The Misfits (2021) – Transcript

After being recruited by a group of unconventional thieves, renowned criminal Richard Pace finds himself caught up in an elaborate gold heist that promises to have far-reaching implications on his life and the lives of countless others.
The Misfits (2021)

Set in the Middle East, the film follows a master architect Richard Pace who finds himself caught up in a major gold heist with implications that go far beyond what he could have possibly planned for.

* * *

(BELL TRILLING)

RINGO: In a five-year period, 19,000 bank robberies were reported to the FBI.

So, that means there were 19,000 bank robbers who didn’t do their job correctly.

Who wants the FBI on their ass?

Nah, man. I say, if you gonna rob a bank, make sure it ain’t reported.

Funny thing about safe deposit boxes… ain’t nothing safe about them.

(“HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW” PLAYING)

♪ Now there was a time ♪

♪ When you loved me so… ♪

RINGO: None of the shit in the boxes is insured.

Try reporting a loss to the bank or the government, you’ll get the middle finger in fine print.

So who would use a safe deposit box?

Stupid people.

And criminals.

Now, I ain’t got no problem with stupid people, as long as their stupidity don’t hurt nobody.

The owner of box 2504 is a deadbeat dad who hides his income so he doesn’t have to pay child support.

How you gonna do that to your own kid?

Let me be clear. I never steal from people who don’t deserve it.

And what I steal, always goes back to those who’ve been harmed.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

That handsome black man? Yeah, that’s me. Ringo.

Yeah, Ringo, like the Beatle.

And don’t start with that John, Paul, George shit, ’cause I ain’t got time to get into it.

What you need to pay attention to is my masterful disguise.

I’m a black chameleon, baby.

And I’m empty-handed.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

RINGO: ‘Cause when those a-holes discover their boxes are empty, they’ll get pissed.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

RINGO: They’ll yell at the bank manager, the bank manager might even let him see the security footage, but he will also explain what I already told you… That shit ain’t insured.

One thing they will not do is report it to the FBI, ’cause roaches hide from the light.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

RINGO: And in about six months, I’ll empty my safe deposit box and close my account.

And I will write a few wrongs, anonymously.

Oh my God, David, pack your things!

RINGO: Turns out I’m not the only one who feels good about doing good.

That little dude, his name is Wick.

As a kid he heard some Chinese story about firecrackers scaring away evil spirits.

There’s two things you need to know about Wick.

First off…

(CHUCKLING) He don’t give up.

And eventually he got really good at blowing shit up.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

RINGO: Dude made a mint in Vegas when they decided to remodel the whole city.

Second, he’s still the same kid I first told you about.

He’s still goofy as hell, still has the same haircut, still looks like he’s 12… and he still believes firecrackers can chase away evil spirits.

This was a drug manufacturing plant.

Wick made sure no drugs would ever come out of here again.

Now I wasn’t there, but I think it went a little something like this.

(BELL TOLLING)

RINGO: That there is Violet.

Right now she in a church in some shitty Eastern Euro country.

She just recently freed a bunch of young girls from a sex trafficking ring.

And those are some shitty Eastern Euro thugs who are about to join a long list of men who underestimated Violet’s girl power.

(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

RINGO: Yo, it was like some Matrix-style shit.

Now I ain’t saying she defied gravity or anything, ’cause I wasn’t there.

But I do know only one person walked out of there that day.

(THUDDING)

RINGO: About a year ago, we didn’t know each other.

That all changed with a bouquet of flowers. Three bouquets.

Seemed our good deeds landed on the radar of some philanthropist.

It was an offer to step up our game.

Why take down a street hustler when you can go after international corruption.

We became a team. We tried to come up with a cool name.

The Robin Hoods.

Nah, I ain’t going for any name calling us no damn hoods.

Wick even suggested the Motley Crew, with a straight face.

Hell nah. But I like the Misfits.

Not everyone agreed on the name, but eff that.

I’m telling the story, So the Misfits it is.

Anyway, the next chapter in our story started a little while ago in a prison in Los Angeles.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

WARDEN: The FBI is here to extradite inmate 272523 to Mr. Schultz’s prison.

WARDEN: Where?

England.

Mr. Schultz runs a privatized prison there, this particular inmate, Richard Pace, broke out.

And you came all this way just for a prisoner escape?

Wife issues.

RINGO: Wife issues is Latin for this prisoner was laying pipe to Schultz’s wife.

And for Schultz… that caused some issues.

WARDEN: Wish prisons here would send wardens on vacation.

HASSAN: Mr. Schultz isn’t a warden.

WARDEN: No, he’s a senior partner in a multinational company which happens to own, among other things, prisons all over the planet.

Coming up on the right here. 440, open 312.

OFFICER 2: Copy 21, opening now.

Name’s Richard Pace… you should know.

Come back 440?

OFFICER 2: Well, we just got paperwork for his immediate release.

The judge apparently threw out the charges.

(DOOR THUDS)

SCHULTZ: That’s not Richard Pace.

He is good, though.

This is Pace this morning from the prison exercise yard. Look at this.

There. Right there.

Look. I’m just spitballing here, but I think that was a drone.

All right, if that’s the drone, what’s the payload?

Could have been key-cards, it could’ve been a birthday cake with a hacksaw in it.

All we know is that we’ve searched this installation from top to bottom.

Richard Pace isn’t here.

I don’t get it. If he was going to be released in 24 hours, why break out?

Probably because there was something he needed to do today… not tomorrow.

You are…

Hanni.

Hanni.

Hanni Abu Assad.

Right.

So… where’s Pace?

How would I know?

Well, you bunked with him for three months.

It seems that he did that intentionally because you had something to tell him, something… valuable to tell him.

I don’t know.

Right.

Well, maybe… you will feel better… talking to me in… private.

(ELECTRICITY SHUTS DOWN)

GUARD: Power went down.

WARDEN: Damn it.

Now we got a foreign national alone in a room with a felon.

(GRUNTING)

(PUNCHES LANDING)

WARDEN: What’s going on?

SCHULTZ: Look at that.

