Sam (Colin Firth) and Tusker (Stanley Tucci), partners of twenty years, are travelling across England in their old campervan visiting friends, family and places from their past. Following a life-changing diagnosis, their time together has become more important than ever until secret plans test their love like never before.
* * *
* * *
[light rumbling]
[clicking]
[piano plays softly]
[gentle music]
[ominous music]
[music intensifies]
[music intensifies]
[birds chirping]
[birds chirping]
[van engine revving]
[Sam] We’re not going back, you know.
[papers crinkle crinkle]
Hey. Head.
[papers crinkle crinkle]
I don’t know why you didn’t just let me pack for you.
Tusker?
Why didn’t you let me pack for you?
Do you hear that sound?
What sound?
Do you hear it? Listen.
It’s the sound of me ignoring you.
Well, we’re not going back because you realised you forgot something again.
That’s all I’m saying.
Not if we’re gonna stick to this schedule of yours.
Well, do you think you could drive just a little faster?
I mean, if you drive any slower, I might as well fucking walk there.
Yes, well, you’ll be walking there in a minute.
How about just exploring the outer regions of fifth gear?
All right. That’s better.
That’s good.
Didn’t you hear what it was doing?
Yes, but it still sounds like second.
No, it doesn’t.
It’s like second sounds like second at… you know, 50 miles an hour.
Just let me know if you wanna use the thing.
What?
Just in case it’s easier.
The satnav.
No. [chuckles] No.
It’s what we bought it for.
No, it’s what you bought it for.
I can’t stand it. I can’t stand to listen to that voice because I feel like I’m back in school again.
You feel like you’ve done something wrong.
[imitates satnav tone] You haven’t turned right.
You’re supposed to turn right.
Why aren’t you turning right?
[weather forecast announced on the radio]
How many decades do you have to live in this country
for that to make any sense?
I’m just curious. You find it soothing?
[“Catch the Wind” playing]
Oh, yeah.
Keep this, I love.
Don’t you remember this?
No, I don’t.
You don’t? Where were you in the ’70s?
Sing it with me.
[Tusker laughing]
♪ Diddy di dee dee diddy diddy ♪
♪ Diddy diddy diddy Dee dee dee ♪
♪ When rain has hung The leaves with tears ♪
♪ I want you near to kill My fears ♪
♪ To help me to leave all My blues behind ♪
♪ For standin’ in your heart ♪
♪ Is where I want to be And I long to be ♪
♪ Ah but I may as well Try and catch the wind ♪
[harmonica solo from “Catch the Wind”]
Think I might need a lie down soon.
Really?
Mm.
Make a little pit stop.
Sam…
I’m fine.
All right, we’ll go on for a bit, and then
call it a day.
There’s no point in overdoing it.
[Waitress] Have you finished?
Oh, yes. Thank you very much. Thank you.
Can I ask you?
Did you want one?
An autograph?
From him?
‘Cause I saw you looking
and I wasn’t sure if you wanted one.
Tusker.
No, it’s all right. He’s very shy.
You normally…
Do you have a pen on you?
All right. But if you want one,
he’ll sign one for you.
He’s shy, but he will.
Either on a napkin or if you have
one of his piano albums, he’ll…
Thanks.
Okay.
All right. Thank you.
Very nice of you. Thank you.
[snickering]
How did you come to be this person?
I don’t know. I don’t know.
I don’t even know why I do it, because
it really isn’t even satisfying any more,
half the time anyway.
Oh, so why do you do it?
Because of the other half.
[both chuckle]
[“Heroes” playing on the radio]
[Ruby whines]
It’s good to get back on the road again,
don’t you think?
I didn’t think she was going to start.
Well, the guy in the garage said
she’s in pretty good nick, considering.
That’s good. She hasn’t let us down yet.
♪ We can beat them ♪
♪ Just for one day ♪
♪ We can be heroes ♪
♪ Just for one day ♪
Thanks.
For what?
This.
♪ You can be mean ♪
♪ And I ♪
♪ I’ll drink all the time ♪
[radio station change static]
[Little Bit Of Rain plays] ♪ …leave you ♪
♪ Try to remember all the good times ♪
♪ Warm days filled with sunshine ♪
♪ And just a little bit of rain ♪
♪ If you should look back ♪
♪ Try to forget all the bad times ♪
♪ Lonely, blue, and sad times ♪
♪ Just a little bit of rain ♪
[soft classical music]
[price scanner beeping]
[Cashier] That’s 45.80.
