Barry Brewer: I Accidentally Went on a Gay Date – Transcript

Sometimes hangin’ out can be misinterpreted as a date night. In Barry Brewer Jr’s case, an opportunity too good to be true turned out to be a misconstrued pursuit.

Originally Filmed – 2/17/2019

But I had another misconception before I moved out here. I thought all gay guys were flamboyant.

So I thought all gay dudes were flamboyant, man, and come to find out they’re not. They come in all different types.

Some of them act just like me, talk just like me. You would never know it! I didn’t know! I went on a gay date and I didn’t know it!

(crowd laughing)

Wait, hold on, let me tell you! Hey bro, let me tell you what happened first! I’m not gay, I’m just gonna let you know what happened, because I didn’t know! He acts like me, talks just like me!

(laughing)

I play a lot of basketball. I was going to go up to the NBA, but I’m like, no, I’m gonna let LeBron have it. I’m gonna go and do these jokes at the Laugh Factory.

(crowd laughing)

So I’m doing comedy… I can hoop!

(scattered laughing)

So, long story… I’m hooping one day. I don’t know if you go to open runs, open gym. You pick your five, somebody else picks their five, the winners stay on. So I’m at the gym in Hollywood. This dude, six foot five, walks in. I’m like, he on my squad off the bat, you know what I mean? He gets on the court, we don’t lose a game. This boy is special! You ever see somebody playing regular basketball and you’re like, you don’t belong here!

(crowd laughing)

Why you not somewhere making millions? You are too gifted to be with us.

(crowd laughing)

He was that good! I’m throwing oops, he’s jumping out!

(yelling)

I was like, ah, this boy is cold! Dang, this boy is nice! And that’s a fact. I’m a basketball fan, understand. That’s what I wanted to do.

But I’m gonna let them have that. I’m here.

So when I see him, I’m intrigued. I’m like, man, I’m gonna let him play in the leagues, the little adult leagues.

So after the run is over, I’m like, “Hey bro! Yo, nice, man! You playing professionally?”

He’s like, “Yeah, I did. I played overseas. I don’t play no more.”

He’s like, “Hey, what you doing later?”

(crowd gasping)

“Nothing, I ain’t doing nothing.”

(crowd laughing)

He’s like, “Hey, I got Lakers tickets. Put your number in this phone. You can roll, you want to roll?”

Ha, yes, I want to go! Yeah!

(crowd cheering)

What kind of… I’m going, bro! I offer you Lakers tickets right now, you’re like, “Well, where do you want me to be?”

So he gave me the phone, I put my number in his phone.

(tapping on microphone)

“Is this a Samsung? I don’t know how to work it.”

He’s like, “Cool, I’m gonna come pick you up.”

I’m like, “And you’re going to pick me up?”

(crowd laughing)

Do you know how much gas costs? I will be ready!

(crowd laughing)

I will be there.

(laughing)

He gets to the house. He texted me like, “Hey bro, I’m downstairs.”

I’m like, “Bet! I’m still getting dressed, I’ll be down in a minute.”

(crowd laughing)

He got there early.

(crowd laughing)

He comes to get me, man. I come downstairs and he got the new Tahoe truck. I don’t know if y’all seen the new Tahoe truck, but it’s a nice truck. And when I came downstairs, the passenger door was open but he was in the driver’s seat. I’m like, man, the technology is getting out of hand! They got a button that can open the passenger door, is what I’m thinking. I don’t know if you’ve been in the new Tahoe trucks, but when I got in the chair, the chairs are really big, so if you’re not really a heavy-set person, it really consumes you. Like, you’re like, “Oh!” It kind of hugs you. I was in the chair like, “Oh, this is nice!”

He’s like, “You like that?”

I’m like, “Yes, this is really nice. You got a nice car.” This is a great purchase. It is. This is really nice.

(crowd laughing)

Lonnie, I’m gonna finish it, please forgive me.

So we get to the game. They going to have some decent seats. When we get to the game, we got floor seats.

(crowd whoops)

I don’t know about you, I ain’t never sat… I ain’t know how to act!

I’m like, “These our seats?”

