Luca (2021) – Transcript

On the Italian Riviera, an unlikely but strong friendship grows between a human being and a sea monster disguised as a human.
Luca (2021)

A young boy experiences an unforgettable seaside summer on the Italian Riviera filled with gelato, pasta and endless scooter rides. Luca shares these adventures with his newfound best friend, but all the fun is threatened by a deeply-held secret: he is a sea monster from another world just below the ocean’s surface.

* * *

(UPBEAT CLASSIC ITALIAN MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC CONTINUES FAINTLY OVER SPEAKER)

Listen, Tommaso, do we really need to fish near the island?

Eh, you worry too much.

I don’t know.

What if the old stories are true?

TOMMASO: Oh, come on, Giacomo.

You really believe in sea monsters?

Too many strange things have been seen in these waters.

They’re all just stories.

Tall tales to keep us away from a great fishing spot.

GIACOMO: But, Tommaso…

We’re fine.

(COMFORTS IN ITALIAN)

(OPERATIC MUSIC PLAYING OVER GRAMOPHONE)

Ah, that’s more like it.

(WOMAN SINGING ARIA OVER GRAMOPHONE)

(GRUNTING)

(GIACOMO CONTINUES GRUNTING)

(GIACOMO HUMMING)

(GASPS) What is that?

(EXCLAIMS IN ITALIAN)

(GRUNTING)

(BOTH YELP)

(GRUNTING)

(TOMMASO URGING IN ITALIAN)

(OPERATIC MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

(BOTH GASP)

(GRUNTS)

(BOTH PANTING)

You missed. Let’s go,

before it comes back for us.

GIACOMO: I told you they were real.

TOMMASO: Oh, what a monster!

Horrifying!

(SCREAMS)

Fish out of the barn! Fish out of the barn!

No, no, no!

Mom’s gonna kill me!

Caterina!

(BLEATS)

Wait!

(CATERINA BLEATS)

Whoa!

Oh, good morning, Mr. Branzino.

And also, I’m sorry.

(SIGHS)

Well, how’s Mrs. Branzino?

Hi, Luca.

(BLEATS)

Excuse me, ma’am. Have you…

Yes.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

(BLEATING)

Giuseppe, get back here!

You want to run off like your buddy Enrico? (GRUNTS)

Because I’ve got news for you. He’s either dead, or he’s out there. Somewhere. Seeing the world.

But he’s probably dead.

Phew. Okay, that’s everyone.

Monalisa, why are you smiling?

Anyone else in there?

(SIGHS) Giuseppe.

What did we just talk about?

Oh, Giuseppe.

All right. Let’s head out.

(GENTLE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Hello.

Good morning.

LUCA: Hi, Mrs. Aragosta.

Hey, Luca!

LUCA: Good morning!

SEA FARMER: Morning!

(GENTLE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC CONTINUES)

Okay. All clear.

Let me know if you need anything.

Anyone?

No? Okay.

(LUCA SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(CLOCK CLINKS)

(SIGHS) Giuseppe…

(GASPS)

(LOW UNNERVING MUSIC PLAYING)

(ALARM RINGING)

(YELPS)

Oh.

Huh?

(GENTLE STRING MUSIC PLAYING)

(GASPS IN AWE)

(CHUCKLES)

(GASPS)

(MOTOR WHIRRING)

Land monsters! Everybody, under the rock!

(MOTOR WHIRRING)

(ENCHANTING MUSIC PLAYING)

(GASPS IN AWE)

Huh?

(GRUNTING)

DANIELA: Luca!

Lunch is ready!

Be right there!

Come on! We gotta get back.

DANIELA: You’re two minutes late.

Was there a boat? Huh?

LUCA: Uh…

Did you hide?

Yes, Mom.

Because if they catch even a glimpse of you…

You think they come around to meet new friends, huh?

No.

Make small talk.

I… I don’t.

No.

They’re here to do murders.

Uh-huh.

So, I’m just making sure you know.

Thanks, Mom.

When I was a kid, we’d go weeks without seeing a boat, and let me tell you, they did not have motors.

Just a sweaty land monster with a paddle.

Hi, Grandma. Mwah.

Hey, Bubble.

Hi, Dad.

Luca!

Look at Pinchy-pessa. She’s molting.

Oh, it’s magnificent.

(SQUEAKS)

Now, here’s a champion show crab if I ever saw one.

Oh, nice.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Don’t look her in the eye!

Sorry.

But don’t apologize. She can sense weakness.

(SNAPS)

Oh!

Come eat, Luca. Come on.

We better beat those Branzinos at the crab show this year.

Everyone thinks Bianca Branzino’s so great with her prize-winning crabs and amazing dolphin impression. Please!

Anyone can do that.

(MIMICS DOLPHIN TRILLING)

Right?

I don’t know why dolphins even sound like that.

You know, why don’t they just talk?

Luca.

Huh?

GRANDMA PAGURO: What’s on your mind?

Uh… Uh… Well, I was just wondering…

Where do boats come from?

(COUGHS)

The land monster town. Just above the surface.

I beat a guy at cards there once.

(LUCA GASPS)

Mom! What are you doing?

He’s old enough to hear about it.

You’ve been to the surface and done the change?

No! No! The end! Shut it down!

I was just curious.

Yeah? Well, the curious fish gets caught.

We do not talk, think, discuss, contemplate, or go anywhere near the surface! Got it?

Yes, Mom.

Here. Now let’s get back to work.

Hey.

Look me in the eye.

You know I love you, right?

I know, Mom.

We’re a little worried about him, right?

No, thanks! I’m full.

(SOFT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Huh?

Hmm.

(GASPS)

(GASPS)

Whoa.

Hmm.

Hmm.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

(SCREAMS)

(GRUNTS AND GROANS)

(WHIMPERING)

VOICE: (OVER HELMET) Boo.

LUCA: Huh?

It’s fine. I’m not human.

Oh! (CHUCKLES) Thank goodness.

Here, hold this.

(GASPS)

Uh… Do you live around here?

Down here? No, no, no. I just came for my stuff.

Ooh.

Uh, hey! Wait, that’s mine!

Sir? You forgot your harpoon and…

Oh, yeah. Thanks!

LUCA: What? What are you doing?

(GASPS)

(YELPING)

(BOTH GRUNT)

(GASPS AND SCREAMS)

No, no!

Ahh! Oh, no!

(CRYING OUT)

Help me!

First time?

Of course it is! I’m a good kid!

(WHIMPERS)

Hey, relax.

Breathe.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(WAVE CRASHING GENTLY)

(TRANQUIL MUSIC PLAYING)

(INSECT CHIRRING)

(SEAGULLS SQUAWKING)

(LUCA GASPS IN AWE)

Whoa.

Well? Isn’t it great?

No!

It’s bad, and I’m not supposed to be up here.

Good day.

(WATER SPLASHES)

Thank you.

Good… Good day. Again.

Grandma, did you really go up to the…

(SNORES HURRIEDLY)

Okay, everyone. This is, uh, Smuca.

Yeah. He’s in charge now. Got it?

(BLEATS)

(GRUNTING)

(SIGHS)

(EXHALES SHARPLY)

(GRUNTING)

(SIGHS)

Wow.

Aah!

That was hard to watch.

Here.

Come on.

(EXHALES DEEPLY)

(GRUNTING)

Whoa.

(GASPS) Wait.

It feels like it’s still there.

Yeah, that’s called phantom tail.

You’ll get used to it.

(GRUNTING)

Right. Walking.

Don’t worry, you’re in luck. I basically invented it.

To start, stack everything one on top of the other.

Like a pile of rocks.

(GRUNTING)

Great! I mean, fine, whatever.

Now, walking is just like swimming.

But without fins. Or a tail.

And also, there’s no water.

Otherwise, it’s like the exact same thing.

Give it a try.

(STRUGGLES AND GRUNTS)

That’s not it. Try it again.

(GRUNTS)

Oh, try to lead with your head.

No, more belly.

That’s… That’s lying on the ground.

How about this?

Just take a step without even thinking about it.

No, no, no, don’t think about it.

I don’t know how to not think about something.

(GROANS) Okay, okay. Watch.

Point your feet to where you wanna go. Okay?

And then you just catch yourself before you fall.

Yeah, that’s right.

(WHIMPERS)

Heh.

Good. Good.

(CHUCKLING)

Yes. Yes!

I’m… I’m getting it!

Not bad, kid. Alberto Scorfano.

Luca Paguro.

(GREETS IN ITALIAN)

It’s a human thing. I’m kind of an expert.

