the… Oh, it doesn’t matter. I don’t like guns, right? I’m gonna say some things that are just facts, right? In Australia, we had guns, right? Right up until 1996. In 1996, Australia had the biggest massacre on Earth. It still hasn’t been beaten. And… Now, after that, they banned the guns. Now, in the 10 years before Port Arthur, there was 10 massacres. Since the gun ban in 1996, there hasn’t been a single massacre since. I don’t know how or why this happened, uh… Maybe it was a coincidence, right? Now, please understand that I understand that Australia and America are two vastly different cultures with different people, right? I get it. In Australia, we had the biggest massacre on Earth, and the Australian government went, “That’s it! No more guns!” And we all went, “Yeah, all right, then. That seems fair enough, really.” Now, in America, you had the Sandy Hook massacre where little, tiny children died, and your government went, “Maybe… we’ll get rid of the big guns?” And 50% of you went, “Fuck you! Don’t take my guns!” [Whooping] So, here’s where it gets confusing, right?

Now, as I said, I am all for your Second Amendment rights. I think you should be able to have guns. It’s in your constitution. What I am not for is bullshit arguments and lies. There is one argument and one argument alone for having a gun, and this is the argument… “Fuck off. I like guns.” It’s not the best argument, but it’s all you’ve got. And there’s nothing wrong with it. There’s nothing wrong with saying, “I like something. Don’t take it away from me.” But don’t give me this other bullshit. The main one is, [In American accent] “I need it for protection. I need to protect me. I need to protect my family.” Really? Is that why they’re called “assault rifles”? Is it? I’ve never heard of these fucking “protection rifles” you speak of. Protection? What the fuck are you talking about? You have a gun in your house, you’re 80% more likely to use that gun on yourself, than to shoot someone else. And people think, “Well, that’d never happen to me.” You don’t know that, because you know what?

♪ From time to time We all get sad ♪
♪ One day you’re happy Then you’re sad ♪
♪ And then, uh-oh ♪

Protection. I had a break-in in Manchester, England, where I was tied up, I had my head cut. They threatened to rape my girlfriend. They came through the window with a machete and a hammer, and Americans always go, [In American accent] “Well, imagine if you had a gun.” And I’m like, “All right. I was naked at the time. I wasn’t wearing my holster. I wasn’t staring at the window waiting for cunts with machetes to come through.” What world do you live in where you’re constantly fucking ready? You have guns ’cause you like guns! That’s why you go to gun conventions! That’s why you read gun magazines! None of you give a shit about home security. None of you go to home security conventions. None of you read Padlock Monthly. None of you have a Facebook picture of you behind a secure door going, “Fucking yeah!” Like you’re going to be ready if someone comes into your house. You have it at all fucking times. By the way, most people who are breaking into your house just want your fucking TV! You think that people are coming to murder your family? How many fucking enemies do you have? Jeez, you think a lot of yourself if you think everyone’s coming to murder you. See, if you have it readily available, it becomes unsafe. You have it in your bedside table, one of your kids picks it up, thinks it’s a toy, shoots another one of your kids. Happens every fucking day, but people go, “That’d never happen in my house ’cause I’m a responsible gun owner. I keep my guns locked in a safe.” Then they’re no fucking protection! Someone comes into the house, you’re like, “Wait there, fuck-face! Oh! You’ve come to the wrong house here, buddy boy. I tell you what. I’m gonna fuck you up! Okay. Is it 32 to the left or 32 to the right? Your mother’s birthday? Why the fuck would I know your fucking mother’s birthday? Maybe if you didn’t leave the window open [In whining voice] ‘because it’s too hot in here,’ we wouldn’t be getting fucking murdered, right?”

NRA: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver | Transcript

I find the NRA to be hard work. The fact that they always think the answer is more guns. After Sandy Hook happened, the NRA said, and I quote, “None of this would have happened if the teachers had guns.” I… I think they’re forgetting what school was like. Does anyone remember that casual teacher that used to… Whenever she came into school, that relief teacher came, you and your friends would see her and go, [Chuckling] “Oh, we’re gonna make her cry.” And then she’d stand in front of the class with a bit of chalk and her hands would be shaking, and you’d go, “You’re never getting married, are you, Miss? Never gonna happen for you.” Then she’d get back to her 1967 Volkswagen Beetle, and she’d be crying over the steering wheel, just, “Why don’t they like me?” Let’s give that cunt a gun and see how things work out!

