Hair: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver – Transcript

John Oliver discusses the importance of Black hair, the ways it can be a target of discrimination, and some ideas to address that.
Hair Last Week Tonight with John Oliver

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver
Season 8 Episode 11
Aired on May 9, 2021

Main segment: Afro-textured hair and Discrimination based on hair texture in the United States
Other segments: Restrict voting efforts by the GOP, election recount in Arizona
Guests: Uzo Aduba, Leslie Jones, Craig Robinson

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John: Hi there! Welcome to the show. Still taking place in this blank void. It’s actually the place all your AirPods go when you lose them. I bet you thought this was rattling around your car’s floor mats. Nope — it’s mine now! Into the pile you go! It’s been a busy week, from republicans trying to oust Liz Cheney from house leadership, to California gearing up for the recall election of governor Gavin Newsom. Multiple candidates have already filed to run against him, one of whom released this ad:

This beauty has proven he can’t do it.

Pretty boy.

The beast can. [Aurora] this time, make the right choice for California and your family. Recall the beauty, and elect the nicest, smartest beast you’ve ever met. John Cox. [Roar]

John: All of that’s idiotic, but I’m going to focus on the fact that he seems to think the problem in “beauty and the beast” was about choosing between the two, when everyone knows the problem was, how are these two fucking? We know it’s happening, we know it’s great, and we know it’s weird, but how exactly does it work? Do they take special precautions around the flames to avoid burning, or is the burning part of it? Same question, but about the feather duster and sneezing, is the sneezing part of it? I hope the sneezing is part of it! That guy committed to the bear metaphor, even bringing one to a campaign event, only to complain the next day that “the coverage yesterday was all about the bear.” And yeah, no shit. You brought a literal dancing bear. The universal metaphor for “distracting gimmick people pay attention to instead of whatever the fuck you’re talking about.” Meanwhile, the week saw the latest attempts to undermine the democratic process, with Texas and Florida continuing the trend of republicans enacting new voting restrictions. Florida’s governor Ron Desantis — a man with a vibe that screams “will flirt with your teenage friends” — signed a bill, live on “fox and friends,” for some reason, that targets ballot drop boxes and voting by mail. Meanwhile, in Texas, their new voter-suppression bill initially featured a line about the importance of protecting “the purity of the ballot box,” leading to this awkward exchange with one of its sponsors.

Did you look at the history before using that word?

No, no, the only thing, if we were to have a discussion — maybe over some coffee or drinks, one day, I could go into the details of article one really well. I’ve read the debates and the journals of the convention of 1875 on that, for that thing, but I’m not familiar.

You may have missed it then. That provision was drafted specifically to disenfranchise black people — black voters, in fact — following the civil war. Did you know that?

No, that’s — that’s — I’m sorry to hear that.

John: Yeah, I bet you are! Although, I’m guessing you’re less “sorry to hear the historical connotations of that phrase” and more, “sorry to hear that publicly, especially in front of all these fucking cameras.” But perhaps the stupidest election-related story is currently taking place in Arizona, where republicans have been trying to relitigate the presidential election by recounting all the ballots in the state’s most populous county.

This is yet another tally of the nearly 2.1 million ballots in Maricopa county. But this so-called audit is unlike any other. These are ballot counters heading into a shift.

Have you ever done election counting before?

No. But it’s — there’s nothing to it. It’s pretty obvious.

John: Yeah, that’s not reassuring! Normally when a guy in those sunglasses says, “there’s nothing to it, it’s pretty obvious,” he’s seconds from reversing his brand new ATV through the front window of a fuddruckers. The audit company in charge, cyber ninjas, is owned by an advocate of the stop the steal movement. And obvious bias aside, the process alone seems seems pretty slipshod. Arizona’s secretary of state has expressed alarm over accounts of ballots being left unattended, and untrained workers using different rules to count ballots. All of which the audit official twitter account disputed as “baseless claim-ees.” And it’s genuinely insane to swoop into a county that, remember, has already done multiple audits of its election count, finding no evidence of fraud — with the attitude of, “okay, but what if we do it shitty this time?” And it gets even worse when you consider the secretary of state is now receiving death threats. And all of this is so they can chase down crazy conspiracy theories like this one.

There’s accusations that 40,000 ballots were flown in.

To Arizona?

To Arizona. And it was stuffed into the box, okay? And it came from the southeast part of the world, asia, okay? And what they’re doing is to find out if there’s bamboo in the paper.