I know where Pace is.

Excuse me.

RINGO: Hell yeah, he know where Pace was.

He just beat the info out of poor Hanni with a damn cell phone.

(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

RINGO: Turns out, Hanni used to be the valet of Prince Hakeem Al Zahrani.

Pace learned the prince like to do stupid shit like travel into Los Angeles once a year for a single day of shopping.

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

PRINCE: My usual.

MAN: Next round on the house.

RINGO: He also never traveled without his high-value collection of timepieces.

That’s expensive-ass watches.

Girard-Joseph Grand Ellava.

Gold, platinum, 23 carats, D color, flawless diamonds.

One of only two ever made.

Whoo. (SCOFFS)

Richard Pace.

Pleased to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too.

You’re Kuwaiti, huh?

I have a daughter who works in the Middle East, UNICEF.

Charitable work, children, refugees and… something like that.

So, uh… (CLEARS THROAT)

…how much does a watch like that go for?

Four, five mill… Oh, I’m so sorry.

I do apolo… I’m so sorry.

PRINCE: Really.

Please, please, please. Just let me, there you go.

It’s fine.

You got some right there.

Oops, I do apologize.

If you don’t mind.

Yes, okay.

My fault, I’ve had too much to drink it’s just one of those days. Okay. Time to go.

GUARD: Hello.

Hello.

What you got there?

GUARD: Prince Hakeem Al Zahrani?

It’s an old picture.

Do you want to go and talk about this?

Hmm, no, not really.

Yeah, he wants to go and talk about it.

(SIGHS) Jesus.

(THUDS)

(GRUNTING)

(GROANS)

It’s an honest living.

Penthouse.

AGENT: Hold up.

You don’t have any jurisdiction or authority here.

You let the FBI handle this.

GUARD: You heard him. Knock yourself out.

Here you go.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(PANTS)

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

(SNORING)

(DOOR RATTLING)

MAN 1: Go to the bedroom.

MAN 2: Copy that.

I’m going to go wash up.

You go through the first door. I’ll go through the second.

My watches are gone!

How are we doing?

We had some company.

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

Almost there.

How we doing?

We are almost there. Yeah.

GUARD: Clear.

(DOOR OPENING)

GUARD 1: Hey!

GUARD 2: Hey!

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

Gentlemen, I had a lovely stay.

Your car is waiting for you.

Surprise!

(CHUCKLES)

Ah, thank you.

Nice to see you again.

Good to see you too, uh, Prince Al Zahrani?

No, I made that up.

RINGO: This is the Prince. Not Prince Al Zahrani. He made that shit up.

He claims to be a prince from some country nobody’s ever heard of.

But that don’t matter. What matters is…

remember the philanthropist who sent the flowers? This is that dude.

Shall we?

Let’s roll. Like right now.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

All right, bring the cars around, let’s go. Let’s go.

(ENGINE REVVING)

(WHISPERS) Shit.

Thank you. These are mine.

So this is a con?

RINGO: Con seems pretty inadequate to describe what we did.

We even hired the dude to play Hanni as Pace’s cellmate.

Yeah, we probably gon’ have to give that dude some worker’s comp.

Color me minorly impressed, but why?

Simple. We need you, you don’t need us. For that, we needed leverage.

PRINCE: You know what they call a serious crime captured on multiple hotel cameras?

Leverage. Now, you need us. Simple.

Who exactly is us?

Me and my friends.

(INHALES, EXHALES)

You don’t have to come with us.

Up to you.

What are we waiting for?

(PLANE TAKING OFF)

What the hell did Pace do to Schultz’s wife that was so bad?

Let’s just say Mrs. Schultz isn’t the one upset by it.

Oh. Oh…

(LAUGHS) Here’s to my kidnapping. Whoo!

Kidnapping requires a element of force, no force here.

You’re free to go whenever you want.

There’s an exit sign right behind you.

Yeah. Well, maybe I’ll just pass on that one.

(CHUCKLES) My man.

The name’s Ringo.

That’s Violet. That’s my man Wick over there.

You already had a chance to meet the con artist formerly known as Prince.

Is this some kind of criminal organization?

Nah, not criminal at all.

Just a few people trying to do what’s right.

Well, you got the wrong guy here because right is not what I do.

(CHUCKLES) Oh, we know. You got quite the reputation.

Yeah, the only thing that you better at than stealing people’s shit is getting caught.

And escaping. You’re a damn legend.

How many of Schultz’s prisons did he escape?

By my count, four, give or take.

Four prisons? Built by the same guy?

(LAUGHS) I love it, man, we all love it. But you know who don’t love it?

Schultz.

RINGO: Mm-mm.

He don’t love it at all.

And that don’t have nothing to do with the rumors about you and his wife.

Schultz didn’t come to extradite you back to his prison.

Those papers were forged. He was there to kill you.

Judging by your contributions to society thus far, I can’t say it was the wrong choice.

But we’re giving you a chance to turn things around.

Oh great, lucky me.

Look, all you have to know is we got the same piece of shit on our shoes, Werner Schultz.

RINGO: Shit doesn’t even start to explain.

He even owns prisons in the Middle East.

Schultz saw dollar signs and wanted to expand, so he partnered with the Muslim Brotherhood.

The local terrorist organization in some country called Jazeristan.

Well, you know Schultz does build prisons and pretty good ones.

But terrorism? Well, that’s a bit of a stretch.

Yeah, you’d think until Schultz realized that he had a bargaining chip in one of his cells.

Yeah. A hard-partying Arab by the name of Jason Quick.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

RINGO: They got him for everything.

Drugs, possession, weapon solicitation you name it.

I am back, bitches!

RINGO: Schultz just up and let him go.

Turns out that Jason Quick is actually Jasim bin something or something.

One of the top dogs of Muslim Brotherhood’s son.

And when Schultz released him, it granted him favor with this man.

Abu Hirawa. Real name is Am-jam…

(SPEAKS ARABIC)

(GIBBERISH) What he had to say.

For all intents and purposes, Bin Laden’s successor.

