THE DAILY SHOW: FOX NEWS AND THE LAS VEGAS SHOOTING

2017-10-06T13:45:29-07:00 October 6th, 2017|Categories: COMEDY, TREVOR NOAH|Tags: , , |
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While most Fox News anchors are struggling to push a narrative after the mass shooting in Las Vegas, Sean Hannity takes a preemptive stance against gun control.

The Daily Show, Tuesday 3 October 2017

Let’s move on to the story that everyone in America has been dealing with: the mass shooting in Las Vegas. Today we learned more details about the shooter. It was a 64 year old man from Florida with no criminal record and he owned 42 guns. Oh and also, apparently he was a multi-millionaire. Which means, right now, he doesn’t fit any profile of any mass shooter; and you know who’s having a hard time processing all of that information? The good people at Fox News:

Here’s the other thing: Bin Laden, we knew who to hate. You know, you saw at Sandy Hook, we knew that mute living in his basement. We don’t even know enough about him to hate him yet.

that is that is so true how do you hate someone who’s killed 59 people? Because he’s not Muslim. I mean he wasn’t known to be mentally ill he doesn’t kneel for the anthem. He’s just a rich white guy who shot people at a country music concert. Like, how do you hate him? there’s nothing to hate. I bet someone at Fox News right now is trying to hack into 23andMe, just like “come on, there’s got to be something about him, something about him. He’s gonna have some 2% Inuits. I’ll take it! I’ll take it! I guess it’s kind of a burqa, I’ll take it!” Since Sunday’s shooting didn’t fit any of Fox’s established narratives, they couldn’t politicize it all right and if they couldn’t politicize it then I guess neither should anyone else:

Can we not have a day in which we mourn before we engage in some very divisive debate over an issue in which there’s been no agreement in this country for a very long time.

You truly hope that in a moment like this we can move beyond politics

Do you need to politicize this today? Can you just stand down for a moment?

I like how Fox News says “please don’t politicize this today” as if there’s any time they’d be willing to talk about gun control because I mean I’m I’m happy to wait a couple of days but you know they’d be like oh sorry we can’t do Thursday. yeah we’re gonna be talking about Hillary’s emails like Oh what about what about Friday? “no talking about Hillary’s email next next month, next year? “Yeah… we’re gonna be swamped with the emails for a while, yeah”. But I get the concern I mean what kind of terrible people would push a political agenda the day after a mass shooting shooting like with Orlando

In the wake of this attack you wonder whether people like that should be you know should be coming here.

Everyone in the Muslim community let’s be part of the solution and work together as Americans to combat radical Islamic terrorism

Would be to the president’s best interest to rally around the country to name an enemy and a movement to stop

Anybody who’s coming from overseas, especially from the Middle East we need to vet them out

OK, that last guy is just weird. No, it’s almost like he just doesn’t want to see his family: “We need to vet all of the people from the Middle East especially my brother Hamid who’s always trying to come here and borrow money from me and we need to vet my aunt Fatima who’s always trying to set me up. I’m not getting married Fatima! Hashtag single to mingle, OK? OK? Block all of them! Block all of them! All of them!”

So so clearly FOXholes* don’t politicize it is BS. Or maybe it’s just a way to buy time, while they’re figuring out how to politicize it:

Right now friends helped friends as safety people help strangers to safety and law enforcement was running towards the bullets so all those kneelers in the NFL out there they need to recognize when they’re kneeling during the anthem, they’re kneeling and we’re supposed to be honoring law enforcement, law enforcement that’s trying to save lives, not take lives.