[Audience cheering]

And then they go, “Oh, well, answer to that, we’ll just add more guns.” They go, “We’ll put an armed security guard at every school across America.” Yeah, that’ll work out. The average security guard in America earns $16 an hour. Not a lot of wiggle room to be a fucking hero! Someone comes onto the school and… [Mimicking machine gun] And you’ve got Kevin. Now, I’m sure Kevin’s shit-hot at Call of Duty, but it might not fucking cut it, ladies and gentlemen.

Now, I understand that when I’m doing this joke in this room, 50% of you agree with me, 50% of you don’t agree with me, and I do respect the people who don’t agree with me. Don’t think I don’t. Out of the 50% that don’t agree with me, 20% of those people are smart enough to realize this is a comedy show and it’s not to be taken seriously, and they’re laughing along ’cause it’s just funny jokes, right? And then the next 20%, have sort of phased out a little bit. They’re looking around, going, “Wonder how they got that chandelier up there?” And then… there’s the last 10%. And they’re fucking furious. Right now, in this room and the people watching at home… 10% of you are fucking seething. Just… And for a couple of reasons. First reason, I’m making good points.

[Audience cheering]

Second reason. Second reason. Second reason, and this is the big one, I’m foreign… and that’s pissing the fuck out of you right now, and your brain is on a loop and you can’t fucking turn it off, and it’s just going around in a circle, and you’re just going, “If you don’t like it, go home! If you don’t like it, go home!” And my answer to that is, “No.” I came here legally. I pay my taxes. I’ll say whatever the fuck I want. Your First Amendment means that I can say the Second Amendment sucks dicks. And… unless you’re an American Indian, you’re a fucking immigrant as well, so fuck off. People get so precious about it.

I understand that to Americans, your constitution is very important. I respect it, but please understand that every country has one as well. It’s no more special than any other constitution. We have one in Australia. I don’t know what it says. I’ve never seen it. If there’s a problem, we’ll check it, but everything’s going fine. And don’t get me wrong. I get that the constitution is important to you. I have had… Fucking, I get it, right? I’ve had people come up to me in my face and scream at me in car parks as I’m leaving the theater, going, [In American accent] “You cannot change the Second Amendment!” And I’m like, “Yes, you can. It’s called an ‘amendment.'” If you can’t change something that’s called an “amendment”, see, many of you need a thesaurus more than you need a constitution. And if you don’t know what a thesaurus is, get a dictionary and work your way forward. Don’t think your constitution is set in stone. You’ve changed things before. You used to have prohibition in there, right? And then people were like, “Hey, who likes getting fucked up? Yeah, I like getting fucked up, too. Let’s get that one out. Let’s get that one out.”

You used to have this other thing in America called, uh… slavery! And then Lincoln came along and went, “That’s it. No more slaves!” And 50% of you went, “Fuck you! Don’t take my slaves!” And the same bullshit arguments came out that you have with guns. “Why should I have my slaves taken off me? I’m a responsible slave owner. I’m trained in how to use my slaves safely. Just because that guy mistreated his slaves doesn’t mean that my rights should be taken away from me. I… I use my slaves to protect my family! I keep my slaves locked in a safe!”

That’s the thing. “Why should I have my guns taken off me? I’ve done nothing wrong.” Look, I agree with you. If you’re a responsible gun owner and you don’t fuck around with them, then you should be allowed your guns. You really should. But that’s not how society works. We have to play to the 1% that are such fuckwits they ruin it for the rest of us. We have to walk as slow as our slowest person to keep society fucking moving, right? I take drugs like a fucking champion, right?

[Audience cheering]

We should all be allowed to take fucking drugs, but we can’t, can we? Because Sarah took drugs and she stabbed her fucking kids. Oh! “Oh, thanks, Sarah. You fucked it up for everyone.” Right? Everyone should be allowed to drive their car as fast as they can do it, right? But we can’t because Jonathan got drunk and ran over a family. “Thanks, Jonathan! Now I have to drive at 30, you fucking idiot!” See, that’s the thing. “Why should I have my guns taken off me, I’m responsible, just because that guy’s crazy?” Who’s to say you’re not crazy? That’s the thing about crazy people. They don’t know they’re crazy. That’s what makes them crazy. The only thing you know for sure on this Earth is, “I think, therefore I am.” You know that you exist.

Anything past that is open to interpretation, right? You know you exist and that’s it. Right now, I think I’m in Boston talking to 1,200 people. That’s what I think I’m doing, but there is a good to fair chance that I’m in a mental home, standing in front of a white wall, going, [Slurring speech] “I hate guns. I hate guns. I hate guns.”