What does it mean?

The thing you just said?

Come on. I’ll show you some more stuff!

Mother-of-pearl!

You live up here?

Yeah. Me and my dad.

He’s not even here a whole lot, so I pretty much just do whatever I want.

Isn’t it dangerous?

Yeah, it’s the best!

Everything good is above the surface.

Like, what else?

Air! (INHALES DEEPLY)

(INHALES AND GAGS)

(COUGHS)

Gravity! Also known as falling!

(GRUNTING)

The sky. Clouds. The sun.

Whoa. Don’t look at it.

Just kidding. Definitely look at it.

(GROANS)

And then, there’s human stuff.

Whoa.

As you can see,

I’ve been collecting for a long time, so ask me anything.

(GASPS)

Whoa. (ECHOES)

(CHUCKLES)

Yes. That’s the Magic Singing Lady Machine.

It’s broken, unfortunately.

(WOMAN SINGING ARIA OVER GRAMOPHONE)

Whoa! You unbroke it!

(OPERATIC MUSIC CONTINUES)

(GASPS)

LUCA: What’s that?

Oh, it’s just the greatest thing that humans ever made.

The Vespa.

Whoa.

You just sit on it, and it takes you anywhere you wanna go.

In the whole stinkin’ world!

(GASPS)

LUCA: “Vespa is freedom.”

Huh?

(LAUGHING)

(SOFT WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Whoo-hoo-hoo.

Yeah!

(GASPS)

ALBERTO: Pretty cool, right?

(GRUNTS) Uh… Yeah.

Huh. Are you gonna make one?

I think you have all the parts.

I do have the parts.

I am gonna make one! You wanna help?

Me? Yeah! Wait! No, I can’t.

I gotta go home.

Right this second?

Yeah, if my parents found out I was up here…

Oof. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

It would be bad. So, thank you, but…

Goodbye. Forever.

Okay, but now, I really do have to go.

Okay. Bye.

Seriously, I have to go, like, now. Like, right now.

Okay. See ya.

(GASPS IN AWE)

It’s even better than the picture.

Yeah, it is.

(GASPS) Gotta run.

ALBERTO: See ya tomorrow!

Luca! Where have you been?

Uh…

LUCA: Don’t say surface. Don’t say surface.

Surface. (GASPS)

What did you just say?

What’s wrong with your foot?

(GASPS AND SCREAMS)

DANIELA: Luca.

Oh, I… I…

Gonna tell us where you were?

Uh…

It’s my fault.

I sent him to look for sea cucumbers.

Right! Sorry, Grandma, I couldn’t find them.

DANIELA: Mom, his life is maybe a little more important than your snacks.

(WHISPERS) Thank you.

(GIGGLES)

(EXHALES DEEPLY)

Whoa! How’d you get it down?

I rode it down.

Uh…

I didn’t.

But I pushed it out the back window.

Took a while to put back together, but it’s fine now.

You ready to ride it?

(GASPS)

(SINISTER MUSIC PLAYS)

Oh, well, thank you, but no thank you.

I mean, I just think maybe I would die.

Okay, I’ll ride it. You hold the ramp.

LUCA: Uh…

(STRAINING)

Sir, maybe we should sleep on it?

ALBERTO: Whatever you do, do not move!

I’m not the guy you want for this.

I’m more of an idea man…

Take me, gravity!

Um…

Ouch! (WHIMPERS)

This is normal! Stay focused!

(GASPS)

(GRUNTING)

(LUCA WHIMPERS)

Don’t move, don’t move, don’t move!

(GRUNTS, SHUDDERS)

(ALBERTO YELPS)

(GASPS) He’s dead. I killed him!

Whoo-hoo! (LAUGHS)

Wait. That was good?

ALBERTO: Oh, my…

Did you see the height I got?

Hey, nice ramping.

Come on, let’s build another one.

(UPBEAT ITALIAN POP MUSIC PLAYING)

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTS)

(CHUCKLES)

(UPBEAT ITALIAN POP MUSIC CONTINUES)

ALBERTO: Yahoo!

(SEAGULL SQUAWKS)

(YELPS)

Huh? Huh?

Ow. (GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(SQUAWKS)

ALBERTO: Ha-ha!

(UPBEAT ITALIAN POP MUSIC CONTINUES)

(ALBERTO LAUGHING)

Whoo-hoo!

Come on, Luca!

Whoa! (SCREAMING)

(UPBEAT ITALIAN POP MUSIC CONTINUES)

(SQUEAKING)

Huh.

(ENGINE ROARS)

What’s wrong with you, stupido?

(ECHOES) What’s wrong with you, stupido?

ALBERTO: Look, we gotta ride together.

If you don’t sit on the back and hold on to the front, the whole thing falls apart.

Oh. And who’s holding the ramp?

The turtle. Come on. He’s faster than he looks.

Oh, okay. Here we go.

You, uh, coming?

Nope. I can’t do it. Never in a million years.

Hey, hey, hey. I know your problem.

You’ve got a Bruno in your head.

A Bruno?

Yeah.

I get one, too, sometimes.

“Alberto, you can’t.” “Alberto, you’re gonna die.”

“Alberto, don’t put that in your mouth.”

Luca, it’s simple. Don’t listen to stupid Bruno.

Why is his name Bruno?

I don’t care. It doesn’t matter.

Call him whatever you want.

Shut him up. Say, “Silenzio, Bruno.”

Silenzio, Bruno.

Louder! “Silenzio, Bruno!”

Silenzio, Bruno.

“Silenzio, Bruno!”

Silenzio, Bruno!

Can you still hear him?

Nope! Just you!

Good! Now, hang on!

(CLICKS TONGUE)

Andiamo!

(LUCA WHIMPERING)

(ALBERTO WHOOPING)

ALBERTO: Yeah!

(GRUNTS)

(ALBERTO CONTINUES WHOOPING)

Silenzio, Bruno. Silenzio, Bruno.

Silenzio, Bruno.

Silenzio, Bruno.

(WHOOPING)

(DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(SEAGULLS SQUAWKING)

Whoa.

Wow.

Uh-oh.

(WHIMPERS)

(BOTH YELLING)

(BOTH GASPING)

Whoo-hoo! Yeah!

(LAUGHS)

Yes! We’re alive! I can’t believe it!

Take that, Bruno!

Yes!

(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

LUCA: What are all those tiny lights?

Anchovies. They go there to sleep.

Really?

Yeah.

And the big fish protects them.

I touched it once.

I don’t know, it felt like a fish.

Wow.

Your life is so much cooler than mine.

I never go anywhere.

I just dream about it.

You came up here.

Thanks to you.

Otherwise, I never would’ve seen any of this.

Have you ever gone to the human town?

Yeah!

Uh… No.

But, but my dad told me all about it.

So, I’m pretty much an expert.

Your dad sounds so cool.

You’re lucky he lets you do what you want.

Yeah. For sure.

Hey, you remember that time we almost hit that rock?

(LAUGHS)

And we flew through the air, and I was like, “Yeah!” And then you were like, “No!”

(BOTH LAUGH)

Wouldn’t it be amazing to have a real Vespa?

Yeah. That’s the dream.

Yeah.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

LUCA: Whoo!

Oh, Luca, look!

(ENGINES REVVING)

BOTH: Whoa!

Wild Vespas!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Whoo-hoo!

Luca, take over!

(CHUCKLES) Yeah, man!

Come on, faster!

(ENGINE REVVING)

Yeah! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Whoo-hoo!

(UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC CONTINUES)

(LUCA GASPS)

BOTH: Whoa.

(GASPS)

I’m doing it, Alberto! I’m doing it!

Alberto?

(WHIMPERING)

(YELLING)

(GASPS) Oh, no! I fell asleep!

What?

(SNORING)

Phew.

(DANIELA CLEARS THROAT)

(GASPS)

Uh…

Daniela, do we really need to go through with this?

With what?

Uh, son, you’re in big trouble.

You need to promise us that you’ll never sneak off to the surface again.

Uh, I’m really sorry.

But, you know, it’s not that dangerous up there.

Maybe I could show you.

I told you. Our son has a death wish.

But, Mom, we’re always careful!

BOTH: “We”?

Me and my friend, Alberto.

But it’s okay. He’s one of us.

Ah, yes. There’s usually a bad influence.

Good thing you sent for me when you did, huh?

Luca, this is my brother, your Uncle Ugo.

Thanks again for coming all this way on such short notice.

Of course.

Hello, Luca.