So… (CLEARS THROAT) …Schultz is in bed with this guy.

In bed, under the covers with some KY Jelly doing all kinds of freaky shit.

Why are you telling me?

‘Cause you’re a thief.

Let me stop you right there. Yes, I’m a thief… but I only steal from upstanding citizens who pay insurance.

Nobody gets hurt. Particularly me.

Besides… I only work alone.

And if that changes, and it won’t… none of you will make the cut.

(GROANS)

There’s millions of dollars worth of gold in one of those locations.

I like gold.

VIOLET: Terrorism generates a lot of cash, kidnappings, drugs, oil, theft, but it’s all dirty.

It’s traceable. In order to launder the money…

Gold.

RINGO: Oh yeah. Gold.

Hidden in a place that no one wants to dare step foot in, unless they’re forced to.

A prison?

Oh, not just any old prison. Your boy Schultz’s prison.

We’re goin’ in. You want to join us?

You want me to go into a Middle Eastern country, one that you’ve been explaining for an ungodly amount of time, that is filled with terrorists, to steal their gold.

Yeah.

That’s exactly what we want you to do.

In other words, something good, for once.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

(LAUGHS)

Oh, that’s rich. That’s rich.

Let me see… (CLEARS THROAT) …how do I put this, I got it.

Nope.

And if it makes you feel any better, I’m pretty sure every one of you is insane.

Especially this dude sitting over here.

Excuse me. We on descent. Please fasten your seatbelts. Thanks.

(SIGHS)

You know, I guess I should have asked this sooner, descent to where?

To Abu Dhabi.

Abu Dhabi.

Hey man, Schultz’s new besties, the dudes in the grey suits, Muslim Brotherhood.

They’ll try to kill you again, you know.

You change your mind, there’s a card in your left breast pocket.

Call us.

PACE: Arrivederci.

My, my, would you look at this?

Taxi?

(COUGHS) Whoa.

Let’s roll.

(ENGINE REVVING)

(“MAD LOVE” PLAYING)

♪ Watch the tempo Watch the tempo ♪

♪ Watch the tempo Watch the tempo ♪

♪ Watch the tempo Watch the tempo ♪

♪ Love me give me some mad love… ♪

Why don’t you take me to the best five star hotel in… Abu Dhabi?

I know just the place.

Good man. (LAUGHS)

DRIVER: First time here?

Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is.

PACE: You know what?

DRIVER: What?

I think I’m gonna like it here.

Yeah, you will.

(ENGINE REVVING)

♪ Love me love me, like that love me, love me, love me ♪

♪ Love me Give me some mad love ♪

(MUSIC PLAYING)

♪ Good Lord, girl You going too hard ♪

♪ Gyal ya light up the place ♪

♪ When I’m spreadin’ The two apart ♪

♪ Good Lord Why you makin’ it so hard? ♪

♪ Ain’t it good enough for you You ready, break down my guard ♪

♪ Love me, love me like that Love me like we ain’t Never let go ♪

♪ Love me, love me like that Poco a poco, muy, muy lento… ♪

(GROWLS)

♪ Love me, love me like that Love me, give me some mad love ♪

(MUSIC ENDING)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(CHUCKLES) Hey there. Give us your best single malt whiskey. Two ice cubes.

It’s a good-looking watch.

Leon LaFleur Magnifique. 769 working parts, each one created by a single craftsman at an atelier in Switzerland.

I believe, only four of them ever made in the world.

Huh. Impressive.

Wonder how this wallet got down here?

(GRUNTS) Sorry. Huh. Your wallet.

No, it’s not.

And I rather drink alone. I actually insist on it.

Okay, fair play.

All right. Auf Wiedersehen. Good luck to yourself.

PACE: Sorry.

Hi, gin and tonic, please.

I don’t believe it.

Oh, excuse me. I think you dropped this.

Oh, thank you so much. What a pleasure meeting you.

Yes, you too.

Where are you from?

I’m from the states. Um, I travel…

Ma’am.

I believe you dropped your pocketbook.

Thank you. You know what? That is so funny.

I literally just picked that up in the gift shop.

I bet you did.

But you know, you must be more careful the world is rife with thieves and cutpurses.

Don’t I know it. Which is why I bought the cheapest one I could…and keep my real one… close to me heart.

Is there anything else you keep close to your heart?

Let me see, um… the trials of the poor, the downtrodden, tribulations of the world’s oppressed.

Otherwise, no, not a thing.

Sounds like a lonely existence.

No, actually, it’s quite fulfilling and lacks little.

Sometimes… things are missing in our lives and we don’t even know it.

Things tend to stay missing if you don’t actually look for them.

(CLEARS THROAT) If you don’t mind, the lady and I were having a conversation.

Really now, that’s very funny because I thought you prefer to drink alone.

In fact, if I recall, you insisted.

Go. Find your own. This one is mine.

Huh! What did you say?

She’s my new friend.

Really?

That’s very interesting because actually… she’s my daughter.

And I don’t know you, friend.

The gentleman, he had to run away there, but he said for his drinks, our drinks on his room. Thank you so much.

That was a very swift move back there.

Yeah. Well, I had quite the teacher.

It’s good to see you, Hope. It really is.

You too, Dad.

So, how’d you end up in Abu Dhabi?

Same way I ended up in prison. Against my will.

And you?

I’m… I’m here to meet some philanthropist.

We’re talking through new, innovative ways to help the refugee crisis.

That’s good. Impressive.

Yeah, it is.

And when I was in the hotel lobby, I saw another crisis developing.

Well, old habits.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah.

Hey, listen.

Let’s go for a walk, shall we? It’s been a while.

Yeah, okay.

Maybe on second thoughts…

Very nice.

Pay the bill here…

Here you go. (WHISPERS) Keep the change.

Have you seen your mother?

She’s my mom, so, yeah.

How is she?

(INHALES) Yeah, she’s fine.

Re-married.

Hmm.

Took her a long time, but she got over it.

That’s good.

Yeah.

That’s really good.