Wow… Wow… did this guy just find a way to use the mass shooting to pivot back to the NFL arguments? Yeah, like after watching this you’d be thinking “hundreds of people shot in Las Vegas “Colin Kaepernick, you son of a bitch!” But but I here what is this points you’ve got to show respect to the police. Personally, I’d rather respect the police by reducing the number of guns that risk killing police, but yeah, I mean not kneeling is good to you do your thing. Do whatever you want. [Applause] Like, the people on Fox News are so desperate to find a narrative to grasp onto that at times even they couldn’t get on board with their own ideas:

his brother said he didn’t believe in God or didn’t have a God or didn’t have faith in his life. So maybe this is all speculation, but that possibly could be the reason, because he knows country musicians or country music fans are normally Pro God and go to church on Sundays. Maybe he has a problem with that, or had a problem with that… Okay, well let’s know what you think yeah sure. Stay silent. Let us know what do you think, send us an email.

Dear Fox News, that [beep] was hilarious. Email sent.

Yesterday everyone on Fox News was flailing like Mariah Carey on New Year’s Eve. Everyone. well everyone except for one man spongebob square head:

Imagine if the president today brought up the Second Amendment how would the news media in this country have reacted? there were a lot of people that raced to me let’s talk about guns. I’ve always been a believer you gotta prepare to defend yourself and and I had gun permits in New York and now Rhode Island in California and and Alabama and Georgia in my life. I was trained in the use of a firearm by my parents that had connections to law enforcement.

does that mean “I was trained in the use of a firearm by my parents that had connections to law enforcement?” The world doesn’t work like that. Like if someone’s sick on a plane, no one screams “does anyone have a cousin who watched Grey’s Anatomy? Anyone?” But according to Sean Hannity what rarely stops a bad guy with the gun, is a Sean Hannity with a gun:

This guy’s got a machine gun, okay. How are they gonna take a mom without a weapon or if it’s happening within a crowd if they were in San Bernardino do you want Sean Hannity who’s trained in the safety and use of a firearm in that room so when they dropped the clip and they start to reload you got a shot, you got a chance?

OK, Sean, you answered your own question the shooter was 400 yards away in a hotel room, 32 floors up. But you’re like “yeah but if he was down on the ground and close to me and was out of bullets, then I might have a chance to shoot him down”. That’s like saying “if Tyra Banks had no money and I had all the money and she was like really hungry, I might have a chance.” It’s not reality. Hannity’s fantasy was so ridiculous that even his Fox colleague couldn’t get on board:

Do you want Sean Hannity, who’s trained in the safety and use of a firearm in that room so when they dropped the clip and they start to reload you got a shot, you got a chance? Yeah we’re never done much good at the bandoleros. A 32nd floor, unless you had a high-powered rifle to take him out but but your point is well-taken.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah Sean, you made absolutely no sense but your point is well-taken.” Yeah yeah yeah. You know, she’s thinking “dude you couldn’t even protect women from being sexually harassed in your own building and now you’re Batman? Calm down, calm down man, calm down”. I’m not gonna lie. He may seem crazy but after watching that, I wish Sean Hannity would start his own security service:

“In a dangerous world if you need protection then you need Sean Hannity’s private security services. Sean Hannity is trained in kicking ass, throwing footballs indoors and wearing his hat backwards. So when the crap hits the fan Hannity is your man.
Do you want Sean Hannity who’s trained in the safety and use of a firearm in that room funny when they dropped the clip and they start to reload you got a shot got a chance?
If you’re threatened by a shooter who is in the room and has run out of bullets then you’ve got a chance Sean Hannity’s private security services total protection in very specific circumstance”

[Music]

NOTES

* FOXhole (contraction of ‘FOX’ and ‘asshole’)
1. Any number of people that regularly whore themselves out to FOX News Channel as either special guests, analysts or experts. esp. on ‘FOX and Friends’. [Did you hear what Karl Rove had to say about J-Lo’s dog’s new sweater? He is such a FOXhole.]
2. Anyone appearing on FNC that holds an opinion that makes Glenn Beck look like a rational individual. [Brian Kilmeade wants to kick all the Muslims out of the military and set up selective breeding programs to prevent dementia in the elderly. What a FOXhole!]
Source: urbandictionary.com

 

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