It’s really nice to… (CHOKES)

(STIFLED WHINING)

Luca, I need you to punch his heart.

That’s right. The red thing. Punch it.

Harder!

Oh.

(GRUNTS)

(UNCLE UGO COUGHING)

Thanks for that. Too much oxygen up here.

Not like the deep. As you’ll learn. (LAUGHS)

What?

Sure, there’s no sunlight, but there’s nothing to see anyway.

Or do. It’s just you and your thoughts, and all the whale carcass you can eat.

Little bits of it just float into your mouth.

You can’t stop it.

You can’t see it. So if you…

The mouth opened, the whale carcass go in.

Yes, good. I recommend it.

Come on. No time to waste.

Mom, what does he mean?

You’re going to stay with Uncle Ugo for the rest of the season.

No, I can’t!

Two seasons, then. Wanna go for three?

Why are you doing this?

The world is a very dangerous place, Luca, and if I have to send you to the bottom of the ocean to keep you safe, so be it.

You don’t know what it’s like up there!

I know you. And I know what’s best for you.

It’s done.

Hey. Look me in the eye.

You know I love you, right?

(GRUNTS ANGRILY)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(GIGGLES)

LUCA: They’re sending me to the deep!

To live with my weird see-through uncle!

What do I do?

Stay?

Up here? They’ll come looking for me.

Okay, that may be true, but will they come looking for you over there?

No way. That’s crazy.

I mean, that place must be full of Vespas.

There’s gotta be one for us.

Huh.

A real Vespa.

Could we even survive over there?

You and me? We can do anything.

We’d swim right over to Vespatown, track down Signor Vespa,

Wait. Do you really think there’s a Signor Vespa?

Makes sense, right?

Yes. Continue.

And we say, “Signor Vespa, build us one of these!”

Whoa. This is the greatest drawing I’ve ever seen.

Yeah, I know. Luca, think about it.

Every day, we’ll ride someplace new, and every night, we’ll sleep under the fish.

No one to tell us what to do. Just you and me out there.

Free.

ALBERTO: Whoo-hoo!

(LUCA LAUGHS)

Take me, gravity!

(SIGHS)

(SEAGULLS SQUAWKING IN DISTANCE)

Silenzio, Bruno.

Whoo-hoo!

ALBERTO: Yeah!

(LUCA LAUGHS)

(ADVENTUROUS MUSIC PLAYING)

(GRUNTS)

(LUCA YELPING)

(LUCA WHIMPERS)

ALBERTO: (LAUGHS) Come on!

Ha-ha!

(LAUGHS AND GASPS)

(ADVENTUROUS MUSIC CONTINUES)

(BOTH WHOOPING)

(LAUGHS)

(GASPS)

(YELLING)

Yeah! Whoo!

(LUCA GASPS)

Whoa.

(LUCA GASPS)

(GASPS) Papà, what’s that?

How do we get in?

(WHISTLING MELODY)

(LUCA AND ALBERTO GRUNTING)

This will be a breeze.

Just don’t get wet.

Uh…

(GASPS)

Actually, this town seems a little crowded.

Hey! Silenzio, Bruno.

What’s wrong with you, stupido?

MAN: Huh?

(MAN SCOFFS)

Huh! It worked.

See?

You just gotta follow my lead.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(ALL LAUGHING)

(SPEAKS ITALIAN)

(MAN LAUGHS)

(PLAYER GROANS)

Classic human town. Pretty cool, right?

Hey, you do it now. Just say the thing.

BOTH: Mmm.

(CHUCKLES LIGHTLY) Madams,

what’s wrong with you, stupido?

(BOTH GASP)

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

(BOTH GRUNT)

(BOTH GROAN)

Maybe I said it wrong?

Mmm. Mmm!

Wow!

Mmm!

(SINISTER MUSIC PLAYING)

(GASPS)

(WHIMPERING)

Alberto, this is too dangerous.

Let’s get out of here.

And go where?

(GASPS)

(UPBEAT ITALIAN POP MUSIC PLAYING OVER RADIO)

(GASPS)

Whoa.

It’s Signor Vespa!

(ENGINE REVVING)

(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

Mannaggia! Here we go.

(GREETS IN ITALIAN)

Oh, mamma mia! Please, no more revving.

(COMPLAINS IN ITALIAN)

Ciao! Ciao!

(BOTH PANTING)

(GASPS EXCITEDLY)

Beep, beep!

Pride of Portorosso coming through!

Ciao, belle!

WOMAN: Hmm, blech!

You’re making me blush.

And now, who wants to watch me eat a big sandwich? Hmm?

(CHUCKLES) There it is.

That’s how we’re gonna see the world.

Hey, little help?

KID 1: Huh? KID 2: Hmm?

(SHOUTS IN ITALIAN)

(ALL GASP)

(EXCLAIMS IN ITALIAN)

(GRUNTS)

Oh, mamma mia! Talk to Ercole. Are you hurt?

Well, my head kinda hurts…

Not you, Ciccio! Out of the way!

Oh, piccolina, if there is so much as a scratch…

(SIGHS IN RELIEF)

Someone got lucky today. Hmm?

Who got lucky?

Mm-hmm. Out-of-towners, eh?

Let me welcome you.

(WELCOMING IN ITALIAN)

Ciccio?

(GASPS)

I am delighted to meet you, Number One and Number Two.

I love your stylish clothes.

Where did you get them? A dead body? (LAUGHING)

(SNICKERS) Dead body.

I’m kidding.

Uh… Look, Signor Vespa…

Signor Vespa? (LAUGHING)

This guy funny, hmm?

(LAUGHS)

I am Ercole Visconti.

Five-time winner of the Portorosso Cup.

The Portorosso what?

The Portorosso Cup!

(EXCLAIMS IN ITALIAN)

How do you think I paid for my beautiful Vespa?

Hey, stop looking.

(LUCA GASPS)

She’s too beautiful for you.

I, uh…

(IMITATES LUCA MOCKINGLY)

(LAUGHS) I love it.

The little guy can’t even get a word out.

Oof. And he smells like behind the pescheria. (SCOFFS)

Hey, my friend smells amazing.

Sorry, sorry. I’ll make it up to him.

Ciccio, Guido.

(ALBERTO GRUNTING)

What are you doing?

ALBERTO: Luca!

Alberto!

Ah, just a little bath.

LUCA: Oh, no, no, no!

It’s funny.

Huh?

(GRUNTING)

(ERCOLE LAUGHING)

No!

Huh?

Hey! Ercole, basta!

Oh, look who’s here. Spewlia.

(CHUCKLES) Wow. That’s how you’re training for the race?

(REPLIES IN ITALIAN)

Your reign of terror is coming to an end!

ERCOLE: “Coming to an end.”

You mean like a year ago?

When you quit in the middle of the race?

Because you couldn’t stop (GAGS) throwing up?

I didn’t quit. They made me stop.

I think that is worse. Now, go away.

I’m having fun with my new friends.

They’re coming with me.

Hop on. I could use the extra weight.

(BLOWS RASPBERRIES)

Fine. Go start a club. For losers!

(ALL LAUGH)

Maggiore! Another sighting. In the harbor, this time.

I know. We are setting up a reward.

Someone’s gonna win a nice prize.

(GASPS) Me! Me! I win the prizes.

Ciccio!

(GASPS)

Get your daddy’s harpoon!

We’re gonna catch a sea monster.

Sì!

(EXCLAIMS EXCITEDLY)

Sto imbecille thinks he can be a jerk ’cause he keeps winning the race, which he shouldn’t even get to do anymore, ’cause he’s too old and too much of a jerk!

(LAUGHS SHEEPISHLY)

You know, we underdogs have to look out for each other, right?

What’s under the dogs?

Underdogs.

You know, kids who are different, dressed weird, or a little sweatier than average.

Uh…

Too much? Too much.

So, are you in town for the race?

The Portorosso Cup?

Well, good talk.

I gotta deliver these. Always be training, you know?

(GASPS) We should ask her about this Portorosso Cup race.

That’s how the loud scary human said he got his Vespa.

Giulia!

Oh!

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

Uh, grazie.

Ciao.

Hey, uh, Spewlia?

Giulia. My name is Giulia.

Okay. When you race in a cup, what do you get?

Soldi. Prize money.

Oh.

Okay.

No, no! Keep going!

What? Why?

Ask her about the prize money!

But that stuff is useless.

Maybe that becomes a Vespa.

How does that become…

Just ask her!

Fine, fine, fine.

Hello again.

Ciao.

Can we turn the money into something else?