And why do you check for bamboo?

Because they use bamboo in their paper processing.

Who’s they?

People in southeast Asia.

John: Wow. “Southeast Asians attempted to sway the 2020 election in Arizona via bamboo ballots” sounds like something your drunkest uncle would say before passing out at his niece’s sixth birthday party. And look, that’s obviously nonsense. And in fairness to that man, he doesn’t believe any of it. He runs a nonprofit focused on election fairness, and is volunteering, hoping this process manages to disprove many of these crazy theories. Which is a nice idea. The problem is, though, the people behind this recount aren’t going to be convinced, unless the results swing their way. And we know this because — again — there have already been multiple audits conducted in Maricopa County and they weren’t convinced by the results. And the thing is, Arizona is playing a dangerous game here. And things are probably only get more volatile. Put it this way: Arizona’s recount is like that guy bringing a bear to his event, in that it’s chaotic, it’s pathetically desperate, and we’ll all be lucky if nobody gets seriously hurt. And now this.

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♪ ♪

Announcer: And now… Happy mother’s day from the disappointing men of local news.

I got a lot of moms, related moms in my family. My wife is a mom, my mom mom.

Your mom mom.

My stepmom and my mother-in-law. So.

Wow.

Yeah, I got four people that I disappoint.

She hinted you should know what to get her for this mother’s day. Did you figure this out?

No, I didn’t. Actually, I did suggest something that I thought she wanted, and then she told me, no, that would be a terrible idea.

Mother’s day is Sunday. Do not forget. High temperatures are 54 degrees. If you have any good ideas for my wife, let me know.

Last year, I got my wife, like, a $40 bouquet for mother’s day. It was beautiful. This year, I am buying for four moms. So $10 bouquets all around.

Don’t make the same mistake I made. Don’t give her a Wonderbra for mother’s day.

Nathan, you got your mother your mother’s day gift ready for mom and your wife?

Yeah.

♪ ♪

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John: Moving on. Our main story tonight concerns hair. Specifically, black hair. The subject that gave us the single greatest Real Housewives entrance of all time: when Kenya Moore crashed Marlo Hampton’s wig launch with a marching band to promote her own line of hair products, and Porsha Williams reacted like this.

Even if I did agree with Kenya and the fact that people’s edges matter, they don’t matter today, bitch. You are wrong. This is absolutely insane, okay? So today, I don’t agree. But tomorrow, yes, my edges matter, and I’ll be using the product.

John: You know what? As per usual, Porsha is right about a number of things: Kenya is wrong, edges do matter and I, like Porsha, will be using the product tomorrow. Monday is my wash day. And look, I realize I’m not the ideal person to talk about black hair. I look like I still go to an old time-y barber named Valentino and ask for “the tidy Liza Minnelli.” And I also know that the danger is, when a white guy on tv starts confidently talking about black hair, even with the best of intentions, it can end something like this:

I didn’t want the little tea light to overheat and then all of a sudden, we’ve got breaking news here at the channel.

I told you if the sprinkler systems come on, I’m done for the day.

Yeah. You know, that is not —

Sitting up here looking like a mop.

That is not. Yeah. You know what? Sprinkler system and a beautiful weave because, they do not go.

Ahh!

What? You’re beautiful. You said it was a weave, right?

It’s not! Oh, my god!

♪ ♪

John: Wow. That is the exact right reaction to announcing your black coworker’s hair is a weave live on-air. Getting up from your desk and just running away. Running forever. Running until your life fades behind you and your feet touch the ocean. Now you should know, those two coworkers seem to have gotten over that incident, putting out a video titled “Blaine and Laila discuss hair weave: a rebuttal,” where Blaine says he’s learned the difference between quick weaves, lacefronts, and sew-ins because of their friendship. But the fact is, on the whole, white people don’t really understand a lot about black hair. And by the way, if your first reaction to that was, “hey, not all white people,” maybe look inside yourself and figure out why that is your response to things. But importantly, that lack of understanding — and lack of interest in understanding — can have real consequences, from the personal to the professional, as you probably know, either from experience, or from seeing stories like this:

Chastity Jones was tangled in a nearly 10-year legal battle after she says an employer took back a job offer at an Alabama call center because she refused to cut her hair.

She said, “are those dreadlocks in your hair?” And I just looked at her and I was like, “these?” And she said, “yes.” I said, “yes, they are.” She said, “well, we can’t accept that here.”

