In his editorial New Rule, Bill Maher has what he believes is a simple way for Democrats to win back the White House in 2020: presidential candidates have to stop acting weird.

Aired on October 25, 2019

American Pickers

And finally new rule: someone must explain to Democrats what binary means. In America we’ve got dozens of flavours of pretty much everything Doritos and Gatorade, Oreos, Pepsi, Triscuits, Pop-Tarts, but we only have two political parties. Most democracies have a parliamentary system with many parties, we don’t… we don’t. With us, it’s always plain or peanut… cream or suppository. That’s what binary means. Trump gets it.

Trump: If you really like Donald Trump that’s great, but if you don’t you have to vote for me anyway.

Trump: Whether you love me or hate me, you gotta vote for me.

The question Democrats must ask themselves is: what would make a voters say “Trump’s right — I don’t like him, but I have no choice.” Well, let’s go down the list.

Bernie Sanders says we should let the Boston Marathon bomber vote. Why? Is there a great clamoring to give deranged serial killers more of a voice in civil society? Is Hannibal Lecter thinking “I love Trump for his narcissistic personality disorder, but Sanders really gets voters like me.”

Now, I’m sure you can make an argument for this, but we’re trying to win an election here and this just feeds into what Trump is selling:

Trump: Democrats are now the party of crazy politicians.

Trump: Crazy Democrats.

Trump: They’re crazy.

Trump: They’re crazy.

Hey Democrats, don’t make him believable on that, and you win.

Elizabeth Warren has not come out in favor of imprisoned serial killers voting but she does want taxpayers to cover their sex change operations in prison. Which brings up the question: if you tried, could you come up with a policy with more third-rail buzzwords in it? Let’s see: taxpayer-funded-sex-change for prisoners. No, I don’t think you could.

And again, where are the votes in this? You know how many transgender people there are in federal prison in America? Four hundred and seventy-three. And they can’t vote. So we’re taking this position because it makes a great campaign slogan? “Commit a crime and get a free dick!” “Commit a crime and your new vagina is freeeeee!”

So, let’s imagine a slightly different scenario: you’re a progressive voter who likes Elizabeth Warren. You drive a Prius, hate guns and buy kale in bulk. But you find out that Warren does not support taxpayer-funded gender reassignment surgery for convicts. So… that’s it? Deal-breaker, you’re voting for Trump now? Of course not! This is the binary thing Democrats don’t get, because apparently they never saw the movie An Officer and a Gentleman, where a drill sergeant forces Richard Gere to admit the same truth the Democratic voters need to face:

Richard Gere [clip from An Officer and a Gentleman]: “I got nowhere else to go!”

Yes, you hear that Bernie and Elizabeth and Beto and the rest of them? They got nowhere else to go, so you can stop wearing your most divisive issues on your sleeve. Target sells condoms and lube but they don’t call it “the condom and lube store,” they hide that shit in the back of their lock case and call themselves Target. Which frankly is not much better.

The point is, instead of trying to make the people on the far left double dog like you, make some good people in the middle not hate you. People talk a lot in this country about identity politics. Here’s some identity for you: only 46% of Democrats identify as liberals. Yeah, life doesn’t end East of La Brea.

Beto O’Rourke wants to tax churches. So do I, but I’m not running for president! Beto wants to take away the tax-exempt status of any Church that opposes gay marriage. A position I doubt goes down well among black churchgoers. And try winning as a Democrat without them. I’m sure Tyler Perry would vote for Beto, I’m not so sure about Medea.

I’m not sure why Kamala Harris felt the need to start off a recent Town Hall by saying “my pronouns are she, her and hers,” as opposed to Trump’s which are me, myself and I. Now for some I guess that makes her the Rosa Parks of pronouns.

But there’s a much larger group thinking why is this important why in the first debate did who Julian Castro filled the need to take a brave stand in favor of trans female abortion rights trans females can’t even get pregnant they don’t have a uterus unless they’re in prison and Elizabeth Warren buys them one.

This should be easy — just be less crazy than Donald Trump are you guys seriously struggling with this? 69% of voters say they dislike Trump personally, and there’s no sign anything can change their minds. But Democrats reaction to that is “OK, but let’s try.” Let me help you. You don’t need to be 100% Twitter approved on every issue. Twitter is not America. Most of America, all they want is to vote for someone who’s not weird. Play to them, and stop worrying that you’re gonna lose social justice warriors to Donald Trump.

What is it again Richard Gere?

Richard Gere [clip from An Officer and a Gentleman]: I got nowhere else to go!

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