Something like…

That.

Pfft. No. But it could get you that.

(GASPS)

(SLOW ITALIAN POP MUSIC INTRO PLAYING)

(COINS JINGLING)

(MUSIC TEMPO INCREASES)

BOTH: Whoo-hoo!

It’s so beautiful.

Yes, we need it.

Great, so we’ll just win the race.

(BRAKES SQUEAL)

You’ll have to beat Ercole.

Okay, so we’ll beat Ercole.

Huh. Really?

Thinks he’ll beat Ercole, this guy. (CHUCKLES)

First of all, get in line!

Every summer, that jerk makes my life miserable.

So, no one’s taking him down unless it’s me!

Second, this isn’t any old race.

It’s an epic, grueling, traditional Italian triathlon.

Swimming, cycling, and eating pasta.

So, you’d need a teammate.

Well, we’ll figure it out. Thanks, human girl.

Hey, hey, wait. Wait, Alberto.

What if we join her team?

GIULIA: Grazie! Arrivederci!

Hmm. Better idea.

Hey, Spew… Girl!

Santa mozzarella.

Congratulations, you’re joining our team.

(SCOFFS) I race alone.

(GRUNTING)

(ALL GRUNTING)

But we could be under the dogs, too.

Hey, it’s okay, Luca.

She’d rather do the whole race alone again.

Maybe this time she won’t throw up as much.

Uh, hang on.

You wanna be on my team, eh?

Let’s see what you got.

(YELPS)

(WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY)

(CHUCKLES SHEEPISHLY)

All right, try jumping onto it.

(GRUNTS)

No, no, no.

You gotta show it you’re the boss!

(WHIMPERS)

(SIGHS) Santa mozzarella.

Eyes up.

LUCA: Huh?

Looking down is what’s making you fall.

LUCA: Whoa.

(LUCA WHIMPERS)

(LADY SPEAKS ITALIAN)

Whoa. I’m doing it.

So, can we be on the team?

(REPLIES IN ITALIAN)

Can you dodge obstacles?

What if an old lady crosses your path?

(YELLING)

(LUCA GASPS)

Can you withstand passive-aggressive verbal assaults?

(IMITATES ERCOLE) “Nice bike, Number One and Number Two.

“I was kidding.

“Your bike is a disgrace.” (LAUGHS)

Finally, can you handle the course’s fiendishly difficult terrain?

Silenzio, Bruno.

(WHIMPERS AND YELPS)

Hmm.

Stop. What about you?

Can you swim at least?

Yeah, I’m amazingly (GRUNTS) bad at swimming.

You can’t swim, you can barely ride a bike.

(EXCLAIMS IN ITALIAN)

I mean, where are you even from?

We’re not telling you our secrets!

We’re runaways.

Runaways?

I don’t know, ragazzi…

Please?

My family was gonna send me somewhere horrible.

Away from everything I love.

But if we win this race, well, we can be free.

My life’s great. I’m just helping him out.

Hmm.

Just give me one more chance.

No.

You guys want it just as bad as I do.

You have the hunger.

That’s the most important thing.

I’m definitely hungry.

Perfetto! You eat, you bike, and I swim.

(BOTH LAUGH)

GIULIA: Underdogs?

ALBERTO AND LUCA: Underdogs.

Now we just need money for the entry fee.

From my dad.

(OPERATIC MUSIC PLAYING OVER RADIO)

(MAN SINGING ALONG IN ITALIAN)

(VOCALIZES ALONG TO MUSIC)

(SINGING ALONG TO ARIA)

All right, just let me do the talking and act casual.

He doesn’t do well with fear.

Hey, Papà! I brought some friends for dinner.

(BOTH GASP)

Is there enough for four?

(KNIFE CHOPS)

(OPERATIC MUSIC CONTINUES OVER RADIO)

(WHIMPERS)

Whoa.

What’s wrong with you, stu… (GRUNTS)

(CHUCKLES SHEEPISHLY)

(GRUNTS)

What do you think he kills with those?

MASSIMO: Anything that swims.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Hai visto il giornale today?

(SIGHS) That photo is a fake, Papà.

Everyone in Portorosso pretends to believe in sea monsters.

(LUCA GASPS)

ALBERTO: Huh.

MASSIMO: Well, I’m not pretending.

(LUCA GASPS)

Huh? (YELLS)

(CAT GRUMBLES)

(LAUGHS SHEEPISHLY)

Slipped.

Eh.

BOTH: Phew!

(CAT GROWLING)

MASSIMO: Dinner’s ready.

Trenette al pesto.

(OPERATIC MUSIC CONTINUES OVER RADIO)

(SPEAKS ITALIAN)

(HOUSE RATTLES)

(LAUGHS SHEEPISHLY)

(GULPS)

(GASPS)

Mmm!

(CHOMPING AND GRUNTING)

Uh…

LUCA: Mmm!

Okay.

Where did you boys say you were from?

(CAT GRUMBLES)

(NERVOUSLY) They’re, uh, classmates. From Genova.

Luca and, uh…

(SOFTLY) Alberto.

Alberto.

And what brings you to Portorosso?

GIULIA: Oh. Uh…

Funny you should ask.

They came for the race.

The race?

Yeah.

Uh, you know what? Don’t worry about it.

(SCOFFS) “Don’t worry about it”?

Mm-hmm. Don’t worry about it.

MASSIMO: (SIGHS) Giulietta. A word.

I don’t want you doing the race again.

You get so upset.

Papà, per favore, I have a team now.

There’s also the entry fee. Money is tight.

I’ll work double shifts at the pescheria. Whatever you need.

I can’t sell what I don’t have.

What I need is more fish in my net.

(APOLOGIZES IN ITALIAN)

LUCA: Um, excuse me?

We could help.

You know fish?

Oh, we? We know lots of fish.

MASSIMO: Huh.

Can this face lose?

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

You want to work? I’ll put you to work.

Really? (LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING) Oh, grazie, Papà.

(CAT GROWLING)

(LUCA WHIMPERS)

(GROWLING)

Machiavelli! (SHUSHES) Don’t you…

No! Machiavelli!

(LUCA SCREAMING)

(LUCA PANTING)

I’m so sorry about the cat.

I don’t know what got into him.

It’s fine. We’re gonna head back to, uh…

Oh!

Do you guys need a place to stay?

Cool.

Oops! Sorry. This is my…

Your hideout.

Huh. Yeah. My hideout.

Buonanotte, boys. (GRUNTS)

Whoa!

(CRASHES)

(MACHIAVELLI YOWLS)

(CHUCKLES SHEEPISHLY) Slipped. Uh, see you in the morning.

(SIGHS) That was close.

I know.

Like, how big was that dad human?

That guy kills things, for sure.

I thought we were gonna die, like, a hundred times.

Hey, relax.

We’re incredible at this humaning stuff.

Yeah. You’re right.

Did you see me on the bike?

Giulia said, “Look up,”

and then all of a sudden, I was riding it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Our Vespa’s gonna be even better than a bike, though.

Because the moment we get it, we’re outta here.

(CHUCKLES)

I can’t wait. (SIGHS DEEPLY)

How could my mother tell him about this town of bloodthirsty lunatics?

I still can’t believe he would do this.

It’s not like him.

Just keep your guard up.

There’s gonna be land monsters everywhere.

(GASPS AND YELLS)

(GRUNTS)

Daniela! Ooh! Wait! Ow! Ow!

No! Not today, land monster!

It’s me!

Oh!

You scared the scales off of me!

Jeez, you’re strong!

I’m sorry, I’m just a little on edge.

No. I needed that. It really woke me up.

Wow! We look horrifying.

Ugh, gross.

Come on. Let’s find our son.

(MAN WHISTLING MELODY)

(GASPS)

(BOTH PANT AND GRUNT)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(YAWNS)

(SMACKS LIPS)

(GASPS) Oh, no! Oh, no! Alberto! Wake up!

What? Ahh! The sky’s been leaking!

(MIMICKING BUGLE PLAYING WAKEUP CALL)

(BOTH GASP)

(BOTH PANTING)

(MACHIAVELLI GROWLING)

(CONTINUES MIMICKING WAKEUP CALL)

Hmm. Uh…

Oh. There you are!

(CHUCKLES) Buongiorno.

All right, ragazzi.

You want that entry fee, you got to earn it.

Giulietta…

I’m on it!

…you make the deliveries.

Already makin’ ’em! Ciao!

Hmm. You two are coming with me.

LUCA: Oh.