John: Can you imagine turning someone away who wants to work at a call center, the universe’s most thankless job? A place where you answer the phone and immediately, there’s an angry woman screaming at you because some of the broccoli in her hello fresh kit “didn’t smell right” and now she wants to speak to Mr. Fresh. If you have someone who wants to do that job, let them! What’s on their head has nothing to do with it! They could show up to work in a wig made of living ferrets, and they deserve not only that position, but double whatever you’re paying them. The point is, black hair is and hairstyles frequently yet another target of discrimination. So tonight, let’s talk about it. And let’s start by understanding why black hair is so important. For centuries, black people in Africa innovated ways to protect and prolong the health of their hair, and that practice has continued and evolved into beautiful and distinct hairstyles, with a deep connection to culture and heritage. And for as long as that has happened, white people have been unable to handle it. One of the first things slave traders would do was shave the heads of enslaved people, which erased their cultural identity. And black hair has historically been described in dehumanizing fashion, with racial typologist Charles Hamilton smith describing his hierarchy of three main types of people: the beaded Caucasian type, the beardless Mongolic type, and the “woolly-haired tropical type.” And the only time “woolly-haired tropical” is an acceptable term to use is if you’re talking about Madagascar’s “woolly lemur,” a tropical little sweetie who always looks like he just accidentally replied all. Other than that, it’s off limits. By the late nineteenth century, beauty companies were advertising products like skin lighteners and hair straighteners, reinforcing the idea that black hair was dirty and unkempt, and the closer your appearance was to whiteness, the better. Like in this ad from 1900 for a magnetic comb that promised to destroy the “hair germs” on your head and take you from a curly-haired black person to a straight-haired white one. And the desire to make black hair smoother and straighter was so strong, just listen to the sheer delight this British newsreel takes in showing the process.

Combs come into play. Kept constantly heated, they are passed through each section of the hair until all trace of kinkiness disappears. It’s not all plain sailing naturally, and it’s not quite a permanent permanent, if you follow me. If the hair gets really wet or steamed up, it unstraightens itself and back come the kinks.

John: Oh, noo. Hearing that beauty standard reinforced in that particular voice is definitely a sign that something has gone terribly wrong. And I know for some viewers, passing a hot metal comb through the hair to straighten it might look like a curio from the distant past. But I guarantee some of you were just transported back to being 8-years-old sitting on a high stool in the kitchen at 6:00 am on school picture day, holding your ears down while your mom or grandma gets the hot comb uncomfortably close to your scalp. For some, the smell of burning hair is a sign that something’s wrong. But for others, it brings back memories. By the 1960s and ’70s, though, the embrace of black hair’s natural texture and culturally significant styles had become a radical act of self acceptance and political power.

Who taught you to hate the texture of your hair? Who taught you to hate the color of your skin? To such extent that you bleach, to get like the white man?

John: Uh, white people. The answer is white people. That question answers itself. Just like the answer to the questions: who lets their dogs kiss them in the mouth? Who wants to pick apples for fun? And who’s coming to dinner on Ina Garten’s show? The answer is, white people. But despite the natural hair movement, white people’s discomfort and ignorance around black hair has very much remained. One study found black women were 80% more likely to agree with the statement, “I have to change my hair from its natural state to fit in at the office,” and another found that black women with natural hairstyles were perceived to be less professional, less competent, and less likely to be recommended for a job interview. The point is, the way your hair is perceived — and therefore, the way you are perceived — can manifest in all sorts of ways.

I know the anxiety that people have after getting their hair done then, like, “okay, what’s going to happen when I go to work? Are they gonna say anything?”

You know, it’s a big thing in the workplace. A lot of people don’t want to draw attention to their self so they try to do the norm.

A lot of the time, I would always get people just, like, saying how, like, soft my hair is and everything and like wanting to touch it. That’s, like, always a big thing.

No, you can’t touch it.

And, like, adults doing that too, I’m like —

It’s grown women.

You can’t touch it!

You know, you don’t touch no black women’s hair, you already know that, like —

It makes you feel like you’re in a zoo.

John: Look, you obviously shouldn’t be made to feel like you’re in a zoo, ever, for any reason. Also — and it’s not the point — but if you’re touching animals at the zoo, you’re doing the zoo wrong. Don’t be stressing the otters out by shouting unwanted questions and trying to sneak your hands into the cages to cop a feel. Yes, the bald eagle’s feathers are laid, but don’t shout “yaaas, qween” and try to pet her. Unlike your coworkers, the eagle will snap your fucking fingers off. And you will have it coming. Unfortunately, though, white people’s biases and ignorance are often just laying in wait for the right moment to strike.