He’s like, “Yeah.”

I’m like, “You’re sure ain’t nobody gonna come get us? Ain’t nobody gonna move us? You sure? Are you sure?”

He’s like, “Bro, we’re good.”

And in my mind, dudes don’t acknowledge this, I’m like, this is my new best friend! Ain’t nobody ever treated me like this! Floor seats!

I’m like, bro, I’m going to be the best man at this dude’s wedding. If he got a best man, I’ll be the ring bearer. I don’t care. I’ll be a grown man walking down the aisle with a pillow.

♪ Love and happiness ♪

(crowd cheering)

So we’re at the game. I’m used to sitting where the peasants sit. I’ve never sat at the floor. So when you sit at the floor, you get a menu. I wasn’t used to the menu. You got to have money. You gotta save up a few months’ mortgages to buy some nachos down there. So I was looking a little conflicted, because I wasn’t prepared. He’s like, “Hey bro, whatever you want, it’s on me!”

(crowd gasps)

I was like, “For real? Man, thank you, man.”

So we’re ordering food. He got cotton candy.

He’s like, “Hey bro, you want some cotton candy?”

I’m like, “Hey man, give me some cotton candy!”

He’s taking pictures like, “Hey Snapchat!”

I’m like, “Hey! Cotton candy! Hey!”

We in there! Hanging out with my boy, you know what I’m saying!

Long story short, the game is over. We’re chilling, everything is cool. Ain’t nothing crazy. He takes me to the crib. We’re talking, so I get out of the car. He gets out of the car.

I’m like, “Oh, okay.”

We’re still talking, maybe he don’t want the conversation to end? I don’t know, that’s not really normal for dudes to get out of the car with you. It wasn’t that crazy, because he acts like me and talks just like me.

So I’m like, “Alright bro, you’re coming to hoop Friday?”

Because it was Wednesday. Remember, I just met him that day.

He’s like, “Yeah, for sure!”

I was like, “Cool bro! I’m gonna holla at you then!”

So I come in for the normal hug like dudes do. But when I come in like this, he opened up both his arms. And I’m coming in, but I’m trying to rationalize why he got both his arms open. I just met him today! I hug my brother with two arms. Maybe he thinks we had a brother kind of connection, because it was a good time! I don’t want it to be weird because I just had the time of my life, so I just commit and start making noises to make me feel more like a man.

(yelling)

“Alright boy! Ha ha! You’re crazy! Ha ha, for sure!”

And I’m in the hug, his face touched mine, so I move over. I’m like, maybe he didn’t know.

And he comes again. I feel the second one.

I’m like, “Hey bro, your face. It’s gay, bro! Your face touched mine!”

He’s like, “I am gay.”

(crowd gasping)

I’m like, “You’re elated? You’re happy?”

He’s like, “No, I’m gay. That’s why we went on this date.”

I’m like, “Man, we didn’t go on no date! What are you talking about, bro? No, we didn’t! Bro, what? It ain’t funny! There ain’t nobody else around to laugh. Why you playing, bro?”

He’s like, “I’m gay.”

I’m like, “Bro, stop playing. No you’re not, bro! You act like me, you talk just like me!”

He’s like, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That you’re not gay! What do you mean!”

(crowd laughing)

“You didn’t say bananas or prunes, you didn’t say none of that.”

(crowd laughing)

He’s like, “I asked you out.”

I’m like, “You did not… Okay, yeah. You did ask me out, but I didn’t know it was no date!”

And I start thinking about everything. I’m like, I put my number in his phone. He picked me up. He bought me food. I was thinking about the pictures and everything. I’m like, this dude took me on a date!

(crowd laughing)

And I was the girl! And I liked it! Oh my God!

(crowd cheering)

Alright.

I was like, “Bro, I’m not gay. I’m not gay!”

He’s like, “We can’t do this again?”

I’m like, “No!”

He’s like, “Man, it’s just that I had season tickets.”

(crowd gasps)

I was like, “I’m not gay, but you want to go out for some bananas and prune juice? We can talk about it.”

Hey y’all, I’m Barry Brewer!