[Audience applauding]

See, one of the better arguments is, “Well, if you take the guns away, then only the criminals will have guns.” Not true. When they banned the guns in Australia, it worked. When they banned them in Britain, it worked, okay? The Bushmaster gun that the kid was gonna use in Sandy Hook costs, like, $1,000 American and you can buy it in Walmart. It’ll be delivered to your house. That’s it, man. 1,000 bucks, right? That same gun in Australia on the black market costs $34,000. Now if you have $34,000, you don’t need to be a criminal. You’ve got $34,000. You’re a great little saver. Keep going. So that covers the criminals, but that doesn’t cover the people who wanna murder your family, that are coming after you and your family. It kind of does. The people who do the massacres, it covers them ’cause they go… The kid at Colorado who thought he was The Joker, let’s say that he had some social issues. The kid at Sandy Hook was Asperger’s as fuck. Right? I don’t know if you know a lot about the black market, but you can’t just rock up at the docks going, [Slurring speech] “Guns! Who wants to sell me a gun?”

Now, I’m gonna wrap this up. We won’t talk about it anymore. Now… See, the one thing that I do really agree with with the right to bear arms, I really agree with… That the real reason it was written was so that you could form a militia to fight against a tyrannical government. In case the government became a bunch of cunts, you could all get your guns and fight back, and that’s why it was written.

[Audience cheering]


And that made a hell of a lot of sense when it was just muskets. But you do know the government has drones, right? You get that? You’re bringing guns to a drone fight! If we went back to muskets, I’m all for it! Keep the Second Amendment. If we all have muskets… Muskets are awesome! Every cunt should be carrying a musket with him at all times. You know what’s good about the musket? It gives you a lot of time to calm down. Someone calls your wife fat, and you’re like, “Fuck you, buddy! Ah, you’re not a bad guy. You’re all right.”


31 thoughts on “Jim Jefferies on Gun Control [Full Transcript]”

  1. Anything a good God-fearing American wants to do is all right, because God personally handed me a new Glock 23 with extended magazine and Talon grips. I’m working on my script for the greatest movie ever, “Rambo and Billy Jack Versus Ted Nugent and Scott Baio”, cause I follow the T shirt motto, “No Attrition, No Morale.”

    1. I know. “Ban and confiscate all guns” is only going to leave the law abiding unprotected.

      Look at Australia, it has more murder and more mass murder than my home state of new Hampshire, where there is virtually no gun control. Eight kids in Australia killed in a mass murder about two years ago and seven killed in a mass murder in Australia this year. In my state we haven’t had a mass murder in in a decade.

      Younger people in the US oppose bans, bans like in Australia are only supported by geezers.

      1. Australia Population: 18 Million
        New Hampshire: 1.4 Million

        Also, which attack was that? The one that you made up?
        There was a stabbing attack where a mum killed 7 children. Should the kids have had guns?

          1. Don’t forget sticks and rocks!. In fact, leaving the pod (that we use to turn nutrient mush into materials our benevolent overlords need for Very Important Purposes) is incredibly dangerous. We’ve only lost our typical 3% of the population in the past year, but I haven’t seen ANYBODY who left their pods. They are surely lost!

            Stay in Your Pod
            All Will be Provided
            Freedom is Overrated
            Engage the Hive

  2. mark nevels

    fuck this dude if doesnt want guns do buy them .but dont tell me i cant thjnk for myself my guns have sat right where they r for years never hurting nobody. new york terrorist ran over killing 8 people on bike road recently . maybe we should stop renting trucks at home depot we cant be trusted. why stop with guns . all sharp objects … vehicles anything that has been known to be used as a weapon of killin people. london attacker killed 7 with knives. gotta get rid of those knives to humans cant think for themselves we need everything taken frlm us. because A MUSE MAKES SO MANY GOOD POINTS. AND AUSTRALIA IS SO PERFECT. OVER HERE IN AMERICA WHERE HALF THE POPULATION THINKS ITS OK TO TAKE A PISS ON THE FLAG ( kneeling) . i love my guns i cant afford body guards and if want to carry cash on me to buy trucks or cars etc. then i will be carrying a firearm i dont care IF ALL THEY WANT IS MY TV JIM JEFFRIES . ILL SEND THEM TO UR HOUSE SINCE U HAVE NO PROBLEM GIVING YOUR POSSESSIONS TO CRIMINALS. SOUNDS TO ME LIKE JIM JEFFRIES KNOWS HIS ASSAILANTS WILL BE DUE FOR RELEASE ON GOOD BEHAVIOR AND HE WANTS THEM TO KNOW HE ISNT UPSET SO IT DOESNT HAPPEN AGAIN LOL . CORRECT ME IF I AM WRONG BUT NOW U HAVE MONEY AND UR SOMEWHAT FAMOUS.. PRETTY GOOD TARGET FOR A REPEAT OFFENDER… BUT SINCE ALL THEY WANT IS YOUR TV. NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT SINCE U DONT NEED GUNS… JIM JUST GO AHEAD AND UNPLUG THE TV. AND ASK THEM TO CLOSE WINDOW ON WAY OUT. ( ME I WILL CHOOSE TO PROTECT MYSELF LEGALLY AND PROSPER BECAUSE I LOVE THE MATERIAL THINGS I WORKED MY ASS OFF FOR. I WOULD PREFER TO KEEP THEM)