Jonathon Sutherland is the Penn State football captain and a dean’s list student. But what people are talking about tonight is his hair. That’s thanks to this letter. The author is a proclaimed alumnus from decades ago named David Petersen. He calls Sutherland’s hair “awful.” Stating his locs are “disgusting and are certainly not attractive.” He also writes, “we would welcome the reappearance of dress codes for athletes.”

John: Everything about that’s upsetting. From the racist attitude, to the hurtful language, to the fact that he chose to express moral outrage over something in college football, but it’s not that the NCAA makes millions off student athletes, instead, it’s “I can see your hair outside your helmet.” That man later explained he only wrote the letter because “I was just disgruntled about some of the hairdos that we’re seeing. You think of Penn State as a bunch of clean-cut guys.” And “you think of Penn State as” is just not a sentence that ends well under any circumstance. Especially when you realize, that man actually got a degree from Penn State in 1966, the same year as Jerry Sandusky. Who somehow — despite his short hair — turned out to be a heinous sex criminal. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it’s almost like the haircut doesn’t fucking matter. And it starts way before college. You may remember the terrible case of high school wrestler Andrew Johnson, who was basically forced to cut his locs off or forfeit an important wrestling match by a referee. That case made national news, but there are hundreds of others that don’t. From the school in Kentucky that once banned — and I quote — “dreadlocks and corn rolls,” to twin sisters in Massachusetts that received hours of detention because of their braided hair, to this daycare in suburban Chicago.

Mom may like the smell, but according to this note Tionna Norris posted on her Facebook page, Amia’s teacher didn’t like it, basically saying…

Your child stinks. Don’t put the coconut oil in her hair. The kids were teasing her.

Norris says Amia was the only black child in her preschool class at the raggedy Anne learning Center in Elmhurst.

I was just hurt for my child.

Especially after Norris says she met with the teacher and school administrator and learned the children in the class never complained. It was just the teacher who didn’t like the smell. We called the school and left several messages. We visited and got this.

Hi, I’m Dorothy Tucker from Channel 2 News.

Goodbye.

John: Wow. That feels like a perfectly staged five-second play encapsulating the history of race relations in America: a black person trying to discuss racial inequality with a white person, who then immediately says, “goodbye!” So black people, from an early age, are often told their hair is unattractive. And needs to be corrected. And that is already just… A lot, before you even start getting into all the ways that society makes it difficult to navigate the world because of your hair. Even just buying hair products can be an unnecessary challenge, with black hair products routinely locked in a case where someone has to come with a key to get it for you — or maybe even “walk it to the register” — in the same aisle where products for white people that cost just as much or more are simply sitting out on the shelves. And the explanation for that is never great.

So I went and found the manager and I said, “I’m waiting for the key for shampoo and conditioner.” I said, “but let me ask you, why are the black hair products locked up and not the white hair products?” He said, “umm,” and another associate said, “well, people have been stealing.”

John: Yeah. Now that Walmart claimed it was based on data of theft in the store. But when a town council member asked to see that data, the store instructed her to call “1-800-walmart.” And just out of interest, on a touchtone phone, which button do you press to hear the bullshit data used to justify locking up $4 Eco Styler Gel? Is that, like, number 7 or do you have to ask for an associate first? So it’s already hard enough to get products to do your hair at home. But finding a qualified stylist can be even harder. The cosmetology industry mostly revolves around, and trains for, caring for straight, non-textured hair. So there is no guarantee that a stylist in your area can work with black hair — just watch one tiktoker call 23 salons in their hometown, and get nothing but responses like these.

I was wondering if you guys work with African-American hair, specifically 4c type?

Uh, we do not. None of the girls here do, no.

Um, we don’t really have a lot of experience. So I would say you’re probably better to keep looking around.

I was wondering if you guys were able to work with African-American hair, specifically 4c type?

Oh! Hold on just a minute! Let me ask! Is anybody familiar with African-American hair?

Not very much.

John: Yeah, that’s not great. But I do love that receptionist is asking the entire staff, like she just got called as a phone-a-friend on “who wants to be a millionaire.” “Hey, donna, it’s the $25,000 question. Can you do a silk press and bump those ends? Final answer: she can’t.” And this isn’t just a problem in salons — even in Hollywood, stylists who are both familiar with black hair and in the hairstylists’ union are rare. And actors definitely know when their production failed to hire one.