How about you, how’re you doing? You… married yet?

No, I’m not married. I, uh… (INHALES)

I have trouble trusting men.

Daddy issues.

(CHUCKLES)

Look, Hope, I know this sounds like a cliché, but I did it for you and it was the right thing to do at the time.

Why? Because you’re just so wrong?

Yeah.

(SCOFFS)

PACE: It was.

You know what the sad thing, I mean the real tragedy of this whole thing is?

You actually believe that.

But I know deep down, under all that urbane panache and capricious thievery, you’re good.

Just gotta find that person.

Yeah, well that’s easier said than done.

Perhaps, I could steal him.

(CHUCKLES)

I have to go. I’m sorry. I have to go prepare for this meeting.

Okay.

It’s good to see you.

Yeah, it’s good to see you too, Dad.

Bye.

Bye.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(SIGHS)

Okay. I’m in.

But if I do this, and this comes off, it’s because of what I bring to the table.

I’m in charge. What I say goes, no exceptions.

We can live with that.

It’s why we picked you.

And the split? Tch. Not even, not five ways. 50/50 boom, boom.

Split of what?

The money. The gold.

There won’t be any.

What do you mean there won’t be any, I thought that was the point of the story. Steal the gold.

It is. But that doesn’t mean they’ll be any gold to split.

Well, why the hell not?

Because it’s not about us.

It’s about preventing that gold from financing terrorism.

Right, I get that. Steal their gold, stop the terrorists.

To the victor goes the spoils. (CHUCKLES)

There are no victors, Pace.

We’re never going to be able to stop the Muslim Brotherhood, but we can try and stop one bomb from going off.

We do what we do to help others, never ourselves.

(LAUGHS)

PACE: Oh my God, here we go again.

If this weren’t so amusing… it would be sad.

(CHUCKLES) Ciao.

RINGO: Pace.

Pace. Pace!

Look, I’m not sure how you got hold of your information or who told you I might even have any interest in this act of compassion, but they were wrong.

I did.

I told them.

I told you had a meeting about the refugee crisis. This is that meaning.

Oh, for God’s sake.

Don’t tell me they brought you in, too.

No, I pulled them.

This is my idea.

Hope, listen to me, if any of this is true, contact the embassy, talk to a congressman.

We tried.

VIOLET: Jazeristan is an important US ally.

U.S. Centcom uses Al Udeid Air Base to launch assaults in the Middle East. America doesn’t need to ask too many questions, and Jazeristan doesn’t need to find any answers.

Do they know about this?

They know, but they don’t know, you know?

(WHISPERS) Come on, darling, what am I gonna do here?

This. I want you to do this.

(INHALES) Look, Dad, we need you.

I need you.

Just this once, I’m asking you not to walk out the door.

I must need my head examined.

Yeah, I feel like I should mention something about Abu Hirawa.

I mean it’s kind of his gold we’re after.

In Arabic, Hirawa means cane.

(SPEAKING IN ARABIC)

(GRUNTS)

(SLURPS)

And that was this gardener.

Oh well. (CHUCKLES) That’s good to know.

Prison. Hard to get into, even harder to get out of.

Especially with a truckload of gold.

First question. Where’s the gold?

We got a couple of contacts on the inside so we know the lay of the land, but we still don’t know where the vault is.

Do you have surveillance photos on this facility?

Yeah, we have. Come, I show you.

Facility is state-of-the-art, one of the most modern prisons on Earth.

And it’s completely self-contained… food, water, everything.

Wait. Go back.

Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Left.

If the prison’s self-sustained, I would expect there’s a fully functioning laundry on the inside.

Yeah. Right next to the kitchen. Using the same venting system.

That’s the steam in the photo.

Mm. Right, but it doesn’t, does it, really?

Because while my Arabic is little bit rusty, I’m pretty sure… that’s a laundry truck.

Meaning Schultz built the prison without installing an actual industrial laundry.

Just a system to generate steam for appearances.

And built a vault instead.

(LAUGHS)

Voila! Now we know where the gold is.

Right under the shitter.

Let’s go to prison, shall we?

Oh, and by the way, I only fly first class.

Me too!

Oh-ho, congratulations.

Next time we’ll be sure to book your ticket on Princess Air.

Mm-hm. What do you mean, next time?

This entire region is on high alert.

A group like this, landing at the airport will attract attention.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, point remains the same.

Trains, planes, automobiles.

I’m flexible… as long as it’s first class.

Hmm?

Why isn’t anyone saying anything?

(GROANS)

Please, tell me you’re joking!

We got to fit in. Vehicles will be scrutinized.

Camels. Muhammad will be our guide.

Which one is Muhammad?

All of them.

Oh.

RINGO: My Muhammad.

There’s about 30 miles of virgin desert to the border of Jazeristan.

Well.. this prison isn’t going to rob itself. Let’s go.

By the way, you look great.

Thank you. Don’t be cheeky.

Which camel’s mine. Can I get this guy? He looks friendly.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

What’s a nice girl like you doing in a desert like this?

Believe me, I’m not so nice.

They didn’t ask me to join because of my pleasant disposition.

So it’s not because you couldn’t find a date.

No, I’m very good at finding dates.

Even better at losing them.

You might want to change your line of work.

Could increase your odds.

Says the thief.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

No, I decided a long time ago that if I can’t be good to someone, I can at least try and be good to everyone.

Good philosophy.

(GRUNTS)

You know…

They say that people on their deathbeds… never regret the things they did, just… the things they didn’t do.

This sounds like the start of a conversation you may regret.

We’re going to do something very dangerous here soon.

If there’s some kind of connection, well…

It would be a shame if we die without really saying our feelings.

Did you ever think saying how you feel might be the reason you die?

Nope. Never crossed my mind.

It’s not you, Pace,

from an empirical point of view, you are a very attractive man.

You see I don’t… date men.

I kill them.

One can only try.

(WINDS BLOWING)

PACE: Hey. (GROANS)

HOPE: Hey.

(EXHALES)

You okay?

Yeah, I’m fine.

Just a little scared.