Thank you.
[price scanner beeping]
[birds chirping]
[frogs croaking, birds chirping]
[Sam] Fuck.
[mobile ringing]
Shit.
[mobile ringing]
Tusker?
Tusker!
[engine revving]
Shit.
Shit.
Fuck!
[sighs]
[Ruby barking]
[engine idles]
[Sam] Tusker.
[car door slams]
[inaudible dialogue]
[sizzles]
[Ruby whines]
Wish you’d let me cook more, you know?
Why? it smells delicious.
Just feel like a child.
Oh, stop. You’re doing brilliantly.
Oh, these onions. [inhales sharply]
Let me do something, all right?
Come on, I’m not completely useless.
No, you sit there. Be quiet.
[groans]
[tap water gurgles]
[sniffs]
[inhales deeply]
[sniffs]
[sniffs]
[sniffs]
[door knob clicks]
[Ruby whines]
Hey.
Are you all right?
Yeah. You all right?
I’m really, really sorry that I scared you today.
Will you stop apologising? Hmm?
No, I just…
Well, you got a little confused. And that happens,
we both know that.
Well…
Yeah, but that was…
Oh, come on.
Looks like a clear night. Get the telescope out?
[Tusker] Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Then I can teach you a thing or two.
[both chuckle]
Where’d you put your pills?
Washbag?
Think that’s where I put them.
Sam…
Yes?
I didn’t bring them.
What?
Tusker, I told you I should’ve packed.
No. No. I took them out.
Why?
Because I didn’t want them.
Tusker, it’s…
What? It’s my choice.
I didn’t want them.
We both know that they’re not doing anything anyway.
We have to try.
It’s just
that they remind me
that I’m ill.
And I don’t want that.
Not right now.
[soft classical music on stereo]
Any good?
Oh, no.
[Sam] It’s, erm…
I’m getting through it.
[chuckles softly]
[soft classical music on piano]
I love this piece.
You always say that.
Mm.
And, yet, you never play it for me.
How’s it going?
It’s not.
Anything you want to talk about?
No. No, no. No, no.
I’ll let you know. [chuckles]
Writer’s block?
Let’s make a tape.
What?
You never want to make a tape.
I know. But I brought the thing.
So…
[Tusker] No, it’s okay.
I have it. I have it.
You said you wanted to do some work.
Yeah, I know, but…
Okay.
Well, it’s not gonna write itself.
[music stopped]
There. You… You…
Yes. All right.
Okay.
Yeah.
So, er, today is the October 20.
And welcome to Dementia Hour on BBC Four.
Yeah. Are we, er, gonna take it seriously, or…
Yes. We are.
Soon?
Yes, sorry. All right.
Right, erm, so, how are you feeling?
Good. Happy.
Yeah?
[Sam] Mm.
Having a nice time?
Mm-hmm. And you?
Hmm.
Er, never a dull moment.
And are you happy to be here?
I’m happy to be with you.
And where are we?
Erm…
Actually, I haven’t got a clue where we are.
[Tusker] Oh.
[both chuckle]
Erm…
[sighs]
And what’s it like for you? This.
I’m asking the questions.
Right. Yeah, it’s fine for me.
Liar.
Er, it has its moments.
[Tusker] Mm.
I’m afraid I haven’t been much help lately.
No, you help me a lot.
So, can you tell…
that it’s gotten worse?
All right.
If you had one wish in the world, what would it be?
I wish this holiday wouldn’t end.
[chuckling]
How about you?
Well, I wish I didn’t have this thing.
[chuckling]
Idiot!
[both laugh]
Yeah. The bloody thing.
[chuckling]
You know,
you just sit there
doing nothing.
Propping up the entire world.
[Ruby whining]
[Ruby whining, panting]
[Female GPS voice] After 300 yards, turn left.
[Tusker groaning]
She can just fuck off.
She’s getting us there a lot quicker than you were.
Really?
She sounds like Margaret fucking Thatcher.
First it’s Section 28,
and now she’s gonna tell us where to go on our holiday.
[Female GPS voice] After 100 yards, turn left.
Turn left.
[Tusker] Is this it?