I was on this show. They made me a series regular. I was hella pumped, walked in the hair and makeup trailer first time. “Oh, shit. I’m about to, like, get paid. Let me see.” Homegirl, this white lady, she tapped my head.

Yup!

Not lying, she tapped it, sprayed some water — didn’t brush, didn’t comb, and left. And I was like, “oh, wild!”

John: I actually recommend going back and watching each actor in that clip as he tells that story, because you really get the sense that every one of them identifies with what he’s saying. And it’s not ideal that for a lot of hairstylists, their strategy to deal with black clients is the same you’d use to get your cat off the kitchen counter. Give them a little spritz and then give them a pat on the head so they know you’re not mad. And when you consider all of the obstacles that get placed in the path of black people, it’s understandably pretty hard to take when white people wear the same exact same hairstyles that they get judgement for. From Bo Derek, famously wearing braids in the movie “10” to Adele and Miley Cyrus trying on black hairstyles for fun, to this Comme des Garçons fashion show, at which the models wore lace front cornrow wigs, which were awful in every possible way. I mean, look at that thing! There is enough room between each braid to land a fucking plane, and you don’t even have to look closely to see the model’s dark hair through the lace. Come on! You put a wig cap on first, then you put the wig on! You grab your Got2b Spray or wig glue, you melt that lace, and you lay those edges down so well they fall asleep. There are only two situations where that appalling level of wig application is acceptable: either you’re in the middle of hosting an episode of “SNL,” or you’re posing as a British nanny to stay close to your children after your divorce. That is it. And the thing is, white people appropriating black hairstyles isn’t just infuriating — it can directly make it harder for black people to fight discrimination concerning their hair.

There was a court case, 1981, a discrimination suit filed by a black woman named Renee Rogers. She’d worked for American Airlines and she wore her hair in cornrows. Her legal argument was that her hairstyle was a part of her cultural heritage. The judge ruled against her in federal court because he said she got her hair done soon after the movie “Ten” came out. And therefore, there was no legal basis for saying it was cultural heritage because she was doing something that essentially was imitating how Bo Derek styled her hair.

John: Yeah, it’s true. Among the reasons he dismissed her case, the judge suggested that a black person wearing a traditionally black hairstyle was just copying a white celebrity, who stole it from black people. Which is just ridiculous! Hairstyles have cultural roots. They don’t just come out of nowhere to sweep the nation, with the sole exception of “The Rachel,” which wasn’t appropriated from any culture. It simply sprang forth, fully-formed, from the concept known as “the ’90s.” And I wish I could say that’s a thing of the past, but you know it isn’t. Chastity jones, the woman you saw earlier, spent years appealing her case, only to lose, in part, because judges interpreted civil rights law to protect against discrimination based only on “immutable” or unchangeable characteristics associated with race, like skin color. So for decades, courts have found that hairstyles, even though they are deeply tied to racial identity, are not covered. And all of that means that a younger generation can still end up having to deal with this shit.

19-Year-old Destiny Thompkins has worked at this banana republic store at the Westchester mall in white plains for just about a month. She was called into a meeting with her manager on Wednesday, caught completely off guard by what happened next.

He was like, “yeah, so, the district manager came in and she pointed out your hair.” And I’m like, “okay, so what’s wrong with my hair?” He said, “it’s a little too urban and unkempt for our look and for our image. We were just wondering, like, if you could just take them out.”

John: Okay, putting aside the use of the word “urban” — a level of tone-deafness on par with naming your store “banana republic” — “just take them out?” Those are words from someone who has zero idea of what it took to put them in in the first place. That’s coming from a man who, I’m guessing, has never spent seven hours in a salon chair with an iPad full of movies and a backpack full of snacks. Now you should know, the store called that unacceptable, and the manager was fired. But the problem is, since professionalism gets defined by white standards and expectations, black hair is more likely to crash into those expectations. So what can we do? Well, for some of the smaller issues you’ve seen tonight, there have been changes. Some chain stores, including Walmart, have announced they’ll no longer be locking up black hair products. Which feels like the least they can do, but it is a start! A bigger change would be to pass laws like crown acts, or “creating a respectful and open world for natural hair.” Versions have already become law in these 11 states. And while the language varies, generally, they expand the definition of race in anti-discrimination laws to include traits historically associated with race, like protective hairstyles, such as braids, locs, and twists. Unfortunately, crown act bills have repeatedly met with republican opposition. In Utah, in one recent zoom hearing on their bill, state senator Derrin Owens — who voted against it — made a point of first addressing the bill’s advocates like this.