Yeah.

Well, it certainly will have its risks.

Uh, I don’t mean the prison.

Dad, you’re doing this for the right reasons, right?

I mean… you’re not going to do like you always do and…

disappear in the final frame?

Do you mean…

The gold?

No.

I mean… disappear without me.

Oh, Hope…

I really would like to promise you that, I really would.

There’s a beautiful line I once read in a poem.

“A man travels far to find out who he really is.”

Same goes for you.

Hold steady.

Hold steady.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Get some rest. It’s a big day tomorrow.

(MAN PRAYING IN ARABIC)

We’ll be fine here.

Why can’t I stay with my dad?

It’s too risky. We don’t want them to be able to kill two birds with one stone.

That’s comforting.

Really?

No. It was a joke.

Hm.

Well, we usually don’t like to work with people who have families and loved ones.

Brings emotions into play. And emotions cloud the mind.

What are you doing?

You never know when you have to improvise on weapons.

(GRUNTS) All right.

What do you want to do?

Hmm. What kind of drugs do you have?

I don’t drink or take drugs.

Really? Maybe you should start.

Just a little something to take the edge off.

If you want, I could go score some.

Absolutely not, that’s dangerous.

I was joking.

God, you really don’t have a sense of humor, do you?

Don’t really have time for it.

Not much about what I do is very funny.

Me neither.

You know what? Let’s focus on what we love about our work.

Okay. I like to beat people up.

Okay, cool. Yeah.

Well, let’s say I am a guy and I’m coming at you.

A dumb guy.

Right. Okay.

But I have a bunch of friends waiting to back me up. So, you gotta take me down in one move. What’s your go-to?

One shot?

Yeah, that’s it.

Easy. Punch to the throat.

Not the jewels?

No.

Men vary in size and sensitivity when it comes to their junk.

What may bring one to his knees might bring another one pleasure, but a solid punch the Adam’s apple.

Down in a oner.

Cool.

Hmm!

You must have one badass dad.

Never knew him.

I’m sorry.

Yeah, well, me too.

Well, I for one, would like to thank him.

If he hadn’t abandoned you and made you hate men so much, you wouldn’t taken up my fight.

That’s one way to look at it.

You’re lucky to have a dad like yours.

He loves you a lot.

Yeah, I guess so.

Still an asshole though.

(LAUGHS)

Yeah, he is.

Here.

I thought you didn’t drink.

I don’t.

Let’s cheers to dads. The good… and the bad.

(CLINKS)

(MAN PRAYING IN ARABIC)

(PIGEONS COOING)

All right, ladies and gentlemen pucker up.

Time to move, Ringo, don’t lose interest.

Up you get. Gather round, ladies and gentlemen.

Okay, take a seat.

The problem with gold is, well, it’s heavy.

So we’re gonna need a vehicle that can handle that kind of weight.

On it.

And to get it out of the country, camels aren’t gonna cut it.

So, we’re going to need some kind of transport.

I can.

PACE: You can what?

Some kind of transport, my country can provide it.

Princey-poo claims that he’s royalty in a “country” in the Gulf.

I thought you said you weren’t a prince.

I said I wasn’t that prince but I’m a prince in my country.

What country? You ain’t got no country.

Okay. All right. Thank you. Thank you very much, Ringo.

By the way, just off the topic here.

Is that your given name?

Yeah, given by me. In honor of the greatest Beatle.

Here we go again.

What you mean here we go again?

What, a black man can’t like the Beatles?

See, he’s a true visionary with his instrument.

You guys don’t understand. He was the first rock and roll drummer…

influenced every rock drummer after him.

Even the way that he held his sticks.

Seriously?

I don’t joke about Ringo.

It’s better just to accept it and don’t karaoke with him.

(CROWD BOOING)

You suck, you suck!

RINGO: How you gonna say “Yellow Submarine” ain’t a real Beatles song?

I’m just saying he’s an unappreciated singer.

I’m so glad I asked. Ringo, we’re gonna need a list of all the outside prison contractors.

No doubt.

And you certainly can’t be drilling or tumbling.

We’re going to have to blow the vault.

Hope, you’ve had experience with phone boxes in the Peace Corps, is that right?

Yeah?

I need that skill set.

And anything else I taught you at a very inappropriate age.

Violet, we need to find out where Schultz is when he isn’t at the prison. We need surveillance.

Already on it. And it looks like you guys better grab your robes.

Schultz has a lunch reservation in 45 minutes.

All right handsome, let’s go.

That’s what I’m talking about!

(WHEEL SQUEAKS)

Welcome, sir.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(CAMERA CLICKS)

PACE: There it is. Watch that case.

You see how heavy that was?

Like a fat lady.

PACE: Looks like Schultz is making a withdrawal for our friend Abu Hirawa.

HOPE: We have to stop him.

I’m sorry, Hope, you can’t win them all.

We don’t know who this guy is and by now, he’s just in the wind.

Jason Quick.

Jason Quick? He looks good.

He got the drugs out of his system and he put the jihad back in.

That other guy in the photo, it’s the Vice President of the Bank of Jazeristan.

He’s trading the gold for cash.

Yeah, and the bank opens tomorrow at 10:00 a.m.

After that, Jason boards an afternoon flight… at which point he will be “in the wind.”

What you got there? What are you reading?

I picked these up at the souk.

Okay.

What?

Nothing.

(SPEAKS IN ARABIC)

(HORN BLOWING)

(SHOUTS IN ARABIC)

(CHATTER IN ARABIC)

(CLANKS)

I gave your man gold, it’s not my fault he’s a thief.

ABU HIRAWA: Was.

I’m sorry?

ABU HIRAWA: Was a thief. Except that…

He wasn’t.

I’m sorry, I’m not following.

ABU HIRAWA: On the journey from is to was, all men tell the truth.

A man’s eyes cannot lie. Not to me.

Especially when I hold them in my hand.

If I thought it was you, we would not be having this conversation.

Ah, right, well… that’s that then.

If there’s nothing else, I’ve got a bit of company at the moment.