[Sam] We might not be able to camp there any more, you know.
Probably have rules against these things now.
[Tusker] Really?
Well, I don’t give a shit.
What’s the worst that can happen?
We’ll pay a fine or whatever.
What… Well, you know, how much can it be?
[Sam] Well, we’ll have to find it first.
Well, I’m… I’m sure the Iron Lady
will help us get there.
Is this really the right road? I’m just sayin’…[chuckling]
We’re goin’ over.
[Sam] Listen, you don’t look at me,
I won’t look at you, and then…
[Tusker] Just look at the road.
[Sam] We’ll stay on the road, OK?
[Tusker] I can look at you, I’m not driving.
[Sam] But if you look at me, I look at you.
Well, don’t.
Well, don’t look at me.
[birds chirping]
[gentle music]
[Tusker] Hmm.
Well, it certainly hasn’t changed much.
We slept in that minuscule car of yours.
[chuckling]
Yeah, and we’d only known each other
for about five minutes.
It was long enough for you to tell me you love me.
Did I?
Mm.
Really?
Well, I’ve always been very impulsive.
Come on.
[birds squawking]
[dramatic music]
[birds squawking]
[rain pattering]
[grunting softly]
[door clicking, creaking]
[Tusker] Whoop. [chuckling]
[grunting] You find it?
Er…
Er…
No.
No?
No.
Let me see. Hold those.
Okay…
Hey, ah, there it is. You found it, you found it.
Did I?
Yeah, that’s it.
[Sam] Oh. Good Lord.
Beginner’s luck.
No, you had very… a very good teacher.
[chuckling]
[Sam] You got it?
[Tusker] Oh, yeah. Beautiful. Beautiful.
By the way, I reserved your usual seat.
For the concert.
Oh, okay, thanks.
Not that I’m expecting many people to show up, really.
Well, then…
it’ll be very relaxing and casual.
Good way for you to get back into it.
[sighing]
[sighing]
[grunting]
[breathing deeply]
Teach me.
What?
That?
Hmm.
Now?
[chuckling] Why?
I want to learn.
[laughing]
All right, I want to be able to find it.
All right.
Try.
Okay. So, erm…
First, you have to find the, erm…
the…
Mm, what do you call it?
It’s a shape. This shape. This shape.
Triangle?
Yeah, triangle.
And…
you have to find the three
brightest lights there
that make the triangle.
These ones? These ones?
[Tusker] Mm-hmm.
Then draw a line horizontally through it.
And that’s where the Milky Way is.
Oh.
We could just go home, you know.
There’s no pressure to do all this.
No, I don’t wanna go home.
Yeah, but it’s really not important.
No, it really is important, Sam.
It really is.
It’s okay.
Mm.
I like it when you do that.
It’s nice.
It makes me instantly sleepy.
[Ruby snoring]
Oh, Lord. [chuckling]
[Tusker] Jesus Christ, Ruby.
‘Night.
[grunting] Okay.
Good night, Sam.
‘Night.
[birds chirping]
[gentle music]
[birds chirping]
[dreamy string music]
[gentle music continues]
[van engine rumbling]
[honks horn]
Hi! Hey. Hi. Hey.
You made it.
Aw! Come here, you.
Look at you! You got so tall!
You took your bloody time.
[Tusker chuckling]
It’s that satnav thing. It’s terrible!
Where’s Ruby? Did you bring her? Can I see her?
Come on, Ruby. Come on out.
Oh! Isn’t she adorable!
Oh!
She keeps us very busy.
Yes, you can say that again.
Yeah, I bet.
Clive! Hello.
Leave your stuff, we’ll get it later.
Oh, it’s good to see you.
[Lilly] How are you, then, you old sod?
I am as fit as a bloody fiddle.
Yeah?
Yeah.
What’s your name again?
Tusker! [chuckles]
Oh, sorry. Okay.
How are you?
I’m good.
Good to see you.
Nice to see you.
[Clive] Good timing. Just put the kettle on.
[Lilly] Great.
[Clive] Good journey?
[Tusker] Yes, yes, er, it was seamless.
[door banging]
[Ruby barking in the distance]
[chuckling]
[moaning]
[sighing]
He’s okay.
We’re okay.
Are you?
We need to have a proper chat about your plans.
I mean,
have you thought some more about getting help?