(GASPS)

Which knife do I get? Huh? Huh?

You don’t.

TOMMASO: Buongiorno, Massimo!

You’ll keep an eye out for those sea monsters, right?

We’re all counting on you.

Don’t worry, Tommaso. I’ve got my eyes peeled.

They won’t get away.

(LUCA LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

(WATER SPLASHES)

(LUCA GASPS)

(MACHIAVELLI GRUMBLES)

(BOAT CREAKING)

(BOTH GASP)

(LUCA YELPS)

Hey, this isn’t a joyride.

Make yourselves useful.

(MACHIAVELLI GROWLING)

Uh…

(YELPS AND WHIMPERS)

(GROWLS)

(LUCA GASPS)

(YOWLING)

(LUCA GRUNTING)

MASSIMO: Hey, no goofing around back there.

(GRUNTS)

(MACHIAVELLI YOWLS)

(WATER SPLASHES)

(LUCA GASPS AND WHIMPERS)

(GROWLING)

(GRUNTS SOFTLY)

A sea monster ate it.

Huh? What?

(CHUCKLES) Ma, no. This is how I came into the world.

(GRUNTING)

Whoa.

Mannaggia, not a great catch today.

It might be because we’re over a haunted fish graveyard.

We know it’s not haunted. The fish think it’s haunted.

This time of day, most fish will be right about there.

MASSIMO: Hmm.

BOTH: Ciao, Giulia.

GIULIA: Ciao.

(GRUNTS)

(GASPS) Ha-ha!

New personal best!

(GASPS) Santo pecorino.

ALBERTO: Shoo! Shoo!

Your friends do know fish.

(LAUGHS) Benissimo! Ooh, let’s go sign up.

Okay. Okay.

Now, what’s our plan? Think, Daniela.

Hey, everything’s always on you.

I wanna step up.

Uh… You sure?

Oh, yeah. I got this.

Oh, hello there, young man.

You’re not fooling anyone.

Lorenzo, eh-eh.

Did you really think you could get away with this?

Renzo…

You thought we wouldn’t find you?

Well, guess what?

I don’t think…

It’s time for us to go home.

(KID YELPS)

(PANTS)

(WHIMPERS)

(SOBBING LOUDLY)

(FUMBLES FOR WORDS) Let that be a lesson to you!

Go, go, go! Run before its mother gets here!

It turns out I don’t got this.

No, but I do. I’ll know my son when I…

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

…see him.

Ah, sharks.

Grazie, Papà! Come on, we’d better hurry.

ALBERTO: Okay.

(KIDS LAUGHING)

WOMAN: Fellow Portorossans!

It is I, Giorgio Giorgioni!

Slayer of sea monsters and beloved purveyor of pasta!

Slayer of sea monsters?

Ah, that’s just Signora Marsigliese.

She works for the sponsor for the race.

(SIGHS) This is gonna take forever.

The finest pasta in Liguria

at a price every family can afford.

Get to the rules!

Enthusiasm. Love to see it.

To win my famous race, your team must be the first to brave the treacherous waters of the bay, devour a mystery bowl of my delicious pasta, and ride to the top of Mount Portorosso and back!

That all sounds pretty hard.

Yeah. Hard to lose. We’re going to win.

I love your confidence.

But don’t forget, we’re going to have to go through…

Champion coming through.

GIULIA: Ugh.

Ciao, ciao! Hey!

Ercole.

Aren’t you a little old, Ercole?

Signora! I am 16.

You said that last year.

But this year, it’s true.

You might want to save your money, ragazzi.

This year, Ercole’s gonna break the record and make it six in a row.

(LAUGHING) Oh, no. I don’t believe it.

Spewlia, you teamed up with these vagrants?

(LAUGHS)

Ignore him.

Oh, I wish for you that you could.

I’m afraid your friends still need to pay the out-of-town weirdo tax.

(SNAPS FINGERS)

Hey! Ercole! You have to give it back!

Ercole doesn’t have to do anything.

He’s the Portorosso Cup champion, number one.

And number two, his life is amazing and everyone loves him.

They don’t love you. They’re afraid of you.

(SPUTTERS) Raise your hand if you love me.

See? Everyone.

Even you. Bop!

Oh, that’s it. Come on, Luca.

Hey! The vagrants want to fight.

Wow! (REMARKS IN ITALIAN)

Alberto?

Silenzio, Bruno.

Remember, this is for our Vespa.

Stop.

A Vespa?

(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)

Trash like you can’t ride Vespas.

Ercole, you’re just afraid we’re gonna put an end to your evil empire of injustice.

“Evil empire of injustice.”

(SIGHS) Got anything new?

Yeah. Here’s a new one. You look like a, uh… Uh…

A catfish.

A catfish!

CROWD: Huh?

(SCOFFS)

Uh, they’re bottom-feeders, and they also have two sad little whiskers.

(GASPS)

(CROWD LAUGHING)

(GUIDO SNORTS)

Shut up!

(GUIDO GRUNTS)

Listen, piccoletto,

I eat kids like you for breakfast.

I dunk them in my cioccolata and…

(MIMICS CHOMPING) …finiti!

(MIMICS KNIFE SWISHING)

(LUCA GULPS)

So, here, sign up. Mm?

I’ll make it my mission to destroy you.

(LAUGHS) It’s gonna be some race, huh?

Sorry, no autographs today.

You can put your hand down.

(KID GROANS)

Ha-ha! Luca! Bravo, we did it!

Giulia Marcovaldo.

Ciao, Giulia. Team of one?

Not today.

Luca Paguro.

Alberto Scorfano.

GIULIA: Okay, ragazzi, we have one week to train.

(COMMANDS IN ITALIAN)

I got this.

Wait, what?

Every year they change the pasta.

You have to be ready for anything.

Could be cannelloni, penne, fusilli, trofie, even lasagne.

And you have to use a forchetta. It’s the rule.

Ugh! Rules are for rule people. (GRUNTS)

(LUCA PANTING HEAVILY)

(ALBERTO GROANS)

Holy carp. No. I can’t.

I know, I know. (LAUGHS)

And remember, piccoletto… (MIMICS KNIFE SWISHING)

Forza, Luca, don’t let him get in your head. You can do this.

Okay. Silenzio, Bruno. Here we go.

(WHIMPERING) I can’t!

(SCREAMING)

(CRASHING)

(ALL GROAN)

(GROANS)

(GIULIA GASPS)

I guess that’s how humans swim?

Ugh, that’s embarrassing.

Any sea monsters?

No. But I see some bait. (LAUGHS)

(BOAT ENGINE ROARING)

GIULIA: Oh, no! It’s Ercole! Go, go!

ALBERTO: Luca! Faster, faster!

LUCA: Why aren’t we moving?

Ercole?

(GASPS)

(GUIDO GRUNTS)

(CICCIO YELPS)

(YELPS)

Guido!

I… I slipped.

Ciccio, slap Guido.

Again. Like you mean it.

(GIULIA EXCLAIMS IN ITALIAN)

(BOTH GRUNT)

Huh?

(GASPS)

Hmm. Where did the other one go?

Eh? (QUESTIONS IN ITALIAN)

GIULIA: Ercole!

Whoa! (GRUNTING)

(GIULIA QUESTIONS IN ITALIAN)

(EXCLAIMS IN ITALIAN)

Giulia! It is wool. It cannot get wet!

Ciccio, make it dry, subito!

(LUCA WHIMPERS)

GIULIA: Luca? Alberto?

Are you okay?

Um…

We’re good! Good, good, good.

GIULIA: Well, I think that’s enough training for today.

LUCA: Yeah. Agreed.

Yup.

Ah, Ciccio! The motor! They are slowly getting away!

(GRUNTS)

(ERCOLE GROANS)

Guido, slap Ciccio.

(EXCLAIMS IN ITALIAN)

With contempt!

(CICCIO GRUNTS)

KID: Huh?

Hmm.

(KIDS SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)

Hey! (SPEAKS ITALIAN)

Kick it.

(GRUNTS)

(GIRL GRUNTS)

Oh!

(GASPS)

I have an idea.

Uh-uh. Honey?

Hey, guys! Can I play, too?

(YELPS)

Oops, sorry!

I’m not used to legs. (LAUGHS)

Oh. Okay.

(BOY SPEAKS ITALIAN)

Get the ball!

(SCOFFS)

Come and get it!

Uh-uh!

(KIDS GRUNTING)

(KIDS GROAN)

Not our kid, not our kid.