ABU HIRAWA: There is a very large operation taking place in the near future, but you may leave your briefcase at home.

You need something much larger for this transaction.

Ah, right, who’s my contact this time?

ABU HIRAWA: Me.

You? Lovely.

ABU HIRAWA: Three days.

SCHULTZ: All right, thanks.

VIOLET: Oh shit.

Agreed.

Hirawa’s coming here to get his gold.

That’s the bad news. The piss in our punch bowl bad news… is this guy.

Khairat Reda is a London-based banker.

Top brass of the Brotherhood and he arrives here in three days.

Hirawa is the finger puppet. And this man is the hand.

So we accelerate the schedule. Hit the prison before they get there.

Uh-uh. We can’t go into this thing half-cocked. We’re not ready.

I’m ready. Are you ready?

Huh! We are fully cock.

Cocked, not cock.

Yes, cock.

Yes, cock for you, no cock for me.

I need a drink.

Okay, here we go.

The only way this operation is gonna run smoothly is if the prison isn’t running smoothly.

Fortunately, we got a few guys on the inside.

PACE: And working in the place where we have direct control over the prisoners’ physical well-being.

Any health issue that needs more than ten beds…

PACE: Well…

We gotta get them out, now!

Let’s just say they’re going to need more than that.

(SIRENS WAILING)

And we walk out the front door.

Well, maybe not.

Let’s play that one by ear, shall we?

Abdullah, are you aware of how many violations you have going on here?

No, we just passed inspection a few months ago.

Now, I’m asking, where are you buying all of your refrigeration equipment from?

Pacific Industries. Yes.

They’re still in business?

Well, you need to get them on the phone right away.

We can get some new steamers down here, get you up to code.

You’re with the ministry of Public Health, Mr., uh…

Lionel L. Zagred?

RINGO: I am.

I have a friend there. Maybe I should call him so I can sort this out.

Are you aware of the GSO?

The Gulf Standard Organization.

They’re responsible for all of the food development and standards going on here in the Gulf region.

So you could only imagine how it’d probably look if such a prized institution were to fail an inspection.

Now, if you ask me personally, Jazeristan shouldn’t care about the opinions of other countries, right?

So if you want… you want to call your friend, you get him on the horn, call them, right away!

They’re not friends.

It won’t be me that will be upsetting the royal family.

GUARD: It’s my friend’s cousin, and I don’t even know him.

(CLICKING)

MAN: Pacific Industrial?

Would you happen to have any of the…

Vanguard K2350.

Vanguard K2350 in stock, please?

You do? Great. I want two sent as quickly as possible.

To the Dola Penal Corrections Institute.

What do you mean you don’t have any at hand?

You just literally two seconds ago told me you had five.

This is not good.

You do that!

(THUD)

What did they say?

It seems they don’t have any, at hand.

But they can rush order them to us and have them to us in a week.

Mm-Hmm!

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

Answer that phone, Abdullah.

RINGO: (WHISPERS) Answer that.

(WHISPERS) What if it’s the royal family?

Answer the phone.

(TELEPHONE CLICKING)

Hello, sir. This is Pacific Industrial here.

I’d like to apologize for the mix-up we had over here on our end.

We do in fact have the 2350 in stock.

We had an unexpected delivery cancellation.

In fact, one of our men is in the field as we speak.

Would tomorrow afternoon be okay for you?

That would be fantastic. I can’t thank you enough for this.

That’s very kind of you, sir, much appreciated, good day now.

Cup of coffee?

(GRUNTS)

All right. We go in after lunch tomorrow.

Hey, Violet, couldn’t have found a small worker?

No, it just so happened that the biggest lush at the company was also very large.

Is this blood on here?

Good luck.

WICK: Violet!

(GRUNTS)

But I do need you to fill out a little bit more information right here.

But they haven’t been cleared!

Abdullah, focus!

For your family.

Oh yes, I’ll get them cleared.

Sign. Sign. Right away.

Please, yes, yes. Watch your step.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

WICK: Whoa, whoa.

(SCREW CLINKING)

Dude, you have anger issues.

Started from childhood. Come on.

That ought to do it, let’s go check on their progress.

No, they will handle it. They will let us know.

I’m a soon-to-be captain, you cannot keep treating me like this!

Let’s go check on their progress.

Okay, Abdullah, you’re so angry, let’s go.

(DOOR OPENING)

(RINGO INDISTINCT YELLING)

Age before beauty.

RINGO: All these new steamers, this has worked out famously!

Abdullah, K2350.

(MOUTHING)

They look the same.

But how closely have you examined?

Not so much.

Exactly.

See, same chassis? Internal component entirely different.

(BUZZING)

(GRUNTS)

No.

(MACHINE TURNING OFF)

What are you doing? You have to break-in first.

Right?

I mean… They are your steamers, if you want to turn on, you break, you buy, you own the steamers!

No, no, I don’t, the royal family does.

When can we use them?

Eh… an hour or two.

Give the internal component time to break in.

I love that you listen to me now.

This is like we build a relationship.

I feel like I must hug. I hug.

I’m… I’m sorry.

Part of my culture. I’m… I’m European.

You’re European.

Yes.

Finnish. From… from Finland.

Oh.

We big on hugs. We are, big hug. I love to hug.

Oh yes, yes, yes…

Oh yes, now I have one more thing for you to do.

For you to sign and then I’m out of your hair, I finish!

Okay.

(CLICKING)

Wow.

(EXHALES)

Seemed like a good idea a few days ago.

This is going to take a bloody miracle.

Indeed.

Let’s go. We’ve got a busy morning ahead.

Bon Appetit.

Born up a tree.

(COUGHING, VOMITING)

(SPEAKING IN ARABIC)

(COUGHING, VOMITING)

It’s amazing the bacteria you can find at a local university, huh?

They really should protect it better, you know that.

I hope there’s no harmful side effects.

Sure, there shouldn’t be those.

(VOMITING)

ABDULLAH: Get these people to the infirmary immediately!

And for God sakes, have someone clean this up. Now!

Well?