Let me make a comment, you people are beautiful. I don’t normally do this, but I’m going to share. I was in the store the other day. And, uh, you won’t be able to see this picture, but this gentleman in front of me — a black man — had two young children and they were just having fun around, up and down the aisle. And I don’t normally take pictures of children, but they were adorable, two black children. Because they were just the cutest kids in the world. One has cornrows and one of them dreadlocks. I wish you could see that.

John: What are you doing, you exceptionally weird man? Just to recap: he started off there by telling a group of black women, “you people are beautiful,” then proceeded to say, “I don’t normally take pictures of children, but” — a perfectly acceptable sentence until the “but” part. Then launched into a story about how he keeps photos of strangers’ children on his phone. All of which evokes a response perhaps best summed up by this expression, which I’d argue is an absolute masterclass in how to say “the fuck?” Using only your eyebrows. And if you’re wondering how he got from that to voting against the bill, his argument was that he felt existing laws were sufficient, and that “it almost looks like we’re trying to do something that doesn’t exist.” But this discrimination isn’t “something that doesn’t exist,” it’s “something that doesn’t exist for white men who’ve never had to think about it before.” The consequences of hair-based discrimination are very real. Just listen to Connecticut state senator Gary Winfield make the case for his state’s crown act, in the run-up to it passing into law, by talking about his three-year-old daughter.

Right now, she runs through life with all of the energy that she has, with all of the beauty that she has with her hair natural. That’s who she is. It’s not just what sits on top of her head, it is who she is. But I want her to be able to participate in this world fully, and so even if she runs through this world with her natural hair, there will be a discussion about what it is to run through this world with her natural hair. And what she will have to learn, whether she makes the choice to run through this world with her natural hair or not, is that a part of her is not acceptable.

John: That’s awful. It’s infuriating that black children have to add “hair discrimination” to the long list of things they’re already forced to think about, like the threat of police violence, the danger of harassment by racist white people, and of course, the very real risk of getting photographed by Utah state senator Derrin Owens in a fucking checkout line. That man’s daughter, and all black people, should clearly be able to make choices about their hair based on what they feel like doing with it, rather than, “will this get me harassed or fired?” If you want to have natural hair, great! You want to straighten your hair, great! Whatever you like! The point is, black hair shouldn’t be viewed, corralled, or judged by white people’s comfort. Because it doesn’t belong to white people, it doesn’t affect white people, and white people really don’t need to have an opinion on it. And our laws should reflect that. And I know there may be limits to what crown acts can accomplish. Even if one passes at the federal level, there could be cases where a white judge is asked to decide whether a specific hairstyle is “associated with race” and completely fucks it up, but they are a start. And look: if you’re not a black person, it’s probably easy to hear these stories and think “well, it’s just hair,” but the thing is, it’s not. It’s not at all. Black people aren’t getting hired, or are getting fired — black students are being teased, taunted, and removed from school — all because of their hair. And crown act laws could make a real difference there. And while social stigma and unrealistic beauty standards aren’t going to go away overnight, there are a few things that white viewers, in particular, might want to keep in mind going forward. And to that end, if you are one, there’s a message you should probably hear.

Hi, white people.

Hi, white people. I’m Leslie Jones.

What’s up, black people.

Brothers and sisters.

You good? Your mama good?

All right, listen, I got to talk to these white people for a second. I see you at the meeting. Look, white people. I know you have lots of questions.

Like, may be too many questions.

Like, how often do you have to wash black hair?

What is a silk press?

What does it do rag do?

We are about to fill you in. We are about to give you answers to all your questions about black hair.

Are you ready for it? Are you ready for it?

Are you ready for it?

Google it.

Google it.

Fucking google it.

It doesn’t have to be google. It can be fucking Bing.

The information is out there.

Once you get the information, you can appreciate the beauty and hard work it takes to keep my hair laid and looking good.

If you aren’t interested in googling it, you there is another option.

Leave us alone.

Fucking off is always an option.

White people, don’t tell me you can figure that out. You figured out settlers of Catan.

You figured out sourdough.

You can learn what a box braid is, bitch.

Basically, google it. Don’t touch it.

One more thing.

Don’t spray my water and tap my head. I’m not a cat.

Bye.

John: That’s our show. Thank you so much for watching. We’ll see you next week. Good night.

♪ ♪

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