(GRUNTING)

(KIDS YELPING)

(PANTING)

(GASPS IN FEAR)

(GRUNTS)

(WHISTLES, YELPS)

(CHEERS IN ITALIAN)

(GROANS)

Ha-ha!

(GRUNTING)

(KID YELPING)

(PANTS)

Let’s see Bianca Branzino do that!

(MIMICS DOLPHIN TRILLING)

GIULIA: Good effort, team.

You’ve earned your pasta tonight.

ALBERTO: Can I please eat with my hands?

DANIELA: Where could he be?

LORENZO: Well, at least you won. I think.

Yeah, I guess I did.

Come on. We just gotta keep looking.

Uh…

Alberto? I think I might’ve seen my parents.

No way. I told you, they’re not coming here.

But what if they did?

They’re gonna send me to the deep.

Listen, relax. It’s never gonna happen.

All right, boys.

Pretty good today, but let’s talk technique.

Hey, ragazzi! I need some help with the nets.

You. The big, strong one.

Andiamo.

I’ll be right back.

(SIGHS)

Hey, we’re gonna win.

And you’ll get your Vespa.

Why do you want a Vespa, again?

Oh. Because it’ll be amazing.

Every day, me and Alberto are gonna ride someplace new.

And every night, we’ll sleep under the fish.

The fish? (CHUCKLES DRYLY) Good.

How about you? What’ll you do when you win?

(EXCLAIMS) I’ll get up in front of everyone and say, “Told you I’d win!”

Yeah.

And then what?

Well, that’s it.

Look, during school, I live with my mamma in Genova.

And every summer, I come here, and everyone thinks I’m just some weird kid who doesn’t belong.

(LUCA SIGHS)

I think I know how you feel.

Right? That’s why we gotta win.

The town will cheer our names.

Ercole’s life will be ruined! (GASPS)

Sorry. Too much?

My mom says sometimes I’m too much.

No way. Not for me.

(CHUCKLES)

You know those aren’t fish, right?

Of course they are. Alberto told me all about it.

Come with me.

(SNORING)

(INDISTINCT TV CHATTER)

This is a telescope.

Old man Bernardi lets me use it.

It makes faraway things seem close. Look.

(LUCA GASPS IN AWE)

GIULIA: See any fish?

Then what are all those?

Stars. Like the sun.

Giant, raging balls of fire!

So, Alberto was wrong.

And stars are circled by planets.

Look.

That’s Saturno. It’s my favorite.

It’s the lightest of the planets.

They say if there was an ocean big enough to hold it, it would float in it!

Whoa!

(GRUNTS)

Wow!

(ENTHRALLING MUSIC PLAYING)

(GASPS IN AWE)

GIULIA: Come on, Luca!

(ENTHRALLING MUSIC CONTINUES)

(GASPS)

(ENTHRALLING MUSIC CONTINUES)

LUCA: So, this is how machines fly?

GIULIA: Sì.

LUCA: And there are big towns called cities?

GIULIA: Sì.

Like even bigger than Portorosso?

Like Genova! Literally 20 times bigger.

And we’re all on a big round rock, floating around a star in the “solar system”?

So cool, right?

And is there anything beyond the solar system?

Only a galaxy full of solar systems.

Then what?

A universe full of galaxies!

(LAUGHS EXCITEDLY) And then what?

And then…

I don’t know.

But next year in Advanced Astronomy, I’m gonna use my school’s telescope.

So, maybe I’ll find out.

That thing’s huge. I wish I could show it to you.

Just promise you’ll tell me everything you see!

Sorry. Too much?

(LAUGHS) Never.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Hey, Luca, I’ve been looking everywhere for you.

LUCA: Oh, sorry.

Just come on. Let’s go.

Could I maybe borrow this? Just for tonight.

GIULIA: You can have it.

Ha-ha!

The universe is literally yours!

Wow. Thank you!

Luca!

LUCA: Okay.

LUCA: Where are we going?

ALBERTO: Come on. I got something to show you.

Hey, you won’t believe this. Those aren’t fish.

What?

Yeah.

Giulia explained it to me.

They’re fires.

But, like, one million times bigger.

Uh, no, they’re not.

(CAT MEOWS)

(SIGHS) Soon you’ll be ours, sweet Vespa.

Take a look.

I thought of every single thing we’re gonna need.

Also, I added flames.

That’s so cool!

Oh! And we can bring a telescope, too!

Yeah! That shoots lightning!

LUCA: No, no, no.

You look through it.

Giulia says there’s an even bigger one at her school.

Wait. What if we visit her there?

Why would you wanna do that?

It kinda sounds interesting.

The whole reason we’re getting a Vespa is to live on our own.

We don’t need school. We don’t need anybody.

Couldn’t we just try it?

Just for a few days?

Luca, sea monsters can’t go to school.

What do you think is gonna happen when they see your fish face?

(SIGHS)

(GASPS)

ERCOLE: Hey, look who it is.

And with no Giulia to hide behind.

Come on. Let’s go.

No.

Something’s fishy with you two.

I mean, besides the smell.

(LAUGHS)

You’re hiding something.

Is it that we’re smarter than you?

I mean, we’re not really hiding that.

It’s just kind of obvious.

You know, people think I’m a nice guy.

Always joking around.

But really, I’m not.

Stop!

Wait your turn, piccoletto.

I want to make myself very clear.

This is my town, number one…

(COUGHS)

…and number two, I don’t want you in it.

I… I said stop!

Put that down, piccoletto. You’ll hurt yourself.

LUCA: Let him go!

(ALBERTO GRUNTS)

Go. Now. Before I change my mind.

Nobody wants you here, idioti! Keep running!

(BOTH PANTING)

Why did you make him mad? We should’ve left.

No, no, no. We’re fine.

I had it under control.

All you gotta do is follow my lead, remember?

(MIMICKING BUGLE PLAYING WAKEUP CALL)

(GROANS)

Rise and shine!

(UPBEAT ITALIAN POP MUSIC PLAYING)

Go, go! Go, Alberto! Go!

(KIDS SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)

(LUCA PANTING HEAVILY)

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Nope. Whoa…

(KIDS EXCLAIMING)

(BREATHING NERVOUSLY)

(MACHIAVELLI GRUMBLES)

(SNORING)

MASSIMO: Buongiorno!

(GASPS)

(COMMANDS IN ITALIAN)

(GRUNTING)

MASSIMO: Sea monster! (GRUNTS)

(SIGHS)

Whew.

Oh. (GRUNTS NERVOUSLY)

DANIELA: Wha…

LORENZO: Ugo?

Rise and shine!

(BOYS SNORING)

Only two days till the race.

Hmm.

Espresso.

(BOYS GROAN)

(BOYS GASP)

(BOYS BREATHING HEAVILY)

Go, Luca!

Go, go!

Hey, don’t cheer for him!

(ALL GASP)

(COMMANDS IN ITALIAN)

Ha-ha! Whoo!

(CHUCKLES) This is fun!

(MAN SHOUTS IN ITALIAN)

Uh…

MASSIMO: Hmm.

Mm?

Huh. Hey!

(LAUGHS) That’s amazing!

(BOTH LAUGH)

LUCA: Oh, wow!

(ALBERTO GRUNTS)

(KID GASPS)

(DANIELA SIGHS)

I don’t know, Lorenzo. Was I too hard on him?

No. You were just trying to keep him safe.

It’s my fault.

I wasn’t paying enough attention to him.

But I was the one who tried to send him away. (SIGHS)

I just never in a million years would have thought he’d do this.

It’s like I don’t even know…

GIULIA: You can do it, Luca!

…who he is!

(GASPS)

GIULIA: Go, go!

DANIELA: Luca!

LORENZO: Luca!

DANIELA: Luca, stop!

Luca!

(LUCA SIGHS)

Where are we going?

Uh… A shortcut.

Steeper, rough terrain… I like it.

Why aren’t you training?

(MOUTH FULL) I’m always training.

(LUCA PANTING)

Bravo, Luca. That was your fastest yet.

(TRAIN HORN TOOTING)

Ooh, guys, look!

That’s the train to Genova.

LUCA: That goes to your school?

Yeah.

(ALBERTO SCOFFS)

I was wondering, actually, is your school open to everyone?

Well, it costs a little money, but I guess.

Great. Thank you, Giulia, for showing us the boring thing that takes us to the terrible place.

Now, can we focus on what matters?

If we lose this race, we’re not going anywhere.

Santa mozzarella. The downhill.

I know it looks scary.

But here’s what you need to know…

Would you stop bossing him around?

What is your problem?