GUARD: We’re not sure, sir.

But a large number of prisoners and staff start showing some sign of poisoning, acute abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting.

It could be some sort of overdose.

So…

All this is just a little bit of bad weed?

Should we, maybe, call in the National Police?

Are you high?

Yes, sir… I mean no, sir. That would be bad idea.

(VOMITING, COUGHING)

Check every flight, hotel, and taxi company. Find Pace.

(VOMITING)

(SIRENS WAILING)

ANNOUNCER: Sick or ill prisoners please report to the infirmary immediately, I repeat all sick or ill prisoners.

Please report to the infirmary immediately.

(SPEAKING ARABIC ON SPEAKER)

(BOMB BEEPS)

PACE: (WHISPERING) Okay.

WICK: (SIGHING)

Steady, hold it.

What?

Oh come on, man, it’s not an autopsy.

(SNIFFS)

(GRUNTS)

(INHALES DEEPLY)

(BOTTLE CLATTERS)

WHISPERS: Let’s go.

My calculation… due south.

By my calculation…

Yep.

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

Hammed Al-Zagreb, Office of Poison and Noxious Gases.

Mm.

Who said anything about noxious gases?

Nobody, yet.

See I have to test every patient and the source of contamination.

Could be something with simple explanation, or something much, much more serious.

As I said, will not be able to determine that until I properly assess the situation.

We’re going to need a Hazmat cleanup immediately.

I… I don’t…

Then, uh… (GRUNTS)

…you do not want it to become international crisis.

No, no, no, no, no we don’t. W… what did you say you need?

Hazmat.

Hazmat, in Arabic, who died?

Not Arabic “hazmat.” Hazmat! Hazmat!

Ah, Hazmat. Okay, okay.

I understand, yes, okay. How many you want?

You know what? I will handle.

Okay. Okay, okay.

(POP MUSIC CONTINUES)

(MUFFLED MUSIC PLAYING)

(CRACKING)

(MUSIC STOPS)

(MACHINE STOPS)

You serious?

With explosives? I’m always serious.

How are we doing on time?

Running out of it.

How in the hell are we going to get explosives down that tiny hole?

(GAS LEAKING)

(SIGHS) We’re not. We’re building the Hindenburg.

(SPEAKING ARABIC ON SPEAKER)

Hi. I have been looking for you. I need to show you something this way, it’s extremely important and dangerous.

SCHULTZ: So, where to?

The El Amadi hospital, emergency protocol, sir.

Right, so… half of the prison population are being taken outside the prison?

At least half, yes, but the hospital has cleared open a wing for us.

They’ll be under 24-hour guard. It’s all under control, sir.

All right. Sounds like Pace.

(GAS HISSING)

Come on Wick. Allez, allez. Talk to me.

All right, that should be enough.

Good.

Lighter.

Time?

PACE: Five seconds.

Four.

In that case…

PACE: Three, two, one. Come on.

…make Daddy proud.

Whoa.

(IGNITING)

(COUGHS) Are you crazy?

Yeah, according to authorities, and all standardized tests.

GUARD: There was a car bomb, sir!

Car bomb, my ass.

Whoop! Damn!

Wow!

(GRUNTS)

Pace.

What?

Okay. Do your thing.

I got you. (EXHALES) I just get excited.

(SIREN WAILING)

PACE: Okay, take a picture.

Looking great.

PACE: Come on.

Beautiful.

PACE: Takes my breath away.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

Smile.

That’s a beautiful picture.

Not ready?

Hold on.

(EXHALES)

PACE: Come on, tick-tock, tick-tock.

(ALARM BUZZING)

Show me the vault.

GUARD: One moment, sir.

(WHISPERS) Come on, come on, come on, come on. Got it!

There, sir.

Looks all right to me.

GUARD: It looks good, sir.

PACE: All right. (EXHALES)

Right.

Hang on a second, zoom in.

GUARD: Let me see.

(CLICKING)

It seems frozen, sir.

All right.

Oh, bollocks.

Total lockdown.

Sir, we can’t, we possibly can’t.

ANNOUNCER: The prison is now under lockdown.

I repeat, the prison is now under lockdown…

It’s in the gurneys.

PACE: Allez, allez. Oop!

(SIRENS WAILING)

You have to stop those ambulances.

You have to step back.

(PHONE RINGING)

Good news or bad news?

Is Pace’s daughter good enough for you, Schultz?

Oh.

Lovely. Keep her alive for an hour.

Thanks.

(SIRENS WAILING)

(TIRES SCREECHES)

MAN 1: Go, go, go!

MAN 2: Check everything in the ambulance. Find the gold.

MAN 1: Follow me.

Clear.

MAN 2: Nothing in here.

MAN 3: Please don’t shoot!

MAN 1: We didn’t find anything, sir.

Oi.

And you are?

Hazardous waste cleanup.

What hazardous waste?

Look man, we’re just trying to do our job.

If you have any issues talk to our boss.

Eh, where’s your boss?

Yeah, that’s a crazy thing. We have all this work to do and they’re stacking up crates? Pretty heavy, too.

There they go.

MAN: Sir, we just got word, Abu Hirawa has arrived for his gold.

Oh, don’t worry about this. We won’t lose them. We’ve got men on every road.

Thanks for the thought of that, but what have we got off road?

Sir?

You know what?

I like see what you ’bout to do.

Mm-hm. Safety first.

RINGO: Be driving this thing, Prince, aight?

Ay, look, okay, I get it. You drive, you control the music.

I’m with that, but we gotta do something about the two double Darth Haters back there.

Just… (MIMICS BREATHING) I can’t take it.

Jus’ (MIMICS BREATHING) I need music, come on.

(STATIC)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Yeah.

That’s your shit, right?

RINGO: Yeah!

Do that shit! Yeah! Let’s go baby!

Yeah, baby.

(TIRES SCREECH)

RINGO: Whoa! Shit!

SCHULTZ: Go, go, go, go!

Woo!

This ain’t the road. I’m wit’ it though.

Oh shit, let’s do it!