Someone to take the pressure off you a bit.
I mean,
even if it’s just a few days a week,
it might make all the difference.
Do you honestly think he would get on board with that?
Fat chance.
Okay.
Anyway, we’re not there yet.
Yeah, but what…
He’s adapting.
And trying to keep control of things.
His independence, you know.
Is he still writing?
Oh, that’s good. That’s really good.
You know, planning this little trip
has really put a spring in his step.
Mm.
Ever since this idea came up,
the recital,
he hasn’t stopped talking about it. Dog with a bone.
[chuckling]
I don’t think I’m doing this very well, sis.
Hey. You are.
[door closes]
It’s my turn now,
and I just…
[Tusker] Hello.
Hello.
Hi..
So, we’re sleeping in the van. It’s easier.
No. We’re gonna stay in your old room.
What?
What do you mean?
It’s made up for you.
Yeah. I thought you knew that.
[laughing]
Right. So, I’ll just go and get the bags, then.
[Tusker] It’ll be romantic.
Yes.
[Tusker and Lily laughing]
I’ll give you a hand.
[Sam] Don’t know why I plan anything.
Aw!
Mm. Thank you for this, Lil.
Oh, I’ve been looking forward to it for weeks.
Me too.
Is it all still a… Mm…
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Shh. Mum’s the word.
You always seem somehow to get your own way, don’t you?
Oh, come on, it’s cosy.
No, it’s ridiculous.
No, it’s not. It’s nice.
It is. Come on,
you’re in the middle of the fucking bed.
I am not… I am on the edge.
Now I’m more on the edge.
[grunting]
[thuds on the floor]
[chortling]
Are you okay?
That’s it! I’m sleeping
in the darn van.
No, you… No, no, no.
Come on. Come on. Come on.
Come over here. Come here. Come here.
Yeah, well, move over a bit.
All right, all right.
[chortling]
Come here, come here. Come here. I’ll keep you in.
I just hope you’re entertained.
I’ll be like a little…
little rail for you like kids have.
There you go. Bed rail.
Here we go.
I can’t…
Is it better?
Just give me some…
I can’t breathe.
I was trying to stop you…
[birds chirping]
[Sam] Well, I’m sure it’ll be fine, but as you know, I’ve…
I’ve not done one for quite a while. Yes.
Great, well, we’re staying, er,
somewhere nearby for the weekend,
so if I… if I just drive over on Sunday…
Are you selling?
Alright. Well, looking forward. Thank you.
[clearing throat]
Hey.
Good girl.
[sighing]
Hey, all right, all right. I got it. I got it.
Mm.
Yes.
I knew I’d be successful enough one day
to have my own dresser.
[chuckles]
Yeah, well, this is tricky, you know?
[laughing] There you go.
[Ruby panting quickly]
[Ruby barking]
[birds chirping]
Remember that New Year’s walk?
When Charlotte was a baby?
When Lilly got us lost?
Er, no, Lilly didn’t get us lost, you got us lost.
No, I didn’t.
Mm-hmm.
I…
Well, I thought Clive was gonna have to call
an air ambulance. He was so hungover.
[chuckling] He was hungover.
Hey.
I found a place online a few days ago,
it could be great for us, I think.
I’ll show it to you when we get back.
It’s a bungalow. It’s right in Holtenby.
It’s so close to town.
Mm-hmm.
We need to plan, Tusker.
We’re not moving, Sam.
You know, somewhere better suited.
To what?
It’ll make it much easier.
No.
Home is home and that’s where we’re staying.
What actual difference does it make?
No. It’s our place.
Home can be anywhere
as long as it’s us.
We made it the way we… No.
I’m gonna do this concert.
Then I’m gonna call it a day.
Properly this time.
No.
I don’t want you to do that.
Well, it’s not about me.
It’s about us.
No, but that’s not fair to you, and I won’t let you.
Yes, but I want to.
I want to do this.
No. Nope.
No, I want to be with you.
I want to be with you every moment.
Shh. All right…
I want to be with you every moment.
It’s important.
[Tusker] Lilly must be having people over or something.
Hmm.
So many cars.
Come on. What’s going on?
That’s it. Where’d they go?
[Sam] Lilly?
[Tusker] Clive?
[All] Surprise!
[Ruby barking]
I thought we’d have a party!