I’m his friend. I know what he needs.

Oh, yeah? Well, then, what does he need?

Me. We’ll just ride it like we did on the island. Together.

Andiamo.

No!

Alberto, stop!

That’s Bruno talking!

LUCA: No! I’m pretty sure that’s just me!

(CAT YOWLS)

(LUCA YELPING)

(EXCLAIMS IN ITALIAN)

Stop, Alberto!

Let it go!

LUCA: Look out!

(ALL GASP)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(GASPS) Porca paletta, what was that?

CICCIO: Huh?

Bah! Not now, Ciccio! Eyes on the water!

Move, move!

Okay.

(GASPS)

GIULIA: (MUFFLED) Oh, no! Luca! Alberto!

She’ll see us. Come on!

Look, I was just trying to show you how to do it right.

You don’t know how to do it right!

I got us down the hill, didn’t I?

You crashed! Into the sea!

ALBERTO: It’s fine.

Nothing’s fine! My parents just saw me!

Luca, your parents aren’t here.

You don’t know what you’re talking about!

Look, this town is making you crazy.

We just need to win that Vespa and get outta here.

It’s not gonna be any different.

I don’t wanna…

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

I wanna go to school.

That again? We can’t go to school.

You’re just afraid you can’t do it.

(SCOFFS) I’m not afraid.

You’re the one who gets afraid.

(GRUNTS) Shut up!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(CHOMPS)

Ow!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

What happens when she sees you?

When anyone sees you?

Get off me! (GRUNTS)

GIULIA: (GASPS) You’re alive!

(GIULIA SIGHS)

Hey! You’re never allowed on my bike again.

(SIGHS) Stick to food, big guy.

(GROWLS)

Uh, what’s going on?

Nothing. Let’s just get back to training.

Actually, we have something to ask you.

We were wondering if we could come with you to your school?

Santo pecorino! That’s the best idea ever!

Yes! Of course! (LAUGHS EXCITEDLY)

(GREETS IN ITALIAN)

(BOTH LAUGH)

Uh, Giulia, your school, does it take all kinds of people?

I mean, what if some of them were not human?

Alberto…

What if some were, oh, I don’t know, sea monsters?

Sea monsters?

I doubt your school would even accept sea monsters, right?

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

Ah, that’s a weird joke, Alberto.

Yeah, I know, it’s kinda hard to imagine.

So, let me just show you!

No!

(GRUNTS)

(GASPS)

(SIGHS) Come on.

Giulia, wait!

We don’t have time to goof around.

Huh? (WHIMPERING)

(GIULIA CONTINUES WHIMPERING)

Help!

Don’t hurt us!

See? I knew this would…

Sea monster!

(GASPS)

Did you hear that? This way.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Luca?

Stay back!

Sea monster! There it is!

Ragazzi, now!

No!

Ah, idioti, you let it get away!

To the boat!

We’re gonna kill a sea monster!

(OPERATIC MUSIC PLAYING SOFTLY OVER RADIO)

(MACHIAVELLI GRUMBLES)

(GASPS)

(DOOR OPENS)

Oh, there you are. I made your favorite, trenette al pesto.

Where’s Alberto?

Uh, he left, Signor Marcovaldo.

Do you know where he went?

No. But I don’t think he wants anyone looking for him.

Maybe not. But just in case.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Okay.

Well, the two of us can still do the race.

You’ll swim, you’ll eat, you’ve done both before…

Luca, I…

…and I’ll do the ride.

I mean, that’s allowed, right?

Luca. Luca?

It should be fine, we’re still okay…

Luca!

(YELPS)

(SIGHS) Sleeping under the fish. Now I get it.

Uh, I can explain.

Of all the places for sea monsters to visit, Portorosso?

Have you seen this town?

My father hunts sea monsters!

Luca, you have to get out of here.

But I thought we were underdogs.

Do you think I want you to leave?

This is the happiest I’ve… (INHALES DEEPLY)

Look, it’s just not worth it.

You don’t understand.

No, I don’t.

Risking your life for a Vespa?

My parents were gonna send me away.

That’s why we did all of this.

But it’s over now.

(SIGHS)

Goodbye, Giulia.

I’m sorry.

(SIGHS)

(MELANCHOLY ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(GRUNTS)

(PANTING AND GRUNTING)

Alberto?

What are you doing here?

I’m… I’m sorry.

I… I never should’ve done that.

I wish I could take it back.

Yeah, whatever. You’re sorry. Now, just go away!

(SIGHS)

LUCA: Alberto?

What are those marks on the wall?

Tell me what they mean.

(ALBERTO SIGHS)

I started when my dad left.

You were living here alone for that many days?

(ALBERTO SNIFFLES)

I just stopped counting after a while.

He said I was old enough to be on my own.

I just thought that…

(SIGHS)

…maybe he’d change his mind.

Honestly, though, I get it.

He’s better off without me.

You are, too.

That’s not true.

ALBERTO: Yes, it is.

You’re not like me. You’re the good kid.

(TEARFULLY) And I’m just the kid that ruins everything.

Silenzio, Bruno. That’s just the dumb voice in your head.

You taught me that.

And getting a Vespa? Seeing the world…

Just let it go! Okay?

Look, you and I should’ve never been friends in the first place.

LUCA: Don’t say that.

Alberto?

Get outta here!

I’m not gonna tell you again.

Okay. I’ll go.

I’ll go win the race.

What?

LUCA: Yeah.

Yeah! And then the Vespa will be ours!

And we’ll ride away together!

Luca, that’s crazy.

Well, maybe I’m crazy.

Take me, gravity!

ALBERTO: Luca!

(GRUNTS) Ow.

What are you doing?

I’m okay. I’ll be back tomorrow.

I’m gonna fix this!

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

(BRASS BAND MUSIC PLAYING)

You want to split up your team?

Yes. If it’s allowed.

Luca? What are you doing here?

Don’t worry. I’ll race on my own.

You can if you want, but I don’t recommend it.

LUCA: Thank you!

But how are you gonna… I mean, what happens when the…

You can’t swim!

Alone again?

(GRUNTS)

DANIELA: Hmm.

Ah, volunteers…

Huh?

…you’re late.

Huh?

One cup for each kid.

Oh!

Yeah. One cup per kid.

LORENZO: Yes.

Got it.

Here.

For when Giulia, you know, she… (GAGS)

(CROWD CHEERING)

(CHEERS IN ITALIAN)

(GIULIA SIGHS, GRUNTS)

Ciccio, hold still. Olio d’oliva.

He will cut through the water like a knife.

Oh! Ah.

An oily knife.

Huh?

KIDS: Huh?

(CROWD MURMURING)

(CHUCKLES) This makes me laugh.

(LAUGHING)

I guess even your terrible friends don’t want to be friends.

Luca! This is a very bad idea!

Hey, vagrant!

Can’t afford a proper swimsuit?

Signore e signori, the Portorosso Cup is about to begin!

We know there’s been a few sightings lately, but fear not!

If any sea monsters show up today, we are ready for them.

(GASPS)

MARSIGLIESE: Swimmers, take your mark!

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(LUCA BREATHING NERVOUSLY)

(BELL CLANGING)

(CROWD CHEERING)

(EXHALES SHARPLY)

(SWIMMERS GRUNTING AND BREATHING HEAVILY)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(YELPS)

(WHIMPERS)

(LUCA GRUNTING)

(GLASS CRACKS)

(GROANS)

Ow! Ow! Ow!

(WHIMPERING)

What?

(GRUNTING)

Swim, Ciccio! Come on!

Swim!

(CICCIO WHIMPERING)

(CROWD CHEERING)

Ha-ha! Trenette!

(GRUNTS, GASPS)

(LUCA GRUNTING)

(TABLE RATTLING)

(LUCA PANTING)

Come on!

Thank you.

Don’t thank me.

(WHIMPERING)

Stop crying and tag Guido! Imbecille!

Andiamo! Run, run!

Finito!

(GROANS)

(CROWD CHEERING)

Per mille cavoli, Guido! Faster!

Eat, idiota! Più veloce!

(MUFFLED GRUNTING)

Hey, that’s not allowed.

He’s done!

(GROANS)

(GRUNTS)

Done!

(GROANING)

(PANTING)

(GRUNTS)

(BURPS LOUDLY)

Whoa.

(CROWD CHEERING)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

But he’s gotta be here somewhere.

Thirsty? Water, anyone?

Please, don’t!

KID: Not again!

(GASPS) That’s him. That’s him!

Luca, stop!