    1. Dave Lincoln

      It’s clear from your response;

      1) You have an aggressive personality with clear anger management issues
      2) Your lack of intelligence limits your ability to make rationale arguments or decisions

      Both strong reasons why, in a civilized society, you should not be trusted with a gun. Thankfully, as JJ mentions, you are as likely to kill yourself as anyone else simply by the fact that you have a gun at home. Fingers crossed, hey.

      1. Let tell you about an episode that occurred to me back then in 2011.

        First off, i live in Italy, a country with strict gun law, you can have a gun in your house but you can never carry it outside

        The thing is, my gun saved my life.

        I had an argument with this Albanian dude, back then in 2011, we were working out in the gym and at a certain point we were talking, when i realize that it’s late and i say to him “sorry, we’ll continue tomorrow, i really have to go”. The fucker took it on a personal level for reasons i just can’t see, and he threatened me, he said “the next time you talk to me, i will beat the shit out of you”.

        I seriously don’t understand why he got offended, since there was nothing offensive in the fact that i ran out of time.

        Since i can’t stand bullies i told him “oh yeah? Then go ahead right here right now” and when he tried to attack me i knocked him out.

        I was stronger than him, and people in the gym testified that he was the one who attacked me, when the cops came.

        Do you want to know the problem? That guy is a sore loser and didn’t accept the ass whooping, and said that it would have make me pay for what i did. I said that to the police but they couldn’t do anything about it, it’s not like they can arrest a guy for that, and they couldn’t give me a personal bodyguard either.

        Ok, do you know what happened? One night, when i was returning to my home, he blocked my car and 5 albanians (him included)busted out of the car with bats and chains, ready to beat me into oblivion. And you know what? They would have done it, because, even if one on one i could have beaten all of them without efforts, there was no way that i could beat them all together.

        Luckily i had foreseen that outcome and i got out of my home with my weapon concealed in those days (because even if italian laws don’t allow it, i preferred to be able to defend myself, since i knew that i was in danger) and when i pointed my gun at them and told them to drop their weapons and lie on the ground, they were shit scared and they drop their weapons and run away with their car like little pussies

        If i hadn’t had my weapon they would have really hurt me, if not killed me.

        Later i went to this guy’s house with my friends and we told him just we had his (and his friends’) number and that if something happened to me, they wouldn’t have gotten away it.

        This, because i know that he could have easily purchased a weapon at the black market if he wanted to, here in Italy you can find guns in some neighborhoods without much problems if you have money, so i wanted to let him know that he’d better not mess with me ever again.

        If you have no guns, the only thing you can do is being submissive with everyone, because if you piss off the wrong guy they are going to make you pay.

        And i don’t know where you found your crap about the black market being expansive. Here in Italy criminals buy guns at the black market with 500 euros.

        Of course if they want assault rifles they are going to pay more, but a gun is really not that expansive.

        If you want to live like a sheep unable to defend against someone who wants to hurt your go ahead, but don’t have the absurd desire that everyone accepts to live like yourself.

        1. Nice fiction, does it come in paperback?
          Soo in your fantasy, er I mean story, you started a fight with someone who doesn’t speak your language, and is from an alien culture. BRAVE!
          You could have walked away, but you stood your ground. Would you have done that if your gun hadn’t brainwashed you to be eager for disagreement?
          PLEASE Go back in your meds- the bystanders don’t deserve to be shot bc you are insecure and need to call out “Albanians”.
          Watch the Chapelle episodes about ‘keeping it real’.
          Or just go do what most of you antichrist gun worshippers statistically do when you realize how empty and depressing it is that you live in constant fear and your only friends are guns….