[hearty laughter and Ruby barking]
Yeah!
You did it!
[chattering]
[Paul] It was everywhere…
[chattering]
[door clicking]
[door banging]
Can I join you?
Sure.
[Clive sighing]
Sorry, I had to get out of there. I can’t, erm…
Sometimes it’s difficult to be around
a lot of people these days. It’s a bit…
Take your time.
Mm-hmm.
So you’ll take care of him, right?
Of course.
Thank you.
[both chuckling]
[chattering]
Tusker took me to Japan…
Oh.
…when we first met.
[Sam] We used to travel quite a bit back in the day.
Yeah.
[Lola] Really?
We haven’t always been this boring.
[laughing]
[Tusker] Not this boring.
Or have we?
You have.
No, it’s probably me. Yeah, just me.
[Paul] When are we gonna see it?
See what?
[chuckling] “See what”?
This new book of yours.
Oh! It’s coming, it’s coming. [chuckling]
It’s taken you long enough.
Paul!
Well, er, what do you care? You never read them, anyway.
Well, maybe I’ll start.
No, you’d never get past the first chapter.
It’s far too high-brow for you.
[laughing]
Well, he’s got a point.
You know, he’s almost finished.
What’s it about?
Oh, don’t ask him that.
He won’t even let me read a single word,
and I used to proofread everything.
I’ll let you read it.
[Sue] So, where are you going
in that bloody great thing out there, anyway?
Well, he has a gig.
Yeah, he’s practically frog-marching me there to do it.
No, I’m not.
I’m going to see if I’m still any bloody good.
You will be.
You will be wonderful.
Will I? Will I?
Yes.
[Paul] And where’s our invite?
Mm..
Em… Let’s just see how it goes.
Chances are I’m a bit rusty.
So…
I would like to know
how my favourite goddaughter’s doing.
And are you seeing anyone?
Maybe.
She’s in love.
Really?
Tell me. Who is it? I wanna know everything.
He’s just a guy. I’ve known him for ages.
He’s tryin’ to write a novel too, actually.
Oh, really?
[Lola] Mm.
Oh, that’s wonderful!
That’s great! Wait, is it good?
Is it better than mine?
Tell him to stop immediately. I never liked that boy.
[laughing]
Terrible child. Yes.
Well, thank you so much.
I don’t know if I have any cash on me.
Do you take a credit card?
[laughing]
I’d like to make a speech.
[glass clinking]
Shhh.
I, er…
Sorry.
Erm, I’m just…
I’m very happy to have everybody
here together after a very long period of time, it seems,
and I really appreciate you,
erm, making the effort to come.
I’m very excited. Erm…
And…
Sorry, just, it’s… This gets a little…
Sorry…
Um… Well, maybe…
maybe Sam will do it for me.
Yes, I’d love to.
Why don’t you do it for me, as I can’t.
Yes, of course.
[clapping]
My… My big moment.
Thanks, Tusker.
Erm… “Well, thank you all for coming.
Er, looking around me,
I’m reminded how lucky we all are”
to have each other.
There’s so much history here in this room
and that’s a really beautiful thing.
Er, Lilly and Clive, thanks for having us all.”
[Lilly] It’s a pleasure.
Er, “This place is where Sam grew up,
but it’s also always felt like home to me too,
since I crossed the pond all those years ago.
So many happy times here.
As the years go by,
it seems to get harder and harder
to stay in touch, doesn’t it?
So it’s times like these
when we are allowed to remember
how important friends and family are.
Loyal.
A comforting arm in a…
a lonely moment,
a bed for the night,
someone to share a bottle with.”
[everyone chuckling]
“I guess in time,
we will need these things
more than we ever have.
Now, as most of you will know,
I am slowly losing my ability to remember
and to do certain things.
Not big things,
but it does mean it probably won’t be long
before I’ll totally forget who Tim is,
which I’ve been trying my hardest to do
for about 30 years, anyway.”
[everyone laughing]
“Now, there will come a time,
when I will forget who is even doing the forgetting.
And then, well,
I’ll probably not have a care in the world.
But until then,
I’ll be able to think back to the times we’ve all shared,
times like these, and that’s a great help.”
To friendship!
[All] To friendship!
Hmm…
Erm…
“But we all wouldn’t be here,
and I definitely wouldn’t be here”
if it weren’t for this man next to me.