SCHULTZ: Ah, our reinforcements.

Hello, friends!

(ENGINE REVVING)

Now it’s a party, turn that shit up! Whoo!

Woo-hoo (LAUGHS)

You like that wild shit. Let’s go!

RINGO: I’m not scared. I ain’t scared at all.

Brakes!

RINGO: Whoa!

Oh, shi…

Oh! (LAUGHS)

Y’all all right back there?

We good. We good?

Woo. Let’s go. Come on, we the Misfits, baby.

Gonna mis-fit my foot in your ass, yeah!

(NITRO HISSES)

(ENGINE REVVING)

Now!

Now? Yeah! (BUTTON BEEPS)

Oh shit!

(PRINCE LAUGHING)

(DEBRIS CLATTERING)

(GRUNTS)

Whoa! Shit!

Golden showers, baby!

You don’t even know what that means. You’re nasty, man. Golden showers.

(SQUEAKS)

Go, go!

Hello.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

RINGO: So here’s where we’re at. None of us were armed.

We wanted Schultz to think he had the upper hand.

Plus we ain’t want to get shot at.

Hello.

(CAR STOPS)

RINGO: It’s about now that Schultz realized he didn’t really catch us.

Fabulous.

RINGO: Hold up, pay attention to those white cars.

How would anyone know where we were gonna be before the chase even began?

It’s called an anonymous tip.

We wanted to get caught because we had a story to tell.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

So, it’s still in the prison, then?

Not exactly.

Stop. What are you moving?

We got a, uh, we got a repair order right here.

Here you go.

Right there.

Still going to have to take a look at it.

You betcha. Here you go.

Look at that.

See?

Dingdong.(KNOCKS)

I heard some inmate damaged it.

Oh, yeah.

Crazy bastard.

Crazy…

(LAUGHS) The bullocks, huh?

Mutt’s nuts. Okay, have a good day.

Yeah, yeah.

SOLDIER: Put the gun down!

RINGO: I know what you’re thinking.

Who the hell are these dudes and where did they come from?

Check it, Prince told us he’d have his soldiers just hiding and waiting for Schultz to brandish a weapon.

And then these guys rolled up dressed like extras in a bad Salvadorian action movie.

No way in hell these are real soldiers.

But I played along.

You can’t be brandishing a weapon around a foreign military aircraft, especially from a sovereign nation of, uh…

Salwa.

Salwa.

Your country.

My country.

Just… just… just a sec, just a sec.

Get it done, yes.

Looks like your daddy dearest didn’t come through for you today, ho’.

Finish her off.

Reservation’s under Hope Pace.

VIOLET: I’ve been waiting for that call.

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(SHOUTING)

(THUD)

(PANTS)

(GRUNTING)

Fucking men.

Well, that’s that then.

We haven’t been introduced. I’m Hope.

RINGO: That punch was the least painful thing that happened to Schultz that day.

Inside of one of those white cars I pointed out?

Was Abu Hirawa.

(PANTS, COUGHS) Not my fault.

(PANTS)

It’s okay. I believe you.

But there are those who are not interested in the truth…

Only in justice. It won’t come swiftly.

RINGO: The next day, some talking head reported the food poisoning at the prison.

There was no mention of any gold.

Like I said, you’re gonna rob a bank make sure it ain’t reported.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

♪ I can see it in your eyes ♪

♪ That you wanna fight it But don’t you feel it like I ♪

♪ I know boy you like it Cash it cash it yeah cash it ♪

♪ So what you gonna do So what you gonna do ♪

♪ Cash it cash it Just say yes Or no we want to ♪

Leave any of them alive?

Of course not.

RINGO: Good.

Where’s my dad?

Sh… I don’t know, he had to drive the truck here.

Oh, no.

Oh, no what? We got it. This is good news.

No.

He’s around here somewhere.

No.

I have a terrible feeling he’s not.

WICK: Oh, my God.

VIOLET: It’s the original.

Where’s the gold?

He took it.

And he’s not coming back.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, this can’t be.

No, it can be, it can so easily be.

Shit, I am so, so sorry. I’m the one who vouched for him.

I brought him into this whole thing.

After a lifetime of disappointment, I should have known better…

Far better.

(SIGHS)

(FREIGHT DOOR OPENING)

Dad?

Yes.

You stole the gold.

I did.

From us?

Yep.

Then what the hell you still doing here?

Hopefully… fixing things.

I cleaned it up a little.

Oh.

(WHISPERS) Thank you.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Uh, guys…

ALL: Shh…

What are you shushing me, we got stuff to do.

You know what, this is cute moment and everything but we got a whole Sal, big Sal… Sal-wa?

Salwan.

Salwan cargo plane revved up and ready to go.

Well, let’s get the hell out of Dodge. Grab the bird.

My man.

PACE: Yes.

RINGO: So, we grabbed the bird and got the hell out of Dodge on Prince’s country’s cargo plane.

Having a cargo plane almost made me believe he was actually a prince.

I said almost.

Yo Ringo! Got your drink.

Hey!

Prince, for you.

Thank you.

Hey, you all got umbrellas where the hell is my umbrella?

I want an umbrella, what type of shit is this?

This is the life. I mean, this is always my life.

Man, I can’t believe you’re actually a prince.

I mean, in the animal world, your parents would have left you. Or eaten you.

Mm. A little training, some skintight leather, I could see myself being a Misfit.

Don’t even think about it.

I’d like to start by getting to know you again… in my retirement.

Or maybe we can get to know each other without retiring.

Yeah, Dad. What do you say? Are you a Misfit?

No, actually, I think… I think I fit in just fine.

(CHUCKLES) Here’s to us, guys.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Cheers guys. Bottoms up.

ALL: Cheers.

REPORTER: In international news, UNICEF is reporting the single largest private donation ever made to the Children’s Fund.

A spokesperson for UNICEF stated, the donation was made anonymously by a donor who simply requested that the funds be earmarked for the Zaatari.

In financial news, the stock market continues to lose ground while the price of gold has reached an all-time high.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

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