      2. Its not true that you have an 80% chance of shooting yourself or a family member.. that’s been debunked… And soon as he mentioned the term assault weapon, his entire comedy routine went into the crapper..we don’t sell and buy assault weapons.. the AR is not a assault weapon, never was.. mass shootings MOST the time, are done with HAND GUNS…. MOST STOLEN.. notice how JJ never mentions those issues?

          1. Andy Marden

            You means that some models of Assault Rifles are classified as Assault Weapons? Erm….

          2. Negative. Assault weapon has no established definition. There are several “assault weapon” bans in the US and they all have different definitions. This is because the politicians trying to ban them can’t take the time to form a consistent message or use widely accepted terms. They are interested in banning guns they think are scary looking for political points. If they were serious about cutting deaths, they’d go after handguns, not one of the categories of currently manufactured firearms that has been responsible for the least deaths. Or they would learn that “assault weapons” as they call them are exactly the same as many less scary-looking guns in function, that they are difficult to conceal (this and portability are the main reasons handguns are typically chosen for crime, though they are also the same reasons they are chosen for self-defense). They also are not “high-powered”, they are generally medium-range in power and are sometimes banned for hunting due to not being lethal enough).

            BTW, this “weapons of war” rhetoric (including the gotcha media and politico term “assault weapon”) isn’t nearly as strong as you think it is. The second amendment explicitly justifies the ownership of weapons capable of being used in a war. If they were only capable of being toys, the right wouldn’t matter and there wouldn’t be so many people out there trying to disarm the public.

            Most people are willing to discuss ways to make the world (and particularly the US) safer, and reducing firearm violence is absolutely a valid issue. But as long as people start with disingenuous made-up terms, lies, and the kind of ignorance that would keep a grownup from allowing their child near again, much less an elected official, then there is no conversation. There are demands made by people who don’t understand and are proud of that fact. Interesting, because many of these same people make the exact same arguments about a sizable portion of gun owners.

            You were capable of listening to the news or reading twitter to find the term “assault weapon”. This tell me that you are capable of learning more. Are you afraid that if you learn more you’ll change your thinking? That is always a possible outcome of education.

    2. Did you forget this is all opinion based based off the facts he knows? You’re so angry and for what? because someone doesnt like a weapon used to kill people and nothing else?

  3. Mike Montague

    Mark N clearly has small penis syndrome. There must be a special place in Hell for Trump , the NRA and the weapons manufacturers who support them. WAKE UP

    1. I don’t think that he has a small penis syndrome. He simply doesn’t want to live like an helpless sheep. You want to live like an helpless sheep unable to do shit if something like this happens to you?

      Go ahead, i won’t stop you. If being a man for you mean being unable to protect your family, then be my guest. Be as vulnerable and helpless as you want.

      But if someone tries to rape my girlfriend he is going to die. I won’t force you to learn to be able to protect yourself and your loved ones, but don’t try to force me to be a sheep like yourself. Thank you very much.

    2. Bush Master

      Yes, and that hell is here, stuck with small minded , pussified little liberal douchebags like you.

    3. A special place in hell? The NRA has never killed a single person,nor has Trump… seems those ranting and raving about mass shootings the most,are the ones DOING the shootings, liberals…

  4. If amendments can be repealed, that means we can get slavery back? Hopefully we’ll use it for good things like with australian immigrants instead. See the joke? Ha hA Ah Ha..

  5. Fast forward now we are dealing with covid19 and now sooo many liberals and non gun people are buying guns. Because they are uncertain of the future .I said this years ago your whole way of life can change in the blink of an eye, be it some crazy person ,a government coupe, virus, a damn meteor, things can certainly happen and leave you on your own . Thankfully this virus hasn’t got that bad , but we did see a glimpse of how the system can get overloaded and supplies can run short ,and police may not be able to come quickly, (wich happens all the time even when things are normal ) when seconds count police take minutes. Think if police responses were slowed to a half hour or more because their help and resources are needed somewhere else combine that with people who are desperate and they know your unarmed Yeah , We are never going to be able to save everyone or stop every horrific act, all we can do is try, and when that evil shows itself you must act fast. aside from guns being great tools for self preservation they are very very personal and hold strong bonds from father to son brothers,brother in arms and many are beautiful . Some people absolutely love guns and love shooting them and their is absolutely nothing wrong with that. We as a free society absolutely need the second amendment we need good and moral people to be armed.

    1. Unsurprised

      Are you willing to submit to a test to determine that you are a ‘good and moral’ person?

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