(GASPS)

(WHIMPERS)

Sorry, Mom! Sorry, Dad! I have to do this!

(PANTING) Get back here right now!

Wow. He’s fast.

(LUCA GRUNTING)

GIRL: What?

(PANTING AND GRUNTING)

Oops! Scusa.

(GROWLS)

I’ll catch you on the… (GAGS) downhill!

Spewlia, you never even made it to the downhill.

(LAUGHING)

What? (PANTING)

Impossibile! He’s cheating! Arbitro! Arbitro!

(RAINDROPS FALLING)

Huh?

No, no, no!

(DANIELA GASPS)

LORENZO: Ooh.

(GASPING)

Oh, not now! Come on, come on!

I’m so close!

VOICE: (DISTANTLY) Luca!

Just stay right there!

Alberto.

I’m coming for you!

What’s wrong, piccoletto?

Afraid of a little rain?

ALBERTO: Hey! ERCOLE: Huh?

For the last time, you two don’t belong here.

Get out of my town!

(GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

(GASPS)

(LAUGHS)

(YELPS) Sea monster! Right there!

Huh?

Mamma mia!

Ciccio! My harpoon! Veloce!

(PANTS, GASPS)

LUCA: Alberto…

No, stop! Just stay there.

You’re still okay.

Andiamo!

Alberto, wait!

(GRUNTING)

No!

(GRUNTS)

(EXCLAIMS IN ITALIAN)

(SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

ERCOLE: (YELPS) What?

Whoa! You really are crazy!

Learned it from you!

Let’s get to the water!

No! Ciccio!

Here it is.

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

(KID YELPS)

Hey there.

(WHIMPERS)

Excuse us.

Out of the way! Via, via!

(YELPS)

(CROWD EXCLAIMING)

ERCOLE: Ha-ha!

(YELPS)

(ERCOLE GRUNTS)

Luca!

(BOTH YELPING)

(GRUNTS)

(CAT YOWLS)

(WOMAN SCREAMS)

LUCA: Sorry!

(BOTH YELLING)

(BOTH SCREAM)

Oh, no! Luca!

LORENZO: Son!

You should’ve left when I told you.

Now, I gotta kill some sea monsters!

(ERCOLE LAUGHS EVILLY)

So long, evil empire of injustice.

(GRUNTS)

(ERCOLE YELPS)

(CROWD GASPING)

No!

(GRUNTS)

(GASPS)

Giulia!

Mostri marini! Give me that!

(WOMAN GASPS)

Giulia. Are you all right?

(CHUCKLES) Yeah. Yeah. I’m… I’m okay.

Thanks, guys. (GASPS)

(GASPS) Giulietta?

Papà! I…

(CROWD CLAMORING)

MAN: Look at that!

You’re not going anywhere. Come on.

I saw them first! The reward is mine!

We’re not afraid of you!

No, but we’re afraid of you.

Everyone is horrified and disgusted by you, because you are monsters.

Stop! They are not monsters.

Oh, yeah? Who are they, then?

MASSIMO: I know who they are.

They are Luca and Alberto, and… they are the winners.

(CROWD EXCLAIMING)

Luca!

Let us through!

What?

Really?

They can’t be the winners. They are not even people!

Signora Marsigliese?

Technically, legally, yes, they won.

(CROWD GASPING)

We won?

Who cares if they won? They are sea monsters.

(FISHERMAN GROANS)

(SPEAKS ITALIAN)

(MASSIMO CLEARS THROAT)

(SIGHS) Andiamo.

WOMAN: Hmm.

(GRUMBLES IN ITALIAN)

(MEN GROAN)

What? Come on!

Hey!

GIULIA: Ha!

Ciccio! Guido! Another harpoon.

Ah, idioti! Be useful for once in your pathetic lives.

Guido.

Ciccio.

(CICCIO AND GUIDO GRUNT)

(YELPS, WHIMPERS)

Oops.

(BLOWS RASPBERRIES)

(CRYING) No, piccolino.

It’s over, the reign of terror.

It’s finally over!

DANIELA: Luca! LORENZO: Luca!

(CROWD GASPING)

You had us worried half to death, and you must never do that again!

LUCA: I’m sorry.

And you raced your little tail off and kicked so much human butt!

And I’m so proud of you, and I am so mad at you!

(DANIELA CRYING)

I love you, Mom.

Son.

Signore e signori, the winners of this year’s Portorosso Cup, the underdogs.

Wow.

(ALL EXCLAIM IN AWE)

Wow.

Yeah!

LUCA: I can’t believe we won!

ALBERTO: We won!

GIULIA: Yes! Underdogs!

(KIDS LAUGHING)

MAN: Ugh.

(BOTH GRUNT)

(CROWD GASPING AND EXCLAIMING)

Give me that!

Here.

(GRUNTS)

(CONGRATULATES IN ITALIAN)

(CROWD APPLAUDING)

(KIDS CHEERING)

GIULIA: We did it!

BOY: They won!

(ALBERTO WHOOPING)

Feast your eyes on the greatest Vespa the world has ever seen!

(KIDS LAUGH AND WHOOP)

(ENGINE SPUTTERS)

Perfect.

(ALL LAUGH)

(MASSIMO SPEAKING ITALIAN)

DANIELA: Mmm.

MASSIMO: Signora.

Grazie.

Mom! What are you doing here?

I come to town most weekends.

(KIDS WHOOP)

You’re not gonna catch me! (LAUGHING)

Underdogs forever!

ALBERTO: Whoo-hoo!

(SIGHS) What he did today was amazing.

But we can’t let him stay in this world.

Can we?

Some people, they’ll never accept him.

But some will.

(LAUGHING)

And he seems to know how to find the good ones.

So, where will you go first?

We’re gonna stick around here for a bit.

We gotta fix this thing up before we take it across the entire Earth.

Okay. Just don’t forget to pack.

(GASPS) Santo Gorgonzola! I need to pack! For school!

Oh, yeah, school. You’re gonna learn so much.

Um, I can leave you some books.

You can?

Come on, Alberto!

(ANNOUNCEMENT IN ITALIAN OVER PA)

And you have your lunch for the train?

Sì.

Sweater? If it gets cold?

For the millionth time, sì.

I love you, too, Papà.

Santa mozzarella, we did it.

Well, Giulia, can’t wait to race next summer.

Or we could just have fun.

Ciao, Giulia.

(BIDS GOODBYE IN ITALIAN)

(SIGHS)

Well, let’s go fix up our Vespa.

Yeah, about that. Uh…

It’s a crazy thing. I might have sold it.

DANIELA: Luca?

Mom? What are you all doing here?

If you promise to write to us every single day and be as safe as possible, and I mean safer than safe,

(SIGHS) you can go to school.

(GASPS) I can?

It’s all arranged, actually.

You’d stay with Giulia and her mom.

Your friend talked them into it.

It wasn’t easy.

Luca, do you promise?

Yes! Yes, I promise!

Thank you.

Oh. Just remember, we are always here for you.

Okay?

Hey. Look me in the eye.

You know I love you, right?

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) I know.

(SIGHS)

Come on, Alberto. The train’s gonna leave.

Where’s your stuff?

Yeah, well, you see…

You are coming, right?

Um, I would, but Massimo asked if I wanted to stick around.

Move in maybe. And I just thought, uh…

I think he needs me. (CHUCKLES) You know?

I can’t do it without you.

ALBERTO: But you’re never without me.

The next time that you jump off a cliff or tell Bruno to quit bothering you, that’s me.

But how am I gonna know you’re okay?

You got me off the island, Luca.

(SNIFFLES)

I’m okay.

(ENGINE HISSES)

(HORN TOOTS)

(GREETING IN ITALIAN)

(CHUCKLES) Seriously, what does that mean?

No idea. Go find out for me, will ya?

(TRAIN CHUGGING)

Go, Luca!

Go!

Yeah! Whoo-hoo!

(SENTIMENTAL ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(SNIFFLES)

(SENTIMENTAL ORCHESTRAL MUSIC CONTINUES)

(LIGHT ITALIAN POP MUSIC PLAYING)

Some people think I’m mad to live in the deep.

I think that they are the ones who are mad, not me the one who is mad, it’s them.

It’s a nice life, simple life.

It’s away from the hustle and bustle, all the stuff that you don’t want.

(CHOMPS)

Mmm. Whale carcass.

Anyway, you’re gonna have fun.

You’ll get to hear me talk. I can talk without stopping, sometimes for maybe 12 hours.

And you get to listen, so you’re lucky.

Well done.

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