He’s the best thing that has ever happened to me,
and I don’t know what I’d do without him.
Just look around this room, Sam.
So many people who care about you.
Never forget that.
So, I’d just like to say, ‘Thank you, Sam,
for being my saviour,
my beloved,
and the best friend anyone could ever wish for.'”
Yeah.
[Tusker chuckling]
To Sam!
[All] To Sam!
[clapping]
To Sam.
[chattering]
[“Something Stupid” playing]
[guests chattering]
[girls giggling]
Can’t believe Rick is here.
No, neither can I. You know, he’s been, er…
Mm-hmm. Twice.
He’s a dark horse.
Literally. Never even spoke to a woman when we knew him,
let alone get near enough to be divorced by two of them.
Always the quiet ones, eh?
[chuckling]
We all miss you, you know, Sam?
Yeah, I’m sorry, Tim.
Oh, don’t be.
I don’t mean like… I didn’t mean it like that at all.
It’s just been a bit…
No, of course.
Of course, it has.
[chattering]
[laughing]
He never stops, does he?
Mm.
Oh.
♪ By saying something stupid ♪
♪ Like I love you ♪
Thank you for coming all this way, Tim.
You kidding? I wouldn’t have missed this for the world.
Plus, the fact Tusker would probably have me killed.
Yes, he can be very insistent.
Yes, you’re telling me.
And how long has he been
fricking plotting all this, anyway?
Months! [chuckling]
Oh, what a speech, eh?
Anyone would think he was a writer.
[Tim chuckling]
[clapping]
I hear he’s finding it a bit, er…
yeah, a bit tougher, er, recently?
Erm, I mean, that’s only to be expected, of course, but, er…
Who told you that?
Er, well, he did. Erm…
He said, er… Erm…
He said, when he tries to
put pen to paper, he… he… he can’t.
Sam, I’m so sorry. I didn’t…
Sorry, I think I just… I need a bit of air.
Yes.
But, er,
we’ll be fine, you know.
Okay. All right.
Thanks, Sam. Sorry, Sam.
No.
[door banging]
[banging]
[muffled lively music]
[Lilly]I haven’t spoken to Sam about it yet.
He’ll understand. He will.
Mum should never have stayed here so long
in the first place.
Hard to let go, I suppose.
It’s okay. Yes.
It’s a fresh start.
Yes.
It’s a good thing.
I’ll miss it.
Yes.
But being sad something is gone
just means it was great while it was there, right?
Come stay again before that though, eh?
Yes, of course. Yes. Yes.
And you have to have a, erm, housewarming party.
Yep.
Right? In the new place.
[chuckling] Okay.
Get this lot together again.
Sam would love that. So you should do that.
I, erm…
I was reading about a new medicine
the other day.
Mm-hmm. Mm.
Er, so I kept the clipping for you.
It was something about blood thinning tablets
they give to people with heart problems.
They said that, apparently, it can be really beneficial…
Oh. Yes.
…if you like…
Give it to me. Yes.
Yeah?
Okay.
Thanks.
[Lilly chuckling]
You know what the hard part is?
[sighing]
It’s that you’re… you’re just…
you’re not supposed to mourn someone
while they’re still alive.
And, you know, sharing a space with them,
sharing a bed with them,
is just not fair.
He… He’s not.
It’s not…
He’s not.
Well, he must be, because I am.
You’re still you, Tusker.
You’re still the guy he fell in love with.
No, I’m not.
[clapping]
I just look like him.
Which is a shame.
[laughing]
[chuckling]
[clicking then thudding]
[box content clattering]
[clicking]
[clattering]
[clicking]
Pick a patch of sky.
that doesn’t have any stars in it.
Okay.
Alright, you got it?
Yeah.
Okay.
Now make a circle, you know,
with your thumb and your forefinger,
like this. Okay? Look through it,
and imagine that that’s a telescope,
but an incredibly powerful telescope.
What you would see would be,
like, a million galaxies.
That’s bloody loads.
[laughing] Yes. Yes, that is bloody loads.
But what’s even more amazing
is that your body is made out of
bits of those stars.
What do you mean?
When a star gets really old, okay,
it runs out of fuel
and it explodes, like a firework.
A massive one?
Yes.
A massive, massive, massive one.
And then that star has died,
and it becomes really, really bright
and it shoots out all of this stuff,
and all that stuff travels through space
over years, and years, and years,
and years, and years, and years,
and years, and years, and years,
and years, and years,
and eventually,
it’s what makes us.
So, we’re all like stars, then?
Yeah.
But what’s even more incredible is, this ear,
could have come from a completely different star
in a totally different galaxy
than this ear.
I don’t understand.
Nah, it doesn’t matter.
You know, a very wise man once said that,
“We will not starve for lack of wonders, but from lack of wonder.”
What does that mean?
It means you must always ask questions.
Mum says I ask too many questions.
Really?
Never stop asking questions, no matter what your mother says.
You must never stop asking questions.
It’s very important.
Okay.
Okay? You promise me?
Promise.
[dreamy music]
[Tusker] Bye, guys. Bye.
[rain pattering]
[indistinct chatter]
[slow string concerto playing]
[music continues]
[music continues]
[music intensifies]
[Woman] Hello!
[Tusker] Hello!
Hi, Mr Mulliner?
Yes, hi. Sorry we’re late.
It’s okay.
I’m Rachel. I’m the one you spoke to on the phone.
[Tusker] Yes, nice to meet you.
[Tusker] Yeah. Oh, it’s great.
Did you say you were up here on to a concert or something?
Er, yes. Tomorrow, at Guildhall. Yeah.
Well, it’s a beautiful spot.
Great.
Bye-bye, thank you.
[engine starts outside]
Isn’t this place great?
It’s fantastic.
How is this?
Is it going to be okay for you?
[piano playing]
Oh, that doesn’t sound… so good.
[playing tune] Hmm.
What do you think? I mean, I don’t… I can’t tell.
You’re the expert, but…
[playing tune]
All right. Well, I think I’m gonna go up and have a lie down, and I’ll let you practice.
Why don’t you do some writing, Tusker?
Quiet place like this, you could finish your book.
No. Not right now, I don’t really want to.
No, I… I think you should. I want you to.
Yes.
I’ll go get your writing stuff.
No. No. I’m fine. Really.
All right, let’s do another tape, then.
Why don’t we do… Why don’t we do one of our tapes?
No, I don’t feel like it.
I don’t.
I do.
[door creaking]
[door shuts]
All right, let’s do
it over here. Come on.
All right.
[tape playing] My name is Tusker Mulliner.
No. Sam, no. No. I don’t… No. I don’t want…
What I am about to do is my choice…
No! No! I don’t…
…and no one else’s.
Today is the 25th of October.
Fuck.
And I’m about to take my own life.
I have chosen to die now.
I do not wish to become a burden to Sam or anyone else.
I’m here completely alone, and I am doing this in secret, with no assistance from anyone else.
My dear Sam, I just wanna say that I love you with all my heart, and I’m…
[switching off tape]
I’m gonna go out and take the dog for a walk, and when I get back, I’m gonna cook us dinner.
And then we’re gonna pretend none of this ever happened.
[birds calling]
We should use the van more.
I mean, freedom is why we bought it. We can go where we want.
Europe maybe, if they’ll still fucking have us, that is.
We can go back to that place in Italy.
We loved it there, you remember?
Do you remember?
Or… Or, erm, the South of France.
You always wanted to go to Provence.
And that wouldn’t take long.
We could stop off at that place in Paris and eat at that, erm… that bistro on Rue Saint-Benoît that you liked.
Fucking years ago now.
Think about… Think about being out of the city.
No streetlights.
Huh? There’s no light…
Er, what do you call it? Pollution.
Sam…
It’s beautiful, you know.
Probably don’t even need a telescope out here, you can just get out.
Just get out there and we’ll finish this and, er…
Sam.
Do you remember… when we came back from the doctor the first day?
When we found out, when we came home?
And I said something to you?
Do you remember what that was?
I told you no matter what happens, I did not wanna lose control of my life.
I’m losing control. Now.
Where do you think we’re gonna be in six months?
Together.
Or a year.
Together. Still.
What do you think it’ll be like?
The same.
No.
No. It won’t be.
Okay?
And I didn’t tell you about what I’ve chosen to do because even if you knew about it…
Well, I know now, don’t I?
Don’t I?
Mm-hmm.
When they called about the concert, I thought that was…
It was the perfect opportunity because then, you could prove that you weren’t with me when I…
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Stop, we’re not having this conversation.
Sam.
Let’s dance.
Sam.
Let’s dance.
We don’t dance any more, do we? Just, come on.
No, I don’t… No, no. Sam.
Let’s dance. Let’s dance.
Come on, we can still dance, can’t we?
It’s okay. Just…
Sit down.
Sit down. Just sit down.
[“Little Trip to Heaven” playing]
♪ Banana moon is shining In the sky ♪
[music switched off]
[Tusker] Okay.
[sniffling]
[utensil clangs]
Do you think I’m not scared, Tusker? Is that it?
Do you think I don’t spend every single moment thinking about how am I gonna cope when this gets worse?
Every single hour of every day since you got ill, that’s going round in my head.
Over, and over, and over.
Am I strong enough? Can I do it?
Can I live seeing you not knowing what day it is, not knowing where we are, not knowing who I am?
I know. I know.
Or will it break me? Will I just give up?
Put you in a fucking home, visit you once a week. Be done with it.
Sit there, reading your favourite book to you, knowing you…
[clattering]
You know what I’ve decided?
I’m strong enough.
I’ll be okay.
And as long as there’s breath in my body,
I will look after you, I will care for you, I will wash you, I will hold you, I will wipe your fucking arse, I will do my best to remind you who I am, and what we meant to each other before all this.
I now think this is why I was put here in the first place.
It was for you.
But I am scared.
I mean, fucking terrified, if you must know.
And I never told you that.
So, you’re not the only one with secrets, Tusker.
But look what it’s doing to you.
And that’s not fair.
It’s not about fair, is it? It’s about love.
Is it selfish?
Not to want to lose you? Not to want to be alone?
I don’t wanna be alone.
I know that. I know.
But…
I am dying.
Don’t let me off the hook!
I want to do this.
I want to see this through, with you, to the end.
That’s my thing.
It’s all I’ve got left.
No, it isn’t, Sam.
Hmm.
What if I just tell everyone, then?
What if I just shout it from the fucking rooftops?
What would you do then?
We’d all be in trouble, wouldn’t we?
We’d all be guilty.
Or I could just drive away, leave you here.
Well, you couldn’t do it then. Could you?
Cause you can’t do anything without me.
You need me.
Exactly.
Exactly.
I don’t wanna be alone.
[door opens]
[sighing]
[door slams]
[Ruby barking]
[Ruby whining]
[door slams]
I’m becoming a passenger.
And I’m not a passenger.
This thing is taking me to a place where I don’t want to go.
And no one is going to be able to bring me back.
And…
I can’t.
No, I can’t do that.
[Sam] I knew something was going on, all right.
If I’m honest, I knew. I just, you know…
You don’t spend all those
years with someone without… without noticing the little…
Yeah. I know.
I didn’t wanna say anything.
Just didn’t want to admit to myself
that you knew it was getting worse too.
How long have…
Christ, you even got me a dog?
Fuck.
Sam, you need to listen to me.
[sniffling]
[sighing]
I want to be remembered…
for who I was,
but not…
for who I’m about to become.
That’s the only thing I can control.
And that’s all I have left.
What if it doesn’t work?
It’ll work.
I know what I’m doing.
I can’t believe we’re having this…
I can’t wait any longer.
You can.
There’s always more time.
No.
Very soon, I’m going to look at your face and I’m not going to know who it is that’s staring back at me.
Can’t we just go home?
Let’s just go home.
No.
No.
I’m not going home.
And if you love me, you’ll let me do this.
If you really love me.
You’ll break my heart.
It’ll last forever.
You have to let me go.
You have to let me go.
I can’t.
Well, yeah.
[Sam] I can’t. Please.
[Tusker kissing]
[Sam breathing heavily]
[Sam breathing shakily]
[Tusker kissing]
It’s okay.
[Tusker] I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.
Just hold me.
Please.
[sniffing]
[sobbing]
[sighing]
[quiet piano music playing]
[piano music continues]
[sighing]
[Tusker] That sounds beautiful.
Yeah, I think it’s gonna be all right.
Did I wake you?
Mm-mm.
What time is it?
[gentle music]
Let me be with you.
[somber music]
[Sam playing “Salut d’Amour”]
[song continues]
[song ends]
[closing theme music]
